


Never Alone For Very Long

by Whovian_Overload



Series: Never Alone For Very Long [1]
Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Adventure, Angst, Epicness, Episode Fix-it: s04e08 Silence in the Library, Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff, Kind of AU as of Clara's time, Multi, Post-Episode: s07e05 The Angels Take Manhattan, Pre-Episode: s07e06 The Snowmen, Pregnancy, Season/Series 08 Spoilers, Smut, Time Babies, tw: drowning, tw: preterm labour, tw: still birth, tw: torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-04
Updated: 2016-04-20
Packaged: 2018-02-11 18:22:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 163
Words: 466,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2078412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whovian_Overload/pseuds/Whovian_Overload
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One drunk night somehow changes their entire lives.<br/>As River and the Doctor aim for a family, one they can protect from harm, the universe throws every obstacle it can at them. They fight together against old and new enemies, and even against nature, to protect each other, their children, and at points their relationship.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Giving you the chance

**Author's Note:**

> Please know that this was not written alone. I wrote it with a friend named Bea
> 
> Bea and I literally spent over two years writing this and are still going. Yes, it will be very long, but it's exciting and emotions and things. Anyway, huge thanks to obsessedsoul (Fanfiction.net) for a whole lot of inspiration and also letting me use the baby name they came up with. You should totally read their stories, they are amazing! Also thank gingerbritishgypsyelf (Fanfiction.net) for inspiration as well. Obviously, the writing improves more as you read it. 
> 
> For newcomers: updating days are Wednesdays and Saturdays (EST Time)

**Ch 1**

River stumbled through the doors of a familiar blue ship. Maybe she shouldn't have had that last glass of wine at the after party, but she was competing against Jack Harkness after all. If she had lost, she would have never heard the end of it. River was proud at herself for out drinking him, but in fairness, he did die a few times of alcohol poisoning. She walked in grabbing onto the railing to walk up to the console platform. She tripped over something she couldn't see, which was likely her own two feet, and ended up sprawled on the floor, her wrist as a funny angle. She attempted to get up but searing pain started to radiate from her wrist. "Doctor," she called out, not really knowing if he was even in the TARDIS. Footsteps could be heard coming up the stairs from under the console.

The Doctor was still wearing his ridiculous goggles as he rushed over to her. "River! What happened?"

She let out a very un-River like giggle when she saw him in his goggles. "Doctor, what are you wearing?" She asked, her words slurring together due to the fact that she was highly intoxicated at the moment.

"They're my work goggles" He said, a little taken back. "River are... are you drunk?"

"No, silly, I'm not drunk. I'm absolutely, positively, completely sober." She smiled up at him, then tried to push herself to her feet again, wincing as she put weight on her wrist again.

"No, you are absolutely, positively, completely drunk." He looked her up and down. "What happened to your wrist?"

She frowned slightly, rubbing her aching wrist, "I fell on it, but I'm fine." She lied, "And I already told you, I'm not drunk. I don't get drunk."

"Sure you don't." He decided it best not to argue with her. "Here sit down" He tried to guide her to the pilot seat.

"I'm fine, I'm fine." She insisted, stumbling away from him. "Let's go somewhere."

"No. You need to sit, and I need to take a look at your wrist." He insisted. She rolled her eyes.

"Fine." She grumbled, sitting down in the pilot seat. He delicately cupped her wrist in his hand, staring at it intently. She squirmed uncomfortably in the seat, watching him examine her wrist which was already starting to bruise pretty badly.

"You've broken your wrist, River. Did you hurt anything else when you fell?" He asked concerned, pulling out his sonic.

"I don't think so, maybe...I don't know." She sighed, trying to push the sonic away from her with her good hand.

"Hey. River I'm using this to fix you. I think I have a bone setting on here somewhere"

"No, I'm fine. It doesn't need to be fixed." She tried pulling her wrist away from him, looking away. "I don't want you fixing my problems."

"It's not a problem. It's an actual, physical.. thing!" She was so hard to work with drunk. "You broke your wrist. Like... bones! I have to heal that"

"No, you don't. I don't want you to, I'm fine." She stood up, swaying a bit. He quickly took hold of her shoulders, steadying her.

"You want to walk around all night with a throbbing pain in your wrist? And don't say it doesn't hurt, because I know it does no matter how much you can hide your pain"

"I don't want you to fix it with that." She frowned, nodding towards the sonic, "It will hurt if you try and fix it. Besides, it will heal on it's own eventually." He grumbled. He was never going to win this.

"Will you at least let me put a cast on it? If it's going to heal on its own, it needs a cast."

"Am I making you cross with me?" She asked quietly, disregarding his request to put a cast on her wrist.

"No, River. Not at all." He gave a weak smile. "I care about you and I just want you to be safe. It's just a bit hard to ensure that when you resist my help" He admitted.

"I'm sorry, I'm such a disappointment to you." She whispered, looking down at her feet. She didn't drink or get drunk very often, and it was obviously wreaking havoc on her brain.

"Oh, River. You're not a disappointment to me." He stepped closer wanting nothing more than to just hold her in his arms. "Far from it. You are the best thing that's happened in my life." He liked to try his best to avoid fighting with her when she was drunk, mostly because of how quickly the mood could change.

"But I'm not letting you help me." She sniffed, standing still so he could hold her, "And I always let you down, especially now." He pulled her into his arms, rubbing her back.

"Now? You aren't letting me down. You don't want to be fixed. I should respect your wishes, and not force you to do anything you don't want to."

"I don't want to be a burden on you." She wrapped her good arm around his neck, gripping onto him tightly, "I don't want to disappoint you."

"You are anything but a disappointment, River. You are a privilege to have in my life. I'm so glad I have that privilege" He smiled into her blonde curls.

"But I am a disappointment, you just don't know because I just never told you that I had a miscarriage." She blurted out, her grip on him tightening.

His face fell. "A... miscarriage?." He tried to avoid River when she was drunk because of spoilers like these, but they were both married at this point so there weren't many spoilers left. He held her closer, like something bad would happen if he let go. "Oh River. It wasn't your fault. Nothing that happened was your fault. You're not a disappointment and don't you ever think for a second that you are." She wanted to cry, but held back her tears, not wanting to upset him by crying.

"I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry."

"It's okay, River. Don't blame yourself." He choked back tears of his own. "I'm the one who should be saying that to you, anyhow" He tried to lighten the mood

"Why would you ever think that?" She asked, blinking back tears.

"You went thought that on your own. How long ago was it, River? You had a miscarriage without telling me and you had to deal with those emotions on your own until now. I'm sorry that you had to go through all of this. I'm sorry"

"It's alright." She whispered, "It wasn't your fault you weren't there, I don't blame you. It was almost a month ago. I was planning on telling you I was pregnant, but I never got the chance." He pulled away from her to look at her face.

"Then how about I give you the chance? Let's try for a baby" He said with a hint of excitement in his tone. She stared at him for a moment, trying to process what he had just said,

"What?"

"A baby, River." A grin crept onto his face. "I mean, why not? We'd be brilliant parents!"

"Do you really think so? Don't you think this is a bit impulsive?" She asked, her eyes wide.

"Not at all. We've been married for ages, it's about time we start a family of our own, yeah?"

She started to smile, "I'd love to start a family of our own." He beamed, pulling her lips to his in a passionate kiss. She practically melted against him, her fingers running through his hair. He placed a hand on her hip, holding her close. He ended the kiss, taking her by the good hand and giving a small pull towards the bedroom.

"Come on" She smiled as she gripped onto his hand, letting him lead her to the bedroom.

\-----

River pressed her forehead against his chin, trying to catch her breath as she lay beneath him. He rolled on to his back, a smile on his face. "Do you think it worked this time?"

"I hope so." She smiled, curling up against him, "But even if it didn't, I wouldn't mind trying again."

"Neither would I." He wore a goofy grin on his face. "Still don't want a cast?"

"I don't need one, I'm fine." She lied, pressing a light kiss to his chest.

"If you say so..." He said, wrapping his arms around her waist. "What do you think our child will be like, River?"

"I don't know..." She murmured, "But I hope our baby will be just as loving and kind as you."

He pressed a kiss to her cheek. "Thank you darling." He thought a moment. "If it's a girl. I want them to have your curls."

"Which would you want?" She asked, smiling softly "A girl or a boy?"

"At the moment, a girl. I can't imagine anything but a miniature you running around the TARDIS."

She laughed, "A miniature me? Are you sure you want another me running around?"

"Yes. You're wonderful and I can't get enough of you" He laughed

"Oh, stop it." She smiled, her cheeks flushing light pink.

"Never." He loved making her flustered since it was a rare occasion that she was the one who was blushing and not him.

She giggled, "Really? Never?"

"Not ever" He confirmed, nuzzling his face into her neck.

"Well, I think I could get used to that." She grinned.

"How long do we have to wait to find out?"

"I don't know, a few days maybe? Probably a week."

He groaned. "That's too long if you ask me"

"I'm sorry, sweetie." She smiled, knowing how impatient he was. She kissed the tip of his nose in attempt to stop him from pouting. He was too excited not to smile. He beamed at her, throwing his arms around her happily.

"We're going to be parents!"

She laughed, hugging him tightly, "Don't get too excited, I said we'll have to do a test in a few days to be absolutely positive."

"And I'm sure it will be." His cheeks hurt from smiling so much, but he couldn't stop. Her smile faltered, her happiness suddenly deflating.

"W-what. What is it, River?" He asked, very concerned.

"What if I have another miscarriage?" She asked, "What if something happens and I lose the baby?"

He rubbed her shoulder to sooth her. "Then we try again. But that won't happen this time. This time it'll work"

She blinked back the tears that had formed rather quickly, "I hope you're right."

"Trust me. It'll all work out. I promise" He hugged her tight. "It'll be okay"

"I'm going to get huge." She quickly changed the subject, not wanting to dwell on it any longer.

He hummed. "I can't wait."

"You can't? I'm not so sure you're going to be happy about saying that in a few months."

"Just because you may not be looking forwards to it, doesn't mean it can't."

She sighed, "You're right. And gaining all that weight will be worth it."

"Absolutely." They stayed up for a little while talking about what it would be like when the baby came, before they drifted off the sleep.

A week passed quicker than the Doctor expected. He waited outside the bathroom that River had disappeared into a few minutes ago with the pregnancy test. River opened the door to the bathroom, looking disappointed and quickly wrapped her arms around him, seeking comfort.

"Negative?" He expected he was right but wanted to hear it from her.

A smile began to spread across her face as she shook her head. She had only been playing with him. "Positive. I'm pregnant."

He giggled. "What'd I tell you. I told you it'd work" He lifted her up and spun her around. "We're going to be parents!"

She laughed as he lifted her up and spun her, "We're going to be parents." She echoed, smiling up at him.

"Our impossible child" He set her down, pressing a palm to her stomach. "How's that wrist of yours?"

"It's still sore." She covered his hand with her good one, sugar-coating how she really felt.

It probably wasn't even worth it to ask, but he did any way. "And you're still refusing a cast?"

She sighed, "Doctor, I've already told you I don't need a cast."

"Doesn't hurt to ask" He kissed her on the top of the head. "Come on. I want to check something"

"Check what?" She asked.

"Everything!" He said excitedly, dragging her to the console room. "Scan: River Song" He ordered the TARDIS. She smiled, her excitement matching his as she stood still, letting the TARDIS scan her over. He watched the screen intently as data appeared on it:

River Song/Melody Pond: Fetus detected- Full Time Lord.

Gestation period, eight months.

One week pregnant

She stared up at the screen, still in a mix of shock and happiness.

"Probably should've mentioned that Time Lord pregnancies are shorter than human's."

She shrugged, "The shorter the better I suppose."

"Yes." He gazed down at her. "You are a wondrous thing, River Song"

"I'm glad you think so." She beamed up at him.

"Any morning sickness yet?"

"Not yet, thankfully. But it's only been a week."

"Well I hope you like saltines. It will be just about the only thing you'll be able to keep down"

She frowned, "Wonderful, I'm certainly not looking forward to that."

"I'm sure you can handle it" He assured her "You can do just about anything." He bopped her on the nose.

She smiled weakly, her nose scrunching up as he bopped it. "Thank you." 


	2. Our Little Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We move through to the morning sickness and the first of the cravings. We also find out if it's a boy or girl! Again, thank you to obsessedsoul for baby name inspiration.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since it's summer and I have nothing else to do, updates to the story should be close together. Every couple of days or so. Maybe even every other day. If you ask nicely perhaps every day. Please comment!

**Ch 2-**

It wasn't but a week later that the Doctor was holding back River's curls from getting any vomit on them. She groaned she finally finished throwing up into the toilet, her stomach still churning. He handed her a glass of water as she straightened herself up. "Feeling better?" He asked. She took a sip, then shook her head, pushing the glass back to him before turning and vomiting once more. He sighed, hating to see her like this. Again, he pulled back her golden hair. She dry heaved, coughing before standing up once again. "Don't stand too fast darling, you'll get dizzy" He told her. She put a hand to her head which felt like it was spinning. 

"Alright, alright." She waved him off. He stood up next to her, placing a hand on her shoulder to steady her. 

"Good?" 

She shook her head, "I think I need to sit for a minute." He supported her arms and sat her down on the side of the tub. "Can I have some more water?" 

"Of course." He handed the glass back to her. "Good news is that the sickness should only last a couple more weeks." He hoped that would make her feel at least a bit better. 

She took another sip of her water, "That's good to hear." She forced a smile. 

"Do you want something to eat?" He put a hand on her back. 

She nodded, "But I don't know if I'll be able to keep anything down." 

"You could always try. But you don't have to if you don't want to" 

"Well I'm starving, so I'll try anything." 

"Be right back" The Doctor disappeared into the other room and came back a moment later with saltines in his hands. She groaned, nearly vomiting at the sight of them. 

"Not quite ready yet?" He could help but grin a little. 

"Why are you grinning?" She asked, glaring at him. 

"You look to cute when you're sick" He sat back next to her. "In fact, you look cute all the time"

"Do I?" She tried to hide her smile, resting her head against his shoulder. 

"Yes. Yes you do" He smiled. 

"Thank you." She murmured. He leaned his head on hers. 

"It's get better. I promise" 

"I trust you." She sighed, closing her eyes. 

\---------------------

The morning sickness cleared up three weeks later. River had a small but noticeable bump by then that the Doctor often liked talking to. River loved when the Doctor talked to the baby, though she would never tell him. It made her heart swell to think about him being a parent. They were in the library. Well, River was. The Doctor had walked in. He didn't want to disturb her reading, but he did want to say hi to her belly. He sat down next to her, leaning his head in close. "Hello baby" He whispered. She peered over the top of her book, looking down at him. 

"What do you think you're doing?" She asked. He sat up suddenly, rubbing the back of his head. 

"Well I.. er... um.. wanted to say hello" He admitted. 

"You already said hello three times today, sweetie." She smiled, running a hand over her belly. 

"Yeah, but you get to spend all day with them" He pointed out. "I don't, see, I think I have the right" 

She rolled her eyes, pretending to be annoyed, "Fine, go on then." 

He grinned clapping his hands together. He lifted her shirt up enough to expose the small bump of her belly. "Hello, there. When you come out would you like a fez or a stetson?" 

"Doctor, if you're going to ask questions like that then I'm never going to let you talk to the baby again." She threatened, although she was smiling wildly. 

"What- But I-... fine" He grumbled. "Than what SHOULD I say if you’re going to dictate what I can say." 

"I'm only joking, no need to get snippy with me." She huffed, crossing her arms. 

"Sorry." He apologized quickly, fiddling with his fingers. "Er.. River. Do we want to find out the sex now or do we want it to be a surprise?" 

"I don't care." She looked away from him, still sounding rather annoyed at him. 

"Could we find out?" He asked hopefully. 

"Fine." She grumbled. 

"Come one then" He lightly pulled on her arm to get her up. She pushed herself up, fixing her shirt and following him. They went over to the med bay. The Doctor went over to retrieve the ultrasound machine while River hopped up on the table. She adjusted herself on the table, her hand resting on her belly. He brought it over, holding up a bottle of blue gel. "This may me cold" He said before squirting it onto her belly. She shivered as he squirted the gel on her stomach. He took the wand and maneuvered it around while starting at the screen. He clicked a few buttons before freezing an image and turning it so River could see. She began to smile, her eyes lighting up as she saw their baby for the first time. He pointed. "There's our daughter" He beamed. 

"Daughter?" Her smile grew as she looked from him back to the screen, "She's beautiful." 

"I suppose that means we should start thinking of names. 

She nodded, "Do you have any ideas?" 

"I was always partial to the name Freya" He told her. 

"That's a beautiful name." She smiled, "I love it." 

"Our little Freya Song. It's perfect" 

She beamed, "Do you want to say hello to Freya?" 

"Of course." He wiped the gel off before giving a kiss to the exposed skin. "Hello Freya. I hope you're having a nice time in there, we can't wait for you to arrive" 

"Happy?" She asked, practically glowing the excitement herself. 

"Extremely" He planted a final kiss to her belly before putting her shirt back in place. "Right, how about some lunch then? Anything in mind?" 

She nodded, "I've actually really been craving sausages and mint ice cream." 

He scrunched his nose.  _ Why would she want want something  _ as disgus _ ting as- oh right. Cravings.  _ "Sure thing, dear" He went over to the kitchen to prepare what she wanted and some eggs for himself. She followed him to the kitchen, not wanting to stay in the med bay alone. 

"Do you need any help?" She asked.

"No no" He said, handing her a bowl  of ice cream. "You eat this while I make your sausage"

"Thank you." She smiled, taking the bowl from him and watching him cook the sausages as she ate. The smell of the sizzling sausage soon filled the room. 

"There we go. All done" He presented the plate to her. 

"Mmm, it smells delicious." She took the plate from him, dumping the remainder of her ice cream onto the sausages before beginning to eat them. 

He grimaced. "I can believe you actually enjoy that" 

She frowned, "Well it's not my fault." 

"'Course not" He snickered. "But for someone who think fish fingers and custard is disgusting..." 

"Don't laugh!" She pouted, flicking a bit of ice cream at him. 

"Hey!" He wiped it off his check. "I'm not laughing. I just think it's a bit funny" He grinned. 

"It's not funny!" She protested, taking another spoonful of her ice cream and flinging it at him. 

"Okay! Okay!" He admitted defeat. "Just please stop throwing ice cream it me, this is a new jacket." 

"Alright, fine." She sighed, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing a kiss to his lips. He hummed. 

"Did you enjoy your..." He didn't exactly know what to call the mash of sausage and ice cream on her plate. "...lunch?" 

"It was wonderful until you started making fun of me." 

"I was just kidding." He places a kiss on the top of her nose. 

"Well you hurt my feelings." She pouted, pretending to be upset with him. 

"Sorry" He apologized. "Anything I can do to make it up to you?" 

She thought for a moment, a smile creeping onto her face, "Well, my back has been awfully sore lately..." 

"Would you like me to massage it?" He was glad she did make him do something like eat the weird sausage-ice-cream-thing. 

She nodded, "Yes, that would be lovely." He lead her back to the library and sat her down in the couch. He sat down next to her and began rubbing the base of her back in small circles. She hummed happily, closing her eyes. 

"I suppose I be doing this a lot." 

She smiled, "Yes you will."

He leaned forwards to kiss her cheek. "And I'll enjoy every last second" 

She laughed, "So will I."


	3. A 'Normal' Date Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So we do another skip forwards in River's pregnancy but I swear it's the last one. We see how she deals with leaving the TARDIS and the Doctor's protectiveness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Er... I know how much cliff hangers suck, but I couldn't help it. Also sorry for it being kind of short.

**Ch 3**

 

Back rubs became a routine in their everyday lives. Generally they happened before bed, but if she really need he'd do it through out the day. Her belly kept growing from the small bump it was to looking like she'd swallowed a soccer ball. 'A planet' as the Doctor liked to say. He was happy that the due date was moving closer, but also anxious. Mostly because there so many people out there who'd love to their hands on his family. He never let her leave without a perception filter on and always stayed close by her. River scowled when he gave her the perception filter to put on, "If you're going to make me wear this, then I'd rather just not go out." She huffed, in a bit of a sour mood tonight. 

"River, you  _ know _ that we can't have anyone finding out about our baby. That means you've got to wear it if you want to go out." He eyed her large midsection, feeling very protective at the moment. 

"Well then I don't want to go out. I'm tired of having to wear it." She waddled over to the bed, sitting down with another huff.

He placed the filter back on the dresser. "Sorry, you feel that way. You know it's only for your own protection" He didn't mind staying in. It meant that the risk of her being taken was gone, but he hated seeing her upset. She sighed, looking down at the nice dress she had barely managed to fit into. 

"Well, how would you feel if you had to wear a perception filter every time you wanted to leave the TARDIS?" 

"Well... to be honest, I'd question if what I was hiding was worth it." He placed a hand on her bump. "And it definitely is" 

She smiled weakly, "I suppose you're right." She murmured, placing her hand over his. 

"Still want to stay in? Because it took me awhile to get the dinner reservations. The people of Odio are so.. so.. suborn" 

"Let's go out then." She tried to push herself up, struggling to get to her feet on her own. He offered a hand out to help her. She took his hand, managing to get to her feet with his help. 

"There we are. Come along Song" He lead her by the arm, grabbing the perception filter of the dresser and placing it on her neck as they left. She smiled, following after him. They strolled out the TARDIS doors on to a stone path. It seemed to be a garden of some sort that lead to a glowing building. People of all races walked in and out of the doors.

"Where are we again?" She asked, looking at the garden around them. 

"This is the planet Kodeni and this city is called Odio. That restaurant is known for a splendid roast shepuni" He said excitedly. 

She smiled, "It sounds lovely." He beamed, continuing on the path. He started to ramble a bit about the place, the origins of the people and when he had been here before, things like that. She nodded and smiled as they made their way down to the restaurant. River stopped walking, her hand moving to her stomach and she held tightly onto his arm. 

"...River" He paused too. It always made him nervous when she did that. 

"She's kicking." She smiled up at him, her hand still resting on her belly. He smiled in relief. 

"You've got to stop scaring me like that." He placed a hand where hers was. He jumped a little in excitement, pulling his hand away with a small giggle before putting it back "That's brilliant" 

"I'm sorry, it surprised me, that's all." She smiled up at him, giggling as she felt another kick, "Did you feel that one?"

"Strong kicker." He commented. "Come on." They resumed their walking, still mesmerized by their child's movements. She was glowing as she walked along side him, smiling radiantly.

"Reservation for two" He told the waiter who lead them to a private table on a balcony. 

"Would you like a wine?" The Doctor always found it a little amusing that no one else could see the large bump of River's belly. He politely declined. 

"It's beautiful up here." She mused, happy to be somewhere private. "Doctor, there's nobody around, can I please take this off?" She asked, her toying with the perception filter around her neck. He thought a long moment. He didn't want to deny her the right to take it off, but he was also very cautious.

"...Okay" He said slowly. "But you have to be ready to put it back on if you even hear someone coming" 

"Thank you." She murmured, pressing a kiss to his hand before taking off the filter. He beamed at the sight of her. The candle on the table illuminated her curls. 

"If there weren't so many people out to get us, I'd take you all over the universe to show you off" He said out loud. She laughed, her cheeks tingeing pink. 

"That's very sweet." 

He blushed. "I said that out loud?" 

"Yes you did." She laughed, "Are you blushing?" 

"No" He lied, his face turning even redder. He tried to hide behind the menu. "I'm absolutely not blushing." 

"I think you absolutely are." She giggled, reaching across the table and trying to move the menu away from his face. "And I also think that it's absolutely adorable." He obliged, pulling the menu down. 

"Maybe a little" He was embarrassed, but he enjoyed this as much as she did. Her belly got in the way of her leaning over any further, so she stood moving so she could place a kiss to his cheek, then his lips.

He chuckled at the touch of her lips,  kissing her back. The waiter soon returned to take their orders. She sat back down in her chair, forgetting that she had taken off the perception filter.

"River!" He whispers loudly , wide eyed. "The filter!" Her eyes grew wide and she quickly found the filter, putting it back on. He turned to the waiter, his face falling when he saw the waiters shocked expression. "Um.." He didn't know what to say. The first thing that popped into his mind was that he could be working for Kovarian. In a flash, he jumped up and pinned the man against the wall, holding his collar tightly. "Who do you work for?!" 

"Doctor!" River stood, moving as quickly as her body would allow, trying to pull him off the other man. "Doctor, stop it!" 

"But what if he works for the Silence?" He hissed. "We can't take that risk, River. I need to keep you safe" 

"He could be perfectly innocent." She tugged on his arm again, "Please, let's just go back to the TARDIS." 

"And if he's not? What then? Then he reports back to Kovarian and we're dead. I'm not going to let that happen. I'm not going to let her take you away again." She swallowed, not having any response for that. She had ruined their evening with her selfishness. He pushed the man again. "I say again" His tone was cold. "Who do you work for?" After getting out of him that he had never even heard about a Kovarian the Doctor said "If you let slip what you've seen here, I will find you. You saw nothing, we were never here" And with that he and River left. It was obvious that River was upset as they walked back to the TARDIS and as soon as they were back inside she took off the perception filter and threw it across the room. "River... It's not your fault. Nothing that happened tonight was your fault." 

"Don't be ridiculous, all of it was my fault. I was the one who wanted to take off the stupid filter, and then I forgot to put it back on. You warned me and I messed it all up. I put myself and the baby in danger." She hid her face in her hands. He came over to her, wrapping his arms around her.

"But we're safe now, River. He wasn't working for anyone. It's okay now" 

She pushed him away from her, "But our night is ruined. We practically terrorized that poor man, and after that who says he won't go and tell someone." He looked a little taken back. He stared at his feet. 

"You're right. we should be more careful." He looked up at her. "I'm sorry that our evening got ruined, but that doesn't matter to me. What matters is that you're safe for now. You and our daughter are safe" 

"We don't know that now, and it's all my fault." Her whole body was aching, and her head was spinning. 

"No one can get into the TARDIS, so we do know that. You're safe in here." His face grew fearful as he saw her sway dizzily. "River?" He reached an arm out to steady her. His voice sounded far away from her and her legs gave out from beneath her, her eyes fluttering shut as she collapsed. 


	4. Hello Again For the First Time.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River as always stubborn when it comes to taking away her adventuring. In which we explore more of what TIme Lord pregnancies are like and how they differ from human's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd say this is a pretty fluffy chapter and also a bit long, but the chapters are going to start getting longer anyways. Also, as said in the summary, we are going to start exploring more about Time Lord pregnancies through out the next few chapters as well as much later in the story. Get excited and please leave comments!

**Ch 4**

 

"River!" He caught her before she could hit the ground. His hearts raced as he lifted her up and sprinted to the medbay. She remained unresponsive to him as he ran to the medbay, her breathing a bit heavier than normal. "No, no no!" He set her down on the bed, hooking her up to machines to tell him any data that it could about her condition. She gasped, trying to get more air than she was getting at the moment. "River? Come on! Don’t do this to me!" He looked around for anything to help and found an oxygen mask. "Here" He put the mask over her face. After a few minutes with the oxygen mask on her breathing began to normalize again. A few of the machines he had hooked her up to started beeping with results. He looked at them intently, nodded, understanding. He stroked the top of her head. "River..?" 

She groaned, her eyes fluttering open, "Doctor?" She asked hoarsely, "What happened?" He breathed a sigh of relief. 

"Thank god..." He looked back on the screen. "It looks like you suffered some sort of stress related thing. That combined with the pregnancy caused, well... this." He gestured to all of her. He took her hand, kissing it and then kissing her forehead again. "Don't ever do that to me again" 

She smiled weakly, squeezing his hand, "I'm sorry, sweetie. I promise I'll try and keep it from happening again." To be truthful, she didn't remember much of what had just happened, or how she had gotten into the medbay, but she didn't want to alarm the Doctor any more. 

"I'm not taking any chances. It's bed rest for you, River." He said in a demanding but not forceful tone. 

She shook her head, trying to sit herself up, "No, Doctor, I'm fine. I don't need to go on bed rest." 

"Yes. Yes you do." He put his hands on her shoulders. "That was a strong reaction to stress and your body is fragile now. This will probably happen every time you get that stressed. It's too dangerous. And it's only for a few weeks until the baby's born" He added. 

She tried to push his hands off her shoulders, "I refuse to sit around in bed and do nothing for the next few weeks. I won't let myself get stressed again, I promise. Everything will be fine." 

"Please, River? If not for me then for our baby? Please." He begged her. 

"I don't need to go on bed rest, sweetie." She hated when he used the baby against her like this, making her feel selfish. He gave her a pleading look, but he could never win an argument with River even if she wasn't pregnant. 

"You'll be very careful then?" 

"Of course I will. I'm always careful." She looked away from him, not wanting to give into his pouting, "I promise." 

"Okay then. I trust you." He pulled her towards him for a kiss. He didn't know what he'd do if he ever lost them. Even knowing that the library was still yet to some was a painful thought. He was glad, though, that in this moment, he had his family right there with him. 

She kissed him softly, then wrapped her arms around him for a kiss, nuzzling her nose into his neck, "I'll make you a deal, if it happens again, then you can put me on bed rest, alright?" 

"Deal" He smiled against her lips. 

She let out a little gasp, pulling away from him, her hands covering her stomach, "I think she's doing somersaults in there." He put his hand in her belly. He could feel the movement of their child and let out a little giggle. 

"She's just as excited as we are." 

She grinned, her hands resting beside his, "I can't wait until I can hold her in my arms." "Neither can I. But I do enjoy this bit, too. She's nice and safe in there." 

She nodded, "I'd like to think so." He smiled again, giving her another kiss. 

"You know, we never did get to eat and I make a pretty good steak" 

She smiled up at him, "Do you really? Steak sounds amazing right now." 

"Come on then." He look her by the hand and lead her to the kitchen. The TARDIS often redesigned rooms and this time designed the kitchen to look like a restaurant. 

She looked around at the kitchen, a bit amazed, "It looks lovely in here." 

"It looks like we get out date after all" He grinned. "How do you want your steak?" 

"Mmm rare." It wasn't what she normally would have requested, but her cravings had been getting the best of her and the more she thought about a juicy rare steak, the hungrier she got. 

"Coming right up. The TARDIS should have them already prepared." He dashed into the other room coming back a moment later, hands full of steaming food. He licked his lips, setting the food down in front of her. 

She took in a deep breath, humming hungrily, "This smells amazing." 

"Only the best for you, dear." He reached for the fork and knife to begin cutting the meat. 

She rolled her eyes, but laughed, "Oh, shut up." She smiled, taking a bite of her steak. They spent the evening laughing and talking over dinner and enjoyed a lovely red velvet cake for dessert. "Doctor, do we have a room for the baby?" She asked, stealing a piece of his cake. A part of her had been looking forward to decorating the baby's room, but she figured the TARDIS would just do it for them. 

“Um.. I don't know." he thought a moment. "I'm mean, the TARDIS would probably have one ready but..." He looked at her. ".. I was sort of thinking it would be nice to make it ourselves. Like they do on earth" 

Her eyes lit up, "I was thinking the same thing. It would be wonderful! We could pick out colors for the walls, all the furniture, and all the decorations." She was excited already. 

"Really?" He perked up "I thought you'd say no." He glanced at his watch. "I think we should start tomorrow though. It's a bit late and you need your sleep" 

Her excited expression fell, "But I don't want to wait until tomorrow." She pouted, looking up at him with wide, slightly disappointed eyes since that usually seemed to work on him. 

He bit his lip. "Okay" But smiled, secretly just as excited as she was. "What color should we make it?" 

She beamed, happiness quickly flooding her expression again, "Oh, I don't know...What do you think?" 

"I'm always for blue. Color of the universe. A perfect fit for our little Timelord. Well, Timelady. Well, Timebaby" He corrected himself. 

"I think blue is a beautiful color." She looked down at her belly, "What do you think Freya, hmm? Would you like your room to be blue?" A little foot shape bump appeared when Freya kicked and the Doctor giggled at River's shocked face. "I'll take that as a yes." She laughed a little, smiling up at him, "Doctor, come here and ask her another question." He got up, and kneeled next to her chair, resting his hand on her belly. 

"Freya.." He thought of a question. "What do you think of your name? Do you like it?" 

She laughed as she felt another strong kick, "Did you feel that one?" She asked, smiling down at him. 

"Yes" He grinned, keeping his hand on the spot where the tiny foot just poked. "It's amazing really, human babies don't have this kind of telepathic connection with their parents." He planted a kiss on her belly "I bet you that if you used thoughts instead of words, she could too." 

"Really? You mean we could actually talk to her?" She asked, her hand resting on his. "Well...how do I do it?" 

"Well, if there's a telepathic connection, which there is, you should be able to feel it. It's not that obvious, just like a warm spot in the back of your mind. Can you feel it?" She stayed quiet for a moment, looking very focused. 

"I feel it." She murmured, finally finding it in the back of her mind. 

"Now it's pretty simple. You just direct your thoughts there. It might take a few tries, but she'll respond." She closed her eyes, her brow furrowed in concentration as she tried to direct her thoughts. 

"It's not working, I can't do it." She said after several minutes, looking at him, very frustrated that she couldn't figure it out. He took her hands. 

"You  _ can  _ do it. Try again" He instructed her. She held onto his hands tightly as she closed her eyes again, trying to really concentrate on what she was doing. 

_ Mum? Oh good! I was wondering when you would figure that out.  _

She opened her eyes, a bit surprised even though she had been waiting for it. When it didn't work the first few times, she had started to doubt it would work at all. "I can hear her..." She whispered in amazement. He beamed. 

"I told you it'd work. What did she say?" 

"She said she was wondering when I would figure it out." She smiled, "She knew who I was...she knew I was her mum. Can you talk to her too?" He shook his head. 

"It's more of a skin to skin contact sort of thing. That's why she heard me when I spoke out loud, but I couldn't hear her because it wasn't direct." 

She nodded slowly, "Well, if she can hear you, then you could talk to her and I could tell you what she says." She offered, wanting him to be able to share in her experience. 

"Right then" He looked as if he were about to start taking to Freya, but stopped. "River, what do I even say to her? I mean, she doesn't really know me as much as you. What if she doesn't like me?" 

"Oh, sweetie..." She murmured, stroking his cheek softly, "She's going to love you, and how could she not? You're a wonderful husband, and I know you'll be an even better father." She gave him an encouraging smile, "You can tell her how excited you are to meet her, or how much you love her already...You can do it."

Taking comfort in her words, he took a breath and began to speak. "Erm.. Hello, Freya. I'm your father, the Doctor. I hope you're cozy in there because you've only got a few weeks left until we finally get to meet you. I hope you're as excited as we are." 

She kissed his forehead, "That was perfect." She murmured, closing her eyes so she could concentrate on Freya.

_ You don't need an introduction, silly! I hear you everyday and I love these stories you tell. My favorite was, what was it called... oh! The Three Sleepy Daleks! That's the one. I can't wait to come out, too. It's getting a little cramped in here.  _

River beamed down at the Doctor, repeating Freya's words to him. "I told you that you had nothing to worry about." 

"Well, I just thought.. I don't know what I was thinking. You were right as usual" He rubbed the back of his head. 

She chuckled, leaning back in her chair, "I'm always right, sweetie." 

"How about that nursery then? Or are we putting that off for later" 

"We might need to put that off for later now." She yawned, "I'm feeling quite sleepy now." He tried his best not to show his satisfaction of her willing to go to bed. 

"Tomorrow then." He offered a hand to help her out of the chair She took his hand, pulling herself up and rubbing her aching back. 

"Don't look so smug." She noticed how satisfied he looked, despite his attempt to hide it. 

"I don't know what you're talking about" He teased, putting a hand on the small of her back and beginning to walk to the bedroom.

"Didn't anyone tell you it's not very nice to tease your pregnant wife?" She walked with him towards their bedroom. 

"Yes, but it's ever so fun" He bopped her on the nose, setting her down in the bed "And you love it" 

"Oh, you're so mean to me." She pretended to look upset, finding it quite difficult to hide her smile. 

"No I'm not. That hardly even counted as an insult." He waltzed over to the dresser, a smile on his face as he changed into his pajamas. 

She huffed, "Freya agrees that you're being mean." 

"No fair! You can't use the baby against me. That's cheating." 

"It's not cheating, it's being resourceful." She smiled, confident that she had the upper hand, "And what do you have to say to that?" He sighed not wanting get into an argument even if it was just play. 

"I say that you are very, very clever" He slipped under the covers next to her. 

"So that means I win?" She curled up against him, "And I think the winner deserves a kiss." 

"Yes you win" He said, kissing her along the neck up to her lips. "Mm, you are beautiful, you know that?" 

"Am I?" She murmured, her eyes had fluttered shut when he kissed along her neck, loving when he did that, "I hadn't noticed." 

"You, River Song" He said between kisses. "Are the most gorgeous person in the universe" 

She hummed appreciatively, quite liking all kisses, "I'm glad you think so." She purred. 

"I know so" He snuggled close to her, wrapping his arms around her waist and pressing his chest to her back. It was a perfect moment: His wife in his arms, his child moving under his fingertips. He couldn't be happier

She sighed contently, perfectly happy to remain this way forever. She eventually drifted off to sleep, only to awake a few hours later, sweating and gasping to catch her breath, still caught up in her nightmare.


	5. But Only For a Litlle While

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River's nightmares are taking a toll on her body and mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup, things are getting more intense. Be prepared.

**Ch 5**

 

The Doctor was immediately rubbing her shoulders and asking what was wrong. Him being full Time Lord meant that he didn't really sleep that often and woke easily when he did sleep. "River..?" 

"Sorry, I just...had a nightmare." She breathed, her head in her hands. "I'm fine." 

"Are you sure?" He knew that getting panicked could be dangerous for her. "Do you want to talk about it?" She was close to hyperventilating, her heart pounding. She opened her mouth to say something, but she was too worked up to get anything out. He stared at her, wide eyed, before pulling her into him arms and holding tightly "River, you need to stay calm. Just, breathe, calm down." 

Her breathing became less harsh as he held her to him, starting to calm down. He didn't know what she dreamed about, but he had a good guess. "It's okay. I'm here. You're safe now. It was just a dream. You're okay." He comforted her. Her bottom lip trembled, the overwhelming urge to cry threatening to take over. The only time she ever really, truly cried in front of him was after nightmares like these. She held onto him tightly, a bit soothed by his words.  He stroked the back of her hair and kept whispering into her ear that she was safe until she stopped trembling, which was at least a good ten minutes. She closed her eyes, still clutching onto him. Her breathing was finally normal again, and her body was less tense, but she refused to let go of him. "Are you ready to talk about it?" He asked carefully. 

"Madame Kovarian kidnapped me, and she took Freya away..."  She took a deep breath to keep herself from panicking again, reminding herself that it was only a dream, "I couldn't save her...I couldn't save our baby." 

Just as he thought, "Sh, it's okay. She's right here" He took her hand, bringing it down to rest on the swell of her belly. "See? She's safe. You're both safe" Her hand was frozen on her belly, waiting to feel the baby's kicks. 

Her panic began to rise all over again when she didn't feel anything, "Doctor, she's not kicking, why isn't she kicking?" His hearts started to beat faster a her words. 

"Maybe she's asleep..? He didn't want to believe that there was anything wrong with their baby. 

"Try talking to her!" She tried to focus, but her head was spinning and her heart pounding. She couldn't seem to find the right place to direct her thoughts. "River this is important, you have to focus" He put his fingers to her temples. "Focus" 

She tried to concentrate, repeating the same thing over and over again in her mind,  _ Please be alright, Freya. Oh god...please be alright, my love.  _ She couldn't find the warm spot in the back of her mind. The Doctor was searching her mind as well, trying to find the connection. 

Like River, he couldn't find it. "We need to get you to the medbay. Now" He picked her up in one swift move, sprinting to the other room even though he knew she could walk just fine. 

She blinked back tears, terrified that their baby wasn't going to be okay, "Am I having another miscarriage?" She asked quietly, though she knew he probably didn't know any more than she did. He was whipping out the ultrasound and putting the probe on her belly. He barely registered the question. 

"It's too late in the pregnancy for it to count,  _ if _ it is a miscarriage, it would qualify as preterm labor." He spoke quickly, making sure emphasize the 'if'. He stared at the screen, pressing a few buttons to display data. He looked at her, exhaling. "She's alive." 

She stared at him, "Is there something wrong with her? Why isn't she moving? Why couldn't I find the connection anymore? What's going on?" She slammed him with questions, desperate to know what was going on. 

He titled the screen to her so she could see. "See there?" There was a whole lot of data on the screen. Things saying how far along she was, the baby's heart beats and such, and at the bottom in parentheses was the word: protected. "Freya, she's a Time Lord. In the womb, Time Lords have basically an unlimited supply of regeneration energy, but if something happens, they don’t regenerate like we would. She's made, a sort of… shield around herself. She's perfectly fine, no harm done, but the telepathic connection was severed. She's sealed off from the outside world, which is why she didn't have a reaction to your touches." 

"So… I won't feel her anymore?" She asked. Her gaze shifted away from him, "What caused her to seal herself off? What did I do?" She was talking more to herself than she was to him, upset with herself.

He looked at her sorrowfully, "It's nothing you did, River. It... It was the nightmares." He didn't want to admit that. "That fear, that  _ stress, _ it stays with you. Even when you're awake." He bit his lip, not really knowing what to say to her. She looked so sad. She had only found out that she could talk her her yesterday. "It'll go away once she's born. And that's only a few weeks away..." She was happy that the baby was alright, but devastated that she was shielded. The amazing connection she had just found out about was now cut off which was very disappointing. And now she didn't even have the advantage that normal human mothers had, getting to feel her daughter kicking. All the little movements that had made her heart flutter were gone, and she'd feel nothing for the next few weeks. Of course she still blamed herself, she always blamed herself, the had been her nightmare's after all. Her heart was utterly broken, but she did her best not to let it show. 

"I'm sorry..." She whispered. 

"It's okay. Everything will be okay" Since she was already in a bed, he lay down next to her, wrapping his arms around her like he did before. He could practically feel her sorrow which just made him more empathetic to her. "She'll be with us soon. I promise" She nodded, though it didn't make her feel much better.

"I'm  _ so _ sorry..." She whispered again, she had not only done this to herself, but to him too. Now he wouldn't be able to talk to Freya, or feel her kicks which River knew he loved. 

"It's not your fault, River." He said softly, planting a kiss behind her ear. His hand moved to trace small circles on her belly. "She's still here. She's still with us" 

"Can she still hear us talking?" She asked, though she could already guess the answer. He hesitated, not wanting to tell her the truth, but knowing he couldn't lie. 

"No. I'm sorry" That set her over the edge and she began to cry, having held it all in up until now. She covered her face with her hands, her shoulders shaking as muffled sobs could be heard from behind her hands. He hated to see her cry. More than anything in the world, mostly because he could do almost nothing about it. But he tried his best, wrapped his arms around her tighter, letting the tears fall. She cried until her chest hurt, eventually having no tears left to shed. She lay completely still in his arms, staring at the wall. Just a few hours ago, every bit of her had been glowing with happiness, now that was all gone. "River..." He didn't dare try to say anything while she was crying, and now there was nothing really to say. They weren't going to feel their baby's movements until she was born. They weren't even going to be able to talk to her. "If it makes you feel any better, the telepathic connection will come back when you're in labor." 

"But that doesn't make up for all the time we won't get to have now." She murmured, "I know you say it wasn't my fault, but it  _ is _ my fault. If I hadn't been having those stupid nightmares..." 

'If there's any one to blame, it's the Silence. They're the ones causing the nightmares." She nodded, sitting up and moving to get out of bed. It must have been the middle of the night, but she couldn't sleep. No, she refused to sleep. She never wanted to sleep again. Sleeping was what had caused this situation, now she would never do it again. He reached out for her arm "Where are you going?" 

She shook him off of her, "Anywhere but here." He got up, moving to her side. 

"I'm coming, too." She walked out of the room and down the hall, opening the door to her "secret room." The room was empty except for a rocking chair, with a book on it. For the past few months she had gone into this room to be alone and read to Freya. She had no idea if the Doctor knew about this room, but she had been planning on showing it to him, thinking it would be perfect for the new nursery. Now, after what had happened, she wasn't so sure if she wanted to make it anymore. "River, what is this place?" He asked, looking around, and taking note that is was a perfect size for a nursery. 

She shrugged, "Just an empty room." 

"Not empty" He looked towards the chair and book. "You've been here before" 

She picked up the book, hugging it to her chest so he couldn't see it. "Maybe..." 

"You've been reading to her." It wasn't hard for him to put two and two together. He smiled ever so slightly, thinking that was very sweet. 

She almost smiled, holding the book a bit tighter, "Well I guess I can't do it anymore." 

"You can once she's born." He didn't want her getting sad again. "And that's very soon." 

She nodded slowly, "I suppose you're right." She sat down in the rocking chair, her hand running along her belly absentmindedly. He stood behind her with his hands on her shoulders and kissed the top of her head. 

"You tired?" She shook her head, even though she was. She would push herself to complete exhaustion if it meant she didn't have to sleep again. "River.." He stepped so her was facing her. "I can see the rings under your eyes" 

"I'm not tired." She insisted, "And you can't make me go to bed if I don't want to."

"No, but I can bring you a blanket and pillow and turn out the lights.” 

"If you do that then I'll just leave and go somewhere else." She crossed her arms. 

"Sweetie, what you do doesn't just affect you. It affects our baby, too. As much as I'd hate it if you went a night without sleep, it's not just you I'm worried about." 

"Why don't you just come out and say that I'm being selfish? I know exactly what I'm doing. You said that she was shielded and that nothing can harm her. So what does it matter what I do now?" He sighed, bending down in front of her. He took her hands, holding them much like he did when comforting Amy. 

"You're not being selfish. I know exactly why you don't want to sleep. If I were in your position, I'd do the same thing. But you need you sleep to be healthy, to be strong. You need to sleep. Please?" She looked away from him, his words tugging at her heart. 

"I'm not tired." She said firmly, she didn't mean to be difficult, she was just upset and afraid of something else horrible happening while she was sleeping. "The rings under my eyes are just from stress." She could be so difficult sometimes. 

"All the more reason." He paused before leaving the room and coming back with a pillow and blanket. He put the items next to the chair. "I'm not going to force you to sleep, but those are there if you want. Would you like me to stay?" She nodded slowly, the blanket and pillow both looking very tempting. She was still holding the book she had been reading to the baby. She opened the book, reading silently trying to keep herself awake. He eyed the book. "Would you like me to read it to you?" 

She bit her lip, staring at him for a moment, "Alright." She whispered, handing him the book. He examined the page she was on. It wasn't that far into the book, about of the third of the way in. He immediately recognized the words. It was a novel about a Time Lord and his TARDIS. He smiled. 

"The man ran his hands over the console and smiled. It was nothing like he had ever experienced before, a whole new universe just waiting for him." She smiled weakly, finding his voice very soothing. She closed her eyes, listening to him read, sinking deeper and deeper into the rocking chair. He glanced up from the book every so often, each time seeing her eyes a little more closed than they were before. He continued along through the chapter of when he visited the planet Forbesi when he looked up to see her fully asleep. 

A few minutes after she had fallen asleep, she began fidgeting and mumbled, quite obviously having another nightmare. He was watching her intently. At the first signs of her nightmare, he woke her, not wanting her to experience the whole thing. She gasped as she awoke, her eyes darting around the room for any sign of danger, still not completely aware that it had just been a dream. He held her shoulders firmly. "River. It’s me, you’re okay." Her gaze fell on him, her eyes wide and fearful. She blinked a few times, finally realizing what had happened. 

"I told you I didn't want to go back to sleep." She muttered, burying her face in her hands. 

"I-I know. I'm sorry..." He felt terrible "River... There must be something causing your nightmare. I'm mean, they shouldn't be the only thing that happens when you sleep." 

"It's alright." She whispered, looking back up at him, "I don't know what's causing them..." 

"I can't have you having nightmares forever. We've got to fix it now." He placed his fingers on her temples. "May I?" She shied away from him, not exactly wanting him in her head. He took his hands away. "I won't if you don't want me to." He fidgeted with his hands, trying to think of another way to stop the nightmares. She shook her head, knowing he was worried about her and wanted to get it over with. 

"Fine, fine. But be careful of spoilers." 

"I'll do my best." He gently placed his fingers back and slowly entered her mind. He had done this before with other people, but somehow this felt different. He felt like he was intruding. He looked around, searching for anything. He filed through the mess of thoughts and memories before he found her nightmare. She didn't like him in her head, trying to shut him out of most of her thoughts. She could sense him going through her mind, squirming uncomfortably when he found her nightmares. "Sorry" He apologized but continued, skimming through the horrific images of Kovarian and the Silence. They made him want to cry. He couldn't believe that she had had to relive this every time she went to sleep. He began blocking it off from the rest of her mind. Putting a wall around it so she couldn't access it.  

"What are you doing?" She asked quietly as she slowly began to forget her horrific nightmares. 

"Remember when I told you about Donna? It's the same. I was able to block that part your mind from accessing the dreams, so you won't have them anymore."  He withdrew his mind from hers, as he finished the presses. "There" 

"I wish we had done this earlier." She murmured, thinking that if it had been done sooner, then they would still be able to feel the baby. 

"Better late than never." He smiled. "All better?" 

She nodded, wrapping her arms around his neck and hugging him tightly, "Thank you." He smiled, putting his arms around her waist and pulling her to standing. He could feel her already heavy with sleep so he just lifted her up and carried her to their bed. She fell asleep in his arms as he carried her back, sighing against his chest, her head tucked beneath his chin. He beamed down at her as he placed her in the bed and tucked her in. He could wait to hold him daughter in his arms. He couldn’t wait to teach her how to fly the TARDIS and show her all of his favorite nooks and crannies of the universe. He slipped under the covers next her her putting a warm hand around her. Though he could not feel the movements of their child, he knew that she was there. Peaceful and safe. River stirred as he lay down next to her, snuggling into his warmth. She sighed, her eyes still heavy with sleep. "Do you think we could use that room for the nursery?" She asked sleepily. 

He held her close, shifting his head to speak into her ear. "I think that's a brilliant idea." 

She smiled weakly, "Could we start working on it now?" Her eyes were already closed again, her head tucked into him. 

"I'd rather you get a good night's sleep first. It's very late." He glanced at the clock sitting on the nightstand next to their bed. He was getting pretty tired himself.

"I'm not tired." She mumbled, shifting closer to him, half asleep. 

"If you have the energy to get up and get paint, furniture, and plan where we're going to put everything, I'd say go for it." A yawn escaped his mouth. 

"Maybe we should wait until tomorrow." She murmured. He smiled and kissed her on the side of the head. 

"Agreed" He settled into the warmth of the bed and let sleep overtake him. She fell asleep, having a nightmare-free night for the first time in a very,  _ very  _ long time. 


	6. Good Morning To My Midnight Blue Skies.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of fluff, a bit of smut, and a huge surprise. River and the Doctor start working on the nursery but get quite a bit side tracked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this was kind of long so I cut it at a bit of an irritating place. Also this is when the actual smut happens so two warnings. First of course is: explicit content a.k.a smut. The second is that we were kind of new at writing smut so don't judge too harshly.

**Ch 6**

 

The next day, the Doctor came into their room holding two cups of steaming tea. He bent over to kiss River. "Morning, love." She stirred, squinting up at him as her eyes adjusted to the light of the room.

"Good morning, sweetie." She smiled. He handed her the cup of tea before sitting on the edge of the bed. 

"Slept well I take it." 

She nodded, sitting up and taking a sip of her tea, "Very well thanks to you." 

"I do what I can" He grinned. "When you're ready, I've already but the paint in the nursery so we can start painting." He was jubilant. 

She beamed, "Let's start right now." She was excited to get started. He set his tea down, offering a hand to help her up. She took his hand, struggling to stand up. He held out a second hand, pulling her to a stand. "There we are" She sighed once she was finally on her feet, looking down at her belly, "This is certainly getting in the way of things." 

" 'This' will be out of the way soon enough." He took her hand and they started walking to the yet-to-be nursery. She followed after him, stopping in the doorway of the room, looking around. 

A few already opened midnight blue paint cans were in the middle of the room. There were long paint brushes so they could reach the ceiling. He scratched the back of his head. "I didn't know if you wanted a lighter shade or not.." 

"Well, I think the room will be a bit dark, but as long as you like it, it's fine." She answered, not terribly displeased with the color. He smiled. "I love it" He briskly went to the center of the room and picked up one of the brushes and dipped it in the paint. She followed, beginning to paint one of the bare white walls. 

After a while, the paint fumes began to give her a headache, but she didn't want to stop. He set his paintbrush down when he finished one of the walls and up crept behind her, wrapping his arms just above her bump. "Finished one of  the walls." 

She jumped a bit, surprised by the feeling of his arms around her. "You're fast." She murmured, leaning back against him as she looked up at her wall which was barely half finished. "Or maybe I'm just slow." 

He chuckled. "I think it was the first one. Do you want help?" 

"I can do it on my own, thank you very much." She let her head fall back to rest against his shoulder, as she grinned up at him, "You can start on the next wall." 

"I'd rather stay right here." He enjoyed having her lean on her while she painted. "And we can a break once you're done here. Finish our tea and get some of these fumes out of our systems." He scrunched his nose at the smell of the wet paint. 

River smiled, "Mmm, I like your idea much more." She continued to paint until the whole wall was done. "Break now?" She asked, eager to get out of the smelly room, thinking it probably wasn't the best place for a pregnant woman to be.

"Yes, these fumes are getting to my head. There's no telling how you feel right now." He looked a bit concerned, wondering if she had a headache or something.  He happily lead her away from the drying paint. She put a hand to her throbbing head, happy to be out of the room. 

"I think I need some water." She murmured, "And perhaps a place to sit." She hadn't realized exactly how bad her headache was until now. He brought her back to the bedroom, handing her the now cold tea they left on the nightstand. 

"Maybe I should finish the painting. I don't think It's such a good idea for you to be in there until the paint dries." 

She nodded, not arguing with him for once, "I think that might be best." 

"It won't take too long. I'll be done and then we can put the furniture in when the paint is dry. Feeling better?" He asked when she'd finished her tea" 

She nodded, "A bit, thank you. Do we even have proper furniture that we can use?" She asked. 

"We have my old cot and..." He thought. "Er.. that's it. I think we might need to go shopping" 

"We can go after you finish painting, alright?" She smiled softly, pressing a kiss to his cheek. 

"Sounds like a plan." Is wasn't more than thirty minutes later that the Doctor returned to the room, paint splotches covering his clothing. She looked up from the books she had been reading, laughing when she saw the paint bits all over his clothes. 

"I think you might need to change before we go out, my love." 

He blushed and chuckled. "Yeah.." He stripped of his cloths, searching the dresser for some clean ones. She watched him as he stripped off his clothes, her eyes fixed on him intensely as she bit her lip. He turned as he buttoned his shirt. "What?" 

She licked her lips as she watched the last bits of his bare chest disappear beneath the buttons of his shirt. "Nothing, just these pregnancy hormones have made me very..." She tried to find the proper word without sounding crude, "frustrated." 

"Frustrated?" He raised an eyebrow. "In what way?" 

"In the arousal sense." She purred, standing up and moving towards him, "Let's just say, it doesn't take much to get my blood pumping thanks to these bloody hormones." His face turned scarlet as he was pushed against the dresser. She kissed him hungrily, her hands moving from his chest up to his hair. 

"River...!" His words were lost as her lip press against his again. He couldn't help but kiss her back, moving his hands around her.    
"Hmm?" She hummed, sucking on his lower lip. She smiled in satisfaction as he felt his hands move around her.  

"Oh, you make it so hard to resist you." He stepped forwards and pinned her down in the bed, not moving his mouth away from hers. She laughed against his lips, trying to push her body up to his, having a bit of difficulty with the added weight. He chuckled, moving down so his head was between her thighs. He pushed her dress up and her knickers down. 

She whimpered, her chest heaving as she tried to look at him over her protruding stomach. One hand rubbed her leg while he began licking her swollen clit. She moaned, her back arching as she grabbed fistfuls of the bedding. He grinned seeing the effect he had on her. 

He slipped his fingers into her, rubbing against her inner walls. She choked out a gasp, trying to rock her hips down into his fingers, her whole body flushed pink with arousal. He went deeper. Faster. He reached down with a spare hand to grip his length. She moaned and whimpered, clutching onto the sheets as she squeezed her eyes shut. He knew that they were both close. He withdrew his fingers and pushed his cock into her. He held himself on his hands above her, careful of her belly.

She nearly came undone when he pushed into her, extra sensitive now that she was pregnant. She kissed him needfully, clutching onto his biceps. He thrust into her, fast enough to please her, but slow enough to not be too rough. He let out a low groan as the peak drew nearer. She continued to whimper, struggling to hold herself together as he thrust into her. Hearing his low groan nearly sent her over the edge. He leaned down to kiss her, not faltering in his pace. He moaned into her mouth. She groaned, lightly nipping at his lower lip as her nails sunk into his arms. 

He moved his head down, kiss a line down her neck before reaching her breast. He sucked at it, leaving a red mark where his mouth was. She groaned, pushing her upper body closer to him, eager for more. He obliged, tracing circles with his tongue around her nipple, lightly sucking every now and then. 

"Oh, sweetie..." She breathed, her chest heaving as she tightened her grip on his arms. 

"Are you really going to hold out so long?" He smirked knowing that it was taking her a lot of willpower not to come right then and there. 

She smiled up at him, "Just because my body's more sensitive than usual, doesn't mean I can't hold out for as long as normal." She pushed her hips up towards his. 

"Yes I don't doubt that" He grunted at her movements. "But as much as I'd love to spend the rest of the day here with you, I would like to get the shopping done before dark" 

She stared up at him for a moment, "Fine, but promise me we'll do this again later." 

"Promise" he said, kissing her just to prove his point. She kissed him back, her hips moving up to meet his again, unwilling to hold out any longer. 

In a swift move, he pushed into her, deeper than before causing them both to go over the edge. Her body trembled as her walls tightened around his length, her body arching into his. She panted, trying to catch her breath. He grinned. He loved seeing her unravel like that beneath him. He pulled out gently, still trailing kisses on her warm skin. She sighed contently, smiling as he pressed kisses to her skin. 

"I love you." She murmured. 

"I love you more." He teased, pulling her so she was sitting up. 

"But I love you the most." She teased right back, fixing her dress so she was all covered up again. He zipped his trousers into place, still grinning. 

"So where to next?" He clapped his hands together. "Out of all the baby stores in all of the universe, which one should we go to?" 

She thought about it for a moment, "I don't know, which one is best?" Her beaming expression, was quickly overcome with surprise as she moved a hand to her belly. 

"River?" He really hated when she did this without telling him what was going on. He sat next to her. "What is it?" 

She held her breath, not speaking for a moment, "I could have sworn I felt her kick just now." She finally said, letting out a disappointed sigh, "Just wishful thinking I suppose." 

He looked confused. If River felt something, it would be highly unlikely to be a figure of her imagination. He put a hand where hers was and waited a few moments. 

She looked over at him, "What are you doing?" She asked, a bit confused as to why he was doing this. 

"You said you felt her kick. I just want to see if you were right" He waited a few moment more, nothing happened. The glimmer of hopefulness that had been in her eyes vanished when nothing happened after a few more moments. 

"I thought it was her." She whispered. She felt another kick-like flutter a mere moment after she spoke and she looked over at him. "Maybe I'm just going crazy..." 

His eyes were wide. "No, your not crazy" He looked up at her, a smile creeping on to his face. "I felt that one! But, that's impossible! Unless there another one, or-or some medicine or..." He was at a loss for words. It was impossible, yet there it was. The small kick of a child from inside River. 

Her face paled and her eyes grew wide, "What do you mean another one?" 

"I'm not saying there is... it's a possibility..." He trailed off, entertaining the thought, the possibility of there being a second child. She stared at him, her hearts pounding, just the thought of there being two babies terrified her. 

"But...wouldn't we have know before now? Would we have seen another baby on the ultrasounds we've done?" 

"There are time when the second twin is hidden behind a placenta." He head was pounding. Could it really be that they were having twins? The thought seemed unreal and yet the possibility was right there before them. 

River continued to stare at him, still looking rather pale. She had been having enough worries thinking about having one baby, but two? That was too much for her, she didn't think she was ready for that. "Doctor..." 

"W-we can't be sure, can we? I mean, there are other explanations for this, right?" His breathing was a bit more heavy and her was pacing in front of her. 

"I-I don't know...Do you think maybe what we just did could have done something?" She asked, her mind still flooded with the idea of twins. 

"I don't know, maybe?" He was pretty much in a full panic. Not knowing what else to do, he took her hand and swiftly went to the medbay. River's heart was pounding, she had promised the Doctor she wouldn't get stressed, but that promise was going out the window at the moment. Her breathing was slightly labored as they went to the medbay, the stress and panic of the situation catching up to her. The machines were already set up for them when they entered the room. 

"Don't lie down this time" If it were twins, the likelihood would be that they'd have to be at a different angle to be able to see them. He frantically put the gel on her stomach and searched with the probe. 

Every time he said the word "twins" she felt like she was going to pass out, and she probably would if that ended up being the case. A part of her prayed that it was just Freya, completely terrified of being a mother of two babies at the same time. 

He stared at the image on the screen. He starred for the longest time. He could speak. He couldn't even stand and he sat silently next to her before his knees had the chance to buckle. He felt like he was going to pass out, but didn't. Every time he tried to for words, they were lost. 

She stared at him, "Doctor..." She whispered frantically, "Doctor, what is it?" Her head was spinning.  

"T..." The words still wouldn't come. He tried again. "T...." He cursed himself for not being able to so much as make a syllable. He pointed squeezed her hand and pointed a quaking finger to the screen. 

There was Freya, peacefully resting, undisturbed by the outside world. And there was her placenta, just above her. Behind that was the upper body of another child. River wasn't sure if she was going to vomit, cry, pass out or simply all three. She stared at the screen for another moment before darting for the bathroom, definitely vomit. 

Her whole body shook as she heaved into the toilet, her face turning a frightening shade of white. The Doctor immediately was shook out of his daze at the sight of his sick wife. He dashed after her and pulled her hair out of the way just in time. Managing to find his voice, he was able to say her name. 

"River.." It was full of worry and concern at the sight of her pale face. She couldn't speak as she felt another wave of sick pass over her, vomiting again. She trembled on the floor, her forehead and neck clammy. She tried to push herself up, only to have her legs give out from beneath her. He was instantly by her side supporting her weight. "It's okay, I've got you River." He bent down and sat on his knees, eye level to her. He didn't know what to do. The last time she was sick like this was at the beginning of her pregnancy. He doubted that water and saltines would help much now. 

She struggled to catch her breath, her stress levels definitely higher than they should be, "Are...are you sure that we're having t....t?" She couldn't get the word out either, nearly vomiting for a third time. He was afraid that saying the word would cause her to pass out. 

"Twins. There’s no question." He own heart was racing, but all of his attention was on her. He knew that this would be stressful, but he never imagined this much. "Breathe" 

She did her best to continue breathing somewhat normally. She shook her head, so many different thoughts running through her head all at once. It made her head hurt and her heart hammer harder in her chest. Like her husband, she couldn't manage to find her voice. She could only look up at him in distress. Not knowing what else to do, he put his arms her and pulled her into his chest, he could feel her heart pounding. 

"It's going to be okay, River. We can handle this. It's going to be fine." He was starting to feel a bit better, himself. Another baby. Knew that he wanted more kids. A little brother or sister for Freya. He didn't expect it to happen like this, but he knew it'd be okay. River on the other hand was feeling the exact opposite. 

She hadn't told him about her worries of being a mother. Twins meant two little lives she was responsible for. Two children she would completely screw up if she was a bad mother. Two little people that were depending on her to keep them safe from the people like the Silence out there that would do anything to harm them. She had had her doubts about have one baby, two was too much. She could handle a lot of things, but this wasn't one of those things. 

"River..." He broke the silence after minute, or maybe hours, he didn't know. "Do you want to talk?" He knew they'd have to discuss this sooner or later. 

She swallowed, her gaze fixed on her fidgeting hands. "What's there to talk about?"

"That was a pretty extreme reaction. There's clearly something on your mind." He pointed out. 

"It doesn't matter what's on my mind. There's nothing we can do about any of this, so it doesn't matter." She didn't want to make him upset by saying she didn't want another baby, and she didn't want him to think horribly of her if she did tell him. 

"What do you mean? Of course it matters!" He stroked circles in her back. "Your thoughts on this matter to me. Everything you say matters to me because you're my wife and we're in thing for the long run." He paused. "I.. I know this isn't exactly what you wanted, but we can make it through." 

"I don't want another baby." She whispered, her distress showing in her words. "Doctor, I wasn't even completely sure I wanted one baby. You think that we'll be able to handle this, but I don't agree. You're so much more...parental than I am. I don't think I can do it, but there's nothing we can do about it now."

He didn't know what to say. He was a little taken back and even a bit hurt, but he knew where she was coming from. She'd been raised to kill, not to care. But she was so much more than the psychopath she was raised to be. "River, you will make a great mum. I know because you already love our children so much. You've gone out of your way to care for them and make them happy" He thought of when she showed him her secret room. "We can do it. We already are doing it and you’re right. There's nothing more we can do, but I can tell you that you are going to be amazing mother and love these children the moment they're placed in your arms." He mustered up a smile. He truly did believe that everything would be just fine and he tried his best to make River believe that, too. 

She swallowed, unable to look at him. She knew that she had disappointed him with her words. She thought that he didn't understand where she was coming from, he hadn't been through what she had been through. She truly didn't want twins, but that choice wasn't up to her anymore. She would make another sacrifice to make him happy. She had grown accustomed to putting his happiness before hers, and rarely ever complained. So she nodded slowly, seemingly agreeing with him on the exterior. 

He kept his arms around her wanting to believe her. "Are you still feeling sick?" He tried to keep his voice soft. 

She shook her head slowly, remaining silent. She wanted to lock herself away for hours so she could do all the things she felt she couldn't in front of him: cry, scream, throw things across the room. She wanted to have that little room all to herself again, where it was just her and Freya, or at least so she thought. 

"Do you want me to stay?" He could sense that she might need some time alone to process this. 

"I don't care." She whispered, breaking her silence. She didn't want to deny him of staying with her, believing it would hurt him if she said no. 

He looked at the floor, "I'll... go. Make some food or fiddle with wires." He carefully released her from his embrace and got up. 

She didn't move to stop him, turning and vomiting again just as he was leaving. He glanced back at her, not exactly wanting to leave her, but knowing they both needed some thinking room. 


	7. And baby makes four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello baby number two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No notes really needed for this one. It's a little short and fluffy.

**Ch 7**

 

River leaned against the toilet, her breathing heavy as she tried not to look as miserable as she felt. Bits of sick had gotten into her curls and she closed her eyes, fighting back her emotions. The telepathic hum of the TARDIS flooded the room in attempt to make her feel at least a little bit better. She did feel a bit comforted by the TARDIS, her trembling body finally relaxing. The hum stayed in the room, low and comforting, but there was a new and familiar feeling that touched her mind. A warm spot, barely noticeable at first. As the warm spot became more noticeable, she tried to ignore it. She felt like she didn't deserve the special connection after all the horrible things she had thought and said. After a while, her curiosity began to get the better of her. 

_ Mum? Mum, I heard you talking to Freya and I was wonder when it would be my turn. Sorry for being impatient, but I couldn't wait.  _

She bit back tears, her heart melting as she heard her baby _. Of course you can have your turn now, my love. I'm sorry you had to wait so long.  _

_ It's okay. I know how to be patient.  _ The voice sounded happy and even excited to be talking to her. _ Why did Freya stop talking to me? I said sorry when I accidentally kicked her. Freya's...she's sleeping.  _ River didn't know how else to explain it, the happy and excited tone pulling at her heart. _ She won't wake up until after you two are born.   _

_ Oh. I didn't know that she could sleep for that long. She always likes to play a lot. How long will that be?  _

_ I don't know for sure, but won't be for another few weeks. I know you may feel a little lonely now, but you can talk to me and Daddy now. You're Daddy's very eager to meet you.  _

_ I can't wait to meet him too! I like when he rubs your belly and then I can feel his hand. Sometimes me and Freya would talk about what you guys would look like.  _

She smiled weakly, smoothing the material of her dress down against her belly.  _ You'll find out  soon enough, sweetheart. Would you like to talk to your Dad now?  _

_ Sure.You two seemed a little upset earlier. I couldn't really hear you though 'cus' I was half asleep. Are you okay?  _

She breathed a sigh of relief, thankful that the baby hadn't heard all the horrible things she had said earlier.  _ Everything's fine now. I'm alright, but I think we should find your Dad and make sure he's alright too.  _ She finally gathered the strength to push herself up off the floor.  __

_ I heard you being sick into the toilet but maybe that was just something you ate. I'm glad you're okay. Why would dad be upset. Did he eat the nasty food too?  _

_ Well...something like that.  _ She walked down the hallway, looking around for her husband. "Doctor?" She called softly. 

There was a distant  _ zap _ from the electrical current of a wire and then an "Ow!" from the Doctor. "Doctor?" She called a bit louder this time, hurrying to the source of the noise, finally finding him. "Are you alright?" She asked, a bit of worry etched across her face. 

He was under the console. He was cradling his chard finger in his hand and cursing under his breath. "Yes I'm fine." He examined the burn. "I just burned myself" 

"Here, let me see." She stepped forward, taking his hand to examine his finger, being very gentle with him. He winced, but didn't argue, letting her see his hand. "I was trying to reprogram the rooms so the nursery would always be next to our room." 

She smiled softly, "That's a very good idea, but I think the TARDIS can take care of that for us on her own." She examined his finger, "We should probably get you some ice, but you should be fine in a bit." 

"I know" He looked up at her. "Feeling better?" He asked, noting that she wasn't as pale as she was when he left. 

She nodded, "I had a little talk with...someone." She placed a hand on her belly, smiling as she felt eager little kicks.

His face lit up. "Really? I... They didn't hear us, did they?" 

"No, they didn't hear." Her smile grew as she watched his face light up, "But we did talk about you." 

"Er.. what did you say?" He was well aware that sooner or later that she and the kids would be teaming up against him. 

"I told them that you're a nasty, mean old man who hates children." She teased. 

"Am not!" He protested, playing right along.

She laughed, "Well don't tell me, tell them!" She moved closer to him, taking his hands and bringing them to rest on either side of her stomach. 

He smiled, leaning his head in close. "Whatever your mother told you, I am  _ not  _ a mean old man who hates children. Well, I am old, but I love children. I love you" He placed a kiss on her belly.  

River smiled, watching him. "You know, they love it when you do that." She murmured as he kissed her belly. "They can feel you then." 

"Hmm." He rubbed small circles on the spot he kissed, feeling the small kick of the baby. He giggled at the sensation. 

She laughed again before leaning down to kiss him. "They love you, and they're very excited to meet you."

"I'm excited too!" He said to her stomach. He smiled up at her. She looked much happier than before. 

She felt much happier now, the happy glow about her returning. "I'd really like to find out if this other baby is a boy or a girl. Then we could come up with another name." 

"I'd like that too." He agreed. "But I don't know if we'd be able to see. They're pretty hidden behind Freya but we could give it a shot." 

She nodded eagerly, "I'd really like to try." 

"Alright then. Let's try." He took her hand, mindful of his finger and began back up the stairs. She walked up ahead of him, tugging him along, very eager to see their other baby. He followed behind her. The med bay was just how they left it, so the ultrasound was already there. He reached for the gel and lifted River's shirt. She bit her lip, watching him carefully as he prepped the ultrasound. He moved the probe around her belly. "I can't get a good angle" He grumbled. 

She frowned, a bit of her happiness fading, "Are you sure?" She asked softly. 

"No. Wait. Hang on..." His eyebrows furrowed in concentration. "Can you ask them to turn around?" She nodded, quickly concentrating on asking the baby to turn. He smiled. "There we go! It's another girl!" He told her. 

Her eyes lit up, beaming down at him, "Oh, another girl! We have to think of a name for her!" 

"What do you think? I chose Freya's name so it's only fair you get to chose hers'." 

She thought about it for a moment, "What if we named her after my mother?" She asked. She and Amy had promised each other to name their children after each other and Amy had already held up her side of the deal. 

He thought a moment, "That's a wonderful idea. Amelia Song." 

"Amelia Song and Freya Song." She beamed looking down at her belly, "Hello girls..." 

"I can't believe we have to wait a whole other month for these two." 

She nodded, "I know, but hopefully that month will go by quickly. Now we really need to go shopping since we need twice the amount of things."

He slapped his forehead. "I almost completely forgot!" He stood up rather quickly and then sat again. "Um... River. I am sorry, but you  _ do  _ need the filter to go out..." He felt bad bringing the topic back up. 

She huffed, "Really?  _ I _ have to wear a filter, but it won't look suspicious if we're in a baby store?" 

"Well.. I.. Um..." He didn't really know what to say. She was absolutely right. If either of them were seen in a baby store, anyone would know that they were get supplies for themselves, filter or not. She raised an eyebrow, her arms folded across her chest as she waited for his response. "We can't go into the store looking like ourselves. We could... get someone to do it for us?" Now he was just thinking out loud. 

She frowned, "I don't want to have someone go for us. I wanted to go because I thought it would be nice for us to pick everything out ourselves. If we sent someone to do that for us then what's the point?" She was a bit frustrated that everything had to be so secretive, but she knew that it was for their children's safety. 

He tried his best to think of a solution, "I think we could risk it if you brought your gun." He said after a minute. "... and it would lower suspicions if you wore the filter." 

"But I don't want to wear the filter." She pouted, "I don't believe the filter would do much good at all. Please, let me go out just this once."

"Make that two guns." He kissed her forehead and nodded. "High alert this time." Excitement leaked through his reprimanding tone. 

"Oh, thank you!" She smiled, throwing her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. "I'll go get my things." She was excited that he was finally allowing her out of the TARDIS without the filter that she had grown to hate. He grinned to himself and walked to the control room. He flipped levers and switched then waited for River. River came in a few minutes later, both guns concealed. "Ready?" She asked excitedly. 

He held an arm out for her to take, "Right this way. " She took his arm, letting him lead her towards the doors.


	8. Where do we start?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shopping for baby supplies! The Doctor has a bit more fun than River on this one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I guess this chapter is just filler. Short and fluffy. Or at least mostly fluffy. Compared to other parts of the story, it's fluffy so let's just call it that.

**Ch 8**

 

They stepped out onto a street. The warm air tickled their cheeks and the sun shone in a clear sky. There were many houses along the sidewalk the TARDIS had parked on and across were a bunch of stores, including one called 'Norman's Baby Shop' 

"Come on!" River smiled, spotting the shop and hurrying over to it.The Doctor followed, well, stumbled along behind her due her her pulling his arm. But he was just as thrilled for this as she was. They entered the store practically jumping. She stared in awe at all the things in the shop, the tiny clothes and shoes, the stuffed animals and other toys, the soft blankets and all the furniture. "Oh Doctor...look at these!" She gasped, walking over to a rack of tiny little dresses. 

He chuckled, "Look at that! It's a miniature dress, how cool is that!" 

"It's hard to believe they're going to be this little." She murmured, examining the tiny shoes that were on display beside the dresses.

"Well, they might be just a little bit bigger. Infant Time Lords tend to be a bit bigger than infant humans" He pointed out. 

"Really?" She looked up at him, her eyes wide. "Delivering the two of them is certainly going to be  _ fun _ now, isn't it..." 

"Yes." He winced at the image in his mind. 

She frowned, "I can't say I'm really looking forward to that." 

He kissed her forehead. "I wish I could do something about that. But River, you are one of the strongest people I know. I sure you'll be fine" 

She smiled weakly, "And it'll all be worth it in the end." 

"Of course it will." He glanced over at a nearby stand. "Oh look!" He ran over and picked up the item, spinning to show River. It was a onesie with a little bow tie printed near the collar. "Can we get it? Pleeease?" 

She rolled her eyes, but couldn't bring herself to say no to his hopeful face, "Fine, but only if I get to pick out the rest of the clothes." 

"Deal." He'd never argue with River's fashion sense. She smiled, pressing a kiss to his cheek before beginning to pull clothes off the racks and handing them to him. He took them, putting them in a basket. 

It was about thirty minutes before they moved on to other section of the store, arms full of the tiny cloths. She looked around at the furniture around them, a bit puzzled as to where to start. The Doctor peered at the choices. "You know, we might only need one crib. We could reuse my old one." 

She nodded slowly, "Yes, we could." She felt a bit overwhelmed surrounded by all the furniture. Picking out the clothes had been fun, but now she didn't know what half the things she was seeing were supposed to be used for. It just reminded her that she had no idea what she was doing. He could hear the hesitance in her voice and looked over to her. She seemed seemed lost looking at the items. 

"River, are you okay?" 

"I...I'm fine." She murmured, although her voice didn't match her words. "Maybe I should leave this to you..." 

"Sure." His smile was warm and inviting. He turned to look back at what there was to get. They already had a rocking chair and one of the cots. The Doctor was faster than River at picking things out and in ten minutes, they had a lovely wooden crib, a bookshelf, and a rug featuring Earth's solar system. She bit her lip, standing off to the side as she watched him pick things out. She had her arms wrapped around herself, still feeling rather out of place and surprisingly insecure among all the things she knew so little about. He was talking to one of the store workers about transporting all of these items that were too large to carry. He kept glancing over to her before thanking the person and strolling back to her. "All set." She nodded slowly, staring at the floor. 

"Do we need anything else?" She asked quietly, wanting to get as much as possible so they wouldn't have to make another trip back, "Blankets or toys or anything?" 

"Nope. I've got plenty of toys made in the TARDIS and some nice quilts, too. Now all we have to do is fit everything through the door." He chuckles happily. She nodded, not laughing along with him as she usually would have. 

"Let's go then." She was eager to get out of the store which was beginning to feel a bit cramped. He noticed but didn't say anything about her anxiousness. The work clerk followed behind them with the heavy items in a roller. She set them next to the blue box, deciding not to question why they wanted their stuff put here and went back to the store. The Doctor made sure the clerk was gone before attempting to push the things through the small door. She moved to help him, momentarily forgetting that she wasn't supposed to lift heavy things, especially this late in her pregnancy.

"No, River. I can do it." He put a hand to her shoulder gently pushing her away. "Plus I'm not letting you lift these." 

"But I want to help." She frowned, stepping towards him again. 

"I know, but your pregnant.  _ Very   _ pregnant and that means no lifting heavy things." 

She huffed, crossing her arms, "Well isn't there something light I can lift?" She asked, looking around at the things they had bought. 

"Well, there's the clothes.." He eyed the large bag of dresses, trousers, skirts, and other things River had picked. She nodded, picking up the slightly heavy bag, moving into the TARDIS. He came into the TARDIS a few moment after her, a bit red faced from getting the things through the door. 

"Are you alright?" She asked, walking over to him and cupping his face in her hands. "Shall I get you some water?" 

"I'm fine" He huffed catching his breath. "Absolutely fine." She pressed a soft kiss to his lips smiling weakly. Her mood had gotten much better after leaving the shop, feeling much more comfortable now. He grinned, glad to see she was feeling better. "What do you say we go and make a nursery?"

She nodded excitedly, pulling on his arm, 'Let's go!"

He pushed the roller along behind her. It was much easier to push when not trying to get it through the small doorway. She hurried down the hall to the nursery, a large smile on her face as she set the bag of clothes down on the floor. He pulled the things after her, a bit out of breath. "You know, I'd never expect you to be that fast while being that pregnant" 

She laughed, spinning around to face him, "Well, I don't let much slow me down." However her fast pace had taken up a rather large chunk of her energy and she collapsed into the rocking chair. 

He chuckled. "Not much huh?" 

She rolled her eyes, pouting "Well I got here faster than you didn't I?" 

"Yes you did." He hopped over to her, giving her a kiss and looking back at the pile of things. "Where should we start?" 

She smiled as he kissed her, looking over at the pile, "I suppose we should start with the crib, yeah?" 

He clapped his hands together. "Right then!" He went back to the pile of things and tugged out the crib. Freeing it from the tangle of other things, it was much lighter on its own. "Where should be put it?" 

"Hmm," She looked around the room, trying to decide on a good spot. "What about right there?" She asked, pointing to the left corner of the room opposite from the door. He nodded, bringing the crib over to the spot. 

"Here?" She nodded, still sitting in the rocking chair, too tired to move. 

"That's perfect, sweetie." 

He grinned, feeling accomplished. "I'll go get the other crib" She smiled, closing her eyes, not bothering to respond. He stepped out of the room, returning not to many minutes later with the old cot. River still sat in the rocking chair, her eyes still closed, seemingly asleep. He took in the picture of his wife. She was so beautiful and he loved everything about her, from her golden curls to her swollen ankles. "River?" He whispered, checking if she was fully asleep. 

"Hmm?" She murmured sleepily, barely awake. She kept her eyes closed, sunken back in her chair.

"I've got the cot" His voice was still lowered. "But if you want to sleep, I can finish here." 

She opened her eyes slowly, "But you've already done so much of this on your own. I feel bad that I haven't been able to help you." 

"No, it's perfectly fine. I'm more than capable of doing this. You on the other hand, you need your rest." 

"But I want to help." She protested, trying to seem more awake than she really felt. 

"Okay.." He said, uneasy. 

She forced herself out of the chair, walking over to him, "Where would you like to put the other cot?" She asked. 

"Are you sure you want to lift that?" Though he knew it wasn't that heavy, it was large and clumsy. 

"Just tell me where you want to put it." She said, disregarding his comment as she moved to lift the cot. He wanted to stop her, but that would probably get his arm broken. 

"The corner across from the other one so they're next to each other" She struggled to move the cot to where he instructed, only halfway to the spot when she set it down, one hand rubbing her strained back. He moved to her, placing her hands on her aching back and massaging. "Told you" 

She began to relax again as he massaged her back, "Oh, shut up." She grumbled, hating that she could barely do this simple task without getting strained and tired. 

"Not a chance" He rubbed for a few minutes before finishing moving the cot for her. "The shelf needs some assembly. You could help with that" He offered. 

She nodded, sitting back down in the rocking chair, "In a minute." She murmured, "My ankles feel like they're going to explode." He went over to her and kneeled in front of her. He took one of her ankles and softly kneaded it. She hummed appreciatively, "You know, you don't have to do that." She murmured. 

"It's my job. And I don't mind at all." He enjoyed making her happy. She smiled down at him, an absolutely adoring look in her eyes. 

"Well it's very sweet of you." He kissed the top of her foot before moving to the next one. She squirmed as his fingers brushed along the bottom of her foot, "That tickles." He raised his eyebrows. 

"Really?" He tickled her again. 

She shrieked, trying to pull her foot away, "Stop it!" 

He was smiling ear to ear. "Now why would I want to do that?" He moved a bit higher, tickling up her leg and back down. River couldn't respond due to her laughed, now trying to kick her feet away from him. 

"Please, stop." She finally managed to say. 

"Fine" He said still giggling. He got off the floor and leaned over to give her a kiss. "I had no idea that you were the ticklish." 

She giggled as she kissed him back, "I'm not  _ that _ ticklish." She protested. 

"Than what did you call that?" He asked. 

She pouted, "You're so mean. And besides, you're much more ticklish." 

"Am I now?" He challenged. 

"Yes you are, I know you are." She stood, her fingers flying to his sides.

He let out a high pitch squeal and jumped back from her. She laughed, practically pouncing on him, knocking them both to the floor. He squirmed and struggled beneath her, but she had him pinned. "Come on, River! Let me go!" 

She grinned, "Never." She proceeded to tickle him, knowing exactly which spots to hit. He jerked sideways, trying and failing to escape her fingers. She giggled, planting her hands on either side of his head, her head hovering directly above him, "Do you believe that you're more ticklish than me now?" 

"Yes! Yes! You win!" He admitted defeat, hoping it would earn him freedom from her grip. She smiled, bringing her head down to press a kiss to his lips, a bit surprised that he hadn't tried to retaliate. 

"That's what I like to hear." He couldn't help but reach his hands up and let them explore through her hair as they kissed. Her smile grew as she moved her head to place light kisses along his jawline. "The nursery can wait, my love." She murmured, her lips now trailing along his neck. 

"But what if Amelia hears us?" 

"Well, I guess you'll just have to be quiet." Her hands moved towards his bow-tie, quickly undoing it and tossing aside. He chucked, up for the challenge. He moved his hands up to begin unbuttoning his shirt.


	9. Hand me that screwdriver

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River and The Doctor easily get distracted from building the nursery... (yes that's exactly what you think it is)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But srysly. Smut warning. Lots of smut. Also an intense cliff hanger.... your welcome?

**Ch 9**

 

She smiled, nuzzling her nose against his neck before moving back up to kiss his lips. She tugged at his shirt as he unbuttoned the buttons, eager to have it off him. He chuckled at her impatience, finding her absolutely adorable. He flung his shirt to the side and reached up to tug off hers. She practically ripped off her own shirt, letting out a frustrated growl as her belly got in the way of her moving further against him. He smiled, loving the way she pouted. He reached an arm up to stroke along her curves, admiring the way she looked. She blushed as she noticed the way he was looking at her. He made her feel good about herself, made her feel beautiful. He took her wrist, placing kisses along it until he reached the crook of her arm. He sat himself  up more so her could trace kisses along her collarbone. Her eyes fluttered shut, loving the affection of his kisses. He moved lower slipping his mouth over or breast. She moaned quietly, leaning more towards him, her fingers tangling into his hair. He brought a hand down to remove his trousers. He tried not to move to much as to not disturb her pleasure. Her chest was heaving, her fingers tightening in his hair. When she noticed him trying to remove his trousers, she moved her hands to them as well, eager to help. They got their trousers off in no time and then their pants. Then it was just two naked bodies in the half built nursery, hers kneeling on top of his. She stared at him for a moment, biting her lip a hungry look in her eyes. "Remember to keep quiet." She breathed in his ear, before lightly nipping at his earlobe. 

He nodded, "You're the one who's going to have trouble not making noise." He teased before lifting her just enough to slip inside of her. She pressed her lips together, already struggling to keep quiet, though she tried not to let it show. A small moan managed to escape her lips as she lightly bit down on the base of his neck. 

"Try me." She breathed. His back stiffened at the feeling of her teeth. Though it didn't hurt, he wanted badly to groan, but he was determined to win. He bucked his hips into her with force that under normal circumstances would make her cry out. She let out a small whimpering squeak as his hips bucked into hers. She knew she was going to lose, but that didn't mean she would just give up, especially since she knew he would fight to win. He continued the motion several times. He was a little upset that all he got out of her was a squeak. 

"I underestimated you." He whispered. 

She smiled, "I guess you'll just have to try harder." She ground her hips down into his. He suppressed a moan, trying to think of what he could do to win this. She gave him a bruising kiss, rolling her hips around on his. Every inch of her body was ten times more sensitive than normal and she knew it probably wouldn't take much more until she broke. He could see her face in concentration of trying not to make noise. His eyes brightened up as he thought of a new way to try and win. In a swift move, but not too roughly, he flipped the two of them over so River was on her back and her leg resting on his shoulders. She sucked in a sharp breath, biting her lip. She looked up at him, her eyes wide, knowing that anything more and she would lose their game, but she had to admit, it was  _ so  _ worth it. He grinned. At this angle he had much more leverage and could move much faster. He began to fly in and out of her the fastest he was allowed with hurting her. She finally let out a loud moan, trying to buck her hips towards his. "I hate you." She said in between gasps, letting out another loud groan as she arched her back up. 

"You're just mad you lost" His voice was breathy and he didn't slow his pace. 

"Oh shut up, you had an unfair advantage." Her nails clawed at the floor, relieved that she could finally make noise. 

"Did I really? And what was that?" He teased. 

She managed to glare at him for a moment, "It's that I'm pregnant and you know that everything's much more sensitive now." 

"I call that an advantage for you, not me."  

"I really do hate you sometimes." She breathed, rolling her hips into his. 

"No you don't " He grunted. Her leg hooked around the back of his neck, trying to pull him closer to her as she drew nearer and nearer to her unraveling. She drew him close enough that he place could more kisses along her belly. Her skin tingled with every kiss and she could feel small movements beneath her skin, hoping Amelia didn't know what was going on. The Doctor seemed to have forgotten about the risk of being caught by their very own daughter. He let out loud groans as he too, came closer to the edge. 

"Doctor..." She hissed, her hands moving to cover her belly, as if trying to shield the children from his loud groans, although they did wonders for her own arousal. 

"Right, sorry" He blushed, shushing his noises. 

"It's alright." She murmured, "It's quite sexy if you ask me." She smirked, wanting to make him blush even more. Her chest was glistening with sweat, her cheeks flushed. 

"You know what I find sexy? You. Down to every curve, you are the sexiest thing I've ever seen." 

"Really?" She asked, beaming up at him, "I'm the sexiest thing you've ever seen?" 

"Really" He confirmed. "Nothing in the universe compares to you." His praise for her had made her cheeks a bit redder, which she hadn't been expecting. 

"I love you  _ so _ much." She breathed, completely loving and adoring. 

"I love you, too. More than you could ever imagine." He grunted as pleasure rose in him. She let out a rather high pitched cry, her head banging against the floor as her back arched up towards him. He grinned at his handy work. Her head hit against the floor again, deciding that she couldn't hold back her volume anymore as she moaned again. 

She felt Amelia kick again, this time much stronger. "She's definitely awake..." She murmured, looking down at her belly. 

He blushed, "Did she.. er.. hear us?" 

"I don't know..." She murmured, her hand running along her belly, "But you'd better keep quiet so she doesn't." He grumbled a bit, not wanting to have to be quiet, but nodded, resuming his actions. She struggled to keep quiet again, finding it even harder than before as she was nearer to her release. He leaned down to press his lips to hers softly moaning into her mouth. She came as he moaned into her mouth, struggling and failing to suppress her moans as her body trembled beneath his. He followed right after her, doing an only slightly better job of staying quiet. He looked at her with a satisfied grin on his face. She smiled up at him, panting. She was exhausted how, having spent all her energy. He pulled out and crawled over to sit next to her and let her regain her energy. 

"You know, Riv. I was thinking,.. maybe we should be planning more for when the babies come." She shivered slightly, resting her head against his knee. 

"What sort of planning?" She asked quietly, looking up at him. 

"Like for the birth. Is it going to happen in the TARDIS? Do you want to be in the bathtub? Am I going to deliver them? Those kinds of things." She made a face, hating to think about the details of the birth. 

"Is there anyone else who can deliver them?" She asked softly, thinking that's she'd prefer to have her husband by her side rather than at her feet. He thought for a couple moments. 

"I had a companion, Martha Jones. Did I ever mention her? She's been training to be a doctor. She won't recognize me though. And there's Jack and his team at Torchwood. They're all experienced in that kind of stuff. " He paused, thinking. "I think you should have a water birth." 

"Why do you think that?" She raised an eyebrow, "And you have mentioned Martha. To be completely honest, I think I'd prefer her, especially with my...history with Jack, I wouldn't want him delivering our children." He nodded understanding. He didn't want Jack near that part of her either. 

"Water births are a lot more comfortable" He explained. "It's more relaxing for you and the babies, it reduces tearing, and there's less clean up afterwards. Plus, it would allow me to be near your head and hold your hand and catch the babies at the same time." 

She nodded slowly, "Well if that's our best option, then it's fine with me." She smiled up at him weakly, "I suppose we should talk to Martha about delivering the twins then." 

"Still not going to let me do it then?" 

"Do you really want to?" She frowned slightly, not really wanting him to do it. However, if it was what he  _ really  _ wanted, then she would have no choice but to agree. 

"I mean, if you don't want me to... it should really be your choice." 

"But I'm asking you, do you really want to do it?" 

"Well... yes. Of course." 

"Well then you can do it." She stood up, collecting her clothes and pulling them back on. He grinned, watching her bare skin disappear under the fabric. 

"So how about that bookshelf. You still up for it?"

She glanced over at him, laughing a bit, "I'm exhausted, but I think we can manage to finish it together before I go take a nap." He hopped up, grabbing his trousers and redressing before pulling out the large box that contained all the wooden pieces of the shelf. She walked over to him, examining the box before opening it, "Now, I know how much you hate it, but we have to follow the instructions." 

"Wha-? But, but... fine" He grumbled, reaching for the sheet of paper and unfolding it. 

"I'm serious about this." She gave him a look, wanting to be sure he would listen to her, "We don't want the book case falling apart and crushing one of our daughters because you didn't read the instructions properly."  He didn't like the thought of that. 

"Right." He said and turned that paper right side up. 

She nodded, "So what do we have to do first?" 

"Connect the base to the... no wait. That's not right. First we but the back on... no, hang on." He turned that paper sideways then back up right. "Ah. Fit together pieces G to A. A to B, B to C, and so on." 

She raised her eyebrows, "And what's that supposed to mean? Which piece is A..." 

"Um.." He handed her the paper and went over to the box. He pulled out all of the many wooden bits and slayed them out on the floor. "They're lettered." He picked up one of them. "This is A" 

"Alright then..." She looked around, finding G. "Here, you should do it." 

"Right, okay" He held the pieces together and looked up at her. "Do we have drill or something?" 

She rolled her eyes, "You're the one that lives here all the time, you should know. I'll go find one..." 

"I think it's by the kitchen. Top shelf of the supply closet, second right then a left." He told her. She nodded, heading off to the supply closet. Several minutes went by and she still hadn't returned. He waited for foot steps, but heard none. "River?" He called. There was no response from her. "RIVER?" He called again, louder. He could hear his voice echoing through the halls, but still no response. He jumped up, hearts pounding. Armed with a sonic, he stepped out of the room, cautiously making his way to where he sent her, still calling her name. There was a loud shout from down the hall, much further from where he had sent her.  "River!" He started sprinting at full speed to where to noise came from, scared of what he might find. Another cry of panic came from where River was, backed up against the wall, her eyes wide with what almost looked like fear. He ran over to her. "River? River! What happened? What's going on? Are you hurt?" His voice was full of panic. 

She looked over at him, staring for a moment as her fearful look melted into confusion, "What are you talking about?"


	10. You Can Breathe Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting chased through the TARDIS is not the easiest thing to do when you're a month away from your due date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a long and more dark/dramatic chapter with a bit of fluff in the middle to even things out.

**Ch 10**

 

"Wha-? River you screamed! You didn't come back and I was calling your name and I heard you scream just a second ago!" He was babbling so fast he didn't even notice the tally marks on his arm. 

She narrowed her eyes slightly, "Doctor, what have I told you about teasing me? I didn't scream, I don't remember screaming."

"I saw you, Riv! With my very own eyes! You were right here, backed against the wall looking over there...." He trailed off, realizing what he had just said. He didn't dare turn his head just yet, though.  

"Right wh..." She trailed off mid-word as she looked back over at the spot. She gripped onto his arm, the panicked look in her eyes returning. 

"River.." His voice was quiet now in best attempts to be calm. "Please tell me you have your gun on on you." 

She shook her head slowly, "I took them off when we came back into the TARDIS." 

"It's okay. We're going to be okay." He gripped his sonic tightly. "When I say so, run." He whipped around and pointed the sonic at the Silent. "RUN!" She didn't register right away that he had said it, frozen in place. He glanced back at her for half a second, expecting her to be half way across the TARDIs already. "River! RUN!" He yelled again. She finally registered what he was saying, running as fast as she could. 

She normally would have refused to leave without him, but she had the twins to think about and protect. There was electrical sound that could be heard from where the Doctor was and a yelp. Footsteps followed behind River as the Doctor soon caught up with her. He was holding his arm tightly to his side. She stopped for a moment, her eyes falling to his arm. "Are you alright?" She asked, her voice full of concern. 

"Yes. Fine, keep going!" He put his arm behind her, pushing her forwards. Though the TARDIS would make it harder for the Silence to find them, they still had to move forwards. 

She struggled to keep up with him, finding it rather difficult to run. Another few feet and she had to stop, gasping for breath. He stopped, too, looking back behind them to make sure the coast was clear. "I think we lost them. How did they even get in here?" 

"I thought..." Her breathing was heavy, "I thought they couldn't get in the TARDIS." 

"So did I..." He trailed off on his thought, turning his attention to her. He came over, gently placing a hand on her back. "You alright? Babies are okay?" 

She closed her eyes, trying to calm down, knowing she had to try not to get stressed. "I-I don't know." She whispered, covering her face with her hands. He looked at her sympathetically. He didn't know which one of them was more terrified at the moment. 

"Here, why don't you sit down." 

She shook her head, breathing deeply. "I'm alright." She lied, not wanting him to worry about her. 

"River, you're exhausted. It's okay, we're safe now. The TARDIS won't let them find us. Please. Sit." 

She shook her head, beginning to pace nervously, "I don't need to sit." She was tense, on guard. 

"Yes you do. Would it make you feel better it we went somewhere more secure?" He asked. She nodded, still pacing. Her heart was pounding, her head spinning. He supported the small of her back and they continued down the hall, praying the Silence wouldn't be around the corner. She was trembling as he lead her down the hall, leaning towards his body for some form of comfort. "River... you're shaking." He couldn't help but point it out, concerned for her well being. They made a left into a room. Of course the TARDIS had decided to put the sickbay here.

"I'm just cold." She whispered, wrapping her arms around herself in a feeble attempt to make her statement look true. He grabbed a nearby blanket and wrapped it as well as his arm around her body. 

"Is that any better?" She nodded, though she was still shaking. She rest her head against him, closing her eyes for a moment. "We're safe now" he repeated. "The old girl knows what she's doing. Look." He pointed a finger to where the door used to be, but was now a wall. "They can't get in here. We're safe." She opened her eyes, looking at the wall. She relaxed a bit when she saw that they would not be able to get in. She pulled the blanket tighter around her, her legs growing weak. 

"Will you sit now?" He asked, seeing that she felt safer. She nodded, taking a few shaky steps to a cot before laying down. "How's your arm?" She asked softly, wanting something to distract her. 

"Nothing some antibiotics and burn cream can't fix." He smiled at her, hoping it would make her feel better. He sat down on the cot next her her and placed his hands on either side of her belly. 

She forced a weak smile, then looked down at her belly, "Do you think they heard any of that?" 

"Maybe. You'll have to ask." He poked back at Amelia when she kicked him. "Amelia is still active. They've shifted their positions, but they're fine." 

"At least she didn't shield herself off." She murmured, relieved when she felt Amelia kick. She looked at him for a moment before closing her eyes,  _ Amelia? Are you alright, sweetie?  _

_ I'm just fine, mum.  _ Came a response _. I was going to ask you that. You sounded scared. Are you okay?  _

_ I'm fine.  _ She responded, though she didn't exactly feel fine _ Get some rest, love.  _

_ Mum.  _ She insisted _. I can't feel your hearts beating really fast.  _

_ It's alright, I'm alright. I promise.  _ She didn't want to scare the poor baby and risk losing contact with her just like she lost contact with Freya. 

_ If you say so.  _ Amelia adjusted herself more comfortably, leaving the subject alone. River swallowed, looking up at the Doctor. 

"What are we going to do?"  She asked quietly.  

"Well, we can't leave here. At least not for a while. Thought the TARDIS will lead them to the main accelerator -they'll be incinerated immediately- that could take a while, up to a full day." He explained. She nodded, reaching forward and hugging him tightly, trying not to make it too obvious that she was seeking his comfort in doing so. 

"But they know I'm pregnant..." She whispered, "What if this happens again." He held her tight, scared that if he let go she'd slip away. 

"I'm not going to let that happen. I swear on my life, I'll will keep you safe." He pulled back so he could stroke the side of her face. "As for you, I think I might need to get you a few more guns." He tried to lighten the mood. She leaned into his touch, trying to suppress the memories she had of their past encounters with the Silence. She opened her mouth to speak, but couldn't find the words, simply shifting her gaze to the floor. 

He wished he could be better at lifting her spirits. Why wasn't he allowed a life free of the fear that someone would take away River? Of course he blamed himself, people he loved always got hurt because of him. The only thing he could do at the moment was hold River and tell her everything would be okay, even if neither of them believed it. 

She moved over so he could lay down beside her, wanting nothing more than to cuddle into him. Her heart still pounded in her chest and her head still hurt, but she tried to push all those feelings aside. He lied down beside her, his chest pressed against her back and arm wrapped around her waist. He placed his head in the crook of her neck, loving how they fit together perfectly. She smiled weakly, her arm draping over his. 

"Do you want to tell Amelia a story?" She asked, secretly wanting to hear his soothing voice. 

"Sure" He thought a moment. "I know a funny one. Once upon a time" He began "Before people were even around, there were dogs. Big ones and small ones. Brown ones and black ones. Tall ones and short ones. And one day. they all gathered around in the big meeting place that dog gathered around in." 

"A big meeting place that dog's gathered around in?" She laughed, cozying into him a bit more. 

"Yes! It was their secret meeting place away from all the other animals! Anyway, so all the dogs from all over the world to meet there. They were all there and getting a little inpatient. Dogs left and right were asking each other" And in a very silly 'dog' voice he said "'Do you know why we're here?' 'No, do you?' 'I have no idea"' 

She couldn't help but giggle at the voice he was making. "Amelia, you're daddy's silly isn't he." She smiled, feeling a rather strong kick in response. 

He chuckled too. " Finally, a bulldog came up in front of everybody and announced: ‘Some of you have wondered why we have gathered here. We are here to chose a dog president!' The dogs all looked at each other and all started talking at once. 'Chose the grey hound! He's fast!' 'He's fast alright, but he can't fight!' 'How about the bull dog! He can fight' 'He can fight but he's got stubby legs, he can't run!' And all the dogs began arguing about who should be their president." 

She closed her eyes, her heart beating a bit less rapidly by now, her headache slowly disappearing as well, "So who did they pick?" She asked. 

“I'm getting there" He grinned glad she was enjoying the story too. "So they were all squabbling and such when the smallest stinkiest dog in the way back of the crowd popped up. 'Why not the dog who smells best under their tail?' Everyone thought this was a good idea so that all started sniffing each others tails. 'Pew! Not you!' They sniffed and sniffed, but no one smelled nice under their tails. That is why, to this day, dog sniff beneath each others tail when they meet." He concluded. 

"That was absolutely ridiculous." She giggled, smiling up at him. 

"Hey! I thought it was quite brilliant!" 

"Well Amelia certainly seems to have enjoyed it." She noted, looking down at her belly. 

"I thought she might. I told you that story when you were a baby. You loved it." 

She raised an eyebrow, "Did I really? I don't remember it." 

"Well, you  _ were _ only a child." 

Her smiled faltered, "Yes, you're right. I don't remember much of being a child anyway..." 

"That's good I suppose. I don't think you'd want to remember.” 

She moved a bit away from him, not saying anything for a moment, "Yes...but I wish I could forget the parts I do remember." 

"River... " He didn't know what to say. He would've just blocked those off too, but memories are part of what makes a person themselves. The memories of Kovarian, no matter how horrifying, were part of River. Taking them away would change her. If he had asked if she wanted him to block the memories, she would have declined the offer anyway. She understood that she was the person who she was today because of all the things that had happened to her, and she wouldn't change that. However, at times like these, her past frustrated her, and she wished that she didn't live in constant, hidden fear that something would happen again. 

"What?" She asked. 

"Nothing..." He shook his head, not realizing that he had been staring. "You just look quite adorable when you're thinking." 

She closed her eyes, trying to rid her thoughts of the painful memories, "Thank you." She whispered, wrapping the blanket a bit tighter around herself. They curled into each other once again. 

"You should sleep. They'll be gone by the time you wake up"  

"I don't think I can." She murmured, too paranoid to let her guard down. Everything that had happened had made the wall he created around her nightmares come crumbling down. 

"I'll be right here. The whole time. You have nothing to be afraid of." He said, not quite understanding. 

She shook her head, "I don't want to go to sleep."

"Why not?' He asked gently moving a curl away from her forehead. 

"I just...I'd rather be awake." She whispered, looking away from him. He knew that that was a lie. After all the things that happened today, the ... shenanigans... and the running and lifting things, he knew she'd probably want nothing more than to sleep. He thought a long moment before putting two and two together. 

"They're back, aren't they." She thought about answering truthfully, but decided against it. 

"No, they're fine. I just don't want to go to sleep right now." 

"River, don't lie to me." 

She moved so her back was to him, "I'm not lying." 

"You just ran half way across an infinite ship  _ and  _ you're a month away from your due date. I am fairly sure that you'd love a nap right now." He pause moving her put an arm around her. "So maybe it's not nightmares. But there's something you're not telling me."  

She tensed as he touched her, "I'm fine." She insisted, not wanting to worry him. 

He hugged her closer. "If you insist, but I wish you'd go to sleep." 

She flinched as he hugged her closer, "I  _ really _ don't want to." 

"Okay" He sighed. "Be we still have to wait out here a few hours. What would you like to do?" 

She shrugged, "What do normal human couples do together?" 

"I've never been in a normal human relationship. You might have to refresh my memory." 

"I haven't been in a normal relationship in hundreds of years. All I can remember is watching movies, playing games, making food...I was much younger then..." 

"There was someone before me? Do tell." He said excitedly. River hardly ever talked about her time as Mels. 

She scoffed, "I'm not really in the mood to tell you about my ex-boyfriend. I don't really want to re-live that part of my life right now." 

"Some other day then." He got off the bed and went over to the back of the room. "I don't know what I can do about movies, but there is a very convenient mini-fringe. Probably the TARDIS's idea." He reached inside and pulled out some cold cuts, fish fingers, and custard. "Oh look! It's got fish fingers and custard!" 

She tried to hide her smile, "Really, sweetie?" She stood up and walked over to him, "Is there anything else in there?" 

He looked back in the fridge. "Um.. wow, she really packed a lot in here. Pickles, deviled eggs, mashed potatoes, milk..." He started listing. 

Her eyes grew wide, "Deviled eggs? Oh, I want those." She said eagerly. He pulled out a tupperware full of deviled eggs and handed it to her while taking the fish fingers and custard for himself. She hummed happily as she munched on the food, walking around the room trying to find something to do. 

"I doubt there's much to do." He said through a mouthful of food. "It's only a sickbay." 

She tried to hide her yawn, "Well it doesn't hurt to look." She made a face as he spoke with a mouthful of food. 

He set down his food coming up behind her. He rested his head head on her shoulder. "Find anything?" 

"No." She mumbled, leaning back against him. "Nothing really." 

He kissed the side of her head. "Then what are we to do then?" 

"We could talk..." She murmured, her body leaning heavily on him with exhaustion. 

"Sure. Why don't you sit down." He could feel her putting her wait on him more and more. 

She nodded, sitting down on the edge of a cot, looking up at him through eyes heavily lidded with sleep, "What do you want to talk about." 

"How beautiful our children are going to be." He smiled, sitting next to her. She laughed, resting her head against his shoulder. 

She winced, placing a hand on the top of her belly. "She's kicking me in the ribs." 

He leaned down to her belly. "Amelia, no kicking your mother. She's had a long day." 

She sucked in a sharp breath as Amelia kicked her again, "It's alright, she doesn't know any better. " 

He rubbed the spot he saw the small foot appear. "That's why we have to teach her. No kicking." 

She watched him rub the spot, "She'll shift positions in about an hour, that seems to be what she likes to do." Amelia kicked hard against his hand, making River wince. 

He bent his head down to kiss the spot. "You should really tell her to stop." 

She shook her head, "It's fine, really. She just gets excited when you're around." 

"It's no reason to hurt you." He insisted. "Amelia, I see you, you can stop kicking your mother now." 

There was nothing for a few moments, "I can feel her shifting now." River murmured. 

"That's good." He smiled kissing her cheek. "She’ll stop kicking you now." 

She nodded, "Doctor, I know you said you wanted to deliver the babies, but do you even know how to do it?" She had been thinking about it since they had talked. 

"Yes... mostly. I, mean, I've never actually done it..." He scratched the back of his head. "But I've been doing a ton of reading in the last few months." 

She raised her eyebrows, "Are you sure you're going to be able to handle it?" She was a bit anxious about the whole process, and him not being sure of himself would only make it worse. "I don't want you reading a book while I'm pushing." 

"I won't!" He defended. "I was even going to take a class with the Sisters of the Infinite Schism." 

"And when exactly where you going to do that?" She asked, "I'm due in a month, that really isn't much time." 

He fiddled his hands together not really having an answer to that. "I should call Martha..." 

She took his hands in hers, "You don't have to do that if you don't want to, I just want to make sure you're going to know what you're doing. I'm...worried, I don't want anything to go wrong.” 

"Nothing is going to go wrong, I promise." He looked up at her, still hopeful. "Tell you what. Once we get this at sorted out, there's this parenting class we could go to. It's in two weeks and actually right before the class I was going to take." He looked down at his hands. "I mean.. If you want to. You might not." 

She smiled weakly, "I'd love to go." She kissed him softly, "And I promise to wear the filter of you want me to." 

"Well, it is a class for expectant parents. You don't  _ really  _ have to..." He thought a moment. "Though you probably actually should, now that I think about it." 

She nodded, "It's better to be safe than sorry, especially after what happened today..." He nodded, agreeing with her. 

He looked over as the door reappeared. "I think they're gone now." 

She looked in the direction he was looking, seeing the door reappear, "Are you sure?" She asked, still a bit tense. 

"I doubt she'd put the door back unless they were gone." He looked back at her. "Positive." 

She pushed herself off the cot, moving towards the door. "Could we go back to the nursery?" 

"Sure." He smiled putting an arm around her waist. She was near exhaustion at this point, instantly melting against him. "You sure do don't want to go to bed?" 

"Actually, bed sounds very nice." She mumbled, her eyes fluttering shut. He guided her to their bedroom, happy that she was finally agreeing to sleep. She stumbled along beside him, forcing herself to stay awake for just a little while longer. He helped her get situated in the bed, with really didn't take much since she was hardly awake to begin with. She flopped down on the mattress and he just had  to tuck her in. She snuggled into the blankets falling asleep almost instantly. He snuggled in to bed next to her, scooting so he was right up against her. He didn't actually realize how tired he was until now. She subconsciously curled into him, her whole body relaxed. Sleep came easily for him. 


	11. Without you I can't survive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You'd think a simple birthing class would be simple. Unless you add the words 'Doctor' and 'River Song'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, things get pretty intense. I'll try not to spoil too much, but the Silence are involved in this chapter too. Which of course coupled with the Doctor and his extremely pregnant wife is not the best situation. Also school is starting to I'll be updating a bit less frequently.

**CH 11**

 

The next day they finished building the nursery, Silence free. Thought they were on edge, the days passed quickly enough, full of reading to the babies, finding new food combinations, and figuring how the Silence got in there in the first place which was a proving difficult to figure out. The Doctor tried to push that to the back of his mind as he waited in the console room for River so they could go to their class. A loud, frustrated cry could be heard from the wardrobe room. River's belly hadn't stopped growing and it was getting rather difficult for her to find something to wear the bigger she got. Today especially had had her on the edge. It was the first time she was going to leave the TARDIS since the Silence had invaded, her hormones were worse than they had been in a while and it was taking her forever to find something that fit properly.

"River? Everything alright in there?" He called down the hall, though he had already started walking towards the room. 

"No! Everything's not alright!" She shouted, picking up on of her heels and throwing it at the door before going back to trying to yank up the zipper of the obviously too small dress she had on. He ducked at the flying shoe before entering the room. 

"Let me help you with that." He goes over to her and attempts to zip the dress. As he tried to zip the dress, the zipper broke. River just stared at the reflection of the broken zipper in his hand for a moment before bursting into tears. She normally would have laughed at crying over such a frivolous thing, but with her hormones the way they were, she was reduced to tears. "Oh River. He put a hand on his shoulder. "Riv, don't cry. W-we can get a new dress..." He tried to pick words that wouldn’t make her more upset. 

"But I'm huge!" She sobbed, "Nothing fits anymore!" She looked over at the pile of dresses that had also proven to be too small earlier. It seemed like half the contents of the wardrobe was in that pile and seeing it only made her cry harder. He pulled her closer, letting his shirt get soaked with her tears. 

"River... You're carrying twins, it's supposed to be like this." He stroked the sides of her belly. "Plus, I think you're the perfect size.”

She sniffled as the stream of tears began to slow, "But I'm ginormous." She protested, glancing over at her offending reflection in the mirror. 

"You're beautiful." He insists. He walks behind her so she can see the mirror in full, still keeping his arms around her. "You're pregnant, not fat. Look. You are still stunningly gorgeous. I think you are what they had in mind when they thought of the term 'glowing'" She stared at her reflection, biting her lip as she listened to his words. 

A weak smile began to appear on her face as she did her best to pull herself together, "That's very sweet." She whispered. 

"It's 100% true." He snaked his head around to place a kiss on her cheek. 

Her smile grew as she let him press his lips to her cheek. "Thank you.." She murmured, "But that still doesn't help my problem of having nothing to wear." 

"River, we live in an eleventh dimensional machine that exists through all of time and space. You really think she doesn't have a dress that fits?" 

"Well I haven't had any luck finding one." She huffed, crossing her arms. 

“Maybe she just doesn't want you to leave." He snickered, wondering why the TARDIS would ever dare to challenge his pregnant wife. He went back over to the closet and rummaged through it. 

"She doesn't want me to leave so she'd rather make me miserable? Well isn't that sweet." She said sarcastically as she watched him rummage through the closet. He said something that was muffled from inside the closet. He soon emerged with a black dress. It was decorated with tiny blue beads near the bottom. They looked almost like stars. 

"Try this." She took the dress from him, hesitating a bit before trying it on. 

"Will you zip it up for me?" She asked, worried that it wouldn't fit like all the others. 

"Of course." He moved, pulling up the zipper until it reached the top. She kept her eyes closed, refusing to look in the mirror. 

"How does it look?" She asked. 

"Absolutely amazing." He said to her ear. 

She opened her eyes, smiling as her gaze fell upon her reflection, "It fits..." She beamed, turning to see the whole dress. He enjoyed seeing her happy. He had become a lot better at comforting her. "Thank you!" She hugged him tightly, kissing his cheek. 

"We'll, I can't take all the credit." He smiled "And you're still missing something." 

She frowned slightly, "What am I missing?" He reached into  his pocket and pulled out the perception filter. 

"This." She sighed, taking the filter from him. As much as she hated wearing it, she did promise him she would. He fastened in behind her neck. Though they could still see the large curve of River's belly, if any one else looked, all they'd see was her flat stomach. She smiled weakly, running her hands along her full stomach. "Ready to go?" He asked, placing his hands on hers. 

She took a deep breath, nodded, "I'm ready if you are." 

He smiled. "Well then, come along Song." He took her by the hand leading her out. She hesitated a bit as she stepped out, a bit worried that there would be some type of threat outside the doors. A breeze was blowing. It wasn't strong, but enough to make the grass sway. The class was at a hospital of course. The tall building could be seen at the bottom of the hill they were on. A green moon, the universal sign for hospital, was painted on the side of it. 

"Are you sure you want to do this?" She asked, staring at the hospital, trying to convince herself that it was one of the safest places she could be. 

"You could stay in the TARDIS if you don't want to come." He said. "But if I'm delivering our children, I want to know what I'm doing. So yes. I'm sure I want to do this." 

She closed her eyes, "Alright then, let's go." 

They walked into the hospital, him keeping a protective arm around her waist. They went up to the desk clerk. "Hi, we're here for the 10:00 class." River was on guard for any signs of danger and barely heard him talking to the clerk. She felt like everyone was staring at her and she wrapped her arms protectively around her belly.

"River? Are you listening?" The Doctor was trying to get her attention. 

"Sorry what did you say?" She asked, his question bring her attention back to him, "Were you talking to me?" 

"I said it's on the eighth floor. Elevators are this way." He looked at her a bit confused. 

"Alright..." She noticed the look he was giving her, "What?" She asked.

"Nothing. You just seem... distracted." She waved him off, "I'm fine." She murmured, heaving towards the elevators. 

"Right." He decided to leave it, following after her. She was still rather anxious as they walked up to the class and she fidgeted a bit the the perception filter around her neck as they approached the door. "You ready?" He asked, noticing her anxiety. "The parenting class is only fifty minutes and then it goes straight into the other bit." 

She nodded quickly, "Yes, of course I'm ready." There were already a few other couples in the room. All of them having an obvious baby bump. River probably would win the 'who has the biggest belly' if any could actually see hers. The instructor helped them get situated at one of the tables. She noticed that all the other women in the room seemed to have much smaller stomachs than she did, which only soured her mood even more as she sat down at their table. 

The class went by quickly. Or at least for the Doctor it did. He kept glancing over at her and she looked like she wanted to leave. The part about parenting was a basic ‘how to’ sort of thing. The second part covered a variety of topics starting with the basics of delivering a baby, then moving on to how to deal with things like a breach or if the cord was around it's neck. He he winced a little, hoping that wouldn't actually happen. River's face grew progressively paler as the instructor went on about all the complications, especially in twin pregnancies. She wasn't worried about her own safety as much as she was about the two children. 

When the class ended, they didn't get up immediately. He took her hand in hopes of offering a little comfort. "None of that's going to happen, Riv." 

She squeezed his hand tightly, "But you can't be sure of that..." She whispered, "I...I want them to be safe." 

"They are safe, I’m sure of it. They're in good position and they are Time Lords after all." He rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb. "It'll be alright." 

She let out a shaky sigh, leaning forward and hugging him tightly, "I hope you're right." 

"Me too." He said under his breath. "How about I make you a nice cup of tea when we get back?" 

"I'd like that a lot." She smiled softly, pressing a kiss to his cheek. As she looked up at the doorway, her smile faltered for a moment. 

"River?" His eyebrows furrowed. 

Her grip on his hands tightened considerably, then released, her eyes moving back to meet his, "Sorry...I just thought...I thought I saw something." He looked behind him to see an empty doorway. "I don't see anything..." He looked back at her. "But best to have your guns at the ready. Just in case." 

She went to retrieve one of her guns, only to find the spot where she had placed it empty. She swallowed, "I want to go back to the TARDIS right now." 

"Come on." He stood up. "Where's your gun?" 

"I-I don't know it's not here." She took his hand, pulling him towards the door. They moved quickly to the elevator. 

"Do you have a second one?"  She checked for the second, only to find it gone too. "I know I had them..." She murmured. They stepped into the elevator. 

He pressed the closed button repeatedly. "We need to get out of here." Her heart began to pound as the elevator lights dickered above them. She clutched onto his hand. He instinctively wrapped his arm around her. He scanned the elevator with his sonic. The lights flickered again and her heart skipped a beat. 

He looked at the readings. "The Silence. We are too vulnerable in here. We have to get out." He soniced the button panel to make the elevator stop. Her heart began to pound as the elevator lights flickered above them. She clutched onto his hand. He managed to pull the doors open and wedge himself between them so they wouldn't close. "Go!" 

She looked at the rather small opening, the flickering of the lights becoming more frequent, "I don't think I can fit." 

"We don't have much of a choice." He pushed the doors open as much as he could. "Just try." 

She tried to force her way through the doors, but could barely manage to get halfway through, "I can't...I'm sorry I can't." 

He released the doors, running a hand through his hair. "Okay... not good..." He wreaked his brain for an escape when the lights went out, staying that way a few second before coming back on again. He reached out for River, securing her in his arms. "Stay close to me." 

He could probably feel her heart pounding as she clutched onto him. "What are we going to do?" She asked, her whole body trembling. 

The lights went out again.

"I don't know" He said, still looking around. "There's always the escape hatch..." He pointed up. "But I don't think..." 

"What? What is it?" She asked, glancing up. 

"Elevators have door on the ceiling."  He gestured to the top of the elevator which had its    escape door already open. He looked back down at her. "I think something's gotten in." 

She froze, her eyes growing wide, "Doctor..." She whispered, looking to the corner of the elevator. 

"No..." He followed her line of sight to the creature in the corner. His grip around River tightened. He had no weapons, no way of protecting his family, but he'd be dead before he let them touch her. Electric sparks shot out of the creature's fingertips and River shrieked, not wanting her husband to get hurt. The Doctor pulled out his sonic, keeping the electricity at bay momentarily. "River, get out of here!" 

"How?" She cried, looking for some way out of the elevator. "There's no way to get out." 

"I-I don't know, can you get the door open again?" She moved away from him slightly to try and open the door. As she was struggling to force the doors apart, another wave of electricity was shot in her direction. 

The Doctor jumped to block her from the electricity. Some of it was redirected from the screwdriver, some of it hit him, but despite his attempts, the Doctor could not block all of it. She let out a pained cry as she was hit, her whole body trembling with the shock. "River!" He instinctively turned around to make sure she was okay. Seeing her shaking sent fear and panic through his veins. He knew they had to get out of there. Now. 

With strength half powered by adrenalin and half by terror, he pried the doors open far enough for both of them to fall through.  

She dragged her body out of the elevator, gasping for breath as her body crumpled to the floor. The door closed, keeping the Silent inside the elevator. 

The Doctor ran to her side "River!" She was shaking like a leaf, gasping for breath. "R-River..." Hot tears streamed down his face as he looked over her burn wounds that covered most of her body. "Th-This is my fault. This always happens, I shouldn't have brought you here..." 

She couldn't hold back the tears that threatened to spill over, "It's not your fault..." She whispered, trying to push herself up, only to collapse again, "I just want to go home..." 

"I'll get you there. I swear." Tears blurred his vision, but he looked around. There weren't any people around, just a dead nurse. They still had a floor to go before they could get out. Not knowing what to do, he lifted her up and moved as fast as he could out of there. 

Her breathing as still frighteningly unsteady, and she was still shaking like crazy. She was beginning to feel light headed, her body going limp in his arms. "No no no! Hang in there River! We're almost there!" He wasn't sure if she even heard him. 

It was a mad dash to the TARDIS, but the Doctor reached it in minutes. Although it only took him minutes to reach, River was completely unconscious by the time the Doctor carried her into the TARDIS. "Come on River! Stay with me!" He ran to the sick bay, laying her down on the bed. He was able to examine her wounds more thoroughly now. Large burns covered her right side. There was a laceration there to with he proceeded to put pressure on. 

She let out a grunt of pain as he put pressure on her wound, the pain pulling her back to consciousness. "Oh god, River." Though he was relieved that she was conscious, she was still badly hurt. "I'm so sorry." He choked out as yellow light started emitting from his hands. 

"Doctor?" She murmured, still confused as to what was going on, "What's happening?" She looked at his glowing hands, "What are you doing?" She tried to push his hands away from her. He kept them in place despite her protests. The light grew brighter before it dimmed. River's soft skin was underneath his fingers instead of the burns.


	12. My Only Sunshine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I scared you there didn't I? Yeah, sorry. Anyways... I guess this starts with angst and gets fluffy as well as hurt/comfort. Also smut warning. Again, not that great at writing smut so don't judge...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SO SORRY FOR THE LACK OF UPDATES!! School started and it's incredibly stressful. I'm giving you two chapters at once because I feel bad. And guess who's going to be born with in the next few chapters? Get excited everyone!

**CH 12**

 

He pulled his hands away and looked up at her. "I thought I was going to lose you." 

"Doctor! What have I told you about using your energy on me? It's a waste, it's stupid and it's irresponsible!" She moved to slap him, angry that he was wasting years of her life on her. 

"Ow!" He rubbed his now red cheek. "It was not irresponsible!" He rebutted. "Those burns were covering over 70% of your body! And would almost definitely have gotten infected! You could barely breathe and you were going in and out of consciousness! I couldn't give you any medication because you're pregnant, the best I could've done is burn cream. Maybe it was stupid, but it was worth getting slapped for." 

"But you know that I hate it when you do that! Now what will happen when you need that energy? It won't be there because you wasted it on me!" She made to slap him again.

This time he blocked her, catching her by the wrist. "I'll can't promise that I won’t use it on you. Just like you can't promise to stay out of danger." He smiled. "But I'll do my best to use medicine before resorting to healing you." 

She tried to pull her wrist away from him, "I'm still angry with you..." She whispered, looking away from him. She almost wanted to stay angry, since it was keeping her mind from thinking about what had happened in the elevator. 

"Angry at me for saving your life. I can live with that." He kissed the back of her hand. 

Her eyes grew wide and she clutched onto his arm, "Are the babies alright?" She asked frantically, the realization that something could be wrong with them suddenly crossing her mind. He pulled over the ultrasound and examined Amelia. freya would still be safe since she was shielded off. "Is she okay?" She asked, watching him closely, praying that nothing was wrong and that she hadn't shielded herself off. 

"She's a bit weak from lack of oxygen." He looked up at River's worry etched face. "She's okay, River, she's fine. You just need stay on bed rest for a few days so both of you can regain some strength." 

She closed her eyes to hide the tears that filled her eyes, " Will you help me to our bed?" 

"Sure." He gently got her out of the cot and put an arm around her waist, supporting her as the walked. She leaned against him, mostly letting him lead her back to their room. 

"Why does this happen to us?" She whispered once she was settled in bed. 

"I.. I honestly couldn't say." He stroked the side of her head. That was a lie. He blamed himself. He always blamed himself. Everyone who ever got close to him got hurt because of him. It was his fault. 

She leaned into his touch, "It's my fault, isn't it. I should have been more careful, more protective..." She turned her head so he couldn't see the tears that slipped down her cheeks. 

"No, River. If anything it's my fault. I convinced you to come to the class." He looked down at his hands. "This always happens. Everyone I love or care for always gets hurt because of me. I ruin their lives. I get them hurt, I lose them. They're fine before they meet me." He didn't exactly realize that he was saying this out loud. She turned to look at him, her heart breaking for him. 

"That's not true." She whispered, leaning over and hugging him tightly, "This isn't your fault, nothing is your fault because you know what? The people who travel with you, their lives become so much better because of you. We get to see amazing things that nobody else gets to see. We all know the risks, but we choose to accept them because you make our lives so much better." 

"Really?" He had begun to cry again. 

"Yes, of course." She smiled weakly, brushing the tears away from his cheeks, pressing a kiss to his forehead, "I love you." 

"I love you, too. More than I can hold in my hearts." He held her close, not wanting to let go. 

She pressed another kiss to the side of his head, holding him tightly. "The girls love you too." 

He smiled. "I almost wish they could stay in there forever. Safe and sound. Protected from all of the things we have to face." He paused. "But then again. I can't wait for them to arrive." 

She laughed, "Well I'm certainly glad they're coming out soon. Being pregnant is rather frustrating. I can't do half the things I could normally do, and the hormones are driving me mad." 

He shifted so he was laying next to her. "I think it's cute when you're mad." 

She raised an eyebrow, "Cute? Cute isn't exactly what I want you to be thinking when I'm angry with you." 

"You're not always angry with me. And when you are, I'm definitely terrified." 

She giggled, moving so she could rest her head against his chest. "Terrified? Am I really  _ that  _ scary?" 

"You've obviously never been slapped by an angry pregnant woman." 

"I'm sorry, my love. I didn't realize I hit you so hard, I didn't mean to. Do you need me to kiss it better?" She teased. 

"Yes please." He just wanted an excuse to kiss his wife. She smiled, kissing the spot where she had slapped him, then kissing his lips. He kissed her back, running a hand through her soft hair. "River Song. My River Song. You are positively the most wonderful thing in the universe." 

Her smile grew and she pressed her forehead against his, "That's not true,  _ you're _ the most wonderful thing in the universe." 

"That makes our children the most amazing because they're half of both of us." He pointed out. 

Her smile faltered as she looked down at her belly, "Do-Do you think I'm going to be a good Mum?" She asked, biting her lip. 

"Of course you're going to be a good mum. You're going to be a great mum!" He told her. 

"But why do you think that?" She looked up at him, looking rather worried. 

"Because you're already a good mother. Even though they're not born yet, you've took care of them, protected them, and loved them with all of your hearts. And that's what great mother's do." 

She smiled weakly, cuddling more against him, "I'm afraid I'm not going to be good at all those things once they're born. It's easy now because they're right here, but once they're born...I don't know, I just don't want to ruin their lives." 

"Well nobody's life is perfect. There are bad things, but there are also good things. There's running and laughing and fish fingers and custard. You'll be a great mother River and the best thing about parenting is that you don't have to do it alone. I'll be here and we can figure it together." 

She nodded, not even realizing that tears had started running down her cheeks, wetting his shirt. "I'm sorry, like I said, my hormones are driving me mad." She whispered. 

"It's okay. It's fine." He rubbed her back. "It natural to feel like that. I'm nervous and I'm not even pregnant." 

She sniffled, the tears still sliding down her cheeks, "Really? You're nervous?" 

"Of course I'm nervous. I haven't been a father in hundreds of years. They get to spend all of their time with you. And what if they don't like me?" 

"Of course they'll like you. They love you already." She took his hand and placed it on her belly, "Amelia tells me all the time how much she loves it when you talk to her and she can feel your hands." She smiled softly, drying her tears, "They love you  _ so  _ much." 

He beamed. "We're going to be amazing parents." His face lit up when he felt Amelia's small foot brush against his hand. 

"I hope you're right." She smiled when his face lit up. "You think your Dad is going to be wonderful at raising you, don't you sweetie?" 

_ Absolutely! But what's a 'fish fingers and custard'?  _

She laughed, _ It's food that your Father seems to think is delicious.  _

_ You seem to think the opposite.  _

_ Yes I do, it's not very good if you ask me, but don't tell your father I said that, he'll only get defensive.  _

_ It'll be our secret!  _ She was excited to have a little secret the the Doctor didn't know about. 

"What are you two laughing about?" 

"Nothing." River giggled, knowing that it would frustrate him, "Just a little secret between me and Amelia." 

"Are you planning something? I don't like being teamed up against." 

"We're not planning anything." She said innocently. 

"Don't make me come over there." He growled playfully.  

"If you really want to know, you're going to have to make me tell you." She giggled. "Yeah well maybe I will." He moved up so he could kiss her. She kissed him back, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt and pulling him down against her. He exclaimed a little surprised a to sudden movement but quickly gained his balance. 

She pulled back, smiling up at him, "I'm still not telling you." 

"Is that a challenge. Dr. Song?" 

She shrugged, "Maybe. What are you going to do about it?" 

He smirked. "Do you really want to know?" 

She raised an eyebrow, "Yes I do."

He kissed down her body until he reached her thigh. He settled between her legs, hiking up the skirt of her dress and pausing to take in the sent of her. She stared down at him, her chest already heaving with anticipation. "Last chance. Are you going to tell me?" 

"In your dreams." He moved his head closer to her and began licking her. She tried to hold back groan, "Doctor..."

He grinned against her skin. He lapped up her juices and sucked lightly on her clit before maneuvering his tongue inside of her. She let out a cry of absolute delight, trying to grind her hips down into his tongue. He went deeper making sure sure no part was left untouched. She moans grew progressively louder, much louder than they should have been with Amelia right there, awake and listening. 

He pulled out. "River, either you're going to have to be quieter or I'm going to have to stop." 

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'll be quieter. Just don't stop." Her heart pounded as she looked at him pleadingly. He smiled, resuming his actions, a bit more forcefully. She let out a little yelp as he started harder this time, trying her hardest to keep quiet. He moved his long fingers inside of her, moving them in and out as he continued to lick her. Her hips bucked towards him as her nails clawed at the sheets. 

"You know, i-it doesn't matter w-what you'd-do, I'm not t-telling." She managed to say. 

"Oh really? And what if I stop all together?" He pulled his fingers out closed his mouth. "Will you tell me now?" 

She sat up so she could see him properly, a frown painted across her lips, "Well now I'm definitely not telling you."  

He thought a moment. He smirked mischievously making River shift in anticipation. In a swift move, he plunged his fingers back into her and curled them in just the right way. River cried out in pleasure, not bothering anymore to be quiet. He ground his tongue against her clit harder than ever sending her all the ways over the edge. She called his name over and over as her pleasure washed over her leaving her body quivering. 

He grinned, crawling back up next to her and kissing her cheek as she caught her breath. “Tell me now?”

She smirked and rolled over on her side, pulling the blankets up to her chin. “Never.”

It wasn't long before she fell asleep, nestled with her back against his chest. 


	13. Surprise.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All I have to say is fluff. So much fluff. These guys are so damn cute!

**CH 13**

 

The Doctor tried to keep her entertained for the next couple of days. Bed rest was 'boring' as River had put it, no matter how many chess games they played. The Doctor came into the room with tea mugs in his hands. He didn't bother to turn in the light. He sat down on the edge of the bed, placing a kiss to her forehead. Today River was finally allowed out of the bed other than to use the bathroom and he was wondering how she'd react. 

She grumbled as she awoke, yawning and looking up at him. "Morning." She murmured. 

"Sleep well?" He asked, snickering at her not wanting to wake up. 

She glared at him, obviously not in the mood, "What are you laughing at?" She struggled to push herself into a sitting position, crossing her arms across her chest. 

"Nothing. Here." He handed her the warm tea. 

Her glare melted away as she took the tea, "Thank you." She let out a small grunt of discomfort, pressing a hand to the base of her stomach. 

"You okay?" He asked, concerned. 

She nodded, rubbing her belly lightly, "I'm fine, it's just Braxton Hicks contractions. They happen occasionally, it's like my body's way of getting ready for the real labor." She knew he would panic if she didn't explain. 

"Oh." He said, calming down. "Right. Of course." He shook his head, snapping himself out of his thoughts. 

"Are you alright?" She asked, rubbing his arm lightly. 

"Yeah. I'm okay. I'm the king of okay." He insisted. "And you are even better because today you're off bed rest." He hopped off the bed and extended a hand. 

Her whole face lit up at his words, "Really? I can finally get out of bed?" She took his hand, pulling herself out of bed. 

"I'm surprised you didn't remember when you woke up." He gave her a kiss. 

She kissed him back, wrapping her arms around his neck, "Well, I forgot. It feels so good to stretch my legs."

"Come on. I've got a surprise for you." He said excitedly. 

"Oh a surprise? What is it?" She asked, her excitement matching his. 

"If I told you it wouldn't be a surprise now would it." He bopped her on the nose before leading her to the nursery. 

She giggled, letting him lead her to the nursery. "Do you want me to close my eyes?" 

"No. You might trip." He paused before the closed door. He glanced back at her and opened it. Inside the rug, which used to have nothing on it, was strewn with toys like stuffed adiposes, wind up cybermen, and even a mini TARDIS. "I make most of them" He said. 

River stared at all the toys for several minutes, one hand covering her mouth. "Oh, Doctor..." She breathed, walking into the room and picking up a few of the toys to look at them, "You made these?" She asked, almost in disbelief. "They're amazing." 

"Well, I had some spare time." He beamed, feeling rather proud of himself. "And I thought that when we tell the girls about our adventures, they'd like a visual." 

She hugged him tightly, "Thank you." She whispered, "That was so thoughtful of you."

"I do try." He chuckled, hugging her back. She laughed, squeezing him a bit more before finally letting go. 

"Well you're certainly in a good mood." He pointed out. "Enjoying being out of bed?" 

"I'm loving being out of bed, and I think you would too if you had to sit in bed and do nothing for days." 

"Oi! You had things to do! I thought those were very fun chess games." 

"Really? That's not what you were saying when I was beating you." She crossed her arms. 

"Well.. I -er-  _ interesting _ might be a better word for it. You're to only one who's beaten me in a very long time." 

She smirked, "Maybe it's because I'm smarter than you." She teased. 

"That doesn't make me not cleaver." He blushed a bit because he knew she was right. 

She giggled, kissing his red cheeks, "You're not even going to argue about not being as smart as me?" 

"Maybe.. Yes.. no.. well yes.. but you are .. I mean... smarter..." 

She laughed again, "Alright, alright. Now need to get all flustered." 

"I can't really help it. You make me speechless." He smiled. 

It was her turn to blush now, "Oh, stop it." 

"It's true though." He kissed her cheek. 

She beamed nuzzling her nose against his shoulder, "You're so good to me." 

"It wouldn't be any other way." 

She laced her fingers in his, "You know what would make me  _ really  _ happy? If you and I went into the kitchen and had some nice, warm, freshly made chocolate chip cookies for breakfast." 

"Cookies for breakfast? Alright." He chuckled. "They might take a bit." He said as he started for the kitchen. 

"Mmm, I don't mind." She trailed along after him. 

He started pulling of ingredients and setting them on the counter when they got there. She set the oven before moving to start making the cookies. "Will you grab the flour?" He asked as he started mixing the milk and eggs. She nodded, taking the flour out of the cabinet and opening it for him. She took a handful of the flour and threw it at his back, giggling. "Hey!" He exclaimed turning around "Why'd you do that?" But he was already grabbing the flour and tossing it back at her. 

"Doctor!" She cried, reaching to grab another fistful of flour, throwing it at his chest. The impact caused it to cloud in the air. He reached a hand in the mix of eggs and milk and flicked it at her. She gasped as the mix hit her, she took the bag of flour, dumping half to contents onto him. 

"Oi!" He practically looked like a ghost. He grabbed her by the waist and wrapped his arms around her, getting the flour all over her. 

"You're ruining my dress." She protested, though she didn't make any attempt to move out of his arms. 

"You started it" He laughed. "I don't know if there's enough to finish the cookies." 

"Well then we'd better make an emergency trip to the store to get more then because this most certainly is an emergency." 

"I don't think we have to go out. The TARDIS can provide some." He said, not wanting her to go outside. 

"Are you sure? It might be nice to get out of the TARDIS for a little while..." 

His smile faltered a bit. "I... I don't want you leaving the TARDIS, River. I know you want to, but the Silence are watching us more than ever now. I want you to be safe." 

She stayed quiet for several minutes, her face falling. "I'm sorry, you're right." She sat down in one of the kitchen chairs, her head in her hands.

His hearts ached for her. "River... It won't be like this forever." He knelt down in front of her, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Hey. It's going to be okay."

"But it  _ will _ be like this forever." She whispered, clearing her throat to keep her voice from breaking, "Once they're born, they'll still be in constant danger. I just...I'm sorry." 

" _ We've _ always been in danger. Before you were pregnant, before we even knew each other. And we still have adventures and dates without being shot at." He took her hands, holding the firmly in her lap. "It'll be the same. One day, maybe not soon, but soon enough. We'll all be able to go out as a family and be safe. We just have to be patient." 

She squeezed his hands, looking down at him with a sad smile, "I want to be able to take the girls on adventures one day. I want them to see all the amazing things that you've shown me. I know that we'll have to wait a while, but  it will be worth it, I know that." 

He returned the smile, looking a little more hopeful than she was. "Well then, how about those cookies?" He looked over his shoulder at the  messy kitchen. 

"Mm, yes I'd really like to get back to mak-" She stopped talking, squeezing her eyes shut, a look of discomfort coming across her face as her hands moved to her belly. 

"River!" He whipped his head back around, his face etched with concern. 

"It's alright, I'm fine." She assured him, opening her eyes to look at him, "It's just Braxton Hicks again." 

"A-are you sure?" He remembered how she looked earlier when she had a Braxton Hick, but this one looked stronger than that. Maybe it was just his imagination, but he couldn't help but worry. 

"I pretty sure." She didn't want to worry him, she wasn't positive that it was only a Braxton Hick, but she wanted to be sure before she started making him panic. He nodded and breathed out slowly. He really shouldn't be that panicky, but he could help it. 

"Right. Cookies." He tried to get focused again. "Shall we start again?" 

She nodded slowly, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you like that... Are you alright?" 

"Yeah... yeah. Absolutely. I'm great." He waved off the question going back to the shelf. "Promise not to throw food at me this time?" 

She laughed, "I don't know if I can promise that." She didn't get up from the chair, watching his flour covered back. He chuckled, but knew that she probably wouldn't. In no time, the cookies were in the oven and he set the timer for ten minutes before sitting across from her. It only took a few minutes for the smell of fresh baked cookies to fill the room. 

River stood up, walking over and sitting in his lap, "This is much more comfortable." She smiled. 

He placed his arms around her. "Indeed. I still can't believe you'd want cookies for _ breakfast.  _ Oh, we should have ice cream to go with it!" He seemed pleased with the idea. 

Her face lit up, "Oh! That's actually a lovely idea. We could have green tea ice cream!" It was a bit of an odd request since she typically hated green tea. 

"Since when did you like green tea?" He raised an eyebrow. Though one of his favorites, he could remember her making disgusted faces at the mere mention of it. 

She shrugged, "I'm  _ really  _ craving it now. I thought all my intense cravings were supposed to be gone by now." 

"Timelord pregnancy." He reminded her. "There are a lot of differences between this and that of a human pregnancy, though most of them are small.” 

She raised an eyebrow, "Are there any differences in labor that I should know about?" 

He thought. "Well, some women complain about feeling a strong ache between contractions that’s similar to what they felt when they had braxton hicks. It’s not very common and I think it had to do with the baby’s position.” He scratched his chin, pondering about it more in his head. 

"Hmm, interesting." She slid off his lap, walking over to the oven, "Are our cookies almost done? I'm starving." The timer beeped before he had a chance to answer. He grabbed the oven mitt. 

"Watch out, this'll be hot." He opened the oven and pulled out the pan.  River gripped onto the counted as he removed the pan from the oven, suddenly feeling another contraction. Her knuckles were white as she held onto the edge of the counter, though her face was calm, not wanting to alarm him of anything that was happening. He set it onto the counter, oblivious to River's white knuckles. 

"Voila!" He smiled, looking at her. 

She forced a smile which ended up looking more like a grimace, "Would you mind getting the ice cream for me?" She asked, though she was closer to the fridge, she didn't want to move because of the rather harsh pain. 

"Sure." He walked over to retrieve the ice cream, giving her a suspicious look as he passed her. 

"Why are you looking at me like that?" She asked, finally relaxing as the contraction passed. 

"No reason.” He shrugged, setting the bowls and spoons beside the pint of ice cream. "You just.. Nothing." 

She dished out the ice cream for them before beginning to eat. It was only ten minutes later when she felt another contraction, she was taken a bit by surprise, the pain showing on her face this time. 

He paused his eating, an ice cream mustache on his upper lip. He jumped up and was at her side. "River..." 

She grabbed for his hand, needing something to grip onto, "I-I don't think these are Braxton Hicks anymore." 

"Why didn't you tell me?" He winced at the strength of her grip. 

"I didn't want to scare you." She murmured, not even noticing him wince as she fought through the pain that had progressively gotten worse. 

"I'm not scared.” That was a bit of a lie, but he would be brave for her. “If anything I'm excited." He bent down again. We're about to be parents." 

"I'm scared..." She admitted, biting her lip as she stared at him with wide eyes. 

He stroked the side of her cheek. "I've never met a new parent who wasn't."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said: Welcome to the babies. Yes, there will be a birth scene, and it will be somewhat graphic. I kind of didn't know where to end this chapter because I want to post the birth all in one chapter. Much excitement!


	14. Right by your side for as long as I live

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the universe little songs! So yes, long chapter in which we finally meet the two that you've been waiting for. Wasn't sure if it was a good cut off point, but I covered the birth so enjoy! And I know the birth goes by quick, but it's hard to draw it out. [Please see notes!]

**CH 14**

 

She smiled weakly, shutting her eyes, "We need to get ready. We need blankets, towels, scissors and all those other things they told us about at the class." She really hopped he had remembered since she didn't. "

Clamps and a bulb suction." He finished the list for her. "Don't worry. It's all taken care of." 

"It is?" She asked, of course she was worried, she had been worried about this moment ever since she had found out she was pregnant, "You seem so calm." 

"Well once you've had a false alarm or two, you get the hang of how to react." He tried to look as reassuring as possible. "Can you walk?" 

She nodded, "I think I need some help getting up though."

He held out a hand for her. She took his hand, managing to get up with his assistance, then moved towards the door. He supported her weight as they walked through the halls. The bathroom was one of the big ones with a tub big enough for at least five people. The shelves were already stalked with the earlier listed items and the tub already full at the perfect temperature. She stripped off her clothes, eager to get into the water since she know it would relax her muscles. 

"Doctor..." She said, pulling her hair up before sliding into the tub, "You said that my connection with Freya would come back when I went into labor..." 

"Yes, I did." He perked, having momentarily forgotten about that. "Can... can you hear her?" 

"I don't know." She murmured, closing her eyes to try and see if she could hear the baby. 

_ Mummy?  _ The voice seemed kind of timid and unsure. 

She smiled when she heard the voice,  _ Hello Sweetie.  _

_ Mummy, what happened? It was really, really quiet. Even Amelia was quiet.  _

_ You were just...um, sleeping for a while, but everything's alright now. Daddy and I are all ready to finally meet you.  _

_ Is that why it keeps getting so cramped?  _

She laughed _ , Yes sweetie, that's exactly why.  _ Another contraction hit, making her let out a small whimper in pain. 

The Doctor had been getting supplies off the shelf. He put them down next to the tub and was at her side again. It was rare that he ever heard River whimper. She squeezed his hand tightly, trying to suppress another whimper. "Breathe, River." He instructed. She took in a few deep breaths, trying to remember what the instructor in the class had been trying to teach them about breathing. "Good." He kissed her forehead. "I know it hurts, but you've got to remember to breathe." 

She nodded, "I know, I know." Her contractions were getting rather close together, and she tried her hardest not to groan too much. 

He stroked her hair, "Do you want me to come in with you?" 

Her head rest against the ledge of the tub so she could look up at him, "If you want to." He slipped out of his clothes, leaving his boxers on and sat behind her in the tub, tracing circles on her belly. She lay back against him, her head resting beneath his chin. She tried to relax before the next contraction hit, her body tensing as her nails clawed at the sides of the tub. He could feel her skin grow tight under his fingertips with the contraction. He did his best to sooth her her, whispering sweet nothings in her ear and reminding her to breathe. Just the sound of his voice comforted her a great deal, but she still let out a pained moan.

"W-We need to check how far d-dilated I am." She breathed, her nails digging into the palms of her hands. He nodded, shifting to the front of her, between her legs. He tried not to look to squeamish as he checked her dilation. She closed her eyes, resting as she waited for him. He held his fingers up about seven centimeters apart. "This much. That's only seven centimeters, though." 

"What do you mean only? I only have to be 10 centimeters, right?" She looked a bit alarmed, wanting the pain to be over as soon as possible. 

"Yes. I guess we have to wait a bit longer." He resumed his position behind her. "But if you feel the need to push, you should listen to your body." 

She readjusted herself against him. "Trust me, I will." She groaned rather loudly as the next contraction came, feeling a bit of pressure building. He reached over the side of the tub and grabbed a cloth. He dipped it in the water and ran it along her forehead, wiping away the bit of sweat the had started to form. "Thank you." She managed to say, trying to breath through what seemed to her like constant pain by this point. 

Twenty minutes later the pressure was much stronger and close to unbearable, "I think I have to push." He stayed where he was, but put his hand under her thighs to help hold her legs apart. 

"Then push." 

She gathered up all her strength, beginning to push with a loud moan of pain. “Nghh!”

"That's it, good!" He cheered her on. She whimpered again as she kept going, willing it to be over soon. 

He leaned forwards a bit to peer down between her legs. He could see the small bump of one of their daughters crowning heads. He didn't know which one, though he had a hunch that it was Freya. "The heads almost out, River. You can pause." 

She collapsed back against his chest, her chest heaving and her face flushed deep red. He ran the cloth along her forehead again, pausing a moment and keeping it there longer. "Just relax." 

She looked up at him through tired eyes, "She's almost here." She whispered. 

"Almost." He repeated knowing that she still had to get through the rest of this then do it all over again. 

"I'm surprised you're so relaxed." She took a deep breath, preparing to push again, "I thought for sure you'd be panicking the whole time." 

"So did I" He murmured. "But panicking would've just made everything more stressful than it needed to be." He was also making an effort to stay calm for River's sake. Being calm seemed to help her stay calm too. 

She nodded, understanding. She started to push again, biting her lip as she tried to find something to grip onto. Everything felt like it was burning and she tried to hold back a cry of pain that ended up sounding like a strangled groan. He let go of her legs and held her hands, holding them tightly against her shoulders. She clutched onto his hands, trying to keep up her breathing just as he had been instructing her to.  Within the next few pushed, the head fully emerged. The Doctor moved his hands down between her leg to support the head.

She didn't want to stop and rest at this point, but had to ask, "Have you got her head? Does everything feel alright?" 

He nods. "She's fine. Neck is clear." He assured her. "River, I can feel her little ears and nose!" He said excitedly. "Do you want to feel?'

She nodded, relieved that there was nothing wrong. He reached one of his hands up to take her and lead it down to their child's face. "Oh, Doctor..." She breathed, her fingers lightly floating along the small features. 

"You’re so close, just a few more pushes." She nodded again, the feeling of the baby motivating her to push even harder than before.

He could feel the shoulders slip out. "That's it, one more push!" She let out a strangled cry as she pushed one more time, finally feeling the rest of the baby's body slip out. He brought her to the surface, simultaneously reaching for the bulb suction for her mouth and nose. The infant let out  a loud wail as soon as the suction was removed. River stared at the newborn for a moment, her expression absolutely amazed. 

"Wow," was all he could say for a bit. Freya waved her arms about, smiling up at her parents who seemed completely dazed that they had made a whole other person. 

"She's precious." River whispered, looking down at the Freya's adorable smiling face. "Hello there, darling." She smiled back down at her. 

_Mummy! It's much roomier out here. But you better not make me do that again because it wasn't very comfortable._ Though there wasn’t much, Freya had a small tuft of strawberry blonde curly hair on the top of her head. 

"Don't worry, sweetheart, you won't have to do that again." She smiled, holding the tiny baby close to her chest. 

The Doctor was peering over her shoulder wearing a ridiculous smile. "She looks just like you!" 

"Do you think so?" She continued to smile down at the baby, unable to take her eyes off of her. 

"Yes. Well, except for her eyes. She's got my eyes. " He pointed out, giving River a kiss. 

"She's perfect." She whispered, holding the baby a bit closer to her in an effort to keep her warm. 

"Oh. Here." He handed her a tiny hat that they usually make babies wear to keep warm. 

She put the hat on her, then kissed her forehead, "Do you want to hold her?" She asked. 

He bit his lip. "What if I drop her? I tend to be clumsy with these kind of things..." 

She smiled up at him, "You won't drop her, just relax." She turned, gently placing Freya in his arms, "Now, mind her head." She was small enough that he could hold her in one arm. 

"She's so tiny."

River beamed and reached for the scissors and clamps to cut the cord, "She is..." She ran a finger along Freya's tiny arm, "It's so nice to finally see you, my love." 

Freya smiled up at them with tired eyes and yawned, nuzzling into the Doctor's arms not noticing that her mother was cutting what had connected them to each other for the last eight months.  _ I like being held by you guys.  _

_ " _ Oh, are you sleepy? Doctor, maybe we sh-" She was cut off by a sharp pain in her belly, groaning and clutching her stomach. He reached his spare arm for her to hold, mindful not to disturb Freya too much as she drifted to sleep. 

"Breathe." 

She clutched onto his arm, breathing deeply. "I don't know if I can do this again." 

"You can, River. I know you can do do this." He wrapped Freya in a blanket and placed her in a basket that he had gotten when he was getting the supplies and faced back towards River, placing his hands on her arms. "You are one of the strongest people I know. You can do it." 

She whimpered loudly, pressing her forehead against his chin, "I knew it wouldn't be fun, but I didn't think it would be this painful." He hated seeing her in pain, especially when he could do nothing about it. 

He reached his hand around her and put pressure on her lower back. "Does that help?" 

She wrapped her arms around his neck, breathing shakily, "Yes, that actually helps a lot." He continued massaging her back, glad he could be more useful than just sitting there. She groaned again, trying to lean back into his hand to get more pressure on her back. He pressed a bit harder, obliging to her request. "I wish I could do more for you." 

"D-Don't be silly, y-you're doing p-plenty." She panted, sweat collecting on her forehead and chest. He kissed her forehead, not moving his hands. 

"You are so strong. I would never be able to do this." 

She laughed weakly, "I think you would be able to." She murmured. 

"Maybe if it was an alternative to you being in pain." 

She shook her head, "But I couldn't bare to see you suffer." 

"Nor I you. But I don't think it quite counts as suffering if you get a family at the end." 

She groaned, rubbing her belly, "I agree, but it would be really nice to just get the family without the pain." 

"I can't make it painless, but I can try my best to ease it." 

She shook her head, "I'm alright." She murmured, tensing as she felt another contraction. 

"You are amazing." He corrected. "Absolutely amazing." 

"Doctor..." She breathed, sweat running down her forehead, "Something doesn't feel right." 

His felt a pit of fear in his stomach. "W-what is it?" 

She moaned, clearly in much more pain than she had been during the last contraction, "I-I don't know, but I know something's wrong..." 

"Okay, um. Okay." He wasn't panicking. Definitely. Not. Panicking. "I have to check her position." He told her before reaching in and feeling for Amelia. She groaned, laying back, her breathing heavy. "River..." He looked back up at her. "She's... she's transverse. She's sideways." 

"So what- what does that mean? What's going to happen?" She groaned again, trying hard not to let in turn into anything louder. 

"I have to turn her until she's facing the right way with out getting her tangled it the cord." He said, trying to remember everything they had learned about breech or transverse babies. "It's going to hurt..." 

She swallowed, trying to hide the fear in her eyes, "Okay, okay then do it." She would do anything to make sure the baby would be alright. "Just make sure she's okay." 

He took a breath, praying he wouldn't screw this up and cursing himself for the pain he was going to cause her. He reached in a bit further, getting a good grip on Amelia and began maneuvering her. 

“Uugh!” She tried to hold back her cries at the pain that surged through her core, finally sobbing out in pain. She was starting to bleed, trying her hardest not to cry out any more, not wanting him to feel bad. 

"O-okay..." He brought his hand back up. His hearts beat fast when he saw that it was coated in blood. "Push!" 

She whimpered, struggling to push, the color draining from her face from the blood loss. "Come on, Riv! You can do it, push!" He put a hand to steady her shaking legs. She fought against the pain, doing the best she could to bare down. He looked up at her exhausted face "Okay, good. Relax a moment." 

She fell back against the side of the tub, feeling rather light-headed, "Is she alright now?" 

"I think so.. Yes." He nodded. "But this bleeding is rather concerning." 

"W-what bleeding?" She asked, unaware of what was happening, although the water in the tub was starting to turn very,  _ very  _ red. 

"You're... Oh, god." He ran a hand through his hair, as he looked at the water. "We need get this baby out. Now." 

"D-Doctor, w-what's going on." She murmured, looking at him through exhausted, half-closed eyes. 

"I don't... I don't know!" He didn't know if it was Amelia or River that was bleeding but he had a good reason to assume it was River. "Push!” 

She resumed pushing, gripping onto the sides of the tub, hardly suppressing her cries. He caught the head as it slipped out. "Almost there! Keep going!" 

She shook her head, "I can't, I can't do it anymore." She cried, her face had paled even further. 

"Yes you can, River. You can. You can make Daleks run in fear and you can defeat whole armies. You can do this." 

Encouraged by his words, she bore down once again, her cry closer to a scream. “Aagh!!”

The tiny body slid into the Doctor's hands and he brought the baby above water. "Is she okay?" River whispered, her curls matted to her forehead. 

"She's perfect." His fears disappeared for a moment as he stared down at Amelia. 

"Good...good..." She murmured, her eyes closing and her breathing shallow. He quickly cut the cord and wrapped her in a blanket, placing her next to her sister. 

"River...? Open your eyes." With this much bleeding, he couldn't be sure whether she was resting or not. She didn't respond to him, just sank a bit deeper into the red water. "River!" He rushed to lift her back up. "Come on, River. Stay with me!" 

"I'm...I'm so tired." She murmured as he lifted her, her whole body pale from the amount of blood she had lost.

"J-just hang in there a little longer..." He scooped her out of the tub and wrapped her in a towel before rushing to the medbay. 

"Doctor...the babies..." She didn't really know what was happening, but she was aware that he was taking her out of the room, taking her away from the two newborns. 

"They're alright" He put her on the bed and sprinted back to get them, returning less than a moment later. He set them down in two small glass cots and was back by her side. She managed to smile softly when she was him return with the children, her eyes fluttering shut again. 

"No no no!" This wasn't supposed to happen. Not like this, not here. It wasn't supposed to be like this. He hooked her to a blood I.V. but she was losing blood faster than he could give it. She started to wake again as he hooked her up to the I.V. She had no idea what was going on, completely out of it. She looked over at the children longingly. 

"Can I hold her?" She asked hoarsely, wanting a chance to hold Amelia. 

"N-no, not yet. " He felt terrible that he was denying her that right. She was weak and he wasn't sure she could even lift her hand without shaking. "I still have to stop the bleeding." 

"I'll be fine." She insisted, still looking at Amelia, "I really want to hold her..." She whispered, her hands were shaking though she was unaware. 

"I know... I know. But it's important that I make sure you're okay first." He examined her with the ultrasound. "I-it looks like you ruptured an artery..." 

"W-What does that mean?" She asked, her teeth chattering. 

"It means you're going to bleed out if I don't stop it soon" His head was pounding, but he was able to think straight enough to get medicine. It was clear fluid in a large syringe. 

"What is that?" Her whole body was visibly trembling now, she closed her eyes, "Promise me you'll take care of them. Promise me they'll be safe, and nothing will happen to them." 

"River, you are not going to die." She couldn't die. He'd seen her die and though that day was still coming, that day was not today. "I promise they'll be safe and I promise you'll be there to see that. This... this should stop the bleeding." He hoped. 

"You're going to be the best father in the universe, do you know that?" She looked up at him, smiling weakly. 

"But I can't do it without you. I won't do it without you." He glanced down, relieved that the bleeding had begun to slow. 

She reached for his hand, squeezing it lightly, "If you had to, you absolutely could do it without me. But you don't have to worry because I have no intention of leaving you just yet." 

"Ever. Don't leave me ever." He pulled her into a hug, not realizing that there were tears on his cheeks. 

"It's alright, my love." She whispered, seeing the tears on his cheeks, "I promise, I will never,  _ ever _ leave you." Of course she knew nothing about the Library and that one day, she would break her promise. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for not updating! School is a mess and I need to get all the new chapters in one place! I'll probably bee updating once a week now. Also sorry for the death scare, but I bet it leaves you all wondering about the Library! Yes, there will be tons more to this story, it does not in any way end here. In fact, we're not even at the half way mark! There are a few more chapters of baby Freya and Amelia before a time skip, but I'll warn you again when it happens. Comments please?


	15. My corner of the sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Time Lords learn what it's like to be a parent to two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very long chapter, guys. Not sure if I should apologize for that or not. Prepare yourselves for the next chapter because the feels will start getting really intense. But for now, have some family and fluff.  
> Also I know I mentioned this before, but a million million thanks to my awesome co-writer Bea. They play an amazing River and is just an amazing person in general.

**CH 15**

 

He held her close, hoping that perhaps doing so would somehow prevent that day from ever happening. She kissed the side of his head, the color starting to come back to her skin. "I love you." She murmured, holding him as tightly as she could. 

"I love you, too. More than my hearts can hold." He pressed their forehead together, wanting it to stay like that. His family safe and River alive. 

She smiled, kissing the tip of his nose. "You know, as much as I love sitting her and cuddling with you, I would really like to hold my daughter now."

"Oh, yes. Right." He hopped off the bed and retrieved Amelia and Freya who were starting to wake up. She held her arms out to take Amelia, though her hands were still a bit shaky. He handed her off to River and sat next to them, holding Freya. 

"She was worth the trouble." 

"She certainly was" River smiled down at Amelia, running her finger along the baby's cheek, "Hello there, little one." 

Amelia made a sleepy sort of noise and yawned, still tired from her nap.  _ Hello, mumma.  _

She looked up at the Doctor, beaming, "She's absolutely beautiful." 

"I can hardly tell them apart. I bet they'll take advantage of that when they're older." He chuckled. "Though Amelia does have your eyes. At least we can tell them apart that way." 

"And she has your nose." River kissed her forehead, cradling Amelia a bit tighter as she nestled into her chest. 

"I presume that's a good thing?" At least they didn't have his chin. 

"Yes it's a good thing! It's better than getting this!" She teased, poking his chin. 

"Oi! It's not that bad! Is it?" 

She laughed, leaning in for a kiss, "Well, I think it's quite adorable, but I don't know if they would think so if they inherited it." 

He smiled against her lips. "I'm glad she has your eyes. I love your eyes." 

She looked up at him, her eyes sparkling, " You do? I didn't know that." 

"Of course I do! Did I not mention that? They're like the ocean after a storm. They're absolutely beautiful." 

"Thank you." She beamed, pressing another kiss to his lips before looking down at Amelia. "Did you hear that, my love? Daddy thinks our eyes are like the ocean after a storm." 

_ Will you take me and Freya? I've never seen one, what does it look like? _

"Of course we will, but not until you're just a bit older." She looked down at her tiredly. "I think maybe you and Freya should go down for a nap, you've had a very busy day" 

_ So have you. I heard you yelling. Are you okay? _

"I'm perfect now that you're here." She whispered, then smiled up at the Doctor. 

He smiled back at her. "You need to get some rest." 

"Can I stay in the nursery? I can sleep in the rocking chair, that way I can stay with them." 

"I'd rather you in here. You still have to recover. But if you really want, they could sleep in here with you." 

She nodded, "That would be lovely. You'll stay too, right?" 

"Absolutely. I wouldn't be able to sleep without you." 

She looked back down at Amelia as the newborn drifted off to sleep, "Do we have any extra blankets? It's a bit cold in here." 

"Yes, I think so." He pulled a couple blankets from the closet, handing one to River and putting the other one the couch next to the bed where he was going to sleep. 

"Why are you going to sleep all the way over there?" She moved over a bit so there was some space beside her, "You can sleep in the bed with me. There's enough room for both of us as long as we squeeze." 

He lay down next to her on his side so they both fit perfectly. She smiled, practically glowing with happiness with her whole family surrounding her. "Well, will you look at that. We did it. We made a family." 

She laughed, looked over at the two babies whom had been placed back in the small beds, "We certainly did." Her smile faltered for a moment, "Do you think my parents would have been proud? Do you think they would have been happy to have grandchildren?" 

"Absolutely. Though, I think Rory would've tried to come at me with his sword." He said, moving his arms around her. 

Her smile slowly returned, "Don't worry, I wouldn't have let him touch a hair on your head." She kissed him softly, nestling in his arms. 

"Amy would've been ecstatic."He chuckled at the thought of the squealing redhead. 

She smiled sadly, "I bet the would have loved to be here right now." He thought back to the day they lost Amy and Rory. He remembered the note. 

"River... the note, it said they never saw me again..." 

"I know, my love, I know." She soothed, pulling him closer to her, kissing the top of his head. 

"No, Riv. It said they'd never see  _ me  _ again It didn't say anything about not seeing you." 

"Haven't we already talked about this?" She whispered, not wanting to get her own hopes up, "How am I supposed to get to them? We can't bring the TARDIS back there and there is a good possibility that if I tried to use my vortex manipulator it would end...unwell to say the least.” 

"We can't bring the TARDIS to 1939. But they lived years after that. I could drop you off anywhere in their timestream after that year. Think about it, River. It could work!" His face was lit up with excitement about the idea. 

She stared at him, still so afraid to get excited about something she wasn't sure could work. "Doctor...I-I don't know." He rubbed her arm, his tone a bit more gentle. 

"We could at least try. I mean it's worth a shot." 

She hid her face in his chest, breathing shakily, "I don't know if I can..." She whispered. He moved his hand to her back, making circles. 

"You don't have to if you really don't want to. How 'bout you sleep and we talk more in the morning?" 

She nodded slowly, "I think that's a good idea." He pulled the blanket a bit tighter around them, enjoying her touch. 

She fell asleep soon after, cozied up in his arms. However, several hours later she was awoken by the screaming cries coming from first Freya then Amelia. The Doctor was already jumping up and picking up Freya when Amelia started wailing. River stumbled out of bed, almost collapsing on the floor due to her still weak legs. She quickly pushed herself up, moving to pick up Amelia. "It's alright, darling. Mummy's got you, you're alright." She murmured. 

"You okay?" He asked, making sure she wasn't hurt. She nodded quickly, more concerned about the children then herself. 

"How is she?" She asked, nodding towards Freya, while still trying to calm Amelia. He bounced her up and down a little. 

"She's okay. Just a little upset." He glanced at Amelia "Probably hungry."  

"Amelia probably is too. Alright, my loves, alright." She breathed, sitting down on the cot and adjusting her top so she could feed Amelia. He shifted his weight, still bouncing Freya, her sobs had turned into quiet whimpers. "Now...umm...I don't really know what I'm doing..." River murmured, cradling the infant to her breast. He came over next to her and looked down at what she was doing. 

"Here. It's like this." He readjusted both of them until Amelia latched on. 

She watched in silent amazement as Amelia nursed, "Oh, Doctor..." She breathed. He could help but chuckle at the fact that she was amazed by such a little thing. 

"It's easy once you get the hang of it." 

"Yeah..." She murmured, still looking down at Amelia lovingly. Freya's whines grew a bit louder. 

"I think someone wants their turn." He smiled. 

She looked up at Freya as Amelia finished, handing her off to the Doctor, "Will you burp her for me while I feed this one?" She asked, taking Freya from his arms, pressing a kiss to her forehead. 

"Sure." He patted Amelia's back, not really noticing that he was bouncing. She looked up once Freya had begun to nurse. 

"Doctor! You're going to make her spit up if you bounce her like that." Amelia let out a soft whimper, then a noise that sounded very much like she was going to spit up. 

"Bounc-...? Oh." He stopped moving his knees. "I didn't realize I was even doing it." 

She shook her head, "It's alright, I just don't want her to get sick." Amelia made another whimpering cry. He continued lightly patting her back, careful not to bounce this time. 

"Why is she upset?" 

"I-I don't know..." River looked a bit concerned. Amelia made a few more cries before letting out a tiny burp, settling down right after. 

He giggled, "Such a fuss you make." He lifted her up holding her above his head and beaming before holding her back in his arms. Amelia gave him a toothless smile, gurgling happily. River smiled as she watched them, gently rubbing Freya's back.

He looked back at River, happiness radiated from his expression. He was so glad that They were okay after the complications. "How are you feeling?" 

"Better." She whispered, even though she was still incredibly sore and completely exhausted. "Holding these two makes  _ everything _ worth it..." 

"So... about what we talked about last night. What do you think?" He asked, hopeful. 

Her smiled faltered, "Doctor...I really don't know. I know it seems like a wonderful idea, but it would mean just having to say goodbye all over again..." 

"I know. You're right..." He recalled the many tears shed that day. "What'd she say? When you went to her to get the book published, I mean." 

"She asked a lot about you, how you were doing and all..." River tried her best not to be bitter about it all. She hadn’t actually seen her mother since Manhattan and had to get the book published through someone else. Her parents had left the afterword for the Doctor, but nothing for her. "She said she missed you, but they were happy with their new life too." 

He smiled, imagining Amy and Rory laughing together in a coffee shop. It hurt less and less when he thought about them now. "I'm glad. Shame they won't be able to meet these two, but I guess that's just how the universe works." 

"Yeah...I guess so..." She whispered, unable to pull the sadness out of her tone, not matter how much she tried.

He crouched down in front of her, still trying to maintain the happy mood. "Hey... What's wrong?" 

She shook her head, trying to recover her happiness, "Nothing, I'm fine." 

"Are you sure?" If something was bothering her, he thought it best to be said now and not later. Thankfully for her, Freya started fussing in her arms, giving her an excuse not to answer his question. 

"What's wrong, my love?" She asked, stroking the baby's curls, trying to hush her. 

_ My tummy hurts.  _ She whined. 

"Alright, it's alright." She breathed, gently rubbing Freya's belly, trying to sooth her. 

She hummed happily.  _ That helps. _

She pressed kisses to her tummy, happy to hear that she was able to make her feel better. "We should get you and your sister washed up.” 

_ A bath? I want bubbles!  _ She said excitedly. 

She laughed, "Alright, come on then." Freya waved her arms about eagerly. The Doctor followed behind her. River was a bit unstable on her legs as she walked down the hallway to the bathroom. 

He snaked an arm around her shoulder, steadying her a little. "You alright over there?" 

"I just feel a bit...lightheaded." She leaned against him, holding Freya close. His expression quickly turned more concerned. 

"You should take it easy." She almost laughed, not one to 'take it easy.' 

"I'll be fine, sweetie. Could you start running their bath for me?" 

"Sure." He slipped into the bathroom, hesitant to leave her if she wasn't feeling well. She leaned against the wall for support, her face a bit paler than usual as she bounced Freya in her arms. The sound of running water filled the halls and the Doctor reappeared in front of her. "Are you sure you're okay? He came over to her, putting a hand on her arm. 

She nodded, pressing her burning forehead against his chin, "I'm fine..." 

"River, you're burning up!" He pulled a bit away from her, pressing the back of his hand to her forehead. 

"Am I?" She quickly handed Freya to him, not wanting her to get ill if she was contagious. "Take her." 

He took her a bit awkwardly with Amelia and his other arm, still wanting to tend to River. "Why don't you lie down? I'll come check on you after." 

"But I want to help." She protested, "It's their first bath, I don't want to miss it." 

"But you could be contagious. And it won't make you better any faster. You need to rest." 

She grumbled unhappily, but stumbled off to her room, collapsing into bed. The TARDIS hummed around her, telepathically soothing her swimming mind. She lay awake for several minutes, worrying about how the Doctor was handling the twins on his own, among other things. As the hum of the TARDIS grew stronger, she finally fell asleep in a pile of warm blankets and pillows. 

The Doctor was there when she opened her eyes, bouncing the girls on his knees and humming a little tune. She smiled sleepily, staying silent for another few minutes so she wouldn't disturb the scene before her. He finished the tune, smiling like the goof he was and glanced over to River. "Oh! You're awake!" 

"Mmm." She hummed, radiating up at him, still looking rather exhausted. Giving birth to the twins had certainly taken a toll on her health. "How are my girls?" She asked, looked at the two babies on his knees, "I bet they didn't even miss their mummy." 

"They missed you very much!" He told her. "I'm surprised you didn't hear them, they were being very loud about it. Though bubbles did make them feel better." He sat on the edge on the bed. "You feeling better?" 

"Yes, a bit." She smiled a bit more, "So they did miss me then?" She held her arms out to take one of them. 

"Absolutely." He handed Freya to her, letting Amelia explore the space in front of him. He checked her forehead again with his hand. "You're still quite warm." 

"I'll be fine." She murmured, pushing his hand away as she settled Freya in her lap. 

"And I don't doubt that for a second, but I'm still going to make you take your medicine." He bopped her playfully on the nose. 

She raised an eyebrow, looking slightly amused as he bopped her nose, "What medicine? I'm really alright, I don't need medicine." 

"Yes you do, River. You've got a small infection. Nothing major, but you still need some antibiotics." He got up, retrieving them from the cabinet. She rolled her eyes, watching him get the medicine. 

"Fine, but I'm not going to stay in bed all day." 

"Fair enough." He handed her the pills and a glass of water. She quickly took the pills and downed the glass, going back to playing with the girls. He smiled, appreciating that she didn't resist taking the medicine. "You'll have to take them again before bed." He took his place back on the bed, smiling at Amelia's babbling. 

She nodded, not really listening to what he was saying. "Could you get some of the toys you made for them?" She looked very eager to show the girls. 

"That's a brilliant idea!" He jumped up and went to the nursery. He picked up the mini TARDIS, the Dalek plushie, the Adipose doll, and a few other thing. He came back, arms full of the toys. 

River beamed as she saw him reappear in the doorway, "Girls, look what daddy has for you." Freya waved her arms excitedly and Amelia clapped her hands with a happy squeal. River smiled at the girls excitement, "Daddy made these just for you two." She kissed both of them on the top of the head. He set the toys down at the end of the bed, cheeks in a wide grin. They immediately reach for the toys, Amelia going for the Adipose and Freya choosing a Ood. River took the Doctor's hand, pulling him down on the bed beside her before leaning in for a long, loving kiss. His hand caressed the sides of her face as they kissed, loving the feel of her soft silky skin. 

"You are a wonderful thing, River." 

She beamed, pressing her forehead to his, "I could say the same to you, sweetie." He stroked along her cheek, allowing his eyes to wonder over face. Her blissful, loving look was disturbed by a loud wail from Amelia. He glanced down at Amelia to see her face scrunched up and tears running down her face.  

He scooped her up. "Sh, sh... it's okay." 

"What's wrong, my love?" River murmured, looking a bit worried, though there was probably nothing to worry about at all. She wasn't used to things crying for no reason. She just snuggled into the Doctor's chest, not saying anything, but being semi comforted by his touch. 

As soon as Amelia started to calm down, Freya burst into tears. "Don't cry, darling, it's alright." River whispered, scooping her up. He patted her back, enjoying the sight of River holding their child. 

"Twins is going to be tricky isn't it? Soon they'll be plotting against us." 

She smiled weakly, still a bit worried about the twins, "I certainly hope not." 

"At least they don't outnumber us." He joked, sniffing the air. "Oh. I think I know why they were crying." 

"Why?" She asked, kissing Freya's forehead as she continued to sniffle in her arms. 

"They need a diaper change." He lifted Amelia up a to make a confirmation sniff, he recoiled a little at the smell. 

"Oh...umm...alright." She pushed herself off the bed, immediately having to sit down again after feeling light headed after getting on her feet. He came over to her side of the bed. 

"Why don't I do it this time?" He moved to lift Freya from her arms. 

She shook her head, holding Freya a bit tighter, "No, no we're both their parents, it isn't right of me to leave you with all the work." 

"Yes, but you are also still recovering from giving birth and a fever." He insisted, not wanting her to push herself harder than necessary. 

"I promise I'll be fine." She would feel terrible if he had to do everything, even if helping out meant pushing herself harder than she should be. 

"Well..." he kissed her forehead. "Fine. But if your temperature goes up again, I want you resting."  

She rolled her eyes, "Alright, fine." She carried Freya back to the nursery, changing her diaper. He followed, changing Amelia's while managing to keep a straight face. River smiled as she watched him, her love only growing as she watched him parent their children. She pressed a kiss to his cheek once he was finished. "Did I really do that well of a job? I think it might be crooked." He looked at the diaper, deciding whether it was crooked or not. 

"It's perfect, don't worry about it." She smiled, her cheeks a bit flushed with heat. "Very well." 

He smiled. "You're turning all red." 

"I am not." She denied, though her cheeks felt like they were on fire. Come to think of it, her whole body felt like it was on fire. 

He frowned, "Are you okay?" He moved to put a hand on her forehead. 

She quickly pushed his hand away, not wanting him to feel how hot she was, "Yes, I've already told you that I'm fine." 

"I'm just concerned about you, River. Absolutely sure?" 

"I don't want you worrying about me." She said, avoiding the question. 

"It's my job to worry." He insisted. "And that wasn't an answer." 

"I just need to sit down for a few minutes and I'll be good as new. Really, I don't want to be a burden on you." 

"You aren't a burden." He told her as she sat in the rocking chair. 

"Well I feel like one..." She grumbled, still cradling Freya. 

He kissed her forehead. "I can assure you that you're not. You're my wife and it's our job to take care of each other." 

She smiled weakly, "Thank you." 

"It's my pleasure. Would you like anything?" He wanted her to be comfortable. 

"A blanket and pillow would be nice." She murmured, leaning back in her chair. 

"I thought as much. Back in a moment." He said, leaving the room. 

"Take your time." She yawned. He took her advice and strolled down the halls to the linen closet. He hummed the tune to he was humming earlier, dancing back into the room. She giggled as he danced into the room, finding him to be very amusing. 

"Your requested items, madame" He said in what fancy voice he could muster and made effort to bow forwards.

She laughed again, taking the things from him. "Thank you, kind sir."

He smiled his childish smile and continued dancing to his little song. Holding Amelia in his arms as a dance partner. River smiled tiredly as she watched them. Freya let out a squeak of jealousy, wanting a turn to dance as well. He glanced over at them when Freya made and angry tone. 

"What's she saying?"

"I think Miss Freya wants a turn, don't you sweetie?" She bounced Freya in her lap. Freya waved her arms above her head. 

_ Up!  _

The Doctor chuckled and switched so River was holding Amelia and he was holding Freya. She smiled, cuddling Amelia close to her. Her forehead was burning hot and her face had become clammy. 

He slowed his waltz. He could see that her fever had clearly gone up, but if he pointed it out she'd probably deny it. He tried to put it casually "You know, you could go lie down for a while. Take a little rest." 

Of course, she shook her head, "I'm sitting, I'm fine." 

He sighed. "River, you're pale and clammy. I don't need to feel your forehead to know that." 

She huffed angrily, but agreed, "Fine, but I'm telling you right now, there is absolutely nothing wrong with me." 

"I'm just taking precautions." He told her and helped her out of the chair. She shook him off of her, not wanting his help. 

"I really do hate you sometimes." 

"No you don't. And you'll thank me when I make your fever go away." She rolled her eyes, a scowl on her face as she gave Amelia to him. He took her in in right arms while Freya was in his left, and followed her to their bedroom to make sure she actually did lie down and wasn't tricking him. 

She glared at him once back in their room "Did you really feel the need to follow me?" She crossed her arms. 

"I.. er... sorry" He apologized. "I was just... making sure you were comfortable." 

She narrowed her eyes, "Really? Were you now?" 

"Yes..." He looked down at the floor. "I just.. go then." He shifted his weight on his feet before turning around. 

Being ill had soured her mood and she slammed the door behind him, locking it so he wouldn't be able to get in. He jumped a little at the noise and looked behind him at the closed door. He sighed, but knew making her rest was for the better. She paced around the room for a good half hour, refusing to give into sleep. Finally, she decided to sleep, curling up in bed. 

The Doctor knocked on the door, but she must've been asleep or too upset to answer him, so he left her medicine and a sandwich outside the door. He went back to the nursery in time for Amelia to start wailing. He picked her up, but she wouldn't calm down. 

River woke at the sound of Amelia's wailing. She waited a moment, thinking the Doctor would calm her, but once several minutes had passed and the crying continued, she pushed herself out of bed. Nearly tripping over the things he had left outside the door, she rushing to the nursery. 

"Sh, shh. It's okay." The Doctor soothed but Amelia still didn't stop. He turned, seeing River had come in. "She won't stop." He explained, still patting her back. 

"Alright, give her here." She held out her arms to take Amelia from him, forgetting that she was mad at him. Amelia clung to her blouse, letting her sobs slow down. "It's okay, sweetheart." River murmured, stroking her back, rocking gently, "It's alright, I've got you." 

_ You weren't there. Daddy was, but you weren't. I didn't want daddy, I wanted you. _

"I'm here now, sweetie. Don't worry, I'm right here." She kissed her forehead, a part of her very happy to hear that Amelia had wanted  _ her _ instead of the Doctor. He seemed a bit stunned that River's efforts of calming their daughter had been more effective than his. He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it as Freya woke up whining.

River didn't noticed his stunned expression, her attention fully on Amelia. She was still busy calming her when Freya awoke. He scooped her up, again trying his best to get her to be calm. 

She finally looked over at him, watching as he did his best to comfort their daughter. It worked slightly better this time, but only because her was holding Freya so she could see her mother. She moved closer to him, holding out her finger for Freya to hold onto, "Don't cry, my love." She soothed, kissing the back of her hand. 

"How can you do that? I can try my hardest to make them happy, and they're happy just by looking at you." 

"Sometimes they just want to see their mummy." She smiled at the two babies. "Don't trouble yourself over it. I'm sure there will be times when they're happy by just looking at you too." 

"I doubt that. You are more lovely to look at than I am." 

She laughed weakly, "Oh stop it, that's not true. Daddy is very handsome, isn't he girls?" Freya tried to look up at him, while Amelia giggled. 

_ His chin is funny.  _

_ " _ Well I think he's very handsome, and I certainly wouldn't mind looking at him all day." She kissed his cheek, "And mummy isn't as lovely as him, now is she." She added in an effort to make him feel better. 

"You  _ are _ lovely." He insisted. "Just look at these two. I bet they got all of their looks from you." 

"Now that's not true, they got their looks from both of us." She smiled, bouncing Freya, "Do you think mummy's lovely?" 

_ Absolutely!   _ She nodded her head.  _ Mummy is the bestest and most loveliest.  _

She beamed, kissing her forehead and cuddling her a bit closer, "Now aren't you just the sweetest." 

The Doctor beamed at them. "You both are adorable." 

River smiled over at him, "So are you two." He glanced down at Amelia who is reaching up to him and smiling. 

"Daddy's face isn't so bad after all then, eh?" 

River smiled, "I told you that you were handsome." 

"Yes but I wanted her to think it, too." He and Amelia simultaneously giggled as he bounced her. 

She laughed, seeing the two of them giggle. "She does..." 

"Wonderful!" He exclaimed. "Are you feeling better, River?" 

She nodded, "Yes, I feel absolutely fine now." Of course her fever was still present, and she still looked absolutely awful, but she was in fact feeling a bit better after her nap.  

"Did you take the medicine I left you?" He asked. He knew she must've at least seen that it was there having left the room. 

She shook her head, "No, I was in a bit of a rush to get in here I didn't really stop to take the medicine." She looked back down at Freya, "She was crying so much I thought something was wrong."  

"Well, she's just fine." He smiled a little. "You should take your medicine, though." 

"Really, sweetie, I don't need medicine." 

"It's either that or I make you go on bed rest again." He stood his ground. "Please?" 

"Now that I'm not pregnant you can't  _ make _ me do anything." Her tone was a bit sharp. 

"I..." He didn't exactly know how to respond to that. He didn't make her do anything when she was pregnant, or at least he didn't think he did. But she was right that he couldn't force her to do it. "Sorry. I just want you to be healthy." 

She frowned slightly, "I can get well on my own. It's better if I just fight this off anyway, it will help build my immune system." She wasn't exactly sure this was true, but she didn't want him worrying about her. 

"Alright." He kissed her forehead. "But please listen to your body and rest when you need to." 

"Of course, my love." She whispered. 

"Good." He put his forehead against hers before pulling away. "Right. Lunch then? I made you a sandwich..." He rambled a bit as he usually did after they got into a disagreement. 

"Yes, I saw. That was very sweet of you." She smiled, moving a bit closer to him. 

"I could make you another one." He scratched the back of his head. "I mean, it's been sitting there for a while, you might not want it." She shook her head, kissing his cheek, then pressing her forehead to his in an effort to show that she wasn't angry with him. 

"It's alright, I'm not that hungry anyway. I may just have some fruit or something..." He enjoyed her soft and gentle tone, getting her message of not being mad anymore. And he couldn't help himself from bringing her into a passionate kiss. She hummed in appreciation, kissing him back deeply. 

"Maybe we should put the girls down for a little nap." She purred, grinning at him. 

"I certainly don't mind, but they might." He pointed out. "They just woke up." 

She frowned slightly, "You're right...And besides, I'll need to feed them soon anyway..." 

"After lunch, then?" He asked, still hoping the offer was open. 

"Hmmm, maybe, if you're a good boy." She smirked, her hips swaying as she walked out of the room to the kitchen. He grinned to himself, watching the swing of her hips before realizing that he was just standing there. He quickly followed her to the kitchen. "Do you want anything?" She asked, looking through the cabinets for something to eat. 

"Some jammie dodgers if we have any. I do love jammie dodgers." He said childishly. She rolled her eyes, finding the jammie dodgers and handing them to him, taking nothing for herself. 

"You know, you should probably have something more substantial than that." She looked down at Freya in her arms, "What about you? Are you hungry, my love?" 

Freya nodded and the Doctor asked through a mouth full of cookie. "Like what?" 

"I don't know, like a sandwich or something. Cookies aren't the best lunch you know..." She unbuttoned her shirt so she could nurse the baby. His face went red ever so slightly when she undid her shirt. He wasn't exactly awkward or embarrassed, but River nursing was still something he had to get used to. 

"Right. Sandwich. I'll.. er.. make that." She noticed the slight change in color in his face, 

"Are you blushing?" She raised an eyebrow. 

"No. I'm not." He said, turning to face the counter and make the sandwich. She watched his back as Freya nursed, readjusting her clothes once she was finished. He came back over to his chair, plate in one hand and Amelia in the other. 

"Would you like some? It's roast beef." He asked, trying to ignore his previous awkwardness. She shook her head, afraid she might throw up if she ate anything. Amelia started to whine hungrily. He handed Amelia to River and took Freya to burp her, blushing a bit as River unbuttoned her shirt again. 

"If you want, I could go somewhere else..." She stopped unbuttoning to look at him. 

"No, It's okay. It's just going to take some getting used to that I'm not the one you're taking off your shirt for." His ears went pink realizing he said that last bit out loud. 

She giggled, "Jealous are we?" 

"No." He said defensively. "Well... maybe a little..." It sounded childish to admit it, but he did any way. 

She laughed again, " There's no need to be jealous." 

"I know. I really shouldn't be, it's just something I have to get used to." He reached for his sandwich. Once Amelia had finished, River buttoned up once again, rubbing her back gently. She was exhausted, leaning back in her chair, her eyelids heavy. 

"Maybe the twins aren't the only one's who'll need a nap after lunch." He joked. 

She smiled tiredly, "Mmm, but I need my special Doctor time." 

He laughed softly. "'Special Doctor time' doesn't have to be sexy time. It can just be cuddling and still be special." 

She hummed in agreement, "And you know, you're quite a good cuddler." 

"If I do say so myself." He added. "Come on. Let's put these two down for their nap." She nodded, pushing herself out of the chair, carrying Amelia back to the nursery. Freya and Amelia didn't make a fuss going to sleep, and after a lullaby, were dreaming peacefully. River smiled as she looked on at her babies adoringly. She leaned against her husband, sighing contently. 

He brought his arms down, wrapping them around her waist. "We made two whole other people." He whispered. "I don't know about you, but I call that" He kissed her cheek. "Brilliant and amazing." He kissed the other. 

She beamed, leaning against him a bit more, "I still can't believe it..." She breathed, "I never thought I'd have children, and especially not twins."

"Really? Never? I always pictured kids in my life." He said, leaning his head against hers. 

She shrugged, "We never talked about it, so I wasn't sure if you wanted them. I didn't even know if  _ I _ really wanted to have them..." 

"I probably would've changed you mind sooner or later." He said smugly. 

She raised an eyebrow, smiling, "Oh really? And how exactly would you have done that?" 

"Er.. well.." He pondered this. "I'm sure I would've found a way." 

She smiled, hugging him tightly, "Come on, I want my special Doctor time now." She whispered, tugging him towards the door. He followed her to the bedroom quietly closing the door behind them. 

She smiled as she pulled him along behind her, jumping onto the bed. He fell to the bed with her, landing neatly on top of her. He smiled, using the opportunity to kiss her. She giggled, kissing him back, "You're ridiculous." 

"Ridiculous?" He bopped her on the nose. "How is being madly in love with you," He kissed the same spot, "ridiculous?" 

Her nose scrunched in amusement as he kissed it, "Madly in love with me?" 

"Yes. Madly in love with you." He said rather proudly. "It's ridiculous the amount I love you. That's what makes me ridiculous, I suppose." 

"Well you know what?" She murmured, pressing her forehead to his, "I'm madly in love with you too..." She nuzzled her nose against his. 

"Good." He chuckled. "Because it was that or you've been misleading be for the past few centuries." He joked. 

She giggled again, pulling him to her for another kiss. "I'm sorry to tell you this, but I'm afraid you're stuck with me forever." 

"No complaints over here." He ignored the thought in his head about the Library, glad she was here now.  

"Good." She purred, smiling up at him. "There better not be." He returned the smile, rolling over on side so he was still facing her. 

"You still want your cuddle?" 

"Of course." She whispered, her eyes sparkling. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to him. Her body fit perfectly with his. She beamed as she cuddled into him, her head resting in the crook of his neck. He whispered in Gallifreyan in her ear as sleep started to take them both. She finally fell asleep curled into him, the last bits of her fever breaking as she slept. 


	16. Magic Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It had to come around eventually: River lets the Doctor know that her next expedition is to a planet called the Library.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> VERY IMPORTANT things:  
> One: There has been a time skip. The girls are now four years old. 
> 
> Two: If you have not seen the mini-episodes "First Night" and "Last Night" YOU NEED TO WATCH THEM NOW! They are only about 4 minutes each but very crucial to the plot. This chapter and the next will involve them so you need to see them. (You can find them on YouTube or click the links)  
> First night- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-6TF2Uyzm4  
> Last night- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BPVZEQQUnu8
> 
> Not as important:  
> Hello again! This is a bit short, but I'll be updating in a day or two, so hurray? I kind of just wanted an excuse to say hi. Also get ready for many feels as this IS the Library and we all know what that means. And I'm trying out 'Rich Text' so let me knew if you like that better.

CH  16

 

The Doctor loved being a parent more than he ever imagined he would. He especially loved seeing the twins' 'firsts'. Their first non telepathic words, their first steps. Even the first that were more frightening, like their first cold or when they learned to crawl and were almost impossible to find. Months turned into years. The Doctor was starting to feel like it would be like this for ever. Him and his family in the TARDIS, adventuring through the universe and dodging those who wanted them dead. At least until River decided it was time to resume work at the university. It was at least half a year before she started going on expeditions again.

"Doctor!" River called, wandering around the halls of the TARDIS searching for him. She had been feeling rather ill for the past week, and of course he had tried to make her stay in bed, an offer that she refused. She called for him again, peering in the girls' room. They were playing with each other, not noticing their mother in the doorway. It was some sort of pretend game they made up. 

"Okay, I'll be the pirate and you be the captain." Said Freya, getting up to look for an eye patch and an a captains hat in the chest on dress-up clothes they had. River smiled, leaning against the door frame, momentarily forgetting her search for the Doctor as she watched them play. She couldn't believe how fast the girls had grown. It seemed like just yesterday they were little newborns. "Argh, ye matey!" Said Freya when she had found the proper pirate attire. 

Amelia giggled and noticed River. "Mummy, do you want to play with us?" They had acquired British accents from learning their parent's speech patterns. 

"I would love to, but I'm trying to find your father, do you know where he is?" She asked, kneeling down so she was eye level with them. Amelia wrapped her tiny hands around her neck, giving her a hug as she usually did. 

"No. He was here a while ago and said something about a termacup. Thermocuppa? Thermocupple?" She had trouble pronouncing the word ‘thermocuplinks’. River hugged Amelia tightly, kissing the side of her head and smiling as she tried to figure out the correct pronunciation of the word. 

"Alright, I'll find him. You two keep playing, alright?"  Amelia nodded, re-donning her captains hat. They laughed and giggled as she left the room. 

The familiar sound of zaps, annoyed grumbling, and small 'Ow's coming from down the hall caught River’s attention. She walked briskly down the hall and into the console room. She quietly went down the stairs, to where she knew that Doctor was working on the TARDIS. Since his back was to her, she crept up behind him, wrapping her arms around his neck, she pressing a kiss into his hair, purring, "Hello, sweetie." 

He jumped a little, dropping the wire he was holding. "River, you scared me!" Though he wasn't really complaining as she purred into his hair. 

She laughed, giving him another kiss, "I'm sorry, my love. I thought you'd be happy to see me." She teased, bending over and picking up the wire he had dropped, holding it behind her back so he couldn't get to it. 

He slid his goggles on to his forehead. "I am happy to see you. Extremely happy, in fact." He stood up and kissed her, snaking his hands behind her back and reaching for the wire. 

She quickly pulled away, taking a few steps away from him, "Sneaky!" She cried, unable to hold back a laugh. "If you want it back, you'll have to tell me the magic words." 

He grinned playing along. "Expelliarmus?" He was always a big fan of Harry Potter. 

She laughed again, "I don't think so, my love. Try again. Word s , plural." He pretended to think. "May I please have the wire back?" She shook her head, "Wrong again." She knew it was a bit mean to tease him, but she couldn't resist. 

"Accio wire?" He tried another known spell, growing a little impatient. 

"I believe that the correct words were ‘I love you, River.’" She handed the wire back to him. He blushed a little, cursing himself for not thinking of that. He set the wire down and leaned in close to her ear. 

"And I do. I love more than I thought I could ever love someone. And I won't stop loving you until the day I die." 

She smiled, rewrapping her arms around his neck and hugging him again, "I have some exciting news." She whispered, remembering the reason why she had been looking for him in the first place. 

"It's not another archeological exposition is it?" There had been a few expeditions she's been on since she resumed her role at the university. Each time she told him she was going on one, he was afraid she'd say it was the Library. 

She frowned slightly, smacking his arm. "It is, but if you're not ever going to  pretend  to be excited for me then I won't tell you." 

He put on his best smile for her. "I am excited. See? Theses expositions make you happy, so they make me happy too." 

She smiled back at him, "Good, and I think you're going to like this one. I have been invited to lead my team on an expedition of the Library planet!" She watched his face, waiting for what she was sure would be an excited reaction from him. An expedition to a planet full of books and learning, how could he not love the idea… 

He tried to smile. Or at last act happy for her, but he must've not because River's smiled faltered. He tried a little harder, forcing a big smile. "River that's wonderful." He pulled her into a hug, mostly so she wouldn't see his expression change to sadness. Why was the universe so cruel? Why couldn't things just stay the way they were, all four of them simply living how one does with their family? He wanted to at least stay positive for River, but right now he wanted to kick and yell and cry. He wanted to scream that the universe and ask why it wouldn't leave him alone. But for now, he hugged on to River, wishing she could stay in his arms forever. 

She was a bit alarmed by his reaction, wondering why he was acting so strangely. "Doctor?" She asked softly, holding him tightly, "Is there something wrong?" Whenever she announced that she was going somewhere, he would act a bit odd up until she told him where she was going. She knew he worried about her, but what could go wrong on an archeology expedition? It wasn't like she was going to die or anything… 

"I... No. Nothing's wrong." It took his whole will power to keep his mask of happiness on. "Tell you what. You might be there a few days, why don't I take you and the girls out tonight? I always promised you we'd go to the Singing Towers of Darillium." He recalled her telling him that's where they went that last time she saw him. 

Her whole expression lit up, "Really? I've been wanting to go there for ages!" She paused, something still felt off, "Are you sure you're alright?"  

"Yes." He insisted. "I'm absolutely fine." 

She stared at him for a moment, knowing she wouldn't get anything out of him. "Let's go tell the girls then." She knew they hated it when she left, but hopefully the idea of a trip would make it better. He nodded, putting an arm around her waist walking back to the girls room. 

Freya burst into the hallway holding a plastic sword, Amelia close behind, "Avast ye stowaways!" They said together. 

River let out a pretend gasp, "Oh, no! Sweetie, it looks like the nasty pirates caught us!" The Doctor chuckled slightly. 

"Stowaways must be cast overboard!" Declared Captain Amelia. She pulled out a rope and proceeded to tie River and the Doctor together. 

"What happened to our sweet little girls? I hope the pirates haven't hurt them." River mused, trying to hold back her laughter as Amelia tied her to the Doctor. The twins exchanged glances and smirks. 

Freya pointed her sword at them and in her best pirate voice said “We've got your 'sweet little girls' all tied up, just like you. And they'll stay that way unless you hand over all your gold." 

"Well we don't have any gold, and that's too bad because I had an extra special surprise to tell them about, but if they're all tied up...I guess they'll never know." 

Freya and Amelia's eyes went wide with excitement. They huddled their shoulders together, discussing something the adults couldn't hear before turning back to them. "We'll let you and your precious children go  if  you give us cookies." They seemed to think this was a fair trade. 

River smiled, then looked over at her husband, "What do you think? Should we give them the cookies?" 

"I'd say it was a good deal if I ever saw one." He told her. 

"Alright, one cookie each." She instructed, "And don't try and sneak any more or it will be no cookies for the rest of the week." They nodded in understatement and began to untie them. 

"Mummy, what's the surprise?" Asked Freya, dropping her pirate voice. 

She paused, wanting to get the bad part out of the way, "Well, girls I'm going to be going on another expedition, so I'll be away for a few days." 

"Aww! But Mum!" Amelia complained. "Why can't you just stay here?" 

She smiled weakly, kneeling down to their level again, "I wish I could, my love, but it's for work. I have to go." 

"No fair!" Amelia pouted. 

"Can't you just tell them you're not going? Pleaseee?" Freya piped in. The Doctor wished River would listen to them and not go, he wanted to be part of the begging her to stay. 

She sighed, "I'm sorry, but I already promised I would go and it's not nice to back out of a promise, you know that." She held her arms out to them, "Besides, it's only for a few days, I'm not leaving forever." Of course, she didn't know that this was a lie. 

"But a few days  is  forever." They complained. "And we'll miss you so much. Daddy get's really sad, too." She gave the Doctor a pleading look, the more they pleaded, the harder it was to say no. 

He tried to give her an assuring smile. "Why don't you tell the about the surprise?" 

She bit her lip, "Actually, I think you should tell them. I'll be right back." She stood up quickly, running down the hall to the bathroom. She shut and locked the door right before getting sick into the toilet. 

He was a bit surprised at her sudden rush to the bathroom. Still glancing at the door where she had disappeared a moment ago, he bent down to inform his daughters of the special evening he had planned. Happy squeals erupted from the girls and they jumped up and down exuberantly. 

River spent a rather long time in the bathroom, absolutely miserable as vomited at least three times. Though it was comforting to hear the excited squeals of the girls. At first the Doctor thought that maybe she was just taking a long time, but when he heard the retching from the bathroom, he went to check on her. "River?" He softly knocked. 

"I'm fine." She answered quickly, her stomach finally settling. She went to clean herself up, finally opening the door. 

"You didn't sound fine" He didn't recall her being sick at the Library. 

Amelia and Freya peered out from behind the Doctor's legs. "Mummy, you are you sick? Does this mean we can't go to Dillimum?" Amelia again mispronounced the word. 

"I'm not sick, I'm fine." She assured them all. "We can still go to Darillium, don't worry." They smiled, seeming to forget the noises they heard before., but the Doctor still raised an eyebrow. 

"I heard you being sick into the toilet. Are you sure you're okay?" 

"Yes, yes I'm fine." She smiled weakly, taking his hand and giving it a light squeeze, "I promise." 

"But that's not an explanation as to why you where vomiting." He put a hand to her forehead which felt perfectly normal. 

"I probably just at something that upset my stomach. Please, I'm fine." She insisted. He nodded, letting it go. 

"Why don't you help the girls get changed changed? I'll meet you int the console room." He wanted her to spend as much time with the twins. He couldn't even think about how he was going to have to break it to them that their mummy wasn't going to come home. 

She nodded, "Of course, come on you two." She took both of their hands, leading them back to their room. 

"Can I wear my green dress?" Freya asked, tilting her head up to River. 

"Of course my love. You can wear any dress you'd like." She smiled. 

"Then I want to wear my yellow one." Said Amelia. "The one that swirls when I spin." 

"Alright." She retrieved both dresses from the closet, helping them both dress. 

The Doctor was waiting for them in the control room. He was wearing a top hat and a coat with tails. 

She pressed a kiss to Amelia's forehead, then Freya's "Now you two go and meet your Daddy in the console room while I get dressed, alright?" 

" ’Kay, mummy. Mia, do you wanna race?" Freya often called Amelia 'Mia' for short. Amelia nodded and in a flash they were sprinting down the hall. River smiled, picking up a few things in their room and putting them back in their rightful place. She certainly would miss them a lot, even if she was just leaving for a few days. 

Soon, she was all changed and ready to go, meeting up with them in the console room. "Ready?"  

He beamed at her. "You look absolutely stunning." He swirled his cane, swaggering over to her and giving her a kiss. 

"And you look very handsome." She purred, kissing him back. "I can't wait to get my hands on you later." 

His face reddened. "River... not in front of the kids." He glanced at the twins who had made grossed out faces at the sight of their parents kissing. 

She laughed, amused by the children's disgusted expressions. Grabbing the lapels of his jacket, she pulled him flush against her, planting another sloppy kiss on his lips just to get a few more squeals out of their daughters. He flailed his arms a little because of Freya and Amelia's laughs and squeals, but decided he didn't care and rested his hands on her hips. She pulled back looking very pleased, "I'll be looking forward to more of that later." 

"I'd better make it good, then." He said so the girls couldn't hear. If this was going to be his last night with his wife, he wasn't to make it count. He wanted to make it special. 

"Mmm, you'd better. I need something to hold me over while I'm gone." 

He hid the falter in his smile and turned his head to look at the girls dresses. "You two look like princesses." He said. "Ready everyone?" 

River beamed at the little ones, then nodded, "We're all set."  

"Geronimo, then!" He went back to the controls and started to flip levers and push buttons. River walked over to the console, turning on the stabilizers and turning off the brakes while she thought he wasn't paying attention. 

"Oi! I like the noise!" He whined moving back over to turn the breaks back on. 

"Yes I know, but the TARDIS doesn't like it when you leave the breaks on." She turned them back off, then stood in front of the lever so he couldn't get to it. He grumbled , but remembering it was the last time she was going to be here to scold his piloting he leaned forwards and kissed her. He didn't notice that the action accidentally pressed a button.

The TARDIS silently landed and he pulled away. She grinned, "So many kisses today, what's gotten into you?" She was only teasing, she loved his kisses and she certainly wasn't complaining. 

"You're just so irresistible." He commented. The girls were too excited to wait for their parent to stop flirting with each other. They started to run a head and out the door to see the new world. 

Out of the corner of her eye she noticed them run out the door. "Girls! Wait!" River called, running after them, the door shutting behind her. 

He stood there for a moment, a little confused then ran after the three. Out side was not, in fact Darillium. He recognized it almost immediately.  It was where he took River on their first date as a married couple. In just a few minutes, the sky would have more stars in the sky than in any other point in history. That meant he had a few minutes until his younger self got here. "River! Wait!"

  
  



	17. One Last Dance Before the Song Ends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The towers sang and you cried. You wouldn't tell me why but I suppose you knew it was time. My time. 
> 
> The Doctor is having a hard time saying goodbye to River (and someone else too.)

CH 17

 

She was still running after the girls, trying to catch up with them as they split up. She hadn't heard him, still shouting for the girls to come back to her. He finally caught up with her, breathing very heavily. River was much better at running in fancy clothing than he was. "Er, you go after Freya and I'll find Amelia?" 

She nodded, running off in the other direction, "Freya!" She shouted, just as another TARDIS landed behind her. 

Freya giggled as she made her way to the top of the enormous tree. "Mummy mummy! Look!" She called River, staring up at the sky. River looked up, the stars that had started to appear lighting the sky. 

"Yes, my love, it's beautiful. Now will you please come down from there? We're not going to get to go to Darillium if you don't." She was already starting to follow her to the top. 

"But it's so pretty, mummy!" She was hypnotized by the dazzling sky. She leaned close to the railing, reaching her head up thinking she could put a star in her pocket. A smile spread across River’s face as she reached the top. She swooped Freya up in her arms, holding her a bit higher in an effort to help her reach the stars. 

"Do you want to know a secret?" She whispered. 

"Yes." Freya’s eyes sparkled from the reflection of the stars. 

"Your daddy took me here once. A long,  long  time ago. It was one of my very first adventures with him." She kissed the top of Freya's head. 

"How long ago?" She asked, wondering less about how many years ago for her it was and more about the date they were here. 

"Oh, I don't remember exactly, it was the night of our wedding." She sighed, "Well, come on. We have to go back to the TARDIS so we can go to Darillium." They started to make their way back down. 

"Mummy, will you tell me about your wedding?" 

"Well...it's very complicated, sweetie." She wasn't sure exactly how to explain the mess of events to her little daughter. The twins were very smart for their age, probably to Time Lord part of them, but it was still a rather complicated thing to explain to a child. 

"Will you tell me when you get back from your trip?" She asked. They reached the bottom of the tree where the Doctor and Freya were waiting. 

"Yes of course." She promised, helping her down from the tree and brushing off her dress. 

"Cross your hearts." She insisted. 

"Cross my hearts." She repeated, making the motion over both places on her chest. 

"Good." She smiled showing the empty space where a tooth had fallen out just a week ago. 

The Doctor came to her side looking out of breath from chasing their daughter around. "Now that that's sorted out, let go." He gave River a look saying that they should get out of here before they showed up. She nodded, walking over to the TARDIS and opening the doors. 

The Doctor's eyes widened and her ran in after her, leaving the girls out side. "No River, wrong TARDIS!" He came up be hind her. "We're parked around back. Younger version." He looked up at his younger self who seemed relieved that he didn't have to deal with a third River alone. 

Her eyes grew wide with delight as she looked at the other version of him, "Two of you. Oh the mind races, does it not." She looked back at the doors for a moment, making sure the girls hadn't come in. 

"Come on, River. We'll be late." He hoped she'd get the message that their children where waiting unsupervised.

"He's taking me to the Singing Towers of Darillium. He's been promising for ages." She said as she walked out, going to check on the girls and shoo them back into the proper TARDIS. 

Both Doctors smiles' disappeared as they heard the TARDIS door shut. He didn't know if he could keep himself together when the younger one asked if this was the Darillium she referred to in the Library. He managed to keep composure, taking a moment to himself when he left to make sure he wasn’t cry before going back to the right TARDIS. 

"Doctor?" River asked softly, something in his expression had changed, "Is something wrong?" Every thing was wrong. He felt lost and hopeless and helpless. They light and joy of his life was slipping through his fingers and disappearing forever. He wanted to tell her and never let her go to the LIbrary, but he smiled. 

"Nothing's wrong, dear." River stared at him for a moment, knowing that there was something and wishing he would tell her. 

After a moment, she sighed, "Alright...Are you ready to go then?" 

"Yeah. Um, I think you'd better fly her this time. We don't want to end up running into ourselves again." 

"Okay...." She murmured, walking to the console and setting the coordinates, turning the breaks back on hoping that the noise would make it at least a little happier. He sat on the pilot's chair, looking up at her at the familiar noise. 

"I thought you hated the breaks on.” 

She smiled over at him, "It makes you happy, so therefore it makes me happy." 

"All I need to be happy is you and our children." He replied, coming up behind her and giving her a peck on the cheek. 

She breamed, "Well I'm happy to hear that." She turned to the twins, "Are you girls ready to see Darillium?"

"Yes!" They told her. They had started jumping around the console singing a little rhyme: ‘Dillium, Dillium, we're gonna see Dillium!’ Neither could quite properly say Darillium. 

She knelt down and pulled them into her arms, "Now, what are mummy and daddy's rules for adventures?" 

"Stay close to you." Said Amelia. 

"Run." Freya added. There tended to be a lot of running when they were on adventures. 

"Anything else?" She asked, looking at the two of them. 

Amelia thought a moment before saying "No fighting." 

“And no playing hide and go seek without telling you first." Said Freya remembering once when they forgot to tell them their parents that they where hiding and they spent the entire afternoon looking for them. 

She nodded, "Yes, yes I like those ones, but there's one you're forgetting one very important rule." 

Freya and Amelia looked at each other, but neither could think of any more. "What is it, mummy?" 

"No talking to anyone you don't know unless one of us says it's alright. Understand?" 

They nodded simultaneously. "Can we go to Dillium now?" 

"Alright, give your mummy kisses first." She smiled, knowing how excited they were. They kissed her cheeks at the same time and then it was a blur of tiny feet out the front doors, but they knew to stay close to the TARDIS this time. River stood, walking over to the Doctor and taking his hand. She rest her head against his shoulder as they walked out the doors. 

The melodious sound of the singing towers greeted them before they could take in the sight of the tall silver coulombs on top of beautiful mountain peaks. The valley they had landed in gave the a full view of the mountains. Since the atmosphere was altered, the sound waves from the towers gave off brilliant magentas, indigos, and lavenders. River let out an amazed gasp, looking out at the beautiful scene displayed before them. "Oh my...Doctor, it's beautiful." She whispered, gripping his arm a bit tighter. "Really,  really beautiful ." 

He looked over at her taking note of how the purple light illuminated her face. He wanted to remember this moment. Her expression was so much happier than it would be tomorrow when she looked into his eyes and he wouldn't know who she was. Thinking about the inevitable made his eyes threaten to spill over, but he held back the tears as best he could. 

She glanced up at him, noticing the tears in his eyes. "Doctor..." She whispered, her expression suddenly filled with concern. She cupped his face in her hands, stroking his cheeks with her thumbs. 

He reached up to put his hand over hers. "I-I'm sorry. I don't know what's come over me." He lied, no longer able to keep his tears at bay. He let them fall, running over River's thumbs. 

She pulled him in closer to her so his forehead was pressed to hers. "It's alright, my love." She murmured, brushing away the tears with her thumbs, pressing soft kisses to his cheeks. He pulled his lips to hers and kissed her for a long while before pulling away. He never though he'd be the one kissing and crying. Amy and Rory yes, but him not so much. 

"You know that I love you. More in each heart than I could ever hold in two." 

"Yes, of course I know that." She smiled up at him, "And I love you, more than anything in the universe." 

Every cell of his body wished this wasn't his last evening with her. He returned the smile reaching his hand in his pocket. He fingered the sonic screwdriver, wondering if he should give it to her now or later. 

"Actually, all of this reminds me, I have something to tell you..." She looked up at him, thinking that now was as good a time as any to tell him her news. Plus the girls were still busy looking around, she didn't have to worry about them hearing. He pulled his hand away from the sonic, giving her his full attention. 

"What is it?" His voice was still just a little shaky from crying. 

She hesitated, "Maybe I'll tell you later..." She didn't want to risk upsetting even more. 

"No.. it's okay. You should tell me now." Because there won't really be a later, though he said that last part in his head.  

"Are you sure?" She asked, taking his hands in hers. "Because it's alright, I can tell you later if you want..." 

"River, I'm good. Really, I promise I won't cry again." He was getting a little anxious. Surely there was nothing she could say so make him more sad than he was now. 

"Well...um..." She smiled up at him, "The past week I've been feeling a bit odd, and...well...I've figured out the cause." She was both nervous and excited at the same time. "I'm pregnant." 

His face grew into a childish smile, seeming to forget that he would not see her her grow or give birth. He would not see this child grow up and play with it’s sisters. But he didn’t think about that, he thought about the fact that he was going to have another child. "P-pregnant?" 

She beamed and nodded, her eyes sparkling. "Surprise." She whispered. 

"Another one?" He looked at her flat stomach. Though the grief of River’s death was still present, he pushed them down and let the feelings and excitement of new fatherhood show. 

She laughed, "Yes another one! What else would it be?" She looked up at him, searching his eyes for any sign of unhappiness, "Are you happy?" She asked. 

"I couldn't be happier. We're having another baby River!" He picked her up and spun her around, wearing a big smile. She let out a laughing yelp as he lifted her, drawing the attention of the girls. 

"Careful!" She giggled as he spun her, giving him another kiss. 

"Sorry" He apologized, but still kept his smile. How could he let his wife slip from his life so easily? How could he just let her go to her death? And it wasn't just her life that was going to end now. He knew then and there that he had to do something. He couldn't stop her from going, but he was determined to find a way to save her and their child. 

"It's alright." She beamed, "I want to keep this just between us, at least until after I get back, then we can figure out how and when to tell the girls." She whispered just as the twins came bouncing over to them, wanting to know what was going on. 

"Mummy, daddy? Why are you smiling so much?" Asked Amelia wondering if it would make her smile too. 

"We're just very happy to be here." She smiled, "Isn't it beautiful!" 

"Purple is my favorite color now." She decided. "Can we come back here for my birthday?" 

"Purple? I thought green was your favorite color." Amelia changed her favorite color constantly. "I think that's a question you'll have to ask your daddy." 

"Well now it's purple." She turned to the Doctor. "Can we daddy? Pleeease?" 

The Doctor nodded his head. "If that's what you and your sister agree on." 

River smiled up at him, leaning over to whisper in his ear, "You're a wonderful father." 

"And you are an amazing mother, River." He whispered back, kissing the edge on her ear. She looked up at him, her eyes filling with tears. Somewhere, in the back of her mind, she knew that after this trip, things would never be the same. She didn't know why or how, but she could feel it. 

It was his turn to comfort her. He cupped her face like she did before wit him. "Hey, it's okay. What's wrong, River?" 

"Nothing...Nothing it's just baby hormones." She whispered, quickly finding a passable excuse. He smirked. It had been quite a while, but he remembered how hormonal she was with the twins.

"Do you know how far along you are?" He asked, wiping away her tears. 

She shook her head, "I-I don't know. I only did the test a few hours ago..." Tears continued to slip down her cheeks as she unsuccessfully tired to stop them. He concluded that that must have been why she was so long in the bathroom earlier. 

"Mummy?" Amelia tugged as the bottom of her dress. "Why are you crying?" 

River scooped her up, holding her tightly as she tried to think of what to tell her. "I'm thinking about how much I'm going to miss you when I leave." She answered. 

"You'll only be gone a few days." She repeated the words River had told her earlier hoping it would make her feel better. She looked up at the towers. "And you're here now." 

River nodded, kissing her forehead. "I know, my love, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to miss you a lot." 

Amelia kissed River's cheek and nuzzled her head into her shoulder. "I'll miss you to. Promise to come right back?" 

She smiled weakly, rubbing her back, "I promise. And I always do, don't I?" 

"Always." She yawned and slipped her thumb into her mouth. 

The Doctor picked up a sleepy Freya. "I think it might be time to  get these two to bed." 

She nodded, carrying Amelia back into the TARDIS and into the nursery. "Come on, sweetie. Let's get you changed."  Amelia made a tired noise that was somewhere between a 'yes' and a murmur. The Doctor followed behind them. River gently changed Amelia out of her nice dress and into her pajamas, handing Freyas pajamas to the Doctor. He mimicked River's actions and soon the girls were both tucked in and sleeping soundly. 

River lead him out of the room, backing up against the hallway wall and pulling him to her, "Now I do believe you promised me something earlier." She purred. 

"I believe I did." He echoed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a plot twist! Actually not really since I bet most of you saw that coming. Sorry for being kind of evil and spreading this night out over multiple chapters. Anyways, as always please comment.


	18. The Darkness Before the Dawn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well first of all: Smut warning! I don't know why I keep warning you, just in case. And we've cirtainly packed a lot into the rest of the night...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise you that next chapter will actually take place in the Library. Stick around to see If River gets out or not... Just kidding, of course we save her, but there's still a lot of feels and stuff.

CH 18

 

His lips were drawn to hers in an instant and his hands explored along her curves. She melted against him, lightly nipping at his lower lip as she kissed him back, her arms wrapping around his neck and in his hair. "We should do this every time you go on expeditions." He half whispered, kissing down her neck.

She rolled her head back, exposing her neck, "Mmm, I like that idea." She murmured, He bit lightly with his teeth, enough to leave a mark but not enough to hurt. "Doctor..." She whispered, pushing off his jacket, kicking of her heels.  He left the disregarded coat and shoes in the hall as he started directing them to their bedroom, still keeping his arms around her. She clung to him, trying not fall over herself but rather successfully.

Halfway back to their bedroom, she fell backwards, pulling him down on top of her. He braced his self so he didn't hurt her or the precious cargo she carried. Though she didn't seem to be affected much by the fall, he still asked. "You okay?" Her hand immediately moved to her belly, not answering him for a moment.

"I think so...Are you?"

"Just fine." He answered, eying the hand on her belly. "Baby okay?"

"I don't know..." She looked up at him, "I landed on my back, so the baby should be fine.."

"Would you like me to check?" He wanted to be thorough and he knew it would probably bother him all night if he didn't.  

She nodded, "Yes, please." He helped her of the floor and they went to the medbay, trying to be quiet so they wouldn't wake the girls. He helped her off the floor and they went to the medbay, trying to be quiet so they wouldn't wake the girls. She held onto his arm tightly, a little too tightly.

"River, I'm sure they're fine. There's no reason to be so nervous." He told her as they walked in.

She smiled weakly, "I know, it's just with all the complications I had with the girls...I can't help it..." He placed a kiss to the side of her head before detaching himself from her hold on him.

"Well there are more risks with having multiples, but I can safely say it's not likely for us to have twins again." He tried assuring her as he brought over the ultrasound.

She nodded, sitting down on the cot. "Well, it wasn't likely for us to have twins the first time either." He chuckled, squirting the blue gel on her stomach.

"I wouldn't call it unlikely. We both have time lord DNA so it was technically and 50-50% chance." He rambled.  "Though I suppose you're right since there's hardly any books on time lord pregnancies, we wouldn't know the possibility of conceiving twins."

She shivered a bit as he spread the gel on her stomach, "I can't believe I'm going to be huge again..." She murmured.

"Neither can I." He lied. He didn't know if she was going to be able carry out this pregnancy. He wanted to find a way save her. He would find a way to save her, but would he be able to save this child, too?

It had been a while since he'd used the ultrasound on her. Although he had done it so many times with the twins, it still felt new and exciting. "Is the baby alright?" She asked quietly, glancing over at the screen even though it was tilted away from her.

"They're perfect." He beamed. He clicked a few buttons to freeze the image before showing her the screen. "See?"

"Oh Doctor..." She breathed, staring at the screen, her hormones threatening to get her to start crying again.  He sat next to her and wrapped an arm around her waist.

"It looks like you're about 3 or 4 weeks along. It's to early to tell what sex." He pondered a moment. "Do you think we should make it a surprise this time or not?"  

She curled into him, resting her head against his shoulder, "Whatever you want." She whispered, nuzzling her nose against his neck.

"Maybe we should let the girls decide." He suggested.

She nodded, "But I don't want them to know until after I get back, alright?"

He nodded too. "And why's that?" He could help but be curious about these things.

Her gaze drifted away from his, "Well...It's still very early on in the pregnancy and that means the chance of having a...." She trailed off, squeezing her eyes shut.

He didn't say anything, just held on to her hand tightly. "It'll be okay, River. That won't happen."

"But it has happened,  before we had the girls." She squeezed his hand, "What if I just got lucky the last time."

"Then we got lucky. Very lucky." He sighed, not wanting her to be sad. "We have two beautiful children. So maybe we don't have another and maybe we do. But either way, we are still the luckiest parents to have Amelia and Freya." She wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly so he wouldn't see the silent tears that rolled town her cheeks.

"You're right." She murmured, pulling herself together, "Thank you. I wouldn't have them without you."

"I could say the same to you." He was always amazed at how brave River was and how brave she'd have to be tomorrow. "Plus, you should take more credit than me since you have to do the hard part." He tried to lighten the mood.

"Well you saved my life if I recall correctly." She smiled, pulling back to press a kiss to his cheek.

He grinned, glad for the appreciation.  "It's part of the job."

She nodded, "Just as I would give up anything and everything if it meant saving you or the girls." She didn't realize the irony of her words. He did, though he tried not to show it. He was about to suggest that they resume their evening, when they heard

"Mummy?" From the doorway. Freya was standing there with her stuffed adipose.

River turned, looking a bit surprised as her eyes fell on Freya, "What is it, love?" She asked, walking over to her.

"Had a bad dream." Freya rubbed her eye sleepily.

River picked her up, "Do you want to tell me about it?" She asked, running her fingers through Freya's little curls.

"The dark got you." She said. "It took you away. You said you'd come back, but you didn't." She seemed to be on the verge of tears.

"Shhh, it's alright." She soothed, rocking gently and letting her rest her head beneath her chin, "I will always come back to you, darling. Nothing could keep me away from you." She kissed the top of her head lightly, still stroking her curls.

"But mummy, the shadows..." She whimpered, still not convinced that the shadows were safe.

"Don't worry about the shadows, my love. There is nothing scary about the shadows." She didn't know how wrong she was.

Freya looked back at the dark hall way. "Do you promise?"

River nodded, "Yes, I promise."

Freya turned her head back to her mother's chest and snuggled close. "Tuck me in?"

"Of course, Freya." She murmured, glancing back at the Doctor before carrying Freya back to the nursery.

He did move to follow them. He couldn't if he tried. How could Freya have dreamed about it if she didn't know? Was her dream real? Would River never come back even if he tried to save her? His panic rose inside of him so quickly that he practically jumped up and ran into his and RIver’s room just to make sure tomorrow hadn’t come early.

River gently placed Freya back in bed, tucking her into the covers and kissing her forehead. "I'll see you in the morning before I leave, alright?" She whispered, careful not to wake Amelia.

Freya nodded sleepily holding onto River's finger with her tiny hand. "Alright, mummy."

She smiled softly, "I love you."  

"Love you , too." She lulled as sleep began to take her again. River stayed until she was sure Freya was asleep, then stood, quietly leaving the room.

The Doctor didn't really notice her come back in since he was too wrapped up in his thoughts. She could tell that something was troubling him, "Hey, what's the matter?" She asked softly, sitting down beside him.

He was pulled out of his thoughts by her voice. "Huh? Oh... nothing. Just Freya's nightmare." He admitted.

"Oh, Doctor." She sighed, "It was just a silly nightmare. Do you really think I'm not going to come back?"

"Of course not. I just think it was... curious. That's all." He couldn't risk letting her know of tomorrows events.

She narrowed her eyes slightly, not believing his response, "Maybe I should just cancel since you're all making such a big deal over a silly little expedition."

He wanted to say 'yes, please, please cancel it.' but he knew it had to happen. "I thought you said it wasn't nice to break promises to people."

She glared at him, "So now you want me to go?"

"No..." The world slipped from his mouth. "But then again, I never want you to go." He said trying to cover it up.

"Well than that settles it, I won't go. I'll just tell them that I'm ill or something." She huffed, getting up and leaving the room. He felt quite relieved before he felt panic again. This was one of the most important moments in their timeline. Re-writing it could re-write their entire history. If she didn't go now there wasn't really telling what could happen.

"River." He caught up with her. He didn't think he would ever find himself trying to convince River to go to the Library.

"What?" She snapped, already picking up the telephone and dialing the number she had been given.

He shrunk away a little. "Er... Don't you want to think this through a bit? I mean...Uh... Books! A planet that is practicality made of books. If you ask me, that's a once in a life time offer."

"Well how am I supposed to enjoy the opportunity when I know that it's upsetting my entire family." She cursed under her breath as she messed up the number, slamming the phone down, only to pick it up again to redial the right number.

"I.. um... Think of how happy we'll be when you come back. And the girls are always upset when you go on expeditions." He talked quickly, trying to get through to her before she could talk to her archeological team.

"Freya's having nightmares. She's never had nightmares about me leaving before..." Someone picked up on the other end of the line.

"It's just a coincidence, River." He lied. "That doesn't mean you have to cancel this."

She put a finger to his lips before turning her attention to the phone.

"Luna university." A woman answered. It was Anita, one of her colleagues for the exposition.

"Hello, Anita." River replied, recognizing the woman's voice. "This is Professor Song." She glanced over at the Doctor.

Anita smiled through the phone. "Professor Song. It's nice to hear from you. Is everything alright?"

"Yes, everything's fine. I'm just calling to confirm what time we're leaving tomorrow."

"We'll be leaving at 9:30. Don't forget to pack lunch." She joked. She always reminded her team to pack food before a trip.

She managed to smile, "Yes, I won't forget, chicken and salad. I'll see you tomorrow." "Looking forwards to it, Professor Song." She said before hanging up.

River hung up as well, turning back to look at the Doctor. He stood there rather awkwardly thinking she'd snap at him if he tried to say anything.

"I'm going to bed." She mumbled, brushing past him. This certainly wasn't how she envisioned the night going. It had started off quite nicely, but was beginning to end in shambles.

"I..." He started but stopped when she gave him a look. He didn't want her to be sad, especially because of all the emotions tomorrow would bring. She'll probably be pissed with him when she realized that he encouraged her to go the Library. But he wasn't going to leave thing on a bad note.

He climbed into bed next to her. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" She asked, rolling over so her back was to him.

"For messing up our special night. And making you so upset."

"It's fine." She mumbled, her back still to him.

"I don't think it is. I don't ever mean to make you upset, River. And I feel terrible when I do."

She glanced back at him, turning slightly, showing that she was listening.

"I wanted to make you feel extra special tonight. Not like what you were doing upset your entire family."

"Well I'm sorry things didn't work out the way you planned." She whispered, looking away from him.

"Is... is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

She shrugged, "I don't know, you tell me. How exactly do you think you can make it up to me?"

"I think..." He thought a moment, trying to word himself carefully. "I think that it might help if I tell you how much I love and respect you. If I tell you how brave and strong I think you are and that I think you are going to have a wonderful time on this trip because you love archeology. And you know... I love it too, because it makes you happy and I love it when you come home and tell be all about it.” He in fact hated archaeology right now because it was going to get her killed.

She tried to hide her smile as she rolled over to face him.

He was thankful to see it was making her feel better. "You have the best smile when you tell me about your trips." He continued. "And you seem so happy, almost like you're reliving the moment you found what you were looking for or found the missing piece of information you needed."

She smiled weakly, "Really?" She asked, pulling him closer to her.

"Really. And I can't wait to see your smile when you come back from the Library." Though he knew if would most likely be a frown.

Her smile widened, "And I can't wait to tell you about it." She stared at him for a moment, her smile faltering for just a second, "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too." He thought now was as good a time as any. "Wait here a moment." He got out of bed to retrieve his disregarded jacket.

"Where are you going?" She asked, sitting up as he got up.

"I have a present for you." He said from down the hall. He came back a moment later with a sonic screwdriver in hand. It wasn't like the one he currently owned, but a bit altered with dampers and other such things.

She looked confused as she noticed the screwdriver in his hand. "Why are you giving that to me?"

"I was going to give it to you the last expedition you went on." He lied. "But it wasn't ready yet. And besides, I thought it would be quite useful."

"Are you sure you want to give this to me?" She asked softly, "I know how much you value the screwdrivers you make..."

"I'm very sure." He insisted. "I still have mine, anyways. This one is for you."

"Thank you." She whispered, "That's very sweet of you." He took his place back in the bed and handed it to her.

"I think you'll quite enjoy it." He grins.

She smiled, placing the screwdriver on the nightstand then took hold of his collar, pulling him against her, "Come here, you." He was surprised by the gesture, but leaned into the kiss, happy he was doing things right for once. She kissed him deeply, pulling back and pressing her forehead to his. There is nothing that needs to be said in that moment. There is just the sound of their hearts beating together and the warmth of each other's minds.

She was breathing rather heavily, pulling him back against her lips. He ran a tongue over her bottom lip as they resumed their ‘special evening’. They eagerly undress themselves, their breaths coming quicker in anticipation. She rolled her body up towards his again, kissing him roughly. Their mouths crashed against each other's and he brought a hand down between her thighs, teasing lightly.

She whimpered as her hands tangled in his hair, her hips bucking towards his hand. He circled her entrance before moving his finger slowly inside. She moaned softly, moving her hips begging for more. He went deeper, pressing on her inner walls. She groaned, kissing down his neck and lightly sucking on his collarbone. A light red mark was left where she had sucked. He hummed her name. "River..."

"Hmm?" She murmured as she moved to the other side of his neck, nipping and kissing back up to his jaw.

"You..." He slightly lost his train of thought from her kisses. "Are gorgeous. Did I mention that?"

"Mmm, maybe once or twice." She panted, her hands roaming along his chest.  

"I should say it more often" He said between kisses placed along her collar. She hummed in agreement, her eyes fluttering shut.  He moved his head lower to suck at her breasts. She pushed harder against him, a soft moan escaping her lips. He smirked against her skin, loving that he could unravel her by the touch of his fingers. She tried to move her hips down towards his hand again, growing needier with every touch. He pulled his hand away and before she could protest he pulled her hips onto his, slipping his length in to her.

She sucked in a gasp, her forehead pressed to his shoulder as her fingers found their way to his hair. He moved slowly to start. Enough that the pleasure could build, but slow enough that he could saver to feel of her beneath him. Her moans were muffled by his lips as she kissed him deeply and lovingly. His tongue brushed against the roof of her mouth, hips hip automatically moving faster.

She clutched onto his biceps, sucking on his lower lip. He groaned out her name, tracing his mouth down her jaw then back up again. She rolled her hips to meet his, murmuring about how much she loved him, her voice breathless. He couldn't help but let his mind wander. He thought about tomorrow and how sad she would be. Her moans brought him back to the present. She certainly wasn't sad now. He focused on her happiness, pushing the lIbrary to the back of his mind. She slowed their pace for a minute, noticing that he seemed distracted. "Doctor?" She breathed, worry replacing that happiness in her expression.

"Yes?" He replied, immediately masking his distracted look.

"Am I not entertaining you enough?" She teased, though she was truly concerned about him. "Trying to visualize some other woman?"

"I don't need to visualize any one else." He defended. "You are more stunning that any woman that could imagine. I was just thinking."

"Thinking?" She raised an eyebrow, "About what, hmm?"

"About your welcome home party." He said quickly.

She frowned, "I'm not stupid, I know that's a lie."

"Not entirely. I was thinking about you." He kissed her neck. "And how amazing you look with your hair spread out on the pillows."

"Why don't you just look at me instead of thinking about it?" She sounded a bit annoyed, though she turned her head to expose more of her neck.

"Because when I'm kissing you my eyes are closed." He trailed back up to her mouth again. "And you don't want me to stop kissing you, do you?" He teased.

"No." She grumbled, "But I'm sure you wouldn't like it if I seemed distracted."

"You're right. I'm sorry." He kissed her cheek. "From now on I will only focus" He kissed the other one. "On you."

She smiled weakly, "Good, that's what I like to hear." He kissed her lips and resumed his steady pace. She moved her hips towards his, practically begging him to move deeper and faster.  He obliged to her wishes, grunting at he grew closer to his release.

She moaned loudly, her nails digging into his arms. "River..." He said breathlessly. "You’ll.. wake the... kids..."

"Then....then you'd b-better find a w-way to keep me quiet." She let out another loud cry of pleasure. He covered her mouth with his as their pleasure grew and grew. She moaned into his mouth as she was sent over the edge, her whole body shaking with her orgazm. He followed right after her, groaning loudly. His movements slowed and he pulled out and flopped down on the bed next to her. She stayed where she was, not curling up against him as she usually did.

"You okay?" He asked, turning his towards her. She nodded slowly, glancing at him for a moment. "You don't seem okay." He rolled on his side to face her. She was happy just a moment ago. What could change her mood so fast?

"Why do you say that?" She asked, staring at the wall across from the bed.

"I don't know... it's just that we usually cuddle afterwards..."

She moved over to him, resting her head on his chest. "Happy now?"

"You're not..." He couldn't help but point that out. "River, what's wrong?"

"Nothing..." She whispered, closing her eyes, "I'm tired, it's been a long day." He sighed, but knew better that to push her. He wrapped his arms around her to let her know that he was there for her and let his eyes droop. Within minutes she was fast asleep in his arms, her eyelashes damp with unshed tears. He didn't know why she wouldn't tell him what was wrong, but he could guess that it was more than just hormones. Maybe she knew that tomorrow was not something to look forwards to. Maybe she knew...

He should've done a better job at hiding it, but how could he? He drifted to sleep trying to figure out the source of River's grief.

She awoke suddenly in the middle of the night, gasping and shaking. “Riv..." He mumbled, still half asleep before he realized when was going on. "River!"

"I-I...It was a nightmare." She whispered, pushing out of bed and grabbing her bathrobe, wrapping it around herself as she ran out of the room.

He ran after her. "River...?" He didn't really care if the floor was freezing or that he was in his pants. "River?"

She ran down the hall towards the girls' bedroom, throwing open the door. Amelia groaned at the sudden noise that awoke her. She sat up rubbing her eyes. "Mummy?" River stood in the doorway for a minute, just staring at the two girls.

Then she went over to Amelia's bed, "It's alright, love. I'm sorry for waking you, go back to sleep." Tears rolled down her cheeks and she quickly tried to brush them away.

"Mummy... You're crying." The young time lady didn't know why her mother was upset or why she'd come bursting into her room, but she knew that she needed comforting. Amelia shimmied out of her covers and hugged River.

River let out a small sob before she could stop herself, holding the little girl tightly, "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I'm sorry..."

"It's okay Mummy. Everybody's sad sometimes." Her tiny hand rubbed her arm.

She pulled herself together long enough to pull away from her and kiss her forehead, "You should go back to sleep, okay?"

"Not until you're not sad." She insisted. Though she was more shy than Freya, she had developed her mother's stubbornness.

"I'm alright now, sweetie, you've made me feel much better. It's very late, go back to sleep." She did her best to smile at her daughter.  

"You're still crying." She brought her hand up to brush away the tear on River's cheek. "I have something that would make you feel better."

Her smile became a bit more genuine, "And what's that?" Amelia reached to the end of her bed and retrieved a coloring book with a blue marker in it.

"Here." On River's arm, in her messy 4-year-old handwriting, she drew the Gallifreyan symbol for 'Happy'.

River watched Amelia draw the word on her arm. "Mmm, I feel much better now. Thank you. And you're Gallifreyan is getting very good."

Amelia beamed and snuggled back under her covers. "Thank you, mummy." River gave her another hug before putting her head back down. "Love you."

"I love you too, Amelia." She smiled, kissing her forehead and fixing the blankets around her.

"Goodnight." She hummed, already half asleep.

The Doctor was leaning against the doorway and smiled at the scene. She stood up, walking back over to the Doctor, staring at the word on her arm.

"Her handwriting is getting better." He noted. He didn't need to ask about what her nightmare was about.

She nodded, wrapping her arms around his torso and burying her face in his chest. He automatically moved his arms around her, moving them up and down her back in a soothing motion. "I promise nothing will happen to them while you're gone. I'll keep them safe."

"I know...I know..." She held him a bit tighter, "I'm sorry."

"Shh... It's okay. You don't need to be sorry." He rested his chin on above her head. She began crying again, silent tears spilling down her cheeks and onto his chest. He rocked back and forth with her a little. He didn't know if they stood there for minutes or hours.

"I'm so sorry..." She whispered again, clutching tightly onto him.

"River, it's okay. Really, you have nothing to be sorry about." He said softly. She quickly dried the rest of her tears, letting out another shaking breath.

He knew she probably wouldn't want to talk about it so he just suggested she rest. "You should sleep. You’ve only got a few hours before you have to be up again." She nodded weakly, but didn't make an attempt to move or go back to bed. He kissed the top of her head, holing her tight. He wondered if she would be able to sleep on her expedition.

He gently urged her to move. She slowly began to walk back to their bedroom, still clutching onto his arm. He kept his arms around her, not daring to let go of her. Even when they climbed back into bed, he still had ar arm around her waist. She put one hand on her flat stomach, her hands trembling as curled up against him. Her back was pressed up against his chest and he placed his hands over hers to steady them. "You know there is no safer place for that child but inside you. They'll be okay, Riv."

"I know." She whispered, "It's just...my dream...it felt so real."

"It wasn't. They're safe River. They're safe." He repeated. She rolled over so she was facing him, nuzzling her nose into his chest. He reached into the nightstand beside the bed and pulled out a blue marker of his own. He thought it might make her feel better so right above Amelia's symbol, he drew the word for 'Safe' much neater than she did.

She smiled weakly, "My team is going to be wondering what all these drawings on my arm are."

"They're archaeologists. I'm sure they'll be fascinated by Timelord culture. You can tell them all about it."

"Mmm, I thought we agreed that I was supposed to keep my family life a secret from my team."

"Well... you don't have to tell them about your family. You could say... that you stumbled on a book or something." He allowed his finger to trace the ink marks. "Besides, don't have have to wear those space suit things with long sleeves?"

She watched him trace the marks on her arm, "Space Suit things?" She smiled, "Yes, we do."

"So there's nothing to worry about. " He said, making an effort to smile. She nodded, pressing a kiss to his chest.

"I love you." She murmured.

"I love you, too." He pulled close to him, hoping that she'd be able to sleep better now. She nuzzled into him, her eyes closing, much more relaxed now. "Sweet dreams." He hoped, closing his eyes as well.


	19. The Library

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a morning full of goodbyes, River makes the journey we've all bee dreading. To the Library.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's all relatively self explanatory. The much awaited and much dreaded chapter of River in the Library. Yes she will be saved, but as you know I like to make you all wait in suspense... mwahah!.

CH 19

 

Though it was only a couple of hours of sleep, it felt quite refreshing. River awoke tangled up in her husband's arms, smiling softly as she sat up, rubbing her eyes. The Doctor slept soundly, undisturbed by her movements. Less than a second passed when the pitter-patter of tiny feet and small giggles came from down the hall and closer to her room. River smiled as she heard the girls coming down the call. She opened the door to let them in, beckoning them over. "Go wake up Daddy." She whispered, pointing to the bed where the Doctor was still sleeping. 

They nodded, but didn't get the message to be quiet and graceful. They jumped up and down on the bed, half landing of him, squealing "Daddy, Daddy! Wake up!" 

River covered her mouth to muffle the laughter. "Gentle girls, don't hurt him!" 

The Doctor let out a tired groan. "To late." He pushed his self up of his arms causing the girls to fall in a heap on top of him and push him back down. 

River moved to the side of the bed, still giggling, "Are you alright?" He flipped over with a bit of a wince, the twins toppling to the side in a fit of laughs. He propped himself up and gave her a thumbs up before rubbing his neck. "Oh, sweetie..." She murmured, sitting on the side of the bed, massaging the base of his neck, "I'm sorry, I should have known they would jump all over you." 

"No it's fine. I'm fine." He closed his eyes. humming happily at the touch of her hands. "I thought I was supposed to be giving you neck rubs." She pressed a bit harder, working out the knots in his neck and shoulders. 

"Mmm, not until I get a bit bigger." She smiled, kissing his ear lightly. 

"Looking forwards to it." He glanced at the girls who still seemed to be laughing at their wake up call on him. 

She wrapped her arms around his neck, resting her chin on his shoulder, "So am I." She whispered, kissing his cheek. Freya and Amelia giggled harder. Apparently the sight of their parents flirting was the funniest thing they'd ever seen. 

"What are you two little monsters laughing at?" River smiled, wrapping her arms around her two little girls and attacking them with kisses. Giggles turned into laughs as they tried to escape and move to the other side of the bed.  "I don't think so!" She laughed, pulling them even closer to her. They squealed as the Doctor joined in on the kiss attacks which soon became tickles. River laughed as she secured Amelia in her arms, tickling the bottoms of her feet. 

"Mummy!" She tried her best to get out of her grasp, but wasn't able to. After another minute River finally let go of her, letting her catch her breath. Though she was breathing hard, she jumped up and placed her arms around River giving her a big hug. "Morning!"

"Good morning, my darling." River laughed, hugging her back. 

"Mummy, will you make your special pancakes before you go?" She leaned in to whisper in her ear. "Daddy doesn't make them right." 

"Of course." She murmured, kissing her forehead, "But we'd better get started, there isn't much time before I have to go." 

Amelia nodded excitedly, taking her sister's arm. "Mummy's going to make pancakes!" River smiled at the girls, pushing up out of bed before shooing the girls out of the room and down the hall. 

The Doctor slipped his hands around her waist and kissed her cheek. "I could help you pack so things go faster." He glanced at the clock. Even though there wasn't technically a specific time in the TARDIS, they liked to have it to keep track of things. 

She nuzzled her nose against his neck, humming softly, "Yes that would be very helpful, thank you." 

"Alright." He gave her another kiss and moved to the wardrobe. "What do need?" 

"Just some nice pants and shirts. Nothing too tight in case I start to show." She smiled softly, her hand lightly touching her stomach. 

"You'll only be gone a week..." He said, pulling a few loose blouses a a mix of trousers from the closet. 

"I know, but still...I don't want anyone to even suspect." She pressed her cheek to his shoulder, glancing up at him. She took a deep breath, "Do we have anything that I should take with me in case something happens to the baby while I'm away?" It was a horrible thought to think, but she wanted to be prepared and take the proper precautions. 

"Here." He rummaged through one of his drawers and pulled out a syringe. He had kept the medicine there when River was pregnant with the girls and had put it back when she told him that they were expecting another one. He placed it in her hand and closed her fingers around it. "But nothing will happen. You'll be fine." 

She smiled weakly, "I know, I just want to be prepared, that's all..." She kissed him softly. 

"Well I hope that this will not be empty when you get back." He offered a smile. 

"What is it exactly? What does it do?" She looked down at the syringe, rolling it over in her hands. 

He looked up at her a bit hesitant. "It... You know how basically all medicines are dangerous for infant timelodrs?" It wasn't really a question since he had explained it to her last time she was pregnant. "...Well this one isn't entirely safe either. It's designed to take all of the stored energy around the fetus, like from the placenta, amniotic fluid..." He paused, "And you... It turns the stored energy into chemical energy and supplies it to the fetus." 

She swallowed, nodding slowly, "And umm...when should I take it? If I have to take it at all that is..."

His tone became more serious.  "The baby would have to be dying. Like absolutely no question... dying. Because... River once you take it, it will drain you. You won’t even be able to walk." He stepped close to her and put a hand to her shoulder. "Don't unless there's no other alternative."  

She nodded, wrapping her arms tightly around him, "I promise, I will only use it as a last resort." She stepped back after a moment, placing the syringe in her open bag, "I should go make those pancakes for the girls." 

"I'll make sure you're packed." He mentally made a list of the things she had with her that day. Diary, lunch, squareness gun…

"Thank you." She smiled weakly, "I'll tell you when breakfast is ready." She walked down to the kitchen, beginning to make the pancakes. 

Amelia and Freya clung to her legs as she cooked. They looked up at her with big smiles. "Mummy? Can we go to the zoo when you get back?" 

"The zoo? If your daddy says it's alright." She beamed, trying to maneuver around the kitchen with the girls practically attached to her. "And which animals would you like to see at the zoo?" 

"Gastavis! I want to see a Gastavis!" Said Freya. 

"And what about you, sweetie?" She asked, looking down at Amelia. "What do you want to see, hmm?" 

"A Mantaphant." She told her. "They're the prettiest." 

"Yes, I agree. The Mantaphants are my favorites." She smiled, flipping the pancakes and grabbing a serving plate. They both detached themselves from her legs and scurried to sit at the table. River turned off the stove, setting the girls plates on the table in front of them before dishing out the pancakes and calling for the Doctor. He scrambled, all arms and legs,  into the kitchen. His smile was wide at the sight of the golden pancakes. She laughed, sitting down in her chair to start eating. 

She had only taken a bite when her face went pale and she stood, rushing out of the room. The girls exchanged suspicious glances as their father chased after her. "River?" She ran into the bathroom, barely making it in time to be sick into the toilet. He pulled her hair back so it wouldn't get any vomit on it. He reached for the medical cabinet which he had stored saltines in for this very purpose. He offered some to her. She shook her head, pushing them away before turning and throwing up again. He rubbed her back, wincing at her obvious discomfort. 

"Can you lock the door please?" She asked softly, leaning heavily against the toilet, not wanting the girls to come in. 

He nodded and shut the door. "Can I get you anything?" 

"Some water would be nice." She murmured, glancing over at him. He picked up a glass on the side of the sink and filled it up about half way. He handed it to her going back to rubbing her back since it was really the only thing he could do. "Thank you..." She breathed, taking a sip of the water, leaning against him. 

"I packed you some saltines for the trip. I thought you might need them." She nodded slowly, closing her eyes to rest for a moment. She could hear the girls coming down the hall wondering what was going on. 

Small knocks came from out side. "Mummy? Are you okay? Is daddy in there too? What’s wrong?" 

She glanced up at the Doctor, "Should we tell them?" She asked quietly. 

"I thought you wanted to wait." Though he had no problem with telling them now, she was right that there were still risks of losing the child before the end of the trimester. He couldn’t guarantee them both making it out of the Library.  

She hesitated, "I don't know...what do you think?" 

"I... I think maybe you're right in waiting. At least 'till after the trip." He concluded. The Library was about the riskiest part of this pregnancy. If she could get through that, then she could probably get through the whole thing. 

She nodded, "Okay. I-I don't know what to tell them for now though." 

Neither did he. "Tell them... er... that there was something in the pancakes...?" 

She made a face, "Well then they'll make a fuss and they won't finished their breakfast." 

"Than tell them... uh..." His thoughts seemed distracted by the banging on the doors. "They didn't hear you, did they?" 

She nestled back against him, groaning slightly, the pounding giving her a headache, "I don't know..." 

"I don't think they did. Tell them you forgot to brush your teeth or something. Do you want me to do it?" She didn't look like she wanted to move. 

She nodded weakly, "Yes please." He got up slowly as not to disturb her to much. He stepped out of the room. His voice was muffled behind the door, but the banging stopped and feet headed back to the kitchen. 

He popped his head back in. "We're just going to finish breakfast. You're free to join us when you feel better." 

She smiled weakly, "Thank you, sweetie..." He nodded and slipped his head back out to head for the kitchen, hoping he wouldn't find a sticky mess everywhere when he returned. She stayed in the bathroom for another few minutes, then cleaned herself up and headed back to the kitchen where quite a bit of scolding could be heard. The Doctor had a wash cloth in hand and was helping the girls clean up their syrupy faces when River came in. The plate of pancakes was down to only a few, soggy with syrup. The sticky substance had made it's way all over the table. 

"What happened in here?" She asked, wetting another washcloth to help clean up. 

"Well the girls discovered where the syrup bottle lives." He said, his tone a bit cross. 

River sighed, "Girls, I'm very disappointed in you. You know better than this. This is the sort of thing that little babies do, are you two babies?" 

"No.." "

Sorry mummy." They looked down at their feet. 

"Yes, you should be sorry, both of you." 

The Doctor looked between River and the twins. He said in a low voice "River, maybe you shouldn't be to harsh on them..." 

"No! They need to learn that they can't do this!" She was getting a bit worked up. 

"They have. I mean look..." He glanced at the girls who looked very ashamed of themselves. "I just don't think yelling is the best way."  

She glanced over at the girls, sighing, "You're right...I'm sorry." She whispered, kneeling down and holding her arms out to Amelia and Freya, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled at you two like that." They immediately clung into her, glad the the 'scary mummy' was gone. "It's still not alright that you two made a mess, but I shouldn't have shouted like that. I'll forgive you as long as you forgive me." She held them both tightly, feeling guilty after what had happened. 

They nodded. "We're sorry, mummy! Very sorry." 

"We forgive you..." 

She smiled, "Alright, I want you to say sorry to Daddy too." 

They turned and bowed their heads a little. "Sorry daddy." 

She nodded, "I need to leave soon so let's clean the rest of this up, hmm?" 

"Kay, mummy." They chippered up a bit and went to clear the plate. 

She washed the rest of the syrup off of the table, looking over at the Doctor, "I'm sorry for yelling." 

He kissed the top of her head. "It's fine, just remind me never to get on your bad side." 

"Oh shut up." She pouted, hitting his arm. 

"Not a chance." He teased right back. 

She looked up at him for another minute, smiling softly, "I should get going..."

 

He sighed. "I suppose you should..." He gave her another kiss before going to fetch her bag and jacket. 

River took the girls down to the console room, smoothly flying the TARDIS to the grounds of Luna University. The Doctor came back in, sneaking up behind her and surprising her with a kiss. She jumped a bit, melting against him after a moment. "I left a special note for you in your diary. Don't worry, I didn't peak at anything, It's on the last page." He told her. 

Her smile faltered, "The last page? You mean there are no more pages left?" 

"There are a bunch of pages left." He assured her, though he knew it was really only more like one or two. "I don't know how many though because I didn't want to risk seeing any spoilers."

She nodded, understanding now, "I love you." She whispered, pulling him in for another kiss. 

He hummed against her lips. "Don't read it until you get to the Library." He murmured in her ear. 

"I won't." She promised before turning to the girls, "I'm going to miss you two so much." 

"I'll miss you too, mummy." 

"But we can go to the zoo when you come back!" Freya said, hoping she was looking forwards to it, too. 

"Of course." She smiled, "I can't wait to go to the zoo! Be good while I'm gone, alright?" 

"We will!" They clobbered her with more hugs. 

She laughed, squeezing them both tightly, "I love you both  so much." 

The Doctor could help but wrap his arms around all three (well, three and a half) of them, managing to kiss river over the heads of Freya and Amelia. "You're going to be late." 

She beamed as she kissed him back, "Mmm, yes you're right, but one more thing before I leave." She took a marker out of the front pocket of her suitcase, then knelt down and drew the Gallifreyan symbol for love all of their arms, doing the Doctor's last. "Just in case you need a reminder while I'm gone." She whispered to him, kissing his cheek softly. 

"I won't forget." he promised. He watched her go, his face immediately falling. He wasn't going to let her die, he knew he was going save her, but that didn't mean she didn't have to go through everything that was yet to come. He could remember her tears and how sad she was when he didn't recognize her, and the signed smell of her flesh as he sat chained to a poll, staring at the spot where she sacrificed herself.  She turned to look at him one last time, smiling and blowing him a kiss before heading into the university, completely unaware of what was about to happen. 

 

Anita, Ms. Evangelista, Mr. Lux, and the Daves' were all waiting for her. They had already changed into their suits and other Dave held out her's to her. "Professor Song. We're ready to go. You should get changed." 

River nodded, "Thank you Other Dave." She smiled, taking the suit from him, "I hope you all brought lunches!" She called as she left to change. While in the back, she was rather tempted to see what the Doctor had written in the back of her diary, but she had promised that she would wait until they got to the Library. 

"Professor Song! Hurry up, we're going to be late!" Called Mr. Lux. 

She rolled her eyes, already knowing that she wasn't going to like him, "I'm coming! I'm coming!" She huffed, going back in to join the group. 

He handed her a form once she got back. "You have to sign the contract." He insisted. 

She raised an eyebrow, taking the form from him and reading it over. "I don't think so." She laughed, tossing it back at him. 

"Professor Song!" He said, getting angry. "The rest of the team has already signed the contract, I'm afraid I have to insist." 

"And  I'm  afraid I have to decline." She smiled, "Now, weren't you saying that we're going to be late?"

He sent a glare at her. He could tell he wasn't going to like her very much. "Come on." He waved his hand for them to follow him to the ship. She glared at his back before following in onto the ship with the rest of her team in tow. "We are going to be in here for at least a few days, everyone. So you'd better get comfortable." Mr. Lux announced before going to the pilot's chair. 

River settled in one of the chairs, making sure she had her Diary and the syringe closest to her. Four long days in a ship with people like Mr. Lux and Ms. Evangelista was not at all a fun experience. Mr. Lux tried to avoid River as much as possible, the few words exchanged between them had an edge and general dislike in them. Anita was quite nice to her though and they often found themselves bonding over a game of cards. Though she enjoyed talking to Anita, her true thoughts were elsewhere, on the Doctor and the girls. 

As the time passed, she imagined them playing their silly little games, having dinner which she hoped was something reasonable, then washing up and getting ready for bed. As much as she loved her expeditions, she longed to be with her family again. 

The ship landed with a thud, jostling everyone inside. "Hey! My coffee!" Other Dave complained as he reached for something to clean up the spilled drink. 

"Alright, helmets on everyone." She commanded as the team gathered their things. When they had all got their suits airtight, Ms Evangelista having some difficulty, Mr. Lux stepped outside. There was a large door about 20 feet tall in front of them. 

"Alright everyone, listen up. There is a seires of gates and I have to codes to unlock them. We only have about 30 second to get through each one before it automatically closes." 

"Or we could just use this to get through them all." River held up the sonic the Doctor had given her. 

"What is that?" He questioned looking from the paper of numbers to the device in her hand. 

"It's a sonic screwdriver." She smiled, responding as though it were obvious, knowing it would annoy him, "It can get you in or out of anything." She began sonic-ing the gate, the doors sliding open, "See." 

"My family spent generations trying to break the codes to this thing. I spent months trying to find these numbers and you just mention this now?!" He raised his voice as he spoke. 

She shrugged, still smiling,  "You never asked. Come on you lot, these doors won't stay open forever." They all filed in the first gate, Mr. Lux grumbling to himself about family dishonor and such. She lead them through the rest of the gates, grateful that the Doctor had given her the sonic since she was able to open the doors with ease. 

The hall they entered was rather dim. "That's odd... The light's aren't supposed to do that." Mr. Lux seemed to forget his anger towards River.

River pulled her flashlight out of her bag, handing it to Other Dave. "This planet has been empty for a hundred years, you don't think the lights would dim like that? Keep moving everyone." 

"This planet is designed to generate electricity." He explained. "It can produce enough light to power three suns for centuries. It's impossible for the lights to go out." 

"Well then I guess that's just another thing we'll have to figure out." She turned, following the rest of her team down the hall. After a great deal of thought, she send a message to the Doctor, coordinates for the Library signed with a kiss. She could use his help in figuring out what was going on. 

"Hey guys!" Proper Dave called. He was further down the hall and pressing his head to the wall. "I think I hear something." River quickly moved to where Dave was, listening. The voices of the people on the other side were inaudible but clearly that of a man and woman. She smiled, knowing it had to be the Doctor, there was no one else there. But a woman? It was a bit odd...She tried to open the doors, only finding them to be sealed tightly. Finally, she managed to blast through the doors, smoke sweeping into the room as she stepped inside, waking up to the man she recognized to be another version of the Doctor, "Hello, sweetie." 

"Get out." 

 

* * *

River pulled her diary out of her bag, glancing up at the Doctor as she flipped through it. "You're doing a very good job of acting like you don't know me, I assume there's reason.”

“Yeah, a fairly good one actually.” 

“Shall we do diaries then? Where are we this time?" As she began to list the places from their early days.  

He eyed the diary. 'Shall we do diaries' what was that suppose to mean? He didn't have a dairy. She looked so casual as she did this, like it was a regular normal thing for them to do. Was it? She stared at him for a moment, almost in awe. "Look at you...You're so young.” 

“I’m really not.” He scoffed.

“But you are. You're eyes...you're younger than I've ever seen you." She was a bit scared by this, he was difficult in the early days, not always agreeable and not always trusting. 

"So you've seen me before then?" It wasn't really a question. Her heart stopped, he didn't lean into her touch, he leaned away...he never did that. 

"Doctor...please tell me you know who I am..." A part of her already knew the answer, the answer that would surely kill her. 

He didn't quite like being the one who didn't know everything. "Who are you?" The question seemed like the simplest one in the world, one you ask every new person you met, and yet her face fell like her whole world just got taken away.

She felt like she was being stabbing in the chest over and over again, she wanted to cry, or scream. How could he not know who she was? How could the man that she loved more than anything in the world have no idea who she was? It was the first time he was meeting her, so...this would be the last time she saw him... As an alarm went off and he jumped away from her, she just stared at him for a moment, before flipping to the last page of her diary to the note that the Doctor, her Doctor, had left.

 

River-

 

If you are reading this, I'm probably there at the Library with you and you just did diaries. Or tried to at least. I hope you can forgive me for making you do this. For making you come to the Library and face me, but you understand why now. This is the first time I met you it’s one of the most important parts of our timeline, you made a very good impression by the way. But River it's important you know I'm still here. The me who knows you and our children. I'm here. And I promise that it's not over, I promise that you'll make it out of this. I need you to listen to whatever I’m about to tell you to do without question or else things could go very wrong.

 

-I love you. So, so much.

The Doctor.

 

She red the last part over and over again, fighting back against her tears. She didn't want to be here anymore, she wanted to turn and runaway, but rule 7, never run when you're scared. She wanted her Doctor, her husband, to be there. But he wasn't...and so she would just have to trust his words, trust that she would see him again and trust that he did love her. Another few minutes and she managed to pull herself together, hiding all the pain she felt inside, hiding her broken heart. She walked over to the rest of the group, trying to stick to the mission.

 

* * *

The Doctor woke, handcuffed to a pole. His head hurt from the blow delivered to it by River. He looked over to River to see that she was... “Oh no, no no! River!" He tried to get up but was held back by the handcuffs "No, what are you doing, that’s my job!" 

Just minutes before he had awaken she had injected the contents of the syringe into her body, in hopes that some way, some how, the extra energy would be enough to save her baby. She could already feel her energy starting to drain as she worked with the wires, "And I’m not allowed to have a career I suppose?" She tried to sound playful, tried to keep the tremble out of her voice, "One last chance to save the Doctor..."  

He reached for his screwdriver, but it was too far away. He lat out an angry noise. "Urgh! Don't do this, River! It'll kill you! I have a chance you don’t have any!" He begged. 

"You’d wouldn't have a chance and neither do I! You wouldn’t regenerate. No, I'm not letting you take my place." She shook her head, "I'm not going to watch you die, not today, not this young... If you die here it’ll mean I never would’ve met you. I'm timing it for the end of the countdown. There'll be a blip in the command flow. That should improve our chances of a clean download."  

"River..." Why did people always have to sacrifice themselves for him? People he barley knew and people he had just met. But she hadn't only just met him. “River please…”

She shook her head, spoilers...she couldn't say, no matter how much she wanted to. "Funny thing is, this means you've always known how I was going to die. All the time we've been together, you knew I was coming here. The last time I saw you, the future you, I mean, you took me to Darillium to see the Singing Towers. The Towers sang, and you cried." As she spoke, she thought of the girls...oh god the girls...She had promised them she would come home. They were supposed to go to the zoo once she got back. She wasn't going to see them grow up…

“River you knew my name. There's only one time I would ever tell anyone my name. There's only one time I could..." 

 

She her energy was too drained, she didn't have the strength to hold back her tears anymore. She could hear the countdown starting, this was it, her time was ending and she was going to die, alone and afraid. “Hush now, spoilers."

His pleads were useless. The countdown was complete and there was nothing he could do but shield his eyes from the blinding light emitted as River sacrificed herself for him. He was left looking at the empty spot where River had sat just moments ago. Even when he found Donna, he was still thinking about her. Who was she? She knew him so well, how could he let her just die? And of course he didn't. Of course his future self had found a way to save her. He was breathing hard and smiling like a madman when he downloaded her into the computer. 

River looked around, it was impossible. How...the Doctor. Oh he was impossible. She didn't know how he did it, but he did, he had saved her. To the biggest data core in t the universe.

  
  


 

The Doctor materialized in the lower levels of the Library. Her Doctor. The kids had been put to bed and he locked the door behind him. He had a little over an hour before the Vashta Nerada would swarm the place. That's what he had promised. One day to get everyone out, then the Library would be consumed by the shadows forever. He hurried over to where River had sacrificed herself. It was just how he remembered it. 

  
Empty. 


	20. Your arms are my castle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As promised, River makes it our of the Library.
> 
> Title from "Every time we touch" by Cascada.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just something to hold you over and to assure you River is okay... for now. 
> 
> In the first bit it switches off from River and the Doctor's prospective, but I'm sure you'll be able to follow. As always, please leave comments!

CH 20

 

River was outside, walking along the edge of the river. It wasn’t a real river of course, just on the computer had generated. Thoughts of the Doctor, Freya and Amelia filled her mind. He had promised in his note that this wouldn't be the last time she saw him, but maybe that had been a lie just to give her hope. After all, rule one, the Doctor lies… She didn't know what had happened to the baby. She hadn't checked yet, not wanting to risk more bad news on what already was a long, emotionally draining day.

\----------

"I can't" CAL replied for a third time.

"What do you mean you can't?! You downloaded 4,022 people into a physical form! All I'm asking is just one and a half more! Please!" The Doctor wouldn't take no for an answer.

"They are not compatible."

\----------

It was beginning to rain, well...more like pour. River’s teeth chattered as her white gown began to cling to her body, already soaking wet. She had put the three virtual children to bed earlier, and it had reminded her of how she used to put her own children to bed. She wasn't aware that the Doctor was there, trying to save her.

\----------

The Doctor ran a hand through his hair. Not compatible. Not compatible. Okay. Not good, very not good. Outraged, he kicked the wall fell to his knees. He let fall the tears he had been trying to keep back for the past week. This couldn't happen. He couldn't lose her now. CAL could make humans because she was human. She had human DNA. "DNA! That's it!"

\----------

Something didn't feel right, something was off. It was getting harder to see, the rain coming down in buckets. River couldn't see the house where the others were, not with all this rain. She collapsed under a tree which provided at least a little shelter from all the rain. She would have to wait out the storm before going back home. She was trembling, her dress soaked.

\----------

CAL needed Time Lord DNA to download River properly. He looked around for anything to cut his hand with. There were a few metal fragments from the explosion River had caused that sliced his hand easily. He let out a yelp and presented the bloody hand to CAL. "Please."

\----------

Her body tingled, her head pounded and she felt like something was tugging at her, pulling her somewhere. There was a bright light and she shielded her eyes…

The Doctor stared at the spot where River's body had started to appear. "Please… Please..." He repeated under his breath, not bothering to look away from the bright light. "Please work." As the light started to fade, her eyes fluttered open. It wasn't raining anymore, and she wasn't wet anymore. Her gaze fell onto the Doctor, she couldn't move all she could do was stare at him.

"River!" He ran up to her and threw his arms around her, holding her very tight. "Oh, River. My River. " He couldn't believe this was real. He had spent so long figuring out what to do when she was gone that having her in his arms again felt almost impossible.

She pushed him away from her, holding him back so she could look at him. After a moment, she slapped him, hard. Then, grabbing the lapels of his jacket, pulling him to her and kissing him. There were so many emotions running through her head, she was furious, happy, upset, relieved. He didn't care that she slapped him. He would've slapped him, too. He pressed his forehead to hers, still crying. "River, we have to get out of here. We don't have much time." He didn't really want to move though. He wanted to just sit there and hold her and kiss her and tell her how much he loved her.

She didn't move either, her whole body shaking as she started to sob, clutching onto him. She couldn't find the right words to say in order to properly convey how she was feeling. "River..." His tears mixed with hers as he brought her into another kiss. "We have to go." He said again. He didn't know how much time they had before the Vashta Nerada returned. Probably minutes.

She was still sobbing, not having the strength to do anything else. The TARDIS was only steps away, but she didn't have the energy to move. He hooked his arm under her shoulders and legs. "I've got you." He whispered. "I've got you." She was still clutching onto him, relaxing just slightly in his arms. She let him carry her into the TARDIS, still sniffling and shaking.

"I-I thought I was never going to see you a-again." She finally managed to say.

"I promised you would, didn't I?" He set her down in the sickbay. "I will never break a promise to you."

She smiled weakly, reaching for his arm, not wanting him to leave her side, "I know, I know." She whispered, "Where are the girls? Did you tell them anything? Do they know?" She bombarded him with questions.

"They're asleep. They... They were asking where you were. It's been over a week. I told them your ship needed some repairs."

She nodded, glad to hear that they didn't know what had really happened to her. "What about you?" She asked softly, "How are you?"

"I.." He shakily reached for her hand. "I thought I was going to lose you. Forever."

She took his hand, pulling him down to her and holding him tightly, "But you saved me." She whispered, "You managed to find a way to save me."

"It almost didn't work, River. And you could've glitched or the baby could've been lost..." He took a breath to keep from crying again. "I was so scared."

Her heart stopped, the baby... "A-are you sure the baby's alright?" She asked, her voice shaking. "Doctor, I don't know if the baby really is alright..."

"I asked CAL to save them but... but you were only a few weeks.” HIs voice was quiet. “River, the energy signature probably wouldn't have been great enough for CAL to register the baby as a life form."  He put his head in his hands. "I'm so sorry."

She stared at him, shaking her head, not wanting to believe what he was saying. "No....no, no, no, no." She whispered, tears filling her eyes again.

"I'm sorry, River. But there would've had to be a bigger energy signature. You would've had to-to ingested something or-or.."  He didn't quite believe it either. There had to be something, someway this could change.

"What about the medicine you gave me? I-I used that before...before...." She couldn't bring herself to say ‘died’.

He looked up at her. "You... you what?"

"The syringe full of medicine you gave to me before I left. I took it..."

He could barely form words. "You..." His heart pounded in his ears. Maybe the universe wasn't so cruel to him after all. He jumped up and grabbed the ultrasound. "River... you may have just saved our baby's life." She couldn't breathe, like really truly couldn't breathe. Her heart pounded and her head was spinning. She prayed that the baby was alright, she would be beside herself with grief if it wasn't. His eyes were glued to the screen. He raised a hand to his mouth. "But that's...." The cornered of his mouth curves up into a smile. "That's our baby! Oh, you mad impossible woman. You saved them!"

She stared at him for a moment before breaking into tearful laughter, wrapping her arms around him and hugging him tightly, "Everything's alright?"

"Yeah... Yeah, I think so." He looked down at her belly then back up at her face, wiping away a tear from her cheek.

She smiled up at him, brushing away the rest of her tears, "I love you."

"I love you, too. Don't ever do that again. Don't ever leave me."

"I won't." She whispered, kissing him softly. "Can I see the girls?"

"They're sleeping, but I'm sure they wouldn't mind. Can you stand?"

She nodded, though as soon as she was on her feet, she collapsed onto the ground. He was by her side in an instant. "River! Are you okay?"

"I-I'm fine." She murmured, trying to push herself back up onto her weak legs.

"Let me help you." He took her arms, letting her use them as full support. She nodded her thanks, moving as fast as her drained body would allow, eager to see the girls since just hours before she believed she would never see them again. "Take it slow, River. Your body has been through a lot today and the medicine you took still has some effect you."

"I have to see the girls." She whispered, pushing herself even harder, nearly collapsing a second time.

He kept her up right in his arms. "And you will. But there's no rush, they are not going anywhere. It won't hurt to slow down a bit. Just take it easy. Please."

She huffed, slowing down just enough so she wasn't putting too much strain on her body. "Thank you."

They walked in to the girls room. He didn't bother to turn on the light. He helped River sit down on Amelia's bed. She smiled weakly, stroking back Amelia's curls gently as she began to stir. "Hello, sweetie." She murmured.

"Mummy?" She gasped realizing that she wasn't dreaming. "Mummy!"

River smiled, "I missed you." She whispered, kissing her forehead.

"Mummy, you came back." She threw her tiny arms around her.

"Of course I came back." She held her tightly, "I promised you I would, didn't I?"

"Promised." Amelia nodded. She was overjoyed that her mother was here. She didn't fully believe that River’s ship needed repairs.

River kissed her face all over, knowing that it usually made her squeal. She glanced over at Freya, who was still sleeping in her bed. "Will you help me get her?" She asked the Doctor. He nodded. Their beds were pretty close together so he could practically lift her.

"Mummy?" Amelia asked. "Why can't you walk by yourself?" River looked over at Amelia, trying to think of an answer to give her, but she couldn't think of anything but the truth. She glanced up at the Doctor for help.

"Er... Mummy's just tired. She had a long trip." He covered for her.

She hoped that the answer was acceptable enough for Amelia. She gently woke Freya the same way she had with Amelia. Freya didn't question that her mother was in front of her. She almost immediately attacked her with a big hug. "Mummy, you're back!"

She beamed, squeezing her tightly, "Yes, I am. I missed you so, so much." She whispered, kissing her head.

"I missed you, too. Daddy was acting really weird without you." She nuzzled her head into her lap.

River glanced up at the Doctor, "He was, was he?" She murmured, stroking her hair.

Freya nodded. "Don't ever be gone that long again."

"I won't, my love." She soothed, her hands trembling as she continued to smooth back Freya's hair.

"Mummy?" She looked up at her. It didn't take much to see that River was full emotion besides happiness. "What's wrong?" She shook her head, trying her best to mask everything other than happiness.

"I'm just happy to be home again." She managed a smile. Her head was spinning, she felt as though she didn't have enough energy to keep sitting up straight.

The Doctor came over and put a hand on her shoulder. "Mummy is also very tired and should be getting to bed." He hinted.

She nodded slowly, "It's time to go back to bed, alright?" She whispered, kissing Freya's forehead.

"Will you still be here in the morning?" She asked sleepily, lying her head down on the pillow.

She smiled, "Yes, I'll be here." She tucked the blankets around her again, then tried to push herself onto her feet.

He was by her side, supporting her again. "I want you to sleep in the sick bay tonight." He whispered. "Your body needs a day or two to get used to everything."

She groaned, "Doctor, do I really have to? After everything that's happened, I would really like to sleep in my own bed.

He was hesitant, though after the day that they had, he was thinking the same thing. "...Fine. But I want you to wear the portable fetal monitors. Your body is not completely stable and I want to be able to monitor things."

"If that would make you more comfortable, then I'll wear them." She agreed, glad that she would be able to curl up comfortable in her bed, rather than in the cold, rather dreary sick bay.  

He smiled. "Thank you."

 

 


	21. Baby Bird Don't Fly Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things take a turn for the worst as the Silence return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y'all are ready for a bucket of feelings. You think you are but you really aren't. Like, really, be prepared. 
> 
> Not sure where the title came from... wanted to include 'baby bird' in there somewhere.

CH 21

 

The Doctor helped River to their bedroom with minimal difficulty before going to get the fetal monitor, leaving her for a moment. She was afraid she was dreaming, everything was suddenly alright again… The room was rather dark, and a few shadows were cast around the room, quickly but carefully she pushed out of bed, turning on all the lights in the room, avoiding the shadows and leaning against various objects in order to keep from falling over.

He came back in the room and instantly set down the equipment. "River? What are you doing?" He moved closer to her incase she were to fall.

She jumped, a bit startled by his voice, "I-It was too dark."

"Oh..." He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. "River, you know you're safe now. I won't let the shadows take you."

She did her best to smile, trying to hide how scared she really was. "I know, I know. I'm alright."

"Why don't you get rest? We can leave the lights on if you want." He suggested. He didn't mind sleeping with them on if it made her feel safer.

She nodded, "Do you want to put the monitors on me first?" She asked, which was responded to with a nod.

"Sit." He went to pick up the monitors. He wrapped the elastic around her waist with the monitor attached to it. "It should keep track of the heart rates and such." She sighed, pressing her forehead to his shoulder.

"Do you think something is going to happen to the baby?" She asked.

"... I don't know. It's hard to say... but I think we have a fighting chance." He cupped her face in his hands. "Hey, it's gonna be okay."

"Doctor....I don't know if I can do it again. I don't know if I can handle having another miscarriage..." She looked away from him, her gaze fixed on the ground.

"River..." He didn't know what to do . He couldn’t promise her that wouldn't happen, no one could assure that. He pulled her in close to him. "The risk of that happening gets smaller and smaller the longer you carry our child. In a few weeks, that won't even be a possibility. I can't promise you nothing will happen... but I can promise I'll do everything it my power to make sure it doesn't."

She clung to him, burying her face into his chest, "I'm so sorry." She whispered, "I shouldn't be putting pressure on you like this. Especially not after everything you've done for me." She had opened up to him, and was now starting to regret it, feeling as though she had told him too much, "If-If something happens, I'll cope..."

"No River, it's okay. You should have every right to be sad and upset. It's my job to take care of you when something traumatizing happens to you. You don't have to bundle it up." He held her tighter.

She shook her head, "I'm fine." She whispered, sealing her feelings off from him. "Really, it's fine. Let's just go to sleep.” They settled in quickly. Neither of them had thought that they'd ever have the chance to cuddle up together again, which made all the more special.

"River. You know I'm here for you? What ever you need. I'm here."

She forced a smile, "Yes, I know..." She whispered, still clutching onto him as if she were afraid to let go.

"Do you want me to keep the lights on?"

"Are they bothering you?" She asked quietly, hoping that they weren't so she could keep all of them on. The room was really bright, but she didn't really care.

"No. Not at all." He pulled her closer wanting her to feel as safe as possible.

"Then I'd like to keep them on." She nuzzled into him, closing her eyes after another few minutes.

\--------------------------------

"Mummy?" Freya tugged on River's arm in the morning. "Mummy, wake up."

River groaned quietly, rolling over on her side away from Freya, not completely aware that it was her daughter trying to wake her up.  

"Mummy, please!" Freya made her voice louder as she climbed up onto the bed. She tugged at River’s arm. "Mummy wake up!" Her voice wasn't excited and happy like it normally was.

"What? What is it?" River asked sleepily, still exhausted from the events of the day before. Her eyes were still closed as she responded to whoever was pulling on her arm.  

"Mummy, please! It's Mia!" She said urgently, close to breaking into tears.

The frantic tone in what River finally realized was her daughter's voice finally registered in her mind. "What's wrong?" She asked, this time fully waking up, already pushing back the covers.  

"M-Mia... She's gone. Mummy, she's not there!" Freya sobbed. “I can’t find her anywhere!”

"What?" She practically fell out of bed, adrenaline being the only thing keeping her from collapsing as she ran down the hallway to the girls room, "Amelia?" She called, running to her bed and pulling back the covers. There was nothing there.

Freya hugged River's leg. "Mummy..." She said between ragged breaths. "Where's Mia?" River collapsed onto the bed, ignoring the little girl at her feet as she screamed for the Doctor.  

There was a surprised yelp and a lot of scrambling noises before he came running down the hall, all arms and legs, wielding his sonic. "Wha- is everything alright?!" He looked around the room, his stomach twisting. "....Where's Amelia?”

"I don't know, s-she's not here." River whispered, trying to hold herself together, though it wasn't working very well. The Doctor picked up Freya whose cheeks were stained with tears. With a spare hand, he scanned the bed.

" River… it’s-it’s them. It’s the Silence." She shook her head, not wanting to hear what he was about to say as she clutched onto the sheets.

"No, no, no!" He ran a hand through his hair as anger and panic filled him. He probably would've kicked something if he hadn't been holding his daughter.

River continued shaking her head, jumping off the bed, running back to her room to get her blaster, then to the console room. She tried to think of places where her daughter might have been taken, frantically typing in bits and pieces of coordinates she only partially remembered. Tears slid down her cheeks and the fetal monitor she was still wearing began beeping wildly, but she barely even noticed.

The Doctor didn't realize his wife had gone from the room until the TARDIS lurched into motion. He went fast to the control room, doing his best to comfort Freya. "River?" She didn't hear him. He put a hand on her shoulder. "River!"

She shook him off of her, her mind only on finding Amelia. As she ran towards the doors. She had no idea what lay on the other side, already forgetting what coordinates she had but into the TARDIS. All that mattered to her that she had her blaster in hand, ready to shoot anyone that got in the way of her finding her daughter.

"River!" He couldn't leave Freya alone, not when she was at risk of being taken, too. "River, wait!" He followed her out the doors, holding Freya tight to his side. Any one who tried to take her would have to wrench her from his cold dead fingers. The monitor was still beeping wildly, the beeps becoming louder and more frantic.

She should have been trying to stay calm, but she was no where near calm, she could barely see where she was going as she ran out the doors, tears blurring her vision. It seemed to be an abandoned  warehouse of some sort. They must've been far away from any cities or people because there were no sounds of cars or anything outside. The place was very dark and scuttling of small rodents echoed through the place. "Amelia!" River shouted, running further into the empty room, the sound of both her voice and the monitor she was wearing echoed off the walls. "Amelia!"

Very distant whimpers became audible, turning into crying as River ran further into the place. The Doctor tried to keep up, but she was much faster than him. He couldn't let her go so far from the TARDIS when the baby was in distress. She needed medicine, not to be running around a warehouse.

"Amelia!" River shouted, hearing the whimpers and running towards the source of them. "Amelia! It's alright, my love. Mummy's here, Mummy will save you!" She was shaking as she ran further away from the TARDIS, her still weak body under an immense amount of strain.  

"Mum- Ahh!" Amelia screamed at the top of her lungs. "MUMMY!!" She cried. He cries started to become distant again, like someone was moving her further away.

"NO! Amelia!" River screamed, pushing herself and trying to run faster. "Don't touch her! Don't hurt her! Please! She's just a child!" From around the corner, the blue light of electricity crackled. A doorway collapsed and from behind the rubble was a laugh. An evil and cold laugh of a woman. River screamed in fury and frustration, collapsing onto the ground, shaking and sobbing, the monitor wrapped around her waist almost beeping a flat line.

"River!!" The Doctor's voice was still far behind her. He was running as fast as his legs would take him to get to his wife, but time was ticking. It was ticking the minute they left the TARDIS and it was ticking now, he had to get her back there. "River!" He breathed seeing her collapsed form. "No!"

She couldn't breathe, the sound of that horrible, horrible laughter ringing in her ears. "Amelia!" She used her last few breaths of consciousness to scream for her daughter, though it was pointless by now, she was gone again.

Freya had started sobbing again. Not only because for her sister, but because she didn't know why her mother had stopped moving. "River, River! Oh no no no no! River!!" The Doctor set Freya down and fell to his knees in front of her. "River, wake up!" She didn't hear or respond to him, completely unconscious on the warehouse floor. "Freya, do you remember the special button on daddy's screw driver?" She nodded. "I want you to use it to summon the TARDIS." He had no idea how far they had run, but he knew there was no way he would be able to carry River back there in time. He handed Freya the sonic and moved closer to River, turning her so she was lying on her back. Her hands and knees were all scraped up and there was a large, bleeding gash running from her forehead to her temple where she had hit her head when she collapsed.

Everything was a big blur when the TARDIS materialized around them. The Doctor was dragging River's limp body to the sick bay and Freya was watching, terrified and sobbing. She retrieved the needles and equipment that the Doctor had asked her to get off the shelf with shaking hands. He wasn't much calmer than Freya was. Neither of them stopped crying for hours. Even when they finally got River stabilized, they sat crying. And they waited. They waited and waited, sitting on the couch in each other's arms, for River to wake up.

Several hours after she had been stabilized, River started to wake again, moaning in discomfort and shifting slightly. Her eyes opened slowly, and she looked up at the ceiling, trying to reorient herself. The Doctor had fallen asleep, but Freya looked up at the woman in the bed. She climbed off the couch and reached her little hand up to River's. "Mummy?" River felt Freya's hand take hers, and she turned her head, her gaze falling onto the little girls.

She didn't respond, but squeezed her hand lightly. Freya smiled for the first time that day. "Daddy said you'd be really really tired when you woke up. He said you might go right back to sleep." She managed to get up onto the side of the bed. "Please don't go back to sleep."

River tried to smile, but didn't have enough energy. "Freya..." She breathed, still holding onto her little hand. "L....Lay....down....w-with Mummy...." She was exhausted just from talking since it took so much effort.

Freya knew enough to be very gentle. She carefully placed her self by River's side, curling up into her side. "Mummy? When will Mia come back?" Hearing that seemed to trigger something inside of her, she immediately became tense, her breathing becoming heavier.

"Amelia....." Her eyes darted around the room and she tried to sit up, "Amelia....!" She nearly fell off the bed.

"Mummy!" Freya exclaimed. The noise woke the Doctor up.

"Wha- huh..? River!" He got to his feet. "River you have to stay in bed.”

She stared at him, motionless for a moment, tears filling her eyes, "Doctor....my baby....Amelia...." She tried to get out of bed again, not wanting to lay around while he daughter was out somewhere in the universe alone and afraid.

"River." He held her shoulders firmly. "The medicine I gave you is making you very weak. You couldn't even make it to the console room. Please, I need you to stay in bed."  

"Please, Doctor..." She clutched onto his shirt, though her grip was very weak. "Amelia... I-I don't want her to end up l-like me. Please....save her...." She begged, tears running down her cheeks, "Th-They're going t-to hurt her..."  

"I won't let them." He pulled her in close. "They are not going to hurt her River. I've been running a scan for her for the past hour. There's nothing yet, but there will be soon. I promise." She cried harder when he held her.

She could only think of her poor little girl, in the same situation that she had been in all those years ago. She didn't want Amelia to have nightmares every night, she did want Amelia to have the same emotional problems that she did. She had promised to protect her girls and now she had let one of them down, and probably traumatized the other with the what had happened.

He sat there holding her for what felt like hours. He soothed his hand down her back. "River, I know how much you want to get up and find right now, but you have to promise to stay in bed. It's not just our baby's life that's on the line, it's yours too."

"I-Is the baby okay?" She asked, her voice still shaking. She ignored his last request, not wanting to promise him anything.

"For now, but it's you I'm more concerned about. I gave you some more medication, the same one as before, but the amount I had to administer it dangerous for you. It's draining your energy too quickly. I'm trying to replenish it." He pointed to the IV bag she was hooked up to. "But it's still draining rather fast."

"I don't care..." She whispered, "If it keeps the baby alive, then that's all that matters. And if I help, then we could find Amelia faster."

"River, it's straining your life force! If you take that IV out, you'll be dead in minutes." Before either of them could say anything more, Freya tapped on River's leg.

"What baby?" River bit her lip, glancing up at the Doctor, not knowing if she should tell Freya the truth. "What baby?" The girl asked again after a few moments of silence.

"Do you think we should tell her?" Asked the Doctor in a low voice.

"Well I don't know what else to tell her..." She whispered, too tired to think of a lie to tell Freya.

"I think maybe we should..." He looked back at Freya who was getting rather impatient.

River hesitated before turning to her daughter, "Freya, Mummy and Daddy have something to tell you..."

She put her full attention on her mother. She was on her toes to know what it was. "What?"

"Well, sweetie...Mummy's going to have another baby..."

Her eyes grew wide with excitement, momentarily forgetting that her twin was missing. "Like.... 'nother sister?"

River nodded, coming very close to a smile, "Or a little brother."

"W-where?" She looked around the room as if it would appear there to play with her.

She laughed this time, just for a moment, “In my belly, love. The baby needs some time in there to grow and get big and strong so they can come out and play with you.”

Freya looked at River's stomach in wonder before placing her hand there. "How long?"

"Eight months." She brushed back the curls on Freya's forehead, "Do you think you can wait that long?"

"Not without Mia to keep me company." She pouted. "Is that why you fell down earlier?"

She nodded slowly, "Yes, sweetie, that's why. The baby is going to make me very very tired for a while."

"Bad baby." She glared at River's abdomen and shook a finger at it. "No making mummy tired. She has to help find Mia."

"The baby doesn't mean to make me tired. And I'm perfectly capable of helping find Amelia whether I'm tired or not." River shot a glare of her own up at the Doctor.

"River..." He begged again. "You can help plenty from where you are. Please. Stay in bed."

"Doctor...I can't just sit here and wait for something to happen. I have to find her. I'm not doing any good just sitting here!"   

He knew he couldn't keep her in the bed even if he tied her down. It would be like trying to convince her to not pick a locked door or not follow him into a dark corridor. She'd just go ahead and do it anyway. At least this way he would be able to keep an eye on her. "Fine, fine." He gave in. "But you're not walking." He popped up a brought a wheel chair over. "You have to use this."  

"Alright, fine." She agreed, already moving out of bed, eager to be up and looking for Amelia. She had quite a bit of difficulty just sitting herself up straight, never mind getting out of bed. He let her lean on his arms, supporting her fully.

When she was settled in the chair, Freya tapped River. "Can I sit in your lap?"

She held open her arms, "Of course, darling. Come here." Freya climbed up into River's lap and settled in her arms. She didn't full understand everything that had happened that day but she understood that her sister was taken by bad people. That her parents were the most frightened she'd ever seen them and the baby in her mum's tummy was making her ill enough that she couldn't walk. She was comforted by River's warmth and searched for any more reassurance she could get.

River knew that Freya was frightened by everything. She held her a bit tighter than normal, kissing her head, "It's alright, my love. Everything will be alright." She rubbed Freya's back soothingly, tracing Gallifreyan words lightly with her fingers.

"I miss Mia..." She told her as the Doctor started moving them to the console room.

River sighed, holding her a bit closer, "I know. I miss her too, but we're going to bet her back. I promise."

"When?" She asked, hoping it wasn't as long as it would take for the baby to get there.

"I don't know. Soon..." She glanced up at the Doctor, trying to keep the distress out of her eyes. He gave her a kiss on the top of her head, hoping it would be at least a little reassuring.

They reached the console room and he parked the chair right next to him to she could see what he was doing. He pulled the scanner over to see if it had found their daughter yet. River was shaking as he pulled over the scanner, praying that Amelia had been found.

"There!" He suddenly said after a moment of tense silence. "She's been taken to asteroid belt of the Proestea solor system!"

"What are the coordinates?" She demand, typing things in.

"Z37-R17-HE07" He said quickly. He pulled as much information of the place that he could. She quickly typed the coordinates in before going about pulling levers, landing the TARDIS. "Wait, wait!" He said before she could run out the door like last time. "River, it looks like they pulled out all the stops for this. There's force fields a-and a huge amount of security a-and a lot of guns! You can't just run out there, there's no telling what could happen to you!"

She gently let Freya off her lap, "Doctor, my daughter is out there and I'm not going to let her suffer alone any longer." She pushed herself out of the chair, "I don't care what dangers are out there I'm going to- Ah!" She doubled over clutching her stomach.

"River!!" He ran over to her. "River, oh god, River!" He held her and helped her lie down on the floor. He didn't care that they were in the middle on the console room.

"Doctor...What's happening?" She asked, biting back another cry of pain. He let her squeeze his hand while he did a quick scan with his sonic. His eyes went wide as he read the scan and he dropped the screwdriver, putting all of his attention on her.

"River, I need you to stay calm. Everythings going to be okay..."

"Doctor..." She hissed, still clutching onto his hand, as she disregarded his words, complete terror in her eyes, "Tell me what is going on."

"The baby i-it's...." He could barley get the words out, though the faint glow from River's torso gave a hint. "I-it's trying to regenerate." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm SO sorry that I haven't updated, the usual excuses: school, really busy. But also last weekend I was at NYC Comic Con (hence no update) but I met Alex Kingston so... I consider Alex a valid excuse.


	22. Take my hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lives are on the line as the family of timelords fight to stay together and stay alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Much motivation from LydiaSmith and Idril_Celebrindal. I recommend you check out the comments for fun as well as some useful explanations to things. Happy reading and don't forget to comment!
> 
> Also should I have tagged the kidnapping thing as a trigger warning? If someone could give me a list of trigger things I should warn yall about before hand that would be much appreciated.

CH 22

 

"T-That's a good thing, right?" River looked up at him, not thinking about the fact that her entire body would probably burn if the baby regenerated inside of her.

The Doctor shook his head. "Not for you. Not at all for you." His face quickly became panicked. He didn't have any reassurance that she would be okay. Everything that happened to her before, he always knew she wouldn’t die because she hadn't gone to the Library yet. But now he was at the hand of whatever fate would decide.

She let out another yelp of pain, her hands shaking as she clutched her stomach. "Is...Is there any way to stop it?" She asked, glancing over at Freya.

"N-no..." No one could stop a time lord's regeneration cycle without killing them. "Oh god, River." His eyes began to mist over. He held her close, noticing that her skin was very hot to the touch. He wasn't going to let her go without a fight. "Freya! Go get some ice packs from the freezer. Quickly!"

"D-Don't yell at her like that..." She whispered, "You're going to frighten her..." She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to find something other than his hand to hold onto. "I'll be fine, go and get Amelia."

He couldn't image that Freya could be much more scared than she was now. "I'm not leaving you." Freya ran as fast as her feet would carry her and in half a minute brought the ice to them. "Thank you." He immediately put the ice at the source of the heat.

River looked up at him, desperation in her eyes, 'Doctor, please. You're just wasting your time sitting here with me, there's nothing you can do. Go and get out daughter. Bring her home, I'll still be here." She begged, caring more about Amelia's safe return than her own.  

"Nothing I can do to stop the baby regenerating." He corrected, ignoring her pleas "But there's plenty I can do to stop it from killing you. I'm not bringing Amelia back to home to her dead mother. I'm not leaving you here to die, River." The ice pack was melting quickly, making a large wet spot on River's cloths. One hand keeping the ice in place, he moved to gently pick River up. River clutched onto his jacket, her nails digging into the skin on the back of his neck as she felt the pain grow a big stronger. So much had happened over the past few days, she didn't know what to do. She glanced down at Freya to see how she was doing.

The girl had not let go of her special blankie since her sister had gone missing. She was long past the point of tears and it was simply fear in her eyes. Fear that her mum was dying, fear that her sister was gone forever, and fear that four and a half was about to become two. River squirmed in the Doctor's arms, "I think it will be alright if you just bring me back in the wheelchair." She whispered, wanting to be able to hold her poor little girl.

"River, we have to get you somewhere cold. You're going to burn up if we don't and I mean that in the literal sense." He was extremely serious as he passed the medbay and kept going until he reached a metal door.

River’s forehead was drenched with sweat by now, "Doctor, I just want to be able to comfort Freya. Look at her." She glanced back at the little girl who was trailing behind them. She then glanced up at the metal door, "Where are we?"

He threw door open with his foot. "Somewhere cold." Inside was what looked like an engine room, with large containers that looked like water heaters everywhere. Almost everything in the room was connected to a pool like crevasse in the middle of the room. He placed River in the cool water. "You have to stay in there. Freya can keep you company."  

"Where are you going?" She asked, shivering a bit when he first put her in the water. "Are you not staying in here?"

"I'm going to find our daughter. She's scared and alone. River, you're going to be okay... I think. As long as you stay in there.  Freya, keep mummy safe. Don't let her leave the pool." He instructed. He bent over and kissed River before going back to the door. His mind raced with thoughts of his lost little girl and River. Though she'd recover from the regeneration with a few day's rest, he had no idea how this would affect the baby's growth. Would it accelerate it? Or have no effect at all?

"Stay safe!" She called after him, praying that both he and their daughter would return safely and soon. She looked over at Freya, leaning back in the pool. "Are you alright, my love." She asked softly, kissing the back of her hand.

Freya shakily responded the only thing that had been on her mind for a long time. "P-please don't die mummy!" She hugged River hard. "I don't want you to die!" "Shhh...Shh..." She rocked her gently, wrapping her arms around her daughter, "It's okay, I'm not going to die. It's alright..."

The few tears Freya had left in her escaped her eyes. "You promised. You promised you wouldn't leave me and Mia again."

"I know, sweetie, I know..." She whispered. River felt horrible that all of this was happening, and that poor Freya was terrified. She pulled away from her, brushing the tears from her eyes, "I'm not going to leave, alright? I'm going to be just fine. It's a bit chilly in here for you, isn't it..." She murmured, wrapping the special blanket around Freya's shoulders so she wouldn't get too cold.

"I'm okay. You're nice and warm." She rubbed her eye, finding the corner of her blankie she like liked. She put her thumb in her mouth and held it close to her face.

River kissed the top of her head, still holding her close. "Are you tired?" She asked quietly, rubbing her back gently. She tried to hide the pain in her expression every time she felt her abdomen burn more.

"No." She told her mother. "I'm awake." She timidly reached for River's hand. "Mummy? What did daddy mean when you would burn?"

"Don't worry about what daddy said, I'm not going to burn." She didn't want Freya to worry, the girl had already been traumatized enough. "Why don't you tell me what you did while I was away, hmm?'

"Daddy took us to ice cream on Krhogen. Mia got cteer tracks and I got chocolate." She recalled the happy memory of her and Amelia. "Daddy made really funny faces. An’ he spilled some on his bowtie."

"That sound like lots of fun." River smiled, brushing hair out of Freya's face, "Do you want to have a little brother or another sister?" She was trying to distract her daughter with questions so to try and get her mind off of all the bad memories of the day.

"I like having a sister." She pointed out from her experiences with Amelia. "But I've never had a brother before, so I think I want to try that." She concluded. A question occurred to her. "How did the baby get in there, anyway?”

River hesitated, "You'll find out when you're older, sweetie." She whispered, the glow around her abdomen had become much, much brighter. She did her best to hide the rather intense pain she was feeling, her face pale and the rest of her body weak and tired of fighting.

Freya wanted to protest and say that she was, in fact, old enough to know, when the glow caught her eye. "Mummy... you're glowing."

She nodded weakly, "Yes, my love..." She was having a bit of trouble talking, and breathing…

Freya looked taken back at her sudden change of tone. "...It's hurting you"

"No...I'm okay..." She whispered, her eyes fluttering shut.

"Mummy...?"River had seemed fully awake just a moment ago. "Mummy?"

She didn't have the energy to respond, trying to focus on getting air into her lungs.

"Mummy?...!"Freya tried again, this time shaking her shoulder. She promised she wouldn't die. Promised. "Mummy wake up!"

"M-Mummy....Mummy's sleepy, Freya..." River breathed, her insides burning.

"I know the difference..." She said quietly. She could see River hiding her pain, but she did know why. "The glowing is hurting you. Isn't it."

River shook her head slowly, "No...no I'm..." She couldn't finish.

"You're hurt. Like when I scraped my knee on my bike, but much much worse." Freya looked down at her mother’s bright abdomen. This wasn't something you could put a band aid on.

River didn't answer...she couldn't manage it. She needed the Doctor, but she had no idea where he was, and besides, he was doing something much more important.

"How do we fix it?" Freya was determined to help her mother keep her promise. And to keep her talking and conscious.

"You can't fix it, sweetie..." She opened her eyes just a little bit, enough to see Freya.

"I can." She insisted, not wanting her mum to have to suffer. "I can fix it!"

"Freya… t-there's no w-way to fix it..." She closed her eyes again.

"Yes there is!" She stomped her foot, absolutely refusing to believe it. It was obvious to her that River wasn't going to make it if she didn't do something. "Please... I don't want to be alone..."

River choked back a loud cry of pain, "I don't know how to fix it...o-only D-Daddy knows how to fix it..." She forced herself to stay awake, for Freya.

"But daddy might not come back." Tears started to fall from her eyes. She was scared of that. That her sister and daddy might not come home and her mum might die. Then she'd be left all alone .

"I promise Daddy will come back." She looked up at Freya, holding her arms open so she could pull her into a hug, "It's okay, darling. I'll be okay." It may have been a lie, but she would say anything to comfort her daughter.

"I don't want you to die." She could feel the heat from River's skin like the oven when she peaked in to see if the cookies where done. "I can save you."

River shook her head again, "No...no. It'll be alright. You don't have to do anything." She brushed Freya’s hair back, kissing Freya's forehead softly, which felt cold compared to her own skin.

"You won't." She sniffed. "The glowing's going to take you away from me."

"Nothing will ever take me away from you." She soothed, stroking her hair. "I love you."

"But the glowing..." She sobbed. She didn't understand what it was, but she could see it was hurting River.

"Shh, the glowing is coming from the baby. It's helping make the baby stronger." She tried to explain, not wanting her daughter to be afraid of the regeneration energy, although she was right, it probably was killing her.

"But it's making you weaker. I don't want a new brother if it's going to kill you!"

"I..." She didn't know how to respond to that, her heart breaking.

"Why doesn't it make you strong too?" It didn't make sense that the light could weaken her mother whilst strengthening the her, what she assumed was a brother.

"It can only help one parson at a time. And besides, it's the baby's energy." She needed the Doctor, it was getting harder to breathe.

"Why does the baby have energy? Why don't you have any?" Freya demanded.

"It's a long story...One that I don't have the energy to tell right now..."  

"Could.... Could I give you the energy?"

"No! No, absolutely not." Her tone changed immediately, completely rejecting what she had just said.

"I have some, don't I." She ignored River's protests. If she had the light, she could save her mum.

"Freya, you can't use your energy for me. You'll get very sick if you do...I'll be alright without it. I just need to stay cold." She moved a bit further into the pool so Freya couldn't reach her, just in case…

"If I have it, and baby has it, why don't you?"

"Because I used it all." She answered softly. She was so tired, she wanted to sleep…

"Well what if I only use a little? I promise not to use all of it." She begged. Seeing her mum's eyes droop made her hearts quicken.

"I said no, Freya." Her tone was a bit sharper than she had meant it to sound, but if she used a single drop of her daughter's energy she would never be able to forgive herself.  

Freya huffed and dipped her hand into the water, immediately pulling it out. It was warm. She looked up at River in shock. River barely registered the shocked look of Freya's face. Her brain wasn't functioning correctly, she suddenly couldn't even tell Freya was in the room.

"No! It has to be cold!" Freya darted her head around, looking for something, a button maybe, that would cool down the water. "It has to be cold!" River let out a quiet whimper in pain, her skin starting to turn bright red like a sunburn. "Mummy!" Freya cried. She started to run around the room, looking at walls and machines, anything to save her mother. "Has to be cold. Make it cold!" She yelled at the TARDIS.

River suddenly felt the temperature of the pool drop again as the TARDIS hum filled the room.  Freya breathed hard as she raced back over to the pool, clinging to the side and staring at River. "Mummy..."

"It's alright, love...Mummy's f-fine." She was unable to suppress another moan of pain.

"It's still hurting you..." She bit her lip when River moaned.

"It's alright..." She repeated, her abdomen glowing brighter than ever.

Freya cried out in surprise and fear. "Mummy! What's it going to do to you!?" "Nothing...nothing..." She murmured, her eyes closing again, "It's helping the baby..."  

"You said that last time..." She didn't want to watch her mother die. She couldn't stand there and do nothing and she couldn't run away either. "Mummy I’m scared."

She didn't know how to respond because in all honesty, she was scared too. River moved back to her side, wrapping her arms around her again, "It's going to be alright. You don't have to be afraid."

"And you don't have to die." She hugged River tighter as she willed herself to emit a yellow light of her own.

"Freya! No!" She shouted, quickly pushing out of her arms, and moving as far out of her reach as she could get. It faded as she pulled away, though some of the energy had already touched her skin.

"Mummy... Why won't you let me save you?"

"Because it will hurt you if you try to help." It could possibly kill her, but River didn't want to scare her even more.

"But only used a little!" She claimed.

River still shook her head, "I said no." She suddenly heard a bang from the console room. There was another and another until the sound of a door bursting open and then slamming shut was heard very clearly by the both of them.

River quickly jumped out of the pool, shielding Freya in her arms in case the person who had just entered the TARDIS was an unwanted intruder. "Melooodyy. Melody Pooond" A sing song voice rang out.  

"No no no...." River whispered, scooping Freya up and holding her tightly.

"You have to stay cold. Daddy said to stay in the tub." She whined.  

"Melody, come out, come out whereever you aaaree"

"We're going to play a game now, Freya. We have to stay very very quiet and hide." River could feel tears start to burn in her eyes.  She would never let anyone get Freya. She quickly looked around for a place to hide.

"Did you really think you could hide your little family from me forever?" The voice grew closer.  

"Mummy, who is that?" She whispered.

"No talking." River repeated, running towards a door at the other end of the room.

The clicks of heels searching for them stopped outside the room they had just left. "Melody, you know we are going to find you sooner or later."  

She had to stop running for a moment, pressing her lips together to muffle the whimpering sound she made as she clutched her stomach.

"River, run!" It was the Doctor's voice followed by a loud slap and a cry of pain from him.

"Doctor!" She shouted, wanting to  run to him, but knew she had to get Freya as far away from her as possible. She only ran a few steps before she moaning much louder, squeezing her eyes shut.

"River!" Another slap.

"Tisk tisk, Melody. You were much better at hiding and keeping quiet when you were a child. Perhaps motherhood has softened you." River was shaking violently, still holding Freya as tightly as she could. She knew she couldn't run forever, but she wouldn't give up. Her heart pounded and she felt like she was on fire.

Freya squirmed in her arms and managed to get back on the ground. She took the hand of her mother’s that wasn't holding her belly and lead River away from the scary voice. "Come on mummy." She whispered.  

She squeezed her hand, running with her daughter as fast as she could manage. It was getting hard to breath again, she could barely keep on her feet. The TARDIS corridors twisted and turned, trying it's best to lead them away from Madame Kovarian, but she was just as quick.

"Melody, stop playing games. I don't think you want to find out what happens if you don't."

"Come on, sweetie." River whispered, trying to run faster with her. There was a room, a very special, secret room that nobody could get into. If she could get Freya there, then she would be safe from Madame Kovarian. Her legs suddenly gave out from beneath her and she collapsed.

“Mummy!”

"Oooh. 'Mummy, mummy.' You really are a disappointment, Melody."

She could see the door she was trying to get to just at the end of the hall. "Freya! I want you to run to that room and not come out until I say so, alright? Everything's going to be alright, you'll be safe there, I promise."

"I can't leave you!" She reached down for her mother’s hand, and tugged it.

"Please, Freya..." She begged, gently pushing her in the other direction, “I'll be just fine, just go, please."

Before Freya could protest again, a woman in a black suit with maybe a dozen creatures behind her, two of them holding the Doctor tightly be his arms, came into the hallway. They shot electricity from their hands and Freya bolted, running as fast as should could to the room and locking the door behind her.

She felt a rush of relief once Freya was locked in the room knowing that she would be safe in there. There was plenty of food, entertainment and she knew the TARDIS would be able to take care of her. A few of the electricity shots hit her and she withered in pain. The glow around her belly dimmed as she was hit.

"River!" The Doctor cried out only to be hit in the face again. The spot was quite bruised at this point. He struggled against the Silence. "No! Don't touch her! Please, just leave her be! River!"

"Doctor..." River breathed, her eye lids drooping as she tried her very best to fight against the urge to just let go and sleep. She could already feel the burns forming on her back and side.

The Silence came towards her. "Keep her alive for now." They moved to pick her up, but immediately let out something between a shriek and a roar before recoiling away from her fiery skin. Their hands turned a nasty shade of red, white, and purple.

River was fairly certain that she was going to combust into flames. She was pretty sure she had tried to struggle when they attempted to lift her, but she could no longer feel her limbs. She managed to look up and see the Doctor, her eyes pained and sorrowful. He looked back at her, completely horrified that such an awful thing was happening to her, to his family. The TARDIS was working hard to drop the temperature of the room.

Kovarian glared at her servants who had fail to capture River. "What are you waiting for? Get her!" They lunged again, but were unable to touch her without getting burned. She tried to move away when they lunged for her, but she couldn't manage it. Her head felt heavy and her eyes fluttered shut.

"No! River!" He struggled harder than before, managing to get out of the Silence's grip. They raised their hands to attack him, but he prevented the electricity from leaving their fingers with his sonic. He was only thinking of his wife as he fought his way to her. He bent over her, careful not to touch her skin, but blocking any attacks made on her.

And when he opened his eyes, they had been teleported to a 'cold room'. She seemed like she was asleep, her eyes closed. The cold air around her warmed up in a matter of seconds. The glow around her belly hadn't gotten any stronger since she was hit with the electricity.

"No..." He instinctively reached to stroke her cheek, forgetting that it would burn him. He let out a hiss at her hot skin. He looked over at the cold water and back at her limp form. Taking a breath, he held her from under the arms and dragged her to the pool, his hands blistering. The water around them boiled almost immediately, but River's eyes snapped open as she started coughing.

"River!" His eyes widened not knowing what to do. He tried patting her back to help her clear her lungs. After a minute she managed to catch her breath. She stared up at him, trying to formulate words, but couldn't manage it.  "Shh, shh... It's okay, Riv. You're safe now." 


	23. Regret is for the dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River fears that her children will have to suffer what she had suffered when she was a child.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thought yall could use the update. Amelia gets saved, sorry or the lack of epic fight scenes. I swear there is a fight scene with Kovarian later (but it's kind of way later so be patient)

CH 23

 

The Doctor knew the TARDIS would keep the Silence far away from them, eventually leading them somewhere they’d never return from.

"W-Where are the girls?" River asked, suddenly noticing the bruise on his cheek, "You're hurt..." The freezing water was rapidly cooling down her whole body.

"I'm fine. And Freya's safe. Absolutely safe." It didn't burn when he touched her cheek this time, though his hands were still sensitive and stung quite a bit.

"What about Amelia? Where's Amelia." She took his hands, looking down at them, her eyes growing wide in horror when she saw the burns.  

"She's..." He avoided looking her in the eye. "They've still got her." He finished the sentence quietly.

"She...She..." River took a deep breath, moving to get out of the pool, "I have to go get her."

He holds her by the shoulders. "No. Absolutely not. You are not leaving here."

She tried to push him away from her, "I have to find her. Madame Kovarian is going to hurt her...I-I can't let her be held captive for any longer."

"River, I'll find her. I promise. But you need to stay cool. Please, I can't let you nearly die again." He pushed her back down.

She shook her head, "You said that the last time and she still isn't here. I'm coming with you, I'll be fine." The glow around her abdomen was dimming.

"River, you can't." He eyed her belly. "We still don't know the effects this had on you and the baby." He changed the subject back to her.

"What do you mean?" She asked, staring up at him, "Something else could be wrong with the baby?"

"No, not wrong... It just that..." He thought a moment of how to explain it. "Regeneration energy heals. You can go from dead to living in minutes." He didn't need to repeat this, he knew she already knew that bit. "...It improves you... like when you last regenerated, you went from a young adult to a fully fledged adult... My point is, what if it grows? What if the baby goes from a five weeks to eight months because of this?"

"I-" She frowned, she had actually been looking forward to enjoying this pregnancy and enjoying being pregnant. She would be rather disappointed if the baby was suddenly eight months and ready to go. "Well I don't look eight months pregnant, do I?"

"Not now, no. But we don't know if you'll stay that way." He took her hands and squeezed them. "I'm not willing to take that chance. I need you to stay here."

"I want Amelia back." She whispered, squeezing his hands, "With Madame Kovarian somewhere in the TARDIS, this could be our best shot at getting her back."

"I'll go. And I swear on my life, this time I'll bring her back safe. But you have to promise to stay here and let the TARDIS monitor you.”

"Are you sure you'll be alright by yourself? What about Freya?" She asked, "Where is she now?"

"Still in the room you sent her to." He soniced the far door and got up to open it. The TARDIS had moved the room Freya was in to here.

"Freya?" River called, watching the door closely.

Silent sobs came from inside. Freya was hugging her knees to her chest when she looked up. "Mummy...? Daddy...?"

River jumped up from where she was, running over to her and enveloping her into a hug, even if most of her was soaked, "It's alright, my love, everything's alright. Mummy's here..." The Doctor bent down to join the embrace. Freya didn't say anything, just cried quietly into her parents arms, more that relieved that they weren't dead.

After a while she shakily asked. "Why is this happening to us?"

"I don't know, sweetie." River whispered, squeezing her eyes shut trying to hold back tears, "I don't know..."

"I want Mia back!" She mewled. She had never been away from her sister for this long before.

"I want her back too." River whispered, stroking her hair, "Daddy promised to bring her back."

The Doctor stood up. "I'll be back soon. Cross my hearts."

"Please, stay safe." River whispered, standing up and pressing a kiss to his lips.

"I will." He kissed her back, just for good measure before leaving. The door diapered behind him so Kovarian wouldn't be able to find them.

She sighed as she watched the door disappear. "Do you want to take a nap with Mummy?" She asked, turning back to Freya.

The girl nodded, not wanting to go through waiting in anticipation for her sister again. She wanted to wake up, and for this all to be over. Since there was no bed in the room, River gathered up all the pillows and blankets the TARDIS had provided, piling them in a nest like fashion for her and Freya to sleep in. Freya snuggled in close to her mother. Her tears had stopped, though her breathing was still shaky and uneven. Sleep came quickly for her. After Freya had fallen asleep, River had spent a good hour crying and worrying about her husband and other daughter. She had finally fallen asleep not long before the Doctor came back, not hearing him because of her complete exhaustion.

The Doctor fell asleep, slumped against where the door would be nearly as soon as he returned. And in his lap, with a neon green cast on her leg and a few rainbow band-aids, was Amelia.  

It was Freya who stirred first. She slowly opened her eyes and stretched a little bit with out really leaving the safety of River's arms. And then she spotted Amelia. "Mummy, wake up!" She loudly whispered.

"What? What is it?" River asked, snapping awake at the sound of her daughter's voice. She looked around the room, her eyes falling on Amelia and the Doctor. "Oh, Amelia..." She breathed, getting up and running over to them. Freya trailed behind her, not sure if she was still dreaming or not.

Amelia shifted a bit, but still slept, exausted from the events of the past few days. River was horrified by the sight of the cast and the band-aides. She brushed back the curls on Her daughter’s forehead, not wanting to disturb her sleep too much. She quickly checked over both Amelia and the Doctor, make sure there was no other damage done to either of them. Then she realized, she felt a bit different. She put a hand to her belly which had grown just a tiny bit, enough for there to be a small curve to it. She couldn't have been more than another few weeks along, but it was a relief compared to the thought of suddenly being eight months pregnant.

The Doctor stirred, moving his head a little. "Mm... !" He opened his eyes, surprised to see River and Freya next to him. He moved to sit up but stopped, realizing it would disturb the sleeping child in his lap. He smiled at her. "Told you I'd get her back."

She smiled and nodded, leaning in to kiss him softly. "I love you, so much."  

"I love you, too." He glanced down at the small swell of her stomach. "Hmm..."

She followed his gaze down to her stomach. "It's only a few weeks difference." She murmured, "I told you I would have been fine coming with you."

"Then who would've kept Freya company?" He looked at Freya who was still looking at her sister, waiting for her to wake up.

River didn't have an answer for that, looking at Freya. "Mia's very sleepy." She whispered, "I don't think she's going to wake up for a while, so why don't you go back to sleep, alright?"  

" 'm not tired." She said, her lie failing when she yawned a second later.  

"I think you are, my love. Come on." River moved to lift her up and carry her back to their makeshift bed.  

"No." She squirmed. "I want to stay with Mia!"

River sighed, putting her hands on her hips. "If I bring some pillows and blankets here, will you sleep?"

She hesitated, then nodded. "Yes." She quickly scurried back to Amelia's side.

River brought over the blankets and pillows for Freya, helping her get settled before moving to sit on the Doctor's other side. "Are you alright?" She asked.

"...Yeah." He gently scooped Amelia out of his lap and placed her next to Freya. "What about you? How are you burns?"

She shrugged, "I haven't really been thinking about that. I've been more worried about you and Amelia."  

He sighed, got up, and went to the other room. He came back with some burn cream and bandages in his hands. "Let me see."

"Doctor, they're fine. Just sit and rest, you've had a long day." She reached up to take the cream and bandaged out of his hand.  

"So have you." He sat back next to her. "It won't heal properly if you don't do anything about it."

"I'm sure it's fine." She whispered, resting her head against his shoulder. "As long as it didn't hurt the baby."

"The baby's fine, Riv." He rested a hand protectively over the small bump. "Promise to take thing easy this time?"

"What? I didn't take things easy the last time?" She looked up at him, an eyebrow raised.  

"Well..." He thought back to all of the things that happened last time. "Actually you did. The danger kept seeming to find us."

She nodded, "Well then I can't exactly promise you I'll take it easy this time around. Plus, you seem to be forgetting that we have two daughters that need taking care of and you know as well as I do that I'll always put them before myself."  

"No need to remind me." He leaned over and kissed the top of her head. "I just think, with all that's been going on, we should be taking extra precautions to try and keep us out of harms way."

"Like what?" She asked, moving a bit more in his lap, snuggling up against him.  

"No more just running out of the TARDIS. Check the scanner first." He suggested.

She frowned, already not liking the new rules, "Anything else?"  

"I think I should do some more rewiring. I've been trying to improve the security so the Silence can't get in, but obviously it isn't working. Maybe you should help me."

She nodded, "And I want the girls to sleep in our room." She held onto him a bit tighter, "At least for a few days."  

"Yeah. We can make their room closer to ours." He looked down at her and held her close. "It'll be okay River."

"You don't know that." She whispered, tears springing to her eyes, "Maybe having children was a mistake."  

He was taken back. "Freya and Amelia were not a mistake. We knew it was going to be hard..."

"Yes we did, but maybe the decision to have them was selfish. They're always going to be in danger because of us. Is that really fair? Is it really fair to this other baby?" She got up off of him, walking towards the other side of the room, "I love them, really I do. But sometimes I can't help but think that it was selfish of me to want to have them."   

"I don't think bringing more timelords into the universe was selfish at all." He stood up and took a few step towards her. "Yes, they are in danger a lot of the time but..." He took a second to gather his thoughts. "When I brought your parents onto the TARDIS, I thought it was selfish of me to put them in the danger I was in. They nearly died, many times, but that didn't stop them from staying with me. There was danger, but there were so many other things, too. Space Florida, Venice, pirates... They stayed through it all. River, our lives are terrifieying and scary, but it's also beautiful and exciting. And it might be worth being in mortal danger to experience the joy of our daughters."

"I want them to be happy." She whispered, "I don't want them to constantly be afraid." She turned to look at them, "I don't want to see what happened to me happen to them." She had had several nightmares about it over the years, and it seemed that with every passing day, the nightmares were going to come true. "I would give up everything for them, but I'm afraid that it won't be enough." She did her best to blink back her tears, looking away from him.

"Oh River..." He stepped closer and put his arms around her. "They won't be afraid for their whole lives. Look at them now. They're happy simply because they are home. I know I can't promise you that nothing bad will happen, but I can promise we will always be there for them. We will always protect them."  She held him tightly, burying her face in his shoulder. Her body was heavy with sleep as she held onto him, completely washed out and exhausted after everything that had happened the past few days.  He could feel her body sag tiredly. "Do you want to sleep?"  

She nodded, "Only if you sleep with me." She breathed, looking up at him.  

"Wouldn't have it any other way." He half smiled and went to retrieve the rest of the blankets and pillows. She went over to check on the girls while he was getting the blankets, kissing their foreheads.  They shifted a bit and smiled in their sleep.

The Doctor placed the things next to them, spreading out the blankets to resemble something like a bed. "Sorry we don't have an actually bed." He would prefer that his pregnant wife didn't have to sleep on the hard surface of the floor, even if it was slightly cushioned by pillows.

She smiled weakly, "It's alright, I don't mind." She lay down on the blankets, turning so she could see the girls from where she was. "Though I may need someone to rub my back tomorrow..."  

"That's what I'm here for." He lay next to her, turning so he could wrap a hand around her waist and rest it on the small bump. She hummed, her hand moving to cover his.  "You look about nine or ten weeks now." He observed.

She nodded in agreement, "I'm glad I'm not suddenly eight months..."  

"Me too. I'm looking forward to giving you foot rubs." He grinned in remembrance.

She raised an eyebrow, "You're looking forward to it? Do you remember, the last time I was pregnant you started talking to them right about now, then you wouldn't stop talking."  

He chuckled. "You can't blame me. Having a baby is an exciting thing! I'm excited!”

She laughed, "You're right, it is. We still have to tell Amelia..."

"I'm sure she'll be just as excited as Freya was."  He couldn't wait to see her face when they told her.

She smiled, then yawned, "What happened to her leg?" She asked, a bit sleepily.

"She had a hairline fracture on her tibia. It looked like it was from a fall." He lied. River would have panicked if he told her it was a spiral fracture from someone twisting her leg.

"How long until we can take the cast off?" She asked, her eyes closing.  

" 'bout three weeks." He half yawned. He hummed a kiss into her neck. "Why don't we worry in the morning. "

"Good idea..." She breathed, drifting to sleep in his arms only minutes later. 


	24. Happiness was born a twin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River still frets about a knew baby as the family takes a bit of a trip down memory lane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A long and well written update if I do say so myself. Some fluff, some panic, a bit of character development here and there, and a lovely surprise at the end. I promise it's not bad. 
> 
> Title from the quote "All who joy would win must share it, happiness was born a twin"

CH 24

 

The Doctor woke to Freya and Amelia's laughter. Slowly opening his eyes, he saw that they were giggling about the pictures Freya had drawn on Amelia's cast. River was still sleeping, completely exhausted from the events of the days before. He pressed a kiss to her hair and whispered, "Morning, love." Even though she probably couldn't hear him.

She stirred a bit, her eyes slowly opening. "Morning, sweetie." She whispered a bit groggily, her back aching as she sat up.

Amelia turned her attention to her mother. "Mummy! 's it true we're gonna have a lil' brother?"

River was a bit surprised by the question at first, then smiled, "Well...it's true that there's going to be another baby in the family, but I don't know if it's going to be a boy." She ran a hand across her slightly swollen belly.  

Amelia's gaze followed River's hand. "It's in there?" She questioned.

She nodded, smiling, "Do you want to come say hello?"

"It can hear me?" The girl’s excitement built. She stood up, the cast making the task rather difficult, and clumsily went closer to the swell of River's belly.

"Yes, the baby can hear you, my love. And in a few months, he or she will be able to mentally communicate."  

"Really?" She would've been jumping up and down if her leg wasn't so sore. She placed her hands on either side of the bump. "...Hello. I'm your big sister. You're gonna love it here. There's games and cookies and mummy promised we'd go to the zoo, so hurry up or we'll have to go without you."

River smiled, stroking back her daughter’s hair, then glancing over at Freya. "Do you want a turn too, sweetie?"  

She nodded excitedly. "Hello! I'm your other big sister. I know me and Mia's voice sounds the same, but there really are two of us. Mummy said it'd be a really long time before you get here and I don't want to wait that long to see the Mantaphants.  But I promise we can go again when you come out so you can see them too." She looked up at River. "Right mummy?"  

"Yes, of course." She whispered, beaming down at her before looking up at the Doctor, "And I'm guessing you're going to want to have your turn too..."  

"Absolutely." He shifted so his head was close to her stomach. "Hello there." His voice was a bit quieter than the girls and less rushed. "I'm your dad. Your mum and I can't wait for you to get here. We're going to have a lot of adventures, so I hope you're ready for a lot of running." He half joked and kissed the small bump.

"I love you." She breathed, leaning in to kiss him.  

"I love you too." The twins squealed as their parent shared a passionate kiss.

River laughed at the sound of them. "I suppose we should get breakfast ready for the two of them."  

"If the TARDIS will let us out of here..." The place where the door usually was, was still just a wall.

"Do you think Madame Kovarian is still in the TARDIS?" She asked, glancing over at the wall.  

"...I don't think so... wouldn't the TARDIS have gotten rid of her by now?"

He furrowed his eyebrows and thought out loud. "Maybe she just doesn't want us to leave."

She frowned slightly, "Well why wouldn't she want us to leave? We can't stay in here for long..." She glanced around the room. There were a few cabinets full of food and emergency medical supplies, toys filled a basket to entertain the girls, a few books and a medical scanner. Other than that, the room was rather empty.  

"Maybe she's just trying to keep us out of danger..." He ran his hand along the wall, feeling the hum. "What's gotten into you? You can let us out, we're safe now."

River watched as he spoke to the TARDIS, hushing the girls and pulling them into her lap.  "Mummy, is Madame Kaveran the mean lady?"

"Yes, sweetie, that's Madame Kovarian." She whispered, her eyes still fixed on the Doctor.  

The TARDIS  made an irritated sort of droning sound before letting the door reappear. "Ah, see? Was that so hard?" River sucked in a sudden gasp as the door opened, one hand moving to her stomach.  The Doctor glanced at her. "You okay?"

She let out a shaky breath before shaking her head, "Yes, I-I'm fine, sorry."

"The Silence are gone, River. The old girl wouldn't have let us out if they were still here. She's probably just paranoid or something." He tried assuring her.

She shook her head, "No, no it wasn't that...I thought I felt something, but...but it's way to early. It must have been my imagination."

Freya and Amelia bounced excitedly. "It moved? I wanna feel!"

"Well...um...no, I don't think the baby moved, it's too little right now." She was still a bit confused as to what she had just felt.  

"Aww" They pouted. "When will it be big enough?" Asked Amelia.

"Not for at least another month… Now come on, breakfast time." She quickly changed the subject, leading them out of the room.

The Doctor followed, putting a hand around River's waist. "River... are you sure you didn't feel anything?"

She stopped walking for a moment, "I don't know...I mean, I couldn't have, could I?"

"It's not completely impossible. Maybe you’re further along that we think."

"Or maybe there's something wrong..." She whispered, wringing her hands. "I'm sure it was nothing..."  

"River..." He didn't want her to be worried again. After all of the stress and danger they were just in, he wanted her to have at least a day before she started worrying again.

"What?" She asked, looking up at him, it was obvious by the expression on her face that she was stressing and worried already.  

"... Whatever happens, your family will always be there for you. We'll be here." He smiled a little. He avoided saying that 'everything was going to be okay' because by now the phrase must've been annoying her. "Everything's going to go the way it's going to go… and I think that it’ll be okay."

She sighed, "I know, I know I'm sorry." She said, taking a few deep breaths, then turned to walk to the kitchen.  

"No need to be." He trailed along behind her. In the kitchen, they found that the girls had managed to climb on top of the counter and were exploring insides of the shelves.

"Amelia! Freya! Get down from there!" Her eyes grew wide as she rushed over to the counter, making sure they wouldn't fall.  

Freya carefully jumped down, but Amelia had a much harder time with it because of her cast. "Mummy, can you help me down?"

River nodded, lifting her with only a little difficulty. "I don't ever want to see you two climbing on the counter again, do you understand? You could fall and get very hurt."  

"Yes, sorry mummy." Amelia was not interested in having another broken leg.

"It's alright, I just don't want you getting hurt." She sighed, looking up at the cabinets, "What do you two want to eat, hmm?"  

"Eggs and bacon!" Freya said immediately.

Amelia made a disgusted face. "Can I have ham instead?"

She nodded, ""Freya can you get the eggs for me?" She looked back at the Doctor, "Do you want to make the bacon and ham?"

Freya got the eggs out delicately, moving extra slow as not to drop them. The Doctor reached around her for the meat and in a few minutes, the smell and sound of sizzling bacon filled the room. River had busied herself making the eggs. She had just finished and was dishing them out when she dropped the pan, food going everywhere as her face went pale.

Amelia and Freya were startled and stared down at the splattered eggs, while the Doctor looked at River. "River... are you okay?" He asked quickly, noting the light shade of her face.

"I-I...I need to check something..." She breathed, quickly running out of the room.  He would've followed her if Freya and Amelia didn't look so upset over the spilled eggs. He cleaned up the mess and made some more eggs as quick as he could, eager to get to River.

He set Amelia and Freya up with their breakfast. "Now don't make a mess and come find daddy when you're done, okay?" And with that he was off the find River. "Riv...?" He called softly through the hallway.

She opened the door of the bathroom, her face still drained of all color. "Doctor...I-I need you..." She whispered.

He moved to her as quickly as he could without running. He didn't want to panic, or at least show that he was panicking, because that would just make everything more chaotic."What's wrong?"

She was trying to stay calm as well, her hands shaking, "I um...I'm spotting." She looked up at him, struggling to hold back the rush of fear and worry she was feeling, "I don't think what I felt earlier was movement, I think it was cramping… I felt it again in the kitchen but it was much stronger."  

"Do you... do you think you're having a miscarriage?" He didn't really want to say it, but he had to ask. Spotting and cramping was normal in the first trimester of pregnancy, but if River felt something was wrong, he wanted to be extra sure. He didn't want to take any risks.

"I don't know..." She whispered, "This is what happened the last time I had a miscarriage." She closed her eyes, leaning towards him, "Can you check, please? Is there something you can do?"  

"Yes." He said. There were a lot of things he could try, none of which were very pleasant, if she was miscarrying. "Come on." He took her hand and lead her brusquely to the med bay.

She squeezed his hand, "Doctor...I'm sorry..."

"Why?" He glanced back at her as they approached the med bay. He let go of her had and fetched the equipment.

"After everything that's happened, you don't need this stress." She sat down on one of the cots, closing her eyes.  

"Neither do you." He pointed out, squirting the petroleum jelly on on her stomach.

She sighed, looking up at him, "I don't want anything to be wrong..." Her expression tugged at his hearts. She looked scared and anxious, and over all convinced she was having a miscarriage.

"You know... the risk of a miscarriage lower drastically after eight weeks." He tried assuring her, but turned his attention to the screen as an image began to appear.

"Yes, but it's not as low as it would be if I was twelve weeks..." She refused to look at the screen, terrified of what she might see...or not see.

"River..." He turned his head to her. Seeing that she wasn't looking, he took her hand. "Look. Look there." He lifted a finger to the screen, outlining  the person like shape.

"Still in there." She let out a breath of relief, "Is everything alright? Why am I bleeding and cramping?"  

"The bleeding is normal." He told her, pressing some buttons on the ultrasound. "The cramping I'll have to look into." He seemed to be in his fiddle-with-wires-and-recite-every-peice-of-information-you-know, sort of mood. She nodded slowly, still a bit nervous that he didn't know why she was cramping.

The Doctor started to get to work, enlarging the image, looking at the heart rate, when Freya and Amelia came to the doorway. "Daddy, we're done-" They paused and looked at their mother lying in the bed. "Mummy. Are you sick?" Freya still has some bacon crumbs on the side of her face.

She glanced over at the Doctor before responding to her, "No, I'm not sick, sweetie." She beckoned them over, brushing the crumbs off of Freya's face.  

"Then what are you in bed for?" Freya recalled the last few days of River being in this bed and sick.

"An’ what's daddy doing?" Asked Amelia as she climbed onto the bed after her sister.

"Daddy needs to check and make sure everything is alright with the baby." She explained, glancing over at the screen. "See right there?" She pointed to the image on the screen, "That's your little brother or sister."  

Freya titled her head to the side. "Why doesn't it look like a baby yet?"

She smiled, "Because it has to grow, as it get's bigger, it will start to look more like a baby."  

"Is that why your belly got round?" Amelia asked, investigating the strange gel still on the bump.

"Yes, darling, and it's going to keep getting bigger, right up until the baby is ready to be born." She glanced over at her husband, trying to see what he was doing.   

"How does it get out?" Amelia puzzled. The Doctor looked very concentrated as he clicked a few more buttons then nodded to himself.

"Well...I think that's a question for another time." She pat her head, still looking at the Doctor, "What is it?"  

"Your body's just in a little bit of shock from the increased growth. It's nothing to harmful, but I'm going to put you on a magnesium drip to stop the cramps before they get worse. they'll be gone in a couple of hours." He went to get the magnesium and was a little startled when he turned around to see the girls on the bed with River. "When did they get here?"

"Do we have lidocaine you can use instead? It's a bit less draining than magnesium." She smiled as she pulled the girls closer to her, "You didn't hear them come in?”

"Er... no. To be honest, I was a little, well a lot, engaged in the research..." He seemed a little embarrassed. He exchanged the magnesium for lidocaine and hooked it into and I.V.

Her smile grew a bit, "Well it's nice to know that you were so engaged. Now I know that you can't have missed anything." He smirked smugly and kissed the top of her head.

"Why does the baby have to take so long?" Freya whined.

River laughed, "I've already told you, it has to get bigger."

"Yeah, but why does it have to take so long? Eight months is forever."

"I don't know, sweetie. Some babies have to take eight months to finish growing."  

"Can't you just tell it to hurry up? Please?"  

"How about you ask instead." She shifted uncomfortably, feeling another cramp.  

"Baby, you have to come out soon because I don't like waiting. I'm sure you're board in there too, so finish growing soon!" She said to the small bump.

"You know, I was very impatient for you two to be born too." She kissed her forehead.

"Did we take this long, too?"

"Mmm, yes you did." She smiled over at the Doctor, "And we were very excited to meet you."

"Will you tell us the story of how you met us? " She asked, wanting more details.

"Could you get the little blue box from underneath our bed?" River asked, turning to the Doctor. She would have gotten it herself, but knew that he wouldn't let her leave the bed until the I.V had finished. "You mean when you were born? Or when we found out we were going to have you?"  

"Both!" Amelia piped up before Freya could respond. They both shifted to be more comfortable on the bed and looked at River, eager to hear the story.

The Doctor returned with the box and handed it to River. She opened the box which was filled with sonogram pictures, pictures the Doctor had insisted on taking of her while she was pregnant, a few of just her, a bunch of the two of them. Of course there were pictures of the girls as babies. There were very old pictures in the box too, such as pictures of Amy and Rory.

"Who's that?" Amelia pointed to the picture of River standing with a woman who had flaming red hair.

She smiled sadly, "That's my mummy. Her name was Amelia too."  

"Am I named after her?"

She nodded, "Yes you are."

"...Where did she go?" If Amelia had a grandmother, she was sure she would've already met her.

"Well, she..." River shook her head, "Let's look at some other pictures."

"Mummy... she what?" Freya pushed, wanting her to finish the sentence.

She closed her eyes, sighing, "She was sent away. She's not here anymore."  

"Does that mean I won't get to meet her?" Amelia pouted. She looked so happy in the picture, her smile much like River's.

"I'm afraid so." River whispered, trying not to think about how badly she wanted her parents to meet their grandchildren.  

"Does that mean we have a grandpa too?" Freya asked. River nodded, not speaking.  "Do you have a picture of him?" Freya asked as Amelia scooted closer to River, curling up to her in an attempt to make her feel better. She could see that the topic was upsetting her.

She held Amelia close to her, pulling a picture of Amy, Rory and the Doctor out of the box. "Right there, next to your Dad." She pointed.

Freya giggled happily at the picture. It didn't matter to her so much that she'd never get to meet met them, but that her family was more than just the four of them in their blue box. There was a new place in her mind where a red-headed woman and her husband sat on a park bench laughing like they did in the pictures. "Did you go on adventures with them?"

"All the time." River smiled, thinking back to all the adventures they had together.

"Will you tell us about them?" She asked, forgetting about her promise to tell them about when they were born.

"Maybe some other time, sweetie." She murmured, not really wanting to talk about her parents, knowing it would just make her sad.  

"Mummy, if Mia's named after gran, then who am I named after?" She asked curiously, hoping to get a story out of it.

"Well, you'll have to ask your Daddy, he picked your name out." She answered, wanting the Doctor to explain the story behind her name.  

"Gallifrey." He said, sitting on the end of the bed and scooping Freya into his lap. "You were named after my home planet: Gallifrey." She watched his face carefully, making sure that he was alright talking about the origins of Freya's name.

He smiled as Freya asked more about it. "Well, was a quite beautiful place. Orange skies and red grass. Lot's of little hiding places for children your age. I remember my favorite hiding place by the brook. You had to sneak behind the bridge without falling off."

"Don't give them any ideas, sweetie." River warned, smiling as she looked at the two girls who seemed intrigued by the description.  He nodded, snapping out of the memory, and reached for a picture in the box before they could ask to go the Gallifrey.

It was one of the Doctor and River near the end of her pregnancy with the twins. In fact, this one River had insisted on taking: winning against the Doctor at chess for about the billionth time. River smiled when she saw the picture, "I like that one..." She whispered, moving a bit closer to him. He looked at it and blushed realizing which one it was.

"Why does daddy look so grumpy in that one?" Asked Amelia.

"Because I beat him in chess and he hates losing, especially to me."

"Will you teach me how to play chess so I can beat daddy, too?" Amelia said through giggles.  

"Of course, my love." She laughed, pulling another picture out of the box.  This time it was just River. She was in a dark blue dress with beads near the bottom that looked like stars.

The Doctor remembered her saying that she looked fat and him saying she looked stunning. "Told you, you looked beautiful."

"Oh please, I looked huge." Though, she would have to remember where she put that dress, since she would probably be needing it again. "Do you remember this one?" She pulled out another picture, the Doctor sitting in the rocking chair, right in the middle of the newly made nursery.

"Oh, yeah!" He smiled. Their room looked different now, though. The cribs had been replaced with regular beds and there was a chest full of dress up cloths in the corner. "That was right about when we found out there were two of you in there."

River tensed up a bit, not exactly wanting the girls to know that they didn't know that, especially not with the way she remembered reacting to the news. She quickly reached into the box to pull out another picture.  

"Oh look at that! There's the two of you! That maybe a day or two after you were born. Look how tiny you were!" He chuckled.

"I think you should have stayed tiny forever!" River grinned, kissing Amelia's cheeks.  Amelia squirmed a little.

Freya picked up one of the pictures of River. "So this is what you're gonna look like when the baby gets bigger? Is that why you have a bump now?"

She nodded, "Yes, I'll look like that. Since the baby got bigger, my belly did too. That's why."

"So what happens when it runs out of room?"

"Well that's when it will be born."  

"How do you know when it wants to be born?"

"Well...when it's time for the baby to be born, I'll feel it." She answered, glancing up at the Doctor.

"What do you mean?" Freya persisted. The Doctor shifted a little. Many thoughts ran through his head about when the baby would be born. It would happen on the TARDIS, but they couldn't leave Freya and Amelia with a friend. Would they have to tell them and include them? They thoughts were clear on his face.

"It...It's going to hurt me, so when my body starts to hurt a lot, I'll know that the baby's ready to come." She was a bit distracted by the look on the Doctor's face. She really didn't want to girls around while the baby was being born, but there wasn't much else they could do with them.

Freya didn't like the idea of her mother in pain. "Did it hurt when we were born?"

"I'm afraid it did, but it was worth it because I got you two." Of course she wouldn't tell the girls all the details of of what happened when they were born.  

"Sorry for hurting you, mummy." Amelia hugged her. Freya got off the Doctor's lap and hugged her too.

"Oh, girls...It's alright." She whispered, hugging them both tightly. "I love you both so so much and if I had to go back and do it all over again, I would."  They peppered her with kisses.

The Doctor beamed. "Girls... why don't you go play. Mummy needs to rest a bit and let the medicine do it's job." She gave them each a kiss on the forehead, helping Amelia get down off the bed.  Freya jumped down and they hurried off to their room to get their toys.

The Doctor repositioned himself on the bed, sitting a little closer to her. "I suppose we should talk about that..."

She nodded, "Could we have someone come and watch them? Like Martha, or maybe the Torchwood team? I really don't want them in the room with us."  

"The whole team?" He half chuckled and nodded. "I don't think the whole team is necessary to babysit our children."

She smiled, "Well I don't trust Jack alone with them. And I'm not exactly sure the rest of them would be able to handle both girls."  

"Well what if I let him bring Ianto? Ianto's great with kids.”

She nodded, "That should be good. We need to talk to them about it. And maybe they could come spend the day with the girls so they're not complete strangers." She was obviously worrying.

"I think that's a lovely idea." He kissed the top of her head in reassurance. "It’ll be fine, River. I sure they'll be more than happy to meet the girls.”

"Can we talk to them today? I want to make sure than can do it as soon a possible." She smiled weakly, squeezing his hand.

"Sure. But you know there's no rush. You're not even out of your first trimester yet."

"I know..." She took in a deep breath, calming herself, "But you know that I'll be worrying about it until it gets done."

"I know. You gonna be okay here for a bit? I have to make the call."

She nodded, relaxing back in bed. "Make sure the girls aren't making a mess."

"Right." He said over his shoulder as he left the room. And after helping the girls tidy their room up a bit, he finally went to the console room and dialed Torchwood.

River pushed herself out of bed, pushing the I.V pole down the hall with her to the console room.  

"Yes. Yes! No it is- I'm not going to explain this to you again: It's me!- hang on." The Doctor pulled the phone away from his ear. "River, you should be in bed!"

She shook her head, sitting down in one of the console room chairs. "Do you need help?"   

It would be useless to try and get her back to bed. "Still trying to convince Jack I'm the Doctor. He hasn't seen me since my last regeneration." He turned his attention back to the phone and sighed. "Yes. No- Jack- why would you- No! Argh!" He ran a hand through his hair. "Will you talk to him?"

He asked River. She nodded, taking the phone from him, "Hello, Jack."


	25. Captain of Sass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River continues to have doubts about another baby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I think this is mostly a filler, but it's long so there's that. I hope you all had a great Halloween. Don't forget to comment!

CH 25

"River?...! You're not some recording are you?" Jack questioned.

River laughed, "No, I'm not. Are you giving my husband trouble?"

"Well I..." River was one of the very few people who could intimidate Jack. "You can never be too careful. And how was I supposed to know he wasn't lying?"

"Mmm, yes you're right, but I can assure you that it is him. Now did he tell you why we're calling?" She smiled over at the Doctor, satisfied that she had gotten Jack to believe her quicker than he did.

"Didn't give him a chance. What can I do for you, River?"

She bit her lip, trying to think of how to ask him, "Well, we need to ask a favor of you and Ianto. Are you aware that we have...children?"

".............." There was a very long pause that lasted longer than a long pause should last "Come again?"

"The Doctor and I have twin daughters." She explained, "Nobody is aware that they exist, it's safer for them that way."

"The Doctor would never have kids." He chuckled. "Wait... are you serious?"

"Yes I'm serious." She snapped, hormones kicking in, "Why would I call and tell you that if it wasn't true?"

"...Sorry. It's just... wow. Twins, really?" He was still in disbelief.

She smiled when she pictured the girls, "Yes, twins...We were wondering if you could watch them for us?"

"Like, babysit? What, are you sick of them already?"

"Yes babysit and no we’re not sick of them. Actually, well...I'm pregnant, again and we need someone to watch them when I go into labour." She spoke quickly.

"Wow. The Doctor really gets around doesn't he." He chuckled to himself. "Well you're not in labor now are you? I expected a little more notice than this."

“No, I'm not. It's still a whiles away, but we were wondering if you would come and spend a day with the girls some time. That way they'll know who you are and they won't be as scared."

"Scared of old uncle Jack? They'll love me, River. Trust me." He chuckled again. "Let's see. I'm free next week. May 11th, 2016. Hey, that's Mother's day! Happy Mother's day, River."

She smiled, "Thank you, Jack. We'll be there to pick you up. And I want you on your best behavior, they're only four."

“Yeah, yeah. Got it. No buying them their first laser blaster until they're at least ten."

"Oh, you're horrible!" She teased, "I'll see you soon."

"Bye." He said in a sing-song voice, hanging up.

"Well that sounded... interesting." The Doctor commented.

"Interesting in what way, my love?" She asked, walking over to him resting her arms on his shoulders.

"Interesting as in Jack being, well, Jack. And you being you. You could sass each other out of existence." He leaned forwards for a kiss.

She laughed, kissing him. "He's coming next week on Mother's Day." She sat back down in her chair, one hand resting on her belly, "The cramps haven't stopped yet..." She breathed.

He leaned against the console, glancing at the I.V. bag. "It's not even half empty yet. You've got to give it a little more time to work. And we can try magnesium if it doesn't."

"I know..." She sighed, putting a hand to her forehead. "I just want everything to be alright."

"Me, too. And I'm going to do my very best to make sure that happens." He assured her.

She smiled up at him, "I know you will." She quickly changed the subject, "So we'll pick Jack and Ianto on May 11th, 2016 and they can spend the day with the girls preferably under our supervision.”

"Sounds good. And we have a lot to catch up on anyways. I think we should wait 'till you're a bit more stable though."

She shook her head, "I think the sooner the girls meet them the better, just in case..."

"In case what?" He questioned, straightening up a bit.

She bit her lip, "In case something happens and we need them to come watch the girls."

"...Oh." His shoulders lowered a small amount. "Well, I want you to spend the rest of the day resting up. So how about tomorrow then?"

She nodded, moving closer to him and kissing his cheek. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to stress you, but I want us to be ready for anything."

He took her hand and gave it a squeeze. "We're ready." He told her. "We're quite prepared.

"Should we go check on the girls?" She asked, glancing to the door after hearing delighted shrieks coming from down the hall. He nodded, wrapping her arm around her waist.

"They probably made a mess again." He muttered.

She laughed weakly, "I'll help you clean it up, don't worry." She rest her head against his shoulder, walking down the hall to the girls room. Inside, the twins had made the best fort they could manage. Their beds were pushed closer together and a few blankets and pillows created the roof and wall.

Freya came out of their creation, wrapped in green clothes and plastic bead necklaces. "I am the princess of the forest! You shall bow before her royal highness!"

River smiled, bowing for her, “Hello, your royal highness. You look beautiful today in all those necklaces."

"Thank you mum- er, visitor. The queen will see you now." She lifted the 'door' to the fort, inviting them in.

"Can the queen come out here and see us instead?" River asked, glancing up at the I.V. pole which definitely wouldn't be able to fit beneath all the blankets without destroying the fort they had made.

"But, mum," Freya said, breaking character. "Mia's the queen because her leg is hurt. So she can sit on the throne and not have to use it. Plus I want you to see the inside."

"I'm sorry, sweetie, but I can't go in. I'm still taking the medicine and it won't fit inside. Maybe next time." She smiled, moving Freya's hair out of her eyes.

"Hmm... Oh! I know!" Freya crawled up onto the beds and as carefully as she could, lifted the blanket roof back, only knocking over a pillow or two.

"Hi, mummy!" Amelia waved to her mother from her pillow throne. The rest of the inside was strewn with toys and pillows.

“Hello, sweetie." She waved, glancing up at the Doctor as the mess beneath the blankets was revealed to them.

He snickered. "It's absolutely lovely, girls. But how do you suppose we're going to clean it?"

"We're not!" Freya chirped, "It can stay like this forever!"

"Well, it has to be cleaned up eventually... but I suppose it can stay like this for a while. If it's okay with your mother."

River hesitated, "But we have company coming over tomorrow..."

"We'll get it done before bed." He guaranteed, glancing between her and the girls.

"Well then I guess it's alright, but I want everything put away for when Mummy and Daddy's friends come over."

"Friends? What friends?" Freya bounced.

"Jack and Ianto. They're coming over to meet you and play for a while."

"Jack and... Yantoe?" She tried pronouncing their names.

"How'd you meet them? Amelia questioned.

"Do you want to tell them?" River asked, letting him tell the story since it was more his than hers.

"Well..." The Doctor sat down at the entrance of the fort and Freya sat with him, ready for a another story.  They loved his stories. "It was a very long time ago. At least three hundred years I think. No, it must’ve been more. Five, Six hundred...? Anyways, I was traveling with a girl named Rose and we went to London during world war two."

"Where was Mummy? Was she there too?" Freya interrupted, thinking that River would have been with them if she was friends with Jack and Ianto too.

"Er... no. Actually, this was before I met her." He admitted, scratching the back of his head. Freya nodded, crawling into River's lap as once she had seated herself next to the Doctor. "So Rose and I," He continued. "We were following this piece of, well it was space junk but we didn't know that at the time. We thought it was something valuable." He continued that story all through him dancing and how the world almost ended. It was almost an hour before he finally concluded "...and that's how I met your Uncle Jack."

Freya stared at him with wide eyes. She had cuddled into her mother a bit more during the "scary" bits. She had giggled at the thought of her daddy dancing with whoever this lady Rose was. "I want to dance with Uncle Jack!" She exclaimed, scrambling out of River's lap and jumping around them.

He laughed at the thought. "How 'bout I give you a few lessons?" He jumped up, his excitement matching her's. "Put your feet on top of mine and hold my hands." He instructed, a goofy smile on his face.

She did as she was told, stepping up onto his feet and taking his hands, already giggling. He started to move around the space that was not taken up by the fort in a sort of waltz, humming to himself to keep the beat. River laughed as she watched the two dance, her eyes full of amusement and adoration.

"Mummy, I want to dance too!" Amelia complained, upset that she couldn't because of her leg.

"Alright, come here you." She helped her out of the fort, scooping her up and spinning around with Amelia in her arms. The girl squealed with delight, holding into River's neck. River laughed, kissing her cheeks and spinning and dancing around with her.

"Don't drop me!" She giggled as they spun. She was getting a little dizzy, but she didn't care. She love dancing with her mum.

"I won't sweetie." River beamed. She tried not to think about how heavy Amelia was and how much carrying her was straining her back.

" 'm dizzy now. Can I go down?" River nodded, carefully setting her down on a few pillows. She rubbed her back as she stood. "You okay, mummy?" Amelia asked, looking up at her. Freya hopped of the Doctor's feet, curious as to what her sister and mum were up to.

"Yes, I'm fine, sweetie." She lied, forcing a smile as she continued to rub her aching back. The Doctor came behind her, discreetly taking over rubbing her back. He kept up the smile, knowing River probably had a good reason for not telling them.

"Why don't you girls clean up your room?" River leaned back against his hands, seeking more pressure on her back. The girls nodded, Freya going about putting all the toys back in the toy box while Amelia tossed the pillows back onto the bed from where she was on the floor. "Thank you." She praised.

"Your mother and I mother have to go... discuss plans for your Uncle Jack coming tomorrow." He began to usher River out of the room.

Freya grabbed onto his pant leg, tugging him back, "Is Mummy okay?" She asked, worried that her mummy was sick again.

"She's fine, Freya. She's just a little tired is all." He explained.

"That's what you said the last time. Is she going to get sick again?"

He bent down eye level to her and stroked the side of her face with his thumb. "Not if I have anything to do with it.” She sniffled, hugging him tightly around the neck. He rubbed the back of her head. "She'll be fine." Freya nodded, finally letting go and going back to finish cleaning up. He felt a little bad leaving them, but he needed to see what was wrong with River.

They made it into the hallway before he asked. "River, what is it?"

"My back is killing me." She groaned, "And I think the cramps are getting worse." She let the smile fall, the pain he was feeling finally showing on her face.

"Let's see what we can do about that." Back in the sickbay, he switched her to magnesium, even though the lidocaine hadn't completely finished. "Want me to rub your back?"

She nodded eagerly, "Please do." Her lower back ached, making her feel like she could barely move.

He lifted her shirt up to expose the skin of her back. "...oh. Erm- River..." He said calmly. "You actually might not want me to do that."

"What? Why?" She asked, unable to even turn to look at him.  

"I told you this would happen." He muttered to himself. "River, your burns, from when the baby regenerated, they're infected."

She sighed and buried her face in her hands, "Infected? Is it bad?"  

"Well... it looks like the lidocaine aggravated it." He examined the inflamed redness of her skin. "It must be deep if it's giving you a backache this bad."

She looked up at him, trying to shift her body in the least jostling way possible.  "I really didn't want to be spending my entire pregnancy in the sick bay." He sighed in agreement, rubbing her shoulder. He was trying his best to keep her healthy, but by the looks of it, it seemed more and more likely that she would be spending most of her time here.

"Will you let me give you something for it?" He remembered her refusing before.

She nodded, looking down at her hands. "If it'll help then fine."

He geniality got up and started searching the medicine cabinet. Not safe for pregnant women, ear aches, fevers, not safe, not safe, band-aids, not safe, allergies, stomach aches, sore throat, Ah!  "Found it." He finally said.  He held up a vile of indigo-ish liquid. "This should help."

She didn't question what it was. She had been trying to stay positive, trying her best not to worry, trying to think that everything was going to be alright. But all those positive things were quickly fading. "River.." He sat next to her, handing the medication to her. He brought a hand up to stroke along her jawline. "We'll get through this."

She looked away from him, "I was so happy that we were having another baby."

"Are. We are having another baby. Are you no longer happy about it?"

She stayed quiet for a few moments, "I don't know..." She finally whispered, "I'm worrying over everything and I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't be worrying so much, but I can't help it. Nothing ever seems to be alright, something always goes wrong. I know you said that complications with twins is more common, but it doesn't keep me from thinking that something could go wrong. Should we be concerned about when I go into labour with what happened with Amelia? Or what if Madame Kovarian comes again? What if..." She trailed off, burying her face in her hands.  

"Oh, River." He wrapped his arms around her and held her tight, peppering kisses to the side of her head. "You're not wrong for worrying. You have every right to worry with the kind of life we have. The complications with that happened with Amelia, that was because you were straining your body to hard. We can easily avoid that when this one comes 'round. And Kovarian... well." He hesitated. He knew she had managed to get out of the TARDIS alive, but not without serious injuries. "She won't be coming around for awhile. And If she does, you'll be safe. You'll all be safe and I'll make sure of that."

She leaned against him, "Why are you so good to me? "  

"Because I love you. And it's my job to make everything up to you."

"You don't have to make anything up to me.”

"I do." He bit his lip. "Everything that's happened, because I couldn't protect you. I was even the one who insisted you go to the Library, even though I knew what was waiting for you. How can you ever forgive me for that?"

"If I hadn't gone, then we may never have met and it really wouldn't have mattered what happened after that." She brushed her lips up against his jaw, "What happened wasn't your fault, and I want you to know that."

"But all the things that could've gone wrong..." He brought a hand up to caress her face, cherishing the touch of her skin.

She leaned into his touch, "It doesn't matter. Don't you remember what I told you when we were there when you tried take my place?"

"I’ll never forget it." He sighed, knowing she was right.

She knew that he was sad, and she wrapped her arms around his chest, kissing his cheek, "I love you, so much. There are going to be hard times, and sad times. But there will always be happy times too. When I see you and when I see the girls, I know that I couldn't imagine my life any other way. I wouldn't want it any other way."

"River Song, my River Song." He fully embraced her. "How could ever have thought you were gone when you're right here in front of me?"

She smiled, "I'll always be here for you, sweetie." He pressed his forehead against hers.

"Always. And River Song, I know there are people out there who would tear the universe apart to take away our family, but don't think for one second that I wouldn't tear apart every universe to protect you and our children."

"Don't worry, I know." She squeezed his hand lightly, "You've certainly proved that to me over the years."

"And I'd do it all over again." His smile was full of love for her and love for his family. She pulled him up closer to her, kissing him again. There was suddenly a loud crash from down the hall which sounded much like shattering glass. He let out a small gasp, surprised at the sound, which was soon taken over by worry. He stood up, wondering what he might find. River stood as well, moving as quickly as she could out of the room, her eyes wide with worry.  He didn't bother telling her to stay put since she probably wouldn't have listened anyways. They raced to the source of the sound which was Amelia and Freya's room.

"Amelia? Freya? What..." River trailed off as she arrived at the doorway, looking into their room.

Amelia looked up at her with teary eyes. "I... I'm sorry mummy. I was just trying to help. I didn't mean to..." The mirror that had hung on the wall had fallen and appeared to have knocked a few picture frames and a lamp.

"It's alright, sweetheart." River soothed, avoiding the glass that littered the floor as she walked over to her.

"I'm really, really sorry!" She hugged her mother, still afraid that she was in trouble.

"Shh, shhh it's okay. It was just an accident." River whispered, glancing up to see Freya on the other side of the room, about to attempt to walk through the glass. "Don't move, Freya."

"K, mummy." Freya obeyed, putting her foot back down on the clear patch of floor she was in. She seemed a lot less traumatized than Amelia was.  River continued to try and calm Amelia, looking to the Doctor for help as she rocked back and forth. He looked between the glass covered floor and Freya.

"Hang on." He carefully stepped over to her. Even though he was wearing shoes, he didn't want to make it worse by stepping on the glass. He reached her and lifted her triumphantly.

"We'll clean this up, alright? It's going to be fine my love." River murmured, pressing a kiss to Amelia's head.  

"Your.. not mad?" Amelia whimpered.

"Of course I'm not mad. It was an accident, you didn't mean for it to happen."  

"I was trying to help. " She said, nuzzling her head into River.

"I know, I know." She kissed her head again. "I'll clean this up, you just stay put alright?"

She nodded as her tears dried. The Doctor put Freya down next to Amelia. "You stay with your sister." He went to help River clean. It didn't take long for them to clean up the mess, sweeping to make sure every bit of glass was gone.

The Doctor straightened out his back and looked over at the girls. They, well, Amelia still looked pretty stunned at the events. "Why don't you girls go to the kitchen? I'll make you some hot cocoa." Freya bounded out of the room excitedly, Amelia wobbling as she tried to get up and walk around on her own. The Doctor lifted her up, glancing back at River to see if she was coming.

River followed after him slowly, her back still bothering her. He set Amelia down in the kitchen. "Do you want one, River?" He asked retrieving the mugs from the cabinet.

She smiled tiredly and nodded, "Yes that would be lovely." She helped Amelia into a chair as Freya bounced around excitedly, very enthusiastic about her hot chocolate. He smiled as he took a third mug and set it down next to the others.

A short while later, three hot chocolates, just the right temperature, with whip cream where put down in front of the three. River raised an eyebrow, "You're not going to have one?" She asked, watching as Freya got whipped cream all over her face.

"Nah." He waved his hand. "Not really in the mood for one at the moment." He pulled out a chair next to River and sat down.

"Hm...I'm surprised. You've never turned down a hot chocolate before." She teased, leaning over to kiss him.

He blushed a little. "Well, there's a first time for everything."

"So is this hot chocolate my Mother's Day present?" She smiled, pecking his cheek, "Since tomorrow is Mother's Day."

"I suppose so. But that doesn't mean it's your only present." He winked at Freya.

She looked genuinely surprised, "Really?"

"Spoilers." He grinned at her, wanting to keep it a surprise.

River yawned, still sipping at her hot chocolate. "Try not to spill that, love." She reached over, pushing Amelia's mug further way from the edge of the table.

"Sorry." Her tone wasn't timid or upset anymore. The hot cocoa was making her feel much better. River smoothed back the little girl's curls, kissing the top of her head. " 'm tired, mummy." She said through a yawn.

"Yes, I think it's time for bed. You're going to need lots and lots of energy to play with Uncle Jack tomorrow."  Amelia nodded, leaning her head against River and closing her eyes a little. She scooped her up, kissing her forehead and carrying her towards the door.

The Doctor followed with a sleepy Freya in his arms. He asked in a low voice. "You still want them to sleep in our room?"

She nodded quickly, "Sweetie, do you want to go get any of your stuffed aliens?" She asked Amelia quietly, knowing she probably would.

"The Adipose." She answered groggily. "An' the blue pillow."

"Okay." River whispered, collecting the requested items from Amelia's room, as well as her pajamas before heading to her own room.

They lied the twins down in their bed, Amelia already asleep, and Freya awake enough to mutter a "G'night" before going to sleep herself.

"Good night, my love." River kissed both their foreheads, then turned to the Doctor, "We should probably go to sleep too."

"Let me have a look at your back first." He kept his voice quite as not to wake them. She nodded, sitting down on the edge of the bed with her back to him so he could look.

He delicately lifted her shirt. "It's starting to heal. I'm going to put some cream on it, is that okay?"

"Yes that's fine. Just, try to be gentle."

He nodded, leaving the room and coming back with the bottle and a q-tip to spread it on. "It's going to sting a little."

"Alright, I'm ready." She whispered, biting her lip. He lifted her shirt up again and slowly applied the cream, as gently as he could. She only winced once, squeezing her eyes shut.  

"Sorry." He apologized, hearing her breath hitch. He finished, putting the bottle on the night stand on her side of the bed. "We'll have to apply it every night before bed until it's healed."

She nodded, kissing his cheek softly, "Thank you." She turned to crawl into bed with the girls.  They fell asleep, their daughters curled up between them. River slept contently, relaxed knowing the girls were safe in the bed with her. The Doctor's thoughts were on the surprise for River. He'd have to wake up early, and he'd probably need Jack's help picking it out. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment for what the surprise might be?


	26. Mother's Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack helps to make a very special Mother's day for River.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not exactly smut but pretty nsfw. Short update, sorry.  
> For those of you who watch Torchwood and such, I have moved the events of Children of the Earth forwards some number of years. 
> 
> Don't forget to comment!

CH 26

 

Morning came, and the Doctor woke up early. Perfect, everyone was still asleep. He looked around the dark room and stretched his arms out before getting out of bed, trying his best not to wake anyone.

Freya began to stir when he got out of the bed, "Daddy?" She called sleepily.

He turned around. "Er... Freya. I- uh- go back to sleep, sweetheart."

"Where are you going?" She asked, a bit more awake now.

"I'm... er..." Not able to think of anything off the top of his head he decided to tell her. "I going to get your mother a Mother's Day present. But It has to stay a secret so it'll be a surprise."

She hopped off the bed, "I have a present for Mummy!"

"Shh, we mustn't wake mummy." He whispered. "What is it?"

Freya ran out of the room and returned a few minutes later, "Can I give her this?" She asked, holding up a picture she had drawn of their family while River had been at the Library.

He smiled warmly. "Absolutely. I'm sure she'll love it. Why don't you put it on her nightstand so she'll have it when she wakes up?" He suggested.

She smiled and nodded, tip toeing over and placing it on the nightstand where River would see it. He planted a kiss on her forehead. "Go back to sleep now."

"What about Mia? Can she give Mummy a present too?"  

"Uh.. yes..." He looked over at Amelia who was sound asleep, curled up next to River. "But I don't know if we can wake her without waking mummy."

Freya jumped on the bed, shaking Amelia's shoulders, nearly waking her mother in the process.  "Mmm, what?" Amelia groaned,annoyed at her sister for waking her up.

"Do you have a present for Mummy?" She whispered.

Amelia thought, rubbing her eyes as she became more aware of her surroundings. "Yeah, the cup with the glitter and stuff."

"I'll go get it!" Freya bounced off the bed, knowing what her sister was talking about. Amelia watched Freya go, her eyes falling on the Doctor. He was probably up for the same reason she sister was. She just yawned and lay back down, closing her eyes. "Mia! Mia! Look!" Freya ran back into the room with the cup, causing River to stir a bit, but not fully wake.

"Freya, we have to be quiet." He reminded her, scooping her up in his arms. "Amelia's gone back to sleep."

"But I brought the present." She pouted, holding it up so he could see.

"And it's beautiful." He looked at the clay cup covered in glitter, plastic jewels, beads, and macaroni as neatly as a four year old could make it. "But it's very early in the morning. We can put it next you the other present for mummy, but then you have to get back to sleep.

She continued to pout, "But I want to help."

"You've already helped lots. Plus, your mother would be very cross with me if I let you come with me to get her present."

She finally agreed to go back to sleep, "Can you wake me up before you wake up Mummy?"

He nodded. "Yes. And you can help me wake her up." He tucked her back under the covers. She nodded, closing her eyes and trying to fall back to sleep. He let out a breath of relief that River had stayed sleeping. Glancing at his watch, he saw that he was already late. Jack would be waiting. River was still exhausted from the events of the past few days, she didn't even wake at the movement of the TARDIS, though it was very subtle. The TARDIS landed without so much as a thud. The sun was just a sliver on the horizon when the Doctor stepped out. "Ah, Jack! I'm not too late am I?"

 

* * *

 

Jack, Ianto, and the Doctor reentered the TARDIS after a couple of hours of shopping for River's present. They stepped back into the bedroom, the Doctor smiling and Jack simply amazed that the Doctor had children. "Freya." The Doctor whispered, tapping her shoulder. "Time to wake up, honey."

She yawned and blinked up at him for a moment, "Daddy?" She mumbled sleepily, "Is it time to wake Mumma up?"

He nodded. "Why don't we wake your sister up so she can help, too."

She nodded and shook Amelia arm again, "Mia...Mia we have to wake up Mummy."  Amelia sat up and tugged her arm away from Freya, getting pretty upset that she kept waking her up. Though her expression soften when she processed what Freya had said.

"Oh. 'm k. Who are they?" She pointed to the men with her father.

"Are those your friends?" Freya asked.

"Yes. Er, Jack, Ianto. These are my daughters. Freya and Amelia." The nodded and waved a hello, taking note of how much they looked like him and River. River was already starting to wake due to all the talking and noise in the room. "Freya, you'd better wake mummy now." He urged, seeing that she wouldn't get the chance to if they waited for much longer.

She was already bursting with excitement, "Mummy! Mummy! Wake up!" She bounced on the bed around her, landing ontop of her and drawing a groan from River. Jack couldn't suppress a chuckle at River's wild beheaded hair.

"I'm awake, I'm awake. Be gentle, my love." She murmured as Freya pounced on top of her yet again.  

"Happy Mother's Day!!" Amelia and Freya said together. Amelia sat closer to her legs. "Look what we made you!"

"Oh, they're beautiful!" She smiled, taking the cup and the picture off of the nightstand. "I love them."

They beamed "See? There's you. An' there's daddy, and that's Mia and me." Freya showed River.

"Yes I see." She smiled, kissing her forehead, "Thank you." Freya gave her a proud smile. The Doctor stepped up to River's bedside as it was his turn to giver her a gift. He set a gift bag in front of her, the name of the store, Talia's Armory, printed on the front.

"I got Jack's help with this one." He rubbed the back of his head. "He's better with guns than I am."  

She stared at him for a moment, "You got me a gun?"

"You love guns. Plus your other ones never seem to be on you when you need them." He defended, biting his lip nervously, hoping she’d be pleased with it. He had never been to good with getting people things. "I thought you'd like it. I even had your name engraved on it."

"Oh, no sweetie I love it." She whispered, stroking his cheek. "It's such a thoughtful gift. I just didn't expect it, I thought you hated guns."

"I dont hate them. I just... strongly advise against using them." He said on a matter of fact tone, giving her a kiss and smiling. "Happy Mother's Day."

"Thank you." She murmured against his lips. She finally noticed Jack and Ianto in the doorway.

Jack had his usual seductive smile on mixed with a 'long time no see' and 'wow' expression. "The Doctor kissing a woman. Volentaritly. Now that's something I never thought I'd see."

"Well I'm not just any woman. You should know that by now." Her smile matching his, equally as flirty and seductive.

"Could never forget it." The Doctor looked between the two, debating weather or not to tell Jack to stop it but decided against it since it was River's special day. "How long has it been since the betrothal?" Jack continued. The last he saw River was when the princess of Kodachi was crowned Empress.

She smiled even more. "It's complicated."

He raised an eyebrow. "Complicated, huh? Well luckily for you, you're talking to some one who does 'complicated' for a living. Come on, tell me. I'm sure I can keep up."

"Uncle Jack can will you dance with me? Daddy gave me lessons so I'd know how!" Freya interrupted. He would've came up with a whitey comment like 'buy me dinner first' but restrained himself. She was only four and he had a feeling that if he said something like that, River would be testing out her new gun.

He nodded. "You guys got any music?" River was both surprised and greatful that he hadn't said anything he usually would have. She pulled herself out of bed, turning on the music. It was a popular motown song: My guy, by Mary Wells. Jack was there when the song came out, so he knew it quite well. He hummed along to it as Freya balanced on his feet.

"Daddy will you dance with me?" Amelia asked, too shy to ask Ianto to dance. He smiled.

"Sure, darling." He picked her up like River did the previous night and started moving in beat with the song.

Freya looked over at the two of them. "No Mia, let Mummy dance with Daddy. You dance with Daddy's other friend." She instructed, forgetting how to pronounce Ianto's name. Amelia hung to the Doctor a little tighter, not really wanting to dance with Ianto, but she decided he looked friendly enough. The Doctor handed Amelia off to Ianto who took her a bit awkwardly, but smiled at her.

The Doctor then went to offer a hand to River. River smiled, taking his hand and getting up to dance with him. "Enjoying Mother's Day?" He said into her ear as the swayed to the music.

She smiled, "It's wonderful, especially since Jack's here." She teased, knowing it would push his buttons.

"Oi, River!" He frowned. "I'll have you know, I could've made things just as special without Jack here."

Laughing, she purred in his ear, "Can you prove it?" She nipped his earlobe lightly.  A blush slowly crept up his neck.

"River... we have company."

”I guess we'll just have to wait until later then." She murmured, her breath hot on his neck.

He was almost sure that he was the reddest thing in the room at this point. But attempting to keep his cool, he responded with "Are you sure you'll be able to wait that long?"

"Hmm, I don't know...Can you wait that long." She nipped lightly at his jaw.

He suppressed an embarrassed squeak and managed to say. "...With motivation like that, I could do just about anything."

She smiled, "Really?" She nipped at his jaw again, loving how flustered he was getting.

"I..er" He fumbled over his words, praying Jack wouldn't notice. "Really."

She pushed her body further against his, "And what if I did this?" She asked, moaning quietly in his ear, making sure it was only loud enough for him to hear.  

He wondered if he was the only one who noticed the increase in temperature in the room.  Or maybe it was just him. "It's a good thing the babysitters are here then."

"Yes, it's a very good thing." She purred, kissing him deeply.

"It wouldn't be that big a deal." He said, slowly regaining control if his thoughts. "If we were to pop out for a bit, would it."

She shook her head, smiling, "I don't think so." He raised an eyebrow.

"After all that, you're still going to make me wait?"

"I'm pregnant and so my moods change quickly." She was still smiling and still very in the mood to leave, though she pretended not to be, "So if you want to go, convince me."

It was his turn to pepper a few kisses along her jaw. "River..." He whispered. "Sexy and irresistible River. I couldn't exaggerate how much I want you right now." She hummed, her eyes fluttering shut and her head tilting back just slightly. Half forgetting about the other people in the room, he continued. "I want my hands all over you. I want to touch every inch of your skin and hear you moan my name."  She whimpered quietly, highly aroused by his words and practically ready to pounce on him, but not wanting him to stop just yet.  "I want to run my tongue down your body. I want your juices to be dripping from my mouth when I kiss you. I want you to be gasping for breath when I make you come."

"W..We need to go, now." She breathed, her chest heaving slightly and she tugged him towards the door.

"Jack, River and I are going out for a bit. We'll be back soon... ish. Can you watch the girls for us?" He said behind him and shut the door before he even had a chance to answer. 


	27. Lock the door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River and the Doctor discuss the new baby. Freya fears the the Silence will return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A day off from school means a large update for all of you! Hooray! Do I need to warn yall about the smut? Well I'm gonna do it anyways.   
> Also I did not watch the old who, only the new who so any facts I get wrong about Gallifrey, just consider it and AU that I made up. 
> 
> Don't forget to comment!

CH 27

River pulled him to her, kissing him thoroughly, "Where do we go? Their in our room..." She murmured.

The Doctor could hardly think through the haze desire for her clouding his mind. "I know a place." He said, kissing her again.

She pushed her body harder into his, "Take me there then." She moaned, eager to have his hands on her.

He pushed her against the wall. "We could at least make an attempt" He said between kisses. "To go further away from our guests."

She was already tugging at his shirt, "I think....I think leaving the room was a pretty...pretty good attempt." She murmured against his lips.

"But they'll hear us." He insisted, though he didn't make any effort to stop her. He undid his bow-tie and shrugged off his jacket. He finally pulled away from the kiss and took her hand. "Come on."  She growled in frustration, but let him pull her along.

They raced down the hallway and took a left in to the Doctor's 'office'. He liked to call it that anyway. It was really more like an inventing room. There were a few desks along the walls, covered in tools, papers, and tinker toys. Next to that was a fireplace and a couch. The rest of the room was mostly shelves stuffed full with nick-knacks and various other things.

River hauled him over to the couch since the desks were much too messy. She reclined back on the couch, pulling him on top of her and wrapping her legs around his waist. He was already working on getting rid of their clothes, unbuttoning his shirt and hiking up her dress. She rolled her hips towards him, helping him rip off his shirt so she could place hungry kisses across his chest. He managed to get her dress over her head, immediately dis-guarding it on the floor. His hand moved to explore her skin, sliding over her small bump and up her curves. Her whole body was flushed and begging for his attention. Her teeth grazed his skin and she whimpered a bit more.

He finished removing all of their clothes so they were both completely naked, moving his hand down and started rubbing her clit, feeling that she was already wet. She ground her hips down against his hand, trying to get more friction as she moaned rather loudly. He slipped his tongue into her mouth, sweeping it across the roof. He moved his fingers inside her, going in and out at a steady pace. His spare hand was tangled in her mass of curls. She moaned into his mouth, still trying to roll hips harder into his hand. Her hands trailed down his back, her nails scratching his skin every so often. He moved a little faster, going knuckle deep and curling his fingers. "I need you River..."

"W-W...Well the-then you'd better...better h-h-hurry up." She managed to gasp out, struggling to concentrate on anything other than his fingers inside her, her nails clawing at his skin now. He slowed his movements and pulled his fingers out of her. He brought them up to his mouth and licked the juices off. She whimpered as she watched him, her chest heaving and her eyes dark with arousal.

He smirked, pressing their mouths together again as he lined himself up with her. She bit his lip a bit harder than she usually would have, 'punishing' him for torturing her. He groaned when she bit his lip, pushing his length into her. She moaned loudly, her nails sinking into the skin of his biceps as she clutched onto him. By now there were red marks all over the Doctor's back and arms. He didn't mind though. He trailed hip lips down River's neck and he started to move faster. She was struggling to hold herself together, the added pregnancy hormones making her body ten times more sensitive than normal. She rolled her hips up towards his, her moans filling the room, it was a good thing they had moved from where they originally were. "River..." He moaned her name adding to both of their arousal.

"Doctor..." She breathed, knowing she definitely wasn't going to last much longer. "Doctor...oh sweetie..." He grunted in response, growing closer to his release.

"If you ask me" He panted. "I’m doing a much better job," He moaned "at giving you a special Mother's Day than Jack is."

“Maybe...." She gasped, still managing to tease him.

"Maybe?" He was determined to turn that into a yes. "Can he make you feel like this?" He tilted her hips up so the angle allowed him to stroke against the spot he knew she loved. She was gasping and panting for breath already, now she was practically screaming, her whole body trembling as she clung to him.  "I bet he couldn't even dream of doing that." He grinned. Their bodies started to glisten with sweat.

"I...I bet he c-could..." She panted, deciding that she wasn't finished teasing him.

He increased his speed and moved his head down to nibble at her neck, murmuring "I doubt it."

She couldn't hold on any longer, coming with a loud cry of his name, shaking and clutching him.  He could feel her wall tighten and clench around him, causing him to follow her over the edge, groaning her name into her ear. "God..." She breathed, her chest heaving as she tried to catch her breath, "I need to get you jealous more often..."

"Does that mean I won? He teases breathlessly.

"Well, without Jack here, you wouldn’t have cause to be jealous." She teased right back.

"He didn't even do any of the heavy lifting! All he did was show up." He pointed out.

She mock-gasped, hitting his arm, "Heavy lifting? What's that supposed to mean?"

"It's a figure of speech." He defended quickly. "I just meant that he didn't even do any of the actual work." That didn't sound quite right either.

She raised an eyebrow, "Now you're calling having sex with me work? Well isn't that sweet."  

"I-what?-No! That's not what I meant either!" He sputtered.

"I think you should stop talking before you get yourself into even more trouble that you're already in." She advised, crossing her arms.

He nodded timidly in agreement. "...Sorry." Any pride he was feeling before about being better than Jack was gone.

She hummed in acknowledgement, "It's a good thing I love you, or else you'd be in some serious trouble."

"Especially with your new gun." He added, not sure if he was allowed to speak yet.

"Mm, yes especially with my new gun, which I love. And plus, I need the practice. I haven't shot anything in a while."  

"I don't think shooting the father of your children and love of your life is the wisest idea. I mean, last time you did it, time broke."

"Well technically, time broke because I wouldn't shoot you. But that was before you called what we just did 'work.'"

"I'm sorry." He fidgeted with his bottom lip. "Fun. It was fun and very much enjoyable."

She smiled, "That's much better. You wouldn't want your pregnant wife to be upset, now would you?"

"Never." He said, kissing her cheek. "I wouldn't want you to be upset even if you weren't pregnant."

"I would hope so." She smiled, glancing over at the fireplace, "Could we start a fire?"

"Getting cold already?"  He asked, untangling himself from her.

She nodded, staying where she was on the couch, "Maybe you should warm me up again." She purred.

"I thought you wanted a fire. I can't do both at the same time."

She shrugged, "Which do you want first?"

"Let's start the fire first." He smiled, pushing himself off the couch.

She nodded, "Do you need my help?”

"Nah." He lit a match. "I don't want to make you get u- Ow!" He dropped the match and stuck his burned finger into his mouth.

"Oh! Sweetie..." She jumped up, quickly blowing out the match before anything could catch on fire, then going to check on him. "Let me see..." She murmured.

"No, I'm fine..." He said around his finger. "Really, it's fine."

"Let me see." She repeated, a bit sterner this time. He reluctantly pulled his finger out of his mouth with a slight grumble and held it out for River. She examined his finger, "It doesn't look that bad." She murmured.

"It still hurt." He complained, looking back at the dark fire place.  

"Do you need me to kiss it better?" She asked, taking the matches from him and lighting the fire.

"Yes please." He said shyly. He know it wouldn't numb it, he just wanted the kiss. She obliged, kissing his finger softly before settling herself back on the couch. He scurried behind her, pulling a blanket over their bare bodies. She snuggled up against him, glad to have him, the blanket and the fire for warmth.  

"How long do you think Jack will survive our children?"

"I'd say another hour at most."

He laughed, wondering what they might be up to. "I wouldn't be surprised to find him covered in makeup and in a pink dress when we get back."

She laughed as well, resting her head against his chest, "That would certainly be a sight to see."  

"I'd need pictures." He wrapped his arms around her waist, cuddling close to her.

She rest her hand on her bump, looking up at him, "We need to start thinking about names..."

"Hmm.... I liked Eliot. For a boy."

"I like that too..." She stayed quiet for a few minutes, "I was thinking, since Amelia was named after my mother, if we had a boy we could name him William...after my father."  

"I love it." He kissed the side of her head. "What if it's a girl? I like Talia. Or Phoebe." He suggested.

She nodded, "Those are nice." She thought for a few minutes, tracing patterns on his chest, "What was your mother's name?"  

"She went by Terra, but that wasn't her real name. Sort of like the way I go by the Doctor." He told her.  

She nodded, "What was she like?" She asked softly, "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

He sighed, thinking back. "It's been quite along time since I've seen her... I don't remember too much. She was an excellent cook, but she wasn't around much. She was on the high council of Gallafrey and when she wasn't working on that she was out trying to escape the pressures of her life. She didn't have a lot of time for me, but she managed to be home every night to tuck me into bed."

"I'm sure she loved you very much." She whispered, kissing his shoulder.

"I know. She sacrificed a lot for me and I..." He trailed off.

"It's alright." She murmured, not pressuring him to continue.  

He changed the subject, trying to brush away the sad feeling. "You know, we didn't have a mother's day on Gallafrey. It was just always costom to be respectful to a mother. In fact, once you had kids, you automatically gained a higher status."

"Really? That's very interesting." She kissed him again, knowing that she had made him upset and trying to make it up to him.

He managed a smile. "You'd have a pretty high status, actually. People usually only had one kid. Twins were very rare let alone having a third."

She laughed, "Oh my....a third. I can't believe we're having another one."  

"I can believe it alright." His hand drifted down towards her small bump. "But it's certainly a surprise."

She nodded in agreement, "We never really talked about having a third baby."

"I can't image it would be much different from the last time." He pointed out.

"Probably not." She murmured, rubbing her belly absent-mindedly.

"Well then I guess there's not much to talk about. Aside the planning, I mean. We're stopping at three, right?"

"I don't think I can handle any more than three." She smiled weakly, "To be completely honest, I don't if I can even handle three."  

"I'm sure we'll be able to handle three. Freya and Amelia were tricky because they were two at once. But it's just one infant this time."

"Yes, one infant, but two messy, loud, energetic toddlers in addition to that." She noted, looking at the fire.   

"I think Jack will be around more often than we think." He said, mind beginning to wander.  

The sound of giggly shrikes could be heard coming down the hall, drawing nearer and nearer. "Daddy! Mummy!"  

The Doctor looked at River and then down at their bare bodies, then back up again, wide eyed. "Uh, River...?"

She clutched the blanket closer to her body, "Please tell me you locked the door."

"I-er-..." He scratched the back of his head, trying to remember.

She scrambled off the couch, picking up his clothes and tossing them to him. "Get dressed!"

"Right!" He began tugging on his pants as quickly as he could, fumbling over himself and flailing a bit. There was a knock at the door before it flew open, just after River finished zipping up her dress.  The Doctor's bow tie was crooked and his suspenders at an angle. He sat down awkwardly, hoping no one would notice.

"Mummy! I thought you were supposed to tell us when we were playing hide-and-go-seek!" Freya said over the clunking noises from her sister. Amelia was behind her, moving as fast as her leg would allow her to go which was of course the source of the clunking. Jack and Ianto were in the doorway, panting and giving River and the Doctor a look that said 'we tried to stop them but I've never met a four year old who could run that fast'.

River scooped Freya up, kissing her cheeks, "We weren't hiding, my love. Mummy and Daddy just needed to talk about some things."

"Uncle Jack said you were playing hide-'n'-seek." Freya put her arms around River's neck.

"Did he? Well, I think he was a bit confused. I would never play hide-n'-seek without telling you."

Freya gave a confused look as to why her uncle would say something that wasn't true. "What were you guys talkin’ about anyways?"

"We were talking about the baby." She answered, setting her back down on the ground.

"Like where you’re gonna put it an' stuff?"

She nodded quickly, "Yes, exactly. Now, are you two hungry?" She asked, quickly changing the subject.

"I'm sorta hungry." Freya said.

"I'm really hungry." Amelia told her.

"I know a place that serves a really good grilled cheese." Jack piped up.

"Would you girls like grilled cheese?" They nodded, happily.

"Er, River." The Doctor came up behind her. and said in a low voice "Are you so sure they should be going out so soon after...?"

She visibly tensed, "We can't hide forever." She whispered, "They're going to have to go out again at some point, and why not do it now when we have two extra people watching them."

"...Alright, but bring your new gun." He agreed. The Silence would make great target practice for River if they showed their faces.

"Don't worry, I will." She murmured.

The nodded, clapping his hands together excitedly as if they didn't just have the conversation. "Alright. Uncle Jack's going to help you two get your shoes on. K?"

"Daddy I want you to help me with me shoes." Amelia said, not enjoying being away from her parents.

"Uh.. Okay." He looked back at River as Amelia took his hand.

"I'll go get my things." River quickly left the room.  He exhaled, but Jack pat him on the back as they went to retrieve the girl's shoes.

"Uncle Jack said he's going to take us to a planet full of candy!" Freya beamed, skipping alongside them.  The Doctor gave Jack a look that was somewhere between appreciation and a glare.

"Why don't you two go pick out which shoes you want." Freya knew what she wanted to wear immediately, taking only a few minutes to retrieve her plastic dress-up heels.  

"I want to wear these!"

"Oh, Freya... you can't where those out to lunch." He hated saying no to her.

She pouted, "But I want to!"  

He bent down eye level to her. "Freya, you can't because..." He though for a moment. "We can't let on that you're a princess. Evil bandits might try to capture you."

"Like the ones that took Mia?" She asked, her eyes growing wide.

He was a little taken back by the question. "...Yes?" He said slowly. "Like the ones that took Amelia." As long as they were playing princess, he may as well make them aware that it was a potentially dangerous situation.

She suddenly burst into tears, throwing her arms around his neck, "I don't want them to take me away!" She sobbed.  

"No they won't, shh, it's okay, they won't take you." He rubbed her back. River would surely kill him if she was in the room. "Freya, I promise they won't take you. Not as long as me and mummy are here. We'll protect you, And uncle Jack and Ianto will, too."

"I want Mumma!" She wailed, still terrified by what he said, "I want Mumma! I want Mumma! I want Mumma!"

"Okay, okay." He attempted to sooth her. He lifted her up, running his hand along her back. "I'll bring you to her, it's okay. Shh, it's okay." She was still sobbing against his shoulder, her nose running and her entire tiny body shaking. He wouldn't be surprised it River made him sleep on the couch tonight.

He knocked of their bedroom door. "River?"

She opened the door, "What is-" Her eyes immediately fell on the little girl sobbing in his arms, "What happened?" She asked, holding her arms out to take her.  

He handed Freya to River. "I'm sorry-she wanted-I was trying to-I..." He took a breath realizing that he wasn't making any sense.

"Oh, Freya, sweetheart...it's alright." She kissed her forehead, humming softly to try and calm her. "What happened, hmm?"  

"Well, she wanted to wear the dress up shoes. And I wouldn't let her, but she was getting upset about it so I told her it was because we couldn't let people know she was a princess or the bandits would get her and she asked if it was the same 'bandits' who took Amelia and I said yes." He said all in one breath.

She glared at him, "Why would you tell her something like that?" She rubbed Freya's back, still trying her best to sooth Freya.

"I don't-I didn't mean to-I just thought-" He shut his mouth again to keep all the words from spilling out at once.

River turned her attention back to Freya who was still a mess in her arms. "Don't let them get me, mummy." She whimpered.

"I didn't want to lie to her." He began. "And I didn't think she'd make that sort of connection to the Silence."

She kissed Freya's forehead, "Don't worry, sweetheart. Nobody's going to get you." She whispered, still glaring at her husband. Freya clutched onto River's shirt tighter.

The Doctor looked at his feet. "I'm sorry."

"Why don't you, Jack, and Ianto take Amelia out to get her grilled cheese. I'll stay here with Freya." River sighed, rocking her gently.

"Alright." He said quietly moving back to the door. He glanced back at them, feeling like a rather terrible father at the moment, before leaving.

"How about you and I take a nice nap, yeah?" River smiled, closing the door and carrying Freya over to the bed.  

"Not tired." She whimpered. She was too afraid to close her eyes at the moment.

"Are you sure? There's nothing to be afraid of, the TARDIS is the safest place in the universe." River soothed, sitting them both down on the bed.

"But they got in here last time and took Mia. When the baby was making your belly hurt and you had to be in the cold pool or else. They got in. And the mean lady wanted to take you away."

River bit her lip, not knowing how to respond to what she had said. She held her a bit tighter, "I won't let them take you." She whispered, "They'll never, ever lay a finger on you."

"They got Mia." She countered, on the verge of more tears. "They took her for a long time. And they hurt her."

"And I am so, so sorry." She was nearing tears herself, blaming herself for what happened to Amelia, "I should have been better at protecting you two. But I promise that they will never take either of you again."  

"What do they want with us, mummy? Why can't they just leave us alone?" Her voice was quiet and shaky.

"They don't like your Daddy." She whispered, rocking her gently, "And so they try and hurt us to hurt him."

"What if they skip us and take him? What if they take you or the baby? I don't want them to hurt daddy! I don't want them to hurt you or the baby!" Freya did have any more control over her tears anymore. They just fell freely as more and more scary thoughts filled her head.

River kissed the girl’s head, rubbing her back in an effort to calm her down again. "Freya, Daddy and I have been running from them for a very long time. We know how to protect ourselves. They won't hurt him, and they won't hurt me or the baby." She lied, somewhat bothered by what Freya had said. Madame Kovarian had tried to take her just days before, they probably knew she was pregnant now and she knew that they would be an full offence right now…

"I'm scared mummy." Was all she could manage. "I'm really really scared."

River was going to kill her husband when he got back. "I know, darling. I know you are. There's nothing to be afraid of, I'll always be here to protect you." She continued to kiss her head, still rocking and rubbing her back.

"But what if you're not? You said the baby was making you tired, but in a really bad way. Sometimes when you sleep, I don't know if you'll wake up. What if you go away like granmum and grandad?"

She was honestly shocked. She had no idea that he daughter had been thinking that way. "The baby isn't going to hurt me. Yes, it's making me tired, but not tired enough not to wake up. I won't go away, I won't leave you." She assured.

"After Mia was taken and we almost found her, but didn't, and you got hurt, me and daddy were waiting for hours for you to wake up, I thought that you gonna be like that forever..." She shook with small sobs until her lungs burned and she sucked in a quick breath before continuing to cry.

The sound of Freya's sobs were breaking her heart. River tried to change the subject, hoping that if they stopped talking about what had happened, she may calm down, "Do you want to watch a movie with me? We can watch one of those Earth movies you like, the ones about the princesses. We could even have ice cream in the big movie room. Would you like that?"  

Freya nodded slowly and rubbed at her red and puffy eyes. "Th-the princess w-with the bow and arrow and hair like yours." She liked that one. She mostly wanted to watch it because of the happy ending with when the mother turned human again.

"Alright." She lifted her up again, carrying her towards the door, "Let's go get our ice cream first, alright?"  

" 'm k." She said, partially able to calm her voice. River brought her daughter to the kitchen, setting her down on the floor to go through the freezer. "What kind of ice cream would you like?"

"Chocolate. And croishe." She stayed close to her mother, preferring to hold on to her dress. River nodded, scooping out the ice cream for the two of them, adding extra whipped cream on Freya's since she knew how much she liked it. "...Mummy? Why did you take so long to come back from the Library?" Freya had been going through the events of the past few days in her head, landing on the night River had come home.

"Daddy told you, remember? My ship needed repairs." She answered, leading her towards the movie room.  

"But you could stand. He had to lift you up." It didn't make sense to her.

"I was very tired, it was a long trip." She covered, helping her up onto the couch in front of the television and wrapping her in a blanket before handing her her ice cream.

"I've never seen you that tired before. Remember the time when that ...um...." Freya couldn't quite remember what to call a Sontaran. "That potato person was casing us? We ran for a really long time, but you didn't get that tired."

"The Sontarans? Yes, but I also wasn't carrying a baby then." She was thankful to be able to use that excuse as she turned on the movie.  

"The baby makes you tired." She reminded herself, curling into River's side as the intro began, taking a large bite of ice cream and shivering at the temperature.

"Not so much at once, my love." River whispered, kissing the top of her head and holding her close. They snuggled together, putting their empty ice cream bowls on the ground when they were done. Freya began to become sleepy, but kept her eyes open the entire time. River wasn't paying much attention to the movie, more concerned about her daughter. She held her tightly, stroking back her hair as the movie neared the end. Freya started to relax further into the cushions. By the time the credits rolled, she was fast asleep.

 

 


	28. Say it again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happiness doesn't seem to last very long. As the Doctor tries his best to apologize, something goes terribly wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's no trigger, but I feel like there should be some sort of warning label for what you're about to read. I guess you'll have to see... *evil writer's laugh*

CH 28

River was afraid that if she tried to move Freya, she would wake up, so she stayed with her on the couch, waiting for the others to get back. It was a good ten minutes after the movie ended before Jack and Ianto could be heard laughing about something as they re-entered the TARDIS.

"Hey River?" Jack’s voice called.

River carefully scooted off the couch, opening the door, "In here." She called before going back over to Freya.

Jack was still snickering about the joke, but lowered his voice as he saw that Freya was asleep. "Looks like that was sorted out. Ianto and I were just heading out. We wanted to say bye, first. Oh, and the Doctor's with Amelia in her room. He got her a new toy and one for Freya too."

She nodded, smiling up at him, "Thank you for coming and spending sometime with them. We'd love to have you again soon, if you'd like."  

"I'd love it. Those two are great and I never thought I'd love the name 'Uncle Jack so much.'’ "

Thank you, Jack. They had lots of fun with you, and I got a very...memorable Mother's Day with you watching them." She smirked.

He smiled and gave her a two fingered salute. "See ya later, River."

"Goodbye, sweetie." She smiled back, watching as he and Ianto turned to go.

"Mummy...?" Freya half murmured as she stirred.

"Hmm?" River looked down at her, stroking back her curls.

"Was that Uncle Jack?" She yawned.

"Yes, it was. He came to say goodbye."  

"But I didn't get to say bye!" Freya pouted.

"Well you were sleeping and I didn't want to wake you. He'll be back soon." River assured, "Daddy and Amelia are back, do you want to go see them?"  

The girl nodded. "Did they save me any grilled cheese?"

"I don't know, sweetie. Let's go see." She lifted Freya up off the couch, blankets and all, carrying her back to her room.

"Hi, Freya!" Amelia said excited to know what her sister and mother had been up to without her. Coloring books and crayons were strewn over her bed which the Doctor sat on the end of. He avoided eye contact with River, assuming she was still angry with him.

River carefully set Freya down on the bed beside Amelia, glad to see that she joined in on the coloring almost immediately. She only glanced at the Doctor, not saying anything to him. They stayed there with them for a while, avoiding the elephant in the room. A few times it looked like he was going to say something, but then ended up complimenting their daughters’ drawings.

"Mummy? When are we gonna go to the zoo?" Amelia asked. "You promised we would. "

"I think we should wait a few days." River sighed, leaning against the wall.

"But then we can, right? Can we bring Uncle Jack?" Freya nodded in agreement that they should invite Jack. They looked at River for an answer.

"If you want to invite him then you can, but he's a very busy man so he may not be able to come."

"Mummy." She laughed. "We live in a time machine. We can just bring him when he's not busy."

River simply nodded, her eyes fixed on the floor. The Doctor followed her gaze, absent mindedly, knowing that there must’ve been something more that was on her mind than just what had happened with Freya. He wanted -he needed- to talk to River about this. He needed her not to be furious; He need to explain himself. But he wasn’t comfortable with leaving their daughters unsupervised and as far as he could tell, neither was River. She sat down on Freya's bed, watching as the girls continued to color. She was tired and upset, lost in the heaviness of her thoughts.

"River..." He finally said. "Why don't you take a nap? ...You look tired. I can watch them."

She shook her head, not wanting to leave them. "I'm fine." She murmured, her voice monotone.

"I..." She must've been more upset with him than he thought. "You sure?"

"Yes, I'm fine." She repeated, refusing to look at him.

"...Alright." He felt terrible enough as it was, but having River against him made him feel even worse. He hated to see her so cross. He was rubbish at apologies and  and it had already failed the first time.

River stayed silent for another minute, staring at the floor, then asked, "Did you save any grilled cheese for Freya?"

He nodded. "I put it in the fridge." That was followed by more silence, with only the sound of crayon on paper. She nodded, fidgeting in the uncomfortable silence. Even Freya and Amelia began to notice it after a while.

They looked up at eachother and exchanged glances. "Mummy...? Is everything alright?"

"Yes." Her voice broke, and she took a deep breath, clearing her throat, "Everything's fine."

Amelia looked between her parents. "Are you mad at daddy?" She tried again, wanting a truthful answer. Or at least on that made more sense than that.

She sighed, putting her head in her hands, "Amelia, I really don't want to talk right now. Just go back to coloring."

"...Sorry" The girl said quietly, returning to her book. Rver bit her lip, closing her eyes trying to keep from tearing up.  

"River..." The Doctor couldn't bear it. He reached out to touch her arm and offered any comfort he could. He was starting to put together in his head that it wasn’t only Freya who was upset and scared by the Silence.

She didn't pull away, but she didn't lean into his touch either, "What?" She asked, her voice nearly inaudible.  

"I'm really sorry about earlier…” He began, though she already knew that much. “...I’m here. No matter what, I'm here. You know that?"

She nodded slowly, "Yes, I know."

"Where are you? Where has mind wandered? Where have you gone that's so distant from your family?"

River shook her head, not wanting to talk in front of the girls, "I'm fine. I'm right here." She whispered. He moved his hand lower to entangle with hers and traced his thumb in lazy circles at first then in Gallafreyan: 'Safe'. She squeezed her eyes shut, finally turning and burying her face in his shoulder. He brought his other hand up to stroke her hair.

Amelia and Freya knew better than to ask what was wrong this time. They stayed put, watching their parents.

River’s shoulders shook lightly, clutching onto him. "I-I'm s-sorry."

"It's okay. It's okay. You had every right to be cross with me." And you have every right to be afraid of the Silence. He rubbed her back soothingly. She shook her head in disagreement, still clutching his hand as though her life depended on it.

The wet tip of a marker make contact with the top of her foot. Amelia had managed to climb off the bed and get a green marker. She drew the word she saw her father trace earlier: 'safe' and smiled up at her. River looked down at the word on her foot, then smiled weakly at her daughter, drying away the few tears that rolled down her cheeks.

"That must've been why your ship needed repairs." Amelia concluded. "We forgot to write safe."

She nodded, "It must have been." Freya climbed down next to her sister, grabbing a bunch more markers and placing them in a pile on the floor. She began working on the other foot and soon their mother’s feet were a rainbow of words like love, happy, and safe. They also added things like, family, baby, mum, and hugs.

River laughed, looking down at the words on her feet. "Now I think you're just trying to show off how good you are at writing in Gallifreyan." She teased.

"I've been practicing really hard!" Freya proudly grinned.

Amelia reached into her pocket. "Look." She pulled out a napkin that had been drawn all over in Gallifreyan. The Doctor's neat hand writing was next to the more sloppy had writing of Amelia copying the word. "Daddy taught me some new words while we were waiting for the food to come."

"Ooh yes, I see." River smiled, looking down at the napkin, "I'm glad to see you've been practicing."  The Doctor placed a kiss on her cheek, holding her close.

"I want to learn more words, too!" Freya said jealously.

"We got to have special ice cream and watch a movie together instead, remember? I'll teach you some new words another time, alright?" She offered, leaning into the Doctor's side. Freya nodded, satisfied with the offer. Amelia didn't get jealous over the ice cream though since she had had a milkshake with her lunch.  "It's getting a bit late, we should start cleaning all of this up." River got up to start putting away the markers when the TARDIS jolted forwards, knocking her to the floor.

"River!" The Doctor rushed over to her. "River, are you alright?"

She nodded, "Yes, I'm fine… What was that?" She asked, pushing herself off the floor and moving to make sure the girls were alright.

"I don't know..." His heart beat a little faster, anxious about what had gotten in to the TARDIS.

"Mummy, I hit my elbow!"

She carefully checked over her elbow, "Does it hurt a lot?" She asked, making sure it wasn't broken or bruised.

"It hit my funny bone." Freya complained not liking the odd feeling it gave her.

River kissed it, "The feeling will go away in a minute." She assured, standing up and taking the Doctor's hand just as there was a loud bang from the console room.

He flinched at the noise, moving protectively in front of River. "River..." He said quietly. "You wouldn't happen to have your guns on you...?" She nodded, taking her new gun out of the holster. He smiled just a tiny bit at how sexy she looked with her new gun. "Okay." He bent down to Freya and Amelia. "You two need to stay very quiet. Do you understand?" They nodded, Freya immediately reaching for the bottom of River's dress, clinging to her.

Tha banging came again, making it apparent that someone wanted really wanted to get in.

"Plan. We need a plan." He hit his hand against his head in an effort to make his brain work. "Get as far away from the control room as possible. I'm not taking any chances." River nodded, already ushering the girls out of the room and down the hall away from the console room. He gave her a quick kiss, promising to meet her there as soon as he knew what was going on. He went in the opposite direction, sonic at the ready as the girls scurried down the hall.

River ran with the girls down the hall to where a door had appeared. It was the door to the same room they had stayed not a day or two  before. "Stay here, you'll be safe in here. I'll be back soon." She whispered kissing the tops of the heads before closing the door, waiting until it vanished again before running down the hall after the Doctor. "Doctor,I’m not letting you do this alone!"

"River, go back with the girls. You need to stay somewhere safe." He said even though he knew she wouldn't listen.

"Absolutely not. I'm staying with you." She insisted, taking hold of his hand.

He turned to face her, trying to think of something to convince her. "River, you're not just putting yourself in danger, you're putting our child at risk, too. And If you die again I'll never forgive myself. I still don't forgive myself for the last time and I couldn't bear it a second time. Our children can live without me but they can't live with out you. River, please." He begged.

"But I can't live without you." She whispered, "And our children can't live without you either, you're ridiculous if you think otherwise. I have to help you. I know how to keep myself safe. I'm not going back."

He his eyes shut at the sound of the TARDIS doors being ripped off their hinges, but squeezed her hand and pulled her face to his, kissing her. "Love you."

"I love you too." She whispered as the click of high heels could be heard coming closer to them.  

He turned around, not realizing how tight he was holding her hand. "I think our problem would best be solved by not dying." He whispered, moving forwards as silently as he could. The lights flickered followed by a sickly sound made by the TARDIS. She nodded, her thoughts drifting to the girls, though she knew that the TARDIS would protect them till the very end.  

"How many times are going to play this game before you give up, Melody?" Kovarians voice was close. "You know I'll win eventually."

River gripped onto the Doctor's hand even tighter than before if it was possible. She couldn't find her voice to respond. "Doctor. Dooooctoooor." Kovarian called out. "You may as well just tell me where you're hiding them. We're going to find your children either way." The TARDIS groaned in protest again as the lights dimmed further. "You hear that? That's your TARDIS. Dying."

"No!" River shouted, taking off down the hall, firing off her gun as she ran.

"River!" The Doctor ran after her. "River wait!"

Kovarian's cold laugh rang through the halls. "That's right Melody, shooting things will make everything better."

"You won't hurt my daughters! I'll never let you touch my children again!" She screamed, running through the twisting corridors, trying to find the wretched woman.

"Are you so sure?" They could practically hear the grin in her voice. "Tick tock goes the clock, Melody. For your husband and your children. For you and everything you hold dear to you." River suddenly stopped short, the words sinking in. Horrible images filled her mind, one hand covering her belly, the grip on her gun slacking.

"River!" The Doctor practically ran into her. He was breathing hard. "River..." His eyes were wide as he took in every detail of River's expression and stance. She didn't respond, frozen in place, her gun clattering to the ground.

He cupped her face in his hands. "River, talk to me. Just look at me a calm down." She shook her head, pushing away from him and running towards the source of the voice, her gun still on the floor. "River!" He picked up her gun, unsure what to do with it, put it in his pocket before sprinting after her. "River, come back!" He ran after her not having the faintest idea of why she would run to Kovarian unarmed, but he knew it couldn't be good.

There was fire in her eyes as she ran through the halls. She wanted to strangle her, crush the woman with her bare hands. "You'll never get your hands on them, I'll make sure of it!"

Kovarian was standing in the hallway, which was now quite dark, in front of a blank wall. She tapped on it and it made a hollow sound. "Something tells me I found where your children are hiding." She smirked.

River stopped, glaring at her at the other members of the Silence that stood behind her, "Don't you dare...."

"What ever makes you think I won't?" Kovarian raised her arm, which was completely made of metal. The last time she was in the TARDIS, (when River was still pregnant with the girls), she had been led to a room full of fire. She had made it out, but with a few sacrifices including her arm. "The TARDIS is dying. That means this plaster wall is just plaster." She turned on her heel punching the wall and making a large dent.

"No!" River cried, running to the wall earning several hits of electricity in the process. She blocked the wall with her own body, shielding the little girls that she knew were inside, "Don't...please...." Kovarain's bionic arm came down again, hitting River in the gut.

"River! No!!" The Doctor cried, trying to get to her, but being blocked by the Silence.

With the wind knocked out of her, River doubled over and she fell onto her hands and knees. She gasped for breath, clutching onto her stomach. "D-Don't...take my girls..." She whispered, once she had managed to somewhat catch her breath, "I-I'll g-go with...you...if you p-promise n-not to take them..."

Kovarian paused her arm in mid air and lowered it to River. She grabbed her by the collar and pulled her up the wall, holding her so her feet couldn't touch the ground "Say it again.”

River swallowed, looking her in the eyes, and steadying her voice before speaking, "If you leave my family alone, I'll come with you." She glanced over at the Doctor, her heart breaking, "And I won't fight."  

Her lips curled into a smile before she dropped her. "Stupid girl. You shouldn't make deals like that when you don't know what you're doing." The Silence picked her up, holding her arms securely.

"NO! River! Don't do this! River, please!!"

"I'm sorry, Doctor." She whispered, refusing to cry, she had to stay strong, "There isn't any other way to save the girls." After the blow to her stomach, she didn't think the baby would survive for very long, almost positive that she would ultimately miscarry because of it. "Take care of them..."

"No!! River!!" He fought and kicked against the Silence as River was hauled off. Tears blurred his vision and his knees buckled as he sobbed uncontrollably and the Silence left. "River." Was all he could say through his crying. "River come back. Please. River..."  

She blinked back tears, not fighting as she had promised. If going with the Silence meant that her family would be safe, then it was the best she could do. A few silent tears slipped down her cheeks as she thought about how happy her family had been just that morning. Her wonderful, loving husband who she was leaving behind, two beautiful little girls whom she would probably now never see again and a baby on the way that was mostly likely dying.

They exited the TARDIS to a base deep under the surface of whatever planet they were on. Soldiers, Silence, and other people bustled around the area, working on weapons or practicing combat. Kovarian nodded at one of the workers who pushed some controls on the wall. The TARDIS fell through a shoot that had appeared below it and Kovarian smirked again.

River let out a startled shout, trying to run towards the shoot the TARDIS had just fallen through, "What did you do?"

"Did you really think I was going to let your little family go that easily? Honestly, Melody, you are so naive." Kovarian turned her back to the hole in the floor. "They're in an incinerator by now. Burning." Each syllable was spat out harshly from her mouth intended so River would have a clear image of her family's death.

"No!" She screamed, fighting against the Silence holding her with all the strength she had. Tears burned in her eyes, her husband, her beautiful girls… burning. They couldn't be gone, it couldn't be the end…

"You shouldn't be so distraught, Melody. We're going to kill you too. Just as soon at that one is born." She pointed a sharp nailed finger towards River's abdomen. "You'll be of no use."  

River shook her head, glaring at her through her tears, "You're not getting this baby." She hissed, spitting in her direction.

Kovarian laughed. "And how do you propose to stop me? You have nothing but your fists, not one of your allies knows that you're here, and your only escape just got incinerated. Don't forget who you're up against."

"Believe me, I'll find a way." At this point, her threats were empty. She had no idea how she was going to prevent Kovarian from getting her baby. She could only think about her family and all the promises that had just been broken.

Kovarain rolled her eyes at River, muttering "You're pathetic." She started walking down the hall, gesturing for the Silence who were holding River to follow. "Come Melody, we have work to do."  

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup. What a plot twist. I bet some of you hate me right now. Don't forget to comment! And maybe enough begging will get me to post the next chapter sooner


	29. Bleed Me of my Faith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kovairain has River in her claws with little hope of escape. 
> 
> Trigger warning: Torture.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I love you all so much, here's an update. Hopefully this will be able to hold you all for the week. And yes, I already know that I'm evil. Comments are much appreciated!

 

CH 29

 

River didn't go easily with Kovarian, fighting every step of the way. Both sides of the earlier deal  were broken. She jerked and kicked in the arms of the Silence, pulling with all her might.

"There's no point in fighting, dear." Kovarian said without even turning her head back to look at her. "It'll only make it hurt more." They arrived at a door with a barred window. The woman watched as the Silence carried River into the barren room and put her arms in chains. She continued to scream and fight, resorting to biting and scraping at whoever she could reach every chance she got. She tried to break free from the chains, nearly breaking her own wrist just as she had done in Manhattan. "You're going to make it worse for yourself later." Kovarian repeated as the Silence left, a little bruised by River. "That is if you don't cooperate later."

"I will never cooperate for you." River spat, tugging at her chains again. That wasn’t a mistake she was planning on repeating.  

"It's your own disadvantage." Kovarian sounded almost bored with her and turned to leave the cell. "Someone will be in to take a look at the little one."

Once Madame Kovarian had gone, River fell to the floor, sobbing silently. Her body felt heavy with grief. Her family...it was all her fault. Her whole body shook as she cried, wishing more than anything that her family was happy and alive. Little did she know, that just a few galaxies away, the Torchwood team was tracking her.Gwen and Ianto were watching and trying their best to cheer up a distraught Freya and wailing Amelia.  Jack and the Doctor were working their tails off, setting maps and laying a plan for when/if they found her. The Doctor wasn't sure if they would even find her alive.

* * *

 

The door of River's cell opened and in stepped the familiar figure of one of those cat nurses. This one wore all grey and looked almost as scared as River. She had dried blood matted in her fur and carried a portable ultrasound as well as some other equipment.

River sat in the corner of her cell, as far as her chains would allow, barely even looking up at the nurse as she walked in, though she wrapped her arms protectively around her belly. She didn't know if the baby was even alive at this point, but she didn't want anyone to touch her.

The nurse timidly knelt down in front of River, getting her things out with rather shaky paws. "R-...Ms Song?" She said softly, not unfamiliar with the stories about the Doctor. "I'm sorry. B-but I have to examine you."

River shook her head, wrapping her arms tighter around herself, "No, I don't want you to." She whispered, "Please don't..."

"We don't have a choice." The nurse said as if she was reading the words off a piece of paper. "I must insist."

"No." River repeated firmly, "I don't want you hurting my child."

"I'm not going to hurt it." She tried again, reaching her hand to River's shoulder. "It's either this or they'll tie you down."

River was silent, thinking the situation over, finally agreeing to be examined. At least this way, she would be able to defend herself if something went wrong. The cat nurse gave a small sigh of relief. She lifted River's dress, pressing the wand of the ultrasound to her belly.

River bit back a sob at the sudden rush of memories. All the times the Doctor had done this with her and how they would never do it together again.

She tried to ignore River, preparing a few of the needles. She knew an emotional bond would be no good to either of them and it would just make things harder when River was killed, if she wasn't killed first.

"What are those?" River asked quietly, the sight of the needles pulling her out of her memories. The nurse didn't answer, continuing to until four of the needles were neatly lined up.

"Hold out your arm."

"Not until you tell me what they are." She replied, her body tensing, ready to fight if necessary. "What are they going to do?"

"Their just to help the baby." She insisted, not going into further detail. "Kovarian hit you very hard." She gestured to the large bruise on River's stomach.

"Is the baby dying?" River asked, staring at her, not going to accept anything but the truth.

"It's hurt... but not beyond repair." The nurse said, trying to be as short with her as she could.

She slowly held out her arm, not quite satisfied, but knowing that she wouldn't get much more out of her. The nurse rubbed the crook of her arm with an alcohol wipe then injected each needle, not bothering to give her any band-aids. "I'm sorry." She whispered.

"No you're not." River whispered, looking away from her, "Nobody here is sorry."

"It was not my choice to come here. I did not know what they would do to me or make me do to you."

"My family is dead. My husband, my daughters burned. They succeeded in what they wanted to do, and yet they want more. They want my baby. They're not sorry. You're helping them, whether it's by choice or by force you're still helping them...."

"I would not if my own family were not in danger. If they did not have them locked away in this facility, I would let them kill me. But it is not just my life at stake if I disobey." The nurse defended, refusing to have anyone think she would willingly help someone like the woman who kept her here in the first place.

River sighed again, staring at her hands. She looked down at her feet, the rainbow of words still covering them. She could feel the tears falling again as she read over the words written in Amelia and Freya's messy Gallifreyan. "Please leave." She muttered.

The nurse bowed her head, getting up and leaving. "Let us know if you feel any changes." The door closed with a large thud of the locks.  River lay on the floor of her cell, leaning against the wall. She was too tired to cry anymore, drained physically and emotionally. She imagined herself back with the Doctor, laying on the couch in front of the fire in his office. The sound of the girls' giggly laughter coming from down the hall. As she imagine this, she could practically hear the Doctor's voice, her him saying her name.

"River!" The voice was louder, coming from right in the middle of the room where a holographic image of the Doctor was trying to come through.

She looked up, a bit startled by the noise. She dried her eyes, standing up, "Doctor?" It seemed nearly impossible and she thought for a second that she was hallucinating.

"Ha-ha! It worked!" Came background noise from Jack.

"Listen River, I don't have much time." He wanted to say how much he needed her here. He wanted to sit there with her and just hold her for hours, but with limited time, he could only use his tone to say the words he couldn't speak. "The girls and I are alive. We're safe."

She stared at him in disbelief, "Y-You are? Where are they? Where are you? How are you here?" She asked, "Can I see them?"   

"No time. People could be listening." He said, though it hurt to deny her seeing her children. “I managed to trace back to you through the marker...” River looked down at her marker covered feet.  "It’s not letting me in on your location yet, but I promise I’ll find you. River, don't take anything they give you. No medication, no food, nothing."

Her face grew pale, "Doctor, the baby...The nurse already gave me four injections for the baby. She said it was to help it because of what Madame Kovarian did and...and I wasn't...I didn't think..." She was working herself up, "She wouldn't tell me what they were and I should have known. I should have known but I let her give them to me. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry...." She whispered, beginning to feel dizzy and having to sit down.

"Oh god." He ran a nervous hand through his hair. "Okay River, listen very closely. The baby's gonna grow. And mean fast. Kovarian is an impatient woman and she'd not going to wait for the baby to grow on it's own. That's what the medication was. She's going to speed this process up as much as she can which gives me even less time to find you." He spoke as fast as he could. "But I'm coming for you River. I am."

She shook her head, not wanting to believe what he had just said. "But that's...that's dangerous. Something could go wrong, the baby could..." She stopped, tears in her eyes. She didn't want him to leave her. "Please tell me there's a way to reverse it..."  

"I don't know if I could... If I can get to you in time, maybe I could stop it." He didn't seem any convinced by his words. "But Kovarain won't. Even if she did have a way to stop it. River I need you to stay strong for me." The was a bustling of noise in the background followed by the whining of children.

"I want to see Mumma! Mumma!!" Two little head pushed their way into view before the Doctor could stop it.

She blinked back her tears as the girls came into view, "Amelia...Freya..." She whispered, wanting to reach out and hold them.

"Mummy!!" They reached their arms out to her even though it wouldn't make contact. "Mummy, you said we'd be safe. You said you'd be okay, you promised!"

"You are safe, darling." She whispered, trying her best to smile, "I love you both so, so much. Don't ever forget that." If they didn't find her in time, she would die one way or another. After all, the Silence planned to kill her after the baby was born, which apparently would be sooner than anticipated.

"Come back, mummy!" Amelia cried. "Please, come back!"

Freya's tears were a bit more quiet. "You said you'd be fine. You said you would be safe."

"I wish I could, but I can't. They won't let me." She didn't know how much longer she had left with them, "Stay safe, be brave and be good for your Daddy, okay?"

"But you'll come back? You'll come back an’ be safe again?" Freya half pleaded not wanting her to say no.  

She couldn't answer her, she couldn't bare to break another promise to her, "Can I talk to Daddy again?"  They nodded, backing from view of the the hologram so the could still see her, but she had her privacy with the Doctor.

He had begun to shed tears of his own. "River, I can't do this without you. I can't raise our kids without you."

"You can." She whispered, "I promise you that you can. You do such a wonderful job of raising them, I couldn't have asked for a better father for my children, or a better husband. I love you so much." The hologram started to flicker.

"River, don't trust anyone. No matter what! And don't go having that baby without me there!"

She tried to smile at his words, "I'll try not to." She said as the hologram disappeared, leaving her alone again.

Jack slammed on the keyboards in frustration and the Doctor sunk down in his seat with his head in his hands. His window of time was closing and somewhere in the universe, his wife was scared and alone. Freya began to sob again, wanting her Mummy to come back and be safe like she had promised.  The Doctor somewhat pulled himself together, stood up and walked over to her. He bent down and wrapped is arms around her. He had been doing nothing for the past eight hours but look for River. He need to break and give his daughters some attention.

"I want Mumma!" She wailed, clinging onto him. "I want my Mumma back!"

"I'll get her back, Freya. Cross my hearts. I'll rip apart the universe if I have to."

She continued to sob, louder than she ever had before. "S-she promised that she w-would be s-safe. P-promised."

 

* * *

 

There was a bang on the door of River's cell, though she barely registered the noise. "Melody." Kovarian voice came. She didn't bother to walk inside the cell yet. She stood there for a moment or two then took a few steps in and stopped again. "We're going to have a little chat."

River looked up at her, crossing her arms, "And why would I want to talk to you?"

"No reason." She examined her nails, regarding River as something much below her. "But you have some information I need. So are we going to do this the easy way or the hard way?"  

"Well you're not getting anything out of me easily." She answered, "So you tell me."

Kovarian sighed as if annoyed. "Why must you always make things worse for your self?" A few members of the Silence came into the cell and grabbed River's arms before releasing her from the chains. They followed Kovarian out of the room and down the hall.  

River fought back yet again as they brought her out of the room, biting, scratching, kicking, screaming, throwing her weight towards the floor, trying to run forwards. She was taken to a chamber with a metal table on which she was strapped down to. Next to it was a tray of weapons like knives, tasers, and even pliers. Kovarain picked up one of the blades. "Here's how it works, Melody. I ask and you answer. If you refuse to give me the information I need, you'll be punished."

"If you 'punish' me, you could hurt the baby." She pointed out, "And I know you wouldn't want to do that..." She prayed that the Doctor would come soon, not knowing what lengths Kovarain would be willing to go. Perhaps she'd be dying sooner than she thought…

"Do you really think I'd be so careless?" Kovarian retorted. "Now then tell me, Melody.  What do you know of TARDIS mechanics?" River glared at her, staying silent. "Don't be stubborn, Melody." She traced the knife threateningly over the skin of River's arm, not yet cutting her. "The TARDIS perished and I need the technology it has. Bigger on the inside, space and time travel. Tell me, how does it do that, Melody?"

"Well if you needed that technology so badly, then you shouldn't have burned the TARDIS." She growled, refusing to tell her anything.

"I had no choice." Kovarian said bluntly, beginning to press down on the knife.

River clenched her jaw, flinching as the knife pierced her skin but kept from crying out. "If you put strain on me, you put strain on the baby." It was the only real way of getting out of this.

"And as I take it, your baby is a Timelord. That gives me about twelve chances. And you one." River looked at her in complete disgust, falling silent again. "And there goes your chance." Kovarian pushed down on the knife hard, dragging it down the length of her arm. River arched her back, trying to keep herself from showing how much pain she was in right now, the blood already starting to gush out of her arm. "Still keeping your mouth shut?" Kovarain asked impatiently, still holding the knife in her arm.  

"I'll never tell you anything."

Kovarian was getting angry with her and with a knife in her hand, there was nothing that stopped her from lashing out at River. "You stupid girl!" She sliced the woman strapped down to the table, twisting the knife and tearing her skin. River was already starting to lose hope in the Doctor finding her in time. Every cut was agony, but she refused to give in. She had been through torture before, and as long as Kovarian didn't hurt her child, she'd endure the pain.

Kovarian's hand were turning rather red from all of the gashes she made on River. "It's only going to get worse. Tell me, Melody. Now."

"W-What ma-makes you think t-that I-I know?" She shot back, her skin paling as blood flowed heavily out of the cuts.

"You're part Timelord and you can certainly fly the TARDIS. Why wouldn't you know." She countered, ready to strike again.

"J-Just be-c-cause I know h-how to fly th-the TARDIS, i-it doesn't m-mean I know h-how it w-works." Her body ached, she didn't know how much more she would be able to take.

"You have the missing piece of information we need. We have all the quantum physics. We just need to know how the matrix attaches. Tell me."

"You don't understand do you...You murdered my family. I will never help you. You can torture me all you want. Cut me until I bleed out. I. Will. Never. Tell. You."

"You're to one who's going to suffer." Kovarian raised her arm and drove the knife through River's hand. She shouted in pain this time. She was sure she was going to die. She would die, her baby would die, and her family would live on without her. She was fighting to stay awake, her eyes growing heavy, her skin a sickly grey color. "Melody" Kovarian's voice grew distant as' River began to fall unconscious. "This won't end. When you wake, I just start all over again."

"If I ever wake up..." She murmured, falling completely unconscious after a moment.

Kovarian pulled the knife back, nodding at the guards to take River back to her cell. "Fetch the nurse." She ordered.

The cat nurse from before entered River's cell with a first aid kit in her hands. She set it down in front of River's unconscious form, moving to start wrapping her wounds beginning with her arms.  As the nurse wrapped her wounds, blood began to pool between River's legs. She was still unconscious, unaware of what was happening. The nurse didn't notice the new blood until she started to bandage River's legs. Her eyes were wide in surprise and she immediately reached for the ultrasound.

River started to wake at that moment, though the blood loss had made her too weak to move. The nurse's whiskers twitched as she read the ultrasound. She searched through her stash of medical supplies, looking for anything to help River.

A part of River wanted to give up. Maybe seeing the Doctor had just been some cruel trick Madame Kovarian had played to keep her alive. Maybe she had just imagined the whole thing. She closed her eyes again, the sharp pains in her abdomen being the only thing keeping her awake.

The nurse  found several needles. "River." The nurse tried put a hand to her face. "River, stay awake!" When River closed her eyes she could see her husband and Amelia and Freya. Her happy family waiting for her. There was a little bundle in the Doctor's arms, a baby...Her perfect little family...Everything would be over, all the pain, the suffering, the worry. And all she had to do was give in, give into the sleep.

The nurse made a frustrated noise, taking the needles and injecting them directly into her abdomen. River’s breath was shallow, she could hear her family beckoning her, encouraging her to go with them. The sudden pierce of the needles in her abdomen nearly jolting her back towards consciousness. The nurse discarded the needles and held River by the shoulders. "River, River!"

"Doctor..." She groaned, not at all aware of where she was or who was shaking her.

The nurse took down a quick set of vitals and tried again. "River. Can you tell me where you are?"

"Amelia....Freya...." She mumbled again, not even coming close to answering her question.

"River can you hear me?" She asked frantically.

"...Baby..." River muttered, again not answering the question she had been asked making it evident that she had no idea what she was saying, or that she was even in the room for that matter.

"Kainee." The cat woman cursed to herself, searching her bag again. She found a few pills and manually opened River's mouth, putting the pills in. She stroked the underside of River's neck, trying to get her to swallow. She swallowed, coughing a bit after swallowing the pills dry. "River. River can you hear me?" She asked again, a bit more hopeful.

"Yes..." River whispered, taking a few deep breaths.

"Can you tell me where you are?"

"In hell." She muttered, trying to get as far away from her as possible.

The nurse didn't ask for further detail, deciding this was an acceptable enough answer. She gave a small sigh of relief that she was able to save River. "May I finish bandaging your wounds?"

"What's the point..." River whispered, turning her back to her.

Taken back she answered. "Well... they could get infected or re-open. And the more stress put on you, the more stress that is put in the baby."

"Please go. I don't want your help." River whispered, still not looking at her. "I just want my family back."

"I'm sure they want you back, too" She put her things into the bag, leaving the bandages behind. She paused, deciding she may as well inform her about her condition. "Your baby was experiencing a high amount of stress due to the lack of nutrients and oxygen. That combined with the increased growth rate caused you to start bleeding."  

"Well isn't it lucky that you were here." She says a bit bitterly, though she did feel grateful that she had saved the baby. "I guess I won't be surprised if it happens again."  

"I'm doing my best to make sure it doesn't. Or maybe you'll have left before it does."

"What's that supposed to mean? I'll have left?"  

"I've met your husband." She said in a low voice. "Once… a long time ago. And I'd have to see him beheaded with my own eyes to believe he's dead."

"Well if he isn't dead, why hasn't he come for me yet?" She asked, turning to look at her, "He has a time machine, it doesn't matter how long it would take for him to figure out where I am, technically, he could come at whatever time he wants."

"Because there's a shield around this facility. If he were to manage to track you, which even for him would take at least a week, it would take him longer to get into here."

"I don't have a week..." She whispered, her body slumping against the wall, every last bit of hope retreating from her, "I have a few days at most..."

The nurse looked at her feet, feeling pity for her. "Not if I can help it. Here" She handed River a fruit from her bag that looked something like an orange mixed with a kiwi.

"Thank you." She murmured, taking the fruit from her. The Doctor had told her not to take food, not to trust anyone, so she would save this until it was completely necessary, "But the baby's increased growing, and the torture...I don't think this will help much with that. And those will be what kills me..."  She truly believed that she was never going to see her family again.

"Not each on individually. Combined, yes, but otherwise not. I can get them to postpone the torture. They won't do it it means death for one or both of you. They need you both alive for now."  

"Why are you suddenly helping me?" River asked, "What about your family?"

She ignored the question about her family. "I want to get out of here as much as you do. We he comes, take me with you, Take my family with you. Please..."

River had been advised not to trust anyone, but nodded anyway. "How long do I have until the baby's fully grown?"

"How long would it be regularly?"

"Eight months." She sat down on the floor, fearing what she would tell her.  

"About four to six weeks. Perhaps a little shorter, maybe a bit longer." She said after calculating in her head. River nodded, looking down at her blood stained clothes. “...may I finish with the bandages now?" The nurse asked slowly. River nodded again, not moving from where she sat.The nurse knelt down and picked up the bandages she'd left on the floor. She applied an ointment before wrapping the cuts which were not fully scabbed over yet. River stayed quiet, staring down at her Gallifreyan covered feet. The nurse wrapped her wounds in silence, not daring to ask if the drawings were from her daughters. She got up without making a sound, gathering her things once more. "I'll check up on you in a few hours."

She nodded, "Thank you..." She left the room, the door creaking and locking rather loudly. River was tired, her head pounded, her back ached, her wounds burned. Any hope she had had was lost, the Doctor would never find her in time...She sat on the cold, dirty floor of her 'cell' lost in her misery.

 

 


	30. But For the Love of God, Don't Touch Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A rescue is no where near a victory. 
> 
> Trigger warning: Still torture and PTSD
> 
> Title from: "You can break my soul, take my life away, beat me, hurt me, kill me. but for the love of god don’t touch her."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, I've made all of you wait a week(ish) in anticipation, here is your update. Don't forget to comment!

CH 30

 

The days of that first week were spent rather the same way. Though, as promised, the nurse had convinced them to lighten up on the torture, though was only slightly more bearable. They brought River back to the table and strapped her down only twice more in the next eight days. They they switched from knives to the taser, electrocuting her anywhere and everywhere sensitive. The third time, they resorted to ripping out her fingernails. The nurse would always try not to bother her while she was unconscious. She often sneaked River any food she could, which wasn't very much, but it was better than nothing.

Most of the time, when River was alone, she found herself crying. A part of her hated the Doctor for not being able to find her sooner, the other part hated herself for hating him and not being able to escape on her own. Though the nurse snuck her food, she didn't eat very much of it. The only times she slept were the times when she would fall unconscious from the inflicted pain. She felt dull and hollow inside as hours turned into days turned into a week. There was no light, no happiness, no point in trying to fight. She was starting to run a fever on top of it all and two of her wounds had gotten infected from the dirt of the cell. She was dehydrated, and could feel her body slowly shutting down. It became harder for the nurse to take care of River. She brought in more and more equipment as River's condition worsened. The torture had stopped as they realized that it would kill her if it went on.

They needed to focus on their barricades and shields because someone was trying their best to break in.

By the tenth day of River’s imprisonment, the place was often shook by the intruder trying to get in. The nurse started to bring River mineral water as well, hoping it would be helpful. She was giving antibiotics and trying to get her to drink. "Come on, River. Open your mouth." Her fever was getting higher. River refused the water the nurse tried to offer. The shaking of the cell didn't seem to give her hope at all. She hardly even registered it. "River, please. Your organs are going to start shutting down one by one. Just drink."  

"I don't care..." She whispered, "Let it happen, I don't care..."

"River. You need to stay alive, for your family, for your baby." The nurse tried to open her mouth again, spilling some of the water on River's chin.

"Stop it...Stop it..." River groaned, turning her head away, "My family isn't coming, they're gone."

The place shook violently again, causing her to nearly drop the cup. "They aren't gone. You can't believe that. They're coming, they have to be." The nurse refused to give hope.

River moved away from the nurse, hugging her knees to her chest. '’They're not coming...They left me...They're gone..." She wasn't herself; the constant torment of both the past and present was driving her insane.  

She stared at River in disbelief. The nurse had never seen someone so broken, so driven to the brink of madness in this place. She'd heard of River, before they were imprisoned. She'd heard the songs and rhymes of the Doctor and his wife. River sounded like a goddess, like a savior of worlds. And here was the goddess, lying before her, giving up on herself and anyone else. "River..." The room rattled yet again, jolting her forwards, causing her to drop the cup. "The Doctor is coming. What else could cause this place to quake like this?"

She turned to look at her, staring at her for a moment, "It doesn't matter what they do, Madame Kovarian will aways come after us. She will always haunt my family. I'm tired of her controlling my life. I'm tired of being brave, because nothing seems to come of it. You will never understand what it's like to be in my shoes. It doesn't matter if that's the Doctor, because Madame Kovarian will always be there to ruin my happiness." Sleep deprived and depressed, River had never been so hopeless.

"But that doesn't defeat the point of being happy, just because you'll be sad later. And Kovarian-" Alarms started to go off, cutting the nurse off mid sentence. The door to the cell burst open, though it was not the Doctor. It was a very angry looking Kovarian. Behind her the could see guards running around half in panic and half to try and fix the base before it could be broken.

"Time to go."

"I'm not going anywhere with you." River said flatly, not moving from her spot.

"It wasn't a question." She stepped in, grabbing her arm.

"Get off of me!" River roared, fighting against Kovarian with every ounce of strength she could muster, running towards the open cell door.

"Get back here!" Kovarain tried to run after her, but the nurse blocked her, claws lashing out. She didn't look back to see if River had escaped. She forced all of her built up anger onto attacking Kovarian, letting out a growl.

River ran as fast as she could, having no idea where she was going. She pushed herself as much as she could, running and far from Kovarian. Kovarain and the nurse's shouts rang through the hall as they fought. The guards seemed to pay no notice to River. Only a few of them tried to stop her, but their attention was drawn to some pipe leaking or some other thing that was malfunctioning. River could feel her legs growing weak, the old cuts opening up with the sudden fast movement of her legs. It was hard to breathe, her lungs burned. She tripped, falling to the ground. The people still ignored her, some tripping over her.

"River!" The Doctor's voice was there, just barely, still distant and far away. "River!" She didn't hear him, the sound of her heart pounding ringing in her ears. Everything was going fuzzy and she pushed herself to her feet, running another few feet before falling again. The Doctor fought his way to her desperately avoiding the soldiers, swinging punches and dodging bullets as he grew closer to her. "River!!" He cried, running as fast as his legs would take him.

She heard him this time, hope growing in her for the first time in all of the days she had been there, "Doctor!" She called, managing to get to her feet again, running towards him. He nearly tripped over himself when he heard her. He sprinted faster, if at all possible, calling her name.

He finally spotted her, his heart sinking at the blood, old and new, and all of the other wounds. Her belly looked bigger, too, but that was the least of his concerns. She stopped for a moment, staring at him, the man she thought she'd never see again. Her body was numb, adrenaline being the only thing keeping her on her feet and running. He kept going, moving towards her as fast as he could.

And then she was in his arms.

He held her tight, getting blood on his clothes, but he couldn't care less. "River." Not a moment after she was in his arms, her legs gave out from beneath her. Fresh blood was trickling down her legs, her body shaking violently as he held her. "No, no ,no! River!" He lowered her to the floor gently. He whipped out his sonic, scanning her, his stomach in a knot.  "Come on River, don't do this to me, don’t leave me again."

"Th-The nurse..." She murmured, looking back from where she came.

"The what...?" He asked, only half listening to her as he looked around for anything to help her.

"The n-nurse..." She repeated, the blood flowing heavier down her legs, pooling around her hips.

"Nurse? ... Oh!" He realized what she was saying. He looked in the direction that she had looked. "I can't leave you." His eyes widened as he saw more blood around her legs.

"Doctor, the baby." She choked out, forcing herself to stay awake.

"I-I know..." He looked her over again. He wasn't going to leave her side, not for a second. But if there was someone who could help then he had to get to them. Deciding it was the only option, he lifted her up and started carrying her down the hall. She clung to him with bloody hands, her nails missing, and the knife wound clearly visible along with all the burns and scrapes. He needed to get to that nurse quickly. He moved fast, but was slowed down some by the weight of River.

Making it to the cell, he set her down again and scanned the room. River wasn't very aware that she was back in the cell, exhaustion catching up to her. He saw only one body, lying quite still and next to it, a track of blood, like someone had dragged themselves out of here. He slowly approached the body, turning it over. She was dead, but hadn't given up without a fight and a big one by the looks of it. He presumed this was the nurse by the outfit and the cat-like features of her face, shared by the other medical persons at the Sisters of the Infinite Skizm.

River looked over, her eyes falling on the body of the nurse. "No..." She whispered, crawling towards them, "No...s-she can't be..."

He looked back at River. "I'm sorry..." He was unaware of the small bond that was created between the two. He reached for the nurse's bag, which was still next to her, thinking there might be something useful inside.

"She...she saved my life..." She whispered, her chest hurting, "She can't be dead...her family..."

"They're safe. I found them when I was looking for you. I got them out. I just didn't realize that she was..." He swallowed hard, going back over to River. He didn't have time to be upset right now. River was priority number one. "This'll pinch." He pulled out one of the needles.

River nearly screamed when she saw the needle, immediately backing away from him, her blood turning cold, "Stop! No! Don't come near me!"

"Wha- River, it's okay! It's me!" He put down the needle, thinking he might have triggered something. "River, it's okay."

She stared at him, trembling. "I-I want to go home..." She whispered.

"I'll get you there. I promise. But you and the baby have to be stable first." The TARDIS was, of course, all the way on the other side of the base. River would make it all the way back if he didn’t treat her first.

"I want to go home." She repeated, still shaking, wanting nothing more than to be back in the TARDIS where she could relax.

"I know, River. I know." He couldn't remember ever seeing her such a state. She was almost like a child in the way she was begging for her home. He pulled her into his arms. "But you need to let me give you this shot. You'll bleed too much otherwise."

"Doctor...please..." She begged, her body going tense in his arms at the mention of the shot.

"I can't let our baby die. I can’t let you die. It's the only way. It'll be over before you know it."

"No, no, no, no." She whispered, "Please...Hasn't the past week been enough..."

"Yes. And it's almost over. but you need to do this. For me, please." He didn't quite understand why the needle scared her so much, but he was trying to be gentle.

"I hate you. I hate you so much...." She held out her arm for him. He didn't give his usual 'no you don't'. She had every right to hate him after being here for ten days thinking he had left her or was dead.

"Sorry." He said, injecting her.

She squeezed her eyes shut, waiting for it to be over, "Can I go home now?"

"Yes." He kissed her forehead. "I promised, didn't I?" The bleeding was beginning to slow down. He knew it wasn't a permanent solution, but at least it would get them back to the TARDIS. "Can you walk?" She nodded, though she was exhausted. She wanted to get back to the TARDIS and away from the base as soon as possible. "Come on." He said in a low tone, moving to help her up.

She let him lead her out of the cell, back towards the TARDIS. Just about every one had evacuated at this point making getting to the TARDIS much easier than getting to River was. The longer they walked, the more she leaned on him, relief taking over when the TARDIS came into view. The Doctor couldn't help but smile a little. River was finally going to be safe.

The TARDIS hummed happily when they stepped inside. River collapsed onto the floor once they were back inside, her blood covered body relaxing a tiny bit. The Doctor sat down next to her so her head was resting on his leg and he was leaning against the closed door. The TARDIS flew herself smoothly away from the much hated place. He stroked the side of his wife’s face, more than relieved to have her back. She couldn't stop shaking, the traumatic events of the last week having scarred her all over again. "River..." He pulled her up,closer to him, wanting nothing more then to sit there holding her for hours. "You are so so brave."

Tears started to roll down her cheeks, "I'm not...I'm really not." She murmured, leaning into him.  

"But you are. You've been so brave. More than I ever could."

She buried her face into the crook of his neck, "I didn't think you were coming back...."

"Oh River, I'll always come back for you. I would never, ever leave you. Not ever."

She nodded, "I know...Where are the girls?"

"They're with Jack at Torchwood." He told her.

"How are they doing?" She asked, not asking to see them. She didn't want them to see her like this, knowing it would frighten them.

"They were scared." He admitted. "And they miss you more than anything."

"I miss them too." She whispered, "I thought they were gone...I thought you were gone."

"You can't get rid of a TARDIS that easily. She may have managed to lower the shields, but it was only disabled long enough for her to get in and out." He said, a hint of smugness in his voice.

She fell silent for a minute, "I almost miscarried the baby...more than once...." Her voice broke, "I don't think our baby's going to be okay."

He moved his hand down to rest on the bump. "River, I promise I'm going to do everything I can to make sure you carry this baby to term. You just have to trust me." She nodded, though she wasn't sure if she could really bring herself to trust anyone. "Then, River..." He didn't know how to put it with out scaring her. "You'll definitely need stitched for those cuts. And medicine to help the baby." Her body went rigid, starting to completely freak out as she had done the last time. "No, no. River, it's okay." He held on to her, trying to sooth her. "It's not gonna hurt you. I'm not going to hurt you."

"I-I don't want medicine...." She whispered. The last time she had been told that the medicine she was being given would help the baby, she had been lied to. Her instincts told her to say no.

"You don't exactly have a choice River." He said gently. "You'll miscarry otherwise.... Would it help if you weren't awake for it?"

She nodded, squeezing her eyes shut, "Can you stop the increased growth rate?" If the nurse was right, she'd have less than three weeks left before she came to term and she really didn't think she would be able to deliver the baby after only three weeks of recovery. It wouldn't be good for her, and it would be a potential danger to the child.

"I don't know." He said honestly. "But I'm going to try everything." He wasn't convinced that they'd be safe any time soon and adding a labouring River on top of that couldn't be good. She nodded again, leaning into him a bit more, making no move to get up.

He didn't know if they stayed there for minutes or hours, but they stayed in each others arms until there was a knock on the door. The TARDIS had apparently landed. "Hey, Doc! You got River back yet?"  River looked up at her husband, a bit alarmed at the sudden voice. Despite being able to recognize who it was, she still panicked for a moment. The Doctor took her hand, in reassurance. He scooted over enough to let Jack in the door. He had to take a second look at River before believing his eyes. "What did they do to you?!"

She couldn't bring herself to answer his question, just the mere thought of what had happened made her feel sick. "The girls can't see me like this..." She whispered, not answering his question, "I don't want them to see me now."

Jack nodded in understanding. "I'll occupy them. But, I think you're gonna need some medical attention. The autopsy bay has everything necessary..."

She shook her head, flat out refusing to leave the TARDIS, "I'm staying here." He nodded again, not wanting to push River. He knew the kind of things she's gone through, he's been through it himself, only he could heal himself and River couldn’t.

"You gonna need any assistance, Doc?" River looked over at the Doctor, thinking it was more his call than hers.

"Why don't you send in Gwen? You're better with the girls then she is."Jack nodded a final time, exiting the TARDIS.

Just a few minutes after Jack left, River could hear the cries of Amelia and Freya. They rushed to the doors, knocking and calling for their parents.

The Doctor looked at River, knowing she didn't want them to see her. "Should we..?"

"Doctor, they can't see me..." She whispered, turning her back to the door.

"Then let's go somewhere they won't. Can you walk?" He knew she said she could last time, but with her kind of injuries, it was always best to make sure.

"Yes, I can." She murmured, letting him lead her wherever he wanted to go.

"Are you okay to go in the medbay?" He asked, thinking that maybe just the sight of needles would scare her.

"Can we go to our room instead?" She asked quietly.

"Sure." He replied softly, offering a smile. He lead her quietly down the hall.

 

 


	31. Home is Where Your Hearts are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River wishes she could hide what she sees in the mirror.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've reached the two hundred page mark if anyone is curious. I have a sort break from school (yay!) so that hopefully means a few more updates coming soon. Don't forget to comment!

CH 31

 

River gripped her husband’s hand tightly as he lead her back to their room, staring quietly at the floor. He locked the door behind them, ensuring that the girls wouldn’t get in and see their mother like this. She sat down on the bed, trembling a bit as she caught sight of her reflection in the mirror. It was the first time she had seen herself after everything that happened. All she could do was stare. The horrid reflection that looked back at her couldn't really be her...right?

"River?" The Doctor said again after her not hearing him the first time. "River." He put a hand on her shoulder. She flinched when he touched her, though she couldn't stop staring at the mirror. He followed her gaze to the mirror. "Do you see now? Why I need to give you medicine?" She nodded slowly, unable to find her voice. He took her hand in his. "The cuts will heal, you know."

"But the scars will stay forever." She whispered, finally looking away from the mirror.

"It won't hurt forever. You're traumatized right now, You're fragile and exposed. But you won't always be."

"I hate feeling like this. I hate feeling so...weak." She ran her hand along the gash down her forearm.

"It'll pass. But River, you look exactly the opposite to me. You seem so strong to have dealt with everything you've dealt with."

"I just want it all to be over.” She sighed. “I want everything to go back to normal."

"You know it doesn't work like that." He said softly, wrapping his arm around her waist. "These things take time."

She wriggled out of his arms, wanting to change the subject. "Can you check on the baby?"

"Yeah..." He got off the bed, leaving the room to retrieve a portable ultrasound. She took a blanket off the bed, draping it over the mirror and sitting back on the bed before the Doctor returned.

"Jack's got the girls away from the TARDIS, but they seem pretty upset." He glanced in the direction of the console room, thinking about them, before turning his attention back to River. Hearing that just made her feel worse. She was desperate to see them as well, but knew that she couldn't. "Lie down." He instructed. She lay down on the bed, taking in a deep breath.

The Doctor was nervous as to what he might find, but tried his best not to show it. He put the probe to her stomach and looked at the screen. As soon as River caught sight of the image in the screen, she closed her eyes, a steady stream of tears rolling down her cheeks. "River." He breathed after some further examination, trying to coax her eyes open. "They're alive." She shook her head, burying her face in her hands. He put down the ultrasound and put his hands on the side of her face. "Riv..." She opened her eyes to look at him, trying to calm herself down. He couldn't tell if she was crying happy tears, sad tears, or overwhelmed-that-my-baby-survived-tears. "It's going to be okay, River. And this time I really mean it."

"Is there anything wrong?" She asked quietly, "Is the baby really okay? Don't lie to me."

"They're pretty malnourished and their blood pressure is a little high..." He said slowly. It was better than he had expected though.

"Is that it?" She asked, something felt horribly wrong, something more drastic than what he was telling her. However, he seemed to be very calm, which surprised her tremendously.   

"Well..." He bit his lip. He didn't want to make her any more stressed out, but he couldn't leave her in the dark about the condition of their child. "They... um.."

"What? What's wrong?" She asked, her heart pounding now.

"You know... you know when you were pregnant with Freya and she shielded herself off?" It wasn't really a question. "And with this baby, it regenerated because it was a much more traumatic thing that happened." He paused again, searching for his words.

Her face was drained of color and she felt woozy, "Doctor, what's wrong?" She demanded.

"It's just that, with everything that's been going on, the baby's body doesn't really know what to do. It thinks it's in a high risk situation, but isn't getting the signal to regenerate."

"What does that mean?" She asked, not understanding.

"...A lot of hormonal stress and confusion. And that combined with the physical stress of the malnourishment... isn't very good." River suddenly groaned in pain, clutching her stomach. "River!" He practically jumped in surprise, but got a hold of himself. "River, what's wrong?"

She shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut, "This has been happening lately. The nurse said it was a reaction to the medication they made her give the baby. My body's trying to reject it, but it can't." She recited to words she remembered the nurse telling her the first time it happened on the second day she was at the base.

He nodded, thankful that someone was there to take care of River when he couldn't. "It's the timelord in you. Timelords have a hard time rejecting fetuses past the first two or three months."

"The pain gets worse every time it happens." She whispered, still clutching her belly.

"And that would be the human part." He muttered. "I'm going to run some tests. If I can find what drug they used, I can stop the growing and stop the pain."

"I'm sorry..." She whispered, "This is all my fault."  

"Oh, River. River, none of this is your fault. How could you think that? You had no control over this."

"But when Madame Korvarian first came into the TARDIS, you told me to stay with the girls. You said that by coming with you I was putting the baby in danger, and I didn't listen."

"River, you did what any mother would've done. You were protecting your children. And if you hadn't come with me, I'd probably be dead."

She nodded, swallowing. "Can I take a shower? And change into something else?"

"We have a little time." He said, helping her sit up.

"I want to burn this dress. I never want to see it again." She whispered, already walking towards the bathroom.

He tried not to act very surprised by her words. "I'll take care of that if you want."

River nodded, "Thank you." She paused by the door, of the bathroom. For some odd reason, she felt self-conscious about being unclothed in front of him, "Would you mind if I just...went in alone?"

"Oh. I.. sure. That's fine..." He rubbed the back of his neck a bit awkwardly. "Just... call. If you need anything."

"You can come in once I'm in the shower, if you want. I just...I don't want..."

She didn't need to finish her sentence for him to know what she meant. "It's fine. I'll come it a get rid of the dress for you once you've taken it off."

"Thank you..." She whispered, walking into the bathroom and closing the door behind her. The Doctor sat down on the bed. He knew she'd been tortured, but how bad could it be that he didn't want her to see it? He'd seen what wasn't covered by her dress; the cuts, burns, and fingernails ripped out. It made his hearts ache for her and him hate Kovarian more. But how much worse could it be? The more he thought about it, the more the image of River strapped to a table filled his mind.  At first he thought it was his vivid imagination that caused his to hear River sobbing, but soon realized it wasn’t in his head at all. "River? River, are you alright?" The Doctor knocked on the door. to the bathroom.

River was huddled in the corner of the shower, trying to sooth her shaking body. Just the sight of the cuts and burns were enough to set her off. Before she knew it, she was sobbing all over again, leaning against the wall to hold herself upright. She couldn't hear him over the sound of the shower, her cries becoming louder and heavier. The Doctor slammed the door open, not caring if she didn't want him to see her. "River!"

She completely broke at the sound of the door slamming open, the sound reminding her of the sound of her cell door being slammed open. "Go away! Don't touch me! Leave me alone!" She screamed, thinking it was Madame Kovarian coming to torture her more.

"River, It's the Doctor! It's me!" He pulled the shower door open. Though she saw it was him, she was too worked up by this point to calm down. She hated this, she hated that he had to see her like this. She hated being so broken. "River." He stepped in, ignoring that his clothes were getting soaked. He put his hands of her shoulders. "River, you have to stay calm."

"I-I-I c-can't." She sobbed, covering her face with her hands once more.

"You can, River. You can. Look at me. You're safe. Kovarian's gone. You're safe."

It was a good twenty minutes before she began to calm down again, her tortured, malnourished, and sleep deprived body weak against him. He was holding her, careful to avoid touching her wounds. He kept whispering "I've got you. Sh. You're safe now." When she finally relaxed, most on the dirt had been washed away. "Why don't we get you some food, yeah?" All she could do was nod, holding onto him like he was the only thing left in the universe.

He slowly lifted her up and stepped out of the shower, not bothering to turn off the water. He placed her softly on the bed, wrapping her in the warm blankets. "I'll be back with some tea.”

"Can you get my nightgown first?" She asked quietly, still sniffling occasionally. He went to the drawer, and pulled out a plain pale green one. "Do you need help putting it on?"

She shook her head, relieved to see that the one he had pulled out was one of her favorites, very comfortable and very her. "Thank you." She whispered, taking it from him, pulling it on.

"Back it a tic." He smiled gently, getting up. She didn't smile back, hugging the blankets he had given her a bit tighter around her body. It was the first time she actually felt relatively safe since she had been taken.

He returned in less than ten minutes with a cup of tea and a large sandwich with various meats and cheeses on it. He assumed that she must've been starving. She stayed quiet, watching as he brought the food into the room. "Thanks." She murmured after a minute.

"My pleasure." He sat on the edge of the bed. She reached for the tea first, a bit wary of the sandwich. As she sipped her tea, she staying looked down at her lap. She did know if she'd ever be able to bring herself to smile again. Out of habit, he watched her drink her tea. He didn't realize he was doing it until she was half done with it. He looked down at his hands and back up at her, not really able to look a way from the face he thought he'd never see again. But there was something different about it. Right where her lips would usually curl up, just ever so slightly, in delight of her tea there was nothing. It was just... empty. It hadn't even been replaced by something like sorrow or fear. Just completely stolen away. His watching unconsciously turned into a stare as he waited for that delight to appear. River didn't notice that he was staring at her at first, too lost in thought to notice. She glanced up at him for a moment, catching his eye before quickly looking away. "What?" She asked, finally realizing that he had been looking at her.

"Huh?" He half was shaken out of his daze not realizing that she was referring to the starring.

She shook her head, "Never mind..." She sighed, looking at the sandwich,but not moving to take it. "How far along am I?" She asked after a few minutes.

"Almost sixteen weeks." He said absent mindedly, trying to pulling his eyes away from the empty spot and glancing at the untouched sandwich.

"Are you okay?" She asked softly, placing her cup on the nightstand. She started to reach for his hand, then caught sight of her own hand. The missing nails, the cuts. She quickly drew it back, afraid that he would be disgusted by her hands.

"Hm? Oh, yeah...fine. I just-" He reached a hand up to her cheek and stroked his thumb along the side of her face. "You're alive, you survived. But..." He searched her eyes. "It's almost like... not all of you came back." He said like he was trying to stop the words, but they were spoken anyways.

The words hurt her, feeling like a slap across the face, and she recoiled from his touch. "I-I'm sorry..." She whispered, knowing that she was disappointing him, mentally kicking herself for not being able to act normal and smile and hide the pain she was feeling. She didn't have the energy to be her. She didn't have the mental strength at the moment to bottle up her feelings and pretend to be okay for him. She couldn't put on a show, no matter how much she wanted to.

He could see his words sink in. He didn't think she was even aware that her expression had turned to remorse and distress. "Oh,- River. I didn't mean- It wasn't- It's not your fault-" He really had to think about these thing before he said them. "I didn't mean it like that."

"Then how did you mean it?" She whispered, her voice thick with sorrow.

"I meant it against Kovarian. She- Shes' a monster. What ever she did to you in there is not something that I ever wanted you to go through and I'll never let it happen to you again." What ever she did, left River in pieces,  broken and exposed, but he didn't dare say that bit out loud. "It kills me that she can just walk away so easily without a second though."

She closed her eyes, burying her head in her hands. She still couldn't help but feel hurt by his words even though they weren't directed towards her. "When will I be able to see the girls?" She whispered, changing the subject. He knew it was hard for her to talk about what had happened for very long. Every time they were getting somewhere with it, she'd back out and change the subject. He didn't mind though, he didn't want to push her with the kind of post traumatic stress she was experiencing.  

"After I get you bandaged up." He knew she didn't want them to see her wounds.

"Can you do it now?" She asked, "I want to see them."

"Yes." He nodded. "But... I have to give you stitches. You don't have to be awake for it if you don't want to be."

She nodded slowly, "I'd rather be asleep..." She whispered, "Can you help the baby too?"

"Not until I know specifically what they gave you. I'll draw some blood and run some tests." She tensed, but nodded again, knowing that he had to do it.

"I'll do it while you're asleep." He assured her, seeing her tense. He looked in the drawers for a safe anesthetist to give her. "Would you rather have pills?" He didn't think she'd appreciate the needle again. She nodded, watching as he got out the pills,

"I don't want to have nightmares..." She breathed.

He hadn't really thought of that. After some thought, he sat on the bed. "Close your eyes."

She looked up at him with wide eyes, "What are you going to do?"

"Relax." He smiled. "It's just a little mind exercise to help you calm down and get to a happy place. Don't worry." She stared at him for another moment before closing her eyes, though she was still tense.

"Alright." He took her hand, the one that still had most of the fingernails intact. "I want you to image some place. Any place that has some meaning to you. It could be a secret hiding spot you had as a child or even just our room. " She nodded, visualizing their room as he suggested. "Have it start out empty. In your mind, add furniture and color to it. It could be something new, or as you already know it." She did as she was told, nodding once the room was complete in her mind. "Now you can add people. Or animals if you wish. Could be your family and yourself. Even people we've met." He had closed his eyes as well, trying to imagine his own little room with his family.

She imagined the Doctor sitting on the bed, Amelia and Freya on his lap. After a moment, her parents were there too, Amy on the Doctor's left, Rory on his right. The scene changed after another minute of thought, the girls sat on the laps of their grandparents, and the Doctor held a little baby in his arms. River nearly smiled at the visualization. The Doctor’s imagination produced something quite similar, though they were in central park, visiting a very old looking Amy and Rory and River was the one holding their baby. 

He gave her hand a squeeze. "Now I want you to come back to this place whenever you need." She nodded, smiling weakly for the first time since she had been taken. He leaned forwards and kissed her. "Ready now?"

“Yeah..." She whispered, kissing him softly.

"Here." He handed her the pills. "And keep that happy place in mind."  She nodded, taking the pills and washing down with the remainder of her tea. She squeezed his hand one last time before giving into sleep, visualizing the calm place.

 

 


	32. Take Your Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor tried to find and antidote to Kovarian's drug before it's to late.
> 
> "Time catches up with us all, Doctor." "Well it has never laid a glove on me!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I love you all so much, here is another update. There will be one more this weekend. Don't forget to comment!

CH 32

 

The Doctor got to work, grabbing the equipment he needed to tend to RIver’s injuries. He had an hour or so before she'd wake up. He disinfected and stitched her wounds, wrapping them neatly and carefully. He also gave her some medication to help her fingernails grow back quicker before wrapping those too, applied burn cream to her skin, put a cast on a broken metatarsal, and drew blood for testing. After that, he lost track of all the things he was doing and went along as he saw fit. He even managed to hook her to an IV of fluids which drained by the end of everything. Right around the time he was finishing up, River started to stir, "Doctor?"

"Yes, dear?" He hummed, placing a bandage on her forehead and placing a kiss, too.

She took a few moments to reorient herself, waking up a bit more, "Where are the girls?" She mumbled.

"Still with Jack. I wasn't quite finished yet." He made a quick move to hide the left over needles. "Sleep well?"

She nodded slowly, "That's the first time I've slept..." She murmured, "Can I see the girls now?" She asked, eager to see them.

"Yes, and I'm sure they'll be more than excited to see you." He went to the door then paused. "Uh, River?"

She looked up at him, "Yes?"

"The girls, they might be a little... well they cried a lot when you were gone. So just, don't be too shocked if they're still... in shock about what happened."

"I understand."

"Just thought I should let you know." He slipped out of the room.

RIver closed her eyes, still feeling a bit drowsy. Not but a few moments later, the rather loud pitter-patter of feet rang in the hall along with some argument of who got to hug mummy first. River could only hope that her appearance didn't frighten them as they drew nearer, her heart beating a bit faster with anxiousness. "Mummy!" They cried, bursting into the room. Freya was able to run faster than Amelia could with her cast. She jumped on to the bed and threw her arms around River, not registering her injuries.

River let out a small groan of pain feeling the weight of Freya on top of her. "Oh, Freya..." She whispered, holding her tightly, kissing the top of her head. Amelia had crawled up onto the bed, but paused, hesitating at the sight of the many bandages. River looked up over at her daughter, holding out her arm, "It's alright, sweetie." She whispered.

"They were mean to you. Like they were to me. But you have it worse..."

She couldn't respond to her, tears welling up in her eyes at the thought of her daughter going through what she had gone through. "Amelia..." She whispered, reaching out and brushing back her hair, "My sweet, sweet Amelia..."

The girl fell forwards onto River, in tears. "I don't want them to me mean to you, mumma! I don't want them to hurt you!"  

"It's okay, darling, everything's okay." She soothed, wrapping her arms around her and holding her tightly, "I'm alright..." She rocked her gently, "They're not going to hurt us again..."

"You said that when we got Mia back." Freya said, clinging to River's nightgown.

"I'm sorry, girls...I'm so sorry." She could feel the tears burning in her eyes, but she refused to cry in front of her daughters. She didn't want them to think that she was weak, "I was trying to protect you..."

"We don't want you to if it means the mean lady takes you away." They could remember the pounding on the wall when Kovarian had broken in. River shook her head, holding them both tightly, trying to avoid her somewhat bulging belly which the girls hadn't seemed to notice.

"Please don't leave again." Amelia whispered shaky from sobs.

"I won't." She replied, "I promise, I'm staying right here."

"Mummy, did they... were they mean to the baby too?" Freya had been looking forwards to being a big sister so badly and would be extremely cross if someone made it so she couldn't be.

River bit her lip, "Well...no, they weren't mean to the baby." She lied, resting a hand on her belly.

"Is it supposed to grow that fast?" Amelia asked, confused. Her mother had said it would take eight months, but it seemed to be happening faster than that.

She shook her head, taking in a deep breath, "No, it's not. They gave me medicine to make the baby grow faster, but it's not supposed to grow this fast, it's not healthy for me or for the baby."

"Is it gonna hurt you guys?" Freya became concerned again.

"Of course not." River lied again, sensing her worry. She glanced over at the Doctor, who was standing in the doorway, worry glassing over her features for a moment. He tried his best to make his expression one of assurance that he was working on an antidote.

River suddenly gasped in pain, leaning over and clutching her stomach as she had done earlier. "Doctor..."

"Mummy!" Amelia and Freya's eyes were wide in shock and fear. She barely registered their gasps, crying out again, clutching the sheets of the bed. The twins watched helplessly as their father rushed over.

He scanned River with the screwdriver and put a hand of her stomach to make sure it was correct. Her skin was taunt and her muscles tight. "Doctor..." She choked again, her eyes full of worry as she looked up at him.

"River it's... I think it's speeding up." His expression matched hers.

"What's happening?" Freya started sobbing again.

River shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut. "It's too early..." She whispered, "Please...I-I can't deliver the baby now..."

"I... I can stop it." He said unconvincingly. He didn't even know if the test results were back yet, let alone if there was an accessible antidote. "It just have to..." He looked around. "...We have to get you to the medbay."

She nodded, already trying to push herself up off the bed and to brush away the girls as they tried to cling to her. The Doctor put his arm under her shoulder, practically lifting her as they made their way down the hall as quickly as they could. She groaned again as he placed her on the cot, trying to steady her breathing. He raced around the room to find the test results, all arms and limbs and trying not to trip over himself or the girls in his search.

The twins had given up on asking their father about what was going on. Their heads barley came above the bed, and they had to go on tiptoes to reach River's hand. She held onto their hands, trying not to grip them too tightly as she lay back on the bed, her whole body tense.

"Found it!" The Doctor picked up a piece of paper from one of the drawers in the medicine cabinet. He walked back to the bed, trying to read it, but his hand were shaking quite a bit. River sat up again, resting a hand on his arm, though her own hands were shaking as well. He took a breath, steadying his hands as much as he could and reading the paper. "It's litteokonoura."

"Is there anything you can do?" She whispered, her grip on his arm tightening.

"I-I don't know. I- maybe..." He ran his hand through his hair, muttering about the drug and how he might stop it, to himself. He had to do something before it was to late to reverse it. Running back to the shelf of medicines, a bit less clumsily this time, he rummaged through it, knocking over the things inside as his arm swept wildly around. River was about to get up and help him, when she felt another wave of pain in addition to an alarming pressure. She silently begged her body to just hold on a little longer. "I can't find it...!" He panicked. It was a few more agonizing seconds before he said. "Aha! I've got it! River, I've got it!" He was extremely pleased with himself for that moment then pulled himself back to reality. She felt a momentary rush of relief, her muscles tight and strained.

He rushed back over to her, quite tired from all the running about at this point. "River, I'm sorry, but you're gonna have to stand still." He showed her the large syringe he needed to give her. "This will only slow it down, I think. It won't go back to the original growth rate, but it will be slower than what it was." He bit his lip. In truth, he didn't know that much about the medicine he was about to giver her or how it would affect River. He'd never used it before and certainly not in a situation like this.

River’s eyes grew wide at the sight of the needle. She practically fell off the cot, wobbling away from him towards the door, "Don't come near me with that." Her voice had a certain edge to it, there was both terror and defiance in her eyes. "Don't touch me...don't..." There was something wrong with her mind. Every time he pulled out a needle, she didn't see him. She saw Kovarian coming at her with a knife, she was reminded of the torture she went through. The sight sent her back to the Silence Base and she was getting ready to run again.

"M-mummy?" Amelia was beyond confused as she approached her mother. She stared at Amelia for a minute, as if trying to process who she was. Her eyes caught sight of the needle in the Doctor's hand and she moved towards the door once again. "Mummy!" She'd never seen her mother in this kind of state. It scared her but reminded her a lot of a scared animal in flight response. "Daddy's trying to help, mummy! He's gonna make it stop hurting."

River shook her head, "They're going to torture me again...they're going to hurt the baby again..." She was still staring at the Doctor. She did seem to realize that she was talking to Amelia anymore, speaking more to herself than anything. She was confused and distrusting, her mind not fully there.

"T-toutrure?" Horrific images of her River getting hurt by Kovarian flashed in the girl’s mind. Her response wasn't to curl away though, it was to go towards River.

She felt another shock of pain that sent her to her knees. "No, no no no no..." She whispered, her hands making fists in her hair.

"Mummy." She put her tiny hand on her shoulder. "Mummy...?" Silent tears streamed down her cheeks. River jumped at the feeling of Amelia's hand, nearly recoiling at her touch, but the building pain in her abdomen was becoming close paralyzing. "Close your eyes, mummy." Amelia instructed, her voice quivering

"No...no..." She whispered, her eyes fixed on the needle in the Doctor's hand.

"Mummy close your eyes! Stop looking at it!"

"I don't want to...Don't come near me...Stop c-call-" She cut herself off with another loud groan. Amelia began to back away, more frightened than she had began.

The Doctor came closer to River, deciding to give it a go. He left the needle on the far table and crouched down next to her, putting his hand on her shoulder like Amelia did. "River." Just as she had when Amelia touched her, River's whole body tensed as she looked up at him, her eyes wild. He kept a calm and warm look on his face. "River, you don't have a choice in this. If you don't cooperate your waters will break and there will be nothing I can do to stop our baby from coming."

She let out a small sob, "I don't want this. I don't want to do this.”

"I know, I know." He couldn't think of a person in the universe who would want to go through this. "River look at me. You need to focus. Go back to that room we talked about. Your happy place full of family. I need you to go there now."

"I can't...I can't do it..." She sobbed, tears falling freely down her cheeks, the stress and terror of the situation overriding her brain.

He put his hands on the side of her face. "River, talk to me." Her hands clutched onto his wrists, not responding to him. "River!" He tried to get his voice through to her. "Please." He needed her to communicate with him, tell him what she physically felt. He couldn't look away from her face.

"I-I can't do it anymore." She breathed, "I can't take it." Her labor was progressing quickly, her water could break any minute now.

"Then please." He whispered. "Let me help you." He couldn’t imagine the pain she went through the first time she'd been in labour and he still couldn't imagine it now. "I can make it stop if you just let me help."

She collapsed against him, shaking and sobbing. "I-I don't want you to do it. I w-want someone else t-to..." He looked back to Freya and Amelia but they weren't there. They must've slipped out of the room while they weren't looking. His hearts skipped a beat but calmed down some when he heard someone running down the corridor.

Jack burst into the room, nearly tripping over them. "Doc! What did you say to you're daughters? They're in tear-" He cut himself short, looking at River and not needing a further explanation. River let out a sob mixed with a groan as the pressure continued to build lower and lower in her abdomen. She clung to the Doctor, refusing to let go.

The Doctor looked desperately to Jack, having to tim to explain, "Get that syringe. Now!" He gestured with his head to the table behind him. Jack wasted no time retrieving it and holding out to the Doctor, waiting for further instruction. "Give it to River. In her side." Jack hesitated. "Quickly!"

Jack lifted River's shirt enough to expose skin. He was taken back that River's belly had grown considerably since he saw her less than an hour ago, but the question had to wait.  He plunged the needle into her side, hoping he was doing it right. River screamed and sobbed, burying her face in the crook of the Doctor's neck. Her entire body shook with terror. If she hadn't been in so much pain, she probably would have attacked Jack. Jack pulled back from her, horrified that he was the one who had caused that scream. Hearing her scream at all was something completely new for him. He never expected that noise from someone with her kind of past. She sobbed silently into the Doctor's shoulder, beyond terrified.

"Jack, why don't you go see if the girls are okay." He said. He needed to be alone with River right now. Jack left the room silently, though his head was filled with questions.

"I'm sorry..." She sobbed, refusing to let go of him, "I'm so, so sorry."

"It's not your fault, River. It's not your fault." He repeated, rocking back and forth as they hung onto each other. She continued to apologize, despite what he had said.

It took almost a half and hour for her to calm down, her body still trembling with fear and shock. He peppered her face in kisses as her body slowly began to still. "River listen to me. None of this is your fault. I promise it's not ever your fault. You didn't cause this, you didn't do any of it. This was not in your hands. You can't blame yourself."

"I want to be normal again." She whispered, her voice sounded tired, broken and defeated, "I hate this...I hate all of this. I found out I was pregnant less than a month ago and now..."

"And now you have just over ten weeks until you're due." The speeding up of the drug Kovarian gave her moved her along almost four weeks in thirty minutes. "But that doesn't make it your fault." He ran his hand along her back, trying to find as much comfort in her as she was trying to find in him. Had she had the mental stability to comfort him, she would.

Hearing that she only had ten weeks left seemed to set her off again, "I don't want to be due in ten weeks. I want to be due in eight months like I'm supposed to be."

"I can't rewind the clock, River. I'm so sorry, but I can't. I can only slow it down." He felt guilty for not being able to set things completely right. "I'm sorry. I really I am."

"It's not your fault." She whispered, "It's Madam Kovarian's fault." She suddenly stood, "I want to kill her...I want her dead. I want to rip her throat out with my bare hands!" Rage was building in her, the sadness boiling into fury.

He looked up at her then got up, too. "I thought... I didn't see her when I came to the base. She wasn't anywhere."

River shook her head, "She escaped again..." She marched out of the room before he could stop her, her legs a bit shaky.

"River!" He went after her, trying to block her way in the hall and stall her with questions. "Why would she need to escape from her own base? I didn't even mess it up that badly."

"Get out of my way." She growled, not stopping to answer any of his questions.

He put a hand on her shoulder, not moving. "I'm just pointing out that she may not be alive if she needed to escape from something like that. I saw blood track from your cell. That could've been her." He would say anything to keep her out of danger at this point.

She pushed past him instead, heading to the console room. "I don't care. I'm not resting until I see that she is dead."

 

 


	33. Stretch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The baby makes it clear that it does't like the lack of space.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah yes. A final update for the weekend. Comment as always.

CH 33

 

Half of the Doctor scolded himself for thinking he could stop River from doing this and the other half made his legs move after her. "River, it's dangerous! Please, hasn't there been enough? I don't want to risk losing you again."

River stopped once she got to the console room. He was right, but she didn't answer him, instead she moved to the door, opening it to reveal the girls. Freya had been cupping her hands and trying to listen. Amelia looked up tearfully at River afraid she might push her away again. River silently knelt down in front of Amelia, pulling her into her arms tightly. The girl made a sort of whimper, tears coming faster as she clung on to River, finding it difficult  to move around her now plump belly. Hearing her daughter whimper finally gave her the awareness to pull herself together, at least enough to comfort her. "It's okay, sweetie...I'm okay now..." She whispered, holding her tighter.

"Daddy made you feel better?" Freya asked timidly. She had a lot of faith in her father around these kind of situations since he was able to make her sister feel better after she was taken by the mean lady.

"Yes, Daddy made me feel better." River whispered pulling Freya into the hug as well.

They leaned into her warmth, happy that the ‘scared’ mummy had gone away for awhile. "Mummy? Who did you mean when you said you wouldn't rest until you saw them gone?"

"It's none of your concern, my love." She whispered, kissing her head.

"But I want to know" Freya pouted. She glanced at Amelia for help but she just snuggled to River, not aware of much else.

"I don't want to talk about it, Freya." River said quietly, kissing the top of Amelia's head, glancing up at Jack.  

He offered a smirk, saving his questions for when the girl's weren't listening. "You had us all on the edge there, River."

She half smiled, "Don't I always?" She managed to joke, slowly returning to her normal self.

Jack laughed flirtatiously, earning glares from the Doctor and Ianto. "Nearly gave me a heart attack. That's for sure." It was nice to see her smile again, a big change from the state she was in before.

River nodded, looking down at Amelia who had rested her head on her swollen belly. Amelia let out a small giggle as she felt a tiny foot push against her. "Mummy look!"

"Yes, sweetheart, I see." She smiled, looking up at the Doctor. It was the first time she was feeling the baby move at all.

"I wanna feel!" Freya nudged her sister out of the way and put her hands on the swell of RIver’s  belly, fingers spread wide.

River guided Freya's hands down to where the baby's feet where, "Right here, sweetie."

Her face lit up with excitement. "Why do we have to wait so long for it to wanna come out?" She remembered River telling her that it would take a while.

"Well...it's not going to take very long now." She whispered, "It will only take about two months now."  

"Really?" Freya didn't question why the time had been shorter. She danced around. "I'm gonna be a big sister!" She said in a sing-song voice.

Jack chuckled. "Ten bucks says it's another girl."

River raised an eyebrow, her hand smoothing over her belly, "Another girl? Three girls?"

"Okay, twenty bucks?" He raised the bet.

"I'm not betting on the sex of my baby." She held her hand out to the Doctor, "Come feel..."  

The Doctor came over to her as Jack continued to whine. "Aww... Come on River! Join in the pool! Gren and I already have one going. She bet fifteen quid that it'll be a boy."

River shook her head, "I refuse to bet." Turning her attention to the Doctor, she frowned a bit. He didn't seem excited or happy that their child was moving, "Are you alright?" She asked quietly, running her hand comfortingly down his arm.

"Huh? Oh. Yeah. I'm fine." He smiled. "See? Fine."

She squeezed his arm, searching his eyes, "Please don't lie to me." She whispered.

"You could probably hear them." He changed the subject. "The brain is mature enough for a mental bond."

"Doctor..." She tried again, worry and hurt glassing over her features, "Please don't shut me out." He looked up at her, making eye contact then looking away, not really wanting to have this conversation in front of Jack and the twins. She sighed, kissing his forehead gently, not pushing him any further.

Freya had pressed her ear to River's stomach waiting for the baby to talk to her. All she could hear was the sounds of River’s body. "I can't hear it mummy. I thought you said we could hear it talk."

River smiled weakly, "Only I can hear the baby talk. It's a special connection I have with the baby, but I can tell you what they say."

"Not fair!" She crossed her arms. "I wanna hear it too!"

"No fair?" She raised an eyebrow at her daughter, "I'm sorry you don't think it's fair, but that's the way it is."

Freya made a face that was something between disappointment and anger. "Well why can't you change it? "

"Because I can't, Freya." Her tone a bit sterner than before.

She pouted, envious of the special connection between the baby and her mother. She stared jealousy at her feet, about to protest again, when Amelia whispered something in her ear. She giggled. And then giggled again. Then burst out laughing.

"What are you two giggling about?" River asked.

"Nothin' " Amelia said.

"It doesn't sound like nothing."

"It's a secret." Freya said, feeling proud and excited that she had a secret to keep.

"Ah, I see." She murmured, relieved to see her daughter happy again.

The Doctor looked around at his family with a small smile. "Girls, why don't you go play with uncle Ianto. Your mother and I need to talk to Uncle Jack."

"But I want to feel the baby move more." Amelia protested.

"I promise you can right afterwards."

She pouted, but got up with Freya to go play with Ianto. Jack shut the door gently behind the girls and turned back, looking between his friends. "So whadda you need?" River glanced over at her husband, taking his hand.

"I probably should've talked to River first.  I... I want you to stay with us for a while. At least until the baby's born."

"Actually, I was thinking the same thing." She murmured.

"Wait, are you serious?" Jack had not been expecting that.

River nodded slowly, "It could be really...helpful."

"Is this about what happened earlier?"

She hesitated, looking down at her hands, not wanting to talk about it. Jack just nodded, understanding.

"Thanks Jack. We really appreciate the extra pair of eyes." Said the Doctor. River sighed, leaning into the Doctor. Jack left the room claiming he had to go let Ianto know about them staying but was really just giving them some space.

"What's wrong?" She asked, looking up at the Doctor.

"Nothing." He said again. "I;m just looking out for you guys."

She had a feeling he still wasn't telling the truth, which hurt her. "Doctor..."

He took a silent breath. "I'm scared, River."

"Of what, my love?" She whispered, stroking his cheek softly.

"Of losing you and the baby." He said in a low tone.

"You're not going to lose me, I can promise you that." She kissed him softly, though she shared the same concern about their child.

"But it's not impossible. I just... I keep thinking, when I feel our baby move, that it could be the last time... " His voice broke.

"I know..." River whispered, her gaze shifting to look down at her hands, "Me too, and I'm sorry." All of this was her fault, if she hadn't been so stupid, then this wouldn't have been happening in the first place.

"Sorry for what?" He asked distractedly, still thinking about the baby.

"This is all my fault." She whispered, putting her head in her hands, "All my fault."

He said it before and he would say it until she believed it. "It's not your fault. No one is blaming you for this." He ran his hand through her curls.

She sighed, "I don't see how you can think that."

"And I don't see how you can think it's your fault. I told you, River. What you did saved your entire family."

"My body is supposed to be a safe place for the baby, and it's not. It's not even a safe place for me..."

"But you're not voluntarily trying to reject it. You're doing the exact opposite."

"It doesn't matter if it's voluntary or not, it's still happening." She whispered, sucking in a deep breath.

"The medicine seems to be working." He pointed out. "And it does matter. It's the difference between it being your fault or not and it's not." She was about to repond when she froze, wincing a bit. "River...?" He paused playing with her hair. "What is it?"

"Nothing..." She breathed, rubbing her side, "The baby's kicking my ribs, that's all..."

He tried to smile this time and not think about it beng the last time it kick. Instead he directed his thoughts to being happy that it was still there and was kicking at all. He placed a hand on her stomach. "Can I feel?"

River nodded, smiling weakly. "Of course you can." She guided his hands to the top of her belly, just below her swollen breasts where the baby's feet were.

A bigger smile appeared on his face as, what he assumed was a foot, pushed harshly against his hand. "They're stronger than Amelia and Freya were." He bent down closer. "Settle down, you're hurting your mother."

"Much stronger..." She murmured, rubbing to top of her belly. "They don't seem to want to listen..." River smiled, feeling another kick, "Are you going to join in on Jack's bet?"

"Seeing that I'm the one who can actually read the ultra sound, I think it would be unfair." He put a small amount of counter pressure where the baby seemed to be having an arm wrestle (Or foot wrestle) with River's ribs.

"So...you know what sex the baby is?" She asked, a bit more relaxed as the baby stopped kicking so hard.

"I haven't bothered to looked since we wanted to be surprised." She smiled weakly, then winced again.  "I think maybe they don't like the sudden space change. Much less roomier than before."

"That doesn't make it okay to kick mummy." She frowned, prodding her belly gently.

_Legs hurt!_

"What?" She murmured, her face paling.

“I didn’t say anything.” The Doctor raised an eyebrow.

_My legs hurt. Need more leg room._

"I'm sorry, my love, but you can't have any." She breathed, hearing Freya and Amelia down the hall.

The Doctor looked up at her. "They're talking?"

River nodded, hearing the girls footsteps drawing nearer, "A little bit..." That was a good sign.

"Mummy! Mummy you said I could feel the baby now!"

River looked absolutely exhausted, buy smiled none the less. "Am I going to have all your hands glued to my belly for the next two and a half months?"

"Not all the time" Amelia claimed, giggling at the kick. "I gotta do stuff with my hands, like draw and play pirate."

"Are you going to draw pictures for the baby?" She asked, wincing slightly as she felt another wack in the ribs.

The girl nodded gleefully. The baby kicked right into her hand this time.

_Stop touching me!_

River groaned in pain this time. "Amelia, sweetie, I think that's enough for today."

"But I jus' got here!"

"I know, but the baby's tired." Amelia pouted but only for a moment. She knew based on the passed few days how important rest was to River and the baby. "Good girl." River murmured, kissing her forehead. "I promise you'll be able to feel more later." Amelia seemed satisfied by this.

_More room!_ The baby complained.

River could feel a headache coming on, turning to the Doctor, "The baby's legs hurt, they need more room." She didn't know how to solve the problem and she was exhausted.

"Why don't you take a muscle relaxant and take a nap? Sounds like you could use one."

"Will you take one with me?" She asked, now that they had Jack and Ianto around full time to watch the girls, he might be able to do things like that with her again.

"Of course." He grinned. He didn't really want to leave her alone in case something happened. And this way he'd be able to spend time with her that wasn't worrying over their children.

She smiled, it had been almost a week and a half since she had slept on a bed, let alone with him. "Girls, why don't you go play with Uncle Jack and Uncle Ianto?"

"Can't we play with you?" They asked. They hadn't really had much play time since she'd gotten back. "We could watch 'Sweet Land.'" That was one of Freya's favorites, even though it wasn't really a kids movie, she liked to learn about the time it was set in.

River bit her lip, glancing over at the Doctor, not wanting to say no to the girls. "Mummy's still very tired." He answered for her. "She'll need a few days before she's back to herself and can properly play with you guys." Amelia snuggled up against River anyways, not wanting her mummy to leave and go back to sleep. "...I heard Uncle Jack and Ianto were going to play hide-’n’-go-seek with you." He tried again.

"I want to stay with Mummy." Amelia pouted, holding tighter onto River's nightgown.

The baby kicked against her, disliking her compressing the already little space. _No touch!! More room!_

"Gentle, sweetheart, gentle." River winced, shifting so Amelia's weight was pressing down on the part of her belly that the baby wasn't occupying.

The Doctor looked up at River. his look saying: We might not be having that alone time after all. "How about  you get your uncles to help you make a drawing for your little brother or sister. How does that sound?"

"Mummy!" Amelia whined, trying to crawl into River's lap,"I want Mummy."  

He sighed not wanting to deny their mother from them. "River, how would you feel about having a few extra people joining us for our nap?"

"I suppose it would be alright… but I'm drawing the line when Jack wants to come sleep with us." She smiled, kissing Amelia's forehead.

"You won't have to worry about that." He stood up. "To the bedroom then, yeah?"  She nodded, easing Amelia off of her and standing up with a slight amount of difficulty. "Come on then you two!" He said over his shoulder as he and River made their way to their bedroom, his arm around her waist. Amelia and Freya ran after them, snuggling up against their parents once they were all in bed.

"Oh I almost forgot." The Doctor shifted out from under the blankets and left the room for a moment to come back with the muscle relaxant pills.

"Thanks." River smiled tiredly, taking the pills followed by a glass of water left on the nightstand from earlier.

"That should kick in soon. Then the baby will stop being so restless." He wiggled back under the covers, curling up to River as best he could with the small girls  and her large belly in between. She smiled and nodded, falling asleep after a while.


	34. Temper Temper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Freya is sick and really doesn't enjoy it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided to update today because I love you all and mostly because I felt like it.

 

CH 34

 

About an hour later into thier nap, Freya was shaking the Doctor’s shoulder, "Daddy? Daddy wake up..."

He half moaned, rubbing his face with one of his hands. "Mm...? What is it sweetheart?" He wasn't really awake or listening.

"I don't feel good." She whimpered, shaking him again.

He propped himself up with him elbow, yawning. "Does your tummy hurt or something different?"

"My tummy hurts." The girl nodded, rubbing her eyes.

He yawned again, a little more aware of his surroundings. "Come, love." He moved slowly off the bed, trying not to wake the others who are still sleeping. "I have something that should help."

She followed him off the bed, "Daddy, my-" She started before throwing up all over herself and the floor next to the bed.

“Oh dear…” He moved back to her side. "It's okay, sweetheart." He looked over the mess, glad she had missed the bed. "Let's get you cleaned up." Freya sniffled, starting to cry over what had just happened. "Sh, sh. It's okay, Freya." He attempted to quiet her, not wanting her wake River or Amelia. He scooped her up, disregarding the vomit that was getting on his cloths, and bringing her to the bathroom. "Everything's just fine." He put her down, using the closed toilet as a seat and opened the medicine cabinet.

"I want Mummy." She cried, before throwing up all over again.

"Mummy's resting. And her muscles are like jelly right now because of the medicine I gave her." He lifted her again and helped her lean over the toilet so if she barfed again it would land in there.

Freya started crying harder, wanting her Mummy there, "Mumma!" She shouted, "Mumma!"

"Freya, she can't come to you right now." He tried to explain. "I'm here, I'm right here. It's okay." She wasn't having it, wailing loudly, her cheeks flushed bright pink. "M-M-My tummy h-hurts! I-I want M-Mumma!"

He looked around a bit panicked. If River did get woken, she probably wouldn't be able to move very well anyways. Darting quickly over to the cabinet, he took out the chewable calcium carbonate tablets made specifically for kids. He crouched back down next to her, putting a soothing arm around her. "Sh, sh. It's okay, darling. I'm here. It's okay." He tried offering her the medicine.

Freya hit his hand away, knocking the medicine on the floor, still sobbing. "No, Daddy! No!"

"Freya, please calm down. Shh, I'm trying to help..." He did wish River was here to help him, though. She was so much better at this than he was, not to mention that they liked her better anyways.

She sniffled, "I d-d-don't w-want that." She cried, not wanting to take the medicine, though she calmed down a tiny bit.

"Why not, sweetheart?" He rubbed her back.

"I-I don't w-want to be j-jelly t-too." She wailed, her nose running.

"Oh Freya.” He said softly “These, won't turn your muscles to jelly. These will make your tummy feel better. Promise." He make an ‘x’ over each of his hearts with his finger. "And Mummy's not jelly, either. Her muscles are just... not as strong and super relaxed." He explained. "It's temporary."

"C-Can I s-see h-her?" She asked, not quite believing him.

"Perhaps we should get you a little cleaned up first..."

"Mummy first." She insisted, whipping her nose on her one clean sleeve.

"I... okay..." This was probably the only way he could get her to cooperate. He scooped her up once again and walked back to the room. Freya sniffled, resting her head against him, her sick covered body getting all over him. He tried to ignore it and pointed down at his sleeping wife. "See?"

"Wake her up." She whispered, reaching down to touch her mother, just to make sure she really wasn't jelly like he had said.

"But, Freya... She needs her rest. Just like you do."

"Wake her up!" She whined, her bottom lip wobbling again, thinking that if she kept asking, she would eventually get her way.

He didn't want her to start wailing again so, gently, he touched River's shoulder. "Wake up, love."

River groaned, "Doctor...Stop it..."

"Sorry." He apologized. ‘'But Freya wouldn't take a bath unless she knew you weren't turned to jelly." He said in a low tone.

"What?" She grumbled, trying to move and look up at him, "Bath?"

"Freya has the stomach bug." He explained.

"What?" She asked again, this time sounding more alert and worried as she tried to sit up.  

"It's okay. I have it under control." He said a bit of smugness in his voice. He went on to tell her about what had happened as well as the effects the medicine had on her muscles.

River groaned in annoyance, of course he wouldn't have told her that before she had taken the pills. "Are you sure you can handle it?" She asked, glancing up at Freya whose eyes were red and puffy, nose running. "Grab a tissue and get her nose." She whispered, not being able to do it herself.

He nodded, grabbing a tissue out of the box on River's dresser and cleaning up Freya's nose and mouth which still had some throw up on it. "Of course I can handle it. She just wanted to see you. Better now?" He asked the girl in his arms. Freya nodded, before turning and throwing up one more time all over herself and the Doctor. "Right. Now you really have to take a bath." He shot a quick glance at River then exited back to the bathroom. River managed to get herself into a sitting position, staring at her vomit covered family members. "I'm handling it! Everything's fine, River." He said over his shoulder.

He put Freya down next to the toilet again. "Try to aim for the potty next time, yeah?" He told her as he fished around for the medicine again. She whimpered, ready to start bawling again. Hoping she wouldn't throw them out of his hand again, he bent down next to her and again offered the medicine. "This will make your tummy feel a lot better, lovie."

"What do they taste like?" She asked, taking them from him.

"Bubble gum."

"Mummy says I'm not allowed to have bubble gum." She whispered.

"It's only the flavoring. It's not actually bubble gum." He said gently. She hesitated, then finally took the medicine, chewing it with a disgusted look on her face. He rubbed her shoulder. "Will you take a bath now?"

She nodded, sniffling. "Can I have bubbles?"

"Of course." He smiled. They hardly ever had a bath without bubbles, only when they were in a hurry. He turned on the tap.

"And my ducky?" She asked, going to the cabinet to pull out her favorite yellow sparkly duck.

"Yes. And your ducky." He put the rubber duck in the bathtub and helped Freya change out of her vomit caked clothes while the tub filled. She sucked on her clean thumb, a habit she always reverted back to when she got sick. After a few more minutes, he turned the water off and tested the temperature with his hand, deeming it fit. "Alright. Into the tub you go."

"Help me in!" She held up her arms, needing him to lift her into the tub. He lifted her up and placed her carefully in the water, the bubbles coming up to ears. She reached for her plastic duck, pulling it over to play with.

The Doctor smiled at her, using a washcloth to wipe away the sick. "Feeling better now, darling?"

She nodded, "My tummy still feels funny."  

"Funny how?"

She shrugged, busy playing with the bubbles. He sighed, dripping water over her shoulders. "Well if it doesn’t go away by the time your bath is over, tell me, okay?" Freya nodded, reaching up and putting bubbles on his nose. He chuckled, wriggling his nose. He in turn put bubbles into her hair.

She giggled, "Daddy!"

"Yes?" He said innocently putting more bubbles in her hair until he made a crown. She giggled again, though there were still bits of sick in her hair. "Your majesty." He bowed his head. "Shall I rid thee of the unwelcomed bile in thine mane?"

"Mmmm Yes!" She smiled, not understanding half the things he just said. "Daddy, look!" She pointed to the doorway where River was leaning.

He turned his head, taking a double take. "River! What are you doing out of bed?"

"I couldn't just sit in bed knowing Freya was sick." River murmured, rubbing her eyes.  

"She's feeling a bit better now." He showed her the sloppy bubble crown in Freya's hair. "We were about to rid thy majesty's hair of unwelcome bile."

She smiled weakly, "That's good to hear." She went to kneel on the floor beside the tub, "Do you need help?"

"Sure." She was already here and he didn't want to make her have to move again. He handed her the bright blue brush.

"No, Mummy! I want Daddy to do it!" Freya took the brush out of her hand, handing it back to the Doctor. He looked a shocked and a bit flattered that he was finally the first choice. The bubble crown disappeared as he brushed her curls. River leaned against the side of the tub, watching the Doctor comb out Freya's dirty curls and smiling tiredly.

He looked over at River. "Baby enjoying the room?"

"I don't know." She murmured, prodding her belly gently, "They haven't been moving."

"Well that's a good sign, I think. Means they've got more room."

"But I'd still feel them moving..." She murmured, running her hands along her belly, trying to get the baby to move. He paused brushing Freya's hair and placed his damp hands on the sides of her belly, half forgetting that he was still covered in sick. "Oh, Doctor..." River made a face, covering her nose and mouth with her hand as the smell of vomit reached her nose.

"Huh?... Oh. Sorry." He pulled his hand away. "I guess daddy needs a bath, too."

"Daddy most certainly does need a bath." She murmured, putting her hand back on her belly.

He thought for a moment. "Freya, would you mind if I joined you?"

She shook her head, splashing both her parents, "Come in!" He grinned, stripping down to his pants a discarding his smelly clothes in the corner with Freya's. He stepped in and submerged in the warm water, nearly overflowing the tub.

Freya giggled, wrapping her arms around his neck, the water a bit too high for her. "Did you feel my baby brother or sister move?" She asked him.

"No, Freya. They might be sleeping..." He told her quickly unsure if that was the case or not.

She frowned and pouted, a bit upset that the baby wasn't moving. "Why?"

"Even babies get tired sometimes." He glanced at River. "Just like when you need to sleep. Everything needs to sleep sometimes."

She stepped up on his thighs, cupping her hands around his ear so she could 'whisper', "Can you ask Mummy to have a boy baby? I already have a sister, I want to try having a brother too."  

He laughed, deciding to ask River instead of telling her they didn't have any control over it. "River." He cleared his throat. "Our daughter requests a ‘boy baby' and not another sister."

River laughed as well, "I'll try my very best to have a boy baby, love." She smiled, taking the washcloth and wiping a bit more sick off of Freya's chin.

The Doctor's mind wandered a little as he imagined a third little child in the TARDIS. He had River's eyes in his mind, but his hair with only a bit of a curl to it. He chuckled as he imagined to boy playing hide and seek with his sisters. River watched his face, smiling, "Do you want me to wash you off as well?" She teased.

"Hmm?" He pulled himself out of his daydream. "I'd love that."

She nodded, leaning in as far as her belly would allow, scrubbing off the smell and bits of sick on him. "You'd better be careful not to get sick." She murmured.

"When have you known _me_ to get sick?" He boasted, leaning closer to her and closing the distance between their lips for a quick kiss.

She smiled, kissing him back, "Don't be so sure of yourself, this might be the time your luck runs out."

"No such thing as luck." He kissed her again hearing disgusted noises from Freya.

"Don't say I didn't warn you when you get sick." She murmured against his lips, grinning.

Freya stuck out her tongue. "Yuck! Mummy that's gross."

"Why is it gross?" She asked, raising an eyebrow in amusement.

"Because it is." The girl stated. "Kissing is gross."

"So you don't like it when I give you kisses?" River asked, pretending to look sad.  

"Well that's different!" She said quickly. "It's okay when you kiss _me_."

She laughed, "Of course it is."

"...Just not daddy. That's gross." Freya concluded.

"But I like kissing daddy." She protested, "He's a very good kisser you know."

Freya wrinkled her nose. "Well..." She gave it some consecration and thought. "It's okay if you kiss him _sometimes_. But so I don't hafta see." She said with a nod of her head, deeming this a good compromise.

"Well I'm not making any promises, he's very hard to resist." She smirked, glancing at the Doctor.

"I could say the same about you." The Doctor commented.

"And sometimes the baby makes me want to kiss daddy even more than usual." Freya covered her ears and wrinkled her nose.

He couldn't help but laugh at how silly Freya looked. "Does it now? Well no objections here."

She smiled, "There better not be..." Freya tried slashing River, trying to get her to stop.

He laughed again. "Maybe not in front of Freya though." He gave in. "We should save the kissing for a bit later."

"Can Mummy come take a bath too?" Freya asked, satisfied that they had stopped talking about kissing.

"I'm not sure if there's enough room." He glanced around the tub, evaluating the space.

"I think my belly is too big for all of us to fit, my love." River murmured.

"But I want to play with my baby brother!" Freya whined.

"You could get out of the bath and join them." The Doctor suggested.

"No! I want to stay in here with you." She pouted, crossing her arms.

"I can come out with you if you'd like."

"No!" She cried, kicking her feet, splashing water all over River and the rest of the bathroom. The medicine was making her a bit tired and irritable.

The Doctor was a bit taken back by her tantrum. "Sh, Freya. Mummy and I are both right here."

"Freya, stop it." River warned, getting up and moving so she wouldn't get as wet.

"I don't want to!" She continued splashing water everywhere, now intentionally trying to get her mummy and the rest of the room wet.

"Please calm down, sweetheart." He rubbed her shoulder trying to sooth her and get her to stop.

"No! No! No!" She splashed, taking the cloth off the side of the bath and throwing it at River, knocking bottles of soap down.

His tone was sterner. "Freya, stop. Now."  He tried to contain the girl in his lap, but didn't seem to be doing a very good job at it. He looked at River helplessly.

"That's enough, Freya. You need to come out now because you're not behaving." River stepped forward to lift the thrashing toddler out of the tub, completely soaked by now.

"No, mummy! I wanna stay in the tub! No!" She tried to wiggle and squirm out of her mother's arms.

"I'm sorry, but you can't. You didn't listen when I asked you nicely so now you have to come out." She tried to lift her, having a bit of a hard time with Freya struggling in addition to the obstacle of her stomach.  

Her whining slowly turned into tears and sobs. Her energy to fight against her was draining and she just clung to her. "I don't wanna." She whimpered though she didn't make much effort to escape now.

"Okay, sweetie, it's okay." River sighed, cradling Freya to her chest as best she could. She grabbed Freya's pink towel, sitting down on the closed toilet so she could hold Freya in her lap. "You can't act like this when you don't get your way." She murmured, wrapping the towel around her tiny body.

She snuggled into the warmth of the towel, her wet hair making a damp spot on River's nightgown. "But I wanted to play with _both_ of you in the bath."

"Well I'm sorry, my love, but you can't." River took the comb from off the counter, brushing her hair gently .

"Why?" The girl demanded, pulling away from the comb at first.

"All three of us can't fit in that bath at the same time." She murmured, putting the brush back down on the counter, not wanting to fight to brush her hair.

"Well then we need a bigger bath!" She complained, crossing her arms.

River sighed, "Sweetie, I'm sorry, but you can't always have what you want..."

"But the TARDIS can _make_ a bigger one!" Freya insisted.

"Yes, she can, but not today." She murmured.

"But why not?"

"Because I said no, Freya." She answered, "You hurt Mummy's feelings when you didn't listen, so now I don't think I _want_ to take a bath with you today." She didn't want to give into Freya's request, thinking that if she did, it would lead her to believe that throwing a temper tantrum is a successful way of getting what you want.

It didn't occur to Freya before that her actions had consequences that affected other people in a bad way. She especially didn't mean to hurt her mummy's feelings when all she wanted was to play with her. "...I'm sorry for making you mad." She didn't really enjoy apologizing, but she knew enough that it was what you were supposed to do when you did something wrong.

"I forgive you, sweetie, but I think you need to apologize to daddy too. I'm afraid you may have hurt his feelings as well." She kissed the top of her head, drying off Freya's damp curls.

"Sorry, daddy." She said.

He gave her a warm smile in return. "It's alright."

"Good girl." River smiled, "Now let's go get you some clean pajamas and then back to bed alright?"

Freya rubbed her eye and nodded agreement. "Then tomorrow can we play in a big bath?"

"We'll see..." She glanced over at the Doctor, "Would you mind carrying her? I don't think I can..."

"Sure." He stepped out of the tub and wrapped a towel around his waist before lifting up Freya and resting her on his hip. "Muscles still soft?"

"More like belly's too big, but yes, a bit." River murmured, using the towel bar to help herself up. "And the baby still hasn't moved..."

He swallowed as a pit grew in his stomach, definitely very not good. "Why don't we take a look after we put this one back to bed, yeah?" He said calmly, extending a hand to help her up. She nodded, taking his hand.

Freya tugged on his shirt, "My tummy still feels funny."

"Looks like you need a tad stronger dose of that medicine." He said absentmindedly, going through all the things that could cause the baby to stop moving in his head.

"No!" She whined, "It tasted yucky!"

River noticed his absent mindedness. She placed a hand on his arm, kissing his shoulder. "Do you want me to get Jack to watch the girls?"

"Hm? No. I don't think they need supervision when they're sleeping. And we'll only be a room away from them." He got the liquid bubble gum flavored medicine from the cabinet. "Freya, I know it doesn't taste good, but it'll make you feel better."

Her bottom lip trembled, "No, Daddy! Please, I promise I won't be bad again! I don't like it."

"It's not a punishment, sweetheart." He sighed. "What if I make it taste better?"

She nodded slowly, "Okay..." He set her down and stepped out of the room for a moment.

When he came back, he had the medicine in a spoon mixed with maple syrup. "Here." She hesitated, but took the medicine, not making a face this time. "Oldest trick in the book. 'A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.''' He quoted lifting her up again.

Freya held onto him, yawning a bit. "That's what that lady says." She murmured sleepily.

"Yes it is." He smiled. The girls insisted on watching Mary Poppins at least once a month. Though he didn't mind, he loved the movie just as much as they did. "Let's get you to bed, shall we?"

"Do you think we should move them to another room?" River whispered, "At least until we get our room cleaned up?" Their room still had vomit on the floor near the bed.

He had partially forgotten about that. "Good idea." He wasn't a step out of the door when they hear Amelia cry.

"Mummy!!"

 

 


	35. The feel of your hand in mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The medbay becomes more of a hated place each time River and the Doctor go there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to comment!

 

CH 35

 

"Amelia? Sweetie, what's wrong?" River called, moving as quickly as she could to the bedroom where the girl was.

"Mummy!" She whimpered, clinging onto River, not answering.

"Amelia, it's alright. I'm right here.” River whispered, holding onto her tightly, combing back her curls, "What is it?"

"Where did you go? She got you again an' you weren't here!"

"Oh, sweetie..." She murmured, rocking her back and forth, "I'm right here, nobody got me. I was just in the other room with Daddy and Freya." She soothed, kissing the top of her head, "It was just a dream, my love."

"She made your tummy hurt again. Like she did before. She wanted to take you away!" The girl whimpered.

"It's okay, it's okay." River whispered, her heart aching for her daughter, not wanting her to have nightmares like these. Amelia clung onto her mother, refusing to let go. She could still hear the shouts of pain River had make in the nightmare and the spine chilling laugh of Kovarian.

River held her tightly, looking up at the Doctor, "I don't think we're going to get her to go back to sleep." She sighed, carefully lifting Amelia up.

"I guess we'll be needing Jack after all." The Doctor sat on the edge of the bed next to them, still holding Freya.

"Would you like me to go get him?" River asked, already getting up.

"I can do it." He insisted. "You shouldn't get up." She sighed and nodded, sitting back down.

He walked briskly to find Jack’s room on the TARDIS, still in his towel from the bath. Jack and Ianto weren't too happy about being woken up. Well, they weren't exactly sleeping, but they would've appreciated if their friend had knocked first. They went back, the Doctor trying to explain about Freya getting sick and Amelia's nightmare and him needing to scan River.JAck and Ianto knew better than to ask too many questions.

River tried to sooth Amelia as best she could while the Doctor was gone. Immediately apologizing for having to bother Jack and Ianto when they walked in.

"That's why we're here." Jack waved it off, going over to Amelia. "Heya, squirt. We're gonna go play for a little while."

"But I wanna stay with Mummy." She protested.

"Mommy will be right back. Promise. She and dad just have some stuff they need to check." It took another minute for Amelia to give in, finally agreeing to go with Jack.

The Doctor exhaled, slightly relieved. "Alright River. Let's take a look at the baby." She nodded, trying to relax as she got up to go with him.

They walked rather briskly to the sickbay, both trying to be calm for the other, knowing the excuse of 'the baby's just sleeping' wasn't true. River looked down at her feet as she sat on the cot, her hands shaking in her lap.

The Doctor put his hand on top of hers to steady them. "River...?"

She looked up at him, trying to hide the worry she felt, "I'm fine." She whispered.

"Your hands are shaking, love. That doesn't seem fine to me."

She shook her head, "I'm fine." She repeated. He sighed, just as nervous as the woman in front of him was. He knew she was lying, but didn't push her much further. He stood up, retrieving the equipment he needed.

Being in the medbay for the nth time shouldn't have really bothered him as much as it was, but it was starting to get to him. River curled on the cot, feeling the exact same as he was. She didn't understand why all of this was happening to them or why she seemed to be in the med bay with another problem every day.

The Doctor took a breath, trying to prepare himself for what he might see. He knew whatever it was, it couldn't be good. He tried to take River not being in any pain as a good sign. At least he told himself it was.

He switched on the ultra sound and started probing the swell of her belly with the wand. River refused to look at the screen, squeezing her eyes shut to hold back the tears she could feel coming on. She felt like a horrible mother, a horrible wife and she had let her entire family down. The Doctor on the other hand couldn't stop staring at what he saw.

He stared for a long time, not registering River's uneven breaths as she tried to keep herself together. When he finally did speak, it seemed to be a sudden burst of anger towards himself. "No. No, no, no! Ugh! I'm such an idiot! I should've- this- Argh!" His tone got louder and stood up, running his hands through his hair and cursing at himself.

She opened her eyes, staring at  him, "Doctor? What-" She tried to ask what was wrong, but her voice caught in her throat.  

"I should've read the label! I did, but I didn't see- I'm so bloody thick!" He sat back down in the chair, head in his hands. "I'm so sorry, River. I did this. This is all my fault. I should've checked the label properly."

She sat up, touching his arm, "Sweetie? What's going on?" She asked, her voice breaking.

He looked up at her. "Muscle relaxants. Damn muscle relaxants! Why couldn't I have given you something else? They weren't safe for you to take..." He took a shaky breath as close to tears as she was. "It's not that the baby won't move, they can't move." He cursed himself again for missing the label.

Her face when completely white and she looked completely horrified. "Doctor, the cardiac muscles… it’s hearts..." She whispered.

He reached for her hand. "Still beating. But the voluntary muscles; arms legs, are... paralyzed."

"Forever?" She asked quietly.

"I don't know. It could be temporary, until the medicine is out of their system, or it could be longer than that. Quite a bit longer. I... I don't know." He hung his head in shame. "I'm sorry River. This is all my fault, I should've... I should have read the label..."

"It's alright." She whispered, "It was an accident."

"But I should've been more careful! I looked at the label but I missed it."

"It's alright." She breathed, wrapping her arms around him, "It was a mistake, I'm not blaming you."

"I can't make mistakes like this! What if I had given you something else? What if I had killed our baby by mistake?"

"Doctor, please." She whispered, "There's nothing you can do about it now..." She was still not convinced that their baby wouldn't die. He had said that only the voluntary muscles were affected, but that was what it would do to a normal adult. If the medicine was given to a small, developing baby, there may still be a chance that the hearts could stop.

"And that's the problem. There's nothing I can do. I can't just give you something and hope it works. All we can do is wait and see, and it kills me."  

She held him tighter, rubbing his back. "I know, I know." He gave into her embrace, traumatized that he could’ve killed his own child.

He couldn't control all of the dreadful thoughts that came to mind: Kovarian, The Silence, Daleks, and other countless things that wouldn't hesitate to kill his family. He gave way to silent tears. She rocked him back and forth, kissing the top of his head. She was shaking a bit as she held him. "Should I wear the fetal monitor again?" She asked softly.

"There isn't much need to..." He said trying to gain composure of himself. "It shouldn't... It shouldn't affect their hearts."

"Are you sure?" She asked quietly. "I know that it doesn't affect the hearts of adults, but we're talking about a developing baby whose body and muscles are much much smaller and weaker."

He shook his head "Your body absorbed most of the medicine, so what got through to the baby was a smaller amount than I originally gave you." She nodded, sitting back and away from him. "You're not... You're not mad at me?"

"Of course not." She murmured, still not looking at him.

He looked down at his feet. "Then why won't you look at me?"

"I'm not mad." She whispered, not wanting him to see the tears that had slowly started to fall.

"Then look at me, please." River was his anchor, she was what kept him whole, and right now, he needed to see her face.

She took a deep breath, brushing away the tears before turning to look at him. "Are you happy now?"

"Your face always makes me happy." He reached out and stroked her cheek. He didn't care if her eyes were red or that she looked exhausted, to him she was perfect. "We're going to get through this."

"Maybe we weren't meant to have another baby." She whispered, leaning into his touch and trying to hide the pain she was feeling.

"If we weren't meant to, we wouldn't be having one, would we."

"Well then why are there so many things going wrong?" She asked.

"Because nothing every happens the same way twice and hardly anything goes to plan. Nothing's perfect and the universe isn’t always on our side, River, but it's our jobs to make do with what we've got."

She sighed, looking down at her feet, "The girls are going to be so disappointed."

"What are we going to tell them?" He knew they couldn't tell them that he had paralyzed the baby, they'd hate him.

"I'll tell them it's my fault." She whispered, "I'll say that I took more medicine and I was the one that paralyzed the baby."

"What?! You can't tell them that!" He was completely taken back, he hadn't expected that answer at all.

"Why not?" She asked, "I'll take the blame, then you don't have to worry about it."  

"But then the girls will blame you when it wasn't your fault at all. I'm not sure I even want them to know that the baby is paralyzed.”

"What else could we possibly tell them? I don't mind taking the blame. I've let them down so many times already, what's one more thing on the list..." She shook her head in defeat.

"One more thing on the list is everything. River, you have never let them down. You've always been there through every bruise, every nightmare they've had, you have been there. You are their superhero not their villain."

"They give me more credit than I deserve, so do you. I'm not even that great at being a mum. You're far better at parenting than I am, so much more patient and fun." She exhaled, "You're such a good father, you don't deserve any of this worry and grief that I'm causing."

"You don't deserve worry and grief either. You don't deserve the constant fear of something happening to our kids. You don't deserve a life of running away from so many things just because you're associated with me. I’d did expect all fun and games when I married you, Riv, but for better or for worse we chose each other. And no one gets parenting completely right, but our kids love you unconditionally. Why do you think they always call out for you when they're scared and not me?"

She didn't answer, wrapping her arms around his neck and hugging him tightly. "I love you." She breathed as there was a knock at the door.

"I love you too. More than anything in the universe." He didn't want to move from the hug. "I suppose i have to get that..." He said, making no attempt to move.

She held him tighter, not wanting to him to move either. "I suppose you should." The knock came again, sounding more impatient.

The Doctor decided to just turn his head. "Come in."

"Daddy?" Amelia ran into the room, directly to her parents.

He smiled, pulling away from River enough to pick her up. "And what have you been up to?"

"We were playing fairies but then Freya got yucky stuff from her mouth all over the place." Amelia snuggled up against him, "Uncle Jack told me not to find you but I didn't want to get yucky stuff on me too."

"And what did Uncle Jack do about the 'yucky stuff'?" He glanced at River and back down at Amelia.

"I don't know." She shrugged, having run away before anything had been done.

He sighed. "I guess I should go check on them."

"No I want you to stay here. You'll get yucky if you go." Amelia hugged him a bit tighter.

"I can go if you want." River offered, standing up.

"No, River, you have to rest."

"Resting won't do me any good. You stay here with Amelia, I'll go."

He tried to protest, but she was already out of the bed. He tried to get up after her, but Amelia squirmed and insisted he stay and made him sit back down. "But River, I don't want you to get sick either."

"I'll be careful and besides, we've both already been exposed." She moved towards the door and left before he could say anything more.

 

"Jack?" River called, walking down the hall.

"In here!" He called from a near by bathroom.

"Is everything alright?" She asked, walking into the bathroom.  

"Ish." Jack responded. He was rubbing a very unhappy Freya's back, who was being sick into the toilet, without missing this time.

"Oh, sweetie." River murmured, moving to Freya's side, brushing the curls off her forehead.

"I don't like this, mummy! I don't-" She was cut off by another bout of vomiting.

"I know, sweetie, I know you don't." River rubbed her daughter’s shoulders soothingly. "Could you get her some water?" She asked Jack.

Jack practically scurried out of the room. Children he was fine with. Vomit soaked children, not so much. "Do you think you're done?" She asked softly once Freya had stopped throwing up.

"My tummy still hurts." The girl moaned, squeezing her eyes shut in discomfort.

"Shh, shh I know, Freya." She whispered, pulling her into her lap, stroking her hair. "Do you want to take another bath? Some warm water may help make your tummy feel better."

Freya nodded. At this point, she's try anything to stop feeling like this. River kissed her forehead, getting up to run the bath. Freya resumed her position leaning over the toilet, just in case she were to have another wave of nausea.

River made sure the water wasn't too warm and that the bubbles were nice and foamy before turning back to Freya and lifting her up. "Come on, my love, in you go." The girl make an uncomfortable noise at being moved, but relaxed in the warm water.

She began to play with the warm bubbles, the pain in her stomach subsiding. "Play with me, mummy."

"I'll play out here, but I can't come it." She murmured, getting a few of Freya's bath toys out of the cabinet.

"Why not?"

"Because if I get sick, it won't be good for the baby."

"What if I promise not to get any on you?"

"Well..." Rivere wanted to say yes, but also didn't want to run the risk of getting sick, "Freya, I'm sorry, but I don't think it's a very good idea, not today."

Freya pouted, but didn't want to hurt her feelings by throwing a fit like she did last time. "...Fine."

"Do you want me to call daddy and ask if he will come play with you?" She asked, pulling back Freya's hair.

Freya shook her head. If her mum didn't want to get sick, then her dad probably didn't want to get sick either. "Are you gonna make me have the yucky medicine again?" She asked as Jack came back with the water.

"We'll see." River murmured, taking the water from Jack and holding it up to Freya's mouth, "Drink some water, love."  

"I don't wanna." She shook her head.

"Please, Freya. You need fluids in your body after all of that."

"But I'm not thirsty." She was afraid consuming anything would make her sick again.

River sighed, setting the glass down on the counter, "Alright, but you have to drink that soon, alright? I don't want you to get dehydrated." Freya thought this was fair enough. She reached for her rubber duck and splashed it around the tub.

_Move!_

River watched Freya, a bit worried about her, lost in thought.

_Move! Legs move!_

She heard the baby that time, suddenly feeling dizzy at the words. She held onto the counter, one hand on her belly.

"River?" Jack came over to her putting a hand on her shoulder. "You okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine." She breathed, taking a few deep breaths, trying to steady herself.

"You don't really look that fine..."

"It's nothing, I just...need to sit for a minute." Jack helped her sit down in the closed toilet, keeping an eye on Freya as she splashed about. "River, tell me."

_Legs, move! Why no move? Help! Move!_

She went even paler, horrified that there was nothing she could do to help the poor baby that was trying to move. She didn't seem to even hear Jack.

_Why no move!? Move! Arms, move! Help! Mummy!_

Jack and the baby were both repeating them elves, Jack trying to get River to tell him what was going on and the baby demanding back control over it's limbs.

The room felt like it was spinning, she couldn't breath. She stood up, "I need the Doctor..." She murmured, before collapsing, unconscious onto the floor.


	36. As Time Quietly Drags it's Feet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River tries not to get attached, but she knows she already is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so a few things. One: I do use the words 'they' a lot to refer to the baby. (I'm sure you've already noticed) Know that it is not because there is more than one, it's because they/their/theirs can be and is often used as a gender natural singular person pronoun. Two: The baby's speech and grammar are not the best and not as good as the twin's where when they were in the womb. This is because it hasn't had much time to learn from River or the Doctor due to the accelerated growth and has not heard River talk very much before it was required to communicate with her. Basically, the baby's words are very basic thought that are somewhat formed into something the River can understand. 
> 
> Don't forget to comment and feel free to ask questions!

CH 36

 

There was quite the amount of commotion that followed River passing out. Freya screeched and began sobbing. Jack called for the Doctor over and over again, who raced in with Amelia on his hip, to see his unconscious wife in Jack's lap as he tried to hold her up. He told Jack to stay there with the girls while he took her to the sickbay, but Jack followed with Freya, in a towel to big for her, and Amelia who had started crying just as hard as her sister. They watched the Doctor hook River up to all sorts of monitors as she lay completely still and unmoving.

"Mumma!" Amelia wailed, clinging onto Jack, watching River lay on the bed, pale and unmoving. The Doctor tried his best to ignore her. He needed to put all his focus on helping River, but they kept wailing and begging for River to wake up.

"Jack get them out of here! Now!"  Jack nodded, finally getting a hold of himself. He tried to ease the girls out of them room.

"No! No! I want to stay!" Freya sobbed, refusing to leave, trying to run to her Mummy, getting a bit tangled in the too-big-towel.

"No, Freya!" Jack reached for her, wrapping his arm around her waist and holding her down as she squirmed. "You can't"

"Is my Mummy going to go away?" Amelia whimpered, holding onto Jack, "Is she going to go away like Nemo’s Mummy did?"

"No." He looked at the Doctor. He was busy looking at the monitors and running around to retrieve drugs that he didn't really know the name of as well as someone untrained in medicine would. "Your daddy is going to make sure she stays."

"I don't want her to sleep anymore." She started to sob again, "Mummy! Mummy wake up, please!"

"She can't wake up right now. Daddy has to fix her first and that can take some time." Jack tried to tell her.

"No!" She cried, "She promised we could go to the zoo soon! She has to wake up so we can go to the zoo!"

"She's going to need a lot of rest when she wakes up. She's not going to be able to go to the zoo." He tried to get them out of the room again. "Come on. Let's wait outside."

"But she promised." Amelia wailed, "Mummy always says it's not nice to break promises."

"Not if it's by accident." River looked no better than she did before. In fact, she looked paler. "Come on. You're not allowed in here right now." The girls continued to cry, but followed him out.

The Doctor checked and rechecked the monitors until the drugs that he gave her, double checking the label this time, had stabilized her. Yet still, she had not woken. He waited, pacing the room eventually sitting down next her and holding her limp hand. "Please... I need you, River." Her mind was exhausted, unable to handle the strain that it had to endure while she was conscious. Even though the drugs had stabilized her, her brain was still trying to recover from the stress it had endured, leaving her unconscious still.

He waited for two hours before Amelia and Freya came back in. Jack looked pitifully to him and then to River, still unconscious. "Why isn't she awake yet?" Freya asked, trying to climb into his lap.

"She..." The Doctor swallowed trying to think of something. "She's very tired right now... She's just resting her mind..."

"Is the baby making her tired again? I don't want a baby brother or sister if it makes her sick." She sniffled, now trying to climb up and lay down next to River.

"It's not- it's not the baby." He assured her, not quite able to smile for her. She had suffered a sort of stress attack, but how could he explain the to his little girl? "Mummy... she sometimes has a lot of things going through her head. And sometimes... it can get too much for her head to bear all at once."

Freya snuggled up against her, upset to find that her mother's body wasn't as warm as it usually was. "So her head is sick?" She asked.

"Yes. And that can affect her body too." He told her, scooping Amelia into his lap.

"Will she wake up soon?" Amelia asked.

"I... I don't know, sweetheart. I don't know."

"What if she never wakes up again?" Her bottom lip trembled, "I want her to wake up."  

"She will. I promise, she will wake up." He breathed, trying to keep his worlds steady. "She has to."

Amelia curled up against him, tears rolling down her cheeks. "I want Mumma to wake up now." She whimpered, "Not later, now."  

"I do too. But there's nothing else I can do to help. We just... have to wait."

Another three hours passed. The girls fell asleep waiting and Jack took them back to their room. River was still completely unconscious and unmoving aside from a few twitches in her hand. The Doctor didn't notice them at first. He had lied his head down on the edge of the bed, one hand tucked under his head and the other splayed protectively over River's belly.

After another few minutes, she groaned quietly, her eyes slowly opening. This time he heard her, lifting his head up a little too fast. His face was tear stained, but there was hope in his eyes now. He reached for her hand. "Riv...River?"

"Baby..." She breathed, "Jack, baby..." Her mind was still a bit jumbled, but she definitely was regaining consciousness.

"The baby's fine, River. Jack's with the girls." He said slowly, but his tone contained excitement. He brought a hand up to stroke through her hair. "You're okay now."

She squeezed his hand, trying to sit up after another minute, "W-What happened?"

"I should be asking you the same." He smiled. A small one, but a smile none the less. "You were unconscious. It was a panic attack, I think."

She stared at him for a moment, still confused, not remembering most of what happened, "A panic attack?"

"Yes. It was some sort of stress related thing, for a better word for it." He looked at her, wondering if she could remember what had brought it on.

She tried to remember what had happened, but could only remember bits and pieces, "The baby was trying to move...it was panicking..."

He nodded. "If the baby is in a very... distressed situation, sometimes the physic connection can connect it's emotions more directly to you making you feel them, too." He explained.

"How long was I unconscious?" She asked quietly, still a bit dazed.

"Over six hours." He admitted.

River stared at him in shock, "How are you doing?" She asked, running her hand down his arm.

"Now that you're awake, much better." He placed his hand back over her stomach.

"I'm so sorry." She whispered, placing her hand over his.  

"It's okay now. You're okay now, and that's all that matters." He didn't realize it, but he'd begun crying again.

She hugged him tightly, unable to imagine how worried he must have been for him to be crying now. "You're right, I'm okay now."

"The girls were a mess." He told her. "They didn't know if you'd wake up."

"Can I see them?" She asked, feeling horrible hearing that the girls had been that upset.

"I think they're asleep, but I can go check." He said getting up.

"Can I come?" She asked, moving to get up as well.

"River, I'd really like it if you stayed in bed." He said carefully. "You've just woken up, and you still need to recover. I'll be quick. promise."

She nodded, "Fine, but if they're asleep, just leave them be. They both need rest and then we can have time to ourselves."  He nodded, stepping into the hall and heading to the girls room.

The door made a small creek as he opened it. The girls were still fast asleep, cuddled up with their blankets and stuffed aliens. Jack had fallen asleep as well, sitting with his head lolled back in chair. The Doctor smiled at the three of them and left, deciding to stop by the kitchen to make River something to eat. She had been unconscious for quite a while, he assumed she'd be hungry. He settled on making toast with raspberry jam before going back to the medbay. "River?"

She had her head in her hands, weeping silently.  He put the toast down on and went quickly to her side, putting a hand on her shoulder. "River, what's wrong?"

She jumped when she first heard his voice, quickly drying her eyes. "...Nothing, nothing I'm fine." She whispered.

"River, don't lie to me. Crying never means you're okay. And I know those aren't happy tears." He pleaded. "Please. Tell me."

She shook her head, "It's only hormones, sweetie." She breathed, staring down at her hands.

"Your hormones cause strong reactions to things." He countered. "What made you cry?"

She shook her head, "It doesn't matter, I'm fine now."

"Of course it matters." He kissed her cheek. "It always matters."

She turned her head away, sighing.

"Please?" He asked again. He didn't mean to push her so much, but she was his wife. He had the right to know about these things. She, on the other hand, hated being pushed. It just made her close up more and more. She was tense, and upset, not wanting to talk.

After a few more moments of silence, he sighed realizing this was no way to go about things. Changing the subject, he offered the toast. "...I brought you some toast if you want."

"Thanks." She whispered, her shoulders still tense.

He half smiled getting up and retrieving the plate before handing it to her. "The girls were asleep." She nodded, taking the plate from him and slowly eating the toast.

He couldn't directly ask her what was bothering her, so he tried a proses of elimination. It couldn't be him. He didn't do anything as far as he knew. Maybe it was the girls. "They're alright, you know. Jack's watching them. They'll be more than happy to see you when you wake up."

"What?" She looked a bit confused at first, not understanding why he was telling her this, "Yes, I know, you said they were fine."

Okay. Not the girls. The baby maybe? "Just being a bit more detailed..." He put a hand on her belly and offered a smile. "It's not permanent. I just have a feeling it's not."

This pulled a different reaction out of her, she tensed more and bit her lip. He had obviously hit a nerve, "Yes, I know... You told me it would go away when the medication left the system." She whispered.

So it was the baby. That didn't need much more explanation than that. "It's not... It's not panicking still?"

"I haven't heard them since..." She shook her head again, closing her eyes.

"Have you tried starting a conversation?"

"I really don't want to..." She whispered, her voice shaking.

"Why not?" He asked taking her hand.

She squeezed her eyes shut, pulling her hand away, "Doctor, please..."

"What are you afraid of?" He said gently. "Because I don't understand what you think you might find."

"I'm not afraid of anything." She immediately responded defensively. "I just...don't want to."

"So there is no reason whatsoever as to why you don't want to talk to our child?"

"I don't want to talk about it right now." She was getting rather annoyed with all the questions.

"...Alright." He had hit a dead end again. At  least he had gotten further than he did last time. She buried her face in her hands again, her shoulders shaking "Oh... River, please don't cry… I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ask so many questions."

"I'm not crying." She snapped, suddenly defensive again. He drew hands into his lap, startled when she raised her voice, and looked down at them. "I... sorry."

She closed her eyes, shaking her head, "No, I'm sorry..."

"You have every right to be angry. Anyone would be angry if this situation was happening to them."

"No, I don't have the right. You're being nothing but patient with me."

There was another moment of silence, which felt a lot longer than a moment to the Doctor before he finally said "You're scared, River. You're scared of losing our child...." She swallowed, looking down at her feet. He scooted a bit closer to her. "And it's alright to be scared. You don't need to hide it. I'm scared too." She leaned against him, running her hands along her belly. He gently moved his hands over hers. "I promise you they'll be alright. I'll make sure of it."

"I just...have this horrible feeling." She whispered, turning and burying her face in his shoulder.

"What kind of feeling?"

She shook her head, "I-I don't know, it's like...there's something in the back of my mind that's telling me..."  

"Telling you what?" He encouraged.

"That this baby isn't...isn't going to be...okay." She finally finished.

"Oh River..." He put his arms around her and held her. "I know I can't say everything will be okay or that nothing bad is going to happen..." He paused. "...but right now, they're okay. They're right here." He moved his hand to rest of her stomach again. "And they're probably just as scared as you are." Maybe the baby's mood was affecting hers and making her more frightened than usual. "It's our jobs to make sure they're okay and you are the only one who can sooth them right now."

"I don't know how." She whispered, holding him tightly.

"Talk to them. Tell them that everything is going to be okay. Tell them that soon they'll be able to move again. Tell them that we can't wait to meet them. Tell them to be brave."

"Can't you do it?" She breathed. She was afraid to talk to the baby. She didn't feel like she deserved it and the feeling she had was leading her to be afraid to get attached and bond with the child, though she already was attached.

"Not like you can. I don't have the mental connection like you do. They can hear me, but they can't talk with me. I can only give them worlds, but you can give them warm thoughts and feelings."

She closed her eyes, her shaking hands taking his as she pressed her forehead to his. _Sweetie?_

_mm...   Mummy...  ?_

_Yes, sweetie. Hello..._ She opened her eyes, looking completely lost. For some reason, this felt completely different than it had when she was talking to Amelia and Freya. The Doctor gave her an assuring smile and squeezed her hands for a moment.

_Pappa.. says my feelings hurt you... said my scared made you scared._

_Shh, Shh It's okay. Everything is going to be okay. I know your arms and legs can't move right now, that's because they're very very sleepy. I promise they will be able to move soon. You're safe now, everything will be okay._

_You stopped... talk. And papa says you was asleep... because I made you sleep. Don't want that to happen..._ It seemed more concerned about stressing River to the point of unconsciousness rather then it's paralyzed limbs. _I... not talk... because you might sleep again._

_It's okay, sweetheart. Mummy's okay now. You don't have to be afraid to talk._ She leaned further into her husband, holding onto him tightly.

They were reassured by this. _When legs move again?_

_Soon, sweetie, I promise. Daddy and I love you so much, and your sisters love you too. We can't wait to meet you._

_Sisters._ They tested they word. _Ones who kept poking me?_

_Yes, that's Amelia and Freya. They're very excited for you to come._

_Small... Smaller hands than you._

_Mmm, they're only a bit bigger than you._

_Play...? Play with?_

_Yes, they'll be able to play with you._

_Now?_

_Not now, my love. They're sleeping right now, which you should be too. Maybe later, try and get some rest._

_Asleep?_ It became panicky again. _Like you was? Bad sleep!_

_No, no, no. Good sleep. Good sleep will give you rest and then you'll be able to play._

_Did I make them sleep? I made you sleep. Don't want to!_

_No you didn't make them sleep. They chose to sleep, everyone needs to sleep at some time._ She looked up at the Doctor again, starting to feel the panic rise in her. She shook her head, not thinking she would be able to do this for much longer without completely freaking out.

_Need sleep... Sleep good? Sleep to rest..._ They tried to put it together in their head. _Sleep when tired. Rest. Not tired?_

_Yes, exactly. Sleep is not always bad, it's actually very good._

_...Tired._

_Then try to sleep, sweetie. Relax and try to get some rest._

They tried to relax their mind, quite enjoying it actually. The unsure feeling the baby had faded to a happy hum as they slept.

"They're asleep." River whispered, not realizing that she had been clutching onto the Doctor's hand.

"What did you talk about?" He asked curiously, deciding against pointing out that he needed circulation in his hand.

"The girls and whether or not sleep is good..." She murmured, finally releasing her grip on his hand.

"And I assume you convinced them it was."

"Yeah..." She breathed, resting her head against him.  

"You okay? You seem sort of... dazed."

"What? Oh...yes I'm fine." She whispered, "How are you?"

He was a little surprised by the question. "Well aside from the nervous new parent feeling, I'm good..." He search her face. "You sure you're okay?"

"I don't know..." She hung her head, "I don't know how I feel anymore."

"...River..." He tilted her head up to meet his eyes.

"Hmm?" She looked up at him, taking a moment to finally meet his gaze.

He could tell that she was lost. "I'm here for you and anything you might need. I know that sometimes, well a lot of the time, life is completely confusing, but that's what I'm here for. I'm here to help you try to make sense of it and get through it." He smiled.

She nodded, hugging him tightly, "I know...I love you so much."

"I love you too. You are the most precious thing in the universe to me."

"More precious than our children?" She smiled weakly, raising an eyebrow.

"Without you I wouldn't have any children." He pointed out.  

"Mm, yes that's true..." She murmured He kissed her shoulder.

"So yes, at the moment, you triumph the kids."

She laughed weakly, "Well don't let them hear you stay that."  

"I won't, promise." He bopped her lightly on the nose.

"I miss having this alone time with you." She whispered.

"Well children do make alone time difficult, yes." He glanced down at her belly. "Especially when they are inside you, then you're never alone."

"Yes, but when they're sleeping..." She murmured, leaning up to kiss him softly, "Then they don't know what we're doing."  

He flushed slightly. He had always been a little hesitant about 'shenanigans' with River while she was pregnant.  "Not if you wake them."

"We've done it before." She smiled, "You just have to keep quiet..." 


	37. Just a way to hide your face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River doesn't like the thought of having grey hair and wrinkles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it's short, I have a busy weekend. Enjoy and don't forget to comment!

CH 37

 

River collapsed onto the Doctor’s chest, breathing heavily.

"Enjoying 'round two'?" He asked smugly.

"Very much so." She murmured, her face flushed.

"Are you sure the baby's still asleep?" He asked cautiously.

"I think so." She whispered, running a hand over her belly, "Why?"

"I'm just checking." He told her. "Imagine what kinds of questions they might ask if they heard us."

"I would rather not." She laughed, nuzzling his chest before sliding off of him and laying down beside him.

"Then what would you like to imagine?" He mused.

She shrugged tiredly, "You first."

He gave this a moment of thought "Freya and Amelia's faces when we introduce them to their new brother or sister." He finally said.  

She nodded slightly, "I want to imagine a healthy baby."  

He was a little taken back. "Do you think we're going to have an unhealthy baby?" She didn't answer, her gaze shifting away from him. He put a hand to her chin. "River, talk to me."

"With all the problems the baby has had...I don't see how it can possibly be healthy at this point..." She whispered.

"River, the baby’s risk of having a deformity or an illness isn’t that much higher than a baby who hasn't gone through all the stuff we have." He pressed his forehead to hers. "They _will_ move again and they don't have any deformities from what I've seen on the scanner."

She sighed, nodding slowly, "I know, but still...I can't help but worry."

He wrapped his arms around her. "You're a mother. It's your job to worry."

She smiled weakly, "Yes, you're right."

"It's okay to be scared, River.”

"I'm not scared, I just..." She sighed, "Do you ever think maybe we're too old for this?"

"Too old to be parents?" He asked in clarification. She nodded slowly. "No." He answered. "Timelords can potentially live up to over 5000 years old. I just adventure too much and get myself killed too often. I'm only 1473." He thought that maybe it was because she was closer to human than he was that she asked this question.

"But am I too old?" She whispered, talking more to herself than him, "I'm not like you, I'm not going to live for 5000 years." Lately she had noticed her hair getting grayer, the lines around her eyes had become more prominent and the thought of aging had been weighing heavily on her mind. "I'm certainly not young anymore..."   

"Well you're certainly not too old to not be able to bear children anymore." He thought aloud. "You have Timelord DNA in you which gives you the ability to regenerate and have a longer lifespan than a regular human per regeneration. For Time Lords, they can live a little less than 400 years in each form and can bear children each regeneration until they've spent about, say, 300 years in that form. For you, an average life span would be about 300 years before you'd regenerate from old age. You can probably bear children until you've spent about 200 years in this form." He concluded.

"Do you have any idea how old I am, Doctor?" She slid off the cot, retrieving her clothes.

He propped himself up on his elbows and looked her up and down. "Including all of your past regenerations..." He thought. He had no idea how long she'd been in her first regeneration, but he knew she'd only been in her second one for about thirty years. “Mm…” He knew she wouldn’t look her age since only seemed to be about forty years old if she were a human.  “... 150?”

She laughed, "Oh, sweetie. I'm glad you think I'm so young." She certainly looked that young. At least to him she did.

"180?" He guessed again.  She shook her head, smoothing out the wrinkles of her dress once it was back on. "Come on. At least give me a hint." He begged, getting up to retrieve his own clothes.

"I'm much, much older than you seem to think I am." She murmured, tossing him his shirt. "Well it can't have been more than 100 years since Berlin seeing as you're, well" He gestured to her midsection. "Unless I got my calculations wrong." He rationalized.

"I've spend over 140 years in this body alone. Fifty when I was Mels and another twenty before that. I'm 210 years old." She stated, ‘'I think you're misjudging the amount of time we've spent apart."  

He didn't know what to say. They had spent the last few decades together, it felt like they'd always lived like this. He'd never gone more than four or five months with visiting her. How could this not have occurred to him?

His silence made her uncomfortable, "I told you, I'm not young anymore." She sighed, sitting down on the cot again.

"It's not that." He looked up at her. Frankly, he didn't care if she was 40 or 4000. "It just... I never realized how much time... how long I left you for." He felt rather angry at himself for doing so.

She smiled weakly, "You always came back though, not matter how long it had been."

"But how long was it?" He couldn't bear the thought of living without her for even six months. How long did me make her wait? A year?

She shook her head, "It doesn't matter anymore. I know you were busy with my parents and you don't always land on the date you meant to."

"River." He said a bit sterner. "How long?"

"I don't know why you want to know so badly. There's nothing you can do to change it now."

"And why not? I shouldn't be so thick as to leave you for so long! I know you were hurt, River. I would've been too." His tone was angry, though it was all directed towards himself.

She flinched, even though his tone was not directed towards her, "You can't change it because I don't want you to."

He sat down next to her, a little stunned. "...Why?"

She looked down at her hands, "Because I don't. Of course all that waiting was hard, and I didn't know if you were coming back, but when you did...it made me appreciate the times you were with me more." She paused, her voice soft when she spoke again, "The longest you ever left me for was for six years. And I didn't know if you were ever coming back. That's when I decided to go back to the University to become a professor. I made friends like Vastra and traveled on my own. I discovered things about myself and about my feelings for you, and I realized that even though it was nice to be free and alone sometimes, I loved you, and I wanted to share my life with you. I may never have fully realized that if I didn't have those years alone."

"Six..." It was hard for him to wrap his mind around it. "Six years." He had only half heard what she had said about finding herself and realizing her love for him. He wanted to slam his head against the wall for being so stupid but instead he looked at her. There was something about the life in her eyes that made him hug her instead. He tried to pour everything into that hug: Trying to make up for those six years, trying to convince her that she wasn't to old to be bearing children, and just his unconditional love for her in general.  

"I love you." She whispered, holding him as tightly as she could.

"I don't think I could even survive a month without you." He admitted. "I love you, too. More than you could imagine."

"I missed you so much. I thought you left forever. And when you finally came back, you thought it had only been a few weeks and I couldn't tell you. I knew you'd be upset and try to change it, and that's not what I wanted."

"You're right about that. If it were up to me, I'd go right now and give you back that time." He said firmly.

She shook her head, "I've decided that I don't want that time. I just want you here and now."

He nodded mostly understanding and the part of him that was unsure knew enough to respect her wishes on this. "I can basically assure you that it will never happen ever again."

"It better not. Six years was a long time to go without you."  

"And you are so, so strong, for making it through that." He kissed her on the forehead.

She closed her eyes, sighing "I really, really hated you for a while."

"Wait, was this right before that time at Gahain?"  

"I suppose so, why?"

"You nearly slapped me because I wanted to buy that hat with the feathers." He pointed out.

"Sweetie, I always nearly slap you when you suggest buying stupid hats." She raised an eyebrow.

"Oi! It wasn't stupid! It had the feathers of the native bird. It was historical and cultural." He huffed. "Anyways. It was quite the over reaction. You yelled at me quite a bit and threatened that I'd sleep on the couch for the rest of my life."

She frowned, "You're making me feel bad."

"Sorry." He said quickly. "I was just putting it together in my head that _that_ was why you were extra mad at me." She nodded, looking away from him. "Darling, what's wrong?" He tried to tilt her head back towards his.

She shook her head, quickly changing the subject, "You know, now that I'm living here, it would be nice to finally get a wedding ring."

"A wedding ring?" He looked down at their hands, taking note the bare ring fingers. "You never wanted one before."

She shrugged, "I never felt that I needed a ring to symbolize our marriage, and I still don't need one. But still...it would be nice to have one."

He smiled, rather liking the idea. "I can arrange that. What kind?"

"Surprise me." She smiled, kissing his hand.

"Alright." He gave the side of her temple a kiss. "But you need to sleep."

She shook her head, "I just slept for over seven hours, I can't sleep now."

"Then do you suppose it's okay to wake the girls?" He asked, remembering how devastated they were about River's 'sleep'.

She nodded, "Yes, I think that would be alright." He stood up from the bed, offering her a hand up. She grasped his hand tightly, easing herself up. The quietly left the room.

 

 


	38. I will follow you into the dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A hormonal River has trouble controlling her temper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *waves hands excitedly* Update! All I have to say is sorry for if you have trouble following the dialogue. There are a lot of people talking at once. 
> 
> I got this chapter title from an episode or Grey's Anatomy, but I'm really not sure to origin of it.

Ch 38

 

The TARDIS had decided to put the girls bedroom just two doors away from where River and the Doctor  were. Jack was still asleep in the chair, though he twitched his foot at the noise of the door creaking open. Freya was splayed out sideways on her bed, her head off her pillow and feet dangling over one side of the bed. She always was one for ending up in strange positions while she slept. Amelia on the other hand started to stir and stretched her arms before sitting up and rubbing her eye with a yawn. She squinted at the two figures who had just entered, but could only make out their silhouettes in the dark. "Mummy?" She asked hopefully.

"Hi, sweetheart." River whispered, walking closer to her and sitting down on the edge of the bed.

Amelia's whole face lit up. She couldn't believe it; after all that time in the sickbay, she had doubts of her mother ever waking up. Amelia practically jumped out of her blankets and pounced into River's arms. "Mummy!"

She had a bit of the wind knocked out of her by the force of Amelia's jump. "Hello, my love." She held her tightly, kissing her temple.

Amelia nuzzled into River and made herself comfortable in her arms. She had no plans on leaving any time soon. "Is your head fixed?"

"Yes, my head is all better now." She assured.

"It won't make you sleep any more?"

River shook her head, "You don't have to worry, Amelia. Everything's fine."

"You said that before." She looked up at her.

"Well, sometimes things happen that make what I say not true anymore, but I promise everything will be okay."

"Pinky promise. And cross your hearts?" She held out her little finger.  

River wrapped her pinky around hers, crossing her heart with the other hand, "Cross my hearts."

She seemed satisfied by this. "Did sleeping hurt the baby?"

She shook her head slowly, "No, the baby's okay."

Amelia placed her hand on River's belly as if making sure. She leaned her head down and whispered thinking River couldn't hear. "Don't worry baby. I'll make sure nothing bad happens when you get here." River smiled weakly, finding it sweet that Amelia was so protective over her younger sibling.

A tiny foot, or maybe a hand, pushed back against Amelia's hand. _Sisters._

Amelia looked up at River, her eyes sparkling. River's smile grew wider, relieved that she was finally feeling the baby move again, "Doctor! Sweetie, come here.”

He had been leaning against the doorframe, watching her and Amelia interact and getting a bit lost in his own thoughts. He perked his head up at his name being called and came over next to River, smiling down at both of them. "What is it?" Freya shifted in her bed at the noise of them talking.

"The baby's moving again." River whispered, smiling up at him. She glanced over at Freya.

His face lit up the same way Amelia's did when she was River again. "Really?" It was like a weight lifted off his shoulders. He had blamed himself so much for accidentally paralyzing the baby, and he really had no idea when it would move again. He wanted to jump up and down, but instead he sat on the bed and placed his hand next to Amelia's. River beamed when she felt another push beneath their hands, looking up at him in delight.

He took a moment to decided whether to kiss her and risk grossing out Amelia or not. He went with it, kissing River passionately and earning a disgusted noise from Amelia as well was Freya who was sitting up in her bed and looking at them.

River wrapped her arms around his neck, running her hands through his hair, not noticing the girls squeals. "Mummy that's gross! Stop it!" Freya whined sticking her tongue out. River pulled away, laughing a bit. Freya climbed off her bed and onto Amelia's. "Mummy? Why do you kiss daddy so much?"

"Because I love daddy very, very much and kissing him makes me happy." She smiled, running her fingers through Freya's hair.

"Then why don't you just hug him instead?"

"Because I like kissing him."

"But it's gross." She countered.

"Well, if I couldn't kiss him anymore, then I would be very, very sad."

Freya thought about this. "Mm...Fine. You can kiss him, but not  in my room."

"Alright, I'll try my best not to kiss him in your room." She smiled, leaning into the Doctor.

Freya moved closer to River. "Whatta you all doing anyways?"

"Everybody was feeling the baby move."

Freya smiled and placed her hand where everyone's hands were just before. She too felt the baby brush up against her hand.

"Daddy, Uncle Jack said that if we were good, he would buy us a puppy!" Amelia chirped, still snuggling up against River.

"Er..." The Doctor looked over at his sleeping friend and then at River. "Uncle Jack and I have a little talking to do."

River raised an eyebrow, "But, Amelia, you're going to get a new sibling soon. I don't think that getting a puppy would be a very good idea right now."

"But the baby will like it, too! Please?" She begged.

"Amelia, I don't think so. A puppy is a lot of work, and so is a baby. Both at the same time may be a bit too much, I'm sorry, sweetheart."

She stuck her lip out and pouted. "But Mummy!"

"How about we get something smaller that needs less work, hmm?" River kissed her forehead.

"Like what?" The girl couldn't think of anything as fun as a puppy but smaller.

"How about a fish? Would you like a fish?" River suggested.

She shook her head. "I want a puppy.”

"But you can't have a puppy, Amelia." She frowned, "What about a cat?" She tried again, it may be a bit more work than a fish, but was still considerably less than a dog.

"A kitty?" Amelia looked up at her and slowly began to smile.

"If daddy says it's alright then we can think about getting a kitty."

"Maybe we should wait until the baby's born." The Doctor pointed out.

_What's a kitty?_

"Please can we get one now! Please! Please! Please!" Amelia cried, Freya bouncing on the bed beside her, nodding in agreement.

_"It's a type of animal, sweetie."_

"There's a lot going to right now, it's only a few weeks..." The Doctor looked at River for help.

_Animal...?_

_"You'll see as soon as you're born."_ She looked between the girls, "We really should wait, girls."

"But we don't want to!" They cried.

"Jack!" River snapped, waking him up.

"Wha- huh?" He opened his eyes with a start, surprised to see River. "River! I see you're feeling better."

"Yes, I am, thank you. But what is this I hear about you buying my girls a puppy?"

"Oh. Well..." He knew what River's bad side was like. It was not somewhere he'd like to go again. "Well they would quiet down after you were... 'sleeping' and it was the only thing that made them feel better."

"I appreciate you trying to make them happier, but I really don't think we can deal with a puppy right now." She glanced at the Doctor.

"You're Timelords. I thought you could deal with anything." He teased.

She rolled her eyes, "Oh, shut up. A new puppy really isn't the best thing to have around a newborn baby."

"Well I assumed you'd get some sort of weird alien breed that wouldn't hurt your baby."

"Alien or not, it's too much work to have both at the same time." She sighed, looking down at Amelia and Freya.  

Jack looked between the sad girls and River. "What about a cat?"

"Well...we'll have to think about that." She looked over at the Doctor, "I think Vastra mentioned Strax finding a few kittens recently, we could at least let the girls play with them." The girls had never met Madame Vastra before, and River rather liked the idea of introducing them to her friend.

The Doctor nodded. "I think that's a brilliant idea." Madame Vastra was someone one who he had a lot of trust in not to mention could fight quite well. "How about I give her a call, later?"

"Mind if I tag along?" Asked Jack.

River nodded, "I wouldn't mind. Do you want me to call her now?" She asked, excited to talk to her friend again.

"Sure." The Doctor said, pulling Freya into his lap. She smiled, gently lifting Amelia off her lap.

Amelia hung on to her mother. "No, stay here!"

"Amelia, sweetie, we're going to see my friend, I have to call her." She tried to move again.

"But you jus' got here! You hafta stay!"

"I-" She sighed, looking back at the Doctor, "Maybe you should call her."  

"Right." He began to move Freya off of his lap. Both girls snuggled up close to her as the Doctor left, glad she wasn't in a coma or worse.

River was glad to be getting them out of the TARDIS and hopefully getting their minds off of what had just happened. "We're going to go see my friend Madame Vastra today. You remember the stories I've told you about her right?"

"You mean the lizard lady?" Freya asked. Jack listened too, since this was the first he was hearing about this woman.

"Mhmm, yes the Lizard Lady." She murmured,  

"An' you told us about that time at Demons Run." Amelia piped up, forgetting about the cat.

"Did I?" She murmured, trying to remember when she did that.

"Yeah! When we turned three an' kept asking you about our old crib."

"Ah, I see. You're poor mummy's getting old, I can't barely remember telling you that story."

"Well, you wouldn't tell us that much. Just that you and daddy had gotten into an argument and about the people who were there and when you ran over to the crib."

"Well, I think you're still a bit young for the full story. " She kissed her forehead, looking up when the Doctor returned.

He smiled at the bunch. "We can go today after lunch." Though technically after lunch could be any time they wanted, they liked to at least attempt to keep things linear.

River beamed, getting up and giving him a quick peck on the lips, "Wonderful."

"Well, then. How about some breakfast every one?" He glanced at Jack debating on weather to let him stay.

"Breakfast sounds nice." River took his hand, squeezing it lightly.

"I think I'll pass on this one. Not really hungry at the moment." Jack excused himself, letting them have some family alone time.

"What do you girls want for breakfast?" The Doctor asked wrapping a hand around his wife’s waist.

They nodded, Freya bouncing off the bed while Amelia slowly climbed down with her favorite toy in one hand, clutching onto River's dress with the other. He glanced down at Amelia and up to River. He tried his best to express without words for River to see what was wrong. "Amelia? Sweetie, is everything alright?" River asked softly, kneeling down so she was eye-level with her.

The Doctor and Freya had headed out the door to the kitchen to give them some privacy. Amelia looked somewhere between angry and about to cry, but didn't answer her.  

"Amelia, sweetheart, what's wrong?" River murmured, running her thumb over her cheek.

The girl looked down at her feet, trying to avoid her mother's gaze. After a few more moments, tears spilled over her cheeks and she whispered. "Don't go."

"What are you talking about? I'm not going anywhere." She brushed away her tears with her thumb, pulling her into a hug.

"People keep trying to take you away. People keep trying to get daddy, too. And Freya, and me." She began to wail. "Why do they want us apart? Why does this keep happening? Don't let them take us, mummy!"

River sat down on the floor, pulling Amelia into her lap, "Shhh. Shh. Amelia, it's alright. Nobody's going to take you or me or daddy or Freya away again. I promise, we're all going to be together and everything's going to be okay." She murmured, kissing her head and rubbing her back as she rocked back and forth.

"But even when the mean people aren't here, you keep getting sick and going to sleep when you're not s'pose to! What if you go to sleep forever?" She cried.

"I won't go to sleep forever. I promise, I'll always wake up." River ran her fingers through her hair. "Don't worry, sweetie, I'll always wake up for you."

Amelia clung on to her like if she let go everything she feared would happen, would. Although she heard what River was saying, she still doubted it a bit "Don't go. Not ever."

"I won't, sweetheart. I won't, I promise." She kissed her head again, holding her tightly. Amelia had to hear it a few more times before her sobbing became soft whimpers. "Do you want to go eat breakfast with Daddy and Freya?" River asked softly, brushing away her tears.

" 'm not hungry." She lied.

"Are you sure? I'm awfully hungry..." River murmured, trying to coax her to go.

She looked up at her mother, not wanting to leave her side. "Maybe I'm a little hungry."

River smiled, kissing her forehead, "Alright, come on then." She whispered, gently easing her off of her lap and standing up, taking her hand.

Amelia held onto her hand with a little more force than she meant to as they walked to the kitchen, which the smell of bacon and waffles was coming from. River helped her into a chair once they got to the kitchen. The Doctor kept up his smile as they settle themselves into their chairs. He put a still hot waffle on each of their plates with syrup and whipped cream for River.

Freya looked at her sister's red eyes and went over to her. "Mia? What happened?"

"What's this for?" River raised an eyebrow, when he added the whipped cream for her.

Amelia shook her head, not wanting to talk about it.

"Just a little treat. I thought you might like it." He smiled.

Freya nudged her sister again. "Come on. Tell."

River smiled, "Thank you, sweetie."

Amelia shook her head again, sniffling a bit and hugging her stuffed animal tighter.

Freya frowned in disappointment, but went back to her seat and focused on her food. River watched Amelia carefully, worry reflecting on her expression.

The Doctor kept looking at River, and Freya at Amelia, both wondering what was making the other so upset. "River?"

She jumped when she heard her name, his voice startling her and pulling her out of her thoughts, "Hmm?”

"...You okay?" He paused taking a bite of food and watched her carefully. "You seem... distracted."

"Yes, I'm fine." She murmured, looking down at her food which she had not yet touched.

"You haven't touched your food yet." He lowered his voice. "And you keep looking at Amelia."

"I'm fine, just not really hungry." She whispered, glancing over at Amelia again. Amelia looked up a bit confused. River had just told her that she was hungry a few minutes ago. River sat back in her chair, rubbing her forehead.

"River..." He said again. "Are you sure you're okay?" His concern for her only grew.

She nodded, her head hurting from the stress that had slowly begun to build up. "I'm fine."

"Then why are you holding your head?"

Amelia looked at her mother. Was she going to sleep again? She had just promised she wouldn't.

River sighed, bring her hand away from her head, "I'm fine. Now, will you all stop worrying about me?"

"Can't help it." He said quietly looking back down at his food.

She sighed again, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be so snippy." Her shoulders were tense from the stress. The pressure of worrying about the Silence, the baby's heath, her family's safety, and now Amelia's worries were getting to her, making her stressed, tense and gave her a headache. It wasn't enough to make her pass out or get sick again, but it was enough to put her mood on edge.

“Why don't you lie down after breakfast?" He suggested. River was only snippy when she was angry or sick. He was sure she wasn't cross with him and the headache plus the fact that her face was a little pale told him that she wasn't feeling too well.

She shook her head, "I don't need to lay down. I’m fine"

"No matter how well you pretend you are, you can't hide the physical signs. Your face is pale and I know your head hurts." He stood his ground. "It'll only be for a little while."

She slammed her hands down on the table, pushing her chair back and standing up, storming out of the room. She didn't mean to get so angry, she just reacted before thinking.

He sat there stunned, trying to figure out what he said wrong. He looked over to the girls, whoes faces just about matched his. He was about to get up and follow her, but Amelia jumped out of her chair before he could even stand up and went in River's direction leaving her father and sister behind. She walked down the big hallway, peeking in every room before finally seeing River in one of them.

River sat on her bed, her head in her hands. She sounded like she was trying not to cry, unaware that Amelia was there. The girl walked in silently, not quite sure why her mummy was so upset. She came close enough to rest her tiny hand on River's knee and look up at her. "Mummy?"

"Amelia, please go finish your breakfast." She whispered, brushing her hand off of her knee.

She didn't move. "Mummy, what's wrong? Why did you get mad at daddy?"

"Amelia, go." Her tone was a bit harsher this time as she stood, ushering her out of the room.

"No, mummy!" She struggled against her, but River was much stronger than her. "No! Lemme stay!"

"Don't you dare talk back to me, missy. When I tell you to do something, then you do it, do you understand me?" River snapped. Amelia stopped struggling and let River push her out of the room. She looked back her mother, feeling let down and her bottom lip trembling. "Go back to your father, I don't want you to ever talk back to me again." She hissed, not really noticing her lip trembling. Amelia looked solemnly down at her feet, a small sob escaping her lips as she turned around to leave. River was already slamming the door, not realizing how cruel she was being.

Amelia stopped and started to sob. She didn't want to go back to the kitchen, she wanted to be with her mum. But her mum didn't seem to want to be with her. She looked around her. The kitchen was straight down the hall, but she turned right and then left. She started to run, trying to get as far away from that part of the ship as possible.


	39. Puppet Strings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River and the Doctor get a bit more kittens than they asked for

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we finally bring Vastra into the story! Yes, she'll have many more apprentices. Also, Is you haven't noticed already,I added some tags.   
> Don't forget to leave a comment!

CH 39

 

River leaned against the bedroom  door, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, trying to calm down. She still wasn't quite processing what she had done, but she was calming down.

The Doctor was not a very patient person. He only lasted a few minutes after he heard the door slam before he got up to look for River. His knuckles tapped softly on the door. "...River?"

"Go away." She whispered, locking the door.

"River, please..." He took a breath. He didn't want to say anything to make her more mad. "I was just concerned about you, you know how I can get. Just let me in... please?"

"I don't want you to be concerned about me. I'm tired of people worrying about me. I'm fine."

"You don't exactly have a say in who's worried about you or not." He thought about Amelia running after River. "It's that same way that you can't just stop caring about the girls and me. It just happens. And if you want me to give you some space right now I'll go, but you shouldn't shut out Amelia or Freya. They care about you just as much as I do..." He paused, assuming Amelia was in there with her since she didn't return to the kitchen. "I know Amelia's trying her best to be there for you right now, just try not to shut her out."

She didn't answer him right away, but a small click signaled that she had unlocked the door. "I think I may had already done that." She swallowed, finally realizing how horribly she had treated her poor daughter. Horror filled her eyes as she realized how terrible she had been, shouting and slamming the door when all Amelia wanted to do was help.

"What do you mean." He could imagine River snapping at Amelia but it didn't make sense that Amelia would still be in there with her. He opened the door. "If you already shut her out than why is she still in here with-..." He looked around the room, his stomach dropping. "Where's Amelia?"  

River looked up at him, her face completely drained of color, "What do you mean? I thought she was with you."

"She ran after you, but when she didn't come back I thought she was here..." They stared at each other for a long time, the panic becoming evident their faces.

She shook her head, her thoughts immediately jumping to the worst possible conclusions, "Amelia!" She called, running out of the room.

"River, wait!" He raced after her. If Amelia was in danger and River ran right into that danger, she could get hurt.

She completely ignored him, running down the hall frantically searching for Amelia. For a pregnant woman, she was surprisingly fast. Every time he got close to her she'd jump to another room. He finally caught hold of her shoulder. "River, stop!"

She looked up at him, completely panicked, "Doctor, this is all my fault." She cried, "I shouted at her and now she's gone! We don't even know if she's still in the TARDIS! What if she..." She trailed off, too distraught to finish her thought.

"The TARDIS wouldn't let her leave without knowing she'd be safe, I _promise_ you." He took a breath. "Right now we have to assume she's still in here, but he have to be careful." His tone was dead serious. He wasn't going to risk her or Amelia. "If she's in danger, all the noise we're making will alert her attackers. If she's hiding, she might run farther if she hears us. We have to be quiet."

She nodded, her knees threatening to buckle beneath her. She felt like the worst mother in the universe, she probably _was_ the worst mother in the universe. They looked and looked, running back into the kitchen along the way to make sure Freya was okay. The Doctor brought her along on the search, holding her on his hip. The more they looked the more River hated herself. They were eventually lead to the console room where they noticed the door open a jar. The open door gave River a moment of relief.

They slowly entered the room, the Doctor going first and scanning the room. He saw Amelia sitting on the stairs leading down to the front door. He was glad she hadn't gone out. As he approached, he noticed a woman in Victorian attire and a green face sitting next to her. "Vastra?"   

Amelia looked up when heard her father's voice, she scooted further away from them when her eyes landed on River. Madame Vastra chuckled at Amelia and looked up at River and the Doctor, greeting her friends with a grin. "I was a little confused when this little one came out of the TARDIS instead of you two." She started to say.

"Thank you for bringing her back in here." River finally found her voice, taking a step towards Amelia.

Amelia this time stood up, taking shelter behind Vastra who just chuckled more. "It's my pleasure. And she told me all about your... mishap. She's afraid you're still angry."

"I'm not mad, sweetie. I want to apologize to you." River’s voice was soft and she spoke directly to Amelia now, hoping that she would at least stop hiding behind Vastra.

The girl poked her head out from behind the lizard woman clutching her stuffed animal close her her chest. She didn't completely trust that her mother was sorry, but seeing the Doctor and having Vastra there helped to calm her.

"I'm so, so sorry, Amelia. I had no right to yell at you like that. It was a terrible, irresponsible thing to do and there is no excuse for the way I acted. Even if I wasn't feeling well, I should have had more self-control. I don't expect you to forgive me any time soon, but I just want you to know that I am very, truly sorry for what I did." Her voice wavered a bit and she quickly cleared her throat, taking a deep breath, "I love you very much."

Amelia was on the brink of crying too. Just earlier River had been telling her she wouldn't go, and then the next moment Amelia was being pushed away, then pulled right back again. She knew her mum would never act like that to her on her own accords so she assumed it was her own fault for making her mother mad. She began crying and burst out, "I'm sorry, Mummy! I didn't mean to be bad, I'm really really sorry!"

River shook her head, wanting so badly to hug her, but feared that Amelia wouldn't want that. "No, sweetie. Nothing you did was bad. I know you were just trying to help. Nothing was your fault, I promise.”

It didn't seem to be getting through to her. "I'm sorry! I'll be good I promise! I'm sorry!" She sobbed.

"Amelia, you didn't do anything wrong. You don't have to apologize for anything. I'm the only one at fault here." She tried again, not wanting Amelia to think that she was the reason any of it happened.

The rest of the room didn't matter anymore. It was just Amelia and River. There must have been something that shone in River's eyes that made the red eyed little girl start to walk towards her. When Amelia drew close enough, River pulled her into her arms, hugging her tightly and kissing her head, "I'm so sorry, Amelia. So very, very sorry." Amelia sobbed into her mother's shirt, giving into her embrace.

Vastra, the Doctor, and Freya watched the scene before them, Freya hugging closer to her father and Vastra smiling. Jenny came through the door holding some tea. "I've brough’ the tea ma'am. Is there- oh."She looked up at the new people in the room. " 'ello Doctor, River." She bowed her head a little.

"Shh. Shhh. Shh. It's okay." River whispered to Amelia, smiling weakly over at Jenny, rubbing Amelia's back.

Jenny smiled in return, moving to sit next to her wife. "I see them two 'ave sorted things out."

"Yes, indeed they have."

Amelia finally calmed down, though River refused to let go of her. "Mummy..." She squirmed a little in River's tight grip.

"Right, sorry." She finally let go, pressing one last kiss to her head.

Amelia wrapped her hand around one of River's fingers. "I like your friends. They're really nice."

She smiled, "Yes, they are. Have you got to meet Strax yet?"  

"Who?" She looked up curiously, excited to meet another person.

"Commander Strax. He's another one of my friends and he lives with Vastra and Jenny."

"Is he funny looking too?"

"Amelia!" She glanced over at Vastra, hoping she hadn't heard, "You can't say things like that."

"Sorry." She shrunk a little.

"It's alright, it's just not very polite."

"They looked pretty." Amelia corrected herself. "But different."

"That's a bit better."

Freya wiggled out of the Doctor's arms and tugged on River's dress. "Mummy, can I meet your friends?"

"Of course." She smiled, bringing her over in front of the couple, and introducing them all.

Freya was a tad shy and preferred to stay behind River's leg. "Hi..." She squeaked.

Vastra bent down to her level, smiling. "Hello there, Miss Freya. It's a pleasure to meet you."

She stepped out a little. "How do you know mummy?"

"That's a long and complicated story, but we've been friends for a very long time."

"How long?" She insisted.

"Hmm, I would say at least a few hundred years by my time stream." She answered.

Freya looked at her wide eyed. She had no idea anyone who wasn't a Time Lord could live that long. "Woah…”

Vastra laughed, amused by the little girl's expression, "Yes, woah indeed."

"Mummy, how long have you know Vastra from your side?" She looked up at her.

"Not as long as Vastra has known me, but for most of this regeneration. 131 years maybe."

"Will you tell me how you met later?" She asked hopefully.

"Yes, of course." River said, running a hand over her belly.

"Strax is settin' up the ki'ens for ya if you want." Jenny pipped up. "We'd be more than pleased to 'ave ya take one of our 'ands."

"Do you girls want to see the kitties?" River asked, they nodded eagerly.

"Yes!" The squealed together. River laughed, holding her hand out to the Doctor. He took it, glad to see River smile again. He asked Vastra and Jenny about the cats, what breed and things like that, as they walked into their living room.

Strax was next to the fire place and at his feet was a basket of kittens of all sorts of colors and patterns. When the girls saw Strax, their eyes grew wide. "Daddy!" They yelped, turning around and running behind their father's legs. They had learned that Sontarans usually weren't nice people.

"What is the meaning of this?! And what are your offspring so fearful of?" Strax demanded as the Doctor laughed.

River laughed, "You'd better explain to them." She murmured, kissing the Doctor's cheek.

He tried to twist his waist around to look down at the girls, but couldn't get the right angle, so he ended up looking at them upside down through his legs. "Girls, there's nothing to be afraid of. Yes, Sontarans are mean, but this one is good. He's my friend and I promise he won't shoot you." He could hear Strax protesting about the Sontarans being mean and going on about the glory of the Sontaran empire.

"Are you sure?" Freya asked quietly.

"Very sure. I wouldn't bring you here if here it were dangerous. Cross my hearts." He smiled at them making an ex over each of his hearts.

"Oh! I think the baby's eager to meet the kittens." River breathed, rubbing her belly.  

The Doctor chuckled, looking down at the girls again. "What about you girls? Are you ready now?" They nodded slowly, taking both of his hands and letting him lead them over.

He crouched next to the basket and picked one of the cats up. It was no bigger than his hand and was a grey tabby. "Here. Would you like to hold him?" He offered them.

"Yes! Yes! Yes!" Both girls cried, bouncing up and down.

"I think the older one should hold him first and I was born first so I'm older and I get to hold it first." Freya reasoned.

"No fair!" Amelia frowned. "I wanna hold it first! An' you got to be born first, so it's only fair that I get to hold it first."

"No it's not! You're the baby and everybody knows that babies do everything last!" Freya stuck out her tongue.

"I am _not_ a baby!" Amelia countered. "Mumma! Freya's being mean to me!!"

"Alright, Alright that's enough girls. There is more than one cat so you can both hold one at the same time." She gently picked up a pure white cat, cradling it in her hands. "Amelia, you can hold this one, and Freya can hold the grey one." Freya seemed satisfied with this.

Amelia stuck out her tongue at Freya and scooted away from her before reaching out to hold the kitten in River's hands. "You have to be very gentle because it's only a baby and it's very tiny." She told her as she gently placed the kitten in her waiting hands. Where River and the Doctor only needed one hand to hold the kittens, Freya and Amelia needed both, their tiny hands just big enough to hold them.

Amelia held it very close to her body to assure she wouldn't drop it. It squirmed around and tried to climb up her arm letting out little mewls. Amelia giggled and pet it's soft little head, completely forgetting about her fight with Freya. River beamed, seeing her daughter's happiness made her happy. "Be careful of the claws, sweetie."

"They're too small to hurt me." She told her mother. "It's claws are only this big." She held up her thumb and forefinger to show the length of the claws. "It's like velcro."

River nodded, "Alright then, don't let it fall."

"I won't." She said, a little annoyed.

The Doctor got up from the floor and moved to the couch, pulling River down with him. He had one on the kittens in his hands. This one was an orange tortoise shell with white ears. "I want to try something." He said excitedly and playfully.

"It better not be something naughty. It's only a kitten." She teased, leaning in for a kiss.

"It's not naughty!" He said in mock surprise, giving her a quick kiss. "Look." He placed the complaining kitten onto River's belly. "I just want to see the baby's reaction.

She laughed, "Sweetie, the baby's going to knock it down."

"I'll spot it." He hovered his hands around, ready to catch it if it were to fall. The kitten mewled and wobbled around on her belly for a few minutes before the baby began to kick.

_What is it?!_

River giggled, _"That's a kitten, my love."_

_What's it doing to me?_ The baby seemed more scared than surprised.

_"It's alright, it's not doing anything bad. It's only walking on my belly."_ She murmured, rubbing her belly soothingly. "I think it's scaring them." She glanced at the Doctor.

He chuckled. "How could anyone be scared of something to small and adorable?" He smiled at the cat and pet under its chin. This made it purr, freaking the baby out even more.

_What's it doing?!_

"Doctor, stop! You're terrorizing our child." River cried, the baby's panic transferring to her as well. _"It's only purring, sweetie. It's not going to hurt you, I promise."_

He took the kitten off her stomach and held it protectively to his chest muttering "Sorry."

_What's purring?_

_"It's the sound that the kitty is making. It does that when it's happy."_ She curled closer to the Doctor, quickly calming down again, "I'm sorry, I just don't want to freak out the baby. You can put it back if you want."

_What's making it so happy?_

"I wouldn't want to make the baby scared again." He said.

_"Daddy was petting it._ " She shook her head, "It's fine, the baby's calmed down. They just didn't know what was going on at first." He placed the still purring cat back where it was.

_Does petting make people happy, too?_

_"Well, not really love."_ River pet the cat's head, looking over at the Doctor.

_Than why do kitties like if if people don't?_ This confused the baby quite a bit.

_"I don't know, sweetie, that's just the way it is."_ She sighed, resting her head against the Doctor's shoulder.

"Your head still hurt?" He asked. He didn't need to spot the cat any more since it had curled up and taken a nap.

She shrugged, "A little bit, but I like laying here with you and the cat. What did Freya think?"

"About what?" He asked absentmindedly.

"Holding the kittens." She murmured, closing her eyes.

He looked over at the Freya. She seemed content with holding the kitten in her lap and petting it's head as it started to fall asleep. He rather liked the idea of a nap right now and the fireplace and soft couch were very tempting. "She loves it." He told her, putting an arm around her shoulder.  

She smiled, yawning a bit and cuddling into him further, stroking the kitten still sleeping on her belly, "Amelia's whole face lit up when I put the cat in her hands."

He couldn't help but beam at his daughters happiness. "Which one should we get?"

She shrugged, "I like this one." She murmured, looking down at the cat she was petting, "But we should let the girls decide."

"Yeah..." He looked them over again, "But let's give them some more time."

She nodded, "We could take a nap while we're waiting." She mumbled sleepily. He nodded his head sleepily, right as Vastra sat down in the couch next to them.

"Going to sleep, are we?"

River smile tiredly, "Being pregnant is exhausting, but I think I can manage to stay awake."

Vastra grinned and crossed her legs, leaning against the back of the couch and eying the children. "I'm surprised River. Almost five years, and this is the first time I've been introduced to your children."

"Well, we didn't start indroducing them to any of our friends until recently. We were trying to keep them safe..." She glanced over at the girls, "But it didn't work very well."

Vastra sat up straighter becoming intrigued at what her friend was talking about. "Safe from who?" She asked, though she already knew most of the answer.  

"The Silence." River's hand moved to hold the Doctor's, "They took Amelia recently." She didn't mention them taking her, not wanting to think about it.

She was silent for a moment before putting a hand on River's knee. "I'm so sorry." She glanced at Amelia. "I'm glad you got her back." The girl didn't appear to be very hurt aside from her leg. The cast had been taken off, but it was still rather red. She looked back to the couple next to her. "Are _you_ alright?"

River looked down at her hand, where the fingernails were still growing back and there were still scares yet to fade on her arms. The baby had slowly been giving off regeneration energy, causing her to heal quickly.  "I'm fine." She whispered, pushing back the memories of what had happened.

Vastra looked at River, searching her face. "You're a mother whoes baby was just taken out of her grasp and put back again as if you were a toy. I doubt you are 'fine'" She took another moment before saying. "If you ever need us... Jenny and I will be here. Strax, too. We're all here for you."

She looked up at her, smiling weakly, "Thank you. We appreciate it."

"And I would appreciate not having to wait another five years before I see you again." She hinted. "Now, are you going to be taking one home with you?"

River looked up at the Doctor, "I think so. We're going to let the girls decide which one they want." She glanced over at them. They both looked very attached to the kitten they were holding.

"I do belive you might be leaving with two kittens. Neither of your girls looks willing to give theirs up." She pointed out.

River bit her lip, not wanting to disappoint one of the girls by making them give up their kitten. "I should have guessed that was going to happen."

"But what about this one?" The Doctor butted in, much more awake that he was previously. "I rather like this one. Can we keep it, please?" He gestured to the kitten resting on River's stomach.

"I know, I quite like this one too, actually." She murmured. "Three cats and three children?" She laughed softly.

"Wish we got a dog instead?" He teased

"No, but I think the girls would prefer I give birth to a litter of kittens rather than a baby." She laughed.

"I don't know, they seem to like the baby quite a lot. I think they're hoping you'll have both." He laughed with her. Vastra laughed, too, at the ridiculousness of her friends. "At least naming them won't be as stressful as naming a baby." He said when he managed his laughter down to a chuckle.

"What's that supposed to mean?! I wouldn't give my kitten-children ridiculous names like 'Fluffy' if that's what you're implying." She laughed, rubbing circles on her belly, "No, if I had kittens then we'd have to give them all normal names like we would give a baby."

"I agree." He said. "But you'll have to take that up with our children." He couldn't imagine the silly names they would probably come up with like Butter cup or Snowflake.

"Well, what do you want to name this one?" She asked, looking down at the yawning cat still laying on her.

"Hmm..." He scratched his chin just to put emphasis on the thought he was giving this. "I like Tiber. Tiber's a good one." He suggested.

"Tiber? That's not bad." She scratched behind the little kitten's ears, "What do you think? Do you like the name Tiber?" The kitten purred softly, lifting it's head to push lightly against River's fingers.

"He says he would prefer the title ' the all mighty' in front of it, but it'll do." Said the Doctor.

She smiled, "The All Mighty Tiber, or just Tiber for short." She looked over at the girls, "I suppose these can qualify as early birthday presents."

He nodded his head in agreement. "Do you think we'll be able to convince them to name their kittens something normal?"

"I doubt it, but I guess it's their choice. Whatever they pick." She murmured, "Do you want to tell them that they can have them?"

He nodded again and slowly lifted himself from the couch, trying to not to bounce River around. "Hey girls, I have a surprise for you." Neither girl really noticed that he was talking, to wrapped up in playing with the kittens in their hands.  He crouched down, tapping each of them on the shoulder. "I have a surprise." He repeated.

"What is it?' Freya asked, cuddling her kitten close to her body.

"You both get to keep those kittens!" He announced excitedly. "And mummy and daddy got one, too. So now we have three!"

"Really?" They both squealed, putting down the kittens so they could tackle him with hugs. "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"

He nearly fell over, then regained his balance, then lost it again and fell down anyways. "Ack! River, help!" He struggled against his two 'attackers'. She laughed, handing Tiber to Vastra and sliding off the couch. She tried to help him, but ended up getting tackled as well.

The twins teamed up on their parents, Freya holing River down by lying across her chest and Amelia holding down the Doctor by sitting on his. "Ha ha!" Freya laughed triumphantly. "I've got you tackled and there's nothin' you can do about it!"

River glanced over at Vastra, "A little help, please?" She laughed, struggling beneath Freya.

"Anything for my dear friend." Vastra strolled over to River and plucked Freya off her with ease. Freya immediately tried to run back and tackle River again, but Vastra stopped her again.

"Mia! Help me!" Freya giggled, now turning her attack against Vastra, trying to tackle her to the floor. Amelia giggled and scrambled of the Doctor, tackling Vastra's legs.

"Now, now. It's not very nice to try and tackle the hostess is it?" Vastra tried to say as she began to wobble and stumble as she tried to shake them off.  

The girls only giggled, cheering when they finally got her on the floor. Vastra looked up at River and the Doctor, somewhat glaring. "Then again, five years wouldn't be so bad after all."

"Alright, girls. I think that's enough." River tried not to laugh as she pulled the girls off of Vastra.

"Aw, but mumma!" Freya complained.

"Thank you." Vastra brushed off her large skirt.

"We like playing with Auntie Vastra!" Amelia chirped.

"I think Auntie Vastra would appreciate you playing a bit more gently." The Doctor piped up. "And anyways, we have to get your new kittens antiquated with their new homes. And I think we'll need some supplies, too."

"You should say thank you to Auntie Vastra and Jenny and Strax for being such wonderful hosts and letting us take home three kittens."

Though sad to go, they ran up to each of the aforementioned people and gave them the biggest hug their arms would let them and said "Thank so much! Thank you, thank you!"

River smiled as she watched them, holding the Doctor's hand. "I love you." She murmured, kissing his cheek.

He turned his head to look at her. "I love you, too. You're more than I could ever ask for." His eyes shone bright and she pulled him a bit closer. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him passionately.  He kissed her back with equal excitement.

"Eew! Mummy!" Amalia squealed. River paid her no mind, not breaking their kiss.

She finally pulled away, her face a bit flushed, "Sorry." She murmured.

Vastra smiled and pulled River into a warm hug. "It's alright. I hope to see you again soon."

River smiled, "We'll visit more often."

"Is that a promise?" She questioned, pulling away and resting her hands on River's shoulders.

"Yes, that's a promise. We'll try to visit again before the baby comes." She hugged her again before going and scooping up Tiber. The Doctor didn't know if they would be able to visit again before the baby was born since she had less than ten weeks before it was due.

He smiled anyway and thanked Vastra again for having them over. "Girls, are you ready to go?" The nodded, holding their wriggling kittens tightly. Putting an arm around River's shoulder, her gestured for them to go back into the TARDIS.

 

 


	40. Eye of the Storm.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River helps calm the Doctor and vise versa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, officially out of school for the winter break! Happy Holidays everyone! I will try to be updating more since there's no school, but maybe not this week since I have to do Christmas with relatives and all. I'm warning you all now, that shit is about to go down (in the story I mean). Anyway, don't forget to comment!

CH 40

 

"You know, River." The Doctor began to say as she and the girls followed him inside, "The TARDIS doesn't have any supplies to take care of cats as far as I know."

"So we'll have to make a stop at the pet store then." She murmured, carrying the kitten into the TARDIS, making sure the girls didn't drop their kittens.

His first thoughts were that Freya and Amelia would love the pet store and seeing all the animals. But his second thoughts inturupted his first ones thinking that he couldn't let River and the girls out of the TARDIS and risk the Silence getting them. Though his third thoughts, which he decided to voice, were that it would be okay if he brought along, someone to help keep an extra eye out for them.  "I think we should bring Jack."

River nodded, "Jack? Could you come here for a minute?"

Jack came into the room at the sound of his name, shoving the last bit of the sandwich he was eating into his mouth. He looked at the kitten River was holding with a disappointed look. "Did I miss it already?" He said around the bite of food. He had been looking forwards to meeting the friend River was talking about.

"I'm sorry, Jack, it was a bit of an odd situation, but you can definitely come the next time we visit." She smiled, "We need to go to the pet store to get some things for the kittens. Would you mind coming with us?"

"There's quite a few things I wouldn't mind doing." He winked at her.

She chuckled, "You're terrible. At least save it until we're away from my husband, he gets ever so jealous." She glanced over at the Doctor.

He was already glaring at Jack. "I think it would best saved for someone other than my pregnant wife."  

"What, afraid he's going to steal me away?" She teased, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"There's no way I'd let him, even if he could." He declared.

She raised an eyebrow, "And if he could, how would you 'not let him?'"

"I'd sock him." He said rather childishly. "Or I'd have to win you back over."

River smiled, trying to imagine her husband punching Jack, "It's a bit hard to imagine you 'socking' him, my love, but I appreciate that you would do that for me."

He leaned in close to her ear. "I would do anything for you."

She looked up at him, every bit of playful teasing gone, "I love you."

"River Song, I love you more than you could imagine." And he meant every word.

She pulled him down to meet her lips, her heart swelling. He poured passion into that kiss. At least until Jack interrupted by coughing. "As much as I love a little girl on boy action, I do believe we were going to get some supplies."

River closed her eyes, a bit frustrated that they were being interrupted yet again, "Right, of course." She smiled, turning back to face Jack and the girls.

"Mummy?" Freya held up her kitten. “Where do we put Mr. Thomas while we're at the store?"

"Mr. Thomas? Is that his name?" She asked, kneeling down so she was eye level with her daughter.  

"Yes." She said triumphantly. "Mr. Thomas, like the dragon."

River smiled, "Very nice. And what about yours?" She asked, turning to Amelia.

Amelia looked up at her mother, then back at her kitten, holding it out like she was examining it. "Hmm..." She thought for quite a few moments before saying, "Samantha."

"That's a lovely name." River kissed her forehead, "Now, if Daddy takes us to the right pet store, we'll be able to take Mr. Thomas and Samantha in with us while we get our things."

They both nodded happily. "We won't drop them." Amelia promised.

She nodded, "Good, if you feel like they're going to fall, tell me or Daddy or Uncle Jack so we can help you."  

"Okay." They nodded again, getting eager to go already.

"Alright." She stood back up, looking over at the Doctor, "Ready?"

"Yup!" He was just as excited as the girls were and was already moving to the console.  The TARDIS lurched forwards into flight before the Doctor could remember to put the stabilizers on. River hadn't been expecting the sudden jolt, and was therefore knocked into her husband before she could catch herself. He near fell over, but regained balance quickly, offering River help to regain hers. "Sorry!" He said, reaching for the stabilizers.

She brushed him off of her, turning around to find the girls, "Are you two alright?" Amelia stood up shakily and nodded before examining her kitten and nodding again to indicate that she was okay, too. Freya on the other hand was sitting on the floor and rubbing her arm where she'd banged it on something. "Mummy...!" She sniffed.

River handed Tiber off to the Doctor before rushing over to Freya, sitting down and pulling her into her lap. "You hit your arm?" She asked softly, pressing a kiss to the spot she had been rubbing before checking it over to make sure there wasn't any damage done.

She nodded, curling into River. "Where's Mr. Thomas?"

River frowned, looking around them, the kitten was tiny, it couldn't have gone very far, "He's here somewhere, sweetie."

She sniffed again. "I want Mr. Thomas back!" And as if on cue, little mewls started to come from under the console.

"Shh, Shh, it's alright. Uncle Jack will get him for you." She murmured, pressing a kiss to the top of her head, giving Jack a pleading look. Jack nodded to River and looked to where the noise was coming from. He could just see under the glass that the little grey tabby had fallen and got stuck in the mess of wires below.

He went down the stairs to see if he could reach him from there, but every time he tried to move the wires around he nearly, or did, break something. "River, this is impossible! How am I supposed to get around the wires?"

"Doctor, could you come..." She nodded towards Freya, who had started to sob when she heard Jack say that it was impossible, thinking that she was never going to get her kitten back, "Mummy's going to go get your kitten, Freya." She murmured, standing up and walking down to meet Jack.

While the Doctor tried to comfort his daughter, Jack pointed at the distressed kitten. "See? He's way up there. I feel like I'm just going to break everything."

"Alright, I'll get him." She carefully wove her hand between the wires, pushing aside a few that she knew she could move. She had worked down here with the Doctor enough times to know what most of the wires did, which ones she could touch and which ones she couldn't. Once the kitten was in her hand, she carefully brought it back down.  Mr. Thomas slowly stopped his rather loud meowing as he realized that he was safe in River's hands.

Jack grinned "You can untangle the wires at Torchwood for me any day."

She smiled cheekily, "Oh, sweetie, I can do so much more than untangle your wires." She turned, hips swaying as she went back up to return the kitten to Freya. Jack risked taking a longing look at her, hoping the Doctor wouldn't strangle him for thinking too loud.

Freya jumped up, immediately taking the kitten back and nuzzling her face to it. "He's not hurt is he?"

"Of course not, my love." She smiled, kissing the top of her head.

"Thank you, mummy!" She held the cat close, relieved that she still had her new best friend.

"Are you girls ready to go?" River asked, moving towards the doors.

"Yes." They replied, trotting to the door excitedly after her.

"Come along, boys." She called over her shoulder as she led the girls out of the TARDIS. The Doctor and Jack scurried over to her, the Doctor a bit fast since he was feeling rather protective of her at the moment. River smiled up at the Doctor, taking his hand, making sure the girls didn't wander off. "Where to first?"

He looked around the store than tried to think of everything they needed. Cat food, cat litter, cat beds, cat toys. He ordered the list in his head from lightest to heaviest then from what was most essential to what wasn't. "Cat food." He decided. She nodded, walking towards where the cat food was stocked.

He stayed next to her, gripping her hand. He really shouldn't have been so paranoid, it was only a pet store after all and he hadn't even made her where the perception filter. He really couldn't help it, though. Kovarian had taken away his daughter and wife once and it was a miracle that he'd gotten them both back. It made him angry and sad to think of the possibility of never seeing them again. He scanned the shop for about the hundredth time for any threat and again found none.

"Are you alright?" She asked softly, squeezing his hand. She knew that he was protective of her, but didn't realize that he was this paranoid. Watching him look around the shop every few minutes, made her nervous and worried her.

"I'm fine, love." He told her, plastering on a smile.

"Please don't lie to me." She whispered, frowning slightly.

He sighed. "I'm just a little worried."

"You don't have anything to worry about." She murmured, "But let's get this done quick and then go back to the TARDIS so you can relax, yeah?"

He rather liked the idea of getting into the TARDIS quicker and knowing his family was safe. "Sure." He reached and grabbed a bag of dry food and then some cans of wet food for the cats. "Food, check"

"Beds now?" She asked, though she walked over to them before he had a chance to answer. They went through everything fairly quickly, not being too picky about it. By the time they were at the checkout line, they had three relatively small and different colored beds, a couple toys that looked like a stick with a string or feathers on the end and jingled when it moved, and cat litter that was supposed to smell fresh all the time as well as a bin to put the litter in. The Doctor never stopped looking around, but began to do it less frequently.

River squeezed his hand lightly, pressing a kiss to his shoulder, "Everything's fine, sweetie." She murmured, "We'll be back home in a minute."

He took a breath as Jack paid. "Home in a minute." He echoed, looking protectively to the girls as they peered into a glass case with a parrot inside.

"Baby's kicking." She murmured, moving his hand to her belly, hoping that it may distract him for his thoughts for the next few minutes.

He drew his eyes away from the girls to where River had placed his hand. He could feel the light flutter of the baby's feet, or possibly hand, or maybe elbow. A hint of a smile traced his lips. Feeling his child move inside her always filled him with wonder. She smiled weakly when she saw him smile, stroking his hand soothingly.

"River..." He looked up at her. His eyes were still laced with worry, but in the middle was the excitement to be a father again and hope for their unborn child. Somehow, just looking at her made him feel so much calmer and so much less nervous. "You are amazing, you know that?"

She smiled a bit more, reaching up and brushing a few hairs out of his face, "Not as amazing as you."

"Even more so." He insisted. "River Song, you are the most amazing thing in the universe."

"That's very sweet of you to say." She murmured, kissing his cheek. "Jack's done. Ready to go back home?"

"Always." He smiled. "Amelia, Freya! Time to go."

"Oh, wow..." She breathed, pressing a hand to her side, breathing out slowly.

He glanced back at her, the worry returning to his face. "...You okay?"

She nodded quickly, "Yes, I'm fine. It was just a rough kick, nothing to worry about."

"Are you sure?" He gave her hand a squeeze, looking directly in her eyes.

"Yes, positive. Stop worrying." She assured him, kissing him quickly before moving inside the TARDIS behind the girls. He looked after her with a mix of affection and concern as Jack handed him half of the things they bought to carry inside.

He walked in somewhat dumping the bags onto the pilot seat for later. "I'm exhausted, can we take a nap?" River asked, resting her head on the Doctor's shoulder.

"Absolutely." Lying down in his bed with his wife was very appealing at the moment.

"Jack can look after the girls for a while?" He looked at Jack who nodded and began to walk to the girls' room.

"Do you want to come nap with us too, Tiber?" River asked, taking the kitten in her arms, stroking it gently. The sleepy kitten meowed and started purring, trying to find a comfortable spot on her arm to fall asleep. She smiled, heading towards their bedroom, yawning slightly. The Doctor trailed behind her. He wasn't really tired at all, but he liked to make an effort to be in bed when ever River was. Right now he wanted nothing more than to just have River in his arms and know she was safe.

She set the kitten down on the bed, sitting on the edge and sliding off her shoes, rubbing her swollen ankles.

He sat next to her. "Here, let me." He knelt in front of her and started to massage her ankles for her.

"Mmm, thank you, dear." She breathed, laying back and letting herself relax. He carefully kneaded her ankles, occasionally moving up to her calves and back down. Tiber climbed up onto River's chest and curled up right where her belly started, letting out soft purrs of affection.

When the Doctor thought she had fallen asleep, he moved to lie next to her and rested a hand on her belly. "Hello baby." He said. "I hope you're taking your time in there. You seem to be enjoying it, I just wish you wouldn't kick your mother so hard." River hadn't quite fallen asleep yet, and the sound of his voice only woke her up more, but she pretended to be asleep, wanting to listen to what he was saying. She liked when it was like this, just the two of them, relaxed. She knew he had been worrying a lot about her and the baby, of course she had been worrying about the baby too, and he had comforted her so well. She hoped that maybe if she pretended to be asleep, he'd let some of the worries he kept hidden from her come out. She wanted to be able to comfort him like he had for her, she just need to know how.  

The Doctor lowered his voice as not to disturb his sleeping wife. "You know baby, sometimes I almost wish you could stay in there forever. I love your mother like this, there's something about her that's just so beautiful when she thinks about you being born. She's beautiful all the time mind you." He smiled. "She knows how to keep you safe, baby. She's a hell of a good fighter and a hell of a good mother too." He pressed a kiss to the soft skin of River's belly. "And maybe you're not completely safe in there, but you're much safer than you would be out here. That is if you don't make an early appreance. I promised your mother you'd stay in there the whole time, so you'd better hold up your end of the deal."

Hearing him talk to the baby made River’s hearts swell. Hearing all the sweet things he said about her, she couldn't explain the feeling even if she wanted to. For most of her life, she had been treated like nothing, like she wasn't a person. She was only a tool, used so people could get what they wanted. But hearing him say things like that, hearing him tell her that she meant everything, it made her feel like a person. To know that she was loved was more than she could ever have hoped for. She always thought that it wasn't possible to love him more than she already did, but every so often he would prove her wrong and do something that made her love him even more than before.

"Baby, I can't tell you how much you're going to love this family. All four plus the cats. And you know what? You're family is even bigger than that." He had switched to talking in Gallifreyan at this point. "There's Uncle Jack and Ianto. Gwen too. Aunt Vastra and Jenny and Strax, who is the only Sontaran I'd ever let you near. And I don't know if I ever mentioned Jenny. Not your aunt, your sister -well- sort of sister. She was made with a compu-"

River pretended to stir, her eyes opening slowly, "Doctor? Who are you talking to?"

He sat up straight, face turning a bit red. "Er...! The baby.... you didn't hear any of that, did you?"

She slowly moved back onto the pillows, trying not to disturb the sleeping cat, "Any of what, love?" She asked softly, pretending like she had no idea what he was talking about. Tiber lifted his head, squinted at River, then put his head down again.

"Uh- Nothing... I was just telling the baby about the visit to Vastra and Jenny." He lied.

"Ah, I see." She murmured, stroking Tiber's head, flexing her toes.

The Doctor relaxed his shoulders and settled down next to his wife. "Done napping already?"

River shook her head, resting her head against his arm, "No, not yet."

"Sorry, did I wake you?" He asked realizing that he may have woken her up.

"No, it's alright. I don't mind, I like it when you talk to the baby." She murmured, closing her eyes.

He couldn't help but smile and place a hand protectively over her midsection. He kissed her check. "Sweet dreams."

"Doctor?" She mumbled sleepily, her hand moving on top of his. "Yes, my love?" He said softly, his eyes just starting to droop.

"Don't ever leave me." She breathed, right before falling asleep.

"Until death do us part." He said into her ear, though she probably didn't hear him. When he was sure she was asleep again, he moved his head closer to her belly and continued his conversation with the baby. He told it all about how he met Jenny with Donna and Martha and how he thought her dead until a few years ago when he'd ran into her again.

River began to stir a few hours later, murmuring half of sentences as she reached out, trying to find the Doctor's body. He was too wrapped up in his conversation to notice her until her searching hand hit his face. He looked up and took hold of her hand before kissing her forehead. She yawned, blinking up at him, a groggy smile spreading across her lips, "Hi."

"Hello." He smiled back, kissing her forehead again, gradually moving down to her lips.

She nipped his lip lightly, "Still talking to the baby?"

"About my adventures with Jenny." He told her, less shily this time.

She smiled softly, running a hand down his arm, "That's nice, sweetie."

"Have any dreams?" He asked curiously.

"No." She sighed, "Or at least, not any good ones.”

"Any you care to share with me?"

"Not really." She whispered, her eyes shifting away from his for a moment.

He moved his hand up to her cheek, stroking it softly with his thumb. "Why not?"

"I know how worried you are already, I don't want to make you even more worried over a stupid dream."

"I don't think it's stupid." He said quietly.

"Well it doesn't really matter, it was only a dream, nothing worth worrying over." She sighed, nuzzling her head against him.

He wrapped his arms around her thinking back to when Freya had had the dream about River getting killed by the Vashta Nerada. That had not been 'just a dream'. "If you say so, dear."

She frowned, seeing his expression change for a moment, "What's wrong?"

"...Nothing, River." He tried assuring her.

"Do you really want me to tell you about my dream?" She asked softly.

He brushed a stray curl from her face. "...Yes."

She swallowed, her voice suddenly very, very quiet. "I had the baby on time." She whispered, "It all went very quickly..."

"Well that's not bad." He observed, knowing that wasn't the end.

"When the baby was born, they didn't cry..." Her voice wavered for a moment, "And they weren't breathing...It was stillborn..."

He didn't say anything for a moment. He took her hand placed it on her stomach. "Talk to them."

"Doctor...it was just a dream." She whispered, not realizing that a few tears had trickled down her cheeks, trying to comfort herself as much as she was trying to comfort him.  

"Yes. It was. And I want you to know that it was only that and that our baby is very much alive." He stroked the back of her hand. "Talk to them."

She shook her head, scared that they might not talk back, "I don't want to...Can you?"

"I could, but I wouldn't be able to hear their response."

"I'll tell you what they say." She murmured.

"Why don't you try?" He tried again. "I've been talking to them for hours."

"I don't want to." she whispered, her voice wobbling.

"Why not?" He said as gently as he could.

"Just, please don't make me." She buried her face into his chest.

He closed his mouth realizing he was pushing her too hard. After a moment he spoke again. "Hello baby, it's your daddy again. I know you might be a little tired of my voice right now, but mummy is awake now and would love to say hi to you."

She shook her head, "No, Doctor...I don't want to."

He looked up at her, continuing to speak. "She's still a bit tired thought, so you might need to say hi to her first."

"No, no. Doctor, please stop." She begged.

_Mummy, you're scared._

She tried to block out the voice, shaking her head. "No. No. No."

"River. River!" The Doctor placed his hands on either side of her face, stilling her head. "River, what's wrong?"

"I don't want to talk to the baby. Make it stop, please. Please, I don't want to." She begged, pulling away from him, her whole body shaking.

He was shocked and without really thinking twice about it, put his fingers to her temple and blocked the mental connection between her and the baby. It was the only thing he could think of to calm River down and make her stop panicking. "...River..."

She let out a sob, stumbling out of bed away from him, her body shaking like a leaf. She fell into the bathroom, leaning over the sink trying to get control over her breathing, feeling like she was about to be sick.  He slunk after her, very slowly going to the bathroom door. He looked at her with a mix of shock, guilt, and confusion, not knowing if she needed space or not. "River... I didn't mean... I didn't know... I'm sorry."

She shook her head, taking another minute to calm down before speaking, "No, _I'm_ sorry, I panicked, I lost control for a minute, I didn't..."

"I thought... I though talking to the baby would make you feel better. I'm sorry I pushed you." He said slowly, not quite understanding why she was panicking.

"It's alright." She whispered, "I understand why you did it." She sighed. She hadn't been completely honest with him. It wasn't the first time she had had that dream, it had been reoccured several times now. Every time it happened, it made her more and more afraid that it wasn't just a dream, and that it was some odd premonition, like when Freya had dreamed about the Vasta Nerada. She was afraid to talk to the baby, afraid to establish a connection and bond that she believed would only worsen the loss if her nightmare did come true.

He looked a bit more confused. "Then why... why did you panic?"

She looked up at him, deciding that it was probably best to just tell him the truth, "Do you remember Freya's nightmare the night before I left to go to the Library?"

He managed a simple "Yes" instead of 'how I possibly forget.'

"What if my nightmare is like Freya's nightmare? Because, it's not the first time I've had it...."

"Oh, River..." He came towards her looking for permission to hug her. Her lip trembled for a moment, before she quickly regained control. She stepped toward him, greatly appreciating the offer of a hug at the moment.  He held her tightly and kissed the top of her head. "River, that will never happen." He told her. "Our baby is healthy right now and something crazy would have to happen for that to change. And if anything happens, I'll be right here to make them better. I promise." He kissed her head again. "And Freya's dream wasn't entirely accurate."

"I don't see how the baby could possibly be healthy after everything that's happened." She whispered, closing her eyes. "I don't understand how it's possible after dying in the Library, being uploaded into a computer system, then being ripped from the computer system and back into life and then barely living through being stabbed and shocked and starved in addition to a major acceleration in growth that is in no way healthy."

"Because we're Time Lords." He told her. "Killing us is just not that easy. You could feel it. When the baby was hurt, you could feel your body trying to reject it. If the baby were dead, you'd know." He looked down at her.

She sighed, her head hurting, "Can we go back to bed?" She asked, "I want to sleep for a little longer."

He nodded silently. "...Do you want me to unblock the connection?"

"Not yet, I want some quiet for a while..."

"...Oh." He took her hand, not saying anything else as they went back to the bedroom.

"Are you disappointed in me?" She asked once they were back in bed, "Have I let you down?"

"River, how could you think for one second that you've let me down?" He asked. "You've never, ever disappointed me."

She didn't answer him, just nestled deeper into the blankets, "My stomach hurts..."

"Your stomach? Are you feeling sick?" He asked her, concerned.

She shrugged, "Nothing else is bothering me. I'll be fine, I just want to sleep." He knew if he offered medicine she'd just refuse it. He didn't say anything, knowing she needed her time to think, but wrapped his arms around her to let her know he'd always be there and always love her.

She fell asleep in his arms once more, hoping that the nightmares wouldn't return and that she would be able to rest in peace. Thinking she was asleep, he planted light and soft kisses on her neck and cheek and whispered "You are my sun and moon." In Gallafreyan before drifting to sleep himself. She stayed asleep for a long time, curled up in his arms, but the nightmares still came.


	41. Not Like This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things take a turn for the worst and something is terribly wrong. Trigger Warning: still birth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to warn you guys with out giving much away, long (and rather sad) update. Enjoy? Or cry. Both is fine. Don't forget to comment!

CH 41

 

"River. River! Wake up!" The Doctor shook his wife's shoulders. The first thing that she noticed when her eyes snapped open was that her belly still hurt, even more so now than before. She stared up at the Doctor, eyes wide with surprise and disorient. He looked back, frightened and relieved at the same time. "River... you were screaming."

She continued to stare at him for a moment, "I-I'm sorry, I didn't realize."

"No, no it's not your fault." He pulled her closer. "You're safe now. It's okay." She fidgeted, the discomfort, the dreadful feeling that something was wrong raising in her.

He looked at her, not noticing that her belly had started to grow again. "River, are you okay? You look a little pale." She didn't answer, glancing down at her stomach. He followed her line of sight down to her middle. His face went as white as a sheet. She watched him, fear taking over. "Oh my- River!" He jumped out of bed and hurried over to her side. He a million things where racing through his mind that he could hardly think straight. "I- We have to- I can't-..."

"Doctor! Take a breath." She tried to advise, trying to get him to calm down lest she start panicking.

He looked at her, his rambling slowing to a stunned silence as her words sunk in. He took a breath and focused on her. "Are you in any pain?"

She nodded, "My stomach hurts a lot more than before." She whispered, "But the pain isn't like contractions. It's constant, there's no breaks."

"How strong is it? Do you think it's the baby, or something with your body? How long has this been going on?" He started to berate her with questions.

"I-I don't know, it's pretty strong and I don't know what it is. I think it started when you cut off the telepathic connection." She managed to answer, squeezing her eyes shut.

He placed a hand delicately on her growing belly. "...Do you think it's that?"

She shook her head, "I don't think it would hurt this much."

"Okay." He breathed. "Okay. We need to-uh- get you to the medbay. Can you walk?"

"I think so..." She murmured, trying to ease herself out of bed without wincing.

He put his arm under her shoulder just more good measure. "Everything's going to be okay, I promise." She nodded, putting her trust in him. As they walked, she could feel something running down her leg. Warm, wet and when she looked down, red.

The Doctor, again, didn't notice at first, but did notice the horror spread across River’s face. "River? River, what's wrong?" He asked urgently.

"Doctor..." Her voice was shaking and she could to nothing to hide her terror now, "I'm bleeding...a lot."

Though scared of what me might see, his eyes trailed down to the blood that as coming from her in a steady stream. His hearts started to beat faster than before. "..Oh god.." He whispered. "Medbay, now!" He said louder, the panic obvious in his voice. He scooped her up ever though he knew she could probably walk, and started to run there. She winced when he picked her up, the pain only intensifying with the sudden movement.

The TARDIS must have knew what was going on since he found the room he need just a few doors down. He set River down on the cot as quickly and as gently as he could and ran a nervous hand through his hair. He had not idea what was causing the bleeding, if it was River's or the baby's blood, or worse: both. There were too many tests that needed to be done, but not enough time to do them. His eyes darted frantically from River to the things in the room, not quite knowing what to do or where to start.

River was shaking from worry and was struggling to hold back her tears. "Doctor..."

His mind was racing so fast that he barley hear her. Ultrasound first? No, she'd bleed to much before he could stop it. He needed more time that he didn't have and wasting time thinking wasn't helping. He ran to the medicine cabinet and fished around frantically for any blood cloters that were safe for her to take. He found it in the form of  needle and went back over to her. "River, everything is going to be fine. I promise you, but you need to trust me and let me give you the medicine you need..." He had somewhat of an idea of how she'd react, but showed her the needle regardless.

She immediately shook her head, "No, no medicine. I don't want something to happen again." She barely even registered the needle, just thinking about the last time he had given her medicine.

"River, I promise you this is safe. " He glanced down to the sheets that were becoming redder as they spoke. "This will buy me enough time to find the source and cause of the bleeding. Please, I need you to take it." He begged her, knowing that there was a very real chance he could lose her if she didn't comply.

She shook her head again, "That's what you said the last time..." She whispered, holding her belly protectively, "Please, stop wasting time and just do something."

"This is what I have to do River! It'll slow the bleeding enough for me to do something, don't you understand? There's not enough time for me to do anything else!" She stared at him, shrinking back into the cot. She was terrified and he was only making it worse. He had no clue how he sounded right now, but from the look on River's face, it probably wasn't very nice. He looked from the needle to the dark red pool of blood forming where River was lying, and back to River. He needed to give her the blood cloters before she bled out, but he wouldn't do it with out her consent. "River..." He said quieter but equally as serious. "This is safe for the baby and safe for you to take, I promise. I need you to let me give this to you. Pease, I can't lose you again."

"Doctor..." She whispered, still laying as far from him as possible, "I can't..."

"Please." He begged. "Please... there's no other way to stop the bleeding in time."

She continued to shake her head, "Start something else and if it gets any worse then you can use it."

He put the needle down on the stand next to the bed, repressing the urge to yell. He racked his brain for other things he could do. Her belly was still growing and she was still bleeding, but she was conscious. Conscious was good. Okay, blood. She needed blood. The TARDIS was stocked with it, oddly enough. It had I.V. bags full of blood for any companion or family member who boarded, even for Freya and Amelia. He grabbed four units labeled 'Pond, Melody', making sure that one of them was hooked to River. It wouldn't give him as much time as the blood clotters would, but it gave him some and some time was better than none.

River relaxed a tiny bit when he put down the needle, less afraid of the needle rather than the idea that it would hurt the baby. Although he had told her it would help, and that her current situation was worse than anything a medication could do, she didn't seem to comprehend that at the moment.  

Clock still ticking, he brought over the ultrasound and wasted no time getting to work on finding the source of the bleeding.  River bit her lip, trying her best not to react to the pain in her belly or show how scared she was. Her nails were digging into her palms, her eyes squeezed shut. She could feel that something wasn't right, not just an instinct feeling but a physical feeling.

“Oh no. Oh no, no, no!” The Doctor’s voice came even more panicked than before, staring with some mixture of horror at the screen.    

She stared at him, hoping -praying-  that he wouldn’t say what she thought he was going to. "W-what is it? Doctor, tell me!"

He frowned slightly. "It’s the baby… it’s the baby’s blood, there’s too much of it, I can’t pinpoint what’s wrong!” He said quite loudly, pushing his chair away to stand and accidentally knocking it over.

She flinched when the chair fell over, his words scaring her more than she could ever remember. “No, please. Doctor please.” Sh new begging him to say something else wouldn’t fix what was happening, but it was just about the only thing she could say.

“I’m sorry…” It took most of his strength to keep focused and no break down. “But if it’s the baby's blood, than it would be bleeding into the amniotic fluid, but the blood's coming out of you so the only way for it to be the baby would be if your water's have broken..." He trailed off, his stomach knotting. "Your waters haven't broken... have they?"

With the massive amount of bleeding, she hadn't even noticed if it had. "I-I don't know…” All she could do was stare at him, "But it's way too early, Doctor…"

He looked at her still growing belly. "Not at this rate."

"Doctor!" She sobbed, terrified, "I thought you stopped this! I thought you stopped what Kovarian did to me!" She prayed that somehow this was a dream, a horrid horrid dream.

"I thought I did too! But the extreme stress reaction and severed mental connection…"  He was trying to put it together in his head, but was having trouble with all the other thoughts.

"Doctor, I can't have the baby now. I don't want this. I want to have the baby at a normal time." She was completely distraught now, freaking out, stressed beyond belief.  

"River, you have to stay calm." He pleaded, taking her hand. "I know you're scared." At least he assumed she was since he was scared beyond belief. "But you don't have much of a choice right now."

"No!" She sobbed, pushing him away, tears rolling down her cheeks, "No! No!"

This was not how he wanted his child to enter the world. It seemed so much more peaceful with Freya and Amelia. Well, minus River almost bleeding out after.  Aside, it had been a rather happy moment. But right now was not peaceful or happy. Both of them were terrified and the baby was at growing risk of death. Seeing River so distraught made him want to flip a table or just hold her in his arms. Maybe both. "River, I need to examine you."

She shook her head, "Doctor, I don't want to. Please, I don't want to. I can't have the baby, I don't want to. I can't." She begged, not listening to him. The weight of the situation was crashing down on her and she could hardly think through the fear flooding her.

"And I'm going to do my best to make this baby stays in there for as long as possible, but for that to happen you need to relax and you need to let me do what I need to do."

"I can't relax! How do you expect me to relax!" She shouted. She was terrified, angry, upset. She wanted to go back to the night she had come home from the Library when everything was they way it was supposed to be.

"River, the more stress you're under, the more stress the baby's under and the more your belly will continue to grow." He told her as calmly as he could. It looked like she had progressed about four weeks which only gave them six weeks before the baby was technically ready to be born which could be within the next hour if he couldn’t manage to stop this.

She was sobbing, unable to respond at this point, but every time he would try to touch her, she'd push him away. He had no idea what to do, this wasn't presenting as a normal labour. "River." He tried to approach her again, coming slowly up to the bed and sitting on the side of it. "Let me help you, please."

She shook her head, her whole body shaking, she no longer had the energy to push him away, "I want to go back to the night I came home from the Library. I want to go back to when everything was going the way it's supposed to go. I hate this, I don't want this. Please."  

"I'm so so sorry, River. But this is happening now. The baby is coming now, and you can't do this alone. Please, let me be there for you. Let me help you through this so you're both safe. River, I'm sorry it has to happen like this, but you can't hide from it now. Our baby needs you and I need you or else there's a chance that one of you won't make it though this.”

She squeezed her eyes shut, hoping that maybe everything would go away if she did. Hoping that maybe it she wished hard enough, it would all stop. So many horrible things had happened to her thought out her life, there were so many things that had gone wrong and made her life miserable. She was just asking for one chance to do something over because she just knew that if she didn't get that chance, the baby wouldn't make it, no miracles, no regeneration. She hated what the past few weeks had become. Hated how she had changed, hated how afraid her daughters were, hated how there had constantly been something wrong with her, hated how she didn't get to enjoy her pregnancy with her husband and children and how it had all flown by because of the medication and the Silence. She wanted it all to have just been a nightmare, all to just go away and go back to the way it used to be with her happy, healthy, peaceful family.

He knew she would have to start delivering soon if they wanted this baby to have a chance. He didn't know if the medicine would stop affecting her when it brought the baby to term or just keep growing. River didn't look in any way ready to have the baby, but the more they did nothing, the more she bleed and the more the baby was in danger. Would even be safe for her? Would she start to bleed out like she did when she had the twins? Could her body even handle giving birth right now? He tried to keep a cool head about it. He had to convince River to do this. He put a hand to either side of her face. "River, look at me. Open your eyes." She pulled away just slightly when he touched her, slowly opening her eyes. "River. Listen to me. I know it's scary, but you're going to have to deliver this baby soon." He began to say in a soft tone. "You are so brave and I know you'll be able to do it. You just have to trust me. Please, our baby needs you."

"I don't want this to happen." She whispered, "This is exactly what I dreamed about. The baby...I don't want to..."

"River, this is different from your dream." He insisted.”The baby is not dead. It's very much alive right now, just... hurt." He decided it was better than saying in danger of dying.

"But they're going to die. That's what always happened, the baby didn't start off being dead, they were alive in the beginning." She stared at him, "Please, don't lie to me, not now of all times."  

"There's a difference between hurt and dying. I can't fix 'dying', but I can fix 'hurt'. Yes... there is a chance the baby could die, but we're still a long ways before we have to worry about that." He told her.

She felt like he wasn't understanding, like he wasn't listening. "How do you know they're not dying. If you can’t pinpoint what’s making out baby bleed and with all this blood..”

"Because I've seen Timelord fetuses die before!" He blurted out with quite realizing because his mouth kept talking. "It's different than this. You'd know, you'd feel it. It's much, much more painful and..." He trailed off, unable to describe it further.

She stared at him, surprised by what he had just said. It threw her off for a minute, distracting her from the current situation, "You have?" She asked softly.

He looked down at his hands. "...Yes....During the Time War." He thought back to when River told him that she had a miscarriage. She wouldn't have experience the same thing as what he saw. The ones he saw die were in their second or third trimester.

She moved her hand to slowly meet his, squeezing his hand softly, "But Doctor, I'm not full Timelord and that means our children aren't either, so it may be different." She swallowed, not wanting to tell him that she did know. She was convinced that they baby wasn't going to survive. "There's no break in the pain I've been feeling, which is why I didn't think they were contractions, maybe that is the pain you were talking about, but less intense because the baby and I aren't full Time Lords." He looked at her fearfully, knowing there was a good chance that she was right. He wouldn't admit it though. He would save their child. He had to.

He could think about this right now. He had to focus on prepping River. "I will make sure this baby stays alive." He said with determination. "River, can you do this?"

She nodded slowly, "I'll do my best." She breathed, not wanting to let him down.

He moved the the end of the bed and made sure River's knees were bent to he could examine her. He had to trust his eyes since the machines weren't giving his the information he needed. The bleeding hadn't slowed and River had already gone through at least a liter of blood. He reached and checked for dilation, surprised that she was nearly at 10 centimeters.

It took most of her power just to cooperate for him and keep from screaming and crying over how upset and terrified she was. Her hands were clenched into fists, her nails digging into her palms as she tried to focus on coping with the pain. He had promised that she would carry the baby to term, but she wasn't. No matter what happened with the acceleration of growth, she didn't feel 'to term.' It wasn't supposed to be like this.

He looked up at her when he was finished checking. His face looked rather scared and distraught, but he said as smoothly as he could. "You're almost ready." He got up to fetch towels, scissors, and all the other things they had last time. He also made sure that there was an examination table ready for when it was born. Unlike before, he wouldn't be placing the baby directly into River's arms.

She had never realized home comforting holding his hand was until now, when she wasn't doing it, but he was so busy and worried himself that she was too afraid to ask. She just kept thinking that this isn't how a baby is supposed to be born, surrounded by fear and sorrow and a good chance of death. “Ngh!” The pain suddenly intensified to the point where she was nearly screaming without realizing it, something was terribly wrong.  

He had just finished setting things up when he heard her scream-like shout. He rushed back to her side immediately, one of his hands resting on her check and the other holding one of her hands. "River? River, what's wrong?"

She squeezed his hand tightly, "I-I don't know, the pain just got a hell of a lot worse though." She managed to say between deep breaths, trying to find some way to ease the intense feeling.

When he thought he couldn't be any more terrified, he was proven wrong. This was starting to look a lot like what he had seen on Gallafrey. Now he was almost glad he had severed the mental connection with the baby. The fetuses he saw die already had a mental link with their mothers. That meant the mother could feel every thing the baby was feeling when it was dying. Some of them went a bit mad or got migraines, or in extreme cases developed a brain bleed. He looked at her and kissed her forehead. "Okay, we nee to get this baby out. Now."

She closed her eyes, nodding. She was shaking so much, though it was hard to tell if it was from fear or pain or both. If these were really the baby's last minutes, all she wanted to do was comfort them, but she didn't know how. He gave her hand a squeeze before moving back to the end of the bed, positioning himself between her legs. "River, when you're ready, push as hard as you can."

She nodded, gathering up as much strength and will as she could, pushing as soon as she felt the urge to. “Ungh!” It was complete agony, much, much worse than she remembered it had been with Amelia or Freya.

It killed him that he could do nothing for her pain and he just had to sit there and listen to her tortured cries. It made him feel worse that he had to say, "Good. Again, River."  He wondered if Jack and the girls could hear her. It was only worse the next time, her cries reflecting the pain she was in. In the back of her mind, she hoped that the girls couldn't hear her, knowing that it would scare them to no end.  

He encouraged her again and again to push, each time he heard her scream he wanted to hold her hand or take the pain away. It was basically torture to listen to her like this, to see her like this: her whole body riddled with pain from their probably dying child. He had a feeling that Freya or Amelia would walk in any second and see all of this blood. He hoped Jack was keeping the occupied. A few more pushes and he asked her to rest, knowing she needed to. That and he needed to get more blood for her.

She collapsed back against the cot, her face deep red, sweat coating her entire body. There was blood every where at this point, on her, on him, on the cot, all over the floor... She closed her eyes, trying to rest despite the still constant and harsh pain that hadn't yet gone away.

The Doctor dashed out of the room and was gone less than ten seconds, returning with six units of blood with the same label as last time. He hooked them up to River, removing the four empty blood bags from before. He went to her side and grabbed a wet rag to wipe away the sweat on her face. "You're doing so well, River."

River looked up at him, watching him trough tired eyes. She looked completely exhausted, and felt it too. "Am I going to get to hold the baby?" She asked quietly.

"Yes. Just... not right away." He told her, already feeling terrible that he couldn't put the baby right into her arms.

"But Doctor, if the baby's born not..." She stopped, unable to say the words, "There isn't going to be anything you can do..." She had read everything there was to know about Timelord pregnancies when she was carrying Freya and Amelia. Of course, there wasn't a ton of information, but she managed to find a few pages scattered throughout the extensive TARDIS library. She had read about stillborns, and knew that once a Time Lord child was born dying or stillborn, there wasn't a chance for regeneration or repair. It was one of the few faults in the Timelord regeneration system.

"There is. You just watch me." He was determined for this child to live even if he had do idea how he was going to do it. He didn't know what he was going to do if he failed. How was he going to tell Freya and Amelia that mummy's belly was empty, but they weren't getting a new brother or sister? He mopped her forehead with the cloth again and placed another kiss there before resuming his place by her legs. He wasn't going to accept the death of his child so easily. "Ready?"

"Doctor..." She whispered, her heart breaking all over again. She wanted their baby to live as much as he did, but there was a line to draw. She knew he didn't ever accept death well, and that even if there was nothing he could do, he would try it everything he could think of anyway and she didn't want that for their child. If it was going to happen, she wanted it to happen quickly and peacefully. If he tried and tested things, it would only prolong the baby's suffering before the inevitable happened. She wanted their child to suffer as little as possible, and she needed him to understand that.

He looked up at her when he heard his name. He could see it on her face that she didn't want him doing anything painful to the baby. He knew this was hard for her, probably more so than it was for him. "River, I promise not to take a drastic measures..." He didn't quite meet her gaze.

She nodded slowly, "Okay..."  He felt rather guilty asking her if she was ready to push again, bracing himself for the screams that were sure to follow.

She nodded when he asked, baring down and pushing as best she could. “Guh!”

"Good, River. That was a good one." He smiled weakly at her. The closer they came the more scared he was of seeing the baby dead or dying. He also could've sworn he had heard Amelia crying, but maybe his mind was playing tricks on him.  

She looked up at him, also thinking she heard Amelia cry, but she was so tired, she couldn't really be sure if she had heard it. He tried not to focus to much on it. "Again, River. Push!" He told her, hearing Amelia again.

She was too distracted by Amelia's crying to hear him, "Doctor, Amelia..."

"You can't worry about her right now. I'm sure Jack's got her." He said, though he was just as distracted as she was. "You have to push."

"She's crying...Why is she crying?" Did her daughter somehow know what was going on?

"River... please." He didn't want to make her feel worse my telling her that Amelia probably heard her screaming.

She shook her head, "Doctor...Amelia..." She was scared, and hearing her daughter cry only made her more upset and worried.

"River, Amelia's fine. I promise. She probably just misses you." He lied. "I can't let her see all this blood."

She took a deep breath, nodding before starting to push again, unable to hold back her screams. “Augh!”

The more she pushed and screamed, the louder Amelia would cry. The Doctor tried to assure her that Amelia would be fine, but he doubted that she believed him. And after quite a bit more screaming and a pause to give River ice chips, he looked up at her "I can see the head."

She nodded, wishing that she could hold is hand again. She wanted Amelia to stop crying, she wanted it all to go away. There was suddenly another huge amplification in pain, similar to before, and she screamed louder than before, her throat raw from the strain. The Doctor tried not to panic, though he knew that the pain meant very bad news for the baby and even for River.

He went to her side again. She needed time to adjust to the new level of pain before she pushed again. She grasped onto his hand, but it wasn't another minute until the pain intensified again. "Agh! Doctor!" She cried, holding his hand in a death grip. He looked a bit lost. He had never seen the pain act like this before, intensifying so much and so quickly.

He placed a hand on her belly feeling that it was even tighter than a drum because the muscles were clenched so tightly. He had to get her to push now or she would be in to much pain to do so. He didn't bother trying to get out of her grip, instead positioning himself so that she could still squeeze his hand, but he also had a good visual on the baby's crowing head and could support it. "River, you've got to push now."

She gave it her best, slightly comforted by the fact that she was now able to hold his hand. She could feel every inch of her body crying out in agony, the odd presence of death filling her for a brief moment, so quick she barely noticed it. He was already loosing feeling in his hand, but he didn't dare try to get her to let go of it. "Come on River. Again. One more push and the head will be out."

All she could do in response was nod, taking a few deep breathes before pushing yet again. It was like being torn apart, then sewn back together only to repeat the action. "Okay. Just pause and breathe." He had now idea how much the pain had grown at this point, but her screams had become so loud that the echoed off of the walls. He peered down at the baby's face. Though it was covered in blood, he could tell that it was pale from blood loss.

Freya and Amelia's birth had been so much different. He had been able to see their little faces all red and squished but adorable all the same. River wasn't nearly as helpless or vulnerable then. She closed her eyes, trying not to burst into tears. She was ready for it to be over. She was so upset and in so much pain. "Just a few more pushes. Just a few more and it'll be over." He wasn't sure if he only meant her pain or the baby's life as well.

He barley registered Amelia, or possibly Freya, crying out for her mummy. She took a shaky breath, a few tears trickling down her cheeks. "I'm so sorry." She whispered.

"No, River. It wasn't your fault. It'll be okay. Just push." His hand was red with blood from supporting the baby's head. She pushed again, a mix of another scream and a sob falling from her lips.

The bleeding had become heavier now, her blood now mixing in.  "That's it! One more push!" He was pulling away from her hand, needing both of his at the ready. Right as she got ready to push, there was another huge increase in pain, but it didn't stop her. “Aaurgh!” She pushed and screamed and sobbed all at one, bringing a lifeless baby into the universe.

He sat there for a moment, looking at his child, somehow still expecting him to cry. It took all his willpower to start moving to the examination table. He set the him down gently -oh god he had a son- and started doing CPR. "Come on... breathe." 


	42. So, So Sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After math. Trigger warning still applies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp. Every thing is sad. for a while actually. Just, be prepared for a sad bunch of chapters. Don't forget to comment.

CH 42

 

The minutes dragged by slowly, River watching him. There was no response from the Doctor’s efforts to revive thier child, no breathing, no pulse, nothing. "Doctor..." River whispered, after what felt like hours, "Doctor, please..."  

He didn't hear her, still determined to save their child. "Please, just breathe." What little blood was left in the baby’s body was filling his lungs and coming out of his mouth. "Please, live..."

Watching him trying to save their child was torture, "Doctor! Stop!" She sobbed, "Please...just stop."

The Doctor slowed his compressions to a stop. He hadn't realized that he had began crying. He stared at his son, terrified of how still he was. He backed up slowly as if he was only just now realizing that their baby was dead. They were going to name him William, he remembered that conversation with River. This couldn't be happening... "No." He finally said. He picked up the stool he was sitting on before and threw it across the room. "NO!"

River jumped as the stool was thrown across the room, tears running down her cheeks. She was in shock, at how this could have happened. After everything that had happened already, why was it happening to _them_? What had they done to deserve this…

He was breathing hard, furious at the universe for doing this to them. "River... I'm sorry. I’m sorry I couldn't..." He was holding back sobs.

"C-Can I hold him?" She whispered, unable to look away from the table where their child lay.  

He followed her gaze to the baby. There was a once-white towel wrapped around him that was stained red with dried blood. He reluctantly went back to the table. "I ought to clean him..." He said barely loud enough to hear. If he was going to present the baby to River, than he didn't want her to have to see her child all bloody.

She shook her head, "I want to hold him." She insisted, her voice wobbling, another sob threatening to escape her throat.  He nodded, wrapping the baby in a new towel and slowly walking over to her. He never thought that he would be handing her a baby whose hearts weren’t beating and the very idea made him feel sick with sorrow. She took the baby from him, tears rolling down her cheeks. She cradled him close to her chest, looking down at his tiny face, "...He's so cold..." She sniffled.  

"River..." This couldn't be happening. He was in as much denial as River had been in before.He wouldn't let this happen, he refused to let this happen, but it already had. His child was dead and he couldn't do anything about it. Anything except... "River..." This time he said her name with a small bit of hope in his voice.

She shook her head, not wanting to hear what he had to say. Listening to him would only make the loss worse. There was nothing they could do for their child now. "No, Doctor." She whispered, "No."

"Please, River. At least let me try." He wasn't sure that she knew what he was thinking.

She didn't want him to do anything, not to their baby. "No, Doctor! We can't get him back! There's nothing we can do. Why can't you just leave him be? Let him be peaceful, please! Nothing you can do will fix this! It will only make it harder." She was shouting and crying and holding their dead son close to her chest, "Please, I just want him to be peaceful, now. I don't want him to suffer anymore."

The Doctor looked at his feet, but tried to hold his ground. "I can't lose another child, River." His voice was as steady as he could make it. "Giving him my regeneration energy won't hurt him, If anything it would hurt me. I can't bear to see you like this. I can't bear to see _him_ like this. I can't think about what we're going to tell Amelia and Freya. Please, I can't..."

"But it won't work." She whispered, "Gallifreyan children don't die for no reason. He wasn't able to regenerate to survive, which means that there's something wrong with his regeneration system. Your energy is useless to him now. I've told you, we can't bring back stillborn Timelords." It hurt her to talk about this, she wished that he would just listen to her and stop pushing. All she wanted was to hold her baby now.

He couldn’t hold it back any more. He sat down on the edge of her bed and just started sobbing. He buried his face in his blood covered hands and let hot tears spill from his eyes. She watched him, tears of her own flowing down her cheeks, "I-I'm sorry...I'm so, so sorry." He looked up at her, glancing to the baby in her arms. He could feel rage underneath his grief, a burning hatred towards Kovarian for doing this, but didn’t say anything yet.

River looked back down at the baby again, he was so sweet, precious. "I'm so sorry." She whispered to him, "I hope that you know that Mummy loves you so much." She adjusted the blankets around him as if trying to make sure he would stay warm, even though he wasn't, "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you and keep you safe like you should have been. And I hope you didn't suffer for long and I hope you weren't afraid." She pressed her lips to his forehead, "It's okay now, sweetie...Mummy has you now..."  

Though her words broke his hearts, he was too upset to pay full attention to River's goodbyes. The words just started spilling out of his mouth. "Kovarian did this to you, to our baby. I'm going to kill her if I ever see her again. I will." He clenched his fists. "That monster is going to pay."

"Doctor." River looked up at him, "I know you're upset, but for now, please don't...Don't...Just..." She couldn't find her words, "I need you right now."  

He snapped out his growing anger, sadness filling him once again as he sat next to River and his son. "I'm sorry, I just..."

She shook her head, "No, don't apologize. I understand." She whispered. "I should be the one apologizing."

He looked up at her, realizing that neither of them had stopped crying since he threw the stool. "Why?"

"Because it's my fault. If I had just been better at keeping him safe..." She closed her eyes, holding the baby a bit tighter, "I made you cut off the connection, the last time he talked to me, I-I didn't want to." She felt like she was going to be sick, she had been such a horrible mother. She couldn't even remember the last time she told the baby that she loved him.

"You did everything you could to keep him safe, love." He stroked the infant's head. "River... do you want me to give you his last memories?"

She nodded slowly, she needed to know what he had been thinking, whether it was good or not. She wanted to have that knowledge. The Doctor brought his finger to the baby's temple. Memories could be taken from a Timelord within an hour of their deaths. His hands were shaking when he brought them up to River's temple. She pulled back slightly, right before he could touch her, "Can you and I both have them?" She asked.

He nodded, a bit scared of what he might see. He placed one of his hands on his temple. "Ready?" She nodded, her heart pounding in her chest. He held his breath and activated the memories at the same time.

The first thing they saw was the nightmare River had earlier. She must have transferred it to the baby by mistake. She squeezed her eyes shut tighter, trying not react harshly. She hated that this was one of their baby's last memories. She wished she could take it away, but she couldn't…

The nightmare ended, though not as soon as  they'd hoped. Then they couldn't see anything. Since the baby couldn't see inside the womb, most of the memories were made up of noise and what the baby was feeling. The baby seemed to understand that this had been his mother's dream. He was trying to comfort her.

River was crying harder than before now, remembering when this had happened. She wanted to push the Doctor's hand away, she didn't want to feel the rejection she thought the baby was about to feel, but she remained where she was.

Next there was a feeling of fear. It was from River, trying to push the baby away. The baby's reaction was one of curiosity, though. It wanted to help River to not be scared, it wanted to understand why she was feeling afraid and isolating herself. Then the Doctor voice saying "Your mother wants to talk to you."

River's whole body shook, she didn't want to feel this part, she didn't want to feel the connection being cut off.

The baby was excited to talk to River, but then it's body started to feel tingly the way ones dose when they get an adrenaline rush. This must've been the part when River had run to the bathroom. They could feel nearly all of the stress and fear from River going directly to the baby. Then is was very quiet. The Doctor must've cut the connection.

The baby had been excited to talk to her… and she had said no. She cradled his tiny body closer to her chest, trying to will all the love she felt for him into him.

The silence continues for what seemed like a long while. The baby was confused and a bit lonely, but decided to re-tell it's self one of the stories the Doctor liked to read to him. Then everything started to tighten around the baby. They could feel the baby start to hurt and the Doctor drew his fingers away before they could know the rest.

"I love you so much." She whispered, kissing the baby's head again, rocking him back and forth, "I wish you could know how much I love you, sweetie." Tears raced down her cheeks, she wasn't sure if she'd ever be able to stop crying.  

"River... I have a crazy idea." He said, his voice still full of sorry. He doubted she would listen to him, but it was worth a try. She looked up at him, not really wanting to hear another idea of trying to bring their child back. "Could we save him... to the Library?" He bit his lip.

She shook her head, "We don't have enough of his consciousness to save him, those last few memories, they're not enough. And besides, we can't go back there. We'd either run into a younger version of ourselves or get attacked by the Vashta Nerada. "

He looked at his hands. "Oh... Just a hope." He looked at his son. He hadn't really more than glanced at him before. He looked almost... peaceful. "What are we going to tell the girls?"

"I-I don't know." She sighed, leaning towards him just slightly, seeking comfort, "But we have to tell them soon..."

"I think ‘soon’ might come sooner than you think. They heard you screaming." He finally admitted avoiding looking at her face.

She closed her eyes, "Please tell me this has all been a horrible, horrible nightmare." She whispered, wanting to be able to wake up and have everything be alright.

"I really, really wish I could." He sighed, wishing the same thing. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close to him.

She bit her lip, trying to keep from crying again, "Do you want to hold him?" She asked, her voice shaking.

"I..." He couldn’t bear to say yes, but he felt terrible saying no. He knew he would tear up again if he held him though.

"You don't have to." She whispered, wrapping one arm around him so she could rub his back, "It's alright if you don't want to." He couldn't really speak, but he managed to lift a hand and stroke the bridge of his pale nose. He had begun to cry anyways. Seeing him cry made her want to cry as well, but she just continued to rub his back.

"She's a monster, River. She did this."

"I don't really want to talk about her right now, Doctor." She whispered, trying to push Madame Kovarian to the back of her mind. He nodded. He wondered how Amy and Rory would've reacted. Amy probably would've cried. Though he didn't think she'd be very loud about it. Silent sad tears, like his were now. Silent sad tears for their dead child.

Someone knocked on the door. River was still too sore to move, not that she wanted to, but the knock meant that it was time to tell the girls. She didn’t know how they were going to tell them, they had been so excited to be big sisters. And now...they weren't going to be, and it was all her fault. She looked down at the baby again, another tear sliding down her nose and dripping onto the towel.

The Doctor slowly stood up and walked to the door. If it was the girls, he didn't want them to see the blood that still was everywhere. He opened the door a crack. It was Jack. "Hey, Doc... you okay?" He had never heard Jack sound so concerned. "River's been screaming for like, an hour. And now it's so quite. What's going on?" The Doctor was at a loss for words.

River slowly managed to stand up, placing the baby back on the examination table before turning towards the door, "Where are the girls, Jack?" She asked, trying to dry her eyes, though they were red from crying.

Jack looked her up and down. The first thing he noticed was that she wasn't pregnant anymore. Then he noticed the blood still covering most of her legs and dress. He also saw that she'd been crying and looked just as shaky as the Doctor. "Oh god... River. Did... did the baby…?"

She couldn't answer his question, she couldn't bring herself to do it. She slowly moved next to the Doctor, holding his hand tightly, "W-Where are the girls?"  

"River, I don't think you want them seeing all that blood." He tried to stall.  

"Just tell me where they are." She whispered, wanting to know why he wasn't telling her.  

"They're in their room... It's probably on the other side of the ship right now, River. You really shouldn't."

"Well what do you want me to do?! We have to tell them some time! We can't just let them continue on thinking that they're going to be..." She trailed off, her lip trembling. She buried her head in her hands, leaning against the doorway, "I can't do this..."

Jack put a hand on her shoulder. "You can. You just need to be ready to. Clean yourself up and make sure you're mentally ready to tell this to them." He looked past her to the room. Blood was everywhere and his eyes landed on the small body on the examination table. He quickly looked away. "I wouldn't do it in here though."

River shook her head, "I can't..." She whispered. She was so tired and upset, she wanted to sleep. She wanted her child to be alive. She slowly turned away from the door, walking back to the cot.

Jack was stunned. He'd never seen River so vulnerable and this was the same woman who had beaten him in a drinking contest. He couldn't comprehend when she was going through and he wouldn't be able to for many years to come. "River, I... I'm so sorry." He remained by the doorway.

"Could you keep them busy for a while?" She asked, sitting down on the cot. It felt like the sorrow inside of her was going to swallow her. She felt so empty…

"Sure thing. That's what I've been doing for the past few hours anyways. I won't mention... this, though." She didn't respond, just laying back down on the cot, not knowing what to do with herself anymore.

The Doctor shut the door after Jack and went over to River. He didn't know what to say to her. There was nothing he _could_ say to her. Their child had died right in front on them and they couldn't do anything but watch. She stared blankly at the wall, not knowing if she wanted to cry or scream or hit something. She was tired, dirty, but she didn't want to sleep or shower or eat. She wanted to say something to her husband, but she couldn't, no words would come to mind. And every time she looked at him, she only felt more guilty. Guilty for not being able to protect their child, not being able to keep him alive. Guilty for being a rubbish mother and wife.

He looked at her for a long time, wondering if she was going to say anything. When she didn't, he sat down next to her and wrapped his arms arms around her, not saying anything. He knew they would be grieving for a very long time, though he wasn't quite sure how long it would hurt. Maybe always. The loss of his companions, who were like family, still hurt to think about. Even the thought of the Library, though it had passed and River was alive, was painful. He wondered if she would have nightmares about this. He let his mind wander, about the situation eventually wondering if they'd have anymore kids. He wouldn't dare ask River about it now, she wasn't ready.

She leaned into his arms, doing her very best not to cry. She had to remain strong for him, he shouldn't have to have to burden of comforting her now. Especially since this was all her fault. It felt like there was a hole in her heart, a hole that would never fully heal. After all the people, planets, galaxies they saved...why was this happening to them. After all the terrible things that had happened to them in the past, hadn't they been through enough? They didn't deserve this, or at least he didn't deserve this.

"River..." He finally said softly, after what felt like hours. His voice sounded raw like he had just been crying or was about to. "We should get you cleaned up." Underneath his sad tone there was still an extreme amount of compassion and love for her. She nodded slowly, though she didn't make any effort to move. 


	43. When the Catalyst Knocks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to tell the girls. Trigger warnings still apply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year every one. Don't forget to comment!

CH 43

 

River could sense the love in his voice beneath the sadness, and it had surprised her. She had been worried that after what had happened, the Doctor wouldn't feel the same about her anymore. And how could she blame him? He deserved so much more than her, a woman that couldn't take care of his children. She was still scared that that may be true, but his tone eased her worries just a tiny bit.

He got up and retrieved a bucket of water and a sponge. He knelt in front of her and dipped the sponge int the water before running it along her right leg. The blood didn't come of immediately, but was fainter then before. "I can just take a shower." She whispered, looking down at him, "You don't have to do that."

"I don't mind." He told her. He wouldn't have thought she'd want to take a shower or was strong enough to be standing long enough to get all the blood off. "You need to get your strength back."

"I can do it myself if you want." She offered, feeling that she didn't deserve to have him "catering to her" like this. "Really, you don't have to..."

"I want to." He looked up at her with a small, but warm smile. He had to hope that they weren't always going to feel this lost and hurt. He hated feeling that way and it was easier now to just focus on River and telling her that he loved her and would always be there for her at times like these.

She stared at him, looking almost scared, "Okay." She whispered. She hadn't realized that her hands were shaking until just then, holding tightly onto the cot. He continued on with cleaning her legs up.

He knew she would have to take a real shower eventually since blood was always a pain to get rid of, but he managed to get it all down to just looking a bit orange. "There.." He said softly, moving back to his place next to her. "Are you feeling okay?" He meant physically since he knew that emotionally they were both out of it.

"Yes, fine. Just a little tired." She breathed, looking town at her slightly orange legs, "Thank you..."

He kissed her on the side of the head. "You bled a little bit... at the end. It shouldn't be anything, you'll just be sore for a while. But you should tell me if you start bleeding again or anything." He obliviously didn't really want to talk much about what had gone on in the past few hours.

"Will I be able to have children again?" She asked, before really thinking about it. She surprised herself by asking the question. It wasn't like it had been weighing heavily on her mind, it had just come out then.

He was surprised too. Did they even want more children after what had happened? "I think so." He answered after a moment of thinking. "Unless you think you're going to get uploaded and downloaded from the Library, and get captured by Kovarian again." He tried to lighten the mood a bit.  She tensed, his words weighing heavily on her. He realized almost immediately that he had said the wrong thing. "Er... sorry." He said quietly. "But my point was that a lot of outside factors contributed to..." He swallowed, knowing he was still saying stupid things. "I'm sure that if you were to be pregnant again that this... this wouldn't happen."

"Right..." She breathed, closing her eyes. She could feel the tears coming on again and did her best to push them back.

He regretted saying anything. He knew she blamed herself for this, he just didn't know how much. "River, I'm sorry. I didn't mean..." He had  no idea what he was saying. "This wasn't your fault River."

"How could you say that? Of course it was my fault." She whispered, swallowing her tears.

"Name one thing you did to cause this." He challenged. He certainly couldn't think of any.

"I wasn't careful enough. I went to the Library. I volunteered to go with Madame Kovarian. I let myself get too stressed. I wasn't strong enough. I couldn't stay healthy enough." She whispered, emphasizing every ‘I.’ "The list goes on."

"First of all, the Library was a fixed point in time." He wasn't talking very loudly, but he wasn't whispering either. "If you hadn't saved me, you wouldn't have existed in the first place." He continued down the list. "If you hadn't gone with Kovarain, she would've killed Amelia and Freya. She probably would've killed us, too. You saved all of us. And anyone would've been terrified of the things you've gone through. In fact, anyone else might have died after what Kovarian did. But you didn't and you were so strong." He stroked his hand over her cheek.

"But I could have postponed the trip to the Library until after the baby was born. We could have found another way to get Madame Kovarian out of the TARDIS of I hadn't been so impulsive..."

"You saved so many people that day, River. If you hadn't gone on that trip, I would've died along with the rest of your team and the people saved in the data core." He sighed. "Maybe the thing with Kovarian could've been different, but she would've broken through the wall before we could do anything. And she wouldn't hesitate to go through us. You couldn't have prevented any of the things she did to you, River."

"I saved all those people but I couldn't save our son!" She cried.

"He couldn't be saved." He said quietly. She said it herself earlier when he was trying to give him regeneration energy.

She closed her eyes, her head in her hands, "We have to tell the girls..." She whispered

"Maybe, we should wait..." He said this more for her sake. He didn't think she was quite ready to have the girls asking why they had been promised a new sibling and didn't get one.

River was dreading telling them and wanted to get it over with as soon as possible. But the thought of them being in happy innocence a little longer...She sighed. "We have to talk about what we're going to do with..." She trailed off.

The Doctor’s words caught in his throat as he looked over to the examination table. Part of him wanted to pour regeneration energy into the lifeless body even though he knew it wouldn't work and the other part didn't even want to look, not needing the constant reminder of what could've been but wasn't.  "We have to..." He began to say, pausing to regain himself. "We have to do what we would do with a normal Timelord body."

She nodded, refusing to look at the table. "Soon, it's not safe if we wait..." She took his hand, squeezing it lightly, "We should call Vastra...extra protection just incase..." He nodded, his stomch twisting at the thought of having to tell their friends about what happened. She hugged him tightly, trying to comfort him in what little way she could. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault." He breathed, a tear or two slipping out. He needed her to know that, Out of all the things that were going to happen, telling the girls and Vastra, burning the body of their son, he needed this from her.

She brushed the tears away from his cheeks. Of course she blamed herself, she would probably always blame herself. It was easier that way. Easier to pin the blame on her rather than say that there was nothing to blame for their child's death. And maybe, if she was sorry enough, whatever power that decided to take her child away from her, would forgive her. But she knew that he wanted her to think otherwise, and she knew it was time to hide the damage again, and so she simply nodded and held onto him a bit tighter. He took a shaky breath and looked around the room. He didn't want to be here. There was still so much blood everywhere, some of it still wet. And of course his son, lying still and pale where River had put him. Every time he looked at him he remembered the hours of screaming. He could remember every second of it and it made his hearts ache. He didn't want to go back to their room yet. "We should... tell the girls now."

She swallowed and nodded, taking a deep breath. She did know how they were going to do it, but they had to. She glanced down at his hands, which were still orange like hers. There was still blood on both of their clothes as well, but they at least looked cleaner than before. He stood up and offered a hand to her, but hesitated, realizing how much blood was on their clothes. For River, it was mostly the bottom of her dress, but it for him, his entire front as well as his trousers looked like someone had shot him with a red paint ball gun. "Maybe... we should change."

She took his hand, standing up. Her legs felt weak, like they were going to give out from beneath her at any moment. She nodded in agreement at his suggestion to get changed. He wrapped his arm around her waist, fully aware that most of her strength was gone. It looked like they would be going back to their room after all. "Do we have to go back to our room?" She asked quietly.

"Do you know another place that has clean clothes?" He asked quietly, hoping she did.

"Maybe the TARDIS could move a closet in here for us." She breathed, hoping that she would. They left the medbay and headed to the bedroom, but were only a few paces when they saw a thin wooden door.

"Thank you." He muttered, opening the closet. She pulled out the dress the TARDIS had provided, swallowing when she realized that they had no place to change, and she would have to change in front of him. A sudden flood self-consciousness about her body filled her, she didn’t want him to see her undressed. He had already begun to remove his messy shirt, not noticing her discomfort. They had changed in front of each other countless times, sometimes it lead to other things, but they were both too full of sorrow for anything like that to happen at the moment.

"I'll just...go change back in the med bay." She whispered, slowly making her way back to the med bay, using the wall for support. He looked back at her, confused for a moment, but decided against asking. She'd already been through a lot today.

He finished changing into a clean button down and new trousers. It wasn't his full tweed get up, but it would have to do for now. He went to knock on the door of the medbay. "River...?” She ducked her head so he couldn't see her face, not wanting him to see that her eyes were red from crying again. After taking off the bloodstained dress, she had noticed her stomach. Of course, it wasn't as round and swollen as it had been before, it it was still noticeably rounded. It upset her a great deal, but she didn't want him to know. "Oh, you're still changing..." He stood there awcwardly, not knowing if she wanted him to leave. He assumed that she did, plus he didn't want to be in this room very much. "I'll just... wait outside."

She changed into the dress, trying to get control of her emotions before stepping back outside, closing the door behind her. She stood with her arms wrapped tightly around her body, trying not to cry. She didn't know if she was ready to tell the girls, or if she was going to be able to keep it together while they told them, but there was no sense in putting it off. The Doctor could immediately see the distress and nervousness on her face. He pulled her into his arms. "Oh, River. My River. You can do this. We can make it through this."

"I know." She tried to sound as confident as she could, "I know we will." She buried her face in his shoulder, just standing there for a moment before pulling herself together again.

He put his arm back around her like it was before. "It'll be okay." He didn't know when it would be okay, but it would be eventually. She nodded, though she didn't see how he could possibly be right. After another minute, she pulled away from him, taking his hand. They had to go tell the girls now. They walked reluctantly down the hall. Neither of them wanted to burst the bubble, but it had to be done. The Doctor tried not to think about how sad they'd be, he tried to think of how happy to see River they'd be after hearing all of that screaming.River’s hands were shaking as they walked, and she leaned a bit more into him with every step, as if she was trying to find shelter from what was to come.

All too quickly, they were standing in front of the door to the girls' room, their voices could be heard coming from inside. "But I want mummy! Where's mummy?"

"Please, uncle Jack, you haven't let us see her for so long." The girls voices sounded tearful and afraid.

"She'll be here soon. I promise, you just have to wait a little longer..." Jack was trying to stall.

River gripped the Doctor's hand tightly, slowly pulling open the door. It took all her strength and will power not to look like she was about to cry. Amelia looked up at her, teary eyed. Her whole face lit up as she saw her mother, not dead and not hurt. She was so excited to see her mum the she didn't even notice her flatter stomach as she ran up to her and wrapped her little arms around River's leg.

Freya's smile left her as quickly as it came. She stared and stared and finally said in pure fear, "Mmm... Mummy?" She was staring directly at her belly where she expected a large bump.

River nearly lost it when she saw Freya's expression, shooting a distressed look in the Doctor's direction. But it only took a second for her to pull herself together again, getting down on her knees so she could hug Amelia properly. One arm still wrapped around Amelia, she beckoned Freya over, "Come here, sweetie. It's okay." She needed this, she needed to hug her two living children before she told them the horrid news.

Freya took a few unsure steps forwards then stopped. She was sure this was her mother, but she was so much different than the one who had told them to go play with uncle Jack and their new kittens just hours ago. She looked so sad and tired. "Mummy... where's the baby?" It obviously wasn't where it was supposed to be in River's belly, but she knew her mother would never leave her little sibling alone in the other room escpecialy if it had just been born. "Mummy, where is it?" She  demanded, still scared.

"Freya, please..." She begged, holding her arms out. "Come here, sweetie."

Freya took a few more steps but didn't stop this time until she was in River's arms. She let out a few silent sobs as she threw her arms around her neck, traumatized from listening to her mother screaming for the past few hours. "Mummy, I don't understand."

"I know, sweetie. I know." She whispered, holding her tightly for a few minutes. After a while, she pulled back holding both girls in front of her. She tried to search for her words before speaking carefully, "Girls, sometimes...sometimes something happens when a baby is born they...they don't survive." She was struggling not to cry, "And something happening to your little brother, and he didn't..." She couldn't finish.

Any other four-year-old who was being told that their new little bother was dead wouldn't have completely understood but they knew what death was. "So we're not... we're not getting a baby brother? He... he went where Grandma and Grandpa are?" Freya asked, wrapping her mind around having a dead brother.

"Yes, he's with Grandma and Grandpa." Was all she could answer before looking back at the Doctor.

"But that's not fair!" Amelia finally spoke up. "But I felt him just earlier, he was kicking! Why isn't he okay now?"  

The Doctor had sat down next to Jack. He could tell that River was struggling to keep her composure so he answered Amelia's question. "Sometimes... Sometime things can happen out of nowhere. Just because the baby was kicking doesn't mean that he was healthy... Like when you still play even if you're sick."

River nodded, "It's okay to be sad. Mummy and Daddy are very sad now."

Amelia looked between her parents faces and to her sister then sat down, her lip trembling. "But I wanted to be a big sister." She said quietly. "You said. You promised. It's not fair."

"I know it's not fair, sweetie. But I-" River stopped, closing her eyes. She couldn't do this. She was wrong, she wasn't ready.

She looked up teary eyed at River. "Will I ever get to be a big sister?"

"I don't know." She whispered, "I don't want to talk about it right now."

Amelia looked and her feet. She didn't understand why this happened, but she knew that her parents were just as crushed as she was, probably even more so. Freya watched her sister, trying to keep it together. "Mummy... do you still have him?"

"Yes, we do."

Freya bit her lip hoping River wouldn't keep her here. "Can... can I see him?"

"I don't-" she paused, looking at her husband "Maybe now's not the best time, Freya."

"Please, mummy? I want to see him."  She pleaded, moving closer to River.

"Not now." She whispered, getting up and walking out of the room.

Freya tried to follow her but the Doctor stopped her, briefly explaining that River was having a hard time with the loss of their brother, then darting out of the room after her. "River?"

"I'm sorry." She whispered, standing against the wall with her head in her hands, "I'm sorry, I just needed a minute. I'm fine."

He walked up to her and tried to move her hands away from her face. "No... It's my fault. I shouldn't have pushed you to tell them so soon."

She shook her head, "I could have said no if I wanted to. I thought I was ready, but...it's just so hard."

"I know, Riv. I know." He wrapped his arms around her so her chin was resting on his shoulder. "You handled it very well, though. I couldn't have said it better myself." He praised in an attempt to make her feel better.

She leaned her head against his, "I wish I didn't have to say it at all. I promise them they would be big sisters and now..." She sighed, squeezing her eyes shut.

"They'll be okay, River." The Doctor had thought that perhaps Freya and Amelia would eventually get another chance to be big sisters, but now he didn't think River would ever want to have another baby. “They’ll be okay.”


	44. No More Battles for Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River and the Doctor are having trouble dealing with the death of their child. 
> 
> White knuckles and sweaty palms from hanging on too tight  
> Clenched shut jaw, I've got another headache again tonight  
> Eyes on fire, eyes on fire, and they burn from all the tears  
> I've been crying, I've been crying, I've been dying over you
> 
> \--Blow me one last kiss, Pink (Title inspiration)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, I've been sick for two weeks now, and I'm miserable! (0_o) Okay, slightly off point, but that and the mountain of homework I have was why I didn't update on Friday. Anyway, enjoy the new chapter, and the plot twist at the end. Don't forget to comment!

CH 44

 

The Doctor had thought that perhaps Freya and Amelia would eventually get another chance to be big sisters, but now he didn't think River would ever want to have another baby. "Are they going to be there at the cremation?" It was tradition to burn Timelord bodies and he knew his family had been there when they burned what they thought was his body.

River nodded slowly, "I think they should be." She whispered, "But I don't want them to hold him. I can't...I don't want to put them through that." Mostly she couldn't handle seeing the girls holding their dead brother.

He nodded quietly. "You know they'll want to see him up close, though?" That probably meant one of them would have to hold the baby so they could see. She shook her head,

"I don't want them to." She whispered.  

"I think... I think we should at least let them see.

 

"Fine." She sighed, moving out of his arms, and starting to walk down the hall, "Fine, let them see, it doesn't matter to me."

He followed behind her. "Clearly it does."

She shook her head, walking towards their room. She was exhausted and just wanted to lay down for a minute. "It doesn't, really. If you want them to hold him then by all means have them hold him." She said, her voice had a bit of an edge to it.

"I never said that." He said defensively, not realizing that they had begun to argue. "I'm just saying that if the girls want to see him, they should be allowed to look."

"And I'm saying that they're not old enough! They're only four years old, Doctor!" She spun around, her voice raising.

"Then how do you suppose they'll feel when they're older and realized they've never even seen what their brother looked like?" He held his ground.

She stared at him, angry and sad, but knowing that he was right. "Fine! Do whatever you want, since you know best. Leave me out of it!" She stormed into their room, slamming the door.  

He stood there stunned, the weight of what had been said hitting him. He hated fighting with River, with anyone really, but with River the most. He hated making her upset or angry or sad. He hated seeing her like that ever, but it was worse when he was the cause. He couldn't just go into the girls room and show them their dead brother, River would hate him even more. But he couldn't try to apologize. At least not yet, she'd just snap at him. He cursed silently at himself and hit himself on the forehead for being an idiot.

River leaned against the door, crying silently. The day had been so hard already and fighting with the Doctor made it even harder. She knew he was just trying to do what's best for the girls and she knew that if the girls didn't get to see their brother, they'd be upset about it for the rest of their lives. But she was so upset right now, everything hurt both physically and mentally.

After giving himself a few good whacks to the head, the Doctor stopped hitting himself. He felt too guilty to tinker with wires or anything. He quietly sat, leaning against the door, wondering what River was doing on the other side. He hoped she wasn't crying, but he knew she probably was. Things seemed to be affecting her more harshly lately. "River..." He whispered, barley loud enough for himself to hear. "I'm sorry."

She was sitting opposite him on the other side of the door, trying to pull herself together. It was all her fault. The baby, the girls' disappointment, the fight, it was all because of her. Usually in this situation, she would just run away. Leave the TARDIS and go far away from everything for a while so she could grieve in peace, but she had Amelia and Freya to think about now and she couldn't just run away no matter how much she wanted to. "Don't apologize." She whispered back, steadying her voice.

"But I need to." His voice a little louder so she could hear him through the door. "I shouldn't make you feel like your decisions and opinions are stupid and meaningless. They aren't. They mean everything."

"It's not your fault. You know better than I do...I'm the one that's sorry."

"Not always. Sometimes I can be so thick..." He sighed. "You need to be part of this decision. It isn't something I should or could do alone."

She shook her head even though he couldn't see her, "Stop apologizing. It's all my fault, not yours." She swallowed, "You can make this decision on your own and you should. Leave me out of it."  

"No." He told her. "I won't leave you out of this. This is about our children and what's best for them and I won't do anything without both of us agreeing."

"I don't want to be a part of it, Doctor. I can't do it." Her voice was getting tense again, "Make the decision yourself, you're much better at it."

"River..." His tone was almost pleading. "Please. I shouldn't... "

"Go away." She whispered, "Leave me alone."

He didn't say anything. He knew she'd rather be alone when she was upset, but he was never very good at leaving her to think to herself. He sat there not knowing what to do, but not daring to say anything.

River sat silently, trying not to cry. She knew he was still there. She wanted everything to be over, she wanted this to all happen as fast as possible so she wouldn't have to deal with it anymore.  

The Doctor finally stood up after what must've been at least a quarter of an hour. He made his foot steps as silent as he could as he regretfully walked away from their bedroom and to the medbay. There was a lot of cleaning up to do and he didn't want anyone to have to see all of the blood anymore. River got up another fifteen minutes later, going to get something for the massive headache she was getting.

The Doctor had been mopping for a while when he built up the courage to look over at the small bundle on the examination table. He slowly put down the mop and walked over to him. Though pale and still, he looked peaceful and innocent and before the Doctor knew what he was doing, he'd picked up the lifeless child. River stopped in the doorway of the med bay, watching him. It both broke her heart and made her happy at the same time. Seeing the Doctor with their child made everything feel like it was going to be alright, but the knowledge that that child wasn't alive crushed her. He was unaware of her watching him, too wrapped up in waiting for the baby's eyes to open even though he knew they wouldn't. His whole head was full of wanting those eyes to open. He wondered if they would've looked like River's eyes. His fingers gently brushed the baby's cheeks and maybe it was instinct or just pure wanting that made a soft golden glow start to come from his fingers.

"Doctor, no!" RIver shouted, seeing the light coming from his fingers. She ran forward, snatching the baby out of his arms before he could give any regeneration energy to their son. "You promised me. No drastic measures, you promised." She whispered, holding the baby tightly to her. The bit of energy that had touched him didn't do anything, just like she had told her husband, he still wasn't breathing, his hearts weren’t beating, and he wasn't alive. "Don't you dare break your promise to me."  

The light vanished as soon as the baby left his arms. He looked up at her, not realizing that there was a steady flow of tears running down his cheeks. "I..." He began, surprised at the horse and shaky voice that came out of him. "I didn't realize I was..." He looked at his hands that just a moment before were producing regeneration energy. "...I can't let go."

She put the baby back down where he was, slowly moving to wrap her arms around the Doctor, "Sweetie...I'm sorry." She whispered.

A sob came out when he tried to speak so he pulled her tighter to him and cried onto her shoulder. "This doesn't... this doesn't feel real. I can't let go of him." Every time he looked at his son, he saw Freya and Amelia trying to teach him new dress up games they’d made up and making him wear a tutu. He saw his life and he was still holding onto the image of the little boy with River's eyes.

"I know, sweetie, I know." She whispered, running her hands through his hair, "But we have to let him rest in peace. We can't put him through anymore suffering." She kissed his head.

He sniffed, his tears slowing "Please, River. There must be something we can do. Anything..."

"I wish there was, but there isn't." She swallowed, "I'm sorry, Doctor. I'm so sorry, but anything that we would try would only prolong his suffering." He nodded silently, pulling her close again and clinging to her. He didn't need to say anything more, just buried his face in her curls. She rest her cheek against his head, still rubbing his back.

They stayed in each others arms for a long time before he finally pulled back, wiping his eyes with the heel of his hand. "I'm sorry, River. I didn't mean to break my promise."

She took his hands in hers, kissing his palms, "It's alright, just...don't do it again."

"I won't." His sigh was hollow. "We should... we should do the cremation soon. Tomorrow."

"I don't know if we should leave him overnight..." She breathed, her voice barely than a whisper.  

"You want to do it today?" He questioned, wondering if it would be too painful.

"I don't _want_ to, but I don't think it's safe if we leave him until tomorrow. You know how valuable Timelord bodies are..."  

"Nobody knows." He though out loud. "Nobody knows that he's dead. The drug Kovarian gave you wasn't meant to kill him. If Kovarian thinks it worked and thinks that I didn't do anything to stop the medicine, then she'll think he was born a while ago. Alive."

"But if they come looking for him..." She whispered, "They can't take him, not now… I don't want to risk them taking him..."

"It's alright, River." He murmured. "We'll do it tonight." He looked at his feet. "I want Jack there. Jenny and Vastra too. They're our best friends... he should be surrounded by family."

She nodded, squeezing her eyes shut, trying not to cry. "We should go get Vastra." He nodded slowly, but didn't move, not wanting River out of his arms.

After a long while, she finally began to step out of his arms, taking his hand and walking towards the console room. He followed, feeling quite numb but not letting go of her hand. They walked in silence wondering what they would say the their friends whom they had just visited earlier that day.

She let go of his hand so she could work the controls, landing them back at Vastra's house. She took hold of his hand again and walked towards the door, pulling it open.

"Don't think I don't know about their little visit. Tell me where they are!" The ice cold voice of a woman most of the universe feared rang out before they saw her. Pointing a gun right at a tied up Vastra and Jenny, who weren't even flinching, was Madame Kovarian.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have decided, I am now taking suggestions for chapter titles. (I've been compiling a list, and you guys can help if you want)


	45. A Soldier I will Be.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kovarian returns and a battle ensures. 
> 
> Title from: Angel With A Shotgun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hooray, 'tis an update for my lovely readers. Don't forget to comment, and I'll mention again that you can suggest chapter titles to me if you want to.

CH 45

 

River's eyes grew wide, her whole body going tense with fear and hatred and shock. She was torn between running to Madame Kovarian and strangling her for what she had done to her child, and running back into the TARDIS to protect her girls.  

The Doctor didn't give her a choice. He yanked her back into the TARDIS and slammed the door, leaning on it for good measure. He knew Kovarian saw them and was no doubt trying to put a tracker on the TARDIS now. He looked at River, a shiver of fear running down his spine. Fear for his friends and fear for his family. "River..." He managed to sputter out. She could only stare at him, her hearts pounding in her chest. "The girls." He couldn't just stand there. He had to do something and since they weren't leaving the TARDIS to rescue Vastra and Jenny yet, the girls were first priority. "We have to warn them and Jack. The baby... we have to..." He wasn't quite sure what they should do with him.

"You go make sure the girls are with Jack, I'll make sure the baby’s somewhere safe." She instructed, "We'll meet back here once everyone is safe." She ran out of the room before he could answer her. He didn't have time to ask what she was going to do with the baby.

The banging on the TARDIS door startled him and reminded him of the task at hand. He knew Kovarian couldn't get in because of the shields, but hand locked the door anyways before rushing to where Freya and Amelia were. He burst into their room looking like he'd run all the way there.

The girls looked up at him, startled and teary eyes. "Daddy?" Freya whimpered.

"Freya..." He scooped her up in his arms. "Love, everying thing is going to be just fine. I promise you." She cuddled into his arms, unaware of the danger they were in.

"Amelia. Come here." He beckoned her over to him, sharing a look with Jack.

Amelia came to him sniffling, "Where's Mummy?" He crouched so they were eye level.

"She's... a little busy at the moment. I need you both to listen very carefully to me. This is important." Jack leaned in, too, listening to what he had to say. "Do you remember the mean lady?" They both nodded, Freya holding onto the Doctor a little tighter. "She's here." He said shortly. "She's out side the TARDIS and she's trying very hard to get in. I need you both to look after each other. You need to stay quiet and out of site until I come and get you. You need to stay near Uncle Jack."

"Where's Mummy?" Amelia repeated, a bit more desperate this time. She didn't want her mum to get taken away again.

"She's making sure your brother is safe. She'll be okay, I promise you." He promised himself too. He wouldn't let River get hurt in this. He wasn't going to let her do what she did last time.

Amelia whimpered, but both girls agreed to stay hidden with their Uncle. He kissed them both on the tops of their heads, knowing Jack would die a thousand times before he let Kovarian get to them. "I'll be back soon." And with that, he went back to the console room where he agreed to meet River.

River joined in a few minutes later, running so fast she nearly crashed into him. "He's safe." She whispered. She had locked the child’s body in the safest part of the TARDIS, the safest part of the universe really. Madame Kovarian could destroy the TARDIS and he would still be safe.

The Doctor didn't ask what she's done, trusting her. "Okay." He breathed. "We need a plan. We have to rescue Vastra." She held up her gun which she had grabbed before going back to the console room.  "Right... Gun." He usually was against violence, but right now he wanted to hurt Kovarian as much as she had hurt them. "Is that the only one you have on you?"

She rummaged around the console, pressing a few buttons before a drawer popped open. She picked the gun out of the drawer, handing it to him. "I keep it there just in case."

"Oh- I don't mean- I meant a second gun for you- I couldn't..." Wanting to see Kovarian dead didn't mean he wanted to be the one to make her that way.

She shook her head, "I don't need it. One is fine." She breathed, moving to open the door.

"Wait! River!" She couldn't just barge out there with Kovarian waiting. He swallowed and shakily put the gun his his pocket. He really didn't want to have to use it , but with basically his entire family in danger, he would do whatever it took to keep them safe. He followed her.

River stepped outside the TARDIS, pointing the gun directly at Madame Kovarian's head. "Melody I've been expecting you. You certainly took your time in there." Kovarian looked her up and down, sounding a bit bored. "Probably hiding the little one. Do tell me, have you gotten much sleep?" She teased her. "New borns can be such a drag. You certainly were.”

"Plenty, thanks for asking." River spat, a fake-sweet smile on her face.

"And what do you think you're doing with that gun, dear?" She looked at it as if it were a stick. "I don't think that'll be much use to you." The woman nodded to her Silence henchmen as they began to advance on River.

She held her ground, moving the gun so it was pointing at the Silence drawing nearer to her, "And why is that?" She asked, sounding as confident as she could, "I've had plenty of training with it, thanks to you."

Kovarian smirked wickedly and brought the gun she had concealed behind her back to point at Vastra. "Because if you fire that gun, your little friend here dies."

River swallowed, her eyes flickering down to meet Vastra's. "You wouldn't dare..."

"I would." She said, each syllable ice cold. The Silence raised their hands, ready to attack her.

She lowered her gun just a tiny bit, "What do you want from me?"

"Everything." She said simply. "I want your children and husband dead. I want to make you watch. I want to get every scrap of information out of you that I can before I kill you and all you hold dear to you. That is what I want, Melody."

"Well you can't have that." She hissed, fire blazing in her eyes. She wouldn't even give her the satisfaction of knowing that their son had already died. "Now I suggest that you put the gun down, leave my friends and family alone, and get out."

"And why would I do that? What can you do to stop me from killing you all?" She said almost happily like she was winning.

River smiled, "Because you let me get too close to you." She had gotten close enough so that she could kick the gun out of Madame Kovarian's hand, which is exactly what she did. "Doctor, untie them!" She shouted, as she lunged for the newly disarmed Kovarian.

The Doctor ran out from the door frame of the TARDIS where he had been watching, ready to do something if Kovarian had shot. His hearts raced, not really having a plan, but listened to River and rushed towards Vastra and Jenny as the Silence rushed towards River. She was far enough away from the TARDIS that she was no longer protected by the extended exterior shields.

River was too wrapped up in trying to wrestle Kovarian to the ground to defend herself against the oncoming Silence. She was determined to win the fight against her, after everything she had done to her family, River Song would not lose this time.

"River!" The Doctor cried out at the sight of their fight. They clawed at each other, the Silence trying in vain to pull River off her. The Doctor managed to untie Vastra and Jenny very quickly. Both of them immediately grabbed their swords and guns, moving to attack to Silence and aid River.  

River could feel electricity hitting her body, rippling through her causing pain all over. But she refused to give in. Her son was dead because of these people, and that itself gave her enough rage to keep on fighting.

The Silence shoot electricity rapidly as their previous hostages slaughtered them. Vastra cut the head clean off one of them and Jenny put a bullet in the other. They both turned to the two women fighting, Jenny pointing her gun. "Oi! You better let 'er go righ' now!"

River looked back at Jenny, her guard slipping for a second, but it was a second too much. Her back slammed against the floor, head colliding roughly with the ground. "Like I said, Melody." Kovarian spat, pinning her down with quite a bit of strength. "You're powerless."

She struggled beneath her, trying to force her way back on top, "No, I'm not! And you know it."

"Oh, but you are." She smirked. "Even if they kill me, you'll be dead first."

"You wouldn't kill me, not when I have information you want."

Kovarian glanced at the people who surrounded her. She knew she might not make it out of there alive, but if she where to die, she'd bring River down with her. "Your information is useless to me now. Your life is what I want to take."

"And how are you going to do that?" River asked, both of their guns had been knocked out of reach a while ago.

She laughed a cold and evil laugh that was so distinctly _Kovarian_. "You underestimate me." When Kovarian had broken into the TARDIS the very first time, the TARDIS had lead her into a room of fire. Her arm had been replaced with a bionic one that she used to break into the TARDIS a second time, nearly taking Amelia and Freya, but taking River instead. It was one of her most powerful weapons that River seemed to have forgotten about. She pinned both of River's arms down with her real arm and extended a knife from the bionic one, plunging it into River's side.

River cried out in pain, though she tried to muffle the sound, not wanting to give Madame Kovarian the satisfaction of hearing her pained cries.  The pain was excruciating, feeling like she was being torn apart. Well...she almost literally was being torn apart, but still she refused to scream. The woman twisted the knife, dragging it down slowly. Blood dripped from the gash, pooling underneath her.

"No, River!" The Doctor yelled, his anger growing. He ran towards Kovarian. He had promised River wouldn't get hurt. He promised. "Get off of her!" He shoved her with all the strength his Timelord body could give him.

River could feel her clothes soaking in her blood as it pooled around her. Things were getting a bit fuzzy and she barely realized her husband was knocking Madame Kovarian to the ground.  

The Doctor fought her hard. He slammed her against the floor, harder than she did to River. His anger blinded him. He pushed her head back against the floor again and again, making Kovarian nearly lose consciousness.

Jenny rushed over to River's side putting pressure on her wound. She winced when Jenny touched her, blood still trickling between Jenny's fingers. The pain radiated from her side, though the rest of her body was beginning to feel so tired and sleepy… River managed to turn her head, looking over at the Doctor. Kovarain had gotten a few good blows at him.

They were standing now, the Doctor saying something inaudible to her but it sounded harsh. Kovarian laughed at what ever it was and raised her arm to strike him again, but before she could, the Doctor was charging at her, his hands going to her neck.

River's breathing was becoming more and more labored now, her body beginning to tremble ever so slightly. She was fighting to stay awake, but it was proving difficult, her eyelids drooping. Jenny looked up at Vastra. They knew they were going to have to get somewhere more safe if they wanted to help River and they had to move fast before Kovarians reinforcements came. "River..." Jenny spoke softly to her. "We ‘ave to move you."

She shook her head, still looking at the Doctor, "My husband....we can't leave him..." She managed to say, between harsh breathes.

"River, we 'ave to take care of you first. Your very hurt righ' now and we've gotta get you somewhere safe." Jenny urged, trying to ignore the struggled noises from the Doctor and Kovarain.

She shook her head again, "I'm not leaving without him." She breathing was becoming a burden, watching the fight, praying that the Doctor wouldn't get badly injured.

"You 'aven't got much of a choice." She put her arm under her shoulders.

Kovarian pushed the Doctor off her, gasping, a hand on her neck where he had attempted to choke her. Her recovered himself quickly, throwing himself back at her. "You. Will. Never. Touch. My. Family. Again."

River pushed Jenny away from her with all the strength she could muster. "I'm not leaving." She repeated, watching the Doctor and Kovarian through tired eyes.

Kovarain had the knife out again, slashing out at the Doctor, him narrowly jumping out of the way. He didn't have any weapons except... no. He wouldn't use it. He vowed to himself long ago that he wouldn't use one ever again, but by the way things were going, he might have to.

"River." Vastra encouraged. "Please. You're going to bleed to much for us to stop of you don't let us help."

She shook her head, reaching for her gun. She knew her husband, and he would probably never use the weapon she had given him, but she wouldn't let him get hurt. Vastra pushed the gun into her hand, knowing well that her friend would refuse to cooperate until the Doctor was safe. Though she admired how River always put herself last, she thought it occasionally stupid when she put her life at risk like this.

River did her best to steady her hand as she aimed the gun, waiting until the Doctor was out of the shot before firing. The shoot echoed through the room and silence followed. The moment seemed to last an eternity before Kovarian's body fell to the floor with a thud. The Doctor and River's heavy breathing filled the air.

The gun fell from her hands, she was too weak to hold it by now. Her whole body ached, and her eyes fluttered shut, her breathing suddenly becoming shallow. "River." The Doctor dragged himself over to her, exhausted, but he wouldn't let her die. Not now.

Jenny still held her hands against the open wound, even though it wasn't making very much of a difference by now. "We have to get her inside." He was afraid moving her would cause her to bleed more. Her body wasn't shaking anymore, going limp and very pale.

Vastra moved to try and lift her, but hesitated, not wanting to make the bleeding worse, just like the Doctor. "Vastra, get me something. A cloth... anything to wrap this. Quickly!" He said urgently. This couldn't happen. He wouldn't let it. He promised not to use his regeneration energy on her, but he would if it came to that.

"Doctor?" River whispered as Vastra ran out of the room to find something to wrap her wound with.

"Yes, love?" He stroked his hand through her hair. He was reminded of when she was shot in Berlin: he had to keep her conscious and talking.

"You can let the girls see the baby, I want them to see him. " She whispered, squeezing his hand lightly. "I'm so sorry for everything, really, I'm so sorry."

"Sh, it's okay. Nothing that happened was your fault. Kovarian's gone for good this time. Everything it going to be just fine." He kissed her forehead. "You're going to be okay."

"If we can't fix this..." She took a deep shuddering breath, "I want you to take care of our girls. I know you can do it, even without me, you're a wonderful father. I love you so, so much. You're so brave, and smart, and kind and loving. And I need you to know that, always know that and remember it."

"But I won't have to do this without you, River. You're not going to leave our children. You're not going to leave me. Please." He tried to hold back tears. "Don't leave me. I can't... I can't do this without you. I can't live without you. River, don't leave me."

"You can." Her voice was soft, "And I'll be able to say hello to our son." She smiled weakly, "I love you so much, sweetie." Her eyes fluttered shut, her hand going limp in his a moment later.

"River...?" He shook her shoulders lightly, begging her, willing her to open her eyes. "River, please. River!" He cried. "Vastra, where's that cloth!?" He called. He put two fingers to her wrists. He could feel her pulse weakening. "Please...don't do this to me. Don't leave me."

Vastra ran back into the room, giving him the cloth and kneeling down beside River, taking her other limp hand. "Doctor, she needs more than that cloth. She needs blood and fluids. But if we want any of that to work, we have to fix that gash. I'm afraid she'll only bleed through that bandage."

"Well what else have you got?" He snapped at her. He didn't mean to come out so strongly. "The things she needs are in the TARDIS and we can't move her without her bleeding out." He ran a hand through his hair. "This needs to hold until we can get her to the medbay."

She stared at him, rubbing River's arm lightly, "I was just stating that she needs more attention than this, though it will be able to hold her until we reach your medical facilities."

"Right. I... I'm sorry." He tied the cloth carefully around River's abdomen. It immediately turned red with the blood. He scooped her up gently in his arms, but moved as quickly as he could into the TARDIS, beckoning for Vastra and Jenny to follow. He would need their help.

River's body was heavy and limp in his arms. As Vastra and Jenny followed after him, Vastra noticed that River's chest had stopped moving. She ran along side them, grabbing her wrist, trying to find her pulse, and there was nearly nothing there. "Doctor! She's not breathing and I can barely find her pulse."

He looked down at River as they got to the medbay and set her down on the bed. "No! River!" He put his ear to her chest, trying to hear her hearts but barely heard anything. "Oh god. Vastra, can you start compressions? I need to get her blood." There were quite a number of things he needed to do, but blood was a high priority.

She nodded, starting chest compressions, trying to keep her heart beating. "Jenny, find and oxygen mask! We need to keep her blood circulating!" He called as he ran to get blood for her. A normal human could last about ten minutes before their body started deteriorating from no oxygen. Timelords could last a bit longer at fifteen minutes, but he'd rather not cut it that close.

Jenny ran around the room, trying to find the oxygen mask he asked for, pulling everything out until she found it. Vastra continued the compressions as Jenny placed the mask over River's mouth and nose. The Doctor ran back into the room carrying as many bags of blood that could fit in his arms and hooking them up to River. He looked desperately between Jenny and Vastra wishing they could tell him good news. "Okay, we have to get this wound closed before she bleeds any more. Jenny, can you help?"

"Course!" She nodded, moving to his side, ready to do anything he instructed her.  

"Okay, okay." He took a breath trying his hardest not to completely panic. He had to keep a cool head for River. They had to save her. "We need to suture it, but it's deep. We have to do this with out nicking the artery or letting her bleed any more. We need a suture kit, irrigation, clamps, cauterizing iron... did I miss anything?"

Jenny shook her head, not really knowing and glancing up at Vastra. "You should clean the wound first, make sure it doesn't get infected." She breathed, continuing with the compressions.

"And iodine." He added to the list. "We can flush it out with iodine." He wondered how long River would last under the compression. He hoped long enough for them to fix this. River wasn't looking good at all, her skin pretty much grey. The oxygen and compressions weren't doing much for her. There wasn't enough blood in her body still to keep her heart pumping, and the blood being put into her just circulated through her body until it got to the wound and poured out. "Quickly, Jenny!" He rushed her. The only other person he had seen die with so much blood (not counting the Time War) was his son. He wasn't going to lose them both in one day, he had already broken to many promises today. He might be breaking one more by saving her with regeneration energy, but he still had to try to repair her without it.

Jenny rushed to help him, cleaning out the wound then opening the suture kit to start trying to sew it up. River was fading quickly, her skin growing grayer by the minute. "Come on, River." He muttered, not realizing he was doing so in Gallifreyan. "Come back. Don't do this to me." He let Jenny to the suturing since his hands would probably shake too much.

Vastra glanced over at him, hoping that River would make it through this. Not only because she was her friend, but because she could see how much the Doctor cared for her. The Doctor double and triple checked over the stitches. They looked like they were holding, so why wasn't this working? The blood had to be staying in her now, had she been down too long? "Doctor." Vastra breathed, starting to get tired from doing the compressions, "Is there anything else we can do?"

"We can try a defibrillator and a few rounds of epinephrine..." He didn't want to break his promise unless he had to.

She frowned, not sure if that would work, but nodded. "But if it doesn't work, is there anything else?"

"I... yes." He felt guilty for it, even though it would save her life. "I can use my regeneration energy on her. I think I have enough."

"Try the defibrillator first." She suggested, "If she doesn't improve...well then we'll have to see."

He nodded. "Keep up the compressions." He moved to one of the crash carts in the room and brought it over. He injected a needle with epinephrine into her I.V. before grabbing the paddles and charging them up. "Stand back."

Vastra moved off of her chest, making she she wasn't touching her.  He placed the paddles over each of her hearts, activating them, sending electricity through her to try and start her hearts. Her body jumped from the shock, but there wasn't much else.

"Try it again." Vastra said, resuming compressions as he charged the paddles again. He charged them to a higher setting this time, repeating what he did before. It was the same reaction as before, a jump but nothing else. The three exchanged looks, all knowing what the Doctor had to do.

"It's the only way to get her back." He told himself. He took a breath and charged the paddles again. He didn't know how much he had left in him after using it on her years ago when the Silence attacked them. As he put the paddles on her chest, his hands started to glow as brightly as he could make them. When he shocked her again, he poured the energy into the paddles so they could transmit it more powerfully over her body.

The energy filled her body, restarting her hearts, and starting to heal the wound that had been created. Her blood flowed, her lungs filled, she could breathe on her own and slowly, her eyes began to open.


	46. This Could be a Shipwreck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Recovery is a long road, each step takes the will of your whole body. 
> 
> Title from Sink or Swim by Tyrone Wells

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to comment and leave title suggestions! Thanks for the support!

CH 46

 

"River...?"  The Doctor felt weak in the knees, but he couldn't take his eyes off her. He brought his hand up her her check. "River, I'm here."

"Doctor?" River whispered, blinking as her eyes readjusted. She felt so limp, the energy only enough to fix her heart and wound, not enough to replenish her strength. "What...what..."

"Sh... River, you lost a lot of blood, but you're okay now."

Happy tears; how human of him.

"You just need to rest."

She managed to smiled weakly up at him, "You...o-okay?"

He nodded. "Just tired, love. It's been a long day." He gave a watery chuckle and pressed a kiss to her lips. She kissed him back, her hand cupping his cheek.

"You two need to get your energy back up at rest. Jenny and I will go make you something to eat, and then I would suggest a nap." Vastra smiled, happy to see River was alright now and leaving the room with Jenny.

"Thank you so much for helping us." He said before they left. He couldn't thank them enough for getting River back for him.

River stroked his cheek softly, "...Love...y-..you."

"I love you more than anything in the universe. You are my universe." He told her, giving her another kiss. "Sleep now. You need to sleep."

"You too." She whispered, moving her hand to hold his, squeezing it with the little strength she had.

He squeezed her hand back. "Soon. I have to tell Freya and Amelia that every thing is okay." He stood up. "I'll be back soon." She nodded, closing her eyes, too tired to argue.

He left the room, going down the hall to Amelia and Freya's room. He knocked softly. "Girls? It's me."

"Daddy?" Amelia whimpered from the other side of the door.  "Yes, sweetheart. It's daddy. You can come out now. The mean lady is gone for good now."

She opened the door, both her and Freya peaking out. When they saw him, they ran into his legs, hugging them tightly.

"And hello to you, too." He couldn't help but smile, forgetting that he looked pretty battered.

"Daddy, you're hurt? Did the mean lady hurt you? Where's mummy? Did the mean lady hurt her too?" Both girls asked, looking up at him with teary eyes.

He took a breath and knelt down to them. "Yes." He began. "The mean lady hurt me. We had a big fight, but I won. I'm okay, I'm just fine. Your mummy is resting right now. ...Yes. She did get hurt worse than me, but she's fine now because Your aunties Vastra and Jenny and I fixed her. She's just very tired right now like she was when she came home." He explained.

"Can we see her?" They asked, wanting to see that she was alright with their own eyes.

"Of course. But she might be asleep. If she is, you mustn't wake her, okay?" They nodded in agreement, taking his hands.

He lead them back to the madbay, Jack following them. He opened the door as quietly as he could, hoping River had fallen asleep. She had.

River was fast asleep, curled up under the blankets of the cot. A small smile graced his lips as he watched his wife’s chest move slowly up and down. He didn't know what he'd do if she had died. "See?" He whispered. "She's just fine."

Amelia wandered closer to her mother, peeking over the side of the cot so she could see her face, being very quiet like they had promised. "She'll be tired for a while." The Doctor told them. "It should be about a week before she feels better, but you can still come in here and talk to her or play." He knew they loved it when River helped them fill out their coloring books.

They nodded, "Can we make a card for her?" Freya whispered.

"Absolutely. You can even sleep in here with her if you really want to." He knew he was going to be joining her every night until she was well enough to be moved to their own bedroom.

The nodded eagerly. "I want to make a card now!" Freya whispered, scurrying out of the room to get paper and crayons and glitter.

The Doctor thought it might be a little late for that and perhaps he should be putting them to bed, but she looked so excited. "Alright. But bed right after."

She nearly crashed into Vastra and Jenny when she came back, carrying as much paper and glitter and markers that would fit in her arms. "We brought some soup and bread for the two of you." Vastra said, following behind Freya.

The Doctor looked up at her, taking his portion of the soup and bread. "Thank you." He smiled warmly. "I don't think River will be having hers at the moment." He glanced at his sleeping wife.

"Auntie Vastra?" Freya asked, tugging on her skirt, "Will you help us make a card for Mummy?"

"Of course, little one." Vastra sat of the floor with her, looking at all of the crayons and glitter. "Will you be so kind as to show me how?"

The girl nodded, scooting closer and giving her a piece of paper before beginning to work on her own paper. "First you have to fold it like this. And then you draw a picture on the front." She picked up a crayon, coloring hearts and stars on the front. "And then you have to open it up and write something on the inside. She chose another crayon and wrote in her messy handwriting, I love you. Feel better soon, Mummy. Love, Freya. on the inside, though she spelled most of the words wrong. "And then we can draw more pictures and put glitter on it!" She smiled, dumping glitter all over the paper.

Vastra chuckled. "Alright. Let's give this a try, shall we?" She folded the paper in half and selected a few of the crayons, beginning to draw a very detailed and accurate drawing of the TARDIS on the front. Freya watched with wide eyes, very impressed by Vastra's drawing of the TARDIS.

"Daddy?" Amelia asked quietly, once she had finished with her own card. "Can we get Tiber in case Mummy wants to see him when she wakes up?"

"Sure. Shall we get Mr. Thomas and Samantha a, too?" He asked.

She nodded, taking his hand and pulling him out of the room, retrieving all three cats. He helped her carry them since she could really only fit one in her arms at a time. They stopped by the kitchen and got some cat food for them before going back to the medbay.

He smiled seeing everyone there. "Looks like a party with the whole family and more." He said.

River was beginning to stir when he walked in, moaning quietly and rubbing her eyes, "Doctor?"

He set the cats down and opened a can of food for them before going to her side. "Yes, love?"

She smiled weakly, squeezing his hand, "Hello, sweetie." She murmured before looking around at everyone.

"The girls wanted to see you." He explained. "And everyone else sort of... tagged along."

She nodded, smiling as Amelia and Freya peered over the edge of the bed up at her, "Hello, my little angels."

"Mummy!" Amelia started climbing up onto the bed, forgetting she still had to keep her voice down.

"Hello, Amelia." She smiled, happy to see her despite how loud she was being.

"Daddy said you had to stay in here and rest for a while. Can I still play with you?"

"Of course, sweetheart." She murmured, reaching up and stroking her hair, "But maybe not today, I'm still very sleepy."

"Mummy, I made you a card!" Freya held up the paper excitedly.

"That was very sweet of you." She smiled, looking over at Freya, taking the card from her.

"An' Aunt Vastra's making one too." She told her. "But I don't know if she's done yet."

"Well that was very nice of Auntie Vastra, wasn't it." She looked over at Vastra, "I never thought I'd see you coloring in cards."

"Your daughter was very insistent. It's hard to say no to her." Vastra stood up and handed River the card she was working on. "I do believe I find crayons quite delightful."

"We'll I'm very glad to hear that you enjoyed it." She laughed, admiring the detailed card.

"Daddy! I made one for you too!" Freya smiled handing him another piece of paper.

He sat on the edge of the bed. "Oh, thank you Freya." He beamed, taking the glitter covered card.

She crawled up beside him, hugging around his neck, "It says 'You're the best Daddy ever. Get better fast." She beamed.

He pulled her into his arms and squeezed her. "You're the best daughter ever. Tied with Amelia that is." He declared. "I'll be fine in no time, she didn't get me too bad. A good nights rest and I'll be good as new."

Freya smiled happily, wiggling onto his lap and handing him the last piece of paper she had, "Can you give this to my brother?" She whispered, "I made it special for him."

His smile faltered for a moment, realizing they still had to tell Jenny and Vastra. Did Freya understand completely that her brother wasn't going to be able to read this? Did she understand he was dead? "Sure." He looked over at River, wondering if now was a good time to let them see him.

River was watching them, sadness crossing over her face again. He reached for River's hand. Maybe they could wait a little longer, but he was sure Vastra would be wondering where their third child was at this point. "We should tell them." River whispered, squeezing his hand lightly as she looked over at Vastra and Jenny.

"Right." He nodded slowly. "Vasta, Jenny... Can I talk to you both in the hall?" No one in the room needed to be retold about their dead son.

"Of course, Doctor." Vastra nodded, taking Jenny's hand and following him out into the hall.

He took a breath, figuring out how he was going to say it. "Back when Kovarian captured River... she gave her this... medicine."

Vastra looked surprised, "River was captured by Madame Kovarian?" She asked, not aware that this had happened.

"Yes. Very recently. Kovarian had her for ten days and I'm not quite sure what she did to her, but I found her very hurt and malnourished." He swallowed, not liking the memory of seeing River like that. "Kovarian had given her a drug to speed up the growth of the baby, assuming she'd keep River until full term."

She nodded, not wanting to interrupt him again.

"I don't think Kovarian knew the effects it had... It was putting an extreme amount of strain on both River's and the baby's body." He took another breath. This was hard for him to relive as he told them, but he refused to cry again. "That, combined with the torture and malnourishment River went through while captive, caused her to go into preterm labour just a few hours after we saw you. The baby... he didn't... he didn't make it."

"Oh, Doctor..." Vastra breathed, "I'm deeply sorry. That's horrible."

He managed a weak smile for her. "We we're coming to tell you. I guess it was lucky we found you." Mostly lucky. Not so much for River since she'd almost died.

"I am very sorry to hear that has happened. Anything you need, we're here for you."

He nodded, glad his friend were always there for them. They had been there for him after he'd lost the Ponds, too, and though he tried to shut them out, he was eternally grateful. "We're going to let Freya and Amelia see him soon. I don't know if they're completely ready for it."

Vastra nodded, "Of course, I understand."

The girls came scurrying out of the room a few minutes later, "Mummy said we have to get our pajamas on!"

He pasted his big goofy smile back on for them. "Would you like your Aunts to help you?"

They nodded eagerly, "I have a nightgown that looks like a fairy princess!" Freya exclaimed as they took Vastra and Jenny's hands, pulling them down the hall.

"I have one that looks just like Mummy's!"

The Doctor watched the two women get dragged along to his daughters room before going back into the medbay. Jack was still there, making small talk with River. Flirting no doubt.

River laughed weakly at what Jack had just said, "Oh, Jack. Talking to you is always entertaining."

"That's a word for it." The Doctor piped in, walking over to them.

River looked up at him, smiling, "And what word would you use to describe it?"

"Dangerous and a bad idea." He gave Jack a look that said 'stop'.

She reached for the Doctor's hand, kissing his palm. "Don't worry, sweetie. I love you too much to ever be tempted by Jack."

His face reddened as Jack laughed at him. He cleared his throat, trying to keep his pride by changing the subject. "How are you feeling, love?"

"Sleepy..and sore." She murmured, "How are you feeling?"

"I think I have a new record of bruises." He joked. "And a bit tired."

"Will you lay down with me?" She asked softly, stroking the back of his hand with her thumb.

"Looks like you two are getting a bit PG-13. I'd better go." Jack excused himself as the Doctor glared at him, making himself comfortable beside River.

"You know the girls will be back soon." He told her quietly.

"What are you implying?" She smiled weakly, snuggling against him, her eyes closing.

"Nothing. They just might might think it's a little funny." He smiled against her hair.

"I don't care." She breathed, resting her head beneath his chin, against his chest, "I think I'm allowed to curl up with my husband, especially after the day we've had."

"Especially." He echoed her, wrapping his arms around her. "And you deserve to have at least one peaceful night"

"So do you." She whispered, nuzzling his chest. He was too sleepy to answer her. By the time Freya and Amelia came back in the room, they were both asleep, curled up in each other's warmth. River stayed asleep all night, too exhausted for nightmares.

 

 


	47. The Days are Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River feels like she'd losing her self after this trauma.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from Demons by Imagine Dragons
> 
> Hello again! Thanks for all the comments and don't forget to add more!

CH 47

 

It was Vastra who woke the girls up. She and Jenny had stayed over night in a guest room the TARDIS provided. River and the Doctor were both still asleep when she came in to wake them. She wanted her friends to have as much rest as they needed.

"Doctor..." River murmured, nestling into him a bit more. "Hmm?"

He didn't open his eyes, not seeing Vastra lead the girls quietly out of the room.

"Have to...get up..." She murmured again, though she was already falling back asleep.

He tightened his arms around her. "Stay."

"Girls need breakfast." She mumbled sleepily, before falling back to sleep again.

"Vastra's got it covered." He told her, though she probably didn't hear him. He snugged up closer to her, glad she was alive.

River woke up to the smell of waffles, looking up to see Jenny placing a tray full down, then leaving the room. The Doctor was already sitting up and shifting out of the bed to get the tray. She yawned, watching him sleepily. "Smells wonderful."

He hummed in agreement, sniffing in the steam rising from the food. He brought it over to the bed, "Jenny and Vastra have been such a big help. We should do something nice for them... well, when you're better."

She nodded, "Of course. And Jack too."

He agreed, offering her a plate, the waffles already topped with syrup. "You slept for quite a while."

"Did I?" She murmured, taking the plate, "I'm exhausted still."

"I expect you will be for a while." He started on his own waffles. "It's nearly twelve."

"Is it really?" She breathed, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize it was so late."

"It's perfectly fine. You have to stay in bed anyway, I'd be surprised if you weren't asleep most of the time." He said around a very large bite of his breakfast. "River," He swallowed, "Do you remember much of what happened?"

"Not really, no." She whispered, not quite meeting his eyes, "It's all a bit of a blur."

"That's what I thought." He searched her face. "Are you okay...?"  

"I'm fine..." She whispered, managing a weak smile.

He didn't believe her, but knew not to push her. "When do you think we should let the girls see him?" He changed the subject.

"Could we wait just a bit longer? The place where I put him is time locked so he'll be...preserved." She took a shaky breath

"Oh." He said quietly. He didn't realize she had put him into that sort of protection. "Sure."

"I'm sorry..." She whispered, "I'm really, so sorry."

"It's fine, River. Really. I just didn't realize you had put him _there_."

She shook her head, "But it's not just that. I-" She hesitated, "I know how much you wanted another baby, and how excited you were. And...I'm sorry that I couldn't give that to you. I'm sorry that this happened, any of this."

"It's not your fault, River." He didn't know how many times he would be telling her this. "You already gave me two beautiful children and they are all I need. I have you and you are all I need. We don't have to have another baby to be happy." He smiled at her. "What you did yesterday was heroic. It was absolutely brilliant."

"Every time I think about the girls, or I see the girls, all I picture is how disappointed and upset they were when we told them." She lay back down on the bed, looking up at him, "I know you're probably tired of hearing me apologize to you, but I can't help it. I feel so guilty for what happened." She sighed, putting a hand to her head, "I don't want to feel like this forever."

"You won't. I promise." He took her hand. "It's only been a day, River. It takes time for things to stop hurting, for it to stop feeling like it was your fault. I would know." He looked at the cards their children made for them on the stand next to them. "The girls will be alright. They seem to be handling all of this well."

She nodded slowly, he always seemed to be able to comfort her when she needed it, "So are you. "

"The grief... it looks different on everyone. For me, it comes and goes. Like waves." He explained.  "It's not the first time I've lost someone close to me."

"Yes..." Her mind immediately went to her parents when he said that, "I know. You've been so supportive, like I should be too. I really appreciate it."

"It's the most I can do." He kissed the back of her hand. "After all that you've done for me."

"Will you tell me a story?" She asked softly, gently tugging him back down to lay with her.

"What kind of story?" His tone matched hers.

"Any kind." She curled against him, resting her head on his chest, "As long as it's a happy one."

"Well, let me think." He said playfully.  

She smiled, closing her eyes, "Take your time, love."

He smiled as one came to mind. "This one is a silly one, so don't laugh. Once upon a time, there were two witches named Lizzy and Lisa. They had a very special pet: and octopus cat. Octopus Cat loved marshmallows more than anything in the world."

"What was the cat's name?" She asked, still smiling.

"Just Octopus Cat." He told her, wrapping an arm around her.

"Ah, I see. Very creative." She murmured.

"Oi, I didn't make it up! That's just how the story goes. Anyways, it was Octopus cat's birthday and Lizzy and Lisa said they'd grant him one wish. He pondered this for a while and decided he wanted something with marshmallows. He wanted a whole house full of them, no a castle! He said to them, 'I want a whole castle _made_ of marshmallows!"

She was trying not to laugh, "A whole castle? Well I hope he wasn't planning on eating them or else he'll get a belly ache."

"You'll see." He teased. "So Octopus Cat goes into the back yard and there is his marshmallow palace waiting for him. He's practicly jumping with excitement. Everything is made of arshmallow. The walls are marshmallows, the floor is marshmallows, even the bed sheets are marshmallows! He takes a bit bite out of one of the tables and decided it was the best marshmallow he'd ever had. He plays in the castle all day and eats until he feels like he's going to burst. He decides to take a nap in one of the marshmallow beds, but he forgets that it's very sunny out."

"Oh, no..." She murmured, "What happened next?"

"When he woke up, his entire palace had melted into a giant puddle of marshmallow. When Lizzy and Lisa came out to check on him, they found him swimming in it and having a lot of fun even though his fur was becoming very sticky. Octopus Cat wasn't sad at all even though he had to take a very long bath to get all the marshmallow out."

"Well I'm glad that he wasn't our cat and we weren't the ones that had to wash him." She smiled.

"I doubt our cats like marshmallow very much. Or baths."

"Yes, I hope not."

He rested his chin in the crook of her neck. "Did you like the story? You always laugh at my silly ones."

She smiled weakly, "Yes, very sweet..."

He grinned, a bit proud of himself. "I learned it when I was working in a toy store. I was investigating a cyber mat. Visiting Craig, actually. Have I told you about Craig?"

"Yes, sweetie, you have."

He smiled, remembering his old mate. "I think the girls would like it. I should tell it to them for one of their bed time stories."

She nodded, "I'm sure they'd love it." Almost as if on cue, they heard small footsteps coming towards the room, then Vastra's voice explaining that 'mummy and daddy were still asleep and mustn't be woken.' River sighed, closing her eyes, wishing she had more time alone with him.

"But I want to see mumma!" Complained Amelia. Their voices were hard to tell apart, but Freya's was just a little bit deeper than Amelia's, if you listened closely.

She curled just a bit closer to the Doctor, "I'm afraid we're about to be disturbed.”

He watched the door. "I can't blame her, though. She just misses you."

Just when Amelia's complaints seemed to be on the verge of tears, Vastra opened the door and looked at the two. "I was just coming to see if you were awake. Amelia is very insistent that she sees you."

River turned, forcing a smile, "It's alright, she can come in." Vastra nodded, opening the door.

Amelia ran inside, right up to the bed. "Mummy!"

"Hello, Amelia." She whispered, reaching down to hold her hand.

"Mummy, why do you have to sleep for the whole day? Freya won't play with me because she's coloring and it's too hard to play hide 'n' seek with uncle Jack."

"I'm sorry, sweetie, but I'm still very, very tired. Sleeping helps me get my energy back so I can play with you again."

"What did the mean lady do to you to make you so tired?" She demanded.

"It doesn't matter now, the mean lady's gone." River sighed, squeezing her hand softly. "You don't have to worry about her anymore."

"Gone forever?" This seemed to confuse her.

She nodded slowly, "Yes, gone forever."

A big smile broke out across Amelia’s face. She didn't understand why Kovarian was after them in the first place, but every time she showed up, someone ended up getting hurt, and usually is was River. Now that threat was gone and she knew River would be able to keep her promise more easily. "Where did she go?"  

"She just went away, sweetie." She murmured, not wanting to explain.

Amelia tried to put it together in her head. "But... when you go away, you always come back. How do you know she won't come back?"

"This is a different kind of away, sweetheart. Don't worry." She murmured, watching her through tired eyes.

The girl dropped the subject, trusting her mother. "Can me and Freya sleep in here again tonight?"

She nodded, "If you really want to. Why don't you play with Mr. Thomas, Tiber and Samantha?"

“Mr. Thomas and Samantha don't like it when I bother them when they're sleeping. And I can't find Tiber." She pouted.

"Well I'm sure he's around somewhere." She glanced back at the Doctor. "Do you know where Tiber is?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe he's looking for his food bowl. We moved it in here, but he might think it's still were it used to be." He suggested.

"Do you want me to go look with you?" River asked, looking back at Amelia.

"I thought daddy said you had to stay in bed..."

"I can get up for a few minutes if you want me to come." She offered.

Amelia nodded, but the Doctor shook his head. "River, you really shouldn't be getting out of bed."

"Moving around will help my blood circulate, I'll be fine." She tried to assure him, already sitting up.

"I don't know about this River..." He put a hand on her shoulder. "Your body needs rest over anything else. You _really_ shouldn't."

She frowned, looking back at him, "What do you think is going to happen?"

"I... It's just that your body's not strong enough yet. Your still healing..." He was very uneasy about River doing this.

"I'll be fine." She waved him off, standing up. However, as soon as she was on her feet, she collapsed, her legs not strong enough to support her weight.

"Mummy!" Amelia kneeled above River's head, looking down worriedly at her as the Doctor rounded the bed to see if she was alright.

"I'm alright." She murmured, a hand on her forehead as she tried to sit up, "It's alright, I'm fine."

"Mummy, you hit your head." The Doctor helped her sit up, refraining from saying 'I told you so'.

"It's alright." River whispered again, though her head was throbbing and she could already feel a bump forming, "Just give me a minute and I'll be able to get up."  

"No, River. You're going back to bed." The Doctor insisted.

She tried to protest, but she could barely sit upright on her own, never mind stand up and walk around. He pulled her back onto the bed from under her arms. It wasn't hard since the bed wasn't even two feet off the ground. Amelia climbed onto the end of the bed while the Doctor went to get ice. River closed her eyes, letting out a shaky sigh.

"Mummy..." She said quietly. "You don't have to help me find Tiber. I can get aunt Vastra to help."

River nodded, still not looking at her, "I'm sorry I can't help, sweetie."

"It's okay, mummy." She patted River's knee as the Doctor came back in with ice wrapped in a cloth. "It's like when I was sick and I had to stay in bed. You have to, too."

River nodded again, rather upset now. She hated being stuck in bed. And she felt horrible that she couldn't help Amelia, especially after everything that had happened recently, she wanted to do as much for her daughters as she could.

"Here, put this on your head." The Doctor said gently, handing her the ice.

"Thanks." She muttered, taking the ice and placing it on her forehead.

"Are you dizzy at all?" He wanted to make sure she didn't have a concussion.

"No, I'm fine." She lied, rolling on her side so her back was to him.

"Would... you like me to go and help Amelia?" He had the feeling she was getting cross with him and wanted him to leave.

"I don't care." She whispered, trying to keep the shakiness out of her voice. He glanced towards Amelia then looked down at his feet.

"Mummy, can I stay here with you? Daddy can go look for Tiber."

"I don't care, Amelia." She sighed, squeezing her eyes shut, trying to get rid of the feeling that the room was spinning.  

To them, it just looked like she was being upset about something, though if she was, she usually wouldn't be hostile towards Amelia or Freya. The Doctor wasn't so sure he wanted Amelia alone in here with River if she would end up snapping at her. "Amelia, you and Auntie Vastra go look."

Amelia pouted, but got off the bed, leaving the room to go find Vastra. He stayed silent for a moment, remembering when River had accidentally snapped at Amelia before. "River... are you cross with me?"

"No..." She whispered, pulling the blankets tighter around her.

That wasn't what he had expected her to say. "...Than what's wrong?" He was brave enough to sit back down on the bed.

"Nothing, I'm just tired. Why does there have to be something wrong?" She snapped, though she didn't mean to.  

"Because you've been tired this whole time and it's only now -after you hit your head- that you're acting hostile towards me." He said in a matter of fact tone. It always made him uneasy when River snapped, though he tried not to show it.

"I'm not acting hostile. Why would you say something ridiculous like that?" She hissed, sitting up a bit too quickly, resulting in her squeezing her eyes shut as the room tossed and turned around her.

"River...? Are you okay?" He disregarded her question.

"I'm...fine..." She breathed, the spinning was only getting worse.

"Then open your eyes." He wasn't going to let anything bad happen to her, but her stubbornness wasn't helping.

"I don't want to." She whispered, not wanting to shake her head, fearing it would only make the spinning worse.  

"Why not?" He was growing more worried by the second.

"I just don't! Is that alright with you?" She snapped, finally looking up at him. "There! Are you happy now?"  

He decided to ignore her anger with him for now. He had to make sure she was okay first and he knew she was hiding something. He held up  his finger. "Can you focus on my finger?"

She glared at him, though it wasn't exactly at him since she wasn't really focused right now. She then tried to do as he asked, but had quite a bit of difficulty. "This is stupid." She huffed.

"No, it's not stupid. It's diagnosing. I think you have a concussion, Riv."

"No, I've already told you I feel perfectly fine. I don't need another thing wrong with me. I don't need to be sick _again_." She was getting more and more angry and upset.

"If you're perfectly fine, than why can't you focus on my finger? River, I'm sorry, but you can't deny this. Concussions aren't something to take lightly. It's a bruise to your brain and it's serious." He sighed. "I know this is frustrating, but pretending it's not there, isn't going to make it go away."

She needed to get out of there. It was hard to breath, hard to think. She felt trapped. She needed to be alone to get a gulp of fresh air. She _couldn't_ be sick again. She _refused_ to be sick again. "Can you get be some water from the kitchen." She asked, managing to sound calm.  

He nodded slowly, standing up and moving to the door. He really should be doing some tests on her and making sure she wasn't at risk for a brain bleed. But instead he obliged to her wishes and headed for the kitchen. As soon as he was gone, she got up out of bed again, nearly falling on the floor again. She managed to find things to hold herself upright as she silently made her way out the door into the hall and down to the console room, thankful she hadn't run into anyone on the way.

Making sure the breaks were off and stabilizers were on as she flew the TARDIS, she silently landed it and then left without a sound. She didn't think about how stupidly selfish she was acting, her mind cloudy from the concussion in addition to the blinding frustration and grief she was still feeling. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Octopus Cat story was actually something my mom used to tell me and her older sister (my aunt) told hers o that's where is came from if you're wondering.


	48. Under My Roof

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River doesn't want to keep pushing people away, but she doesn't know how to stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to comment! And good luck to everyone who is going through finals!

CH 48

 

When the Doctor returned to the medbay, he nearly dropped the cup of water her was holding. He should've suspected that River would try something like this, but she couldn't have gone too far, could she? He searched the TARDIS far and wide, which was not easy, considering it was an infinite ship. He knew the TARDIS always sided with River, but making him walk around for an hour whilst searching for his wife seemed a little ridiculous, especially since he kept being lead back to the console room. It must've been the eighth time he walked into the console room before he noticed that the front doors had been left open.

\--------------------

River stood, staring up at the home that used to belong to Amy and Rory. Of course the house wasn't theirs anymore, Brian and helped her sell if after she and the Doctor had explained what had happened back in Manhattan. She hadn't originally landed here, she had just landed in the middle of a field and walked. Somehow, by chance she had ended up here. And now, staring up at the house, it reminded her how much she wished she could talk to her parents. Rory especially would know what to tell her right now. He would know how to make her feel better, he always had in the past.

Night was just falling. about eight if someone had to guess. Inside the house, lights were still on. The lower floor had the kitchen light on and a little boy, no older than six, was sitting at the table in his pajamas and drinking milk. He sat in his mother's lap. She had a story book open and appeared to be reading to the boy.

\--------------------

The Doctor was in panic. He had been searching for an hour when his wife wasn't even in the TARDIS. She could be anywhere at this point. He didn't even know what planet they were on or what dangers could be out there. His mind turned over and over, thinking of the worst case scenarios. He had to go after her. After telling everyone to stay put and look after the girls, he armed himself with him sonic screwdriver and set out to find her.

\--------------------

She wiped away the tears that fell rapidly down her cheeks. Seeing the little boy in the window with his mother just made her heart ache more. It made her think of the life she could have had with her own mother, or the life she could have had with her son. It made her think about how all her life, things were being taken from her. First she had been taken from her parents, her freedom had been taken when she was forced to kill the Doctor, then again (theoretically) when she had been put in Stormcage. Her parents had been taken and sent back in time, her life had almost been taken multiple times, her colleagues, most of whom she considered friends, were taken at the Library. Amelia had been taken for a period of time, then she was taken from her family once again, and finally her son, her son had been taken from her before she even got a chance to meet him.  

She hated how sad she had become. How depressed she was in this seemingly never ending cycle of things being lost. She loved her family more than anything, but ever since she had come back from the Library, she had felt this wash of depression. This hopeless-ness that never seemed to want to fade. She smiled, but it never truly felt real. She laughed, but it lately it usually was false laughter. The old River was brave, daring, strong, fun and would never snap at her husband and children for no reason. She wanted to be the old River. She wanted to feel like herself again, feel truly happy and comfortable around her family again. And most of all she wanted to see her parents and son walk out of that bright, TARDIS blue door, even though that was the one thing she could never have.

\--------------------

"River! River where are you?" The Doctor called her name as soon as he had left the TARDIS, but when he didn't hear an answer he stopped. He had been searching for what felt like hours to him, thinking she was hurt or in danger or worse. He hadn't yet put together in his head that he was on Earth which was why he was confused when he started to see houses. These houses looked quite familiar to him, but he didn't put it together until he passed a sign that said Leadworth Post Office. Why would River have come here? It lead him to wonder if Amy and Rory weren't gone yet. "River?" He resumed calling.  

\----------

It was starting to rain...no, pour. She could feel herself getting completely soaked to the bone. She was shivering, her curls soaked and matted against her forehead.

\-----

The Doctor's voice was drowned out by the rain and thunder, but that didn't stop him from calling out for her. He knew she had to be aorund somewhere. She had to be. He started heading towards the Pond's old house.

\---

She felt dizzy and needed to sit, however she couldn't take her eyes off of the house. She wrapped her arms tightly around herself, shivering and shaking.

-

"River!" He started running, half in the panick to find her and half because he was getting very very wet. He rounded the corner onto the street he knew their house was on. "Please, River. Please be okay." He begged the air.

-

Her head hurt so much, she really needed to sit, though the water felt good on her face, even if it was stinging cold. She didn't hear him calling for her, lost in thought.

He saw her silhouette, illuminated by the light from the house as he approached. He almost stopped and smiled at the sight of her, relived she wasn't lying in the street.  She took a swaying step towards the house, then another swaying step back. She looked as though she was about the fall over, her lips had a bit of a blue tinge due to the freezing rain.

He finally reached her, immediately putting his tweed jacket around her, regardless of it being soaked through. "River, are you alright? Why did you sneak out, what were you thinking?"

"Doctor?" She breathed, looking momentarily confused as she looked up at him. She disregarded his questions, all her weight falling against him as she hugged him.

He nearly forgot his panic, pulling her close to him. "Oh god, River. I thought I was going to loose you again."

She didn't answer him, her body shaking from the cold, in his arms. She closed her eyes, happy to be with him again. "You weren't going to lose me again." She finally said, "I just needed some air, I'm sorry for leaving."

"But this far away from the TARDIS?" She must've been walking for an hour before he had found her. He couldn't even imagine how she had made it this far.

"I don't know...I just started walking when I left and ended up here somehow." She pressed her forehead into the crook of his neck, her weight growing heavier against him.

He looked down at her, "You must be exhausted." He muttered.

She tried to nod, but her head was pounding. "Can we go home?" She asked quietly.

"Can you make it that far?" He hadn’t meant to say it, it slipped out.

She frowned, not liking when he said things like this, making her feel weak. "Yes." She said defensively, though she felt as though she was going to pass out any moment now.

He nodded, wrapping his arm around her waist. "Come on." She staggered beside him, her wobbly, shaky steps not getting her very far. He tried his best to support her as they walked slowly through the town. She would probably get mad at him if he tried to carry her, though he was considering doing it anyway, looking at the way her legs were shaking.

She leaned more and more against him, trying not to slip on the pavement as it continued to rain. "River..." They had only made it to the post office at this point. "We're not going to get back to the TARDIS like this. You need to let me carry you. Or at least wait somewhere until the rain stops."

"Fine." She breathed, giving in. She wanted to be back home with her family, nice and warm again. "You can carry me, but put me down if I get too heavy for you.”

"If I could carry you when you were pregnant with the twins, I'm sure I could carry you now." He was stronger than he looked. He scooped her up from the knees, holding her close in attempt to keep her warm.

She closed her eyes, resting her head against his chest, keeping her arms wrapped around his neck so she wouldn't fall. "Yes, that's true. And I weighed a lot then."

He decided it best not to comment on that, since he would probably say the wrong thing. "River, were Amy and Rory in that house?"

She held onto him tighter, sighing shakily, "No...it was another family."

"Oh." He said quietly. It was hard for him to think of anyone but his old friends living in that house. "Are... never mind." He picked up his pace, wanting to get home.

She nuzzled closer against him, not opening her eyes again until they were back inside the TARDIS. He brought her into the bathroom that attached to their room, sitting her on the side of the tub. "Let's get you out of those wet clothes."

"Can we take a bath?" She asked softly, "I'd like to warm up a bit."

"Of course." He nodded. He would've prefered to keep her in the medbay, but all she really needed was bed rest and monitoring. That could easily happen from their own bed and taking a bath would make no difference.

She smiled weakly, turning on the bath water. He started to help her out of her wet cloths. Even out of the rain, their clothes were still cold against their skin. She pulled away just slightly when he started pulling off her clothes. "River, you must be freezing in these things." He said gently.

"Would you mind if I just...did it myself?" She asked softly, her hands wrapping tightly around his to prevent him from taking anything else off.

"...Sure." He drew his hands to himself.

"I'm sorry..." She whispered, feeling like she upset him, but she still was rather uncomfortable at the thought of him undressing her, "If you really want to...I-I don't mind terribly." She lied.

"No, no. It's fine. I just thought you might want help... " He twirled his thumbs, avoiding saying that he wanted to help because she would still be weak from recovery.

"I don't need help taking off my clothes..." She sighed. Slowly started taking off her clothes, turning her back to him and slipping into the tub as quickly as possible. He stood there, debating if he should get or or leave her to her thoughts. He was rather cold, but he could warm up just fine without the bath.

"Would you like me to leave?" He asked her, gesturing towards the door.

"You can come in if you'd like." She offered, looking up at him through her wet curls.

He gave the offer some thought, wondering if she was only asking to be polite. "If you want me to."

"I wouldn't mind." She swallowed.

He could tell she was uncomfortable but couldn't understand why. "Actually, I think I'll go dry off."

She suddenly felt a rush of disappointment, which confused her since she hadn't realized how, even though it made her a tad bit uncomfortable, she still wanted to relax in the bath with him. "Oh...alright."

He gave small smile, "Shout if you need anything."

"Yeah...okay." She whispered, sinking deeper into the tub, not liking how big it felt without him.  

She got out of the tub rather quickly, only staying in long enough to warm up, and nearly slipping when she got out. She wrapped a towel tightly around herself, slowly walking into their room. The Doctor had made himself comfortable on their bed with a book that he was only pretending to read. He hadn't bothered to put on his full tweed attire, settling with a button down shirt and regular trousers. He looked up at her with a smile. She smiled back, getting a nightgown out of one of the drawers, then going to change back in the bathroom.

She returned a moment later, walking over to him, "Would you mind if I lay down with you?"

"Not in the slightest." It was her bed, too, after all. He wanted nothing more than to just cuddle with her after the scare she gave him. She lay down beside him, curling up against him, her head resting against his chest. Her nightgown wasn't one of her usuals, it was much more… modest and covered.  "Are you going to go back to sleep? You still have to rest, you know." He put down the book on the night stand.

"Not right now." She whispered, looking up at him, "I just want to lay with you for a bit." He hummed, liking the sound of that. He shifted so he was more comfortable and placed his arms around her. He had missed this. "I love you." She whispered, hoping that he still felt the same after everything that had happened.

"I love you, too." He never hesitated to say it back. "Always."

She smiled weakly, "Would you mind if Freya and Amelia slept in their own room tonight? I want to have some time alone with you."

"I wouldn't, but you might have to convince them otherwise." He squeezed her playfully. "They love sleeping in the same room as us."

She smiled, "Yes, I know. I love when they're with us too, but I need to have you to myself tonight. I want to be alone with you."

He blushed a little, thinking about what River was suggesting and accidentally saying allowed, "Definitely wouldn't want our children to see that."  

She looked up at him, confused. She hadn't realized that her words had sounded like she was trying to suggest something, "What? What are you talking about?"

"Hmm?" His face turned redder as he realized he hadn't said that in his head. "Oh, I... um..."

She forced a smile, moving a bit away from him. "Sorry, I didn't mean..."  

"No, I'm sorry. My mind just... went places." He knew that they probably wouldn't be doing those things for while. He remembered having to wait for a long time after Freya and Amelia were born.

"No, it's alright. I made it sound like..." She bit her lip. Even if they didn't have to wait and she was able to do what he thought she had been implying, she didn't feel ready. Not after what had just happened with their son.

"You have the power to make anything sound like that." He tried to change to subject.

She laughed a bit, "I'm going to take that as a compliment."

He kissed the top of her head. "Yes, you should." She smiled, looking up at him, feeling content and relaxed for the first time in a long while. "Nothing that has happened has changed the way I feel about you. If anything, it's only made you love me more. You know that, right?"

"Of course I know that. I think it would take a lot more for you to stop loving me and I you." He thought that she underestimated how much they loved each other sometimes.

"You're wrong." She whispered, tracing Gallifreyan words across his chest, "Because nothing could ever make me stop loving you."

He pulled her closer. "And nothing could ever make me stop loving you." He echoed. "You are my universe."

"And you're mine." She breathed, closing her eyes.

He ran his fingers through her hair. "Forever." He whispered.

"Forever." She repeated, growing sleepier by the minute. He reached over and turned off the light on the nightstand, hoping it would help convince her to sleep.

It wasn't completely dark since the bathroom and hallway lights were still on. He could feel himself becoming more drowsy, lulled by the warmth of the room and the warmth of River's body against his.  She drifted off rather quickly, completely exhausted from the day's events. He rested his eyes, but didn't go to sleep. He didn't want to skip this moment by sleeping. It was perfect, with River safe and dreaming in his arms. He wouldn't want her anywhere else in the universe but with him. 


	49. Love is a Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River and the Doctor seem to be growing more distant, no longer knowing if their loyalty to each other is as strong as is was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The long waited for wedding rings! Tell me what you think and don't forget to comment!

CH 49

 

After a few hours, River’s sleep became restless. She was making odd whimpering sounds, fidgeting and crying.

The Doctor opened his eyes, shifting and propping himself up on his elbows. "River? River, wake up." He shook her shoulder lightly. He could tell that whatever his wife was seeing behind her closed eyes couldn't be good.

She shot awake, breathing heavily, looking wild eyed. It took her a moment to collect herself, "I-I'm sorry, I didn't..."

He pulled her into his arms. "Shh, shh. It's okay. It was just a dream, River. It's okay. You're okay."

She closed her eyes, holding tightly onto him. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay. You didn't do anything. It was just a dream." He thought that maybe she was apologizing for something she did in the dream.

"I know..." She whispered after a minute, squeezing her eyes shut.  

He wondered if he should dare to ask her about her nightmare. "What... What happened in your dream?" She shook her head, not wanting to talk about it.  He knew better than to push her further. "Are you okay? Do you need anything?"

"No, I'm alright." She breathed, relaxing slowly in his arms. "I'll be fine in a minute." He nodded, keeping his arms secured around her. He wished he could do more for her. She looked up at him, "I'm okay, really. You don't have to worry about me."

He smiled weakly, bopping her on the nose, "I'm your husband, it's my job to worry about you."

She gave him a small, half smile, "Want something to eat?" She asked, starting to wriggle out of bed. "I can bring you a snack in bed if you'd like."

He shook his head. "You seem to be forgetting that you're still on bed rest until you fully recover."

She shook her head, "No, sweetie, I'll be fine."  

"I don't suppose it's any use telling you to stay in bed, is there." He muttered, get up to go with her.

She heard what he said, biting her lip as a flicker of mixed sadness and worry showed across her face for a minute. She was afraid to upset him any more than she already had, "You know, on second thought, I'll just stay here."

"Oh." He was confused at her sudden change of mind. "Er... do you want me to get you something from the kitchen then?"

She shook her head, laying back down on the bed, "I'm alright, thanks."

"You just said you were hungry..."

"I'm fine. It's okay." She whispered.

"Are... are you sure?" Why was she suddenly acting distant?

She nodded, taking a deep breath, "Yes, I'm fine. Don't worry." He nodded awkwardly leaving for the kitchen. He would bring her back an apple anyways.

She stayed put in bed like he wanted her to, buried in the blankets.  He when he came back, he was smiling. "River, you'll never believe it. The girls actually convinced Vastra to play dress up with them!" He had a sandwich in his hand that he had already taken some bites of and the apple for River in his pocket.

"Really?" She looked up at him, she was about to say how she had to get up and go see Vastra all dressed up with the girls, but his words from before came back to her, "That's sweet." She managed to smile.

"I should get them to come in here." He sat on the edge of the bed next to her, reaching in his pocket and handing her the apple.

She nodded, hesitantly taking the fruit, "Yes, that would be nice. Thank you."

He left the room again, coming back with giggles and tiny feet trailing behind him. Amelia was pulling Vastra by the hand and Freya pulling her by the ridiculous pink skirt they had made her put on. River’s smile became a bit more genuine as they came in, "You look beautiful, Vastra." She teased, looking from the girls to her friend, avoiding the Doctor's eyes.

Vastra turned a darker shade of green. "Your children are very... manipulative." The girls giggled, Amelia moving to jump on the bed.

"They most certainly are. Though I thought I'd be seeing Jack dressed as a princess before I saw you doing it." She smiled.

"We already made Uncle Jack dress up." Amelia said, snuggling up to River. "But he was too embarrassed to wear it for more than five minutes."

"Uncle Jack embarrassed? Oh, I never thought I'd hear those words in the same sentence." She wrapped an arm around Amelia, kissing the top of her head.

"He said he'd never hear the end of it if you or daddy saw him. What was that supposed to mean?"

She nearly laughed, "It means that he's afraid I would tease him every time I saw him."

"Would you?" Freya asked, struggling to climb onto the bed.

"I'm sorry to say that I probably would." River helped her up, wrapping her other arm around her once she was all snuggled in.

"Could we help?" The girl asked mischievously.

She bit her lip, "Well, I don't think it would be very nice of us to tease him a lot, especially since he's been so helpful and played with you so much."

Amelia nodded, remembering the afternoon. "He made us hot cocoa after lunch and taught us a new card game!"

"Did he really? And what game would that be?" She asked, running her fingers through Amelia's curls. Knowing Jack, it was probably something like strip poker and she'd have to kill him later.

"It's was... um.." She tried to remember the name of it. "He called it Texas Hold'em."

"I think Mummy's going to have to have a little talk with Uncle Jack later."

"It was lot's of fun!" Amelia defended with a big grin. "We used M&M's to bet!"  

"Well, sweetie, I don't think you're quite old enough for poker." River sighed, glancing over at the Doctor.

"But I won!" The Doctor grinned at his daughter's excitement, not noticing River's look.

She frowned, "I don't like my little girls playing poker."

"What's wrong with poker, mummy?" Freya asked, not knowing that it was usually associated with drinking and gambling. "I like it!"

She was getting a headache, and rather upset, "It's not a game children should be playing."

"It's only a card game, mummy." She smiled. "Like ‘Go Fish’ or ‘Solitaire’."

"Well it's a card game you two aren't allowed to play and that's final."

Amelia pouted. "Aww.. but mummy!"

"No! I said no and that's that!" She snapped.

Amelia shrunk away from River, surprised and a bit frightened by her tone. River sighed, taking a deep breath, "I'm sorry, Amelia. I just don't want you playing that game. It's not a good game."

"Okay mummy. I won't." She said quietly. River had scared her out of playing it again.

River felt horrible now, squeezing her eyes shut.  The Doctor could sense the tension. "Er... girls... maybe you should go play."

They nodded, hopping off the bed and leaving the room, not wanting to get yelled at again. Vastra followed them out and the Doctor went to sit on the edge of the bed again. River didn't look at him, biting her lip. "River? ...Do you feel like I'm caging you?"

She finally looked up at him, "What do you mean?"

"I'm making you stay in bed and I'm not letting you do things that could be dangerous." He sighed. "Am I making you feel caged?"

She sighed, "You're just trying to make sure I don't get hurt."

"I know... But if I'm locking you up by doing so, then it defeats the point."

"No it doesn't, of course it doesn't." She whispered, reaching for his hand.

He looked up at her, smiling weakly. "You'll be aloud out of bed soon. Promise."

"Allowed?" She frowned, finding that statement to be somewhat upsetting, "I'm don't need your permission to get out of bed, I'm not a child."  

He bit his tongue, realizing what he said. "I didn't mean- You don't need- sorry. You certainly don't need permission... I just meant... that, you..." He twiddled his thumbs. "I meant that it would be good for you to stay in bed so you could fully recover. And if you chose to, that the time to get out of bed again would be soon."

She pursed her lips, "That's better." She said, her voice icy.

"Sorry." He swallowed, apologizing again.

Her gaze softened, "It's alright, but I don't like being treated like a child. I'm suppose to be your equal, I don't want you to look down on me."

"River, I have never, _ever_ thought of you as anything less than me." He squeezed her hand. "I think of you as my superior half the time, actually."

She couldn't help but smile weakly, "Really?"

"Of course, River. You've saved my life so many times, you've done things I couldn't do, and gave me happiness when I thought all was lost. I practically worship you."

She her smile became a bit stronger, "I'm sorry I snapped at you."

"I would snap at me, too." His smile grew as well. She laughed weakly, kissing the back of his hand. He used the opportunity to pull her closer and plant a kiss on her lips. She kissed him back, resting her forehead against his once they broke away. "River... I have something for you."

"Hmmm?" She murmured, looking up at him. He reached into his pocket. "Do remember asking me for rings? Proper, official wedding rings?"

She nodded, "Yes, I do."

He extended his hand and opened his palm so she could see it's content. "I was going to give yours to you when you got better, but now is as good a time as any." He seemed nervous about showing her the rings he had gotten in case she didn't like them.

The rings both had the same basic look: silver with a round green stone in the center. At a closer look, there was Gallifreyan engraved in them one reading 'Forever' and the other one reading 'Always'. They both had smaller diamonds embedded into the ring on either side of the green stone. The ones in the 'Forever' ring were red and the ones on the 'Always' ring were a yellowish-almost-orange hue.

"Oh, Doctor..." She breathed, looking down at the rings in his hand. "They're perfect. Really, they're so, so beautiful." She broke out into a wide smile, pulling him into a kiss.

"Really?" He asked after they pulled away, his face a little flushed. He was worried she might say they were too flashy or something.

"Really, I love them." She beamed, holding out her hand, "Let me put yours on you."

"I didn't know which one you wanted..." He rubbed the back of his head with his free hand. "You can choose."

"I think the red is a bit more me, yeah?" She smiled, picking up the ring with the yellower stones, "Let me put this one on you." He held out his hand for her, taking the ring with the red stones to put in her hand. "If I had known you had gotten these, I would have gotten out my vows." She smiled, rubbing the back of his hand with her thumb. "But really, you've done so, so much for me. All my life, you've been there. I know, things aren't always easy, and I can be stubborn and make things more difficult, but I love you. We've made mistakes, and been through hard times together, and of course there will be more mistakes and hard times in the future, but I know that we'll be there for each other. I couldn't ask for a better father for our girls." She slid the ring on his finger, "You're my universe. I love you so much."

He could’ve sworn that his hearts skipped a beat or two as she spoke to him. It was like they were getting married again except there weren't any lies and the universe wasn't ending.The room seemed to disappear and it was only them. She could've been walking down the aisle in a big white dress with everyone they knew watching and he wouldn't notice any one but her. It wasn’t the first time they had redone thier wedding ceremony, they had technically gotten married in four different places just because they could. He slipped the ring on her finger as he began to try to put into words his love and adoration for her.

She watched him, complete love and adulation in her eyes. She didn't need a big fancy wedding to be happy, she only needed him. And listening to him and having the ring on her finger made her feel like they were getting married again as well.

He held her hands tightly in his. "...And crashing in your mum's garden all those years ago was the best thing that's even happened to me because otherwise I would've never met you and fallen in love with everything about you. There isn't a part of you that I would change even if the universe was ending." He remembered being faced with that right after Demon's run. He could've brought baby Melody to Amy and Rory if he wanted to, but River was too important to him to change, even when his friends were begging for their baby back. "I love you. You are my universe and you always will be. Forever."

River smiled, "You may kiss the bride." She murmured, squeezing his hands tightly,starting to lean in close to him. He cupped her face kissing her as though it were their last. She kissed him until she felt light headed, only pulling back for a moment for air before kissing him again.

He never knew he could love someone so much. He would do anything for River. He would die for her, even kill for her. He tried to pour all of that passion for her into their kiss until his lips were swollen and the touch of her skin sent sparks through him.

She was panting, eyes wild and lips red and swollen once they had broken apart. She ran her hand down his arm until she reached his hand, kissing his fingers, then his nose and then one final kiss to his lips. He beamed at her. "I think you look quite lovely in that ring."

"Do you really?" She smiled, looking down at the ring on her finger. She adjusted her position so her head was resting on his chest and she was leaning against him.

"Yes. I really do. It compliments your eyes." He tilted her chin up so he could look at her eyes. She looked up at him, her eyes full of light and sparkling. "I don't think I tell you enough how beautiful your eyes are." He continued.

Her smile only grew wider, "Don't worry, I think you mention it enough."

He kissed her on the nose. "Well I'll gladly mention it more."

"Well, I'm certainly not opposed to it." Her nose scrunched up when he kissed it and she tilted her head into the nape of his neck, her curls tickling his face.

He couldn't help but squirm as her curls brushed against his skin. "That tickles."

"What tickles, my love?" She asked innocently, shaking her head so her curls moved along his face.

"You're hair." He laughed. "It's tickling my face."

"Is it really?" She smiled, moving her head around a bit more. "Is that better?"

"No, it's even more- are you doing this on purpose?" He realized.

She giggled, looking up at him, "And what are you going to do about it if I am?"

"This." He ginned before lurching forwards and pinning her down on her back. "Much better."

She felt a moment of complete panic when he initially flipped her, though she didn't let it show on her face. A split second later, she laughed, wiggling beneath him. "Why? You enjoy being on top of me?"

He blushed. "Well, yes... But this way I can see your face and your hair's not tickling my face." He leaned his neck down and kissed her. "And I can do that."

"I must admit, the view from down here is wonderful." She smiled.  

"Is it now? I thought you might not like the chin." He teased.

"Darling, I've told you before that I love the chin. That chin and your chiseled jaw, no wonder why all the girls are falling over themselves to talk to you." She teased right back.

"And what about you, Mrs. Song? Do your students try to woo you with good grades and apples on your desk?" He couldn't help but kiss her again. He wanted to kiss those lips all day.

She giggled, loving when he called her Mrs. Song. "Oh,  I'm afraid my students aren't very impressed by their old teacher. But a handsome man like you, Mr. Song, you must have girls in and out of here every day."

"Only one. All the others I keep away." He whispered into her ear.

"Only one? That's not what I've heard."

"She's my favorite. I like to keep her around. She's a professor, you know."

"Is she really? How interesting." She whispered, trying not to be bothered by the fact that he didn't deny her teasing allegation.

"Of archaeology. She's the most beautiful person in the universe and would break my finger if I ever tried to kiss anyone but her." His childish tone leaked a bit into his flirtatious one.

"Well, I don't think that last bit's true, but she certainly sounds like a lovely lady." She smiled up at him, though the tiniest bit of sadness leaked into her eyes. She had heard about him kissing other girls even after they were married and had never bother to ask before, but now she was starting to doubt that they were rumours.

"The most lovely lady there is." He was oblivious to her slight change of emotion, still smiling at her.  

Her eyes dropped away from his for a split second, "And she's your favorite you said?"

"I stopped paying attention to anyone else many centuries ago."

She scoffed, "Oh, I doubt that's true."

"It's absolutely true." He raised an eyebrow but quickly lowered it again. "I worship her like a goddess"

"But saying she's your favorite implies that there are other ones." She pointed out.

"River, is something bothering you? I was only joking." He dropped the flirtatious banter, finally sensing she wasn't joking anymore.

"No, no of course not." She forced a smile, not wanting to ruin the special time they were having right now, "I'm having fun with you."

"Good." He kissed her again, his smug look returning.

She looked up at him, her beautiful, wonderful husband whom she loved so dearly. He was so loving and devoted, and on some occasions so very, very daft. She let his lips barely skim hers before pulling away, quickly saying, "So tell me more about this professor of yours, Mr. Song."

"Well she's absolutely brilliant." He kissed her neck. "At just about everything. " He trailed kissed along her jaw. "And she's incredibly sexy." He made his way back to her lips. "And she has the most beautiful eyes."

She smiled up at him, "Ah, yes. I've heard about her eyes. Like a stormy sea, no?" She remembered that's how he had described them when Amelia was born.

"Like an ocean after a storm." He corrected. "Absolutely stunning."

"Oh, right. An ocean after a storm. I'm getting old, I don't remember as well anymore." She smiled weakly.

He ran his finger through her hair. "Old? You're not old until you can't remember my name." He teased.  

"I'm sorry, but what was your name again?" She smiled playfully, looking like she was trying to think very hard, "Oh, wait, I remember! It's Jack, isn't it?"

"Oi! I don't even look like that bloke!" He started muttering something about breaking Jacks finger if he tried to lay a glove on her.

"Oh, sweetheart, are you jealous?" She teased, "I suppose I shouldn't tell you about when Jack and I dated."

He sputtered. "What?"

"I thought you knew." She smiled, leaning up and pecking him on the cheek.

"If I had known that, Jack would've already added a few more tally marks to his 'how many times I've died' list." He said somewhat crossly.

"Oh, darling. It was long before we were married." Her smiled began to fade, "Was I not allowed to have a love life before we were together?"

"Well of course you were! Just not with... _Jack._ "

"And what gives you the right to say that I wasn't allowed to date Jack!" Her anger returned to her and wriggled out from beneath him.

"Nothing, but he's... he's Jack! We practically live with him!" He tried to defend, though he wasn't doing a very good job at it. He knew she’d had tons of time without him living her own life, but he couldn't get the idea of Jack snogging his wife out of his head.

"And? I'm allowed to date who I want, Doctor!" She hissed as there was a knock on the door, followed by Jack's voice.

"Sorry, is this a bad time?" Jack's head poked through the door.

"Of course not!" She smiled, "Doctor? Is this a bad time?"

"I... um..." He couldn't tell whether his face went very pink or very pale or somewhere in between. He wanted to punch Jack but knew River would be cross with him he did. "No. It's fine." He said quietly.

She turned her attention back to Jack, "What do you need, sweetie?" She asked, using the pet name to rile up her husband. The Doctor refrained from glaring at her.

"Er.. just wondering what you usually give the girls for dinner."

"They can eat whatever's in the fridge, darling. There should be some leftovers in there that they can have."

Jack  nodded, raising an eyebrow at the pet names. She used them with him casually, but not so many in a row. "The girls tell me they can't play Texas Holdem with me any more. You have anything to do with that?"

"Yes, dear." She answered, continuing with the names, "I don't want my little girls playing poker."

He scratch the back of his head. "I thought you'd, ya know, unleash your wrath on me."

"I wouldn't do that to you, Jack." She smiled, glancing over at the Doctor. His rage towards Jack was building to the point where he hand to clench his teeth to keep himself in check.

She was angry with him, looking to pick a fight with him now after what he had said. She stood up, walking over to Jack and putting a hand on his chest, standing rather close to him, "I trust you'll respect my wishes to not have the girls play poker again, right, love?"

"Of course." Jack said, for once not being flirtatious about it. He could tell there was something going on, but he didn't know what. It made him feel a bit awkward when she called him 'love'. The Doctor was her love, was he? Not him, at least not anymore.

"Wonderful. Thank you so much for getting the girls dinner." She smiled, rubbing his arm, sparing another glance towards her husband.

"Don't mention it..." He turned to walk out of the room. What ever was going on, he didn't think he wanted to be in the middle of it.

River closed the doors behind him, turning back to glare at the Doctor.

"You've made your point, River." He said quietly, not meeting her stare.

"Have I really? And what point would that be?" She asked, crossing her arms.

"That I have no right or power to control any part of your life."

"You're right." She dropped her arms, no longer glaring at him, "I've never told you what girls you can and can't bring in here. I know that there have been other girls since we got married. But did you even think about how I would feel about that?"

"River, there hasn't been anyone since I've married you."  He looked up at her, now more confused than mad.

"That's not what I've heard. Especially not from my mother." She frowned, her eyes dropping down to the floor.

"What did she say? That we've kissed? She kissed me once, before we even knew who you were, and I pushed her off me."

"I'm not talking about you kissing my mother, I'm talking about the women my mother has seen you bring on this ship! Queens and Empresses and Ladies and women from the past and future that you bring alone with you for a night and do god knows what! Do you need a reminder? Does Queen Nefertiti ring any bells? Hmm?"

"Queen Nefertiti was my _friend_. I had saved her and people and she was coming along for an adventure like any one of my other friends. Just because I bring someone on the TARDIS who happens to be female, does not  mean that I'm taking her to do anything but friendly things like tea and traveling."

"But she kissed you! She was asking Amy if you had a wife, which means that you didn't tell her!"

"She didn't ask me! She never asked _me_ if I had a wife. That kiss was out of nowhere and I certainly did not want it. People kiss me, River. I can't do anything about it but push them off. I save them and they kiss me because that's what humans do."

"And humans date each other! I just happened to very briefly date Jack! Do you not remember the conversation we just had about being equals! You can't tell me what to do. I love you. What does it matter who I dated in the past? Did everything I say when I put that stupid ring on your finger not matter to you?!" She was shouting and upset, not letting him answer his questions before turning and leaving the room.  

"River! River wait!" She was already out of the room and he knew better than to follow her. She needed to cool off, but he knew that if he didn't explain himself she'd just stay mad at him. He needed to tell her that there was no one but her.

He needed to tell her how much those vows had meant to him and that he didn't care about her past, but he needed her to stop thinking he was unfaithful to her just because he so much as was friends with another woman. He hit himself in the head for being such an idiot. Why couldn't he have just brushed it off when she mentioned Jack in the first place.? He wondered if she even believed what he told her when he put the ring on her finger as he sunk onto the bed with is head in his hand. God, he hoped she had because he meant every word.

 

 


	50. Can't Quite Make it Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One of the biggest fights River had ever had with him, threatens her trust in the Doctor
> 
> Title from Learn to Fly by the Foo Fighters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hooray it's chapter 50! I thought you should all know that chapters might start coming only once a week because I'm getting new classes and there for more homework. Anyway, don't forget to comment!

CH 50

 

River ran through the TARDIS in her attempt to get away from her bedroom, eventually ending up in front of the room where she had hid her son when Madame Kovarian came. It took her a moment to decide to enter. She sighed sadly as she stepped inside, pressing her hand against the glass box that separated her and her deceased son. Aside from his extreme paleness, he looked like he was sleeping. "Hello, my love." She whispered, stroking the glass. "Mummy's here now."

"River, what was that all about?" Jack had followed her into the room, after seeing her run into it.

She jumped out of surprise, turning to register his presence, but quickly facing her back to him. "It's not really any of your business, Jack." She whispered, keeping her back to him.

"It is when you keep using sappy pet names on me.” He put a hand on her shoulder, causing her to flinch. “You're my friend. One of my best friends and best friends talk to each other about things like this. Don't try to hide it, I know you're upset." He knew all too well what she looked like and how she acted when she was upset.

"Well, I don't want to talk right now, so please, leave me alone." Her voice was thick and she was trying not to cry, still stroking the glass.

He shut his mouth and drew his hand to himself, but didn't move from where he was, instead choosing to lean against the wall. "Why'd you put him in here? What so special about this place?"

"Is Vastra with the girls?" She asked, avoiding his question. She didn't want to talk to Jack, especially since he was part of the reason why she was so upset.

"Yeah. She's gotten pretty fond of them you know. I never thought she was the type who would like children very much."

She nodded slowly, wishing he would leave. "People surprise you like that sometimes."

"You certainly did."

She wasn't in the mood.  "Jack, please..."

"All I’m saying, is having kids seemed to be at the bottom of your list when we were together. So you know what I think?"

"Jack, what the hell are you talking about." She looked up at him, frowning. She knew, of course, exactly what he meant, but telling him that she didn’t want to talk about it was going straight over his head, and she was running out of ways to tell him to ‘get the hell out’.  

"I'm talking about the last time you called me 'love'…. When you called me up and said you were married to the Doctor and had kids, I didn't believe you until I saw those girls because I knew that was something you wouldn't do in a million years. All I'm saying is that you must love him an awful lot to have kids with him."

"Of course I love him.” She blurted out. “The real question is whether he loves me. He says I'm his equal, then turns around and tries to order me around. He says he loves me, but I can't help but think he's just going to get tired of me one day and leave. And I'm being stupid and making a bloody mess of our marriage." She whispered, standing up and walking out of the room.

"River." Jack followed her, keeping up with her fast pace. "If he was going to leave you then wouldn't he have left you in the Library?"

"Well, he needs somebody to take care of his children when he leaves." She walked faster, trying to get away from him.

"River, stop!" He grabbed her arm, not afraid to take a hit from her. "Can you even hear yourself? Can you even hear what you're saying?"

"Get off of me!" She shouted, trying to shake him off before raising her arm to backhand him.

Jack cried out in pain as she hit him, forgetting how much her slaps could hurt. "What the hell has gotten into you, River?!"

"Am I not allowed to be upset and afraid that my husband is going to leave me because I just lost our son?! Because I'm not a good mother?! I'm sure any of the other girls he's travelled with would make much better mother's than I'll ever be. I couldn’t stop Kovarian from hurting Amelia, from hurting my son, and now he’s paid the price for me not being able to protect him!  All I've been doing lately is yelling and scaring the girls, and everyone else of that matter. I'm not good at this. I'm not meant to be doing it. It's exactly the opposite of what I was trained to do." She stared at him for a moment, a bit surprised herself at her outburst, then turned and walked deeper into the TARDIS.

"Your training is not you, River! You've been fighting the psychopath inside you all your life. Shut up and win!" He called after her. He knew he had pushed her farther than she wanted to go, but maybe it was worth it to fight against her on this.

He rubbed his cheek until the stinging from the slap dulled into an ache. He should go after her, but she could be miles away from him. That was the problem with an infinite and sentient machine that liked to take River's side. He was still foggy on the whole situation. River and the Doctor must've gotten into a huge fight for her to say things like that. He considered going to comfort the Doctor, but decided against it. Instead he trudged back to the girls room. Maybe they could help him convince his friends that they both still loved each other to the ends of the universe and back.

River didn't stop walking until she reached her parents old room, locking herself inside. She needed to be alone, needed time to think. Good things fell apart so quickly because of her. She sighed, sitting down on the bed and taking a slightly battered notebook off the nightstand. It was full of notes her father had written throughout his time on the TARDIS and she found it comforting just to be able to see and read his handwriting for a while. She wished he was there to help her, tell her what to do now, but he wasn't and reading the notes would have to do.

_Nov. 24 (Not sure what year)_

_The Doctor insisted that we celebrate Thanksgiving. It's an American holiday that I've never celebrated before, but I wasn’t as opposed to it as I thought I might be. He "accidentally" took us to a Halloween party with Marilyn Monroe. Amy was drinking much more than she should be and the Doctor seemed somewhat awkward around her, but that again, Amy has that effect when she’s drunk. She told me about a woman named River who flirted with the Doctor like Marilyn was. She thinks she's his future wife but I think she’s his sister. The Doctor isn’t the marrying kind._

River smiled weakly, running a finger over the writing. Early days, back when they didn't know who she was. She ignored the bits about Marilyn, it had been before they were married so it would be stupid to be angry over it, just like it had been stupid to get angry over him bringing other women on board. She flipped forward a few pages, finding entries from after he had found out who she was.

_Mar. 14, 2011_

_The Doctor has been gone for a month now. Amy insists that a month is nothing for him, but I can tell she's anxious about it. She's always anxious about something, but it helps when Melody visits. She's coming today and I still can't get the recipe right for the scones. I hope she doesn't mind eating a few burnt ones. It's like meeting her all over again, even though I've known her my entire life. It's still confusing at bits when she visits us and we've done things she hasn't, but most of the time it's the other way around. I can tell there's things she wants to tell us but knows she can't._

_\------_

_She said she got pardoned from prison while ago, but I think there will be times when she visits us and still hasn’t. She said to pour an extra glass of wine next time we have some. ‘Spoilers’ I suppose, but I think we're getting another visit soon. She comes often now that she's not in prison. Half the time I think it's for comfort about something we don't know about yet. Maybe we'll never know, but I wouldn't mind._

River sniffed, closing the book and holding it close to her chest as she curled up on the bed. As much as she loved reading the entries and took comfort in them, they reminded her that she never got to say goodbye to her father and only briefly to her mother. Amy had spent most of her last minutes saying goodbye to the Doctor. She had written the afterward for the Doctor. River had just been told to be good and look after him. Even when she dropped off the novel to be published, the closest she could get was a few weeks before they arrived in Manhattan in 1938. She had needed a contact to finish the job for her.

River sighed again, closing her eyes. She had to imagine that her parents were with her son now, taking care of him, and she had to move on. She fell asleep on Amy and Rory's bed, trying to fight nightmares and bad thoughts. The notebook was still clutched tightly to her, her face buried in the pillows that still smelled like her parents.

"Mummy!" Freya and Amelia had started banging on the door. River jumped, her eyes snapping open. She clutched the notebook tighter, not answering the girls calls or unlocking the door. "Mummy, we found you and that means you have to come out now!" They called. She stared at the door, not making any noise. Maybe if she stayed quiet, they would go away. "Mummy, uncle Jack said you were playing hide-n-seek with daddy and he couldn't find so we helped and now you have to come out because we won!"

She frowned, not liking that Jack was trying to involve the girls in the argument she was having with the Doctor. She continued to stay quiet, hoping that they would leave and go back to playing.

“I don't think she's here, Mia." Freya frowned at her sister.

Amelia crossed her arms and banged on the door once more. "Mummy, if you're in there then you cheated by not coming out and you have to do the jumping-jack penalty!" If any one cheated at one of their games, they were required to do ten jumping jacks as a penalty. With that, they walked off to investigate another room.

She sighed in relief, sliding off the bed to sit on the floor. The TARDIS hummed, trying to comfort her River as she often tried to. It was hard to do with out words, but words were too complicated to say when you didn't have a mouth.

River curled tighter in on herself, feeling like a fool. She had been stupid to fight with the Doctor. She had tried to argue with him over something silly, something she had misjudged and it felt stupid now. She wanted to apologize to him, but the more she turned it over in her head, the more she was convinced that he wouldn’t accept her apology and the more she thought he hated her to the bone. She was blinded by her emotions and was tired of being afraid, tired of making the same mistakes over and over. She wanted her Doctor.

"But she must hate me by now! She'll never want to talk to me! Jack please!" The Doctor struggled against the man who was practically dragging him by the ear to the room River was in.

Jack was sick of this. He had talked to River who said that she loved him but he didn't love her. When he had talked to the Doctor he said he loved her to bits but she hated him. There were some people who would let the two figure things out for themselves, but Jack was not that kind of person. He would lock them in a room for days if he had to. River had been in that room for hours and if she didn't come out he would probably break down the door. "River, unlock the damn door right now or I'll break it! I don't know what the hell is going on with you two, but it's going to get solved, now!"

She got up opening the door. However as soon as she saw the Doctor, she closed and locked it again.

"I told you. She hates me now." The Doctor said quietly to Jack, his voice wavering. His eyes looked drained and lost, thinking that River had probably thrown away the ring.

Jack glared at the door and banged on it with a closed fist. "River open this door now or I'll open it for you!" She stood away from the door, refusing to open it. Maybe the Doctor was there to tell her to leave, tell her to pack her things and go because he was tired of having to deal with her.

Jack waited a few moments to see if she would listen. "Stand back!" He called to her when the door remained closed. He delivered a few forceful kicks to the wood before it cracked. He stuck his arm through the splintered hole and reached for the knob to unlock it himself.

She turned her back to the door, refusing to look at any of them as they came in. Jack didn't recognized the what room this was. He had never actually met the Ponds, let alone see their bedroom. He pushed the Doctor in front io him and the man stumbled, his stomach knotting when she wouldn't look at him. Jack blocked the exit. "Now. You two are going to _talk_ to each other. And neither of you are leaving until you do."

River was silent and trembling. She was sure the Doctor was going to shout at her, and tell her that he had had enough of her fits and tantrums and wanted her out of the TARDIS because he wasn't going to put up with it anymore.

The Doctor looked between River and Jack. Jack glared at him as if daring him to try and leave. River's silence just made him more and more anxious. He would be on his knees begging for her to forgive him for being an idiot if he didn't think he'd get kicked. He took a breath being the first to break. He usually was. "I know you hate my guts, River... but... I was an idiot for saying any of those things to you. I was a thick, daft, and jealous idiot like I always am. I don't know why you put up with me, but..." His voice was wavering again and he swallowed. "Please, please don't leave me...."

She shook her head, visibly shaking now. "Doctor, you don't have to say that, you don't have to pretend to want me. If you want me to go, I-I can. I know I've been hard to deal with lately, and I don't blame you for being tired of me, especially after I lost our baby. I've tried so hard not to let you down, not disappoint you, but I-" Her voice broke, tears threatening to spill over as she collected herself and continued, "I know I'm not young anymore and I know I haven't been a very good mother for the girls lately, and your happiness is so important to me. I'm sure there are a million young, beautiful girls out there that would be a far better wife and mother than I've been, a woman that can give you a healthy baby." Thinking about the baby nearly broke her all over again, "I meant every word I said when I put the ring on you, but if you want mine back, I understand..."

"River, I don't want that ring anywhere but on your finger." He was shocked by all the things she'd said, but he finally knew now why Jack was making a big fuss about all of this. He moved towards her, tugging on her shoulder to turn her around and face him. "Why in the universe would you think I'd want you to leave just because you're not as young as you once were. I'm over a thousand years old and you still put up with me and all of the stupid things I say and do. I may be an idiot, but I'm not the kind of person who would trade his wife for a younger version. I wouldn't trade you for anything. You've given me so much and in return I was harsh to you and if there's any moment I could rewrite it would be that one. I've never blamed you for anything that happened to us and you were never a disappointment to me, River. You're everything I ask for and nothing, especially not some fight, could change that..”

She fell against him, wrapping her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly and squeezing her eyes shut, trying not to cry. "I was harsh with you too. I over reacted about all of your friends. I thought...I thought maybe they...." She shook her head, holding him tighter, a few tears falling from her eyes, "But what about another baby? Don't you want a son?"

His arms automatically tightened around her. "Not if it means I can't have you." Her mere touch warmed his whole body and made him relax after all that time thinking she hated him to the core. He stroked the back of her head with one of his hands. "You're more important to me and we already have two beautiful and amazing children. Two beautiful and amazing pieces of us."

Her tears dripped down onto his shirt, her legs giving out from beneath her and she pulled him to the floor. "I wish I could give you a son. I know how excited you were for him and I-" She had to stop, burying her face in the nape of his neck, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Please, forgive me."

"There's nothing to blame you for, River. This wasn't your fault there was nothing you could've done to prevent this." His voice was gentle and soothing in attempt to calm her. "It's okay, River. I never blamed you and you are always forgiven."

She began to calm down, taking comfort in his words. A part of her would always think it was her fault, but his words comforted her and made the pain a bit more bearable.  Neither of them had noticed that Jack had left, the Doctor probably couldn't care less at the moment. All he cared about was River in his arms and that she had forgiven him for saying all of those terrible things.

She pulled his hand into her lap, wanting to see the ring on his finger. It was still there, the metal still shining and stone still smooth. He was a bit taken back that she'd think he would've taken it off, but let her examine his hand. She touched it a few times, running her finger over it almost as if making sure it was real and that she wasn't just imagining it.

After a minute or so, she held up her own finger, wanting to show him that she still had hers on as well. He smiled weakly before bringing her hand to his lips and kissing the ring. He held her hand to his cheek feeling her warm palm against his skin. She smiled back at him, her hand curling around his cheek, stroking it with her thumb, "I love you, so much."

"And I love you, River. Always." 


	51. You'll Find Him Next to Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Healing is a long processes.
> 
> Title from Stay by Rihanna.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so short chapter, but thanks to this snow day, I'm able to update! So enjoy and don't forget to comment.

CH 51

 

"I should probably find the girls." River sighed after a while in his arms, giving his hand one last squeeze. The Doctor hummed in agreement, but didn't move yet, not wanting her to leave his arms. She stood up after another few minutes, lightly tugging on his arm to get him to go with her as she began walking out of the room.

He trailed along after her, eventually catching up and wrapping his arm around her waist, pressing a kiss to the side of her head. She beamed, resting her hands on his just as Amelia and Freya came bounding down the call, closely followed by Vastra and Jenny.

"Mummy! Daddy found you!" Amelia attached herself to one of River's legs while Freya wrapped her arms around the other. "You weren't cheating, were you?"

"Of course I wasn't cheating!" She smiled, scooping Amelia up and kissing her cheek. "I hope you've been being good for Auntie Vastra and Auntie Jenny."

She nodded happily and sloppily planted a kiss on her cheek. "We were about to read Winnie the Pooh!"

"Oh, I see. Would you like me to tell you a story instead?" River asked, already escorting them all towards the girl's reading room which was filled with books and plush couches, pillows and chairs.

"Yes." Both the girls nodded eagerly. "But I want Auntie Vastra and Jenny to stay!" Freya insisted.

She nodded, sitting down on one of the couches, Freya waiting until the Doctor sat down so she could scramble onto his lap. "Auntie Vastra and Jenny can stay if they'd like. They're more than welcome to. What story would you like? One about when your father and I got married? Or about when we found out we were going to have you two? Or something else?"

"Will you tell us a story about grandad and grandmum?" Amelia asked, clambering into River's lap.

She frowned,"Maybe not tonight, love. How about something else?"

She pouted. "But that's what you said last time we asked for a story about them. Pretty please, mummy?"

River sighed, "Sweetie, sometimes it's very hard to talk them and tell stories."

"Why?" The girl didn't understand that even telling her about the happy memories of her grandparents would make her mother upset.

"Well, sometimes the happy memories are the hardest because it makes me think about how I won't be able to make any more." She whispered, "Now, is there another story you want to hear?" She asked, wanting to change the subject.

Amelia pretended to ponder but she already knew what her second choice was. "Tell us about sneaking out of the... um..." She tried to remember the name of the prison River had been in. They thought her stories of Stormcage were very funny since most of them involved how she'd tricked the guards. Sometimes she and the Doctor would even act it out for them.  

River’s smile returned, "Have I ever told you about the time I broke using only my extra special lipstick and a marker?" Amelia shook her head. River had told them about the Pandorica, briefly mentioning that she used her 'extra special lipstick' to break out, but hadn't gone into further detail about it. "Well, one night in Stormcage, I got a call that your daddy was in trouble and I needed to get out of my cell very quickly. The guard that was working was new, and so I was able to use my special lipstick on him. He got very confused at first, and while he was distracted I stole his keys and drew a stick lady with curly hair on the wall. I was able to walk out without a problem, and when he finally came around, he thought the drawing was me."

"Have you ever used your special lipstick on daddy?" She giggled.

Her smile grew wider, "Oh, sweetie, I don't need to use my special lipstick on daddy." She leaned in and pressed a kiss to his lips. The Doctor was surprised by the kiss, but immediately kissed her back until he realized that he and River were not the only ones in the room. River pulled back smiling softly. "I love you."

"I love you, too." He whispered close to her ear, ignoring the disgusted noises from their children.

"Daddy?" Freya asked, standing up on his lap, interrupting them, "Is mummy going to have another baby?"

He was completely caught off guard by her question, not sure if she was wondering whether River was pregnant again or if she would ever would be again. "I... um..." He looked desperately at River to help him out on this.

"What do you mean, love?" River asked softly, trying not to appear upset by the question.

Freya pointed to River's middle. "You said the baby was growing in there. But then it came out  too early and wasn't working so you can grow another one, right? An' then me and Mia can be big sisters."

She bit her lip, "Well...There isn't one in there right now. And I'd want you two to be big sisters, but...Freya, I don't know if my belly will be able to grow any more babies." She glanced up at the Doctor, pleading with her eyes for help.

Freya looked up at her parents, not understanding.

"There's a special organ in mummy's belly that a baby grows in. Sometimes... it can become damaged in a way that won't let it grow a baby properly any more."

"So, Mummy is never going to have a baby? And I'm never going to have a baby brother?" She asked, frowning.

The look on her face made him feel terrible. "I don't know, sweetheart. I... It's not impossible for it to happen, but..."

"I'm so sorry, Freya." River whispered, her heart aching for her daughters.

"But I want a baby brother." She said sadly, moving onto River's lap with Amelia and snuggling close to her mother.

"I want you to have a baby brother too, but...." River swallowed, hating that she couldn't give her children what they wanted. She hugged them tightly, afraid that if she didn't, she'd lose them too

"Will you try?" She sniffed.

She nodded slowly, "Yes, I'll try."

"Soon?"

She glanced over at the Doctor. "Yes, soon, sweetheart. If Daddy wants to try soon."

"What does daddy have to do with it?" She didn't know that her father had anything to do with putting a baby in her mother’s belly.

"Well, if a mummy and a daddy _both_ want a baby, then a baby will be able to grow." She covered, the girls weren't old enough to find out the real reason why daddy was involved. "Do...do you want to try soon?"

The Doctor looked at her not wanting to talk about it in front of their daughters. He certainly didn't mind trying even if they had to wait a few weeks like they did after Amelia and Freya were born. Trying was the fun bit, but he didn't think River was ready to try for another baby, let alone ready to try for one. Even if she managed to get pregnant again, would the baby even survive long enough to be born? He swallowed, changing the subject, "Why don't we get you girls to bed, yeah?”

River nodded, lifting Freya up. He lifted Amelia and followed after River. Vastra and Jenny also joined them in the girls room as they were tucking them into bed. "Mummy, will you sing us a song?" Freya yawed.

She bit her lip, "Well...um...Not tonight, love." She whispered, kissing her forehead.

"Please?" Amelia joined in with her sister on begging her mother.

"I'm very tired girls, not tonight."

"Aww..." Freya pouted, snuggling into her blankets.

"Maybe tomorrow." She kissed Amelia’s head. Inturn, she reached up to hug her mother, rubbing her nose against hers. River hugged her back, doing the same for Freya before leaving the room. Jenny and Vastra stayed put as the Doctor went to follow her, knowing that their friends had things they needed to talk about in private.

River walked ahead of him, her arms wrapped around her body. He put a hand on her shoulder as he caught up to her, not needing to ask what was wrong. "I didn't think she’d ask that so soon." She whispered.

“Time goes slower when you're that young. A long time to her may be a short time for us." There really was no point in telling her this, but it was all he could say to comfort her.

She turned towards him, burying her face into his neck, "I'm not ready to try again." She breathed, "I don't even know if I can have another baby."

"I know, River. I know." He stroked the back of her head and wrapped his other arm around her. "You don't have to. We don't have to try again."

"But I promised." She whispered, squeezing her eyes shut, "I've already broken so many promises, I can't break another one."

"They'll understand if they can't be big sisters." He instinctively held her tighter. "They'll understand eventually."

"They're going to hate me." Her voice was shaking, "I don't want them to have to understand, I want them to be big sisters. I want you to have a son."

"And if that can't happen it's not your fault, love. They're not going to hate you." He sighed wishing he could just snap his fingers and make things better.

She sighed as well, taking a deep breath and pulling away. "We don't need to try again." He repeated, looking directly at her. "You don't need to put yourself under that kind of pressure."

"I want to." She whispered, "Not now, but eventually..." She trailed off, looking up at him, "Do you not want to?"

"Of course I want to. But if you're not ready or you don't think you can undergo that..." If River wanted to try for another baby he was all for it, but he didn't think either of them would be able to handle another loss.

She bit her lip, "I think we need time... We need more time to get over what's happened before we sit down and talk about this anymore. I don't want to say something I'm going to regret later." He nodded in agreement.

He knew that they couldn't really even consider trying to conceive until she was fully recovered from the birth and what had happened with Kovarian, both physically and emotionally. That would be a couple of months. "Why don't we go to bed. I know it's a little early..."

"No, no it's fine. Bed sounds nice." She managed to force a weak smile, wrapping her arms around him and beginning to walk towards their room.

"Did you ever see where Jack went?" He asked as the walked into their room. It occurred to him that he hadn't seen Jack since he made them apologize to each other.

"Oh...no I haven't." She frowned, holding him a bit tighter.

He shrugged. "I guess he'll show up." It was a bit unusual for him to disappear like that, but they'd had a rough day and didn't need to think about any more problems.

"We should really thank him when he does." She nodded, too exhausted to think about where he may have gone.

"We don't have to buy him a gift, do we?" He joked, pulling back the covers and slipping his jacket, shoes, trousers, and braces off. He didn't want to bother changing into pajamas.

She smiled, "No, we don't have to buy him a gift." She murmured, sliding off her shoes and crawling into bed beside him.  

He pressed himself close to her, it feeling wonderful to just have her there after everything."Good." He said, already starting to fall asleep.

"I love you." She yawned, nestling into his warmth.

"I love you, too." He whispered, pressing a kiss to her forehead. She fell asleep smiling, curled up against him.

 

 


	52. Here Comes a Candle to Light You to Bed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uncle Jack soothes Amelia after a nightmare
> 
> Title from season 6 of Doctor Who "God Complex"  
> "Here comes a candle to light you to bed  
> Here comes a chopper to chop off your head  
> chop  
> chop  
> chop  
> chop."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, sorry for the shortness of the chapter, but it think it's an interesting one. So Bea and I wanted to develop the girls a bit more since we've so far only seen them interact with their parents, really. Since River is the main character (and the Doctor, too, but River more so) we don't get to see as much of the other character's actions, let alone how they act around people who aren't the main characters. Anyway, I just thought it'd be good to have a scene with good ol' uncle Jack and the girls. Enjoy and don't forget to comment!

CH 52

 

Jack was on his way to River and the Doctor's room. It was about one in the morning, or at least that's what his watch told him. He was accustomed to going to bed this late but the TARDIS had hidden his room so he wandered about trying to find River or the Doctor or both to try and get one of them to talk some sense into the old girl. He passed Vastra and Jenny's room, but didn't dare try and wake them. After wandering around more, he found himself in front of his nieces room. He liked to call them his nieces like they liked to call him uncle. He poked his head through the door.

Amelia and Freya were sitting on Freya's bed under a blanket with a flashlight, coloring pictures. They immediately switched off the light when they heard the door move, giggling and hushing each other, knowing they shouldn't be awake. Jack pretended not to hear the giggles as he approached the bed and reached his hand down. He felt the tops of each of their heads but played along and said, "Wow, Freya's grown a bump and a lump since that last time I saw her."

Freya giggled, and Amelia shushed her, trying not to giggle herself. "Hmm. I wonder if Amelia's gotten any weird lumps, too. They might be contagious." He went over to Amelia's bed, trying to act shocked when he found it empty.

"Surprise!" Amelia laughed, poking her head out from underneath the blankets.

"Hey! I wanted to surprise him." Freya pouted, scrambling out from beneath them as well.

"You both surprised me." He said going back over to them. "I thought you had just grown into a funny shape." He ruffled Freya's hair. "Now what are you two doing?"

Freya brightened when he said that, "We're drawing pictures. Look!" She pulled a bunch of drawings out from under the blankets. "This one is of Auntie Vastra and Auntie Jenny. This one is me and Mummy and Daddy and Amelia. This one is the new baby that's going to grow in Mummy's belly. And this one is Me and Samantha. And this one is me and you!" She smiled, giving him the last one. "I made that one for you!"

"Thank you!" He happily accepted the sloppily drawn picture, glancing over the other drawings. "New baby, huh? Is mommy pregnant again?" He tried to hide his confusion, knowing River couldn't be pregnant so soon after having the other one.

She shrugged, "Mummy promised me that she would try to have another baby for me so I could be a big sister. Do you think there's a baby in her belly yet?" She asked, rather impatient about getting to be a big sister and not understanding that she would have to wait a while.

He chuckled. "It takes a little while for a baby to start growing in her belly." He worded if so River would try to kill him for explaining sex to her kids. "It's like... when you plant a row of beans, not all of them sprout on the first try."

"Daddy said that mummy's belly might be broken and she might not be able to have another baby." Amelia butted in, hopping off the bed and sitting on Jack's lap.

"Well..." He wasn't aware that the stillbirth was caused by anything besides Kovarian. He still remembered every second of those ten days helping the Doctor search for River. "Maybe your daddy can help to fix it. He knows how to fix a lot of things. "

She nodded, "If he fixes it then she can have lots and lots of babies and I could be a big sister to all of them!"

Jack couldn't hold back a laugh at the image of a dozen little timetots running about the TARDIS. "I think one is enough, Freya. Babies are quite a handful."

"Mia and I could help! And Auntie Vastra and Jenny!"

"Even then, sweet heart, I doubt all of you could handle so many. And when you have a baby it takes a lot of energy to grow and then... have it come out. Your mommy would be awfully tired and she wouldn't be able to play with you as much."

She frowned, not liking the sound of that. "I don't want her to be tired."

"She won't be if she doesn't have so many babies. I think you could convince her to have two." He told her.

Freya thought about it for a minute, "I think I only want one baby brother. Then mummy only has to get tired once." She decided, smiling brightly.

He returned the smile, returning back to the matter hand hand. "Now, somehow I don't believe you woke up in the middle of the night _just_ to draw."

Amelia squirmed, cuddling her stuffed adipose, "I had a nightmare." She whimpered.

"Oh..." His imidiate instinct was to pull Amelia close to him and hug her tightly. "It looks like your sister did a good job of making you feel better. Are you still scared?" She hesitated, then nodded slowly. He kissed the top of her head. "Do you want to tell me what it was about?"

"The mean lady and the scary monsters got me." She whimpered, the memory of it upsetting her all over again.

"Did mommy and daddy tell you that the mean lady was gone?" He comforted. She nodded, sniffling a bit now. "They got rid of her for good. And she's never going to come back." He assured her.

"But what if the monsters come back?" She whispered.

Jack thought a moment. "What did the monsters look like?"

"I don't know." She whispered, "But they're mean and scary and they hurt."

"Hurt? They hurt you in your dream?"

She nodded, "And in real life. They hurt my leg and they shocked me."

Jack was speechless. The Doctor had told him that Amelia had been taken before, but he was never told any details besides that her leg had been injured. "Oh, Amelia." He held her a little tighter. "Those monsters aren't going to hurt you. You're safe in the TARDIS and you can always come to Torchwood if you need to. Your mommy and daddy will always be there to protect you. Vastra, Jenny, and I will always be there."

She looked up at him when he mentioned her mother, looking a bit worried, "Do you think my mummy's still going to love me after her new baby comes?"

"Of course she will!" He responded instantly. "Nothing will ever stop your mommy from loving you. Even if you stole all the cookies from the jar when you weren't supposed to, she would still love you." He pause a moment. "Not that you should steal the cookies..."

"But she's been yelling at me a lot and getting upset a lot and she's really sad all the time..." She pouted, picking up the drawing she had done of her, River and Mr. Thomas and handing it to Jack.

"Well, when you're growing a baby it can be uncomfortable and make you grumpy. Sometimes she doesn't know that she's being grumpy to you. But it's also very sad when you grow a baby for a while and when it comes out it doesn't…” He paused. “Your mom is sad about the loss of your brother, but that doesn't make her love you any less than she does."

"Will you stay with us forever, Uncle Jack?" She asked, hugging him.

He laughed causing her to bounce a little. "I would if your parents could handle that much of me. They wouldn't like me hogging you so much!" He smiled down at her. "There are people back at Torchwood waiting for me. Uncle Ianto is there. And Gwen."

"But we don't want you to leave!" Freya cried, moving to hug his legs, "We'll play all the games you want! We'll even play poker with you, we just won't tell mummy! It'll be our secret!"

"Oh, sweetie. I wish it were that simple. There's more to Torchwood than the people. We save Earth everyday from bad things and monsters. If I didn't go back, then Ianto and Gwen wouldn't be able to manage with out me." He scooped Freya up and put her in his lap next to Amelia. "I'm not leaving now. Or tomorrow. And I promise not to leave without saying bye. It won't the the last you see of me, I'll come back if I'm needed. I'll even come back just for fun."

"I want to name mummy's baby Uncle Jack so he can be just like you." Freya beamed.

He laughed again. "You'll have to have quite an argument to convince your mother to name the baby Jack. You might be able to persuade her to name it Jaquelin if it's a girl, though."

"Mummy promised she'd have a boy baby so we could have a brother." Freya told him, "And then we can name him Uncle Jack!"

"Your mom can't really decide if the baby is a girl or a boy. Just like she didn't decide to make you both girls. It just happens. Besides, what if you get a brother and then when he's older he wants he wants to be a girl instead?”

They thought about that for a minute, "Well...then he can be a girl. He...or she can be whatever they want to be! That's what mummy and daddy always say!" Amelia smiled.

He beamed at them. "Your mom and dad are very wise people." He ruffled their hair softly. "Now Amelia, are you feeling better?"

She nodded, smiling a lot more than she was before. "Thank you for making me feel better."

"That's what uncles are for." He said, proud of his title. "You two aren't going to stay up the whole night are you?"

She shook her head, "I think I can go to sleep now."

"Would you like me to tuck you in?" They both nodded, sliding off his lap and crawling into bed. He moved all of the drawings and crayons off her bed for her. He pulled Amelia's blankets up to her chin and tucked it around her sides before placing a kiss on her forehead. "Goodnight Amelia."

"Goodnight Uncle Jack." She whispered, yawning.

He smiled, moving to Freya's bed and repeating his actions. "Sweet dreams Miss Freya."

She smiled, "Goodnight, Uncle Jack." He turned the light out on his way out.

He pondered if waking up his friends was worth the risk of getting shot at by River. He shrugged and headed to their room anyways. River was quite content sleeping, curled up against her husband's chest, not waking right away when he came in.

Jack couldn't help the twinge of jealously at the memory of his old relationship with her. It left him as quickly as it came, thinking instead of his lover who was waiting for his at Torchwood. He would've just gone there and slept in his own bed if he'd known how to convince the TARDIS to take him there. He inched closer to the bed and poked at the blankets. "Hey. One of you break up this love fest and wake up!"

River groaned, cuddling further into the Doctor, "Shhh....trying...trying to sleep." She murmured.

He poked at her again. "Yeah, and I'm trying to wake you up. Your ship has some sort of grudge against me, it hid my room."

She groaned again, "Just...sleep in here." She murmured, her mind clearly hazy with sleep.

"In here? I'm not going to sleep on the hard floor  and listen you to do... what ever it is the you were doing."

"Weren't doing anything." She mumbled, shaking the Doctor's shoulders lightly, "Move over, love."

The Doctor made some sort of noise and rolled over on his stomach, barely conscious and unaware of the other man in the room. He was a very heavy sleeper, when he actually slept that is. She curled up against him so there was enough room for Jack, "Get in and let me sleep."

Jack's only complaint was the excessive amount of clothing that were on the two people who was was crawling in bed with. He wisely chose not to say that out loud as he shifted to make himself comfortable next to River.

River was completely asleep again by the time he was in bed. She was practically laying on top of her husband, wanting to be as close to him as possible even when they were sleeping.  The Doctor automatically wrapped his arms around her and burrowed his face into her curls. It would be quite an odd story when they woke up. They would have a lot of explaining to do, but right now he had his whole family right where he wanted them. They were safer than they had been in a very long time and he was happy exactly the way he was with River in his arms and, as far as he knew, just him and her in their bed.

 

 


	53. This Life Could Almost Kill You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A surprise waits for them as they wake, forgetting about the third member of the bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have another snow day today so here's an update. Enjoy and don't forget to comment!

CH 53

 

River woke up with a yawn, sleepily nuzzling herself into the warm body that was wrapped around her.

Jack was still half asleep as he felt River's head nuzzle against him. He hadn't realized that their limbs were tangled together, one of the Doctor's legs caught in the mix. He yawned as well, remembering that River had invited him on the bed last night. He tried to shift his arms free from the heap but couldn't manage to without shaking everyone too much.

"Doctor..." River mumbled, forgetting that Jack was in her bed and thinking it was still just her and the Doctor. She had yet to realize that there were two pairs of arms wrapped around her instead of just one.

"Mmm...?" The Doctor shifted his arms to pull River closer to him.

She smiled, eyes still closed, and leaned up, pressing a kiss deep to Jack's lips, thinking he was the Doctor, "Morning, sweetie."

Jack was definitely wake now. He tried to push her back but the Doctor was already leaning to kiss River's neck. Either Jack was having a very good dream, or his friends had forgotten about the third member of the bed. River giggled, moving her head to give him a better access to her neck, still not completely awake.

Jack pinched himself. Nope, not dreaming. Which was both fortunate and very unfortunate for him. He had to get out of there before they realized he was even there. He slowly tried to shift out of the bed. The Doctor smiled against his wife’s skin, holding her close as he placed kisses up and down her neck.

"Where are you going?" She whined, thinking the Doctor was the one getting up.

"I'm right here." He paused his kisses, raising an eyebrow, eyes still foggy with sleep.

She froze, her brain finally registering that they weren't the only ones in bed. Jack held his breath hoping he could turn invisible. She stared at him, her eyes wide. "Jack..."

"Er..." Jack tried to smile innocently at her but it was more of an I-at-the-pie-you-made-for-dessert kind of smile. She looked from him, back to the Doctor. She was hoping that her husband and been the one she had kissed before, but she had the sinking feeling that that wasn't the case.

The Doctor was sitting up now as well, completely shocked with no clue as to why Jack had been sleeping on the other side of his wife. "River, what the hell is Jack doing in our bed?" The question came out a bit harsher than he had meant it.

She shrunk back just a bit, "Doctor, I don't...I don't know." She whispered. When she had told Jack to get in their bed, she had been half asleep and therefore couldn't remember doing it at the moment.

Jack cleared his throat to get their attention. "If I may say something..." He ignored the death stare from the Doctor. "I came in here in the middle of the night because your ship hid my room. River... wouldn't get up and help me find it so I pushed you guys over and slept in your bed." He had a feeling that River needed him to take the blame.

"...What?" She looked back at him. That seemed to jog her memory a bit, remembering that he had tried to wake him up, and then told him to sleep with them. She looked back at the Doctor.

He believed Jack, his glare softening slightly. "'Rule 412: No crawling into bed with me and River. Ever. This is our personal space, Jack. And a don't appreciate you in my bed when I want to cuddle with my wife." Jack nodded.

"Doctor, he didn't...just crawl in to bed. I asked him to. He came in looking for his room and I told him to get into bed with us. And then this morning, I kissed him...I thought he was you. I forgot he was in here." She confessed. She couldn't let Jack take all the blame for this, not after everything he had done for them.

"You kissed him?” He echoed in disbelief, thinking back to the fight they had just had. He took a moment to think, knowing that immediately getting angry would not help anything. “You promise you thought he was me?"  If she had kissed him knowing fully that it was Jack he would've been heart broken. But this wasn't quite that situation.

"I promise. I'm so sorry, I didn't..." She trailed off, after the fight they had had the previous day, she didn't want to mess things up all over again.

He pulled her in close to him, pressing his lips against hers. "I believe that kiss was meant for these lips, then."

She felt a huge rush of relief, melting into the kiss. "I love you so much." She whispered, once they had broken apart, kissing his cheek, chin, forehead, temple.

"I love you, t-"

"Ahem!" Jack fake coughed, interrupting him. "Still in the room here, did you want me to go? It looks like someone's getting all hot and bothered."

She looked back at him, smiling, "No, it's alright, we'll stop. Besides, I want to go make the girls breakfast before they get up. I want to spend more time with them since I haven't been doing that lately." She gave the Doctor one last kiss on the lips before getting up out of bed.

He stayed in bed a moment watching River's hips sway as she walked to the kitchen and debating on whether or not to scold Jack some more for ruining his morning cuddle. Deciding a simple glare would be enough, he 'gracefully' got off the bed and put on his regular attire before following his wife to the kitchen. "Need any help?" He asked, snaking his arms around her and resting his chin on her shoulder.

She beamed resting her head against his. "Hmm...well I could use a few kisses." She purred. He grinned and kissed her lips, lingering a little before peppering her jawline with light pecks. She smiled into the kisses, turning so she could cup his cheeks and pull him closer. His hands started to wander her back and tangle in her hair as he moved back to her lips and deepened the kiss. She kissed him back until her lips were red and swollen.

"Well you two must've slept well I take it." A voice came from the doorway. River jumped at the sound of the voice, breaking the kiss and looking to the doorway. Vastra smiled gently at the pair holding a cup of cold herbal tea. "I must say, you both look well. Much better than you did last night."

She smiled, holding the Doctor's hand tightly, "Yes, we feel better."

"I'm glad." She stepped further into the room and paused. "I didn't mean to... interrupt you. I'd just like to heat up my tea."  

"No, it's alright." River let go of her husbands hand, taking the muffins out of the oven. "I made breakfast."

"How lovely!" Vastra put the kettle on and looked over the perfectly golden muffins. "May I have one?"

"Of course, have as many as you like! I should go wake up the girls and tell them breakfast is ready." She started to walk towards the door. "Want to come?" She asked the Doctor. He nodded eagerly, hoping to sneak in an extra snog in the hallway.  

They were hardly a few paces away from the kitchen before he had River pressed against the wall and was kissing her neck again leaving a few red marks where his mouth was. She whimpered, her chest starting to heave. "Doctor..."

"Yes, love?" He murmured against her skin.

"You...you know I'm not ready to do anything more than this, right?" She murmured.

"I know, River." He pulled back for a moment, smiling to show that he understood. "But that doesn't mean I can't snog you senseless."

She smiled weakly, "I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page and that you weren't expecting me to..." She stopped, hesitating before leaning in to kiss him again.

"I'm not expecting you to do anything you're not ready for or uncomfortable with." He said, cupping her face as they kissed. She nodded, pulling him closer to her, kissing him softly.

After a fair amount of kissing and a bit of rustled hair, the Doctor remembered that they had left the kitchen for things other than snogging. "We should wake the girls." His breath was a little heavy. She nodded, a bit wild-haired with red marks all across her neck and chest and red swollen lips. "I hope the girls don't get too suspicious." He grinned as they opened the door to the girl's room.

River laughed, pressing a kiss to his cheek before going over to Amelia's bed, stroking her hair softly. Amelia yawned and rolled over so her back wasn't facing River. She kept her eyes closed and buried her face into her pillow, hiking her blankets up her her chin. River smiled, leaning over to kiss her head. "Amelia, sweetheart. Time to wake up."

At that she pulled the blanket over her head, wanting to sleep in longer due to her late night. A sleepy and muffled  “No.” came from beneath the blanket.

"I've made special muffins for you." She tried to coax her, trying to gently pull the blankets off her head.

She poked her nose out. "Do they have blueberries or chocolate chips?"

"Half have blueberries and half have chocolate chips." She smiled, tapping her nose.

Amelia smiled, shrugging off the blanket and sitting up. She stretched her arms out and yawned again. "Can I have breakfast in bed?"

River thought about it for a minute, "Only if you promise to try and not make a big mess."

"Can I have breakfast in bed, too, mummy?" Freya piped up, wrestling off her blankets.

She smiled and nodded. "Let me go get everything for you. I'll be right back.” Amelia and Freya bounced excitedly in their beds. The loved when River made them muffins, or any kind of baked goods.

She left the room, returning with muffins for them both along with two glasses of milk. "Thank you mummy!" Amelia cheered, taking the glass with extra caution.

"Of course, my love." She smiled, scooping up Tiber as he rubbed himself against her leg. "Now, eat up, I have a very special day planned for us.”

"Are we going to the zoo?" Freya bounced nearly spilling her food. The Doctor glanced at River, wondering if they would be doing the cremation today.

She looked back at him. "Well, I have to talk to your daddy about it first." He certainly didn't have many objections to going to the zoo. They were much safer with the threat of Kovarian gone. His main concern was how strong River felt. She looked much better than she did a couple days ago, the Timelord in her helping recovery move along, but the healing process was still a slow one.

She pulled him out into the hall, squeezing his hand tightly. "I want to have a nice day out with the girls, before we have to do the cremation. I want them to be happy, and remember the happiness in their life before we do this. We can do the cremation tonight." She wasn't thinking about her recovery, she was thinking about her children.

He nodded and rubbed her arm to comfort her a little. "Do you think you're up for all of that? I mean... you're still healing. I know you feel fine now, but you should still take things slow."

She nodded slowly, "If I feel tired I'll take a rest." She was trying to be strong and show him that she would be able to handle it, "Don't worry about me."

"You know I can't help it." He kissed the tip of her nose. "Should we ask our guests if they'd like to come to the zoo with us?"

She nodded and smiled, "Yes of course, but I wouldn't be surprised if they'd rather rest here. Taking care of the girls can be exhausting at times."

"They don't seem to mind very much. Did you see the drawings on the ground?"

"What drawings?" She asked, having not noticed them before.

"Freya and Amelia made a bunch of them." He explained. "Some of us and there were a few with Jack, Vastra, and Jenny." He decided not to mention the one that had the baby in it.

She smiled, "That's sweet. I can tell that the girls adore them."

"Mummy!" Amelia called from her bed.

"What is it, love?" River asked, moving back into the room.

"I'm really sorry!" She said before she had explained herself. "I didn't mean to..." She held out her stuffed Adipoise, one of its chubby limbs damp with spilled milk.

"Oh, Amelia..." River sighed, looking her over. "Did you get it anywhere else?" She asked, taking the adipose from her.

"I think I got a little on my nightie..." She said guiltily.

"Alright, it's okay." She smiled warmly, kissing her head. "We'll have to wash your adipose and your nightie now." Amelia nodded and began to take off her nightie, still thinking River was a little mad at her.

She pulled her into her lap, peppering her face with kisses. "Don't worry, a simple washing is no big deal."  

The girl looked up at River, relaxing as she realized that she wasn't in trouble. "Are we going to the zoo today?" She asked rubbing her eye.

She nodded, "Yes, we're going to the zoo, love."

She cheered up at this. "Can Uncle Jack come? Pleeease?" She dragged out the last syllable.

"You can ask him, but don't be too disappointed if he doesn't want to come. He's probably very tired."

"Can we ask him right now?" She said, already getting out of bed to put on a clean nightie.

River nodded, scooping up the adipose and the damp nightie. "Go right ahead."

"Come on Freya!" She called her sister, both of them running excitedly out into the hall.

River smiled weakly as she watched them go. The Doctor sat next to her, reaching down to hold her hand. "River... you wouldn't mind bringing your guns would you?"

She shook her head, "No, I wouldn't mind."

"Good." He kissed the side of her head. "It's just in case." He added. She nodded, though her eyes seemed to glass over with worry.

He was about to tell her something along the lines of 'everything will be fine' when the girls returned, somewhat dragging Jack with them. "Uncle Jack said he'd come, mummy! And so did Auntie Jenny and Vastra if they get to finish their tea!"

"Lovely." She smiled, pulling herself outwardly together.

"Can we go soon?" Freya asked, her feet bouncing her on their own accord.

She nodded, "We can go as soon as daddy and I go get dressed."

They nodded. "Come on Uncle Jack! Let's go see if Aunties are ready!" They dragged him towards the door. Jack looked pleadingly back to River and the Doctor having a feeling they were enjoying this.

River smiled weakly calling after them, "Try not to torture your uncle too much!" Their giggles echoed down the hall as they went to search for their aunts again.

The Doctor stood up, offering his hand to River. "I guess that's our cue to go get dressed." She nodded, squeezing his hand as she walked towards their bedroom, trying not to worry.

They dressed themselves fairly quickly, the Doctor sneaking glanced at River as she changed. Lately, her clothes had been much less daring, much more modest than usual. She kept her back to him the whole time she changed.

"Mummy! Daddy! Are you ready yet!" Even though they were in the other room, he could still tell that the girls were jumping around out of excitement and impatience.

"Yes, yes we're coming." River called, laughing a bit and walking over to the Doctor. "Ready?" She asked, adjusting his bowtie.

"Huh? Oh. Yes." He smiled, stealing a quick kiss from her.

She glanced up at him, rubbing his chest lightly, "Everything alright?"

He sighed wondering if he should bother to bring it up. "Yeah... Everything's fine." He offered a smile.

She furrowed her brow, "Something's wrong. Don't lie to me, I can tell."

He stroked the side of her face. "It's just that you seem very distant...I'm worried about you is all. I can't help it." He said softly.

She frowned, tugging on her shirt "What are you talking about? I'm fine, everything's...normal."

He looked at her clothes. They weren't exactly not something she'd wear, but there was something off about them. There was something off about her eyes, too. That ‘extra River sparkle’ as he liked to call it, daring and flirty and ready to run into a battle just for the fun of it, wasn't quite shining through. He knew it would take time for her to heal from everything that's happened. Especially the loss of their son. "Daft old me, I must be worrying too much."

"You do worry about me too much." She whispered, kissing his forehead. "I'll be fine. I am fine."

"I know, River." He squeezed her hand, hoping she wouldn't slip away. "I know."  

"Today is our special day out with the girls, yeah? Tomorrow, it'll be our special day, you and me." She pressed her forehead to his. They needed a nice day out, just the two of them, away from the TARDIS. They needed to ‘re-connect’ in a way on the adventurous level.

He beamed. "That's a brilliant idea." He moved to kiss her again, but their lips were only touching for a second before the girls were impatiently calling them again.

She pulled away, smiling weakly. "I guess we have to go." He nodded taking her hand again as they started to make their way to the console room. 


	54. Goodbye is a Four Letter Word

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The cremation (trigger warnings for the dead baby stuff apply to this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, I basically cried the whole time Bea and I wrote this (and the next chapter), so I guess I should warn that some (many?) of you will cry too. Don't forget to comment and enjoy.

CH 54

 

River tried to be positive and have a nice time with the girls, though it was hard to shake off the thought that they would have to cremate her son later. Amelia and Freya insisted that they go to nearly every animal in the zoo, skipping the reptilian area at Vastra's request. "Look mummy! It's the Mantaphents!" Freya ran ahead of them pressing her body against the fence as if it would give her a better view.

"Yes, yes I see, love." She ran after her, bending down beside her. "Our favorite, right?"

Freya nodded jubilantly. "Can I go on your shoulders?"

"I think Daddy's shoulders might be a bit better, but I can lift you up." She offered, though she was feeling rather exhausted after running after them all day.

The girl nodded, still having an outrageous amount of energy in her. River scooped her up, holding Freya on her hip, "Better?"

She made a big grin, showing off her teeth as she point towards the Manaphant. "Can we have one as a pet?" She had asked this about every animal they had seen today.

"I'm afraid not, love." She smiled softly, "We already have three kittens."

She pouted, though it didn't last long since the Mantaphent decided to walk right by the fence. Freya reached her hand out excitedly.

"Sweetie, what did I tell you about touching the animals?" River warned, backing away from the fence.

"Sorry." She drew her hand back to herself, still staring at the large creature with wide curious eyes.

"Did you know that the Mantaphants are one of the nicest and gentlest, creatures in the universe." She smiled, kissing her forehead as they watched it.

"Can we go visit a planet where I'm allowed to pet one?" Freya asked, looking up at River.

She bit her lip, knowing that they had to get back soon to do what needed to be done. "I...um..." She looked back at the Doctor.

He ran a playful finger down the bridge of his daughter's nose. "Not today, dear. We can go some other time."

She pouted, "Why not today? I want to go today!"

"Because we have other things planned for tonight..." His smile faltered for half a second as he thought about the cremation. "And it's more fun if you save some adventures for later. If you do them all if one day, you won't have any left." He reasoned.

"What are our other plans?" Amelia asked, tugging on his sleeve.

"Er..." He looked desperately at River, thinking if he told them now if would spoil the rest of their time at the zoo.

"Come on, girls. There's lots of other things to see." River pressed on, moving onto the next exhibit.

Freya and Amelia exchanged glances. "Why won't you tell us mummy?" Freya urged.

"You'll see later, don't worry about it now. Let's enjoy the zoo, yeah?" She forced her best smile, pulling them along. River was saved by their short attention span as they spotted the next animal and excitedly ran over to the fence. This one was about the size of a dog and was nestled high up in one of the trees. It reminded the Doctor a lot of one of the creatures that used to live on Gallifrey.

River sighed, taking his hand and walking alongside him. She rested  her head against his shoulder. "You know they'll be okay, River." They watched their daughters run from exhibit to exhibit chattering away to eachother about how cute each of the animals were.

She nodded, "Yes, I know that. How are you doing?"

“As well as one can expect to be when they’ve lost a son.” He entwined his fingers with hers, changing the subject. "This makes me wish they could've seen the things that lived on Gallifrey..." He wasn't terribly saddened by the thought, only sad in the way one is sad when remembering something long lost.

"Do you think they completely understand what happened with the baby?" He voiced the thought as it popped into his head.

She hesitated, sadness crossing her expression. "I think..." She chose her words carefully, "That they don't understand why it's happened, or what exactly happened, but they know that he's gone. I think they understand that they're not getting a brother right now. They're still so young and because they never met the baby and they didn't know him before he… they don't feel the loss like we do. To them, it's like being told you need to wait a little longer to get the toy you wanted."

They had strayed a little behind every one else. Vasrta and Jenny were in front of them, just out of hearing distance, and Jack had offered to lift Amelia onto his shoulders. The Doctor nodded, processing what River said. It made enough sence to him, but would the girls accept it if they were never going to get a little sibling? "But... I'm not sure... if they never get the 'toy' they wanted would they be terribly upset?"

She looked down, stress lines visible on her face. "Would you be?" She asked quietly.

"No. I wouldn't be unhappy, River." He squeezed her hand. "I will always be happy as long as I have you and the little family we've made." He smiled towards the girls' laughter.

She smiled weakly, "I'm glad to hear you say that."

"Were you expecting me to say something else?" He glanced down at her.

"Well, I...I don't know. Not really, but it's nice to hear the confirmation. I want the girls to feel the same."

"I'm sure they will." He kissed her cheek.

"I don't know if I agree with that." She murmured, closing her eyes.

"We could always convince them..." He suggested.  She looked up at him,

"How would we possibly do that?"

"Well... um..." He hadn't really thought of that yet. It would be a lot easier if they were older and could understand this better. "I'm not sure." He admitted.

She sighed, closing her eyes again, her stress lines more prominent. He bit his lip wishing he could say anything to reassure her. She was right about this one. The girls would probably be very upset if they were told that being big sisters was a mostly likely not going to happen. Even if River managed to get pregnant again, there was no telling if she would be able to carry the baby all the way to term. He didn't want to put her under that kind of physical and emotion stress when she was already under so much. "We don't have to worry about this right now..."

She nodded slowly, "I'd rather talk about it more anther time." She whispered. He silently agreed, knowing well that another time could be a number of months.

River was quiet for the rest of the trip to the zoo, forcing the best smile she could, only letting it drop when nobody was looking. "Mummy, will you color with me?" Freya asked once they had come back to the TARDIS.

"Well, sweetie... We can't color right now." She whispered, kneeling down and pulling both girls to her, "We have to do something very important and serious tonight. When someone like us dies, like your little brother, we need to take care of their body. There's a special...ceremony that we have to do and so we're going to do that tonight." She explained.

They looked at her confused for a moment. Amelia was figuring out what 'someone like us' was supposed to mean. "...Like a Timelord?"

"Yes, exactly, sweetie." She murmured.

"But don't all people get special ceremonies?" She recalled gravestones and monuments they'd seen on other planets.

"Yes, but sometimes they differ, depending on where the person is from." River’s voice was quiet, thinking that it would be rather harsh to just come out and say that they would be burning their brother's body.

"So... we get a special Timelord ceremony because we're from the TARDIS?" She asked, starting to wrap her head around it.

She hesitated, "Well..." It was already hard to talk about. She looked back at the Doctor.

"Yes," He finished for River. "Timelords get their own special ceremony.”

"Why don't you two go and put something fresh and pretty on." She whispered, kissing both of their foreheads. The girls nodded silently and left the adults. There was something unspoken that their parents weren't telling them the by the way River's face fell they could tell it wasn't anything good.

River stood up, watching them go. "We should get everything ready." She whispered after a minute.

He took her hand. "Is there any place you think we should go?"  

She shook her head, "I don't know." She whispered, "Do you have any ideas?"

"I think..." He concentrated for a moment, thinking of places that meant something to him. One of the first things that came to mind was the house Amy lived in when she grew up. He didn't mention it though. Going there would just make things more painful than they already were. "I know a place... a planet." He began. Normally he was exuberant about explaining new planets, instead his voice was clam and low. "It's absolutely beautiful there. It's got four moons and little islands everywhere. They're covered in red flowers on the in-season. If you go during pollination it looks like all the flowers are breathing out stardust."  

She nodded, staring blankly at the ground, "It sounds perfect."

"...Do you want me to get him?"

She shook her head, "No, it's alright. I'll get him. You go get ready." She broke out of her trance, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek.

He stood there a moment watching her leave before quietly and smoothly piloting them to Fiikrunn. He asked the tree of his guests to go gather wood and matches before slipping down the hall to his and River's room to change while they left to find the items.

\--------------------

River had been holding the baby in her arms for the past fifteen minutes, fixing the blankets around him, touching his soft, cold cheeks. She refused to cry, she'd probably be doing plenty of that later. She sighed, cradling him close to her chest, walking back to her bedroom.

The Doctor was fixing his bow tie. His cloths looked a a bit similar to what he would wear to a party or wedding, though he had no scarf or top hat on, instead a black bow tie. He looked up at her as she came into the room.

She didn't look up at him, eyes glued to the lifeless baby in her arms. When she finally did look up at him, her eyes were sad and dull. "You look nice." She whispered.

"Do you want to change before we go?" He asked quietly.  

She nodded slowly, "Yes. Can you get one of my black dresses out of the closet?" She asked, sitting down on the bed. He nodded and started to sift through the clothes.

Some of her wardrobe was still her maternity clothes and he made a mental note to tell the TARDIS to not let River see them. He finally chose a simple black dress with a pleated skirt. "Here.."

"Thank you." She whispered, hesitating. "Do you want to..." She looked down at the baby. "Do you want to hold him?"

"Sure." A very small part of him still thought he would be handed a baby that would wave it's hands about and comment rudely on his chin. The rest of him quickly reminded himself that the baby would not be moving at all. She gently placed the baby in his arms, swallowing as she stepped back and went to change. She stood where she could see them, not wanting to let the baby out of her sight.

He ran a finger down the bridge of the baby's pale nose. He remembered the children he had lost on Gallafrey. He had never had to hold their dead bodies, never had to cremate them, never had to truly cope with his loss quite like this. Before he had just run and buried himself in other things like saving planets. He couldn't even try to run from this feeling of drowning when it was staring him right in the face. Would've been staring, but those small little eyes would never open.

"Are you ready?" River asked quietly, after fixing her hair and make-up. Her heart felt heavy and she was feeling nauseous, like she was going to pass out or throw up.

"Huh?" He looked up at her. "Oh. Yeah..." As ready as one could be when about to burn their child, which was to say not very ready at all. Regardless, he forced his legs to stand up.

She walked with him down the hall, to the console room and out the doors, where everyone else was already waiting for them. The Doctor looked from face to face, eventually landing on the girls who were crowded by Jacks legs. They looked somewhat anxious and stared curiusly at the white bundle in the Doctors arms. He glanced at River, wordlessly asking if he could let their daughters meet their brother for the first and last time. She nodded slowly, tears already welling in her eyes as much as she tried to fight them.  

He slowly walked towards the girls who had already come to meet him halfway. He knelt down eye level to them, his hearts beating faster than they should be and a lump in his throat. "Freya, Amelia..." He took a shaky breath. "This was your brother." His words felt like a knife on his tongue.

River walked up behind him, tears trickling down her cheeks. Amelia reached out to her brother, her curiosity getting the better of her. Her ran her finger lightly on his cheek, disappointment showing on her face when the baby continued to be still.

"He won't wake up, sweetheart." River whispered, finally kneeling down to their level. "He's a very special baby, and he has to stay asleep forever."

She frowned and looked at her parents, then back down at the baby. She knew enough to know what asleep looked like. This was not asleep. His chest wasn't rising and his skin was pale and cool to the touch. "It's not sleeping, mummy. It's something else, but it's not sleeping." She wasn’t familiar enough with the word dead to use it.

Her gaze shifted to the floor, the words stinging, as innocent as they were. "You're right..."

She looked up at River with wide and shining eyes. "Is there a name for it? The still-sleeping?" River couldn't say it, she could only nod. To say the words...she just couldn't do it.  

Freya peered over Amelia's shoulder at the baby, but quickly looked away. It gave her an odd felling to see her brother so still and lifeless. Instead, she moved to to River's side, reaching up to brush the tears off River's cheek with her thumb. River looked down at her, pulling the little girl into her arms. Freya hugged her back, wrapping her arms around her neck and nuzzling her face to her. "Did you ever get to meet him?"

"No..." She whispered, her voice breaking, "No, I didn't." She held Freya tighter, afraid that if she let go, she would lose her too.

The girl remembered the Doctor telling her that he was born like that. "Why didn't he wake up when he came out?" She couldn't stop the question from flowing as she tried to understand why this was happening to her family.

She swallowed, "I don't think now is the best time to talk about it." She couldn't talk about it, not now anyway.

Freya looked down. "Will _you_ be okay?" River’s distress was quite obvious.

She forced herself to nod. "Yes, I'll be okay." She lied, kissing her head.

"What's type of ceremony is it?" Amelia glanced at the neatly stacked wood and oil.

River bit her lip, "Well...Timelords are very special people, even if they aren't...alive." She paused, taking a breath, "So, we have to...burn..." She trailed off.

"Burn?" Amelia stared at her mother, with wide eyes. "But... Isn't that mean? Will he feel it?"

She shook her head quickly, "No, sweetheart. No, he won't feel it. It's a way to keep him safe, that way, even though he's not alive, nobody can hurt him. There's nothing to be afraid of, everything is going to be okay."

Amelia hung close to River's side. She believed her mother when she said it'd be okay, but she couldn't help but feel afraid of what was about to happen. River held her tightly, looking up at the Doctor. "Are you..."

He had straightened himself up, but couldn't bring himself to walk towards the pile of wood. He squeezed his eyes shut, holding tears back for as long as he could and handed the baby to Jack. He couldn't handle being the one to light the fire.

Jack gave the Doctor a nod and placed the dead child of time on top of the pile of wood, looking back at them. River looked as though she might pass out now, forcing herself to look at the baby, after all, it would be the last time she saw him. Jack poured the oil around the him and took the matches out of his pocket. He slowly lit one and dropped it onto the wood. The whole thing immediately started to blaze up and he backed away to avoid the heat. Jack felt sick, sicker than the night he spent with the girls listening to River's screams of pain as she birthed a dead baby.

River broke down into sobs before she could stop herself, her legs giving out from beneath her and she fell. The Doctor keeled down next to her, pulling her into his arms. He held her tightly, tears spilling over his own eyes. The smell of the burning flesh was enough to make him want to put out the fire right there and then. It reminded him too much of the Library and how the smell of River's burnt body had lingered in the air. He knew that they were past that, but it still stung to ever think about that day. It would hurt him to ever think about this day, too.

He looked away from the flames and out at the vast and dark sea. He had brought them at pollination time, and right on cue, the flowers released golden glowing pollen that danced and spun around them as they cried.

River’s chest felt like it was on fire as she cried. She had lost many things in her life, but a child, a child topped them all. A part of her, a life that had grown inside her and depended on her for protection. Protection that she had not been able to give it. This was pain she never thought she would have to endure. She couldn't breathe. She wanted to say how sorry she was that this was happening, that she had lost the baby, but she couldn't breathe. She couldn't form words. It was just wave after wave of tears as the pollen floated around them. Her feelings of sorrow and guilt and love for the dead child were overwhelming, and she tried to force them through what would have been her mental link with him, (though it was no longer there), to the point where she was trembling violently.

The Doctor managed to keep his sobs silent as he listed to the fire burn and crackle, though he was crying almost as much as River was. He could cry for a decade if he let himself. He could feel River's mental and physical strain to get back the mental connection with their son which only made him hold her tighter. He wished he could just squeeze the grief out of her and tell her things would be better soon, even if it was a lie.

Amelia and Freya sat down next to their parents not really knowing what to do. Freya had let more than a few tears escape and Amelia was on the verge of them.

It was about an hour before River had managed to run out of tears to shed. She clutched onto her husband, shaking, and sobbing tearlessly. "I-I'm so s-sorry." She managed, pressing her face against his chest, unable to bare looking at the fire anymore.

"It's okay, love." His words were shakier than he had meant for them to be. "Sh, it's okay."

She held him tighter if it was at all possible, "So sorry..." She murmured again into his chest.

"I know." He breathed against her skin. The light from the fire and glowing pollen illuminated their tears and made them shine on their cheeks. 'It's okay. It'll be okay." She turned her head back so she was looking back at the fire. Her head hurt, the force of the emotions through the empty mental connection still weighing forcefully on her.

"Mummy," Freya whimpered and tugged lightly at her dress. "I want to go home."

"It's okay, sweetheart." She whispered, pulling her into her arms, rocking her gently. "It's almost over. Everything's okay." She managed, though doubted by the tone her words had come out in that Freya believed her.

"Don't like this. I want to go home." She said again, obviously distressed by all that was going on.

"I....Freya..." She breathed. She could tell how badly the girl wanted to leave, but River wasn't ready to go. This was the last time she would ever be with her son, she wasn't ready to leave him yet. She couldn't bare to leave him just yet.  

Jack tapped River's shoulder. "Would you like me to...?"

She nodded, "Please..."

Jack took Freya and Amelia's hands. "Time to go back home." He said softly.

"No, I don't want to go." Amelia whispered, pulling away from him and running to hug Vastra's legs, a bit afraid to run to her parents at the moment.

"Why not? If you come back into the TARDIS, I'll make you hot chocolate." He bribed.

"I want to stay here." She insisted, wanting to be there for her parents, in case they needed her since they looked so sad, "Please?" She asked, looking from Jack to Vastra and Jenny.

"Your mom and dad need a bit of alone time right now. I promise you won't be away for too long." He urged.

She pouted, going and hugging the Doctor, then finally going with Jack. The grieving parents were left alone as the others went into the TARDIS. 


	55. Red are These Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part two of the funeral bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, three blizzards in a row means even more snow days for me. So here's an update. Don't forget to comment, and enjoy!

CH 55

 

The Doctor took a deep and raged breath as he tried to focus on something besides the fire. "Do you want to say anything?" River whispered, closing her eyes.

"What is there to say?" There were no words of 'rest in peace' that he could think of, his mind too clouded with the loss. She swallowed and nodded, tucking her head beneath his chin.

"...I wish I could've see his eyes." He said after a minute or two of their breathing and the sound of the water filling the silent night. She tensed, tears suddenly building again, though she forced them back. She opened her mouth to respond, but she couldn't. She didn't know how anything she would have to say would comfort him. "I bet they would've looked like yours." His words were just above a whisper.

"And your smile." She whispered, picturing his same lopsided grin on their son's face.

"His hair probably would still be curly like yours. Or at least a wavy." A smile ghosted in his eyes but not enough to reach the corners of his mouth.

"Doctor, I'm sorry, I..." She trailed off, pressing her lips together. She wasn't ready to talk about ‘would have, could have, _should_ have’.

He tilted her her chin up to look at him. Though his eyes still shone with the tears he was holding back, they also shone with his unconditional love for her and forgiveness. He never blamed her for any of this but she needed to know that she was always forgiven. Her eyes were frighteningly dull and empty. She was tearing herself up over what was happening, to the point where it was starting to physically show and she looked almost sickly. "River," He said her name like it was the answers to the universe. "You know that I love you no matter what. You know that this was in no way your fault?"

She looked away, "Please...we both know that's not true."

He went back over the complications in his head, sure that he could tell River that every single one of them wasn't her fault. If Kovarian hadn't taken her, she would've taken and killed Amelia and Freya. Then there was chasing Kovarian when she'd taken Amelia. Again Kovarian's blame though she had still been recovering from... the Library. His fault. He had sent her to the Library. He had gotten her and their son killed. Maybe if he had found another way to keep her safe their son would be alive. "It is true River. Everything that you did was to protect our family. Everything you did was to protect our daughters and if you hadn't, they'd be dead."

"But it shouldn't have been the baby or the girls. I should have found a way to save them all. Maybe if I had listened to you all the times you told me to take it easy and rest. Or if I had fought harder when Madam Kovarian took me, maybe I would have gotten out sooner, or if I had asked for the girls to sleep with us the night after I got back from the Library, Amelia wouldn't have been taken in the first place. Maybe if I hadn't gotten sick so many times, or if I hadn't stressed so much, then he would have been under less strain. I could have done a better job, but I didn't, I wasn't a good mother. And now he's gone and..." She buried her head in her hands, "And I've already promised the girls that I'd try to have another baby, but I don't know if I can. I can't break another promise...I can't..."

"It doesn't count as breaking it if you try and it doesn't work." He rubbed her back soothingly. "There's always something we could've done better. If I had volunteered to get the coffee instead of Rory. If I had been able to track Amy and save her from Demons Run before it was too late. If I had found away to save you from the Library without you having to die..." He trailed off at that last one, regaining his voice after a moment. "There's always something, but we can't always control things like getting sick or being stressed, especially with the life we have. River, you are a wonderful mother. Every parent makes mistakes, but that doesn't make you any less worthy of raising our children and it certainly doesn't make it your fault that our son didn't make it through the birth."

"They'll be so unhappy if I can't do it..." She whispered, "It doesn't matter to them whether I try or not, it's whether it actually happens. To them, if I can't have a baby then I break my promise. And I've let them down so many times already, I've let you down so many times. _I_ should be the one comforting _you_...."

"I'm fine, River." That wasn't really true but he would be okay one day. "I promise you. As long as I have you, I'm fine." He had nearly lost her so many times that having her alive and with him felt like a blessing. "We don't need to think about having another baby yet..." He wasn't ready to think about that. After all that they'd been through, he wasn't sure a third child would be such a good idea or that either of them would be ready. And if they couldn't conceive again would they try other ways? He wasn't even stable enough to think about it for very long.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, "I want to be able to do more than just be physically here for you. I want to comfort you, and encourage you and assure you like you've been doing for me." She whispered, her lips brushing against his jaw, "I'm sorry that I haven't been doing that."

"It's fine, love. It's perfectly alright." He didn't want her putting all her focus on him. He wanted her to focus on healing herself and getting through this. "Just promise me we won't lose each other getting through this." She nodded slowly, taking a deep breath. He cupped her face and kissed it gently. "We're going to make it through this."

"I know..." She murmured, forcing herself to get it together. "I know."

The fire was dying down ever so slowly which made him wonder how long they had been there. He slowly stood, extending his hand to River. She hesitated before taking his hand, slowly standing. The pollen was also receding from the air and resting as a dull haze just above the ground. His hearts stung as he looked at the fire for a final time, wrapping an arm around River. She stared at the fire, stumbling beside him. He lead her back to the TARDIS, his feet feeling like cinder blocks.

Once they were back inside, she turned around, one last look at the vanishing fire. Even after the doors were closed, she stood there, frozen feeling so hollow, empty.

Amelia was waiting for them in one of the pilots chairs swinging her legs anxiously. She jumped up when she heard the door open, running to the edge of the console platform. River pressed her head against the doors, trying to gather her thoughts and emotions. She took a deep breath, forced a smile and turned around. "Amelia, sweetie, did you get your hot chocolate from Uncle Jack?"

"But... I want to stay with you, mummy." She looked down at her feet. "You're sad... and I want to make you happy."

River scooped her up, kissing her cheeks. "I'm alright, don't worry about me. You always make me happy. Now, let's go get some hot chocolate, it's almost bedtime."

Amelia nodded, clinging to River as they went towards the kitchen. She was more upset by what had happened than she would admit. River hummed softly, cradling Amelia's head against her. She knew the girls would have to have time to wind down after what had just happened. "Do you want to watch a movie before bed? I'll let you pick whatever you want."

"Can we watch My Little Pony©?" She asked.

"Of course, love." She whispered, walking into the kitchen. Jack and Freya were there. Jack seemed to be trying to cheer her up with a joke as Freya sipped at a large mug of hot cocoa with a marshmallow floating around on the surface. She didn't laughed, but it amused her enough.

River set Amelia down in a chair, kissing the top of Freya's head and then going to make hot chocolate for Amelia. "Mummy, did you have to do that with grandmum and grandad?"

She set the hot chocolate down in front of her. "No, I didn't, sweetie. My mummy and daddy aren't...weren't Time Lords."

"Then how come you are?" Amelia asked, confused.

"It's a long story, sweetie and much too complicated for a night like tonight. I promise I'll tell you when your a bit older and can understand better." She smiled, rubbing her back.

"But I would be able to understand it fine now!" She protested.

She sighed, "Well, we have to watch your movie, remember?"

"We're going to watch a movie?" Freya asked.

River nodded, "Amelia said she wants to watch My Little Pony©. Is that alright with you?"

She nodded happily as it was one of her favorites. "I want Uncle Jack to watch with us!"

River looked up at Jack, her eyebrows arched, "Are you up for watching My Little Pony© with these two?"

He fell for the girls’ pleading looks. "It's fine with me."

"I'll go set everything up, you all meet me when you’re finish." She turned, leaving the room, her false smile quickly retreating from her lips.

The Doctor slowly sat at the table with them. "Are you feeling better Freya?" She nodded a bit, taking a sip of her hot chocolate. They sat in companionable silence until Freya and Amelia were done, chocolate mustaches on their upper lips. The girls walked ahead of Jack and the Doctor, feeling a bit better and excited to watch their movie.

River had the movie all set up for them, blankets an pillows covering the couch. Amelia and Freya instantly clambered into the blankets, making themselves cozy so only their heads were visible among the heap. River smiled weakly, handing each of them their favorite stuffed animals. "Thanks, mummy." Freya gave her a small smile, cuddling up to the stuffed animal.

"Of course, sweetheart." She smiled, sitting beside her and starting the movie once everyone was settled. Jack sat on one side of the girls, Amelia claiming him as her pillow and River and the Doctor of the other side of them.

He pulled River towards him still wanting to be close to her. She leaned into his arms, resting her head on his chest. He almost smiled.

The night went smoothly and by the end of the movie, the girls were asleep. River sighed, slowly moving off the couch and scooping Freya up, blankets and all and carrying her back into her bedroom. The Doctor followed with Amelia, leaving Jack to slumber away on the couch. Freya stirred slightly, nuzzling into the warmth of her mother. River's smile almost became genuine and she closed her eyes, remembering back to when Freya was just a tiny little newborn. Back when she could hold her with one arm, and Freya would fall asleep on her chest after eating. And now she was much bigger, unable to fit on her chest and quite squirmy at that, though she wouldn't have it any other way.

"Mummy," Freya murmured, her tone clouded with sleep. "Is my brother happy where he went?"

She bit her lip, stroking her hair gently, "Yes, I'd like to believe he's very, very happy."

"Can we visit him?"

She looked down at her feet, adjusting the blankets around her, "No, I'm afraid not. But, if you really want to, and if you think hard enough, maybe you'll be able to visit him in your dreams." Freya's grin would've been bigger if she wasn't already more than half asleep. "Goodnight, sweetheart." River whispered, kissing her forehead, then getting up to go back to her own room. The Doctor kissed an already fully asleep Amelia and followed back to their room.

River took in a shuddering breath, going into her closet to change out of her black clothes that still carried the smell of smoke. She pretended not to notice the maternity dresses that the TARDIS had left behind in her closet, though seeing them sent pains through her hearts. The Doctor waited for her on the bed, already in his pajamas. He saw her noticeably tense at the sight of something. He wondered if the TARDIS had forgotten to take away River's maternity clothes. He thought it very unlikely that a machine that existed through all of time would forget to do something.

Once she was changed, she slid into bed, trying to look as calm and relaxed as she could for her husband's sake. She felt like the TARDIS was taunting her, mocking her by leaving the dresses right out in the open, in the middle of her closet like that.  

He cuddled up close to her, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her body cose to his. He kissed her lightly on the nose and wordlessly pressed his forehead to hers. She swallowed, closing her eyes and rubbing his arm lightly, the image of the dresses burning in her mind. He didn’t ask what had made her tense, he didn't really need to. There were too many things that would haunt them for a long time and saying them out loud wouldn't help.

She nuzzled her nose against him softly, "You should try to sleep." She breathed.

He shook his head. "I don't need as much sleep as you." That used to be true, but over the years he had developed a habit of sleeping when River slept which was often more than a few hours a night.

"I know." She murmured, "But you've had a long day...."

He looked at her, his sorrow making his bright eyes dull. "I..." He sighed and closed his eyes. He knew sleep wouldn't come until much later that night, but he would try to sleep for River.

Seeing his eyes so dull only saddened her more. She ran her thumb down his cheek, giving him a soft kiss. "You don't have to if you don't want to."

He slowly opened his eyes again. Her face was much better to look at than what he saw behind his closed eyes. "The TARDIS left the dresses, didn't she." He murmured. It wasn't really a question since he had seen the maternity clothes earlier.  

Her eyes shifted away from his, her expression turning mournful no matter how hard she tried to hide it. "It's alright, I have to clean my closet out anyway."

He internally cursed the ship for making this day harder for River than it was already. If he wasn't so distraught he would've tried to look at it a different way: maybe the TARDIS was telling her that she would need the clothes again in the future. But at the moment he held his wife close as if he could make the memory of the dresses go away. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying her hardest not to break down all over again. She buried her face in his neck, sighing heavily.

He closed his eyes again, his chin resting on the top of her head. He tried to calm his mind until he got too frustrated to try any longer. When he opened his eyes the room was still the same. Quiet and dim. River was still pressed up against him and shutting away tears. He listened to her breathe. "I love you." He whispered against her curls.

She swallowed, holding him tighter, "I love you too." He buried his face in her hair that still smelled of ocean and smoke.  He was able to calm his mind by thinking about her touch and the way her curls tickled his nose. She was the only security he had in in this whole mess. She fell into a restless sleep, plagued by nightmares.

 

* * *

 

"River..." The Doctor attempted to wake her with soft touches to her shoulder. "River, wake up." She was shaking, her eyes snapping open and her breathing heavy. He sighed in relief. "It's okay, Riv. It's was only a dream."

"I'm sorry..." She whispered, taking a few deep breathes, "I didn't mean to bother you, I'm sorry..." She forced a smile, hiding the pain she was feeling, "I'm fine."

He didn't believe that for a second, but decided it best not to mention that she'd been thrashing around and nearly punched him in the ribs. "It's alright." He pulled her to him. He knew the next few weeks were going to be like this: full of nightmares and anguish. "It'll be alright."

"Really, sweetie, I'm fine." She tried to insist, not wanting him to worry her, though she knew he would no matter what. "I promise, I'm okay...Just try to sleep."

The word hung there in the air for a moment. He was dreading sleep, not wanting the nightmares that River wasn't able to avoid.  He didn't want to relive any of the moments that had caused their grief or create knew ones in his head. His head rested on the pillow, but his eyes remained open, afraid to be afraid. She watching him for a minute, then reached out, stroking his cheek softly. "I-I'm sorry..." She whispered, looking towards the closet, the vision of the dresses flashing in her mind again. "Do you want me to go make you some tea? To relax you a bit?"

"No, I'm good." He moved his hand over hers, keeping her hand against his skin. "I'll be fine."

"Do you want me to get you anything else?" She offered, "It would be no trouble, I'd be more than happy to." She was trying to make up for what had happened, though she never could. She was trying to make him happy in order to make up for the guilt of causing his sadness, to make up for her broken body, make up for being the wife he was stuck with.

"A kiss would be lovely." He smiled weakly.

She forced herself to smile, leaning down and pressing a soft kiss to his lips. "Anything else?"

He shook his head and pulled her down to him, wrapping his arms around her again. "Just you." Maybe if he kept her close he wouldn't have any nightmares. She settled against him, but she didn't close her eyes, too afraid that the nightmares would fill her head again. She traced words on his arm, words of love and apology and condolence.

He didn't want her apologizing and blaming herself for something she had no control over. He quickly traced 'I love you' on her shoulder and asked, "Are you going to go back to sleep?"

She tensed just slightly when he mentioned sleeping again. "I-...I can if you want me to."

"No," He said gently. "You don't have to." He squeezed her hand. "I think I will, though."

She nodded slowly, still rubbing his arm. "Okay..." She stared blankly over at the wall, her mind swirling. He sighed and closed his eyes. He wished he could replace all her grief with joy, at least for a few moments.

She tried to relax in his arms, laying awake as the hours ticked by, feeling more like years. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be a time skip next chapter, so look out for that in the notes.


	56. Hell in High Heels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Sontaran invasion doesn't take the romance out of River and the Doctor's date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT: There has been a time skip. This is about five months after the last chapter. 
> 
> Less important: Hello again! I meant to update yesterday. I've got February vacation now, so hopefully that means more time to update and write and things. Enjoy and don't forget to comment!

CH 56

 

The Doctor was breathing hard as he leaned against a cement wall that was currently acting as a shield for him. He had somehow managed to get ahead of River, but from the sound of her gun, she was holding up just fine. He poked his head around the corner to see if he could run back to her, only to have his head nearly blasted off by a Sontaran. He could've sworn that he'd done a background check on this town before leaving the TARDIS  but apparently he hadn't been as thorough as he’d thought. The first time in a long while that he and River were going on an actual, proper date and they end up getting shot at again. Times never seem to change as much as one thinks. "River!" He called, managing to get her in his line of sight without danger of losing a limb.

She glanced back at him, a laser shot zooming past her head and singeing a few curls. "Doctor! Are you alright?" She asked, starting to run back towards him, still firing her blaster off at the enemies.

"Yeah!" He knew River could fight better than anyone else he knew, yet he still had the urge to act as her human shield. "River, lookout!" A grenade was thrown at the nearest building with a thundering boom. The stone began to crumble over their heads and dust flew up around them making it hard to breathe.

She jumped out of the way as a huge piece of stone fell, coughing heavily as the dust filled her lungs and clouded her eyes. "Doctor?" She called, trying to find him in the dusty mess and make sure he was alright, "Doctor!"

"Sontar-ha! Sontar-ha!" The Sontaran's battle cry rose up drowning out most sounds except for rouge grenades detonating. If the Doctor had answered, it wouldn't have been heard.

"Doctor!" River shouted again, a bit more frantic this time. She couldn't see anything, what if something had fallen on him? What if he was hurt? The seconds dragged on and the Sontarans came closer. The dark silhouette of the Doctor finally stumbled in River's direction, coughing violently and holding his side.

She ran towards him, immediately looking him over to see what was wrong. "Doctor, what happened? What hurts?"

"My chest..." He sputtered out. "I think my rib-" He was interrupted another blast and the dusty shadows of Sontarans becoming visible.

"Okay, it's okay." She murmured, taking his free hand and squeezing it lightly as she stepped in front of him, shielding his body from the Sontarans with her own. "Do you remember where we parked the TARDIS?"

"I..." They started to move forwards, not completely knowing where they were going, fleeing the gun fire as fast as the Doctors body would allow. "I think it's this way." They took a sharp turn causing him to wince.

She was there for him to lean on if he needed, immediately caressing his arm and back, "Slow, sweetie. Don't worry, we'll be fine, don't push too hard."

"But the Sontarans..." They would almost certainly be killed on sight if they didn't keep moving.

"Shh, Shh, I'll protect you." She gave him an encouraging smile, glancing behind them, "I'll keep us safe, don't worry." He leaned on her a little more, giving into her words. River had done so much for him and their family, he had no doubts in her abilities.

Nodding, he slowed down enough to ebb the pain a little. "This way. It's by the restaurant." Which by now was probably in ruins.

She nodded, following along-side him. The Sontarans were far enough away for her not to be worried. Until they caught up, she was determined to get her husband back to the TARDIS safely without any more injury.

"River, did we get everyone out?" They had managed to evacuate the town but he wouldn't forgive himself if anyone had been left behind.

She nodded, "Yes, everyone got out. Don't worry, you were brilliant." She kissed his cheek, encouraging him to keep moving.

"We have to blow up the bridge." The town they were in was surrounded by water and connected to the mainland with a bridge.  "If we blow the bridge and disable their ship it will trap them long enough for authorities to get here."

River shook her head, feeling more and more relieved as they drew closer to the TARDIS, "You're not blowing up anything. You're hurt, you need to get back to the TARDIS before something else happens to you."

"But we have to stop them, they'll destroy the planet!" He insisted and they went around a large chunk of fallen building, the light of the TARDIS coming into sight.  

"Don't worry, I'll take care of it. You need to stay here and stay safe." She bit her lip, the TARDIS only a few feet in front of them by now, "I'll go take care of the bridge. Wait for me in the med bay, yeah?"

He hesitated and looked back at her. "Promise not to get shot?"

She smiled, kissing his cheeks, then his lips, "I'll do my best."

He lingered on the kiss a little longer than necessary. "I'll see you on the other side then." She nodded, turning and running off towards the bridge.

He made his way towards the med bay having a more difficult time without River there. He wished he could've gone with her, though he was probably more useful here. It's not like he could do very much with what felt like a cracked rib. He probably would've just slowed her down, but he couldn't help but count the minutes she was gone.

River was gone for much longer than expected. The explosion of the bridge could be heard, but she didn't return until nearly two hours after that. When she did finally get back, she ran into the med bay, a few cuts across her forehead. "I did it, everything's okay now."

"River, you're hurt..." The Doctor had been wrapping the large purple bruises and lacerations on his side when she walked in. Though he was worried, relief that she was okay mixed into his tone.

"Don't worry about it, it's just a cut, I'll live." She stood in front of him, taking the bandage from him, "Here, let me do that. How do you feel? Does anything else hurt?" Ever since the baby died, she doted on him and the girls, making sure that they had everything they possibly needed. He had gotten used to it, often saying he didn't need anything, though the girls had gotten River to play with them a bit more often.

"I might have sprained my ankle. It's not too bad, though."

She nodded, "I'll take a look at it when I finished wrapping this." She smiled up at him, "You were so brave, and so commanding when you were telling everyone to evacuate." She teased, leaning in to kiss him.  

"I can't take all the credit." He said against her lips. "You did... well, pretty much everything else."  

"Mmm, you know how much I love it when you're commanding like that." She giggled, making sure the bandage was secure before moving on to look at his ankle.

"Do you now?" His tone became more flirtatious, interrupter by a small yelp when River touched his ankle.

She frowned, "It definitely looks strained. I'll wrap it."

He nodded a bit too tired to protest. "You're amazing, River. You know that?"

She looked up at him, smiling softly, "No, I'm not. I'm just doing what any good wife would do, and I'm sure you'd do the same."

"Wrapping my ankle isn't the reason why you're amazing, not that it's not going on the list."

"Oh really? So why am I amazing then?"

"Well first of all, you just took care of an entire Sontaran platoon with no help. I only know about three other people who could do that alone." He started listing on his fingers. "You are the most brilliant woman in the universe and on top of that you're brave and beautiful, and clever and funny."

She gazed up at him adoringly as she gently wrapped his ankle, "That's very sweet of you to say, darling."

"I say it because it's true, love." He beamed back at her. It felt good to smile after the crazy day they'd had.

She stood up, cupping his cheeks in her hands, "I love you." She murmured.

"I love you, too." He leaned forwards and stole a quick kiss. "You should get your forehead bandaged."

She shook her head, "I'm fine." She whispered, keeping her face close to him and nuzzling his nose.  

"How did you get cut?" He asked, wrapping his arms around her.

"When the bridge blew up, I wasn't far enough away and I got hit with something." She murmured.

"You didn't get hurt anywhere else, did you?" He tilted his head up, his lips very close to hers, not quite touching.

She shook her head, "I did promise I wouldn't get hurt, didn't I?" She lied.

"Yes." He closed the small space between their mouths, kissing her thoroughly. "You did." She hummed against his lips, running her fingers through his hair. They had done this more often, the intimate touches and passionate kissing, but never went much further than that.

He melted into her warm touch, pulling her flush against him. She sucked in a sharp breath, pulling back just slightly when he did that. "River...?" He looked at her concerned. If he wasn't mistaken, that sounded like a wince of pain.

She relaxed, recovering. "Hmm?" She moved back to where he had pulled her.

"Are you okay? Did that," He brushed his fingers over her hip. "hurt you?"

She shook her head, fingers gliding across his cheeks, "No, just startled me a bit. I'm fine."

"Oh." His features softened as he relaxed again. "Daft old me. I worry too much." He leaned up to kiss her again.

She smiled into the kiss, murmuring against his lips, "You're not daft."

"I suppose not, but sometimes I can be."

"Sweetie, that's not true." She whispered.

"Hmm." He simply sided with agreeing since he didn't want to break the kiss. She melted against him, wrapping her arms around his neck. He let his hands roam her back, one of them getting tangled in her curls and the other resting on her hip.

She could feel the kiss getting a bit more intense, and she pulled back. "I'm sorry, I...I should go find the girls, make sure they're alright."

"...Right." He slowly drew his hands back to himself. "Maybe you should clean that cut first."

She shook her head, "I'll be fine. Don't worry, it's just a scratch."

"Yes but the girls might ask about it." From what he could see, it looked like a bit more than a scratch.

She bit her lip, frowning a bit. "Okay...okay I'll clean it."

He smiled weakly. "You were very brave out there, you know."

"Thank you." She murmured, "I was just...doing my job."

"Well you did it wonderfully." He moved to stand, wincing as he did.

She was immediately there to support him, "Are you alright? Do you need me to get you anything?"

He chuckled, "You've already asked me that, Riv.  I'm fine, it's just a cracked rib. Okay, maybe that's not _fine_ fine, but I'm okay. Really. It just hurts a bit."

"I know, I just don't like seeing you in pain. I want to make sure you have everything you need. " She smiled softly, backing away just a bit to give him some space.

He stood up fully, one hand on the cot for support as he tested out his balance. He took a shaky step towards River to make sure his ankle was okay to walk on, limping a bit. "Actually, some pain killers wouldn't be unwanted."

She nodded, immediately running to get them. "Here, and some water to wash them down." She smiled upon her return, holding the painkillers out to him along with a glass.

"My, my. You treat your patients well." He teased her, taking the glass and pills.

She hit his arm lightly, "Oh, stop it."

"Not a chance." He downed the pills along with the rest of the water.

She leaned over and kissed his cheek, "Good now?"

"Amazing." He smiled. She smiled back at him, turning and heading to the door to find the girls.

"No Uncle Strax! You're not doing it right!" One of the twin's voices floated down the hall from their room. Strax had volunteered to babysit Freya and Amelia while River and the Doctor were out. Though Vastra had business to attend to in London, Jenny went with Strax to make sure he wouldn't do anything like teach the girls about grenades and battle strategies.

River smiled softly, leaning against the door frame as she came to the room where the girls were with Strax and Jenny. Strax was in his traditional Sontaran armor, though the metal rim around his head was now covered in stickers of flowers and various Earth animals. Freya was drawing with Jenny as Amelia tried to show Strax how to use the toy wand in his hand. "No Strax." She said again. "It's not for whacking, it's for casting spells!" Amelia demonstrated with her own wand the motion of spell casting. River tried not to laugh as she watched Amelia and Strax, resting her cheek against the Doctor's shoulder.

"What is this casting spells you speak of? This is obviously a mighty weapon meant for whacking, little boy."

"Haven't you ever heard of Harry Potter?" Amelia asked in disbelief that anyone had gone without so much as hearing of that character. "You make magic come out of the end and it can do anything you want it to."

"Harry Potter? She sounds silly." He gave Amelia a light whack on the head with the wand.

She glared at him, poking him back. "Harry Potter is _not_ silly. He's brilliant!"

"Hello, girls." River smiled, interrupting before Strax could respond.

"Mummy! Tell Strax that Harry Potter's brilliant!" Amelia crossed her arms in a huff.

"Hmm, well maybe instead of telling him we can show him. Would you mind letting him borrow one of your books?"

"I have no need of books!" Strax declared triumphantly.

"Please Uncle Strax?" Amelia pouted, climbing onto his lap and holding onto the rim of his suit. "Harry Potter is my favorite!"

"...Fine, puny boy. If it will stop your irritable whining, I'll read it." Strax gave in.

She jumped up excitedly and ran to get her book. "Please be careful with it." She said, carefully holding it out to him.

He took it, examining it skeptically. "Very well." He placed it next to him to bring it with him when he left. "I will return your book in one piece."

"Harry Potter is the bestest! Mummy and Daddy read it to me every night! You'll love it and when you finish you can borrow the next one!" She exclaimed, scooping up her wand again and ‘casting spells’ around the room.

"Next one? You mean to say I have to read more than one of these books?" He didn't recall this being part of their deal.

"Only if you like this one. If you don't like this one then you don't have to read the rest." She pointed her wand at Mr. Thomas, trying to turn him into a toad. Mr. Thomas, mewed softly at Amelia, unfazed by her attempts at magic.

The cats had grown considerably in the past few months now looking closer to small cats rather than a large kittens. Amelia picked Mr. Thomas up, hugging him tightly.

Freya stumbled over to the Doctor, tugging on his trousers to get his attention.  "Yes, sweetheart?" He looked down at her, the smile still present on his face.

"Is there a baby in Mummy's belly yet?" She asked quietly so he was the only one that could hear. She asked this occasionally.  

"...Not yet, Freya." He felt bad telling her there wasn't a baby yet. He wasn't quite sure there would ever be a baby. He and River had been avoiding that talk for a while, already having too much stress on them. Maybe it was time to start having that conversation.

She pouted, "Why not?"

"Because..." He tried to think of something to tell her besides that he and River hadn't yet tried for a baby. "Because it takes a lot of tries and patients to make a baby. Your mother and I... are still trying." His ears flushed a little pink. He was not at all good at explaining these thing to a four and a half year old. Then again he wasn't very good at explaining it to adults either.

She sighed, going and hugging his legs, "Okay." He scooped her up in his arms and was about to say that everything would be okay and they would get a baby brother (or sister) soon when he realized that he would be lying. He didn't know if they would get that chance. It had taken him longer than River to realize just how much the girls would be upset if they couldn't be big sisters. He glanced at River deciding it was definitely time to bring the subject back up.

River was still occupied with Amelia, having not heard the conversation. The few times the girls had asked if there was a baby yet, they had asked the Doctor. They asked River once, and she had gotten so upset that both girls agreed to refrain from asking her any more and just stick to asking their father. "Mummy, what happened to your forehead?" Amelia asked. She'd been going on about Harry Potter that she almost didn't notice.

"Well, while Daddy and I were out, there were some people that needed to be rescued and while we were helping them, I fell and cut my head. Don't worry, it's just a scratch and I'll be just fine." She lied, kissing her cheek.

"Did daddy get hurt too?" She shifted at the mentioning of River falling. Though she was more quiet about it, Amelia wanted a little brother as much as Freya and hoped River getting hurt didn't affect their chances.

She nodded, "I'm afraid he did. Daddy hurt his ankle and his ribs so we're going to have to be very gentle with him until he gets better. Do you think you can do that?"

The girl nodded. "No jumping on him and no making him chase us."

She smiled, "Yes, that's my good girl."

Amelia recalled many times having to be gentle with River after she was hurt, though the Doctor was up and moving, not lying in bed. "Why isn't daddy in the sickbay?"

"Well, he wanted to come and see you, but you're right, he really should be resting." She said the last bit somewhat louder so the Doctor would hear.

He glanced up at her with a fake pout. "But, River, I only just got here!"

"But you need to rest so you can get better. Please, for me? I don't want you to over exhaust yourself." She looked up at him with the best puppy-dog eyes she could manage, walking over and kissing him.

"For you, love." He half teased and set Freya down. "Jenny, Strax, 'til the next time." He nodded towards them. "Girls, I'll see you later if your mummy lets me out of bed."

"Oh stop it." River laughed, walking with him out the door, "It's only for a day or so."

"Well then I do hope for a special visitor." He said softly.

"Hmm? Special Visitor?"

"You weren't going to leave me all alone in a cold and dreary recovery room were you?" He smirked.

She smiled, "Of course not. I'll make the recovery room all nice and warm and fuzzy for you." She beamed, peppering his cheeks with kisses.

 

 


	57. Now or Never

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Freya asked me again... whether there was a baby in your belly or not."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short little update for you all. Enjoy and don't forget to comment!

CH 57

 

They arrived in the sickbay, the Doctor turning to River to give her proper and full kisses. She giggled, pulling him closer to her. He wrapped his arms around her and they stumbled through the room until they reached the cot. She didn't really notice where they had ended up, too involved in the kiss. He pulled away gently, moving a stray curl from her face. "River..." He kissed her again, short and quick but just as passionately. "I think it's time," He bit his lip. "That we talked about something we've been avoiding talking about for a while."  There wasn't exactly an easy way to start this conversation.

"Talk about what, love?" She murmured, leaning in the kiss him again, not really listening to what he was saying.

"...Freya asked me again. Whether there was a baby in your belly yet." He took a breath. "I said it takes a lot of trying and I told her that you and I ...were still trying"

She tensed, _now_ she was listening. "Oh, I..." She stepped back, a shadow crossing over her face, "Oh." he almost immediately regretted bringing this up. He wished he could've kept the light on her face for a little longer, but they had to talk about it at some point.

He sat down with a sigh that was barley audible, motioning for her to sit next to him. She shook her head, "I'm fine standing." She whispered.

He fidgeted with his hands for a moment, knowing that she could walk out at any moment but really hoping she wouldn't. "We don't have to talk about all of it right now... Making love doesn't have to involve making a baby."

She shook her head, wrapping her arms around herself, "No, we're going to talk about this eventually, so why not now..." Her voice had grown quiet.

"Well..." He began. There was certainly a lot to talk about. "I don't want every time... we get intimate to become this. I want to be able have that intimacy with you without thinking about how much the girls want a little brother. Without thinking about anything except for you."

She simply nodded, not wanting to disagree with him on any of this. "Right, yeah..."

"But the thing is... I don't think we're there yet. It's always gonna be about a baby until we can tell the girls that it won't happen or figure something else out."

Her eyes snapped up to meet his, "I'm sorry, I-" She looked away, "So, you think it definitely won't work then?"

"I honestly don't know." He looked down at his thumbs. This conversation was making him feel more uncomfortable than he thought it would. "I don't think conceiving would be a problem." He slowly looked back up at her. "River, I know you said that your body wouldn't be able to carry again, but we never really checked or did any tests..."

She sighed, "Do you want to run some tests and see then?"

"There isn't much that can predict how a pregnancy will go. I could see if there's scar tissue that would cause strain on your body, check your egg count and quality... Is this really something you want to do now?"

She shrugged, although a part of her wanted to say no. "What's the point in waiting?"

"The point in waiting is to prepare your mind for any kind of result you might get." He slumped his shoulder tiredly. "That, and some of the tests take a bit more preparation than I'm capable of doing right now."

"The more we wait the more I'll worry about it." She swallowed, "I'll be fine if you want to run a few of the tests now."

"Say: Scan River Song- fertility data." He instructed her. The TARDIS would let him perform tests on River but some of the more personal tests, like this one, would only activate at River's voice.  

"Scan River Song- fertility data." She said, her voice trembling a bit as she did. She hadn't realized that her hands were shaking also.

"River..." He reached for her hands, cupping them in his. "Hey, it'll be okay. What ever the scan says... we'll be okay."

She nodded slowly, squeezing his hand and forcing a smile, trying to hide how nervous she was, "Yeah, I know. I'm fine." The scanner on the counter beeped with results and the Doctor stood, sucking in a sharp breath as he forgot not to put too much weight his ankle. River had meant to say be careful, but couldn't manage to get the words. He offered her a weak smile instead of saying that he was fine or that everything would be okay, again.

He walked over and retrieved the scanner, examining the data on the screen. "What does it say?" She whispered, walking up next to him.

"There's a lot of technical stuff that we don't need..." He scrolled through the numbers. "There's what the averages would be for a human and a Timelord, it combines the data for those to find out what the norm is for a human plus." He rambled. He stopped scrolling once he'd reached River's results. "Cycle: 29 days, Previous pregnancies (incomplete ones included): Four..." He looked up at her. "I thought you only had one miscarriage before the we had the girls."

She looked down at her feet, "No...there wasn't just one."

"I... oh." Was all he could really say. He wasn't sure when, but it had to have been more than six years ago. There weren't many words of comfort he could give her at this point. He looked back down at the screen and continued to read the data, skipping the part about cervical fluid and optimal time to conceive. "Here we are. Egg count: 3.4, Egg quality: 8.8." He looked up at her. "The egg count is by thousands by the way."

She bit her lip, "That's...it's not a lot." She whispered, "I mean, it may seem like a lot, but compared to what it would be if I wasn't so...old." She pinched the bridge of her nose, sighing. "Okay."

"River, it's not that off... I mean, on average it should be a 4.0..." He moved to wrap his arms around her. "You say 'old' like it's a bad thing."

"What, you think me being old is a good thing?" She tried not to look as upset as she felt, "Maybe if I wasn't so old we'd have a better chance of having a baby, or maybe or son wouldn't have..." She trailed off, squeezing her eyes shut.

He drew his hand back looking a little hurt. "River, you do know that your egg count has a lot more to do with chances of conceiving than the quality of fetus conceived?"

She sighed, nodding slowly, "Right...I'm sorry. I-" She hesitated, looking up at him, "I don't find being old to be a particularly good thing. And before you get all upset, you're not that old. Maybe in comparison to a human lifespan you are, but when looking at the lifespan of a Timelord, you're really not terribly old at all. You have regeneration energy and you look like a bloody twelve year old...you have centuries to go. I don't have that. We've had this conversation, Doctor. I'm _old_. I won't be around for as long as you will be, I don't have regeneration energy and I certainly don't look twelve." Over the past few months, her hair had gotten a tad bit grayer in some areas, mostly from stress but she tended to think it was aging catching up to her.

"I don't look twel-" He cut him self off, shaking his head. "Riv, I don't actually have that much regeneration energy left... Not enough to regenerate again anyways." He sighed taking her hands. "We're growing old together and _that_ should be what matters." Saving her from the Library felt like the best thing he'd ever done because everyday he spent with her now  was one he didn't have to spend alone. "And for the record you look amazing no matter how old you are."

"Thank you." She smiled weakly, squeezing his hands. "Are there any other tests you want to run? Or any other information there I should know about?" She asked, quickly changing the subject, not wanting to talk about being old anymore.

"Well 8.8 is a pretty good number." He handed her the scanner. "There's a bunch more stuff about your cycle. You should keep this for now..." He glanced at the bed. "The other tests require more examination and one of them a blood draw. We can do those later if that's alright with you. I do believe you wanted me on bed rest."

She nodded, "Yes, right. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to keep you from resting." She murmured, setting the scanner aside and going to help him into bed.

"It's alright love." He made himself comfortable, taking care not to move the wrong way and hurt himself. "Stay with me?"

"Of course." She smiled, pulling over a chair and sitting down next to the bed, taking his hand in hers. He looked up at her, taking his time to examine all her features. He lingered on her eyes a moment, smiling weakly at how beautiful they were. “Are you okay?" She asked softly, not really knowing why he was staring at her.

"Absolutely.I just..." He brushed the back of her hand with his thumb. "You're beautiful, you know that?"

She smiled a bit brighter, "That's very sweet, darling." She brought his hand to her lips, pressing a tender kiss to the back of it. He closed his eyes, relishing in her touch, exhaustion finally kicking in. She continued to caress his hand as he fell asleep, satisfied that he was resting.

"Mummy?" Freya looked in on her mother from the doorway, eating the last bit of what looked like some sort of homemade bread. "Auntie Jenny say's she has to go now but she wanted to say bye."  

River looked back at her, not letting go of the Doctor's hand, "Oh, okay. I'll be out in a minute."

"What are you doing, anyways?" Freya took a few steps curiously into the room.  

"I'm just making sure Daddy gets some sleep." She smiled, finally letting go of the Doctor's hand. She kissed his forehead, making sure the blankets were secure around him before going to meet Freya.

"It's not the bad sleep, is it?"  She reached up for River's hand, peering over at her father.

"No, it's not bad sleep. It's very good sleep." She smiled lifting her up so she could see. "Daddy doesn't sleep very often, so I like it when he rests like this."

"Why isn't he resting your room?"

She shrugged, "We just came here instead. Don't worry, there's nothing terribly wrong with him."

The girl nodded, nuzzling close to her mother’s shoulder. "Mummy, can Jenny and Strax stay?"

"I would love for them to stay, but I think they'll miss Auntie Vastra very much if they do."

"Then Auntie Vastra can come stay with us too!"

She smiled, "She could, but they have other things that they have to do in London. Remember all the stories they've told you? Well they have to be back in London to keep everyone safe."

"Like Uncle Jack does in their future." She pointed out.

"Yes, exactly." She nodded.

"Well than can I go and help them?" Freya asked hopefully.

"But if you go I'll miss you terribly." River gave her a pouty look, holding her tighter.

"What if I only go for a little while and then come back?" Freya reasoned.

"I'd still miss you a lot, and besides I'd worry about you all the time. I want my little girl to stay here."

"Fine." She thought for a moment. "When I'm older?"

"Mmm, maybe when you're older."

This cheered her up. "Promise?"

"Well, I think Daddy and I will need to talk before I promise anything." She kissed her head.

"Will you ask him when he wakes up? Please?" The idea of getting to protect the world side by side with her aunts excited her.

"We'll see how he's feeling, love." She smiled at her excitement, finding it very much like the Doctors.

"Thank you mummy!" She beamed, throwing her arms around River's neck.

"You're welcome, darling." She laughed.

"Mumma!" Amelia called, wondering what was taking so long.

"Alright, alright. I'm coming." River called back as she carried Freya out of the room, turning out the lights.

Amelia, Jenny, and Strax were all in the kitchen finishing their super. "Mummy, do you want any?" Amelia asked when she saw River walk in.

"No, I'm not hungry, sweetie. But thank you." She smiled, setting Freya down.

Jenny looked over at River. "We were jus' about to go. ma’am. Was there anythin' else you needed?"

"No, thank you, Jenny. You've been a huge help. Where would you like me to drop you off?" She asked.

"An 'our or two after you picked us up would be lovely. Madame Vastra said she needed to get some private business done so we best let 'er get on with it."

She nodded, walking with them to the console room and bringing them back home. "Tell Vastra that she'll have to come and visit soon. I miss her and it was unfortunate that she was busy this time."

"Will do, Professor!" Jenny, though had known River for a while, still had a habit of calling her Professor or Doctor Song.

"We'll see you soon, Jenny. Thank you again!" Amelia and Freya waved as the two left, 'Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone' tucked under Strax's arm. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that I am not a doctor or an expert on women's fertility stuff. I do know (think) that an egg count starts at 10.0 from birth -since women are born with all the eggs they'll ever have- and goes down as they age. Feel free to correct me on anything I got wrong.


	58. A Spoonful of Sugar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He stirred slightly, looking at River through half closed eyes. "You're a wonderful mother, you know that?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So these past couple chapters have been a bit low-key, sorry to anyone who wanted more epic things. Don't worry, the pace will pick up soon. Don't forget to comment! Enjoy!

CH 58

 

"Alright girls, it's just going to be the three of us for a few hours until Daddy wakes up. What would you like to do?" River asked, shutting the TARDIS doors after her guests.   

"Why is daddy sleeping?" Asked Amelia who had not been part of the earlier conversation.

"He needs some rest after getting hurt so he can get better. Don't worry, sweetie, he'll be fine." She smiled.

"Oh."Amelia said.

"Can I show you the drawings me and Auntie Jenny did?" Freya piped up.

"Of course, darling. I'd love to see it!" She kissed her head. Freya took River's hand and pulled her along back to her room where the drawings lay sprawled over the floor. She picked a few up and held them out to her mother.

"Freya, these are beautiful! What's this one of?" She asked, holding up one of the pictures that featured two people, one resembling her and the other possibly Freya, but much smaller. A giant scribble was in the middle, but there were hearts all around the border of the paper.  

"It's..." The girl looked at the paper. "It's you and... and a baby." She was hesitant to tell River since she might get upset again. "It's a pretend baby since we don't have one yet."

She smiled sadly, kneeling down so she was eye-level with Freya, then pulled her into a hug. "It's lovely, Freya." She briefly wondered why there was a big angry scribble between her and the ‘pretend baby’, but assumed that she had just made a mistake and scribbled it off.

"You're not upset?" She hadn't been expecting her to react this way.

"Of course I'm not upset. Why would I be upset?" She asked softly, running her thumb along the girl's cheek.

"Because you were last time... the last time I asked you if..." She glanced quickly down to River's midsection then back up.

She sighed, "I know, sometimes...sometimes it's hard to think about having another baby because I want you two to be able to have a little brother or sister like you want, but..." She paused, "This picture is very nice, sweetie."

"But what,mummy?" They urged her to finish the sentence.

She hesitated, "But it's going to be hard, but I'm going to try, for you two and for your father."

"Do you think if you had another baby it won't come out right like the other one did?"

"I...um..." She frowned slightly, "I don't know, love. I have to take some tests and get some scans done to see if everything is okay, but....well, we can't really know for sure. If a baby does start to grow, we're going to have to be very careful." She stroked Freya's hair, forcing herself to remain pulled together.

"Careful like we have to be careful with daddy?"

She nodded, "Yes, a bit like that."

"We'll be careful with you mummy. Promise." Freya nuzzled her head against her.

"Will the tests hurt?" Amelia asked. She remembered many tests done to her after she'd been taken by Kovarian, almost all of them involving sharp needles.

"No, the tests won't hurt. Most of them will just be simple scans, but some of them I'll need Daddy's help with when he's better."

"Here, mummy." Freya dangled herself from River's arms and picked up another drawing. "It's you and daddy when you went to visit the place with the stars after your wedding."

River beamed looking at the drawing, "Is that your favorite story of mine?"

"One of them." She told River.

"Mmm, mine too. It's a very good memory, with lots and lots of kissing." She teased.

"Ew! Mummy that's gross!" They stuck their tongues out.

She laughed, "I think it's very romantic."

"Kissing is gross" They declared.

"I think your opinions might change when you're older."

"Nope." Amelia shook her head. "Kissing will _always_ be gross."

She smiled, "Alright, suit yourself."

"Mummy, when you have another baby, can we get another kitty? An' that way the baby gets a kitty, too." Freya asked.

"But we already have three kitties, love. I think four kitties and a new baby would be a bit too much for us all to take care of, yeah?" She knelt down next to her, pulling her daughter into her side.

"But Uncle Jack and Auntie Vastra could help us take care of them!"

“Auntie Vastra and Uncle Jack can't be here all the time to take care of our kittens, they need to be back in London."

She pouted. "Well than I guess we can share Mr. Thomas and Samantha..."

She nodded, stroking Tiber behind the ears as he rubbed up against her leg. "Yes, that would be very nice if you shared them with the new baby. And Daddy and I will gladly share Tiber."

"And we can share all of our toys!" Amelia said excitedly.

"I think the baby would love that." She smiled, feeling a little flutter in her stomach, followed by an ache in her hearts.

"Will we have to share a room?"

She shook her head, "No, the baby will have their own nursery."

"But what if they have a bad dream?"

"Well, the TARDIS will keep the baby's room really close to Mummy and Daddy's room, so we'll be able to hear if they have a bad dream." She pat her head, "Don't worry, love."

Amelia still had a million questions running through her head but smiled up at River without voicing them. The girls had regained their excitement now that they knew their mother was still trying to make them big sisters. "I'm going to try my best girls." River murmured, hoping that she wouldn't let them down. Both of them nodded happily, neither doubting their mother's abilities. To them, 'I'll try' meant a yes.

She stood up, "I should go check on your Father." She murmured.

"But you haven't looked at all my drawings." Freya stalled as Tiber brushed against River's legs.  

She hesitated, glancing towards the door. "Well...alright. What else did you draw, sweetie?" She asked, kneeling back down and rubbing under Tiber's chin.

Freya picked up the other pieces of paper, excitedly handing them to River. "There's Auntie Vastra and Auntie Jenny and Strax. And that one's when we went to the zoo. And those ones are the Mantaphent and the Gastolas. And this one is me and Mia. And this one is you and daddy rescuing people when you went out. and this one's mumma TARDIS!"

She smiled as Freya flipped through the pictures, explaining them all. "These are all very nice, love."

"Will you get daddy to hang them up in his workshop when he's better?"

She nodded, "Yes, I'm sure he'd love to have them hanging up. I'll ask him when he wakes up." Freya smiled, proud of herself. Her father's workshop was already covered in her’s and Amelia's drawings but she insisted she keep adding the the collection. "And now, I should go check on him. And you girls should really be going to bed soon. How about you go get on your pajamas and pick out a story to read, yeah?" She scooped up Tiber, still stroking his head.

"Alright, mummy." They hugged her legs before each going to their dressers to get their pajamas.

River walked down the hall, leaving them to get dressed, stepping into the sick bay to see how her husband was doing. He was exactly where she'd left him: on sleeping on the cot. His breathing was slow and steady and his hair flopped into his face. She smiled softly, crouching down and stroking the hair out of his face, "I love you so much." She whispered, pressing her lips to his forehead.

He slowly opened his eyes. Closing them again as he became more aware of his senses and the fact that River was there in front of him. He instinctively reached out to hold her hand.

"I'm sorry, love, I didn't mean to wake you. Try and go back to sleep." She whispered, caressing his cheek with her thumb.

"But what better was to wake the prince but with a kiss from the princess?" He teased her.

She laughed softly, "Oh, shut up."

"Not a chance." He cupped her check, leaning up for a proper kiss.  She kissed him deeply, not pulling away for quite a bit of time. His hearts fluttered and he smiled against her lips. "How are the girls?"

"They're wonderful, getting ready for bed right now. How are you feeling?" She asked, pressing one more peck to his lips.

"Sore." He hummed. "But much better now that you're here."

"I'm sorry that you're sore. Is there anything I can do?" She asked softly.

"Well I hear kissing is a great medicine."

She giggled, "Is it really?" She leaned down, giving him yet another deep kiss.

"I can already feel my bones mending." He told her.

She smiled, nuzzling his jaw, "Can you now? Well, you know sometimes too much medicine isn't good for you."

"I'll be dead before I'm ever through with kissing you." He declared.

"Mmm, I like the sound of that." She whispered.

"So do I" He kissed her again, hands getting lost in her mass of hair. He nearly forgot about about his injuries, pulling her down to the bed, gasping out at the the pain that splintered through his chest when he did.

River leapt back, looking horrified that she was causing him pain. "I'm so sorry!"

He propped himself up on his elbow while his other arm wrapped tightly around his ribs. "I'm fine." He said, though he didn't at all look it.  

"Oh, Doctor...I'm so sorry." She breathed, stepping closer, gingerly touching his arm. "I'll-I’ll get you more painkillers." She said quickly, running to the cabinets to find something for him to take.

"No, really River. I'm okay." He winced, sitting all the way up.

"No, you're in pain and that's not okay." She insisted, fumbling with a bottle of pills and spilling them all over the floor, swearing under her breath.

He bit his lip feeling bad about all the times she had been in pain and he could do nothing about it. "Slow down, River. It's okay, I'm not going to die if it takes you a minute to get the pills out of the bottle." He said, looking at the spilled pills.

She took a deep breath, calming herself down for a minute before rummaging through the cabinet again to find a fresh bottle. "Here." She murmured, handing him the pills, along with a glass before going and cleaning up the mess on the floor.

"Thank you, love." He quickly took the pills. "See? I'm okay."

She nodded, "Yes, I know. I'm sorry, I just got a bit...flustered."

He offered her a smile. "I know the feeling."

"I don't like seeing you in pain." She whispered, sitting down in the chair beside his bed, taking his hand and kissing his fingers. "It worries me."

"I know, Riv. I've been in your position many times." He said gently.

She swallowed, looking down at the floor, "Right..."

"Hey." He squeezed her hand. "You turned out okay didn't you? I'll be fine, too."

She smile weakly, though it was more than just him on her mind. "Yes, I know. But don't worry about me. You should be focusing on getting yourself better."

"I'll stop worrying about you if you stop worrying about me."  

"I couldn't possibly stop worrying about you." She murmured.

"Well than I can't promise not to worry." He flashed her a playful grin. "But I can promise to try my best to get better soon."

“Don't rush yourself for my sake, take your time to heal properly." She gave him a soft smile.

"As you wish, love. A kiss to help the medicine go down?" He batted his eyes at her. She smiled and kissed him softly.

"Mummy!" Amelia and Freya trampled into the sickbay holding the sixth book of Harry Potter. "We're ready for you to read to us."

River pulled away from her husband. "Okay, girls. Come on, let's go back to your room."

"But I want daddy to read to us, too!" Freya complained.

She bit her lip, looking back at the Doctor, "Are you feeling up to it?"

"Of course." He smiled softly. "As long as no one jumps on the bed."

She nodded, lifting the girls so they were sitting on the edge of the bed, a good distance away from his chest. "Don't wiggle too much."

They nodded, handing the book the their mother. "You and Daddy can switch off reading chapters."

She smiled, opening the book to the marked page and started reading. Amelia curled up to River and Freya to the Doctor, resting her head just above his waist to she wouldn't hurt him. They were already half asleep by the time it was the Doctor's turn to read and he hadn't even finished the chapter before they were dreaming.

River gently stood up with Amelia in her arms, leaving to carry her to bed before coming back for Freya. When she returned for Freya the Doctor had fallen asleep as well, one of his arm protectively around his daughter. River smiled weakly, not wanting to move her. She sat down in the chair beside him.

He stirred slightly, looking at River through half closed eyes. "You're a wonderful mother, you know that?" He murmured.

"I'm glad you think so." She whispered, "I try my best."

"I know so..." He lulled his words as sleep began to take him again.

She took Freya out of his arms and brought her back to bed, not wanting the Doctor  to get injured by her rolling around. River went back in sat next to the Doctor for the rest of the night, not sleeping in case he needed her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S. It's vacation week from school and I'm sooooo bored. SO if anyone wants to send me prompts or just talk feel free to do so through the comments or just message me :)


	59. (All it Takes) Just One Mistake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I would trade anything if it meant that I could stop myself from being the biggest bleeding idiot in the universe."
> 
> Title from "Centuries" by Fall Out Boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so my vacation ends, which means the next update will probably be next weekend. As I said in a different fic, I'm experimenting with my Spoken-Word-Gallifreyan. I used it in this chapter and will in future chapters. Enjoy and don't forget to comment!

CH 59

 

It was just past midnight when the Doctor woke with a start, sitting up sharply and letting out a small surprised yelp of pain at the sudden movement.

"What is it? What's wrong?" River asked, jumping up in surprise, "I'm here, what is it? What can I get you?"

His eyes desperately locked onto her, looking her up and down as if part of her would be missing. Determining that she was whole and well he grasped onto her hand and and scanned every item in the room. He seemed to relax himself after making sure of his surroundings. She stared at him, rubbing his arm to try and comfort him. "What happened, sweetie?"

He looked down at his hands, his lower lip wavering as he swallowed back hot tears. "Bad memory." He managed out.

"Oh, Doctor..." She whispered, stroking his cheek, following that with soft kisses, "It's alright."

He clung on to her like she'd slip away from if he didn't. He squeezed his eyes shut against the few tears that were managing to escape. More than anything he wanted to be in his own bed and away from the medbay that reminded him of one of the worst nights in his life. “Krsii’Heníkr.” He whispered her name in Gallifreyan, which translated closer to: the music of the water, but it still brought him comfort to say it out loud.

She stroked her husband’s hair, whispering comforting words in his ear. She traced words across his back, apologizing for having to keep him in the med bay overnight. When his small sobs turned into sniffles, he lay back down on the bed, still not letting go of her hand. "Have you slept at all?" The words came out a bit hoarsely.

River shook her head, "It doesn't matter, are you alright?" She asked, caressing his hand with her thumb.

He nodded, trying to relax. "Will you sleep next to me?" He patted the bed for her to join him.

She crawling into the bed beside him, rubbing his arm still, "Try to rest." She murmured. He unconsciously shifted himself to hold her her close to him, making sure to accommodate his injuries. Any sleep he had without her by his side proved to be restless. He closed his eyes trying to find a good memory to focus on.

She stroked his hair as he went back to sleep, staying awake for the rest of the night. Dark circles appeared under her eyes as the hours passed.

When the Doctor woke this time, it was much calmer with a simple opening of his eyes. His eyebrows immediately furrowed as he saw the rings under his wife's eyes. "You haven't slept."

"It's alright, I'm fine." She brushed off as though it were nothing, despite the fact that she was exhausted, "How do you feel?"

"I'm alright." He'd still rather be out of the medbay, but the ache of his memories had dulled to something much more bearable. He brushed his lips against hers for a moment. "I think the swelling in my ankle's gone down."

She nodded, standing up and going to check. She gently undid the wrappings, "It certainly looks better." She said, stifling a yawn.

"You should get some rest, Riv. You look exhausted."

She shook her head, "The girls will be up soon and you can't take care of them by yourself right now."  

"Of course I can." He sat up, hiding his wince and swinging his legs over the side of the bed.

She moved to his side, "Do you want to go back to our room and rest? I know it's much more comfortable in there than in here."

"Are you going to make me stay in bed the whole of my recovery?" He stood, testing how much weight he could put on his ankle.  "I can think of better things to do than lying around."

She bit her lip, standing back a bit. "I-....Well, you don't have to, but..." She stopped herself.

"I'll make you a deal. I can get up but I won't stay out of bed for more than an hour at a time." He suggested.

She nodded slowly, "Alright, that sounds reasonable." She forced a smile, "Do you need me to get you anything?"

"That must be the tenth time you've asked me that." He said playfully. "I'm fine, River. Promise. And besides, I've had worse."

"You're right, I'm sorry. I just want to make sure." She whispered, her eyes shifting from his.

"I know, love." He smiled and leaned down to kiss her. She gave him a light peck before quickly drawing back. "Is everything okay, River? You seem a bit...anxious."

She shook her head quickly, "Yes, I'm fine." She managed a small smile.

"Alright. Let's wake the girls then, shall we?" She nodded, leading the way out the doors.  

Freya and Amelia were sleeping, Amelia's limbs sprawled out and her covers limply dangling from the bed. Neither so much as twitch when their parents come in, still heavily in sleep. "Maybe we should let them sleep a bit longer." River whispered, smiling as she watched their daughters.

The Doctor nodded. "They are quite adorable."

"They certainly are." She murmured, backing out of the room quietly, "They're such sweet girls."

He kissed the top of her head. "How did we ever get so lucky to have such wonderful children?"

She closed her eyes, shaking her head, "I don't know. It makes me wonder almost as much as the question, how did I ever get so lucky to have such a wonderful husband?"

"Well I'm sure if you look in the back of the book for the answers, it'll tell you." He teased.

She looked up at him, a bit puzzled, "What do you mean?"

"I'm just kidding around." He smiled down at her and bopped her nose.

She smiled tiredly her exhausted state still trying to process, "Of course, sweetie. Would you like to go have breakfast, or would you rather rest somewhere for a bit?" A part of her was hoping he'd say rest since she was already feeling exhausted and the thought of having to go through the day only drained her more.  

"Rest." He said without hesitation. "But I want you to rest too. No saying you're fine, River, because I know you're tired." He said as though she'd try to argue.

She nodded, too exhausted to argue with him, "Our room? Unless there's another place you'd rather go?"

"Our room would be lovely." Anywhere that wasn't the medbay would be fine by him, even the middle of the hallway.  She nodded, taking his hand and walking to their bedroom, nearly collapsing onto the bed when they got there.

He grinned as her settled next to her much more gently. "Told you so."

She smiled weakly, pulling something out of her nightstand and handing it to them. "Freya said she found you with these and that you tried to hide them when you saw her." She murmured, nodding to the small envelope full of pictures, "I didn't look inside...I didn't want to snoop around your things, but I would really like to know what you were trying to hide from our daughter."

He propped himself up on his elbows. "Oh..." He bit his lip avoiding her gaze. He knew that look and it meant that one way or another she was going to see what was one those photos. "I... um." He sat up fully, looking down at his hands. "Vastra... she was out doing something personal... a favor, actually. For me."

She raised an eyebrow, "What kind of favor, may I ask?"

He held his breath. "I may have asked her to help me mess with time a bit."

Her eyes grew wide, getting a bit more than worried now, "What?"

"It wasn't too risky." He said quickly. "I just... I needed to know..." He finally looked up at her, his hands fidgeting nervously in his lap.

"Needed to know what?" She pressed, her stare breaking to glance over at the envelope.

"I told her... that if you and I were ever to have more children... that we'd meet her at the Thames. Our future selves would. With our children." He looked down at the envelope. "And I asked her for pictures."

She stared at him without saying anything for several moments, looking almost hurt and scared, "Why..." She stood up, staring at the envelope, her stomach churning, "Doctor...you can't..." She moved back towards the door, mind racing.

"River, wait!" He stood up and limped after her, no where near as fast as he wanted to go. She wasn't even supposed to know he had those pictures in the first place. "River please, you can't walk away from this. Rule seven: Never run when you're scared.” Or for any reason really unless you're playing or running for your life.

"Don't you dare use one of your stupid rules with me, don't even try." She shouted over her shoulder, blinking back tears, "How could you do this to me? How could Vastra do this? Do you have any idea of what you've done?" She was angry and hurt that her husband and her best friend had gone behind her back and done this.

"Vastra owes me too many favors to count. Don't blame her for something that's clearly my fault." He was starting to fall far behind her, having to yell to be heard. "What would you have done if you were me?" His voice quieted and he stopped walking knowing she would outran him anyways. He wanted something to let him know that he wouldn’t have to relive the horrible night their son died. He wanted to know that they way things were now wouldn’t always be: the ‘is there a baby in Mummy’s belly yet’ and the pulling away as soon as kissing started to become something more. Every time River doubted herself he wanted to give her that hope, too, and if he could just explain himself...

She whirled around, staring at him, "What the bloody hell is that supposed to mean? Because it certainly sounds like you’re saying if I can't have children then our marriage is hopeless."

“No, no that’s not at all what I m-”

She stepped closer to him, cutting him off, "I can't believe you would do this. Do you know how much pressure you're putting on me now? Do you not realize that by doing this, you're not giving me a choice in whether or not I even want to try to have another baby? And the fact that you didn't tell me about this and that you hid it from me… What am I supposed to think? That you don't trust me? That you don't care enough to even ask?" She was shaking by now, "And now you know everything! You know if we're going to have more children, and the sex and how old they are and when we're going to have them!" She closed her eyes, trying to calm down and stop the tears from escaping, "I'm sorry I wasn't better for you. I'm sorry I couldn't recover from losing our son fast enough for you." She snapped, sounding bitter and cold, a complete contrast to what she had sounded like less than ten minutes ago when she had been fawning over him.

He shrunk back from her nearly falling to the floor, becoming a bit terrified of the woman before him. "You haven't even looked at them yet." His voice was hardly above a whisper. "And if you did, you'd know that I don't know anything about our future..." He avoided her eyes, guilt completely overriding any other emotion he had. "I do trust you. More than I trust myself, River. You are perfect for me and I never expected you to recover from the loss of our son this quickly." He was starting to find his voice. "And if you let me explain, I can tell you exactly why I'm the only one in these photographs." She didn't say anything, still trembling in her place, waiting for his explanation. "Vastra said that I said -the future me- said that someone had knocked some sense into me. That any information about our future should be left to be lived, not read ahead of time." He sighed. "River, I'm really sorry for trying to do that, I just thought... I don't know what I was thinking. It's just how nervous you looked about having more kids, I wanted to be able to tell you that one day we would...  It was stupid of me, and I understand if you need to slap me."

She leaned against the wall, sliding down it and sitting on the floor, her head in her hands. She was completely physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted by now. She still felt hurt that he wasn’t patient enough to wait and live things out with her, or that he needed the hope as it made her feel incredibly insufficient. "It's fine." She whispered, "I forgive you. It doesn't matter now." Even if the words were completely false, there was nothing else she could think of to say to him.

He sat down next to her needing to be off his ankle for a moment. "No, it does matter. River, I can't imagine what you're feeling right now, but I know that I just hurt you in a way that I never wish I had and I have no idea how to prove to that you still mean the universe to me. I would trade anything if it meant that I could stop myself from being the biggest bleeding idiot in the universe."

"I just want to be enough for you and the girls." She whispered, not looking at him, "I try my best and I do what I can, but with the girls constantly asking if I'm pregnant yet and now..." She took a deep breath, "I'm sorry if I've let you down."

"River, you haven't let me down." He wanted to slap himself for betraying River's trust. It was this face right here that River made that made him want to get the pictures. This face that looked lost and with out hope that made him want to be able to say 'Don't worry, it all works out and we'll have a beautiful and even bigger family.' Of course that plan had back fired completely and he'd ruined everything in just about the worst was possible with no idea how to fix it. "I just wanted to make it so you wouldn't have to fret... but I betrayed you instead." His head was still turned towards her. "You don't understand how sorry I am to have done that to you."

She slowly rested her head against his shoulder, sighing softly, "I know...I'm sorry for yelling at you." She was trying to be better for him, trying to be a good wife to make him happier. Maybe if she apologized enough times…

"I would've yelled at me, too. If you hadn't yelled than future me might have just went on with that thick skull of his to do more stupid things." He smiled weakly at her. "Thank you for getting through to me."

She nodded slowly, letting out a shaky sigh. "Of course, love."

"How can you forgive me so quickly?" He asked. She shrugged, nuzzling into his shoulder. He decided not to further question it as to avoid her getting angry at him again. Never mess with a good thing.

Neither of them noticed the little heads poking out of the room near the end of the hall. She sighed and stood up, "We should probably go and rest before the girls get up."

"Yes," He stood. ",though I think we might be a little to late." He pointed down the hall where the two little heads of their daughters tried to hide before they were seen.

She suppressed a sigh, "Right..." She walked over to the girls, forcing herself not to collapse from exhaustion, "Good morning, sweeties."

"Morning..." They replied timidly. "Why were you and daddy yelling?"

"We were just very, very excited." She lied, "Don't worry, everything's fine."

"Excited? About what?" They brightened up hopefully.

"About the fact that it is the morning and we get to see your beautiful faces again." She smiled, kissing each of their heads.

Freya and Amelia looked at each other as if to figure out what was so great about the other's face, but shrugged and hugged their mother.

"And what would you two like to do today?" She asked, kneeling down to their level.

"I want to go tree climbing!" Freya said as Amelia shrugged indifferently.

"Tree climbing?" River laughed, "Maybe we should save that until Daddy feels a bit better."

"But Daddy doesn't have to come into the tree with us." She pointed out.

"Yes, but I think he'll be sad if we all go tree climbing and he can't join in with us."

"Well what if we get a rope and pull him up so he doesn't hafta climb?"

"I don't think that's going to work, darling. Let's save it for another time, okay?" She murmured softly, hating to say no.

"Aw, please mummy?" She gave River her best puppy dog eyes. "We can go again when daddy gets better so he can climb with us the second time."

She bit her lip, really not up for climbing trees in her exhausted state. However, the puppy dog eyes that Freya was giving her made her think of the look on the girls faces every time they asked if they were getting a new sibling. "Okay." She answered, afraid to disappoint her.

"Really? Thank you mummy!" She jumped to give River a big hug around her neck.

"...Of course darling." She breathed, though she was already regretting saying yes.

"Freya, why don't we go after lunch?" The Doctor suggested, wanting River to get at least a bit of sleep.

Freya pouted, "But I want to go now, Pleeeeaseeeee?"

"I'd love to darling, but your mummy didn't get much sleep last night” Any sleep, actually. “and needs a little nap first." He glanced at his wife for a moment.

River shook her head, "I'm fine. We can go as soon as you're dressed." She murmured, the look on Freya's face still affecting her decisions.

"River, are you sure you're up for this...?"

"Yes, I'm fine." She breathed, turning and walking down the hall to get dressed. His eyes followed her until she disappeared into their room.

"Would you two like any help getting dressed?" Both girls nodded, running into their room.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep trying to update on fanfiction.net and it won't let me, by which I mean when I press submit story nothing happens. Someone help please?


	60. Where the River Meets the Sea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He wished they had gone climbing after River had gotten the sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember last chapter when River was lying about being fine but I didn't quite say why? Well read this and you's find out. Anyways, it has been such a hectic past few days, but here is your update finally. Enjoy and don't forget to comment!

CH 60

 

Quicker than the Doctor expected, the girls were changed into tank tops and their small masses of curly hair were tied into messy ponytails. River met them in the hall, dressed similarly to the girls, not realizing that she had mismatching socks due to her tiredness as well as a very sloppy ponytail of her own.

The girls jumped excitedly around the Doctor's legs making him smile widely. "Alright, alright. Off we go, then." He looked back up at River, his smile still on his face but not reaching his eyes as he tried to move to the console room with the girls clinging to his legs. River lagged behind, leaning against the wall for support. "Girls, why don't you go give mummy a hug?" He asked mostly so he could get them off him legs. He would need a some extra time to fly the TARDIS since he wasn't exactly able to run about the console at the moment.

They scampered over to her, attaching themselves to her legs. "Mummy can we climb the tall trees?" Usually River and the Doctor only let the girls climb trees that were short and easy to scoop them out of.

"I don't think we can do that today, love." She murmured, stroking her hair.

"Why were you leaning against the wall?" Amelia looked up at her mother.

"I'm just a bit tired, sweetie." She whispered. That was a big understatement.

"Does that mean you won't come in the trees with us?"

The TARDIS lurched into motion as she spoke. "Well, since your father is hurt, then I'm going to have to."

"Do you think we'll see a birds nest?" Freya bounced on her heels excitedly.

"Maybe, sweetie." River sat down in the pilots chair, one hand on her forehead.

"Mummy, are you sure you're okay?" They had seen their mother being tired before, but never this extreme.

She nodded, "Yes, I only need to sit for a minute. Don't worry about me, girls. We have to go climb the trees."

They looked between each other as if to protest but their attention was drawn away by the landing of the TARDIS. They sprinted to the door before remembering they should wait for one of their parents. River immediately stood up and ran after them, knowing the Doctor wouldn't be able to with his injuries but that didn't stop him from trying as best he could. He wasn't too far behind River, though he stopped to admire where they'd landed.

It was a bit on the cooler side, not that he minded, and there wasn't a single cloud in the ruby blue sky. The forest they were in was full of white trees that he would've called Birch if he hadn't known that they weren’t on Earth. The trees were nearly three times as tall as he was, his mistake for not going to a short forest, and he bit his lip, hesitant to let the girls climbs so high.

River stopped, staring at the trees that she would most definitely have to climb. There was no way the girls were going up the trees alone.

"Mummy, look!" Freya had already run to the closest tree and was beginning to shimmy up it as Amelia waited for her to get high enough that she could climb up, too.

River glanced back at the Doctor, looking almost for help, then ran to spot the girls before climbing up behind them. He followed but didn't even think about trying to get into the tree. He knew he would just hurt himself if he tried. Instead, he stood at the ready if anyone fell, giving River a 'my bad' expression.

"Mummy look how high I can go!" Freya was nearly at the top already and going higher still.

River was quite a ways behind both girls, "Freya, slow down and be careful. Don't go too high!"

Freya looked down for the first time since she got in the tree. She hadn't realized how ahead of the others she was or how high, either. The ground seemed miles away from where she was and she quickly looked back up to avoid getting dizzy. Debating on whether the branches above her would be able to hold her weight, she sat down on the one that was currently stopping her from falling. The forest stretched out in front of her and she smiled at the vast white ocean of tree tops. "Come up here, it's so pretty!"

"I'm coming, sweetie!" She called, trying to catch up with them. Both in a rush and extremely tired, River didn't notice how weak the next branch was until it snapped beneath her feet.

The Doctor whipped his head up at the sound of the branch breaking, things seeming to go in slow motion. Amelia's cries of “Mummy!" reached his ears before he saw the cause of her distress. He barely had time to gape at River before his feet were moving to catch her. She seemed to lose her voice in the moment as she fell, trying to reach for a branch to catch onto, but they all seemed to slip just out of her reach.

"Oof!" River and the Doctor were both knocked to the ground by the force of her landing.

"River?" Though his head and chest hurt quite a bit,the Doctor’s immediate concern was his wife. "Oh god, River? Are you hurt?" She didn't answer him, out cold after whacking her head on the ground.

Both Amelia and Freya were scrambling to climb down, "Daddy!"

"River? River!" He shook her shoulders, trying to get her to respond. Panic flooded his body like a slap in the face. He barely registered the girls as he moved to check for the double-heart beat pulse at the junction of her head and neck. She still had a pulse, she was still breathing, but a rather large lump was forming on the back of her head.

It only took a few minutes for the girls to be back on the ground, running to their parents. He glanced at them but only for a moment, cradling River's limp form. He needed to get help. Neither River nor him were very fond of hospitals, but there was no way he'd be able to help her alone in his condition. He couldn't even lift her to get her in the TARDIS. "Girls, go back into the TARDIS. I need you to get Strax for me." He was surprised that his voice was able to make noise.

They ran to the TARDIS, the doors slamming shut behind them and the whole ship taking off moments after. Neither of them had learned how to really fly the TARDIS, but the ship knew what to do in times like these, taking them to where they needed to go. The ship materialized seconds after it had left, both girls running out with the whole Paternoster Gang in tow. The Doctor looked up at them, eyes full of fear as he held his wife close to him.

"What's happened?" Vastra asked, kneeling down in front of him, touching River's face gently. The girls stood off to the side with Jenny, clinging to her skirt.

"She... she fell." He glanced at the tree. "The girls wanted to climb and she went up with them and..." He squeezed his eyes shut. "This is all my fault. She stayed up all night because eye I got hurt... and we had this big fight this morning..." His voice caught in his throat. "I'm so sorry, River."  

She began examining the back of her head, River's golden curls beginning to stain red. "How high up was she? How far did she fall?"

"I-I don't know." He looked up at the broken branch. "Ten... fifteen feet? She landed on me so I softened her fall a bit."

"We have to get her in the TARDIS." Vastra murmured, "Strax!"

Strax marched up to her. "You called, Madame."

"You need to carry Professor Song into the TARDIS med bay." She instructed, "Doctor, you need to let Strax take her now." Strax didn't wait for the Doctor to loosen his grip. He scooped River up like she was as light as a pillow. Her arm dangled to the side as he began marching off to the medbay.

The Doctor tried to stand and follow them, but grimaced and sat quickly back down, clutching his chest. Madame Vastra looked back at him, surprised to see that he was still on the ground. "Doctor? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I..." He stood up with a bit of difficulty. "River and I were out the other day and these Sontarans blew up a building... I may have cracked a rib or two, but when River landed on me just now..."

She nodded, understanding. "I'll see what I can do once we're inside."

He nodded, following her into the TARDIS. "But River first. I need you to help River."

As soon as they were in the med bay, she began working on River, trying to figure out what what was wrong. Amelia tugged on Vastra's skirts, "What's wrong with Mummy?"

"I'm not sure, dear. It appears as though she has a concussion, but I'm not positive yet."

"Is she going to wake up soon?" She asked, reaching up to hold River's hand.

Vastra sighed. "I don't know. Jenny, will you help me turn her on her side. I need to examine this head wound." Jenny nodded, going over to help as Amelia moved out of the way, going to sit by the Doctor's feet.

They watched Vastra tisked at the laceration and dabbed at it with a few gauze pads until they were red. She started to search River for any other wounds that might have been present from the fall since River couldn't exactly say where it hurt. She appeared to be fine other than the bump on her head a her knee. Since the time they had been outside, her kneed had swollen up and was turning dark purple. Vastra frowned at the injury on River's knee causing the Doctor to become even more anxious than he already was.

He stood and went to look where Vastra was looking. "That looks broken..." He swallowed. "It couldn't have been from the fall, could it?" He looked desperately at the woman next to him. "I mean... most of her landed on me."

Vastra frowned, "Do you think it could be from last night?"

"She wasn't limping at all. She didn't complain of anything, she said she was fine when I asked." How could she have walked around with a broken knee for a day without him noticing?

She tenderly touched the injury, "Maybe she injured herself passed night and then she made the injury worse and broke it by falling.”

He nodded, it sounded like a reasonable guess. "I guess we'll have to ask when she wakes up... which will be soon?"

"I'd say within the hour." She nodded.

He let out a breath that he didn't know he was holding and sat on the edge of the bed. He took River's hand, squeezing it tightly. "You'll stay?"

"Do you want me to? Or would you rather be alone with her?"

"Alone... but I'd love for you to be here when she wakes up. I think it would make her happy, too."

She nodded, "We'll go. Call is when she starts to wake up and we'll come." She smiled

"Thank you." He returned the smile, though it didn't quite reach his eyes. "And Vastra? ...I'm sorry. For what I asked of you... the photos... it was stupid of me."

She shook her head, "I understand why you asked, I'm just glad you eventually came to your senses." She ushered the rest of the people out of the room, closing the door behind her.

The Doctor was grateful to have friends like Vastra. She was always there when he needed her to be, especially to help out with Freya and Amelia at times like this when both parents weren't exactly in the healthiest of conditions. He sighed and stared at River. She looked peaceful, like she was sleeping. He wished she was. He wished they had gone climbing _after_ River had gotten some rest, maybe then this wouldn't have happened. "You know, Riv, you gotta stop putting my safety ahead of yours." He said even though he knew she couldn't hear. "I've never been very good at getting you to slow down." He smiled sadly to himself.

He was right. She hadn't told him about how badly her knee had been hurting since something had hit it the night before after she had sent him back to the TARDIS. She had lied every time he asked how she was. She had started to hide things from him more again after what had happened to their son. She never told him when there was something wrong anymore.

"I suppose I never will, but 'slow' isn't exactly a part of our lives. Maybe it will be one day." He brushed her hair out of her face. "I don't know why you put up with me," He absentmindedly rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand, "You've always been my better half, though. I don't know what I'd do without you here. Something stupid I suppose." 


	61. Evasion Doesn’t Make the Truth Erroneous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vastra and the Doctor try to get River to stop hiding her pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so hopefully two updates this weekend to make up for the lack of them during the week. Enjoy and don't forget to comment!

CH 61

 

Another three quarters of an hour went by before River finally began to wake up, groaning quietly as her eyes began to open. The Doctor’s eyes widened and his hearts started to beat a little faster. He completely forgot to call Vastra into the room, focusing solely on his wife. "River?"

"Doctor?" She breathed, having trouble focusing on his face, her vision going in and out. "What happened?" She groaned, moving to touch the back of her head.

"Do you not remember? " He panicked for a moment.

She looked confused, "Remember what?"

"River, what's the last thing you can remember?" He asked desperately.

She frowned trying to remember, "I was changing… we were going to go out with the girls."

"Where. Can you remember where we were going to go?"

His urgency frightened her a bit, "I-I don't know. I'm sorry, I don't remember."

His eyebrows furrowed. "The girls wanted to climb trees." He said slowly. "You fell."

"What trees?" She whispered, staring up at him. "I'm so sorry, I don't remember."

"They wanted to climb so we took them to a forest. You went to climb the trees with them but you fell and hit your head."

She shook her head, "I can't remember any of this. I don't know what you're talking about." She closed her eyes, trying to think, "I remember we had a fight." Her voice lowered, her eyes clouding, "Everything is fuzzy after that, but I do vaguely remember going to change."

He bit his lip. "That was nearly an hour or two before you lost consciousness. We need to get Vastra." He said, suddenly remembering that he was supposed to call her.

She shook her head, sitting up, "Doctor, I'm fine." She stood up, feeling a shocking pain in her knee.

He tried to get her to sit back down on the bed. "River, you broke your knee." Well, that much was obvious. "You're not fine."

She bit her lip, squeezing her eyes shut as tears of pain sprung to her eyes. "I-It's fine. It doesn't hurt that much."

"That lie is what got your knee broken in the first place. River, I know you hurt it when we were fighting the Sontarans. Why didn’t you tell me then?"

She swallowed, "I don't know, it...it just wasn't important. I didn't want you to worry about me, you needed to focus on getting yourself better, that was the priority."

"Well now you're the priority. You have a concussion and broken your knee, not to mention the sleep deprivation." He softened his voice. "Please? Lie back down?"

She immediately lay back down, not wanting to upset him by not listening. "I'll be fine. You don't have to stay in here if you don't want to. I'm sure the girls would love to spend some time with you.”

"I do want to stay in here. I want to stay with you." He took her hand again. "And I'm going to guess that you want some pain killers for your knee."

"I'm fine." She lied, squeezing his hand softly, "How are you feeling? Do _you_ need anymore painkillers?"

He raised his eyebrow, not quite believing her, but shook his head. "I'm all set. Vastra and Jenny are here. They're looking after the girls right now. Vastra was going to come check on you when you woke up. She'll help me get a cast on your knee, too."

She tensed a bit when he mentioned Vastra, thinking of the whole incident that had happened. "Alright, that sounds nice."

He could see her tense, making him hesitate to go get Vastra. "Unless you want me to wait..."

She shook her head, "No, no it's fine. Why wait?" She forced a smile.

"You just seem like you'd rather not see her at the moment."

"Vastra is my best friend. I'd love to see her." She squeezed his hand again. "I'm fine. Everything's fine."

Everything was far from fine.

He nodded, quickly getting up to go and get Vastra. She was with the girls in the library, a pile of picture books at her feet and one girl cuddled on either side of her. The Doctor entered the Library quietly, making his presents known with a small cough. "She's awake."

The girls looked up, scrambling off the couch and towards the door. Vastra followed with much more grace than the two girls, "How is she?"

"She can't remember the last hour before she fell and she's refusing pain meds." He informed her as they walked briskly back to the sick bay.

"Memory loss is to be expected with her type of injury." She said, "As for the pain medication, well… I can try to talk some sense into her."

He smiled his thanks to her. "And there won't be any long term damage? She'll be okay?"

She cleared her throat, "Well, let's hope that there won't be." This gave him no reassurance as they re-entered the room. River was sitting up on the bed, massaging her temples. She was In a great deal of pain, but immediately hide it when they walked in.

How are you feeling?" Vastra asked, her tone open and warm.

"I'm alright." River answered with a forced smile.

"'Alright' is relative when one has just been hurt. How badly does it hurt would be a better question, I suppose."

"Not very badly." She responded, chin held high in the lie, "It's just a bruise and a scratch, I've had much worse."

"I'm sure you have, but a broken knee and a concussion are not a bruise and a scratch." She definitely didn't believe that River wasn't in a lot of pain. "Do you mind if I examine your knee?"

"Be my guest." She swallowed, glancing over at the Doctor. Vastra carefully placed her hands beneath River's leg and began to lift it slowly. She didn't want to cause River pain but it was unavoidable.

River’s nails dug into her palms as she tried to keep from reacting too much. "See? Im fine."

"I'm not done yet." She told River. With equal care, she make her knee bend to make sure it still could.

She let out a small yelp, squeezing her eyes shut, "It's fine."

Vastra sighed, putting her leg down and sitting on the side of the edge. She took her hand. "Why must you insist on hiding your pain from us, River?"

She looked away from her, "Because it's not important. There are much more important things to worry about than how I feel."

"Just because there are other things to worry about doesn't mean your pain is not important. You are _very_ important. To me, to your children, and especially to your husband. You don't have to hide from us, you don't have to lie."

She closed her eyes, sighing, "But you've all worried about me so much in the past. I've caused you so much grief and stress and worry. Especially with...with losing the baby and now not knowing if I can have another… None of you should have to worry about me anymore, I've already caused to much of that."

"What kind of people would we be if we didn't worry for you? River, you haven't caused anything. None of it was your fault,dear." She soothed. "We worry because we care and we want to help. Lying doesn't fix the problem."

River looked over at the Doctor, her eyes reflecting not only her sorrow, but the pain she was in as well. "I'm so sorry."

He closed the distance between them. "It's alright, love." He stroked her hair. "You are forgiven."

"I'm so sorry." She whispered, holding him tightly.

“Sh, it's alright." He repeated. "It's okay, I've got you." Vastra quietly moved off the bed and to the cabinet to retrieve some painkillers for River.

"I'm so tired..." She whispered, her whole body shaking. She held him tighter, trying to steady herself, feeling woozy.

"Sleep, River." The Doctor encouraged. "You've had a long day, you deserve some rest." Vastra came over to her, handing her some pills.

"What about the girls? I promised them that we'd play today. And you? You're still hurt, I can't...there's too much to do. I can't sleep."

"I'm okay. I just need a recovery day or two. And Vastra and Jenny can help with the girls." He glanced at Vastra hoping it wasn't too much to ask.

River shook her head slightly before the movement began to send pain through her skull. "No, no. We've asked them too many times already. I have to take care of my own children. We can't keep putting that responsibility on our friends."

He sighed, though it was hardly audible. She was right, but in fairness most of the times they'd asked were when one of them was hurt. "You're right, but you still need to get a cast on your knee and take some pain medication."  

"Fine, but after that I have to take care of the girls." She pulled back from him, having heard his sigh. She felt like she was upsetting him, and that upset her. "I..." She sighed, staring at the wall.

"What? What's wrong?" He looked at her with confusion.  

"Nothing." She answered quickly, changing the subject, "We have to finish doing those tests later, remember?"

"I do remember... but I've been thinking. Maybe we shouldn't do them." He said as Vastra retrieved materials to cast River's knee.

"What?" She looked up at him, "What do you mean? Why not?"

"Because," He thought a moment about how to explain it. "I doesn't matter to me if we have another baby. I mean, it does, but… I don't want every thought to have to be about that. It shouldn't have to be a bunch of tests and needles. If we want to make a baby than we try to make a baby. And if it doesn't happen then... it doesn't happen."  

She stared at him, trying to find the words to voice how she felt, but the only thing that would leave her mouth was, "Okay, if that's what you want."

Her stunned face worried him a bit. Was she mad? He hadn't expected her to be mad, though he hadn't really known what to expect in the first place. She forced herself to smile at him, trying to reassure him, "Really, if that's what you want then we don't have to do any tests. I'll just...I just won't know then. And I'll keep making promises to our daughters even though I don't know if I'll ever be able to fulfill them."

"I... didn't realize the tests meant that much to you..."

She shook her head, "It doesn't matter. I don't care." She whispered.

It seemed completely the opposite to him, like she cared more than she would ever admit. "...Alright..." He fiddled with his hands a bit, his attention caught by Vastra clearing her throat.

"I need to but the cast on now."

"Okay." River whispered, her eyes downcast. Vastra began to place the plaster on and around River's knee and leg, looking between the two of her friends as she watched the elephant between them grow.

River sucked in a breath every time her knee was bent, squeezing her eyes shut and clenching her fist. She didn't dare to reach out for her husband's hand and only stole quick glances over at him.

He looked at her tentatively, wincing for her each time she would try to hide her pain. He wanted to be able to hold her hand but he had a feeling she'd object to it since her hands were kept at her sides.

She swallowed, forcing herself to hid her pain even more when he did nothing to comfort her. She tried blocking out the pain, forcing herself not to wince as it shot through her knee.

He couldn't bear watching anymore. He slowly reached for her hand, hoping he wouldn't be batted away. She immediately grasped onto it, her hands shaking. She still refused to look at him, eyes swimming with guilt and worry. This surprised him quite a bit. He assumed that she was cross with him, but that didn't seem to be the case. His eyes softened , still not looking away from her.

She tried to steady her breathing, her grip on his hand tightening after a particularly bad movement. She was afraid to look at him, not knowing what his expression might give away.

"Almost finished." Vastra told them. He squeezed her hand reassuringly. She didn't squeeze back, staring at the place where the wall met the floor. "There. You'll have to let if set for a few minutes. ...Sorry about the pain, I did try to be gentle."

“Thank you." She whispered, forcing a small smile as she looked up at her friend.

Vastra nodded her head to River. "Perhaps you should stay out of trees for a while."

"Yes, I suppose that would be best." She murmured, only half listening to what she was saying.  

The Doctor kissed the side of River's head. "You did brilliantly."

She shook her head, "It was nothing." She murmured.

He smiled weakly at her. "Didn't look like nothing to me."

She looked up at him, giving him a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes, "Thank you."

"River, can I ask you something?"

"Yes?" She looked up at him.

"You don't think we're moving on too quickly, do you?"

"What do you mean?"

"I just I don't want you to feel like... like we're trying to replace..."

“It doesn't matter how I feel." She breathed, "I'll be fine, don't worry."

"What do you mean? Of course it matters how you feel. It _always_ matters."

"Do you feel like we're trying to replace him?" She asked, turning to subject away from her.

"No." He answered simply. "I could never do that."

"Then what makes you think that I feel that way?" She asked quietly.

"I don't know. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't pushing you..."

"You're not pushing me." She sighed, "But with the girls always asking..." She trailed off, putting her head in her hands. "What if it doesn't work? What am I going to do?" She paused, "Do you really not care?"

He rubbed her back. "All I want is for you and our girls to be happy and I would do anything to make it happen."

"And that's all I want too, for you and the girls to be happy. And I'm trying so hard to make that happen, but...I don't know."

"Than try a little less hard... If trying to make us happy causes this," He he gestured to her injuries, "than it's okay to stop and put yourself first for once. Don’t set yourself on fire to keep us warm."

She nodded slowly, closing her eyes. "I don't know if I can do that… I can try."

"Hey, it'll be okay if you take a little time. We'll still be here"

"But I want to make you all happy." She whispered.

"Than do it by making yourself happy first." He stroked her cheek lightly.

"I-I don't...How?" She looked up at him.

He smiled softly. "Well sleeping at least once every 24 hours would be a good start."

She smiled weakly, "Yes, I suppose it would be. Any other ideas?"

His smile grew as he leaned down and kissed her. "Letting me know when you're hurt."

She kissed him softly, nose lightly nudging his. "Hmm...And?"

His stomach fluttered. She couldn't be suggesting what he thought she was, could she? He decided to answer by deepening the kiss rather than end up saying something stupid. She was a bit startled, nearly pulling away. However, she had a feeling that ‘things’ would be happening again eventually, and it had been months, the longest time they had even been together and not been intimate.

She pulled him a bit closer to her with as much confidence as she could muster up. He moved his hands up, his fingers tangling in her hair. He hadn't thought she was ready for this, in truth, he had thought that this wouldn’t be happening for a while, but he seemed to being proven wrong. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> People I'm running out of chapter title idea's, please suggest some.


	62. Last Straw

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "But why? You've never been truly upset with me. I just...don't you ever need to yell at me?" She felt like she had to get shouted at, that somehow if he got angry and yelled at her, she would feel better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I think I should put a Trigger Warning but I'm not sure? Because they start to be intimate and River gets really uncomfortable, but it stops as soon as the Doctor realizes that. Well if that triggers anyone you can just skip down when he asks her to be honest with her.   
> Anyway, as promised here is the second update of the weekend. If anyone is wondering, it was a year ago today that Bea and I started writing this story (not posting) so that's exciting. As usual, enjoy and don't forget to comment!

CH 62

 

River’s hearts were pounding in her chest, more from nervousness than excitement. She tried to calm herself down, her hands shaking as she tried to find the right place to put her hands.

The Doctor chuckled lightly. "Usually I'm the one who does the flailing…”

"Right..." She murmured, trying to smile at him as she finally settled her hands in a somewhat reasonable place, "There, that's good, right?"

He blushed. "Yes...there's good."

She looked up at him, looking almost scared, "Good, good..." Her hands drew back just a tad, "I should, um...take off this then." She breathed, glancing down at her shirt.

"Riv, if you're not ready for this yet..." He bit his lip at the uncertainty in her eyes.

She didn't want to disappoint him, completely disregarding what they had just been talking about. "No, I'm fine." She pulled back, beginning to lift her top.

He watched her, his lust for her growing with each new inch of exposed skin. He unconsciously reached for his own shirt  and started to unbutton it. River shook her shirt off slowly, not quite looking at him. Her hands shook it as she placed it to the side. She couldn't remember the last time he had seen her without clothes on, she hadn't really let him.

He let his shirt hang loosely from his shoulders, his bandages and bruised skin visible underneath it. She stared at his chest, fingers lightly moving over the wounds. "Are you sure you feel well enough for this? I don't want you to be in pain."

"I can assure you this won't hurt. Just, do be gentle with me dear." He smirked.

She managed a small smile, "Of course." He leaned down to kiss her again, his fingers cupping her face. It had been a while since she'd let him kiss her with this much passion, he wanted to savor every second.

She was shaking, trying to match his passion, but she wasn't ready. A part of her wanted to tell him to stop, but she couldn't find her voice, and she didn't want to disappoint him, so she urged him on, pulling him closer.

When he pulled back for breath, he was startled by the fear in her eyes. "River..." He pulled away from her, sitting back thinking he had gone to far.

"It's okay, I'm fine." She forced a smile, "Y-You don't have to stop."

He ignored what she said, only reading what he saw on her face, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to- if you're not ready...I- oh, god..."

She tugged him closer to her, "I'm okay. It's okay." She whispered.

"Are you sure...?" He didn't want her to do anything she wasn't ready for.

"Yes, of course." She lied, leaning up and kissing him softly. He kissed her back, unsure of his actions. She shook as she tugged him on top of her, hands lightly tracing down his chest.

"You're... shaking, Riv..." His face hovered close to hers and he could feel her breath against his skin.

"I'm fine." She repeated for probably the 100th time, "Really..."

"Please, be honest with me, love."

"I am being honest." She stroked his cheek. If this is what he wanted, then she would do it. She couldn't avoid it forever.

"I just want to make sure this is something that you want, too It's okay to not be ready..." He said softly. "We don't have to do this now."

"It's not." She said, voice barely audible. "Not for me." She brought her lips back to his.  

He pulled back again after a few seconds, "What do you mean?"

She shook her head, "Nothing. Now, are we going to do this or not?" She smiled, trying to relax as much as possible. He hesitated, not saying anything. Her eyes shifted away from his, "Doctor...I'm trying my best."

"I know, love, I know. But... making yourself to do _this_ before you're ready to is..." He paused, wondering for a better word. "I've never regretted making love to you. Not once, but forcing yourself into isn't the same... it turns this into something that isn't out of love or passion."

"But I'm doing it because I love you." She whispered, "I want you to be happy. That's what makes me happy. I don't want to disappoint you again."

"River, the only time you've disappointed me was the one time you attempted to make homemade pudding." He declared. That had been long before the girls were born and the pudding did not look like it did in the cook book, to say the least.  "What makes you think otherwise?"

She was quiet for a minute, "Are you telling me you weren't disappointed when our son died. Or when I came to you six years ago and told you that I had a miscarriage? Or when you found out about the rest that I kept a secret from you? So you weren't disappointed in me all the times I've tried to run from my problems? Or you wouldn't be disappointed if I told you that I didn't want to do anything after getting you all...excited?" She sighed, "All of those things...they were my fault. Don't lie to me and try to make me feel better by saying that you weren't disappointed, because I don't see how you possibly couldn't be."

"I was disappointed, River, but not with you. I never blamed you for any of those things because I know that if you could turn back the clock you would." He pressed his forehead to hers. "I have complete faith in you, River, and I know that you would never, _ever_ , try do anything to hurt me."

"Stop it!" She shouted, "Stop it! Stop forgiving me so easily! I have done so many horrible things, how can you just be okay with it? How can you simply understand? Don't you ever want to scream at me? I don't deserve this kind of kindness! I have kept so many things from you, so many secrets that would hurt and upset you. But you never get mad at me! All of the bad things that have happened in the past year have been my fault! I've caused you so much grief and pain, I don't understand. I don't deserve your understanding and forgiveness. How are you not angry?"

Though he backed away, startled by her change in tone, those old eyes kept looking at her without breaking. "I'm not angry at you because you still blame yourself. You blame yourself for everything that's happened and you've turned your image of yourself into something that's not worthy of happiness. I'm not angry because you don't deserve to be treated like a monster who murdered a baby. You are a mother who's lost her child, you are a person who has made mistakes, and you are someone who's guilt is eating away at them. So many people have died for me, so many people's live's have been ruined because of me and when I let that guilt get to me I thought I would never come out the other end. I've lived for too long to let the person I care most about in this universe drown because she doesn't think she's good enough. " She closed her eyes, staying silent, shoulders shaking after a minute. He laced his fingers into hers. "You may not forgive yourself, but I will. I will always and completely forgive you, River."

"But why? You've never been truly upset with me. I just...don't you ever need to yell at me?" She felt like she had to get shouted at, that somehow if he got angry and yelled at her, she would feel better.

"It's hard to yell at someone you love so much..." He said quietly. "I can't look at you and see your mistakes without also thinking about all of the times I've wanted to kiss you. Besides, I would just feel bad about it a apologize to you endlessly if I yelled at you."

"But all your done is forgive me and say you understand. I need you to yell at me, shout at me..."

He looked at her, confused. Why would anybody _want_ to be yelled at? "...Do you really want me to?" She nodded slowly. "Even if I apologize profusely to you afterwards?"

"Yes." She whispered.

"What... what am I supposed to say?" He couldn't quite think of a valid reason to yell at his wife.

"I...I don't know. Anything." He sifted through his brain for a moment before deciding.

He tried his best to sound irritated and angry as he said, "River, you can't keep on lying to me. I am your husband, you're suppose to trust me and if you can't even be bothered to share how you're feeling with me than... than how am I suppose to trust _you_?" It wasn't exactly yelling, but it still felt strange and foreign. He didn't like the harshness of the words, even if he didn't mean any of it.

"Jack and I were engaged." She said suddenly, knowing that she had to get him riled up to really yell at her.

"Wait, what? You and Jack... you were going to get married?!" This threw him of his guard. "Wait, when was this? I've known that man even before I met you and he never mentioned anything about you let alone a wedding!  And why didn't you mention it before? We had that whole argument about you and Jack, you could've mentioned that!"

She flinched slightly, "I was pregnant, that's why there were four pregnancies on the test instead of three.”

"Oh my god, River! You were pregnant with Jack's baby?! Oh, I'm going to throttle him when I see him again." His jealousy towards Jack grew, though he partially remembered that he was supposed to be getting angry at River, not Jack. "How could you have not told me this? Your ex-fiance has been parading through our home and you just stand there and watch? Was the baby the only reason you left him, would you have stayed if you hadn't miscarried?" He tried directing his anger towards River, though it still didn't feel right. He knew that what happened in River’s life before him wasn’t anything to be very jealous about, just the way River knew about his life with companions and didn’t get particularly jealous.

River could already see that the whole yelling and argument plan was backfiring. She had hoped that maybe if they got into an argument, the heated passion that came with yelling would do them good and help them blow off uncomfortable steam. She thought that it may be easier to shake off the sadness after fighting than it was with simple forgiveness. However, she was starting to see that this was not the case at all, "It was centuries ago, Jack and I were both young, stupid, and reckless. We had been dating for a while before I got pregnant, which was an accident, but it only lasted a week after I found out. And then, after I miscarried..." She paused, sighing, "We were both drunk and he asked me to marry him. I said yes, but it only lasted for about three days." She closed her eyes, "When he proposed...he talked about being so in love and wanting to try to have children together. I realized that I didn't _really_ love him, he was fun and a good time, but I didn't love him and I didn't want to have children with him. So, I broke off our engagement and ran away." She looked away, "I'm sorry, this was a stupid idea. I thought it would help but...I shouldn't have told you anything."

The anger the Doctor had worked up immediately vanished when he saw that he was making River feel bad. "River, I didn't mean any of that you know. ...I thought you wanted me to yell at you, but I didn't mean it. You know that Jack is one of my best friends, I'd never really hurt him. Your past is nothing more than your past and if you still love me the way you always have than I couldn't care less about your past relationships.." He had warned her that he'd apologize to no ends. He had been pretending to be angry, but he wasn't pretending to be sorry. "I not really mad, River..."

She shook her head, "But you know, you really should be." She took a deep breath, "I've been keeping that secret from you for so long."

"Your relationship with Jack doesn't affect how I feel about you or you about me." He paused. "It... doesn't affect how you feel about me, does it?"

"Of course not, but if has affected you in the past. The first time you found out you got upset. And I've let him take care of our children and sleep in our bed and..." She buried her head in her hands, "You have a right to be angry with me."

"Alright… I'll admit I was a bit cross at the time. But I'm not right now. Right now I understand that there are details of your past that I'll never know just like there are details of my past you might never know." She remained quiet, laying back on the cot, closing herself off. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the side of her head. He didn’t quite know if he had done anything, but that didn't stop him from trying to make it better.

"Do you think your parents would have liked me?" She whispered suddenly after another few minutes of silence.

"I... I don't know. I didn't know my parents very well. I think they would have, thought they might have been a little skeptical because you're part human."

She seemed to close off even more at the sound of that. "I'm sorry."

"Riv... You know I would've sneaked out of the house to see you anyways." He tried to lighten the mood.

She managed to smile weakly, "That's good to hear, but...Well, obviously my parents loved you and as strange as it was, they were happy that we were married. It just..." She looked up at him, looking over his face, "I've never been very well liked, by anyone. It would have been nice to think that at least my husband's family would have liked me and would be happy that we were married."

"You are my family. You and the girls, Vastra and Jack, you guys are my family now." He curled up to her a bit more. "Besides, I'm sure my mother would have warmed up to you eventually. She could be very understanding if she wanted to be. She was just a bit protective." His mind wandered a little, thinking about what it would've been like if they all lived on Gallifrey. He quickly pushed the thought away when images of River in the Time War came up.

"Right, of course...eventually." She murmured, staring up at the ceiling.

"What does it matter what she thought? She's been gone for a very long time..." He sighed. "My granddaughter would've liked you very much."

She glanced at him, "Of course you wouldn't understand. Everyone as always approved of you and liked you. Just...forget I said anything."

"Well that's not true..." He said before he could stop himself from going into the subject.

"What do you mean?" She asked, looking over at him, "When has there ever been a time where someone _didn't_ approve of you."

"Loads of times." He insisted. "I can name dozens of humans who didn't like me, and one of them was one of my companion's mother. Torchwood 1 was made because they wanted to keep me out. Not to mention my own people." She fell silent again, not knowing what to say to that. Of course he had faced disapproval in the past, even if the fact that he was widely liked was more prominent, he had still faced what she had. "Kids at school hated me, believe it or not..." He added but didn't go much further into that.

She let out a small puff of air, smiling sadly, "I certainly know how that feels."

"You had Amy and Rory..."  He said slowly.

"Right, my parents were my only friends. It sounds absolutely pitiful."

"Yeah, but they choose you for you because they didn't know you were their daughter." He sighed. "The girls will have a lot of friends, won't they?"

She looked down, sighing quietly, "I hope so."

"Do you think they won't?"

"No, no I think they will. They're both so friendly and smart and caring, I don't see how they couldn't. It's just...we never really talked about them going to school."

"Well they are about the general age when one is supposed to start kindergarten. Do you think we should home school?"

She hesitated, "Well, it would be dangerous to send them to a regular school, but...if we homeschool them, than how are they going to ever make friends their own age?"

He rolled the thought around in his head. "What if we got someone to go with them undercover and keep an eye on them?" He suggested, though it wasn't a very good one.

"I...I don't know." She whispered, rubbing her temples. "Who would do that for us?"

"...I met a teacher a while ago. After your parents... She didn't end up traveling with me, but she knows about the time travel and all. I bet we could ask her."

She nodded slowly, "Yes, I suppose so, but I'd like to meet her before entrusting her with the girls."

"Good idea." He looked over his wife for a moment. "Maybe not today though."

She nodded slowly, "Of course not. I should go check on the girls." She looked down at the cast on her knee, silently wondering how was she possibly going to be able to move around.

He swung his legs off the bed, resisting the urge to tell her to get some sleep. "I think we have some crutches somewhere..." She nodded, trying to ease herself off the bed. He quickly found the crutches in the corner of the room. "I think these are your height, but they're adjustable anyway."

She nodded again, testing them to make sure they were in fact sized properly, "Yes, they're good. Thank you." She hesitated, glancing over at him again before heading towards the girls room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The beginnings of working Clara into the story! If you'll notice, I added her to the tags. She'll grow to have a bigger role soonish, so be excited for that hopefully.


	63. Your Smile is a Supernova

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An old memory kindles happiness for River

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is so short. And also for the lack of updating. Midterms are coming up again and my teachers just /love/ to give me a lot of homework. Anyway, enjoy and don't forget to comment!

CH 63

 

Freya sat on her bed, with Jenny and Vastra, showing them her drawings and toys. Amelia and Strax were on the floor with the second Harry Potter book next to them and Amelia trying to show Strax how to draw the characters. Strax was still having trouble figuring out how to hold the crayon the right way.

The Doctor and River stood in the doorway, just watching them. Seeing the girls always made her feel happier, and she would have been content to just stand there all day and watch them play. After Strax accidentally broke a fourth crayon, Amelia finally looked up, a big smile spreading across her face. "Mummy!"

"Hello, darling." River smiled, moving over to her as best she could and sitting down in one of the chairs.

Amelia climbed into her lap with one of her drawings. "I didn't know when you'd be better so I made you this!"

"This is beautiful, thank you." She smiled, kissing the top of her head as she admired the drawing.

"Mummy, can I draw on your cast?" Freya asked. She remembered doing that with Amelia when she'd had a cast on her leg.

She smiled and nodded, "Of course, you can make it nice and pretty for me."

"I want to help!" Amelia climbed down as Freya got markers. They got to work covering River's cast in a mix of rainbows, flowers, Gallifreyan, and miscellaneous other figures. "Why did you go to sleep when you fell?" Amelia could understand the broken bones part, but not the falling unconscious part.

"Well, sometimes when you hit your head really, really hard, something happens in your brain that makes you go to sleep." She tried to explain, although she still couldn't remember anything about falling.

"Sorry for going higher than you said I could." Freya apologized, making a few stars.

"It's alright, darling." She whispered, stroking back Freya's curls.

Amelia ran over to the Doctor, tugging on his pant leg, "Come draw on Mummy's cast." He let his daughter lead him to River's side.

He sat down next to them trying to decide what to draw before grabbing a purple marker.

River watched him carefully, looking more at his face than what he was drawing. "Doctor…?" She whispered.

"Yes, love?" He didn't look up, completely focused on his drawing.

"I'm sorry for everything that just happened, and for not being able to..." She trailed off, glancing at the girls.

"It's fine, River. You weren't ready and to be honest I don't know if I was either." He smiled up at her for a moment. "It's alright, love. These things take time and you are in no way obligated to rush."

She nodded slowly, "What are you drawing?"

"It's surprise." He grinned. "I'm not done yet." She managed a soft smile, waiting for him to finish drawing, occasionally trying to peak over. After grabbing a few more colors he finally finished and moved to River could see.

The majority of the bottom of the cast was covered in a pink and purple supernova that was somewhat heart shaped. It had been his anniversary present to her a few years ago, though he was better at shaping the drawing than had been at shaping the actual supernova. Her smile grew much brighter, her eyes lighting up at the memory. "That's our supernova." She breathed. He always said that it was her supernova, but she insisted on calling it theirs.

He nodded happily. "I might have gotten the proportions a bit wrong..."

"No, it's perfect." She leaned down to kiss his forehead, "I love it, just like I love our actual supernova." He beamed as the girls peered at the drawing in awe.

They'd seen a few supernova's before but they were a bit duller and smaller than this one. "Can we go see it?"

River’s eyes brightened even more, "Of course we can!" She looked happier than she had in a while, something about the memory of the gift brightening her up tremendously.

The Doctor peered up at her curiously, glad that she was smiling again. It seemed more rare for her to smile like that these days. He grabbed another marker, quickly writing smile in Gallifreyan next to his drawing.

"Can we go see it now?" Freya asked him hopefully.

"Mummy still needs to rest, lovie. Maybe tomorrow." He told his daughter.

"I can rest after." River looked just as hopeful as their daughters. "I promise, I'll go right to sleep."

"Well... alright." He couldn't say no to any of those faces. The girls cheered, bouncing around the room. River beamed, leaning over and kissing him. He lingered on the kiss a little longer than he should have before turning to their guests. "Would you like to join us?"

Vastra looked between Strax and Jenny. "We would love to, but we don't want to intrude."

"You're not intruding." He told them. He and River had already had their special moment when he had first showed it to her.

Vastra smiled, "Well then we would love to come."

He grinned, getting to his feet and extending a hand to River. She tried to get up with his help, then leaned on the crutches. They headed to the console room, the Doctor slowing his pace to walk next to River. The girls had climbed up on the pilots chairs and were bouncing as they waited for their parents. River smiled at them once they were finally in the console room. She moved over to the console, typing in the coordinates.

The first time they had gone, they had simply opened the TARDIS doors to look at the brilliant explosion of colors. However, there was a planet near by that the supernova could be seen from which is where they planned to take everyone. She looked up at her husband, smiling brightly as she switched off the breaks. "Ready."

The girls raced to the door as the usually did, Jenny close behind them to make sure they wouldn't run off. River tried to go after them as fast as she could, not wanting Jenny to have to do all the work.

It was night on the planet they landed on. Though it was hard to see around, they could still tell that they had landed on top of a mountain. The air was chilly and thin and the grass grew in short patches on the hard dirt. The sky was already splattered with hundreds of stars. "Don't wander off, girls!' River called as she looked back at the Doctor, smiling. Her smile was contagious and spread to him.

They continued walking for a few minutes, getting a good distance away from the TARDIS as the girls ran ahead trying to tag each other. His cheeks were dusted pink from the cold air when they found a spot to sit. She was shivering by the time they sat down, not having a jacket like he had his tweed. "I didn't realize it was going to be this cold." She smiled back at him, cuddling into his arms, "I should have gotten a jacket."

"Here." He took off his tweed and wrapped it around her. "Better?"

She shook her head, shaking the jacket off and holding it back out to him, "I don't mind. I don't want you getting cold."

"I've got you to keep me warm, don't I?"

"Of course you do." She whispered, snuggling up against him, "But your jacket will keep you warmer."

"How about this?" He took the jacket and put it over the two of them as a makeshift blanket.

She smiled, "That's perfect." She murmured, wrapping her arms around him to try and keep him warm.

"Daddy! Daddy, look!"

The Doctor looked towards his daughter. "Yes, sweetheart?" Freya was bouncing up and down, pointing at the sky that had just become dark enough for the supernova to be visible. He smiled patting the ground beside him, "Why don't you come over here and watch with mummy and daddy?" She skipped over, snuggling up with them. Amelia joined her family as well, not needing to cuddle for warmth because of all the running she'd just been doing.

River's eyes were brighter than they had been in a long time as she watched the supernova come into view. The colors seemed to light up half the sky, reminding the Doctor a bit of Darillium, but more of the wonderful anniversary they'd had all those years ago. He linked his hand with River's. She squeezed his hands tightly, but didn't look away from the sky. The view brought her back to a time when she wasn't sad, wasn't worried about having another baby, wasn't completely lost in her guilt. It made her feel happier, looking up at the beautiful gift the Doctor had given her.

He wasn't sure how long they lay there stargazing, but eventually Vastra, Jenny, and Strax decided to return to the TARDIS, Freya and Amelia joining them asking for hot cocoa.

 

 


	64. Tell Me Why You Love Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nightmares and late night kisses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for delayed updates! It looks like I'll officially only be updating once a week now (generally on the weekend). So... sorry about that. Maybe it will change in the future. Enjoy and don't forget to comment!"

CH 64

 

River was still staring up at the supernova, long after her guests and children had returned to the TARDIS. She had barely taken her eyes off of it since it had appeared. The Doctor turned his head to look at her, relishing for a moment at the wonder on her face. He kissed the side of her head. "You look beautiful, Riv."

She looked over at him finally, smiling, "Thank you. You don't look so bad yourself."

He chuckled. "You know, if realized that you liked supernovas so much, I'd would've found a lot more for you."

She laughed weakly, "It's not that I love supernovas, it's just… this one is special."

"What makes this one special?" He asked, even though he already had a pretty good idea.  

"Because it was a gift from you on our anniversary." She whispered, falling silent as if she were done talking. After a minute, she spoke again, "It was only a few days after we found out I was pregnant with the girls. We were so happy then..."

He nodded. "Are we not happy now, too?"

She didn't answer him right away, "Are you happy now?"

"Yes." He held her a bit tighter. "I am."

"Good." She closed her eyes, resting her head against him, "I'm glad."

"You still haven't answered my question." He said after a moment.

Another minute went by before she said anything, "Of course I'm happy." She whispered, though she didn't sound quite sure of herself. He decided not to push further into it, instead readjusting his arms around her and enjoying the moment with her under the stars. She probably would have fallen asleep had it not been so cold. She enjoyed nestling into him, staring up at their special thing.

It felt like an hour before he spoke again. "You know, Riv, I do believe you promised to get some rest..."

"Right..." She sighed, beginning to try and stand, "You're right. I suppose we should start heading inside."

He stood, shrugging his jacket back on and helping her stand as well. "I'm guessing you don't want to stay in the sick bay?"

She looked up at him, horror flashing in her eyes for a millisecond. "I'd rather not, but if you want me to..."

"All you need is rest. There's no reason why you can't do that from our room." He said, not noticing the flash of fear.

She nodded, "Yes, of course." They re-entered the TARDIS, the warm air enveloping them and quickly warming up their bodies. Strax was sitting ont he stairs, grumbling something about unfairness and Earth books. "Are you alright?" River asked softly, walking over to him.

He looked up at her, still wearing a frown. "Madame dismissed me from assisting with putting your offspring to sleep. She said my 'stories' were too, violent for youths of their ilk."

She smiled softly, "The girls are still very little and can get frightened by violent stories, especially before bed. But I'm sure that the next time you'll be able to find a more suitable story to tell."

"They didn't scare me  when I was that young." He huffed.

"Yes, I know. But, you grew up in a very different culture than my girls, and they have not been raised to fight like you were."

"Does his mean they aren't yet informed of basic combat skills?"

"Well, they know a bit of self-defense, but… I haven't taught them much more than that. I don't want them to have to worry about fighting at such a young age."

Strax muttered something about the Timelord race being too kind to other people, which to him was an insult. "Fine. Raise your children how you please. But, I would appreciate not being sent away for everything. The little Rutans are starting to grow on me."

She nodded, "I'll make sure you aren't next time." Strax nodded his thanks to her.

She started to move away, going back to her room. The Doctor followed behind his wife, definitely ready to curl up and sleep.

River somewhat collapsed on the bed when she got to it, exhausted after the day they had. He smirked to himself, glad that she finally agreed to sleep, as he slipped his shoes and coat off. He snuggled into the bed next to her, curling up to her like a puppy. She sighed weakly, nuzzling up against him. "Riv?" He said, his voice quiet and soft.

"Hmm?" She murmured.

"I love you." It wasn't very often that he was the one to say it first.

She smiled softly, "I know you do."

"I'm never gonna stop reminding you."

He buried his face in her curls. She fell silent, letting out another sigh. She felt Tiber jump up on the bed and slink over to them, wanting to curl up on her stomach which seemed to be his favorite place. The Doctor reached a lazy hand over to pet him between the ears. "He's gotten much bigger since we got him."

"Do you remember the day we got him?" She asked quietly, scratching beneath the purring cat's chin as he curled up on top of her.

"Yes." He whispered. "The girls were fighting over Mr. Thomas until you handed Samantha to one of them."

"Do you remember anything else?' She asked quietly, memories of that night starting to make their way to her..

He nodded, "Yeah... why?"

"I don't know." She murmured, "Just wondering..."

He stayed quiet, not daring to mention anything about the baby. "You should sleep, Riv."

She nodded, closing her eyes and trying to block out bad memories. He did the same, trying to think of one of his good memories with River and the Ponds, the bad things still leaking into his dreams. It took her almost an hour for either of them to fall asleep, the bad dreams still filling her head as well.

After a few hours, the Doctor deemed sleeping too troublesome and restless. He turned on his side to look at River. Tiber had moved to curl up by her leg, he wasn't sure when Samantha had joined. Mr. Thomas usually slept in the girl's room and rarely joined Tiber. He watched the cats, trailing his eyes up to River’s face.

Her sleep had been no less restless than his. After waking up earlier and staring at the ceiling for about two hours, she had finally fallen back to sleep, cheeks tear-stained after waking up from a nightmare, silently crying.  

He instinctively brushed his thumb against her cheek, his forehead resting against hers as if he could give her good thoughts. Surprisingly, she didn't wake up when he did this. Instead, she curled closer to him, clutching onto the front of his shirt. Tiber lifted his head, glaring at River's leg for moving before going back to sleep. The Doctor wrapped his arms around her, kissing her nose softly.

She woke when he did that, her eyes slowly opening and blinking up at him. She still looked exhausted, but it was an improvement from before.

"Hey." He said.

“Hi." She whispered back.

"...You've been crying."

"No, I haven't. Don't be silly." She smiled, flat out lying to him.

"River, I can see the tear tracks on your face."

Her smile fell, "And? It doesn't really matter, I'm fine."

"You've been having nightmares again." It wasn't a question.

"It doesn't matter." She repeated. In truth, the nightmares never really went away.

"It matters to me." He told her. "You don't have to want to talk about it, but it matters."

She avoided making eye contact, "I didn't want to bother you. And talking about them would only upset you too. There's no point."

He sighed, holding her tighter and resting his chin on her head. "I doubt your dreams could be to much worse than mine."

"What did you dream about tonight?" She asked quietly, burying her face in his neck.

"I..." He bit his lip, not sure that he wanted to share. "I dreamed about... the times I nearly lost you." His nightmares felt like they were real, right down to the screams and stench of burned flesh or the overwhelming smell of blood. His mind often bent the memories, replaying the worst bits over and over or changing the setting so that there was no way to reach her.

"It's alright." She whispered, cupping his face in her hands, "I'm here, you've never really lost me."

"But it could happen again. I could lose you... " He slipped his hands over hers.

She shook her head, "I promise you won't." He knew that it was out of her control but he smiled weakly anyways, brushing the side of her face with his thumb. She smiled up at him, the tear tracks fading every time he touched her cheeks. He took a breath, her touch helping to push the dreams away. He leaned close to her and kissed her softly.

"I love you." She murmured, nuzzling his nose.

"I love you more than anything in the universe." He told her. She closed her eyes, trying to take in this moment. He kissed her again, his eyes closing. She pulled him down on top of her, fingers curling in his hair.

"River..." He whispered her name, unsure of what she was doing.

She stared up at him, holding her breath. "I'm sorry...I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I..."

"I'm not uncomfortable, Riv." He leaned down and pecked her lips to prove his point.

She didn't react, still laying stone still beneath him. "Okay..."

"Are... are you? Comfortable, I mean..."

"Of course." She smiled, "Why wouldn't I be?"

"No reason..." He brushed a curl out of her face.

She swallowed, looking up at him, "Why do you love me?"

"Well that's a bit difficult to but into words, love...." He thought. "You're brilliant and beautiful. You're funny, courageous, and I love the way you bite your lip when you're reading. I love your smile and your kisses." He smiled.

She smiled softly, "You like when I bite my lip when I read?"

"Of course I do. It's adorable and it just shows how much passion you have for it."

She giggled, her nose scrunching up. "That's very sweet, darling."

"There are a million other things I could name that I love about you, you know." He said, weaving his fingers with hers. "Our hands fit perfectly together, there's one."

She turned her head to look at their hands, squeezing his lightly.

"Your eyes." He pecked her nose. "There's another."

"What about them?" She whispered.

"Everything... The color, they way you look at our children, the way they flutter shut when I kiss your neck." He leaned his head to her neck, his lips softly caressing her honey colored skin.

Her eyes fluttered shut just like he had just said as she moved her head to expose more of her neck. He kissed her until there was a small pink mark from where his mouth was. She made a small whimpering noise in the back of her throat, trying to tell him that she liked what he was doing.

He grinned. "I love every laugh, every sigh, every moan you make." He wasn't sure how far River was comfortable with going, but he moved his head a bit lower anyways, trailing kisses on her collar.

She sucked in a breath, "Every moan?" She whispered, a bit unsure.

"It's like music." He went back up to her lips. "I love it when you sing."

She smiled softly, "It's alright... to go further I mean." She whispered, feeling more comfortable than before.

"Positive?"

She nodded slowly, "I'll tell you if I get uncomfortable."

 

 


	65. Dancing Shoes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River and the Doctor have sex for the first time in a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So just case you couldn't tell, there is smut in this. Actually, practically all of it is smut. Next week have some half days so hopefully that will mean an extra update or I'll get around to finishing some prompts from other people. (Looking at you, VastraJennyLove- almost done with your fic) Anyway, enjoy and don't forget to comment!

CH 65

 

He grinned, stroking his hands up her side and peppering her neck with kisses again. She sighed happily, tangling her fingers in his hair. He let his hands roam her skin, rediscovering the softness he had missed in the past few months.

She seemed to tense whenever he touched her abdomen, but was otherwise happy. He knew better than to comment on it, instead learning touch places that made her relax instead. He whispered sweet nothings to her as her caressed her sides, his own excitement growing. She whimpered and nearly moaned when he found just the right places.   

Tiber and Samantha padded silently out of the room in search for a bed that moved less.

She whimpered, hauling him even closer. His mouth was on hers, his hand moving down the leg that didn't have a cast. She spread her legs just a tad for him, though it was more out of instinct than conscious decision. He kept her mouth busy with his, stroking the inside of her leg but not yet touching her core until he knew she was absolutely okay with it.

"Doctor..." She whispered, pulling back just the slightest bit.

"Yes, love?" He replied softly.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" She asked quietly, "Before you said you weren't sure if you were ready and...I just want to make sure."

"Yes, I'm sure." He answered. He was sure now because this was purely about loving River, not pressure to make a baby.

She stared up at him, nodding slowly. "Okay."

"And you? Do you want this?" He must have asked that question at least a dozen times by now.

"I...I think so." She breathed, leaning up to kiss him, "Just...be gentle."

"Of course." He resumed kissing her, moving his hand higher to trace small circles around her clit.

She whimpered, kissing him back. He continued softy teasing her, feeling her heat grow. He slipped his fingers in to her, curling them for a moment and taking them out again. She drew in a sharp breath, hands making fists in his hair. She squeezed her eyes shut, pressing her forehead to his. He slipped his fingers in again, gently pressing against her walls.

"Doctor." She whimpered, fingers tightening a bit.

He pressed the palm of his hand against her heat. "Hm?"

She shook her head and swallowed, releasing his hair from her grip.  

"Riv, if you want to stop, just say so..."

"No, I'm fine. We don't have to stop." She murmured, looking up at him.

"... Alright." He leaned down to kiss her, still slightly uncertain. She kissed him softly, trying to reassure him that she was fine.

He began to regain his confidence, moving his hand again in a steady rhythm.  She moaned, rolling her hips into his hand. His arousal grew with her moans, making him want to kiss her more than he already was.

Her hands moved to his shirt, fumbling as she undid the buttons, pulling them off as quickly as she could. He shrugged the shirt off, pushing his pants to his ankles with his free hand, his lips never leaving hers.  She nipped at his lip, running her hands all down his chest.

He hummed, enjoying the feeling. "Do you remember when we were younger and you would tie me up?"

She smiled, "Yes, I do. I'm surprised you never tried it on me, then again, I don't think I ever let you."

"You never told me where the key to the handcuffs were." He adjusted himself on top of her so her legs were on either side of his hips, not yet entering.

"It's under the mattress." She purred, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

"The one place I never checked. Perhaps I should save the handcuffs for a Christmas present." She nodded in agreement. This being their first time in a while, using handcuffs now would be too big of a leap. “ _I’m dreaming of a white Christmas_ …” He sang playfully.

She laughed, deepening the kiss, hands trailing along his waist. He tangled a hand in her hair, his other moving down her side. She shivered, rolling her hips towards his.

Though he liked a bit of bondage now an then, he had to admit that having the two pairs of arms moving as they please was more often preferable. He pressed his body against hers. She sucked in a breath, hands trailing down his arms.

His mouth was on hers again, his face a bit flush as he slipped into her with ease. She moaned into his mouth, rolling her hips against his. He could've sworn that his insides melted. He established a slow pace, moving gently.

It was the first time in months that they had done this, and although she had been a bit reluctant at first, River was enjoying it now, pressing kisses along his body, touching his head, shoulders and chest with gentle hands, trying to show how much she loved him.

He savored everything about this. He relished each touch of her hands, every small sound she made, the smell of her hair, and the look on her face. Their lips hardly ever apart, were swollen from all the kissing.

She moaned and hummed against his lips, rolling her body against is. It was still quite early in the morning, and she was trying not to wake up the rest of the people on board, but she loved the feel of him. Every time he kissed her, touched her or even looked at her, sparks flew across her body and her heart beat just a bit faster. He kissed her like she was air and he couldn't breathe.

He grunted as he felt the pleasure begin to rise, and his blood run faster. Her head was spinning and she all she could think about was him, whimpering and trying to haul him closer. Any minute, she felt like everything was just going to shatter. He moaned in to her mouth as his release grew closer. He wanted her to come first, though.

He snaked his hand between them, softly running his fingers over her clit. She whimpered much louder and needier this time, grinding a bit roughly down into his hand. He obliged to her wants, rubbing a bit harder.

Just a moment later she came with a loud cry of his name, which she tried to muffle by pressing her lips against his again. He groaned out her name, unintentionally in Gallifreyan, as he tipped over the edge, feeling her tighten around his length. Her whole body trembled with pleasure and was coated with sweat.

After a minute, of just laying beneath him, trying to catch her breath and recover, she smiled. "I love you, River Song." He breathed, still forgetting that he was speaking in his native tongue.

"I love you, too, sweetie." She whispered, speaking back to him in Gallifreyan as well, pressing one final, soft kiss to his swollen lips.

He smiled at her, flopping next to her and cuddling. "I don't think I'll be having anymore nightmares tonight."

She smiled, nuzzling his shoulder, "I didn't realize how much I missed that until now."

He chuckled. " _You_ not missing sex. I never thought it possible." He teased.

She closed her eyes, pressing her cheek against his shoulder, not taking the teasing so lightly. "Yes...but circumstances change."

"I know." He kissed the top of her head. "And I'm happy to be here for you, whatever you need."

She nodded slowly, "I'm sorry it took me so long..."

"A couple months is nothing, River. It's perfectly alright to need time, especially after what we went through."

She swallowed and nodded, "Still, I wouldn't even let you look at me..."

"Well that's not true, is it?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well I've looked at you loads of times in the last couple months. " He pointed out.

"Well, yes but not like this. I never let you really see me without clothes on." She countered, then sighed and closed her eyes, "But it doesn't matter anymore."

He wrapped his arms around her. "It's alright, River. If you're comfortable with it now, then that's all that counts."

She smiled weakly, "I am. I love you, so much."

"I love you, too." He leaned towards her and kissed her softly.

She kissed him back, looking up at him once the kiss was broken. "You know, it's still very early, so we'll have a bit of time to ourselves. Do you want to come take a shower with me?"

"I'd love to." He grinned. She smiled, sliding off the bed and limping over to the bathroom. He trailed behind her. He certainly appreciated being able to look at her naked.

She looked back at him, giggling, "If you're lucky, you won't get much showering in." She teased, her hips swaying even with the limp.

"Oh really?" He couldn't say he minded at all. Steam filled the room as the shower heated up. "Be careful not to get your cast wet."

She nodded, trying to find something to keep it dry. "When is it coming off?"

"Well it wasn't a clean break, so I'd say about..." He thought a moment, doing a bit of math in his head. "Six to eight weeks." A human would've have had to have it on for longer, but River could heal faster.

"Better practice your moves, we're going dancing as soon as it comes off." She winked, then stepped into the shower, having finally covered her cast.

"Dancing?" His grin widened. "We don't have to bring the kids, do we?"

She shook her head, "It can be a date night. Just the two of us." She purred, pulling him into the shower with her and kissing him again.

The water poured over them, heating up their already warm skin. She backed up against the wall, kissing him deeply, trying to make up for the months they had gone without this.

 

 


	66. Eggs and Bacon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a good mood, the Doctor decides to make a big breakfast for everyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, I actually had time this week to update more than once. Just a bit of fluff. Enjoy and don't forget to comment!

CH 66

 

Their finger pads were wrinkled like raisins from staying in the water too long. The Doctor still held River against the wall as he caught his breath. Both of them were breathing heavily, flushed faces pressed against each other. She wiggled, bringing her legs down from around his waist.

"The girls will be up soon." He whispered, trying to sneak in extra kisses on her collar.

Her eyes fluttered shut, head rolling back against the shower wall, "Mmm..."

"We should probably get out..." He said, though didn't move.

Another minute passed before she finally made to get out, "We can continue on tonight, if you're up for it."

He flushed a little pink. "Of course I'll be." He said confidently.

"One more kiss?" She whispered, looking up at him through long eyelashes.

"Anything for you." He pressed his lips against hers again, snogging her thoroughly. She melted into the kiss, pulling back all flushed and bright eyed. "I don't suppose you wanted an actual shower, because if you did you'd be mighty disappointed."

River giggled, resting her head on his shoulder, "Don't worry, I had no intentions of taking an actual shower."

"Good." They went back to their room, the Doctor smiling as he searched through his dresser for his usual set of clothes. "Do you know if Jenny and Vastra decided to stay the night?" The pair had stayed on the TARDIS so many times before that the old girl had made them their own room as opposed to them staying in a guest room.

"I don't know, it was pretty late. They probably ended up staying." She murmured, sliding up behind him and stealing the shirt in his hands.

"Maybe we should- Hey! Give that back!" He turned around, reaching for the pale blue button down. "I need it!"

She laughed, sliding it over her shoulders, "But I want to wear it today."

"Well maybe if you had asked nicely I would let you." He said, a little distracted by the way his shirt highlighted her features. He'd never admit it, but he loved it when she wore his clothes.

"May I please wear your shirt?" She asked, batting her eyelashes up at him, trailing a hand down his arm.

"Em..." He was at a loss of words for a moment, completely under her spell. "Yes... You may." She smiled, leaning up and kissing the corner of his mouth, then began rolling up the sleeves and buttoning the buttons.

He watched her skin disappear under the fabric of the shirt until he remembered that he had to get dressed, too. He pulled out a new shirt for himself, this one plain white. "As I was saying, before I was interrupted by a shirt thief," He gave her a fake glare that looked more like a playful look. "Maybe we should cook a really big breakfast for everyone. We could make a German apple pancake." He suggested.

"That sounds like a wonderful idea." She smiled, giggling when he called her a shirt thief. She went to find a skirt to wear with his shirt, coming back a minute later finally fully dressed.

He was straitening  his bow tie and finishing the buttons on his vest. He had decided to not where his jacket unless they decided to go out. "Are you going to use crutches? They might make things easier."

"Yes, unless you want to carry me." She teased, smoothing out his vest.

"I wouldn't object." He grinned and swept her up, spinning a few times.

She yelped, clutching onto him, "Don't you dare drop me!" She laughed.

"Wouldn't dream of it." He kissed her nose, his spinning slowing to a stop though he didn't put her down. She smiled up at him, nestling into his arms. "Looks like I'll be carrying you after all." He started to head to the kitchen.

"You don't have to if you don't want to. I can walk." She offered.

"But I do want to." He said, holding her against his chest. She smiled, pressing a kiss to his collar.

The TARDIS made sure a pair of crutches was already waiting in the kitchen when they arrived there. He set her down on her feet again. River wanted to try her best not to use the crutches, thinking they would just get in the way while they were trying to cook.

The Doctor clapped his hands together excitedly. "Alright-y then! A German apple pancake can't possibly be enough to feed seven people. What else should we make? Oh! Bacon! Well maybe not bacon -I hate bacon- Bacon for Freya and people who aren't me. And maybe some biscuits? Yes, biscuits and jam!" He started to ramble, already pulling things out of the shelves and fridge.

"Do you want me to help?" She asked, looking over his shoulder. "Or do you just want me to keep you company?'’

"Help please." He requested. “I'll start on the pie, you can start the biscuits, but promise not to throw any flour at me?" He recalled the many times before when she'd started food fights.

She pouted, "Fine, I promise." They got to work making the large breakfast, the room becoming filled with the smells of various foods being cooked. River did her best to get around the kitchen, not very helpful while trying to manage with crutches.

"Riv, if you need to sit you can." He said as he whisked some eggs. It didn't look very comfortable to walk around with the crutches on top on the cooking.

"No, no I want to help!" She smiled right before nearly dropping the bowl she was holding. He rushed to help stabilize the bowl back in her arms. "Woah there!"

River let out a sigh of relief, closing her eyes to gather her thoughts, "Maybe I should sit after all."

"You've been a great help River. We're almost done anyways." He offered a smiled. She smiled, going to sit down in one of the chairs.

"What is that delicious smell?" Vastra said, entering into the room.

The Doctor turned his head as he poured the eggs into a pan. "Ah, Vastra! Glad to see you're up! River and I made breakfast for you, well everyone else, too. I wanted to thank you for your help yesterday."

"That is very kind of both of you." She nodded, sitting down across from River, noting how bright they both seemed to be. "You two certainly seem cheery today." She mentioned, eyeing the love-bites left on River's neck and jaw.

The Doctor glanced at his wife, a blush creeping up his neck at a fast rate. "Erm- well we -uh- ... woke up on the right side of the bed this morning." He said quickly.

"Mmm, for the first time in months." She winked, much less embarrassed about the situation than he. His face turned scarlet, wishing there was something for him to hide behind. He completely forget about his cooking.

River giggled, "Doctor, don't burn the eggs!"

"What?" He turned around in a panic. "Oh!" He quickly turned the stove off, scrapping the eggs onto a plate.

She stood up, limping over to him and wrapping her arms around his waist. "You're all flushed now." She murmured, pressing a kiss to his shoulder, neck, then cheek, "Embarrassed?"

"Er- no. Never. Not me. Definitely not embarrassed." His arms flailed slightly and his face kept its fiery hue.

"Then say it." She purred, pressing another kiss to his jaw, "What did we just do?"

"River... I don't want to announce to our friend what we do in the privacy of our bedroom." He whispered a little too loudly.

"Because you're embarrassed." She teased, lips grazing his jaw again before she turned so her back was pressed against his chest and they were both looking at Vastra.

Vastra smiled knowingly at her friends. "There is nothing to be ashamed about, certainly not with the two of you since it could potentiality rebuild your species." She turned her head to the many different foods on the table. "Shall I wake the others for breakfast?"

River smiled back at her, running her hands down the Doctor's arms and pulling them around her, "We can wake the girls if you want to wake Jenny and Strax"

Vastra nodded her head. "They'll be very pleased."

River started to limp towards the door, off to find the girls. The Doctor stayed in the kitchen to finish setting the table and such things.

Freya was still sound asleep, her blankets covering all of her so only a few tufts of curly hair were poking out from underneath them. Amelia had sat up in bed reading 'A bad case of the stripes' to herself. River smiled when she walked in, limping over and sitting down beside Amelia.

The girl smiled up at her mum. "Will you read it to me out loud?" She was only a few pages in.

"Of course, love." She wrapped one arm around her, taking hold of the book and beginning to read the story. Freya shifted at the sound of the voice, poking her nose out from under her covers. River didn't seem to notice, full attention on Amelia, holding her close.

"Mummy?" Freya said sleepily. "What are you reading?"

She looked up, smiling, "We're reading ‘A Bad Case of Stripes’. Do you want to come listen?"

She nodded, climbing out of her bed and curling up on the other side of her mother. River kissed her head and let her get settled before continuing on. Freya took time during the story to wake herself up. She yawned and rubbed sleep out of her eyes, and stretched her legs.

By they time the story was done, she was much more awake and excited. "Mummy, can I put a bow in your hair like the girl in the story?"

River laughed and nodded, "Alright, but then we have to go eat breakfast." Freya jumped up and grabbed a bow from the dress-up drawer. She went back on the bed, standing on her toes to reach River's large mass of hair. River ducked down a bit to help her reach.

She beamed happily. "There! Now your hair is all pretty!"

"Thank you, sweetie." She smiled, kissing the top of her head.

"What's for breakfast?" Asked Amelia.

"Well there's German apple pancakes, some bacon and some biscuits and jam."

"Really?" Both looked exchanged excited looks. They usually never had a breakfast as big as this.

She laughed, "Yes, you'd better go before everyone else eats it all." They hopped off the bed, still in their nighties as they ran to towards the smell of the food. She limped behind them, making it back to the kitchen a minute or so after they had sat down.

"Look at all this food, mummy!" There were more things than River had mentioned. Eggs, buttered toast, bagels with cream cheese and salmon, and orange juice with bits.

The Doctor smiled at his wife, his expression saying 'I didn't know what else to make so I made everything.'

"You're in a _really_ good mood, aren't you." She laughed, eyes floating over all the food.

"Well what can I say." He went over to her, kissing her cheek. "I woke up on the right side of the bed." She laughed, wrapping her arms around him and hugging him tightly.

He stole an extra kiss, his cheeks slightly pink with the eyes of the other people in the room on them. She didn't notice, eyes closed even after the kiss was broken. "River..." He whispered, gesturing with his head to the table.

She looked up, trying not to laugh. "Right...sorry. Help yourselves." She sat down next to Amelia, helping her fill her plate. 


	67. Until the Sun Dies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Is that a challenge, wife?"
> 
> "Oh, husband, I do believe it is."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is short. The next few will likely be short. Happy Easter/Passover/whatever other holidays are this week end. I'm going to Anime Boston on Sunday as a weeping angel, so if any of you are going, I hope to run into you! (I'll mostly just be in the food court, I'm only going to hang out with my friends for lunch.)

CH 67

 

"What are those things on Mummy's neck?" Freya whispered to the Doctor a few minutes into breakfast.

His skin turned crimson at the question. "Uh... I- um-..." He look desperately at his wife, noticing the marks. River hadn't seemed to have heard the question, brushing back her hair and making the marks even more visible. He squirmed uncomfortably under his daughter's questioning look. "Er- River...?"

"Hmm?" She looked up at him.

"Our daughter has a...erm... question for you." He directed the question to her, not at all ready to talk about these things with a four-year-old.

"What is it, sweetie?" She asked, looking over at her.

"There's marks on your neck." Freya pointed with her finger. "Where did they come from?"

"Umm..." She hesitated, trying to think of a way to answer her, "It's a rash, from...my soap."

The girl looked at the red spots skeptically. "Why didn't you have it before?"

"Because it's a new soap that I used for the first time this morning, but I guess it irritated my skin."

"It's not hurting you is it?"  

"Of course not! I can't even feel that they're there."

This seemed to satisfy her. "Good." She went back to her food, Vastra giving her friend an amused look. River did feel a bit embarrassed now, fixing her hair so it covered most of the marks on her neck.

Strax looked sideways at River. "If you need medical assistance, I am more than qualified to examine your rash."

"No! No, that's alright. It's only minor, it'll go away in a few days." She forced a smile, shooting a half hearted glare in the Doctor's direction. He mouthed 'sorry' in her direction, shoving a large forkful of food in his mouth. She fixed her hair again, feeling like everyone was still staring at her neck and tried to go back to eating.

"German apple pancake anyone?" The Doctor tried to divert the attention away from River, seeing she was feeling insecure.

Everyone's attention shifted to him, the girls bouncing in their chairs and saying "Me! Me! Me!"

He grinned, cutting them both a slice. "Here you are, lovies." Both girls were soon content with their food, munching happily. River looked more relaxed as well, though she still toyed with her hair a bit.

"Feeling better today, River?" Vastra asked, making conversation.

"Yes, much better thank you." She smiled, nodding.

"That was a lovely supernova last night. What planet was that?"

"I don't think the Doctor ever told me." She looked over at him.

He looked up from his plate. "Iclyred,  not a terribly interesting planet. Very good cheese, though."

"You should have taken me out for wine and cheese." River smiled, kissing his cheek, "Maybe next time."

"I would've made reservations if I’d know you wanted wine and cheese." He grinned. "Sounds like a date."

"We could go there and then go dancing." She beamed.

"As soon as your leg is healed." He looked at his daughters. "Would you two like to help me practice my dancing?" They both nodded eagerly, loving when they got to dance with him.

"Wine and cheese in our bedroom will suffice until then." River purred, low enough so only he could hear. He flushed red for a third time that morning, hoping desperately that no one noticed. River hid her laugh with a cough, snickering behind her napkin.

"Must you always make me blush in front of guests?" Her muttered to his wife.

She grinned, "It's not my fault that you blush so easily. I bet you couldn't do it to me if you tried."

"I could if I wanted, too." He protested, though he had no confidence behind it.

"Oh, really? Try then."

"Erm..." He sputtered a bit. He couldn't think of a single thing to say. "Okay... fine. You win, I can't make you blush in front of people." He admitted defeat a bit grumpily.

She laughed, "Don't be too upset, love. You can make it up with wine and cheese later." His face went red again. The powers that woman had over him should not be messed with. He shoved another piece of food in his mouth wanting to hide under the table cloth.

"Alright girls, why don't you go get dressed since you're all finished and then you can help Daddy practice his dancing." They nodded, carefully bring their plates to the sink before scurrying off to their room.

Since everyone had finished, River began clearing the plates on the table, washing them and putting them away. Vastra went to help River, the Doctor trying to sneak out of the room unnoticed. River rolled her eyes but let him go, "You don't have to help." She said to Vastra.

"You cooked such I lovely breakfast for us, I insist on helping with clean up." Vastra replied.  

"No, Vastra you're a guest and you shouldn't be stuck washing dishes. I'm insisting now."

"If you say so." She sat back down at the now empty table. "What did you say to the Doctor to make him blush so much?"

River laughed, "I'm afraid if I told you, he'd be terribly embarrassed."

"More embarrassed than you've already seemed to make him?"

She shrugged, "Probably. If you want to know, you can ask him though."

"I doubt I would get much out of him" Vastra laughed.

She laughed as well, "I'm afraid not, but you're welcome to try."

"I'm sure he's had his fair share of embarrassment for one day." She smiled.

River smiled back, beginning to dry off the plates, "I'm sure he has. Don't worry, I'll make it up to him."

"I'm sure you will." Vatra smirked knowingly. "Are you going to come to over for tea any time soon?"

"I certainly hope so." River sighed, starting to put the dry plates away.

"Are you sure you don't want help?"

"I'm positive." She smiled back at her, "I promise, you've helped enough."

"I do believe that's the point of having friends. I'll always be here to help."

She nodded slowly, "Yes, that is true, but I don't want to take advantage of our friendship. You deserve a rest after all you've done for me." She put away the last plate, turning to face her, "There, all finished."

"Only if you promise to stay out of danger." Vastra said.

"I promise that I'll try my best."

"Good." She stood and patted River's shoulder. "Your husband always frets too much when you get hurt."

River bit her lip, "Yes I know." She let out a soft sigh, "Speaking of which, I should go find him."

"I'll leave you to it. Shall I check on the girls for you?"

"You don't have to, I'll find them once I find the Doctor."

"Alright." Vastra nodded to her, and went off to find Strax and Jenny.

River limped out of the room, off to find the Doctor, checking their room first. He was sitting on the bed, poking and sonicing at something he'd found in his dresser, most likely just a tinker toy. She limped over him, sitting down on the bed beside him, "What are you doing?"

He jumped, a little startled, nearly dropping the things. "River, you've got to stop sneaking up on me. I'm... actually I'm not sure what I'm doing. I'm tinkering, I guess."

She pressed a soft kiss to his neck, "Tinkering, hmm?"

"Well our room was closer than my workshop." He shrugged.

She hummed softly, pressing a few more kisses to his neck, "You're cute when you tinker."

He blushed softly, though this time he didn't mind so much. "Really?"

She nodded,now pressing kisses to his jaw, "Then again, I always think you're cute."

He turned his head and kissed her lips. "I just thought of something, River. I forget where it's from. How does it go...

> ‘I’ll be yours until the sun dies, ’till the stars fall through the blue skies. All my days, love for a lifetime. You’ll be the tide, I’ll be the sea. The rise or fall that brings you home to me. Because it’s always been you, my love.’"

She smiled softly, tightening her arms around him, "That's beautiful, sweetie."

"Better than wine and cheese?" He teased.

She laughed, her breath warming the skin on his neck, "Maybe." He pulled River suddenly into his lap, grinning widely and kissed her again. She yelped, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him deeply, still giggling.

"I'll never be able to get enough of you, you know." He nibbled at her lip.

She smiled, fingers combing through his hair, "Well if you let me go for 4.3 seconds so I can lock the door, you can have as much of me as you'd like." She purred.

His hold around her tightened a bit. "But I don't want to let you go."

She pouted, "Well I'm not going to take my clothes off if the door isn't locked." She murmured, pressing her lips to his again.

"Hmm." He pretended to ponder this, eventually loosening his arms for her.

She slid off his lap, limped over to the door and locked it before returning back. "Feel free to undress me as you please."

He pulled her back down to him, and slowly lifting her shirt. "I'm not sure how much time we have," He said between kisses. "Before the girls need us. "

"Well then you'd better go quick and have your dirty way with me." She teased, shaking her hair out and kissing him again.

He lifted her shirt fully over head then pulled her all the way onto the bed so she was on top of him. She winced, quickly rolling on her back, "My knee, Doctor..." She breathed, "I can't sit like that."

"Oh, sorry." He moved so he was on top of her instead. "How's that?"

She nodded, smiling softly, "Not painful anymore."

He leaned down and kissed her neck. "And how about that? How does that feel?"

"Like cloud nine." She hummed, closing her eyes.

"Hmm, I bet I can make you feel even better."

A large smile spread across her lips, "Oh, could you now?"  

"Is that a challenge, wife?"

"Oh, husband, I do believe it is."


	68. Breaking a Record

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rest of the Song family is introduced to Clara and River and the Doctor try to beat an old record.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, basically more smut. Sorry, River and the Doctor are just really... excited. Anyway, Clara, as promised is, finally introduced into this story. She will be reoccurring so look forwards to seeing her role in the grand scheme of things. Enjoy and don't forget to comment!

CH 68

 

The Doctor pushed Rive much higher than cloud nine during their short escape from their guests, both of them breathing heavily when they were finished and hoping the girls wouldn't call them anytime soon. River pressed her forehead against his, panting. "I think you get better at that every time."

He grinned widely. "Well I never stop enjoying it." He kissed her lips softly, hand trailing in her hair.

"Now what, this is the...third time today?" She giggled, reaching up and brushing the hair out of his eyes.

"In fairness, you started it this time." He teased.

"It's not my fault that you're irresistible." She laughed, "We've barely finished breakfast and you already have be back in bed, maybe we'll set a record."

"I didn't know we were keeping score. What's our last record?"

"Hmmm." She thought back, "It was a while ago, but do you remember that time we had a huge fight and didn't talk for a month?"

"With the otters? I could never forget."

She smiled, "Yes the otters. And do you remember when we made up, that day we had sex all over the TARDIS. In our room, the bath, the console, your office, the kitchen...multiple times, the library. Pretty much every room we went in that day, it ended up happening. That's our record."

His cheeks pinked, but he wasn't too bothered by it. "That makes our record." He counted on his fingers. "Twelve?"

"I suppose so. But that was before we had children, I think finding time to do it twelve times with the girls around would be a bit of an impossible task." She ran her thumb down his cheek.

"Only a bit impossible? I like the sound of that. Three down, nine to go and it's..." He checked his watch. "Only quarter to ten. Hm, maybe you're right, but we could get a babysitter." He suggested."

"I don't want to make Vastra stay for the rest of the day..." She murmured, "We could drop her, Jenny and Strax off and go pick up someone else. Jack? Or that woman you were talking about earlier."

"The teacher? Actually, that sounds like a good idea. That way the girls get to meet her." He grinned and reached for his shirt.

She reached over into her nightstand, tossing one of the TARDIS phones at him, "Call her first." He nearly dropped it, not very good at catching things, but regained himself and dialed the number. River laughed, pulling the sheets up to cover her bare body, staying in bed to watch him.

"Hello, Clara?" The Doctor said as he heard someone pick up. "It's the Doctor."

"Sorry, who?" The woman on the other end of the line asked, sounding a bit confused before realizing, "Oh, the Doctor, the chinny one, yeah?"

"Oi! My chin's not that big!" He defended.

"Yeah, okay. What ever you say, Doctor Chin. What can I do for you?" She teased, laughing at her own joke.

"Er, I mentioned to you about my kids, right?"

"Kids?" She perked up, "I don't remember you ever talking about having kids."

"Oh." He rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, I have kids. Two in fact. Twins. And I was wondering if you could babysit them? Because I want them to attend school when they're old enough but I don't trust anyone and I need someone to look after them while they're in school and I thought that could be you but they need to get to know you first." He said that last bit quickly.

"Whoa, slow down. Right, twins! That's a lot to leave out about yourself. Is there a Mrs. Doctor I should know about too? And I'd love to meet your kids. When exactly would this babysitting be taking place?"  

"River. Her name is River. And today well, now actually. Unless today doesn't work, I've got a time machine, whenever is fine for you, but  right now for me."

"River, that's a pretty name. And today… I've just had a date cancel so I'm free."

"Brilliant! Date and time and we'll be there."

"Friday, October 24, 2014, noon."

“We'll see you soon, then!" He wished her a goodbye and hung up the phone. "You might want clothes for this, River." River slid out of bed, quickly pulling on her clothes and going to walk with him. "Clara's very nice and she's really good with kids." He told his wife as they walked to the girls' room. "A bit short. Very cheery though."

"And you can definitely trust her?" She asked, a bit uneasy about leaving her children with someone she had never met before. Until now, they had both known their babysitter's histories, but now she just had to trust the Doctor's judgement.

"Of course, River. She may be human, but she's very resourceful." He assured her.

"Okay." She whispered, opening the door to the girls room. The girls had entertained themselves with coloring books, though Amelia had gotten bored and stacked up things to reach a toy on the top shelf. She was on her tip toes when River and the Doctor came in.

"Amelia!" River cried, rushing forward as fast as she could to take her out of the potentially dangerous position. Amelia was startled by her mother's cry. She would've fallen over if River hadn't been right there to catch her. River held her up close to her chest, kissing the top of her head several times, "Please don't ever do that again. You could get very very hurt if you do that."

"But I like climbing." Amelia pouted.

"But you could fall and get very hurt like I did. Please, don't climb like this, please."

Amelia nodded, not wanting to break her leg again. "Okay, mummy. I won't”

She nodded, setting her down on the floor. "Thank you. Now, there's someone we're going to take you to meet today."

Freya and Amelia exchanged excited looks. "Who is it?"

River looked over at the Doctor, letting him explain. "I met a person a while ago." He decided to leave out the details of it since it had been when he was sulking over the Ponds. "And she's a very nice lady. She's going to watch over you when you start school, but she'd like to meet you today."

Freya looked confused, "School?"

He looked at River, somewhat regretting that he mentioned school. "Yes, school. It'll be great. You'll learn a lot of fun things and meet friends your age."

Her lip trembled and she ran to his legs, hugging them tightly, "But I don't want to go to school all day! I want to stay here!"

He picked her up making a sympathetic noise. "It's not all day, lovie. It's only a couple of hours and it'll go by so fast you won't even know it." He rocked a bit. "You don't have to go right now, You'll go when you're a bit older." S

he sniffled, tears trickling down her cheeks, "But I don't want to go away for a few hours. I want to stay here and play with you and Mummy and Mia."

"Mia will be there with you. Mummy and I aren't going a where. We'll be right here. You don't even have to go to school on the weekends." He looked at River for help. River shook her head, thinking that he was doing fine on his own.

"But can't you and Mummy come with us?" She sniffed, rubbing her eyes.

"I'm sorry, dear. School is for learning. Mummy and I have already gone through it. We'll be right there to pick you up every day, I promise."

"Pinkie promise?" She asked, holding her pinkie out to him.

"Pinkie promise." He echoed, entwining his small finger with hers.  She hugged him around his neck after, less worried now. River smiled softly, stepping forward and kissing both of their cheeks.

The Doctor was glad that Amelia hadn't seemed too upset by the subject. River's kiss reminded him of why he'd wanted the babysitter in the first place. "Ready to go see Clara, then?" Both girls nodded, Amelia still a bit more bouncy than Freya as they walked down the hall, meeting Jenny, Vastra and Strax in the console room.

After saying their goodbyes and dropping the three off, River let the Doctor take control and bring them to Clara's. "Friday, 12:00, October 24!” He announced as the TARDIS landed with a small thud. "Almost Halloween." He pointed out as he poked his head out of the door and into Clara's apartment. "Clara?"

"Doctor!" Clara smiled, running into the room, the phone still in her hand.

"Ah. Clara!" He waved his hand for River and the girls to come out. "How have you been?" He said, trying to make a friendly conversation.

"I've been great! How have you been?" She smiled when the girls came out, kneeling down to their level, "Hello, you must be the Doctor's daughters. I'm Clara."

"Oh, well... You know. Traveling. These two take up a lot of my time." Amelia and Freya were a bit shy, staying behind the Doctor's legs.

She smiled, "Well I am so glad you girls are here now. I was going to watch a movie, but I don't remember what it's called. All the girls in my class talk about it, and I know it's about two sisters, but I can't remember the title. Do you think you two can help me remember the name?" She asked, trying to get the girls to talk to her.

"Frozen?" Amelia said. The first time they'd watched that movie they didn't stop singing the songs in it for week and made their parents take them to loads of places with snow.

"Ah, yes! That's the one. Would you like to watch it with me? I could fix your hair like the princesses if you'd like." She offered, holding out her hand.

The girl nodded taking her hand, still a bit timidly but Clara was quickly gaining her trust. "I don't think you've told me your names yet." She smiled, leading her and Freya towards her living room.

"I'm Freya." Said Freya, feeling a bit braver than her sister. "And that's Mia." Amelia looked back at her parents, still a bit unsure if she wanted to go with this new Clara woman.

The Doctor offered her a smile. "We'll be back soon. You'll have a lot of fun with Clara. You can even have some ice cream with her."

"Why do we have to go? Can't you come too?" She asked, looking up at him with her big puppy dog eyes.

"Your mother and I... have something to do. But we'll be back soon. Promise. And you won't even know we've been gone, that's how much fun you'll be having." He unconsciously took River's hand. Amelia’s expression grew more pleading and her wide eyes were getting harder and harder to resist. He looked at his wife for help.

"Daddy and I are going to...talk about baby stuff, but we need to be alone." She blurted out, tugging his hand towards the door, "It's okay, Amelia. Just go with Clara."

The Doctor stumbled behind her, quite confused at her comment. "...Baby stuff?" He asked slowly once the door was closed.

She swallowed, biting her lip, "I don't know, I'm sorry. That was the first thing that came to mind and probably the most appropriated way to tell a four year old that she can't be in here because we're about to shag nine times."

His checks reddened for about the hundredth time that morning. "Ten, if we're trying to beat our old record."

"Well then we'd better get started." She murmured, leaning in to kiss him. He wrapped his arms around her, kissing her fiercely. She locked the TARDIS door as her back pressed against it, already getting lost in his touch.

Thing were heating up quickly. He tangled his hand in her golden curls, nipping at her lower lip. She whimpered into his mouth, already starting to roll her hips towards him. His fervor grew, his hands exploring her body. She giggled, hands roaming his body and beginning to push off his clothes.

"River..." He said between firm kisses. "We're right against the door..." He started to hike up her skirt. "They won't hear will they?"

"Not if you're quiet." She breathed, her lips dragging down his jaw and onto his neck.

"But being quiet is so hard." He tried to sound upset by it, but it ended up as more of a moan.

"Be. Quiet. Or. I. Won't. Let. You. Touch. Me." She breathed in between kisses, though her voice sounded much more playful than threatening.

"But if I can't make a sound than I can't tell you how beautiful you are." He whispered softly, his voice warm against her ear.

She shivered, "Fine, you can make a little noise."

"Good." He hummed and moved his mouth to her neck. "Than I can tell you that you are the sexiest person in the universe.” She let out a small moan, fingers tangling in his hair and head tilting. "Tell me, love. Am I allowed to leave marks this time?"

"Leave as many marks as you bloody well please." She whimpered, tugging him closer to her, getting needier by the minute. He kept his mouth in contact with her skin as he reached under her shirt to unclasp her bra. She was practically tearing his shirt off, tossing it carelessly aside. He pulled her shirt all the way off, tossing it near where his had landed.

He shifted himself, taking one of her breasts in to his mouth. She nearly cried out right then, but refrained herself, rolling her head back to rest on the door, chest heaving. He rolled the peak of her other breast between his forefinger and thumb. She let out some noise between a choked gasp and a moan, back arching and hips automatically grinding roughly down against his.

He could feel his trousers growing tighter. "I need you, River." She was already unbuckling his belt, eyes dark with arousal. He pushed his trousers to the ground along with his pants, his mind hazy with his want for her. She was whimpering, begging him to start, her need overbearing. He pulled her kickers off her and slipped into her with ease, staying there for a moment to let her adjust.

She pressed her forehead to his, taking a moment before started to roll her hips, encouraging him to go on. He moved his hips away from hers only to push them back a second later, breathing out a hardly audible moan. River had always been more vocal than he when it can to this type of thing, and she was doing her best to keep quiet, her moans just a bit louder than his, but the task was difficult.

He pressed his lips to hers, repeating the motion and creating a rhythm.  She kissed him deeply, sucking on his lower lip and grinding her hips into his with every motion. He whispered his passion for her into her skin as they met thrust for thrust, the pleasure building up fast.

"Doctor..." She moaned, hips jerking a bit more unsteadily by now.

"Say my name again." He murmured.

"Doctor." She murmured, eyes sparkling as she looked up at him.

"My real name." He panted, eyes just as bright.

She smiled as she said his name, the sounds trickling from her lips mixed with breathy pants and moans. It always sent shivers through him, hearing the Gallifrayian roll of her tongue so easily. He felt like he couldn't hold on any more, but wanted her to finish first.

Another simple thrust and she was gone, pleasure tumbling over her as she pressed her lips against his again to muffle the noises she made. He felt his knees go weak as he followed right after her, feeling her muscles contract around his length. He spilled into her, his hips stilling.

She clung to him like her was the last bit of matter in the universe, trembling and smiling and laughing, already telling him how much she loved and adored him. "Four down, eight to go. You know Riv, it's going to get harder to keep breaking our record every time we try to break it." He laughed.

She laughed, "But if it means I can have you all to myself for the day, than I think it's worth making it harder and harder." She grinned, "Now, would you like to come with me to pick out something 'fun' to wear." She said with a wink.

"Of course." He replied with a smirk. She disentangled herself from him, taking his hand and pulling him towards their bedroom, leaving all of their clothes discarded on the console room floor. He really hoped that no one would walk in and see their clothes all sprawled out or that the old girl would make sure not to let anyone in.

He followed, his hearts still beating a warm feeling through him. She pulled him into her closet, leaning with her back against his chest, "See anything you want me to put on?"

"Um..." He swallowed a bit shyly, looking over the items. He had no idea that River had this many items of naughty clothing and made a mental note to take a look in here when she wasn't here. "This one." He was never much good at fashion, but this one looked good enough. It was a pale red, and not very complicated compared to other items in the closet.  

"Go wait in the bedroom." She smirked, shooing him out and changing into the outfit he had picked, stepping into the room a minute later.

"Woah." Was just about all he could say when he looked up from twiddling his thumbs. The outfit hugged her body, highlighting her curves in all the right places, as most of her clothes tended to do. He stepped towards her, wanting to touch the silky material that now acted as a barrier between their skin. She grinned, casually leaning against the wall, watching his every move.

His fingers ghosted across the fabric, eventually finding their way to the small of her back and pulling her flush against him. "Have I mentioned how incredibly sexy you are?"

She giggled, tracing her finger along his clavicle, "I believe it's been mentioned once or twice."

"Well then, it's being mentioned a third time." He said, his face incredibly close to hers. She beamed, leaning in and pressing a deep kiss to his lips. "We should really try breaking our record more often. I rather like this." He told her, resting his hands on her hips.

"Did you miss this the past few months?" She asked softly, loosely wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Yes... but not really in a desperate way. More like when you really want ice cream, but there's none in the ice box." He explained, pressing a kiss to her nose.

"So, I'm your ice cream?" She smiled.

"Yes." He said in a way of declaration. "You are my sweet and delicious treat."

"Mmmm." She hummed, "We could go get some actual ice cream if you want?" She arched an eyebrow playfully.

"Now? In the middle of trying to break a record?" He kissed along her jaw line. "I think we're a bit busy for ice cream."

Her eyes fluttered shut, "Maybe later then." She purred. Arms around her waist and lips together, he pulled them slowly to the bed.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: Forgot to mention, for those who may be wondering, all of the cannon adventures with Eleven and Clara in season 7 /did/ happen before the twins were conceived, but Clara decided not to be a constant companion after that.   
> This mean they did save Gallifrey together.   
> For The Name of the Doctor, River no longer has any memories of that which is why it wasn't mentioned.  
> The Time of the Doctor did NOT happen. He never spent 300 years on Trenzalore, how ever he has done research on/has encountered the papal mainframe on many occasions.   
> These all might change in the future, but for now that is the cannon of the fic.


	69. Little Miss Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amelia expresses her fears about school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, sorry for the shortness. Questions, comments, thoughts? I might update a second time this weekend and also since it's April break that means even more updates, yay! Enjoy.

CH 69

 

"Auntie Clara... Is school scary?" Amelia asked as she sipped her juice box at the kitchen table. Clara had proven herself in the past few hours enough to be called 'Auntie'.

"Nah, schools not scary! You'll have a lot of fun and you'll get to meet boys and girls your age, learn new things!" She smiled, tying off the braid she had just done in Freya's hair.

"But what if the boys and girls don't want to play with me?"  

"Why do you think they wouldn't they want to play with you?"

"Because maybe they won't like me." She stared intently at her juice box. "Maybe they'll be really mean." Most of her experiences with people, whom her parents didn't already know and like, didn't paint a pretty picture of strangers.

"No, no don't worry. They won't be mean. Most kids will be just as nervous as you are, but if anyone is mean to you, you can come and tell me. I'll take care of them for you."

"Will you come to school with us?" She wanted Clara in the classroom and to play with her so should wouldn't have to try and make friends, a task she deemed very difficult.

"I'm sorry, Amelia, but I have to teach my own classes. I'll be in the school building, but I can't be in your classroom with you." Clara leaned over, petting the little girl's hair.

"But I want you to be my teacher!" Amelia insisted, her tone a bit more desperate.

"But I teach the older kids, so you won't get to have be as a teacher until your a bit older." She hugged her shoulders, trying to make her feel better, "And I happened to know that the teacher who teaches the kids your age is very very nice."

This seemed to reassure her until another worry alarmed her. "What if the other kids are mean to me 'cause I'm not from Earth like them?"

"Well...uh..." She bit her lip, not sure how to answer that, "I think that's something your Mum and Dad might want to talk to you about, they may not want you saying your not from Earth."

"But that's not fair, I don't want to lie."

"I know, but it might be safer if you kept that part of you a secret."

"Everyone else get's to tell the truth about where they come from." She pointed out, finding it all completely unfair that none of the humans had to lie.

"I know, Amelia. I really think you need to talk to your parents about this though." She glanced at the TARDIS in the other room. Amelia was already thinking out an argument in her head as to why she, in fact, shouldn't have to pretend she was a human.

Freya looked up when she heard the creak of the TARDIS door, "Daddy?" The Doctor stepped out, trying to act as casual as he could and not like he'd just had sex ten times in a row.

Regardless of his ruffled hair and redder than usual lips, he greeted his daughter with a goofy smile. "Hello, lovie."

She jumped off her chair, running to him and hugging his legs, "Look what Auntie Clara did to my hair! It looks just like Elsa's hair!" She smiled, showing off her Frozen inspired braid.

He smirked at Clara's new title, happy that they'd opened up to her. "That looks beautiful!" He exclaimed, lifting her up and doing a spin.

She squealed, hugging him tightly as they spun around, "Where's mummy?"

"She's changing. She -erm- spilled something on her shirt." It wasn't a complete lie, River was changing, but not for that particular reason.

"Did you talk about baby stuff? Is there a baby in her belly yet?" She asked, remembering River's excuse for leaving.

"Um..." There hadn't exactly been much talking involved in what they were doing. "We talked about it... and we're trying our best to get you a little brother or sister." He had been much more focused on loving his wife rather than making a baby. "But you'll still have to be patient." She huffed but nodded, crossing her arms looking pouty. He couldn't help but feel guilt. "It takes time to make a baby, Freya. And your mother and I are trying our best..."

"Can you try harder?" She asked.

Pink graced his cheeks again. "We are, dear." They certainly had been for the past few hours. She pouted, but didn't push it any further.

He carried her back over to Clara and Amelia. "What have you been up to, then?"

"We were talking about school, and discussing whether or not the girls should be allowed to say where they're really from." Clara answered, glancing down at Amelia, "I think that's a discussion to be left up to you and River."

He glanced down at his daughter. "Defiantly waiting for your mother to talk about that one." He murmured. A moment later, River stepped out of the TARDIS looking as presentable as ever. She had taken her time cleaning up and fixing her hair so it wouldn't look suspicious.  

The Doctor silently thanked her for her timing. "River, I don't think you and Clara have properly met, yet."

"No, I don't think we have." River smiled, walking over and wrapping an arm around the Doctor, "It's a pleasure to meet you, Clara."

"And you." Clara smiled up at her, quite intrigued by her massive mane of curls. "That can't be natural can it? Is that a Timelord thing, the space hair?"

River laughed, curls shaking in the process, "I'm afraid they're completely natural and can be quite the hassle, but the Doctor seems to like them very much." She teased, "Space hair, that's a new one."

"Sorry, didn't mean to be rude. It's just... quite a lot of hair." She stared a moment longer. "Can I make you some tea?"

"No, you weren't being rude." She turned to the Doctor, "Do you want to have some tea or do you want to take the girls home?"

"I don't mind either way. Girls, do you want to go home or stay with Auntie Clara a bit longer?"

"I don't want to go to school!" Amelia burst into tears, not exactly answering his question.

The Doctor was quite taken back at the sudden out burst of tears. "Oh, honey, you don't have to go to school right now. You've got at least a year before you're old enough..." He tried to sooth her.

River rushed over to Amelia, pulling her into her arms, "Shhh. Shh. Nobody's going to school right now, sweetie. Don't worry about going. It's okay."

"But they're all going to be mean to me 'cause I'm from somewhere else!'' She mewled into River's arms, not letting the subject go.

"No, they won't be mean!" She whispered into her hair, rocking her back and forth, "I bet they'll all think it's cool and be jealous of you. I bet everyone will want to be your friend." She didn't discourage telling the truth just yet, that would be a topic for discussion later.  

"Really?" She sniffed, looking up at her mother. "They won't make fun of me?"

"I don't think so, but if they do, your big, scary Mummy's going to come after all of them with her blaster." She smiled softly, kissing her forehead.  Amelia gave a watery smile at this, feeling a bit more confident now. River dried the tears off of her cheeks, running her thumbs along them, "You're such a special, wonderful little girl, don't let anyone _ever_ tell you otherwise." Amelia hugged her mother tightly around the neck, not letting go for a few minutes. "I love you." River whispered, rubbing her back.

"I love you, too, mummy."

She smiled, "Do you want to go home now?"

Amelia nodded, holding tight to her mother's hand. "Can we see Auntie Clara again soon?"

"Yes, of course darling." She nodded, looking up at Clara. "Thank you for watching them for us."

"It's no problem, they were wonderful." Clara waved her hand. "Bye, girls."

"Bye, Auntie Clara!" They said in unison. Freya ran up to hug her one last time, Amelia sticking close to River.

"Maybe next time we can watch 'Tangled'" Clara beamed at the girl, hugging her back.

Freya nodded, her eyes lighting up with excitement. "Yes! Yes! Yes!"

"Alright. Off you pop, now. I'll see you next time."

River lead Amelia back into the TARDIS with Freya following at her heels, Clara waved to the Doctor as he left, smiling at the family.

"What do you think, River? Trust her now?" The Doctor asked, hoping that Clara had a good impression of her.

She nodded, smiling, "Yes, she's very nice." She glanced down at Amelia who was still clinging to  her leg.

"And she seemed really great with the kids." He added.

She nodded, 'But I think they're a bit upset about the whole idea of school."

"Well they've still got time. I'm sure they'll come around by then." He looked down at the girls. River nodded slowly, hoping that he was right. 


	70. And a Happy New Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River has a very exciting Christmas present for her husband

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There has been a time skip! So now it's a few months after the last chapter. Enjoy and don't forget to comment!

CH 70

 

The pitter-patter of feet rushed down the dim hallway. The door to River and the Doctor's creaked open and the cold, tiny feet jumped onto their bed. "Mummy, Daddy! Wake up! Wake up, it's Christmas!" Though there was no set calendar in the TARDIS, the time and date for a Christmas celebration had been decided for today.

River groaned, scooting closer to the Doctor. Apparently the TARDIS insisted on fitting the temperature of the room to the holiday, making it a good 15 degrees colder than it should have been. She could hear the girl's shouts of excitement as they came closer and closer.

The girls poked and prodded at their parents. "Come on Mummy! It's time to wake up so we can have Christmas!" It wasn't at all time to wake, in fact it was a good hour or two earlier than either of them wanted to be jumped on.

"Girls." River grumbled, "It's too early, go back to sleep."

"We're too excited to sleep, mummy! Come on and wake up! Mumma TARDIS made a room full of snow!"

"I'm still not feeling well, girls. Can you please try to sleep for another hour?" She whispered, rubbing her eyes. They pouted, but backed off a little. River had been sick for a day or two and both girls had to make do with not being allowed to play with her.

"Come on, Mia. Let's go play in the snow." Neither wanted to go back to sleep so playing in the new room the TARDIS made would have to do.

"Doctor?" River whispered, shaking his shoulders lightly, trying to get him to get up.

"Mmph." Was the Doctor's reply, burying his face into the warmth of his pillow.

"Doctor..." She tried again, shaking his shoulders a bit harder, "Doctor, I feel really ill right now." That would usually get his attention, so she tried it even though it wasn't completely true.

He lazily rolled over to face her, half opening his eyes. "Hm...?"

"I feel nauseous and I'm freezing." She whispered, curling close to him, nuzzling into the warmth of his body.

He sleepily wrapped his arms around her and cuddled close, pulling the blankets tighter around them. "I can help with one of those things."

"The girls are up." She whispered, face buried in his warm chest.

"I wouldn't blame them." He grinned. "It _is_ Christmas."

"Mmm." She hummed, smiling, "I have a present for you."

"Oh really?" He wasn't too surprised as it was this time for gifts. He had a few presents for her as well, but they were for later. "And what might that be?"

Her smile grew, "I think I'll save it for later."

"But you've got my wondering now." He pulled her closer, kissing her nose. "What is it?"

She giggled, her nose crinkling, "I can't tell you, it's a surprise!"

"You're making be just as impatient as the girls!" He was much more awake now, the Christmas excitement settling in.

She laughed, "Fine, fine. Reach over and get the box with the red wrapping paper from my nightstand?" She asked, picturing the long, rectangular box in her head. His fingers wiggled with anticipation and he reached over her and retrieved the red box. She looked up at him, watching his face closely, "You can open it." She whispered. Inside, printed on the piece of paper folded up in the center, was the results of the scan she had done on herself.

He undid the ribbon carefully, thinking that he might want to save it for something he hadn't thought of yet. Curiously, he took the lid off and delicately took out the piece of paper. He looked a bit confused but proceeded to unfold it anyways, thinking it might be a poem or something. Instead he found printed in bold:

**River Song/Melody Pond : Full Body Scan**

**Fetus detected - 7.5 Weeks**

**Optimal delivery: 24.5 weeks remaining**

He stared at the writing, blinking a few times to make sure he wasn't asleep. A moment, then another of staring until a smile broke out of his face ear to ear. "Really?"

Her whole face was lit up, eyes sparkling, "Yes, yes really."

His eyes skimmed over her, lingering on her stomach. "I'm going to be a father again?" He couldn't quite believe it. The nerves were settling in now and she nodded slowly, worried that he would get upset at any moment. "River that's amazing!" He practically tackled her with a hug. "Do we want to know the sex or should we leave it a surprise? How long have you known? Do you think we should tell the girls? Do you think we should announce it at the Christmas party?" Questions started bubbling from his mouth, to excited to slow down any of his thoughts.

"No, no!" She immediately, looking a bit panicked. "No, I don't want the girls to know yet. If you want to tell our friends though...I think that would be okay." She pulled down the blankets and rolled up her top, revealing the tiniest of curves, visible only if you were looking for it.

He quickly understood why they shouldn't tell the girls. It would be much easier for them never to have known about it if they lost this one. His eyes brightened when she lifted her shirt, his fingers reaching to stroke the barley there bump. "We'll wait to tell everybody." He said, his tone much more calm and mesmerized.

"Do you want to say hello?" She asked quietly.

"It's to early for it to be able to hear me..." He said, though his head was already leaning down close to her abdomen.

"Please?" She breathed, her eyes pleading. She was determined to make sure this baby knew how much it was loved, no matter if it could hear or not.

He smiled softly, hands pressed up against her skin. "Hello, little one. I know you can't hear me, but I'm your dad. I'm more than excited to meet you, so take it easy in there, alright? No giving your mother a hard time and no kicking her in the middle of the night."  She swallowed, her eyes tearing up. "You have two big sisters out here who I know are going to be the best big sisters you could ever have." He glanced up at her. "You're crying love." He brushed a tear from her cheek with his thumb.

She closed her eyes, trying to get a hold of herself, but the tears kept coming. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Why?" He asked softly.

"I'm so sorry." She whispered again, starting to full on cry now. She was so worried after what had happened the last time, and telling him about the baby meant that there was no turning back now.

"River, what are you sorry for?" His eyebrows knitted together. "We're going to have a baby. Is that not good?"

"Of course it's good. But I'm.." She trailed off, having about to say scared, but didn't want to.

"I know..." He stroked the side of her head, not needing her to finish to be able to know what he meant. "I am, too."

She quickly tried to pull herself together now, "Oh gosh, I'm sorry. I'm ruining your Christmas present."

"No, River. It's okay. My Christmas present isn't going anywhere." He pressed his forehead to hers. "I know that this is going to be terrifying and nerve racking, but we can do it. We've just got to focus on the positives."

She nodded, drying her tears. "Do you like your present?" She asked after a minute of calming down.

"It's the best present in the history of the universe!" She smiled softly, wrapping an arm around her tiny belly and curling up into his warm body. "We're going to be parents again. I can't wait, River." Excitement still bubbled behind his eyes.  

She nodded, smiling softly, "I have a few other presents for you in addition to that."

"Really? I suppose I'll have to wait for those, though."

Her smile grew, "Yes, I suppose so." Another minute ticked by before she sighed, "We should probably get up and go find the girls."

He pulled her tighter to him. "But I don't want to get up."

"Neither do I." She murmured, closing her eyes again as she pulled the blankets back up around her middle.

He nuzzled his face against her, enjoying her warmth. "Then let's stay here."

"But Doctor, Freya and Amelia are up and running around already." She protested, even though she wanted to stay.

"So let them have their fun for a while."

"You just want to cuddle me all day?" She teased, nuzzling is collar.

"Yes. Yes I do." He declared. "I want you all to myself. No sharing." She giggled quietly,

"Well, you see that's the problem with having children, love. You have to share me, and you’re going to have to share me even more once the baby comes."

"But I call first dibs."

She laughed louder, his words making her temporarily forget her troubles. "I'm afraid you can't call first dibs when there's a newborn involved."

"Fine." He pretended to be disappointed. "I get first dibs until it's born and then I get second dibs."

"But what about Freya and Amelia?" She smiled, hitting his arm lightly, "So selfish of you!"

"I can't help it, Riv." He stole a quick kiss. "You're irresistible."

"Well I hope you're willing to explain that to our girls." She giggled, leaning in for another kiss. The sound of little feet could be heard thundering down the hall again.

"Well I called you first fair and square." He ignored the footsteps, kissing his wife passionately.

"Mmm, yes it's definitely fair that you're calling dibs on me over a pair of four year olds." She teased.

"I was here first!" He didn't notice the door open and the girls sneak in.

She smiled, "Exactly! You've had more alone time with me than they have."

"Ugh. Fine. I call third dibs... during the day that is." He added.

"Mummy, what's this?" Amelia asked, reaching for the piece of paper on the Doctor''s night stand.

"Nothing, sweetie! It's nothing." She quickly reached over and snatched the paper up before either of the girls could take or read it.

Amelia pouted. "But I wanna see!"

"I'm sorry, love, but it's a top secret note that only grown-ups can see." She folded up the paper and handed it to the Doctor, "Now, I do believe that it's time to check and see if there are presents waiting for two good little girls, yes?"

They immediately perked up, forgetting about the paper. "Do you think Santa got us what we asked for?"

"Well, what did you ask for?" River asked, though she had heard their Christmas wish list countless times.

"New crayons, a stuffed Ood, a little brother, a blankie, some candy..." She went on and on as she pulled on River's arm to follow.

River glanced back at the Doctor when Freya mentioned a little brother, smiling softly. He grinned back, though hoped they wouldn't be to upset about it since they couldn't tell them today.

"Are you two ready to see everybody?" He asked. The girls squealed in reply and he sethe TARDIS in motion.

Jack had set up a huge Christmas tree in the Torchwood hub and many of their friends would be there. "We made presents for everyone!" Freya beamed, trailing behind Amelia and River as they headed to the room where their Christmas tree was set up.

Jack, Ianto, and Gwen all sat on the couch, Ianto wearing a Santa hat and blushing slightly at a comment Jack had made. The girls were about to go running to Jack when they spotted the plethora of presents littered under the tree. They both shrieked in excitement, running over to the base of the tree. Vastra, Jenny, Strax, and Clara all came in from the other room, quite startled at the shrieks until they realized it was just the girls.

River smiled, wrapping her arms around the Doctor. "Alright, everyone! Time for presents!" He gestured for them all to gather around the tree. River sat down between the girls and Vastra, wanting to be able to keep an eye on her daughters.

"Which one has our little brother?" Freya asked, assuming that he would be wrapped in one of the boxes.

"Well...Umm...Girls, I don't think there will be a little brother in one of these presents today, but maybe you'll get one soon."

"...Oh." They sounded a little disappointed as they reached for their presents. River's heart sunk at that, hating to see them disappointed.

"Look mummy!" Amelia’s attention was quickly brought to one of the presents. "Santa brought me the blankie I wanted!"

"That's wonderful, sweetheart!" She forced a smile.

Amelia wrapped it around herself as Freya opened the box with a stuffed Ood. Freya brightened up and hugged the toy close to her chest. River didn't seem to notice, her eyes glassing over and worry filling her mind. The girls continued on, opening a number of toys and games, even finding a huge chocolate bar from Jack.

The adults began to exchange presents between each other, the Doctor tapping River's shoulder. She finally looked up, trying to smile when she saw him. "Happy Christmas." He beamed, handing her a number of presents. One shaped like a book, one a small box, and the third was soft.

River smiled, pecking him on the cheek and then giving him his other wrapped presents, A new book on quantum physics, a new bowtie and a new hat. Once he had his gifts in hands, she opened the first, book shaped present. The book was completely in Gallifreyan, the cover having golden designs on it. "Doctor, this book is amazing." She breathed, trying to read the cover.

"It's an old study on Rassilon." He told her, knowing that she loved history books and the like.

"I can't wait to read it. Thank you." She smiled, reaching around and hugging him, then turning to the next one. The little box contained a necklace of silver and gold. The two metals intertwined with each other, small diamonds weaved into it as well, looking almost like stars. She sucked in a small gasp, "Oh, Doctor....."

"Do you like it?" He asked, putting on his new hat.

"It's gorgeous, I love it." She whispered, lifting it out of the box, "Will you help me put it on?" He nodded, coming behind her and brushing her hair out of the way. She handed the necklace to him and holding her hair to make it easier.

"There we are." He said, clipping it. "Doesn't your mummy look pretty?" He asked his daughters.

Freya and Amelia both nodded, "It's so pretty!"

He grinned, proud of him self for choosing a good one. "My beautiful River. It looks amazing on you."

She leaned back against his chest, giving him another kiss on the jaw, "Thank you, sweetie."

"I love the bow tie by the way." He wrapped his arms around her.

"Good, I'm glad." She beamed, reaching for her final present. This one was a dress that went quite perfectly with the necklace. It was a darker silver with gold beads strategically placed on it.

She smiled, looking up at him, "It's beautiful." She whispered, "And I'd better wear it today before I get too big to fit into it."

"Well if you had told me earlier I would have had it fitted." He pointed out.

"But that would have spoiled the surprise." She smiled, kissing him again.

"Good point. It'll still fit you after, though."

She nodded, "Shall I go put it on?"

"Yes, dear. That'd would be lovely." She stood up and went off to put her new dress on. Frey and Amelia distributed the drawings and clay cups they'd made for everybody, feeling very proud of themselves. River returned a minute later in her new dress, smiling. "You look like a princess, mummy!" Amelia said excitedly.

River beamed, scooping her up, "Why thank you, my love." Vastra eyed River's dress, lingering on the hardly noticeable swell. She agreed with Amelia and suggested they all start their Christmas brunch.

"That's a wonderful idea." River carried Amelia along with the rest of the group to go eat.

 

 


	71. Your Hearts on the Line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River is a bit anxious and the Timelords get a gift they never expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if anyone noticed Amy and Rory in the tags, it's not just because they get mentioned... read to find out. Enjoy an don't forget to comment!

CH 71

 

There was a huge feast waiting for them, even bigger than when River and the Doctor had wanted to cook breakfast for everyone. The girls bounced excitedly into their chairs. River helped the girls get their food before settling down herself between the Doctor and Vastra. The Doctor started to pile up his plate and Vastra glanced over at River, debating on whether she should choose a different time to ask her about the bump. River glanced over at Vastra, sending her a small smile, unaware that she had noticed her bump.

"That's a lot of food." Vastra said, deciding that it was the best way to ease into the question.

River nodded, "Yes, there certainly is. I wasn't expecting this much, but I suppose there's something for everyone now."

"You certainly took a lot of it." Vastra looked at River's plate. "Are you very hungry?"

She raised an eyebrow, "Yes, a bit, I haven't eaten much in the past few days."

"Are you feeling alright?"

"Yes, I feel fine. Why do you ask?" She frowned slightly.

"Well there must be some reason you haven't been eating enough in the past few days." She said showing concern for her friend.  

"I've just been busy, haven't had time to sit down for a nice filling meal." River lied, hand subconsciously dropping down beneath the table to her stomach.

"I see... River are you alright?" She had noticed the hand.

"I already told you, I'm fine." She whispered.

"Then why are you holding your stomach?"

"I-I'm not." She stuttered, quickly dropped her hand.

"You were." Vasta wasn't going to let it go quite so easily.

"Well… why are you asking so many questions?"

"No reason in particular. I'm very observant of little things." She hinted.

"I...I don't know what 'little things' you're talking about." She lied again, though her hands were trembling slightly.

"Just little habits that homo-sapiens seem to have." Vastra said casually. "Little changes."

She took a deep breath, "Please don't tell anyone." She whispered.

Vastra smiled warmly at her. "Your secret's safe with me, River."

"We haven't told the girls yet, I just told the Doctor this morning. He wants to tell everyone else tonight." She whispered, though she sounded rather uneasy about the last part.

“You don't seem too happy...." Vastra looked at her a little confused.

She looked around at the table full of people, "I'm fine. If you'll just excuse me a moment." River stood, quickly exiting the room. Vastra made to follow her but the Doctor was up before she was, quickly going after her.

He fond River back in the main part of the Hub. Her whole body was trembling as she walked a few feet in front of him, running her hands through her hair. "What's the matter, Riv?" He asked softly, concern schooling his features.

She went ridged when she heard his voice, "Nothing, I'm fine. I just needed a bit of air, that's all."

"You don't look very fine, what's going on?"

"Nothing! Really, love, I'm fine. Go back and enjoy your breakfast with everyone else, I'll be back in a minute." She didn't want to tell him how scared she was or how she wasn't sure if she wanted everyone to know that she was pregnant just yet. It was so soon and she was barely two months along and she was terrified that she was going to lose the baby like the last time.

"You're shaking, love." He placed his hands on her arms. "Please tell me what's wrong. Are you scared about something? Are you feeling okay? It's alright to tell me." He wasn't going to just sit by while he knew something was wrong.

She let out a small, shaky sigh, "I don't want to ruin your Christmas."

"Well it won't be any good if I'm sitting at the table worrying about you. You've already made my Christmas wonderful, I promise you won't spoil it."

"...I don't know if I want you to tell everyone tonight." She whispered, closing her eyes, "I'm sorry, I know you want to, but...I don't know if I'm ready for everyone to know."

"Is that all?" He looked a bit relieved, thinking it would be something like her not wanting this baby. "If you're not comfortable with it, all you had to do was say so... we can tell them another time when you're further along."

She nodded slowly, "Are you sure you don't mind waiting? I know that you were excited to tell everyone." She was a bit eased by this, but was still afraid to tell him the other half of her fears. It wasn't that she didn't want the baby, but that she didn't know if she was ready for it.

"There are a million other opportunities to tell everyone. It doesn't have to be today if you're not ready." He kissed her forehead. "I'll still be excited when the time comes to share the news."

She jumped forward, hugging him around the neck. "Vastra knows." She whispered.

"How?" He raised an eyebrow , assuming River hadn't been the one to tell her.

"She noticed the bump." She breathed, pulling back to look at him after taking a minute to gather her expression.

"Really? Even I didn't notice it until you pointed it out."

"Well then I guess she knows my body better than you." She teased.

He blushed slightly, trying to force out the image River put in his head. "For the record, I know your body better than anyone else does... besides you, that is."

"Well, you didn't notice that my stomach got curvier, or that my breasts started getting bigger." She raised an eyebrow, leaning in to kiss him, "And it's not like you haven't seen me naked recently."

"I -um- well it's hard to notice changes if you've been there through them. You know that saying thingy: Don’t check the carrots too often or you won’t see any progress." He pointed out, though in truth he had noticed it, but it was so slight that he had thought nothing of it.

"Mmm, I suppose you're right." She quickly pressed her lips to his, touching his cheek, "You should go back and finish your breakfast."

"Only if you come with me." He countered, wanting to spend the Christmas morning with his wife. She hesitated, about to make an excuse not to, then changed her mind, agreeing to go back with him.

He put on a smile as they came back into the dining room. Freya was explaining to Jack about how she was going to introduce her stuffed Ood, whom she named Jeff, to her other stuffed animals when she got home. River returned to her original seat, stealing a glance over at Vastra. Vastra pretended not to notice, grinning as the girls babbled happily about their presents. "And I'm gonna make ten drawings!" Amelia declared. River looked over at her daughters, a genuine smile returning to her face when she was how excited and happy they were.

"Well I'm gonna make a hundred drawings!" Freya proclaimed, one-upping her sister.

"That's an awful lot of drawings, my love." River said.

"But I can do it." She insisted. "I've got supper magic crayons and now I can make a hundred drawings!"

"Really? Well I can't wait to see them all." She smiled.

"I'm gonna make one of all of us, and then one of just you and me and Mia and daddy, and them I'm gonna make on of the TARDIS, and then on of the planet we went to last week..." She went on and on.

River nodded, only half listening to her, glancing over at the Doctor. He took her hand under the table and squeezed it lightly. She squeezed back, eyes drifting to her plate, feeling a bit nauseous at the sight of all the food. The Doctor seemed content to finish his plate up, since it was most cookies and sweets.

Clara laughed with the girls, giving them funny questions and riddles to answer. River glanced from the Doctor to Vastra one more time before getting up and clearing her plate. One more minute looking at all the food and she was sure she would be sick.

When all the food was cleared, everyone shifted back around the tree to catch up. Jack came in with wine glasses offering one to each adult, the Doctor declining his.

When Jack offered one to River, she panicked and took it, not wanting their friends to get suspicious if she declined, though she had no intentions of drinking it. The Doctor glanced at River, wondering how she was going make it look like she was drinking it if the amount of wine wasn't going to change. She was staring at the glass in her hand, slight panic in her eyes. "I can drink it for you if you need." The Doctor whispered. He hated the taste, but would drink it to help cover up.

"I don't want to make you do that." She breathed, her eyes not leaving the glass.

"Well it'll look like it you've drunk it. I don't mind if it helps." He offered again.

"Okay." She whispered, quickly thrusting the glass into his hands.

He looked at it for a moment, then downed in two or three gulps, his nose crinkling at the horrid taste. "I honestly don't know how you can enjoy this stuff."

"I'm sorry you had to do that." She whispered, kissing his shoulder before resting her head against it.

"It's fine." He wiped the corner of his mouth. "I wish there was a way to make this chocolate flavored." She smiled weakly, curling closer to him, trying to ignore the building feeling of nausea.

He remembered the last time he hand River had wine together, or rather she had wine and he sat with a non-alcoholic drink. His cheeks pinked when he realized it had been _exactly_ seven and a half weeks ago when River had gotten her cast of and they'd gone dancing. She glanced up at him, seeing how red he had turned, "Something wrong?" She asked quietly. The two of them seemed to be in their own little world, cuddled up, not really involved in the conversation with the other adults.

"Er- nothing, dear. Just remembering... wine and cheese." She thought about it for a moment, then giggled when she realized, cuddling closer to him. "That was seven and a half weeks ago." He told her. "Seven and a half  weeks exactly. Was that the night...?"

"It could be." She murmured, "Though, we've been doing it almost every night, so it's hard to be exact."

His face went red and he internally cursed that she could make him blush so easily. "I'm pretty sure it was the dancing."

She giggled, leaning in and kissing him deeply, "Alright then. What ever you say" She purred as someone cleared their throat, bringing their attention back to the group.

"You two really need to get a room." Jack teased them. "You're scaring your children and I don't really wasn't to see you two doing that stuff unless I'm invited."

"Jealous, Jack?" River teased right back.

"Not exactly." He winked at Ianto. "All I'm saying is that you'd both have a much better time with me in between."

River scoffed, about to retort when Vastra interrupted. "I don't believe I've given you two your Christmas gift yet." She handed the Timelords a small, slim box, "I hope you two don't mind sharing it, I could only get one."

They took the box, the Doctor running his finger's curiously over the red wrapping paper  and beginning to until the bow. River helped him open it, looking in at the contents inside: a soporific candle for communication across time and space. River had heard about them, but hadn't gotten the chance to use one because they were so difficult to obtain.

"I was able to send a letter and get Amelia and Rory Williams on the other end. I thought you two might like to have a conversation with them."

The Doctor looked at Vastra, wide eyed before glancing at River. He'd never expected to ever have the chance to talk to his former companions. There were a million things he wanted to tell them and a million questions he'd wanted to ask as well. "Could... could Amelia and Freya talk to them, too?"

Vastra nodded, "Yes, if you would like them to."

River stared at the candle in shock, a million thoughts racing through her mind. "Vastra...This..." She was at a loss for words, unable to use words to describe how thankful she was. Instead, she wrapped her arms around her friend, hugging her tightly, "Thank you, so much."

"You are most certainly welcome." Vastra hugged her back.

"Are soporific candles safe for pregnant women?' The Doctor whispered.

"Yes, I believe that they're perfectly safe. The candle will last for about 24 hours, and you don't have to use it all in one sitting."

The Doctor smiled his big goofy smile for a second time that day. "Girls? How would you like to meet your grandparents?"

River spoke quietly before they could answer, "Doctor, would you mind if we had a bit of time alone with them before we introduce them to the girls?"

"Oh. Of course." He was still antsy, wiggling in his seat at the chance to speak to the Ponds again.

River was quite the opposite, sitting still and lost in thought. She was trying to think through all the things she wanted to tell her parents, all the things she needed them to know.

"How soon should we talk to them?" He asked immediately.

"Do you want to talk to them today?" She asked quietly.

"It _is_ Christmas." He said. "I would love to."

"When? Now?"

"Well, I guess not _now_ now." He looked around at all of his friends that he still wanted to catch up with. "When we get home."

She nodded slowly, "Okay..."

"River, is everything alright." He expected her to be a bit more excited than this, though recalled how she'd acted in the past when her parents were brought up in conversation.

"Yes, of course." She smiled softly, "It's just...there's so much I want to tell them, and I don't want leave anything out. I'm trying to remember what I want to say."

"We've got 24 hours that could be stretched out for as long as we want it too. You've got time." He kissed her cheek. "And you could always write it down. I'm sure your diary has a lot of the things you want to say." She nodded, leaning towards him for comfort. He wrapped an arm around her. "It'll be amazing. They'll be so happy to hear from us."

She smiled and nodded again. "I know."

"Pow!" Freya created sound effects as she pretended to shoot River with the toy gun Jack had got her. "I got you mummy!"

She jumped slightly, drawn out of her thoughts. "Oh You did!"

"I can aim just as good as you!" She announced proudly.

River smiled, scooping Freya up in her arms and kissing all over her cheeks. She squirmed in her mother’s arms.

"Told you they'd love those things." Jack grinned. "I hope they don't shoot you when I get them real ones."

River shook her head, "You're _not_ getting them real ones."

"Aw, come on! Why not?"

"They're four! And I don't want my children having real guns."

"But River, it'll be so fun! I can take them down to the range and teach 'em how to shoot." He pouted a bit.

"You can do whatever you'd like with your own children, but my girls are not getting guns and that's final." She ignored the pout, holding her ground.

"Well I don't have any kids." He threw another glance towards Ianto. "What about pocket knives?"

"No! No weapons." Her mind flashed to when she had Jack were together and they had come so close to having children together.

"Must you ruin all the fun?" He commented, finally back off.

"Yes, I'm afraid I must. That's what happens when you become a parent." She glanced towards the clock, mind wandering back to the candle and her parents.

"I guess it's a good thing I'm the Uncle." He pretended to fall over dead as Freya fake shot him.

Worry shadowed across River’s face and she subconsciously wrapped an around around her stomach. She didn't like watching her daughters playing with guns, even pretend ones. It reminded her too much of what her childhood was like and how different she wanted theirs to be. Amelia laughed, both of the girls tackling Jack. The sound of their laughter was comforting, seeing them having fun always made River happier.

"Ack!" Jack struggled to get up, flailing his arms a bit.

"You're our prisoner now! You'll never escape."

Clara giggled as she watched the girls, getting up to help Jack. Amelia jumped on her when she got close enough, trying to pin her next to Jack. She yelped, falling to her knees, "Oi, you! I thought we were friends!"

"Pirate queens have no friends!" She said in her most dramatic voice.

"Pirate queens? What happened to Princess Rapunzel?" Clara asked, smiling in amusement at the dramatics.

"I was Princess Rapunzel last week. Now I'm a pirate queen!" She decided.

"Well, have mercy pirate queen! Don't hurt me!" She cried.  

"You'll be safe as long as you do what I tell you to."

"I'll do whatever you want! What are your demands?"

"A piggyback ride! ...And a cookie." She added.

"Uncle Jack you have to tackle Mummy and Daddy! And get me a cookie." Freya voiced her demands.

Clara wriggled up, "Alright, get on then." Amelia waited for Clara to get up before climbing on her back.

"Here, Freya, I'm not so sure Mummy want's to be tackled right now." The Doctor didn't want a pregnant River roughhousing.

"Aww, but it's only playing! See?" She didn't understand why he didn't want her to tackle her mother, and proceeded to do exactly what he had just told her not to.

"Freya, no...!" He tried to stop her. Vastra grabbed Freya mid-leap, preventing her from landing directly on top of River. However, she was unable to stop the little girls lets from swinging out and giving River a good blow to the stomach. It had been completely accidental of course, the sudden catch and scoop upward from her Aunt causing her legs to swing out in front of her and hit her mother.

Panic rose in the Doctor, though he tried to hide in since other normal circumstances would wouldn't have been as worried. "River, are you hurt?"

River's face was as white as a sheet, but more from the initial horror than the feeling that something was wrong. "No, no I feel alright." She managed to say after a beat.

"A-are you sure?" He really didn't want to take chances since he'd only just found out.

 

"I'm really sorry, mummy. I didn't mean to kick you."

"I-I don't know, I feel alright, but I don't know." River whispered, still looking absolutely petrified.

"Mummy, am I in trouble?" Freya's lips quivered, thinking her mum would be mad at her.

River finally looked at her, able to get a hold of her panic for a moment, "No, no sweetheart, you're not in trouble. It was an accident, you were just trying to play."

"Does this mean no cookies?" Amelia asked Clara.

"'Course not! I think everyone needs a cookie now, though." She carried Amelia off to the kitchen, returning with a plate and offering a cookie to everyone.

The Doctor took one, still eyeing River. "Maybe we should wrap this up soon..." He wanted to thoroughly check that everything was alright, though maybe we was just being a little paranoid.

River declined hers, getting up and excusing herself, saying she needed a glass of water. The Doctor trailed his eyes after her, thinking that maybe it would be too much hovering if he were to follow her. He tried to hold conversation, tapping his foot anxiously. It was only a few minutes before he broke and got up to see where River had gone. 


	72. Our Wonderful Mess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First ultrasound + a hormonal River Song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My vacation is over now so I'll likely be going back to just weekly updates. Really, don't forget to comment!

CH 72

 

River was leaning against the counter, hands over her face. She was shaking again, terrified and unaware of her husband’s presence.

"...River?" The Doctor hesitantly put a hand to her shoulder.

She jumped, quickly dropping her hands. "I'm sorry, I just came to get water." She started searching through the cabinets, trying to find a glass.

"You don't..." He stopped himself, knowing that he needed to choose his words carefully. "River, I know that's not the only reason you're in here by yourself looking rather... scared."

She filled up her glass and quickly gulped it down, "You don't need to follow me every time I leave the room."

"I know," He had tried his best to not follow her. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay since you didn't seem to be..."

"I'm fine." She insisted, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath.

"Oh... Good." He shifted his wight from foot to foot. "I'll just go back..." He pointed with his thumb to the door he came through. "Um... would you let me do an ultrasound when we get back to the TARDIS?"

"Yeah, okay." She whispered. She usually loved spending time with their friends, but today she just wanted to go home. She wanted to make sure the baby was alright, and then she desperately needed to see her parents.

He slowly went back to their friends and family, the thought of his wife stuck on his mind. He wanted to be there for her, but even he knew when he should give her a little space, now being that time. A small smile graced his face when he came back at seeing every one. Clara was getting to know the Torchwood team, and his daughters were trying to get more cookies from Vastra. The sense of normality wasn't one he'd had in a long time and it filled his hearts to have at least one moment that he could call almost peaceful.

River returned to the room another twenty minutes after him, eyes a bit red-rimmed. She sat down, at the far end of the group, mostly observing the others rather than participating in the talking.

" 'M tired, mumma." Amelia came over and tugged on River's leg. Though she had coils of energy in her, a large meal and a game of tackling was enough to wear out the four year old.

"I think it's time to go home, my lovely." River whispered, scooping Amelia up into her lap and hugging her close.

The girl nodded. "Can it be Christmas again tomorrow?"

She laughed softly, "I don't think so, but I promise we'll see everyone again soon."

"Alright." She nuzzled her face into River's neck, eyes drooping.

River rubbed Amelia's back, carefully standing up and walking over to the Doctor, "I'm afraid it might be time to go home."

He looked up from telling a story about one of his and Jack's adventures. Freya was in his lap, curled up and sleepy like her sister. "I guess we'll have to finish next time. Would you like to say bye to everyone, Freya?"

Freya yawned, simply waving to them all, too sleepy for individual goodbyes. Amelia was practically asleep, not responding when River asked if she wanted to say goodbye. The Doctor chuckled quietly. "Looks like these two could use a nap. We'll see you all soon. It was lovely, thank you for the food. Happy Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas." River echoed, then walked over to Vastra, "Thank you again for the gift, and for catching Freya."

"It's my pleasure." She hugged her friend. "I do hope she didn't... hurt you."

River nodded, "I'll call you later tonight and let you know how everything goes."

"The best of wishes to you." "You too." She whispered, walking back over to the Doctor and collecting all of the gifts they had received. They waved goodbye a final time as they closed the doors to the TARDIS.

The Doctor piloted them into some part of space, allowing the blue box to float freely among the stars. "Let's get these two to bed, yeah?"

River nodded, carrying Amelia back to her room, tucking her into bed and wrapping her new blanket around her. She smiled softly, kissing her forehead and leaving the rest of her new toys in the room to be put away tomorrow. He did the same actions with Freya. "How long do you think they'll be out for?"

She sighed, "I don't know, a few hours maybe?" She ran a hand along her stomach.

"How about that ultrasound, then? The TARDIS has replaced the faulty ones by now..." He stopped himself, trying not to bring up any memories for either of them.

She looked up at him when he mentioned the faulty ultrasound machines. "Okay."

He offered her a warm smile, walking to the sickbay. "I'm sure everything will be fine." She nodded, clutching onto his arm tightly, practically walking on top of him.  "Riv... why are you so nervous." It was a fairly stupid question, one he mostly knew the answer to, but he hoped it might get her to talk a little.

"I don't want to disappoint you again." She whispered, holding him tighter, all of it starting to pour out like a waterfall, "I don't want there to be something wrong with our baby. I don't want to lose another one. I don't want to girls to have to wait any longer. Did you see how disappointed they looked when I told them they weren't going to get a little brother today? I can't stand seeing them like that."

They entered the sickbay, the equipment already set up and waiting for them. "Well hopefully this go they'll only have to wait about twenty six more weeks for a little brother, or sister." He said gently. "I know this is going to be terrifying and nerve racking and there's always going to be a chance that something's going to happen, but River we can do it. We can make sure that this baby is going to be safe and healthy. We can do it this time." She nodded slowly, really needing him to take a moment to just hold her and calm her down before she completely lost it from worry. He squeezed her hand tightly. "Ready?"

She bit her lip, sitting up on the cot before shaking her head 'no' slowly.

He stopped himself reaching for the equipment, taking her hands again with both of his. He didn't say anything, not thinking he needed to, instead slowly sitting next to her on the cot with his arm around her. She rested her head against his shoulder, sinking further into his arms and sighing softly. He delicately kissed her cheek, just as a little reminder that he was there for her.

It took her another minute before she whispered, "Alright, I'm ready."

He quietly went back to the ultrasound, getting the gel and the probe ready. "Lift your shirt." He instructed, though he knew she knew what to do anyways. She lifted her shirt up for him, laying down.

Spreading the gel on her lower abdomen, he searched around with the probe for a few minutes. "...There." He pointed to the screen. She looked up at the screen, her heart skipping a beat. A very tiny, person like blob was underneath his finger. It didn't look like very much, but to them it was one of the most amazing thing in the universe. "There's our baby." He smiled widely.

"Yeah..." She whispered, completely amazed by the image. "They're so tiny."

"Well you aren't that far along, not even enough to hear the heartbeats yet." An idea set off in his head almost as soon as head said that. "Actually..." He pulled out his sonic, shining the light at the machine. He then tapped a few things until the little thumps filled the room. "There we are." She waited to hear the sound, clutching onto his head when she heard it. So faint, but there. He weaved his fingers with hers. "Not so bad now, is it?" He teased.

"Hmm?" She murmured, a bit distracted by the faint noise.

"You were awfully nervous about this. But this is wonderful."

She smiled weakly, "Oh, shut up." Her eyes shone, "A heartbeat...our baby has a heartbeat. Our baby's alive."  

"Heartbeat _s._ " He corrected, emphasizing the s. "Babies do tend to do that. Be alive, heartbeats and all." He traced a line over her side. "We're going to be out numbered."

"Yes, three to two." She murmured, eyes dropping down just a bit when he mentioned how babies tended to have a heartbeat.

"One of them will always get away with something. At least when this one learns how to walk." He added, not noticing her slight change of expression.

She nodded slowly, "Yeah, we'll have to do our best to watch them all closely."

He was starting to hear the doubt in her tone. "Riv, this pregnancy will go by so fast, you won't even notice it. I promise you have nothing to worry about"

Her eyes snapped up to his, "What do you mean fast?"

He mentally slapped himself, realizing that he might've triggered something about the injections Kovarian gave her. " I meant it'll _feel_ fast..." She stared at him, still looking slightly terrified. “Sorry. It's really not what I meant. It was just a figure of speach. Time flies, is all..."

She bit her lip, trying to shake it off and nodded slowly, "Yes, right. I understand." She wiped the gel off of her belly, taking the sonogram picture off the machine and quickly heading to their room.

He hesitated to follow her, knowing she didn't appropriate the hovering very much. He reasoned with himself that perhaps she needed some time to herself, or was putting the picture in the box, or just wanted to rest. He found himself fiddling with the wires under the console, his mind half on the new baby and the other half keeping an ear out for his family.

River came back to find him a minute later, her box of pictures in hand. She quietly sat down on the steps, not wanting to disturb him. He pretended not to notice for a moment, trying to look very interested in the wires before eventually look at her. "River."

"Yes?" She whispered, eyes fixed on him.

He moved his goggles off of his eyes and moved to sit next to her. "You've brought the box..."

"I thought you might like to put the picture inside." She moved closer to him, handing him the picture.

He smiled at the photo. "I thought you'd have done that already."

"No, I want you to do it." She smiled softly, pulling off the lid.

He tucked it right in the front of the already tightly packed box. "I think you might need to think about getting a bigger box."

She stroked along the sides of the box, her head moving to rest against his shoulder again, "So many memories."

"So many more to come." His expression softened.

She ran her finger along a few of the pictures inside, not quite ready to close it and put it away. "Mmm"

"Penny for your thoughts." He murmured.  

"It's funny, when people think of time-travel, they most often think of the opportunity to go back and change their past, re-do things, correct things...but that's precisely the one thing we can't do."

"Provided a few exceptions. But yes, that does often seemed to be the case." He turned it over in his head. "Do you... want to change your past?"

She was silent a minute, "If given the opportunity, I believe there are a few things I would like to have done differently. But I know the consequences of changing the past." He hummed in acknowledgement, knowing what this first thing on that list would be. "What about you?" She asked softly, entwining her hand with his.

"... I suppose there's some things I'd like to have happened differently." There were quite a few things, actually, almost all of them having to do with bringing back the people who'd died in his name.

"Anything that has to do with me?"

He thought for a bit about how to word it. "If I could've made you happier, been there all of the times that you needed me, gotten you out of bad situations sooner I would have."

She looked up at him, "What do you mean happier? You've made me incredibly happy."

"That doesn't mean there weren't times when you were so cross with me you wouldn't even look at me. Or  when we weren't living together and I wouldn't show up for months at a time."

She curled closer to him, "Love is messy."

"No doubt about that." He kissed her nose. "Our wonderful mess."

River smiled, closing her eyes. "Do you want to try the candle?"

"If you're up for it, I'd love to." He grinned. "You can have wine in the dream realm." He pointed out since she'd hadn't gotten any earlier.

Her smile brightened, “That's alright. I think I'll be avoiding wine no matter what realm for the next six months. Where do you want to do it? Our room?"

"Seeing as we will be passed out, a room with a bed sounds best." He agreed, standing up. She finally closed the lid to her box, getting up with him and walking to their bedroom.

She put away her box and found matches, then pulled out the candle, "Ready?"

"When you are." He said, already grinning widely.

"Are you sure this is safe for the baby?" She asked, placing the candle on the nightstand and wrapping an arm around her belly.

"Vastra said it was and I trust her judgement." He picked up the candle, sniffed it suspiciously, and put it back down. "It affects your brain, putting your mind in a trance like state, but leaves your body unaffected. Like sleeping only you can still feel your body. It's safe since the baby's not developed enough to have made a psychic connection yet and there's no physical effects." He assured.

She sat back down on the bed, curling up, "Okay, as long as you're sure."

He lit the candle and settled next to her. "I'm sure. But you might feel a bit sick after."

"Stay close to me?" She murmured, starting to feel sleepy.

"Always." He pulled her body close to his, the smoke of the candle lulling them into the dream. 


	73. Dreaming in Color

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor and River say hello to a couple they thought were long gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have not seen this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XWU6XL9xI4k WATCH IT NOW because it's very important and actually cannon even though it was never shot. Enjoy as usual and don't forget to comment!

CH 73

 

The first thing the Doctor noticed when he became aware of his surrounding was the smell of coffee. They seemed to be in a cafe and he realized from the pictures on the wall that it was a cafe in New York. River's eyes opened and she felt the Doctor's arms around her. She blinked, trying to become aware of her surroundings and looking across the table.The Doctor took a second to evaluate things around them. The shine of the table, the yellow light filtering through the window, the muffled sounds of other people in the cafe even though there didn't seem to be anyone there. It was hard for him to focus on anything outside the little bubble of their table, things just becoming fuzzy and blurred anywhere past a foot or two away. As he examined the place, his eyes fell onto the two people sitting before them, a little older and a little more plump than he remembered.

The red head put down her coffee with a laugh at the Doctor's stunned face. "...Amy."

River's heart soared when she saw Amy and Rory, "Dad..." She whispered.

Rory beamed, his eyes crinkling as he did. Both of them were starting to have more prominent crow's feet. "Melody... It's been years."

"Yeah, too many years." Amy added, her accent making her sound a bit more annoyed than she actually was.

"I've missed you." River beamed, her whole face bright, "We both have."

"We've missed you, too. And there's so much we have to tell you!" Amy paused, glancing at their hands, taking a note of the rings. "It looks like you two have been quite busy."

River laughed softly, taking the Doctor's hand. "We have a lot to tell you too."

"I figured as much." She grinned. "If I may start... River, you've got a brother."

Her eyes widened just slightly, "What? Really?"

Amy reached into her pocket and pulled out a picture of a boy with light brown hair. "Anthony. He turns ten next week." She said proudly.

"Congratulations." River smiled, looking over the picture in her hands, "That's wonderful news."

"We tell him stories abou' the two of you, you know. All of those adventures, all of those worlds you saved..."

"I can't wait to hear more about him."

"You tell us your news first." Amy insisted.

"Well..." She squeezed the Doctor's hand, "It's very similar to you're news." She looked over at him, letting him tell her parents.

"We've got kids, too!" He announced, his tone bursting with excitement. "Two and a half. To be more exact."

Rory nearly choked on his coffee, "Two? And a half?"

He nodded rapidly. "Freya and Amelia are twins, and we're expecting a third in about six months!"

Amy's eyes brightened even more, "Amelia?" She didn't even register the second half of what he had said until a moment later, "Expecting? You're pregnant again?!" She looked at River this time who nodded.

"The name was River's idea. We didn't know if we'd be seeing you again." He gave a sad smile.

"Do you have pictures? I want to see them!" Amy smiled, not wanting them to dwell on the sad things.

"Plenty." One of his favorite parts about dreams were the lack of rules. He easily thought up River's box of pictures and started to pull out pictures of their daughters and the picture of the ultra sound from earlier that day.  

River quickly plucked a few pictures out of the box and pulled them into her lap, forgetting that she could just think them away. Rory picked up the recent picture of the new baby, curiously. "This baby looks like it's eight weeks along. I thought you said you were three months...?" Rory questioned, not aware of Time Lord biology.

"Actually, I'm only about two months, but Time Lord pregnancies last for eight months." She explained, smoothing out her dress, "I've just barely started showing."

"Oh." It was starting to make more sense to him now. "I think it's got my nose!" He pointed out, able to read the ultrasound much better than them now that he had and MD behind his name.

She laughed, "Isn't it still a bit too early to tell? It isn't even big enough for us to tell the sex."

"Well, yeah... but look." He pointed to it's head. "The four flesh palates of it's face begin to push together around this point of the pregnancy and develop the face. See? There's it's little nose."

River looked closer, beginning to see it as he pointed it out, "Oh, my...that's our baby's little nose." She whispered, leaning closer to the Doctor, one hand on her stomach. They were just as, possibly even more mesmerized by the scan than they were less than an hour earlier.

"Let's hope this one doesn't get your chin, raggedy man." Amy laughed, earning an offended look from the Doctor.

River couldn't help but giggle, kissing his shoulder and rubbing his arm, "Maybe it'll be a boy."

"That'd be nice. It's three against one right now if you don't count the cats." He said, trying not to think about the son they'd lost.

"Cats?" Rory raised an eyebrow, "I never pictured you two as cat people."

"The girls were quite persuasive." The Doctor voiced, though he had a soft spot for the cats. "We got three."

"Would you like to meet Freya and Amelia?"

Both of the Ponds immediately nodded their heads. "Yes, yes! We'd love to!"

River looked up at the Doctor, "Do you want to come with me?"

"We'll be back in a moment, Ponds." He grinned.

She tried to wake herself up, yawning and blinking back in their room. He stretched his limbs, smiling a bit sleepily at his wife.

"Did you see the baby's nose?" She asked sleepily, even though she knew he had seen it.

"Yes." He face lit up. "Our baby's little nose." Some how such a little thing could make him so happy.

She stroked her belly lightly, "He's so tiny." She whispered, slipping up and calling the baby a he. It had been on several occasions that she had almost done that, getting confused with their last child.  

"...You think it's a boy?" He asked quietly.

"What?" She looked up at him, not even realizing what she had just said.

"You said... never mind." He quickly dismissed it, knowing the reason he shouldn't bring it up.

She was able to realize what she said, her whole face sinking, "I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean...I-"

"No, no it's fine. I don't mind..." He rubbed her arm. "Besides you're probably right, mother's seem to have that instinct."

She leaned close to him, wrapping her arms around him, "But I'm not having that instinct yet. I just got confused with..." She buried her face in his shoulder.

"Hey, hey it's alright, River... it won't be like the last time." He made the connection that the pictures she had taken from the box had been to do with that.

She was so terrified that history was going to repeat. It had only been a few days since she found out and she was already showing the signs of the fear that had plagued her during her last pregnancy: clinging onto him more and constantly wanting to be close to him, worrying constantly. She held onto him tighter, squeezing her eyes shut.

"How about we get the girls now, yeah?" He changed the subject, hoping it would make her feel a bit better. She nodded, pulling back, but still clinging to his arm.

Both the girls were still asleep when they came in, Freya snoring a little. As soon as River saw that they were still asleep she backed out of the room, 'I don't want to wake them." She whispered, tugging on his arm, "They need to get some rest."

"Are you sure?" He questioned. It was only four hours before the girls would normally go to bed and they had no trouble sleeping through the whole night.

She nodded, "Yes, they got up so early today, they could probably use the extra few hours."

"Alright, then. What should we tell your parents?"

She hesitated, "Do you think we could talk to them more tomorrow? Since it's all time travel based, they won't even realize how long we've been gone, it'll only be a few seconds for them."

"That sound's fine." He lightly kissed the side of her head. "What do you propose we do in the meantime? It won't be dinner for a little while and I'm still full from breakfast."

She shrugged, leaning into him, "I just want to spend some time with you."

"How about I take you somewhere you can show off your new dress?" He suggested.

She brightened up, "I would love that."

He took her hand, leading her to the console room. As he starting flipping leavers he explained a bit further, "There was a lovely production of Macbeth in 2018 -no wait, it was earlier than that- 2014? Well anyways. I thought it was very well done and the effects were amazing."

"Mmm, anyone I know starring in it?" She smiled, leaning against the console.

"Kenneth Branagh, I think." He told her, the TARDIS landing with a soft thud. "Oh, I almost forgot!" He pulled what appeared to be two bracelets out of his pockets and attached one to the console railing.

She raised an eyebrow, "What's that?"

"Sort of like a sound detector." He said, handing the other bracelet to her. "If the girls wake up and need us then the one here will alert the one we have and we'll come home." He proudly explained, thinking it was quite clever.  

She slid the bracelet onto her wrist, "Did you make this?"

"I tinkered with them to make them work the way they do. So I suppose, in a way, yes."

"It's very clever." She smiled, giving him a quick peck on the cheek.

He grinned, holding out his arm. "Shall we?"

She took his arm  and nodded. “We shall.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus points to those who got my Macbeth reference. For those who didn't, the Macbeth play I was talking about was an actual production that happened in June of 2014 starring Alex Kingston (the actress who plays River Song). I recommend you all get the DVD.


	74. When I First Saw You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Was Mummy scared when she was going to have our brother?"  
> He was surprised by the question, his expression stiffening a little. "No. She wasn't."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, I don't actually have much to said, but I do want to warn you all that things will be getting intense again soon. (Next chapter probably.) Enjoy and leave a comment!

CH 74

 

They stepped out into a warm early summer air, the sky beginning to turn dark with the oncoming night. The streets were bustling with people and the classic New York smells of subways, hot dogs, and stale pretzels filled the spaces between the large buildings. "It's only a block or two from here."

"We're in New York..." River whispered, stopping in her tracks.

"Did I not mention that the theater was in New York?" The Doctor hadn't thought that it would make much of a difference.

"No, you didn't... But it doesn't matter." She quickly smiled, walking again.

"...Alright." He decided it best to leave the subject. They strolled along, eventually finding the line for entrance, already filled with people.

She was surprised to see how crowded it was, "It seems popular." She murmured.

"Oh, yeah. Quite the duo these actors make. I can remember the name of who plays Lady Macbeth, but she's pretty popular, too."

She hummed, "Where are we sitting?"

"This'll get us in the third row." He pulled out his psychic paper." Close enough to see all the detail, but far enough so we don't get soaked from the fake rain."

She raised an eyebrow, "Fake rain? This sounds very interesting."

"Yeah, it's really cool! They do it during this epic fight scene with real swords and everything!" He explained.

She hummed, smiling up at him, "Well I can't wait to see it seeing as you loved it so much." He grinned as the line started moving and they entered the play house. She stayed close to him, admiring the building they were entering into.

Fairly quickly, they were seated and handed the a form that had the names of the actors. They made conversation, mostly the Doctor rambling about various things until the lights dimmed and the play began. River leaned close to the Doctor, entwining her hand with his as the play started. He smiled excitedly, muttering something about how cool staged sword fighting was.

It was about half way through the play when River's bracelet started to glow, alerting that the girls were awake. She looked alarmed, nearly standing up right then, "Doctor..." She whispered.

He glanced over at her. "Oh... um." He stood as quietly as possible, trying to shift around the people seated next to them into the aisle. River quietly apologized to the people sitting around them, getting out a bit more gracefully than him.

He took her hand, both of them walking briskly to the lobby. "Sorry, it looks like we won't be finishing the play."

She smiled softly, "It's alright, it doesn't matter." The went out of the building, still walking fairly quickly.

"Yeah, but it was our special evening and we didn't even get to some of the really good bits."

She squeezed his hand, "But the whole point of a special evening is getting to spend time alone with you."

He smiled. "And I guess we did get to do that."

"And that was the whole point." She smiled, opening the doors to the TARDIS.

The bracelet attached to the console railing had a glow identical to the one on River's wrist. The Doctor took it off the railing and touched it to River's bracelet, both immediately returning to their regular silver appearance. He stuffed it in his pocket, heading to the girls room.

As soon as the sounds of one of the girls crying reached her ears, River took off running down the hall. "Okay, okay! Mummy's coming!"

Freya had crawled onto a sobbing Amelia's bed, trying to comfort her distraught sister. She looked relieved to see her parents finally here when they walked in.

"I'm sorry, darling, I'm sorry." River whispered, quickly running to the bed and wrapping her arms around Amelia, "What's wrong? What happened, hmm?"

Amelia clung to River while Freya tried to explain. "I got really hungry so I went to look for you and daddy but you weren't there an' Mia had a really really bad dream an' she kept asking for you but I had to tell her you and daddy went somewhere but that just made her more scared."  

River felt awful that they went out and left the girls now, holding Amelia tighter and rubbing her back, "What did you dream about, sweetie?" She asked softly. Amelia shook her head, not answering, but curling into to River's warmth. River sighed quietly, shifting so Amelia wasn't pressing down quite so hard on her belly. She didn't press the subject any further, holding her close and rocking her back and forth to calm her down.

Freya tugged on River's dress. "Is Mia okay now?"

She nodded, "I'll take care of her, don't worry."

"Where were you and daddy?"

"We went out for a little while to see a play, but we shouldn't have left you two alone, I'm sorry."

"You don't to that all the time when we're sleeping, do you?" Freya asked.

"No, of course not. And we shouldn't have done it this time, Daddy was just trying to do something nice so we could be alone and..." She sighed, rubbing her temples, "I'm sorry, girls."

"I forgive you." Freya said. It was still Christmas after all. Amelia stayed quiet and had stopped crying, seeming to calm in River's arms.

Despite having Freya's forgiveness, River still felt awful, staring at the floor, rubbing Amelia's back.

"Mummy, will you make me something to eat?" The girl asked quietly.

She nodded slowly, standing up, "What do you want to have?"

"Um... Mac an' cheese." She decided quickly. River nodded and left the room, quickly brushing past the Doctor and going to the kitchen. He followed slowly, holding both of his daughter's hands.

By the time they got the the kitchen, River was already cooking, swearing rather loudly as she burned her hand on the stove. He looked down at the twins, really hoping they didn't hear the bad word. He ushered them to sit at the tables and went over to River. "Let me see."

She shook her head, continuing on with her cooking, "I'm fine, it's only minor."

"River, let me see." He said again, a little more sternly.

She looked up at him, about to show him her hand, then heard Freya's stomach grumbling, "I have to get them some food." She murmured, turning away from him.

"Then will you show me after?" He asked, getting out bowls for the girls.

"Yes, fine, fine." She agreed, not really listening as she finished making the food, dishing it out in the bowls and bringing it to the table, then going and retrieving utensils and drinks for them.

Freya eagerly started shoveling the pasta into her mouth, making a delighted face. Amelia ate a little slower, taking smaller bites and staring at nothing in particular. River watched Amelia closely, not realizing how obvious her guilt and worry for her daughter was displayed on her face.

"Riv..." The Doctor brushed a stray curl from her face.

"Hmm?" She hummed, her eyes not leaving Amelia.

"May I see your hand now?" He asked carefully. She held her hand out to him, still not looking at him. The sight made him wince a little, the skin on the heel of her hand, red and starting to develop a blister. "River, you should put some cold water on this."

"It's fine, I don't feel anything." She murmured, finally looking away from Amelia.

He didn't really believe her. "The swelling won't go away without ice." He stood up, "Here, I'll get some for you."

"I feel like I'm going to be sick." She breathed, her face nearly turning green as she darting out of the room. She was out of the room before The Doctor could say anything. He stood there with the ice wrapped in a paper towel, looking a bit ridiculous before sitting and tapping his foot anxiously. River didn't need him hovering over her for this.

When she returned, she looked worse than when she left, her whole face clammy and sweaty. "Mumma, are you still sick?" Freya asked, thinking River had recovered from the 'flu' a few days ago.

"Yes, a bit, sweetie." She breathed, leaning against the doorframe, the cool surface comforting against her flushed face.

The Doctor got up and handed her the ice. "Maybe you should lie down..."

She nodded slowly, still leaning against the door for support, "I promised Vastra I would call her."

"I can call her if you like. You need to rest."

She nodded, "Will you walk me to the couch in the library? Then we could call her together?"

He glanced at the girls who still were content with their food. "Sure." She slowly began walking along side him, feeling a bit woozy and still slightly nauseous. "Morning sickness still getting you pretty good, huh?"

"I'm afraid so." She murmured, brushing her damp curls back.

He looked at her, really wishing she would go to bed and rest. "How's your hand feeling?"

"It's fine. It doesn't hurt." She pushed open the door to the library, immediately settling down onto the sofa.

He picked up the phone that was on the coffee table. There wasn't usually a phone in their library, but the TARDIS had put one there to make things easier. He dialed Vastra's number and curled up next to River, holding the phone up between them. "You should be a bit more careful next time, I wouldn't want you getting a really serious burn." He didn't want her getting a non-serious burn either but it's not like he could keep her away from anything that could burn her. She closed her eyes, humming softly as she nestled her head into the crook of his neck.

The phone rang a few times before someone picked up on the other end. " 'Ello?" It was Jenny's voice.

"Hello, Jenny." River spoke quietly, turning her head just slightly, "Is Vastra there?"

"Yes, the madame's in. 'ang on a moment and I'll fetch 'er." Jenny put the phone down, her foot steps heard through the line as she went to get Vastra.

River shot up, scrambling off the couch and ran out of the room, feeling sick yet again. "Oh dear..." He muttered, wishing he could offer something to make her feel better. He stayed on the couch since the phone was attached to a cord.

She came back seven minutes later, looking, if it was possible, worse than she had before.

"Ah, here she is." The Doctor said into the phone. "Vastra's on the line, would you like to talk?"

"Can you do the talking?" She whispered, laying back down beside him and cuddling into him.

"Yeah." He put the phone back to his ear. "She's still feeling under the weather."

"Did you tell her about the baby?" River asked softly.

"Yes, I did. I even mentioned about Rory pointing out the nose." He smiled gently. "Oh and she says that peppermint tea might help with the nausea."

She hummed quietly, deciding that she wanted to talk now and took the phone from him, "Thank you."

"River, I'm glad to hear you're, for the most part, okay." Vastra smiled through the phone.

River smiled weakly, "Yes, we were certainly relieved."

"How are the girls liking their presents?' She asked.

"They love them. They're eating right now but I'm sure they'll be in here any minute ready to play again." She glanced over at the door. The Doctor nodded in silent agreement. "Thank you for everything today, Vastra. It all means a great deal to me." She curled closer to the Doctor, "We'll send you the sonogram pictures and pictures of the dresses you got for the girls."

"Oh, that would be lovely, River! It was my pleasure, really." Vastra was glad that after all her friend had gone through, it finally seemed that things were working out.

"I'll talk to you again soon." She smiled, closing her eyes.

“Get some rest. Oh and try ginger-ale if the tea doesn't work."

She nodded, thanking her again and saying goodbye before hanging up. They sat there for a few minutes, simply enjoying the company of the other when Freya and Amelia came looking for them. "Mumma? Where'd you go?"

"In here, love. In the library." She called, not opening her eyes, feeling her stomach starting to churn again.

The girls poked their heads in. "Mummy, will you read us a story?"

She smiled softly, slowly sitting up and nodded. Freya scurried over to one of the shelves as Amelia climbed onto the couch and snuggled up with her parents. Freya came back over with a Gallifrayian picture book. "This one!"

"I think maybe Daddy should read this one to you." She murmured, handing the Doctor the book, not feeling well enough to try and translate the story.

He took the book, brushing his thumb over the cover. He said it first in Gallifreyian and then in English, "The Secret  of the  Diaphanius Tree." Freya snuggled into River's lap, finding it odd that her mother fell asleep only minutes after the story began.

-x-

"...and the susurrus of the leaves drifted the boy into his dreams, no longer afraid." The Doctor finished with a small smile, glancing over at his sleeping wife.

Freya followed his gaze up to River, "Why is she sleeping?" She whispered.

"Because-" He caught himself before he could say anything about the baby. "She's still got a bit of the stomach bug and sleeping helps her to get better. And she's a bit tired from all the Christmas fun this morning." He added.

"Her tummy is sick?" Amelia asked, scooting towards her mother.

"...Yeah. Just something she must've caught from that planet we visited last week." He covered up. Freya hugged River around her middle, kissing her stomach, thinking it would make her feel better.

His lips curled upwards, thinking of how happy they would be when he and River would tell them about the baby. "Mummy will get better soon, promise."

"Can we go play?" Freya asked, wriggling off the sofa and bouncing around, "I want to play with my new toys!"

"Um..." He glanced at the time. "Alright, you can play for forty minutes, but then it's time to brush your teeth, okay?"  She nodded, scampering off with Amelia in tow. He regretted forgetting to tell them to keep the noise down so they wouldn't wake their mother. He looked back at River, getting up to get her a blanket.

Forty five minutes later, the girls were finishing up brushing their teeth and whining about going to bed through sleepy yawns. "Come on, girls. Would you like me to tuck you in?" They both pouted, but nodded. Amelia hopped into bed, cuddling in with her new blanket and Freya with Jeff the Ood.

He kissed each of his daughter's on the cheek, tucking in their blankets around them. "Sleep night, girls. And best let your mother sleep in a little tomorrow so she can get better."

Amelia reached out and took hold of his sleeve as he kissed her, "Will you take care of her?"

"Of course I will, Amelia. I always do." He smiled softly. "And your mother is very strong. She'll be better in no time."

She didn't want him to go, and decided that asking him questions would be the best way to make him stay, "Do you think Mummy's pretty?"

"The prettiest woman in the universe." He said without hesitation. "Right next to you two of course." He added.

"Is that why you married her? Because you think she's pretty?" She asked quietly, holding tighter onto his sleeve.

He sat on the side of her bed, some what getting the message the Amelia wanted him to stay. "There's a lot of reasons I married your mother. She's cleaver and funny and I love everything about her. It's quite funny how love works. I didn't love her when I first met her. She annoyed me because she was right about things more often than I was and I don't like being proven wrong." He grinned. "But the more I saw her, the more she began to impress me rather than annoy me. I didn't realize I was falling in love with her until she kissed me for the first time."

"Ewwwwww!" Freya called from her bed, giggling.

"Does she still annoy you?" Amelia asked, sticking her thumb in her mouth.

"Only when she beats me at chess." He smirked at Freya's reaction to telling her about kissing.

"What's your favorite memory of her?"

"There are too many to pick just one, lovie." He told her.

"Then… one of your favorites?"

He sifted through the recent-ish past in his head coming up with still dozens of moments he loved. Smiled\s exchanged, laughs, times she was brave, when he had finally gotten the rings (before the fight), and times that he certainly wasn't going to tell his four-year-olds about. "Hmm... the day you two were born was quite a happy one."

"Can you tell me about it?" She asked, starting to grow sleepy.

"Well..." He tried to think of where to start or how much he should tell them about birth. "Er... has your mother told you about how babies are born?"

She shook her head no, "Can you tell me?"

"Um, well, you know that babies grow in their mummy's tummies... so when it's time for a baby to come out, the mummy's tummy makes a feeling to let everyone know that it's time for the baby to come out. But sometimes it just does it for no reason when the baby gets bigger and your mother had been feeling it a lot but she kept telling me that it wasn’t the real feeling." He said, pausing to see if he was making sense.

"Why do babies grow in tummies?" Freya interrupted.

"Because the organ that the baby grows in is in the tummy." He thought this was a fair explanation.

"And then the tummies get bigger when the babies get bigger? Like mummy's belly?" She tried to work it out in her head.

"Yes, like mummy's belly did. It gets very squished in there so eventually the baby has to come out and get some more room, especially with you two since there was even less space."

"And then you were happy when we came out?" Amelia smiled, already knowing the answer.

"Of course I was." He declared. "But you didn't let me get to the story! Babies don't just come out in a few minutes. It's takes time and effort and what not. There's a lot of stuff in between going to labour and actually having the baby come out."

She frowned, "Like what stuff?"

"Well..." He thought about this carefully. There was quite a lot of 'stuff' that happened but not that he wanted to explain. "Your mother and I had a food fight and ice cream for breakfast. Her idea, though. She gets cravings when she's pregnant."

"A food fight? That's not allowed!" Freya cried, knowing how her mother hated when she played with her food.

"Er... no, it isn't. We had to clean it up afterwards and fix mummy's dress." That wasn't entirely true. The TARDIS had done that for them since they had been a bit busy with River being in labour. "We were making cookies when your mum told me that you two were ready to come out." 'Told' was slightly an understatement.

"And that's when we came out?" She asked, thinking the story was over.

"No, not exactly..." He said slowly. "Babies have to be helped out because they're so little... mummies have to push to help babies out and that can take a long time." He explained.

"Did it take a long time for us to be born?"

Freya asked as Amelia whispered, "Does it hurt?"

"Yes, it took a little while for you two to be born. ...and yes. It does hurt, but mummy was very brave." He smiled softly. "She'd never been a mummy before you two we born and she was a little nervous about it."

Amelia pulled the blankets up to her face, sucking on her thumb still, "Was she scared?"

"Everybody's a little scared when they become a mummy or daddy. And the minute she had yoo two in her arms, she wasn't nervous anymore."

"Was Mummy scared when she was going to have our brother?"

He was surprised by the question, his expression stiffening a little. "No. She wasn't." She nodded, understanding and not asking any more questions. The Doctor glanced down at his hands, putting his smile back on. "Sweet dreams, Amelia." He whispered, kissing her forehead again.

"Goodnight, Daddy. I love you." She whispered.

He left the room quietly, pushing thoughts of River's last pregnancy to the back to his head. He had vowed to himself that he wouldn't let the past repeat it's self.  That was a promise we was determined to keep.


	75. Hello, Old Friend Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor has gets the shock of a lifetime when someone from his past returns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MAJOR SPOILERS FOR SEASON 8!! If you have not watched season 8 of Doctor Who and do not want spoilers for it, then don't read this. Also it won't make much sense any way if you haven't watched it already. Anyways, enjoy and comment!

CH 75

 

River was starting to wake up from her nap, looking around the library to find that everyone was gone. The peaceful hum of the TARDIS was disrupted by the Doctor's voice. "You're awake."

She looked up at him, "Yes, I am."

"I just put the girls to bed." He came further into the room, sitting next to her. "Amelia asked me about why I married you."

She hummed quietly, "She did? What did you say?" She ran her hands through her hair, ruffling the wild curls.

"I told her that love was a funny thing and there are too many reasons to put into words why I love you."

She smiled, taking his hand in hers and tracing the back of his hand with her thumb, "That's certainly true."

"Mm. They asked me what one of my favorite memories of you was. Still too many to really pick one, but I told them it was the day they were born."

She looked up at him, a bit surprised, “Did you really?”

"Yeah, though maybe I should have picked one that didn't involve me having to explain to them how birth works."

She giggled, "And how did they react to that?"

"Well I'm not sure they completely got it. They thought it happened in a few minutes." He told her.

"Oh, I wish." She smiled, leaning over and pressing a kiss to his cheek. "It sounds like you did a wonderful job of putting them to bed." He took the complement, deciding not to tell her about the very last bit. "Do you want me to make you dinner?" She asked quietly, standing up.

He shook his head. "I'm not very hungry to be honest..."

"I understand." She murmured, sitting back down, "What would you like to do then?"

He rested his head on her shoulder. "Just sit here with me."

She tilted her head so her cheek was against the top of his head. "Okay." She murmured, stroking the back of his hand. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah." He said quietly, shaking his head after a minute. "...No."

She held him tighter, turning her head to press soft kisses into his hair, "What's the matter, my love?"

He sighed. "Amelia asked if you were scared when you had her brother."

The kisses stopped and her whole body tensed, "Oh...she did?"

"...I told her you weren't." He could sense she wasn't so pleased with the question either.  

She started fidgeting with her hands, "Oh..."

He stayed silent for another moment. "You were very brave that day, River."

She squeezed her eyes shut, letting out a sigh and tried to block out the feeling of her heart caving in all over again, "So were you."

He weaved his fingers with hers, holding her hand tightly. "It's not going to be like that this time."

She didn't respond, though her hands had begun to tremble. He turned his head to look at her. He didn't say anything, but his features softened into a comforting expression. She squeezed his hand, the worry and stress lines smoothing away from her face as she forced herself to appear happy, or at least not as horrid as she really felt. "I know."

"How about we try out that peppermint tea, yeah?"

She smiled and nodded, "Sounds wonderful."

He headed to the kitchen to put the kettle on. River trailed behind him, scooping up Tiber as they left the library. She decided to go to a new sitting room, one preferably with a fireplace. Tiber, feeling more active today, squirmed around and tried to climb up River's shoulder. "Hey, hey, hey. No climbing! We have to practice for when the new baby comes." She scolded, though she let him climb up onto her shoulders anyway.

Tiber stopped moving, sitting contently in his new found high place. The Doctor had been trying to teach River how to speak 'cat' so Tiber understood a little of what River was telling him. "Would you like that? Getting a new little baby in the TARDIS? We'll have to be careful, we don't want any tail pulling or babies getting scratched."

Tiber mewed, a little confused as to what Timelords babies were like and hoping they weren't loud. She smiled, scratching underneath his chin, "I'm afraid it's going to get very loud around here."

He nuzzled his face against her hand disappointingly, wondering if this would mean less petting. She kissed the top of his head, scratching around his ears. 'And I'm sorry to say my belly won't be a very comfortable sleeping place soon." Tiber wasn't liking this new baby idea and didn't think Samantha or Mr. Thomas would either. "Alright, down now and I'll give you a treat." She tried to lift him off of her shoulders and set him on the ground, then going to get him a treat. He padded behind her excitedly, brushing against her legs impatiently. She laughed, looking up at the Doctor as he came in. She bent down and presented Tiber with his treat.

The Doctor grinned, holding two mugs of tea. "Looks like someone wanted a little attention." She nodded, giving him one last stroke, then walking over to her husband. "Here." He offered her the warm tea.

River hummed, fingers curling around the cup, "Thank you."

"Were you talking to him?" He questioned, having heard her voice from down the hall.

"Mmm, yes a bit." She smiled, sitting back down on the sofa, watching as the TARDIS sparked a fire in the fireplace, not so much to keep them warm but to set a more cozy, romantic mood. "I was telling him about the new baby."

"I can't imagine he would care to much about it." He sipped his tea, scooting closer to her.

She curled close to him, staring at the fire, "I just wanted to tell someone, even if it was only the cat."

"When do you think we should tell the girls?"

She shrugged, "When would you like to tell the

m?" "I think we should wait a bit. Maybe until you're twelve weeks?" He suggested.

She nodded, "And I'll be properly showing by then."

"Do you think they'll figure it out?"

"I hope not. I want us to tell them and not just have them find out on their own." She breathed, a hand resting on her stomach.

"They'll be so happy, River. Don't worry."

She nodded slowly, leaning against him and closing her eyes, "I'm not worried."

"Is the tea helping?" He asked, wrapping his arm around her.

"Yes a bit." She nuzzled against him, enjoying being close to him.

"Let's hope it works for the next few weeks until your morning sickness stops." He recalled earlier when Freya kissed River's belly.

She nodded, "I love you." She murmured, setting down her empty cup and laying down.

He kissed her head softly. "I love you, too."

(x)

River’s breath suddenly caught in her throat, as she heard a pounding on the TARDIS door, "Doctor? Do you hear that?"

"Yes." He whispered, heart rates increasing a little.

The pounding became more insistent and River jumped up, "What's going on?"

"I-I don't know..." His mind raced, thinking back to the day River was taken.

"Doctor...the girls." She ran out of the room to check on them and make sure they were still safe. Both of them were still asleep, Freya shifting in her bed, but not yet waking. The Doctor had gone to the console room.

After making sure they were alright, River silently begged the TARDIS to hide them as she ran to the console room. The Doctor was flipping levers and staring intently at the scanner hoping it could tell him anything. The TARDIS didn't seem to be moving, making him quite frustrated.

Just as she ran to his side, there was a huge bang, shaking the ship, "Doctor!"

He stumbled, quickly regaining himself. He protectively reached out a hand to River, banging the scanner with the other. "No, that's not right!"

"What is it?" She asked, trying to see what the scanner said.

He hit it again but the readings stayed the same. "No, no, no that can't be! It's gone!"

"Doctor, what's going on?" She asked, not understanding.

He glanced at her. "These readings.... they're Timelord...."

Her eyes grew wide as she looked up at him, "What?"

"Timelord, River." He repeated more for himself than for her. He stepped away from the console in disbelief. "But, but that can't- Gallifrey's gone! There can't be a Timelord out there! Clara and I, we- we froze it! Poof, gone! It can't... " He trailed off, eyes slowly moving to the door. "Whatever -whoever- is out there..." Another bang sounded. "...is Timelord."

River walked halfway around the console, staring at the door as if it would magically open on it's own, "A Timelord..." She repeated.

"River..." He murmered, coming up behind her and putting a hand on her shoulder. "I really don't think they're here to be friendly..."

"What are we going to do?" She asked quietly, looking up at him.

"Well..." He swallowed and straightened his bow tie. He took a few steps towards the door. "Ask them to leave?"

"I don't think that's a very sturdy plan." She whispered, walking up behind him, and holding onto his arm.

"Well I'd rather not wait for them to break in." She nodded, watching as he started opening the door.

The TARDIS surrounded by Cybermen was not the sight he wanted to be greeted with. "Ah, looks like I've finally got your attention." Came a voice. Scottish and feminine and some how very sordid.

River's whole body went stiff when she saw the cybermen, wanting to run to the girls. A woman in seemingly Victorian dress made herself apparent to them. "Oh look at that. Doctor's got a new pet!"

River’s eyes narrowed, not liking that label, "Pet? Oh, I don't think so." She hissed, crossing her arms.

"But I do." Said the woman, circling them. "Which one is this, Doctor. Your seventh one by now?"

Her eyes flashed, "I'm nobody's pet. Who are you?"

She laughed as if it were a secret. "Don't you know that one by now?"

River glanced back towards the hall where the girls room was, praying that they were still safe, "You haven't even told us your name."

"But your _owner_ has known me for a very long time."

River looked up at the Doctor, trying to find any sign of recognition on his face. He stared at the woman, just as lost and just as cross as she was. "I'm not her owner, I'm her husband." She grasped his hand, clutching it tightly, trying to hide the fact that she was absolutely terrified.

The woman rolled her eyes. "And what a choice you made." She said sarcastically. "I'm Missy."

"And is that suppose to mean something to us?" River snapped, stepping in her path, happy that she was a few inches taller than this ‘Missy’ woman.

"Oh please try to keep up." Missy didn't seem to be in any way intimidated by River. "It's short for Mistress." She looked over River's shoulder to the Doctor. "I couldn't very well keep calling myself the Master, now could I?"

River's blood ran cold. She had heard stories of the Master and knew full well what he...well, now she, was capable of. She looked back at the Doctor.

"The Master is dead." The Doctor said coldly. "He perished with Gallifrey."

Missy laughed, "Oh, Doctor, don't be silly. Do you really think I'd go away just like that?"

"'Go away'? You didn't just 'go away', you killed Rassilon to send Gallifrey back to the time lock!" He was getting more irritated at how Missy seemed to take everything as a joke.

She walked right up to him, running a finger down his cheek and along his jaw, "Those are only details. What matters is I'm here now."

He grabbed her wrist. "What matters is that you leave, along with all your Cybermen."

She laughed, resting her other hand on his chest, "And why would I do that?"

"Because I'm not going to let you ruin things again." He glared.

"And what exactly would I be ruining?" She looked River up and down again, "Someone grab her."

Two of the Cybermen marched up to River and each grabbed an arm before the Doctor could stop them. "Let her go!"

River was near her breaking point, completely panicking, "Let go of me!" She cried, struggling and trying to free herself, though the grip on her arms only grew tighter to the point where she thought they would snap her arms in half.

He spun back around to Missy, furry growing beneath his skin. "You let her go right now. She is my family and I'm not going to loose her again. You really don't want to see what happens to you if you hurt her."

"Oh, really? I don't? Well, what would you do if I said...choke her." She ordered, wanting to push him to see what he would do.

The Cybermen reached their hands up to River's neck, wrapping their silver fingers around it. "No!" The Doctor snapped, pushing Missy against the TARDIS, his hand around her neck but not yet choking her. "Let. Her. Go. Now."

She was a bit surprised at how quickly he reacted, "Turning to violence so quickly? Well, she must be _really_ important to you, but you would never actually hurt me. You don't have the guts."

"More important than anything in the universe." His fingers tightened. "Which is why you don't have many chances left."

"Go on then, do it. Prove me wrong." She smirked.

River was clawing at the metal hands at her neck, her feet lifted off the ground. He pressed harder against Missy's neck. He would do anything to keep River safe.

Missy finally signaled for them to let River go and she collapsed onto the floor, gasping for breath, her whole body shaking. The Doctor released Missy, running over to his wife. "River, River are you okay?" She shook her head, trying to catch her breath, dark purple bruises forming where she had been held. "Oh god, River." He panicked, pulling her into his arms. "...Just breathe."

"That's right, Doctor. Tend to your pet." Missy teased, rubbing her own neck.

"My _wife_." He hissed at her. His hate for Missy grew and he held River tighter, not wanting to let her near her again.

"Mmm, pity." Missy walked closer to them again, "Of all the women in the universe, you chose this one. What makes her so special?"

River stayed close to him, shaking and her heart pounding in her chest. "More than you would know." He said bitterly, not willing to give away anything about River that she could use against them.

River wrapped her arms around her middle, feeling like she needed to protect the baby as she clung to the Doctor, terrified that something was going to happen. "What are you doing here, anyways? What does Earth have anything to do with you?"

"Well, Doctor. I've been looking for you." She smiled, wrapping her arms around him and squeezing his body against hers, "I've missed you."

He squirmed uncomfortably, but didn't try to get out of her grasp. If she was focused on him, she wouldn't be trying to hurt River. "Well, you've found me, but don't expect me to go skipping off into the sunset with you after what you did."

Her smiled quickly snapped to a frown, "Why not? I let her go, didn't I? I don't think you understand how easy it would be for me to kill your precious pet." She seemed to be enjoying dangling River's safety in front of him, "I mean look around you, Doctor. It's two against, well… I don't think we need to count to get the idea."

"I don't think you understand what position you put yourself in when you threaten the person that I love." He silently thanked the TARDIS for keeping his children away from Missy.

Her eyes narrowed just slightly, one eyebrow raised, "Is that a threat, Doctor?"

"I believe it was." He could only think of one other person in the universe who he wanted to hurt this badly for laying a hand on River and that woman was dead.  

"Maybe you and I should have some alone time, without this one." She twirled one of River's curls around her finger, tugging and then once again signaling for the Cybermen who quickly approached them again.

River's grip tightened on the Doctor, not wanting to leave him alone with Missy or be taken again. He refused to let go of her. "No! You're not touching her again!" The only place he'd rather River be, was in the TARDIS, safe from all of this.

"I won't hurt her if you cooperate." Missy smirked, "You can't get so attached to your play things, Doctor. Didn't your mummy ever teach you that you have to share?"

The Cybermen were wrenching them apart before he could protest that she wasn't a 'play thing.' "River!"

"No! No!" River tried to fight back, trying to get back to her husband.

Missy rolled her eyes, not at all impressed by the whole display, "Just knock her out." Obeying, one of the silver men raised their arm and shot River with a tranquilizer. Within minutes, River's eyes fluttered shut and her whole body went limp. 


	76. Hello, Old Friend Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Missy tries her best to tear the Doctor's family out of his grip and take him for herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a delayed opening today, so here's an update. Remember to leave a comment below and enjoy!

CH 76

 

"Now we can talk, just you and I." Missy smiled, linking her arm with the Doctor. He stared at River's limp form, willing her to wake up. He fixed Missy with an icy glare, but knew he had to cooperate if he wanted to keep River safe. "Oh, Doctor. You don't know how long I've waited to find you. I've been working very hard to prepare something extra special for you."

"What?" He didn't bother to to hide the anger in his tone.

"It's a surprise, I can't tell you yet." She touched a finger to his nose, "Don't be a grump, she'll wake up… eventually. For now, you have me." She glanced back at River, "Besides, playing house was never your style. What's next, babies?" She smirked, finding herself rather humorous.

He decided not to mention the two Timelord children resting inside the safety of the TARDIS or the one in River's womb. He wanted to at least be able to keep them safe from his old friend since he wasn't doing a very good job of protecting his wife at the moment. "We've been trying for a month now." He lied, thinking he could tick her off a little.

Her amused smile quickly left her, "You've been what?"

"Trying." He repeated. "For a _baby._ We've been together for centuries, it was about time for kids, don't you think?" He casually added the question at the end.

"No! Don't be ridiculous, Doctor. You could never have a child with a human." She quickly reasoned, though she was glaring at River now.

"And what makes you so sure about that?" He kept his cool, also concluding to keep River's race a secret.

"Because the DNA isn't compatible, so it would never work. She'd have to have Time Lord DNA."

He raised an eyebrow as if making fun of her. "Your head's gotten denser since the last time we met. When I said centuries I didn't mean from my point of few, I meant from both of ours." He paused, letting her try to put it together in her head.

The pieces started to fit together in her head, "What have you done?" She went over to River, putting her head on her chest and hearing both heart beats. She composed herself, her smile turning sickeningly sweet, "I don't like the way you've played our little game, Doctor. There are only supposed to be two Time Lords left, you and I. And, well I'm afraid this...abomination is going to have to go."

His blood ran cold, his eyes narrowing. "You aren't going anywhere near my wife." He moved towards her, ready to attack if she tried to hurt River again.

She stepped closer to him, her face just barely touching his, "And who's going to stop me, you? I don't think so."

"Please..." He pleaded softly, his hard shell beginning to crack. He wasn't as fierce or violent as he tried to be to keep his family safe. "I'll do anything, but please don't hurt her again."

"Really? Anything?" She leaned in a bit closer to him.

It was hardly something he needed to think about. He would give up everything to make sure River was safe. "...Anything" He swallowed.

"Well, Doctor, I want my friend back. I want you to come with me." She pulled him against her, going to give him a nice, long kiss.

He flailed his arms before he could push her away. "What ever you considered us before, know that we are not family and we are certainly _not_ friends."

"Yes, we are." She smiled, kissing his nose, she walked back towards River, trailing a finger down to her abdomen, "It's a shame you'll never get those babies now."

"Our possible children are none of your business." He glared. How far away was she planning to take him?  

At this point, River was starting to wake up, the tranquilizer dosage hadn't been strong enough to keep her out for long. The Doctor looked at her sorrowfully, wondering if it was the last time he would see her. "If I go with you, you'll let her go? You'll let her go back to the TARDIS? " He had to make sure that Missy's side of the deal was kept.

"And let her have the TARDIS? I don't think so. Let's make another deal, I'll give you a few weeks to get rid of her, and I'll finish my surprise for you, then we'll meet back here. We'll be together, in the TARDIS, yes?" She held out her hand.

"No." He growled. To protect his family he would go with her, but force them from their home, never. "I'm not kicking my family out of their home."

"Doctor?" River murmured, eyes slowly opening

"Riv..." He took a few steps towards her, almost afraid that something bad would happen if he touched her.

She slid out of th Cybermens arms, looking terrified, "What's going on?"

He dared to go close to her and wrap his arms around her. "I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry..."

She glanced up at Missy, then back to the Doctor, "Why? What’s happening?"

Missy laughed maniacally, "Haven't you heard? Your owner's found a new toy, wouldn't want him getting bored now would we?"

"What?" She breathed, holding him tighter.

"River," He whispered. "I can't let you get hurt again." Seeing her choked by the Cybermen was too much to bear a second time. "Please, just take the girls and run. Get as far away from Missy as you can. I'm not risking losing any of you."

"No. No, you can't leave us, you can't leave _me_." She whispered back, clutching onto his shirt, "You can't leave us, you have to stay."

"River, you don't understand. She'll kill you if I don't go with her... I'll find a way back to you. I always do." He bit back the lump in his throat.

"But I can't lose you." She blinked back tears, "I don't want to go a single day without you."

"You need to protect our children. I'm sorry, this is the only way. I'm sorry." He repeated, wanting to stay just as much as she did.

River whirled around, turning on Missy, "You can't take him."

Missy examined her nails. "And what are you going to do about it?"

"You don't want to know what I'd do." She growled, stepping closer to her.

"Well I do, you see. Because you know what? You can't do anything!" She bopped River on the nose and laughed again.

She grabbed her wrist, twisting it roughly, "I wouldn't be so sure of that."

Missy's tone became a tad more serious. "I've got your silly little blue box surrounded by the most deadly machine ever created. You think you can stop all that? I'd love to see you try, but I've got a bit of a schedule to keep."

River’s grip only tightened, yanking her closer, "I don't care about you're stupid schedule. You're. Not. Taking. Him."

"You really must learn to control your pet's, Doctor." Missy waved her arm and the Cybermen approached River as well as the Doctor. "I'm getting quite sick of listening to this one babble." She turned, eyeing the TARDIS.

River ran back to the Doctor, wrapping her arms tightly around him as tightly as she possibly could.

"Would any of you happen to have the key to this thing?" Missy asked, running her hands along the wooden blue door. A Cyberman grabbed River's shoulder. She sucked in a sharp breath, her grip tightening, refusing to leave him and ignoring Missy.

The TARDIS droned angrily as Missy tried to open the doors, tapping on the wood when she found them locked. The Cyberman grabbed River's other shoulder.

"Please, River. Just run. I'll see you again, but I'm begging you, take the TARDIS and run." The Doctor wasn't sure it that was entirely true.

"No, no, no, no. I'm not leaving you. I'm not letting her take you." She whispered, burying her face into his chest to hide the fact that she was starting to cry. His heart sank to see her like this, and he yanked her away from the Cybermen.

He knew she wouldn't give in unless she was dead and he'd really rather her not be. There must have been a way for him to protect her life without having to let Missy tear them apart. He kissed the top of her head. "Stay close to me." She nodded, quickly drying her eyes and holding him tightly.

"Oi, stop trying to get into my TARDIS!" The Doctor ordered, trying to get her attention.

Missy turned, one eyebrow raised, "Why? Hiding something?"

"No..." He quickly changed the subject. "I'm not going with you."

She stared at him for a moment before breaking out into laughter, "What are you talking about? We have a deal, remember?"

"Well the deal's off. I'm not letting you take me away from my family. She's all I have in this universe." Besides the girls that was, but he didn't say that part out loud.

"No, Doctor that is where you're wrong! **_I_** am the only thing you have left! We are the last of our kind." She glared at him.

"You should be dead. You _were_ dead, so I moved on. It took me a long time to get where I am now. It took me a long time to find someone I love as much as River and I'm not about to let you screw that up!"

"But I'm not dead, I'm here. I'm alive. You can leave her behind." She stepped closer to him, fixing his bow tie. "I'm home, sweetie."

That word belonged to River and hearing it from Missy’s lips felt completely wrong. He pushed her hands away. "I can't leave her, I won't leave her." He said sternly. "You aren't welcome here."

"But you don't have a choice, or else, I'll kill her."

"No you won't." He bit his lip. "Because if she dies... you'll have to kill me, too."

She laughed, "What makes you think that plan would work?"

He glared. "My love for River is a promise, not one that I'll ever break. If she goes, I go, too." Repeated himself, his tone full of anger.

Missy's eyes narrowed once again, "That isn't an option. I have no intentions of killing you, and so unless you plan on finishing yourself off, you'll be stuck here without her."

He clutched Rive's hand tighter. "Maybe I will do it myself."

Missy circled them, "You know, when I kill her, she won't be lost forever. I'll turn her into one of these." She knocked on the arm of one of the Cybermen, "She'll still be around. I'll even let you keep her as your, personal servant."

"If you think there's even a remote chance that I'll let you do that to her, you are absolutely wrong." He glanced at the TARDIS, wondering if her could bolt for it. He wanted nothing to do with Missy and he wanted River far away from the danger she posed.

She laughed, "Oh, Doctor. You'll never get anywhere if you go by what people 'let' you do. You have to do things by force." She lunged for River.

The Doctor pushed River behind him, trying to block Missy the best he could. He knew River was a better fighter than him but that didn't stop him from risking himself for her. Missy hissed with anger when she got fistfuls of the Doctor's shirt instead, trying to push past him and get to River. He pushed against her with equal force, adrenaline pumping. "You. Will. Not. Touch. Her."

"Oh, Mr Bossy now." Missy teased, hands on her hips, "I like this side of you."

He rather didn't like this side of himself as it generally only came out when he was being threatened. "Trust me, you won't like this side for much longer."

At that moment, River made a break for the TARDIS, grabbing the Doctor's hand and pulling him with her. It took the Doctor a second to realize what she was doing but once he did his feet carried him like a bullet. It felt like we was running yards, even though it couldn't have been more than a meter or two to those blue doors.

River collapsed through the TARDIS doors, running towards the console to get them as far away as possible. "Wait, River... we can't just leave. I mean, there's an army of Cybermen being lead by a madwoman. Who knows what she's going to do!" He panicked. He wanted to just get out of here but it felt wrong to leave Earth with such a dangerous person walking the streets.

"Well, what do you want me to do, Doctor!" She cried, turning to look at him, "The girls are in here! The baby!"

The two parts of him still tugged at each other. "Then stay here. She won't be able to hurt me if you're all safe in here. She'll have nothing to threaten me with. Please, River. I can't lose any of you but I can't let Earth be under her control.”

"But she's going to take you away from me." She whispered, holding onto him tightly, "You can't go out there or she'll take you."

"She won't take me, River. I promise. I'll always find my way back to you." He held her, returning the embrace with as much passion as she was giving. He glanced at the silver band on his finger then the golden one on hers, an idea forming in his head.

She let out a tiny cry, holding him close, "Please, don't go."

"River, look at me." He tilted her chin up. "As long as I'm wearing this," He showed her his ring. "you'll always be able to find me."

She shook her head, that wasn't good enough for her. "You can't go. Not even for a second. Please, for me. Please don't go. What about the girls? What about the baby? You can't leave us. I don't want to have to find you, I want you to be here with me."  

There was no good out come in this situation. "We don't have much of a choice. I'm sorry, I really am, but I have to stop her." Each word stung his mouth as he spoke them, feeling almost like he was betraying her.

"Don't leave me. Don't you dare leave me, not again." She breathed, tears welling up in her eyes. He held his breath, squeezing her tighter. He knew he would have to leave eventually, but he could stay with her in this moment. She held onto him like a lifeline, willing him not to leave her.

"I'll come back." He murmured. "I'll come back to you."

"Don't leave." She repeated for the millionth time, "Don't you dare."

He sighed. There seemed to be no way to assure her that things would be okay. He leaned his head down, his lips caressing hers softly. She kissed him back, a tear rolling down her cheek. "It'll be okay, love." He whispered.

"I love you." She whispered back, pressing her face into his chest. He held her tightly against him, hands tangling in her hair.

"I love you, too. Always." She was trembling, the knowledge that her husband would be taken from her as soon as he stepped out of their home, mounting stress and terror on her.

His hands were linked in hers when he finally pulled away from her, his eyes a bit watery. She squeezed his hands tightly, wanting to pull him back to her. He lingered one last kiss on her forehead before turning to the door, his fists clenched. "Protect the girls... I'll be back soon."

"Please..." She begged, blinking back tears, "You don't have to go."

"I do." He breathed. "I have to stop her. No one else can." He stepped towards the door.

"Can't you be selfish this once." She tried to brush away the tears that fell, "Please, I can't lose you."

"I promise you're not going to lose me." He looked back at her. "I am being selfish, I'm make you stay here." Half of this was to protect her.

"Then be a bit _more_ selfish! Can't you just stay with me and let Earth defend itself? Just this once..."

"Earth can't... not against Missy. Not against the only Timelord who's madder than I am and god knows how many Cybermen she has." He squeezed his eyes shut, knowing she would win him over if he didn't go now. "Stay here. Stay safe. I'll come back."

She could feel her hearts breaking, shattering into millions of tiny fragments in her chest. She tried to run out after him, to beg him not to go. He shut the doors tightly behind him before she could, praying she'd stay were Missy couldn't get her. If he'd had the time he would've slapped himself senseless for doing this to River, but the part of him that wasn't full of regret and apology told him that this was the only way he could protect his family as well as the planet.

"No!" She cried, using all of her strength to try and open the door, "No! No! No! Let me out! No!" She kicked and hit the doors, but the TARDIS refused to open them for her. River was practically sobbing on the other side of the door, her knees giving out beneath her and falling to the floor, still slamming her palm against the wood.

(x)

"Mm...Mummy?" Came a sleepy murmurer from the top of the console stairs.

River froze when she heard the little voice, taking a minute to gather herself together and wipe away the tears as best she could before getting up, turning around and walking over to the console stairs, kneeling down in front of her little daughter, 'What is it, my love?" She had been sitting in front of the door for what felt like hours, but it had really only been a few minutes.

"You an' daddy were being loud. It woke me up..." She rubbed her eye and glanced around. "Where is daddy?"

"He...he went out for a walk." She whispered, wrapping her arms around her and kissing the top of her head, 'It's alright. I want you to go back to bed, okay?"

"Mumma..." She looked up at her mother. "Have you been crying?"

"I'm just a little upset, sweetheart. Please, please go back to bed." She begged.

"Why are you upset?" Freya pressed.

"Daddy and I had a little argument." She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, "Come on, love, bed time."

She reached up, taking Rivers hand, still rather confused about her parents. River led her back to her room, lifting her back into the bed and tucking the blankets around her, "Goodnight, my darling. Sweet dreams."

"Mummy, why were you and daddy arguing?"

"It's not important, I don't want you to worry about it." She kissed her forehead, then both of her cheeks. "I love you."

Freya concluded to herself that she'd ask again in the morning when she wasn't so sleepy. "G'nite, mumma."

"Goodnight." She whispered back, leaving the room and waiting outside the door until she heard quiet snores, signaling the little girl and fallen back to sleep.


	77. Hello, Old Friend Part Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final part of Missy's return.. ish. You'll understand what that means later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy and don't forget to comment please!

CH 77

 

"Enough with the games, Missy." The Doctor growled. "You can't possibly expect me to drop my life for you."

She smiled wildly, "Oh, Doctor. You already have. You just can't resist me."

"I haven't left my wife, I'm protecting her. From you." His animosity grew by the minute.

"Mmm, that's what you think." She walked over to him, pressing a kiss to his cheek and linking her arm with his. His whole body tensed, his teeth clenching as he tried to pull his arm away from her. "Oh, Doctor, I don't think you understand what you've really done here. You see, you _have_ left your pet, and you left her for me. And you know, when the man you love leaves you for someone else, well… it tends to so violently break a woman's heart." Her malicious smile grew wider, "But that's none of our concern, now is it." She tapped his nose.

His stomach twisted, her word sinking in painfully. Did River really hate him for this, did she think he was leaving her for another woman? The Doctor tried to shake the thought from his head. "River knows I'm here to stop you and only that. I'd never in a billion years even consider loving anyone but her." The words spilled, half involuntarily, from his mouth.

Missy laughed, raising an eyebrow, "What were your last words to her, Doctor? What was the very last thing you said? Was it 'I love you'? Because if it wasn't..." She took his hand, tapping the ring on his finger, "You said your love for her is a promise. And part of that promise is to never leave her, yes? Well, it looks like you've just broken that promise, my dear."

He drew his hand protectively away from her. "But I'm coming back. I'm here to protect her and I'm coming back." He insisted sharply, hating that anyone would question his and River's love. "Just as soon as I stop you," He muttered.

She turned on her heels, walking over to one of the Cybermen and talking something out of his hand, typing something into the device, "You see, that's where you're wrong. You're coming with me." She approached the TARDIS, sticking the device onto the side of it and hitting another button. As soon as she did, the TARDIS began to groan and vanish. "Oops! It looks like your little pet is leaving. Wave goodbye, Doctor." She smiled, waving to the departing TARDIS.

He stared in astonishment, forgetting to hide the fact that River wasn't the only one on that ship. "Where did you send them?!" He panicked, wondering how in the universe she was able to control the TARDIS and if she could, or worse, would destroy it.

"It doesn't really matter, Doctor. You're never going to see them again. And the best part is, your wife is going to think you've left her for me." She pulled him to her, "Oh, this day is going absolutely swimmingly."

He could feel his skin grow hot with rage. He squirmed out of her grasp, grabbed her by the collar, and shook her roughly. "Where did they go?!" He demanded again.

At first she had thought the them meant River and the TARDIS, now she was starting to think otherwise, "Who is they?" She asked.

He refused to answer her question. "Tell. Me. Now." If his family was dead, he would never forgive himself and certainly would never forgive her.

"Not until you tell me who 'they' are, Doctor!" She shot back, pulling another device out of her pocket, "If you don't I'll kill them." It was a clue to him that they weren't dead, yet.

He pressed his lips together, slaying silent for a long moment. There was no way he could know if she was bluffing and no way to know if she'd kill them either way. An impossible situation, but how could he risk his family dying. "My..." He swallowed. "My family... My children..."

Her eyes grew wide and blazing, "Children?! What children? You said you had been trying with that...thing. Do you mean that she's..." She stopped, fingers ghosting along the bright blue button on the device she was holding.

His jaw clenched, fingers hovering over his pocket, wondering if he could get his sonic out fast enough to disable the button before she pressed it. "A mother, yes. To almost three."

"Almost three?" She asked between clenched teeth, seething.

"About six more months, and our little girls will be big sisters." He elaborated, hoping it was enough to throw her off as his hand darted inside his pocket for his screwdriver.

Missy's finger slammed down, but not on the blue button, instead on the orange one beside it. He hesitated a moment, taken back, before sonicing the device from her hands. "What did you do?"

"Oh, just making sure that she thinks you've left her for me. You really can work wonders with perception dust." She smiled.

"Per-perception dust?" His grip on the sonic tightened. He was going to have some heavy apologizing to do when he got out of this, but he couldn't think about that right now. "Do you really think after all you've done I'll go... where ever you're trying to take me?"

"Well of course. You see, you're alone now. You've left your family, you have no ship. Where else will you go?"

He bit his tongue, more than irritated by Missy. She was like the Timelord vision of a thorn in your side, a wall surrounding him and the only way out was to act as her puppet and tell her what she wanted to hear. He took a breath. The only way he was going to stop her and get his family back was to find out her plan and act as though he were on her side. "Fine." He raised his hands. "You caught me. No where else to go and a lovely Timelady on a silver plate. What kind of gentleman would I be if I didn't accompany you?" It took a lot of restraint not to sound as though she'd just ruined his life.

"I knew you'd come around and see things my way." She smiled brightly, bouncing over to him and leaning in for a huge smacking kiss. She didn't notice what appeared to be a vortex manipulator fall out of her pocket when she bounced.

He had to hold his hands behind his back and pretend she was River to keep from repulsing and pushing her away. He tried not to act excited when he saw the device that he knew would help him later. With great regret, he leaned into Missy, dipping into the snog so he could reach the vortex manipulator and pocket it. Missy smiled into their kiss, once again pressing the orange button on the device again.

Neither of them noticed the UNIT soldiers starting to gather.

(x)

Across time, River watched with tears cascading down her cheeks as her husband kissed this other Timelady. The perception dust had completely distorted what had happened earlier, making it look like the Doctor had told Missy he was glad to have finally gotten rid of River to be with her. As the image on the scanner turned black, she sank down to the floor, heart broken, not noticing Madame Vastra in the doorway.

"What is the meaning of this?" Vastra questioned, not bothering to hide her presents.

River jumped, standing up and turning around, quieting her crying. She stared at her friend, trying to come up with some sort of lie, but she couldn't, "He left me." She whispered, the words smashing her hearts all over again.

Her eyebrows knit together, "What do you mean?" The sentence was foreign to her, though she'd seen the last few seconds of the screen, even the notion still seemed impossible.

"He doesn't love me anymore. He wants to be with her now. He doesn't love me." Her knees felt weak and she collapsed to the floor again, sobbing into her hands.

Vastra quietly sat next to her, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Now now. That can't be true now, can it?" She still wasn't aware of the whole situation with Missy.

"It is! I saw him tell her! He doesn't want me anymore." She said in between sniffles and sobs.

Her. It must've been the woman she saw on the screen. Vastra put both of her arms around River in a comforting gesture. "After all you two have been through, he wouldn't just up and leave... there must be a further explanation for this."

River turned her head, crying into her friend’s shoulder, "She's a Timelord, a real, proper Time Lord. They've known each other since they were children, and he thought she was dead, but..." She couldn't finish, "What am I going to do? How am I going to tell the girls? What about the baby? I can't do this alone. I love him so much..."

This confused Vastra even more. She kept replaying the few seconds of the screen she saw in her head, pin pointing all the details. "He still had his ring on..."

She shook her head, "He probably just hadn't taken it off yet. These rings probably don't even mean anything to him." She slid her matching ring off, then proceeded to throw it across the room as hard as she could.

Vastra gasped in shock. "...Why is the other TImelord here?"

"How am I supposed to know?" She snapped, standing up and pacing around the room, her whole body trembling.

"Well... She had a lot of Cybermen with her and that would generally indicate... bad news."

"Well, it's not my problem now! Earth can deal with that." She wrapped her arms around herself, leaning against the console, "I'm done saving the universe."

"That wasn't exactly what I meant..." Vastra stood as well, moving over to her friend. "I've known the Doctor for a long time, and this is not something he would do. Timelords, especially ones with Cyberlegions at their command are extremely dangerous. Goddess knows what she's capable of... My point is, River, what lengths would he go to protect you and your children?"

"If he was really doing that, why didn't he tell me before he left. Why didn't he tell me he was going to do this? Why would he make me watch? I didn't turn on the scanner, it turned on itself."

"You know him. He doesn't know what he's doing half the time and he makes plans up on the spot." She tried reassuring her. It would take more than video footage to make her believe the Doctor would do this to River. "And like I said: She's a Timelord with a Cyberlegion, she's capable of more than we know."

"What if you're wrong." She whispered, she had been so distressed by the footage that she hadn't been able to rationalize it out like Vastra had, "I want him back. I want him to come home."

"He will." She couldn't be sure of this, but her instincts told her the Doctor would be back. She rubbed River's arms. "...You didn't notice the device he picked up?"

River nodded slowly, "I want him back _now_. I won't feel better until I see him again."

"You might feel a little better if you put your ring back on..." Vastra suggested.  

She slowly moved towards where she had thrown her ring, searching around the room until she finally found it. She rolled it over in her hands a few times, then slid it back on her finger.

Vastra smiled softly. "Be patient, dear. He will return with time." River sat down in the jump seat, head in her hands, completely exhausted and still rather distraught. "It's getting late, River. Why don't you rest?"

"I can't." She murmured, looking up at her friend, "Thank you for the comfort, but I don't want to trouble you anymore. You don't have to stay, I can manage on my own."

"It's no trouble." She sat next to River. "You would do the same for me." River nodded, twirling her ring around her finger, determined to stay up until the Doctor were to return. 


	78. Just as Long as I’m with You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River's trust in the Doctor is broken, he must try very hard to earn it back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright-y then. So all of the stuff with Missy in Dark Water/Death In Heaven happened off screen, though with Eleven instead of Twelve. The chapter starts with the Doctor coming home after he whole ordeal. Comments are welcome and wanted. Enjoy!

CH 78

 

The Doctor nearly fell to his knees when he materialized in the console room. He couldn't remember being so utterly exhausted but the feeling was accompanied by relief that the whole ordeal was over.  

River had been up the entire night. She looked up at him from the stairs, her eyes red rimmed with dark circles beneath them, fresh tear tracks on her cheeks from just a little while before when she had broken down again. She stared at him, not saying a word. Vastra stood unsure if she should go. She didn’t want to take sides.

He finally looked up at his wife, his smile only lasting for a moment when he realized all of the horrible images Missy sent her, and from the looks of it River had believed them. He didn’t even notice Vastra was there. He scrambled to his feet, apology bubbling from his mouth. "Oh god, River, I didn't do- She had persecution dust and she was going to blow up the TARDIS- and I really really didn't want to- but she was going to kill- and I couldn't- I had to- and she took it way too far- and dear god she's horrid- and have I mentioned how beautiful you are- I'mreallysorryandIloveyou." He stopped to take a breath, bracing himself for what he assumed would be a lot of yelling.

She wasn't looking at him now, well, at least not at his face. She stared at his hands, a few tears falling down her cheeks again, "Where's your ring?" She whispered.

He glanced down at his hands, a small pale spot where the ring had been earlier that day. "Here." He reached up to the breast pocket of his tweed, pulling out the silver band. "Sh-she wanted me to throw it away, but I could never do such a thing so I hid it." He explained quickly. She sniffled, wiping the tears from her cheeks and burying her head in her hands again. Slipping the ring back on, he took a breath and sat next to her, putting a hand on her arm. "River, please forgive me..." Missy's words echoed in his mind, but this time he managed to slow down his apology. "I know what I did was absolutely terrible and you should go shoot every hat I own for it,  but I didn't mean a word of it. It was to protect Earth and to protect you and our children. Missy's gone now and I promise I'll never, ever leave you like that again."

"I begged you not to go, but you went anyway." She whispered, her voice sounding hurt.

“She was going to destroy the planet. I couldn't just stand by and watch."

"It felt like you were choosing her over me."

He looked at his feet. "I did it to protect you." He repeated. "...and she's gone now. For good."

"Are you sure?" She asked quietly.

He nodded. "She's... dead."  

She stood up, arms wrapped around herself. "Good. I don't ever want to see her again."

"Neither do I." Under different circumstances he might've been more upset that his childhood friend was gone, but after what she'd done he found it no different than when he thought she was dead before.

"Thank you for staying with me, Vastra." She whispered, turning to the other woman. "I really appreciate it."

She nodded, glancing questioningly at the Doctor. "...Would you like me to leave?"

"No, of course I would love for you to stay, but...I think I need to sleep for a bit."

The Doctor fidgeted with his hands, anxious and still seeking his wife's forgiveness. He knew he would have to do more than just say he was sorry but it still stung to have her upset with him like this. River brushed past him, not even sparing him a glance, walking into their bedroom and promptly locking the door.

He sagged against the console, squeezing his eyes shut. "...I really hurt her, didn't I."

Vastra walked over to him, leaning beside him, 'I'm afraid so. I found her sobbing in here after you left. She'll come around, don't worry."

"Oh god..." He scrubbed his hand over his face, giving her a very guilty and shameful look. "I was trying to protect her and all I did was break her hearts."

She pat his arm, "Yes, I know and she knows that too. Right now she's just upset and well...hormonal. She'll forgive you."

"But what if she doesn't, Vastra? What if she hates me forever? What if she thinks I don't love her anymore?" Perhaps he was exaggerating things but he felt like he'd been as horrible as Missy was.

"Doctor, I promise that she won't hate you forever. She's in a bit of a fragile state right now, I'm sure you know that as much as I do. She knows you love her, though a bit of pampering wouldn't hurt to remind her just how special she is to you." She offered him as small smile, rubbing his arm, "You'll get through this, I promise you."

He nodded slowly. "Would covering the hallway in flowers be going overboard?"

She laughed, "I think that would irritate her more than please her, don't you? A simple bouquet will do nicely."

"Right..." He sighed, scratching the back of his head.

She pat his back once more before walking to the door, "You'll get through this."

He smiled weakly. "Thank you, Vastra." As she left, he pulled himself off into the TARDIS corridors to look for flowers to give to River.

(x)

The Doctor tried his best to be silent as he approached the locked door, thinking River as sleeping. With his arms rather full, the earing box somehow managed to fall and clatter to the ground.

River couldn't sleep. She was laying in their big, empty bed alone, tossing and turning, still pretty upset. River shot up in bed, staring wide-eyed at the door when she heard the noise from outside it.

The Doctor held his breath, hoping he hadn't woken River as he set down the bouquet of assorted lilies. He arranged the earing-box so it was open next to the flowers, stepping back to see it the arrangement seemed okay.

She scurried out of bed, tip-toeing over to the door before slowly unlocking it, peering out. He didn't notice her, still looking down at the gifts, "Maybe I should add a card..." He muttered to himself.

She was staring at him, opening the door a bit wider. Her eyes drifted down to where he was looking, her hearts skipping a beat.

"R-River...!" He said, startled. "I... um..." He scratched the back of his neck, a bit nervous that she would lock him out again.

"You what?" She asked quietly, hesitant to step out and touch the flowers.

"I.. I wanted to apologize. Again." He peered at her a little hopefully through his fringe of hair.

She kneeled down to scoop up the flowers and then the earrings, cradling the bouquet in her arms, "These are beautiful." She murmured.

He gave a small smile. "I'm so sorry, River. About... everything."

She swallowed, "I know you are."

He took a step towards her. "And you know I'd never leave you?"

She took the tiniest step back, shoulders tensing. "I-I don't know if that's true, because it's happened in the past."

He swallowed, knowing there was really any justifying for that. "I've always come back to you..."

"But I'm afraid that one day you won't." Her voice shook, she wasn't angry as much as she was scared and sad.

"I've been with you for decades, River. I've made my home in you, so much so that I don't think I could survive without you. I no matter how far I may go, I will always return to you." He reached for her hand.

She dropped everything in her arms, running towards him and wrapping her arms around him, crying quietly, "I'm scared."

The gesture surprised him, but he almost instantly embraced her and held her tightly. "Of what, my love?" He asked softly, half already knowing the answer.

"Of losing you. Of losing my family all over again." She sniffled, burying her face into the crook of his neck.

He weaved his fingers into her curls. He couldn't assure her that there wasn't any danger, but he could damn well do his best to keep them away from it. "We've made it this far. We can make it further."  

She whimpered quietly, squeezing him tighter, "Can we please go to bed?" She whispered.

"Of course, dear." He had a feeling she'd been awake the entire time he was gone, not to mention that he was exhausted from the whole event.

She wrapped an arm around her stomach, as if trying to protect their baby from all the sadness and heartbreak she had been feeling. "Can we get the fetal monitor?" She asked quietly.

"...Do you think something's wrong?" He asked cautiously.

"No, no. I just want to be able to hear the baby's heartbeats." She whispered, wrapping her arm tighter around her middle.

"Oh... alright." He said a bit relieved. "Why don't you lie down? I'll go get it."

She nodded, walking through the doors and curling up in bed. The Doctor followed her into the room a few minutes later, the fetal monitor in his hands. He went to her side, lifting her shirt to put it on her.

"I can do it." She murmured, taking the monitor from him and wrapping it around her middle.

"Right." He drew his hands back slowly, rounding to the other side of the bed and climbing in after taking off his shoes.

River pressed a few buttons, letting out a breath she hadn't realized that she was holding in when the heartbeats became audible. A moment after they started, she began to fiddle with the machine a bit more, trying to amplify the faint sound.

He curled up to her, peering over her shoulder to see what she was doing, smiling faintly when she made the heartbeats louder. She started to relax, sinking further back into him and the bed. She kept a hand on her small bump, closing her eyes to listen to the sound of their child's hearts.

Eyes drooping, he turned his head and kissed her cheek. "Love you." She didn't say anything in return, shifting slightly. He slipped his hands over hers, trying to tell her non verbally that he wasn't going to leave. She sucked in a small breath, her chest feeling tight. His hands felt warm around hers which was a bit comforting, but she was so tired and scared that she shifted her hands away from his slightly.

He bated his breath, not following her hands with his. He knew it would still take some time to regain her trust again and he had the morning to make things up to her more. "...Sweet dreams, love."  

"Goodnight." She whispered, drifting off not to much later.

(x)

Her sleep wasn't exactly a restful one, waking up several times from nightmares and horrible images.

"Mm... Riv." The Doctor mumbled as he felt his wife shifting around for what felt like the tenth time that night.

She was breathing heavily, sweat collected all over her chest and forehead. "I'm sorry." She breathed, biting her lip to keep from getting teary, "I'll go find somewhere else to sleep." She didn't want to keep disturbing him, and carefully slid of out bed.

"Wait." He sat up in bed, becoming more aware of his surroundings. "You don't have to go... please stay."

She paused in the doorway, "I don't want to keep waking you."

"I really don't mind. I'd rather have you here waking me than not have you here at all." In truth, he had difficulty sleeping without her.

After thinking about it for a moment, she crept back to bed, sliding in beside him. He resumed his previous position of having his arms around her, kissing her temple in attempt to sooth her.

"Doctor?" She whispered after almost two hours of silence, checking to see if he was awake.

"Hm?" He replied after a second.

"I can't sleep." She whispered, rolling over so they were face to face.

"Nightmares?" He asked, hand resting on her arm. She nodded, looking up at him with wide but tired eyes. He placed his hands on each side of her head. "Close your eyes."

She pulled back slightly, "Isn't there something else you can do?" She asked quietly, really not wanting him in her head at the moment.

"I was just going to send you some good thoughts... unless you don't want me to."

"Oh...no, that's fine." She whispered, moving back towards him.

He replaced his hands on her temples, smiling as found and gave her some very fond memories. Some involved the girls, a few had her parents, but many were moments shared between the two. After he finished, she nuzzled into his chest, trying to fall asleep again. He grinned, pulling her close.


	79. Somebody Told Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girls find out about their little sibling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a short chapter, but I hope you all enjoy. Leave a comment below please :)

CH 79

 

Though he had already gotten her flowers, the Doctor made many gestures of apology to River over the next week. He made her a big breakfast most days, gave her another pair of earrings,  took care of Freya and Amelia so she could take long baths with lots of bubbles and rose petals, took her to a cave full of shining gems, and even tried to write her something like a poem (though it ended up sounding like a children's rhyme and he gave up on it). River loved being treated like this, getting to feel extra special for a little bit. She didn't need extravagant gestures of love and apology to know how much he loved her and how sorry he was, but it didn't mean that she didn't enjoy them.

By the end of the week she was all cuddled up to him again, feeling a bit more comfortable and much more trusting. The Timelord family sat in the Doctor's study in front of the lit fire place, the twins enjoying hot cocoa and the adults set with their favorite tea. Amelia was playing out some sort of scene with her Ood toy as her sister drew frivolously in her coloring book.

"You know," The Doctor said, curled up with his wife on the couch. "We still have to introduce the girls to your parents."

River hummed quietly, nuzzling his shoulder, "We also have to tell them about the baby." She whispered.

"Do you want to do that soon?" He had half forgotten the date they’d set to tell them and was a bit indifferent to it now.

She nodded, "Do you think it's too soon?" She asked, her belly had gotten a bit more noticeable over the past week, though she blamed it on all the sweets her husband had been feeding her rather than the baby.  

"Well you still have week or two before you're out of your first trimester..." He pointed out. "And think you said you wanted to wait until then."

"Yes, I know, but I want them to know before they meet my parents and, well...it's getting harder to hide."

"That is true..." He glanced down at the small swell of her stomach that was currently half hiding underneath the blanket they had in their laps.

She took hold of his hand, pulling it into her lap, then against her abdomen, "Should we tell them now?"

"Do you think you're ready to?" He replied. Each day assured him more that this pregnancy would be successful, but until River believed that too, he wasn't so sure that they should be telling others.  

"I think so." She murmured after a minute of thought. As her waistline grew bigger, she felt better about the baby's health and safety.

He smiled gently. "Then let's tell them."

"Girls?" River whispered quietly, giving the Doctor's hand a squeeze beneath the blankets.

The twins paused their activities, turning their heads to their mother. "Yeah?"  

"Your father and I have something to tell you." She smiled, beckoning them over.

Curiously, they climbed up onto the couch, Freya setting in the space next to River and Amelia sitting in the Doctor's lap.  

River wrapped her arm around Freya, pulling her closer, "I know you've been asking for this for a very long time now, and..." She trailed off, restarting, "I'm going to have another baby."

Her eyes widened, excitement filling her tiny body. "Really?" She practically jumped up "I'm gonna be a big sister! I'm gonna be a big sister!"

River beamed, "Be careful, my love! Don't hurt yourself."

Freya hardly heard River. "Is it in your tummy? Can I feel it? How long 'til it get's here? It it gonna look like you guys?"

"Yes, it's in my tummy and you can feel if you'd like, but I don't think much will happen since the baby is still very very small. They'll be here in a little less than six months and it will look like us." She answered her questions one at a time, pulling her close and stroking her hair, trying to calm her down.

The girl squirmed, reaching to pull back the blanket. "You have to be gentle, my darling." River warned, letting her pull back the blanket.

Freya immediately pressed her palm to the bump, completely mesmerized. "When will it move?"

"Not for at least another month, maybe two." She squeezed the Doctor's hand again. His grin had widened.

"But that's so long!" Amelia piped up.

She laughed, "Yes, I know, but we have to be patient. The baby needs time to grow strong, and then it will move."

"How come it doesn't just start out strong?" She questioned.

"Well, because it's very small. The baby starts off as a teeny tiny little thing, smaller than a bit of dust. Then, as time goes on, they get bigger and as they get bigger, they get stronger." River explained.

"Like in the picture." Amelia remembered River showing them pictures of when she was pregnant with them and her belly being much larger than it was now.

She nodded, "Yes, like in the pictures."

"It's gonna work this time, right?"

Her face fell, and she closed her eyes, taking a deep breath, "I hope so."

"But you don't know?" Amelia raised her eyebrow, wanting something a bit more reassuring and solid than hope.

"I can't be sure, sweetie. I wish that we could be, but..." River sighed, rubbing her temples.

She could tell the subject was making River uncomfortable and stressed. "...But there's a good chance it'll work, right?"

She nodded, not speaking. The Doctor squeezed River’s hand as Freya titled her head, not sure why her mother wasn't as excited about a new baby as they were. "We gotta good chance, Mummy. That mean's we're gonna have a little brother real' soon."

"Well, Freya, we don't know if it's a boy. You might get a little sister."

"Yeah, but I want a little brother so you hafta try to make it boy." She insisted.

"I don't get to chose whether it's a boy or a girl." River was feeling pretty stressed now, her shoulders tense.

"Does it get to choose?"

"Well...no, not really. Not when it's born." She explained, trying to roll her shoulders. The Doctor discreetly moved his hand up to massage River's shoulders for her.

"But what about now? Can it choose now?"

"No, love, that's not how it works. Nobody gets to choose, it just sort of happens. Sometimes the baby grows into a boy and sometimes it grows into a girl." She answered which was followed by a soft hum in delight at the feeling of the Doctor  working out her tense shoulders.

"...Oh." Freya pouted a little before moving her head close to the small bump. "I know Mummy said no one decided, but please try to grow into a boy because I already have a sister and I want to see what it's like to have a brother." She whispered.

River swallowed, feeling the pressure to have a boy, though it wasn't her choice. She had a feeling that the girls would be very disappointed if the baby wasn't a boy, and that would devastate her.

Amelia glanced at her sister, not quite agreeing with her. "I think another sister would be okay. I like having a sister so I wouldn't mind having another."

River looked up at her, then leaned forward and wrapped her arms around her, pulling the girl into her lap. She squirmed slightly then settled comfortably. River kissed the top of her head, holding her close. "It's okay to want a brother, but I want you to know that I can't make any promises."

"I'd be happy with a brother or a sister."Amelia grinned.

"I'd rather have a brother..." Freya started, "But I guess a sister would be okay."

Freya's response was still a bit upsetting to River, but she forced a smile, "Good, I'm glad."

"There's still two other people I'd like for them to meet." The Doctor murmured.

She nodded, "Right, of course. Do you want to tell them?"

"Girls, do you remember us telling you about your grandmum and grandad?"

They nodded, "The lady with the red hair and the other man?" Freya asked for confirmation.

"Yes." He nodded. "Them. And I know we said they were.. gone, but we found a way to talk to them."

Amelia's eyes lit up, "You did?"

He nodded. "Auntie Vastra gave us a special candle and it allows us to talk to them.  

"Really?" She got up and bounced around, "Can we talk to them?!"

"Absolutely! They want to meet you very much."

"They want to meet _us_?" She asked, still bouncing up and down.

"Well, you are their grandchildren, of course they do!" He glanced at River.

"This is the best day ever!" Amelia cheered, picking up her Ood and hugging it tightly. River was smiling softly, snuggling closer to the Doctor.

"Shall we?" He asked, shifting to stand up.

She nodded, getting up and then immediately sitting back down.

"...Everything alright?" He turned and looked at her.

She was a bit wide eyed for a moment, taking a moment to respond, "...Yes, yes I think so."

"’Think’? River what is it? What's wrong?" He breathed.

She shook her head, "Nothing, nothing I feel fine."

"If you're sure..." He said uneasily.

"Yes, I'm sure." She said, standing up, stumbling a bit, "Just a bit dizzy."

"Why don't you lie down." He suggested.

"But I want to see my parents." She protested, not wanting to miss out on a minute of the time they were given.

"Hmm. Well you can lie down and rest your body and still talk to them with us."

She thought about it, then nodded slowly. "Fine."

They headed back to their bedroom with the girls, where they had left the candle. River slid onto the bed, fixing the pillows behind her head. "Why don't you girls come up here too."

"How are we gonna talk to them from your bed?" Amelia questioned as both girls climbed up next to their mother.

"Well the candle over there will let us talk to them in our dreams. It’s a very special way of communicating across time and space." River explained, pulling a blanket over them all so they would stay warm.

"But it's real? Not really a dream?" She clarified as the Doctor lit the candle and slipped into bed next to them.

"Yes, exactly. Now, you're going to start to feel sleepy, so just sleep." She murmured soothingly.

They nodded as the smoke drifted towards them, the Doctor reaching for his wife's hand. She took his hand, squeezing it tightly, "Love you." She whispered.

"Love you, too..." He said drowsily. 


	80. Heaven Can Wait For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Gran, guess what? I'm gonna be a big sister!"  
> ...  
> "And Mummy said that it's going to work this time!" Freya butted in, wanting to be part of the conversation with her Gran as well.  
> Amy's eyebrows knit in confusion. "Work? What do you mean ‘work this time’...?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are welcome in any form! Enjoy.

CH 80

 

The next thing The Doctor knew, he was back in the New York cafe with the Ponds smiling at him from across the table, just like he left them. He watched as the rest of his family appeared in a puff of smoke one by one.

Freya appeared first, then Amelia and finally River. River beamed, turning to her parents, "Amelia and Freya, these are your grandparents."

Amelia got out of her chair, rounding the table to approach the woman with flaming hair. "...You're the lady I'm named after."

"Yes, I am. So that means you must be Amelia." Amy smiled, leaning down to talk to the little girl.

"Your hair is different than mummy's hair." She observed, warming up to Amy. "You you don't have curly hair and grandad doesn't either then why is mumma's hair like that?" She knew that children were supposed to look like their parents.

"Well… your mummy is very special and so she has beautiful curly yellow hair. She gave you your pretty curly hair so you must be special too." She smiled, not going into the whole story of River's regeneration.

Amelia beamed at her grandmother, quite liking her. She climbed up and settled on her lap. "Gran, guess what? I'm gonna be a big sister!"

Amy beamed, "Yes, I heard. That's wonderful news!"

"It's gonna be great! I'll share all my toys and we can play dress up together!"

"And Mummy said that it's going to work this time!" Freya butted in, wanting to be part of the conversation with her Gran as well.

Amy's eyebrows knit in confusion. "Work? What do you mean ‘work this time’...?" Rory asked, looking up at his daughter.

River's face was completely drained of color. She opened her mouth the answer, but couldn't manage the words.

"Last time Mummy's baby died because he was sick and so we had to burn him after he was born but this time it's going to work and we're going to get a new baby!" Freya explained for her mother.

The Doctor reached for River's hand under the table as the Pond's eyes widened. "D-died?"

River was trying to hide the fact that she wanted to just burst into tears or melt away as she took the Doctor's hand, clutching it in hers.

"He died when he was born so Mummy never got to meet him and I never got to meet him either." Freya nodded, babbling on like any innocent four-year old would.

Both of Amy and Rory were searching River's face at this point. "I-I'm so sorry..." Amy couldn't imagine what River had gone through.

River squeezed her eyes shut, letting out a small sigh, "I didn't want you to know. I didn't want you to be upset."

"We want to be here for you, River. For everything." They had missed so much of her life already that anything she had to share meant a lot to them.

"But in the future, if you only remember one thing from this conversation...I don't want it to be that." She whispered, feeling like she had let them down.

Rory reached over and put his hand on her arm. "I'm going to remember every bit of this, good and bad." He glanced at his grandchildren, smiling weakly.

She nodded slowly, her nails digging into the skin on the Doctor's hand.

"Mummy, can I have ice cream?" Freya asked.

She hesitated, "Alright, fine but not too much." She thought up a small bowl of ice cream and it appeared with a poof in front of her.

"I want some, too!" Amelia requested, excited by this 'magic ice cream'. River nodded, thinking of some ice cream for her as well. "Thank you, mumma!" Amelia  dug into the frozen treat, oblivious to the tension between the adults.

River just stared at the table in front of her.

"So," Amy began, sensing that River needed to talk about something else. "Are the girls going to be going to primary school soon?"

River nodded, trying to shake off the sad feeling, "Yes, probably next fall they'll start. The Doctor has a friend who's a teacher at the school and she promised to keep an eye on them for us."

"How convenient. Do we know her?" She asked curiously.  

"No, he met her after..." River trailed off, "She's very nice and wonderful with the girls."

Amy shrugged off the mention of when they'd been taken by the angels. "She'd better be good. If she was mean to my gran'kids I'd have to find her and giver a-" She glanced at the girls before she could say anything violent. "...talking to."

River laughed, starting to feel better. "Don't worry, she's wonderful."

"Can't Mummy be our teacher? She used to be a teacher, right?" Amelia asked, looking at her father, still not fond of the idea of leaving her parents for a few hours to go to school.

"Mummy was a different kind of teacher than what your teacher will be. She taught people much older than you about old historical sites and artifacts and things." He explained.

"You stopped working at the university?" Rory raised an eyebrow.

River nodded slowly, "Yes, there was an...incident about a year or so ago and I...well...I just never really went back." She glanced at the girls, not wanting to go into the details, especially with them around, "Though, it would be nice to go back to teaching again."

"Maybe you could start again when the girls start school." Amy suggested, wanting to know about the incident, but knowing better than to ask at the moment.

She nodded, glancing over at the Doctor. "I'd like that, but we'll have to see."

The Doctor gave her an assuring look, showing her that he agreed with Amy's idea. He thought it would be good for her to work again.

"Mumma." Amelia tugged on River's sleeve. "Can we show Gran when we went to the zoo?"

"Of course, I think we have pictures from that day." She thought of her box again, leafing through the pictures once it appeared and handing a small stack to Amelia.

The girl grinned and picked up the pictures. "Look gran! We went to the zoo and there's the mantaphent and there's gastioles and that's the giraffes and that that's a capybara!"  

"Are you sure you wouldn't mind me going back to teaching?" River asked her husband quietly as Amelia showed off the pictures to her grandparents.

"No. I know how much you love teaching and what a privilege the university has to have you as a teacher there. Besides, I can just use the TARDIS to pick you up minutes after you leave if I get too lonely."

"What if I started sooner? Before the girls went to school?"

“Hm." He thought for a moment. " You'll be showing soon... and I would rather you wear a perception filter while you're there."

She nodded slowly, "Of course, but you wouldn't mind?"

"No, not as long as you take things easy." Though he knew this would be good for her, he also wanted to make sure that her pregnancy went smoothly.

She nodded, smiling, "Yes, yes of course I will." She beamed, excited to get to work again.

“And you will take time off in your final trimester?" He asked. She hesitated, then nodded. He squeezed her hand and gave a smile which she returned as Freya wandered over to the Doctor, scrambling into his lap and yawning. "Tired already, dear?" He teased his daughter, grinning up at the Ponds.

She nodded, sucking on her thumb. "Well, Ponds, I think we ought to get these two to bed."

They nodded in understanding, “We'll see you two again soon?"

"It should only feel like a few minutes for you, but yes. Very soon." River scooped up Amelia, kissing her cheeks, "See you in a bit." She smiled to her parents.

They waved to their family, Rory taking a sip of his coffee as the four began to fade.

-

"Daddy?" Amelia murmured as she began to wake up.

"Yes, lovie?" He stretched his limbs, looking at her.  

"Can you _and_ Mummy be my teacher? Mummy can do the teaching stuff and then you can do the fun stuff."

"I'm sorry, dear, she can't. I told you, she's not the same kind of teacher you need and she'll have her own students again very soon. But she can help you if you get any homework."

She pouted, crossing her arms, "But I don't want to go to school without you."

"You'll have your sister and Auntie Clara with you." He told her. "And it'll only be for a little bit, then you'll come right home."

Her lower lip trembled, but she nodded, wriggling out of the bed and going to her room. He sighed, looking at his wife. "Do you think she'll come 'round?"

River sighed, rubbing her temples, "I hope so."

"Freya, go find your sister and get ready for bed." Freya nodded, going off to her room.

The Doctor scooted closer to River, rubbing her shoulders. She sighed again, leaning back and resting her head against his shoulder. "Everything alright, love?"  

"Yes, of course. Everything's fine." She smiled, brushing her lips against his cheek.

"Are you tired, too?" He questioned softly.

She hummed, "A bit. I'm getting old, the baby's waring me out already."

He kissed her cheek. "I still think you're beautiful."

She giggled, "I love you."

"I love you, too. My River Song, you are the most beautiful thing in the universe."

"Oh, shut up." She laughed, hitting his arm.

"Not a chance." He grinned.

She nuzzled his nose, turning and kissing him deeply. "Then I'll make you." She purred.

His face went flush. "But River... the girls will be back any minute." They often got ready for bed without their help, but came back to them, requesting a book or a song.

She pouted, pushing him down and crawling on top of him, "But, sweetie..." She breathed, nipping at his lip.

For a moment he lost himself, his hands wandering along the fabric covering her skin. "...After we put the girls to bed, River."

"How about you put them to bed and I'll get ready, yeah?" She breathed, leaning back but only so she was a few inches away from him.

He nodded, not quite able to form words. "I'll be back before you know it."

She pressed one last kiss to his lips, "Take your time." She murmured, letting him up.

He clumsily scrambled to the girls' room, wanting to get back to her as soon as he could.

Freya was jumping up and down on her bed, singing a song from the movie they had watched earlier while Amelia was under her covers with a flashlight, looking at her photobook.

"Settle down, Freya!" He tried to get her to stop jumping. "It's time for bed, now. And that means books away, Amelia."

"We don't wanna go to bed! We wanna stay up all night!" Freya cheered, jumping from her bed to Amelia's.

"Not tonight, sweetheart. You have to go to bed. Don't you want me to sing you a special song?" He tried bribing.

"No! I want a story!" She stopped bouncing, jumping off of Amelia's bed and going back to her own, "Can you tell us a story?"

"Only in you promise to go to bed afterwards." He was slightly disappointed, knowing he wasn't going to get back to River as soon as he's hoped.

She pouted, "Fine."

"Would you like me to tell you a story or would you like one from the shelf?"

"From the shelf!" She chirped.

"Let's see, we've got Winnie the Pooh, Three Little Daleks, Caspar and the Mighty Dragon..." He listed.

"The longest one!" Freya demanded, still bouncing on her bed.

He hoped River wouldn't be asleep when he got back. He pulled out the fourth book of Harry Potter. "I'll read you two chapters, but then it's lights out, yeah?"

"Three chapters! Pleaseeee?" She gave him her best puppy-dog eyes.

"I don't know, Freya. I'm very tired tonight..."

She stuck out her lower lip, "Pleaseeeeee?" She repeated.

He sighed. "We'll see how sleepy you are after two and if you're still awake, then I'll read three. How does that sound?"

She huffed, "Fine."

He sat down on the floor, leaning against Freya's bed. "Alright then." He opened up the book and started reading. Both girls were basically asleep before he even finished one chapter and were out cold by the middle of the second.

He stopped in just before the end of the second chapter, realizing his daughters were asleep. Tucking the book back in to the shelf, he kissed them both on the forehead and turned out the light. "Sweet dreams, girls." 


	81. You’ve Got That Face On Agian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River and the Doctor talk about how they want the birth to go and decide it's time to tell some friend their news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically smut and fluff. Enjoy and comment please!

CH 81

 

River was waiting for the Doctor in their bathroom, the lights dimmed low, candles around the bath full of bubbles and two full champagne glasses sitting on the rim of the tub. She was sitting on the counter in her silk robe, fixing her hair. She sighed, picking up one of the champagne glasses and taking a long sip.

"River, stop! Don't drink that!" The Doctor had come to the doorway just as she picked up the glass. "Unless it's ginger ale..." He scratched the back of his head.

She jumped, nearly dropping the flute, "It's sparkling cider, sweetie. There's no alcohol in it. Do you really think I'm that irresponsible?" She raised an eyebrow, setting her glass down on the counter.

"No, I don't." He said quickly. "Sorry, just checking... you can never be too careful..." He tried to cover up and changed the subject. "This all looks very lovely," He glanced around the scene of the room, eyes landing on her again. "...But not as lovely as you."

She smiled, hopping off the counted and wrapping her arms around his neck, pressing her body against his, "I thought you might like to take a bath first, unless you want to do something else and save the bath for later." She hinted.

He closed the distance between their lips, kissing her gently at first, then more passionately until both their faces were flush. "Well, there is something I was thinking about doing..." He hummed and tugged lightly at her silk robe. ",that might involve a little less covering."

She smiled, "Oh, really? It sounds like fun." She let him tug on her robe, looking up at him through long eyelashes.

He pushed the fabric from her shoulders and brought his head down to kiss the bare skin. Her eyes fluttered shut, letting her robe pool around her feet. She tugged at his collar, her breathing already growing heavier.

He slipped off his bow tie and moved his fingers to help her unbutton his shirt, still pressing kisses to her skin and moving to her neck. Her hands roamed around his chest, her hands going to his trousers.

His desire for her was becoming more obvious as his trousers were feeling tighter around his waist. He shrugged off his open shirt, walking River back until she was pressed between him and the sink counter. She smirked when she felt the bulge in his trousers, trailing her fingers along it lightly.

"Mm, Riv..." He murmured her name in her ear, hoisting her so she was sitting on the counter, legs on either side of his hips. He trailed his hands along her curves, cupping her sensitive breasts. A breathy moan left her mouth, biting her lip.

His hands only left her skin to unbuckle his belt and push down his trousers, returning to caressing her. She whimpered, squeezing his hips between her thighs and pulling down his boxers, lips moving to his chest. "Such eagerness, professor Song." He grinned, head leaning back.

"It's your bloody fault." She breathed, teeth lightly scraping his collar.

"How so?" He hummed, enjoying the sensation.

"You got me pregnant." She murmured, sucking lightly at the pulse points on his neck, "And now every inch of my body is hypersensitive and it's your fault. Plus, you're so bloody attractive it drives me mad."

"I could say the same about you." He teased. "Hypersensitive, you say?" He said as if he didn't already know. "So if I do this..." He slipped his hand between her legs, rubbing softly at her clit. "It feels extra good?"

She moaned, hands tightening on his arms, "Y-Yes."

"And what about this?" He bent his head and sucked one of her nipples into his mouth.

She cried out this time, nodding and she gripped him tighter, her head rolling back. "Hush, dear." He whispered against her skin. "You'll wake the children."

"And it'll be your fault if I do." She breathed, rolling her hips towards his hand.

He chuckled, giving her a little more friction. "Everything's my fault today then? Though I suppose I do have to take responsibility for this." He pushed his finger harder against her, circling her entrance.

She moaned louder this time, the sound echoing off the walls. "Y-Yes everything's your fault today." She jerked her hips towards him again, rather impatient, "P-Please don't t-tease me."

"Oh but it's ever so fun, love." He said, though obliged and slipped his fingers into her.

"You're being mean to me and while I'm c-carrying your baby. That's not very nice a-at all." She said between kisses wrapping her legs around his waist.

"I'm not being _that_ mean." He teased again, bringing his fingers up to his mouth and licking her juices off them. He finally pulled her hips close to his, pushing his length inside her. "Besides," His lips where next to her ear. "I'm fairly sure you're enjoying this."

She nodded, kissing him deeply, moaning into his mouth. His hips pulled away and pushed into her again as he started to move in rhythm with her. Their kisses where heavier and more passionate as he became lost in her. Her nails dragged down his back, leaving red scratches in their wake. She whimpered and moaned against his lips, her hips moving with his.

Moments like these he appropriated the universe for giving him. Moments that he could worship her, with as much love in their actions as there was desire and lust. He was aware of every little detail in their moments, from the thin sheen of sweat gathering on her skin to the way her body arched to his in the slightest way.

She looked up at him, unable to keep herself from giggling. He looked at her. "Is my face that funny?"

She smiled, "No, it's just....how do you always look so wonderful?"

"Maybe it's because I'm looking at something that's wonderful."

She giggled again, "Don't be ridiculous."

"I'm being serious. You are absolutely, 110% wonderful." He told her, feeling the pleasure building.

"Just shut up and kiss me you handsome devil." She moaned, grinding into him.

Their mouths crashed together again, tongues dancing and fingers tangling in hair. Another few thrusts and she was on the brink, her thighs trembling, “Doctor..." She whimpered. He was starting to loose his pace, his hips jerking to hers as his release grew close.

She came with a loud moan of his name, her walls tightening around him and her thighs trembling around his hips. He followed moments after her, his hand gripping her hips tightly as his movements slowed to a stop. He pressed his forehead against hers, still panting. She pressed her lips gently against his, her eyes shining as she looked up at him.

"Love you." He murmured with a smile.

"Love you, too." She breathed, kissing his nose.

He hummed. "I hope the water hasn't gotten cold."

"The TARDIS probably kept it warm for us." She hummed, starting to move off the counter.

He stepped into the large tub, letting the warm water wash away the sweat he'd worked up. She took her champagne glass and slipped in beside him, immediately curling up against his body.

They stayed in the bath long past the point of their fingers looking like raisins, laughing, talking, and enjoying themselves among other pleasurable activities.  

River was straddling her husband's hips, her arms wrapped around his neck. She was giggling, her face flushed, "We should probably get out now."

His arms wrapped around her, squeezed her a bit tighter. "But I like it in here with you."

She rest her head agains this chest, "Okay, then we can stay." She whispered.

"I might fall asleep in here." He said,resting his head on top of her damp curls.

She hummed, nuzzling his collar, "Then I'll have to carry you back to bed."

"I wouldn't want to make you do that." He pressed a kiss to her head. "I suppose I can gather enough strength to make it to our bed." He teased.

She hummed, "I suppose you'll want me to get off of you then." She made no effort to move, comfortable where she was.

"Or _I_ could just carry _you_."

"I don't want to make you do that." She echoed his words, "Besides, I'm too heavy."

"You are not." He insisted.

"I am too. If you haven't noticed, I've gained some weight."

“Yeah, but not that much. And it's only because there's a little person in there." He prodded softly at her very small bump.

She smiled, running her hand along her slightly swollen abdomen, "Mmm."

"Baby's getting bigger." He noted with a grin.

"You could barely tell anything was there when I first told you, now it's more visible." She murmured, smiling proudly. She felt better and better the bigger she got, knowing that their child was getting bigger and healthier and stronger.

He glanced around the tub for a moment. "Freya and Amelia where born in the water..." He said absentmindedly, wondering if River wanted this one to be, too.

She hummed softly, kissing his shoulder, "Yes, they were."

"How do you think we should do it with this one? I know the water helped with the pain a bit... Our friends know -well, will know- we could ask to be at one of their houses. Or they could come here if you want them be there." He listed off suggestions.

She hesitated, "I-I don't think I want the water. I want to be able to hear the baby cry right away."

He nodded, agreeing with her reasoning. "And what do you think about having friends? Maybe not Jack, he should probably watch the girls, but Jenny and Vastra maybe?"  

She nodded, "Yes, Vastra and Jenny can be here and Jack can be with the girls."

"I suppose that means we should tell them soon."

She nodded again, "We could call them tonight? Or wait until tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow." He yawned, stretching his arms.

"Bed now?"

“Bed now." He echoed, shifting to stand.

Thoroughly drying off and sneaking a few peeks at his wife as she did the same, he moved back to their bedroom, not bothering to but on night clothes.

"Sleeping naked tonight?" River teased, walking over to her drawers to find something to wear.

He tucked the blankets around him. "To lazy to put on clothes." He joked. "Though if you insist you could grab me a pair of pants."

She smiled, putting on a shirt she had stolen from him a long time ago to wear to bed, "No, I like having you naked." She slipped into bed beside him, cuddling up against his body, "And that means I can keep you warm."

"I'm not complaining." He smiled, wrapping his arms around her again in such away that it almost seemed that he was claiming her for himself.

She hummed, tracing small circles along his chest, "Do you think I'll still be a good teacher?"

"Of course!" He said without hesitation. "Even if it takes you a bit to get back into the swing, you'll still be wonderful at it." She nodded, excited to get to go back, but not outwardly telling him.

"Sweet dreams, love." He murmured, nuzzling his face into her neck.

"Goodnight." She murmured back, drifting off.

 

* * *

 

It was just passed midday when the Doctor remembered that they were going to call Vastra. He was clearing Freya and Amelia's plates from lunch when he suggested that they should visit instead. "You know Riv, I think the girls would like to visit Vastra when we tell her."

"Hmm?" She looked up at him, "Oh, yes, I'm sure they would like that."

"We're gonna see Auntie Vastra?" Freya asked.

River glanced up at the Doctor, "Yes, we are."

Freya looked excitedly at her sister. "Will she take us to the park?"

River bit her lip, feeling pretty exhausted today, "Maybe."

"And we can play dress up!" Amelia added, loving to try on the Victorian clothes Vastra had.

"I don't think Auntie Vastra would appreciate you two going through her things." She pointed out.

"You'll have to ask her yourselves." The Doctor said, walking up next to River, placing one of his hands in the small of her back. "Alright, love? You seem a bit tired."

She put a hand on her forehead, "I'm exhausted."

"Go lie down. We don't have to go right now."

She nodded, too tired to protest and headed towards their room and sinking into their nice, warm, soft bed.

"Mummy?" The girls had followed, the Doctor behind them "I thought we were gonna go see Auntie Vastra."

She looked up, not really surprised to see them, "We are, my lovelies, I just need to rest a bit first. Do you want to take a nap with me?" Amelia crawled up into the bed and snuggled up to River, prompting her sister to do the same.

"I'll make some tea." The Doctor smiled at his little family.

"You don't want to take a nap with us?" River asked, tucking the blankets around both girls.

"I'm not very tired at the moment, love. Unless you really want me to join you."

"You don't have to." She whispered, "I have my girls."

He thought a moment. "I'll join you in a bit. I should call Vastra first, let her know we're coming."

She nodded, closing her eyes, "Okay, take your time."

\---

He walked back into the room about forty minutes later, finding all three fast asleep, Amelia with her thumb in her mouth. He smiled widely at the scene, thinking that Amelia and Freya were going to be the best big sisters in the universe. He gently slid into bed next to them, pulling out a book to read.  

River lifted her head, blinking sleepily up at him, "Doctor?"

He reached his hand over to her. "Yes, love?"  

She yawned, squeezing his land lightly then falling back to sleep. He chuckled softly to himself, eyes lingering on her. If someone had told him that this lovely domesticity would be his life he would probably have laughed in their face. Now, he could imagine things any other way, nor did he want them to be.


	82. Baby, I’m a Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The Doctor turned his head to the blue box, eyebrows furrowed. "That's not suppose to happen..." The TARDIS groaned again, as if trying to get his attention."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTAINT: I'm going away starting kind of now and I won't be back until August 4(ish)! Basically this mean no more updates after this until then, but I promise to mass update when I come back! I hope you all stick around and have amazing summers. I'll see you in 5 weeks <3

CH 82

 

Two hours later, Freya and Amelia were up and bouncing off the walls again. River, however, was still fast asleep.

"Girls," The Doctor quieted. "Your mother is trying to sleep."

"But we want to play!" Freya whined.

"And go see Auntie Vastra!" Amelia chimed in. "Can't you wake Mumma up?"

"She's very tired." He reasoned. "And sleep is really important for her right now."

"But I'm booored." Freya complained, "Pleaseeeee?"

"Am I not entertaining enough, for you?" He teased her.

She pouted, "No, but I want to go see Auntie Vastra and by the time Mummy gets up it will be bed time."

"Well... It has been three hours..." He sighed. "Go put your shoes on. I'll wake mummy."  Both girls squealed with excitement, bouncing off to get their shoes on. He got up and rounded to her side of the bed, shaking her shoulder lightly. "River? Time to wake up, love."

She groaned, rolling over so her back was to him, "Doctor...Shut up."

He drew his hand back to himself. "Dear... it's been nearly three hours and the girls are waiting on you to come to Vastra's." He kept his tone low as not to irritate her further with a loud voice.

She buried her head in her pillow, "Just let me sleep." She groaned.

"Would you like to stay here while we go?" He asked, sitting on the edge on the bed and rubbing her arm.

"If you want." She mumbled, though she wanted to join them, "I feel ill."

"Morning sickness?" He pressed the pack of his hand to her forehead.

She shook her head, turning to look up at him, "Not really."

He grew a bit concerned, not really wanting to leave her if she was sick. "Than what kind of 'ill' do you feel?"

She closed her eyes, "I'm freezing and I feel dizzy even laying down. My stomach feels like it's churning, but it feels different from morning sickness, it's stronger."

"Sounds like a spot of the stomach bug." He brushed her hair from her face, kissing her forehead. "That mean's you've got to stay in bed, River. Can I make you some tea?"

She shook her head, "No, no I'll be fine. You should take the girls to see Vastra."

"And leave you all alone while you're sick? What kind of husband would I be?" He exaggerated. "Besides, I don't want to tell Jenny and Strax about the baby, without you there."

"I don't want to ruin the girls' day." She breathed, taking his hand and squeezing softly.

He sighed. "We'll be back in a few hours. Promise you'll be fine until we get back?"

She nodded, kissing the back of his hand, "Don't tell them about the baby without me."

"Wouldn't dream of it." He stole a quick peck on the lips before going to the girl's room.

Freya practically ran into him as he walked in, "I'm all ready!" He smiled and scooped her up, glancing at his other daughter when was having trouble with her shoelaces.

"Where's Mumma?" Amelia asked, looking up at him, "I need her to help me with my shoes."

"She's not feeling very well. She won't be coming with us, but I can help you." She nodded, hopping over to him so he could help her.

Soon enough they were all ready and out the TARDIS doors. "Auntie Vastra! Auntie Vastra!" The girls chanted as they ran up to her. "Daddy said you might take us to the park!"

"Oh my, the park? Well, I think that's a lovely idea, but I hope you have some warm things to wear." She nodded towards the window which showed that the outside was covered in snow.

"Can we dress up? Please?" The Victorian dresses Vastra had were rather large for them and therefore very warm to wear.

“I suppose, Jenny will help you find something to wear." She looked up at the Doctor.

"Alright, girls. Off you pop to antie Jenny." He shooed them off to go find Jenny.

Vastra waited for the girls to leave before asking, "Where's River?"

"She wasn't feeling very well, so she's resting for now. She should be better in a few days."

"Is everything alright between you two now?"

"I think so." He said confidently. "I've been pampering her all week so I think it's making things better."

She laughed, "I'm sure she's enjoyed it."

"Well," He though to last night with a grin. "From what I can see she has."

"And the baby? How is everything in that sense?" She asked, glancing towards the door to make sure nobody was coming.

"Very well." He said proudly. "Growing at a normal rate, everything where it should be. Ten fingers, ten toes, adorable little nose..." He rambled slightly. "River and I wanted to ask you to be there for the birth. You know, help out a bit, moral support, all of that."

She smiled brightly, "It would be a honor to be there for the two of you and the little baby of course."

He smiled in return. "I knew we count on you, River will be glad to hear. We were going to ask Jack but he's, well, Jack. Better leaving him to watch the girls than to be in the room."

She nodded, understanding, "Yes, the two of them have quite a past."

"Yeah. Putting them in the same room together while she's in labour just didn't seem like the best idea." He laughed. “She’d probably shoot him!”

"Daddy! Daddy! Look at me!" Came Freya's voice as she ran into the room, nearly tripping over her dress.

"Careful, sweetheart." He urged her to slow down. "How pretty! Shall we talk a picture for mummy?"

She nodded excitedly, "And Mia too! Take a picture of Mia!"

He fished around the jumble of things in his pocket for the digital camera. "Is she still changing?"

"I'm coming! Wait for me!" Amelia called, running into the room and crashing into her sister.

"Careful, Amelia, careful!" He told her as well, making sure both girls with stable on their feet. "Now, we're taking a picture for mummy. Pose and say cheese!"

They smiled brightly, "Cheese!" He took the picture with a click. "Would you like one with your aunt?" They nodded and ran over just as the TARDIS gave a loud groan.

The Doctor turned his head to the blue box, eyebrows furrowed. "That's not suppose to happen..." The TARDIS groaned again, as if trying to get his attention. He put he camera in his pocket slowly. "Er, Vastra? You wouldn't mind watching that girls for a bit, would you? I just want to make sure things are okay..."

Vastra nodded, ushering the girls away, "Come on, little ones, let me get my coat and I'll take you to the park."

The Doctor immediately turned, walking into the console room. "...River?" He called.

A soft moan echoed through the hallway back to him. "River!" An alarm seemed to go off in his head and he immediately rushed to to source of the noise.

Another groan echoed through the hallway from their bedroom where River was lying. He burst into their room, somewhat expecting the worst. "River! What's going on, are you okay?!"

She was clutching her middle, as white as a ghost as she shook her head, "I don't know what's happening. Please, please help."

He ran to her side, cupping her cheek. "Don't worry, everything's going to be okay" He tried reassuring her. "When did it start? Are you bleeding?"

There were tears in her eyes as she nodded, pulling back the sheets to show him, "I-I don't know when it started. Right after you left maybe..."

"Okay, just hang in there, River. I'm gonna fix this, it'll be okay." He was partly saying this to comfort himself. "We have to get you to the medbay."

She covered her face with her hands, blinking back tears, "I can't do this again, Doctor. I can't."

"You won't. I promise, I'm gonna make sure this baby stays in you. I'm gonna make sure you're both okay." He put his arms beneath her, picking her up.

She was physically shaking from terror, clutching onto him and turning her head into his chest so she could cry silently. "It's going to be okay. I've got you, River." He repeatedly muttered to her as the made their way to the medbay.

He set her down on the cot, hearts pounding as her reached for the ultrasound. Silent tears rolled down River’s cheeks as she cradled her tiny belly, silently begging that everything end up alright. The Doctor's hands were moving fast to isolate the problem, not stopping when the baby showed up on the screen. He continued tapping at the keys and sifting through different pieces of data he was gathering on her and the baby's current condition.

"Can you pull up the heartbeats?" She asked quietly, not wanting to bother him, but _needed_ into hear the sound in order to feel better.

Though he made no noise of acknowledgement, the sound of the double heartbeat soon filed the room along side the tapping of the keyboard. He was much to focused on the information and putting together a diagnosis to make any words of comfort for River.

Her tears slowed considerably when she heard the noise, feeling a tad bit better. She curled up on the cot, stroking her stomach and watching him through wide, terrified eyes. As his typing came to a stop, he reached his hand for River. His expression wasn't clear of his worry, but it was much softer than before. "It's going to be fine, River."

"Are you sure?" She whispered, clutching his hand tightly.

"Your body is trying to reject the baby." He started to explain. "But it's because last time you were pregnant you became malnourished, dehydrated..." He didn't need to repeat to River what condition she had been in after Kovarain had taken her. "Your body has connected that poor health to pregnancy and thinks that you'll become that way again because of the baby so in turn, treats it as a virus and tries to reject it." He squeezed her hand at her fearful face. "The good news is that I can stop it, River. It's all a matter of reconnecting the dots, so to speak. I'll give you some lidocane to stop this and put you on some more vitamins. Should do the trick."

"Is the baby alright? Did anything happen?" She whispered, refusing to relax until she knew _everything_ was going to be okay.

He nodded. "The heart rate's a little faster than normal, but that'll go back with the treatment. It won't affect the baby."

She nodded, drying her eyes, "Is it big enough to tell the gender yet?"

"Technically that's up to the baby." He teased lightly, getting up to retrieve the lidocane. "But we won't be able to tell if it's a boy or girl until you're about fourteen weeks. You want to find out as soon as we can?"

"I don't know..." She whispered, hands still shaking a bit, "Do you want to?"

He hooked up the IV. "I wouldn't mind either way." He said softly, sitting back down and taking her hand again.  

She nodded slowly, closing her eyes, "Okay."

“‘Okay we should find out as soon as possible' or 'okay lets have it be a surprise'?"

She shrugged, looking back up at him, "Okay, I don't mind either way."

He smiled kindly, leaning down and kissing her lips. "We have plenty of time to decide."

She nodded, letting out a small sigh, "Will you stay with me?"

"Wouldn't dream of leaving, love." He shifted to he was sitting on the edge of the bed and not the chair next to it. "I do expect you to be resting more often. Doctor's orders."

"Am I still allowed to go back to work?" She asked softly, still clutching into his arm like she was terrified.

"Yes. Though no going on digs yet, and try not to stay on your feet all day, yeah?"

She raised an eyebrow, "No digs? Why not?"

"Because it's days away from your family and all you'd be doing is digging around in the sand for old things. What if something happens and I'm not there?" The last time she went on an expedition she had died and he didn't want to risk that again. "I'd rather you wait until you're completely settled back and Luna and preferably not while you're carrying our child."

She understood his reasoning, but her eyes narrowed slightly, "It's not _just_ digging for old things. It's extremely important research."

Even if he thought archaeology was a waste of time, he still tried his best to respect it for River. "I know, I know. You've mentioned that once or twice. We do have a time machine, you know, and you could always just use that for your research."  

She frowned, "Yes, but that would be cheating. I want to build my career and reputation on honest, hard work not by hopping around time to get information the easy way."

"You never were one to take the easy way." He looked at their interlocked hands. "I don't think you should go on digs immediately... but we'll see how things go."

She nodded slowly, "I'll try to avoid them."

He pressed his lips to her hand with a small smile. "Thank you.” S

he nodded, smiling weakly, "But I'm going to start working again in a few days. I can find a job at Luna, get a few lectures ready and then I'm going back."

"What are you going to tell them about the Library? They think you're all dead accept for Mr. Lux."

"Well, I could tell them the truth, or at least a version of the truth. Someone came to save me before the Library was taken over by the Vashta Nerada."

He squeezed her hand and nodded. "I hope they don't berate you too much with questions." She nodded in agreement, pulling his hand to her cheek. "I know I can't promise everything will be fine this time around, but Riv," He met her gaze. "Everything's going to be fine."

She nodded again, kissing his palm, "Do you want to talk to the baby? I know you said that it was too small to hear us when I first told you, and it probably is still too small, but...  it would mean a lot to me."

"Of course, love." He leaned his head close to her middle, placing his hands on both sides of her just above her hips. "Hello, baby. You gave your mummy and daddy quite a scare today. Do us a favour and take your time in there, yeah?"

"I like to think that even though they can't hear you, they know that your there. They can feel your hands there, and maybe the vibrations from your voice." She whispered, watching, "And after the last time, it's so important to me that..." She choked on her words, not able to finish.

He brought one of his hands up to her cheek again. "I will talk to this baby everyday if you need me to. They'll feel loved, I can promise that part."

"Thank you." She whispered, reaching up and wrapping her arms around him, kissing his cheek and holding him tightly, "Thank you."

"I love you." He breathed.

"I love you too." She whispered back.


	83. Ice Ice Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girls decide to have a game to dress up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so Im back finally! Hopefully at least some of you have stayed through my hiatus, and your reward is a mass update! I have ten chapter lined up for you all, so they will all be up ASAP! Enjoy :)

CH 83

 

They stayed like that for what felt like hours, wrapped in each other's arms. The Doctor had begun talking to the baby again when the girls came in to the room with their aunts, looking rather scared that their mother was lying in the medbay again.

River didn't notice the girls come in at first, distracted by the Doctor's words as she traced delicate circles across her abdomen.

"Mummy?" Amelia timidly went up to the bed. "Are you sick again? Is the baby making you sick again?"

Jenny looked a bit confused at the mention of a baby.

"No, no of course not." She lied quickly, reaching down to cup Amelia’s cheek., "We just had to do a little check-up on the baby to make sure everything is working alright. Nothing's wrong, my love.”

"Are you sure? You promise?" Amelia fretted. "’Cause last time you were sick and then the baby got sick too..."

"Yes, I promise, cross my hearts. Everything is fine, Amelia." She assured her, giving the girl a warm smile to go along with it.

This seemed to relax her a bit. She climbed up on the bed. "Auntie Vastra brought us to the park and we saw a bunny!"

"She did? No wonder why you're freezing!" River wrapped her arms around her daughter, rubbing her arms to warm her up, "What did the bunny look like?"

"It was all white and really fluffy!" Freya pipped up, climbing up after her sister for her share of snuggles.

"Was it really? I think you both need to crawl under these blankets for a few minutes, your lips are practically blue!"

"I'm not _that_ cold, mumma." Freya insisted, though pulled the blanket over her anyways.

River smiled, tucking the blankets around Amelia, "I'm only teasing, my sweet."

"Em..." Jenny stepped forwards. "I don't mean to bover you, but did you say baby?"

River looked up at Jenny, her eyes bright, "Yes, I'm pregnant."

Jenny smiled. "Congratulations, ma'am."

"Thank you, Jenny." She looked over at the Doctor, beaming.

His smile was just as wide as hers. "Thanks for watching the girls while we were... busy."

"It was our pleasure." Vastra took Jenny's hand, "We enjoy spending time with your girls, they're quite entertaining."

"Entertaining is a word for them." He chuckled.

"We'll visit soon." She and Jenny turned towards the door, "Come and visit us whenever you'd like."

He nodded, still smiling as they left. Freya and Amelia were telling River about the snowman they built and the other various sculptures they had attempted to make. "And we were gonna make a snow fort but Auntie Vastra said it was time to go home."

"Oh, well, maybe next time. I'll be happy to help the next time." River smiled.

"We can make you the snow queen!" Amelia clapped.

"The Snow Queen? We could do that now if you'd like, I'm sure we could find something in the wardrobe."

"Can we play dress up now?" She asked, wanting to see what her mother looked like in an 'ice queen' dress.

River glanced at the Doctor, making sure it was alright.

"Why don't you girls go ahead an pick out mummy's dress? She'll be with you in a minute."

Both girls nodded excitedly and ran out of the room. The Doctor got to work removing the IV no one had seemed to notice. "I'll give you some vitamins in a bit. Don't let them chase you around, I want you to take it easy for a day or two."

She nodded, kissing his cheek, "I know." She murmured, "Now, won't you come and be my Snow King?"

He grinned. "Right this way, m'lady." She took his arm, walking to the wardrobe room.

"Over here mummy!" Freya had found a row of icy blue dresses the TARDIS had made to fit River, some of them very similar to queen Elsa's dress.

River walked over to her and smiled, "Which one do you want me to wear?" She asked.

"All of them!" The girl said with a grand hand gesture.

She laughed, "How about you pick two or three, yeah?"

Amelia ran over to the Doctor, giving him a crown, "You can be a prince!”

He placed it on his head. "Why not the king? I think king Doctor has a good ring to it."

"Because Snow Queen Elsa isn't married, so you can't be the king. But maybe there's a prince that she likes so you can be the prince!"

It wasn't as good as king, but the Doctor did like the idea of courting River the old fashioned way. "Alright, then. This 'prince charming' is going to need a slight change of wardrobe." He started looking around for a suite similar in color to River's dress.

Amelia helped him look as Freya pulled River away with a pile of dresses, claiming that the prince couldn't see the Queen until she was all ready. Amelia caught sight of the bright blue, sparkling dresses and quickly ran to follow her mother and sister, wanting to help with the "Queen clothes."

"Try this one on first, mummy!" Freya tugged at one of them. "It's got sparkles!"

River took the dress, leaving the room to change and coming back a moment later with the dress on, twirling around for them, "What do you think?"

"It's not poofy enough." Freya said.

Amelia nodded. "It needs to be lighter."

"Alright, not this one then." She took another dress and changed again, “What about this one?"

"It needs to be more fancy." They shock their heads again.

"What about this one?" Amelia held up the fabric of one of the dresses.

Freya's eyes grew wide, "Try that one Mumma!"

River took the dress, changing and coming out, "This one?" The dress was strapless and had several layers of ruffled pale blue fabric. Shining silver sequins lined the top as well as her empire waistline.

Freya clapped in delight. "Now spin!"  

She spun around, hearing excited squeals from Amelia, "That one!"

"Wait, you gotta do it with the crown!" Freya handed River the silver plastic.

Amelia hopped out of the room and ran to River's jewelry box, getting the prettiest pieces she could find before returning, "And these!"

Freya stared in awe at her mother as her sister brought over the jewelry. "You look so pretty, mummy!"

River beamed, practically glowing, "Thank you, sweetheart."

"River, can I look now?" The Doctor asked, standing in the doorway with his eyes closed.

"Yes, you can." She smiled, moving to stand in front of him.

His eyes caught hers as he opened them, soon exploring the rest of her. "...Wow." He was breath taken. "You look amazing."

She laughed, "Thank you, my love."

He smiled. "Do tell me, fair lady, do I have a chance of winning your hand among all your other suitors?"

The girls ran off to find dresses of their own as River replied, "Well, I have many suitors, though you're rather handsome, so you may have the chance."

He kissed her hand. "'The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars as daylight doth a lamp; her eye in heaven would through the airy region stream so bright that bird would sing and think it not night.'"

She smiled, raising an eyebrow, "Quoting Shakespeare? How very impressive."

He bowed a little. "There's hardly a person who could put your beauty into words, love."

"Oh, calling me love now? That's a bold move for a suitor I've just met." She teased.

"Ah, but I have met you before, fair lady. In many a dream, you have come to me."

She suddenly clutched onto his wrist, not playing anymore, "I think I need to sit."

His expression turned to worry. "...River?" He led her to sit on the bed. "What is it?"

"I think I need one of those vitamins you were talking about." She whispered, laying down on the bed.

He nodded, quickly going to the medbay and returning with the vitamins. "Are you in pain?"  

She nodded slowly, "Yes, a bit."

"How bad is it?" He handed her the pills.

"It hurts a lot, but not as bad as before." She breathed, taking the pills.

"Let's see if we can get that pain to go away completely..." He tried to keep his tone level, though he was quite concerned.

She nodded, pulling him close to her and pressing her forehead to his. He breathed in her sent, sighing. "I really want this to work."

She nodded, pressing her lips to his forehead, "Me too."

"Mumma?" Freya and Amelia walked in in their dress up clothes. "Why are you lying down?"

She shook her head, "Just resting, you two look beautiful!"

They beamed, Amelia doing a swirl and Freya curtsying. "We're the snow princesses!"

She beamed, "Yes, you are!"

"I wish we could put a costume on our baby brother or sister."

"You'll be able to soon." She smiled, smoothing a hand over her abdomen.

"But we gotta wait a while like you said. Right?" Amelia recalled River saying that babies took months to grow big.

She nodded, "Yes, but don't worry, it'll go by faster than you think."

"Good." She grinned. "It can be the ice baby!" She declared.

River laughed and nodded, "Yes, it can be."

Freya took off her plastic bracelet and placed it on River's mostly flat stomach. "Now the baby has a crown, too!"

River beamed, "Yes, they do! It looks very nice, don't you think?" The other three nodded in agreement.

"Mummy? Can we have two babies instead of one?"

She bit her lip, "Well, I don't think so, my love. There's only one baby in my belly right now."

"Well can't you make two at the same time?"

"Not if one baby has already started growing." She tried to explain.

"Then can we have another one after this one is done growing?"

River looked over at the Doctor, not really knowing what to say.

He smiled softly at his daughters. "We'll see how things go. Babies are a lot of work, so just one for now is plenty."

She nodded in agreement, "We'll have to wait girls."

They pouted a little, but nodded. Amelia leaned down to River's stomach. "We're gonna have so much fun playing dress up when you come out, and mummy and daddy are gonna make pancakes and it'll be great!"

River smiled at the affection her daughter was displaying towards her new sibling. She had never doubted that the girls would love the new baby, but seeing her act this way just made River feel happier.

"We can go blueberry picking together, and climb trees, and you can come when Auntie Vastra teaches us how to ice skate..." She went on about the various things she was planning to do with her little sibling once it was old enough to actually partake in them.

River clutched onto the Doctor's hand, squeezing softly, "I love you." She murmured.

"I love you, too, River." He kissed her forehead. "You rest, I'll put the kids to bed."

She hummed softly, "Are you sure?"

"Absolutely. You look too comfortable for me to ask you to get up, plus you need to rest. I've got some pictures of the girls dressed up with Vastra to show you when I get back."

She smiled, leaning over and kissing his cheek, "Okay, I'll be waiting here for you."

He squeezed her hand a final time before turning to the girls. "Alright, lovies. Time for bed."

"Awww, but I want to stay!" Amelia whined, hugging River's middle.

"Mummy will be right down the hall from you and you can talk more to your little sibling tomorrow, yeah?"

Amelia had to think about it for a minute before finally nodding, "Okay." She sighed, letting go and wiggling off the bed, "Will you carry me?"

"'Course." He scooped the girl up. "Say goodnight to mummy."

"Night, Mummy." Amelia blew her a kiss, snuggling into her father's arms. Freya jumped up on the bed, giving River a kiss on the cheek.

"Goodnight, my lovelies."

Amelia continued to wave as her father brought her to her own room, her sister following behind. Freya hopped into bed, curling up under her blankets with her stuffed aliens.

"Would you two like me to read again?" The Doctor asked. They nodded, though they were both already sleepy-eyed and yawning.

He fished out Harry Potter again, though only got through one chapter before he heard his daughters’ snoring. Making sure they were tucked in, he headed back to his own room.


	84. Bound, Pressed, and Hidden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ""I... I love you..." He whispered, the words certainly not loud enough to carry across the library and to wherever River had ran to. "

CH 84

 

River was fighting sleep by the time he got back, though she had removed most of the jewelry she had on.

"Falling asleep in a 'royal dress' are we, River?" The Doctor grinned as he walked over to the bed.

She hummed, smiling tiredly, "How very improper of me."

"I don't mind." He pressed a kiss to her lips. "Unless you were planing to change. Did you want help with that? "

"Mmm, yes I think I would like some help." She purred.  

"Your wish is my command, your majesty." He reached for the bottom of her dress and began pulling it over her head.

"Not too fast." She smirked, "We don't want to rip the material."

"I'm being careful." He insisted, slipping the dress over her head. "See? All done, and look. No rips."

"I was only teasing, sweetie. No need to get all defensive on me." She smiled.

"I will have no less than perfect for my queen." He teased back, leaning in for a kiss.

"Good." She murmured against his lips, pulling him closer to her. "And what evening gown does my queen request?"

She hummed in thought, "Which one of my evening gowns do you like best?"

"Well they all look good on you..." He stood and pulled out the drawer with her nighties. "Hmm... I like this one a lot." He lifted a light red one out of the bunch with a stitched leaf design at the bottom.

"Then I'll wear that one." She smiled, reaching out to get it from him.

He rounded the bed to his dresser after handing her the nightie, changing into pajamas of his own. "You'll have to take those vitamins twice a day for a week or so."

She nodded, "I'd take them twice an hour for the next six months if I had to."

He chuckled lightly. "Don't worry, I doubt it will come to that." Shifting into the bed next to her, he wrapped his arms around her, one hand holding hers and the other splayed protectively over her midsection. "It won't be like last time, Riv."

She placed her free hand over his, sighing, worry lines etched into her expression, "I know."

He nuzzled his face into his neck. "Kovarian is gone now..."

She nodded slowly, "Yes, but there are still other threats out there, like Missy."

"River... she's dead." He murmured. He hadn't yet told her much about his encounter with the other Timelord.

"Are you positive?" She whispered, "Are you really, really sure?" She had her suspicions, not believing that Missy would be defeated as easily as it sounded like she had been.

"She was shot by a Cyberman, Lethbridge-Stewart, she... she was disintegrated." He explained.

She frowned, "But...Disintegrated?"

"The Cybermen upgraded again, their shots can do that now."

"She didn't regenerate?" He shook his head. "No."

"Well...that doesn't make sense, she would have regenerated."

"The last time I saw her, when she was the Master, she was living on borrowed time and it wasn't sustaining her very well. She must have convinced someone on Gallafrey to give her enough energy to regenerate, but I don't think she had enough to get to a new body."

She swallowed, still feeling uneasy about what had happened and not entirely convinced (a fear that would linger in the back her head for a while), "Oh."

He sighed. "My point is that she's gone for good."

She nodded, nuzzling into him. He kissed the top of her head, strongly considering getting her more flowers. "You know I cherish you over anything else in the universe?"

She simply nodded again, not speaking.

He pressed another kiss to her cheek. "And that what I did was to protect you and our children?"

She nuzzled further into his chest, taking a while before nodding again.

He pressed a final kiss to her lips. "I will always, always find my way back to you. I love you."

She pulled back just slightly, "I begged you not to leave...and you just ignored me."

He didn't say anything for a moment, some how saving Earth not seeming like a good enough justification for his actions. "It was one of the worst decisions I've made and will never, ever happen again."

She swallowed, wriggling away from him and standing up, "I'm sorry, I'm being ridiculous. I'm sorry." She whispered, quickly walking towards the door.

"Where are you going?" He panicked slightly, wondering if he'd caused her to leave. She shook her head, quickly leaving the room and down the hall, disappearing into one of the rooms.

"River...!" He sat up, the room feeling quite empty without her there. He wanted to go and find her and try to put into words how sorry he was and how much loved her, but he knew that whatever it was he said to make her leave would need time.

She wondered through the library, getting lost among the books before sinking down and crying quietly. She knew that she couldn't blame him for the choice that he made, he had done the right thing, what he had to do. She was upset because she was so terrified of history repeating itself. The last time they had been separated had been the whole reason why she lost their baby. She felt bad for being so mad at him, but she couldn't help it. It had felt like he had ignored all of her fears and worries in that moment, which of course, he hadn't meant to do since she had never told him that's how she felt.

The Doctor gave it a good half hour before he pushed himself out of bed and started to look for his wife. Trying to sleep wasn't an option since without her next to him the task was rather difficult, not to mention that it would bother him all night if he didn't try to fix this.

The TARDIS, unsurprisingly, took River's side in things, making it hard to find anything other than empty hallways, assorted bathrooms, and the girls' room.

After fifteen minutes, he was just about ready to give up when he stumbled across the library. Peering inside, he tried to think if River would be in here and where she'd be.

River heard the door creaking open, and fell silent, slinking deeper into the shadows, not wanting to be found.

He walked slowly through the shelves, like if he made any sudden noise she'd be scared off like an animal. Taking a silent breath, he headed up to the Gallifreyan section. There seemed to be a few favored spots by her: the Gallifreyan section, the children’s section, and any part that had to do with history.

She could see him through the books as she stood amongst the history books. She quickly and quietly moved in the opposite direction, going to one of the sections where she knew he would never look.

He frowned when he found the Gallafreyan section empty, the lines deepening when each of the many sections of history showed no sign of her either. He huffed in frustration at the empty beanbags among the children's books, sitting down in one to try and think of where else his wife might be. His thoughts were too clouded to focus on finding her, instead wandering back to why she was upset in the first place. A pit grew in his stomach as the more he thought, the more guilty he felt.

River stayed where she was, barely breathing and praying that he would just leave and go back to bed.

He sighed shakily, knowing the TARDIS wasn't going to help him in this. He reached out with his mind, pulling in the invisible connections between his mind and hers and hoping more than anything to feel a pull back.

She could feel him trying to connect with her and she quickly focused on shutting him out.

He prodded and scanned the library for her mind, quickly finding the once place that wouldn't let him explore. He silently stood, heading in that direction.

Her eyes grew wide when she heard his footsteps approaching her direction, she quickly stood up, moving to another place.

He internally cursed when he found this spot empty as well. "River." He called out for her. "Please stop hiding from me."

She didn't answer him, silently begging him to leave.

"I know what I did was horribly wrong and that your still mad, scared even that I might leave you again..." He started, pausing and sighing. "River, I know you're in here somewhere and I know you can hear me. I just want to talk or apologize. Both actually." He listened in the silence any trace of her. "I need you to know that it would take universes to tear us apart... there is nothing that would make me leave you, after all we've been through and our children..." He trailed off again. "I don't blame you for not forgiving me. I don't forgive me either."

"Just shut up! Can't you see I don't want to do this now?" She shouted, running for the door, if she was fast enough, and the TARDIS was kind enough, she'd be able to make it to her study so she could be alone.

His expression was something like a dog that had been kicked, when he heard the door slam shut. "I... I love you..." He whispered, the words certainly not loud enough to carry across the library and to wherever River had ran to.

She stood in her study, immediately regretting what had just happened. She fell among the books scattered across the room and cried quietly.

The Doctor sunk to the floor, afraid he'd be pushed away again if he went after her. He wanted to be there for her more than anything, but it was difficult when she kept burying herself were he couldn't reach. It must've been hours of him sitting there, guilt eating away at him.

She lay completely, staring up at the ceiling, lost in thought. She was so stupid. He had been trying to apologize, even though he hadn't done anything wrong, and she had just screamed at him. She felt awful, her heart aching. The more she thought about it, the worse she felt. Looking around at the room, she picked up a book, burying herself in work, needing a distraction before she did something rash. 


	85. Enigma in a Box

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River and the Doctor have a bit of making up to do.

CH 85

 

It was the early hours of the morning before the Doctor went to look for his wife again. The TARDIS was still reluctant to help him, creating long twisting paths for him to get through. He took his time going down the halls and checking the rooms, finally stumbling across River's office.

He stood outside for a moment, preparing himself to be pushed away again, before wrapping lightly on the door. "...Riv?"  

By now she had contacted Luna and was working on her third lecture, hair a bit of a mess and her back aching. She didn't answer him, didn't even look up really, all of the guilt returning. She forced herself to focus on the notes she was writing.

He knocked again after a few minutes. "Can I come in?"

She looked up at the door this time, hitting herself for being so damn hormonal as she felt tears coming on again. She mentally scolded herself for being so ridiculous and swallowed her tears. "Fine."

The door opened with a click and he closed it quietly behind him. He had only ever been in her office space once or twice before, and it always seemed to surprise him a little at how many things she could manage to put in a book shelf. He glanced at her, noting the papers before her. "...The university?"

She nodded, putting away the pen and placing her notes to the side, "I got in contact with Luna. I'm starting tomorrow, or well...today now."

"Congratulations... You should really sleep." His voice was still quiet.

"I'm not tired. " She walked past him to get another book, "And I have a lot to do to get ready."

"...Do you want any help?" He deemed it pointless to try and convince her to rest since he knew it was an argument he'd likely end up losing.

She raised an eyebrow, “With my archeology lectures?"

"Er -well-..." He scratched the back of his head. "Just a thought. It's not even your first day and you already are up to your ears in work. Anything I can do to lighten the load?"

She shook her head, sitting down with a sigh and rubbing the ache in her neck "It's fine. Just go back to bed."

He approached her slowly, moving to rub her neck for her. "Can't sleep... And I'd rather you there with me."

She tensed initially when he touched her, "Doctor, I have so much work to do..."

"We live a time machine, dear. There's nothing that can't wait a few hours for you to sleep."

"If I don't do it now then it'll never get done." She protested, closing her eyes and rubbing her temples.

He sighed. "Will you sleep afterwards?"

"The girls will be up soon, you should really go sleep while you can." She murmured.

He shook his head, continuing to work the knots from her shoulders. "Oooh..." She breathed, involuntarily as he worked a particularly tight knot.

"Least I can do is make planing your lessons a bit easier." He hummed warmly.

She felt another flood of guilt and quickly tried to shake him off her, "Doctor, you don't have to do that. I don't deserve it."

"What do you mean?" He was a bit confused, thinking he was somewhat making up for whatever he'd done to set her off.

"I yelled and snapped at you, and I was being unfair about what happened with Missy." She let out a shaky sigh, once again feeling the urge to cry, though she controlled herself, "It's all my fault, and I'm sorry for getting so angry and being unfair. I don't deserve to have you rubbing my back and definitely didn't deserve all the pampering of the past week." She felt like she had taken advantage of his guilt, and she felt awful.

He took a moment to consider what she'd said. " _I_ think you do deserve to be pampered. I think you deserve a lot of nice things and not a husband who walked out when you begged him not to ... but does this mean you don't want me getting you more flowers?"

"You didn't have a choice, I was being extremely selfish by begging you to stay." She buried her head in her hands, "I love the flowers, but I don't want you to trouble yourself by getting them, especially then I _really_ don't deserve them."

"Who says I'm getting them to make up for what happened?" He put a hand on her shoulder. "Who says I'm not getting them because I love making my beautiful wife smile?"  

"I still don't want you to go out of your way." She whispered, brushing her lips against the back of his hand.

"When one is madly in love with a woman who seems not to accept the fact that she's perfect, one often goes out of their way to make her think so." He said softly.

"Or maybe he's just a fool and for some reason refuses to acknowledge any of her many flaws." She sighed, rubbing his arm and standing up, "Go to bed, I'll come when I finish."

"You sure?" She nodded, "Go, I'll be fine."

He nodded, kissing the side of her head and moving to the door. "For the record, I do acknowledge your flaws, I just don't think they're very bad or make you any less wonderful than you are.”

She opened her mouth to say something, but decided against it, sitting back down and continuing with her work.

He felt a bit better going back to the room, but still wished she had joined him. He slipped into bed, hugging her pillow close to him. It wasn't as good as having her there, but it would have to do. She never made it back to bed, falling asleep at her desk in a rather uncomfortable position.

He panicked slightly when he woke. "River?" He scrambled out of bed and went straight to her study. She was still fast asleep when he got there, a bit of ink smudged on her cheek from her notes. He calmed when he saw her, tapping her shoulder. "River, love."

She shot up, "What? What happened?"

"Nothing, happened. It's okay. You just fell asleep on your notes." He pointed to the sticky note clinging to her cheek.

"Oh..." She breathed, peeling the note off of her face with a frown, "Right..."

"You never came to bed. Did you get any sleep?"

She yawned, running a hand through her hair, "A little, I'm not really sure when I drifted off." She stood up, feeling a bit woozy when she did so.

"Maybe be you should wait until later to day to go to work. Just until you're properly rested." He said cautiously.

She shook her head, "No, I'm fine. If I go in later today then I'll get no time with the girls tonight."

He sighed, knowing he wouldn't win this. "Take it easy today, then, yeah?" He asked, kissing the top of her head.

She looked up at him, worry visible in her expression, "Are you mad at me?"

"No. Why would I be mad?"

"I don't know." She breathed, "I just...feel like I've upset you."

He shook his head, smiling weakly. "I just wish you wouldn't push yourself so hard."

She took his hands, bringing him close to her, "I know. Things will be a bit crazy for a few days, but once I get into a routine everything will be fine. I promise, I'll take a break when I feel like I have to, and I'm sure you'll be there to convince me to rest too."

He nodded, feeling a bit more assured. He leaned down and kissed her softly. "Tea?"

She hummed against his lips, "I'd like that."

"Back in a tic." He told her, pulling away to head to the kitchen.

She nodded, wondering through the room in search of a blanket to cuddle up with in her chair.

The Doctor took note that Freya and Amelia's room had been moved next to River's study when he returned with two warm mugs of tea.

She smiled when she saw him, a blanket wrapped around her body, "Sit?" She nodded towards her chair, it was the only one that wasn't littered with notes by now.

He handed her the green cup, settling in the chair with the red one. "How soon to you have to be there?"

"I'd like to leave in two...maybe three hours." She murmured, moving to sit on his lap, "I have to get ready, make sure I have all my notes." She glanced down at her middle, "And probably find a perception filter."

He put his tea down, wrapping his arms around her. "You don't know where you last one went?"

She rested her head beneath his chin, "No, it's been so long since I last used them." She hadn't gotten the chance to use a filter the last time she was pregnant.

"I'll help you look if you want." He offered. "Have you taken your vitamins yet?"

"No, not yet." She murmured, closing her eyes, "But could we just stay here for a bit?"

"Of course, love. Though I think the girls will be up soon."

She brushed her lips against his jaw, "Well then we can stay here until they get up." He tilted his head so their lips met with a content hum. She brought her hand up to rest on his cheek, pulling his face down closer to her.

"River? Can I ask you something?" He murmured.

"Anything." She whispered.

"If the baby is a boy, do you still want to name him William?"

She swallowed, closing her eyes, "I don't know...I don't know if I can do that."

"You know, I'm still partial to Doctor Jr." He tried to lighten the mood a little.

She smiled, rubbing one of his arms lightly, "Doctor Jr? That's an interesting suggestion."

"Interesting? I thought you'd hate it." He grinned childishly. "We could still name it after Rory if you want."

She smiled resting her forehead against his jaw, "I think I'd feel a bit odd if my children were named Rory and Amelia."

"Well they don't have to have Rory's first name." He agreed with her on that part. "He had a middle name, too. How about Arthur if it's a boy and Aurora if it's a girl?"

She hummed softly, "Maybe." She was quiet for a minute, "What was your father's name? Or, well...his title?"

 

He shrugged. "I never knew him."

She opened her eyes, looking up at him, "What?"

"My father wasn't around to raise me." He repeated, seeming not to be to bothered with the fact. It had been hundreds of years ago after all. "My mother took care of me alone."

"You never told me that." She whispered, squeezing his arm softly. They didn't talk about his family often, but she liked hearing about them. She didn't know too much about his childhood, while he knew a lot about hers. "Did you have a father figure growing up?" She asked, watching him closely so she would know when to stop asking questions.

"My professors at the academy, I suppose. Though I wouldn't call them fatherly. Most of them just scolded me about my work and for sneaking off during the day."

"Oh, so you were a naughty boy then." She teased.

"Only sometimes." He smirked. "There was this great big tree just a hundred meters or so from the school, the Master and I would skip out literary classes and race to it. We were the only ones who could manage to climb it and the professors would yell but they could never come up and get us." His eyes were distant in the memory.  

She adjusted her position so her back was pressed to his chest and their hands rested on her stomach, "Oh, Mr. Song, I'm surprised you were such a misbehaved student."

"You're one to talk, Mrs Song. How many times were you sent to the headmaster's office?" He countered playfully.

She giggled, "Too many to count, probably about once a day."

"My, my, I hope our children don't inherit our poor scholarly behavior." He snickered.

She hummed, grinning up at him, "It's the good thing the baby can't hear us yet. And I did turn my 'poor scholarly behavior' around. I wouldn't be a professor if I hadn't.”

"At least one of us is setting a good example." He readjusted his arms, pulling her tighter to him.

"Gentle." She warned, sinking back against him, placing her arms over his.

"I am." He whispered, kissing her cheek. Little feet could be heard padding down the hall.

"I know." She whispered, enjoying the momentary peace, "I'm just...reminding you." He peppered kisses on what ever part of her head he could reach as the girls wandered in.

"Is this your tinker shop, mummy?"

She giggled, trying to push him away, settling down when the girls came in, "Well, yes, but I don't really tinker in here like you father does in his office."

Their eyes scanned over the paper cramped shelves and the cushioned chairs covered in notes. "Why do you have so much stuff?"

"Because I'm an archeologist and that means I have to read a lot of books and study a lot of old things and keep notes and records."

"You need a bigger tinker shop." Freya said, peering up at her. "Why are you sitting in daddy's lap?"

"This is the only clean chair right now so we decided to share." She explained, still not getting up, comfortable where she was.

"Can I share, too?"

She laughed, "I think that the chair might break if we all tried to sit on it."

"Pretty please, mummy?" She put on her best puppy dog eyes.

"I don't think so, darling. We have to be careful with the baby in my tummy, remember?" River said softly.

Freya nodded quickly, not wanting to risk her chance at being a big sister. "Can we go swimming today?" The girls didn't actually know how to swim yet, but they enjoyed splashing around in shallow water and making their parents give them piggy-back rides in water that went over their heads.  

She smiled softly, "Girls, I have to go to work today, so you'll have to ask your Daddy if he'll take you."

"...Work?" The twins exchanged looks. "But... can't you stay and play with us?"

She shook her head, "I'm sorry, I have to go and teach at the University."

"Can we go watch Mummy teach?" Amelia asked her father.

"I don't think you can today. It's her first day back and don't think they allow people who aren't students to attend the classes." He also wasn't sure he wanted them to be in a place full of cameras and questioning people since the information of two little time tots could easily be spread.

"But I don't want her to leave." She frowned, running over to hug River's legs.

"She'll be back by dinner." He tried to assure her.

River finally wriggled out of his lap, scooping Amelia up, "How about you and Freya and Daddy all do something fun together today and then tell me all about it when I get back. And I'll find a special treat to bring home to you."

"But I want you to have fun _with_ us!" Amelia held on to River tightly.

She smiled sadly, “I know, but we can't have fun together today."

Amelia pouted. "What about tomorrow?"

She hesitated, "Tomorrow I only have to teach one class and then we have the whole day to spend together."

"Promise?"

She nodded, kissing her cheek, "I promise."

She calmed down, assured slightly by this. "We promise not to do anything too fun without you."

"Don't promise that, I want you to have loads and loads of fun today."

"We'll have the same amount of fun today and tomorrow." Amelia concluded.

Rver nodded, "That sounds like a good plan. Now, I have to go get ready."

"Do you hafta wear fancy teacher clothes?" Freya questioned.

She set Amelia down, "Yes, I do."

"How come?"

"Because that's what teachers have to wear to look professional." She smiled, heading towards the door.

"Come on girls, I'll make you some breakfast." The Doctor said, ushering them to the kitchen. "River, would you like anything?"

"No, I'll grab something at the university." She called, heading towards their room.

He took the tea mugs with him as he went to the kitchen. "What would you two like to eat?"

"I want muffins!" Freya declared, running around his feet.

"Muffins coming right up!" He got to work fixing up a batter.


	86. Skin of Iron, Skin of Glass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First day back at teaching, thing do not go as well as hoped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still mass updating. Don't forget to comment and enjoy!

CH 86

 

By the time he was finished with the muffins, River was all dressed, walking into the room with her notes. "Ah! There's my lovely looking professor." The Doctor spun up to her, offering her a muffin. "You are looking very important."

She smiled, giving him a peck on the cheek, taking a muffin, "Thank you, sweetie."

"Did you find your perception filter? Oh, and did you take your vitamins?"

"I took my vitamins, but I couldn’t find a perception filter. You can't really tell though, can you." She asked, looking down at her waist.

"No, I suppose not. But you should start wearing one soon, yeah?"

She nodded, "I will, I promise."

He gave her a kiss. "Don't stay on your feet all day, okay? And find something a little more filling than a muffin." He fretted.

"You worry too much." She teased, giving him a quick kiss, "I suppose I shouldn't be surprised if I find you sneaking into one of my classes to check up on me."

"I _probably_ won't, but I'd try not to act too shocked if you do see me." He grinned.

"I have to say, I wouldn't mind a visit." She smiled, her face inches away from his.

"I'll have to get a sitter." He teased, closing the distance between them.

"Bring Clara on board." She murmured, once they had broken apart.

He turned to his daughters, still holding River's hand. "How would you two like to visit Auntie Clara today? "

"I wanna visit Auntie Clara!" Freya squealed, a mouth full of muffin.

"Alright," He chuckled. "It looks we know what we're doing today."

She smiled, gently pressing one last kiss to his lips. "Will you drop me off?"

He nodded, moving up to the console. "Next stop: Luna University." She smiled, helping him type in the coordinates. The girls joined them, peering at the controls as they were pressed.

The TARDIS landed with a soft thud, the Doctor joining his wife again. "Have a good day today."

She gave him a kiss, "I'll see you later."

"Bye mummy!" The girls waved as she left.

The Doctor had parked them in a hidden away corner of the school in case anyone was to see River walk out of the famous blue box. (Even if he had erased data on him, he still took precautions.)

She smiled and waved to them before turning and heading across the yard and into the main building. It was still early enough for most of the students to still be in their dorms, a spare few roaming the campus in search of a teacher or lost calculator.

It had been, from its prospective, years since Luna University had heard the tragic news about the archaeological team that went to the Library and never returned.

Most of the student's River had taught had already graduated. The few that were on campus had no recognition of the blonde haired woman, but one of the passing professors turned her head, a dark skinned, older woman, "Professor Song?"

River turned to see who had called her name, "Yes! Hello." She smiled, trying to draw the woman's name from her memory.

"Oh lord..." The woman put a hand to her mouth. "It really is you, isn't it."

"Yes, of course it's me." She smiled, a bit confused. She hadn't realized that everyone knew what had happened.

"But how...? How are you alive? The others could they...?" She had a spark of hope in her eyes at this thought.

Guild immediately flooded River’s body, "No, no I'm so sorry. With the others...it was different with them." She tried to put it as gently as she could, "They couldn't be saved."

Her face fell, "No chance? But what makes you different from them?" She bit her lip,

"They way they died, it was different. Their bodies, they didn't...there wasn't..." She couldn't find a way to put it into words, the horrible memories of seeing her colleagues die and dying herself filling her mind, "I'm so sorry."

The woman looked away, tone defeated, "It wasn't your fault dear." She looked up at River. "You don't recognize me, do you?"

River shook her head slowly, "No, I'm sorry, it's been so long."

"I'm Cameron... Anita's Aunt."

Her eyes grew wide, "Oh...Right, of course. I'm so sorry, for everything." River swallowed, "Anita was wonderful, the best on my team and she was so brave, right up until the end. And I promise you, she's in a happy place now." She tried to keep the waver out of her voice, "I'm really so sorry."

Cam nodded, offering a small, sad smile. "Thank you... I appreciate it." She wiped at her eyes.

River nodded, "Of course, excuse me." She practically ran to her lecture hall and then into her new, empty office where she locked the door, pulled down the shade and started to cry. Not the ideal way to be starting her first day back.

It was another ten minutes before someone knocked on the door. "Professor Song?" This sounded like a man's voice, though not the Doctor's.

She jumped, quickly clearing her throat, "Just a minute." She pulled a mirror out of her bag, fixing herself up and doing her best to calm down before opening the door.

The man was one of the headmasters, standing only a bit taller than River, more on the thick side with a plain suit. He grinned widely at her, reaching his hand out to shake hers. "Professor! It's good to have you back, I almost didn't believe it was you on the other end of the phone!"  

"Thank you." She smiled, shaking his hand, "I'm happy to be back."

"May I ask, how did you do it? Or are you going to keep personal things to yourself, as usual?"

She smiled softly, "I'm afraid I'll rather keep it to myself. It's not a memory I'm too keen on reliving by explaining."

He nodded. "I see, suit yourself. I ought to have your plaque taken down now that we know you're not gone. It's rather memorialized."

She brow furrowed, "There's a plaque for me?"

"It's hung outside your usual lecture hall and people have been leaving flowers and things there in your memory. But of course,'' He gestured to all of her. "You're right here, so we won't need it any more."

"People left flowers?" She whispered, she hadn't realized that people at Luna had actually cared about her, "Is there a plaque for the others?"

"Of course people left flowers! You were a wonderful professor after all. _Are_ a wonderful professor." He laughed as though this was something she should have already known. "And yes, everyone who... passed has their own plaque dedicated to their memory."

She smiled, "Thank you. That really means a lot to me."

"It's the least I could do. Lux told us what happened, or at least some of what happened. You and your team were very brave."

"My team, Anita, Dave, Miss Evangelista and Other Dave, they're really the ones that deserve the credit. They were the most sacrificing."

"Don't worry, their plaques will stay put as long as there is a Luna University. Though Lux said it was you who saved all of those people."

She nodded slowly, "Yes, in the end, it was me. That's why I was the only one that could be brought back, because the way I... it was different."

"Oh... I see." He sighed for a brief moment. "Well, it's good to have you back. You might want to head down to the lecture hall, you're call starts in less that half an hour and it's going to be a bit packed."

She raised an eyebrow, "Really? Have more people taken an interest in archeology since I've left?"

The man nodded, "The classes have certainly gotten bigger. You seem to have built up a good name. Though be warned, there are a handful of trouble makers who are attending because they think the class is taught by a ghost."

She smiled, "Well I'm sure I’ll put them right where they belong. Thank you for stopping by." She retreated into her office to grab her bag and headed for the lecture hall.

The plaque was on the wall next to the door, square and bronze, but still seemed to be more noticeable than the various other pictures on the wall. ' _IN MEMORY OF PROFESSOR RIVER SONG_ ' was in bold near the top of it, followed by a mostly accurate etching of River into the metal. There was also a small caption: _Who bravely sacrificed herself to save 4,022 others._ Flowers littered the floor beneath it, mostly water lilies, along with drawings, cards, small notes of paper and a few burned out candles.

River knelt down, carefully collecting the notes, cards, drawings, and the rest, placing them all in the empty drawers of her desk until later.

Though none of her new students really knew her, they had heard rumors about her, stories, read her publications in their other classes, and knew of the tragic Luna Library expedition. They started to trickle into the room, the early ones arriving shortly after River.

By the time the bell rung, every single seat in the class was full by a very assorted group of people, including a floppy hair man with a bow tie and tweed jacket who sat in the very back.

River had her back to the class, organizing her papers and writing her name across the board. "Good morning, everyone. I'm glad to see you all managed to pull yourselves out of bed and come to class. Now, as I'm sure all of you know, I'm Professor Song and this is Archaeology of Complex Societies. If that doesn't at all sound like the class you're meant to be in, I would suggest leaving now, campus security can help you find your proper class, just go straight down the hall and to the left. If you _are_ meant to be here, then welcome! Any questions so far?" She turned around and scanning the room, not yet seeing the Doctor in the crowded hall.

About a dozen hands went up.

"My, quiet a few then." She circled around to the front of her desk and then leaned against it, calling on one of the students.

The boy was slouched back in his seat looking quite like one of the trouble makers the headmaster had mentioned, "Yeah, so, is it true that you were dead? 'Cause that plaque outside looks exactly like you and has your name, so, you know, are you a fake or something?"

She listened with crossed arms, "Yes, it is true and no, I'm not a fake. You should sit up straight, slouching isn't a good look for you. Anyone else?"

The boy interrupted before anyone else could raise their hands. "But, like, how are you not dead if you’re not a zombie or anything?"

"A magician never reveals her secrets." She smiled, calling on someone else.

"What kinds of things are we going to be learning? Are we going to get to go on expeditions?" The boy looked defeated as the other student spoke.

River went along, answering their questions and then moved onto her lesson, feeling pretty worn out once it was all over.

Many of the students were talking excitedly about the potential of this class, only one or two deciding it was a waste of their time, as they filled out. The Doctor stayed, waiting until everyone left before speaking up. "I thought you weren't going to stay on your feet all day."

She collapsed into her chair, looking up at him, '"I'm sitting now. And that wasn't all day, it was only a few hours."

"It was still a longer period of time than one should be standing." He added, walking down the rows of chair to her desk. "You were brilliant."

She smiled, "It felt good to be back, but I think I could use a nap." She opened her drawers, pulling out all of the cards and pictures and notes and laying them out on her desk.

He rounded the desk to stand behind her and rub her shoulders. "What are those?"

She hummed softly, enjoying the shoulder rub, "They're cards and notes. People left all sorts of things after what happened at the Library." She murmured, picking up one of the notes, "I don't know if I should read them."

"Well really doubt they say anything like 'Professor Song was the worst teacher ever I'm glad she's dead'. They are probably nice things." He assured.

"Will you read them to me?" She asked softly.

He nodded, picking up on of the cards with one hand, still massaging her neck with the other. "'Professor Song, I have learned from you than I have from anything else. You are a truly inspirational and brave person. Rest in peace. -Mariah."'

She smiled softly, picking up another few. They read over a few handfuls of them, many saying something appreciative about River's teaching, a few a bit more personal and describing how River helped get them through hard times, and almost all of them ending with 'rest in peace.'

She stood up slowly, piling up the notes and putting them in her bag. "I wish they didn't have to think I was dead."

"I suppose there wasn't much else to think when Lux came back with no team and a tale about flesh eating shadows." He said softly. "You're here now and no one can say you're dead anymore."

She pressed her face against his, nuzzling his nose, "Where's the TARDIS?"

"Same place I dropped you off this morning." He hummed.

She sagged against him, "I'm exhausted." She smiled weakly, "You're going to have to hold me up."

"How much time do you have before your next class?" He asked, supporting her.

"A few hours, two or three." She breathed.

"I'd say that's enough time for a good nap." He gave a warm smile.

She nodded, letting go of him and sliding back into her chair, "Maybe I'll just nap here."

"How nonprofessional of you, professor." He mocked. "Come on, it's not that far."

She shook her head, "I'm too tired to move."

"Shall I have the TARDIS moved here for you?" He suggested. She shook her head, putting it down on her desk. He chuckled softly at her, taking off his jacket and putting it under her head as a pillow.

She smiled, finding his jacket much more comfortable than just the desk, "Are you going to stay?"

He nodded, going back to rubbing her shoulders. "I can stay until your next class starts if you want me to."

She nodded, getting up, "Will you let me sit on your lap? It's more comfortable than the chair."

"Are you this close to all your students, professor?" He teased, sitting down and pulling her into his lap.

She giggled, nuzzling his neck, "Only the really handsome ones."

"I must be the exception."

"Oh, please. You were the handsomest one in the class. I could see the girls ogling you, especially the girl next to you. I almost had to send her out of the classroom." She teased.

“Gone all strict have you, professor Song? I hope I don't have detention."

She laughed softly, "I'm not _that_ strict, I just don't like watching all the girls making eyes at my husband right in front of me." She murmured, tilting her head back to kiss him, "And you'd love detention with me."

"I do love detention with you because now I can make googly eyes at you." He kissed her softly. "And how were they supposed to know I'm your husband? I don't carry around a big sign the says: property of River Song. Actually, that's not a bad idea."

She giggled, taking his hand and pulling it tighter around her waist, "Mmm, I quite like that idea. Maybe I should start being more possessive over you."

"Hmm, no complaint's here." He hummed, kissing her again.

She leaned into the kiss, humming. "I love you." She murmured.

"I love you t-" He was interrupted by a gasp.

"Professor Song! It is strictly against the school rules to be involved with the students!" It was the headmaster again.

River immediately shot out of his lap at the sound of the voice, walking away a few steps, her cheeks turning a bright shade of red. "He's not a student."

The man raised his eyebrow suspiciously. "He certainly _looks_ like a student. Something you need to tell me, professor?"

She looked over at the Doctor, she had promised him that she would keep their family life a secret, and now she was going to get fired for it. "He's...he's just a visitor, he's not..." She trailed off, feeling that she was just making the situation worse.

The Doctor glanced between his wife and the man who he was starting to think was her boss. He knew he had to do something, so putting on a ridiculous grin, he approached the man. "Ah, yes. Hello! I'm John, John Smith." He air kissed either side of the man's cheek and pulled out his psychic paper. "I'm actually the building inspector and _you_ , sir, could use quite a bit of repairs. See the ceiling's interior has developed a rot of a sort and the air space between the interior of your walls is dangerously high." He was trying to talk as fast as he could to make the man a confused enough to believe him.

River was starting to look like she was going to burst into tears and the Headmaster did not look at all impressed, glaring at her.

"Pleased to meet you Mr. Smith. If you'll just step into my office down the hall we can further discuss these 'repairs.' And you, Professor Song, you're dismissed for the day. Someone else will cover your lectures and I want to see you in my office first thing tomorrow morning."

By now a small crowd of students had gathered around the open door, River looked like she just wanted to melt into a crack in the floor , finding the whole thing absolutely humiliating.  

The Doctor gulped, glancing back at River and trying to think of all the ways he could get her out of this. Wiping the man's memory seemed a little extreme, maybe it was worth it just to admit that they were married.

She couldn't seem to look him in the eyes when he looked at her. She slowly rounded the desk and began gathering her things, knowing that trying to argue back was pointless now and would just get her into more trouble.

He was sure that saying they were fiances might get her out of trouble. Surely she wasn't the only teacher who had a lover? Okay, possibly the only one who displayed affection to said lover on school grounds, but same difference. He sighed as the headmaster led him out of the class and past the gawking students.

River quickly threw her things into her bag and practically ran out of the building, not stopping until she was back in her study on the TARDIS. The TARDIS was empty since the girls were still out swimming with Clara. The soft droning was the only thing that filled the rooms and halls. She collapsed into the chair at her desk, head in her hands as tears slid down her cheeks. She had been silly to think that after what had happened in the past year she would be able to go back to teaching. Or that the Doctor would actually let her tell the truth for once instead of lying and making everything worse. She had been completely humiliated and looked beyond unprofessional in front of her boss, her colleagues and her students and she wanted to never go back. 


	87. A Shot for Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River gets a bit distructive

CH 87

 

It was about two hours before the Doctor came back int to he TARDIS. "River?" He called.

She was still in her study, busy shredding her lectures and notes. "In here. " She called.

"Sorry that took so lon-" His eyebrows kitted together. "What are you doing?"

"I'm done with teaching." She said cooly as she ripped another piece of paper in half, "It was silly of me to think that I could go back to doing it, and I'm getting fired tomorrow anyway so I'll just spare myself even more humiliation and never go back. Problem solved!" She forced a smile, throwing the new shredded paper to the floor.  

"River, I know how much you love teaching, and I really don't think you're going to get fired... please don't do this." He put her hand over hers, stopping her from ripping the next paper.

She tried to shake his hand off of hers. "It's my first day back and they walk in on be cuddling up and snogging a complete stranger. Of course I'm getting fired! No university wants a professor like that no matter how much they've done for the school."

"But I'm not a stranger, Riv. I'm your husband. And soon to be fiance according to the school." He tried to keep his hand where it was, not wanting her to destroy all of her work.

She shook her head, "I'm tired of lying to them, to everyone." She pulled her hand away, knocking her papers to the floor, "I don't want to do it anymore."

This silenced him for a moment. Lying was a constant for them, a shield they used to protect their family. It was becoming easier to tell the truth as the girls grew older under the protection of their many honorary aunt's and uncles. Danger, for the most part, was finally starting to keep out of their way, it seemed almost wrong to tell River to keep on lying when at this point they didn't really need to. "You have a meeting with your boss in the morning... I suggest you tell him what you need to tell him." He said gently.  

She shook her head, "I can't, I promised you that I wouldn't and I have to keep that promise to keep the girls safe." She fell back into her chair, "Besides, the whole explanation would just sound ridiculous and unbelievable. I'm not going back."

"Our girls are safe, River. We have so many friends along side us who would protect them at any cost, that anyone who even thinks about taking them would be dead in an instant. We don't have to lie anymore." He took her hand, softly squeezing it. "The truth is better than lying, even if it's ridiculous. Even if you get fired, maybe trying to tell him what was really going on is worth a shot. You can always show him the ring as proof..." He tapped the metal band on her finger lightly.

She pulled her hand away from his, "But I've told him so many lies, and now the one you just told one top of it all. I really don't want to go back." She whispered, “The whole thing was humiliating and I'm sure it's spread all over campus by now."

"I really don't think he’d would be so mean as to spread information about you." He murmured. "I'm not saying you should go back... but if you're going out, go out swinging."

"People can be brutal." She breathed, tears shining in her eyes. She didn't really want to leave the University.

"You've always known that, River. Why should it stop you now?"

"Because I've never been that humiliated before!" She cried, standing up and pacing around the room.

He sat quietly, hoping that maybe if he stayed collected she'd calm down. "Never?" It didn't seem as big a deal to him, but than again, be was comfortable wearing nothing but a leotard and a fez in public.

She glared at him, "My entire reputation, which I spent _centuries_ building, is now ruined!" She whacked the stack of papers she had been tearing up, sending them flying in all directions.

He jumped at the burst of papers that flew about. "If it real means that much to you, we could wipe his memories..."

"Yeah, maybe his and half of the bloody universities!" She knocked a few books off the shelves as well, one exploding and sending more papers across the room.

He winced, feeling rather sorry for the book. "...Sorry. I guess I shouldn't have come today..."

She shook her head, "No, no this is all my fault. I'm the one that asked you to come and then asked you to stay." She closed her eyes for a moment before quickly fleeing from the room.

He opened his mouth to stop her, but she was gone before he could think of anything to say. He sighed and started to but the room back together, knowing she needed her space. It hurt to see how distressed she was about this which only made him want to confront the headmaster and prove how much River deserved better than what was happening. No one deserved this job more than she did and she shouldn't have to loose it _and_ make herself a laughing stalk just because she wanted to kiss her husband. River loved teaching at the University, and she had been so excited and happy to go back. Now, it was all falling to pieces which was obviously deeply upsetting her. She had sacrificed so much for the silly University, so much for her family, so much for the universe, but things could never seem to go her way.

River fell into bed, exhausted, upset and needing to sleep.

The Doctor took an hour to tidy up her study, all of the books back on the shelf, all her papers an a pile, and everything that was ripped, sealed back together thanks to a new setting on his sonic.

He strolled slowly into their room, hoping she was a little calmer now. "River? I'm going to pick up the girls now... do you want to come? "

She didn't hear him, fast asleep, curled up on a damp pillow. He came further into the room, sitting quietly on the bed next to her and stroking a curl out of her face. She shifted slightly, leaning towards his hand, still asleep. He kissed her head softly then leaned down to her abdomen. "I know you can't hear me yet, baby, but your mother wants me to talk to you everyday, regardless. I don't mind though. I want you know know that you have an absolutely brilliant mother who you will love very much."

She started to stir, eyes opening slowly as she listened to what he was saying. He didn't notice her, continuing to talk to her small bump. "She's done amazing things, your mother. She's saved the universe countless times and saved to many people. She's saved me time again and I don't think in all of the universe that I could find anyone who I love as much as her. Not that I would ever try to ever find anyone else. I love your mother too much for that. It's fun to think that you're yet another amazing thing she's capable of making." Over a thousand years old and he was still mesmerized at the fact that there was a little person growing inside of  River.

She smiled the smallest smile, watching him carefully. His words made her feel better, warmer inside. She could have sworn she felt a little flutter in her abdomen, but the baby was much too small still.

"She's make two whole other people, you know. You'll love them, too. They are going to be there for you through everything and anything, just like we will be." He placed a light kiss to her stomach.

Her hand drifted down to brush through his hair. Her eyes a mix of happy warmth and sadness.

He peered up at her. "You're awake." He murmured, smiling softly at her.

"Yes, I am." She hummed, her other hand moving to rest on her abdomen.

"I was about to go get the girls... thought I'd say hello." His eyes followed her hand.

"You remembered what I said." She murmured, a bit surprised.

"Of course I did." He tapped her nose lightly. "And I was telling them all about how amazing you are."

She smiled, "Yes, I heard." She sighed sadly, "I wish the University felt the same way you did."

"Still deciding against going tomorrow? I could come with you..." He thought she might have a better chance at this if they told the truth side by side. Not to mention having a living, breathing Timelord in front of one's self would likely be proof enough that they weren't lying.

"I would feel better if you were there." She sighed, closing her eyes again, "I want to be able to leave with my dignity and not be further humiliated."

"I'm sure your dignity will be intact by the end of it." He took her hand, thumb rubbing over the back of her palm. "We'll tell him the truth together."

She sighed and nodded slowly, still dreading the meeting.

"Are you still napping or would you like to come get the girls with me?" He changed the subject, knowing she need something to keep her mind off things.

"I'll come and get the girls with you." She smiled softly, carefully getting out of bed, "Can we not tell them about what happened though and just say that I got to leave early."

He nodded, still holding her hand. "They might want us to swim with them for a bit."

"So should I put my bathing suit on then?" She smiled.

"I would, just in case. I'll put my suit on, too." He grinned childishly. She hummed, pecking his cheek and going off to get on her suit.

Fairly quickly, both of them were changed into swimming gear, the Doctor's shorts covered in a bright yellow duck pattern as he piloted the TARDIS to the lake he had brought the girls and Clara earlier.

River hopped down the stairs, wearing a TARDIS blue and rather risqué bikini, covered by a sheer white dress. Her tiny bump was more visible now that she didn't have much covering it. "Did you tell Clara about the baby?" She asked, leaning against the console.  

He shook his head. "No, she was a bit busy so I thought I'd tell her later. Besides, it's better that both of us are there when we tell people." He added, eyes mostly looking at her rather than the controls.

"Watch where you're going, love. You might crash us." She teased.

He chuckled, tearing his eyes away from her. "Maybe there should be a rule of not looking absolutely gorgeous while your husband is trying to fly the TARDIS."

She giggled, "You think I look 'absolutely gorgeous' like this?" She nodded to her belly.

The TARDIS landed softly, "I think you look absolutely gorgeous all the time." He pointed out, going up to her and pecking her quickly on the lips.

She smiled, pulling him in for a longer one. "Why, thank you." He hummed against her skin, arms snaking around her to pull her closer.

"We shouldn't keep Clara and the girls waiting." She murmured, though she didn't move out of his arms.

"Hmm, I suppose so..." He didn't move either, pulling away to look at her for a moment. "A few minutes couldn't hurt could it?"

She smiled, "A few minutes to do what, exactly?"

"To tell you I love you," He kissed her cheek, "And that you're beautiful," He kissed the other, "And to not gross out our daughters by kissing you in front of them." She giggled again, catching his lips with hers and humming against them.


	88. Auntie Missy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The event following a water fight go down hill fast

CH 88

Many kisses and two pairs of swollen lips later, the Doctor pulled away, taking River’s hand and leading them out the door.

She leaned into him and smiled as they walked out and found the girls, "Hello, my loves."

"Hi mummy!" They waved from the water, Freya floating with the help of a 'floatie' around her waist and Amelia staying up with the help of Clara. "Come in!"

She pulled off her sheer dress, tugging the Doctor along with her. "Have you two been behaving yourselves?" She asked the two girls.

Amelia nodded. "I waited a whole hour after lunch before getting back in and I didn't try to practice going underwater without Auntie Clara." She told her mother, proudly.

River smiled, gliding into the water and over to relieve Amelia from Clara. "Good, I'm very proud of you."

"I can hold me breath for ten seconds!" She announced to her as her father tested the water and came in after them.

"Can you really? Would you like to show me?" She asked, looking very impressed by her daughter's announcement.

"I wanna show you, too!" Freya kicked her legs in attempt to paddle towards them, though proved to be rather slow.

"Alright, but only one at a time." She instructed, not really liking the idea of both girls underwater at once.

"Me first, me first!" Freya cried, squirming out of her floatie and into her mother's arms. "Will you time me?"

"Yes, of course, but don't force yourself to stay under, alright?"

She nodded, taking the biggest breath that could fit into her lungs and submerging herself while holding her nose. She came up nine seconds later, panting a little, but grinning wildly.

River quickly wrapped her arms around the little girl to give her a rest, "That was nearly ten seconds. It was wonderful! You've gotten so good at holding your breath."

"I've been practicing all morning!" Freya say smugly.

"My turn!" Amelia bounced.

"Alright, ready?" River smiled after helping Freya back onto her float.

She nodded, taking a smaller breath before the bigger one, doing as her sister had done just a moment ago. She stayed under two seconds longer than Freya had and coming up slightly more breathless. River scooped her up, holding Amelia to her chest so she could catch her breath, "Are you alright, sweetie?" She asked, a bit concerned when she saw her so breathless.

"Yes." She nodded, squirming a bit to look up at her. "How long was I?"

"That was eleven seconds, very impressive." She praised, "That's a very long time to hold your breath for."

"Clara can hold her breath for thirty seconds. One day, I'm gonna be able to hold my breath for a whole minute!" Her eyes sparkled.

"A whole minute? Well you're going to need a bit more practice, but you'll be able to do it one day." She smiled, kissing her forehead.

"How long can you and daddy hold your breaths?" She asked curiously.

"Well, I don't know. We've never really timed it."

"I'll count for you!" She chirped.

River hesitated, "How about you count for Daddy, yeah? I'd rather not… get my hair all wet." She came up with a lame excuse, kissing her head.

The Doctor splashed over to them. Being in the water made him a bit childish and he was ready to play what ever games they wanted him to. River giggled at his childish-ness, sending a splash his way.

“Mummy will you help me count how long daddy can hold his breath?" Amelia asked, kicking her feet a little to splash at her father.

“Of course, my darling. Ready?" "1...2...3!" She cued her father to go underwater and her did so with a small splash. River counted with Amelia, helping her along when she stumbled as the numbers climbed higher.

The Doctor made it two minutes before he surfaced in a fit of bubbles. "How'd I do?"

"Two Minutes!" Amelia cried, splashing into his arms. "That was the longest time ever! Can you teach me how to do that?!"

"Well there isn't a specific trick to it. Timelords just happen to have a well working respiratory bypass system." He could have gone much longer than that, but he didn't want to show off or give his daughter any ideas about staying under that long. "You're still to early in your first regeneration to have the hang of using yours."

She hugged him, he was her hero and a lot of things he did amazed and fascinated her, even if she would one day be able to do them too.

"How would you and your sister like to learn how to fly the TARDIS?" He grinned down at his daughter. It had always been one of his goals to teach them to fly their ship and today was as good a day as any to start.

Her eyes grew wide, and sparkled, "We would love it!"

"Are you sure that's a good idea? They're still pretty little." River was a bit less enthusiastic about the idea.

"It's not like I'm going to show them how to get anyplace dangerous. I just want to show them what all the buttons and bits do, maybe even show them how to get into the vortex.” River bit her lip, nodding slowly, still a bit unsure.

"Mummy, can Auntie Clara stay for dinner?" Freya asked.

"Yes, of course. If she would like to." She smiled towards Clara who nodded.

"I'd love to stay!”

He smiled and was about to suggest they leave when Freya spoke again. "We don't have to go yet do we? I still want to play!"

"Alright, ten more minutes, and then we have to go back."

"Yay!" She cheered.

"Splash fight!" Amelia giggled and hugged her father tighter, "Daddy! Protect me!"

"I've got you!" He blocked the oncoming bought of waves and flying water droplets, most of it landing on him. He returned the action, sweeping his arm through the water to create a big wave.

River gasped as she was splashed by the huge wave he created, retaliating with a rather large wave of her own. The attacks of water went back and forth between them, giggles and shrieks coming from their daughters until all four of them were drenched and laughing.

River was laughing, gasping after receiving a mouthful of water. "I think we won." Freya declared, smiling up at River.

"Yes, I think we did." She smiled, kissing her cheek.

"Look, my fingers are all wrinkly." She held up her raisin like fingers.

River laughed, "Yes, my love, so are mine." She showed hers in return.

"Can we go learn how to fly the TARDIS now?" Freya asked, poking River's wrinkled finger pads.

She smiled and nodded, "Come on." She started climbing out of the water. Clara and the Doctor followed with Amelia, wrapping her and Freya in big fluffy towels when they got to shore. River handed the Doctor and Clara towels of their own, wrapping hers around herself and standing close to her husband for extra warmth.

"I have a feeling a certain two will be dragging us to the swimming pool more often." He said, arms sneaking around her waist.

She giggled, nuzzling her nose against his neck, "Hmm, I think you're right."

"Are you girls ready to learn how to fly the TARDIS?" He turned to his daughters.

They nodded excitedly, jumping around his feet. "Yes! Yes!"

He frantically dried his hair with his towel as they headed back inside. The girls bounced about excitedly, Freya wearing her towel like a cape. The console room was warmer than when he was last in it, the TARDIS fending off any chill they might have had from being in the water.

"I'm going to go make you all something to snack on." River murmured, kissing his cheek after the girls refused to wait until after they changed.

"Alright-y then, girls. Looks like it's just you and me." He clapped his hands together and briefly skimmed his fingers over the controls before scooping Amelia up on his hip. "I'm going to show you what everything does, first."

"What does this one do?" Freya asked, standing on her tip toes and peering over the console, pressing one of the bright green buttons. There was a sudden jolt in the TARDIS, and then it started spinning, much different than what the button was supposed to do.

The Doctor stumbled, landing on him bum so Amelia wasn't hurt. He wobbly got to his feet and pressed the green buttons again to counteract the spinning. "Okay, new rule. No touching things unless daddy says it's okay first." He said a little breathlessly. "Those are supposed to bring you to back to that last place you went, but when you're in park, it starts the engines which shouldn't be started unless you make sure the shields are up and the stabilizers are on and there's minimum resistance in your path or travel." He said all in one breath. "I believe we just bounced off the time vortex. Is everyone alright?"

Freya nodded, having been saved from harm by Clara, who also nodded. "Umm, Doctor? I think I heard some commotion down the hall." Clara piped up.

"Clara, you wouldn't mind keeping an eye on these two for half a tic? Just gotta make sure River is okay..." He said, trying to keep the slightly raising panic out of his voice. She nodded, taking Amelia's hand.

"River?" He walked briskly down the hall. "River, you all right?" Loud banging noises were coming from the kitchen, growing louder the closer he got. "River?...!" His walk turned into a jog as he rushed towards the source of the noise.

River suddenly burst through the door, running straight into him. He stumbled, falling backwards. They landed in a heap, the Doctor a bit squashed by her, but  immediately looked her over for injuries. "River! Is everything okay? Are you hurt?"

She nodded, wrapping one arm around her middle and looking back at the door she had just come out of as if waiting to run from someone about to come out. He raised an eyebrow at her. "Are you sure? River what's going on? What was all that banging?"

"Doctor, I saw her." She whispered, though she didn't specify who 'her was' "She's here."

"'Her'? River, who's 'her'?" He asked quickly, seeing by River's reaction that 'she' was not here for tea.

"Missy." River whispered, clutching onto him.

He stared at her. "No. That... that can't be. She's dead. I saw it with my own eyes. She's dead!"

"Where are the girls?" She asked, her words followed by a loud bang.

"In the console room with Clara." He whispered, stomach turning in an icy knot. River whirled around, staring at the door. "How can she be here, River?" He reached for her hand, gripping it tightly.

"I don't know." She whispered, "What's happening." She took a step towards the door.

"...Freya pressed something on the console, maybe that could've..." He shook his head. "We need to get out of here."

"Hello, dearest! I'm baaaaack!" Missy beamed, stepping -or rather breaking- through the doors in front of them.

The Doctor's jaw tightened, instinctively stepping in front of River. "Get out."

"And what does the pet have on today. Quite the scandalous outfit if you ask me. Oh, and you can see her little baby bump, how _precious_."Missy smiled, a bitter, rotten undertone was audible beneath the overly false cheeriness.  

"What do you want." He kept his eyes narrowed at her. He had thought that his old childhood friend was buried somewhere beneath there, but now didn't believe that for a second.

"Nothing! Just thought I'd pop by and...say hello." She was quickly approaching them, diving in to give him a kiss.

He ducked to the side, pulling River aside with him so the woman dove for open air. "Well I don't want to see you. How are you even here? You died." River stayed close to her husband, jaw clenched, one arm protectively wrapped around her middle.

"Oh, so protective of your little trollop, aren't you?" She avoided his question. "And after all you've done to her, she's still loyal, such a good dog." Missy eyed River, lower lip puckering out playfully.

River's eyes narrowed, "He didn't do anything, it was all you."

"And a gold star for the trollop. But I really should take all the credit. After all, I wasn't the one who left his family for the only other pure Timelord around." She said the word family with disgust, refusing to consider River or her children as people the Doctor cared about.

Amelia suddenly came bounding down the hall, "Daddy? Where are you? Where's Mumma?" She stopped when she saw her parents and a strange woman with them.

His eyes went wide. "Amelia. Go back to Auntie Clara. Now." His tone was deadly serious.

"And who have we here?" Missy's eyes grew wide with evil delight, "I'm Auntie Missy! I'm here to replace your 'Mummy.'"

The girl frowned. "But I like my mummy. I don't want her to go away."

She laughed, "Silly girl, I don't care a slightest bit what you like and want. I'm here to put a whole new meaning to the phrase 'Wicked Step-Mother."

Tears welled up in Amelia's eyes. "I don't want a wicked step mother! I want mummy! I don't like you, I don't want you to take mummy! Mummy!" She cried. "Mummy! Make her go away! Don't let her take you!"

River scooped Amelia up in her arms, holding her protectively away from Missy, "Shhh, nobody's being taken. She's not going to replace me, it's alright." She tried to calm her daughter, looking up to at the Doctor.

Amelia clung to River and the Doctor grit his teeth at Missy. "You have no right. YOu come in here and terrorize my child and threaten my wife. You need to leave before I make you."

She put her hands on her hips, "Well, look who's Mr. Grumpy."

He took a step towards her, every thing about him angry, his eyes piercing. "Leave. Now. I'm not warning you again."

She smirked, "Not until I get my goodbye kiss."

"You expect, that after all you've done, that I would want to kiss you?" He said in disbelief.

"Because we're the last two Time Lords left and we're _meant_ to be together." She reached out to touch his cheek.

He caught her wrist, making sure she didn't touch him. "And that's where you're wrong. I'm meant to be with River. She's the only one I _want_ to be with. Even if we were the last to people in the universe, I'd never want to be with you."

"Oh, Doctor. Why can't you ever just..." She leaned in close, smiling wickedly, "say something nice?"

His stomach dropped. He had seen her say this a number of times and death was too often what followed.

"And what if I refuse?"

River held Amelia tighter, sensing, by the way the Doctor's face changed, that the words she had just said were a trigger for something.

"Well than I'll do exactly what you think I'm going to do."  She smirked evilly. "But I do find it refreshing for last words not to be begging for me to spare their life."

"Doctor..." River breathed, turning her body so she was shielding Amelia a bit more.

"River..." He whispered. "Run."

"Well those aren't very good ones." Missy pouted, lunging forward and grabbing onto River before she could run. "But since I like you, I'll give you one more go at it."

His palms were becoming sweaty. "Please... don't do this. I can't live without them."

"Did you not hear what I said about the begging?" She hummed, "You know, I love having leverage over you, it makes things so much more exciting. So, let's take it one at a time, right? I say we start with...the baby first." She smiled, pointing her device directly against River's abdomen, not yet pressing any buttons.  

His fists clenched and unclenched anxiously. There must have been -had to be- words, something that could could say to make her stop this. "Have you ever heard of Demons Run, Missy?"

"No, why?" Her eyes narrowed. "Do you know why they call it that?" He pushed, stalling as much time as he could for River to find an escape or for him to come up with a better plan.

"Enlighten me, Doctor." She watched him carefully, pressing the device harder against River when she struggled.

"Because demons run when a good man goes to war." His expression hardened as he walked closer. "Ask them. Ask Madame Kovarian and the Silence what happens when you threaten someone I love. Ask the Cybermen, the Daleks, the Sontarans, the Zygons the Zykorax, the Slithiine, the Great Intelligence, the Mara, the Haemovores. The list goes on, Missy. Go ahead and ask them about every black day I set upon them, about all of the destruction I've caused because they _dared_ to threaten me or my family." His voice was becoming louder as he spoke.

"Missy, I know that you hate me, I know. But please, don't hurt my baby, I'll do anything." River murmured.

"And what could you do for me? You're just a useless pet. You're worthless." She struggled again, "I'm not useless, I'm not worthless, and I'm nobody's pet."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, dear." She pressed the device closer to River's skin. "But that still doesn't answer my question."

"I can do anything you want, as long as you promise not to hurt the baby or my daughters." She didn't need to mention the Doctor, since she knew that Missy wasn't going to hurt him.

"It's very tempting dear-y..." This was starting to catch her attention. "Think of how many planets I could destroy with your help. Ooh, this is going to be fun, isn't it!"

She swallowed, "It could be very fun for you, as long as you hold up your end of the deal."

"I can say I'll never hurt your children, but I can't say you that little one," She gestured to River's belly "won't get hurt. I mean, people do tend to shoot at you when you're trying to kill them. Such a setback, it's annoying really."

River looked to the Doctor, her eyes wide and breaths shallow.

"Don't you dare take her." He bit out.

"Well, if you don't want me to do that than you'd better be prepared to offer me a deal of equal or greater value." She pursed her lips, "So let me hear it."

He was silent for a moment. There was nothing in the universe he valued more than River, and in his opinion, nothing that could come close to her value to him. "The TARDIS. Take it, but leave my family alone."

"No! Doctor, don't." River whispered, shaking her head.

"Oh, quite the tempting offer, I think I might have to take you up on that one." Missy smiled.

"Now let River go." He said through clenched teeth, trying to ignore River's protest.

"Doctor, please, don't do this. Don't trade the TARDIS for me." River begged as Missy let go of her, pushing her roughly in the direction of the Doctor.

He immediately wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly. "I would trade the universe for you. Just trust me." He whispered.

"Oh, I'm going to love living here." Missy smiled, running her hand along the wall, "Now where's our bedroom, Doctor?" She opened the nearest door, peering inside.

"We don't have a bedroom." He glared. "Come on, River, let's go."

"Doctor, this is our home. Where are we going to live? What are we going to do? We can't just leave." She whispered, holding onto him tightly, refusing to leave.

"I-I don't know... I've DNA locked the controls, she won't be able to go anywhere." He had thought that Missy might eventually get bored and abandon the ship, or perhaps the TARDIS would play tricks on her and irritate her enough to make her leave.

Missy cleared her throat, standing behind them with her hands on her hips, "And where do you think you're going?"

"You have the TARDIS now. You have the most powerful ship in the universe, and on top of that our home. That was the deal wasn't it? My family gets to be safe and away from you while you get the tromp around our home?" Any words directed towards her were as cold as he could make them.

"No, I believe the deal was that your pet and your children would be protected, there was nothing about you in that deal. And I think I'm going to keep you!" She smiled, reaching out to grab him.

"Oi!" He attempted to dodge her. "You can't do that! You can't bloody keep me here like a dog. I gave you my home. That's it, end of, you can't have me, too."

She stomped her feet like a child, "You. Are. Mine! You have to stay!"

"No." He said sternly. River swallowed, holding his hand tighter and tried to tug him down the hall. It took his a moment before his feet started moving. He was starting to doubt this plan more and more, not to mention they were fleeing with nothing but bathing suits with them.

"Where are we going to go?" River whispered, practically running through the halls, trying to get as far from Missy as possible.

"I don't suppose there's time to change, is there?" A sonic screwdriver and a vortex manipulator would be very useful at the moment.

"Not really, you should have thought about that before you bartered off our bloody home." She growled.

"Oh, well sorry for choosing the love of my life and our unborn child over and eleventh dimensional sentient time machine." He countered. "We're still in Clara's time, she can help us."

River ran into the console room, scooping up Amelia once again, along with the two cats she had been playing with. "Come on, we have to go."

"Where are we going?" Clara was unaware of the situation.

"What about Samantha?" Amelia worried, the third of their cats not with them.

"Anywhere but here." River started calling for the cat, setting Amelia down again and shooing her towards the door before grabbing everything she could. There wasn't much in the console room that wasn't attached to the controls. The Doctor's jacket was one of the things there along with a stray few of the girl's toys.

The small white cat came from one of the halls along with Missy's voice, "Ready or not, here I come!" As if she was playing hide and seek.

  1. **River grabbed the cat and the rest of the things, chasing everyone out. "Come on! Go!" Missy's insane laugh rang off the walls as the five hurried out of the blue doors.**




	89. Little Blue Box

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The timelord family is stranded and not quite sure what to do.

CH 89

 

"What was that??" Clara asked, panicked.

"You don't want to know." River barely paused for a breath, looking around for some way to get away, "Doctor, I don't know what to do."

"Jacket." He gestured for her to give him the tweed. She glared at him, throwing the jacket at him. He fished out his sonic, instantly scanning the TARDIS. "She's deleting rooms..." He sighed. "Clara, how far is your house from here?"

"By car, about an hour, maybe more." She said after glancing around.

"Well there's got to be one around here somewhere..." He glanced around, avoiding River's eyes. "...Sorry." River was furious, fuming where she stood, just glaring at him. "I couldn't let someone else take you. Not again. She was going to make you k-" He stopped before he could say kill in front of his daughters. "She was going to but your life in danger, our baby's life in danger. I couldn't let it happen... I didn't want to be without you."

"I didn't want that either! But you didn't have to go and give away our bloody home! Where are we going to live? What are we going to do? I'm not even wearing any proper clothes! None of us are! We don't even have a way to get back to London and it'll be dark soon!" Her voice broke, this day had just gone from bad to worse. First she had been practically kicked out of the university, and now she had just been kicked out of her home.

The girls clung to Clara's leg, not sure what was going on, but not at all liking it.

"We can find a car somewhere. Or a bus, either would work... We can go to Clara's or Torchwood..." He knew River was right about everything, but it was the only thing he could think to keep Missy away from them. This woman was tearing apart their lives piece by piece and he had no idea how to stop her. "We'll get the TARDIS back, River. I swear."

"I am not taking the bus in my bloody bikini!" She hissed, "And how do you expect to get the TARDIS back? How long do you expect it to take? We could be stuck like this for months!"

"We could _steal_ a bus if it makes you feel more secure. " He ran a hand through his still damp hair, feeling more guilty by the second. "Yes, you're right it could take months. But it matters to me that that time isn't going to spent with a mad Timelady on our heels! That time isn't going to be spent away from you and our children and it isn't going to be spent searching the universe to find what ever planet she would have dragged you off to. Yes, the TARDIS -our home- is gone for now, but there is a reason that Gaius Secundus said 'home is wear your heart is'."

Though he did have a very good point, and she knew she really shouldn't be that angry, she still was, "I'm not stealing a bus."

"Well it's either we steal a vehicle or walk, since you don't want to pay for public transport." He sighed, tone becoming a bit more gentle.

"It's not that I don't want to pay it's that I'm not wearing any clothes and I'd prefer not to be gawked at in my bathing suit." She huffed, crossing her arms.

"Well than we're stealing a c-"

"Um..." Clara cut him off with a cough. "I have a friend who lives about ten minutes from here. He could give us a ride." She looked between the couple.

River looked at her for a moment, "That would be wonderful." She murmured, throwing what little they had into her purse, which luckily had been left under the console earlier, "Would you care to lead us?"

Clara nodded. "Need me to carry anything? One of the cats, maybe?"

"Yes, please." She breathed, looking at the cats mulling around her feet, meowing angrily. "And you girls must be freezing." She murmured, beckoning the girls over.

They nodded slowly, huddling close to her legs as well. "Mummy, why can't we go in the TARDIS?" River had never told them about Missy the first time the woman was there, leaving the girls to question what was going on.

She bit her lip, "I'll tell you later, my darlings." She kissed their forehead, trying to just be happy that they were safe for now, "For now, let's get going so we can warm up, yeah?"

"Are we going to stay with Auntie Clara?" Amelia looked up at her.

"Can I hold Mr. Thomas?" Freya asked.

River nodded, handing Freya the cat, "We'll see, sweetie. We don't really know yet."

"I've never slept outside the TARDIS before..." She reached up and took River's hand.

She scooped Amelia up instead, kissing her cheek, "I know, sweetheart, but it's going to be a new adventure for us, yeah?"

"We don't bring the kitties on adventures with us..." She buried her face in to River's shoulder, seeking warmth. The Doctor put his jacket around them.

River nodded, her own teeth chattering from the cold air as they began walking, "Yes, I know, but they're going to come this time." She rest her cheek against the girl's head, rubbing her back to warm her up.

"Can we have something warm for dinner?"

"Of course we can."

After a bit of walking (it ended up being a bit further than Clara had originally thought, more like thirty minutes), they finally arrived at Clara’s friend's house, freezing from the cold.

"Danny!" Clara knocked impatiently on the door. River was trying to calm Amelia down after she had started crying about how cold and hungry she was and how she wanted to go home. She was still quite cross with the Doctor and refused to speak to him.

The door opened the smile on the mans, who was presumably Danny, face quickly turning into a confused look. "Clara. You've brought... people. In bathing suites." He glanced over the group. "With small children and cats."

"Oh, thank god! Right, Danny, these are my friends the Doctor, River, their two children and their three cats. Everyone, this is Danny. They've got a bit of a problem with their home right now, long story, tell you later, but I was wondering, will you drive us back to my place?" She spoke fairly quickly, batting her eyelashes at the end, shivering.

"Uh..." This seemed to confuse him more. "Sure...? Why don't you all come inside for a moment... I'll get my coat." He gestured for them to follow him inside. River stepped inside behind Clara, feeling as though she might fall over, still carrying a crying Amelia.

"So... why are you in bathing suits?" Danny queried, glancing as the tearful toddler in River's arms. "Is she okay?"

"Well, uh, we were all out at the lake and well, there wasn't really any time for us to change, like I said, long story, tell you about it later." Clara rubbed her arms, trying to warm up, "And Amelia's fine, just cold, and hungry and missing her blankie."

"I just went to the market, can I get you guys some tea, some food?" He knew Clara enough for the weirdness of the situation not to actually seem very odd. He had a soft spot for children though, Amelia's sobs making him want to make her feel better.

"Actually, if you wouldn't mind, both would be fantastic." Clara smiled.

"Right, okay. Um- make yourselves comfortable. There's blankets in the chest," He pointed to the couches and the old looking chest he had. "I'll put the kettle on."

River took Freya's hand with her free one and lead her over to the couch, setting Amelia down as well. She retrieved a blanket from the chest, wrapping it around the two girls and the wriggling cats in their laps, then handed them each one of the toys that had been grabbed from the console room.

Clara followed Danny out of the room, going to help him prepare the food.

The Doctor wrapped one of the blankets around River, knowing that she was freezing, too. He didn't try to say anything, letting her blame him for all of this. She wrapped an arm around her belly, closing her eyes, her face only appearing more distressed than it had been when they had first left the TARDIS.

"I'm sorry." He finally said. "I shouldn't have bargained away the TARDIS. I just... couldn't think of anything else to stop her- I still can't think of anything, but the point is that is was stupid of me."

"Just...don't." She breathed, her forehead creasing slightly in pain, "It's fine."

"River... are you okay?" He dropped the subject of the TARDIS, but grew concerned at her pained expression.

She swallowed, "The vitamins you gave me to take. I don't have them. They're back in the TARDIS." She whispered.

"Ah, oh, um, okay. Not good." He scratched his chin. "Are you having cramps?"

She nodded, "They're not very frequent, but they're still there and getting stronger." She murmured.

His eyes widened. "Sit down.” He said, even though she already was. “I'm going to get you something to stop it." He ungracefully rushed to the kitchen. "Danny! You wouldn't happen to have anything in your house with cyclooxygenase in it? Or tramadol or acetaminophen?”

Danny looked up, spilling a bit of the tea, "I don't...um... no?" He looked from the Doctor to Clara who looked just as startled and confused.

"Is everything alright?" Clara asked.

"Yes. Well, not really, so no. But it have it under control... ish. I just _really_ need something with cyclooxygenase or tramadol or acetaminophen."

"I've never heard of any of those things." Danny frowned, looking again at Clara who also shrugged.

The Doctor huffed, slightly annoyed. "Never mind, give me one of those cups of tea."

Clara quickly handed him a cup of tea, "What's going on?"

"River, cramps, baby, vitamins..." He threw the words out there as he went around the kitchen. He took a tissue from the box, a bit of banana peel from the plate of snacks they'd prepared, some ground of of coffee from the bag he saw on the counter and a few various other things. He took a spoon and stirred his mixture rapidly, sonicing it as well.

"Baby?" Clara's eyes grew wide, "You mean...?" She squealed, running and hugging him tightly, "That's fantastic! Congratulations!"

The Doctor shrugged her off as best he could. "Yes, exciting, but I'm trying to make sure the baby actually stays in her, right now. No hugging, need to mix." He focused to the strange mix of what used to be tea. "Hand me the sugar."

"Oh, right." She quickly ran to get the sugar just as a loud half pained, half terrified moan came from River in the other room.

He mixed as fast as he could, her sounds sending a bit of fear through him. He soniced the drink again for good measure, hurrying back into the other room.

River was on the verge of tears when he got  back, trying to breathe through the pain, letting out another sob. The girls were equally as panicked, not understanding what was going on.

"River, I need you to drink this." She took the drink, gagging when the smell hit her nose, feeling like she was about to be sick. "It doesn't taste nearly as bad as it smells. Okay, that might be a lie, I haven't tasted it, but you need to drink this, River. It'll help you."

She shook her head, terrified, "I don't think I can, I don't think I'll be able to keep it down."

"Just hold your nose and try for me, yeah?" He urged.

She took a breath and downed the glass, almost immediately gagged, her face practically turning green.

"That's it." He unconsciously took her hand. "Just breathe. Do you need something to clear the taste?" She shook her head, pressing her lips together to try and keep from sobbing, holding his hand tightly.

They stayed like that for a few minutes.

"Better?" She shook her head, though nothing hurt anymore, she didn't feel mentally okay. "River..." He brought the hand that wasn't holding hers up to cup her cheek. "Tell me what's wrong."

"I can't do this." She whispered, placing her hand over his.

"...Do what?" His thumb stroked over skin.

"I can't lose another baby." A few tears started to trickle down her cheeks, "I can't keep fighting with you. I can't lose my job. I can't deal with Missy. I-I want to go home."

"I don't want to fight with you either. River, look at me. This will all work out eventually. I know I can't promise you that, and I know I don't have any control over those things, but know you how much I would do for you to make sure things work out. I will do everything in my power to make sure this baby lives, everything I can to make sure you keep your job, and everything I can to get rid of Missy and get our home back. I'll even be the one to deal with her, you don't have to see her again." She nodded, trying to keep herself from completely breaking down. "It'll be okay." He repeated. "I'll think of something, I always do."

She nodded slowly, wrapping her arms around him and burying her face in his neck. They stayed like that for a few moments until the girls, who had previously fled into the kitchen, came back with Clara carrying snacks and tea.

River was reluctant to let him go, smiling at her daughters to assure them that everything was alright now.

"Um..." Clara coughed lightly, setting down the food on the table. "Everything alright now? Sounded like something not so good was happening." The girls went straight to the snacks, the cats jumping on the table and eating the fish Clara had added for them.

"Yes, I think everything's alright, for a few hours at least." She breathed, putting a hand protectively over her stomach.

"Congratulations on the baby." She said. "I'm really quite happy for you both."

“Thank you.” River managed a smile.

"Can I get you something? Food, tea?" Clara didn't want her to have to get up.

"Actually, some food and some tea would be nice." She smiled softly. Clara fetched River a cup, taking pieces of the fruit and crackers to offer as well.

"Thank you, dear." She smiled, taking the things from her, laying back exhausted on the couch.

"I'll run out and get you... what ever things it were that the Doctor was talking about as soon as we get to my house."

"You don't have to do that." She murmured, "The Doctor and I can stop by Torchwood, I'm sure they'll have it all."

"Oh. Well, you're welcome to stay at my house for the night. I've got a warm bed and clothes for you."

"We would really appreciate that." She nodded.

"Right, then. Torchwood first, then to my house." Clara smiled warmly, happy to help her friends.

"Daddy?" Freya whispered, stumbling over to him, "I'm tired. I wanna go home."

He scooped her up. "We're going to have a sleep over at Auntie Clara's tonight, lovie."

"But I can't sleep without my blankie." She whispered.

"I'm sorry, there's not much we can do about that..." He glanced at River. "I bet Auntie Clara has a blankie you can borrow for tonight."

"I don't want Auntie Clara's blankie, I want my blankie." She whimpered.

He swallowed, looking at River for help. "Auntie Clara's blankie is special, though. When we were on an adventure...um, on a boat, she accidentally dropped it in the water but a mermaid came and gave it back to her after putting a charm on it.”

She sniffled, rubbing her eyes "Really? Was she pretty?"

He nodded. "Her scales were like ivory, it was like the stars shone from them."

"Was she even prettier than Mummy?" She asked, starting to calm down as she listened to his story.

"Well I don't think anybody it prettier than mummy." He pointed out. "If the mermaids could see your mummy, they'd make her the queen."

She smiled softly, "And they'd put seaweed and pearls in her hair!"

"Exactly. And she'd get to sit on a golden throne all day, and the throne room is made of white marble with silver designs in the floor."

"What do mermaids eat?"

Amelia asked, as Freya asked, "What color would Mummy's tail me? Or my tail? Or your tail?!" She was feeling much better now, forgetting about her blankie.

"Well, lets see. Mermaids eat a lot of sea food, but mostly the plants they can grow in their gardens." He painted a picture of a city of mer-people for them. "I think mummy's tail would be a beautiful blue-green, like her eyes. And mine would be a deep blue like the sky when it's night. And since you're our children, you'd have similar colors." He though a moment. "When mermaid are still kids, their tails are very bright, so you'd have very bright blue and green tails."  

"And if Mummy's the mermaid queen, does that mean your the king?" Freya asked. "And are we the princesses?"

"Absolutely." He grinned softly. "And you, my brave mermaid princess, get to have the special mermaid blanket tonight."

She smiled, hugging him tightly, "I love you, Daddy."

He held her tightly. "I love you, too, sweetheart."

She yawned, cuddling into him further and closing her eyes.

"I think we'd better get going. These two are getting tired." He looked up and Clara who had settled on the couch next to River.

Clara nodded, "Would you mind driving us somewhere before we go to my place?" She asked Danny.

"Sure, I guess so." He nodded, slightly uncertain. "Where?"

"I'll direct you." She smiled, kissing his cheek, "Right, you lot. Let's go!"

The girls stuffed a few more pieces of fruit into their mouths and each picked up a cat. The Doctor offered his hand out to River. She smiled weakly and took his hand. Helping her up, he made sure that the cats and the girls were both following as Danny lead them out to his car.

"So, we've got a bit of a drive to London. Would now be a good time to ask about what's happening?" Danny asked, pulling out onto the street.

Clara explained as they started to drive, the girls eventually falling asleep, followed by River, her head resting on the Doctor's shoulder.


	90. William

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Auntie Clara to the rescue.

CH 90

 

"You should all stay here." The Doctor said, more to Clara and Danny since they were the ones still awake, as they pulled up to Torchwood. "I just need to grab some things, I'll be very quick."

Clara shook her head, "I'll go, don't disturb her." She smiled, gesturing to his wife asleep on his shoulder. "What'd you say you needed again?"

"Cyclooxygenase, tramadol, and acetaminophen. Oh, and if you can get Jack's vortex manipulator, that'd be great."

"Right! Be back in a tick." She smiled, hopping out of the car and running inside.

"Clara?" Ianto was at the front desk used as a disguise for the real entrance. "What are you doing here?"  

"The Doctor's here actually, outside. Just running in to grab a few things that he needs."

"Right." He nodded, pressing a button to let her into the hub. "Go ahead." She waved in thanks, running inside.

Jack had just finished pinning down a weevil to the autopsy table, thanks to some help from Gwen. "Ah!  Miss Clara," He said it a bit of a mock tone. "What brings you to the hub? And if it's for what I think it is, than I hope you're up from a threesome."

Clara pretended to gag, "'fraid not, just came by to grab some stuff for the Doctor, "Cyclooxygenase, tramadol and acetaminophen?"

Jack raised his eye brows in confusion. "What the hell does he need those for?"

"Don't know... He said he needed it for River."

His eyes widened. "Is she okay? Is she hurt??"

She raised an eyebrow, surprised, "You’re awfully worried about her."

"Well can you blame me?" He said over his shoulder as he went to search for the pills. "She's one of my best friends and she's... well, River Song!"

"She's fine, I think. I'm not really sure why she needs the pills though. They're outside if you want to talk to them."

He shook his head and handed her the bottle. "I'm actually pretty busy at the moment. Tell you what, if something goes wrong, get River to come here and I can help. Tell them I say 'hi'."

She nodded, "You sure? I think they have something they want to tell you."

He waved it off. "If it was super important, they'd come in here. Besides, I have a feeling that I'll be seeing them soon anyways."

She nodded, "Thanks for these. Oh! And chance I could grab your vortex manipulator too?"

"What, TARDIS isn’t good enough for you?"

"Actually, we don't have the TARDIS anymore."

"What do you mean? It didn't just up and disappear?"

"No! We kind of...um...had to abandon it. I don't really know the details, but you can ask the Doctor when you see him."

"...Oh. Let them know my door is open any time they need."  He had learned a long time ago not to ask very many questions.

"I will. Thank you!" She called, running out. The Doctor had lulled off to sleep as well by the time Clara returned to the car.

"Could you drop us off at my flat?" Clara asked Danny.

"Sure. I'm really sorry about what happened to your friends, by the way." He said.

She nodded, "Me too. I wish I could do more for them, they've been through a lot in the past year. Well… they're always doing a lot, but more so in the past year."

"Am I allowed to know any of what they've been though?" He was curious, but knew when to keep to his boundary.

She bit her lip, "Honestly, I don't think it's really my place to say."

He nodded again. "I thought as much. Though I can’t imagine something much worse than getting kicked out of your house with nothing but a your clothes... well, lack of."

"Trust me, it can get a lot worse." She sighed, looking back at her sleeping friends.

"Poor guys. It's great that you're offering to help them out."

She nodded, "Thanks."

"No problem." He murmured.

The rest of the car ride was set with a companionable hush. When they finally arrived, Clara woke the two adults, helping them carry the girls, the cats and their minimal belongings.

"I'm sorry my flat's so small. You all can sleep in my room, though I’m afraid someone's going to have to sleep on the floor. I'll sleep on the pull out in the living room."

"Thank you, Clara." The Doctor said quietly so he wouldn't disturb the sleeping Timetots. "For everything, it really means a lot."

She nodded, "Of course, it's my pleasure." She ran into her closet, grabbing clothes for herself and then two small nightgowns, "I've got these from the last school play, they'll probably be a bit big on the girls, but much more comfortable and warm than bathing suits. River, help yourself to anything you'd like. I'll take you to the shops tomorrow to get actual clothes."

The Doctor took the night gowns from her. "I don't suppose you have anything for me?"

"Oh, that's what I meant to ask Danny, I knew I was forgetting something. I'm afraid not. Well...I think there's a t-shirt in my dresser that's much too big on me, so it might fit you. Your welcome to try it."

He nodded. "But you got the vortex manipulator, right?" He was starting to synthesize a plan for how to deal with Missy.

She nodded, “Yeah, here you go." She handed it to him.

He nodded his thanks, debating for a moment weather he should stay up and work on his plan or do it in the morning. The latter won him over when he glanced at his sleeping daughters. "I really can't thank you enough for helping us." He smiled weakly. "I ought to call it a night, though."

"Of course! Anything for a friend." She smiled, "I'll leave you all to sleep. Night!” She waved, then disappeared to go change into her nightgown.

The Doctor headed into the bedroom Clara was letting them sleep in, deciding to look for the over sized t-shirt she'd mentioned. River lay Amelia down on the bed, carefully changing her into the nightgown Clara had given her. The cats all ran around the room, Tiber jumping up on the bed and curling up on one of the pillows.

"Think there's room for all four of us?" The Doctor asked quietly, not wanting to wake the twins.

She shook her head, "You sleep up on the bed with the girls, I'll sleep on the floor." She sighed, starting to change Freya.

Finding the shirt with a triumphant grin, he started to put it on. "There is no way I'm letting my _pregnant_ wife sleep an a cold hard floor. I wouldn't want you sleeping on the floor even if you weren't pregnant." He added.

She bit her lip, "It's fine. I don't mind." She murmured, tucking the girls into the bed, kissing each of their foreheads.

"Well I do. Sleep on the bed and save yourself the back ache." He urged.

She bit her lip, "Are you sure? You'll have a back ache if you sleep on the floor." She opened up the dresser, looking for something to wear.

"Positive. And I'll probably be fine. Won't even complain about it in the morning."

"Okay." She looked through the drawers, "Do you see anything that looks like it will fit me?"

He peered in over her shoulder into the drawer. "Hmm... this maybe?" He held up one of the nighties.

She raised an eyebrow, "Really? It looks like it'll be a bit...tight."

He held the dress up against her as if measuring. "I suppose so..." He scanned over the assortment of clothes again, this time pulling out a shirt and pajama bottoms. "How about this?"

She hummed, taking the clothes from him and going to put them on. She frowned, "It's all a bit small, but I suppose it will have to do until Clara takes us shopping tomorrow."

He looked her over, smiling softly and kissing her cheek. "I think you look wonderful."

She smiled weakly, "Thank you."

"Get some rest... It's been a long day." She nodded, kissing his cheek, and then slid into bed. "Sleep well, love." He whispered, turning out the light.

He hoped she would, at the least. After everything that happened today, she deserved a peaceful night. River wrapped her arms around the girls, closing her eyes and settling in for a rather peaceful night.

 

* * *

 

The Doctor woke when the sun was hardly an orange line on the horizon. He sighed, knowing he wouldn't get back to sleep and set to work altering the vortex manipulator with the sonic, hoping the zaps wouldn't wake his family.

River sat up in bed after a while, rubbing her eyes after being awoken by the sound of his tinkering. "...Doctor?"

"Huh..." He glanced over his shoulder at the sound of his name, not noticing that his finger was about to collide with a wire he really shouldn't touch. "Ouch!" His attention was drawn back by the sharp pain in his finger, though it quickly subsided as he stuck the digit in his mouth.

"Doctor?" She mumbled again, still half asleep, sliding out of bed.

"Yeth, Ripher?" He said around his slightly singed finger. "You should be asleep."

"What are you doing up so early?" She murmured, sitting down beside him and resting her head on his arm, closing her eyes again.

"I should be asking you the same." He said slowly. "I couldn't sleep. Besides, I need to work on this."

"What are you working on?" She asked, starting to fall asleep again.

"Jack's vortex manipulator." He stayed still to he wouldn't move her head and bother her. "I was sort of having a plan, well- part of a plan. A bit of a sort of maybe plan that involves this."

"Mmm, that's nice, darling." She breathed, patting his shoulder, not really hearing whatever it was he said.

"You should get back in bed, love. It'll be much more comfortable than the table." He suggested softly.

"I thought I felt the baby kicking, but he's too small still." She mumbled, leaning more into him, accidentally calling the baby a 'he,' still half dreaming.

"You think it's going to be a boy?" He asked quietly, pausing what he was doing.

"I had a dream..." She whispered, "I had a dream that we had a boy, and we named him William."

"I thought you didn't want to name it William anymore." He recalled that conversation, the name reminding both of them painfully of the son that they'd lost.

"I don't. I don't want to name him that. That's the name of our other baby. We can't give that name to someone else." She yawned, nuzzling against his shoulders.

"Oh." It struck him that they'd never addressed their son as William, though that was his planned name. Not when he was born, not when they said goodbye to him, nor on the rare occasion that he was brought up in conversation did they ever call him William.

"I still like the name Arthur or Aurora for a girl." He suggested again, even though she'd said no the last time.

She hummed in approval, liking the names more the second time around. "What about...Terra, for a girl? That was your Mum's name, yeah?"

"It was." He sighed a bit nostalgically. "Though it seems a bit formal."

She hummed softly, "I think it's pretty, just like our baby."

"So is Aurora." He defended, still preferring that name.

"Do you think our baby's a boy or a girl?" She whispered.

"Couldn't really say..." He hummed. "But I have the strangest feeling it will be a girl."

She didn't say anything for a moment, "But the girls want a brother."

"I think the girls will be happy with what ever their little sibling is." He told her.

She shook her head, "When I told Freya that it might not be a boy, she..." She trailed off, pulling away from him slightly, putting her head on her head.

"She what? ...River?"

"She was upset, and if I don't have a boy, I know she'll be upset." She whispered.

"I don't think you should be so worried as to weather it's a boy or girl. It's not like we have control over it, and you don't need another thing to worry about." His tone was gentle. "Freya will be okay if it's a girl. Maybe a little upset at first, but she'll come around."

River looked up at him through upset, worried eyes. "I don't want her to be upset, even if it's for a short time."

He sighed. "You can't cushion everything for her. She's a child, and children get upset sometimes even if you don't want them to. I know you want her to be happy, but that doesn't work for every little thing and you'll strain yourself trying to make sure it does." She swallowed and nodded slowly, staring at the floor. "Tell you what, we still have a long time before we have to deal with that. Why don't you go back to bed? You look tired."

She nodded again, getting up and slowly walking towards the bed, just staring at the sleeping twins for a minute. Both slept soundly, Freya sprawled out slightly and Amelia more curled up. The cats were nestled among the two. River sighed, burying her face in her hands again.

"River?" The Doctor temporarily abandoned his work, standing up and going over to her.

"Yeah?" She breathed, not looking up.

He slipped his arm around her. "You're not letting them down. I promise you, you're not. They'll be okay."

She sighed, leaning into him more, "You'd better be right."

"... _You_ won't be disappointed if it's a girl, will you?"

She hesitated, "...Of course I won't be."

He decided to brush off the hesitation as her being concerned about the girls reaction. It really shouldn't matter if their baby was a girl or boy, or grew up to identify as something completely different. All he wanted was a healthy baby so the girls could be big sisters, so the River could hear it cry when takes it's first breath. "Good."

"As long as the baby's healthy." She forced herself to smile.

"And it will be, this time. Cross my hearts." He assured softly. She nodded, sliding into bed.

He pressed a kiss to her hairline, "...Love you."

"I love you too." She breathed, taking hold of his hand and squeezing softly. He squeezed back, staying by her side until he was such she was sleeping, then going back to his work on the vortex manipulator. 


	91. Spicy Chicken and New Trousers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River and the Doctor talk more about baby names on their first TARDIS-less day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter concludes the end of the mass update so now it's going back to weekly things. But because school doesn't start for a month, I might try to do two chapters a week. Anyways, enjoy and leave a comment!

CH 91

 

Several hours later there was a soft knock at the door before it creaked open and Clara peered inside, "Sorry to bother you, Doctor, but I've got to go to work in a bit. I was thinking, maybe the girls might like to come with me? They could see what school is like and be occupied for the day and you and River could have the day to yourselves. You know, go out to the shops, get some lunch, talk about how to get the TARDIS back." She smiled.

He glanced up at her and then to the sleeping girls. "I suppose I do owe River a nice lunch. Well, several nice lunches probably. And a candle lit dinner." He rambled slightly. "If you're offering, I think it's a great idea."

She nodded, "Great! I'll be happy to have them visit!"

"I'll wake them." He offered. "How soon do you have to leave?"

"Forty five minutes." She smiled.

"Alright, that should be enough time for the girls to be ready." He stood from his chair, stretching a little from soreness of sitting at the desk for so long. Quietly moving towards the bed, he lightly tapped each of the girls shoulders. "Time to wake up, lovies."

"Is it time to go home?" Amelia mumbled, opening her eyes slowly.

A new twinge of guilt made him sigh, "No, not yet. You and your sister are going to spend the day with Auntie Clara at her work. Would you like that?"

"Will you come too?" She asked, holding onto his hand.

"Um..." He looked at the other two people in the bed who were starting to stir. "No, but it won't be for that long. Your mum and I can pick you up after we're done running errands if you'd like. But I know that you're going to have a lot of funny with Clara today."

She frowned, "But I want you to come."

"Well I don't have any proper clothes to wear." He kept his tone gentle. All he had at the moment was the shirt Clara had lent him and his tweed, but nothing more than his swim trunks to go on his legs. Walking into a school like that wasn't really the best idea. "Mummy and I are going to go buy some today."

Her expression remained unchanged, "Fine."

"You'll see us after lunch, Amelia. I promise. And you'll have so much fun today, you won't even know how much time has passed." He tried assuring her. She still pouted, burying herself under the covers. He sighed rather convicted, looking over to see if River had woken up yet. He had a feeling she could cheer their daughter up more effectively than he could at the moment.

River hadn't stirred, still fast asleep. He opted not to wake her, deciding to give it another go. "Amelia, sweetheart? You have to wake up and get ready. I'm sure Auntie Clara has made a nice breakfast for you." He tried to urge her from under the covers.

She hopped out of bed, stomping around the room unhappily.

Freya woke up as well a few minutes later, much happier to get to go to school. He was still having trouble calming Amelia, "You wouldn't be able to convince your sister that it won't be that bad, would you?" He asked Freya.

She shrugged and went to go and try to comfort Amelia. Amelia pushed her away, not wanting to spend the day away from her parents, or away from the TARDIS for that matter.

Amelia spent the rest of the morning sulking, while Freya was cheery and excited. When it came time to leave, she burst into tears.

The Doctor knelt down beside her, pulling her into a hug. "Sh, it'll be okay. Everything will be fine. "You'll see us again in a few hours."

"I don't wanna go, I want to go home." She sobbed, clinging to him. "I want to stay with you and Mumma!"

"I know, I know, but we'll be right around the corner from you, lovie. It's only for a bit and then we can spend the whole afternoon together."

"Please don't make me go!"

"Why don't you want to go with Auntie Clara, hm? It's not like a real day of school, only a visiting day." Though he was encouraging her to go, he hugged her a bit tighter.

"I-I-I wanna stay here with you and Mummy and the baby. I don't want to be away from you." She cried, rubbing her runny nose on his neck.

"Not even for a couple of hours? It'll be very quick..."

She thought about it, even though she was afraid, she didn't want to miss out on any fun that her sister might have, "If I don't like it, will you come get me?"

"Of course, lovie. But I promise it won't be that bad." He kissed her forehead.

She sniffled, hugging him tightly, "Okay."

He kissed her again, giving her another squeeze before letting go. "Off you go then, you'll have lot's of fun with Auntie Clara."

She nodded, reluctantly letting go of him to clutch onto Clara's hand.

"Call me if anything happens?" He asked Clara quickly.

Clara nodded, "Don't worry! They'll be fine. We'll see you in a bit." She lead the girls out, shutting the door behind her.

He sighed, barely audibly, as he looked at the door for a few moments. Straightening himself up, he went back to the room Clara was letting them stay it where River was still sleeping. He pressed a soft kiss to her lips, "Morning."

She mumbled, her eyes opening, "Hmm? Morning."

"The girls have gone with Clara to work." He told her, taking the vitamins from Jack off of the night stand and dishing out the tablets into his hand. "Amelia didn't want to, but I promised we'd pick her up after lunch. Here, you need to take your vitamins." He offered her the pills.

She sat up slowly, looking a bit confused, "They went with Clara?" She asked, taking the pills.

"Yeah. She offered to take them to the school for a bit and show them around. And we can get some clothes while she's watching them, maybe get some lunch, too, and talk."

She watched him carefully, "Are you sure that's safe with Missy being around?"

"Well nothing is one hundred percent safe, but Clara's with them and I trust her to keep them safe. Plus, I think it's unlikely for her to try anything with so many people around." He added. "It's only for a couple of hours, anyways."

She nodded, a bit hesitant, "Right...of course. I suppose I should get dressed then."

"Should I make some tea?" He asked.

She shook her head, slowly getting out of bed, a hand on her head, "No, thank you. I'm fine."

"Oh... er, can I get you any breakfast?"

She nodded, "That would be nice, anything is fine." She went to Clara's closet to find something to wear.

"Alright." He slipped off to the kitchen to find something to make her.

River came into the kitchen a little while after her husband, fully dressed and lingering by the doorway, "Doctor?"

"Yes?" He looked up from the piece of toast he was buttering.

"Did we...talk about the baby this morning?" She asked, not sure if she had just dreamed it.

He nodded. "We thought about names."

She nodded, sitting down at the table. "Right..." She smiled weakly at him. He sat across from her after putting the eggs and toast on the table. She picked at the eggs and toast, "Did I say anything about the name William?"

"You mentioned that we shouldn't give that name to the baby because it had been... his." He said slowly.

She shook her head, "I'm sorry, I know we never talked about it and I didn't mean...I was tired, I wasn't thinking about what I was saying."

"No, no it's alright." He reached his hand across the table and placed it over hers. "I think you're right. The name feels like it belongs to him."

She smiled softly, taking his hand and squeezing it lightly. He smiled back at her, a bit brighter. It hurt a bit less now to talk about the child they had lost. Though the ache was still there, it wasn't a sharp or overwhelming pain of grief. "We have ages to think up the perfect name." He mentioned. "We could get the girls input if you like."

She laughed, "I think that maybe we should do that on our own."

"I suppose so." He chuckled along with her. "But in fairness, they didn't name the cat's anything too ridiculous."

"Yes, but they've already given me a few suggestions and they're very...interesting." She smiled.

"Interesting how?" He leaned forwards, curious to know what they'd suggested.

"Well, Jack was one of the names."

"Jack? They wanted to name the baby after Jack?" He nearly choked on his bite of food. "There's no way that's happening. Okay. I get it, no letting the girls help name the baby “

She laughed, placing her dish in the sink and walking up behind him, rubbing his shoulders and placing a kiss on the top of his head. He tilted his head up to catch her lips. "What do you say we go and get some clothes so I actually have a pair of trousers?"

"Mmm, I quite like you _without_ trousers, but alright, if you insist." She smiled, kneading his neck.

He hummed and flushed slightly. "I do need something to go out in public with. I don't mind the swim shorts, personally, but I think other people might prefer me to look more professional."

"Yes, and I suppose I should get some maternity clothes." She kissed his cheek.

"We'll have the TARDIS back by the time you get all round. She'll provide you maternity clothes."

She bit her lip, "Are you sure?"

"We have months, and I don't think I'm _that_ slow. I'll come up with something soon."

"Sweetie, in another week or so I'll be noticeably showing."

"That's true..." He nodded. "I guess you're right." He stood. "Shall we?" She nodded, taking his hand.  "I hope you don't mind. I'll have to wear my swim suit until I actually have something else." He looked down at his legs.

"I don't mind at all." She smiled, holding his hand rather tightly.

"Everything alright?"

"Yes, everything's fine." She smiled, holding his hand a bit tighter, "Let's go."

He nodded, deciding not to push her. Making sure his sonic and physic paper were in his pocket, they headed out the door.

The shopping centre was only a couple blocks away and after a bit of shopping and getting clothes for all of them, River was rather tired and hungry. She walked along side the Doctor, carrying their bags.

"What would you like for lunch?" The Doctor asked, rather merrily.

"Well, I'm craving stake and crisps. Oh, and spicy chicken." She hummed.

"All three?" He looked at her a bit lopsided.

She nodded, "Oh, and I'd _really_ like some tiramisu to go with it all."

He shook his head with slight disbelief, but smiled. "Coming right up." He looked around, spotting a restaurant that seemed to have all of those things.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" She giggled, walking with him to the restaurant.

"Well I just think it's an odd combination of food, is all." The waiter seated them away in a relatively private area, as requested by the Doctor.

"Well, it's not my fault! You can blame your child for that." She smiled, sitting back in her chair, rolling her shoulders.

He pretended to look hurt, though it didn't last as a grin broke out on his face. "Don't worry, Alonzo. You're mother doesn't really blame you."

She giggled, putting a hand on her belly, "Alonzo?"

"I think it's a fun name."

"I thought you thought the baby's going to be a girl." She raised an eyebrow.

"I do." He defended. "I just think Alonzo is a nice boys name." He grinned childishly.

She laughed, "Have you got any over 'nice' names to share with me and Terra?" She asked, throwing the name out again.

"Bob. I like Bob. Good name, Bob." He suggested as the waiter came back to take their order.

"Very creative." She ordered her food, waiting for the waiter to leave before resuming their conversation, "What about girls names?"

"I still like Aurora, but Terra is starting to grow on me." He took a sip of his water.

She smiled, "Really? Aurora is pretty as well, and I like Arthur for a boy, like we've been discussing."

"Me, too. Eliot maybe." He added to the list. "I like that too."

She made a face, "I knew a boy named Eliot a long time ago, he used to tease me."

"Oh, well than not that." He quickly changed his mind about the name.

"Come here." She whispered, beckoning him over.

He looked at her curiously but stood and rounded the table anyways.

"Do I look bigger to you?" She asked, pushing back in her chair so he could see better.

He looked her over. "You look the same as you did when we left Clara's house."

"But I mean since yesterday? Do I look bigger compared to yesterday?"

He looked at her a second and a third time. "No, but that's normal." He concluded. "You shouldn't be able to tell the growth differences within twenty four hours."

"I know, but it feels like I gained fifteen pounds overnight." She sighed, reaching for his hand, "Maybe it's because none of Clara's clothes fit this morning."

He smiled softly. "Well, carrying a baby inside you tends to have that effect. You just have to get used to that again." He kissed her head.

She frowned slightly, "I know, but I wish that I could see the difference and not just feel it. I would feel better being able to see and know that the baby is getting bigger."

"They say 'don't check the carrots too often for a reason,' River. If you try to see the growth everyday, than it won't look like you've grown very much, but if you do once a week, than it will. Besides, you'll be nice and round and waddling about in no time." He hadn't meant for that last bit to slip out.  

She raised an eyebrow slightly at the last thing he said, "Looking forward to the last bit, are we?" She teased.

"I'm looking forwards to everything." He confessed. "Feeling the baby kick, your first telepathic conversation, finding out if it's a boy or girl... All of those things tend to happen when you're a bit bigger, so yes: I am looking forwards to you looking like you've swallowed a planet."

"It's all the things we didn't...." She closed her eyes, taking a breath before trying again, "All the things we didn't really get to enjoy the last time."

He glanced at his feet for a moment. "But we will this time. It'll be alright this time."

She reached up to cup his face, pulling him down to rest her forehead on his, "Whatever happens with Missy, please, don't leave me. I don't want her to take you from me, not even for a moment."

"Of course." He said without hesitation. "I won't let her do that again. Not ever. I'll always be by your side."

She nodded, squeezing his hand tightly, "I remember when I was pregnant with Freya and Amelia, you were excited for everything, even rubbing my feet." She smiled, trying to lighten the mood again.  

"I still am excited for that." He sat back down, hand still in hers. "And I don't have to wait 'till you get big to rub your feet."

She laughed, "I can't believe you like doing that."

"Yes, I'm absolutely bonkers for enjoying giving my wife massages." He laughed with her, the waiter coming with their food.

She looked at his food, humming, "What did you get? It looks really good."

"It's just fish and chips. Are you craving that now, too?" He looked up at her, the waiter placing his side of custard on the table.  

"No! I um...maybe a little." She confessed, eating a few of her crisps.

"I'll trade you a fish finger for a piece of chicken." He suggested. She nodded, passing him some of her chicken. He placed a fish finger on her plate.

His face turned bright pink when he took a bite of the chicken, chugging down his water and gasping. "Dear Rassilon, how can you stand something that spicy!?"

She giggled, "What? You don't like it?"

"My mouth just nearly caught on fire!"

She laughed, "Oh, sweetie, don't be a drama queen, they're not that hot."

"Your mouth has to be made of ice to stand those!" He exaggerated. He had never had a very high tolerance for spicy things.

"Yes, darling, my mouth is made of ice. Do you need me to kiss you to cool you down?"

He nodded sheepishly. "Yes, please."

She stood up, slinking over to his side of the table, sitting down in his lap before giving him a nice, long kiss. The spice on her tongue didn't matter so much as the spark that shivered through him did. She trailed her tongue along his lower lip, lightly sucking on it as her fingers tangled in his hair. His face flushed as he wrapped his lanky arms around her, holding her close.

She pressed her body against his, teeth grazing on his lips. "Maybe...maybe we should take the food to go."

"The girls will be waiting." He murmured.

"If we're quick then they won't be." She pleated, her cheeks flushed and eyes glittering.

He leaned his close, lips brushing the shell of her ear. "River Song, you're a bad influence on me, you know. What would you say to breaking a few rules?"

She smiled, "The more rules broken, the better, my love." She purred.

"Come on." He stood, taking her hand and heading to the bathrooms.  She giggled, trotting after him. 


	92. Rest in Power

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River and the Doctor make a big decision about their living situation. (Also, smut warning.)

CH 92

 

As soon as the two were behind a closed door, he was pushing her up against the door and snogging her just as firmly as before. River pulled him as close to her as possible, kissing him back with as much passion as she could, already starting to rip off his clothes. Their mouths were hot against each other's as he fumbled with the buttons of her blouse.

Her mouth left his to press kisses along his jaw and neck, sucking on the skin and leaving red marks in the wake of her lips. He moaned at the contact, managing to get her shirt open. His hands were all over her, blindly touching, massaging, and caressing. She whimpered and moaned, with every touch, her teeth grazing the skin on his shoulder. His body pushed against hers, creating a bit of the desired friction they both craved. She gasped, rolling her hips roughly towards him.

"God, I need you." He breathed, pushing up her skirt.

"No talking." She murmured, her lips never leaving his body, "Not unless you can do it while you’re kissing me." He silenced himself by crashing his lips against hers.

He lifted her, moving so she was sitting on the edge of the row of sinks, their bodies still pressed tightly together.

"You'd better hurry before someone spoils our fun." She managed to say in between kisses and needy whimpers. There wasn’t exactly a lock on the door.

His hands stalked up the sides of her legs, pulling down her knickers then setting to work on his own trousers. She shivered when he touched her legs, helping him pull off his trousers to speed up the process.

He wasted no time, settling his hips between her legs, pushing into her with a low grunt. She moaned softly, pressed her forehead to his shoulder and holding him tightly. He moved against her, setting a quick pace and letting his hands explore her.

"Tell me...tell me why you love me." She moaned, grinding her hips to meet his.

"There are a million reasons why I love you." He was leaning close to her ear again. "You're brilliant, and funny, and beautiful..." He began, the touch of his hand becoming more gentle.

"But, besides those things?" She breathed, her breathing growing heavier.

"You're the most wonderful person I've ever met, you're an amazing mother, and I'm incredibly selfish and want you all to myself." He teased slightly. "I love your laugh, I love your voice, I love your touch..."

Her hands trailed down his chest, the small roundness of her stomach pressed against him, "I love that silly grin you make when you think I'm not looking." She whispered, "I love how wonderful you are with the girls. I love how brave you are. I love that you make me feel safe, no matter where we are. I love that you can make me laugh even at the saddest times." She brushed her nose to his, "I love that you can calm me down no matter how worried I am, even if you don't always realize it."

He looked at her. "Really? I thought I was rubbish at some of those things." He murmured, breathing hard.

River smiled, brushing her lips against his again, "You need to have more confidence in yourself." She yelped at the next thrust.

"So do you." He susurrated, now in Gallifreyan. "I love every last bit about you, never forget that." She whimpered, trying to pull him closer to her. "Si' yuevashen'I ietva'Meu t'vekri ophekas'Ae an'rika'Phesii'aen, River Song." His words became more stumbled at his release grew closer.

She pulled herself so she was less on the counter and more like clinging to him, her ear by his mouth as she began to kiss the corner of his jaw, all the way down his collar and back again. Now you’re just teasing me, love." She murmured.

"Am not. I love you more than the universe itself." He confirmed, grunting and setting his hands on her hips. She pressed her mouth against his skin, remembering that she had to keep quiet so they wouldn't get caught. "Ngh, River..." He moaned into her ear, gripping her hips harder.

She winced slightly, knowing there would be bruises where his hands were, "Doctor..." She whimpered, "I-I'm cum-unh!"

He buried his face in her curls, pushing into her fast and driving her as high as he could. She came with a delighted, high-pitched moan into his neck. She clung to him, trying not to fall as her whole body shook with pleasure. He followed just behind her, hips jerking as he climaxed. His movement slowed to a stop, their heavy breathing the only sound filling the room.

She pressed her face against his, trying to catch her breath and calm down so the room would stop spinning. "I don't suppose I'll be getting my usual after-sex-cuddle in here." She smiled.

"Well it wouldn't be as comfortable as a bed." He pointed out, though made no effort to move.

She hummed softly, "I suppose I'll just have to wait until later."

"Yes, I suppose so. Plus, there's still some food out here that will go cold if we don't finish it soon." She nodded, leaning up and pressing a soft kiss to his lips.

He lingered in her arms for a moment longer, gathering up enough motivation to actually pull away from her, before do so just enough so he could pull up his trousers. She pulled up her knickers and fixed her skirt before going to re-button her shirt.

He watched, straitening out his new clothes. ''We should break the rules more often." She smiled, tugging him to her for one more slow kiss before hopping off the counter and going to search for her heels which had been discarded sometime when they had first started.

"I'll take that as a yes?" He grinned childishly.

"Oh, sweetie, I'd break the rules with you any time." She smiled, using him to steady herself as she put her shoes back on.

"Naughty, naughty, professor."

Her smiled suddenly dropped and her eyes grew wide, "Oh god… I was suppose to meet with the Headmaster today."

"Today, a very long time in the future." He rubbed her arm to help comfort her.

She sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose, "With everything that's happened, I completely forgot. But... yes, I suppose you're right. "

"Hey, it'll be alright. We'll get the TARDIS back, then go convince the Headmaster not to fire you, and it'll all work out."

She nodded, holding onto his arm, "And until then we're stuck living the 'true domestic' life."

"We won't be for too long." He promised, kissing her temple. "And it's not so bad... We've got a roof over our heads and clothes on out backs. We have each other and that's got to count for something."

She wrapped her arms around him, "Yes, I suppose it's not so bad. I wouldn't mind being like this for a while, though I don't want to burden Clara."

"She's our friend and she's happy to lend a hand. And if we get to be too much, we can always go and bother Jack." He smiled warmly.

"How long do you think we'll be here?" She asked, biting her lip and hesitating before saying anything again, "Because I was thinking, maybe we should get out own flat."

"I didn't think it would take longer than a week." He looked a little confused since River had, a first, been so distraught at have the TARDIS taken away.

She saw his expression and went on to explain herself, "Well, I know it's not very… us, but I've been thinking that maybe the girls need a bit more stability. And while living in an infinite time machine is a wonderful experience, especially for a child, they're going to be going to school soon. What's going to happen with something like... them want to have friends over? We can't just show up at someone's doorstep and expect them to have over their child for a playdate in our magic blue box. And of course, we'd still have the TARDIS for weekends and summers, or even for most of the time and the flat could just be like a second home or a cover-up." She looked up at him, sighing, "...Never mind. It was just a silly thought."

"No, no. I don't think it's silly." He pulled her back to the subject. "And I don't think it's just a thought, either. Let's talk about this." He had never taken the time to think about any of the things River was talking about, well, aside the girls bringing home friends. He had always expected to whisk them all off to some exciting and fun planet, but had failed to think about the reactions of the patents. All of River's points were good ones. "Let's go back to the table and talk about this."

She swallowed and nodded slowly, leading him out.

Sitting back at the table, he looked at her, trying to read anything he could from her expression. "How long have you been thinking about this?"

She shrugged, "I don't know, ever since we started talking about sending the girls to school, I suppose."

He nodded. "I think... I think we should go for it."

She looked surprised, "You do?"

He nodded again. "Everything you said, well it's all very reasonable. We're going to have three children soon, three against two in an infinite ship... we'd be able to keep better track of them all in a flat. Plus the thing about friends. They'll also be closer to the school. And like you said, we'd still have the old girl. We could even still sleep in there if we wanted, but stability sounds like the best thing right now. A place to make us official, so have people send letters too... and if we end up changing our minds, then we can just sell it."

"Okay." She breathed, smiling softly, "I suppose we should start looking at flats then."

"Yes, though tomorrow, maybe. We've got to go pick up the girls."

She nodded, "I love you." He smiled, squeezing her hand.

"I love you, too." They finished up the rest of their food, and headed back towards the school, River taking her tiramisu to go.

"You know the girls will want some of that." He made conversation as they entered the building.

"Does that mean you'll be wanting some too?"

"If you're willing to share." He eyed the pastry.

"Well, I don't believe you've got a baby growing inside you, but I suppose I could find it somewhere in my hearts to give you a piece." She sighed dramatically, teasing him.

"I only want a taste." He said shyly as they found Clara's classroom.

"Hmm, maybe if you're good." She smiled, bumping his hip lightly with hers and knocking on the door.

Clara greeted them with a smile. "Look who it is! Right on time, too. I'm on lunch break right now. Is that a Timelord thing, always being on time? Okay, well I guess you're not always on time, but usually pretty punctual."

River smiled, "No, it's not a Time Lord thing, trust me, he's really only on time when I'm around." She peered into the room, "How were they?"

"Oh, they've cheered up loads." Clara stepped aside so the parents could come in.

Freya and Amelia, with coloring books sprawled in front of them, were listening intently to a story that a student was telling them.

"Leelah had some make up work, but as it turns out, she really likes the girls." Clara explained.  

"Oh, that's a nice name, what do you think of Leelah?" She turned to her husband briefly, smiling when she saw the girls, "Good, I was worried that Amelia would be upset all day."

"Maybe. We should make a list." The Doctor acknowledged.

"It took her a while to cheer her up, but I think I've done a fair job at convincing her that school is fun and that being without you two isn't the end of the world.. So did Leelah."

"I hope they weren't took much of a distraction." River didn't want to disturb the girls yet since they hadn't noticed them come in.

"Nah, they were helpful, actually. See, at first they were pretty shy and they were just sitting in the back there while I taught." Clara pointed as she explained the day "And eventually got interested in what I was teaching so they asked some of the kids to explain it. Turns out explaining it to the girls helped the kids understand the work better."

River nodded, "Thank you for having them today. It'll make it easier when it comes time for them to actually start school."

"It's no problem." Clara grinned. "And I see you've got some better fitting clothes now. "

"Yes, we went shopping, had lunch, and talked about baby names, among other things. It was very nice."

She clapped her hands together excitedly. "Baby names! Oh, that must be fun. Have you decided on anything?"

River laughed, "No, not yet. We don't even know whether it's a boy or a girl yet, though he seems to think it's going to be another girl."

"And River thinks it's going to be a boy." The Doctor added.

"I suppose you'll just have to wait and see then." Clara smiled as Freya looked up finally noticing her parents.

"Mummy!" She jumped up and skipped over to her, wrapping her arms around River's legs.

"Hello, sweetie." River smiled, bending down to hug her back, "I heard you had a very nice time today."

She nodded. "I got to learn about King Richard III! Can we go and meet him?"

"Well, not today, we'll have to see him some other time."

The girl frowned but only for a moment until she caught sight of the tiramisu. "It that cake?"

"Yes, it is, but it's for later." River kissed the top of her head.

"Daddy!" Amelia ran up to him bouncing up and down, "Have you met King Richard III?"

"Yes, only once though, I doubt he remembers me much. I returned his horse to him once when he had lost it."

She tugged him towards Leelah, "Come here! I want you to meet Leelah!"

The Doctor stumbled forwards after his daughter, as Leelah stood, holding out her hand to him. He shook it somewhat awkwardly. "Hello Leelah. I'm th- I'm John." He corrected, quickly deeming it better to use his 'human-y' name if this was to become his community.

Freya pulled River over as well, wanting her to meet the girl. "Leelah, this is my Mummy and Daddy!" She smiled proudly.

"Pleasure to meet you, Miss...?" Leelah politely held her hand out for the woman.

"Song, Mrs. Song." River smiled, shaking her hand, "It's a pleasure to meet you as well, Leelah. I can see the girls quite like you."

"Amelia and Freya are absolute joys to be around." She smiled. "They've got quite the imagination."

"Daddy, can we take Leelah to meet King Richard III too?" Freya asked.

"Er... Um. I think maybe not...."

"But why not? We could take Auntie Clara's whole class to see him!"

He glanced at River and Clara, then to a slightly confused looking Leelah. "I think it's more of a family trip, sweetheart."

River nodded in agreement, "I think Auntie Clara's students will be coming back soon, so we should start to go."

"But I wanna stay and play with Leelah!" Freya protested.

"Well maybe we can come and visit tomorrow."

"Can we?" She turned to Clara.

"Of course! I'd love to have you back." Clara nodded as she lead them out. The girls followed in suite, River and the Doctor close behind as they made their way out of the building.

"Oh, that reminds me." The Doctor piped up. "I forgot to tell you about what I was doing with the vortex manipulator."

The girls waved to a few of the students as they passed them in the hall.  River looked up at him, waiting for his explanation.

"Well I was-" He stopped, looking at their surroundings. "Second thought, maybe we should be somewhere a bit more private."

She suddenly clutched onto his hand, sucking in a sharp breath, "...Yeah, come on."

"River...?" Concern spread across his face. "Everything alright?"

She nodded quickly, "Yes, yes, let's go back to Clara's house."

He wasn't convinced by her. He scooped Amelia up with the hand that wasn't carrying their bags of clothing so their could walk a bit faster.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter dedicated to Leelah Alcorn (this was written around the time of her death). May she rest in power.


	93. This is our Battle Cry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack and the Doctor have trouble convincing a very stubborn River to let them help.

CH 93

 

River lead them quickly back to Clara's, sending the girls off to play with the new toys they had bought them. She eased herself down onto the couch, one arm wrapped around her middle, "Now what were you saying about the vortex manipulator?"

"River, that not really important right now." He crouched in front of her, hands on both her arms. "You need to tell me what's wrong."

She shook her head, giving him her best smile, "Nothing, I'm fine."

"Please don't lie to me right now, love. I can see that there's something wrong. You don't have to hide it from me."

"I'm not," She tried not to grimace, "lying, sweetie." She took his hand again, "Just tell me what you're going to do."

"River, you can't hide your pain from me. Are you hurt, is something wrong with the baby?" The vortex manipulator could wait, this couldn't.

She shook her head, "I don't know. Maybe it'll just go away." She whispered, grabbing his arm, "Agh!"

"River!" He panicked slightly, "Tell me exactly what you're feeling, I need to know what it is."

"I-I don't know, it just hurts, right here." She put her hand on her lower abdomen, by her hip, "Maybe...maybe I need more of those pills, maybe the dosage wasn't the same as I usually take."

"River, I don't think it has to do with the vitamins..." His eyes were wide, at the possibility of not so good things that could be happening.

"What? What do you mean? What else could it be?" Her breathless tone turned into a groan towards the end, "What are we going to do?"

"It could be an ectopic pregnancy, or, or they baby could be in distress, or something else entirely." He tried to take a breath, at least to calm himself enough to think straight. "We need to go to Torchwood. They can help the most right now."

Her eyes seemed to grow wider when she heard the first thing he said, "Ectopic? No...no....If it's ectopic than we'll have to..." She swallowed a sob, holding back the feeling of tears, "No, please no."

"It's only a possibility, Riv." He ran into the other room to get the vertex manipulator. "Jack will be able to run some tests, we'll figure this out."

She muffled her next groan in pain by pressing her lips tightly together, "How are we going to get there? It's _cities_ away!"

He held up the device. "We've got Jack's vortex manipulator. It still works, I haven't done that much to it yet."

"I-I thought I wasn't suppose to use that while I'm pregnant." She breathed, squeezing her eyes shut.

"We haven't got much of a choice, have we?" This was a last resort. "We need to get you to the hub pretty much now.... Um, no. Wait- hang on." He pulled out his screwdriver and soniced the VM. "Okay, it should be safe now. Well not _safe_ safe, but safer than it was."

She stared at him, terrified, "What about the girls?"

"We've got to bring them, too. They won't have to see you like this if you don't want them to. Ianto and Gwen can watch them." His tone was gaining a frantic edge as he called them into the room.

The girls ran back into the room, River put on her brave face, acting like nothing was wrong. She explained that they were going to go visit Torchwood, telling them to bring their toys and the tiramisu if they wanted. Amelia grabbed the 'mermaid' blankie Clara had lent her.

"Alright, every put their hand here." The Doctor had strapped the VM to his wrist after typing in the coordinates. They all did as they were told, River holding onto the girls just for good measure.

They were gone in a flash of blue-white light, landing rather ungracefully on the floor of Torchwood. Jack was standing over them with a rather confused look.

River grabbed onto the Doctor's wrist, biting her tongue to keep from crying out in pain. "Girls, how about you go find Uncle Ianto!"

"He's up in my office." Jack told them, pushing them gently in that direction. "Okay, what is this about?"

She could taste the blood in her mouth, "We-we need help."

Jack new this tone, instantly becoming serious. The Doctor lifted River, carrying her down to the sick bay with Jack following and placed her on the examination table.

"So what exactly is going on?"

"P-Pain...right here." She said, clutching onto her husband's hand, not wanting him to leave her side as she pointed to the place she had pointed out earlier.

"Your appendix?" Jack didn't yet know that the two were expected another baby.

She shook her head, "Baby..." Was all she could manage.

It took him a second to realize she wasn't calling him a pet name. "Baby? Baby! Oh you're- you're pregnant! And in pain- right. Fair cause for concern." Jack quickly started typing into one of the large computers to do a scan on her.  

She let out a half sob, turning her face into the Doctor. He held her, stroking her head in a comforting manner.

The screen beeped, producing an image of River and showing a glowing red dot in her womb where the fetus was.

"What does it say?" She whispered, looking back at Jack.

"Says you're carrying a Timelord fetus and you're twelve-ish weeks along." He clicked some buttons allowing the double heartbeats of the baby to fill the room.

"Does it say anything else?" She pressed.

"Yeah... there's a concerning lack of folic acid in your system. You really need to have a good about of that when you're carrying or it's not good."

She frowned, "What do you mean? It's in fruits and vegetables, meat...I eat those things everyday. I don't see how there could possible be a lack of that. Are you sure it isn't something else?"

“Wait, forget the folic acid thing, it was set for a human. You know, it would really help if you gave me a little warning before you demand check ups.” He muttered and looked again. "Hearts are beating, baby's in one piece. Your mucus plug is intact... You've started to efface, though. I think I have something to fix that."

"So, it's not ectopic?" She whispered, having been worried the whole time since she had had most of the symptoms the past few days: pain in her lower abdomen, bleeding, nausea and dizziness.  

"Nope." He looked at the glowing red dot. "Everything is where it should be. What makes you think that?"

"I've had all the symptoms the past few days, thought I hadn't thought anything of it until the Doctor said something right before we came."

"Lemme guess, bleeding, nausea, cramps?" He prepared a few needles, one with vitamins, the other with something to stop her from effacing. "You know those are all just symptoms of being pregnant?"

"Yes, I know." She was glaring slightly, "I've been pregnant several times, I believe I know the difference between normal pregnancy symptoms and when something feels wrong."

He raised his hands in defense. "I'm just saying. Mind if I examine you?"

She glanced up at the Doctor, "I...don't mind."

Jack also looked at the man, finding a glaring face. "Hey, it's not like I'm going to take a look _down there_. It's just a work up." He defended turning back to River. "Just tell me if this hurts okay?" He pressed his hands lightly over the spot River said was hurting.

She sucked in a breath, squeezing her husband's hand.

"There?" Jack clarified. River nodded. "Hm..." He frowned. "Okay, I'm going give you some medicine and then check out some more things." He held up the syringes.

"What exactly are you giving me?" She asked, staring at the syringe in his hand.

"This one is a nutritional booster, this one is going to make it your womb less effaced."

She looked back at the Doctor again, as if wanting his approval of the medications. He squeezed her hand in reassurance, bringing it up to his lips and kissing her knuckles. Even with this assurance, she shook her head, "I don't want it. No medicine." She whispered. After the last time, she was very wary of taking ‘medicine’ from anyone, even someone like Jack.

Jack stared at her. "Did you not hear the part about you being effaced? River, you don't exactly have much of a choice because if we don't do this, you'll become fully effaced and when you're only three months along, that's a bad thing."

"I said no." She looked up at the Doctor, her eyes showing how scared and worried she was, "Tell him I don't want it."

"He is right, though..." It was just about the only time he would ever admit to Jack being right about something. "You need the medicine."

She was becoming more distressed now, though she tried to stay calm, "But I don't want it. What if it's not what he says it is? What if it hurts the baby?" She closed her eyes, bringing a shaking hand to her forehead, "I don't want the medicine, I want to go home."

The two men exchanged looks. "Would it help if Jack tested the composition of what's in them first?" The Doctor suggested softly.

She shook her head, starting to get up, "No, no, I'm going home."

He held her shoulder to stop her. "You need to stay here. Jack's not done testing you and you'll be putting the baby at risk if you leave."

She stopped, looking at both of them, "Fine, finish testing me then. And if you try to give me anything without my permission, I'll snap your arm."

Jack nodded, having no doubt that she was capable of doing so. He went back to the computer, expanding the scan to a full body. She was trembling now, taking deep breaths to try and calm herself down as he ran the scan.

"River." The Doctor had taken her hand again. "It's going to be alright." His voice was as soothing as he could make it. She didn't speak, only staring at the floor, stone still for the remainder of the scan.

"Suspicions confirmed." Jack said, as the scan displayed data. "Part of your bowel is inflamed."

"Wonderful. I'm going home now." She slid off the table again, heading for the door to find the vortex manipulator.

"River, get your but back on the table." Jack said sternly. "You are not going anywhere."

"No! Shut up!" She snapped, "You're not the boss of me and I'm leaving! I'm going home to where I can trust my medicine and my scanner. I'm not taking any of your medicine, and I don't trust your diagnosis." She swayed and stumbled, as if she couldn't stay upright. "Something doesn't feel right, and when I didn't listen to that instinct enough last time my baby died. I'm not letting that happen again." She crashed into the railing of the stairs.

Jack momentarily silenced himself as the Doctor rushed to her side, making sure River was okay. She was right, the TARDIS was much more accurate than Torchwood could ever be, but he wanted to avoid Missy if he could.

She brushed the Doctor off of her, making it halfway up the stairs before crashing again, this time into the wall.

"River we can't go back to the TARDIS. You know we can't, please, this is what we've got for now. At least sit." He feared she might collapse any second.

She shook her head, "No, I don't care if Missy's there, I'm throwing her out. She can't control my life." She hissed, stumbling up the last few steps.

"Would someone please explain who Missy is?" Jack followed them up the steps. "She sounds like someone who could use a good beating."

She ignored him, stumbling into a desk, her path zig-zagging across the room.

"River, stop. Please just stop for a moment and _think_ about this. You can't go back to the TARDIS, you don't even have a plan! And winging it is not a plan."

"I don't have time to think! The longer we sit here and think the more time we waste and leave for something bad to happen!"

He racked his brain for a quick answer. It was clear that River wouldn't stop until she was in the TARDIS, but there was not way he was going to let her go alone. "Jack, bring your guns. River, we're coming with you."

The man did his best not to make an innuendo as he pocketed several pistols.

River finally grabbed the vortex manipulator, the numbers seemed to move on their own and she couldn't quite press the right ones.

The Doctor steadied her hands for her, helping her with the coordinates. "I'm telling you now that this is a bad idea." He muttered.

"And I told you that leaving the TARDIS in the first place was a bad idea, but you didn't listen to me." She moaned, instinctively clutching onto his hand.

"It was better than the alternative." He still stood by his choice of putting his family first. Beckoning Jack over, the three disappeared from the hub.

River collapsed into the Doctor as soon as they landed, clutching her waist. They had materialized in the console room, the lights were mostly out and the rotor had an eerily silence to it. The railings were bent out of shape and most things glass had been smashed as if someone had come through with, god knows what, and did their best to ruin the place.

The Doctor held his wife closer to him, scooping her up. "Stay quiet, I don't think she knows we're here yet. Jack, shoot at anything that moves." He hurried to the medbay.

River was doing her best not to groan in pain, burying her head into his chest and clutching his shirt in a vice grip. Jack followed after them, gun at the ready.

The rooms were not where they should have been, and it took him longer than it should have to find the room they needed. The doors in the hall were mostly open and they could see that Missy had ruined each one as much as she could. The medbay appeared untouched by her, perhaps she'd never found it or just decided to skip, he didn't have time to ponder.

He placed River on the bed, the door taking a moment to vanish behind them. 


	94. Bare as Bones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Returning from a ruined TARDIS, the Doctor helps River with an important milestone.

CH 94

 

Pictures of Missy had been pasted up all over the halls, and River could have sworn she heard humming coming from a room down the hall before the door vanished. She bit her lip, still trying to keep as quiet as possible.

Jack stood his guard as the Doctor set to work grabbing equipment. He hated the suspense of this, hated that every time he had something remotely good that something had to happen to compromise it. He felt like he couldn't keep his family safe.

River closed her eyes, breathing slowly, trying to stay calm. He set up the ultra sound surprisingly fast and ordered a body scan on her. He really hoped that Jack's data had been correct, but knew there must've been something more.

River felt like the room was spinning, even while she was laying down. Everytime she looked up at the Doctor, she felt awful. She had thrown a silly temper tantrum and now they were here. "I'm sorry."

"Hey, don't be. It'll be okay." He said it more for his own sake, not realizing exactly what River was being sorry about, as he was focused on the screen.

She bit her lip and sunk deeper into the cot, "What does it say?" She asked softly.

"You know when you first were bleeding and I said your body was trying to reject it? It seems to be trying harder now."

"Why?" She asked, "Is it in the right place?"

"Yes." He nodded. "But your body seems to be having more trouble registering the baby as a _baby_."  

She stared at the screen, trying to see what it said, "Why? Is there something wrong?"

"The baby must not be producing the right hormones. That, or your body's just not reading them right. Either way, this is the result of the miscommunication. Jack grab some terbutaline, will you?"

Jack nodded, searching through the cabinets and tossing him the terbutaline. "Want me to grab anything else for you? Maybe something you guys might need later?"

"Yeah, can you get a dopamine drip?" He asked, squeezing River's hand reassuringly. "And the vitamins I needed from you last time."

He nodded again, grabbing the medication and the dopamine. "Anything else?" He asked.

River squeezed his hand back lightly. "Should be fine for now." He wasn't planning on going anywhere until the baby and River were stable.

"Is there anything you want from in here? I can go out and see what I can grab." Jack offered.

"River's scanner." He looked at River, knowing there would be things she wanted. He had his sonic and physic paper already and they'd just gotten new clothes.

"My picture box. It's blue and in my bedroom." She said immediately, "And maybe Freya's blanket and Amelia's adipose, if it's not too much trouble. Don't risk your life for them."

"You're talking to an immortal man. I have a lot of life to risk." He said slightly smug. "Scanner, pictures, blanket, adipose." He gave them one of the guns he had just in case. "I'll be back."

She nodded, closing her eyes again and curling up on the cot, holding the Doctor's hand and bringing it to her face.

"I'm sorry River." He said as Jack left. "About every thing. Missy, the TARDIS, the baby... I wish I could make it better with the snap of my fingers."

"It's not your fault." She whispered, tugging him down, wanting to curl up against him, "Please, if anything, the baby is my fault."

"You don't really have control over your hormone levels." He pulled away long enough to set up the medicine drips, then squeezed onto the cot next to her. She nuzzled into him, getting as close to him as possible.

"The pain should stop very soon." It felt at least a bit good to be in the TARDIS. Though most of it was in ruin, and the constant hum of the old girl was now a sort of pained groan that was only occasionally heard, it was home and always would be.

Jack came back twenty minutes later, carrying the scanner and a few of the girls toys, but no picture box. He glanced slightly guiltily. "Sorry, River. Your room -well- let's just say nothing is where it should be." Missy had spent the most time in that one, burning shelves, tearing sheets and photos, shattering objects and even putting a very poorly photo shopped picture of her and the Doctor on the wall.

She looked up at him, "You mean it wasn't there at all or....or all the pictures were ruined?"

"Couldn't find it." He put down his armful of things on the counter. "Didn't see Missy either, luckily."

She sighed, relieved that her pictures hadn't been completely destroyed, well...as far as she knew.

"How are you feeling?" He settled in a chair next to the bed.

"Better than before." She murmured, running her hand along her abdomen.

"Are you coming back to London after this? I mean, if you want someone to hunt down and get rid of this Missy lady for you, I'm your guy."

She looked up at the Doctor, "I think this is something we need to take care of ourselves." She whispered.

"Maybe we should bring him, just for a little extra protection..." He didn't want to risk River getting hurt. Not this time.

She looked up at him, contemplating what he said, "If you insist."

"Perhaps not today, though. It's been a very long day..." She nodded, turning her head back under the Doctor's chin. He smiled softly. "We might be here for a bit, though. Make yourself comfortable." He told Jack.

Jack picked up River's scanner, sitting down and fiddling with it, wanting to see how it worked.

"She's going to destroy all my pictures." River whispered to her husband, "I want them back, they're the only ones I have, and she's going to destroy them if she hasn't already."

"The old girl has them archived. She'll restore everything, we've lost. I promise." He murmured. "Jack’s scan was right about the bowel infection, you know. I've got something that should clear it right up."

"Are you positive?" She asked quietly, still referring the the recovery of their belongings, "Those are the only pictures I have of William."

He nodded. "I had a pocket watch that I lost and she recreated it exactly, scratches and all." He gave an example.

She nodded, feeling a bit better, "Do you want me to go on bed rest now?"

He shook his head. "I don't think that will be necessary if you sleep and eat right. Maybe rest for the day and a bit of tomorrow." He suggested.

"And am I still allowed to pick up the girls?" She asked, knowing she wasn't really supposed to be lifting anything at all.

"'Course you can, River." He pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

"Is the baby big enough for us to find out if it's a boy or a girl?" She closed her eyes when he kissed her, relaxing more.

"Not yet. When you're about fifteen or sixteen weeks than we should take a look. You still want to find out, right? " She nodded, a bit disappointed that they couldn't just find out right then. "You're getting just as impatient as the girls." He teased her. "It's only about a months wait."

She smiled weakly, "I just want to know already. With the girls, it seems like we knew that they were girls right away, but this feels like it's taking forever."

"We found out with the girls even later than we're going to find out this one." He pointed out. "Patients, love."

She sighed, cuddling up against him again. It was quite cold in the TARDIS, and the temperature seemed to be dropping. Apparently Missy liked her lair to be freezing or colder.

He shivered, "Shall I get a blanket?"

She shook her head, "You're keeping me warm, I don't want you to move. Unless you want one."

"I've got you." He echoed.

She smiled, nuzzling her nose against him just as there was a loud banging on the other side of the wall.

Jack nearly dropped the scanner, jumping to his feet. "I think snuggle time is over." River jumped, staring at the wall.

"Time to go." The Doctor grabbed bag full of the medicine River needed in case they were to require more as Jack grabbed the things he had earlier placed on the table. River stood up, typing in the coordinates and waiting for them to grab the things.

The banging became louder, a hand breaking through the wall. "Ready or not, here I come!"

"Okay, move now! We need to go!" She grabbed her husband and Jack, slamming on the button to leave. They saw the wall break down as they disappeared, Missy's somewhat cross looking form in the large gap.

River stumbled a bit when they landed, looking at the two men, "She won't be able to track us right?"

"Um..." The Doctor immediately took River's wrist, scanning it with a rather focused expression. "Hang on... I think I can erase our foot prints."

"Hurry." She whispered, knowing Missy was probably going to be looking for them.

Sparks flew from the device and the Doctor shielded himself as best as he could. "I've scrambled it, she won't be able to tell where we've landed." He sighed. "But all the work I've done has just been erased. I'll have to start over."

River winced as she sparks landed on her wrist. She sighed, wrapping her arms around him, "As long as we're safe."

He nodded, silently promising that he would do his best to keep it that way. "Jack will be scanning London for any Timelords that aren't us. As long as she stays out of the city we'll be okay."

She nodded, kissing his cheek, "I love you."

"I love you, too." He was grateful for her comforts, finding a feeling of security in those little words.  

She smiled, rubbing his arm, "Shall we head back to Clara's house?"

"You can stay for a little while." Jack offered. "Ianto can pick up some sandwiches. Plus, River, I think you should sit down for a sec."

She looked up at the Doctor, "We could stay if you'd like."

"Yeah, I think that would be fine. The girls haven't had lunch yet, anyways." She walked around, trying to find a place to rest for a minute.

"We've got a couch there." Jack pointed, attempting to be a bit helpful.

She nodded, "Thank you, Jack." She eased herself down onto it, closing her eyes.

"What kind of sandwiches would the twins like?" He asked.

She thought about it, "Ham and cheese for both of them will do just fine."

"Alright. What about you? What kind do you and the kiddo want? "

"Bacon, tomatoes and lettuce would be wonderful." She smiled softly.

"You're already hungry? We ate less two hours ago." The Doctor looked at her sideways.

"I know, but I'm starving." She rubbed her temples, "Ugh, I'm going to gain so much weight this time around."

"You'll still be absolutely gorgeous."  He plopped down next to her as Jack slipped out of the room to fetch the food.

She smiled, nudging him playfully, "Oh, shut up."

"Not a chance." He kissed her temple. "I will _never_ stop telling you how beautiful you are."

"But what if one day I get really, really ugly, will you lie to me?" She smiled, leaning into him.

"Only if you want me to." He shifted into a better cuddling position. "But it's impossible for me _not_ to find you attractive."

She giggled, cuddling into his warmth, "Oh, is it now?"

He nodded. "Even if you grew a second nose and had warts like a witch, I'd still want your face in every statue ever carved."

She smiled, "Is that why you keep a portrait of me in your jacket? Because you want my face carved in every statue ever."

"A man can't have a nice picture of his wife?" He questioned. "But I've got about two major cities on Ghiifue that have full bodied statues of you. And I've been working on getting them to make a third."

She looked surprised, "Really? And would I happen to be wearing clothes in these statutes?" She teased.

"Yes. Well, yes? Maybe mostly... it's possible that there may be a bit of skin -okay, a lot of skin- showing." He scratched the back of his head. "On both of them."

She laughed, "I don't mind, if that's what you're worried about."

"Oh." He relaxed. "That's good... then what do you mind?"

"Hmmm. What do you mean?"

"I mean how many statues of you can I put up before it gets on your nerves?"

She laughed again, "Why? Do you plan to fill the whole city with them?"

"Maybe..." He teased. "What's wrong with wanting a city full of statues of your wife?"

"It's a bit obsessive." She laughed, nuzzling against him, "And how do the people who live in the city feel about this?"

"Oh, they don't mind." He chuckled. "I convinced them that you're a god, and they have so many already that they had no problem with it."

"You're ridiculous!" She gigged, finding the whole thing to be both sweet and amusing, "Why on Earth do you do things like this?"

"Because I love you." He said simply. That was an element about their relationship that helped define them. There were small things they did to show their love like kisses and back rubs and flowers, but many times, they made big grand gestures like huge trips to planets and tearing apart time and statues.

She smiled softly, pressing a soft kiss to his lips, "And I love you."

He returned the gesture. "I won't stop telling you that either."  

She opened her mouth to say something, then stopped, placing a hand on her stomach. After a moment, she blinked, "Sorry, I thought... I keep thinking I'm feeling the baby move… but it's too soon. Just wishful thinking I suppose"

"The baby technically shouldn't start kicking until you're at least 15 or 16 weeks." He placed his hand over hers and smiled. "We'll get there if you're patient."

"Yes, I know, I'm not too fond of all of this waiting." She sighed.

He decided not to mention how she had been distraught last time about how fast the pregnancy was going. "It just means that everything is on schedule. I'm sure you'll get used to it."

"I just want to be able to see and feel that everything's okay." She looking up at him, "Right now, I just have to assume that everything is alright. At least when they start moving I'll actually know that they're okay."

"Hm..." He thought about it, realizing that wasn't the only way that River could know the baby was alright. "What about the telepathic link?"

"But they're too small for that right now." She whispered.

"Too small to know how to use the connection, yes, but just big enough to make it."

"Really?" She looked up at him, eyes shining.

"Yeah, I think so. It might just need a little bit of a spark. May I?"

She hesitated, "What are you going to do?"

"I'm just going to strengthen and ossify your connection to the baby. It's already there, but it usually doesn't strengthen until later in term." He splayed his palm over her stomach and touched his finger to her temple. "It won't hurt a bit." She put her hand over his, watching him carefully.  "Remember, the baby won't be able to really make any words, but you should be able to know what it's feeling." Closing his eyes in concentration, he focused on the invisible string between his wife in child.

"Will they be able to understand me?" She asked, looking as though she may cry.

"If you communicate with simple images and feelings, then yes." He finally pulled his hands away, looking up at her. "You alright?"

She nodded, hugging him tightly, "Thank you." She whispered, this was so important to her. Last time there had been a connection between her and her baby, she had asked the Doctor to cut it off and she never got to talk to her child again.

He was slightly surprised, but returned the hug. "My pleasure, love. Go and give it a try, now."

She closed her eyes, concentrating on the spot in her mind, squeezing his hand tightly and pouring as much love into the connection as she could. The baby's response felt like a quick thought, first of surprise, not knowing where the massages were coming from, but soon realizing it was River. The next set of thoughts were warm and happy feelings that were slightly sleepy, though content. She excitedly, almost instinctively poured in feelings of love, safety, happiness and hope, her whole body warming and glowing.

"You're smiling awfully wide." He hadn't seen her smile like that in a while.

"I can feel them, they're sending feelings back to me." She looked up at him, really glowing with happiness.

He beamed at his wife's happiness. "See? I told you they're okay." She nodded, bringing his forehead to rest against his.

The baby sent a memory of River and the Doctor's voices along with a feeling of fondness.

She beamed, "They're associating your voice with fondness."

"Oh good, they don't hate me yet." He teased.

"Oh, don't say things like that!" She hit his arm lightly, "Nobody's going to hate you."

"Just wait until we have three teenagers to take care of. Even Timelords have a rebellious 'I hate mum and dad' phase."

She looked up at him with a frown, "I can't say I'm looking forward to that."

"It's a ways away, dear. We have time to prepare." He pecked her lips lightly.

She bit her lip and shook her head, "I wish it didn't have to come at all."

"Well then lets be the best parents we can and not give them any reason to hate us." He grinned.

She looked down, "I've already messed that up."

He raised an eyebrow. "What are you talking about? You're a brilliant mother."

She sighed, "Not really."

"You _are_." He insisted.  

She curled closer to him, "If you say so." She mumbled, turning back to the connecting for another few minutes.

"I know so." He sighed. "You love our children with every ounce of you that can love and protect them as best you can." He wondered if she'd heard him or ignored him to focus on the baby. "...No parent is perfect and everyone makes mistakes, but they love you just as much as you love them, River."

She looked up at him, smiling softly, feeling a bit better.

 

 


	95. With You, Without You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "River?" The Doctor asked. "You know what I said earlier about our timelines being in sync... we are in sync, right?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a fluffy little chapter for you all because I don't think I'll be able to update this weekend. Enjoy and comment!

CH 95

 

"I'm back with the food!" They heard a door slam and Jack's voice boom through the hub. "And I brought tea, too."

"Food!" The girls cried from upstairs, running out of the room they had been in and down to swarm around Jack. Ianto followed them out.

Jack held the take away out of their reach. "Alright, alright, settle down there, you little rascals!" He teased. "We're going to sit as a family so as soon as you wash your hands and sit the the table, you can have some."

"Oh, so parental of you, Jack." River smiled, as the girls ran off to wash their hands.

"Monkey see, monkey do." He winked at her. "You two kept all your clothes on while I was out?"

"Barely." She purred, taking her seat.

"Do you expect me to believe that?" Jack chuckled as Ianto got out plates.

She giggled, "I'm supposed to be resting, remember? I have to save up my energy so the Doctor and I can go on for an all day session." She winked.

"River!" The Doctor's face turned scarlet.

"We might have to have you babysit again soon, Jack." She continued, giggling at how red her husband's face turned.

"You're not even going to invite me to all the fun? How rude of you."  This earned an embarrassed squeak from the Doctor.

She grinned, "I'm afraid to say I'm not too fond of sharing my husband."

"Fair enough. I'm not to fond of sharing my man either." He glanced at Ianto as the girls raced in.

The girls sat down to eat, Amelia cuddling next to River. "Mummy, when are we gonna go back to the TARDIS?"

She sighed, "I don't know, sweetie, but I have a surprise for you after you eat."

"Can I have it now?" She asked impatiently.

"No, my love, you have to eat first." River pulled Amelia's plate closer so she could reach.

"But I want to know the surprise! At least tell me what it's about?"

She shook her head, a bit sterner this time, "I said you have to eat first."

Amelia pouted, but turned to her sandwich, becoming less grumpy as she ate more.

"That's my good girl." She rubbed her daughter’s back, then turned to her own sandwich, taking a few bites.

"Mummy, me and Mia came up with more names for the baby!" Freya chirped.

"Did you, now? And what would they be?" River smiled.

"Andromeda, Jackson, and Toby." She said proudly.

"Oh, Andromeda is very pretty." She looked at the Doctor, "What do you think?"

The Doctor nodded. "Not bad." He said around a mouth full. "We really should start writing these down."

She nodded, "Yes we should."

As the girls babbled on, River pushed memories through the connection to the baby; Memories of telling the girls about her pregnancy, and the times when the girls had tried to talk to the baby, wanting them to associate the girls’ voices with love, just like they had done with her's and the Doctor's.

It's responses were spaced, usually consisting of warm and loved tones, but occasionally straying to curiosity about the vibrations from River's digestive system or about the other voices.

Jack got into his normal habit of telling the table about one of his adventures, doing his best to keep it PG, but still making it very funny. He boomed out laughing at the latest joke, the girls giggling with him. Even River laughed at the joke, her whole body vibrating with the action. She was quite curious to see how the baby would react to the feeling.

It seemed alarmed and slightly annoyed (and would have kicked had it been big enough to really move.)

River laughed again, putting a hand on her belly, pushing through happiness again, trying to get the baby to connect the movement with happiness.

It just became more annoyed, sending back an image of a still and non-moving environment.

River finally obliged, running her hand over her stomach, trying to keep herself from moving.

Amelia looked questioningly at her mother. "When will the baby get here?"

"In a few months, sweetie." She answered, "But they can hear you now, so if you'd like to talk to them, you can."

Amelia excitedly leaned her head down River's abdomen. "Hi, baby! I'm your big sister and you're taking a lot longer than my brother did. He didn't get to be with us though, but you will, and we'll have lots of fun!" She looked up at River. "Right? It'll get to be with us?"

River just stared at her for a minute, a mix of shock and sadness, "Yes...yes, I certainly hope so."

"You don't know so?" She frowned. "I...umm..." She looked at the Doctor, looking slightly distressed.

"No one knows everything, sweetheart." The Doctor took over the explanation. "But it's very likely the baby will be with us when it's born."

When the Doctor spoke, River could feel the baby sending the feeling of love through their connection, making her smile. "They know your voice already." She whispered.

He smiled and Amelia nodded, seeming to be satisfied with this answer. "No one's gonna try to take it away again, right?"

"Absolutely not, nobody is going to try to take it again." River answered immediately.

"No one can get past your mummy. Did I tell you about when she made a Dalek beg for mercy?" The Doctor said both with pride for his wife and to distract his daughter from the subject.

"A real, live Dalek?!" Amelia asked, hopping off of her seat and scrambling into his lap, wanting to hear the story.

"Yes, a real, live Dalek. It's really more your mother's story. I wasn't there, I was... a bit preoccupied. Your grandparents were there, though." He started getting into the story of the whole adventure, skipping parts that were less appropriate like when Amy had been mostly dead. The girls listened in amazement, their eyes growing wider with every sentence he told.

River smiled, thinking back to the old days when they used to go on dangerous adventures all time time. They still went on adventures now, but not as much as before and certainly not always as dangerous.

"Your mother kept teasing me with spoilers and all. And your grandmum wouldn't let me go without saying bye first, but she and Rory ended up spending their honey more with me. Well more like, I was their taxi service to go to a lot of fun places and to get them out of trouble. Mostly." He concluded.

Everyone had finished with their food by that point. "Is that why you said Mummy used to annoy you?" Freya asked.

River looked up at him with mock shock and hurt.

"It only annoyed me when I first met her. I hate when people know more than me and we all know your mother is ten times as more brilliant than I am." He glanced at her with a small smile, hoping that would make it better. "Plus, there aren't really anymore spoilers to hide. We're in sync now, I think."

River smiled back at him, "I think it's just about time to head back to Clara's. Thank you for lunch, it was lovely."

"No problem." Jack gave her a two finger salute. "And congratulations on the third one. I'm happy for you both. If there's anything you need, you know where to find me."

She nodded, lifting up Freya, "Thank you, for everything, really, we appreciate it."

"Don't forget the stuff we brought back." He reminded her.

"Right." She carried Freya over to the collection of things, handing her her blankie.

The girl's eyes lit up and she gasped, immediately clutching on to the blanket. "My blankie! How did you get it? Do you have Mia's too?"

"No, but I do have this for Mia." She pulled the Adipose out of the bag, holding it out to her.

Amelia took the stuffie and hugged it to her chest. "How did you get it? I left it in my room."

"Magic."  River smiled, kissing the top of her head.

"It's 'cause you're the mermaid queen! And mermaid queens get magic powers!" Amelia decided, hugging River's leg.

She laughed, "Yes, you're right!" She looked up at her husband, "I think you should say thank you to your Daddy and Uncle Jack too though, they used a bit of magic to help me."

Amelia let go of River and went to hug Jack’s legs, Freya squirming out of River's arms to hug her father. "Thank you!"

Once the girls has said thank you and goodbye, they headed back to Clara's house. It was a bit to risky to use the vortex manipulator. Missy could be -and probably was- trying to track them now and using the device would just be putting a spot light on themselves. They took a public bus back across London to Clara's house, the girls extremely fascinated by all the people as they had never used public transportation before. Freya kept asking questions about how it all worked and Amelia kept close to her parents’ sides more shyly.

Getting off the bus, they still had a small distance to walk. River had ended up carrying Amelia, nervous that the little girl would get lost or snatched, having never really been out with her with so many strangers around. Freya turned down her father's offer to carry her.

"River?" The Doctor asked. "You know what I said earlier about our timelines being in sync... we are in sync, right?"

She looked up at him, "I don't know, it seems to be that way, you know everything I know, I know everything you know."

"Yeah... I was just wondering because, well I'm not sure." He thought out loud. "I've always seen versions of you everywhere between Demons Run and The Library -at least I think I have- and you're past all that now. I was just thinking that you might've seen older versions of me, times I haven't lived yet, or maybe one of the times I saw you and you said you were just passed Manhattan but really you were much further." He pondered and rolled the thought around in his head.

"You think that we're not in sync?" She whispered, looking up at him through slightly worried eyes.

"No, I think we are... I _feels_ like we are. And I'm not planning to go off and find a different version of you." He added. "I was just pondering a bit." He was really most wondering if she's seen his next face, if he would even have a next face.

She stayed quiet until the got back to Clara's flat. By then it was getting dark and Clara had left a note that Danny asked her to stay the night at his place so they had the flat to themselves. River gave the girls their new nightgowns and told them to go change.

The Doctor paid no notice to her silence, but after a while he started to wonder if something he said had ticked her off or made her upset. Once the girls had gone to change, he offered to rub her ankles.

"That would be very nice." She whispered, sitting down on the couch. She wasn't angry, but his words put worry through her mind. Were they not in sync still? Were they not meant to be living together like they had been for the past six years?

He took her shoes off for her, putting them neatly on the floor. With her feet in his lap, he kneaded them gently. She closed her eyes, trying to forget the worries that filled her head.

Tiber jumped up on the couch, purring and curling up on her belly. The baby wondered if the pressure was River's hands.

"We should feed the cats." The Doctor murmured.

She nodded, stroking Tiber's head and doing her best to show the baby what was the real cause of the pressure. "I think Clara has a can of tuna somewhere."

He stood and went to the kitchen.

The baby thought the animal was funny looking but was entertained greatly by the orange and white fur covering Tiber. Tiber leapt off of River when he heard the sound of the can opening.

"Come here." River whispered, once the Doctor returned, "Give me your hand." He held his hand out to her, not quite sure what she was doing. She took his hand and placed it on her belly, "This is Daddy." She whispered, sending a memory of the Doctor's voice to the baby, wanting it to make the connection between the voice and the hand.

The baby realized the difference, that the strange purring animal had been replaced now with a larger and still thing. It was starting to make a connection between what the different pressures were and meant: The purring was a fuzzy animal thing, bigger vibrations were laughing, the little pokes were high voiced and excited future playmates, and this one, the Doctor's hand, was usually accompanied with a calm and affectionate voice that it liked to hear.

"Oh, they really like you." She smiled up at him, removing his hand for a minute so she could do her own, "And this is Mumma." She whispered, sending her own voice and warm thoughts.

"You could tell that from putting my hand on your belly?"

They were the most happy at River's touch, matching her hand up with the source of the warm thoughts she'd had been giving it.

She beamed and nodded, "Yes! They love hearing your voice." She murmured.

"It's good to know my stories aren't boring them." He grinned and resumed rubbing her ankles. "You're awfully full of smiles. Not that I'm complaining."

She beckoned him closer, "Come talk to them more." She smiled.

He scooted up and settled next to her, leaning his head down. "Hello again, baby. Your mother and I are trying to pick a name for you, I wish you could help us choose. I hope you don't mind what ever we choose for you. I promise it won't be too bad."

The baby didn't understand most of the things he said, but it send back warm thoughts, just liking the sound of his voice.

"We've really got to get around to writing some down. Your mother likes Terra, I like Aurora. The girls like Ariel, but I don't think that will make the final options."

"But we both like Arthur." She noted, stroking the side of her belly.  

"Yes. I don't think we really need to come up with anymore boys names if we both like that one." He was talking to her now, but still kept his head near her belly to the baby could listen to his voice.

"Maybe it's a sign that we're having a boy." She teased.

"Or maybe we're rubbish at thinking of any boys names." He joked back.

"Hey!" She hit his arm playfully, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing, love." He chuckled, rubbing his arm and pretending she'd hurt him. "I'm just saying that the other boys name's I've suggested turned out to be bad ones. No other boys names seem to fit as much as Arthur does, plus the other ones are just boring. Like David. David is too boring a name for our baby."

"Oh, but I like David." She smiled, saying it just because he said it was too boring, "We could call him Dave! Nice, plain, Dave."

"Nonono." He said quickly. "Please, Riv. _Not_ David."

She giggled, "Alright, alright, not David on two conditions."

"What conditions?" He huffed slightly.

She smiled, "Alright, maybe three. One, you have to give me a kiss, and a long one, right here." She tapped her lips grinning.

He lifted his head from its previous position at her belly to meet her lips. He kissed her passionately, half because he enjoyed kissing his wife like that and half to butter her up so she wouldn't name the baby David.  

She hummed, kissing him back with equal passion, nuzzling his nose once he pulled back. "Two, you and I get to sleep together tonight."

"In which sense of the word? Because I may remind you there are two four-year-old's in the other room."

"I just meant sleeping in the same bed, but if you want it to mean something else..." She teased.

"I'm afraid we don't have a sitter tonight, but sleeping in the same bed is doable, though that might mean us or the girls will have to be on the couch. I don't mind the couch if you don't." He smiled softly.

She nodded, "Even if it means I'll have back ache in the morning, it'll be worth getting to sleep with you."

"I'll rub your back in the morning." He promised. "What's condition three?"

"You take me to look at flats tomorrow while the girls are at school with Clara."

He nodded. "You didn’t have to bribe me with baby names to do that."

She smiled, "I know, but I did enjoy that kiss."

"Would you like to enjoy it again?" He didn't wait for an answer, moving to kiss her again. She giggled against his lips, cupping his face in her hands.

"Mummy! That's gross!" Freya said from the door frame. Her newly acquired blankie was slung over her shoulder and she made a repulsed face.

River jumped away from her husband, "I'm sorry, my lovie. We didn't see you there."

She went up to them, looking up at River. "Me and Mia are done getting dressed. Can you read us a story?"

"Yes of course. Why don't you go pick one out and then come back here and I'll read to you." She offered.

"I want you to read one from your blue book." She insisted, climbing up into the couch.

"My blue book?" She looked up at the Doctor as Amelia crawled into her lap, "Would you mind getting it out of my bag?"

The Doctor nodded, hopping up and retrieving her diary for her. He squeezed back on to the couch with his family, handing it to her. River opened up the book, leafing through it until she found an appropriate story.

The girls wiggled about excitedly. "What's this one gonna be about?"  

"This one is about one a time when Daddy and I went and had tea with one of the prettiest princesses in the universe." She smiled, knowing the girls would enjoy hearing a story about a princess.

Their eyes became wide, eager to hear the adventure. 


	96. The Doctor’s Daughters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She nodded, sighing, "They're getting so big."
> 
> "That's the funny thing about children, they tend to grow." He teased lightly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So school is starting and I'm about to get busy. That means it's going back to once a week updates (weekends.) Enjoy and comment!

CH 96

 

River read through the pages, adding details she remembered and leaving out the bit where she had the Doctor had snuck off to do some rather inappropriate things. The girls were asleep, curled up to River's side by the time she'd finished.

The Doctor smiled softly. "We ought to get these two into bed."

She nodded, carefully lifting Amelia up and carrying her into Clara's bedroom. He followed and they neatly tucked their daughters into bed, making sure the blankie and Adipoise were with them.

River kissed both of their foreheads, stroking back their hair. "They're so lovely when they sleep, so peaceful."

He wrapped his arm around her waist. "Yes, they are. They look so much like you, you know."

She looked up at him, smiling, "You think so?"

"They've got your hair, your smile." He kissed her softly. "Your ears, your chin..."

"Well, their hair isn't completely like mine. They've got a mix of your color." She whispered.

"I suppose it is a bit dark." He looked at the girls curly heads of almost brown, slightly orange hair. "It was strawberry when they were born. Now it's kind of brown.. ish."

She hummed softly, "Maybe the next one will look more like you."

"I hope it has your eyes." He murmured. "Freya has my eyes and Amelia has your eyes, but I want this one to have your eyes, too."

She smiled, her eyes shining, "No, I want them to have your eyes. I love your eyes."

"Hazel? Nah, hazel is boring. Now your eyes, they swim will all sorts of bits of color. It looks like you've got the universe tucked away behind those eyes."

She giggled, "Sweetie, your eyes are green. I think you may need to look in the mirror more often." She touched his cheek, "You have beautiful, soft green eyes, so full of life."

"Are they?" He touched his eye as if some color would rub off on his fingers and he could see the color. "Still not as pretty at yours."

She smiled, her nose crinkling, "Oh, stop."

"Hmm." He pretended to think about it. "Nope."

"Darling, please." She looking up at him with her best imitation of the girls' puppy dog eyes.

"Oh, but you're so cute when you do that." He tapped her nose. "Off to bed then?"

She nodded, "We're going to have to snuggle very close tonight." She purred, pressing a kiss to his lips.

He wrapped his arm around her and led her back to the living room. "Are you cold, professor?" He teased.

"Mmm, very. And I need you to warm me up." She grinned.

He flushed slightly. "I think you'll find I'm very warm. Don't forget your vitamins."

She nodded, wondering off to take her pills before returning back to him. He had the couch pulled out and set up as a bed by then, making sure the pillows are all there and they had enough blankets. She crawled into bed, yawing and piling up the pillows behind her back, feeling thoughts from the baby filling her head.

"Going to stay up a bit?" He asked.

She shook her head, "I wasn't planning on it, just got a bit of backache and thought the pillows might help." She breathed, trying to settle down the thoughts.

"Want me to rub your back?" He offered.

"No, that's alright." She rubbed his arm lightly, "Just go to sleep, I'll be fine."

He shrugged, turned out the light, and shifted close to her. "If you change your mind..."

She curled up against him, "I won't, goodnight, my love."

"Night, Riv." He mumbled. kissing her forehead. She didn't fall asleep until after he did, lulled to sleep by his steady beating hearts.

 

* * *

 

The Doctor woke early again, just like he had the morning before. Yawning, he slipped out of the bed to work on the vortex manipulator, trying his best not to wake River. He had a feeling this would be happened most mornings of the week.

She stirred a bit, mumbling and rolling over to try and find where the warm mass she had just been cuddled up to had gone.

He glanced over to her at the noises, momentarily leaving his work to kiss her forehead. "Go back to sleep, love."

"Cold..." She mumbled, her eyes starting to open.

He pulled the blankets up around her more. "Sorry. I just had a bit of work to do."

Her arms caught hold of one of his pillows, and she cuddled against it, thinking it was him in her sleepy state.

He smiled and kissed her again, "That's it. Sleep for longer, you need it."

"Stay..." She mumbled again, holding the pillow tighter as she started to fall asleep again.

He wasn't quite sure if she was talking to pillow-him or real him, but either way he stayed put, watching her drifted back to sleep. With another small yawn, she nuzzled against the pillow completely asleep.

He went back to work after he was sure that she was completely asleep. He spent the next hour or two, making life a bit easier for everyone when they woke. He made pancake batter, ready for cooking, looked up houses he and River could look at today, worked on the VM, and organized the house and the few belongings they had just for the heck of it.

There was a small knock at the door and Clara stepped inside. “Wow, smells great in here."

He looked over his shoulder at her. "Yeah, I thought I'd make breakfast for everyone, save River the trouble. She needs the rest anyways. How was your night?"

"It was nice." She smiled, "Thought I'd give you guys the place to yourselves for the night."

"Thank you for that. River and I actually got to sleep in the same bed. I didn't realize that you and Danny were close." He asked, flipping a pancake. The man, to him at least, didn't seem to be close enough to Clara to invite her to stay at his home overnight, but then again the Doctor wasn't an expert in reading people, River being an exception to that rule.

She shrugged, "He's got a spare room and suggested I come over and use it so you would have some space."

"Oh." He let the thought go, changing the subject. "We'll be out of your hair soon. River and I are going to look at flats today."

She looked surprised, "Really? I don't mind you being here. Danny and I just thought after all you've been through you might like a bit of privacy, that's all."

He shook his head at her misunderstanding. "It's not because we feel like a burden, I like your house quite a bit, we just thought with the girls starting school soon and another baby on they we might need something a bit more stable than a sentient time traveling blue box. It'll be like a real, official, permanent home."

"You mean you're all going to move here?" She smiled, "That's wonderful!"

"Glad you think so. Pancake?" He offered.

She nodded, "Sure!"

"Daddy?" Freya yawned, wandering into the kitchen, her blankie wrapped around her.

He left the pan for a moment and scooped her up on his hip. "Good morning, lovie. Do you want chocolate chips in your pancakes?"

She nodded, giving him a sloppy kiss on the cheek, "Where's Mumma?"

"She's still asleep on the couch, I think." He said, using his spare hand to put chocolate chips in the pan.

Freya opened her mouth for a chocolate chip, as Amelia stumbled into the room. He grinned, offering her a chocolate chip after giving Freya one. "How did you sleep, dearie?"

The girls just nodded, munching on the chocolate chip she took from him, "Good! I like having my adipose."

"I thought you might."

"Auntie Clara!" Freya chirped. "Mumma did a magic trick with her mermaid queen powers and got Mia's adipoise and my blankie!" She held up the blanket to show her.

"Oh, wow! That's so cool!" Clara smiled, "I wish I had special powers like your Mum."

"I bet Mummy can give you some of her powers and then you'll both be magic!"

"Oh, nah, that's alright. I don't want to take away any of your Mummy's powers." She ruffled her hair. Freya giggled.

"Ta-da!" The Doctor announced. "Breakfast is served." He set Freya down. "Why don't you and your sister go and wake your mum?"

Both girls nodded, running into the other room. "Mummy, Mummy, wake up!" They jumped onto the pullout couch, Freya landing on her mother's legs and Amelia plopping down next to her.

River groaned, opening her eyes slowly, "Alright, alright, I'm awake."

"Daddy made chocolate chip pancakes!" Freya sang with excitement. "You hafta come eat with us."

"Did he now?" She sat up, running her hand through her hair.

"Yeah!" She leaned towards River's belly, addressing her little sibling. "Pancakes are the bestest and you're gonna really like them."

River laughed sleepily, feeling the baby's groggy and confused thoughts as Freya spoke. It wasn't sure what a pancake was, nor had a very good concept of eating and tasting things yet, but enjoyed hearing it's sister's excited tone. "Alright, come on, my sweets." She slowly stood up, walking to the kitchen with a hand on her back.

The twins scurried along behind her, hopping into their seats at the now set table as the Doctor placed a large stack of pancakes in the middle.

"Good morning, Clara." River smiled, walking over to the Doctor and kissing his cheek softly, "Morning, sweetie."

"How's your back feeling?" He murmured, taking three pancakes and putting them on his plate.

"Fine." She smiled, taking her vitamins before sitting down beside him, "How long have you been up?"

"Couple hours I suppose. What time is it?"

She shook her head, "I don't know, I haven't looked."

He glanced at the clock. "It's half past seven. You girls ought to get dressed so you and Auntie Clara can get to the school on time."

They quickly ate up and went to go put on one of their new outfits.

"Thanks for taking them again today, Clara." The Doctor smiled at his friend.

"No problem! They're a pleasure to have in class." She grinned.

The girls returned quickly, eager to get to school and see all of their new friends again. "I'm gonna bring my adipoise!" Amelia held up the stuffie. "I'm gonna it to show everyone."

"Mia, I think maybe you should leave the adipose here." River suggested softly, "He may get lost at school, or dirty."

"But I'll take really good care of him. I won't loose him and we can wash it if it gets dirty." The girl insisted.

She bit her lip, "Alright, but you can't let him go, yeah?"

"I promise." She grinned widely.

"Okay." River kissed the top of her head, then hugged Freya. "Have fun today girls, and don't cause too much trouble."

"We won't." They said together.

"They're really not much of a bother." Clara assured her.

She nodded, smiling softly, waving to the girls as they left.

"They'll be fine, Riv." The Doctor said. "They'll love it when they actually start school."

She nodded, sighing, "They're getting so big."

"That's the funny thing about children, they tend to grow." He teased lightly.

"Yes, I know, but… I don't want them too. I want them to be my little babies forever."

"They'll always be your babies, love. And they still have a ways to go, it's only primary school." He kissed the side of her head.

She closed her eyes, leaning into him, "They used to love my hugs and kisses and now most of the time they try to squirm away."

He thought about it, not having noticed that before. "I think it's just a phase. They love your kisses. I know I do." That last bit was muttered.

"I remember when they used to sleep on your chest at night." Her lip wobbled and she quickly took a deep breath to calm herself, "I'm sorry, baby hormones."

He weaved his fingers with hers, squeezing her hand softly. "Everyone has a different way of showing love... just because the girls a starting to shy away from you, doesn't mean they love you any less. They still come to you when they have nightmares and ask you for homemade mac'n'cheese because they know you make it the best."

She nodded, turning and hugging him tightly.

He wrapped his arms around her comfortingly. "They still love you, River. Nothing can change that."

She nodded again, taking a minute before pulling away, "We have flats to go look at, yeah?"

He nodded. "I borrowed Clara's computer and there's a few things that have open houses today that I think you might like."

She smiled, giving him a kiss, "I'll go get dressed then."

The Doctor elected to wait for her as he was already dressed in his new trousers and new shirt. Anyone who knew him wouldn't have recognized the difference between what he had on and his regular outfit.

River came out wearing one of the new dresses she had bought, smoothing it over her stomach. She grabbed her purse and Clara's spare keys, "Ready?"

"No perception filter?" He asked. The new dress was more fitted on her, showing off her small bump.

She frowned slightly, "Do I have to wear one?"

He shook his head. "I suppose not, it wouldn't look abnormal for a pregnant woman and her husband to be looking at houses." He said slowly.

She nodded, leading him out the door, "And if we're going to be living here soon, people will know we're going to have a baby."

"That's true." He noted as they set off to the first flat. "You can't exactly put a baby under a perception filter." He looked at her. "I just want to keep you as safe as I can."

"You are keeping me safe." She whispered, squeezing his arm and letting him take the lead.

"I wish it felt more like it." He sighed, but nodded. "I'm doing my best to think of something to stop Missy, you know." He had meant to tell her about his plan yesterday, but thing always got in the way. "So far all I have for a plan is the vortex manipulator, but its such a risky, and to be honest, a bit stupid idea that I'm not sure it will work."

"Don't be ridiculous." She whispered, kissing his shoulder, "I'm sure it's brilliant, and all of your plans end up working out in the end."

"I'm trying to lock the coordinates on the VM so it can only go to the Medusa Cascade. If we can get into the TARDIS and get it around Missy's wrist, she'll be sent there with no way of returning. She'll be gone."

She swallowed, "It sounds...reasonable and do-able."

"Are you sure? Because there are so many things that could go wrong, it might not work, or we might not be able to get her wrist..." He listed off his worries about this plan, not sure of himself.

She shook her head, rubbing his shoulder, "Sweetie, don't worry about it now. We can worry about it more later. For now, let's just go look at the flats and have a nice time together." She smiled encouragingly.

He nodded slowly, mind still on how they were going to get the TARDIS back and wondering if they'd need a backup plan. "...Alright." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS: I'm having trouble with google docs so idk when he next chapter will be up


	97. 460 Haskalle Street

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're the only one I'd do it with, you know. Buy a house with, I mean, and have kids. The only one." 
> 
> She squeezed his hand, "That's good to hear."

CH 97

 

River walked in silence until they reached the flat, but continued to rub her husband’s arm, trying to comfort him away from his worried thoughts.

There were a few couples there already: a young pair of women, looking like this was their first time buying a flat together, a middle aged couple with a reluctant ten-year-old boy with them, and a few others. River stayed close to the Doctor as they walked inside,

"It's bigger than I thought." She murmured, looking over the front hall.

"Well we do have a lot of people to fit." The Doctor added, glancing around. "Plus we'll still have the TARDIS on top of that."

She hummed softly, putting a hand on her belly, "How many bedrooms does this one have?"

"It said five on the website." He told her. "Let's take a look, shall we?" She nodded, trailing along behind him.

Past the front hall and coat room, the house was bigger than he'd expected, too, the ground floor having four large rooms aside the kitchen.

"This one could be your office." The Doctor noted, peering into one of them.

She hummed softly, "Or it could be the new nursery."  

Peering in each of the rooms downstairs, they moved upstairs and took a few seconds in each of the bedrooms.

"What do you think, River? It is a bit big..."

She nodded, glancing around the room they were standing in, "It's...alright. It doesn't exactly feel like home."

"I suppose not." Nothing quite felt like home as the TARDIS did, he guessed that would be the case for all of the houses. "There are others we can look at. Maybe something closer to the school?"

She nodded, smiling softly, "Yes, that's a good idea."

The next house was a walk-able distance from the one they were just in. "I think I want a big yard in the back. I could teach the girls football. Craig thought I was really good at playing." The Doctor rambled on the way.

"Why have you never shown off your skills for me?" She teased, walking with one of her arms wrapped around his waist.

"I never thought you were interested in playing." He shrugged. "But you can play with us if you want to. But I'm not sure how much running you want to do carrying baby."

She hummed softly, "Yes I think I'll just watch from the side lines until the baby comes."  

"I bet the baby will love playing football, too. When it's not a baby I mean. It ought to be able to walk first." He rambled on as they walked.

She smiled, "We'll see.” The eventually came upon the other flat. “Is this the one?" She asked, nodding towards the house.  

He looked at the 'for sale' sign stuck in the ground in front of it. "Yes, it is."

This one was smaller than the last, stuck between two other flats.

"It's smaller." She noted, "And we're the only one's here."

"Well considering there are at least 670,000 places to live in London, I wouldn't expect each one to be full of people." He told her.

She nodded, "Of course, I'm just surprised since it looks nicer than the last one."

"Shall we?" Though visually small, he had to agree that he liked how it looked. She nodded and walked with him into the flat.

This one had a very cheery and bright looking kitchen that opened up into a dining room. The only other room on that floor besides a bathroom was a living room, the windows in it letting in a lot of light.

"Look, there's a backyard!" The Doctor said excitedly. River's whole face was bright as she looked around, finding the place to be absolutely beautiful.

The Doctor ran upstairs quickly, then came back down. "There's only three bedrooms in this one." He told her. "The bathtub upstairs is big, though."

"Mmm, good." River purred, "How big are the rooms upstairs?"

"A bit bigger than Amelia and Freya's room in the TARDIS." He told her, still eyeing the yard outside the window.

"Come on, let's go see the yard." She smiled, pulling him towards the back doors. He nodded eagerly.

There was a flower bed in one corner, already full of pale and soft looking flowers. There was a tree in the very back of the spread of grass with branches low enough for climbing.

"Oh, Doctor...I love it." She beamed, "I know it's only the second home we've looked at, but I absolutely love it."

"I do, too." His smile was as bright as hers. "Should we still look at more to see our options or are you sold?"

"I don't know, I'm afraid that if we don't take it, someone else will. It's such a charming little place, I can't imagine there are many like this in a city like London." She murmured, walking close to him, cupping his cheeks, "What do you think?"

"I love it, but only if you'll let me build a tree house." He said a bit childishly.

She thought about it for a minute, "Alright, but not until the girls' birthday. It can be a birthday gift for them, yeah?"

He nodded in agreement. "Deal." He said, hearing someone walk in the front door.

River clutched onto his arm, wrapping her free hand around her middle, startled but the sudden noise of people.

"Hello?" The Doctor had never heard the voice of this woman before. They heard her walk through the flat and she eventually came into view. "Oh, I'm sorry, I was on lunch break." The woman held out an olive colored hand and smiled. She was wearing a suit and a pencil skirt, her hear in a neat bun on her head. "I'm the real estate agent."

River sighed in relief, smiling, "Hello, it's a pleasure to meet you. I hope you don't mind, my husband and I were just taking a look around."

"Oh, not at all." The woman smiled warmly at the couple. "May I show you the property?”

"Of course." River smiled, walking with the Doctor behind her as she showed them around the flat again, this time explaining what the small house had to offer and pointing out details that they hadn't seen themselves the first time.

"Well," The woman clapped her hands together as she lead them back to the living room, much more chipper than strictly necessary. "What do you think? Are you prepared to make an offer?"

River looked over at the Doctor, "I think we are. Right?"

He nodded and the sales woman started to go over all sorts of papers and documents they needed, even more enthusiastic than she'd been when touring the house.

River tried to focus on the paperwork, but the baby was a bit restless, sending her thoughts wondering who the new woman was, where was their Daddy and what was making Mummy so happy?

It took them nearly an hour to actually get all of the papers and documents filled in properly, with a bit of guidance from the woman. "It looks like everything here is in order. The contract for a down payment is signed. You can come by my office any time this week to discuss closing..." She threw about a bunch of terms about money and transitioning and other such things, expecting them to already know what it meant.

River understood some of what she was saying, having owned her own flat before she had lived with the Doctor, "Sounds wonderful, thank you so much."

"My pleasure." She shook hands with them again. "Here," She gave them a business card. "So you can make an appointment at the office."

River smiled and took the card, putting it in her purse. "Do you want to go back to Clara's or go get lunch?" She asked the Doctor as they left.

"What ever you want." He said, still thinking about the little flat that was now theirs. Over 1000 years of time and space and he'd never actually bought a house, nor had thought there was so much to it, but leaving he had an odd feeling of satisfaction.

"I'm so happy." She beamed, hugging him tightly and planting a kiss on his cheek.

"Are you? Who knew buying a flat had that effect of you." He took note to have a celebratory party of some kind.

She smiled, "I'm happy we have a place to keep the girls stable and raise them and the baby." She pressed her forehead to his, "I love you."

"I love you, too." He smiled, glad that after the week they'd had, she was able to be happy. "Tell you what, lets grab lunch at some place nice."

She beamed and nodded, "That sounds wonderful."

It didn't take them long to find a little cafe on a street corner and settle into a booth with tea some food.

"I like this place. It right near the house, too." River was already exhausted after walking around all morning. "We can take  our friends here for lunch when they come and visit and bring the girls here for breakfast on weekends when they're not in school."

"That's a brilliant idea." He praised. "I still can't quite get my head around it, you know. We bought a house. Like an actual, official, place that we're going to live in and raise our kids in."

River beamed, taking his hand and kissing his palm.

"You're the only one I'd do it with, you know. Buy a house with, I mean, and have kids. The only one."  

She squeezed his hand, "That's good to hear."

They talked for over an hour in the cafe, about anything and everything that crossed their minds. It felt like the first peaceful moment they'd had in a while, not having to worry about danger or the girls, just simply talking. By the end of their talk, River was curled up against the Doctor on his side of the booth, looking rather sleepy.

"Looks like you could use a nap." The Doctor observed. "Why don't you go back to Clara's house, and I'll pick up the girls?"

River nodded, giving him a kiss goodbye, "I'll see you back at Clara's." She smiled.

He lingered on the kiss a bit longer than one should linger. "Love you."

"I love you too." She smiled, giving him one last kiss, then headed back to Clara's.

The Doctor went the opposite direction, towards the school, finding the girls conversing with Leelah again upon his arrival. They seemed to have grown a liking to her, and she for them. Amelia was cuddling with her adipose, seeming to be rather quiet.

He went over to them, after thanking Clara for having them. He crouched by his daughter, "Everything okay, lovie?"

She coughed into her elbow, then nuzzled into his arms, shaking her head.

"What's wrong, Amelia?" He picked her up, cradling her to his chest. "Are you feeling sick?"

She nodded, sniffling, her forehead a bit warm.

"There was a mean boy at school today." Freya piped up.

"A mean boy?" He looked at Freya, wanting a bit more information than that.

She nodded, "He was teasing Mia because she brought her adipose to school."

The Doctor frowned. "Well that's not very nice... how did you make him go away?"

"I pushed him!" She smiled, "But I think he hurt Mia's feelings."

"It would seem so." He rubbed Amelia's back sympathetically, wondering how to deal with this bully. He hadn't thought the girls would encounter many mean people, especially before they were even officially registered in the school system. He was glad that Freya was there to stick up for her. "Maybe you should use your words next time, Freya. You can still yell at him, but I don't want you getting physically aggressive with other kids."

Amelia sniffled, "I wanna go home."

"Alright, Amelia. We'll go home. Say bye to Leelah and Clara." He glanced at the later, wondering if she had gotten anymore out of the girls about this than he had.

Clara looked just as surprised about the news as the Doctor, not having seen this encounter with the boy, "I hope you feel better, Amelia." Leelah waved, too.

"Amelia, do you know his name?" He asked the girl, hoping Clara could at least call his parents.

She shook his head, cuddling closer to him and her adipose. Freya didn't know either.

"What did he look like?" Asked Clara, thinking she might be able to figure out who it was that way.

Both girls helped describe the boy, Amelia whining that she wanted to go home again, her forehead getting hotter.

"I really ought to be getting these two home. I think Amelia has a fever."

Clara nodded, "There should be done medicine at my house. I'll see you all soon."

He nodded his thanks to her as well as Leelah before heading out carrying Amelia, Freya following close behind.

 

 


	98. Time Heads and Space Hair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We are not naming our baby Jack or Jackson or Jacqueline or any other form of that name." He somewhat declared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As it turns out, I do have time for an extra update this week. Comments please!

CH 98

 

River awoke when she heard the rest of her family come into the flat. She slowly got out of bed, walking over to meet them.

"You should be asleep, love." The Doctor said to her, kissing her cheek ‘hello’ around Amelia, still him his arms.

She shook her head, holding out her arms to take Amelia, "What's wrong?" She asked, noticing something was off.

"I think Amelia's coming down with something." He shifted the sleepy girl to River's arms.

"And also she's sad 'cause of the mean boy!" Freya added.

She frowned, one eyebrow resided as she stroked Amelia's back, "Mean boy?"

"He was teasing her and I pushed him to make him go away." Freya told her. "But he really hurt Mia's feelings."

River sat down on the couch, stroking Amelia's hair, "Is that true?"

Amelia nodded, whimpering slightly. "...Don't feel good."

She kissed her forehead, holding her closer, "What doesn't feel good, my love."

"My head." She sniffed. "And my throat."

River nodded, laying her down in the couch, fluffing the pillows behind her head and wrapping a blanket around her, "Can you get her some ice water?" She asked the Doctor.

“Course." He said. "I'll get her some Tylenol, too. Need anything?"

She shook her head, "Just the water."

He went to the kitchen, returning in a moment with the listed things. "Here."

She smiled weakly, giving Amelia the medicine and then the water, "This will make you feel better."

The girl looked at it skeptically. "Does it taste bad?"

"Well, it's not a very nice taste, but I'll give you a bite of chocolate after." She smiled encouragingly. Amelia hesitated before finally agreeing and taking the medicine from her.

"Can I have some chocolate, too?" Freya asked. River nodded, easing herself up and going to get the chocolate, which she had been saving for when she had the craving for it, out of her bag. They each took a piece, Amelia feeling a tiny bit better now that she wasn't at the school and she had her mother there.

"Clara thinks she knows who the 'mean boy' was" The Doctor said. "She's going to ask some other teachers at the school and call his parents. River nodded her understanding, looking rather angry.

"Mummy? Do I hafta go to school in the fall? I don't want to." Encountering the bully had made Amelia fear school all over again.

River sighed, brushing back her hair, "I'm afraid so, but I promise nobody will be mean."

"But he said I was a baby for having my Adipoise!" She looked up at her mum, "What if _everyone_ thinks I'm a baby for having my Adipose?"

River shook her head, "You are _not_ a baby for having that, alright. I'm sure he was just jealous." She tried to sooth her, having a bit of trouble and looking up at the Doctor.

"Can I still bring my Adipoise to school?" She asked shyly. Though afraid she'd get teased for it, she still found a great about of comfort in having it with her.

"If you really want to." River kissed the top of her head, "I'm sorry that happened today."

"I want to stay with you tomorrow." Amelia hugged her, wrapping her little arms as far around her as they would go.

She hugged her back, "Alright, you feel a bit warm anyway, you don't have to go."

"Can I stay, too? It's not as fun without Mia there." Freya asked.

River nodded, "Of course, sweetheart, but Daddy and I have a few things we have to do tomorrow, so you'll have to come with us."

"What are we gonna do?" She questioned, Amelia still holding on to River.

"Well, it's a surprise." River smiled, "You'll see."

"Is it a good surprise? Will there be sweets?" She was getting excited.

"I'm afraid there aren't any sweets involved, my lovely." She laughed, "You'll see tomorrow." She stood up, fixing the blanket around Amelia once again, "Try to get some rest."

Amelia nodded snuggling into the pillow as Freya climbed onto the couch and sat by her feet. "Can I watch cartoons?" River nodded, turning on the telly for them, handing Amelia the clicker, then heading out to the kitchen.

The Doctor followed, "River? ...You seem really upset about this." He had seen her look as Amelia explained what had happened.

She shook her head, sighing, "I'm fine."

"Can I make you some tea?" He offered, thinking it best not to push to much on this.

"No, really I'm alright." She whispered, sitting down at the table, rubbing her temples. He moved behind her and started rubbing her shoulders.

"Talk to me." He murmured, kissing her head.

"What is there to talk about? I was afraid this was going to happen." She sighed.

"And now that it has, you don't seem to be talking it well." He observed.

She nodded, "I just..." She sighed again, "I don't know."

"Everyone encounters bullies in one way or another, and everyone learns to face up to them their own way. Freya and Amelia have each other. They've got Clara, too, and, though I don't think they should be bullied at all, they're going to be a little bit stronger by the end of it."

"I know." She whispered, "I know… I just want to protect them, I want them to be happy. I don't want them to ever be scared to go to school, or be who they are because of one silly person's opinion."

"You could tell them about how you dealt with mean people in your school." He suggested, working on a tougher knot.

She shook her head, "I can't say I dealt with bullies very well."

"Why? What was your way of dealing with them?" He had a good guess already.

"How do you think?" She leaned back in the chair, putting her hands on his.

"Well... violently, I suppose." She sunk down in her chair, moving her hands over her face. "So maybe telling them about your school experience isn't the best idea..." He began, "That doesn't mean you can't tell them something that will make them feel better about going to school."

"I suppose. I'll just let the two of them rest for now." She glanced towards the door, smoothing out her dress.

"You should get some rest, too. How much time did you get napping?"

"A half hour maybe? Don't worry, I'm fine." She smiled softly, "I want to spend time with you."

"Well then maybe I should take a nap with you." He said, still wanting her to rest.

She shook her head, "No, we can't sleep while Amelia is in the other room with a fever." She sighed and pressed her forehead to his, "I'd appreciate it if you just sat with me."

He nodded and grabbed a bag of Walkers crisps from the cupboard, a pad of paper, and a pen from a drawer, before sitting down. Sitting, he decided, though not as good as lying down or napping, was still being inactive and counted as resting. "How about we actually write some of those baby names down."

Mr Thomas and Samantha jumped up onto the table, curious as to what edible thing the Doctor had. She hummed, sliding off her shoes, "We need to make two lists for now, so what do we have for a girl?"

"Let's see... you said Terra, and I said Aurora..." He made a t-chart and wrote the names down as he said them. "The girls said Leelah."

"What about Valentina?" She asked, watching him carefully, "And don't write it down unless you like it."

"Valentina." He said the name, testing how it sounded. "Valentina Song... I like it." He added it to the list. "It's very sweet."

"It means brave, and strong." She whispered, putting a hand on her abdomen.

He smiled warmly. "Skylar, what do you think of that name?"

She hummed, "It's not bad."

"Should I write that down? We should both like it."

She nodded slowly, "Write it for now."

He nodded. "That brings us up to... five."

"What about boy names?" She asked, slowly getting out of her chair, wanting to sit on his lap.

"Well there's Arthur. I know we both like that." He put the pencil down, pulling her onto his lap.

She leaned back against him, brushing her nose against his jaw, "Yes, and the girls suggested Jack."

"We are not naming our baby Jack or Jackson or Jacqueline or any other form of that name." He somewhat declared.

She laughed, teasing, "Why not? After all he's done for us..."

"I'm grateful, but not nearly enough to name my child after him." He huffed. "If we want to buy him car or something, that's fine, but _no_ naming the baby after him."

She smiled, "Don't worry, I have no plans on insisting we name the baby after Jack."

"Good." He calmed, settling his arms around her. "I guess that means we shouldn't name it after any other companions."

"What about Rory and Amy?" She asked, "They were your companions."

"They're my family, too. They're your parents... it's different. I'm not sure how to explain it." He said carefully.

She nodded, "And we've already named Amelia after my mother." She put her hand over his, "Because she was my mother and she's important to our family. That's why I want to name the baby Terra, because that was your mother's name and she's family, she's important."

He was silent for a moment, trying to think back to the days when he had a mother to love him. The memories were very foggy, bits and pieces of bedtime stories or her putting a band-aid on his knee coming through. "She is important." He agreed. "Terra can be the name for a girl if Arthur gets to be the name for a boy."

She looked up at him and nodded, "Alright, yes, I agree with that."

He circled the names on the list. "Well now it's all a matter of waiting until we can actually find out if it's a boy or girl."

"Are you sure you like the name Terra?" She asked softly, sinking deeper against him, "I know it wasn't one of your original suggestions, and I just want to make sure that you really like it and you're not just saying that you do because I like it."

"I'm not just saying it, River. I love it. It reminds me of home, you know, before the war when everything was okay." He smiled. "You know my mother used to tell me a lot of Earth stories. The ones you tell little kids for bed."

"Really?" She smiled softly, lips brushing his cheek, "That sounds very sweet."

"She would tell me Gallifreyan ones too, of course, but she had some preference for Earth culture." He told her.

"Maybe that's where you got your liking for Earth from." She smiled softly, "I would have loved to have met her."

"I wish you had met her, too." He sighed a bit sadly. "I'm afraid she's gone now..." She hugged him tightly, rubbing his back, wishing she could do more to comfort him. He returned the gesture. "I'm okay, Riv."  He murmured.

"Are you sure?" She asked quietly, holding him tighter.

"She's been dead for a very long time. I've had more than enough time to come to terms with it."

She nodded, letting him go. "Will you take a nap with me if I can convince the girls to take one too?"

"Yes." He nodded.

"Mumma!" Freya called from the other room.

"Coming, sweetie!" She called, slowly getting off the Doctor's lap and walking into the room, "What is it?"

Freya practically jumped into River's arms. "Don't let the zombies get me!"

"What? Sweetheart, what are you talking about?" River asked, looking around the room, confused as to what caused this strange outburst.

"There was a commercial for a scary movie." Amelia explained, seeming less phased by it that her sister.

"Freya, my love, there are no zombies. I promise, nothing will hurt you." She lifted her up and kissed her cheek, "Do you want to come and take a nap with me?" The girl nodded, wrapping her arms around her mother's neck.

"I wanna come, too." Amelia said, slipping off the couch.

River smiled and nodded, "Alright, how are you feeling?" She touched her forehead, feeling to see if she was still warm.

"The medicine made me feel better." She replied. "But I'm tired."

She nodded again, "I think you still have a fever, but let's get you two into bed and we'll see how warm you are later." She lead the girls back to Clara's room, tucking them into the warm blankets.

"Now the question is: is there room for us?" The Doctor whispered, careful not to wake them.

River frowned looking at the bed which was already pretty much filled with just the girls, "We can sleep on the floor?"

"I already told you, I'm not having you sleep on the floor." He looked at the bed. "I bet there's room if we squeezed."

"Well there might be if nobody moves at all. Sleeping on the floor would probably be more comfortable, and I don't understand why you refuse to let me."

"Because you're my wife, my _pregnant_ wife, and you deserve to have something soft beneath you."

"Then we can make a little nest. We can get all the extra pillows and blankets and lay them out so I'll have something soft to cuddle you on." She suggested, kissing his nose, "And it would be nice and warm. The baby seems to like the idea."

"Fine." He gave in and went to the living room to gather as many cushiony things he could. Once they had brought back all the cushions and blankets, River arranged them into a somewhat bed shape, lining it with blankets for warmth and more comfort.

As soon as he was laying down, she curled up as close to him as she could, "This isn't so bad."

"I guess not." He shifted around a bit to get more comfortable, pulling her closer, not bothering with a blanket.

"It's nice and soft, and warm." She murmured, pressing a soft kiss to his chest.

"Just like you..." He grinned.

She giggled softly, "I'm soft?"

He nuzzled his nose into her hair. "Your hair is soft... and your lips are soft." He kissed her lightly.

"What else?" She murmured, kissing him again.

"Your nose, your hands..." He brushed his lips against each part he listed and smoothed his hand down her side. "Your skin is soft, too." He came to rest a hand on her small bump. She smiled up at him, putting her hands over his. "Everything is going to work out, one way or another." He murmured.

She nodded, giving him one last kiss, "As long as I have you, I know it will."

"I love you, River." He said, squeezing her hand.

"I love you too." She whispered, tucking her head beneath his chin. He closed his eyes and let himself smile as he drifted to sleep. 


	99. A Black Dog is a Bad Dog, a Bad Dog Bad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Oopsy-daisy." Missy poked River with her foot. "Do try not to bleed so much, dear. You're making a mess on the floor."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from Back Butler, I don't actually keep up with that show, but I thought it was a fitting title for the chapter. Comment as usual and enjoy!

CH 99

 

In all honesty, the Doctor really had meant to stay less than a week -maybe seven days at maximum- but he felt, as he woke on his eleventh day of staying at Clara's house, that he was overstaying his welcome there. The girls constantly asking when they'd be able to go back to the TARDIS had him more anxious, but it helped that they liked the idea of moving into a flat alongside their blue box.

He stood from the couch he and River were sleeping on, stretching his arms out sleepily. He looked at the vortex manipulator sitting on the table. He had finished tampering with it last night and today, he and River had agreed it was time to reclaim their home.

River woke when she felt her husband move, sitting up slowly. "What's the plan for today?" She asked sleepily.

"Hopefully," He said with a weak smile, "To get the TARDIS back." He still wasn't sure this plan would work one hundred percent, nor did he have a backup plan if something were to go wrong. "Are you sure you want to come? I don't want you getting hurt..."

She smiled weakly. The past week her abdomen had grown a noticeable amount, which would probably make her even more of a target than before, but she still insisted on accompanying him, "Yes, I'm sure. I don't want you doing this alone. I promise I'll be careful, I won't do anything unreasonably dangerous."  

He nodded, still feeling rather uneasy. "Remember the plan. One us needs to distract her while the other gets the Vortex Manipulator around her wrist." They must have gone over the plan at least a dozen times, but he said it again anyways.

"Do you want me to get the Vortex Manipulator around her wrist? She likes you better, you'll probably be able to hold her attention for longer." She offered, wanting to solidify their plan even more.

"What should I say to her? To get her attention I mean."

She looked up at him, biting her lip, "Say whatever you have to to keep her attention. Tell her you love her, tell her you’re leaving me, anything that will make her think she has the upper hand." She swallowed, "Anything you have to say, do it, I know it's not real."

"But River..." His hearts clenched. The last time he had done that, he had ended up hurting her in a way that he never wanted to. He sighed. "...are you sure?"

She took his hands, squeezing them gently, "We need to get are home back, and if that's what it takes, so be it. Just promise me none of it will be true."

"Of course it won't be true." He cupped her cheek with one hand. "I couldn't love that woman now if we were the last two people in the universe. Not even for a heartbeat."

She nodded, kissing him softly. "I love you."

"I love you, too. More than I can put into words." He kissed her back passionately, before pulling away. "We ought to put on some proper clothes for this." She nodded, reluctantly moving away from him to go get dressed. "We'll have to make it look believable." He said, still not wanting to say 'I love you' so anyone but his wife. She looked at, starting to get a bit worried. "I'm really sorry... I'll have to act as though I hate you." He swallowed.

She nodded, wrapping one arm around her stomach, "Okay...Whatever you have to do."

He tilted her chin up. "Would it help if a snogged you senseless when it's over?" He tried to lighten the mood.

She smiled weakly, nodding, "Yes, I think that would help a bit."

"I could kiss your neck." He leaned close to her ear, "And a few other places I know you like me kissing."

Her eyes fluttered shut, a soft sigh escaping her lips, "I don't think now is really the best time to get me all riled up." She breathed in protest.

"I suppose I'll have time later." His tone was still sultry.

She looked up at him, her expression turning serious again, "If she threatens the baby, then we have to leave. I'm not risking the baby's safety for this, we can come up with a new plan if we have to."

"Something tells me that she'll threaten the baby right off the bat..." He said, shaking off his flirtatious self. "Not all threats she makes are carried out... We leave when it gets serious, if she points a gun or something."

She nodded, "Are you ready?"

He nodded back, "Clara said she'd keep a close eye on the girls today. And Jack is scanning the area for extreme temporal disturbances so if something goes really wrong, he can help."

She swallowed, a bit nervous, "Let's go."

The girls were still asleep as they left, Clara as well, the Doctor having elected to do this early. There was a bus that went rather close to where they needed to go and he made sure they had what they needed before they got on it. River was anxious as they rode the bus, clutching his hand tightly.

"As soon as she physically threatens the baby, we're leaving." She whispered again, that being one of her biggest concerns. He nodded silently. He didn't enjoy the danger that Missy posed.

His leg bounced nervously as the bus approached their stop.  River gripped his hand tighter as they stood, slowly walking off the bus.

"Here." He said as they got close to where the TARDIS had been left. He placed his wedding ring in her hand. "You should keep this safe for me until this is over. I don't want to lose it."

She looked down at the ring, rolling it over in her hand, "Right...Of course."

"She'll get suspicious if I still have it on." He explained.

"I know." She murmured, sliding the ring in her pocket, "Like I said, whatever it takes."

"Okay..." He breathed. "And remember, whatever I say in there, I don't mean it. Not for a second."

She nodded, giving him a quick kiss, "I love you."

"I love you, too." He murdered, looking up at the blue box and opening the door.

River peered inside, the interior of the TARDIS looking even worse than it had last time they had been there. The lights were completely out as well, some of them smashed and others with fuses blown. It was eerily silent, not even the hum the old girl usually made present. She wrapped her arm protectively around her belly, trying to get over her worry as she stepped inside.

"Where is she?" He whispered, keeping close to her.

She opened her mouth to respond when the clicking of heels suddenly became audible, "Well, well, well, what do we have here?"

"Ah." The Doctor said, his tone completely changed to appear is if he was pleased to see her. "I was afraid you'd run off without saying bye."

Missy raised an eyebrow, "Really? Is that so?"

"You know me. I like to keep track of my women." He stepped away from River, going onto the raised part of the console room and avoiding the shards of glass. "Besides. I needed to talk to you."

River watched the two of them carefully, not yet saying anything, but following them a bit more into the light.

"There are so many things out there beyond Earth, you know. Things that are brilliant, places you've never been..." He began, making this up off the top of his head. "And this place is starting to bore me to no ends."

Missy scoffed, "What about your little pet over there, she boring you too?"

"Completely. She's not nearly as interesting as you are." He mentally kicked himself, though continued to speak as he was. "One can only hear the words 'I love you' so many times before it get's old. I want adventure, not some silly domestic life."

"Oh, but you two have a baby on the way." She pouted, slowly walking towards River, "Daddy doesn't want to meet his wittle one?" She sneered.

"Eh." He shrugged as if it wasn't a big deal. "I already have two others. You've seen a baby born once, you don't really need to see it again. All that yelling and commotion for a whining little... thing that clings to you all day isn't worth the trouble." He was really surprising himself with this act.

River tensed as Missy approached her, wanting to back up, but holding her ground. She didn't like how the conversation was starting to drift towards the baby, it made her more nervous.

"What to do with the trollop, then, if you're bored of her already. Into the incinerator perhaps?" Missy smirked evilly. "Or maybe we could keep her as a pet."

River’s eyes shifted briefly from Missy to the Doctor, hand moving to protect her abdomen as the woman drew closer.

"I don't care what you do with her." He said, trying to get her attention away from River. "Forget about her, I don't want to have to think about anything but you."

Missy's eyes narrowed, still skeptical about the whole situation. "Alright, then if you don't care what I do with her, I'll just kill her now. Kill her and the baby right now and we don't have to worry about it ever again, no unfinished business coming back to bite us."

His stomach turned. "Well that's no fun, is it. We could make her run, make her beg for her life first, have a little entertainment." He stalled.

"This is so unlike you, Doctor." She reached into her pocket, "But I think I'd rather just kill her now and be done with it."

He panicked, quickly grabbing her wrist, but before he knew what was happening, he'd accidentally spun her around, landing her lips right onto his. Missy leaned into the kiss, practically attaching herself to him as River relaxed for a moment, pulling the Vortex Manipulator out of her pocket. The Doctor, though wishing he could shove Missy away, or bite her, pulled her closer to him in attempt to give River as much time as he could to do her part. River ran around to the other side of Missy, quickly attaching the device to her wrist.

He pulled away from the kiss, "Now, River!" He signaled for her to press the button that would send with wretched woman far away from them. River tried to hit the button, but Missy yanked her wrist away from her right before she could.

"No!" His plan was failing and they were entering an even more dangerous territory. He lunged for Missy, trying to get at her wrist and activate the vortex manipulator.

She was faster than him, snatching up a large shard of glass from the floor, grabbing River and holding it directly to her abdomen, "And this is why I just wanted to kill her and be done with it." She sighed, "It would have been fast and easy, nearly painless before, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to prolong the pain now."

"Do not bloody touch her." He growled, knowing that at this point his charade was useless. Even if it wasn't, he wasn't sure he could've kept it up. He picked up his own piece of glass. "Hurt her, and I'll hurt you."

"Missy." River begged, wiggling in her arms, "Please...don't do this. Just let me go." River wasn’t usually one to beg, but with her child’s life being threatened and no means of defense in this compromising position, it was really the only thing she could do.

"Haven't you been paying attention, dear? There isn't a reason in the universe good enough to stop me from killing you."

"Alright… alright, hurt me then, do whatever you'd like with me, but if you really care about the Doctor, then don't hurt the baby. Don't hurt his child, please." She whispered, trying not to wince as the shard of glass was pressed further into her skin.

"Those two things don't exactly go hand in hand as you are a walking incubator." She said as though River were an idiot. "The Doctor has children to spare, but I do like the sound of hurting you." She took the shard and pierced River's shoulder, digging and twisting the glass as painfully as she could make it.

River cried out, her knees giving out beneath her. Yet she still reached out, trying to get to the button on the Vortex Manipulator to send Missy away, pain searing through her whole arm.

Missy narrowly dodged her, letting her drop to the floor. "Oopsy-daisy." She poked River with her foot. "Do try not to bleed so much, dear. You're making a mess on the floor."

River stood shakily, clutching the wound on her shoulder, trying to slow the bleeding, before lunging for the woman again. The Doctor joined in, he and River teaming up to trying and grab Missy's wrist.

He still had his piece of glass, wanting nothing more that to hurt her for hurting River. Missy swung her arm back, the shard of glass she was still holding creating a gash on the Doctor’s arm.

"Ah!" He yelled, half out of pain and half out of his growing animosity towards her.

"You're not even putting up a fight!" Missy laughed wickedly. "Come on, you two... you're boring me already."

River tried to attack her again, this time trying to wrestle her to the ground, the glass swinging dangerously close to her stomach. The woman was quite surprised at River's strength, thinking she had weakened River when she stabbed her shoulder, and not expecting her to be nearly this strong.

River finally managed to get on top of her, pinning her arms down, "Doctor, do it now!"

He was next to them in an instant, reaching Missy's struggling wrist and finally slamming the button. She disappeared from beneath River with a flash of bright light, leaving behind nothing more than a shadow and the faint smell of time. 


	100. Sorry for the Mess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Then something dawned on him, "Oh no... River. The candle."
> 
> "What cand-" She stopped, remembering, "No..." She shot up, running back to their room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 100, yay! I've been writing for a year and a half and posting for a full year. I feel so accomplished. Comments are very welcome. If you're concerned about this ending soon, it won't. I already have up to the baby's birth written so there's lots more. If you don't want this story dragged on even more, well you probably shouldn't have clicked a hundred chapter fic in the first place. Enjoy!

CH 100

 

River collapsed fully onto the floor, exhausted from what had just gone down. "Well, that didn't go quite as planned." She breathed.

The Doctor hovered over her, concern evident on his face. "River, are you alright? We need to fix your shoulder, are there glass shards still inside it?" He was talking rather quickly.

She shook her head, pushing herself up with her good arm, "I'm fine. How's your arm?"

"I'm okay, it's you I'm worried about." He felt like it was his fault she got hurt.

"I told you, I'm fine." She assured him, "A bit of irrigation and a bandage and I'll be as good as new." She wrapped her arm around him, "We have our home back now."

He glanced around the beaten and darkened console room. "For good this time." He breathed, allowing himself to relax for a second.

"We should wrap your arm and then try to start to clean this place up. The TARDIS is in horrible shape, I don't think she'll be able to do it all on her own."

He nodded slowly. "We can park her on the rift in Cardiff. She needs to recharge." He stood slowly, offering out his good arm to help her up.

She got up with his help, taking his and leading him towards the med bay, "Let me tend to your arm first."

"Are you sure? I want to make sure you're okay." He insisted, both of them trying to put the other's needs before their own.

"Yes, I'm sure. Sit." She instructed, gently pushing him down on one of the cots once they got there. She turned, going to get the bandages.

The medbay was not how it looked when they had last been there. Everything was in pieces, even parts of the cot ripped up. She searched through the cabinets, sighing when she couldn't find anything. She finally found some bandages in a medical bag that had been thrown across the room.

"Here we are." She murmured, irrigating his wound, then wrapping it tightly, "How's that?"

"Better." He smiled weakly. "And a kiss for good measure?" She leaned in, kissing him slowly and softly. He wrapped his good arm around her, squeezing her for a moment. "Alright, your turn to be the patient." She sighed, sitting down on the cot, handing him the bandages.

He irrigated the wound, "River, there's a bit of glass still in there."   
She rolled her eyes, "Oh, wonderful."

"I can get it out, but it's going to hurt a bit." He warned, getting tweezers from the medical bag.

She nodded, bracing herself for the pain, "I'm ready."

He took her hand with the one that wasn't holding the tool. "You can squeeze my hand." He said gently, taking the first sliver of glass from her flesh. She squeezed his hand, squeezing her eyes shut as well. "Almost done." He placed the red stained glass on the table beside them. "Just a few more." She nodded, not making a sound as he pulled the rest out. "There." He said after irrigating anf wrapping her shoulder to she wouldn't bleed. "All done." He pressed a feather light kiss to the bandages.

"Thank you." She smiled, slowly standing up. "Do you want to walk through the TARDIS, assess the damage?" He nodded, not sure if he was ready to see their home in ruins. "Maybe...we shouldn't." She murmured, looking around the room again, a bit afraid of what they might find.

"I'm not sure I want to see what Missy did." He agreed. "Let's take the TARDIS to recharge and let her restore herself. The girls will be pleased to have her back." She nodded, closing her eyes and sighing. "The old girl will be alright, love. She'll be as good as new in a day and everything will be back in it's place."

"Do you think she destroyed my pictures." She asked quietly, not looking at him.

"I don't know.." He said, though he doubted that any of them were in one piece. She nodded, swallowing, not speaking again. "The TARDIS has them saved in her archive, she'll remake them...." He said in hopes of making her feel better. "Would you like to look for the box?"

She nodded slowly, getting up off of the cot. "You don't mind?"

"No, I don't. I want to help you find them, see if any of the originals are untouched."

She smiled, appreciating that he wanted to help. She slowly lead him out of the room, not really sure where to start looking.

"Where did you leave it last?" He asked her, not really sure why his voice was so quiet.

"Our bedroom, but Jack said that it wasn't there when he went to look." She looked down the hall, the lights flickering.

"It can't hurt to double check." He muttered, starting to head for their room. She nodded, slowly walking behind him.

Pictures of Missy were plastered up on the wall along with pictures of the Doctor. River stopped when they reached their room, staring at how badly it had been destroyed. He squeezed her hand tightly, taking a breath as the sight. "...You don't have to go in if you don't want to."

She didn't seem to hear him, her eyes fixed on the ground. One of the sonogram pictures was there, torn to pieces. He followed her line of sight, catching glimpse of the torn picture. He didn't say anything, unable to think of anything that would make the sight hurt less.

After another minute, she walked inside, kneeling down in front of the bits, carefully picking them up one by one and cradling them in her hand, "It's his..." She whispered, not saying the baby's name, "Of course, it's his..."

He knelt beside her, placing his arm around her. "I'm so sorry..." She just let him hold her, leaning into him, squeezing her eyes shut and trying not to get emotional.

"It's fine… It's just a silly picture." She whispered, trying to brush it off, despite how much it broke her hearts.

"It's not just a silly picture." He said softly. "It's a memory. An important one.”

"Why did she have to destroy this one?" She whispered, clearing her throat to try and stop her voice from trembling, "Couldn't she have just left this one alone?"

"She wanted to hurt us, and she knew this would." He knew well enough that Missy would have known River wouldn't take this well.

She turned her head, burying her face into his shoulder, "I don't think I can look for the box… I can't."

He ran his fingers through her soft curls. "It's okay, Riv. You don't have to."

She sniffled, but didn't cry, managing to hold it back for now. "Can we just… sleep somewhere." She whispered, sad and tired and needing to rest.

"We can go back to Clara's house..." He suggested since she had a bed that wasn't in shreds.

She shook her head, "No...we should probably bring the TARDIS to Cardiff, let her recharge."

He nodded and stood, debating for a moment on if he should let her have her moment of grief while he piloted the TARDIS, or to try and pull her onto a happier tone. She stood as well, still holding the picture fragments, ready to follow him out. She was quiet, needing just a bit of time to get over everything that had happened.

They walked silently to the console room, the Doctor moving to flip levers and press buttons. The TARDIS groaned somewhat painfully, going to Cardiff taking the last bit of strength that was left in the ship. River placed the picture down on the jump seat, well… what was left of the jump seat, and began picking up the large shards of glass, piling them up into one neat pile.

"You don't have to do that...'' He stood beside her as the ship shakily landed.

"I don't mind." She looked up at him, "It's one less thing the TARDIS has to do now." He smiled softly at her care for the ship, essentially her second mother.

Then something dawned on him, "Oh no... River. The candle."

"What cand-" She stopped, remembering, "No..." She shot up, running back to their room.

"River!" He ran after her.

She frantically searched around their room, trying to find the candle that had been left in her now destroyed nightstand. It was in the bottom drawer, surrounded by wood splinters and less than half of it remaining. River couldn't take it anymore, she just couldn't, and she sat back, head in her hands and cried.

The Doctor engulfed her into a hug, rocking slightly and rubbing her arm soothingly. She let loose, sobbing into his chest, her whole body shaking in his arms.

"At least there's still some time left..." He mumbled after what felt like hours.

"We had twenty-one hours left before, and now it looks like we'll be luck if there's seven." She whispered, trying to dry her eyes, "So much time… so much time we could have had with them just gone, wasted."

He was devastated by the fact that they only had a third of the time they'd left off with. "It's better than nothing..." He sighed. "We're going to have to be very careful about our time now."

She just sat there, not saying anything. There was nothing she really could say at the moment, nothing would bring back the time that they had lost with her parents. The silence dragged out again for a seemingly long period of time.

"...I want them talk to them after the baby's born. And after the girl's first day of school."  

She nodded slowly, not really wanting to talk about it at the moment, too upset. "I should go clean another room." She murmured, getting up, needing a distraction.

"I thought you wanted to sleep." It wasn't exactly a question, but he said it anyways as he followed her.

"There's nowhere for us to sleep right now." She sighed, heading for the library, "I can sleep later." He didn't protest.

The library was in ruin, nearly every book littering the floor, some burned, some torn in two, and others simply tossed off the shelf without a care.

She immediately went to work placing the books into two piles, savable and destroyed. The ones that could be saved, she placed carefully back on the shelves. She tried to match the papers that had been torn out to their books, putting them aside to get put back together again. Luckily most of the furniture in the library was intact and just needed to be brushed off.

After watching her pattern of organizing, the Doctor joined her in  returning books to their places. They worked mostly in silence, River happy to see that not _all_ her favorite books were ruined. She eventually ended up on the couch, eyelids heavy as she sorted through loose book pages.

"I can do that for you if you'd like." He said, settling next to her.

She smiled softly, "That would be nice." She handed him the papers, watching him for a moment, then closing her eyes.

He started humming as he sorted the various pages of literature from novels to children's books. It was mostly an attempt to lull his wife to sleep, but also just to fill the silence with something other than an unspoken sadness. His humming relaxed her enough that she was finally able to sleep, head resting on his shoulder.   

He continued to hum through the hour or two he spent in the library organizing the papers. He stole glances at River, watching her with adoration. The TARDIS was starting to brighten, some of the lights coming back on and the hum, thought weak, returning.

River woke after two hours, yawning and straightening up, "I'm sorry...I didn't mean to fall asleep." She murmured.

"I meant for you to fall asleep. That was quite a fight we had back there. How are you feeling?" He asked, smiling softly.

"Rested." She smiled back at him, "How are you?"

"A bit hungry." He said, glancing at the stacks of pages. "I finished organizing though."

"I'm sorry for leaving you with all the work, I didn't want you to have to do it on your own." She murmured, weaving her hand in his.

"I didn't mind. Besides, you need your rest. You're doing very important work of your own." He rested his hand on her belly.

She smiled softly, resting her hand over his, "Mmm, it is quite tiring."

"Would you like me to rub your feet?"  He offered, it was the least he could do to help.

She shook her head, "No, you don't have to do that. I think I can manage without one." She stood slowly, "You're hungry? I can try and find you something to eat?"

"I doubt there's any food left in the kitchen. How about we go out?"

She nodded, "Alright."

Helping her from the couch, they went down the hall before the Doctor stopped. "Wait, we should maybe change. There's a fair amount of blood on our clothes."

She looked down at her dress and nodded, "I don't know if I'll be able to find anything though." She murmured.

"No? You can always borrow my clothes." He had a feeling, while they would find her clothes torn, his would be around some Doctor shaped mannequin.

She smiled weakly, "Thank you. If I can just cover the top half of my body, you won't be able to see most of the blood."

"You could pass it off for a ketchup stain." He said, as they headed back to their room.

After searching through the closet, absolutely nothing of River's was to be found. Even her red Louboutins had gotten their heels broken off and were ripped apart. The Doctor offered her one of his shirts, a pale blue button down. "I can buy you new heels, if you want." He said, though found himself sad that they were broken. He had quite a few good memories of River in those shoes, and somehow they felt lost.

She took his shirt, wriggling into it, "I'd appreciate that." She smiled.

"Looks like we're making two stops them. Lunch and then shoe shopping." He changed into a new shirt, careful of the bandages River had placed.

She leaned up, kissing his cheek and helping him with the buttons on his shirt, "I'm glad I took a nap then." She said as they walked out. 


	101. Coming Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She hummed, pulling him closer, "Yes, and I believe I was promised a few kisses… everywhere."
> 
> He pressed his lips to hers for a moment. "What about the Louboutins?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So just a fluffy chapter. And smutty, but the point is yall deserve some cuteness for what's soon to come. *evil writer's laugh* Comment and enjoy!

CH 101

 

The sun was a bit brighter than expected, though the air still cold with winter. There weren't too many people about, a few tourists and some people who appeared to be in a rush to get somewhere, littered around the sidewalks and streets.

River turned into the Doctor, seeking warmth as the cold winds blew around them. "It's freezing." She murmured.

He took off his tweed and wrapped it around her. "Come on, let's get inside." She nodded, pulling his jacket tighter around her as they hurried along.

They hadn't seen what restaurant they'd gone into in their haste to get out of the cold, but it looked like a diner of sorts. River shivered, teeth chattering as they were seated into a booth against the back wall. She sat, still curled into her husband, both providing the other warmth with their body heat.

"Was it really that cold?" The Doctor teased, his arm around her as he pondered over the menu.

"Yes, it's freezing out!" She laughed, snuggling into him as she read over the menu as well. "What looks good?"

"Everything." He huffed indecisively.

She giggled, "We can't order everything, my love."

"Then you pick, because I'll order too much."

River picked out two dishes and then a side for them to share.

They were served quickly and ate for a while, talking and laughing, trying to forget the awful condition of their home.

"We should take the girls somewhere warm this weekend. Nyantrin maybe?" The Doctor suggested, wiping his face with a napkin.

She nodded, "We should take them to the beach there. They would like that."

"I'm sure you would, too." He noted, glancing out the window to see that clouds were starting to form overhead and snow was slowly falling. "It’s better that freezing to death here."

"I think the snow is pretty, but I don't like the cold that comes with it." She followed his line of vision.

"Those things do go hand in hand, I'm afraid." His tone was tranquil as he thought about waking up in the home they'd bought together, with the girls jumping about at snow that would be covering the ground.

She left money on the table, tugging on his arm, "Come outside with me."

"It's freezing, you know." He raised his eyebrow, but followed.

She smiled playfully, tugging him towards the door, "I know, but it's beautiful, and I want to play in the snow with you."

His lips curled up into to a childish grin as they stepped out into the snow. It was coming down harder, now, in big soft pieces that caught in their hair. His cheeks were already pink from the cold that bit at his skin, but he didn't care so much anymore as he donned a wondered look. River stood a few steps in front of him, looking up at the sky. Snow caught in her hair and her cheeks were red from the cold like the Doctor's.

"It's pretty." He said after a moment. "But there isn't really enough to play in." It hadn't been snowing long enough for much to be on the ground. There was no more than a quarter of an inch so far.

She nodded, turning to look at him, and smiling, snowflakes sticking to her eyelashes. "I suppose we'll have to wait then."

"I'm sure the girls would love to have a snowball fight with us later." He quite liked the idea of one.

"Imagine, one day we'll be having snowball fights and building snowmen in the backyard. We'll have hot chocolate with them in front of the fireplace." She murmured, imagining it all.

"One day is very soon." He told her, adding a third child in the image River painted.

She nodded, "And someday we'll have three."

"Well, someday all little over four months from now, give or take." It would be a bit longer.

"Yes, it seems so close though."

"That's a good thing, isn't it? Soon Amelia and Freya will be big sisters and there will be another little Song running about. Well not running, but you know what I mean." His gaze had been drawn from the clouds to his wife, watching her pink cheeks and snow speckled hair.

She nodded, "I know it's a good thing. I just...worry sometimes that the girls won't like having a baby around. I know they've been asking for it and wanting it for a while, but I worry that they don't understand it'll mean we have less time for them. We won't be able to just go and do whatever they want because there'll be a baby around." She put a hand on her belly, looking up at him.

He smiled reassuringly, moving to rest his hand over her cheek. "Maybe they will, but every child gets jealous of their siblings sometimes. We can explain it, let them know that babies take a lot of work, and I'm sure they'll understand and even want to help out. And there are two of us for a reason. If you feel like you aren't spending enough time with the girls when the baby comes, just tell me. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of our baby if you need a break."

She smiled softly and nodded, "I'm afraid we won't be getting much alone time."

"That is a side effect of having three kids." He chuckled. "But we have some alone time now." He added.

She hummed, pulling him closer, "Yes, and I believe I was promised a few kisses… everywhere."

He pressed his lips to hers for a moment. "What about the Louboutins?"

"I think they can wait." She murmured, "Unless...you want me to wear them while you kiss me." She teased

"I do enjoy being taller than you." He said playfully. "But I also can't resist you in heels."

She smiled, "Well, we're going to be here awhile. So...maybe we could do a round with and a round without."

His face turned pinker, and it wasn't because of the cold. "Lead the way, love."

She smiled, pulling on his jacket and leading him back to the TARDIS.

By now the TARDIS had worked up enough energy to make them a small, plain bedroom to use temporarily. The Doctor hardly noticed the plainness of the room, nor did he care, as he was too  wrapped up in kissing his wife senseless. River wrapped her arms around him, pressing her body as close to him as possible. Keeping his lips in contact with hers, he walked back towards the soft looking bed, pushing the coat from her shoulders. She fell back on the bed, her hair sprawled out around her head.

"So beautiful..." He muttered, letting his thoughts form into words. He began unbuttoning his shirt as he crawled up the bed to her. She kissed his chest, wriggling her hips against him. "So eager, professor." He lowered her head to press kisses to the column of her throat. "I want to savor you."

She giggled and sighed happily, "I want you." She breathed, her eyes fluttering shut.

"Patience." He tapped her nose and finished discarding his shirt before moving to push up the hem of her dress.  She nodded, falling silent as she watching him with dark eyes Lifting her dress over her head, he pressed tender kisses to her skin as it was exposed, smoothing his hands up her sides until they cupped her cheeks.

She blinked up at him, smiling softly. "Hello, there."

"Hello, love." He smiled back, kissing her more passionately. She kissed him back, tongue tangling with his and hips rolling towards him again. He slipped his hands behind her back, unclasping her bra and letting it tumble from her chest.

"Enjoying the view?" She smirked up at him, her chest heaving slightly, her breasts fuller than normal due to the pregnancy.

"Absolutely." He smirked, lowering his head and latching his mouth over one of her breasts. She sucked in a breath, moaning softly. He circled his tongue around her pert nipple, taking the other one between his thumb and forefinger. Her moan wasn't so soft this time, louder as her hips involuntarily bucked towards him again. He took the cue to start moving lower. His hands caressed her curves as he left a trail of bruising kisses in his wake, tongue occasionally darting out to taste her skin.

Every kiss sent tingles through her skin. Her eyes were closed, but her soft moans and sighs were a signal that she was attentive to and liked what he was doing. He hooked his fingers under the fabric of her knickers, pulling them down slowly. She wriggled, kicking them off, becoming needier by the minute. He slowly moved his mouth up her inner thigh, settling between her legs. She whimpered, desperate by now.

He teased, taking his time with her. He first pressed a kiss to the heat of her sex, slowly easing into licking at her slick folds, but not giving her the desired friction.

She whimpered, "Doctor....please..."

He looked up at her, catching her gaze with a smirk. He debated on whether he wanted to tease her more, but eventually just pushed his mouth harder against her. She cried out in pleasure, catching fistfuls of the bedding in her hands. He grinned against her, his hands braced in her hips to keep them steady. Her thighs trembled with every kiss and lick, her back arching up and her hips shaking in his hands. He could feel her trembling beneath him and brought his fingers to her core, slipping two long digits into her.

"Oh, Doctor..." She moaned, trying to grind her hips down into his fingers. He moved the expertly against her walls, curling and pumping his fingers while grinding his tongue against her clit. She moaned again her voice starting to go horse.

Every touch was heaven and she felt like she was going to burst. He hummed against her, sending vibrations through her core. She gasped, arching her back a bit more. The taste of her was bursting across his tongue, tart, salty, and something he couldn't names, but so distinctly her.

"Doctor!" She cried out, the pleasure finally sending her over the edge.

The hand splayed out over her hips kept them down as they bucked. He waited for her to ride out her climax before he pressed a final kiss to her skin and lifted his head to look at her with a smug grin. She looked down at him, her chest heaving, smiling widely.

He moved up the bed and to lie next to her. "Still want a round with Louboutins?"

She giggled, her voice scratchy and half-gone, "Maybe after a bit of rest, you wore me out."

"Did I?" He asked innocently.

She nodded, rubbing her throat, "Not that I'm complaining, though."

"Neither am I. I do like lying here with you." He wrapped an arm around her, softly resting his hand over her belly. She smiled, cuddling into him, not able to really say anything anymore.

He couldn't say quite how long they stayed like that, but he must've fallen asleep because when he opened his eyes, the room looked more like their own. River lay still curled in his arms, resting peacefully. The Doctor began to shift carefully out from to the bed, wanting to make her some tea. She rolled over, yawning but not waking. He smiled softly at River's sleeping form, still thinking about what she'd said earlier about having snow fights in the backyard.

They were due to move into their new flat in about a month as they had agreed with the realtor at their appointment with her, though it really could have been any time they wanted. (They lived in a time machine after all.)  Setting up the payments had been easier than he'd expected, but as it turned out he had a bank account full of money. Likely something is future self had set up, is what was told himself, or possibly he'd set it up and forget about it.  He arrived in the kitchen, and picked out River's favorite tea before putting the kettle on.

By the time he got back, River was sitting up in bed, wrapped in the sheets, one arm wrapped around her belly. She was speaking quietly to the baby, not noticing him come in. He made his footsteps quiet when he realized what she was doing, not wanting to break her concentration. He crept to the side of the bed, putting the tea on the night stand.

She looked up at him, smiling when she saw him. "Hello."

"Hello." He replied offering her a cup of the warm drink. "How's the little one?"

"Sleepy." She smiled, taking the cup, "It seems someone took a nap with us and is just waking up."

"They didn't hear... what we were up to, did they?" He sat next to her.

She shook her head, "No, they didn't." She assured, "Look what the TARDIS did." She reached over to her nightstand, picking up a replica of the sonogram picture Missy had destroyed.

A smile graced his lips at the sight of it, brushing his fingers lightly over the picture. "I told you she could make it look exact." She smiled weakly, curling into him and simply nodding, taking a sip of her tea. "She should have your picture box back within an hour or two." He added. "What were you talking to the baby about?"

"You." She whispered, the tea warming her whole body.

"Me?" He looked a bit surprised. "What about me?"

"I'm afraid that's confidential information." She teased, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

His expression changed to one of mock disappointment as he huffed a sigh. "Tell me. Pretty please?"

"No!" She giggled, "It's between me and the baby. I promise it wasn't anything too terrible."

"You weren't making fun of my chin, were you?" He poked at his chin for emphasis.

"I'm not giving you any hints." She shook her head, kissing his chin, "But, for the record, I love your chin."

"Are you planning my birthday present?" He pressed, wanting to know.

She shook her head again. "Not telling."

"You are an infuriating woman." He murmured, though was still smiling widely.

She laughed, looking up at him through shining eyes, "Yes, I do try to be as infuriating as possible."

"I'd bet you'd be even more infuriating in Louboutins..." He smirked, the image of his wife in red heels popping up in his head.

"Oh, naughty boy." She teased, looking up at him with one eyebrow raised, "You really want me to get those heels back, don't you."

He flushed slightly. "Well you do look stunning in them."

She smiled, "Do I really? Well that's certainly nice to hear. I suppose I'll have to wear them more often then."

"I wouldn't mind, but perhaps after the baby comes. I doubt it's very easy to wear heels when you're pregnant."

"Well, I wouldn't say it's easy, but it's certainly not impossible." She smirked, "I hope you're not doubting my ability to walk in heels while pregnant, because believe me, I am more than capable."

He blushed further as rather inappropriate images of a very pregnant River surfaced in his mind. He swallowed a heat  in his abdomen, "...I'm not doubting your abilities at all."

She laughed when she saw the color of his face, "You're turning bright red."

"Am not." His hand immediately attempted to cover his face.

She hummed, "Alright, whatever you say, sweetie." She curled against him once more, closing her eyes to relax.  

He poked her side, "Going to sleep on me, are you?"

"No, I'm just relaxing. Making a baby takes a lot of energy you know." She murmured, not opening her eyes.

"Yes, I figured that part out on my own." He jested. The sight of her curled up made him suddenly more tired than he was a moment ago. The thought of going out to get shoes sounded less appealing, now, than lying there with his wife.

She smiled up at him, not saying a word, just taking his hand in her's and stroking the back of it. "Riv..?" He said quietly after a while. "The baby is still going to be delivered in the TARDIS, yeah?"

"That's the plan." She murmured, "Unless you were thinking of doing it some other way."

"No." He shook his head. "I was just wondering if the plan of having a home birth had changed, you know, since we sort of have a proper house now. The TARDIS is still safer, though, than the flat." He was rambling a bit.

She looked up at him, putting a hand on her belly again, "I want to be in the safest place possible, and if that's the TARDIS, then that's where I want to be."

"It would be even safer if we were in the vortex." He added, then quickly said. "Unless you think that's overkill."

"I...I don't know." She murmured, looking up at him, worry reflecting in her eyes, "I want everything to be as safe as possible. I want our baby to be safe and healthy."

He smiled reassuringly. "They will be safe. They _are_ safe."

She just nodded, closing her eyes. "Do you want to talk to them?"

"Of course." He shifted lower on the bed, placing his hands on either side of the small bump. "Hello, baby." He whispered. "You should tell your mother to stop worrying so much. She seems to think something bad is going to happen. People tend to fret more when they're parents. I hope you're not terribly bored in there, because you still have about five more months in there."

"You're not worried at all?" She whispered, looking up at him.

"Of course, I'm worried... but one has to stay hopeful, I suppose." It was easier to act like he wasn't worried. Easier to help River stay hopeful, easier to trick himself out of worry since he'd already had so much.

"Yes, you're right. One has to stay hopeful." She murmured, nuzzling against him once more, pulling the blankets up. "It's freezing in here." The TARDIS was putting all the energy she could in rebuilding and recreating, as hadn't gotten around to heating yet.

He snuggled closer to her. "...Better?'

"Yes, a bit." She smiled, "You're very warm."

"So are you."  He murmured, pressing his nose into her curls. She sighed happily, growing sleepier again. They both slumbered most of the day away, as the TARDIS rebuilt herself. 


	102. Cuddling and Handcuffs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You think a top hat is ridiculous but not a neon polka-dotted bowtie?" He raised an eyebrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who has two days off school? It's me, so here's another fluffy/smutty update. Enjoy the happiness while it lasts. Comments also are a thing, so plz do that.

CH 102

 

They woke when the heating finally returned, near to dinner and resumed talking to the baby. River played with the Doctor’s hair, humming softly when he had finished his current train of thought. Despite the fact that what happened with Missy hadn't gone as planned, it had been a lovely day.

"We ought to be getting back to the girls..." He said once he realized the time.

She nodded, "I do miss them."

"We can be there in time for dinner. I bet they miss you, too." He sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed.

"And they probably miss _you_ even more." She smiled, still laying in bed.

"Oh, that's not true. Everyone knows the girls love their mother the most." He looked back at her, grinning.

"Oh, stop." She stood up, getting her bathrobe and putting it on, "They're Daddy's girls and you know it."

"I think they're both." He concluded as he searched for a shirt. She nodded, finding one of his shirts and coming up behind him to slide it onto his back. "Thank you." He kissed her chastely. "They'll be so excited that we have the TARDIS back.  

She nodded, walking around to his other side to button his shirt, "I don't want them to know about what Missy did, alright?"

He nodded. "So what do we say about our arms?"

"I...I don't know." She murmured, "We'll think of something." She smoothed her hand over his now buttoned shirt.

"I guess we can just hide it." He looked at his arm, his sleeves covering the bandages. She hummed, finding his jacket and sliding it over his shoulders. "Riv, as much as I wouldn't mind, you do need something more than a bathrobe to wear." He tapped her nose lightly.

She smiled softly, "I know, I just thought I'd help you before I got dressed."

"Thank you," He hummed again and kissed her a bit more wantonly this time. She turned once the kiss had broken, heading off to find something to wear. "I'll meet you in the console room." He told her, leaving her to change.

She turned to look at him, "You don't want to help me pick something out?"

"I thought you didn't like my taste." He teased.

She shrugged, "I like another opinion now and again. Maybe your taste has changed."

"Well what are the options?" He asked, peering over her shoulder.

"Well, there's this dress, but it might be a bit tight. And there's this one." She showed him a pink dress first, and a blue one with lace detailing second.

"I like the blue." He mused after a moment of thought. She nodded, sliding the bathrobe off her shoulders. He stared at her bare skin for a moment, in a bit of a trance, before moving to help her with her clothes. She moved her hair out of the way so he could zip up her dress. He watched her honey dusted skin disappear under the fabric as he pulled the zipper closed. "Give us a spin."

She spun for him, the dress flaring out around her, hair flinging in all sorts of directions and a laugh coming from deep within her throat.

"You look stunning." He breathed, somewhat gaping at her.

She smiled, lightly pushing up his jaw, "Don't let your mouth hang open like that dear, you'll catch flies."

He closed his mouth quickly as he realized it was open. "Er... sorry. Couldn't really help it."

She laughed again, taking his hand and pulling him towards the console room, "Let's go get the girls." He nodded, letting her pull him along, still a little speechless. "Eyes front, Doctor. Try not to let them wonder too low." She teased, walking a few paces in front of him, hips swaying.

He didn't bother trying to keep his eyes off her, watching her movements as they walked. She flew the TARDIS back to Clara's house, making sure the brakes were on as they landed so it would make the noise that her family loved so much. When they opened the door, they were nearly tackled by the girls.

"Mummy! Daddy!"

"Hello, my lovelies!" Rived beamed, kneeling down to hug them tightly.

"You're back, you're back!" They cheered, wrapping their arms as tightly as they could around her.

"Of course we're back!" She laughed, kissing both of their heads, then letting them go so the Doctor could get a hug, "The TARDIS didn't have any energy left, so we had to wait for her to refuel."

"Are my other stuffies okay?" Amelia asked. "They don't like it if I don't tuck them in."

She nodded, "They're all safe in your room, I promise."

"And the baby is okay too?" She looked up at River.

She nodded again, straightening up once more and putting a hand on her abdomen, "The baby is perfectly fine." Amelia reached up, putting her hands over her mother's, as if making sure the bump was real. River smiled weakly at the little girl, "The baby is alright." She repeated.

"What are they doing right now?" She queried.

"Well, I don't really know. Probably resting, they're very sleepy today."

"Were they playing earlier?" She guessed that to be the reason the baby was tired.

"They could have been. Daddy and I were also talking to them, so that may have made them tired. The baby's still pretty tiny, so even little things like talking make them tired."

"Oh." Amelia nodded to show her understanding.

"Auntie Clara said we were gonna have a big fancy dinner with a lot of food to celebrate getting the TARDIS back!" Freya chirped.

Amelia looked up at the Doctor, "Is it true? Are we really going to have a big fancy party?"

He nodded, liking the idea. "Yes. A feast. We'll have macaroni and hamburgers and a roast!"

"Can we dress up too?" She asked, her eyes bright with excitement.

"Dress up all pretty like mummy? Of course you can." He was starting to consider changing into a tuxedo.

"Yay!" She ran to Clara, taking her hand and tugging her towards the TARDIS, "Come find a pretty dress with me!" Clara stumbled, a bit surprised by the gesture.

"I wanna come too!" Freya skipped after them.

River smiled as she watched them go, "Do we have to change as well?"

"Well you don't. You're already in a beautiful dress." He grinned.

She leaned in and kissed him softly, "Thank you, my love."

He blushed faintly. "Do you think I should put on something a bit more fancy?"

She shrugged, lightly tugging on the lapels of his jacket, "Maybe you should. Or maybe I'm just saying that to get you undressed again." She purred.

His blush deepened, "River... the kids are here..''

"Yes, that's true. It's a shame we don't live in an infinite ship that can re-arrange the rooms and lock doors for us." She blinked up at him, looking completely innocent.

He sputtered then glanced to either side, as if checking to see in anyone had heard her. "Now? ...The girls will be waiting soon."

She shrugged, turning and started to head back into the TARDIS, "I mean, if you don't want to, we don't have to."

He half scurried after her, "No, I want to. Of course I want to." He moved ahead of her, pulling her along. "Come on. We'll have to be quick." She trotted along behind him.

They quickly found a room with a bed and she closed the door, locking it once they were inside. He pushed her up against the door almost immediately, mouth greedily on hers. "Why must you be so irresistible?"

She hit the door with a small bag, just as hungry and eager as him, "Because I like torturing you."

"And you're awfully good at it. I believe I was promised a round with high heels. And handcuffs." He added.

"Handcuffs? I don't recall that being part of the original deal. But, if you let me out from between you and this door, I think I can arrange it." She smiled, pressing kisses down his neck.

He hummed. "But I have you right where I want you..."

"What about my heels, and the handcuffs." She murmured against his skin.

"We do have a time limit." He pointed out, lips brushing against the shell of her ear. "I'll take a rain-check on those."

"Maybe later tonight, after the kids go to bed." She breathed, her head rolling back against the door.

"Is that a promise?" He asked mischievously.  

She grinned, "It can be."

"I'll hold you up to that later." He resumed kissing her skin. She hummed pushing herself further against him.

"How much time do you think we have?" He said breathlessly.

"Twenty minutes maybe?" She murmured, kissing his chest.

"Bed. Now." He held her to him as he moved them to the mattress. She began pulling off her dress as the stumbled to the bed, trying to get it off as fast as possible. After a moment, both of their clothes littered the ground, the Doctor's daze dark and lustful. She pushed him down on the bed, climbing up on top of him. His hands moved to rest on her hips, a shiver running through him. "You," He breathed, feeling himself harden at the sight of her. "Are incredibly sexy."

She smiled, wiggling her hips against him, "I try my best."

He grunted softly. "I think it comes by you naturally."

She just smiled and ground her hips down into his, just to tease him. His thoughts were becoming more incoherent, want for her the only thing in his head. She leaned down, lips brushing his ear, "Tell me how much you want me."

"I'm not sure I could put it into words." He managed to say. His hands were unconsciously stroking her curves.

"Well, can you tell me how this feels?" She purred, slowly sinking down onto his length.

He struggled to keep his hips still. "Blissful."

She started moving slowly, grinding her hips down into his. His eyes fluttered shut for a moment, a small moan escaping his lips. She kissed down his chest, her hips never losing their rhythm. He used the opportunity to let his hands explore her body, raking through her hair, and smoothing down her back. She arched her back, breasts pressing against his chest.

His hips were coming up to meet hers as his hands moved to the front of her to cup her breasts. He could feel heat starting to build low in his abdomen. She moaned softly, grinding her hips roughly into his, trying to hurry things along so they wouldn't get caught. He grunted and got the message to sped up a little. He met her thrust for thrust. She yelped, moaning loudly when he hit just the right spot. Sweat was beginning to form on his body as he grinned a bit sinfully.

"Doctor!" She cried out, her hips crashing into his, panting. He pushed her hips at an angle, each of his strokes hitting just the way he knew would push them both over the edge. Her whole body trembled as she came, pressing her lips roughly against his and moaning into his mouth. He felt her tighten around him, holding onto her as he came with a few more thrusts and a groan of her name. She collapsed on top of him, panting and trying to catch her breath as they came down from their pleasure.

He pressed a kiss to her head. "Not bad for a time limit?" He asked.

"Not bad at all." She smiled, moving off of his chest to lay beside him.

"I suppose we don't have much time for a cuddle." He said, though regardless, pulled her close to him.

She pouted, curling up against his warm skin, "But I love cuddling afterwards."

"I do too, but I promise we can cuddle loads after dinner." He vowed.

"Well I certainly have a lot to look forward to after dinner." She hummed, nuzzling his neck.

"Cuddling and handcuffs, it will be a fun night." He chuckled. She giggled, slowly getting up and gathering her clothes.

"Would you like to help me pick out something fancy?" He stood, slipping his pants and trousers back on. She nodded, slipping back into her undergarments, but not putting on her dress. He rummaged through the closet until he found what we was looking for. "Hmm... should I wear a hat?"

"No! Absolutely not. It'll look ridiculous." She looked back at him, turning away from the rack she had been going through.

"Really?" He picked up the top hat, glancing it over. "Looks fine to me."

She covered her mouth, trying not to giggle, "Well if you really want to, you don't have to listen to me."

"I think the girls will get a kick out of it. What color should my bowtie be?"

"I think that you should wear the one that Amelia got you for Father's day." She smiled, referring to the purple one he had yet to wear.

"You think a top hat is ridiculous but not a neon polka-dotted bowtie?" He raised an eyebrow.

"I think that it would thrill Amelia to see you wearing the bowtie she picked out. Even if it's not the most fashionable thing, it was a gift from your daughter." She went over to the case where all his bowties were kept, pulling out the one they had been talking about.

"In that case, I'm definitely wearing the hat." He put both items on.

"Well, now you just look silly." She put her hands on her hips, "Without the hat, it's really not that bad." He stepped in front of the mirror and took the hat on and off a few times before finally agreeing with her. "I'm glad you agree." She smiled, "Even the baby was saying 'What on Earth is my Daddy wearing?" She teased, straightening his bowtie.

"The baby can't see what I'm wearing." He countered.

She giggled, "Well, if they could see you, that's what they would be saying."

"I think Terra would agree that I look brilliant." He straightened his lapels for emphasis.

"I think that Arthur would find it just as silly as the girls will." She kissed his cheek, surprised that he had used the name she liked, even though they had technically agreed on it.

"Alright, no hat. But next time I'm wearing it." He tossed the hat to the closet, missing and accidentally hitting the wall. She laughed, going over to pick up the hat and put it in it's proper place.

"I suppose I should get dressed now."

"Yes." He nodded, eyeing her. "As much as I'd love for you to go to dinner like that, we have company." She hummed, turning to go put something on. "Are you not sticking with the dress you were wearing before?"

"Well, since you're all dressed up in a tux, I'm worried I may be a bit underdressed." She called, going through the dresses in her closet.

"You looked like a queen in that dress -well you look like a queen in every dress you wear- but it was lovely." He peered his head into the closet.

"What about this?" She asked, trying to wriggle into a dress. It was cream colored, with jewels decorating the bodice, the long chiffon skirt starting just beneath the her breasts and making her small baby bump more noticeable than before, "Too fancy?"

"Not at all." He found himself gaping again. She spun around for him, smiling.

"Perfect." She leaned in, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

"I think there should be dancing this evening. No dinner is complete without dancing." He looped his arm with hers and started towards the girls room.

"I'd love to do a bit of dancing." She smiled, already able to hear the girls excited voices from down the hall. "I think the girls will, too."  


	103. Oh Danny Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Everyday should be like today." River murmured, wrapping her arms around her husband’s neck, swaying softly, "Minus the Missy bit."
> 
> He hummed in agreement. "If everyday were like today, you'd get bored of it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So who's seen the new episode? I'm so excited for the next one! Enjoy and and don't forget to comment.

CH 103

 

Freya ran to her parents as soon as she saw them. "Mummy, you're so pretty!"

"Oh, but not as pretty as _you_. That's a beautiful dress you have on." River beamed, "Can you give us a twirl?" Freya spun, twice for good measure, giggling as the green layers of her dress flew out around her.

When Amelia saw her parents, her eyes lit up even more than before, "Daddy! You're wearing the bowtie I got you!" She ran over to him, tackling him with a hug.

"Of course I am, it's a brilliant bowtie!" He lifted her and spun her in the air for a moment. "Your mother thinks I'd look silly if I'd worn a hat with it."

She giggled, picturing her father in some sort of big wacky hat, "I think that you'd look handsome!"

"At least someone does." He smiled and kissed her head. "And you look beautiful, Amelia."  

"Thank you." She smiled, suddenly getting shy after the compliment.

"Can we invite Uncle Jack and Uncle Ianto and Auntie Vastra to our dinner too?" Freya asked, tugging on his pant leg.

"If your mother says it's okay." He nodded. "A party is incomplete without guests after all."

The girls cheered happily when River said it was alright, even more excited than they were before, if that was even possible. "I guess we'd better pick everyone up." The Doctor gestured for them to follow as he left for the console room.

River tried to entertain the girls as they ran around the console room, bouncing around the door each time the picked someone up. Clara tried to help her, and soon Torchwood team was, too. The girls beamed as Vastra, Jenny, and Strax entered, deeming their entire family to be present.

"Auntie Clara? Can we bring that nice man to the party, too? The maths teacher?"  

"You mean Danny? I mean, Mr. Pink. Umm, yeah! As long as your parents don't mind." She looked up at the Doctor.

"I thinks that's a great idea. You're going to need a dancing partner later, anyways." He grinned.

"Dancing? There's going to be dancing?" She asked.

"What kind of party would it be if there wasn't any dancing? Besides, I already have my dancing shoes on, so yes, there will be dancing, and yes you have to, this is nonnegotiable." He insisted.

River walked over to them, taking his hand, "He's quite fond of dancing, I'm surprised you didn't know until now."

Freya giggled, looking up at her parents. "You look like you're getting married!" Seeing them standing together like that, her father in a nice suit and her mother in a fancy white gown, made her think of the weddings she saw in movies.

"We're already married, sweetheart." He ruffled her hair as Amelia agreed.

"I know! But you look like you're getting married again!"

He flipped a lever, flying to get Danny. "We have gotten married more than once." He pointed out, glancing at River. "We got married on over five different planets, including the first time."

"I wish I was there." Amelia sighed, having always secretly found her parents romance entertaining, in addition to wanting to get to be in a wedding.

He kneeled down eye level to her. "How would you like to wear my wedding ring? Just for tonight." He had a feeling it would cheer her up.

"Are you sure?" River whispered, afraid that Amelia would lose it if he gave it to her.

"It's only for a night, and she probably won't lose it... and we're not going far, do if she does, we'll know where to look for it." He turned back to his daughter. "You promise to take very special care of it?"

The girl  nodded, holding out her hand to take the ring from him. He carefully placed it in her open palms. "There you are." She tried to put it on, but it was too big for any of her fingers.

"Here." River murmured, kneeling down and taking off her necklace, taking off the charm and putting it into a box on the console for safe keeping. She then slid the ring on the chain, then attached it around Amelia's neck. "How's that?"  

"Better." Amelia beamed, hugging both her parents. "Thank you!" River hugged her back, kissing the side of her head.

The TARDIS landed with a soft thud. "Right, now, Danny doesn't know about all... this, does he?" The Doctor gestured to the group of nine and a half, only about four of them human.

"Well… um… No, he doesn't." Clara frowned, "I hadn't really thought of that till just now."

"Well, you'd better explain it too him." He pushed Clara towards the door. "Starting with why a big blue box has just appeared in his living room."

The girls tried to run after her, wanting to greet Danny, but River stopped them, "Give the a minute alone, my loves."

"But why?" They asked. "We want to say hi to Mr Pink!"

She shook her head, "They need some time alone to talk."

"About grownup stuff?" They knew that when their parents needed to talk alone, it was usually for that reason.

"Yes, grownup stuff." She nodded.

"Well how long will that take?"

"I don't know, but I promise you can go and say hello as soon as they're ready."

They nodded, going to entertain themselves for a bit with Jack and Vastra. They could hear noise from the conversation outside, but hardly any clear words.

River straightened up, taking the Doctor's hand and running her finger over his now bare one. It felt a bit odd not having the ring there, the skin a bit paler where his ring would usually be, but seeing the joy it gave Amelia was worth it. She brought his hand up to her lips, pressing a soft kiss to the newly bare spot. The Doctor smiled softly, hearing the girls laugh about something Jack had said. He hadn't been listening, though. He hadn't been able to pay attention to much else than River all day.

"Everyday should be like today." River murmured, wrapping her arms around her husband’s neck, swaying softly, "Minus the Missy bit."

He hummed in agreement. "If everyday were like today, you'd get bored of it."

"Yes, that's true." She breathed, swaying back and forth with him.

The TARDIS turned on some music for them as the Doctor started to dance with her.

"It's more fun if each day is a surprise. There are so many things that are waiting for us."

"Well, then I wish that every day we would be as happy as we are today. I don't think I would get tired of that." She smiled as she spun away and then back into his arms.  

"I think I can arrange that." He chuckled.

She giggled, dipping back, "I'm sure you can."

They danced for what felt like a while longer before a very confused looking Danny burst into the TARDIS. "It's... I-It's big.... bigger...."

"Mr. Pink!" Freya cried, running to give him a hug, not realizing how confused he was.

He flinched as she hugged her, wondering how she wasn't at all phased at the fact she lived in a spaceship. "Y-You're...." He pointed a finger at Vastra and Strax. "...Aliens!"

"Girls, come here." River called, not quite sure what Danny would do, and seeing as he was not taking the news very well, she wanted the girls close to her incase she needed to protect them in any way.

They hesitated, but nodded eventually, going back over to her. Danny stared at River. "You. You're that... that woman from the other night. How... wha..." He turned in a circle, taking in his surroundings further, completely at a loss for words.  River hugged the girls close to her, looking up at the Doctor. He was much better at handling stunned people than she was.

"Yes. You helped us when we needed it." The Doctor approached him slowly. "We're not going to abduct you if that's what you're thinking. We just want to invite you to dinner. A normal human-y dinner."

"Are you an alien too?" He stepped back, pointing an accusing finger at the Doctor, "Is your whole family just a big alien family?"

"Is that a problem? I don't point fingers at you because your human." He pointed out. "Yes, I'm not from Earth, and neither is my family, but that doesn't make us more of a threat to you than sitting in a chair does. Trust me, no one here wants to harm you, Danny."

"Are you an alien too?" He asked Clara, who shook her head.

"Totally human here."

"But you knew? This entire time, you knew about all of... this?" Clara had mentioned someone called the Doctor long before the night they fled from Missy. "This is insane."

"I didn't think it would really be a problem. They're all amazing people, regardless of species, and have saved the universe hundreds of times. If it weren't for them, we probably wouldn't even be alive." She frowned, not really understanding why he had such a problem with it all.

Danny still looked rather scared. He took a breath, trying to calm himself, or at least start to believe what he saw. "... How is this even all possible?"

"I, um… I'm not really sure actually." She shrugged.

"Trans-dimensional engineering. Basically, it's an eleventh denominational omniscient being put into a machine then a pocket dimension which is folded into an outer shell -that was built in your dimension- using the time-vortex and a base structure which allows it to manipulate the outer part to move anywhere along the vortex." The Doctor tried to but it briefly. Clara and Danny both just looked completely lost, staring at him with confused expressions. He waited for a moment, half expecting them to understand, but realizing they wouldn't, simplified even more. "It's space-y wace-y, alright? Don't ask if you don't want to know the details."

"Anyway," Clara shook her head, "The point is, they're good people with good intentions, regardless of their species."

"Okay... okay, I just need to get my head around the alien thing. It's a lot to take in." He stared a bit at Vastra and Strax, them looking the most 'alien' of the group, even though Vastra was more native to Earth than Danny was. Clara nodded, understanding that he needed time to process.

The Doctor started piloting them back to Clara's house. “While you two settle that, River and I will set the table. The TARDIS should have the food all ready and cooked, so we'll bring that out."

"Are you sure you don't want to have the party in here?" River asked, helping him safely land the time machine, "Clara's apartment may be a bit small for all these people."

"Not if we put the kitchen table in the dinning room." He pointed out. "What do you think, girls. Should we have our dinner party in here or at Clara's?"

"I wanna stay here." Amelia said. After being at Clara's house for so long, she had missed her home.

He nodded. "Would you like to come help set up dinner with me and mummy?" She nodded and skipped along to help them. Freya followed as well. "Oh, Clara. When you're both ready, we're down the hall, two rights then a left." The Doctor called behind him.

"Got it!" She called back.

The smell of food came from the kitchen, about half a dozen different dishes out on the table, warm and ready to be eaten. The Doctor brought the napkins and cups, going back to start bring the food. Vastra, Jenny and Strax joined them to help, informing them that Jack and Ianto were helping Danny adjust to the change.

Soon enough the table was covered in fine china, glittering crystal glasses (and plastic replicas for the girls), champagne flutes at each of the adults place settings, with the exception of River, and warm, silver platters of food.

The girls eagerly sat in their seats. "Do we have to wait for Auntie Clara?"

"Yes, girls. That would be the polite thing to do." River nodded, taking her place beside them. Vastra seated herself on the other side of River, Jenny next to her and Strax after that. The Doctor was on the other side of the girls, across from River.

"But we already waited for her to get Mr Pink to come inside, I don't want to wait again. I want to eat."

River sighed, looking over the table. "Alright, you can each start with a roll and then we'll see if she's here yet." River handed each of them one of the warm rolls. They rather sloppily buttered the bread, satisfactorily munching on their rolls. "I'll pour you all some champagne." River offered, standing and getting a bottle.

"Champagne?" Strax asked skeptically. "Is this some sort of poison? I would be glad to help you distribute it."

"It's not poison." She smiled, holding out the bottle, "But if you'd like to help you're more than welcome to."

"What is it, then, if not poison?" He looked at the bottle like it might bite him.

"It's alcohol, a drink for adults. You can have some if you wish."

"Very well." He agreed. "I will try it."

River poured a flute for each adult at the table, placing the bottle in a bucket of ice off to the side.

"Mumma, can I try some?" Freya asked. "Pretty please?"

"No, I'm sorry, sweetie. It's only for grown-ups."

She puffed out her chest and sat as tall as she could. "I'm a grown up. See?"

River laughed, kissing to top of her head, "I'm afraid you're not quite grown up enough, but how about I give you something else just as special." Freya nodded, deeming this a fair enough.

"Can I have some too?" Amelia asked.

River nodded, "All three of us can have some since I can't have the grown up drink either." She got the sparkling cider out of the cabinet, pouring some for each of them.

"Why can't you have any? You're a grown up." Amelia sipped the cider, delighted at the fizz.

"Because I have the baby in my belly and the baby can't have any." She left the cider out as well, though the girls would probably only be allowed one glass.

"Does the baby like fizzy drinks?"

"The baby can't really taste anything right now, so we won't know until they're born." River sat, taking a sip of her drink.

"If it's not because it tastes bad, then why is it a grown up drink?" Freya examined the plastic cup, noting that the cider looked a lot like the champagne.

She shook her head, "Cider and Champagne taste a bit different sweetie, the actual thing doesn't taste this nice."

The girl nodded, still not quite understanding why she couldn't try the other drink. Her attention was drawn to the door way as Jack arrived, followed by the others. "I think he's okay now."

"Girls, you can start eating now." River told them, showing Jack, Ianto, Clara and Danny where to sit. The twins reached for the food, serving themselves large portions of the macaroni and cheese.

As the new arrivals sat themselves, the Doctor stood, raising his glass. "I'd like to make a toast." Everyone at the table turned their attention to him, the girls not really noticing, more concerned about how hungry they were. He shifted a tad awkwardly under everyone's gaze, clearing his throat. "Well.. first off to Clara and Jack. You've been very kind to help me and my family over the past days. I can't thank you enough for everything you've done for us." Clara smiled and nodded, Jack giving him a small salute. "Second, to River for helping get the TARDIS back. It wasn't easy, but we have our home again." He continued. River smiled, blowing him a kiss. "And lastly to family. You all are my family, and I couldn't ask for a better one. To a future full of happiness. For all of us."

They raised their glasses, "For all of us." They all clinked their glasses together, the girls getting out of their seats to make sure they got to tap glasses with everyone there.

Everyone laughed and talked and ate until they were all full. Once the table was clear, they went to another room for dancing. 


	104. Dance with Me, While the World Crumbles at our Feet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What? What is it?" She watched him with a frown, "Tell me, what's going to happen?"
> 
> "That just it. I don't know what's going to happen."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So remember how I said some shit was going to go down? Well... you can express how you hate me through comments. >D

CH 104

 

The TARDIS had created a dance floor for the party, music already playing when everyone entered the room. The girls ran out onto the floor, the rest of the group following behind. River went and sat in a fluffy armchair the TARDIS had provided, putting her feet up, a bit too tired for dancing at the moment.

"River? Are you not going to dance?" The Doctor asked her.

"I'm sorry, I'm a bit tired right now. I was just going to sit for a few minutes." She looked up at him, smiling tiredly.

"Oh." He nodded. "Well then you rest for a bit." He was pulled by Amelia back to the dance floor.

"Dance with me! Dance with me!" Amelia cheered, twirling around him.

"Alright, here. Stand on my feet."

She stepped up on his toes, holding tightly onto his hands. "Now just follow my steps." He instructed, moving his feet.

She laughed, stepping with him. "You're a good dancer. Did you have to practice a lot?"

"Yes." He said proudly. "I dance with your mother all the time."

"Why isn't Mummy dancing with you now?" She asked, making a face.

"She's a bit tired now." He told her. "And I'm dancing with you right now."

She sighed, "Mumma's _always_ tired, but I like that you're dancing with me."

"Well... growing a baby takes a lot of work." It had also been a rather eventful day dealing with Missy. Amelia questions soon ceased and they danced until she grew tired. Freya, who had been dancing with Strax, grew tired as well, going to cuddle in River’s chair.

The Doctor stood on the side for a moment, looking to see that Clara and Danny were dancing with each other. He smiled and straightened his bow-tie. "I was right about those two."

"I believe I promised you a dance." River came up behind him, pressing a kiss to his shoulder.

"I thought you were tired." He glanced back at her.

"I am, but I think I can manage a dance or two. Besides, I think my chair is being taken over." She gestured over where both girls were now snuggling on the chair with the cats that had wandered into the room not to long after they had all started dancing.

"Well then, Mrs. Song," He held out his hand to her. "Care to dance?"

She smiled, taking his hand, "I'd love to."

They stepped onto the dance floor, the Doctor wrapping an arm around her waist while taking her hand in his. He started swaying with the music, humming along with it. She hummed with him, her gown billowing around them as they began a waltz.

They were the only two dancing now, the other's having stopped to watched. It was a bit new to see them like this. Usually their relationship appeared a fiery and very sexual passion to others, as opposed to the gentle romance of the Timelords dancing before them.

The girls giggled, claiming to Vastra that their parents looked like a prince and princess.

"They are quite like a fairy tale." The woman agreed.

Jack looked on with slight amazement, having always known River as a wild, reckless woman, not someone he would imagine ever acting so tender and gentle with the Doctor.

River didn't really seem to notice that nobody else was dancing now, to wrapped up in the moment with the Doctor to see anything else. The Doctor looked at River with wonder. He didn't just see her gentle side, he saw all of her. All of her fierceness and cleverness and every wonderful bit of her all at once.

She beamed up at him, her eyes shining with love and adoration, "Maybe I should dance on your toes like the girls."

"If you want to." He murmured. "I did that to teach them, and I don't think you need any teaching."

"I don't want to crush your toes." She finally looked around, seeing that everyone was watching them, "They're all watching." She murmured, "Should we give them our best moves?"

He followed her gaze to the watching faces. "Lead the way."

The music changed to a much livelier tune. River twirled around, spinning out of the Doctor’s arms. He followed her lead, picking up the pace of his feet, and spinning her back to him. She laughed, holding tightly onto him, the fiery passion igniting in their dance. They moved in perfect sync with each other, each spin and each step coming naturally as if they'd practiced a thousand times. Her dress whirled around them, her laughter filling the room. The girls watched in amazement, stunned by their parents dancing. He dipped her as the song came to an end, smiling wildly.

The room burst into applause, River giggling and leaning up to kiss her husband. His lips met hers for a quick peck. He was a bit breathless from the dancing as Clara skipped up to them.

"Where did you two learn to do that?"

River straightened up, smoothing out her dress, "Oh, you know, here and there. We used to go dancing a lot so we've had a lot of practice."

"I'll say. You could be professionals." She grinned. "Bit surprising considering this one," She pointed with her thumb at the Doctor. "can barely stand on his own two feet."

She laughed, "I do have to say, he used to step on my toes quite a bit, but not anymore."

"I did not!" He blushed. "That was only once."

"Sweetie, I'm pretty sure it was more than once. Or maybe I'm confusing it with the time you took me for a walk and ended up stepping in my feet at least four times"

He folded and unfolded his arms, flushing redder. "Er... That wasn't... uh..."

She raised an eyebrow, "It wasn't what?"

"That wasn't meant to happen. I just sort of... tripped. A lot." He stuttered.

"Why? Did I make you nervous." She teased, bumping his hip lightly.

"Maybe..." He muttered. "There were a lot of little stones in the garden. _Anyone_ could have tripped." He insisted.

River’s laughter was cut off and she put a hand on her belly. The Doctor’s embarrassment vanished, even Clara looked concerned. "You alright there, River?"

"What?" Her eyes snapped back to meet them, "Oh, yes, I'm fine."

"You sure?" The Doctor wasn't completely convinced and wanted to take all the precautions if something was wrong.

"Yes, I think..." Her stance faltered and she grabbed the Doctor’s wrist to steady herself, "I think I just need to sit."

He lead her over to the armchair, the girls moving out of the way. The concerned look was spreading to everyone's faces, now.

She kept a hand on her stomach, forcing a smile at the group, "I'm fine, really. Don't let me spoil your night."

"Well, you are the life of the party." Jack pointed out.

"Oh, stop." Her smile grew and then quickly faced again.

"River...?" The Doctor placed his hand over hers, "Tell me."

"I think it may be time for me to go to bed." She whispered, "I just need a good night’s rest and I'll be fine in the morning."

"...I'll take everyone home, then." He had a feeling that having so many people around was starting to make her uneasy. He was right of course, but she’d never admit so in front of all their guests.  

"No, that's alright. I don't want to spoil everyone's fun." She stood slowly, holding onto the chair to keep herself steady, "I'll put the girls to bed, you all keep having fun."

He knew she didn't want to make a big deal out of whatever was going on, especially not in front of everyone. "Shout if you need me." He kept his voice level, though was growing more worried by the minute.

"Of course I will." She nodded, "Come on girls, let's head to bed."

"But I wanna stay. Please mummy?" Freya gave her best puppy-dog eyes.

"Freya, sweetie, it's very late and already past your bedtime. I promise you'll see everyone again soon." She squeezed her eyes shut, taking a deep breath, "Come along now."

"Aw..." The girl pouted, but nodded and gave in. She and Amelia went around and gave everyone a hug before going with River, who leaned against the wall with her eyes close, clutching the doorframe until they were ready to go, not bothering with goodbye’s and good night’s.

The Doctor watched her with ever growing apprehension, his stomach knotting as they went to the girls room and out of his sight. He bounced his feet as he went back to socializing, but hardly made it five minutes before he excused himself from the room to follow her. He figured it was a good compromise: she was no longer drawing unwanted attention to herself with whatever was going on, but the guests were still there to help if they ended up needing it.

River was sitting on Freya's bed, tucking her in when he came in. She still had on her brave face as she kissed their daughters goodnight, not really noticing that he was in the room. He tip-toed to her, trying not to wake an already fast asleep Amelia.

"River." His tone, though quiet, was full of concern as he put a hand on her shoulder.

She gave Freya one last kiss, then stood up, pulling him out of the room, "What are you doing?" She whispered, "You should be back with everyone else."

"They're all adults, they know how to make conversation." He told her. "Something is wrong. Please don't try to hide it, please don't lie because you're scaring me and I'm not leaving you until I know everything is okay." He spoke a bit frantically.

She looked up at him, lying right to his face, "I'm fine, really. I just need some sleep." She squeezed his hand, "Calm down and go back to the party."

He wasn't taking that as an answer. "I saw you, Riv, when you thought I wasn't looking. They way you clutched the door way. That wasn't drowsiness, that was pain. Are you having cramps?" He pushed.

She stared at him for a moment, then nodded slowly, "Yes, but it's probably just from being tired and pushing myself too much." She tried to come up with an excuse, not wanting to panic him.

"Sleep won't make them go away." He resisted the urge to drag her to the medbay. "Are you bleeding?"

"I don't know..." She whispered, not meeting his eyes, "I think so."

His own eyes went a bit wider. "River, why would you try to hide that? You need to go to the medbay."

"I didn't want to worry you." She breathed, closing her eyes, "I was going to go after I put the girls to bed, I didn't want to make a big deal out of it all unless I knew something was really wrong."

"Bleeding and pain aren't exactly good things." He wondered if she would rather be alone as they headed to the medbay. "You're not going to send me back to the party are you? Because I'd really rather not leave you right now."

She shook her head, the situation starting to skin in, "Please stay."

He took her hand and they entered the sterile looking room. She sat down on a cot, squeezing the edge, trying not to appear in pain. He got to work with the equipment, if seemed to be a routine now. Every time something was wrong, any cramp or any sort of bleeding would result in them going to the medbay and him setting up the ultra sound like all the times before, to find out if their baby was okay.

"I'm sorry." She refused to look at him as he got to work with the ultrasound, "I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know what all these complications keep happening."

"I don't know why you keep blaming yourself for things that are out of your control." He squeezed her hand.  "Scar tissue." He murmured. It wasn't an answer to her question, but an observation of what he saw on the screen. She pulled her hand away from him, looking up at the screen to make sense of what he was talking about. "There's scar tissue on your uterine walls." He clarified, pointing with his finger.

"Okay..." She tried to connect it with what was going on, but couldn't quite figure it out, "What's going on?"

"Your uterus is having trouble expanding to accommodate the baby's growth due to the scarring." He swallowed. "It's not happening properly... that's what the bleeding is. It's not the baby, it's you."

"So, the baby's alright." That was her main concern, the baby came first in her mind, "There's nothing wrong with the baby right now."

"No, nothing's wrong with the baby." He shook his head. "The vitamins have done their job and regulated the hormonal levels." He still looked quite worried, though.

"Why do you look so worried. That's good, right? The baby's okay, that's what's important."

"River, you're at a whole new sort of risk during this pregnancy now that we know about the scarring. It's not bad now, I can stop the bleeding now... but when the baby gets bigger, when you go into labour..." He avoided her gaze, quickly getting up to get medicine to stop the current bleeding.

"What? What is it?" She watched him with a frown, "Tell me, what's going to happen?"

"That just it. I don't know what's going to happen." He handed her some pills. "The bigger the baby gets, the more risk you're at for your uterine walls to tear or rupture because they won’t stretch the right way. It could happen at any time, you’ll probably bleed out during labour, assuming you don't deliver preterm."

She stared at him, not knowing what to say, her whole body felt numb. He sat, taking her hand again. He was trying to keep a cool head, though in all honesty, was terrified of losing her. He didn't have enough regeneration energy to save her if she were to die.

"I can start you on something now that will efface you, just enough to reduce the risk for a little while..."

She tried to look as calm as she could as the news sank in, though her hand was shaking slightly in his, "We should take everyone home now," was all she responded with, still trying to wrap her head around what was happening.

"You should stay in bed... I'll go drop everyone off." He murmured, but didn't stand to move yet.

"No, I'll come. I should say goodbye." It could very well be the last time she ever saw their friends again.  He nodded slowly, offering a hand to help her up. She took his hand, a distant look in her eyes as they walked back to the dance room.


	105. Time is a Fickle Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She shook her head, starting to walk down the hall, then stopping really having no idea where to go or what to do with herself, "I can't...I can't sleep."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKay, so I might have lied about the once a week updating. Wednesdays and Saturdays are when you can expect updates. Comment and enjoy!

CH 105

 

The Doctor put on a weak smile when they reentered the room, most of the guests turning to look as they came in. River opened her mouth to say something to their friends, but no words came out. She looked at each one of their faces, as if trying to permanently imbed every detail into her mind. They smiled at her.

"Everything alright, there, River?" Clara asked. She didn't answer Clara, clutching onto the Doctor's arm, feeling dizzy as the news of the situation really sunk into her head. "Er.. River?" She waved her hand in front of the woman's face. "Anyone home?"

"I'm fine." River breathed, not really hearing what she had said, just giving her standard answer. She tried to focus on breathing normally, and steadying herself or else she would probably end up passing out. Stress and pregnancy never seemed to mix well in her body and usually lead to her unconscious on the floor.

"We were just going to offer to bring you all home." The Doctor said, managing to sound a bit more collected than River. Everyone nodded, going to find their belongings, heels, purses, jackets and scarves scattered around the room.

Vastra came over to the two, gently easing River from the Doctor's arm and leading her over to sit back in the arm chair until everyone was ready, motioning for the Doctor to follow, "What's going on?" She asked, knowing that there was something not being said.

The Doctor looked at River, not knowing whether she wanted to her to know. Vastra would have to know eventually, as she would be present at the birth as they'd agreed -probably being the one delivering the baby, the Doctor likely going to be busy with holding River's hands-. That was to say, if River made it to full term.

River nodded just slightly. Vastra was her best friend, the one she trusted the most out of the whole group. If anyone was to know, it would be her.

He looked at the floor, finally speaking. "We've... just found out some rather bad news."

"And what would that be, if you don't mind me asking?" She looked between the two of them, River just staring blankly at the space in front of her, "Is there something wrong with the child?"

"No. Nothing's wrong with the baby... it's River." He took a breath and began to quietly explain it all and how there was a large chance River could die.

Vastra listened, horrified by what he was telling her, "Is there anything that can be done to prevent it?"

He shook his head, "There are medicines that might help a little and small precautions we can take to try and lower the risk but..." He sighed sadly, "Even with all that, the risk is still great."

"I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do?" She asked, taking each of their hands in hers, wanting to help her friends in any way she could. He had lost his voice at by this point, unable to answer.

"Come and visit us." River finally spoke, her voice quiet, "I want to see you as much as I can."

Vastra nodded. "I have some herbs that are commonly used for relaxing muscles... I'll bring them. Perhaps they could help...?" Even she was having trouble keeping her voice steady.

She nodded, leaning forward and hugging her friend tightly, silent tears starting to fall down her cheeks, "If anything happens, promise me you'll take care of my family, _please_."

"Yes, of course I will. I'll take care of them." Vastra vowed, wishing River could promise that nothing would happen.

"Thank you." She breathed, squeezing her one last time.

By now, everyone was ready to go. They were quiet on the trip back to their homes, with River taking the time to say goodbye to each one of them, thanking them again.

Soon, it was just River and the Doctor in the console room alone. He stood silently next to her, squeezing her hand tightly. He couldn't manage to say anything, thinking about he would possibly tell the girls. She turned her face from him so he wouldn't see the tears that had started to fall once more.

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault." He croaked.

"I love you." She sobbed, breaking down.

He pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly. "I love you, so, so much... I don't want to lose you."

"I know." She clung to him, "I know. I need _you_ to know, I love you more than anything, but if something happens, you need to think of the girls, okay? They'll need you more than ever, and you need to be there for them 100%, do you understand me?" She looked at him through her tears, needing to make sure he understood.

"I understand." He was having trouble keeping his composure. Supposing she lived long enough to deliver the baby, he didn't think he could raise three children without her. He would if he had to, a promise he was making to her now, but he would feel lost without her. He pressed his forehead hers. "Just, please, don't leave me. I _can't_ lose you again."

She nodded, closing her eyes, "I don't want the girls to know, and I want to see my parents again."

He nodded. "When do you want to see them?"

"I don't know, not tonight, but soon." She was quiet for a few minutes, "I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight."

"You need your rest..." He said, thought knew he probably wouldn't be either.

She shook her head, starting to walk down the hall, then stopping really having no idea where to go or what to do with herself, "I can't...I can't sleep."

He wasn't going to push her on it. "How about a hot bath?" She just stood there, looking so lost and dazed, not really hearing him anymore. "River?" He put a hand on her shoulder. "Did you hear me?" She looked at him, actually seeing him this time and not right through him.

"What? Oh...yes, right, bath." She murmured, though her voice still sound like she was just repeating words, not really paying any attention to what she was saying. He took her hand again, as they walked to their bedroom.

The TARDIS had already filled the bath for them, steam rising from the water. River walked mindlessly behind the Doctor, stopping in the doorway of the bathroom. "May I come in the bath with you?" He asked, discarding his jacket on the bed.

"Yeah, sure." She started tying up her hair, slowly pulling off her dress. He undressed himself quietly, quickly going into the water to avoid the slight chill of the room. She slid into the tub after him, staying on the other side of the tub. He stared at her for a few minutes, not in a sexual way, but more in disbelief that she could possibly be gone in a matter of a few months. It took him a while to realize that he was fighting against the urge to cry.

He swallowed the hot lump in his throat, "...River." She looked up at him, her heart breaking all over again when she saw his face. "...We'll... we'll find away to save you. We have to... there has to be a way." They has the universe at their finger tips and all of time. There had to be somewhere with some solution to their problem.

She shook her head, her voice sounding broken as she spoke, "There isn't, there isn't a way to fix this, and I don't want to waste the little time I have left trying to find something that doesn't exist."

The tears came spilling over at this, his shoulders shaking silently. He moved over to her side on the tub, burying his face in her neck. She held onto him tightly, letting him cry against her, though she didn't say anything. There was nothing she could think to say, all the happiness and joy they had been feeling less than two hours before was gone now, almost completely forgotten.

He wasn't sure how long he clung to her, but he felt drained when he finally loosened his grip.

"I want..." He managed between ragged and uneven breaths, as he was still trying to make his slow sobs as silent as possible. "I want to know what.. what color you want the nursery." He needed her to talk and this was the only thing that came to mind.

She rubbed his arm slowly, not answering him for a few minutes, "Green. Pale green." She spoke softly, clearing her throat as her voice broke, "With yellow ducks on the wall."

"I'll make a whole family of ducks." He whispered. "One for each of us."

She nearly broke down again at the sound of that, "They're not going to remember me."

"I'll tell them about you..." His voice wavered again. He couldn't yet accept the deadline of River's life to be so soon, and though the chance of her surviving all of this was small, he still clung to that chance with all he had.  

"The girls will forget me, they're too young to remember. I won't get to watch any of them grow up. I won't be there for them when they need their mother." Tears slipped down her cheeks.

"They won't forget you, River. I promise they won't. I'll show them pictures too, I'll make sure they don't forget..." He hugged her tightly.

"I don't want to leave them." She cried, "I don't want to leave my babies. I don't want them to grow up without me."

"And I don't want to raise them without you, either." His vision began to blur again.

She shook him off of her, standing up, getting out of the tub,  "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I can't...I can't do this."

The move surprised him a bit. "...What are you doing?"

"I don't know. I don't know, but I can't just sit here." She grabbed her bathrobe, pulled it on and ran out of the room.

"River, where-" He stopped himself, realizing she was to far away to hear him. He got out and wrapped a towel around himself, but hesitated to follow her. They both needed processing time, and as he'd learned over the many years of being with her, she generally preferred no company. He sat down on the edge of the tub, getting lost in his thoughts.

 

* * *

 

River was gone for hours, lost somewhere deep in the TARDIS. She eventually came back to their room, looking no better than she had when she left.

The Doctor had moved to the bed, now in pajamas and was pretending to read. There was evidence of tear stains on his cheeks, but they had stopped a little while ago. He looked up at her, quietly patting the bed beside him. She went to put some clothes on first, then came back to sit beside him on the bed. He said nothing for a while, since he already knew the answer to 'are you okay'.

"...Are you going to try to sleep?"

"No." She said flatly, not looking at him. "I see the TARDIS remade my picture box." She took it from where it had been set on her night stand, right where she would see it.

He nodded. "Do you want to look through it?"

She nodded as well, pulling back the lid. He pulled out the first picture. It was of the girls' second birthday. Both of them were in high chairs with what looked like chocolate cake smeared all over their gleeful faces. She almost managed a smile, pulling a blanket over the lower half of her body. "I can't remember what we got them." He murmured.

"You got them little fezzes and tiaras and we got the dress up box for them, but I think there were only a few things in it, not nearly as many as there are now." She murmured, recalling the day quite clearly.

"Weren't you against the fezzes at first?" He said, using the memory to take her mind of things.

She nodded, "Yes, I was, but they looked so adorable and they loved them so much, so I stopped complaining."

He nodded, reaching for the next picture. "I'll have have to get them bigger fezzes soon."

She nodded in agreement, "For their next birthday."

The next picture was a very early one of River and her roommate when she attended Luna. River glanced over the picture, not really having anything to say about it, and picked up the next one. This one was another rather old one of River and the Doctor, cuddled up next to each other on a couch, staring lovingly at one another. Beside them, Jack sat, making a kissy faces, obviously teasing them, though the two seemed oblivious.

"That was right after the Falls of Dxuuri wasn't it?" He pointed out. That right about the time they were on their second or fifth honeymoon.

"I think that was at the party Amy and Rory threw us for our anniversary, I can't remember which one it was though."

"Fifth year anniversary, I think. Very early." He commented. She hummed softly, starting to pull out another one. This one was a very old looking picture in black and white. It was Amy and Rory, in rather fancy clothes and sitting portrait style.

"They sent that to you about a year after Manhattan, yeah?"

She nodded, quickly putting it aside, not wanting to get upset over it. "I've never seen his one before." He intoned, holding up the next picture.

"Which one?" She asked, looking up at the picture he was holding.

"This one." He handed it to her. It was of her on one of her dig. It appeared to be somewhere very hot and dry, and Brian was with her.

"Oh, I forgot about this one." She murmured, taking the picture from him.

"I didn't know you were allowed to bring family on digs..." He wasn't aware that Brian had even met his granddaughter -well he knew they'd met when River was Mels, but not knowing her as more than just Rory's friend growing up.

"Well, we're not really supposed to, but I was the head archeologist on that dig, and...well, I may have lied on some forms to get him a spot on the team."

"He looks like he's having a nice time." He smiled weakly. "What was the dig on?"

"It was out on Alxorina. Someone had found some old medical tools from billions and billions of years ago, so my team was called out to go try to find some more. I think Brian was hoping for dinosaur bones, but he found quite a few interesting things."

"Like what?" He asked, noticing the tip of something in the sand in the picture.

She shrugged, thinking he wouldn't really be interested, "Just silly things that archeologists find interesting."

"You're an archaeologist." He pointed out. "You must have found it interesting, so I want to know."

"Well, he found this old book. It must have been an old medical textbook. The cover was completely faded, the pages were as thin as can be and we could barely read what used to be written on the pages. It was an amazing find really and we sent it to the lab to get analyzed further and hopefully find out what was written in it. That was right before I left and came to live with you. I forgot about it when I went back after the girls were born, so I don't really know what ever happened to it." She explained.

"Do you think you'll go back and find out?" He remembered they still had the headmaster waiting for them to come to his office.

She looked up at him, her face showing how conflicted she felt, "Well...I'd love to, but..." There was quiet for a moment.

"Do you want to go back to Luna at all?" He looked down at her, elaborating on his question.

"Don't you think it's more important that I spend time with you and the girls now?" As much as she wanted to go back, she didn't want to lose the time with her family if her days were numbered.

"Yes, I do... but I also think it's good to wrap up loose ends. " He recalled at the end of his tenth incarnation, knowing that he was dying, saying goodbye to his friends.

She put her head in her hands, sighing, "I don't know what to do."

"Not that you should listen to me," He swallowed. "But I think... I think you should, just for a few hours, work out things with the headmaster. Just so he knows the reason if it's the last time you're there." He said that last part more quietly.

"Alright..." She murmured, "I'll go, just to work things out."

"You don't have to soon. You have a little bit of time." He added.

She shook her head, "I should just get it over with."

"You mean tomorrow or this week?"

"I don't know." She curled up, pulling the blanket up to her chin. "Just...soon."

"Alright. Shall we look at some more pictures?" He changed the subject. She nodded, trying not to look upset. They spent another hour recalling memories, the Doctor finding as much as he could to say about each one to get River's mind off things.

Neither of them dared to mention for the rest of the night the familiar feeling of what loomed around the corner.


	106. Like Sand Through an Hourglass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He sighed and helped her off the cot, feeling that his grief had ruined what should have been a happy moment for the both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so first important thing: time skip happened and it's now 7 ish weeks later.   
> Second is that I've been having trouble with google docs so if I ever don't post on the day I say I'm posting it's b/c my computer is being weird. (Unless I specify other reasons.)  
> Aside that, we get to find out the baby's sex and take a look at how River and the Doctor are dealing with things. Comments and enjoy the chapter!

CH 106

 

The Doctor becomes more worried with each passing day. He doesn't want to lose River. He’s not sure he can handle it, even thinking about it makes him want to cry. He frets, wanting her to sit more often and relax as much as she can. He tries not to treat her like she will shatter at any moment, knowing that she wouldn't appreciate it. They've had some close calls, twice already, the second time putting River into three days of bed rest. The girls were a good distraction at first, but he couldn’t help but think what he’ll tell them when things go wrong. _If_ , he corrects, _if_ things go wrong.

 

He'd gotten into a bit of a habit over the past week of serving River breakfast in bed. Today was a simple combination of scones, jam, and tea. He walked into their room, balancing the tray carefully as he placed it on River's night stand, the top of which had become filled with different containers medication. He made sure the ones she was to take in the morning were on the tray next to the food.

 

River was still fast asleep, exhaustion being one of the many side effects of her many medications. She also hadn't been sleeping most nights, struggling to fall asleep as stress and worry weighed heavily on her. Her weight had been fluctuating quite a bit, whether it was from all the stress or the medications or even just a side effect or pregnancy, they still weren't exactly sure, but her belly had grown quite a bit in the past month and a half.

 

As he set the tray down on the nightstand, she began to stir, grumbling. He kissed her forehead. "Sorry, love. Did I wake you?" He murmured.

 

"It's fine." She breathed, rubbing her eyes and sitting herself up, "I should already be up anyway." She glanced over at the tray, "Oh, you brought me breakfast... again."

 

He smiled, "Yes, I hope you don't mind..." He handed her the tray. "Raspberry jam to go with the scones, and the tea Vastra gave you."

 

"Thank you, darling." She murmured, looking over the food, "Are the girls up?"

 

He nodded. "They helped me make the scones. They're playing chess right now." Neither of the girls were good at it, but against each other the game could last a good hour or two.

 

"Do you want to sit with me?" She asked softly, taking a bit of her scone. He nodded again, sitting on the edge of the bed next to her, stealing one of the scones off the plate. She stole quick glances at him as she ate, "Have you found your cot yet?"

 

"No, but I'm going to look again today." He told her, glancing down for half a second. "We don't really need it until the nursery is finished anyways."

 

"Of course, I just… want to get the nursery done as soon as possible." She avoided his eyes, looking down at her belly.

 

"How's she doing?" The Doctor occasionally referred to the baby as a girl, though they didn't yet know.

 

"Restless this morning." She smiled weakly, "He hasn't stopped squirming." She hadn't felt any real kicks no thanks to one of the medications she had been taking, just a lot of turning and wiggling.

 

The Doctor placed his palm over her bump, smiling weakly as he felt the movements. "She takes after her mother's athletic skills."  

 

River watched his face carefully, "Do you think we could find out if the baby is a boy or a girl?" She asked quietly, "I....I want to know, in case I don't..." She trailed off, knowing he would know what she meant without having to say it.

 

"I'd love to." He said softly, squeezing her hand. "Vastra called, she said she wanted to visit today. We could go out today, if you want to, while she babysits."

 

"Could we go to Luna and talk to the Headmaster?" She squeezed his hand back, "I know, it's not a romantic date, but I think I'm finally ready to go back and explain everything."

 

He nodded. "That sounds fine..." He trailed off for a moment. "I think you should wear the perception filter. It will only have been a day for him."

 

"Yes, of course… Though it may make him believe our story more if I don't." She pointed out, shifting slightly, trying to get out of bed. He instinctively offered out a hand to help.

 

"Yes, that's true... maybe you should wear it and then take it off when we tell him."

 

She took his help, wincing a bit as she finally made it to her feet, one hand on her back, "Right, of course. Should we go to the med bay?"

 

"That _is_ where the ultrasounds are." He wrapped his arm around her waist, supporting her back. She leaned against him, waddling towards the door.

 

They took their time getting to the mebay, the Doctor not wanting to make her walk fast. She lay back against the cot once they finally arrived, lifting her shirt to reveal her stomach, knowing the routine by now.

 

He squirted the blue gel on her skin. "Alright then, let’s find out who's right." She nodded, taking his free hand in hers.

 

It took him a few moments to find the right place and examine the screen. "Riv." He looked at her. "I don't know why I question your judgement when you're always right."

 

"What? What do you mean?" She asked looking up at the screen.

 

He tilted it more towards her and pointed. "Meet Arthur."  

 

"We're having a boy?" She whispered, "The girls are going to have a brother?"

 

"Yes." He confirmed, looking back at the screen, tracing his finger over the image. "Most definitely a boy."

 

She looked up at him, searching his expression, "Are you happy?"

 

"Yes." He said again, thought he would be much happier if he had a lifetime that River would be there.

 

"You don't seem very happy." Her face fell, the happy light leaving her eyes.

 

He sighed quietly. "I _am_ happy about the baby -I would be happy if it was a girl, too- I just... It makes me sad to think you won't... you might not be there to see him..." He looked away, fighting the lump in his throat.

 

She just watched him for a minute, all of the happiness leaving her expression, "Do you think I'm not devastated either? Do you think I'm not upset that I'm not going to get to meet our son? That I'm leaving our daughters? That I'm leaving _you_." She tried to pull herself up off the cot, "Can't you just try to be happy with me while I'm still here."

 

"I am trying..." It was difficult with the knowledge that it wouldn't last. That in about 12 weeks, she could be taken from him. He would try harder for her, though. He put a hand on her shoulder and smiled softly for her. "We're having a son, and I'm very happy, River." She was silent, her mood still darkening.

 

"Why don't we go tell the girls?" He suggested quietly.

 

She nodded, not looking at him. He sighed and helped her off the cot, feeling that his grief had ruined what should have been a happy moment for the both of them. They headed to the library, where the girls had set themselves up with a game of chess earlier.

 

"I win!" Freya's voice called from the back of the library.

 

"You cheated!" River and the Doctor followed the voices, finding the girls among the children's books. Both were sitting in bean bag chairs on either side of a table just big enough for the two of them.

 

"It sounds like you're both having fun." River smiled at them.

 

"Nuh-uh!" Amelia shook her head, pointing an accusing finger at her sister. "'Cause she cheated!"

 

"I certainly hope not, cheaters aren't very fun to play with at all." River gave Freya a stern look.

 

"I didn't cheat, I swear!" Freya protested. "Mia says that every time I win!"

 

"You know, I don't think fibbers are very nice to play with either." She looked down at Amelia.

 

"I am not a fibber!" The girl wasn't quite sure what the word meant, but she was sure she wasn't one.

 

River sighed, changing the subject, "Do you remember when we talked about whether the baby is going to be a girl or a boy?"

 

They turned their attention her. "You said you didn't know."

 

She nodded, "I didn't, but we found out this morning."

 

"You did?" Their eyes widened  with excitement, their previous argument forgotten.

 

"Yes, we did." She nodded, looking back at the Doctor, letting him tell them the news.

 

"You two are going to have a little brother." He beamed.

 

"A little brother!" Amelia cried, running and hugging River's legs.

 

"That's what I wanted! This is the best day ever!" Freya bounced up and down, running over with Amelia. The Doctor's smile became a bit more sincere was he watched the excitement sprout from his daughters. He pushed down the thought of how sad they would be later, staying positive for River and for himself.

 

"Has he moved yet? I want to feel him moving around!" Freya asked, trying to reach up to touch her mother’s stomach.

 

"Careful, sweetheart." The Doctor warned gently. "Arthur is still growing so you have to be gentle."

 

"Is that his name?" Amelia asked, still hugging River's legs.

 

"Yes, that's what your mother and I have decided." He kneeled down next to them, joining in with feeling the baby's movements.

 

"How about I sit down and then you can all feel him moving." River smiled weakly, "My ankles are going to swell up to the size of watermelons if I stand for any longer." They all backed up enough for her to move, the Doctor glancing up at her questioningly.

 

"What?" She looked at him, "Why are you looking at me like that?"

 

"Just... wondering if you'd like me to rub your ankles." He offered.

 

"No, I'm fine."

 

She eased herself down into an arm chair, putting her feet up on the foot rest. The girls clambered up in the sides, pressing their ears to her belly. She laughed softly, "What are you two doing? You're not going to be able to hear anything."

 

"Sh!" They shushed her. "I can hear his hearts beating. And yours too." Amelia said. River fell silent, smiling at their excitement.

 

"Auntie Vastra's coming today." The Doctor told the girls. "She's going to watch you while your mother and I run some errands."

 

"Can I come too?" Amelia asked, hugging River's middle. It seemed that in the past month, she had become even more attached to River, almost like she knew what was coming, though of course she didn't.

 

"I'm sorry, lovie, but it... has to do with Mummy's work so I'm afraid not. But we'll come right back."

 

"Pleaseeeeee?" She gave him her best puppy dog eyes, her bottom lip jutting out and trembling.

 

He glanced at River, "Don't you want to play with Vastra?"

 

She shook her head, hugging River tighter, "No. I want to stay with you and Mumma and my baby brother." He sighed and rubbed the girl's back, looking at River for help.

 

"I'm sorry, sweetheart." River hugged Amelia back, kissing the side of her head, "I'll just go to my meeting, and then I'll come right back and we can spend the rest of the day together."

 

"How long is your meeting?" Amelia pouted.

 

"I don't know, sweetheart. Hopefully not too long." She murmured, stroking back her hair.

 

"Will it be more than two hours?" She looked up at her.

 

"It may be." River nodded.

 

"But that's too long!" She protested.

 

"Amelia, please." She looked down at her, "Daddy and I have to go out, but we'll be back before you know it. You'll be having so much fun with Auntie Vastra, you won't even realize how much time as passed."

 

She hesitated, finally nodding. "You hafta promise to take care of my baby brother."

 

"I promise, I'll take very good care of him." She nodded.

 

"And you gotta come right back, okay?"

 

River frowned slightly, glancing up at the Doctor to see if he noticed how odd Amelia was acting, "Why don't you want me to go, my love? What's wrong?"

 

Amelia looked down for a moment. "Sometimes when you and Daddy go out, bad things happen and I don't want them to anymore." She admitted. "We all gotta stay safe so my little brother doesn't hafta be scared or have any nightmares or anything."

 

"Oh, Amelia. I promise nothing bad is going to happen while we're out." She assured her, hugging her tightly, "We'll all come back in one piece."

 

She hesitated, not completely convinced. "Pinky promise?"

 

"Pinky promise." River nodded, locking pinkies with the little girl.

 

This seemed to assure her more. "I'll draw you a bunch of pictures for when you come back."

 

"That sounds lovely, my dear." She nodded, trying to get up out of the chair.

 

"Are you going already?" Amelia moved off her lap as the Doctor helped River stand.

 

"The sooner we leave, the sooner we get back." She was able to stand with assistance, fixing her clothes.

 

"Oh." The girl nodded, wanting River back as soon as possible.

 

"Is it okay if Anutie Vastra makes us hot cocoa?" Freya asked.

 

"Of course that's alright." River nodded, turning to the Doctor, "We should go get Vastra."

 

He nodded as well, habitually wrapping his arm around his wife as they went to the console room. The girls skipped ahead of them, excited to see Vastra. River walked slowly, staying close to the Doctor and quiet.

 

"Can I help fly the TARDIS, mumma?" Freya looked up at her.

 

"You have to ask your Father." She looked up at the Doctor who thought for a moment.

 

"Sure, but only press what I say you can, alright?"

 

Freya nodded, trying her best to listen as he started his instructions, though the buttons were very tempting and she caught herself reaching up to press one of the pretty glowing ones.

 

"Ready?" The Doctor said once he was done explaining what she was to do. She nodded, fingers hovering over the button she had been told to press. "Now press and then move the zigzag plotter like I showed you." He instructed.

 

Freya pressed down on the button, then ran over to the plotter, having a bit of difficulty with it. He helped her reach the plotter and turn it the way it was supposed to go. "We did it!" She exclaimed when they landed, proud that she was able to help get to their destination.

 

He lifted her up, grinning proudly. "Yes, we did. Soon you'll be able to do it all by yourself!"

 

She beamed, hugging him around the neck, "Then we can go wherever I want!"

 

"Well we don't have to wait that long. We can go wherever we want now." He set her on her feet. "Let's see Auntie Vastra now, yeah?" She nodded, running after Amelia to the door, excited to see her aunt.

 

"She'll get the hang of the zigzag plotter once she can reach it properly."  He told River, still smiling.

 

"I can't believe she'll be that tall one day." River murmured, not saying that she also couldn't believe she wouldn't be there to see that day come.

 

"Well she won't sprout up overnight." He teased. "Come on. Let's let Vastra know when we'll be back."

 

She nodded, taking his hand and leading him out, smiling when she saw her friend, her children hanging on her. Vastra nearly fell over from the girls hanging off their arms. "Er... a little help please?"

 

"Alright, girls, don't hang on Auntie Vastra." River went over, trying to pull Freya off of her. She had been instructed not to lift them anymore so she wouldn't put any more strain on herself.

 

"Aw, but mummy it's fun!" Freya giggled.

 

"Yes, I understand, but it's not very fun for Auntie." She scooped the little girl up, pulling her off of her friend.

 

"Sorry Auntie Vastra." She apologized. Amelia let go as well, hovering around River now, still not really wanting her to go.

 

"So we'll be back in about an hour or two." The Doctor told Vastra.

 

She nodded, "Take your time, I don't mind watching them for a while if you two want to have some alone time together."

 

He flushed slightly. "We sort have a meeting, actually. At Luna" He explained. He and River weren’t actually supposed to be having any sex due to the riskiness of her pregnancy.

 

She shrugged and smiled, "It doesn't mean you can't go out after. Enjoy your time with her."

  
He nodded. "I will. And, if the girls ask for hot cocoa they can have some, but no more than one cup." The woman nodded as River promised Amelia they would come back safe one last time. 


	107. And His Army of Never-Were's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I don't want you to ever doubt how much I love you." 
> 
> "I never will, River. Never ever." His words were sincere, but he didn’t yet know of the strain the next few months would bring on their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much to say, but you're welcome for the length? That is if you like longer chapters. Comment and Enjoy!

CH 107

 

Soon, River and the Doctor were back in the TARDIS and on their way to Luna. River took her perception filter out of a drawer on the console and clasped it around her neck.

 

"Ready?" The Doctor asked. He wasn't sure just how understanding the headmaster would be, nor how long it would take to convince him of the truth. She nodded, clutching his hand and trying to look as confident as she could. "Alright, remember it's only been a day since we were last there." He appeared more nervous than she was.

 

"Yes, yes I know." She murmured, opening the door.

 

He took her hand as they made their way to the headmaster's office. Classes weren't supposed to start for another hour, though they still felt like they were being watched. Despite how nervous she was feeling, River walked down the hall with her head held high, calmly and coolly walking to the headmaster's office. He glanced at her, before knocking on the door.

 

The man’s voice came from within. "Come in." River pushed open the door, walking into the office, pulling the Doctor in behind her, not yet saying anything. "Professor Song," There was a name plaque on his desk reading 'Mr. Richard Cheatam' in front of a stack of important looking papers. ", and Mr Smith." He acknowledged. "Please sit."

 

River sat down in one of the chairs, still not speaking. She tried to convince herself that she hadn't really done anything wrong to try and keep calm.

 

"The first matter of business." Mr. Cheatam began, pressing his fingers together and looking between the pair. "You're here because you, on your first day back, have been found fraternizing with a student. I know you're not here on construction, Mr Smith. I searched you last night and there is no such company nor has the university scheduled for someone to check the current state of the building. You are not on the staff list either, and our security would not allow anyone but students or staff on the grounds." He sighed.  "This is grounds for dismissal, Professor Song, and I would hate to have to do that to you. Unless you can give me reason not to, of course." Though a strict man, Mr. Cheatam was a bit empathetic to what he assumed River's situation was.

 

"He's not a student, that part of what we told you is true." River glanced over at the Doctor, taking a deep breath and continuing, "He's my husband."

 

"Your husband?" Judgment leaked through his tone. The Doctor, as the man still thought the pair in front of him were human, appeared young enough to be a student. "And if you expect me to believe what you say is true, how did he get in passed security without a visitors pass?"

 

"Psychic paper. It shows whatever you want to see, so other people would have seen it as a visitor's pass even though it's really just blank paper. And I don't see what's so difficult to believe about our marriage." She crossed her arms, "Just because he looks young doesn't mean that he actually is."

 

Mr. Cheatam glanced down at River's hands, taking note of the wedding ring as well as its twin which resided on the Doctor's long digit. "What do you mean to say by that?" Now he was starting to think the Doctor was some 80-year-old man with a very good plastic surgeon.  

 

"Well, you're a well educated man, I assume you've heard of the species call the Time Lords."

 

"I have." He leaned back in his chair, not yet seeing how this was relevant. "And as a well educated man, I also know that there are none left."

 

"And that's where you're wrong, Headmaster." She smiled, taking the Doctor's hand, "You see, my husband is a Time Lord, and in fact, not the very last one.”

 

His eyebrows shot up in surprise before he collected himself and cleared his throat. "You stuck me as a good liar until now, Professor Song. How could you expect me to think that you just went off to seduce and marry a person from an extinct race, then waltz in here with him by your side?"

 

"Tell me how I can prove it to you then." Her expression was icy as she spoke.

 

"If he is what you say he is than you shouldn't mind a medical exam." Timelord anatomy was unique and easy to spot on a scan. Luna required monthly check-ups of all it's staff and had a room with the necessary equipment for just about everything. "If you have been lying to me, you will be dismissed immediately."

 

She looked over at the Doctor, thinking he wouldn't want to be poked and prodded at, "You know what, believe what ever you'd like. Dismiss me if that's what'll satisfy you, I won't be alive much longer anyway. I won't subject my husband to being processed and studied like some kind of laboratory experiment just because you refused to believe one of your most _loyal_ professors." She stood up, heading towards the door, "Come on, Doctor, we're leaving." She’d been in enough situations of poking and prodding and wouldn’t dare jump to do it again, even if she wasn’t the spectacle.

 

"River, wait." The Doctor jumped up and caught her by the wrist. "We didn't come all the way out here for no reason, and leaving like this isn't going to make things better. I know sometimes it's better to just walk away, but we should at least tell him what we came here to tell him."

 

"And what exactly would that be?" She breathed, still wanting to go.

 

He gestured to her perception filter. "Why exactly you won't be alive much longer." He drew the sentence from her previous rant.

 

"I don't see why _he_ needs to know that." She frowned, obviously upset.

 

"You already started to tell him, you told him you were going to die just now." He said. "Something tells me that he's going to regret firing you, and I really don't want this man stumbling upon your grave with no idea how you got there."

 

"Fine." She whispered, walking back to her chair, but not sitting.

 

The headmaster had his hands folded in his lap, eyebrow cocked as if expecting her to apologize for her outburst. River crossed her arms, not saying anything, acting more like a defiant teenager than a grown woman.

 

The Doctor coughed awkwardly. "Um... listen Mr..." He glanced at the name plaque. "Cheatam. River and I didn't come here to ask for your forgiveness, or for your understanding. You not believing that I'm a Timelord doesn't mean my second heart will stop beating. The fact of the matter is... we came here to tell you that River is..." He swallowed, having a bit of a hard time getting the words out, ",probably going to die in a few months."

 

"We don't have to do this." River murmured, looking up at him.

 

"In for a penny, in for a pound." He whispered back, watching the headmaster's expression change from confused to concerned.

 

She looked back at the Headmaster, taking off the perception filter "I'm pregnant and there are… complications with my condition that will most likely cause me to die when I deliver."

 

"Why did you ask to be rehired then, if you knew you were going to die?" He was starting to wrap his head around this, now that he had evidence that he couldn't deny.

 

"I didn’t know at the time and I’m not here to ask to be rehired now." She corrected, "I am defending my reputation."

 

"All of the staff and students respect you enough as it is. 'The woman who heroically sacrificed herself for 4,022 others' is quite a title especially once you add 'has come back to life'. And now your going to die again all for a child. Have you considered getting rid of it?"

 

"I couldn't do that. You know, I was pregnant when I went to the Library too, and..." She stopped for a moment, "We've already lost one baby, I couldn't bare to get rid of this one."

 

He nodded solemnly. "What are your chances of survival?" She couldn't answer, struggling to keep her composure.

 

"At the moment, maybe ten percent." The Doctor said for her. River moved closer to the Doctor, seeking his comfort.

 

Mr. Cheatam looked away. "I shouldn't be expecting you at work tomorrow, then, professor?"

 

"I-" She looked up at the Doctor. She would have loved to continue teaching, but she also needed to spend time with her family, "I can teach until you find a replacement."

 

"I could find some one with the proper credentials in, say, a month or two. When are you due?" He seemed to be accepting the situation now.

 

"In three months. I thought you were going to dismiss me."

 

"Well..." He sighed. "Perhaps I was being a little closed minded, but you haven't broken any rules. The only thing I really have the right to hold a grudge against is your husband for telling me he worked in construction."

 

"He was just trying to help me out of the situation." She sighed, holding the Doctor's hand tightly.

 

"I will allow you to continue teaching for as long as you want to, for as long as you think you can that is, so long as your displays of affection stay outside the campus grounds." He told her.  "You do not have to work today, but I expect you to be here tomorrow and to stay in line."

 

"Of course." She nodded, "I'll see you tomorrow, then."

 

"See you then." He nodded his goodbye to the pair.

 

River lead the Doctor out of the room and back to the TARDIS. "I'm sorry." She whispered, "I should have said I couldn't teach anymore."

 

"It's alright, River. You can teach if you want to, and you don't have to do it for that long if you don't want to." He murmured, pulling her into a hug. He'd been wanting to do that through the whole meeting.

 

She hugged him tightly leaning into him, "I want to spend time with you and the girls. I want as much of that time as possible."

 

"I think it's gong to be a little hard to take back all of that and say never mind." He tilted her chin up. " Teaching makes you happy, yeah?" She nodded, avoiding his eyes. "Then why not have both? Teach to your hearts' content then come home for dinner to a loving family. We're not going any where. We'll be right here for you." He kissed her cheek, hoping he was doing an okay job at lifting her spirits.

 

She nodded again, the idea sounding nice. She relaxed a bit, leaning up to give him a soft kiss.

 

"I'll cook you dinner every night. It'll never be something you don't like." He added. "And we could start using the flat more often." They were still transitioning into the house they'd bought. They'd put a bit of furniture into it and slept in it sometimes, but not yet enough to call in their home.

 

She smiled, "That sounds nice. Maybe, maybe we should think about sending the girls to school."

 

"Their birthday is very soon." He pointed out. "You could see them off on their first day if you'd like."

 

"I'd love that." She was relaxed now, happy to see that things were going to work out.

 

"What do you say we get back to them? We did promise after all."

 

"Yes, we did." She walked over to the jump seat, sitting down with a sigh.

 

He piloted them smoothly back to Vastra's house, remembering Freya's little hands on the levers just earlier today. "What do you think we should get the girls for their birthday?"

 

"I know they've been wanting some new dolls and dress up clothes." She beckoned him over, "And Amelia's been talking about getting a new art set."

 

He strolled over to her. "Freya mentioned that she wanted a real sword, but I'm not sure I want her to own a weapon."

 

She laughed, taking his hands, "What on Earth does she think she's going to do with a real sword?"

 

He shrugged. "Become queen of the TARDIS, I suppose. Maybe we could take them to old-town Scotland. I might have accidentally become king there and I think they'd like being princesses for a day."

 

She beamed, "Yes, they'd love that. And I suppose if you're the king, that would make me your queen, yes?”

 

"Certainly." He nodded in conformation. "You're always my queen."

 

"And soon, you'll have a little prince to deal with. My my, you'll have to split your kingdom three ways." She teased, giggling. Her laughter was cut off by a small gasp, followed by a hand on her belly.

 

"River?" His eyebrows drew together in concern. "You alright there?"

 

She was a bit dazed and it took her a minute to respond, "Yes, I'm fine."

 

"River what is it?" He insisted, crouching eye level to her.

 

"The baby kicked." She breathed, "And not just the little squirmy movements, he actually kicked.”

 

His worried expression softened and he splayed his fingers out over her belly. "You seem so surprised."

 

"I haven't felt a proper kick until now, and I didn't think I would get to for at least another two months because of that medication I've been taking." Her eyes light up as she felt another strong nudge, "Did you feel that?"

 

"Yes." He grinned, leaning his head close to the swell of her skin. "Not too hard, Arthur. We wouldn't want to hurt mummy."

 

"Mummy loves you, Arthur." She murmured, running a hand through the Doctor's hair as Arthur kicked again at the sound of his parent's voices.

 

"He's getting stronger. Has he used words yet?" He asked. The baby was also a bit delayed on using his telepathic connection with River for things other than just general feelings.

 

"He seems to understand simple words like Mumma, Daddy, love, and I think he's able to recognize Amelia and Freya's names, but he hasn't used words yet." She murmured, feeling the familiar feeling of warmth and love fill the back of her mind from Arthur.

 

"Have you tried trying to teach him more words?" He glanced up at her, savoring her happy expression.

 

"I've tried, but he can't seem to grasp them just yet. It just confuses him and then all of a sudden everything means love and he just keeps sending love feelings to me." She smiled, finding it quite adorable when he did that.

 

The Doctor wasn't very surprised by this fact. River had told him she wanted to make this baby feel as loved as possible in attempt to make up for, what he assumed, was guilt from William. He smiled warmly at her. "The Greeks called it agape, meaning unconditional love. Eros is romantic love and storge is love between family." He added.

 

Her eyes seemed to sadden a bit, "Do you think he'll remember my love when he's older?"  

 

"I'll make sure he does." He squeezed her hand. "And he might on his own." He tapped his temple. "Timelord retention." She nodded, leaning forward and hugging him tightly again. "Hey, it'll be okay, Riv. I won't let anyone them forget you."

 

Tiber jumped up onto the jump seat, trying to nuzzle his way in between River and the Doctor. She let out a watery laugh, stroking the cat's head, "I know, I'm sorry, just...this is all so hard."

 

"Believe me, I know." He pressed her forehead to his, knowing that as her days shrunk it would only get harder. "But like you said, sometimes it's better to just try and be happy. I know it's hard, because every time you are happy, you'll only think of how sad we'll be later, but the best of us, River Song, can find the light in the dark and not let it be smothered."

 

She nodded, keeping her forehead pressed to his. She hadn't realized that her sadness had begun to stream through her mental connection to the baby until she felt his response. Arthur was sending as many joyful thought to River as he could in attempted to smother her dolefulness. This seemed to be a common response for him: attempting to make her feel better. She responded with loving thoughts, letting him know that he was making her feel better. He calmed, the exchange of thoughts slowing down a bit.

 

River refocused on the Doctor, "I love you. I don't think I've told you that enough lately."

 

"Sometimes it doesn't need to be said out loud for me to know." He kissed her softly. "I love you, too."

 

"I just want to make sure you know. I don't want you to ever doubt how much I love you." She murmured, kissing him once more for good measure.

 

"I never will, River. Never ever." His words were sincere, but he didn’t yet know of the strain the next few months would bring on their relationship.

 

She nuzzled his cheek softly, feeling better than she had been a few minutes before. They stayed like that for a few minutes before Arthur attempted to kick Tiber away from River's belly.

 

"Ooh, ow. Gentle, baby." She murmured, touching her belly. Tiber hissed at River's bump as the Doctor chuckled.

 

"Maybe we should go and show the girls Arthur's new trick."

 

"Be nice boys." River warned, "That sounds nice."

 

He stood and offered a hand to help her up. "I hope those two get along better once he's born."

 

"Yes, so do it." Tiber swatted again, then tried to climb up onto River’s shoulders when he realized she was leaving, wanting to come with them.

 

"It looks like we've got a little follower." The Doctor pointed to the cat perched on next to her head.

 

She reached up, holding the cat in her arms instead, "I think he's eager to see his sisters."

 

"Well as long as he doesn't run off, I don't mind him tagging along." He ran his hand along Tiber's back.

 

Tiber purred, cuddling into River's arms, which caused Arthur to give another strong kick in the cat's direction. Tiber squirmed uncomfortably, trying to scratch where the kick came from.  

 

"On second thought," He said, not wanting  Arthur to kick to hard, ",we could just leave him here. We won't be gone, that long. It's nothing this one can't handle."

 

"We'll be back in a few minutes." She pressed a kiss to the cat's head as she set him back down on the jump seat. Tiber was still set on swatting at her belly, mewling in protest as he was left behind.

 

"Go find Mr. Thomas and Samantha if you're lonely." The Doctor told the cat before tugging River towards the door.

 

 


	108. May the River’s Waters Carry You Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It looks a bit warm for ice skating." She changed the subject, not wanting to dwell on the topic of her death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: drowning. I know I already have that in the tags, but I thought I'd give you an extra warning. Comment and enjoy.

CH 108

 

"Why do you think they don't like each other so much?" River murmured as they headed out the door, glancing back to make sure Tiber didn't sneak out behind them.

 

"Well I mostly think Tiber just doesn't appreciate being kicked so much. And Maybe Arthur's just kicking him away because he doesn't recognize the cat." The Doctor guessed. She hummed, stepping inside Vastra's parlor, looking around the room for her and the girls.

 

After a moment, Jenny came around the corner. "Oh, Professor Song. I didn't realize you two were back already. Madame Vastra has taken the girls out for ice skating. I'm sure they'll be back any moment."

 

"Oh, thank you Jenny. I didn't realize we were early." River glanced up at the Doctor.

 

"We assumed you'd be out a bit longer. Would you like some lunch?" Jenny offered.

 

"No, that's alright. I wouldn't want to trouble you. We'll just wait for Vastra and the girls to get back."

 

"It's really no trouble, ma'am. Call me if you change your mind." She left the pair alone, assuming they wanted a bit of privacy.

 

River seated herself on the loveseat, not liking to be on her feet for an extended amount of time lately. "It sounds like the girls are having a nice day."

 

"Yes." He nodded. "Sounds like they are." He sat next her, "Can I rub your ankles?"

 

"If you really want to." She murmured, sliding off her shoes and moving her feet to his lap.

 

He kneaded softly at her skin. "I've been wondering, and maybe it's not the best time to ask... when you-" He stopped for a moment. "... _if_ you... pass away, where would you want us to... have your ceremony?" He felt it wrong to say funeral or cremation.

 

She looked up at him, surprised by the question, "I...I don't know. I haven't really thought about it."

 

"You don't have to answer that right now." He quickly added. "... It's just sort of something I was wondering."

 

"It looks a bit warm for ice skating." She changed the subject, not wanting to dwell on the topic of her death.

 

He glanced out of the window. "I suppose so." He agreed. "But I don't think Vastra would take the girls to any ice they could fall into."

 

"Yes, but I'm worried because you know they don't always listen." She tore her gaze away from the window, sighing softly, "But I'm sure I'm just being overly protective, as usual."

 

"You're being a good mother." He corrected, pressing a kiss to the top of her foot.

 

She half smiled, "I suppose so. It's just… Oh, I'm being silly." She wiggled her toes, looking back towards the window.

 

"You're not being silly." He insisted. "It's just what?"

 

"Nothing." She breathed, fidgeting with her hands, still looking out the window.

 

"If you say so." He hummed switching to her other foot. He watched her as they waitied in companionable silence. This relaxed her until there was quite a bit of commotion outside, people running down the street and shouting for what sounded like help. It really could have been anything, but it seemed to put River even more on edge.

 

"What do you suppose that is?" The Doctor asked, not really thinking anything of it.

 

"I don't know." She breathed, squirming a bit in her seat, trying not to show how anxious she was, "Maybe we should go see."

 

"If you want to." He shrugged. "It might be interesting."

 

She scrambled out of her seat, sliding on her shoes and heading for the door, eager to get out and see what was going on. He jumped up after her. "You seem to be in a rush, everything alright?" He asked, trying to keep with her fast gait.

 

"Yes, of course!" She breathed, though her stomach was churning and something in the back of her mind was telling her to go faster.

 

"Slow down, Riv. You're going to strain something." He puffed, trying to keep up.

 

"I'm fine. I know my limits." She called back to him, following the string of people they had seen run by the window.

 

"All I'm saying is that there's no reason for you to be going so fast."

 

The people all seemed to be heading to the river, most of which was frozen over. River threw a frantic glance back at her husband when she realized the destination of the throng. He stared back at her, rather clueless, as the gears in his head started to move.

 

His eyes widened as it finally clicked why she had been in such a hurry. He grabbed her hand and rushed towards the water, faster than they were going before. River was trying not to completely panic, shouting at people to move as they made it to the bridge that overlooked the river, trying to catch a glimpse of what was going on. Her stomach dropped to her toes when she finally made it to the edge, she could see Vastra, one little girl clinging to her, but only one.

 

"Where's Amelia?" The Doctor breathed, though the answer was obvious.

 

They watched Vastra's every move as she crouched down to say something to the girl next to her. Freya backed away from the hole in the ice as Vastra took off her coat and skates. She dove into the water, the splash sounding along with Freya's cry of "I want my mummy!"

 

River ran from the bridge the Doctor close behind, flying down the steps to the river bank knocking over people and pushing away the ones that tried to hold her back, "Freya!"

 

The strangers who weren't trying to widen the hole in the ice were starting to crowd around Freya, thinking the poor girl was lost. This only made her cry louder. "Mummy! I want my mummy! Mummy! Mummy!"

 

River finally managed to break through the crowd, falling to her knees and wrapping her arms tightly around the little girl, "It's going to be okay, sweetheart. It's okay." Freya sobbed, clinging to her mother, sputtering something about wanting her sister back.

 

Vastra's head came above water for breath, only to dive back under a moment later. "River..." The Doctor said, taking off his coat. "Keep Freya safe." With that, he jumped into the ice cold water, arms sweeping the darkness for his daughter.

 

"It's okay, sweetheart. Everything's going to be okay." She whispered, though she was near sobs as well, rocking the little girl. Her eyes never left the hole and the rushing water it revealed, her heart hammering in her chest, stopping each time the Doctor or Vastra came up for air.

 

"Mumma, Mia can't hold her breath for this long." Freya whimpered. "I don't want the mermaids to take her. She's gotta stay with us."

 

"Shh, Shh. Daddy and Auntie Vastra are going to find her. She's going to come back, they'll find her." She murmured, kissing the side of her head, silently begging, _Please, let them find her._

 

There was a pounding from under the ice next to them, before Vastra's arm broke through to the surface. She hauled herself up, gasping for air, a small body in her arms. River fell to help them along with several other people. River took Amelia as two other men helped Vastra from the new gap in the ice. "Oh, god..."

 

Freya tugged on River's coat. "Why is Mia sleeping? Why is she so pale?" The sight of her sister reminded her too much of William and she didn't want Amelia to go away like he did.

 

River didn't answer her, tearing off Amelia's water logged winter coat, hat and various other outer garments, trying to get the freezing cold, soaked material off of her.

 

The Doctor soon emerged from the water, rushing to their side, his reaction similar to River's. He pressed his ear to Amelia’s chest. "I can only hear one heart."

 

"We have to get her back to the TARDIS." River was doing her best to keep it together, needing a clear head to help save their daughter. Now wasn't the time to break down.

 

"She's been under too long. We need to get her breathing again or we'll risk permanent brain and organ damage." He said quickly, starting respiratory resuscitation.

 

River took off her jacket, wrapping it around Amelia's head to try and warm her up, "Come on, Amelia. Breathe for Mummy, come on."

 

"What's daddy doing to Mia?" Freya whispered fearfully.

 

"He's helping her." River wrapped an arm around her, moving so that Freya didn't have to watch, "Don't worry, he's helping.”

 

"We were just skating." Freya sniffed. "And Mia said she could do it without holding Auntie Vastra's hand, so she went ahead and then the ice broke and she wasn't there anymore." She wiped her running nose on her sleeve. “Is she gonna go away like my brother did? Is she gonna go with grandmum and grandad?"

 

"No, no she's not going to go away. We're going to help her, she's going to be just fine." River comforted, brushing away the tears. She prayed that her words would be true and not just hopeful lies. Freya leaned into her mother, listening to the rushing water, the murmurs of worries strangers, her father's small mutters of "Come on, Amelia. Breathe.", and Vastra's stream of apology.

 

Soon she heard a fit of coughing and sputtering, followed by a stranger saying something about 'getitng the girl to a hospital.' River turned back to Amelia when she heard her coughing. "We have to get her warmed up. She needs the TARDIS." River whispered, stroking back Amelia's soaked hair.

 

The Doctor reached or where he'd left his coat on the ice, fishing out his sonic. He didn't really care about the public seeing a blue box materialize around them, more concerned with Amelia. River continued to stroke the little girl's hair, kissing her forehead and begging her to wake up.

 

"I'm so, so sorry." Vastra muttered, as the TARDIS solidified around them, "I never meant... I didn't mean for this to happen."

 

"It wasn't your fault." River murmured, barely glancing up at her, focused on her daughter, "You couldn't have known this would happen."

 

"I could've gone to a different place, somewhere where the water wasn't running." She felt extremely guilty for what had happened. The TARDIS had put them directly in the medbay so they wouldn't have to cross half the ship to find it.

 

"It's too late to change it now." River sniffled, immediately going to get the electric blankets out of one of the cabinets, tossing one to Vastra, "Warm up."

 

Vastra put the blanket around Amelia instead, moving the girl to the cot. "She needs it more."

 

"We have enough for her." She handed her another blanket, "You need it too. We need to get the rest of these wet clothes off of her."

 

"I'll get her something dry." Vastra immediately volunteered, not bothering yet with the blanket.

 

"No. Sit and warm up. I'll get it." River hesitated, not really wanting to leave Amelia's side, "I'll be right back."

 

Vastra finally nodded, sitting silently and taking the blanket. In truth, she was rather tired from searching for Amelia and her hand hurt from punching through the ice. River came back less than ten minutes later with warm clothes for Amelia, Vastra and the Doctor, passing the clothes to them all, sliding Amelia's clothes on her.

 

"Why is Mia still sleeping?" Freya asked, her voice quiet. "I thought you said she'd be okay now."

 

"We have to give her time, and she needs to warm up." River whispered, though she looked worriedly up at her husband.

 

He didn't look very hopeful about it. "Grab a unit of heated salin. I'll start an I.V." He murmured.  

 

She nodded, getting the things for him, "What's going on? Is she going to be okay?" She asked quietly. "

 

It's just to replenish her fluids and to help warm her." He assured.

 

"But you gave me a look. I know that look." River looked up at him, "Don't hide anything from me, not today."

 

He looked at the floor. "I'm not sure her neurological status... I want to do some scans, but..." He sighed. "I'm not sure when she'll wake up, River. She can recover from  whatever brain damage she has, but to do so will… put her into healing coma." He spoke so only she could hear him. "Plus, it's likely that she may have aspirated the river water in her lungs which could cause infection or pneumonia."

 

"Brain damage?" She whispered, unable to hold back the tears any longer, covering her face with her hands, "My poor baby..."

 

He wrapped his arms around her. "I'm so sorry, River." He breathed. River’s knees felt weak as she leaned into him, crying quietly into his chest.

 

"Auntie Vastra? Why is mumma crying?" Freya looked uneasy.

 

"She's worried about your sister." She sighed, feeling that she had caused this. She knew they were under a lot of stress with River's situation and she had only made things worse.

 

"But she said she was gonna be okay. Mia's gonna be okay, right? She's gonna wake up and be all better?" Freya held tightly to Vastra's leg.

 

"I don't know, little one. I wish I knew, but I don't." She comfortingly pat the top of her head.

 

"I-I'm sorry, I should be comforting you." River whispered, drying her eyes and looking up at the Doctor.

 

"No, it's okay." He muttered, though he felt like he was losing his family with River only having a few months left and now his daughter like this. "I'll..." He swallowed to keep his voice from breaking. "I'll be okay." She pressed her forehead to his, wishing she could make him happy and make all of the bad things in their lives right now go away.  

 

"Head CT and chest film: Amelia Idris Song." The Doctor ordered for the TARDIS to do the scans as Tiber and Mr. Thomas jumped onto the cot and curled up to Amelia's body.

 

"No, no, get down." River shooed the cats away, not wanting them climbing all over Amelia.

 

Mr. Thomas puffed himself up, trying to look as fierce as the little house cat could and growed low in his throat. "He said: ‘Little human is cold and has no proper fur to warm herself, I'm helping. Go away.'" The Doctor translated, though ‘human’ wasn’t an exact match for the word the cat used.

 

"Fine, but no scratching." River frowned, no longer trying to wave them away. The cats settled back down by Amelia's side.

 

"Mummy, can I sit on Mia's bed, too?" Freya peered over the side at her sister.

 

"No, absolutely not. Why don't you go do… something else." She bit her lip, "Maybe we should get Uncle Jack, he can come play with you."

 

"But I wanna stay with Mia! Why can't I stay?" She pushed out her lower lip out.

 

"Because I said you can't." River didn't give her much more of an answer as she went to the console room, dialing Torchwood.

 

"No! I want to stay with my sister! Please let me stay with her! I want to stay!" Freya begged running after her. The Doctor followed as well.

 

"Hello?" There was an answer on the other line.  

 

"Stop it, Freya." River said sternly, "Jack?"

 

"Ianto. Jack's in the other room. Did you need him for something?"

 

"Yes, can you put him on please?"

 

"Mm-Hmm." The phone was put down at there was some muffled sound before Jack picked up.

 

"Well, well. If it isn't the dancing queen. What can I do for you, River?"

 

"I need you. Now." She looked back at Amelia, biting her lip.  

 

"You and the Doctor pop your clothes off and I'll met you in your room." He chuckled, not quite hearing the urgency.

 

"Shut up, that's not what I meant and you know it. I need you here, right now."  

 

"Okay, okay, jeez. What's the matter anyways?" He lost his wanton tone.

 

She was about to answer, instead letting out a small cry of pain.

 

"River?!" Jack and the Doctor said at the same time, the latter rushing to his wife's side.

 

She shook her head, "I'm fine, I'm fine. Focus on our daughter." She breathed through clenched teeth.

 

"No, you're not fine, River. Tell what's going on." The Doctor couldn't afford to lose any of them. Not today.

 

"Will someone tell me what's happening?" Jack asked, distressed.

 

The TARDIS took off, heading to Torchwood as River assured the Doctor, "Yes, I am fine. I can take care of myself, our daughter can't. So _go_."

 

"If you start bleeding, River... You need to get me." He kissed her firmly, then reluctantly left her, heading back to the sickbay, knowing the scans would be back by now. River nodded, going to meet Jack at the door.

 

 


	109. All I Want is to be by Your Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I didn't think so." He muttered. He doubted River would leave the room at all, a side to use the bathroom, until Amelia's eyes opened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy.

CH 109

 

The immortal man burst into the TARDIS, nearly crashing into River. "River! What's going on? Are you hurt? Are you in danger?"

 

"I'm fine." She said through deep breaths, clutching onto the railing. "It's Amelia..."

 

"Amelia?" He looked up at her. "What happened?" He made sure not to push the pain he saw her in to the back on his mind.

 

"She was out ice skating with Freya and Vastra and she fell through the ice." River moved as fast as she could back towards the medbay, Jack on her heels, "We're taking care of her now, but I need someone to watch Freya. We can't have her in the room, I don't want her sitting around and having to see what we're doing."

 

"What exactly _are_ you doing?"

 

"Running tests right now." She stopped short, wrapping an arm around her middle and leaning against the wall for a moment, "She was under the water for a long time, we don't know how much damage was done yet."

 

"River..." He said uneasily. "I know your little girl is hurt, and I can't imagine how terrified you are right now... But if your unborn child is in danger, too, you need to focus on that. The Doctor probably has everything under control."

 

"I know what my priorities are." She snapped at him.

 

"I'm sure you do." Jack eased. "But I think your baby's getting a little impatient. You need to sit and you need to be examined."

 

"The Doctor's too busy to examine me right now, we have more important things to worry about." She pushed open the door to the medbay.

 

"Then let me do it. Let Vastra do it, but for god's sake, let us help you!" He protested.

 

River hesitated, torn between worry for Arthur and worry for Amelia, "Fine, one of you can help me."

 

"I'll take Freya. Vastra, you help River. As much as I would love to have you spread your legs for me, River, this isn't the situation I had in mind." Jack lifted a still protesting Freya, bringing her out of the room. River threw a glance over to the Doctor and Amelia, trying to catch a glimpse of what he was doing as she sat down on another cot.

 

The Doctor was administering a series of antibiotics through Amelia’s IV and hooking up a hearts monitor as well as something to her head.

 

"Put your legs up, River." Vastra instructed.

 

"What's he doing?" River asked, still trying to see what he was doing with her daughter's head as she put her legs up.

 

"It appears he's monitoring her vitals." They watched as he lifted Amelia's eyelids, shining a light in them. Vastra swallowed. "That's to see if she's brain dead."

 

"I can't...I can't be examined right now. I have to be with her." She choked back a sob, trying to get up off the cot to get to Amelia.

 

Vastra pushed her back down lightly. "River, you have to lie down. She's right there. Amelia's right there, she's not going anywhere. You need to let me examine you."

 

"My child may be brain dead! She may die and I'm not just going to lie here and get examined. I don't care if she's right there! I need to be right there with her! I need to be holding her hand!" She shouted, getting up again, this time making it to her feet, "I don't need you all hovering over me, I need to you be focused on Amelia."

 

"She's not brain dead." The Doctor kept his voice calm. "Her pupils are equal and reactive. That means her conscious is still intact. I've got her River. I'm going to make sure she's okay, and you need to make sure Arthur is okay, too. Let Vastra do a pelvic exam, tell her about the pain, and lie back down. Please."

 

River shook her head, but let Vastra lead bring her back down on to the cot, putting up her legs again. Vastra nodded a small thanks to the Doctor, proceeding to examine River. "Tell me about the pain."

 

River put a hand on her belly, "It's infrequent, but sharp, and right here in the middle." She murmured.

 

"Not similar to a contraction, then?" Vastra felt the spot.

 

"No, not really." River breathed, not looking at the other’ woman’s eyes.

 

She nodded silently. "Then it's not a problem with the child... You're bleeding a little, but not a lot. You need to take something now before it gets worse."

 

River nodded slowly, "Fine, I'll take something later."

 

"No, you need to take something now." Vastra urged. "It'll be very quick, then you can be with Amelia."

 

She bit her lip, "Fine, if you're quick."

 

The Doctor pointed to the shelf with the medicine she needed, which Vastra quickly retrieved. "Here." She handed her pills and water. Most of River's medications were in pill form, the Doctor not wanting her to panic at the sight of any needles.

 

"What are the side effects of these? " River asked, not wanting to be completely exhausted for the next few hours or repress the baby's movements and thoughts any more than they already were.

 

"Loss of or increased appetite, mood swings, possibility of drowsiness, and poor circulation in rare cases." The Doctor answered for Vastra. River grumbled, but took the medication, deciding that the side effects weren't too bad.

 

"You need to stay sitting, and if it gets worse you need to tell us." Vastra made sure there was a chair next to Amelia's bed for River. River nodded, stumbling over to the chair next to Amelia's bed, sitting down with a sigh, taking her hand.

 

"She has a concussion, she must've hit her head on something in the water." The Doctor filled her in on her situation. "She's going to wake up, but it could be two or three days. I'll have to put her on a ventilator if she has trouble breathing, but is just a possibility for now."

 

She nodded, bringing her lips to Amelia's hand, "What about her brain? Was there any permanent damage done?"

 

He looked at her. "Not permanent, exactly. Her motor function may be a little impaired when she wakes up. Things like coordinated hands movements will be difficult. She'll get the hang of it again, but it could be a long recovery.”

 

River fixed the blankets around Amelia, trying to shoo away the cats once more, stroking Amelia's damp curls. Tiber and Mr. Thomas scooted further away from River, settling by Amelia's legs. The Doctor rounded to be next to his wife.

 

He put his arm around her in silent assurance that their daughter would be alright eventually. "Vastra got her out in time. Any longer and we could've lost her."

 

She hugged his arm tightly, blinking back tears, "We should never have gone to that stupid meeting. If we had just stayed home today, this wouldn't have happened."

 

"There's no way for you to know that. And we can't change it now. We just have to wait." He whispered.

 

"Are you sure she's going to wake up?" She whispered back, "Do you promise?"

 

He hesitated, not wanting to make a promise that he couldn't keep. Especially not a promise like this. "...She has a good chance of waking up." He murmured. "...I promise she will." She nodded, sniffling quietly.

 

"I'll get you both something to eat." Vastra volunteered.

 

"You don't have to do that.." The Doctor glanced away from Amelia for a moment.

 

She shook her head, "No, I want to."

 

He sighed. "Thank you, Vastra. We really appreciate it." He turned his attention back to Amelia. He figured it must have been a parental instinct to watch her, as nothing was happening. The heart monitors beeped with each beat of her hearts, her chest moved steadily up and down, and the cats purred at her feet. He wasn't sure if he was watching just to make sure her hearts stayed beating, but the thought of leaving her side was out of the question.

 

Vastra returned a little while later, pushing a cart filled with all sorts of food. She left the cart by the door, setting to work on doing something with the cots. She pushed two of them together, pilling them with pillows and blankets. "I assume you two won't be leaving here tonight, so I thought I'd pull these together so you can try and get some rest."

 

"Thank you." The Doctor didn't look up much. "How's your hand?"

 

"It's fine." She smiled weakly, not wanting to trouble her friends any more, "I'll go find Jack and Freya. Get some rest, you especially, River."

 

"Will you make sure she's eaten something?" He asked before she left.

 

Vastra nodded, "Of course. We'll put her to bed later too, though I doubt she'll want to go without coming to say goodnight."

 

"That'll be fine. River, why don't you lie down?"

 

"I'm fine." She responded immediately, having not looked away from Amelia since she sat down.

 

"Please River? You need rest right now." He eased.

 

"Only if you lay down with me." She murmured.

 

"That I can do." He agreed. River remained frozen in her place, not yet moving. "Come on. I said I'd lie down with you, but you have to keep up your end of the deal." She slowly got up, walking over to the bed, swallowing as she crawled under the covers. Vastra had put extra pillows on her side to help with her back and swollen ankles.

 

He slid in beside her, making sure he wasn't in the way of her view of Amelia. "She’ll be alright... I promise you our little girl will be alright." River nodded, putting her hand on her stomach.

 

Samantha wandered into the room, jumping up on the cot and taking Tiber's spot as he hopped to curl up with River.

 

"Do you want something to eat?" He asked softly.

 

"No...I'm not hungry." She whispered, leaning back against the large pile of pillows.

 

"Are you sure?" He scratched behind Tiber's ears as he rubbed against them.

 

"Positive." She murmured, tracing slow, absent minded circles on her belly.

 

"I assume you're taking tomorrow off of work." He said after a moment.

 

She nodded slowly, "Yes, of course."

 

He curled up to her so his chest was pressed against her back. He kissed her cheek, "I suppose you won't be going back until she wakes up..."

 

"No, definitely not." She leaned back against him, sighing quietly.

 

"I didn't think so." He muttered. He doubted she would leave the room at all, a side to use the bathroom, until Amelia's eyes opened. River didn't say much still, lost in her worry.

 

He wasn't sure how long they stayed lying and there watching Amelia, but it must have been a few hours because when he got up to get some food from the cart, Vastra came back asking if Freya could say goodnight to them. He nodded.

 

Freya tip toed into the room, running and hugging the Doctor when she saw him.

 

"Hello dearie." He whispered. "Are you feeling a bit better?"

 

The girl nodded, holding him in a vice grip, "Did Mia wake up yet?"

 

"Not yet, Freya." He scooped her up. "It could be a little while before she does."

 

She sighed, but had been told by Jack not to complain and whine, so she didn't. "She'll wake up eventually. I promise, but right now her body is healing." He explained.

 

She nodded, understanding, "Where's Mumma?"

 

He pointed to the bed, unsure if his wife was asleep or not. "She right there."

 

River looked up, attempting to get up when she saw them, "Hello, my dear."

 

"Mummy, are you sick too?" The Doctor put her down on the bed and she moved to sit with her mother.

 

"No, I'm just tired." She smiled weakly.

 

"They baby's not making you tired, is he?" She panicked for a moment.

 

"A little bit, but growing a baby take a lot of energy, so being tired is normal, don't worry." She calmed her daughter, kissing her palm gently.

 

"...Oh." Freya pressed her little hand to River's belly protectively. "What's all the stuff attached to Mia?"

 

"Just some things to help her get better faster." River put her hand over Freya's, feeling a push from Arthur.

 

This caught the girl's attention. "He kicked."

 

"Yes, he did." She smiled.

 

"Mia didn't listen." Freya murmured. "She said we all had to stay safe for our little brother... but she got hurt."

 

"It wasn't her fault. It wasn't anyone's fault." River whispered, kissing the top of Freya’s head.

 

"I know, but she said we all had to stay safe." She nuzzled against River, feeling Arthur kick again. "Why is it so hard to stay safe?"

 

"Would you like to sleep in here tonight?" River asked softly, not answering her question.

 

"Am I allowed to?"

 

"If it's alright with your father." She nodded.

 

"Of course you can." The Doctor nodded as well.

 

Freya smiled weakly. "Will you read me a bedtime story?"

 

"Yes, I will. How about you go and get your nightie on and pick out a story and I'll set up a bed for you." River started to stand, "You can ask Auntie Vastra and Uncle Jack if they want to sleep here too if you'd like."

 

Freya nodded and hopped off the bed. "Can I sleep in your bed?"

 

She nodded again, "Yes, I suppose we could all fit if we squeeze." The girl smiled before going off to get her nightie and a book. River went ahead and set up two extra beds in case Jack and Vastra wanted them. She then walked over to the Doctor, rubbing his shoulders.

 

"Jamie Dodger?" He offered her, his own mouth full of the biscuit.

 

"No, thank you." River murmured, "I'm still not hungry."

 

"River, you've got to eat something. You haven't had anything since breakfast." He pushed.

 

She shook her head, "I'll be fine, I promise. I'm really not hungry."

 

He hesitated. "Fine, but I'm making you a big breakfast in the morning."

 

She shook her head, "You don't have to do that."

 

"It's too late, I've already decided to. There will be eggs and bacon and toast and jam." He told her.

 

She pressed her forehead to his shoulder, "You spoil me."

 

"Is that a bad thing?" He glanced down at her.

 

"Yes, it is." She nodded, frowning slightly. "Because I don't deserve it. You deserve it more than I do."

 

"You don't give yourself enough credit. You _do_ deserve it, and there's nothing you can do to stop me from spoiling you." He kissed the top of her head. She sighed, leaning against him again, hugging him tightly. "If these are your last few months... than do you not deserve to be as happy as I can make you? Should you not be allowed to enjoy breakfast in bed, or foot rubs, or compliments?"

 

"I don't want you to remember me as a burden, or as someone who always needed to be spoiled." She whispered, not looking up at him.

 

"I'm not pampering you because you need it. I'm pampering you because I want to, because it makes me happy to make you happy. You've never been a burden to me, I chose this. I chose you." He tried to tilt her chin up.

 

Her eyes were mixed with love and worry. "I could never have asked for a better husband. I love you so much."  

 

"I love you too, River." He kissed her softly. She kissed him back, pulling him down firmer against her.

 

"Mummy! That's gross!" Freya stood in the doorway, having returned in her nightie with 'The Seven Silly Eaters' tucked under one arm and Amelia's Adipoise under the other.

 

River quickly broke the kiss, going over to meet her daughter, "I'm sorry, my lovely, we didn't know you were there. What book have you picked out?"

 

"The one Mia likes." She held out the book to her mother. "And I brought her stuffie 'cause I know she doesn't like to sleep without it."

 

"That was very sweet of you." River whispered, taking the adipose from Freya and placing it beside Amelia.

 

"Auntie Vastra said she'll sleep here and Uncle Jack said that he'll sleep in Torchwood and you can wake him if you need him." Freya informed them.

 

"Has Uncle Jack left yet?" River asked, helping her up onto their bed.

 

Freya shook her head. "He's making himself something in the kitchen. He said we're almost out of butter."

 

She nodded, "Alright, you get cozy, I'll be right back." She left the book on the bed, walking back to the Doctor, her voice low, "I want to tell Jack about what's going on with the baby."

 

He nodded slowly. "If your sure. I'll read to Freya."

 

She nodded slowly, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek, "I'll be back."

  
"Hurry back." He teased slightly, settling on the bed next to Freya to read her the story. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment please!


	110. Ticking Clock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "But there has to be a way. The Doctor, he can save you, can't he? With regeneration energy?" He insisted, refusing to accept this.
> 
> "Jack, he doesn't have any left." She whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jack is informed about the happenings and River gets mood swings. Enjoy and comment!

CH 110

 

River walked down the hall to the kitchen, trying to think of a way to tell Jack the news, knowing that he wasn't going to take it well.

 

"Hey River! Don't you have anything besides tea? I can't find any coffee, just stupid tea!" Jack shut one of the cupboards rather hard, grumbling something about them being too British.

 

She walked over to the cabinet beside him, reaching all the way to the back, "I don't know how old this is, but it's all we've got." She pulled out a can of instant coffee.

 

"Well it can't kill me." He joked, starting to prepare the drink. "Do you want any?"

 

"There's something I have to talk to you about. Something… serious." She murmured.

 

"So no coffee then?" He took his drink and sat, gesturing for her to do the same. "Is it about Amelia?"

 

"No, no it's not Amelia. It's about me and the baby." She took her seat slowly.

 

“Don't tell me it has three heads or something." He sipped the coffee.

 

"Jack, this is serious." She glared at him.

 

"That explains why you're taking so long to actually tell me."

 

"A few months ago, that night that the Doctor and I threw that party..." She trailed off, "We found a problem with my uterus. There's scar tissue that making it hard for it to expand as the baby grows." She hesitated, "And so, there's a good chance that I won't make it through his birth, if I even make it all the way to then."

 

"Wait, wait. You're..." He dropped his playfulness. "You're dying?" She nodded slowly, not speaking. He frowned, the information sinking in. "But... I don't understand. What's the scarring from? Is there anything you can do?"

 

"Probably from all of the complications from my last pregnancy. We...we haven't found any way of preventing it, just reducing the chance. There's a 10% chance I'll survive."

 

"But there has to be a way. The Doctor, he can save you, can't he? With regeneration energy?" He insisted, refusing to accept this.

 

"Jack, he doesn't have any left." She whispered.

 

"What about the twins? They have some." He locked his jaw, trying to keep it together.

 

"Yes, they do, but it's not mine to take."

 

"Who said anything about taking? Do you think they won't try to save you when you never come out of that delivery room? Have you even told them?"

 

She shook her head, "No, and I don't plan on telling them. I've already talked about it with the Doctor, he'll make sure that they won't use their energy. Vastra will too."

 

"But why would you do that? There's your solution and you'd rather let your children grow up without their mother than let them save your life!" He huffed.

 

"Do you think it was an easy choice to make! I know what it takes to give energy to another person and bring them back to life. It'll take all, if not most of their energy if they were to try. So what happens one day when they need that energy and they don't have it anymore because they wasted it all on me?" She stood up, "I can't take their chances at life away from them. I've lived for hundreds of years, I've experienced so many things. Growing up without a mother isn't the most ideal situation, but they'll have the Doctor, and Vastra, Jenny, Clara, you… They're brave and strong, and I know they'll grow up to be wonderful gifts to the universe, even without me there. So yes, I would rather them grow up without a mother, because I would _never_ want them to give up their lives for mine."

 

"They'll hardly have the Doctor." Jack muttered, "This is going to kill him. I've seen that man lose more friends than there are years his life and I've seen him go through hell and back, but this will break him. I've never seen him love someone as much as he loves you. I've never seen _anyone_ love another person so much and I wish I could show you how he cried when you were taken by Kovarian, or how distraught he was when he thought you hated him, but I can tell you that he won't survive if you're gone."

 

Hearing that seemed to bring the tears back, and she quickly covered her face with her hands, sitting back down, "I don't know what else to do, Jack. I don't want to leave him, I don't want to leave any of them, but I don't have any other choice."

 

"You always have a choice." He reached his hand across the table. "Listen River. I'm going to help you. I'm going to make sure you get through this alive."

 

"How?" She whispered, looking up at him doubtfully.

 

"Tosh... she was working on something before she died." He swallowed. “This medicine with highly rapid regenerative properties. I've seen it tested it a few times, it's supposed to make cuts, wounds, muscles tears and such to repair instantly. It's still a prototype, but I think if I worked on it, it could help you."

 

"Jack, we can't to anything about the scaring until after the baby's been born, and by then I'll be too late." She stood up, not wanting to discuss the situation any further, "I should be with my family right now."

 

"River wait. Just hear me out will you?" Jack begged. She paused in the doorway, waiting for him to continue. "I'm not saying it can heal the scarring. I'm saying that it can heal you if you start to bleed out during labour. Fine, maybe I don't know if this will work, maybe it will only give you an extra hour but that's an extra hour you can spend with your baby. Let me try."

 

She looked up at him, nodding slowly, "Okay, thank you, so much."

 

"That's what friends are for." He sighed silently, fists clenching. "Give the girls a hug for me."

 

She nodded, "I will." River made her way down the hall, flinching as she heard a chair or two being knocked over from the kitchen.

  
  


She reached the med bay, walking over to the Doctor and Freya. Freya was struggling to keep her eyes open as the Doctor finished the story, still wanting to say goodnight to River before she went to sleep. "Mummy." Freya smiled sleepily. "Will you sing me a bedtime song?"

 

"Why don't you get some rest and I'll sing you a song in the morning." River offered, kissing her forehead. The girl nodded, too sleepy at the moment to protest.

 

"How did he take the news?" The Doctor asked as Freya fell asleep.

 

River shrugged, tucking the blankets around their daughter, "He said he was going to try to help."

 

"Help?" He raised an eyebrow.

 

"I don't know." She sighed, moving to sit next to him.

 

"Did you tell him that there was nothing to be done?" He kept his voice low.

 

"Of course I did, but he insisted." She closed her eyes, putting her head in her hands.

 

"I think it's his way of coping." He murmured, shifting closer to her. She nodded, moving to be next to him and resting her head on his shoulder. Tiber slunk up onto the bed, rolling onto the Doctor's lap. He stroked the cat's belly. "I think it will take us all a long time to come to terms with this. You're one of Jack best friends... It's never occurred to him that you'd be gone so soon.”

 

Tiber started purring happily. "He said that you wouldn't be there for the girls." She whispered.

 

"How do you mean?" He glanced at her. "Of course I'll be there for the girls."

 

"Maybe physically, but mentally...." She looked down at the ground.

 

"I will try my best." He sighed. "River what if it were switched? If I were the one who was going to be gone in three months? How would you feel losing me?" He asked softly.

 

"I would be devastated." She whispered, "All of the things that I ever wanted to do with you, I would do in those three months. And..." She stopped, her eyes filling with tears, "Doctor, I _am_ losing you. You'll still be with the girls, the baby, our friends, but I'm losing all of you."

 

"The difference is that you won't be around to feel that loss." He took her hand and squeezed it. "You mean the universe to me, River. You mean everything, so yes... I might not be completely mentally there for our children, but I'll try. I really will try."

 

She yanked her hand away from him, getting up and walking to the other side of the room.

 

He stayed were he was, watching her patiently. "River... I'm sorry."

 

"Stop apologizing." She snapped, keeping her back to him.

 

He shut his mouth quickly, not daring yet to approach her. She leaned against the counter, trying to keep her whole body from shaking. "What's wrong, love?" He finally whispered.

 

"What do you think is wrong?" She hissed.

 

He didn't answer that, it not needing to be said aloud. "...What can I do?"

 

"Nothing! There's nothing you can do because there is nothing that can fix this!" Her voice rose, but not enough to wake Freya.

 

"I didn't mean what can to fix this. I meant what can I do now to help you? In this moment, where both of us are still breathing. What can I do right _now_."

 

"There isn't anything you can do! You don't understand what if feels like to be in my position!"

 

"You're right. I don't. But I do understand you're scared..." He stood. "Please don't shut me out right now."

 

"I'll do what ever I bloody well please, thank you very much." She crossed her arms, glaring.

 

He frowned. "Why are you pushing me away? What are you so angry at?"

 

"I'm not angry." She argued, having not realized how much her mood had swung.

 

"Yes you are." He pushed, taking a step towards her.

 

"No, I'm not." She had her hands on her hips, fuming and really for no reason at all.

 

"So I'm just imagining you being cross at me? Because I've seen you mad enough times to know that this is what you look like when you're cross." He took another step, hoping she wouldn't move further away. She glared at him, not speaking. "I can't read your mind River. You're going to have to actually tell me weather you're really cross with me or it's just a side affect of the medicine." He was right in front of her now.

 

"I've already told you that I'm not cross with you." She snapped at him again, still blowing off steam.

 

"Should I take your glaring as flirting, then?"

 

"Excuse me?" She raised an eyebrow.

 

"I'll take that as a no." He murmured. "You should be sleeping, you know."

 

"Don't tell me what I should and shouldn't be doing." She pushed past him, going to sit next to Amelia.

 

"...It was more of a suggestion." He sighed. "Would you like me to leave?"

 

Her shoulders slumped, her expression changing from angry to heartbroken in a blink of an eye, "No...of course not." He nodded and went to sit next to her, unsure if she would let him so close. She closed her eyes, "I'm sorry...I don't know what's wrong with me."

 

"Medicine and hormones might have something to do with it." He reached for her hand.

 

She clutched onto his hand, wanting to be closer to him, but afraid of being rejected after the tantrum she had just thrown, "I'm so sorry."

 

"It's not your fault." He pulled her to him, wrapping his arms tightly around her.

 

"I should have better control. I shouldn’t just let myself act like a toddler." She clung to him.

 

"Hey, if I can't handle you at your worst than I don't deserve you at your best." He kissed the top of her head. She hugged him tightly, Arthur kicking as if trying to comfort her as well. "But I really do think we should get some rest." He added with a soft smile.

 

"You go, I don't think I'll be able to sleep." She murmured.

 

"Will you at least lie with me?" He tugged her shoulder lightly. She hesitated, looking at down Amelia. "She'll be right here, Riv. If anything happens, the monitors will beep." He assured.

 

"Alright." She sighed, standing up and following him to bed reluctantly where Tiber was waiting to curl up with them again. They squeezed in, not bothering to move a slumbering Freya. Tiber took the opportunity to rub his face against River's and settle by her head.

 

"Arthur seems to think it's play time." She breathed, putting a hand on her belly as he kicked and squirmed about.

 

The Doctor gently placed his hands next to hers, a small smile crossing his face as he felt their baby's movements. "He's not bothering you too much, is he?"

 

"Well, I'd appreciate it if he settled down." She murmured. He moved his head by her belly.

 

"Arthur, stop moving so much. Your mother is trying to rest."

 

"Doctor, he doesn't understand what you're saying." She breathed, stroking his hair lightly.

 

"So?" He pressed lightly against where the baby was kicking as counter pressure. "Settle down, lovie."

 

"Oh, ow, stop. Don't do that." She breathed, the kicks growing stronger as her pressed down.

 

"Sorry." He quickly drew his hand away, kissing the spot instead.

 

She sat up a bit, rubbing circles on her belly, "It's alright, you were only trying to help."

 

"I guess Arthur doesn't appreciate getting poked back." He murmured.

 

"I suppose not." She smiled weakly, "Maybe, if you tried talking to him, he'd calm down."

 

He hummed in thought, leaning close to her bump again. "How about I tell you a story, hmm? About when your mother and I went to Asgard."

 

She felt a warm, buzzing feeling fill the back of her mind when he said 'mother and I.' "I think he likes the sound of that." She whispered, adjusting her position so he could put his head down on her belly.

 

"Well lets see... It was very early days for me. I wasn't really expecting to run into your mother." He began the story, telling about the romantic bits and leaving out the more explicit parts.

 

As the story went on, Arthur's kicks became less harsh and less frequent, the fuzzy feeling building in the back of River's head. "And then the king gave your mum one of his favorite silver goblets and the queen gave me some fancy cloth to use as a bowtie." He concluded the tale after a while, smiling up at his wife.

 

She smiled down at him sleepily, "He loves you, you know."

 

"Did he tell you that?" He murmured, shifting back to settle next to her.

 

"Not with words, but I can feel it." She curled up against him, "Why did you move?"

 

"Because I can't kiss you while I'm talking to our baby." He pressed his lips to hers to further prove his point.

 

She hummed, "Yes, though I think I can sacrifice a kiss or two for you to bond with our baby."

 

"There will be time for that later." He insisted.

 

She nodded slowly, moving closer to him, "Right..."

 

"You all right?" He wrapped his arms around her.

 

She nodded, not speaking. "Are you sure?"

 

"I feel like I can never stay happy for longer than five minutes anymore." She whispered, "Every time I find myself being happy, something makes me think of what's going to happen in a few months, and..." She stopped, sighing and nuzzling her head beneath his chin.

 

He hugged her a bit tighter, unsure of how to respond to that. "Maybe I'll have to find something that can distract you for longer than five minutes."

 

She shook her head, "You don't have to do that."

 

"I want to." He replied softly, kissing her head.

 

"You should get some rest." She whispered.

 

"So should you." He said, though was already closing his eyes.

  
She nodded though she stayed awake for hours after he had fallen asleep.


	111. Guilt is for the Living

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Who am I going to wake? Amelia? Because last I checked she was out cold."
> 
> She stared at him, the last words harsh and stinging, "Get out."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> River and Jack have a fight. Comment and enjoy!

CH 111

The TARDIS had lowered all the lights for it's sleeping residents, though the beeping of Amelia's heart monitors were loud and constant. Vastra came into the room some time late, trying to make her footsteps silent, assuming everyone in the room was asleep.

River had rolled over so she could see Amelia, watching silently as Vastra entered the room and put something down on the spare cot before walking over to Amelia's bed side.

The woman looked over the monitors and the scans with a small nod to herself and sat in the chair River had put next to the bed earlier. She sighed, putting her head in one of her hands while the other held the girl's limp one. River shifted silently in bed, eyes locked on her friend. Vastra's shoulders began to shake as she started crying as silently as she could.

River quietly slid of out bed, walking over and kneeling down beside her friend, putting a hand on her arm. She jumped at River's touch, immediately trying to dry her eyes and act as though she didn't see her crying. "I thought you were sleeping." She cleared her throat.

"I haven't been able to fall asleep." River whispered, getting up to get some tissues, "Are you alright?"

"Yes I'm fine." She replied a little too quickly.

"Vastra, please don't lie to me." She sighed, kneeling down in front of her.

Vastra looked away from her. "...Alright, I'm not fine. I'm very far from fine, actually."

"Talk to me, tell me what's wrong." She whispered, taking her free hand.

"What's wrong? Your daughter nearly died and it's all my fault." She sniffed.

"But you saved her, if you hadn't dove in to find her, we would have lost her." River squeezed her hand, "I'm not blaming you for what happened. It was an accident, you didn't mean for it to happen."

"But it did happen and it should not have happened at all. Maybe if I had gone to a different place, or-or told them that we couldn't go ice skating... I know you don't blame me, but I blame myself. Your little girl ended up like this because of me." Vastra  reluctantly took a tissue.

"We can't change what happened now." River sighed, looking over at Amelia. Every time she looked at her daughter, hooked up to tubes and monitors and machines, her hearts broke and she felt like they were being ripped out of her chest. "She'll be okay, she has to be okay. Don't blame yourself."  

"It's impossible for me not to." She was silent for a moment. "What did the Doctor say about her condition?"

"I'd rather not discuss it." River whispered, rounding over to the other side of the bed to fix the blankets around Amelia and re-tuck the adipose in her arms, placing a kiss on her forehead.

This worried Vastra even more. "She's going to wake up, isn't she?"

"Eventually, yes." She stroked Amelia's hair, closing her eyes.

"Eventually?" Vastra swallowed, guilt still weighing heavily on her. "I'm so sorry." River didn't say anything, biting her lip and then letting out a shaky sigh.

There was quiet again for a short while before Vastra found her voice again. "You should be resting. I can monitor her vitals if you want someone to make sure they stay stable."

"No, you go to bed. I can't sleep." River murmured.

"You are with child. You should at least try to rest." She urged.

"I know..." She sighed, "I've been trying for hours and I can't get to sleep. You just go to bed, there's no sense in both of us staying up."

Vastra finally nodded, slowly rising to her feet. "Let me know of any changes?"

She nodded slowly, "Of course."

"Thank you." Vastra said softly before going to her cot to sleep. River stayed up for the rest of the night, eventually falling asleep in the chair.

As promised, in the morning the Doctor woke early to cook River and the rest of his guests a large breakfast. He returned, placing the food on the counter before going over to his wife. "River?" He tapped her shoulder.

"Hmm?" She murmured, sitting up, rubbing her neck.

"Have you been here all night?"  He murmured, taking a seat next to her. She nodded, rubbing her eyes. "That doesn't look like a very comfortable place to sleep." He observed, beginning to rub her shoulders.

She sighed, and nodded, "I couldn't fall asleep."

He sighed. "Well, you can at least eat can't you? I made breakfast." He pointed to the food.

"Thank you, darling." She murmured, "I'm just not that hungry.”

"River, you haven't eaten since yesterday morning. Please, just have some toast or something. You _need_ to eat." He protested.

She shook her head again, "Really, darling, I'm not hungry. Amelia's developed a bit of a fever." She changed the subject.

He frowned, both at her rejection of the food and the new information about his daughter's condition. "She must have an infection. I'll give her some ibuprofen for now, but if it gets worse we should run some more tests." River nodded, stroking damp curls back from Amelia's forehead. He went to the medicine cabinet, retrieving the ibuprofen and injected it into the IV line. "I'd give that about twenty minutes to kick in." He told River. "Easy fix."  

"Let's hope so." She replied, stroking the back of Amelia's hand.

"River..." He resumed rubbing her shoulders. "You shouldn't worry so much. With any luck, she could be awake by tonight."

She nodded, "I can't help it, I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. Any mother would worry... She made it through the night pretty well, she's going to pull through." He kissed her head. She simply nodded, sighing tiredly. "I don't suppose I could convince you to get some sleep, could I?" He asked.

She shook her head, "No I can't."

He nodded knowing he couldn't push her if he tried. "I wish you would at least eat."

"And I wish you would stop pestering me." She snapped, though she didn't mean to.

"You haven't eaten in nearly twenty four hours. Excuse me if I'm a bit concerned." He defended.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap." She whispered, head down.

He sighed. "I know you didn't... I didn't mean to push you."

"I know." She swallowed, "We're both stressed." He nodded in agreement as Freya shifted and made a small noise before yawning. River looked over at the bed, standing up.  

Freya stretched her arms above her head and blinked slowly, looking over at her parents. "Is Mia awake yet?"

"Not yet, my lovely."

She frowned. "Well... when will she?"

"Maybe tonight," River whispered.

"Why does she hafta be asleep for so long?" Freya pouted.

"Because her body is trying to fix itself after everything that happened and sleeping lets her do that."

"Like you did when you fell out of the tree that one time?"

"Yes, exactly like that." She nodded.

This seemed to assure the girl a bit more. "Did you make breakfast?" Her attention was caught by the food.

"Daddy made breakfast, actually. Go on and have some."

Freya slipped out of bed, hurrying over to the tray and going on her tiptoes to reach for a piece of toast. River sat down on the bed, watching her daughter eat her breakfast quietly.

"Are you going to try and rest?" The Doctor asked softly.

"No, I've already told you that I can't." She didn't look at him, keeping her eyes on Freya. He nodded, going over and helping himself to some of the food. He sat next to River, knowing it was going to be a long day.

-x-

The hours dragged by, Amelia's fever fading, only to flare back up to higher than it had been before. River refused to eat, sleep or even leave her daughter's side, keeping cool towels on her head to cool her down.

Freya had dragged Vastra into the other room to play 'pirate' not very long ago and Jack hadn't been seen since the previous night.

The Doctor checked over Amelia's vitals and placed her on an oxygen mask, but as her fever climbed he shook his head. "River, she's having more trouble breathing. I think we should put her on a ventilator now."

She nodded, hiding her tears from him, "Whatever you have to do." She whispered.

"You don't have to see this part." He murmured getting out the scope and tube.

She shook her head, holding Amelia's hand tightly, "I need to be here for her."

"Alright..." He breathed. "I'm going to intubate now. Would you like me to walk you through what I'm doing?"

"No." She whispered, kissing the back of Amelia's hand, "I know how it works."  

He nodded, opening Amelia's mouth and putting the scope in followed by the tube. River held her breath until she was fully intubated, helping him hook Amelia up to the ventilator.

The Doctor sighed heavily and sunk in into the chair next to him. "There's an infection in her lung from aspirating the river water." He muttered. "She'll have to stay in the ventilator until she can breathe on her own."

"Can we catch her fever?" River asked, already knowing that the answer was most likely yes and she really shouldn't be hovering over her now that she was ill.

"The fever is more from infection than a virus, but yes. We probably can." He nodded.

She closed her eyes, sighing heavily, not moving from her position right next to Amelia, "Of course."

He looked up at her. "Are you feeling sick?"

"No." She glanced at him, "Are you?"

He shook his head, knowing his Timelord immune system would likely keep him from catching anything. "Tell me if you start to feel ill."

"Where has Jack been all day? I thought he said he would be here to help." She changed the subject, reaching for the phone.

"I'm not sure. Are you going to call him?"

She nodded, ringing up Torchwood to try and find out where he was and update them all on the situation. She could have just gotten up and walked  out the TARDIS doors and done it in person, but she didn't want to leave Amelia's side.

It was Ianto again who answered. "Hello? This is Torchwood."

"Ianto, it's River, is Jack around?" She asked, glancing at the Doctor.

"He is... He's fallen asleep in his office, I'm afraid. I don't think he sleep at all last night. Would you like me to wake him?" He asked hesitantly.

"No, that's alright." She replied quickly, "But if you could tell him to come here once he wakes up, that would be wonderful."

"It might be a while, but of course. Is there anything else I can do for you, Professor?"

"No, we're fine. I'll talk to you later." Ianto hung up the phone.

"He's asleep?" The Doctor asked.

River nodded, "Apparently he was up all night."

He raised his eyebrows, "What could he have been doing?"

"Who knows." She sighed, resting her head on his shoulder.

-x-

The past hours had been full of sighs and silent waiting, as was the next many until Jack arrived, looking rather tired.

"What were you doing last night?" River asked immediately, standing up to face him.

"Why is that so important all of a sudden?" Jack was a bit taken back by River's question.

"Why can't you just tell me?" She asked, hands on her hips.

"Because it's none of your concern. At least not yet." He countered.

"In that case, you can go." She crossed her arms.

"What, you called me in here just to interrogate me?" He seemed a bit offended.

"Do you have a problem with that?" She asked, not turning to look at him.

"As a matter a fact, I do. I thought you were going to at least tell me how Amelia's doing before shooing me away. I'm your friend, I deserve to know." He huffed.

"And as your friend I deserve to know why you were up all night. And if you can't share that simple information with me then I'd rather not discuss my daughter's health with you." She glared at him.

"Fine. You want to know so badly? I was working on the damn cure for your condition because I don't want you die! Happy now?" He said rather loudly.

"Keep your voice down! She shouted back at him.

"Who am I going to wake? Amelia? Because last I checked she was out cold."

She stared at him, the last words harsh and stinging, "Get out."

"Fine! I'm clearly not wanted here anyways." He stormed out, slamming the door behind him.

She jumped at the sound of the door, falling into her chair, hands over her face.

The Doctor slowly wrapped his arms around his wife. "Don't listen to him."

She leaned back against him, her voice trembling, "He had no right to say what he did."

"No, he didn't." He agreed, rubbing her arm in attempt to sooth her.

"I'm fine." She murmured, wiping at her eyes.

"Are you sure?" He hesitated to let go. She nodded, sniffling. He finally loosened his grip around her, keeping her hand in his. "Jack's wrong. She'll wake up."

As soon as he let go she began to cry, "W-We should go, g-get out of T-Torchwood."

"Jack's still on the TARDIS." He murmured.

"Well he needs to leave. He's not welcome here anymore." She jumped up, knocking over her chair and stormed out of the room on the hunt to find him.

There was some laughing from down the hall from Freya and Amelia's room. It sounded like Jack had gone to say hello to his other niece. River flew into the room, blazing with anger, "I told you to get out!" She shouted at him.

Freya and Vastra both jumped while Jack rose without even flinching. "Out of the room. Not the TARDIS. Can a man not say hello to his family and friends?"

"I meant out of the TARDIS. Freya is _my_ daughter, not yours. Go! Now!" She screamed the last part at him.

"Why are you yelling at Uncle Jack?" Freya cried, distressed.

"Because he's not allowed to be here anymore." River stared at Jack with eyes like daggers.

"You're banning me from your ship over some stupid fight?" He squared his shoulders.

"GET OUT!" She screamed, shoving him towards the door. He tried to push back but decided against it after a moment, allowing her to push him all the way to the console room and out of the TARDIS doors.

Freya and Vastra followed behind, very confused as to what was going on.

"So is this a permanent thing?" Jack said through the doors. "Or just until your not mad at me anymore?"

"Just stay ou-agh!" River doubled over, clutching onto her stomach.

"Mummy!" Freya and Vastra rushed to her side as Jack banged hard on the door to be let back in.

"Hey, River? Are you okay? Let me in!"

River clutched Vastra's hand, not answering Jack as Freya ran to get the Doctor. "River, can you describe the pain you're feeling? Is it the baby?" Vastra questioned urgently, Jack continuing to bang on the door.

"S-Same as last night, but worse." She whispered, crying out and clutching her hand tighter as another wave of pain hit.

"Just breathe..." Vastra murmured, pushing River's hair out of her face.

Jack finally managed to get back in, not needing to ask what was going on as he laid eyes on the scene. "Bring her into Torchwood. There's no time to get to the TARDIS medbay. She'll bleed out."

"I'm not bleeding." She growled, "I don't want you in here and I'm not going with you."

"You are bleeding." Vastra said, glancing down to where it was starting to stain the floor. "Something inside you has torn." She sighed worriedly. "River I know you hate Jack right now, and I know whatever is between you can't be resolved right now, but if you don't get medical attention in the next minute, yours and your baby's lives will be at risk. You don't exactly have much of a choice. Jack doesn't have to be near you if you don't want him to be."

"No! No!" She pushed her away, moving as best she could to the med bay. She needed the Doctor and she didn't want to be anywhere near Jack or Vastra if she was going to take his side.

The Doctor was hurrying in her direction, nearly running her over in the hall. "River! What's going on? Freya said you were hurt."

"I'm okay, I'm okay. I just need to sit." She whispered, clutching his arm.

He frantically glanced her over. "You're bleeding..."

"No, I'm not." She refused to believe it. "I just have to sit."

"Look down, River. That is blood. Are you in pain?" He started urging her towards the med bay.

"I'm fine." She tried to insist again, "Please, I'll go on bed rest for a week. I'll be fine in a few hours."

"This won't stop unless you take something. Did you forget your vitamins this morning?" He was starting to panic, unsure why River was trying to deny the obvious. Missing a dose of her meds would definitely throw her body off in this way, but so would the lack of food, sleep, and the stress.

"I...I don't remember. Maybe..." Her grip tightened from the pain, "I usually take it when I eat, but I didn't eat this morning."

"Your blood could not be clotting properly. Come one, River. Med bay. Now."

She was shaking, "Stop it. I'm okay."

"You're not okay. Stop saying you are when you're clearly not. Just let me help you!"

She cried out quietly in pain, "Our baby...it's too soon for him to come." She whispered, "Don't let him come yet."

"I won't. I won't let him come yet, but you've got to let me help.'' He said gently, knowing now that she was afraid. She nodded, finally giving in and going with him.


	112. Made for You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm just not hungry." She insisted, sitting back in her chair. Vastra was about to protest, but the Doctor gave her a look that told her not to push it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spent a weekend trying to get my hair to be the right color for River cosplay. Finally succeeded. Enjoy the chapter and comment!

CH 112

 

They went as quickly as River's body would allow towards the medbay.

 

"Lie down." The Doctor instructed.

 

River lay down as she was told, not noticing Jack lurking by the door.

 

"Here." The Doctor handed her an assortment of the pills she should have taken that morning as well as some things to stop the pain and bleeding more quickly. River took the medication, rubbing her belly gently, trying to calm Arthur since some of her distress and panic had accidentally been transferred to him. "If that doesn't work in ten minutes, tell me and we'll try a shot." He sat, taking her hand.

 

"Okay." She whispered, squeezing his hand and tugging him closer. "Is Arthur alright?"

 

"I can check if you'd like, but seeing as these weren't contractions, I'd say so." He nodded, bringing her hand up to his face and kissing her palm.

 

"Can you come lay up here with me?" She asked quietly. He nodded, eyes catching in the doorway as he moved onto the cot. River looked up at him, then at the doorway to see what he was looking at.

 

Jack was standing there. He met their gazes, but didn't say anything to them, simply looked as if waiting for River to yell at him again.

 

"Please, make him leave." She whispered, turning her back to him.

 

The Doctor nodded, slipping from the bed and going over to Jack. He explained briefly that River would be okay before asking him to leave.

 

"Seriously?" Jack looked a bit shocked, "You want me to go?"

 

"River doesn't feel comfortable with you here, so yes. I want you out of the TARDIS."

 

"I don't understand why she's suddenly so uncomfortable with me." He huffed.

 

The Doctor sighed, avoiding his gaze. "It's what you said about Amelia. We really don't know when she'll wake up... if she'll wake up, and if she does what state her brain will be in. We had to intubate her today... It's hard enough as is and what you said just pushed her over the edge."

 

Jack’s face fell, "Oh, Doc...I didn't know that. I was angry, I didn't mean… I'll go." He sighed, turning and heading out.

 

The Doctor closed the door quietly, going and settling back next to his wife. "Thank you." She whispered, curling up against him, yawning, the medication making her sleepy.

 

"Not that you'll accept it, but he did try to apologize." He murmured, wrapping his arms around her.

 

"I don't want to talk about him." She said quickly, "And I don't care if he tried to apologize, what he said was awful."

 

"I know." He moved his hand to her belly. "Arthur's kicking." He said, mostly to distract her and change the subject.

 

She smiled weakly, as he was successful in distracting her. "Yes, I noticed."

 

"I bet he's saying 'hang in there, mummy. It'll  be alright.'"  He made his voice higher pitched.

 

She managed a small laugh, "What are you doing?"

 

"I'm telling you what Arthur is saying. Do you think his voice doesn't sound like that?"

 

She giggled, "Maybe you should do it again, I think I need to hear it again."

 

"Well what would he say? He'd say," His voice went higher again.  "'I love my mummy and daddy and I can't wait to meet them face to face.'"

 

She smiled, rubbing her belly affectionately, "Is that what you would say my love? Or is Daddy just being silly?"

 

Arthur sent a feeling similar to laughing.

 

"He's laughing." She giggled, leaning in to kiss him.

 

"Can he do that? Well I guess he can think it." The Doctor reasoned.

 

She nodded, nuzzling his cheek, "He loves you so much."

 

"Well I love him, too. Both of you." He hummed.

 

"How much?" She whispered, "How much do you love me."

 

"More than the universe. More than I could put into words." He kissed her softly. "Tyvakri ophekasae 'Ietophesiiaen." He said in Gallifreyan.

 

"The sun to my Earth." She breathed, "Extremely cheesy, but true."

 

"Extremely romantic coming from you." He grinned. She giggled, cuddling into him further. He kissed her forehead. "Are you feeling better?"

 

"Yes, the pain is duller." She murmured, really not wanting a shot.

 

"That's good. I think you should stay on bed rest for a few days."

 

She nodded, understanding, "Of course."

 

"I'm sorry. I know it's a pain, but it's just a precaution." He felt a bit guilty anyways.

 

"I'd rather be safe than sorry." She whispered, kissing his cheek.

 

"Me too." He sighed. "Are you hungry yet?"

 

She shook her head, "No, not at all."

 

He frowned, but decided it was still best not to push her. "And not tired either?"

 

"Maybe a little." She whispered, nuzzling against him.

 

"Maybe you should sleep." He pulled the blanket up over them.

 

"Maybe..." She breathed, her eyes fluttering closed. He kissed her softly and started humming. Within minutes, she was fast asleep, catching up on some much needed rest.

 

The Doctor stayed with her for an hour before carefully slipping out of bed to check on Freya and Vastra.

 

"Where's Mumma?" Freya asked immediately, scrambling off of Vastra's lap and abandoning the book they had been reading.

 

"She's in the medbay, sweetheart.” He scooped her up. "She's sleeping right now."

 

"Is she okay? And is my little brother okay?" She asked, still looking worried.

 

"Yes, she's okay. They're both okay, don't worry." He kissed the side of her head. "Everyone's fine."

 

She relaxed, happy at the news. "Can we make mac and cheese together?" She hugged him tightly.

 

"Well... alright. Would you like Auntie Vastra to help, too?"

 

She nodded, "And can we make it extra cheesy?"

 

"Of course. Come on then." He gestured for Vastra to follow them to the kitchen.

 

Vastra trailed along behind them, Freya wiggling out of his arms once they got to the kitchen. She hurried over to one of the drawers, pulling out aprons for the three of them, giving the Doctor a purple, frilly one.

 

"Thank you, dearie. Why don't you pick out which cheeses you want?" He tied the apron around his waist. "And Vastra, will you grab the pasta?"

 

She ran to the fridge and pulled out the cheddar cheese, "Is this enough, Daddy?"

 

"Mm, maybe a bit more for extra cheesiness." He said, setting a pot full of water on the stove. She placed the cheese on the counter, running to get more. "Now, we have to wait for the water to boil before we can put the pasta in and then ten minutes after that, we can put in the cheese." He told Freya.

 

"What do we do while we're waiting?" She looked up at him, not realizing before that it would take a while.

 

"Anything you want to. We could draw or play cards..." He suggested.

 

"Can you tell me a story? About you and Mummy?"

 

"Well there are a lot of stories about Mummy and I. What kind of story would you like?" He scooped her up on his lap.

 

"One about an adventure when you saved a planet!" She smiled.

 

"Hmm," He thought for a moment. There was certainly a long list of planets they've saved. "Oh I know! Alfalva Metraxis, have I told you about that one?"

 

The girl shook her head, "I want to hear about it!"

 

"Well it was your mother who called me there." He began. "I was in the middle of fixing the TARDIS when I got the call."

 

"Were you married then?" She interrupted.

 

"Not at that point, no. But we were together as a couple."

 

"So… you loved her?" She asked.

 

"Yes. I did. And I still love her." He added. "Now, I went to Alfalva Metraxis very fast because your mother's message seemed urgent." He continued. Freya listened with wide eyes, completely entranced with the story.

 

He paused in the middle of it, to put the pasta in the pot and again later to drain the water. "Would you like to help add the cheese?" She nodded, pulling over a stool and hopping up to help him. "Now mix it in like that." He grinned, making sure she wouldn't spill anything. Freya mixed the best she could, thrilled at how cheesy it was looking. "Do you think we should wake Mummy and ask if she wants some?" She nodded, wanting to see her mother. He turned the stove off and scooped her up, heading to the medbay.

 

River was fast asleep, curled up with her arms wrapped around her stomach. He set Freya down who went over to the bed side of the bed and tapped on River' arm. "Mumma! Wake up!"

 

"Hmm? What is it lovie?" She mumbled, yawning and rubbing her eyes, rolling over to face her.

 

"We made macaroni! Do you want some?" She chirped.

 

"I'm not hungry, my love, but I'll come sit with you."

 

"Can we eat in here? That way you don't have to get up." Freya asked.

 

"No, no there are too many germs in here. I can get up."

 

“I helped make it and everything!" She said proudly.

 

"Really? Did you? That's wonderful!" River smiled, getting out of bed.

 

"Come on!" Freya pulled on River's hand, the Doctor wrapping his arm around his wife's waist.

 

"I hope you don't mind that I'm up." River murmured, letting Freya tug her along.

 

He shrugged. "If you take it slow and go back to bed after, a trip to the kitchen won't hurt you." She smiled nodded.

 

"Daddy can you get a bowl for Mummy too?"

 

"I will, but I don't think she's very hungry." Freya pouted, really wanting her mother to try the mac and cheese that she helped make.

 

They arrived in the kitchen, Vastra having already put out bowls, including one for River.

 

"Oh, I'm really not hungry." River sat with the rest of her family.

 

"Please mummy? I helped make it, you gotta try a bit!" Freya insisted.

 

She smiled weakly, "Oh, alright. For you." She ate a small spoonful, humming, "Very good, my love." The girl beamed from ear to ear, picking up her own spoon. The Doctor smiled at the fact that River was finally eating, even if it wasn't much. She took a few more bites before setting her spoon down, claiming she was full.

 

Vastra raised an eyebrow. "You've hardly eaten anything."

 

"I'm just not hungry." She insisted, sitting back in her chair. Vastra was about to protest, but the Doctor gave her a look that told her not to push it.

 

River waited until they were all finished before she went back to bed, one hand on her back. The Doctor followed, after explaining to Freya that mummy had to rest and couldn't play.

 

"You didn't have to follow me back." She murmured as she lay back down on the bed.

 

"I just wanted to make sure you were all set here... Your back okay?" He fidgeted with his hands.

 

"Not really, I'm having a lot of back pain, but I'll be fine. I just need to rest." She smiled weakly up at him.

 

"Let me rub your back for you." He sat on the edge of the bed. ‘

 

She shook her head, "No, that's alright." She whispered, entwining her hand with his. "You don't have to do that."

 

"No I don't, but I want to." He leaned down, brushing the stray curls from her face and kissed her forehead.

 

"I just want to rest, darling." She murmured, smiling weakly up at him.

 

"Then I'll stay for a bit." He returned the smile.

 

"How was Freya while you two were cooking?" She asked quietly.

 

"She seemed pretty happy... I told her about Alfalva Metraxis."

 

"I hope you left out the middle bit, when we stopped for a quick...break." She teased.

 

"Do you think I would be so clumsy as to tell _that_ to our four year old daughter? Well almost five years old actually." He added.

 

"Yes, actually I do." She giggled, kissing the back of his hand.

 

"Well then you under estimate me, River." He chuckled. "And I didn't tell her, for the record."  

 

"I assumed that you didn't since you didn't turn bright red." She smiled.

 

"Oi! I wouldn't have turned bright red. Or any sort of red." He declared.

 

She raised an eyebrow, "Oh, is that so?"

 

"Yes." He paused. "Probably... maybe... it is possible that would have gone slightly pink."

 

She stood up suddenly, running to the bathroom and being sick into the toilet.

 

"River?" He said, concerned at the rather unpleasant sounds her heard from the bathroom. He went to the doorway and peered in. "That's not supposed to be a side effect, are you sick?"

 

"I don't know." She breathed, leaning over the bowl still, "I don't think I have a fever."

 

He went in and crouched next to her. "Let me feel your forehead.' She leaned her head close to him, though her cheeks weren't flushed like they usually would be if she had a fever. "You feel fine... could it be something in the macaroni?" He guessed.

 

"No, because you're not ill, and I would think Vastra would bring Freya in if she got sick." She murmured.

 

"It doesn't make sense... How do you feel right now? Nausea? Pain? Fatigue?" He listed.

 

"No pain, not really nauseous, and I'm tired, but that's because I haven't slept for more than two hours in the past day and a half." She frowned, "Do you think it has to do with me not being hungry earlier?"  

 

"Well not eating for nearly two days generally would cause one to be nauseous and vomit, but you said you weren't." He tried to go through things that might cause River to be sick. It was too late in her pregnancy for it to count as morning sickness. That left emotional stress, lack of sleep, or a side effect of one of her medicines. "I think it’s best if you lie down."

 

"I have been laying down, but obviously that didn't do anything." She murmured, going back to bed.

 

"You said it yourself that you haven't slept for more than two hours in the past day and a half. Resting isn't going to do any harm and you're still on bed rest, remember?" He resumed his place on the edge of the bed. "Maybe it a physiological thing?"

 

"Or Maybe Arthur just doesn't like cheese." She lay back down, smoothing a hand over her belly.

 

He smiled softly. "I doubt Arthur's opinion on food affects your digestive system this much. Do you want some saltines?"

 

"No, I'm not hungry." She took hold of his hand again, curling up in her pillows and blankets once more.

 

He sighed, deciding he would try harder to make her eat later. "Sleep then."

 

She nodded, "Then you go be with Freya. Vastra could probably use a break and I'm sure Freya would like some time with her Father."

 

He hesitated to leave her. "Fine, but if you vomit again, tell me." He squeezed her hand.

  
"I will, I promise." She closed her eyes, falling asleep not long after he left the room. 


	113. Fear is a Black Painted Window

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She sniffled, turning her back to him, taking another pair of heels and smashing them against the wall. It took most of the Doctor's willpower not to turn around and go back to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so angst? Yeah. Angst. Have fun with that. Also happy Halloween! Enjoy and comment!

CH 113

 

The Doctor headed back to the kitchen and upon finding it empty, went to search for Freya, eventually finding her and Vastra in the twins' room. She was pretending to fix Vastra's "broken ankle," not noticing her father enter the room. The Doctor grinned, quietly going up next to her. "Taking after your granddad, are you now?"

 

The girl nodded, finishing the bandage on her Aunt's ankle, "You never finished your story."

 

"I didn't? Well where was I?" He sat down next to Vastra.

 

"In the middle. You said that you were hiding from the Daleks and you couldn't find Mummy."

 

"Ah, yes. So I had hidden around the corner and I could hear the Daleks going passed looking for us." He tried to do his best 'Dalek voice', " _'Locate the Doctor and his associate. Exterminate them!_ ' So I followed them, thinking they might be able to lead me to your mother."

 

"Did you find her? Did they see you following them?" She asked, listening with huge eyes.

 

"I wasn't seen, but I didn't find your mummy yet." He continued on to when he finally found River hiding in the Dalek base. Somewhere along they way, he grabbed the toy Dalek Freya had to help show what happened and how they managed to blow up the ship.

 

She looked amazed the entire time, as she usually was with his stories. "You and Mummy are superheroes!" She exclaimed once he was finished telling the story.

 

He beamed and scooped her up, spinning her around. "You can be a super hero too."

 

She giggled, "Can you teach me how?"

 

"How to be a superhero? Well... it's all about helping people and putting yourself before others. You've got to be brave." He hummed. "And forgiving. Never run when you're scared and remember to hold on tight and pretend what you're doing is part of the plan."

 

"I think I can try that." She smiled.

 

"That's my girl." He grinned.

 

She hugged him tightly, then pulled him to play hospital with her for the rest of the day. Several stuffed animals became well bandaged along with the Doctor and Vastra, who were also given very thorough check-ups. Vastra retired to her room eventually and Samantha and Mr. Tomas settled on Freya's bed as the Doctor read her a bedtime story. He tucked her in and kissed her cheek. "Good night, lovie."

 

She yawned, snuggling with her blankie, "Goodnight, love you." She closed her eyes, then thought of something, half opening them once more, "Can you give Mummy a kiss goodnight from me?"

 

"Of course I can." He smiled and went back to the medbay to check on River and Amelia. River was in the bathroom, vomiting once more when he returned. He rush to her when he heard the sounds. "River? ...Oh dear, again?"

 

"I'm fine." She breathed, once she was able to, leaning back against the sink.

 

"Obviously you're not, you wouldn't be sick if you were." He filled a cup with water and offered it to her. "Still no other symptoms?"

 

She shook her head, drinking from the glass, "I'd really like to take a shower."

 

"I don't think you should be on your feet..." He hesitated.

 

"I feel disgusting, I'd really appreciate a five minute shower."

 

"Alright. I guess five minutes isn't going to kill you." He rubbed the back of his neck, realizing that he might’ve been being a bit over protective.

 

"I'll be done before you know it." She stood up, starting to pull off her clothes, "Could you get me a fresh night dress?" She asked softly.

 

"'Course. Do you care which one?" He asked, stealing a glance or two at her skin as it was exposed.

 

"Not really, though I'd like a warm one." She answered, turning the shower on and tying back her hair.

 

He slipped into their bedroom, picked out one of the winter nighties River possessed, and returned to the bathroom. "I'm putting it on the side of the sink." He told her.

 

"Alright, I'll be out in a minute." She called, "Unless you want to come in."

 

"I could if you want me to." He looked toward her, the frosted glass of the shower door blurring his view.

 

She opened the glass a bit, peaking her head out, "Of course I want you to." She purred. He grinned and started to unbutton his shirt. It took his a minute to get all of his clothes off, but he joined her as soon as he did.

 

She had her back to him when he came in, warm water running down her back. He wrapped his arms slowly around her. "Freya wanted me to give you a kiss goodnight." He murmured.

 

"Did she specify where or do I get to choose?" She smiled, leaning her head back against his shoulder.

 

"Well I think she meant here." He leaned his head down and kissed her cheek. "But you can choose where the kisses from me go."

 

"Surprise me." She hummed, closing her eyes. He chose her neck, pressing a gentle kiss to her pulse point. She hummed lowly, "Good choice." She murmured, her eyes flickering open to look at him.

 

"Was that a test?" He teased.

 

"Well I wouldn't say a test." She smiled, "But if it had been, you would have gotten a gold star."

 

"I suppose you could call me an expert on most things 'River Song'." He said playfully. "Let's see if I can get another star." He settled one of his hands of her hip and held her close with the other while kissing her neck more passionately.

 

She giggled and hummed, "Mmm, too bad there isn't anything better than a gold star." "That sounds like a challenge." He squeezed her hip.

 

She sucked in a breath, "Maybe..."

 

"You know we can't, River." He had explained when they found out about River's condition that sex was off limits as female orgasms caused uterine contractions and he didn't want to risk anything happening.

 

She sighed, shaking him off of her. "Right..."

 

"That doesn't mean we can't do what we were doing." He added, as he was rather enjoying the cuddle.

 

"I'm not in the mood anymore." She breathed, wiggling past him to get out of the shower.

 

"...Oh. " He turned off the water and grabbed a towel for himself. She dried herself off and pulled on her night dress, quickly leaving the room.

 

He took his time putting on the clothes the TARDIS had provided before following. "River? Is everything alright?"

 

"I'm fine." She called as she ran out of the med bay, heading for their room.

 

"Where... Where are you going?" He was tempted to follow her, but wasn't sure if she wanted to be.

 

She didn't answer him as she went into their closet, grabbing her Louboutins and smashing the heel of each one against the dresser until they broke. As soon as she was finished with them, she threw them across the room, proceeding to tear apart beautiful silk and lace nightgowns, breaking handcuffs and anything else she could find.

 

The Doctor paused when he didn't get an answer, thinking that she did need the space after all. After almost a half hour, he went after her. She needed to be on bed rest right now. He paused again, however, as soon as he reached their bedroom, staring at the mess of torn clothes. He picked up one of the broken high heels. "River...?"

 

"Just go away." She whispered, sitting in the back of her closet, surrounded by smashed beads and broken strings of pearls.

 

"Please just tell me what's going on." His kept his voice steady as he spotted her.

 

"I don't want to talk." She kept her eyes fixed on the floor.

 

"You don't have to talk. I'm not going to try to make you talk." He sat down across from her. "I might make you listen, though."

 

"Listen to what? Another lecture on how I need rest?" She sniffed.

 

"Not that rest is a bad thing... but I was just going to tell you that I think you're beautiful with or without all of this." He gestured to the broken necklaces. "I'm not sure what all of this is about, or why you've done it, but I think it might help if I let you know you how much I love you."

 

She squeezed her eyes shut, hitting her head against the wall, "Please, go."

 

He sighed, reluctantly standing. "If you need me, I'm just down the hall." She sniffled, turning her back to him, taking another pair of heels and smashing them against the wall. It took most of the Doctor's willpower not to turn around and go back to her. He wanted to hug her or at least be able to say something to make her feel better. He went back to the medbay and sat with Amelia, unsure if River would bother with coming back to sleep in there.

 

River finally returned to the med bay a few hours later, not going to their bed, but to a cot in a far corner of the room. The Doctor had fallen asleep, his head resting on Amelia's cot much like River the night before. He didn't stir when River came in.

 

After an hour of not being able to sleep, River got up again pacing around the room. She eventually ended up next to her husband, kissing his head lightly, "I'm so, so sorry. For everything that's happening." She whispered with a sigh, then headed back to the cot to try and sleep again.

 

 

* * *

 

 

It was early morning, early enough that it could have still been called night, when the Doctor called out for his wife. "River!" He wasn't asleep, but standing over Amelia.

 

She immediately woke at the tone of his call, scrambling out of bed, "What? What is it?"

 

"I think she's waking up!" He wasn't bothering with with whispering. She ran over to him, taking Amelia's free hand in hers. Amelia was moving around, rather struggling against the tube in her throat, her eye squeezed shut lightly.

 

"Amelia, sweetheart, you've got to relax so mummy and I can help you. There's a tube in your throat to help you breathe. We can take it out now, but you have to stay still and relax a bit.”

 

River squeezed her hand, "It's alright, Amelia." She whispered in her ear, stroking her hair lightly to let her know that everything was alright, "Daddy's right here, I'm right here. Everything's okay, just relax, my love."

 

Amelia stopped thrashing, her eyes peeking open slightly. She looked alarmed and frightened.

 

"I'm going to pull the tube out now. I need you to take a deep breath in and when I say so, blow out as hard as you can. Alright?" The Doctor instructed.

 

Amelia nodded as River smiled down at her, "Good girl, it's okay."

 

"Ready? 1... 2... 3..." He unhooked her from the ventilator, the machine making a hissing noise as the air was let out. "Blow!" Amelia blew out and the Doctor pulled out the tube. The girl immediately sat up and coughed and sputtered, not at all liking the feeling of having something in her lungs in the first place.

 

River rubbed her back, "Don't try to talk right away, sweetheart." She murmured.

 

Amelia leaned back on her pillows once her coughing fit had run it's course, feeling quite miserable. She opened her eyes fully, glancing around everything and tired to talk anyway. "Wh..." She stopped when nothing more that a scratchy croak came out.

 

"It's alright, just wait a few minutes." River kissed her forehead, still burning with fever. "You fell, while you were skating with Auntie Vastra." She whispered, "But everything's okay now."

 

She nodded, remembering that part. "Auntie, Freya...?" She whispered, tugging on River's arm.

 

"They're fine, they're both sleeping right now." She assured her, smiling to offer some sort of comfort.

 

"...Don't feel good." She complained.

 

"I know, you have the flu, darling." River pulled her into her lap, beyond relieved that she was finally awake, "Can we give her something?" She asked, looking up at the Doctor.

 

"I can give her some CaCO3 and acetaminophen tablets. That might help calm her stomach and reduce the fever." He suggested.

 

She nodded, "Right, that sounds good." She held Amelia close, "Are you hungry?"

 

"Mm-hmm." Amelia nodded as the Doctor searched around for the pills.

 

"First, take your medicine and then I'll get you something to eat." River smiled weakly, still rubbing daughter’s back. The Doctor handed Amelia the pills and she took them without complaint, downing the water after.

 

"Why is it night time now? It wasn't night when we were ice skating."

 

"Well...you were under the water for a long time, and your body needed to rest and heal itself so you were asleep for a few days.”

 

"Days? I've never slept for that long before."

 

"I know, but your body made you so you could get better."

 

"Like yours did?" Amelia asked.

 

"Yes, like mine did." River nodded.

 

"Now I know why you were so tired." She yawned.

 

River laughed softly, "I'm sure you do. Do you want to go back to bed?"

 

"I want food first." She insisted.

 

"Alright, I'll go make you some toast, I'll be right back." She stood up.

 

"No, mummy. Daddy can make it. I want you to stay." River looked over at the Doctor, hoping he wouldn't mind.

 

"It's not a bother." He kissed both of their cheeks before leaving to the kitchen. She sat back down on the bed, watching him leave.

 

"Is Freya sleeping?" Amelia asked quietly.

 

"Yes, she is. It's very early in the morning." She nodded.

 

"You and Daddy aren't sleeping." She pointed out.

 

"I know, we've been waiting for you to wake up." River whispered.

 

"You didn't cry did you? Daddy cried when you were sleeping." She looked uneasy.

 

River hesitated, "We were very worried about you, my love."

 

"Sorry. I didn't mean to sleep for so long." She whispered.

 

"I know, don't apologize." She kissed her head again, "We're happy you're awake now."

 

"I don't want to go ice skating again." Amelia murmured.

 

"Don't worry, you don't have to." River held her tightly, Arthur starting to kick against Amelia's weight.

 

Amelia look surprised. "Did my baby brother miss me too?"

 

"Yes! Of course he did." She smiled, her words followed by several kicks in a row.

 

Amelia placed her hands on the spot where Arthur was kicking and smiled as wide as she could given her exhausted state. "When do we get to meet him?"

 

"Three more months." River smiled, Arthur kicking beneath Amelia's hands, really just showing off for her now.

 

"That's a long time. Can you ask him to come sooner?" The Doctor returned with the toast in hand.

 

"I'm sorry, I can't. He's not ready to come out yet, and so he has to stay in here so he can get healthy and strong so nothing will happen to him." She explained.

 

"Oh. Well... I guess I can wait if it means he'll be okay." Amelia didn't want a repeat of what happened last time.

 

"Me too. Now, say thank you to your father." River moved aside so Amelia could eat.

 

"Thank you Daddy." She smiled and started nibbling on the toast.

 

"Once you finish, you need to go back to bed, you need rest." She went to stand next to the Doctor. Amelia nodded.

 

"How are you feeling?" The Doctor murmured.

 

"Fine." River breathed, her eyes staying fixed on Amelia.

 

He nodded slowly thinking at the moment that she probably didn't want to talk about what had happened. "It looks like her speech and memory weren't affected. Her motor coordination is going to take some time to fully rehabilitate." He observed. Amelia seemed to have to try very hard to get her hands to lift the toast to her mouth.  

 

River squeezed her eyes shut, pinching the bridge of her nose. "I see." She whispered, pressing her lips tightly together.

 

He put his arm around her. "Hey, she'll be okay. She's eating already, that's a good sign." She nodded, turning her head into him, not wanting Amelia to see her getting upset. "She's okay. She'll be okay." He repeated, stroking her back in a soothing manner. She nodded, holding tightly onto him.

 

They stayed like that until Amelia called them back over, saying she was done with her toast. River took the plate away, kissing the top of her head. "Alright, let's get you tucked in again."

 

Amelia pulled her Adipoise close to her. "Will you sing to me?" River nodded, tucking the blankets around her and then sitting down on the edge of a bed, starting a lullaby. The girl smiled, settling into the pillows and soon falling asleep.

 

River stayed on her bed for several minutes, wanting to make sure she was resting peacefully, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

 

"We ought to be getting some sleep, too." The Doctor murmured. River nodded finally getting up and slowly drifting to the cot she had been resting on. "...Are you going to sleep over there?" His tone deflated a bit as he'd been hoping to share a bed.

 

"Yes, that's what I was planning on." She sighed, crawling onto the bed and curling under the sheets.

 

"Can I join you?" He asked shyly.

 

"Why don't you just sleep in the cot we've been sleeping in." She breathed.

 

"Because you're not in it and I'd rather be next to you." He admitted. "I mean, unless you don't want me to." He added.

 

"I don't..." She hesitated, "I don't want to sleep in the same bed tonight." She whispered, not wanting to be too harsh with him, "I need some space tonight."

  
"Oh... um, alright." He stood there awkwardly for a moment. "I'll just," he gestured behind him to the other cot. "sleep in that one, then." She nodded, staying silent. She closed her eyes, trying to relax alone in the bed. The Doctor laid down in his cot, resorting to staring at the ceiling rather than sleeping.


	114. To Bear the Weight of the Universe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I don't want to hurt you." She whispered, she also was afraid that he would hurt her, but she didn't say that part aloud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you ask, no I'm not done with the angst. ALL THE ANGST. Also I'll probably not be updating on Saturday because I'm going to RI Comic Con. I'll mention that next post, but just in case I'm late, there's my reason. Enjoy and comment!

CH 114

 

The Doctor wasn't sure how long he lie there, but he certainly knew that he wasn't going to get back to sleep. He quietly stood, thinking River was asleep and decided to go to the console room to fiddle with wires. River sat up when she heard him get up, confused as to where he was going. She’d not been asleep at all. He didn't notice her as he went to the console room, sonic in hand.

 

She watched him go, her eyes saddening as she lay back down. The TARDIS hummed, half soothingly and half encouraging her to go after him. "If he wanted to talk he would have stayed." River muttered, curling up with the pillow. The next hum sounded like disagreement followed by the same encouragement to move. She sighed, getting up and heading towards the console room.

 

It was mostly silent save for the few zaps and electrical buzzes from beneath the console along with a certain Timelord muttering something to himself. River arrived and stood a few feet behind him, not saying anything, thinking maybe she should just leave.

 

After a few minutes, he turned and saw her, a bit startled to see her out of bed. "River."

 

"I thought I'd come check on you." She whispered, staying back, not moving closer.

 

"I didn't realize you'd seen me go. I was just... fiddling." He said, not knowing a better word for it.

 

"Oh...I didn't realize. I'm sorry if I bothered you." She turned, feeling like she was bothering him.

 

"No." He said quickly. "No, you're not bothering me. You can, um, stay. If you want to."

 

"I'm pretty tired." She whispered, starting to walk back to bed.

 

"Wait." He discarded his work-goggles on the floor and reached for her hand.

 

She turned around to face him when he caught her hand, "What is it?"

 

He wasn't sure how to say that he wanted her to stay, but just went out and said it. "...Could you, stay a bit?"

 

She hesitated, "I suppose I could." She murmured, sitting down on the steps.

 

He sat next to her, still holding her hand. "You were awake, Could you not sleep?"

 

She nodded slowly, "I couldn't manage to fall back to sleep."

 

"Something on your mind?" He asked.

 

"No." She lied, her grip on his hand weak, as if unsure, "I'm fine."

 

He didn't believe her. "You know you can talk to me about anything." He didn't believe her. She didn't respond, looking down at their hands.  "You don't have to." He added and sighed. "...but it would be nice to know what's wrong.”

 

"I've already told you." She breathed, looking away again.

 

"You said you were fine, but I know you're not fine. I know you haven't been fine for a while now."

 

"No, I mean we've already talked about what's making me upset. How every time I'm happy or enjoying something, something, or someone reminds me of what's going to happen in a few months." She pulled her hand away from his, "I know you've forgotten that you said you would try to distract me, but you can't. Nothing can distract me from this."  

 

He briefly wondered if that's why she tore up all of the clothes and jewelry. "I haven't forgotten. But I agree that nothing can distract you. It doesn't take an expert to see that it's eating you alive. You've got to stop trying to get by on your own."

 

"Why? So I can make the rest of my family miserable along with me? There are so many things we're already never going to be able to do again..." She was specifically thinking about intimacy. That reminder in the shower had been what set her off. He probably hadn't noticed all the things she had destroyed were things that reminded her of those moments. Things she had worn before, after and during their intimate moments.

 

"Because it's painful enough that we don't have much time left together. I don't want that time shortened by you shutting me out. I want every moment with you, good or bad." He missed her hint about the intimacy.

 

She shook her head, "That's not what you want. It's constant. Every minute of every day, like a clock ticking in my head, reminding me how long I have left to live. You don't want that, it'll just make you miserable. I don't care how much you beg, I'm not sharing this with you." She stood up, upset that he had missed her hint.  

 

"Fine then, don't share, but please. Please River, let me in, let me be there for you. Let me hug you at times when it's too much to bear, let me try to make you smile when you think you'll never smile again." He didn't want her to go. "Just let me be there for you."

 

She swallowed, "I don't think you can do that." She whispered.

 

"You could at least let me try." He begged. "Why not?"

 

"Because according to you, there are things we're already not going to get to do." She whispered.

 

He paused, finally realizing what she was talking about out. "...That's no reason to shut me out."

 

"Maybe not to you." She muttered, shoulders slumping.

 

He looked at her confused. "Enlighten me then."

 

"I don't want to talk about this." She breathed, turning once more to leave, her whole body heavy with her mood.

 

"You never want to talk about it." He muttered. "Do you think I don't want to have sex with you?" He pushed.

 

She tensed, hating it when he pushed her, but is words also stung, "What's that supposed to mean, I never want to talk about it. I'm sorry if that fact that I'm dying isn't a good enough reason for you."

 

"That's not what I meant." He didn't want to fight, but it seemed a bit late to go back now. "When you're upset you close yourself off from other people, from me, and I know that you need space and I know that there are things that I can never make better but it's been days. You've barely eaten or slept and I've been worried sick about you and I've been trying to give you the space you need but it's creating a threch between us.”

 

"Well maybe that's the way things are going to have to be from now on." She whispered, her heart breaking as she said the words, looking away from him.

 

"They don't have to be that way." He swallowed. "Please, I don't want things to be that way. I just want... I want you."

 

"No, you don't and you don't have to. It'll make my going less painful." She swallowed the lump in her throat.

 

"What do you mean 'have to'? I don't have to want you? I'm not doing it out of pity or obligation. River, I love you. I love _you_. I want you here, I need you here while you still are. That's not ever going to change, no matter how far you push me away."

 

She shook her head, "I love you too." She whispered.

 

"Then stop pushing me away." He said softly. He took a step towards her, wondering if it was safe to hug her. She took a step back when he did so, looking as if she might run from the room. "Doing this is not going to make your passing any less painful." He was starting to think that she was afraid of letting him close for this reason. "It's not going to make me love you less, either."

 

She looked up as he spoke, her eyes meeting his for a brief moment. "I don't want to hurt you." She whispered, she also was afraid that he would hurt her, but she didn't say that part aloud.

 

"Shutting me out will only make it hurt more than it does."  He said quietly.

 

"I'm sorry..." She whispered, sadness shining in her eyes, "I did mean to..."

 

"I know. I know you didn't. And I want you to know that I'll never intentionally hurt you either." He breathed, attempting another step. She didn't step away this time, but she did tense up a bit. He stopped again, not wanting to hug her if it made her uncomfortable. "Do you think I am? Going to hurt you, I mean."

 

"I..." She stopped, swallowed, afraid that she would hurt him if she said yes.

 

"...Oh." He looked at her then down at his hands, at his wedding ring. "Look." He took it off and held is up for her to see. "This was a promise, _is_ a promise. A promise to you that I will always love you the best that I can and that I will never try to hurt you. That is not a promise I ever plan on breaking." He slipped the ring back onto his finger, hoping that his words would get through to her.

 

She swallowed, "I know. I know that."

 

"Than why do you think I will?"

 

"Can we stop talking about this now?" She whispered, looking down.

 

"If you really want to." He sighed. He had pushed her enough for one night. "Can I... Join you back to bed?"

 

She hesitated, "If you really want to." He nodded, wanting to share a bed again. He wanted to hold her.

 

She slowly walked back to the med bay, curling up on the far end of the bed.

 

"Can I lie with you?" He wouldn't force it on her if she still didn't want to.

 

"If you want to." She murmured, not wanting to upset him by saying no.

 

"I'm asking what you want, River. Just say so if you don't want me to." Tiber jumped onto the bed, kneading the blankets next to River's head.

 

"I said that you could if you wanted to." She breathed, pulling the cat down to snuggle onto her chest. The Doctor quietly lay down next to her. He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again. She waited for him to speak, holding Tiber closer when he didn't, "...Goodnight..."

 

The was another pause. "I love you."

 

"I love you too." She whispered almost inaudibly. He shifted a tad bit closer to her, letting his eyes droop. Her eyes closed as well and she began to fall into a tense, rigid sleep.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The Doctor wasn't there in the morning, the smell of food cooking coming from down the hall. Tiber had moved to sit right on top of River, Samantha now at her side. River slowly got up from where she was laying, moving Tiber aside and wandering down the hall.

She headed down the hall and stopped in the doorway of the kitchen, "It would be nice to wake up next to you for once." She whispered leaning against the doorframe.

 

He looked up from the stove. "Sorry. I just wanted to make everyone breakfast." He gestured to the plate of pancakes already on the counter. "You can have those if you'd like."

 

"I'm not hungry." She whispered, "You make breakfast for everyone every morning, can't you just stay with me for once?" She turned to leave the room again.

 

"Wait." He wasn't quite sure why she was leaving when she was just talking about wanting him to stay. "Er... I'm sorry. I'll make sure we have a morning cuddle before I make breakfast tomorrow. You can stay.... if you want. I'd like you to…”

 

"But tomorrow isn't today." She breathed, obviously still in a bad mood from the night before. She hovered around the doorway, not coming in and sitting down, but staying.

 

"Well I could, um, come back to bed." He suggested carefully. After their skirmish last night, he knew he was skating on thin ice and he wanted to be careful not to give her any more reason to push him away.

 

"No, we're both already up. What would be the point in going back to bed now?" She sighed, leaning her head against the door frame, closing her eyes, "Just finish what you started."

 

"...Alright. Can I get you anything? Tea maybe?" He put some more of the pancake batter into the pan.

 

"No, I'm fine." She murmured, keeping her answers short.

 

"Have you taken your vitamins yet?" He didn't want a repeat of the other day.

 

"Not yet. I'll take them later." She finally went to sit down in a chair, Tiber trailing into the room behind her, trying to jump onto her lap. He managed to get onto the table instead since River's lap was already a bit occupied with her bump.

 

"How did you sleep?" The Doctor asked.

 

"Fine. And you?" She wasn't looking at him, her attention on Tiber who had been batting at her hair to get her attention.

 

"Okay, I guess." In truth he hadn't really slept much. Tiber meowed turning towards the door and back to River, batting at her again.

 

"What do you want?" She asked, the cat, stroking his head, "Do you want to sit on my lap, or do you just want attention?" Tiber jumped off the table, walked to the door and then circled back around her legs.

 

"I think he wants you to follow him." The Doctor said.

 

"Alright, alright. Where do you want me to go?" She stood with a sigh, walking towards the door. The cat padded along in front of her, small mews emanating from him as he lead her back to the medbay.

 

"Shhh, everyone's still sleeping." She whispered, following him, not wanting him to wake everyone with his mewing. Tiber quieted into soft purrs as the arrived in the room.

 

Amelia was sitting on the floor next to her bed. She was frowning but looked up. "Hi mummy."

 

"Darling, what are you doing on the floor?" River asked, walking over and kneeling down in front of her. Tiber brushed against River.

 

"I smelled you and daddy making pancakes and I wanted some." She looked at her legs as if they were the ones to blame. "But my legs won't work the right way."

 

"Don't worry, darling. Your body still needs a bit of time to get better, but everything will be working normally again before you know it." She kissed Amelia’s forehead, “How about I carry you for now, yeah?"

 

"I want to be able to walk!" Amelia tried to get up but failed and flopped back down with a pout.

 

"I know that you do, but you can't right now. Just let me carry you, alright?" She held out her arms, waiting for her to say that it was okay, forgetting that she would probably be scolded for doing ‘heavy lifting.’

 

"My baby brother's in the way." She pointed out.

 

"Well, I think we can work around him." River scooped her daughter up, holding her as comfortably as she could in her arms, around her belly.

 

Amelia wrapped her arms around her mother's neck. "Are Freya and Auntie Vastra having breakfast with us?"

 

"Of course they are!" She carried Amelia down the hall, Tiber still following behind River.

 

"Can I have chocolate chips on mine?"

 

"That sounds like a lovely idea." River murmured as they entered into the kitchen, Tiber running around the Doctor's legs and rubbing his head against them.

 

Amelia looked around. "I thought you said they'd be eating with us."

 

"I have to go wake them." She set her down in a chair, then turned and left the room again, rubbing her back. Tiber seemed insistent on following her to Freya's room where the girl was still fast asleep.

 

River scooped Tiber up, carrying him most of the way. "Freya, my lovely, it's time to get up." She whispered.

 

Freya groaned. "Can't I sleep longer?"

 

"If you do then you'll miss breakfast. Daddy made pancakes." River murmured, kissing the side of her head.

 

"Oh." She sat up and yawned. "I want pancakes actually."

 

"Alright, run along to the kitchen. I'll meet you after I wake up Auntie Vastra."

 

"Hang on a minute. If you're here and daddy's in the kitchen making pancakes, than who's sitting in the medbay with Mia?"

 

River smiled, "Well, there's a little surprise waiting for you in the kitchen."

 

"A surprise?" Freya loved surprises. She threw her blankets off and scurried off to the kitchen, not bothering to wait for any further explanation.

 

"One more person to collect." River murmured to the cat, heading to Vastra's room. Tiber squeaked and followed her there as well.

 

Vastra was not asleep, sitting in her nightgown and looking over something. River knocked lightly on the door before coming in, "What are you looking at?" She whispered.

 

Vastra looked up. "Amelia's charts. Shouldn't you be in bed? I thought the Doctor said you were on bed rest."

 

"Well… He says a lot of things, doesn't he." She murmured, eyes avoiding her, "You should know that Amelia's awake. She woke up last night."

 

"Did she?" Her expression brightened. "Oh that's wonderful news! How is she?" Vastra made a mental note to ask River about the Doctor 'saying a lot of things'.

 

"She's fine, for the most part. She's having a bit of difficulty with her motor skills, but they should improve and return to normal soon." River nodded, "Breakfast is ready, everyone's waiting if the kitchen if you'd care to join us."

 

"I'd love to." She got out of bed and put on a robe. "And how are you, River. Have you eaten yet?"

 

"Of course." She lied, smiling at her.

 

"It's certainly good for your son that you started eating again. The number of consequences for not doing so are rather large." Vastra glanced down at Tiber who meowed happily back at her.

 

Her smile faltered for just a moment, "Yes, I'm aware." Her eyes fell away from her friend again.

 

"Is something wrong?" She looked at River curiously.

 

"Of course not! Let's go to breakfast. Go on ahead, I'll meet up with you in a minute."

  
"If you insist." Vastra left River alone, Tiber still insistent on staying with his owner. She waited until she heard Vastra walk down the hall before she sank to the floor, head in her hands. 


	115. 52 Pickup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was quiet, holding her a bit tighter. "I can't promise that I'll ever get married again... but if I do, than I'll try. For you I'll try to be happy again."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy and comment on the angst! NEVER DONE WITH THE ANGST

CH 115

 

Silent tears fell down River’s cheeks, her shoulders shaking slightly. Tiber pushed his head against her arm with curious noises. "Please, go away." She sniffed, moving her arm away from him. He sat down in protest, blinking up at her. "I said go!" She pushed him away lightly. Tiber made a noise in the back on his throat that wasn't quite a growl, but enough to show his irritation. He finally padded off to the kitchen, perhaps he was the wrong species to be trying to comfort her.

 

The next time River looked up,the cat was gone. She hadn't realized that he would have actually understood her. "Wait...I didn't mean it..." She whispered, though he was already too far to hear. She made herself as small as she possibly could in her condition, trembling.

 

The Doctor and Vastra started to get worried after a bit, as both assumed River was only a minute or two behind Vastra. It had been quite a few minutes when he saw Tiber return without her.

 

Tiber yanked at his shoe laces, wanting to lead him back to Vastra's room where he had left River. "Er, Vastra? I'll be back. I'm just going to go find River." The Doctor said quickly before following the cat.

 

River was right where Tiber had left her, her back to the door and trembling still. The cat circled around her, rubbing his face against her.

 

"River?" The Doctor said softly.

 

She jumped, quickly drying her eyes and getting to her feet, "Sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so long. I'm coming."

 

"Don't be, I... what's wrong, River? Why were you crying?" He murmured.

 

"Nothing, nothing's wrong." She whispered, giving him her best smile as she turned around, "I'm on a lot of medication right now, that's all."

 

"Oh. Um, well if you'd like a hug... or something, I can give you that." He offered, reaching for her hand.

 

"A hug would be nice." She whispered.

 

He pulled her into him, hugging her tightly and kissing the top of her head. "That better?" She clung to him, not wanting him to leave her. He held her there for a long moment. "Are you up for joining our family for breakfast? Because you don't have to if you don't feel like you can."

 

"Would you mind staying here for a bit?" She asked.

 

"Not at all. I'll stay as for as long as you'd like me to." She closed her eyes, trying not to cry again, cuddling close into his arms, trying to make up for all the mornings recently they hadn't cuddled. "Would you like to sit?" He asked gently.

 

She nodded, "That would be nice."

 

"Come on. I'm sure the TARDIS had put our room close to here." The old girl had probably cleaned everything up and replaced the broken things where River wouldn't find them, as well.

 

"Do we have to go to our room?"

 

"I suppose not, if you don't want to. I think there's a sitting room somewhere."

 

She nodded, "I'd prefer that."

 

Tiber whined, wanting to be rewarded for getting someone to comfort her. The Doctor rummaged around his pockets as they walked down the hall. "Here, Tiber." He tossed the cat a bite sized little treat. Tiber stopped to eat the treat, trotting along behind them wanting to make sure his Timelords were alright.

 

"We haven't...done anything in this room, right?" River murmured as they entered the sitting room, the sight not immediately bringing back any memories, but she didn't want to be caught by surprise later on.

 

"I believe we discussed baby names in here once when you were a couple months along with the twins." He shook his head. "But nothing... like that."

 

"Right..." She murmured, easing herself down onto the couch.

 

He sat next to her. "Freya was very happy to see Amelia."

 

"I knew she would be." She smiled weakly, wanting to cuddle against him right away, but also not wanting to look too clingy and desperate. She was quiet for a few minutes, "If Arthur had been a girl, would you have still named him Terra?"

 

"Yes, since that is what we agreed on." He nodded, wrapping his arm around her instinctively. He would probably have also made River the middle name, but he didn't say that out loud. "Have we agreed on a middle name yet?"

 

"No, not yet." She murmured, though she wasn't done with the previous subject. "Do you think...do you think you'll ever use that name again?"

 

"I'm not sure if there will ever be another time to use it." There weren't going to be any more Song children after Arthur and naming a future pet Terra didn't seem like an appropriate use.

 

She swallowed, "Maybe if you got married again, and had another baby." She tried to smile, but her voice caught at the thought of them not being married in another few months, "You could name her Terra."

 

"I don't think I'll get married again." He said calmly, giving her hand a squeeze. "But I'll keep that in mind."

 

She squeezed her eyes shut, pressing her lips together to try and calm herself, "Why not? I'm sure you could find someone. And the children will need a mother." She nearly broke down when she said the last part, but forced her way through. She needed to talk to him about this, and she needed to look as strong and steady as possible.

 

"Well they'll have me. They'll have Vastra and Jenny and Clara as strong women to look up to." He looked at her and then to his hands. "You're the only person I've ever been able to love this way, River. There's no one in the universe like you."

 

"Even if that's true, I want you to know that I'm alright with you getting remarried." She murmured, "I don't want you to be alone. I know, you'll have Arthur and Amelia and Freya, but you need adult company too, and not just our friends." She took a deep breath, it was getting harder and harder to talk about the subject, but she pushed on.

 

He was quiet, holding her a bit tighter. "I can't promise that I'll ever get married again... but _if_ I do, than I'll try. For you I'll try to be happy again."

 

She hugged him tightly so he wouldn't see the tears that fell down her cheeks, "That's all I want, is for you and our children to be happy." Her voice shook lightly, her heartbreaking that her family would be living on without her soon.

 

"I'm happy when you're here. And you're here now, so I'm happy now." He said as soothingly as he could. She squeezed him tighter, biting her lip to keep from crying. He adjusted his arms around her and changed the subject. "I liked Brian for a middle name. What do you think."

 

"That's nice." She murmured as Tiber jumped up and tried to settle himself half on River's lap and half on her belly. Arthur, annoyed, kicked out at the cat.

 

"What about you, any ideas?"

 

"I haven't really thought about it, but Brian is nice. Arthur Brian Song." She ignored Tiber's low growl of annoyance at the kick, not moving from his spot.

 

Arthur kicked a bit harder in attempt to shoo away the strange vibrating. Tiber held firmly in place, growling lowly. The Doctor pet the cat's ears in attempt to calm him. River sucked in a sharp breath in discomfort. Tiber hissed at her belly, claws coming out, swatting at the next kick.

 

"Oi! No scratching." The Doctor lightly pushed Tiber off of River's lap and he plopped down to the floor, glaring up at the pair.

 

"Oh, my poor kitty." River looked down at him, "You can come and sit on my lap when the baby goes to sleep." He mewed and took a moment before curling up by her feet.

 

"Has he been following you around _all_ morning?"

 

"Yes, he hasn't left my side for more than five minutes since last night." She murmured, glancing down at Tiber, "Do you think that's odd?"

 

He shook his head. "Maybe he just likes you a lot. Maybe you smell like food." He sniffed her hair. "You smell normal to me though."

 

"Oh, wonderful. Thank you." She frowned, fixing her hair.

 

"You smell lovely." He corrected. "Perhaps he just thinks you could use the company."

 

"Perhaps." She murmured, "I smell lovely?"

 

"Yes. He sniffed her hair again. "Yes you do."

 

She smiled softly, tugging him closer, "Well, thank you."

 

He grinned and kissed her cheek. "It's good to see you a bit cheered up. Vastra said you seemed down."

 

"Well, I have to be happy for you, don't I?" She murmured, leaning in to kiss him deeply. He hummed bringing his hand up to her cheek.

 

"I think you should be happy on your own terms Not just for me." She hummed, her next kiss was more forceful, passionate, and desperate. He was left a little breathless by the time they broke apart, but still grinning like an idiot.

 

His smile gave her confidence to pull him more on top of her, leaning in to kiss him again. He made a small noise of surprise, but quickly regained himself and went back to snogging her, hoping she knew that they weren't going to go further than that. She knew, but she pushed it to the back of her mind. She didn't want their last time to be what it had been. She wanted him to remember her in every single way. She wanted to show him how much she loved him in every sense of the word.

 

She pulled back just slightly when he started snogging her again, afraid of why he had stopped in the first place.

 

"River?" To looked a her, curious of her hesitation. "Everything alright?"

 

"Why did you stop? What's wrong?" She looked up at him.

 

"Nothing's wrong, love." He stroked a stray curl away from her face. She hesitated, leaning in to kiss him again. He kissed her gently this time, taking time to relish the feeling of her lips against his and the sweet taste of her tongue. She started to relax again, and as the kiss grew more passionate, wrapped her arms around his neck, tugging at his bow tie. He seemed to melt, not really noticing the bow tie. It felt like they hadn't kissed like this in ages, especially with the last few days being so hectic.

 

When he didn't stop her, she continued on, undoing it and tossing it to the side, her lips not leaving his.

 

Tiber batted at the bow tie as it fell before looking back at the fur-less ones. He decided to leave the room, not needing to see their strange rituals.

 

River turned her head, nipping lightly at his jaw. The Doctor hummed in delight, letting his hands roam her body. Her eyes fluttered shut, a smile creeping onto her face, thinking that she was getting her way.

 

Little footsteps and creaking of wheels soon came from down the hall and a distant 'Mummy, Daddy, where did you go?' The Doctor didn't seem to notice at all, still wrapped up in River. River was tugging at his shirt now, not noticing the footsteps either, wiggling her hips beneath him.

 

He blushed, his blood rushing. "River..."

 

"Mummy we saved you some pancakes!" The voices were a bit closer.

 

"What?" She whispered, focused on his shirt, his voice and nothing else.

 

He opened his mouth to say something, interrupted again by his daughter's voices. He registered them this time. "I think we're about to be caught."

 

"Lock the door." She breathed, looking up at him pleadingly, "Please?"

 

He hesitated then nodded. "I'm sure we can steal some extra minutes this way." He got up and locked the door, quickly going back to her to resume what they were doing. She hummed happily, starting on the buttons of her nightgown, looking absolutely thrilled.

 

He paused. "What are you doing?"

 

She froze, looking up at him, "What do you mean 'what am I doing?' What do you think we're doing?"

 

"Kissing, and well..." He shrugged. "l guess less clothes wouldn't be a bad thing, I suppose. But we can't really, I mean..."

 

"We can." She whispered, her eyes desperate, "Please...we can."

 

"I wish we could, I _really_ do but... we can't. Not with the risk it could put you at. I don't want our time cut any shorter than it already is."  He said softly.

 

All the light in her eyes completely vanished and she scrambled off the sofa, unbuttoning her nightgown as she went for the door.

 

"River, I'm sorry. I really am... you don't have to go. Please." He stood.

 

"I can't." She shook her head, throwing the door open, 'I'm sorry, I can't."

 

"Why can't you stay? River..." He moved to follow her but paused, seeing the girls waiting outside the door.

 

"We found you!" They smiled triumphantly.

 

"Because I can't stand looking at you anymore!" River shouted at the same time as the girls. She stopped, turning and seeing their faces then quickly slipped around them, out of the room and down the hall.

 

All three of them watched River storm off, the girls rather confused as to what just happened and the Doctor fighting back tears. Freya wheeled Amelia over to their father and hugged him around the legs as Amelia asked quietly, "What happened? Where's Mummy going?"

 

"I don't know, sweetheart. I don't know." He said shakily, wishing that he did. He could only hope that she was going to at least stay in the TARDIS.

 

"Are you and Mummy going to stop loving each other now?" Freya asked, having seen her parents argue more than usual over the past few days.

 

His voice had gone quiet, "Nothing is going to make me stop loving your mother." He wasn't sure, though, that River still loved him.

 

Freya, close to tears, hugged him more tightly. "Is Mummy going to leave our family because she doesn't love us anymore?" She remembered the fight River had with Jack as well.

 

"She still loves you very much, Freya. She loves both of you so much." He couldn't say whether or not she was going to leave.

 

"I don't want Mumma to leave." Amelia whimpered, not liking the idea her sister had now put into her head, "I want her to stay. I don't want her to go away."

 

"Neither do I." He kneeled down eye level to both of them. Now wasn't the time to be sentimental. He needed to focus on and comfort his daughters. "Sometimes when mummy gets upset, she needs some space to think to herself. That doesn't necessarily mean that she's going to leave, she's probably just cooling off." He wasn't sure that was true, but it was what he could come up with to assure them that River wasn't going to leave.

 

They nodded, Amelia's lip trembling and nose running, his words making them both feel a tiny bit better. He sighed sadly, River's words still echoing in his mind. "Did you both finish your breakfasts?"

 

They both nodded again, "Yes. Auntie Vastra said she would clean up."

 

"Well... how about a movie? Would you two like that?"

 

"What movie?" Freya asked, Amelia wiping her nose in her sleeve.

 

"Any movie you want." He tried to smile but didn't quite get there.

 

"Can we watch the movie about the princess that turns into a bird?" She asked, helping take Amelia down the hall.

 

"Of course." He set them up with blankets and pillows when they got there, helping Amelia settle herself on the couch. The girls seemed quite content watching their movie, cuddled up to him.

 

He wasn't paying attention during the move, still thinking about what River had said. Thoughts of if she was really going to leave him, their children, if she still loved them... The thought alone made him panic and deny that it could ever happen.

 

Vastra joined them later on, the girls insisted on watching another movie, this time with popcorn and candy. He allowed them to have a small amount, provided that they ate a fruit as well. Halfway through the third movie, they grew bored of sitting around and ran (and wheeled) off to go play with their toys.

 

"Um, Vastra? Could I talk to you?" The Doctor asked. His own thoughts were going to kill him if he was left alone with them.

 

"Of course." She nodded.

 

"...River and I got into a fight." He began. "It's not the first fight we've been in this week, but it was worse this time and..." He trailed off, looking up at her with watery eyes.

 

"I'm sure whatever was said was not meant." She assured him, rubbing his back.

 

"The thing is I don't know if it was. She keeps trying to shut me out and I don't know why... I mean, I _do_ know why but nothing I say or do seems to help. What if she leaves me Vastra?"

 

"I've seen the way she looks at you, there is no way she would ever even consider leaving you." She murmured, "I could go and talk to her if you'd like." She offered.

 

"I don't know where she is. Or if she's even still on the TARDIS." He worriedly bit the end of his fingernail.

 

Vastra batted his hand away from his mouth, "I believe I may have an idea of where she is." She had passed by a door earlier being guarded by River's little guardian who growled at her as she passed. "I believe she's hiding in the room that Tiber is guarding. I'll go talk to her if you'd like, unless you would prefer doing it yourself."

 

"I think you should." He nodded gratefully. "I doubt that she'll want to see me."

 

"Would you mind telling me what started this fight?" She stood.

 

"Well... we were kissing very, er, passionately..." He blushed slightly, not exactly great at talking about the subject. "And she started to take off her nightie but I stopped her because sex is out of the question with a pregnancy this high risk, which she already knows. She got hostile towards me... and said some not nice things. It's not the first time she's gotten like that. We were in the shower the other day and when thing started to get... intimate, I stopped her and she got mad then too."

  
"I'll go talk to her." She nodded, heading to the door. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I GOT TO HOLD HANDS WITH ALEX KINGSTON I"M SCREAMING SAVE ME
> 
> On that note, ya'll should check out the pics on my tumblr: riversongbadass-whovian-overload. also if you want to give me a follow *nudge wink* i'm a follow back kind of gal.


	116. Fading Too Soon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Are you planning on running again?" Vastra raised her eyebrow, preventing River from advancing down the hall. 
> 
> "No..." She swallowed, "Of course not."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm actually quite proud of this chapter. Enjoy and comment!

CH 116

 

Vastra made her way back down the hall in search of the room she'd passed. The TARDIS had moved it further away, but she was able to follow the sound of Tiber's meows. "River?" She knocked.

 

Tiber growled quite unhappily, swatting at Vastra's feet, trying to protect River who didn't answer her calls.

 

"Settle down, little feline." She knelt down next to the cat. "I'm not going to hurt your master. I just want to see if she's okay." She knocked again. "River? It's Vastra. May I come in?"

 

"The door's open." River finally called from the other side.

 

The knob turned slowly and Vastra entered the room with Tiber at her heels. "Why are you hiding?" She asked even though she'd heard about the fight.

 

"If you didn't know why then you wouldn't have come looking." She sighed, letting Tiber rub up against her arms and face. She had been hiding in the new nursery, or at least what would be the new nursery. The walls had been painted green as she had asked with half finished ducks above her head. She was sitting on the floor since there wasn't really any furniture in the room yet.  

 

"I came looking because you were missing, not necessarily because I know _why_ you were missing. Now you are found... but you don't seem to want to be. Is that correct?" She sat next to her friend.

 

River frowned, "It doesn't matter, you're already here."

 

"And are you going to speak to me now that I am?" She wondered.

 

"Am speaking now, aren't I?" She sighed, sitting back as Tiber crawled onto her lap.

 

"Yes, but you're not answering my initial question." Vastra pointed out.

 

"Because you already know the answer. I highly doubt that he hasn't told you by now."

 

Vastra nodded."Yes, I have talked to the Doctor." She admitted. "He said that you two had gotten into a fight. He told me his side of the story, but I want to hear yours."

 

River closed her eyes, taking a deep breath, "He doesn't understand..."

 

"Perhaps I might."

 

"He doesn't stay with me anymore." She whispered, looking down at the cat in her lap, stroking his head, "In the mornings, he just gets up and goes. So, every morning, when I wake up, he's not there. He looks at me like I'm already gone half the time. We can't… be intimate anymore, or at least that's what he claims. I'm sure there's something we can do about it, but he refuses to even look into it." Her lip was trembling, "I want to have a last time. I want it to be special. The last time it happened… let's just say it wasn't particularly memorable or special at all. We were just doing it to do it. I don't want that to be our last time."  

 

"Have you voiced any of this to him?" She looked over at her.

 

"No." She swallowed the lump in her throat, "What's the point? It'll only make him feel guilty."

 

"You can't fix a problem by leaving it in the corner to grow." Vastra sighed. "Why don't you tell me about the fight?"

 

"It wasn't even really a fight. We were kissing and some bits of clothing had already been removed, so I thought he had changed his mind. But then, as soon as I started on my nightgown he..." She stopped, "I don't want to talk about this. This is between me and my husband."

 

"You just told me that you wouldn't talk to him about this. Your side of the story is proving to be a bit different from the Doctor's." She wanted to keep this conversation going and not allow River to lead her to a dead end.

 

"Why? What did he say?" River asked, frowning.

 

"He claims that there were some rather ill-intended words exchanged between you two after he'd stopped what was going on." Vastra looked at the partially painted ducks on the wall.

 

She put her head in her hands, "Yes, I may have said something that I didn't mean, but that's what happens during an argument. Are we quite through with this topic now?"

 

"If you'll allow me to say one more thing... When I spoke to the Doctor, you're are right that he didn't seem to fully understand, but it also seemed like he was trying to and like he wanted to. I think that if you do choose to talk to him about all of this, than he might be more understanding than you give him credit for." She said carefully.

 

River didn't respond, eyes fixed on her lap, looking like she was about to say something more. Vastra waited for a moment for any response. "Why did you choose to be in here of all places? I thought you might prefer to 'cool off' somewhere more... comfortable. The shooting range perhaps."

 

"I was thinking about what you said earlier." She whispered, avoiding her eyes.

 

"...About the risks of not eating or staying hydrated?" Vastra clarified, confused.

 

She nodded, "I lied to you. I haven't eaten and… I've lost six pounds." She whispered.

 

Her eyebrows knitted together with immediate concern. "How long ago was your last meal?"

 

"I don't know, a few days ago. I ate a little bit of the food Freya made the other day, but I couldn't keep it down."

 

"Is there a reason you haven't eaten, may I ask?" She was trying to approach this as delicately as she could.

 

River shrugged, "I haven't been hungry, I haven't felt the need to eat."

 

This deepened Vastra’s confusion. "Have you felt anything else? Nausea, fatigue, lightheaded..."

 

"Well, I'm afraid that those are all the basic symptoms of being pregnant." She frowned, "Why?"

 

"They are also basic symptoms of undernourishment. River, even if you don't feel hungry, you _need_ to eat."

 

"I've tried, I can't keep anything down." She reminded and sighed, standing up, "I shouldn't have told you. I'll be fine."

 

"You won't be fine if this keeps on." She stood as well, hoping to keep River in the room.

 

"I know how to take care of myself." She huffed, walking towards the door.

 

"I have no doubt that you do, but you're not acting on your basic needs." Vastra reached for River's hand. "Your body is going to focus completely on keeping your child healthy while you become ill and when it can no longer sustain him than both of you will deteriorate. Please, you need to eat or at least take some nutrients boosters for the sake of _both_ of your safeties." She begged.

 

"My body is already deteriorating." She whispered, "Just like my family, my marriage… I don't see what your point is." She pulled her hand away and left the room.

 

"My point is," She and Tiber followed, Vastra not at all finished with this. "That it's in your head. You've deemed theses problems unfix-able when really that isn't the case it all. Your family loves you to bits and pieces regardless of weather or not you push them away. Your children love you, your husband loves you more than he can manage to say and if you talk to him you can seal the gap between you."

 

"But what is the point of mending all of these smaller problems when the ultimate problem is unfixable? The whole reason things are the way they are now is unmendable?" She shook her head, "I should just go. You all need to get used to me not being around."

 

"Just because your time is limited doesn't not mean you should squander it. Your hearts are still beating, you're not dead yet, and your family _needs_ you while you'er still here. The Doctor is more afraid than I've ever seen him, afraid that you'll leave him now and afraid that you'll leave him later." Vastra pushed on. "Where would you go? What would you do?"  

 

"I could work at the University, get a flat." She whispered. She didn't want to leave her family, but she was lost at the moment, her rational thinking hazy and jumbled. "I've lived on my own before, I've been by myself before."

 

"What about the medications? What would you do if something where to happen to you, to your baby? What about when you go into labour?" They'd reached the console room, Vastra a bit out of breath by this point.

 

"There are medical facilities at Luna, people I can trust. And I could always call the Doctor if I needed to." River went right for the console, but the TARDIS refused to cooperate, knowing that River didn't really want to leave.

 

"Do you love him? Do you love the Doctor?" Vastra asked quietly.

 

River stopped, shoulders slumping, "Yes."

 

"Do you love your children?" She eased River's hand off a leaver.

 

"Of course I do." She whispered, letting Vastra pull her hand away.

 

"Then stay. Stay for all of them because you would be hurting them by doing this just as much as it would hurt to leave them." She held both of River's hands in hers, trying to get River to look her in the eyes.

 

River closed her eyes, hugging her friend tightly. Vastra sighed a bit in relief, hugging River tightly in return. "I don't know how to fix things with him." Her shoulders shook, "I've made such a mess of things, I don't know how to fix it."

 

"Well... start little. Fix the little things that you that you can before trying to mend the bigger things. You don't have to do it all at once, and you are not alone in this. I'm here for you, so is the Doctor if you'll let him." She smiled softly. River nodded slowly, glancing towards the hall. "Perhaps you should start by filling your own needs." Vastra urged.

 

She shook her head, "No, the other things are too important."

 

" _You_ are very important, River. To all of us." She sighed, having known that wold be her answer. "Would you like me to come with you for anything?"

 

River shook her head, leaving Vasrta and wandering down the hall.

 

The Doctor's voice floated down the hall along with the girl’s, but most of what they were saying was in audible. The girls seemed to be asking out their mummy. River stopped at the sound of their voices, hesitating. She didn't feel ready, she didn't know what to do. She didn't want to apologize for her actions, because not all of her regretted them. Tiber was still insistent on being with her, rubbing against her feet.

 

"But you said Mumma was still here! Why isn't she back?" Amelia's voice got a bit louder with her complaint. River backed away from the door, turning to run down the hall once more when she saw the person in her way.

 

"Are you planning on running again?" Vastra raised her eyebrow, preventing River from advancing down the hall.

 

"No..." She swallowed, "Of course not."

 

"Well then may I ask why you're having second thoughts?"

 

"I'm not going to apologize, because I'm not sorry for what I did." She held her head a bit firmer.

 

"Then don't apologize, but it does sound like your family would love to see you."

 

She shook her head, "I don't want to see them."

 

"Would you like some tea, then?" She offered, deciding not to push her on the subject yet.

 

She shook her head, "I just want to be alone."

 

Vastra nodded slowly, stepping aside. "If you need anything, just ask."

 

River headed back down the hall to where she had been before, Tiber following right behind. The TARDIS hummed in attempt to sooth to her as well at the rest of her occupants. Arthur kicked River in the ribs.

 

_Sad!_

 

River stopped, frowning, deeply, angry with herself. "Oh, wonderful. That's going to be your first word then? What a positive influence I am."

 

_You sad. Why you sad? No sad. Happy._ Arthur missed what she'd said, trying to send her joyful thoughts.

 

"Please, don't sweetie." She was crying now, feeling even more guilty than before, trying to block the thoughts.

 

_Why?_ He kicked again, not wanting to be ignored. She didn't answer, clearing her mind,  and sitting on the floor stone still.

 

Arthur's mind buzzed, jumping around the memories of the last few days. _Mummy. Why?_ River cried silently, still refusing to answer. She had made a mistake, she did want to make up with the Doctor. He should have been there for Arthur's first words. She should have been less self pitying.

 

_No sad!!_ He panicked. _Where's daddy? Daddy make you happy._

 

"He's not here." She finally whispered, "I'm sure he doesn't want to see me right now."

 

_Wrong. Loves you. Told me so. Where is he?_

 

"Not here, and I'm not going to go and find him." She closed her eyes, thinking that if he really loved her, he would have come to find her after being apart all day.

 

_But you love him? You said so._ He seemed more confused.

 

"I do, but...I made a mistake, and if he's not here, then that means that he doesn't care to see me right now."

 

Arthur made the mental equivalent of a huff before allowing her to hear the memories of the Doctor talking to him when she was asleep. The sound of the memories only made her cry. She had not doubt that the Doctor cared before, but she was thinking that the arguments over the past few days, specifically today, had pushed him too far this time.

 

_"And your mother pulled me out of the way even though it meant that she'd burn her arm. She's bravest woman I know, your mother. You're lucky as can be to have her as your mother._ " This one was from a month or two ago.

 

She shook her head, "Stop, please, stop."

 

_Why? Daddy love you._ He insisted.

 

"Then why isn't he here?" She felt weak, exhausted, probably a side effect of not eating.

 

The baby was silent for a moment before reminding River of her own words from the argument earlier that day. _"Because I can't stand looking at you anymore!"_

"I've made up my mind. I'm not going to see him." She murmured, "He won't want to see me after that. You can't change my mind."

 

He kicked her in the side this time with another mental huff. _Go!_

 

"No!" She shouted this time, irritated. Arthur stilled and went silent.

 

"River, who are you shouting at?"

 

She was silent as well, having expected a fight back, not submission. "What?" She murmured after a minute, looking up.

 

"I asked who you were shouting at. You shouted 'No'." The Doctor said carefully.

 

"What are you doing in here?" She asked, ignoring his question, surprised to see him.

 

"Well..." He scratched the back of his head and sat down across from her. "I haven't seen you all day and Vastra indicated that it was possible you might not be mad at me anymore."

 

"I was never mad at you." She whispered, "I didn't think _you_ wanted to see me."

 

"I was trying to give you space because I thought you were angry." He looked surprised. "I didn't think _you_ wanted to see _me_."

 

"I wasn't angry, I was upset." She looked down at her lap. "I didn't mean what I said in the way that you think."  

 

"Oh... well than how did you mean it?" He fidgeted with his hands.

 

River slowly told him what she had told Vastra about an hour before, not making eye contact until she was finished. He nodded slowly throughout, all of her actions starting to make sense.

 

"I'm sorry, River. I didn't realize. And... is that what you want now? A more official, more special 'last time'?"

 

"I would like that." She reached out for his hand, "But we can't have it."

 

He took hers and squeezed it gently, staying quiet for a moment. "I could look into it if you'd like me to. Maybe there's something out there that could help us."

 

She swallowed, "Okay, I'd appreciate that."

 

He smiled warmly. "I do want you to know, that I thought the last time was wonderful, even if it was short and a bit more on the unromantic side."

 

"I'm afraid I don't agree." She murmured, "It was...just sex to have sex."

 

"That doesn't mean it wasn't wonderful. It's always wonderful with you. The sex-just-for-sex times, the sex-to-be-romantic times, the sex-to-make-up-for-being-an-idiot times..." He listed a bit reminiscent.  "All of them are wonderful in their own way and every time, no matter how we do it, is remembered.

 

She looked down, then changed the subject, "Did Vastra...say anything else?"

 

He shook his head. "Is there something else?"

 

She forced a small smile, "No, that's all."

 

"Alright..." He wasn't completely convinced, but it was a subject for another time. "May I know now who you were saying no to?"

 

"Arthur." She murmured, "He started using words."

 

"He did?" His whole face lit up. "What has he said?"

 

"Oh, well....not much." She looked down at her lap again, feeling horribly guilty that his first words had been in effort to comfort her.

 

"Not much isn't nothing." He took the hand that wasn't holding hers and splayed over her belly. "What did he say, River?"

 

She was quiet for a minute, and then lied, "He said that he was happy, and that he loves you."

 

He smiled more at this, then frowned after a moment. "Hang on, then why were you shouting no at him?"

 

"I was shouting at Tiber, he was trying to scratch me." She lied again, her false smile faltering.

 

"Oh." He brightened up again, believing her, and glanced at the cat who was sitting peacefully next to his wife. He unconsciously rubbed River's bump.

 

_Loves you._

 

She looked down at Tiber, rubbing behind his ears, thinking, _Yes, I know._

Arthur's mind hummed triumphantly, also making it clear that he enjoyed his warmth of his father's hand by kicking in the direction. _Daddy loves you. I loves you, too._

"We love you very much, Arthur." She whispered, pulling the Doctor a bit closer.

 

He wrapped his warms around her and hummed in agreement. "Actually, Vastra briefly mentioned that you wanted to go to the university, but she didn't say why. Are you planning on teaching there again soon?"

 

"Well, now that Amelia's better I was thinking of going back. I told them that I would after all." She rested her head against him, Tiber climbing up onto their laps.

 

He nodded as Tiber sprawled across both of them, exposing his belly for petting. "If it gets to be too much for you, just let me know."

 

"Why? Are you going to fill in for me?" She teased, rubbing Tiber's belly.

 

"I could." He chuckled. "But we also have a time machine so you could have a day off without missing work if you need to."

 

She smiled weakly, "Yes, I'm aware." Something was nagging her, in the back of her mind telling her to go back and tell him the truth about not eating, but she ignored it for the time being.

 

"I think you should take a day off for the girl's birthday. And their first day of school. They'll want you there for those."

 

"I want to be there for those too." She nodded in agreement, "I'll be here, don't worry."

 

"I'm not." He kissed her cheek. "Their birthday is pretty soon isn't it. Two weeks?"

 

She nodded, "We need to get thier presents."

 

"Hmm." He thought about what they might want. "New crayons and coloring books, perhaps some stuffed animals..."

 

"Amelia wants an art set and you said Freya wants a sword. We could get her a plastic one."

 

"And maybe a knight's helmet, too. I think she'd like that." He agreed, recalling their conversation about visiting a kingdom.

 

She nodded, "That sounds nice." She curled up against him, feeling rather drained. Tiber purred and Arthur kicked lightly, and to the Doctor, it was one of the most peaceful moments he'd had in awhile.

 

"I love you." He murmured.

  
"I've lost six pounds." She whispered, breaking almost exactly as he said he loved her. 


	117. Out of Things to Say

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River’s stomach flipped as she looked at her food, "Right, of course." She took a tentative bite, though there was nothing wrong with the actual food, she felt as though she may be sick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy and comment!

Ch 117

 

The Doctor blinked. "What?"

 

"I lost six pounds since the day before we went to Luna." River looked up at him.

 

"That's not good..." He said as he made the connection to her not eating. "How are you feeling?"

 

"Not hungry." She murmured, "But very tired."

 

"It sounds like you could use a nap..." He had a feeling it wouldn't be good to push her to eat. "I could give you some nutrients boosters and fluids and you could rest in the medbay." It wouldn't be as good as if she'd actually eaten a meal, but it would start to replenish the lack of energy.

 

"I don't want to rest in the medbay." She murmured, nuzzling against him, "I'm fine. We can stay here."

 

_Eat!_ Arthur kicked.

 

"You don't want somewhere a bit more comfortable?" He urged, mostly thinking that if he got her moving than he could at least get her some fluids.

 

She winced, putting a hand to her side, "No, I want to stay here with you."

 

"I can come with you... everything alright?" He noticed the wince.

 

"Yes, I'm fine. Your son is very stubborn and rough." She breathed, squeezing his hand tightly as Arthur gave her another whack in the ribs.

 

_Eat!_

"Settle down, Arthur." He murmured. "You're hurting mummy. Just tell her what you need."

 

Tiber, who was still sprawled across their laps, growled at Arthur, swatting at his kicks.

 

"Oi, both of you cut it out." He scooped Tiber up and away from River's belly so she wouldn't be scratched.

 

_Eat! Eat, eat!_

Tiber hissed, swatting at the Doctor this time as River groaned and put a hand to her head, Arthur's repeated pestering giving her a headache.

 

"Ow." He accidentally dropped the cat when he scratched his hand, though quickly looked back to River. "What's wrong?"

 

"He won't stop." She breathed, Arthur's instance still echoing through her mind. Tiber pawed at River's hand, trying to see what was wrong.

 

"May I try something?" He said, ready to push Tiber away if he were to start scratching again.

 

"What are you going to do?" She looked a bit alarmed.

 

"Basic psychic projection. Should make him sleepy for a little while." He explained.

 

She shook her head, "No, I don't want you to hurt him." She was thinking about the last time he had helped her by cutting off the connection, and then their baby had died.

 

"It's not going to hurt him. It's going to calm him down so he stops kicking so hard." He assured.

 

She shook her head again, panicking, "No, no, I don't want you to interfere with him."

 

"Alright, alright," He soothed, seeing her panic. "I'm not going to do anything." She was shaking, arms wrapped tightly around her belly. "Hey, it's okay, River. I'm not going to do anything. It's okay." He repeated. She fell forward, hugging him tightly, trembling. He held her firmly, still murmuring to her to calm her. "It's alright. I'm right here."

 

She didn't calm down for another ten minutes, completely shaken by the memory.

 

"Sorry," The Doctor murmured after a while, kissing her head.

 

She swallowed, "Can we go to bed?" She whispered.

 

He nodded, though it was only the afternoon. "Are you okay with our room?"

 

She nodded, slowly getting to her feet. Tiber still pawed at River’s legs but more gently now and Arthur still kicked, having abandoned the mental-scolding. The Doctor wrapped his arm around his wife to support her if she needed. She leaned against him as they walked down the hall, rubbing her hand along her side, her ribs sore from all the kicking.

 

As the Doctor had predicted, the old girl had made their room clean and neat again. "We should let Clara know that the girls will be starting school soon."

 

"Yes, of course." She murmured, sitting down on the bed, flexing her toes.

 

"Maybe we should start using the house more often once they start. It'll be warm, I could teach them how to play football." He gave a small smile, remembering his time playing the game with Craig.

 

She nodded in agreement, "When are we starting them? After their birthday?"

 

"Yes, they do have to be five, first. A few weeks after will be good... four I think." He pondered, thinking this to be a fair amount of time.

 

"Are you sure you want to wait that long?" She asked softly.

 

"It could be sooner if you think that'd be better."

 

"Well, I think it's awfully close to when Arthur is due." River sighed, "And I want them to be settled in a routine before he comes."

 

"I suppose you're right." He nodded. "How soon do you think they should start school then?"

 

Before their birthday, or right after." She rubbed the base of her stomach as Arthur settled against her pelvis.

 

"I think we should do it before, then they might end up bringing new friends to their birthday party."

 

She smiled weakly, "That sounds nice. So within the next two weeks."

 

"Yes. How soon were you planning to teach again?"

 

"I was thinking tomorrow." She closed her eyes.

 

"...Do you think you're up for it?" He hesitated.

 

"Of course I'm up for it. I wouldn't go back if I wasn't." She opened her eyes again, smiling weakly at him.

 

"Well then, you ought to get a good nights sleep and a good breakfast tomorrow. I hope our son doesn't keep you up all night." He said playfully.

 

Her smile grew a bit wider, "I'm afraid you'll have to take the request of a good nights sleep up with him."

 

He leaned his head down to the swell of her abdomen. "Let your mummy rest tonight, Arthur. She probably has a long day on her feet tomorrow and it would help if you were to not kick so hard." Arthur kicked softly in response, settling down so his Mummy could sleep, hoping she would eat soon. The Doctor looked up at her. "I think he listened this time."

 

River smiled down at him, "Good, I could use a bit of rest, I have to say."

 

He settled back by her side. "Then sleep, love. I'll be right here by your side."

 

"What about the girls?" She whispered, though she was already half out of it.

 

"Vastra will bring them in to say goodnight." He murmured. "Do you think it would be pushing the envelope too far with the headmaster if I were to visit during your lunch break?"

 

"I'm afraid it might. I would love a visit though." She murmured, smiling sleepily up at him.

 

"I'll find an excuse to bend the rules." He kissed her softly.

 

She hummed softly against his lips, "I look forward to it."

 

He snuggled close to her, resting his hand on her belly. "I love you."

 

"Love you too." She yawned, falling asleep soon after.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The next morning, the smell of breakfast came from the hall, but for a change it wasn't the Doctor cooking it. He had made sure to stay next to his wife, though he had woken a while ago. When River woke, she was surprised to see him, "You're here...You stayed." She whispered.

 

"You _did_ mention my not staying had been bothersome." He smiled warmly.

 

She smiled back at up at him, curling against his body, "And you remembered to stay today."

 

"I intend to do so tomorrow, as well, and all the days after that, unless you get sick of me, of course." He chuckled.

 

"I won't get sick of you. I've missed our morning cuddle too much." She grinned, "I'm afraid you'll get sick of me."

 

"Now, River Song, that will never happen." He held her closer. "Do you smell that?" He said after a moment, "I think Vastra's cooking."

 

She hummed, "Is that a hint you want to get up?"

 

"Just an observation." He shrugged indifferently.

 

_Breakfast._ Arthur shifted.

 

"I want to stay here with you for a bit, if you don't mind." She whispered, nuzzling against him softly.

 

"I don't mind at all." He shifted more comfortably.

 

_No! Breakfast!_

 

"Stop it, Arthur." River warned.

 

"Is he bothering you again?" The Doctor asked.

 

"I wouldn't say bothering, but he's very… insistent." She murmured.

 

"Insistent on what?" He absentmindedly squeezed her hand.

 

"He wants me to go eat." She murmured, "And I don't appreciate the pestering."

 

The Doctor placed his hand over Arthur. "Hush now. Your mummy will eat when she's ready too."

 

Arthur was not satisfied, whacking River in the ribs again. _No! Now!_

 

He winced for her, knowing that probably wasn't painless. "Kicking Mummy is not going to get her to do what you want." Arthur kicked again in protest, River's hand going to clutch his tightly. "That's enough, Arthur." He said more sternly this time. "If you want something you have to ask nicely."

 

"No, fine, I'll eat something." She sighed, really not wanting to get up.

 

"What about our morning cuddle?"

 

She smiled sadly, "I really want to stay, but he won't stop."

 

"Rain check?" He asked.

 

"Right..." She frowned, having hoped that they would finally get that morning especially since she would be away all day, "Of course...rain check.."

 

He didn't move yet, a bit because he was still groggy, but mostly because he wanted to stay in bed with River. "Or maybe we could just do it now. I'm not hungry anyway." She murmured, holding him tighter than before.

 

"You're not?" This seemed to worry him. He had expected her to be hungry by this point.

 

"No, I'm not. Just… cuddle with me. Please?" She murmured, nuzzling her head against him, not really thinking anything of it.

 

" 'Coarse." He resettled his arms around her. She smiled contently, pressing a kiss to his collar.

 

"Do you want me to bring you anything for lunch?" He asked, returning the kiss.

 

She shook her head, "No, nothing specific."

 

"I'll surprise you, then." He decided.

 

"Sounds lovely." She hummed, closing her eyes, relaxing against his body.

 

"Are you going to go to sleep again?"

 

"No, just relaxing." She murmured, rubbing slow circles on her abdomen. He hummed and placed his hand over hers. She yawned, curling closer, seeking his warmth.

 

They stayed like that for a while, breathing each other in, the Doctor occasionally pressing chaste kisses to her forehead. It was the girls who interrupted them, scampering (and wheeling) down the hall excitedly. "Mummy! Mummy guess what?"

 

"What is it, my lovely." She called from the bed, not moving.

 

"Auntie Vastra showed us how to make scrambled eggs and we helped make breakfast! You hafta try some." They insisted.

 

"Alright, alright. We're coming." She murmured, sitting up.

 

"Hurry so it doesn't get cold." Freya added, before the two went back to the kitchen. River slowly got out of bed, having a big of difficulty actually getting up.

 

"Need some help?" The Doctor asked, easily slipping out of bed.

 

She shook her head, "No, I can do it myself." She finally was able to get up, standing triumphantly, "See?"

 

"Yes, I do." He grinned. "Do you have all of your lecture notes?"

 

She nodded, "Yes, there somewhere in my office. I'll get them before I go."

 

"Are you going to let me drive? Or do you not trust me to get you there on time?" He teased.

 

She smiled weakly, "I'll let you drive me this time."

 

"I'll do my best not to miss the right date." He strolled over to her and kissed her cheek. "Come on, love. Breakfast awaits."

 

She walked along side him to the kitchen where their breakfast was already waiting for them along with two bouncing girls and their Aunt.

 

"Look Mumma! I made it a smiley face!" Freya pointed to the plate with two egg eyes, toast hair, and a mouth made of bacon curved up into a smile.

 

"Yes, I see." River beamed, "That's very sweet." She climbed up onto her chair.

 

"You gotta put the bacon and eggs in the toast and fold it like a taco." She demonstrated with her own food before taking a big bite.

 

River’s stomach flipped as she looked at her food, "Right, of course." She took a tentative bite, though there was nothing wrong with the actual food, she felt as though she may be sick.

 

"Do you like it?" Freya asked, a bit of egg escaping her toast-taco.

 

"It's very good, sweetie, you're all excellent cooks." She praised, taking a few more bites, then setting down her fork. "I should get my things together."

 

"Are you going somewhere?" Amelia asked as Freya beamed proudly at the compliment of the food.

 

She nodded, "I have to go to work, but I'll be back in a few hours." She kissed the top of her head, "Don't worry."

 

The girl pouted for a moment but tried to take her mother's advice. "We promise not to do anything too fun without you."

 

"Don't promise that, I want you to have fun today. Now, finish your breakfast, I'll come say goodbye before I leave." She headed out of the room, going to gather her notes and get dressed.

 

The Doctor and Vastra had the same thought as they both looked at River's only half eaten plate. The girls didn't seem to notice, eagerly finishing their food and going to get dressed themselves.

 

River later stopped in the girls room to say goodbye, and then went to meet the Doctor in the console room. Her dress did nothing to hide her belly and she didn't bother with a perception filter.

 

"Er, River? Shouldn't you be wearing a perception filter?" He glanced her over, fiddling with a lever.

 

"Why? You don't want people to know that I'm pregnant?" She raised an eyebrow, leaning against the console.

 

"Well... it would be safer if they didn't." He pointed out. "And it's only been a day or two for your students. I think they might question how their professor suddenly became very pregnant within a matter of days. "

 

She swallowed, "Oh...alright..." She bit her lip, setting her bag down on the floor and leaving the room, coming back a few minutes later with a filter.

 

"Thank you." He offered a smile. She didn't answer, helping him drive to Luna, lips pursed slightly. They landed silently.

 

"I'll bring you lunch later." He went over to her to give her a kiss goodbye.

 

She hummed, retrieving her bag and heading for the door. "Goodbye, sweetie."

 

"Love you." He followed her with her eyes, feeling unsure about her going, but not sure why.

  
"Love you too." She turned as she closed the door, smiling and waving. 


	118. Days of My Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "...There is so much to be happy and thankful for, and now, my time is ending, but someone else's is just starting. I'm sure they'll find a wonderful, qualified replacement to teach you."
> 
> "But they won't be you. It's not fair." She sniffled, wiping her nose with the tissue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back at Luna! Waddaya think? Also, probs won't be posting this weekend, I've got a busy one. Enjoy!

Ch 118

 

The TARDIS soon dematerialized from the campus, leaving a square patch of bent grass. River toyed with the perception filter around her neck, considering taking it off as she went to and arrived in her lecture hall.

 

There were a few stray students already there, two sitting and scribbling in note books and one who looked lost. The woman from the other day, Anita's Aunt, was there as well, organizing papers on the main desk.

 

River stopped, accidentally yanking on her perception filter a bit too hard, surprised to see Anita's Aunt in the room.

 

"Ah. Professor Song." The woman looked up.  "The headmaster asked me to make sure your classes were supervised. He wasn't sure if you'd be in today."

 

"Oh, he did?" She set her belongings down, "Thank you for coming in."

 

"It was no trouble. I've organized the notes you left. Is there anything else you need me to assist with?" She seemed to enjoy feeling useful to River.

 

"Oh, that's wonderful, thank you." River smiled, appreciating the help, "I can't think of anything else right now, but you're welcome to stay and sit in on the class if you'd like." She offered, not noticing the broken filter around her neck.

 

As the woman stepped closer to River to say something, she hesitated, seeing exactly what the filter was now failing to hide. River looked at the woman, confused as to what she was looking at, believing that the perception filter was still working, "Something wrong?"

 

"Um..." She was at a loss for words. No one one the campus would even have a guess as to how this was possible, as perception filters were not to be invented for another few decades and were not to be accessible the public for a long time to come. "Pardon me for asking... but is that the reason you were absent yesterday?" She pointed a finger towards River's middle.

 

River swallowed, looked down realizing what she was talking about. "No, it wasn't." She murmured, taking the filter off from around her neck and setting it down on the desk, "It was a different, personal matter."

 

"Oh, well, I do hope everything is okay." She still looked very anxious and confused, but was too polite to actually attempt to question the protruding baby bump.

 

She nodded, "I'm sure you're wondering how this happened in a matter of days, I assure you it didn't. My husband… is an inventor and he just made a device that's supposed to mask and make certain things less noticeable. I was testing it the other day, which is why I didn't look like this… Though it seems to have broken..." She quickly came up with a fairly suitable lie.  

 

"I see." The woman relaxed now. "Congratulations to the both of you, Professor."

 

River smiled, leaning against the desk, "Thank you."

 

"You certainly fooled me the other day. Your husband must be brilliant at his work. I'm sure your students will be thrilled for you." She smiled. "If you need any help, I'll be in the research lab for most of the day."

 

She nodded, "Thank you again." With another smile the woman left to get to work on her own doings. River sat down in the chair at her desk, closing her eyes for a moment. She then went to work setting out her papers and retouching her notes.

 

-x-

 

It was half past noon by the time lunch finally rolled around. The students filed out of the classroom, some talking about being very hungry and others complaining about the homework that had been assigned.

 

The TARDIS materialized a few minutes later next to River's desk, the Doctor strolling out with a few full containers of food under his arm and humming. River was reorganizing her notes, looking up at him with a smile when she heard his footsteps, "Lunch time already?"

 

"Yup." He pulled up a chair and set the food down on her desk, opening up the containers. "I made some chicken and rice for you and I brought some salad, too."

 

"Thank you, dear." She smiled softly, slowly easing herself into her chair, "It smells wonderfu. How are the girls?"

 

"They're fine. Freya's discovered that if she puts on her roller-skates and pushes Amelia than they can go very fast. The TARDIS made them a track to go on, don't worry, I made them wear helmets, knee pads, and elbow pads."

 

She still looked quite alarmed, "They what? Even with all of those things, they could still get hurt."

 

"Vastra's watching them right now, there's no need to worry. Besides, they get tired out pretty fast." He assured.

 

She nodded slowly, "I'd appreciate no roller blading in the TARDIS next time." She murmured.

 

"Right. Sorry. I'll make sure of that." He said, before noticing that her perception filter wasn't on. "River? Where'd your perception filter go?"

 

"It broke." She sighed, reaching into her bag and pulled it out. "As soon as I got here, it stopped working."

 

"It's not supposed to to that..." He frowned curiously. "What did you say when people asked?"

 

She shrugged, "I said that you were an inventor and I was testing out a masking device that you had invented."

 

"Oh." He thought this was a pretty clever lie, though still seemed anxious about the fact the River had still not been wearing the filter. "...Your chicken is going to get cold."

 

Like that morning, she only picked at her food, eating small amounts, "What's wrong? You seem upset?"

 

He shook his head. "Nothing's wrong, I'm not upset." He insisted, taking a piece of chicken for himself, a bit glad that she was at least taking some bites.

 

She only ate a quarter of what he brought for her, soon becoming distracted by Arthur's tumbling around.

 

_Papa!_ He seemed excited, detecting the Doctor's voice.

 

"Arthur's very excited to hear you." She murmured, rubbing her belly, glancing up at him.

 

He smiled and rounded the desk to feel him kick against his hand. "Hello, there."

 

"He says he missed you." She murmured, placing her hands over his.

 

"It's only been a few hours, lovie. But I missed you, too." He said to her belly then looked up. "Both of you."

 

She ran her hand along his cheek, "He doesn't have much of a concept of time, my love."

 

"Bit ironic that a Timelord child doesn't have a concept of time, don't you think?" He chuckled, "I called Clara and told her that the girls will be starting school soon. It's May for her right now, so she's working on getting all the forms and things for us."

 

River smiled weakly and nodded, "I can't believe they're going to be going to school soon."

 

"It is pretty shocking, isn't it. It feels like such a long time ago that we even thought about sending them to school." He agreed.

 

She took his hand, squeezing it. "They're getting so big."

 

"Yes... children to tend to do that." He leaned closer to her bump. "You'll get big and strong, too. Just like your sisters."

 

She kissed the top of his head gently, "I should get back to work."

 

The Doctor pouted. "Do you _have_ to?"

 

"I'm sorry, my darling." She murmured, "Are you sure everything's okay?"

 

"Just worried is all, you know me. It's your first day back, it's just going to take a bit to get used to you being here most of the day."

 

She smiled softly, "I'll be fine. Luna is very safe."

 

"I know." He murmured. Luna didn't have any records of a major security breach in the 51 century, but that wasn't enough to convince him completely. "I know it is."

 

"I'll see you again in a few more hours."

 

"I'll leave the chicken here for you, then." He stood enough that he could kiss her.

 

She kissed him back softly, "Alright, I'll see you soon." He stole another quick kiss before going back into the TARDIS, the ship leaving again after a minute. She sighed, going back to her notes.

  
  


It wasn't long before the post-lunch students arrived for their lesson, chattering away about this and that. The rumor of River's pregnancy had reached them, and was now confirmed as they laid eyes on their professor.

 

River’s confidence never faltered as she was bombarded with questions, answering them cooly, with lies of course.

 

"Are you going on maternity leave soon, then? Will you come back after?" One girl asked.

 

She hesitated at this question, unsure if she should tell the truth, "I'll be leaving in a few months." She answered the first question.

 

"Yeah, but will you come back? I mean, I don't really want a sub for the rest of the year."

 

She smiled softly, "I don't know if I'll be able to come back."

 

"Aw, but why not?" The girl complained. "Can't you get a nanny or something? None of the substitutes can teach like you can."

 

"Well, we've found some..complications." River sighed.

 

A murmuring rose in the class and the girl frowned. "Complications? With your baby?"

 

She held her breath, figuring that if she was going to go on maternity leave and never come back, her students deserved to know the reason why she was abandoning them, "Not necessarily with my baby, but when it comes to the delivery..." She stopped, swallowing and looking around the room.

 

Everyone was looking at her, faces confused and concerned. "Then what?"

 

"I probably will not survive the delivery." She looked at the crowd of students. Her words were met with silence, the whole class in a mix of shock.

 

The girl who had originally asked the question burst out crying, resembling more of a primary school student, than a university student. "I don't want you to die!"

 

River was surprised by this reaction, she hadn't imagined that her students would care that much. Her reaction reminded very much of how she would imagine Amelia or Freya reacting and her motherly instincts kicked in. She grabbed a few tissues from her desk and walked over to the girl, "Believe me, I don't want to either, but I don't really get to just opt out. I've lived a long, wonderful life. I've seen places you couldn't even imagine, done extraordinary things. I've loved being an archeologist and a professor, I have a wonderful family. There is so much to be happy and thankful for, and now, my time is ending, but someone else's is just starting. I'm sure they'll find a wonderful, qualified replacement to teach you."

 

"But they won't be _you_.  It's not _fair_." She sniffled, wiping her nose with the tissue. "There was a memorial, four years ago when Mr. Lux came back from the Library alone. I wasn't enrolled here back then, but my older brother was a student of yours... so many families came, including mine, and they talked so much about all of the great things you did, all of the sacrifices you made. You sounded like a superhero, that's part of the reason that I wanted to take this class.. it's just not fair. After all you've been through, it's just not fair."

 

River smiled softly, "I know. But you are all wonderful students and you're capable of so much. You'll do well with or without me here. When I leave, I want you all to work and study just as you would have if I was still here. I want you to go on to do great things, make discoveries that will change history, make the world better for future generations. I have two little girls at home and they'll need good role models like you in their lives. So, if you take away one thing from my class, let it be this: be brave, be loving and do your best, no matter what the situation. Make me proud to have taught you, don't doubt that I'll be watching from...where ever I am."

 

The students nodded solemnly. The girl wiped her eyes again as there were a few more sniffles throughout the class. "I hope it's peaceful." She whispered. "I hope that you live out your last few months without grief."

 

"Thank you." She pat the girl's arm, "I would appreciate it if this wasn't widely discussed outside of my classroom. It is a rather personal matter, and I'm confiding in you all as my students, as I believe you have a right to know why I won't be returning."

 

They all nodded as to say none of them would tell, but it was still more than likely that most of the school would know by tomorrow morning. "Now, let's get back to the lesson, shall we?" Mumbles of yes resumed the class, though many of the students were distracted and unfocused.

 

River did her best to go on with the lesson, though she knew most of them weren't paying attention anyway. She ended up dismissing them early, figuring that she was just going to have to reteach them the same lesson the next day anyway. Some of the students stayed to get questions answered about the homework, but left soon after.

 

The TARDIS materialized a bit later and this time it was the girls who came skipping out. River beamed when she saw them, capturing them both in a hug, "Hello, my darlings!" She kissed both of their foreheads, relieved to see them after this long day.

 

"Daddy said that we could come get you since he's setting up the surprise!" Freya bounced and Amelia would have, had she not been chair bound.

 

She raised an eyebrow, "Surprise? What surprise?"

 

"We can't tell you, it's supposed to be a surprise!" Amelia giggled.

 

She smiled, "Alright, let me get my things and then we'll go, yeah?"

 

They nodded. "Is this your work office?"

 

"Well, this isn't really my office, but this is where I teach all of my students." River explained as she gathered her papers and bags.

 

"Are they nice? Are they really really really smart?"

 

"Yes, they're very nice and smart." She nodded, "Maybe one day you'll get to meet some of them."

 

"Why can't we meet them now?" Freya wondered.

 

"Because they've all gone home to study now, and it's time for us to go home too. Are you ready?"

 

"Yeah." They nodded again and Freya wheeled her sister back into the TARDIS. "Daddy showed me which button to press to bring us to the surprise." She said before pressing a green one.  

 

River was surprised to hear that the surprise wasn't in the TARDIS, "Oh, well look at you! Such a big girl, knowing how to fly the TARDIS."

 

"He said that that button is called the return button and it goes to the last place Mumma TARDIS was." She informed her proudly as the ship lurched into flight.

  
"Yes, that's right." She put her things on the jump seat, helping to wheel Amelia to the door once they landed. 


	119. Honey, I’m Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He nodded to confirm. "I don't think you'll run into him again. But, you and your sister will be starting school on Monday. Real school, not just visiting school." 
> 
> Amelia frowned, "I don't like this surprise."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so update isn't late, but weekend is still busy. Hope y'all are having a good one. :) Comment and enjoy!

Ch 119

 

The three entered into the living room of the flat they'd bought, the furniture looking new and clean. There was a wonderful smell coming from the kitchen.

 

"Surprise!" The girls cried together.

 

River’s whole face lit up as she looked around the room, "Oh my....It looks lovely in here."

 

"Daddy said we were gonna have a big dinner to celebrate your first day back at work and there's gonna be cake and everything! And also that we were gonna use the human-y house more often now." Amelia informed her.

 

"Yes, he's right, we are." River smiled, going to the kitchen to see the Doctor after helping to get Amelia out of the TARDIS.

 

"Oh River! You're home!" The Doctor looked up from the stove. "Will you test taste this sauce?"

 

"I'd love to." She smiled, walking over to kiss him, "It looks wonderful in here."

 

"I'm glad you think so. Do you think you'll be up for eating some of this?" He gestured to the ravioli.

 

"Perhaps a bite or two." She murmured, kissing him again. It was better than nothing.

 

"I hope you at least have some room for cake." He kissed her back, abandoning the pasta for a moment.

 

She giggled, "I think I may be able to find some room." She nuzzled his cheek, happy to be home now.

 

He grinned. "I've got the forms from Clara, we can fill them out tonight so the girls can start by Monday." It was the last week of August when they were and he wasn't planning on being very non-linear about all of this, aside dropping River at work in the 51st century.

 

She smiled, "That sounds wonderful. Shall I round the girls up for dinner?"

 

He nodded. "We ought to tell them tonight."

 

"We will, don't worry." She gave him another deep kiss, then went to go to get the girls.

 

They had pulled out crayons and paper and where drawing on the coffee table. River’s smile grew when she saw them, "Girls, it's time for dinner."

 

Freya pushed Amelia along to the kitchen. "Can we have the cake first?"

 

She laughed, "I'm afraid not, sweetheart."

 

"Oh... well can I get extra cake when we eat it, then?" She climbed onto her chair.

 

"We'll see, I don't want you to get sick." RIver helped set the table, then took her own seat.

 

"Alright, every one. Dinner is served!" The Doctor waltzed in with the ravioli and sauce in hand, placing it in the middle of the table. The girls ate quickly, eager to get to the dessert.

 

River told them about her students, talking about how much she liked being back at Luna and how wonderful everyone had been. The Doctor seemed very interested in hearing about her day, glad to see the change in how she'd been feeling yesterday. She looked so happy to be sharing dinner with her family, nearly glowing. She hadn't been this happy in months.

 

The girls told her about their drawings and adventures with the roller skates, not knowing that their father had already informed her. "And then we made a really big pillow fort and Auntie Vastra read us stories in it!"

 

"It sounds like you had a very fun day." River smiled, clearing away the dishes. "I can't wait to see some of the pictures you drew."

 

"We can show you after cake." Freya concluded, eager for the cake.

 

She nodded, going to put the dirty dishes in the washer and get clean ones for the cake. "I want a big piece!" Amelia and Freya said together.

 

"Do you want to cut it?" River asked the Doctor as she carried the plates to the table.

 

"Sure." He popped into the kitchen, bringing the cake and a knife back with him.

 

Freya bounced in her chair as her cake was served to her, licking her lips and digging in right away.

 

The Doctor chucked at her enthusiasm. "Something tells me that this is the kind of cake you want served at your birthday party." She nodded eagerly, mouth full of food. He served a small piece to himself and to River. "Mummy and I have a little surprise for you two."

 

"What surprise?" Amelia asked, mouth full of cake as well.

 

He glanced at River. "Do you remember those visiting days you did at the school where Auntie Clara's works?"  

 

Both girls nodded, "With Leah the boy that was mean to Amelia."

 

He nodded to confirm. "I don't think you'll run into him again. But, you and your sister will be starting school on Monday. Real school, not just visiting school."

 

Amelia frowned, "I don't like this surprise."

 

"Why not, sweetheart?"

 

"I don't wanna go to school." She whimpered, her lower lip trembling.

 

"It'll be fun, Amelia. You'll get to color and play and make friends." He looked at River for help.

 

"But I want to stay with you and Mumma and my baby brother." Tears started to trickle down her cheeks, and River quickly stood and went to wrap her arms tightly around the little girl.

 

"Mummy's going to be working while you're at school just like she did today. You won't be missing her, I promise. We'll be right there to pick you up after school everyday." He tried assuring.

 

Amelia whimpered, nuzzling into River's arms, "I don't want to go, please don't make me go."

 

He hadn't thought she'd be that upset about going to school. "...Are you afraid that someone's going to tease you again, dearie?" She nodded, not talking.

 

River picked her up out of the chair and sat down with Amelia in her lap, stroking her hair and rocking back and forth to calm her down.

 

"I don't wanna go, Mummy." She clung to River.

 

"Why not, my darling?" She kissed the top of her head, "School is so much fun, you'll have a wonderful time."

 

"I don't wanna have homework or be away from you guys for that long and what if they're mean? What if something happens to you or Daddy and I'm not there? What if me and Freya have different teachers? I wanna stay here!"

 

"They won't be mean, they'll be very kind. All the other boys and girls will be just as nervous as you are. Daddy and I will be fine and we'll make sure you and Freya are in the same class." She assured her, pressing another kiss to the side of her head.

 

"But what if it's hard and I can't answer any of the questions?" The class she'd visited was mostly full of older kids since that was the age group Clara taught. She hadn't known most of the answers to things.

 

"I promise it won't be hard. The class Auntie Clara was teaching was for much older kids, so it won't be as hard as that one was." River kissed her head once more, "You can do it, I know you can."

 

Amelia sniffed and nodded, starting to feel a bit better. "What if I can't walk by then? I'm not gonna be in a wheelchair for that long, am I?"

 

"No, you'll probably be feeling much better tomorrow." She smiled, "You'll be out of it by the time you go to school."

 

She nodded and stayed silent for a few more moments. "Can I have some more cake?" She asked shakily.

 

River nodded, "Of course, but only a little bit more."

 

Arthur kicked against Amelia's weight, not liking the space compression. The Doctor gave both of the girls a little more cake.

 

"Is my baby brother going to have to go to school, too?"

 

"Yes, but not until he's older. Now, finish up, you two need a bath tonight." River let Amelia stay on her lap as she finished eating her cake.

 

The girl ate slowly now, Arthur kicking against her still. _Need room._ River leaned back against the chair, hoping to get a bit more space between her middle and Amelia.

 

 _Better._ Arthur settled again. _What's cake? Why do sisters like it so much?_

 

 _You'll find out when you're older, love._ River responded, urging the girls to hurry once more as it was starting to get late.

 

The girls were rather sleepy by the time they finished their cake, eyes drooping. "Come on, let's go up for a quick bath." River shooed them upstairs after clearing away the dishes.

 

"Mummy?" Freya called. "How do we get Mia up the stairs?"

 

"I'll carry her." River offered. She wasn't supposed to be lifting things as heavy as Amelia, but she had been disregarding that rule a lot during this pregnancy.

 

"Why don't the let me do that?" The Doctor said, not wanting her to lift Amelia.

 

"No, it's alright. I can do it." She stood, holding Amelia in her arms, not understanding that he didn't want her to.

 

"You shouldn't be lifting heavy things, Riv. Let me." He urged. She realized what he was talking about, letting him take the girl from her arms. Instead, she lead Freya upstairs where the cats were exploring their new territory.

 

The Doctor turned on the bath for them, making sure the water was nice and warm. "Would you girls like to learn how to play football tomorrow?"

 

They nodded eagerly, the idea sounding fun to them. River had gone to get their pajamas out for them. "Auntie Vastra said that she wanted to make a shower for Mummy and our baby brother." Freya said, the bath reminding her of the shower her aunt had mentioned. She didn't quite understand what she had meant, thinking she meant an actual shower.

 

"A baby shower? That does sound like a nice idea." They hadn't had a baby shower with the girls or with William, but he rather liked the idea, thinking maybe he could surprise River with it.

 

"What's a baby shower?" She asked, helping her rubber duck float through the bubbles.

 

"It's like... a party, sort of. When parents are expecting a baby, they tell all of their friends and family and then everyone is so excited that they throw a little party and give the parents all sort of stuff for the baby like pacifiers and bottles and baby clothes." He explained.

 

"Is it a surprise party?" Amelia asked, liking the sound of a party, hoping there would be more cake.

 

"It can be if we want it to be. Do you think we should surprise mummy with a baby shower?" He asked, playfully putting soap on her nose.

 

She giggled and nodded, "Can we make cake too?"

 

"Yes," He grinned. "We can make cake for the baby shower."

 

River returned a few minutes later, sitting down beside the Doctor, "Do you two need help washing your hair?"

 

"Yeah! I want you to wash my hair. And Daddy can do Mia's." Freya insisted. River smiled, leaning over the tub to help her, lathering the soap through her hair. Freya hummed happily. "Will you read us a story tonight?"

 

"Of course." She murmured, washing out the girl's hair once she was finished.

 

"Did we make sure my stuffies are all here?" Amelia asked.

 

She nodded again, "Yes, I made sure they were all on your bed waiting for you."

 

"And my blankie too?" Amelia didn't want a repeat of what happened at Clara's house.

  
  


"Yes, of course, your blankie too." River smiled, "Don't worry, everything's here."

 

"Good." She yawned. "Bed now?"

 

"Yes, my lovely, bed now." She murmured, going to lift her.

 

"River, you shouldn't lift her." The Doctor reminded. She sighed, instead going to get the two girls towels.

 

The Doctor scooped Freya out of the bath, setting her on her feet and doing to same for Amelia, but keeping her in his arms since she couldn't stand. River wrapped a towel around Freya and then Amelia, giving them each a soft kiss. "Alright, pajamas now."

 

They went to their room in the house and after they were changed, snuggled up to River for a story. She read to them about a princess saving herself from a dragon, her voice growing softer and softer as the two little girls drifted off.

 

"Maybe we should go to bed, too." The Doctor whispered once the girls had been put into their beds and tucked in.

 

"But I've barely seen you all day." She pouted, leading him out of the room.

 

"A little tea before bed, then?" He suggested.

 

"Or maybe a tour of the house?" She smiled, catching his hand in hers.

 

"Didn't we get a tour when we were buying it?"

 

"Well, yes, but I thought… since it's pretty much finished now, maybe you'd..." She stopped, shaking her head, "Never mind, 'was silly, let's just go to bed."

 

"River, we can tour the house again if you want to." He said softly. "I wasn't saying no, I was only wondering."

 

"No, no..." She smiled weakly, "Let's go to bed." He nodded and squeezed her hand. She followed him back to their new room, quiet as they walked.

 

"So I started into research today." The Doctor said as they entered and he went his dresser to fetch pajamas. The room wasn't too complicated, a bed for two in the middle, two night side tables, two dressers, and a bathroom connecting to the room. Their clothes had been moved, as well as other possessions such as River's diary and picture box had been put on her dresser. There was only one closet which wasn't a walk-in like on the TARDIS. "I think I may have found something."

 

"Hmm?" She hummed, looking through the drawers, trying to find her nightgown.

 

"The research on... a special last time." He said. "There's this plant... well technically it's a weed. Silurians use it, actually." He started to explain.

 

"Is it safe for the baby?" She asked, huffing when she found that all the nightgowns that had been brought in the house were too small.

 

"That's to part I still have to look into. It's a bit complicated. Silurians use it for the same purpose we would since they don't birth live offspring, they lay eggs that they have to be careful not to crack during pregnancy." He rambled, "But of course you're not a Silurian so the effects could be different. I should ask Vastra if she can get us some. It's usually made into a paste and I think I can alter it so it's effects will still work but will be safe to inject and- are you okay?" He asked at her huff.

 

"Yes, yes, I'm fine." She sighed, "I can't seem to find anything that fits, but what you're saying sounds like it may work."

 

"I thought I had brought it the right sizes." He peered over her shoulder into the drawer. "Maybe you should grab something from the TARDIS?"

 

"I'll be back in a minute." She sighed, leaving the room.

 

"Um, alright. I'll be here." He replied. He moved to sit on the bed and wait with a book.

 

She looked rather annoyed when she came back, "Where are all my nightgowns?"

 

He peered up from the book. "What do you mean?"

 

"I can't find any of my nightgowns." She put her hands on her hips, frowning.

 

He frowned as well, though more out of confusion. "I didn't put all of them here. The TARDIS didn't make you _any_ new ones?"

 

She frowned, "No, my drawers were completely empty and I couldn't find anything in my closet."

 

"Do you want to borrow some of my pajamas? Or you could just sleep naked." He teased.

 

"I think I'll pass on sleeping naked." She went back to the drawers, stealing one of his shirts.

 

"Pajama pants are in the bottom one." He told her, putting the book on the nightstand.

 

She slid on the shirt which reached halfway down her thighs. "I think I'm alright." She crawled onto the bed, sliding beneath the sheets.

 

He shifted on his side so he was facing her. "So you seem to have had a pretty good day from what I heard."

 

She nodded, rubbing her abdomen, "Yes, it was very nice… I told my students about what's going to happen..."

 

"With you and the baby?" This seemed to surprise him. "How did they take it?"

 

She nodded slowly, "They were all very upset, some of them started crying."

 

"Oh dear..." He took her hand again. "... And what about you? How did you deal with that?"

 

"I told them that I was very happy at this point in my life. I've done a lot of things in my life, and now it's someone else's turn."

 

"I'm glad to hear that you're happy." He offered a small smile.

 

"I was thinking and...." She swallowed, closing her eyes and letting out a shaky sigh, "Never mind."

 

"No, tell me. What is it?"

 

"We're not going to be married in a few months." She whispered, she didn't know why she had brought it up, but the realization had just dawned on her.

 

"I guess... _technically_ not..." He puzzled a bit. "Why?"

 

She shook her head, looking away so he wouldn't see the tears in her eyes, "I just want you to know how much I love you."

 

He brought her hand up to his lips and kissed her knuckles. "I love you, too, River. So, so much. And just because you'll be gone, doesn't mean I'll stop loving you. It doesn't mean I'll stop wearing the ring and it doesn't mean you'll stop being my wife."

 

She turned so she was curled against him, her free hand covering her face. A few tears dripped onto his shirt, "I want to stay with you."

 

"I want you to stay, too." He wrapped his arms tightly around her and kissed the side of her head. "You're here now, though. Now is what matters." She nodded, sniffling quietly. "Hey... it's okay. I've got you. Sh... I've got you, now." He soothed, rubbing her back. She was quiet, just listening to his voice, calming down. He continued to murmur to her, gently assuring her and playing with her curls a bit. She was relaxed again within minutes.

 

"Better?" He asked slowly once he felt her hearts and breathing steady. She nodded, still not talking, but feeling much better. "I love you." He whispered.

 

"I love you too." She murmured, finally looking up at him. He smiled warmly at her.

 

"Would you like to sleep? ...Or we could fill out the school forms if you don't want to."

 

"Let's go fill out the school forms." She whispered, starting to get up again.

  
He slipped out of bed a bit clumsily. "I put them in your office." She nodded, following him back to her office to retrieve the papers. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit: Next update after the weekend. I just don't have any time until then, sry!


	120. Arthur

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He kicked no again, wanting to know about William, thinking that he was just a quiet sister.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the gap, had a very busy weekend! That said, I still don't know when the next update will be, probably closer to the weekend, sry! Enjoy and comments please.

Ch 120

 

The Doctor hadn't moved any of River’s official papers to her office yet, thinking he might accidentally mess up the order, but had brought some personal things of hers like framed pictures.

 

"We should make this room into a playroom." River murmured, looking around.

 

"You think so?" He looked around the space. "You don't want it to be your office?"

 

"Well, I won't be needing it soon..." She swallowed, "And plus, I already have one on the TARDIS."

 

He nodded. "I think that's a great idea. Come on. Let's go fill out these forms." She grabbed the forms off the desk and followed him out.

 

They settled on the couch, the Doctor pulling out a pen from his pocket. River handed him the papers and grabbed a blanket, draping it over them.

 

"Alright, let’s see then..." He looked over all the papers. "These are the parental forms," He handed them to River.

 

"And these are reflections that the girls have to do." He put those papers on the coffee table.

 

"Do you want me to fill them out?" She asked, holding her hand out for the pen.

 

"Let's do them together." He handed her the pen. "What's the first thing on there?"

 

"Basic information like their names, our names, our address."

 

"Do you think you and I should use fake names... just in case?"

 

She frowned slightly, "I thought we weren't going to hide here." She murmured, "There wouldn't be a point in using fake names if the girls are using their real ones, and I don't want to make them lie more than they already have to."

 

He nodded. "Right, though I don’t think ‘Doctor’ will be acceptable as my only title. ."

 

"Mister John Smith and Doctor River Song." She spoke as she wrote, smiling.

 

"Residing at 460 Haskalle Street." He added, having an address being rather unfamiliar to him. She wrote down the information, both of them answering the questions as she wrote.

 

He yawned as they neared the end. "'Is there anything you would like us to know about the person(s)  entering Coal Hill School?'" He read the question.

 

She looked at the paper for a few minutes, then up at him, "What would you like me to write?"

 

"Hmm...." He thought. "That Amelia is getting over an injury, and that they could get homesick easily." She wrote down what he said, adding that they were very imaginative girls.

 

Arthur was getting restless, wanting some attention too. _I want a story!_

 

"Maybe we should also add that they're going to have a little brother soon." The Doctor said.

 

She shook her head, "No, I'm sure they'll be telling everyone themselves." She smiled softly, rubbing circles on her abdomen.

 

"Are we going to pull them out of school for a day when the baby comes?" He asked.

 

_Story!_ Arthur demanded.

 

"I don't know..." She whispered, "I want to say goodbye, but there's no point in them sitting around and waiting for the baby to come."

 

"True..." He was starting to think they should save this conversation for later, as to avoid breaking down.

 

Arthur kicked a bit harder in protest of being ignored. River winced, pressing a hand to her side, "Settle down, William." She breathed, accidentally saying the wrong name.

 

The Doctor held his breath at the  misnaming. "...Arthur." He corrected quietly.

 

"What?" She looked up at him, confused for a moment, not realizing his mistake.

 

"You said..." He paused wondering if this was really a mistake she wanted to know she'd made. "Nevermind."

 

"No.....what did I say?"

 

He bit his lip. "...You said William."

 

Her breath caught in her throat, "Oh...I'm sorry...I was a mistake."

 

"I know. I know it was." He looked down for a moment. "Just surprised me is all."

 

She nodded, closing her eyes, "Um... Arthur. Arthur has been asking for a story."

 

"Would you like me to tell him one?" He stroked the back of her hand with his thumb. She nodded slowly, squeezing his hand tightly. He gently re-positioned himself closer to River's belly. "Now what kind of story would you like. How about the Three Sleepy Daleks?"

 

Arthur kicked roughly, signaling that that wasn't what he wanted to hear.

 

"No? How about one about one of my adventures with mummy?"

 

He kicked no again, wanting to know about William, thinking that he was just a quiet sister.

 

"River? What kind of story does he want?" He couldn't exactly read his mind like River could.

 

"He wants to hear about William." She whispered, her voice almost inaudible.

 

"Oh." His tone matched hers. "...I'm sorry Arthur, I can't tell you a story about William... there aren't any." At least none that were appropriate for a fetus to hear.

 

River covered her face with her hand, taking a deep breath.

 

"I'm sorry." He wasn't really sure who he was apologizing to.

 

"Why are you apologizing?"

 

He shrugged. "For neither of you getting the story you'd rather hear."

 

"That's not your fault." She entwined her fingers with his, tugging him close to her, "It's mine."

 

"It's no one's fault." He murmured. She was quiet, holding his hand tightly. "...Arthur, do you have a second choice for storytime?"

 

"He wants to hear about the the adventures we're all going to have together." She murmured.

 

He smiled weakly. "There's so many places we'll all go once you're born... All five of us. There's a planet that has mountains that sway in the breeze. There's places with purple skies and silver oceans and cities with lots of interesting people." River smiled weakly as she listened, feeling Arthur slowly fall asleep.

 

He spent the next ten minutes telling Arthur about the universe and it's wonders before looking up at River. "I didn't bore him to sleep did I?" He asked a bit playfully.

 

"Of course not." She smiled softly, "You lulled him to sleep with happy things to dream about."

 

He nuzzled into her side. "I'm glad."

 

"Can we just sleep here?" She murmured, already tired herself.

 

"If you want a backache all day tomorrow. Why don't I carry you to our room?"

 

"You can't carry me up the stairs." She murmured, "I don't want to move."

 

"You underestimate my strength." He teased. "But if you really don't want to move, I think this is a pullout couch.”

 

"I'll let you carry me if you promise not to drop me." She murmured.

 

"Promise. And if I do drop you than you can make me sleep on the couch."

 

"No, if you drop me, then you'll be taking me to the med bay and sleeping there." She held her arms up towards him.

 

He scooped her up. "Oh, wow, you really are _so_ -" He stopped himself before he could say heavy. "...Beautiful."

 

She glared at him, smacking his arm lightly "Oh, why thank you, honey. For a moment there I thought you were going to say _heavy_."

 

"What, me? Say that? Never." He smiled childishly. "Now, off to bed, Professor Song. You've got classes to teach in the morning."

 

She hummed, burrowing beneath the covers once they made it to their new room. "See?" He kissed her forehead then slipped into bed next to her. "Told you I wouldn't drop you."

 

"You're not out of breath, are you?" She raised an eyebrow, smiling.

 

"It was only one flight of stairs, hardly enough to get me out of breath." He said smugly snuggling close to her. She giggled, closing her eyes. "Sweet dreams, River." He kissed her again softly.

 

"Goodnight." She murmured, falling asleep quickly.

 

 

* * *

 

 

In the middle of the night,  River was shaking him awake again. He groaned, not really waking up. "Hmph... sleeping."

 

"Doctor," She groaned, shaking him once more, "I need you to get up. Please..."

 

He reluctantly opened his eyes and yawned before sitting up, scrubbing his hand over his face. "What is it?"

 

"I'm having an emergency." She looked up at him sleepily, yawning.

 

This seemed to catch his attention more. "What is it? Are you okay? Is the baby okay?" He fumbled for the switch on the lamp.

 

"No, no. We need gingerbread cookies with strawberry jam and peach marmalade." She looked up at him, very sleepily.

 

"Wait, what?" He stared at her having thought there was something medically wrong.

 

"I need gingerbread cookies with strawberry jam and peach marmalade." She repeated, "It's an emergency."

 

"Hang on, so you're not bleeding or anything? Just... cravings?" He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and put on his slippers, unconsciously getting ready to fetch the desired food.

She nodded, "But it's just as much of an emergency as it would be if I were bleeding."

 

"Right..." He didn't agree with that, but was to tired to argue the point. "I don't think we have any of those in the house."

 

"Can you get them then?" She murmured, looking up at him with a look half pleading and half asleep.

 

He sighed. "I'll be right back." He tiredly trudged down stairs and hopped in the TARDIS.

 

He re-materialized a moment later, going back up the stairs with the food in hand. "There. Gingerbread cookies fresh out of the bakery, strawberry jam and peach marmalade."

 

He realized she was asleep again, snuggled in the blankets. "I guess it'll have to wait for breakfast then..." He put the food on her night stand and climbed back into bed after turning out the light. He didn't think to wake her since she might have a different craving and make him go out again.

 

"Sweetie?" She murmured when she felt the bed shift with his weight.

 

"Yes?" He replied, not having had the chance to fall asleep again.

 

"Did you bring my cake?" She opened her eyes slowly.

 

"Cake? You said gingerbread cookies. They're on your nightstand."

 

"Oh...I meant cake." She hugged her pillow tightly. "...Strawberry shortcake." She yawned,

 

"Do you want me to get it?"

 

"No, no." He sighed. "I'm already up, I'll get some." He got out of bed again, went to the TARDIS again, and came back again with a small strawberry shortcake.

 

"Do we have extra strawberry sauce for this?" She asked, looking sleepy, but happy when he came back with her cake.

 

"There's strawberry jam." He pointed to the jar, hopping that it counted as the same thing.

 

She frowned slightly, "But that's jam, it's different."

 

"I'll go get some..." He sighed, handing her the cake and giving her a kiss before going back down to the TARDIS again.

 

By the time he got back, which wasn't any more than 15 minutes, she was pretty much done with her cake, Tiber curled up in the Doctor's spot on the bed.

 

It was the most he'd seen her eat in a while, which made the many trips out to get her food more worth it. "I take it you don't want this anymore?" He held up the strawberry sauce.

 

"There's no more cake to put it on." She smiled up at him, shaking her head, "I'm sorry, darling. I thought that I would need it, but it was very good without."

 

"It's alright." He put the jar with the others. "Satisfied, or is there more food that 'Arthur' desperately needs?"

 

"Well, I think he may like a glass of water now." She grinned.

 

"Well that I can do without even leaving the house." He popped downstairs  and brought back a glass of water. She smiled when he returned, happy that she hadn't had to get up at all during this time.

 

"Now is it safe to get into bed and not get up again?" He asked.

 

"Well, I think someone has stolen your place." She glanced over at Tiber, "And I think I need one more thing."

 

"And what might that be?" He glanced at Tiber who looked too happy to move.

 

"A kiss?" She smiled, batting her eyelashes for him.

 

"That's something you don't need to ask for." He rounded the bed to her side and leaned down to kiss her thoroughly. She tasted sweet like the strawberry shortcake.

 

She beamed, cupping his face in her hands. "Is waking me up in the middle of the night to fetch your cravings going to become a regular thing?" He asked once they'd paused for air.

 

She giggled quietly, pressing her forehead to his, "Maybe."

 

"It would be easier if you knew what you're going to want before hand so I don't have to travel half way across the universe for mocha-pistachio ice cream. Okay, slight exaggeration, but still. Having an algorithm to predict your cravings would be nice."

 

River hummed, "I'm sorry, sweetie, but it doesn't really work like that. I don't have control over my cravings, but now that you mention it, mocha-pistachio ice cream sounds really good."

 

"You couldn't wait until breakfast, could you? Or is this another 'emergency.'" He glanced at the clock on the table which still read a _very_ early hour of the morning.

 

"Well... I suppose, if you want to _deprive_ your wife and baby of ice cream until breakfast, we'll survive." She teased.

 

He bopped her nose affectionately. "You just had an entire cake. How can you have room for more sweets?"

 

She narrowed her eyes playfully, "Are you saying that I'm eating too much sweets?"

 

"No, no." He said quickly. "Not at all."

 

"Really?" She raised an eyebrow, "It sure sounds like it."

 

"Well that's not what I meant. I just meant that I'd rather not go back out again." He gave her his best puppy-dog eyes.

 

She pouted, circling her hand over her stomach, "Arthur, I don't think Daddy's going to go and get our ice cream for us." Arthur kicked in protest, deciding that he wanted whatever 'ice cream' was.

 

"Using our baby to guilt me?" He exaggerated a sigh. "Very well, I'll be back in a mo’ with your ice cream. But you have to share."

 

She gigged, blowing him a kiss as he left, "Hurry back, sweetie, I'm _famished._ "

  
"Snack on the cookies!" He called back, before hopping into the TARDIS. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, I updated my computer to windows 10 and lost the ability to scroll with my mouse pad??? Help plz??


	121. Time and Time Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Here." He tried to offer. She shook her head, flushing away the contents of her stomach and starting to clean herself up. "So much for the strawberry short cake." He muttered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I think I'm back on my usual posting schedule, yay for that. Still can't use my mouse pad, though >/ Also happy Hannuka for those who celebrate that. Enjoy and comment!

Ch 121

 

The Doctor made sure to rematerialize in their room this time, just in case he were to have to go back out again. River eagerly awaited his return, Tiber crawling up on her lap while he was gone.

 

"Oh, good you're back!" She beamed.

 

"I'm back." He nodded,  holding up two spoons and a pint of ice cream. "And it looks like I have my spot back." He got back into bed next to her.

 

She smiled, stroking Tiber's head, "I think you've earned it."

 

"Have I earned a kiss, too?" He asked hopefully.

 

She laughed and nodded, "Of course you have." He leaned up and pressed his lips to hers, humming satisfactorily. She giggled again, as the pulled away, stealing the ice cream from his hands.

 

He handed one of the spoon over to her. "Mocha-pistachio, I've never had this flavour before."

 

She shrugged, "Neither have I." She curled against him, taking her spoon and peeling back the top of the ice cream, taking a spoonful and holding it to his lips.

 

He hummed, tasting it. "I've had worse. -Hang on- how can you have a craving for something you've never had before?"

 

She shrugged, "It just sounded really good." She grinned, following her words with a kiss. Tiber mewed in protest of River moving so much. The Doctor cupped his wife's cheeks, smiling against her lips. "I love you." She murmured, stroking Tiber's head to quiet him.

 

"I love you, too." He whispered pressing his forehead to hers. "Always."

 

She suddenly groaned, pulling away from him and putting a hand to her side. He looked startled. "River? River, what's wrong?"

 

She shook her head, "I don't know..." She pressed her lips together, holding her breath.

 

"Are you in pain?" He asked urgently.

 

She shook her head, "I-'m alright."

 

"Are you sure?" He didn't believe her. She nodded, starting to relax again as the pain subsided. "Maybe we should go the medbay..." He fretted.

 

"No, no." She said quickly, shooing Tiber off of her lap and rubbing soothing circles around her middle, "It's stopping, and besides, our ice cream will melt."

 

"We can bring the ice cream with us." Tiber glared and resettled at her feet. "Tell you what, if it happens again, we're going to the medbay. Deal?"

 

"Just… eat up." She murmured, closing her eyes. He didn't move, watching her carefully.

 

Only a few moments later, she shot up, running to the bathroom.

 

The Doctor and Tiber jumped in surprise, the cat scrambling out of the room. "River?" He was even more concerned now and got up to see if she was alright.

 

She didn't answer, busy throwing up pretty much everything she had eaten that night into the toilet. "River, I'm coming in." He said, frowning at the sound of her retching. She couldn't answer as another weave of vomit hit her.

 

He went and fetched the glass of water he had got for her earlier and returned. "Here." He tried to offer. She shook her head, flushing away the contents of her stomach and starting to clean herself up. "So much for the strawberry short cake." He muttered. "Do you need anything?"

 

"No..." She finally breathed, rubbing her forehead, "I'm alright."

 

"I wouldn't qualify being sick into the loo as 'alright'." He sat next to her and felt her forehead.

 

"I don't have a fever." She whispered, rubbing her temples.

 

"I can feel that." He confirmed. "Are you nauseous?"

 

"Not anymore." She whispered, closing her eyes and sighing.

 

"And no more pain?" He asked.

 

She shook her head, "No more pain." She whispered.

 

"Well that's a good sign... maybe you were just eating too fast?"

 

She clutched his hand tightly, the pain starting to return, "I don't think so."

 

He hesitated, panic returning when she held his hand tighter. "...River?"

 

"I'm okay." She whispered through the pain, "I'm okay."

 

"You're in pain again." He rubbed her shoulder with his free hand. "Please, River, just let me see what's wrong."

 

She shook her head, squeezing his hand as tightly as she could, "I want to stay here."

 

"But you could be in danger. Our baby could be in danger. Pain isn't to be taken lightly with this pregnancy." He knew better than to wince at how hard she held his hand.

 

She shook her head again, looking panicked, "No, Doctor, please..." She whispered, she was scared, terrified, "I don't want to go, it'll stop on it's own. I promise if things get any worse, we can go."

 

He was taken back by the fear in her voice. "...Why do you want to stay here so much?"

 

"Please, let's just stay." She begged, not answering him.

 

"Is it the room? Would it help if I brought the equipment in here?" He pushed.

 

"No!" She took a deep breath to try to calm down, "I don't want you to leave me. I want to be in this house, with you." She was afraid to go and run the tests, afraid of what they might find, "It's stopping again, I'll be okay."

 

He fell quiet, mentally disagreeing with her. "...I'm not going to leave you." He said after a moment, silently counting the time since the last pain ended. "I'm never going to leave you. I just want to take care of you." He didn't try to make her move, holding her to him tightly.

 

"Please, please, please..." She continued, "I'm not ready to leave you."

 

"You're not going to leave me yet. Not tonight." He promised, wondering if she was talking to him or herself. She held fiercely onto him, not in pain this time, but because she was afraid to let him go. "I've got you, Riv. You're not leaving me, I've got you." He rocked her a little, trying to calm her as best that he could.

 

She leaned against him, closing her eyes and trying to relax, somehow falling asleep after a few minutes. He continued to hold her until he realized that she was asleep. He lifted her, and carried her back to bed, tucking her neatly under the covers and making sure there was a bowl next to her in case she were to be sick again. He got back into bed next to her, pressing up against her so her back was against his chest.

 

Through the rest of the night, River made occasional whimpers of pain and grunts of discomfort, but she never fully woke up again. The Doctor didn't sleep, too worried to do so. He made sure she wasn't bleeding and timed all of her pains and intervals between them.

 

An hour or so, before the girls woke, she winced, her hand attempting to grab for his, "...Doctor?" She mumbled, sleepily.

 

"Yes, love?" He reached for her hand, letting her squeeze it. She just squeezed his hand, then shifted so she was facing him once the pain subsided, before falling back to sleep. He stroked her cheek out of habit. He wanted to give her something to stop the pain, he wanted to run tests to make sure Arthur was okay, to make sure she was okay, but wouldn't without her saying he could.

 

Amelia came tip toeing into their room an hour later, peeking up over the bed. The Doctor didn't notice her, busy with his thoughts and counting seconds. River's body went rigid again, relaxing a minute later.

 

He couldn't wait around any longer. He had to do something, anything. He sat up, startled to see Amelia. "Amelia? Where's your wheelchair?"

 

"I left it in my room. My legs feel better." She smiled, trying to crawl up on the bed.

 

"That's good. Is your sister still asleep?" He asked, helping her up.

 

She nodded, snuggling under the covers once she got up, "Is Mummy still sleeping too?"

 

"Yes. It seems so." He wondered why hadn't woken yet. "She had a long night." River clutched at the blankets again, though Amelia didn't seem to notice. "237 seconds..." He whispered marking her time since the end of the last pain and the start of this one, then started counting again. "Amelia, would you like to do me a huge favour?"

 

"Yes!" She nodded eagerly, happy to help him since it made her feel important.

 

"In the medicine room in the TARDIS, there's a box of pills labeled 'Terbutaline'. Would you go and get it for me?"  

 

She nodded, not knowing what it was, or how to spell it, but went anyway, in search of a box in the med bay with a "T" on it. The TARDIS made sure that Amelia found the right thing and didn't pick up anything like Tacrolimus or Tafluprost. She came running back, waving the Terbutaline in her hand, "Daddy! Daddy! I got it!"

 

He smiled. "Thank you, lovie. Would you like to help wake Mummy?" He didn't exactly want to wake her, thinking it better to let her do that on her own, but watching her tense up an pain every so often was too worrying for him. He had been timing the pains which seemed to be irregular like Braxton-hicks. Some were longer than others and some where far apart, but they hadn't stopped and he had a feeling that if he didn't do something to stop them, Arthur would be making an early appearance.

 

She beamed, running over to the other side of the bed and shaking River's shoulder, "Mumma! Mumma!" The Doctor got out the pills for her while he waited for River to stur.

 

River groaned, rubbing her eyes, "What, sweetheart? What is it?"

 

"Daddy said I could help wake you. I think he wants to give you medicine." She guessed since she was pretty sure the pills weren't for her or her father.  "Are you sick?"

 

"No, sweetie." She smiled sleepily, "I'm not sick. I just need to take vitamins for the baby." That was her usual response when the girls asked about all the medication she had been taking lately.

 

"Is Ter... um, trabut....try-butt-alin part of what you have to take?" She asked, not remembering how to pronounce the drug.

 

"Yes, it is." River nodded, though she was confused as to why Amelia was trying to say Terbutaline.

 

"You forgot it in the TARDIS. I got it for you." She said proudly, pointing to the box and pills the Doctor had.

 

"Oh, thank you, my love." She kissed her head, sitting up a bit more. "Would you like to come up on the bed?"

 

Amelia nodded, trying to climb up.  River helped her, pulling her onto the bed beside her and moving so she had more room.

 

"Here." The Doctor offered the pills, hoping she wouldn't refuse them. River grabbed the water from her nightstand and took the pills, not protesting, figuring there was a good reason why she had been woken up to take them. Her whole body was sore, but she didn't know why.

 

He relaxed, once he saw that she had taken them, knowing that they would know if the medicine didn't work. "Amelia's legs feel better." He said.

 

"That's wonderful." She beamed, wrapping her arms around the little girl.

 

"I can run again and everything!" Amelia said cheerily.

 

"I'm so happy for you." River smiled, "I told you you'd be better in no time."

 

"Well I still can't move my hands the right way. I keep messing up my drawings because they're all shaky." Amelia didn't seem to be as bothered by this.

 

"They'll get better within a few days, just like your legs." She still assured her, kissing the top of her head again.

 

"Do you hafta go and teach again today?"

 

"Well...I don't know." She murmured, looking up at the Doctor, unsure if it was a good idea to be out all day after last night.

 

"I think Mummy's going to take a sick day." He informed their daughter, in agreement that River should rest after what happened. Amelia cheered, jumping nearly on top of her mother as she hugged her. "Gentle, sweetheart." The Doctor said.

 

River laughed, hugging Amelia tightly, "I'm happy to see you're so excited."

 

"We can have extra fun now because you'll be here! We can go on adventures and play dress up and play tag in the yard!" She half squealed.

 

River hummed, "Why don't you go and wake up your sister so we can have breakfast, yeah?"

 

She nodded eagerly and scrambled off back to her room.

 

"Why did I have to take Terbutaline?" River whispered once Amelia had left the room, though she could already guess the answer.

 

He frowned. "You were in pain... did you not- do you not remember?" He figured that having Braxton-hicks like these would be something she'd know about, even if she was asleep for a lot of them.

 

"Of course I remember." She breathed, "My whole body is sore, I just...I was hoping that wasn't the reason."

 

"I stayed up to make sure you didn't start bleeding." He told her.

 

"Has it stopped? Did the medicine work?"

 

"It's stopping." She had tried to hide her pain while Amelia had been in the room, luckily it had been easier since the contractions were less and less painful.

 

He breathed out in relief. "That was a bit of a close one. Let's try to keep that little one in there for as long as possible, yeah?"

 

She nodded, sighing quietly, "I should have let you examine me earlier. I'm sorry, I didn't realize...how serious it was."

 

_Sister?_

 

"What's good is that we fixed it before it could become irreversible." He squeezed her hand. "I could examine you now, check out that things are okay."

 

"I think that would make me feel better." She squeezed back, "And I'm sorry that you had to stay up all night." She replied _yes_ to Arthur.

 

"Don't be. I'm just glad you're okay now." He got up, rounding the bed to offer her a hand.

 

_Where?_ Arthur asked, confused since he didn't hear either of the girl's voices or feel their hands.

 

She took his hand, replying, _"She just left, my love."_

_Come back!_ He protested.

 

_"She'll be back in a minute, Mummy and Daddy have to do something first."_

 

_What are you doing?_

They made their way to the medbay. _"Don't worry about it, just rest, you had a long night."_

_Tired..._ He was in agreement and quickly settled again.

 

"You should sleep after we finish." River whispered to the Doctor, guilty that he had stayed up all night.

 

"No, no. It's fine. I'm not tired." That wasn't the complete truth, but it wasn't like he'd pass out any minute.

 

"Are you sure? I can watch the girls for a few hours just so you can rest for a bit."

 

He shook his head. "I'm sure. Let's get you checked out." She nodded, sitting up on the table in the med bay. He got out a scanner and the ultrasound, setting the former to do a full body scan while he retrieved the blue gel.  She sighed, closing her eyes.

 

Spreading it over her belly, he probed her skin with the ultrasound wand until he got a good angle. "There." He pointed to the screen displaying the image of Arthur. "Amniotic sack and mucosal plug are fully intact."

 

"Good, that's good." She murmured, looking up at the screen, happy and relieved to see that he was okay.

 

The scanner beeped and he looked at the results. "His heart rate is a little low... nothing too worrisome. But I think I should put you on a monitor."

 

"Do you really have to?" She didn't want the girls to think that there was something wrong.

 

"It's just to make sure that his heart rates don't drop. I mean, they probably won't, but I want to be sure."

 

"Alright, fine." She sighed, rubbing her temples.

 

He fetched the fetal monitors, picking up on her reluctance, for lack of a better word. "...Everything alight?"

 

"Yes, I'm fine. I just don't want the girls to think that something's wrong."

 

"Nothing's wrong, though. You can explain to them what it is, I'm sure they won't worry too much." He tried to assure, strapping the monitor around her.

 

She nodded slowly, "Of course."

 

"Tell you what, if there are no changes in the next hour than it can come off. How does that sound?" He suggested as little feet sounded from the hall in search of their parents.

 

She nodded once more, smiling weakly, "That sounds good. I should call Luna."

 

"You could, or I when you go back to work tomorrow, I could drop you off today." He offered.

 

She shook her head. "I want to stay as linear as possible."

 

He nodded. "Shall I get the phone?"

 

"I'm perfectly capable of getting it myself." She smiled.

 

"Right. Sorry." He smiled back as the girls finally found them.

 

"I'll be right back." She smiled, leaving the room so she could call the University and get back to her family as soon as possible.

 

 


	122. Wishful Thinking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "They insist that Jack should come." He tried to say casually, unsure of how she'd react.
> 
> Her smiled almost instantly turned, "Jack?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

Ch 122

 

_Sisters!_ Arthur stirred, excited to see them. _Go back! Sisters!_

 

"In a moment, my darling. Mummy has to do something first." River murmured, going to the phone and dialing the number for Uni.

 

Arthur made the mental equivalent of a frown as a secretary picked up on the other end of the line. "Hello? Luna University, main office."

 

"Hello, this is Professor River Song, could you put me on with Cameron Grant?" She asked, smoothing a hand over her stomach in hopes of stopping Arthur's unhappy kicking.

 

"Yes, please hold." The secretary's voice was rather nasal.

 

Arthur gave a firm kick towards River's spine as someone else picked up. "Miss Grant speaking."

 

The kick almost made River drop the phone, "Hello, Miss Grant, this is Professor Song."

 

"Ah, Professor." The woman smiled through the phone. "How are you?”

 

"Oh, I'm alright." She breathed, "How are you?"

 

"Fine, just fine. How can I help you?" She asked.

 

"Well, I don't be able to make it in today and I was wondering if you'd be able to cover my classes? The notes for today's lessons are already in my office so it's already all planned out for you."

 

"I absolutely can. Is everything alright may I ask?"

 

"Yes, everything's alright now. Last night was..." She stopped, "I just need to be home for a bit of monitoring, that's all. Nothing to worry about."

 

"I hope you feel better." She sympathized. "Is there anything else you need?"

 

"Could you just make sure my students know that everything's alright?"

 

"Sure thing, Professor Song. I hope to see you tomorrow."

 

River nodded. "Of course. Thank you so much." She smiled, hanging up.

 

_Sis-ters!_ Arthur insisted.

 

"Alright, alright, we're going now." She assured him as she went to go find the rest of her family. He stopped kicking, pleased to have his way.

 

The Doctor and the girls had moved to the playroom of the TARDIS. River smiled when she found them, standing in the doorway, watching the three of them play. The Doctor seemed to be telling the girls about an adventure, using the toys around them as props to help the girls visualize it. He made silly sound effects of explosions and ridiculously high pitched voices for the people.

 

River waited until the story was over before walking over to them, "Would you all like you go play in the backyard?"

 

They nodded, Amelia wanting to run around again. "What's around your tummy?" Freya hadn't noticed the monitor before.

 

"It's a machine that helps us see what's going on with the baby." She smiled.

 

"It’s saying is going on with him?"

 

River nodded, showing her the little screen on the device, "See, this shows his heartbeat."

 

"Woah..." They peered at the screen, a bit entranced as they watched the double heartbeat in a steady rhythm.

 

"He's been very eager to play with you two today." She beamed.

 

"Really?" They both smiled and put their hands against River's belly, feeling Arthur kick back.

 

"Yes, really." She laughed, "Come on, you can play with him outside. Let's enjoy our nice backyard." They nodded and lead the way out to the yard.

 

_Sisters_. Arthur said happily. River took the Doctor's hand, smiling as they walked to the yard together.

 

"Feeling better?" He smiled softly at her.

 

She nodded, "I'm very happy to be spending the day with my family."

 

"And we're happy to spend the day with you, too." He grinned, grabbing the soccer ball on the way out. She leaned over and pressed a kiss to his cheek. He made a delighted hum. "Alright-y, girls. Who wants to learn how to play football?"

 

Both girls bounced up and down "Me! Me! Me!"

 

He chuckled, bouncing the ball on his feet. "It's a pretty simple game. There are two goals and two teams and the people on opposite teams try to kick the ball into the other team's goal without using their hands at all."

 

"I want to be on your team. Freya can be on Mummy's team." Amelia watching in amazement as he bounced the ball around.

 

"I'm not sure Mummy's up for much running." He glanced at her. "Maybe if she's a goalie."

 

"Oh, I think I'll sit out on this one. Being goalie may not be the best idea either." She sat down in one of the chairs by the outdoor table, "How about you play twins against Daddy instead."

 

"Aw, but why can't you play? We want you to play with us!"

 

"Because it's not safe for the baby." She smiled at the girls, "I'll be right here to cheer you two on though."

 

They nodded, not wanting to harm their little brother. "Me and Amelia against Daddy!" Freya cheered, running for the ball.

 

The Doctor set up make shift goal and stood in front of one of them. "Now try to kick it into my goal and I'll try to block it." The ball veered to the side and Amelia immediately chased after it and tried to kick it back to her sister.

 

The girls ran around the yard for at least an hour and a half, kicking the ball around, only actually getting it into the goal a few times since their aim wasn't exactly perfect. After some time they paused for a lemonade and cookie break provided by River. All of their cheeks were flushed brightly from running.

 

The Doctor took his share of cookies as well. "We ought to start an official team."

 

"I think that if you did, you'd have the best team in the country." River praised, leaning in for a kiss. He smooched her, the girls making grossed out noises. River laughed, hugging him tightly, "I love you."

 

"I love you, too." He murmured, glad she was in such a good mood. "No changes in heart rate?" He asked.

 

"Only a little one, though I think that's because he got excited with all my cheering." She pressed her lips to his once more.

 

"Hmm, well I think it's okay to take it off now if you want to." He grinned.

 

She hummed, starting to take off the monitor, "Are you sure you won't worry to much if I take it off?" She teased.

 

"I always worry too much." He said playfully. "But really, it's fine. If something feels wrong you'll tell me." At least he hoped she would.

 

"I will." She murmured, kissing him one last time.

 

"No kissing in front of us!" Freya insisted, sticking out her tongue.

 

River laughed, wrapping her arms around him again, "Why not? Kissing makes us happy."

 

"Because it's gross! Kiss when you're alone." She reached for another cookie.

 

"What do you think, should we only kiss when we're alone?" She asked, looking up at the Doctor.

 

"Well is will be awfully hard to resist you..." He teased, kissing the back of her hand.

 

She giggled, "Oh, really?"

 

"I ought to talk to Vastra about that plant as soon as I can." He winked at her, knowing the girls wouldn't know what they were talking about.

 

She hummed, "I can't wait."

 

"Maybe I could do that today." He thought aloud.

 

"I would certainly appreciate that. And then we could use it when the girls go to school on Monday." She grinned. "Now, I think you three have a football game to get back to, yeah?" She looked back at the girls, trying to brighten their spirits again.

 

This cheered them up, as their energy was rebooted from cookies. "Yay!" They ran back out to the yard.

 

River beamed, hitting the Doctor's bum playfully as he ran by her. He blushed bright red, glad that the girls hadn't noticed. that. She laughed, sitting down in her chair once more.

 

"I wanna play against Mia this time! Daddy can sit with mummy!"

 

"Oh, alright then." River got up, pulling another chair over so he could sit next to her. He pouted a bit, not happy to have been kicked out of their little game. "Oh, what? You don't want to sit with me?"

 

"No, no, of course I want to sit with you."

 

He quickly stopped pouting. "I was just hoping to play football also.'' She hummed, not looking so convinced. He took her hand and squeezed it, smiling at her. "I'm happy to stay here and sit with you."

 

She smiled weakly, squeezing back, "I'm sorry I can't play."

 

"That's alright, you're putting Arthur first." He said. Amelia cheered as she kicked the ball passed Freya. River fell silent, watching as Freya ran after Amelia, trying to get the ball. "For the record, I think you're a very good cheerleader." He added. She hummed, still watching the girls.

 

He still held her hand as they fell into a companionable quiet, just watching their daughter's play. The girls laughed and squealed and he smiled, glad to be able to just sit with his wife.

 

-x-

 

"We should start on dinner." River murmured after another few hours of playing. It was still rather early, but they had skipped lunch and she had a feeling the girls would be getting hungry soon.

 

The nodded. "What are you in the mood for?"

 

She shrugged, "I'm not very hungry." She gave his hand another squeeze, "I'll make it tonight, you go play some more."

 

He tried not to look too worried at her lack of appetite. "Would you like any help?"

 

She shook her head, kissing the top of his hair once she stood, "I'll call you when it's ready."

 

He smiled childishly and went back over to play with his daughters whose elbows and knees were stained green at this point.

 

"Daddy!" Amelia cried after a while, getting tired of running around, quite a bit of mud on her knees and hands.

 

"Yes lovie?" He replied.

 

"When are we going to have my brother's baby bath? I want to have cake again!"

 

"Baby _shower_." He corrected with a chuckle. "Soon, I think. I'm going to talk to Auntie Vastra about it the next time I see her, but I think there's some leftover cake in the fridge. And there will definitely be cake at your birthday party."

 

"Can Uncle Jack come to my party? And the shower party too?" Freya asked, remembering that her Mummy had had a fight with Jack the last time they saw him, though she never knew why.

 

"I'll have to ask Mummy about that." He wasn't sure how River would feel about seeing Jack again.

 

She pouted, "Please? I want him to come to my birthday party."

 

"Well, I, uh..." He thought for a moment. Would it really be so bad to invite Jack? River wouldn't make a scene at their birthday party, would she? "Why don't we ask Mummy together?"

 

She nodded, looking up at him with big puppy dog eyes, "Please don't let her say no."

 

"I'll make a good argument for Uncle Jack to come." He promised.

 

Both girls grinned and went back to playing until River called them in for dinner.  "Girls, I want you to go wash your hands and faces before you eat." They were covered in a few layers of dirt. They ran to the bathroom to wash their hands, arguing over who got to use the sink first.

 

The Doctor looked at his own hands, thinking he should probably wash them, too. Instead of going to the crowded bathroom, though, he opted for the kitchen sink, conveniently next to River. "Something smells amazing!"

 

She smiled, "It's just sausages and potatoes, nothing fancy."

 

"Well is still smells delicious." He soaped up his hands, rinsed them, and wiped them on his trousers. "The girls are getting awfully excited for their birthday party."

 

"Are they?" She smiled, looking over at him as she got the plates, "I'm glad to hear that."

 

"They insist that Jack should come." He tried to say casually, unsure of how she'd react.

 

Her smiled almost instantly turned, "Jack?"

 

He nodded to confirm that she'd heard correctly. "Yes, they want _very much_ for him to come."

 

She sighed, looking quite displeased now, "Well I certainly wouldn't want to be the one that ruins their birthday by not allowing Jack to come."

 

"...You two could try to make up, you know." He suggested.

 

"Who said I want to make up?" She frowned.

 

"It was only a suggestion." He said quietly, knowing now that he shouldn't invite him to the baby shower.

 

"He can come to the girls' party if that's what they want." She sighed, going to set the table.

 

One out of two wasn't bad. He decided to drop the subject of Jack for now, going to help her. When the girls came back and sat down, they happily chattered away about their football game, already saying that they wanted a new ball for their birthday so then each of them could have one at the same time.

 

River was quiet now, picking at her food, smiling softly at the girls as they filled her in on what she had missed while making dinner. The Doctor looked at her through out the meal, wondering if mentioning Jack was the reason she was so quiet. She didn't talk much for the rest of the meal, simply smiling as she listened to their daughters.

 

"I'm gonna teach my baby brother how to play foot ball and then we can team up on both of you!' Amelia claimed.

 

"I'm afraid I'm not very good at football, maybe he should be on our team instead." River smiled.

 

"We can teach you once you're allowed to play. It has to be kids against grownups." Freya insisted.

 

"I already know how to play, I'm just not very good at it." She stood, collecting her plate and bringing it to the sink.

 

"You can practice with us, then." The jumped up, bouncing around her legs.

 

"Alright, I'll do a bit of practicing with you." She laughed rinsing off her dish and placing it in the dishwasher.

 

"Yay!" They cheered, as the Doctor came in with the rest of the dishes.

 

"You girls could use another bath."

 

"But we just took a bath yesterday!" Freya frowned.

 

"Yes, but you're both covered in dirt from playing all day." He smiled.

 

"I don't wanna take another bath." She pouted.

 

"But there will be bubbles." He bribed. "And your rubber ducky."

 

"Can I have ice cream in the tub too?"

 

"Well... um... how about ice cream first and then a bath?"

 

"No! I want ice cream in the bath! And I want Mummy in the bath too!"

 

"Er," He looked over at River.

 

"I don't know, sweetie. I don't think we'll all fit." She murmured.

 

"Then let’s take a bath in the TARDIS! She can make a big bath!"

 

She frowned slightly, "Not tonight, lovie."

 

Her lip trembled. "But why not?"

 

"Freya, please..." She whispered.

 

She looked down at the floor. "...Okay."

 

River sighed, glancing at the Doctor, "Can you give them a bath? I'll clean everything up."

  
"Of course." He nodded, trying to usher the girls off to the bathroom. She slowly cleaned off the table, the girls hesitantly going to the bathroom. 


	123. The Doctor’s Wife

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "B-but I don't want you to! Every one will be really sad and we'll never stop crying and you'll never get to tuck us in again or read to us again and my baby brother won't have a mummy and I wont have a mummy and then I'll get an evil step mummy and I don't want an evil step mummy!" She finally stopped for breath, sobbing and clinging to River.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RAISE YOUR HAND IF THE CHRISTMAS SPECIAL WILL BE THE DEATH OF YOU! Also, enjoy!

Ch 123

  


"Mummy said that Uncle Jack can come to your birthday party." The Doctor tried to cheer up his daughters as he turned the water on for the bath. They simply nodded, not in the mood for much playing with their bubbles or toys.

 

The bath filled and the got out the soap and shampoo. He sighed, soaping up their hair for them. "Mummy just a bit tired, you know. I'm sure she'd love to read you guys a bedtime story it you'd like."

 

"Is she mad about Uncle Jack?" Amelia asked quietly.

 

"Well... Maybe. I think, I  think she's still mad at him for the argument they got into, but they'll make up soon." He hoped.

 

"What were they arguing about?" She asked.

 

"Um... just, silly grown up things." He lied.

 

"Oh..." Freya murmured, "Is she mad at me because I like Uncle Jack?"

 

"No." He said quickly. "No, of course she's not mad at you because you like Uncle Jack. _I_  like Uncle Jack and she still kisses me." He tried to keep their spirits up.  "She's not mad at you. lovie. She's just a bit cross with him is all. That doesn't mean she won't let him come to your party and the certainly doesn't mean she loves either of you less."  

 

"Are you sure!"

 

"I'm completely, 100%, absolutely sure." He bopped her nose. "Mummy will never, ever stop loving either of you."

 

"Are you and Mummy going to be here forever?"

 

He hesitated. "Everybody dies someday... but we're Timelords. We'll live for centuries more before you even have to think about anything like that." That wasn't entirely true but it was better than 'no, your mummy is going to die in a few months'.

 

"I want Mumma." Amelia whimpered.

 

"Let's finish you bath first and then I bet she'll tuck you in."

 

"But I want her now." She whined, it had been quite an exhausting day and she was rather cranky now.

 

He sighed. "Alright. Can you hang tight for a few minutes while I get her?"

 

She nodded, sniffling. He kissed both of their foreheads before standing and leaving the room. He went to his and River's bedroom, assuming she might be there.

 

River was getting changed, humming softly as he walked around the room. "Riv?" He knocked on the door frame to get her attention.

 

"Hmmm?" She looked up, smiling when she saw him.

 

"The girls are asking for you." He smiled back softly, thinking that perhaps she'd cooled off about Jack for now.

 

Her smile faded slightly, "You didn't leave them in the bath alone, did you?"

 

"Er..." He tried to look innocent, rubbing the back of his head. "I didn't think a minute or two would be harmful."

 

"Doctor! You can't leave four year olds in the bath alone!" She ran (or at least moved as fast as she could) to the bathroom. The girls were probably fine, but after what had happened the other day she didn't want to take chances.

 

Both girls were as he'd left them, bubbles in their hair and rubber ducks in their hands. "Mummy!" Amelia cheered happily when she saw her.

 

Freya looked her up and down. "Are you okay?" She couldn't quite think of how to say she looked flustered and a bit panicked.

 

"Yes I'm right." River smiled, relieved to see that they were okay.

 

"Daddy said you guys aren't gonna live forever!" Amelia said, clearly discouraged by the fact that her parents weren't immortal.

 

"I'm afraid we're not." She smiled softly, "But we'll stay for as long as we can. And when we leave, we'll still be watching over you." She touched her cheek.

 

"But I don't want you to die ever! I won't ever be able to talk to you or see you." Her lip trembled. "You said my brother baby brother went to that place when he died but I can't go and visit him or nothing! You're not allowed to go there either."

 

"It's alright." She whispered, moving to lift her out of the tub, sensing that bath time was ending. The Doctor lifted Freya out, too.

 

"Promise me. Promise me neither of you will die and go away for ever."

 

"I can't promise that, sweetheart." River whispered, getting her a towel and then sitting with her on her lap.

 

Amelia started crying, clearly thinking worst scenario. "B-but I don't want you to! Every one will be really sad and we'll never stop crying and you'll never get to tuck us in again or read to us again and my baby brother won't have a mummy and I wont have a mummy and then I'll get an evil step mummy and I don't want an evil step mummy!" She finally stopped for breath, sobbing and clinging to River.

 

"Oh, no sweetie. I'll be here for much longer than you think." She soothed, rocking back and fourth, "I'll be here for years and years and years, don't you worry." The girl nodded, still silently crying. Her shoulders shook and she burried her face against her mother. "Shhhhh, it's alright, my love, it's okay." River soothed, stroking her hair and kissing her head.

 

"...Is it gonna work this time?" Amelia said after a while, voice still shaking. "Is my baby brother going to be okay this time?"

 

"Yes. He's going to be very healthy and strong and after a few months, you'll be able to play with him."

 

"I can't play with him right away?" She looked up at her.

 

"Well, no. He'll be too small at first."

 

"Can I hold him, though?"

 

"Of course you can." She smiled, kissing her head once more.

 

She relaxed into River's warmth. "... 'M tired."

 

"Okay, let's go to bed." She whispered, standing with the little girl in her arms.

 

"River... You shouldn't be lifting her." The Doctor fretted, Freya in his arms.

 

"It's just for two minutes." She held her tighter, kissing the top of her head.

 

"...Alright." He was still a bit against it, but protested in his head rather that out loud.

 

They brought the girls to their room, got them changed into nighties and situated them into their beds. River sat on Amelia's bed, giving her kisses all over her face to cheer her up.

 

She was half asleep, but smiled at her mother's efforts. "So I won't have to have an evil step mummy, will I?"

 

"Of course you won't. And besides, Daddy loves you too much to ever marry someone who would be mean to you." She gave her one last kiss.

 

"I guess that's why he married you." She grinned and nuzzled into her pillow.

 

River laughed softly, "I guess so."

 

"Will you sing a bedtime song?" She asked sleepily.

 

River nodded, starting to sing her a lullaby until she fell asleep. The Doctor kissed her cheek once she'd finished. "You're a wonderful mother, you know that?"

 

She beamed, looking up at him, "Thank you."

 

"What do you think, bed?"

 

"Or maybe we could watch a movie, just stay up and have some alone time." She suggested, taking his hand and leading him out of the room.

 

"That sounds good, too." He nodded and grinned. He could use some down time with her.

 

She smiled, "How about go get your pajamas on and I'll set up the fireplace, then we can both pick out the movie." He nodded again, and went off to quickly put on pajamas.

 

-x-

 

"How about The Sound of Music?" The Doctor suggested when he went into the living room.

 

River smiled from the sofa with Tiber and a blanket, "I just watched that a few days ago with the girls."

 

"Oh. How about Les Misérables? That's a good one."

 

"It's good, but it's sad. I don't want a sad movie." She murmured.

 

"Hmm." He gave it a bit more thought, as he curled up next to her. "What do you think we should watch?"

 

"What about something like...The Theory of Everything?"

 

"Oh, I like that one." He grinned, getting up and fishing it off the shelf.

 

"Do you want to set it up? I'll make popcorn." She smile.

 

"Popcorn? I didn't know we had any. Yes, that would be lovely." He nodded.

 

She kissed his cheek, "I'll find something for us  to snack on then." Tiber jumped up and followed River as the Doctor tried to figure out how their new TV worked. She came back a few minutes later with Tiber in one arm and a bowl in the other. "All we have is cereal right now, so I hope you don't mind snacking on that."

 

"Not at all." He offered a smile, hoping that she would eat as well. He had figured out how to get the movie started and the screen was waiting on the main menu for one of them to press play.

 

She smiled, setting on the couch again. He wrapped his arm around her and took a hand full of cereal, starting the movie. "You know, I wouldn't mind a good snog." She teased.

 

"I believe I can help you with that." He smirked.

 

She grinned leaning in close. Their mouths met and didn't leave each other's for a quite a awhile. He tried to make the snog as thorough and as passionate as he could. She was flushed and giggly when he pulled away, looking quite pleased.

 

"Are you always the one to snog in the back row instead of watch the movie?" He teased a bit breathlessly.

 

She laughed, nuzzling his cheek, "Of course I was."

 

"Oh, that reminds me! I was going to see Vastra about that plant. I guess I'll do it tomorrow." He'd rather stay in the pleasant company of his wife.

 

"I can wait here with the girls if you want to go now." She murmured, pulling a blanket over her lap, where Tiber was resting.

 

"What about snogging in the back row?" He asked.

 

"Well if you get the plant, then we can go a little farther than snogging." She smiled.

 

He blushed. "I still have to modify it so it's safe for you to take." He bopped her nose. "And that will take time."

 

"Isn't it safe for me to take now?" She asked, brow furrowing.

 

"No, well maybe. I have to check the chemical composition to find out. Timelords have never taken it before -as far as I know- so I'd like to be cautious."

 

"Oh..." She breathed, touching her belly, not wanting anything to happen to their baby, "What exactly does it do again?"

 

"It works with the parts of your brain that control the muscles involved in an orgasm and lessens the physical effects. It basically makes it so the feeling is the same, but all of the involuntary tightening doesn't happen." He explained. They were pretty much ignoring the movie completely, at this point.

 

She nodded, curling against him. "As long as it's safe for Arthur."

 

"That's half the reason I'm being so careful." He replaced his arms around her, deciding that it would be tomorrow that he went to get the plant.

 

"Only half?" She breathed, trying to direct her attention to the movie, she couldn't really focus.

 

"Yes. You're the other half." He told her. "I'm being careful for both of you."

 

She smiled weakly, "I'm glad you care for us so much."

 

"Well you _are_ my wife and child. You two are the sole most important things in the universe to me. Check that, you two plus Amelia and Freya." He corrected.

 

She kissed his chest softly, "Soon you'll only have three things to worry about."

 

He silently bit his lip. "...I suppose so."

 

"I'm sorry... I shouldn't have mentioned it."

 

"It's alright, just..." He tightened his arms around her. "...I don't want to think about that right now."

 

She nodded, closing her eyes, "You know, some of my students were considering going into teaching. I thought maybe I could take the girls into Luna and have so they could see how they like teaching."

 

"What, and let them teach some of your classes?" He chuckled at the thought of the girls teaching a bunch of university students. "I think they'd love that."

 

She laughed softly, "Well, I was thinking more of having my students teach the girls a basic lesson so they could get a feel for what teaching is like, though I'm sure the girls would love to try and reach a lesson of their own."

 

“Either way, they'd love to visit your school. Are you even allowed to bring them?" He was glad they'd veered away from the subject of her death.

 

"I'm sure I can get sercurity clearance to bring them in for the day, as long as they don't disrupt my class. And besides, the security department _loves_ me." She winked.

 

He flushed as he wondered just exactly how River had gotten the security department to love her. "Er, um, right." He tried to refocus. "And while you have the girls, I can get the forms to Clara and get the plant from Vastra."

 

"Sounds like a plan." She grinned. "It’ll be another good practice for the girls before they actually start school, though I'll be in the room the whole time."

 

"I guess tomorrow is take your daughters to work day." He hummed. It would be an errand day for him and he would have time to plan and arrange the surprise baby shower.

 

"I look forward to it." She beamed, "I'd invite you too, but I’m afraid the Headmaster may get upset."

 

"It's alright." He kissed the side of her head. "Besides, I'll have plenty to do."

 

"You won't miss us to terribly?" She smiled.

 

"Well I can't promise that." He tapped her nose.

 

She smiled, pressing a kiss to his cheek, "I thought you might say that."

 

"I should find it no surprise that you can read my mind." He teased.

 

She giggled, "I love you."

 

"I love you, too." He tilted his head and kissed her softly. She hummed against his lips, pulling back slowly.

 

"Thank you." He murmured.

 

"Thank you?" She looked puzzled.

 

"Yes. Thank you." He smiled warmly. "Thank you for, well, everything. For always being there, for carrying our children, for being my wife."

 

"You don't have to thank me for those things." She whispered, "It's been a privilege and a pleasure."  

 

"Well I want to thank you anyways."

 

"I should be the one thanking you. For giving me such a wonderful life."

 

"There's even more to come." He told her.

 

Her gaze dropped for just a moment, "Yes, there is..."

 

"...Something wrong?" He had been referring to her surprise baby shower, but he had a feeling she was thinking about Arthur's birth.

 

She forced herself to smiled, "No, of course not. There's still plenty more we can do."

 

"Like snog and watch a movie with cereal for popcorn." He said, trying to lighten the mood.

 

"Yes, exactly like that." She whispered, resting her head against him and closing her eyes. He absentmindedly rubbed her back as they continued to finish the movie.

 

She breathed quietly when the movie movie came to an end, not wanting to move from her spot against him. The Doctor turned the TV off and they sat in the glow of the dying embers for a minute. "Am I going to be carrying you up the stairs again?"

 

"I'd rather just stay here." River murmured, "I don't care about the backache."

 

"Even for 'take your daughters to work day'? You always were one to tough it out." He chuckled. She smiled weakly, but stayed quiet. "If we're on sleeping on the couch, lets lay down." He suggested.

 

She nodded, but didn't move, waiting for him to move first. He pulled River down as he laid down the long way, feet dangling off one end of the couch.

 

"Are you sure you're going to be able to sleep with me on top of you like this?" She whispered.

 

"Of course I'm sure." He pressed a kiss to her shoulder. She nuzzled against him, making herself comfortable now that she knew he was alright. "Sweet dreams, love." He said softly.

  
"Sweet dreams." She repeated as she fell asleep.


	124. Pencils on Paper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "River!" The Doctor greeted her with a large hug. "You wouldn't believe the morning I've had. Why is it always homicidal robots in restaurants and not nice things like puppies?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

Ch 124

 

The girls woke them in the morning, poking their parents faces curiously. Amelia pressed her finger against the Doctor's cheek, giggling at the sight of one of River's curls tickling his nose.

 

He wrinkled his nose a few times before blowing the stray curl away and yawning. He opened his eyes at another poke. "Morning, lovies." He smiled groggily.

 

"Why are you sleeping here and not in your bed?" Freya asked.

 

"We didn't want to move upstairs after the movie." He squinted at the light coming in the window.

 

"What movie?" Amelia asked.

  
  


"Hey! We didn't get to watch a movie!" Freya whined, putting her hands on her hips, looking very River-like in that moment.

 

He held back a grin, waking up a bit more. "Your mummy and I watched a movie after you went to bed. It was a grown-up movie, so I doubt you would have liked it."

 

"Oh..." Freya whispered, "I'm hungry."

 

"What would you like for breakfast?" He asked, wiggling out from his spot on the couch and trying not to disturb his wife too much.

 

"I want cinnamon rolls!" She declared.  

 

"Mm, that does sound good. Cinnamon rolls it is then!"

 

"Yay!" Both girls cheered.

 

He went to the kitchen, just as excited as they were. "Okay, cinnamon rolls, cinnamon rolls..." He searched the cupboard and then the fridge. "I don't see any ingredients for them."

 

"Awwww." Amelia pouted.

 

"Don't worry," He rustled her hair. "I'm sure the TARDIS has some."

 

Her smile grew, "Really?!"

 

"It's an infinite sentient ship that exists in eleven dimensions. I'm sure there are cinnamon rolls _somewhere_. Or we can go out and get some of there aren't." He added grocery shopping to his mental do-to list.

 

Both girls ran to the TARDIS, coming back a few minutes later, "We found it! We found it!"

 

He smiled. "Shall we wake Mummy for breakfast, then?" They nodded, excited to have the sweet cinnamon buns for breakfast.

 

He sat next to his wife, the girls climbing on the couch and sitting on her legs. He kissed her forehead. "It's like to wake up, love."

 

"Hmm?" She hummed sleepily, turning her head against the cushions.

 

"The girls found cinnamon rolls in the TARDIS. We want you to eat breakfast with us before you go to work."

 

"Lovely, darling. Mumma's sleeping now." She yawned, obviously not listening as she thought he was one of the girls.

 

"It's time to wake up mummy!" The girls bounced, wanting to get to their breakfast soon.

 

"Okay, okay, I'm awake." She murmured, yawning and sitting up slightly, a bit more awake than she was a moment ago.

 

"We found a whole bunch of them in the TARDIS kitchen, so we can have a feast!"

 

"A whole bunch of what, sweetheart?" She asked, rubbing her eyes.

 

"Cinnamon rolls!" They jumped off the couch and pulled at her hands. "Come on!"

 

"Alright, not so rough, girls." She breathed, getting up and following behind them.

 

"You are going to have an exciting day. You get to go with Mummy to her work." The Doctor told the girls as they arrived in the TARDIS kitchen.

 

"We do?" Freya asked, looking confused.

 

"Yes, it will be lots of fun." He nodded, grabbing plates for everyone.

 

"Is it going to be like school? Is Mummy going to teach us?"

 

"It won't be like school. You'll get to meet some of her students and colleagues and you don't have to learn if you don't want to." Amelia snuggled close to River's legs, holding onto her dress tightly.

 

The Doctor set the plates on the table. "Time to eat."

 

The girls were chatty as they ate, Freya very eager to meet all the "really really smart students" in River's classes.

 

Two hours later, they were all set and ready for University. The Doctor gave each of them a kiss on the cheek. "I'll see you all for diner. Don't cause too much trouble."  

 

"Love you." River murmured as she gave him a soft kiss.

 

"Love you, too." He hummed. "Don't forget to get clearance."

 

"I won't." She called as she ushered the girls out of the TARDIS and off to the security office.

 

"Identification card?" The man at the desk asked.

 

She pulled out her I.D, handing it to the officer, "I have my two daughters with me today. My students are practicing their teaching techniques on them."

 

He peered over the desk at the little girls who were just a bit over tree feet tall. "Will they be under adult supervision at all times?"

 

"Of course they will be. I'll be with them the whole time."

 

He nodded. "Unless there are any other concerns, here are two visitors passes." He handed her two bright yellow stickers that said visitor and the date. "Please stay in the authorized areas and don't let them run. It may be disrupting to other students."

 

"Don't worry, they'll be the most well behaved guests we've ever had." She smiled, giving the girls their stickers, "Thank you so much."

  
  


"Any time professor."

 

The girls proudly stuck on their stickers. Freya put hers right in the middle of her shirt and Amelia put hers near her shoulder. "Come on, let's go to my room." She took both the girls' hands, leading them through the building to her lecture hall.

 

"Do we get to meet your students now?" Freya asked.

 

"Well, we are running a bit late so some of them may be there already." She nodded as she lead them to her door, pulling it open and letting them go inside. About half the class had arrived by this point, many of them looking confused when little girls walked through the door where they had been expecting their professor.

 

"Why is your classroom so much bigger than Auntie Clara's?"

 

"Because this is a University and the classes at University are much bigger than Auntie Clara's classes." She explained, setting down her things.

 

One of the students raised his hand shyly. "Um... Professor? Why have you brought little kids?"

 

"They're here for those of you who were considering going into teaching." She smiled, "Don't worry, they won't disturb my lesson."

 

"But, who are they?"  

 

"These are my daughters, this is Freya and this is Amelia." Amelia clung to her skirt, half hiding her face against River's leg. Freya waved.

 

"I didn't know you had daughters." The boy said.

 

"I do, I have to very little girls who don't know a lot of things that I may have told you recently, so I ask that we refrain from speaking about it anymore." She gave all her students a look that warned them not to talk about her current medical condition in front of her daughters. All of the students understood and nodded solemnly.

 

"Talking about what anymore?" Amelia asked curiously.  

 

"A very complicated topic on ancient Rome." She lied, leaning down and kissing the top of her head. "I brought some books and art supplies for you to use while I teach so let's go set up in the corner, yeah?"

 

"Grandad was ancient roman! Are you teaching about him?"

 

"No, not really, come on, let's sit over here." She brought them over to a corner and pulled out books, crayons, paper, and juice boxes and snacks for the two of them. "I need to two to behave so I can teach my class, alright?"

 

"I'm going to draw Grandad." Freya grinned, all settled.

 

More students came in, each one curious as to why there were children in their class room. "Alright, sweetheart, just stay quiet."

 

She sat down in the chair at her desk, waiting for the rest of her students to come in before reintroducing the girls and giving them the warning she had given earlier. The class was a bit noisier than usual, all of the students muttering to each other about the kids in the corner of the room or the news they heard yesterday, but not loud enough for the girls to hear.

 

"Alright, alright." River called from her chair, "I need you all to settle down now." They all sat down in their chairs, looking at her expectantly. "For those of you that weren't here earlier, those two girls are my daughters, Amelia and Freya. They're here for those of you that were interesting in teaching. They're not as informed as you all on certain things so I ask that you please keep from talking about those things today."

 

"Teaching, professor? Does that mean we will be practicing teaching on them?"

 

"Yes, that's exactly what you'll be doing." She nodded.

 

"But aren't they a bit... young to be learning this stuff?"

 

"But that's exactly the point. If you can't get through to a pair of girls who are at the prime age of learning and curiosity, how will you get through to anyone else. It has been proven that as one grows older, it gets harder and harder to be taught new things, however when one is, let's say five, six seven, one is more penetrable to new ideas and concepts. I'm not asking you to teach these girls enough to be professional archeologists, all you need to do is get them to learn one new thing, then you'll understand what teaching is like. Will it be frustrating? Yes. Difficult? Possibly, but that's what teaching is like...most of the time."  

 

"Do you get frustrated with us?" The question was half out of amusement.

 

"I may, sometimes." She smiled, "Anyway, let's move on, I have a lesson to teach."

 

"And so do we, apparently."

 

River paused, eyes flickering with worry for a split second as she put a hand to her belly, "Yes, you do."

 

The first part of the class went by smoothly, most of it consisting of River's lesson. The students who were interested in teaching, then split off to plan a mini lesson for Freya and Amelia.

 

"What are you girls doing?" River asked, looking over at the girls, as her the potential teachers planned and the rest of the students exited for an early break of class.

 

"I'm writing a story, and Mia's drawing more stuff." Freya said, sipping one of the juice boxes.

 

She hummed softly, "You're being so good, I'm so proud of you."

 

"You said to be good, so we did." She patted the seat next to her. "I wanna show you what I made."

 

She walked over, sitting beside the little girl, "Let's see what you did."

 

Freya pulled the drawings form the top of the growing pile. "This is Grandad and Grandmum in that cafe we met them in, but he had to sleep to go there. And here's you and daddy defeating a Weeping Angel like you told us, and this is me if I could fly anywhere I wanted."

 

"Oh, these are very lovely." River smiled, "I hope you wouldn't mind if I hung a few up in my office?"

 

Freya nodded happily. "Are we going to get to talk to granmum and grandad again?"

 

She nodded, "Yes we will, but not after you go to school, that way you can tell them all about your first day."

 

"Is it lunch time?" She asked.

 

"No, not yet. You're going to get to work with my students for a little bit and then it'll be lunch time. Maybe Daddy will come and have lunch with us today."

 

"Are we gonna play games?"

 

"I don't know, that's up to them."

 

"We're ready, professor." The students called, each of them having a few papers of notes with them.

 

"Alright, each of you will get a little time with the girls to try out your techniques. Split yourselves into two lines. Freya, I want you to sit here, and Amelia come over here." She lead the girl to the opposite side of the room. Amelia was the shyer of the two, so River ended up staying with her. "If you have any questions, just call me over." She said, though it was mostly directed to the students in Freya's line.

 

The first one in Amelia's line explained the subject of the Minoans of Crete. Amelia spent most of the lesson hiding against River's body, a bit scared of all of the strange people trying to talk to her. All sorts of things were tried: simple explanations, acting out the historical event, and many other things that tried to get Amelia's attention, but it was a memory game that won her interest over all.

 

Freya was much easier to teach, as she was less shy than Amelia. She didn't quite understand what her mother's students were saying, but she liked meeting the new people that her Mummy had talked about quite a bit.

 

After another half hour, the lunch bell rang and the not-yet-teachers collected their things to go. Some of them thanked River on the way out.

 

"What did you think of that?" River asked Amelia, kissing the top of her head.

 

"Lot of people." She murmured, finding comfort in hanging onto River. "Are there gonna be that many at school?"

 

"No, my dear, there will be less people and they'll all be your age."

 

This made her feel a bit better. "Will there be games at school?"

 

"Yes, I'm sure there will be. Now, I don't know if Daddy is coming to eat with us so let's just start without him, yeah?" She took her head, leading her over to the desk and pulling up some chairs so they could eat together.

 

"What did you bring to eat?" They climbed up on the chairs.

 

"Sandwiches, grapes and cookies." She smiled, pulling the items out of her bag.

 

"What kind?" Amelia asked. "Ham, cheese and tomato." She handed both girls a sandwich.

 

They grinned and took the food as the TARDIS materialized in the room. River jumped up, running to the doors. "River!" The Doctor greeted her with a large hug. "You wouldn't believe the morning I've had. Why is it always homicidal robots in restaurants and not nice things like puppies?" Clara was behind him, who gave a little wave.

 

River hugged him tightly, like he had been gone for years, breathing in his scent, "I missed you."

 

"It's only been a few hours. Did something happen?"

 

She shook her head, pressing her forehead to his for a moment, "No, why? Am I not allowed to miss you?"

 

"Of course you're allowed to miss me. I certainly missed you." He kissed her forehead.

 

"I forgot to take my medicine this morning." She whispered, closing her eyes.

 

"Oh. Ooh... okay. Um, that's- that's not good." He turned to Clara. "Could you go watch the girls for a moment? We just have to take care of something."

 

"I've been feeling alright, so there's no need to rush." She murmured.

 

"Well then call me overprotective." He pulled her towards the medbay as Clara went to the girls.

 

"Doctor, I can't walk that fast." She called, trying to slow him down as they went through the TARDIS.

 

"Sorry." He slowed down. "I just want to make sure you're okay."

 

"Like I said, I've been feeling perfectly fine. If something was wrong, I would know." She assured him, "All I need are my pills."

 

"I know, I know." They arrived at the medbay, and he relaxed some. "I worry too much."

 

She took both of his hands in hers, standing in front of him, "Just take a deep breath, give me a kiss, and if you still don't feel better, you can double check to make sure everything's alright." She murmured, looking up at him calmly.

 

He looked at her for a moment before pressing his lips to hers and keeping them there for a good amount of time. He relaxed some, pulling back and smiling softly. "Thank you. Now let's get your medicine, yeah?"

 

She nodded, "Fell better?"

 

"Yes... yes a bit." He nodded as well and went to fish out the pills she'd missed that morning. "You'll tell me if anything feels wrong?"

 

"Well, there is one thing I've been feeling..." She murmured.

 

"What is it?" He asked quickly.

 

"I've been feeling awfully deprived of kisses lately." She smiled.

 

"Well we can't have that now can we." He smirked, leaning in to kiss her again. She beamed against his lips, wrapping her arms around his neck.

 

"Mmm, feeling less deprived now?"

 

"Yes, a little bit." She grinned, going to take her pills.

 

"If I can figure out the chemistry, the plant should be ready by tonight."

 

Her eyes brightened, "Really?"

 

"Yes, well, maybe. Probably. Vastra said to come back when she had the plant which will be right after lunch and then I have all afternoon to work on it. So yes, probably."

 

She smiled and nodded, "Good, but maybe we...shouldn't use it tonight. We could arrange for the girls to have a sleepover with Clara or Vastra, then it will be just the two of us." She murmured.

 

He nodded. "We should get back to them."

  
"Of course."


	125. Come Spring, Come Daisies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It was torture having you here because all I could do read your dirty notes about my bum and my hips and all the other things you wrote about and look at that smug face." She grabbed hold of his chin, shaking his head playfully, "And the worse part was I couldn't kiss you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ITS ALMOST TIME FOR THE XMASS SPECIAL AND IM SO EXCITED!!! Enjoy.

Ch 125

 

River took his hand, talking as they walked to the console room, "You know, we don't have any clothes for the baby. We have a couple of onesies, but most of the other baby clothes are meant for girls. We need to go shopping to get Arthur some things to wear."

 

"I think we should go shopping a bit later." They would definitely be getting more clothes at the baby shower, but The Doctor was determined to keep that a surprise.

 

She hummed softly, "Maybe later when the girls are in school so they don't have to come with us."

 

"Yes." He nodded. "I bought some groceries today."

 

"Did you buy anything healthy or is it all sweets?" She grinned, looking up at him.

 

"Don't worry, it's a mix of both." He chuckled.

 

She laughed, kissing his shoulder, "It better be."

 

"I got brownie mix for dessert tonight." He smiled.

 

She smiled back wrapping an arm around his waist, "I was thinking about you a lot today."

 

"You mentioned." His arm found its way across her shoulders. "I was thinking about you, too. But then again, I always think about you when I'm very near to be getting killed by man-harvesting robots."

 

She laughed weakly, "Oh, do I even want to know or will it just worry me?"

 

"Of course it will worry you, but lets just say that thanks to Clara and I, Victorian London is safe." He said a bit smugly.

 

She beamed, "Oh, well I think London's hero deserves a kiss for saving the day."

 

"I shall claim my rewards." He pulled her close -well as close as he could with her large belly- and kissed her. After  a good snog, she pressed her forehead to his, very reluctant to pull away from him. "And how was your day so far?"

 

She sighed, closing her eyes, "It's been fine." She offered him a weak smile.

 

"Are the girls enjoying it?" He squeezed her hand.

 

She nodded, "I think so." She murmured quietly, somewhat distracted.

 

He looked at her, starting to notice. "...Everything alright?"

 

She nodded once more, "Of course I'm alright. I just...missed you."

 

He didn't completely believe her, thinking that maybe she was thinking too much about what was to happen in a few months. He kissed her again, "Maybe I should sneak into your class again."

 

She smiled weakly, "I would like that."

 

"Come on, I need your help cloaking the TARDIS." She followed behind him, appearing happier at the prospect of him being with her for the rest of the day.

 

They arrived at the console room. "Now, I haven't done this is a while..." He flipped the wrong lever on purpose, wanting to giver her something to distract her at the least.

 

"Sweetie, you're not doing it right." She smiled softly, walking over and pointing to a different button, "You have to press this, and then flip the lever next to it."

 

"Are you sure?" He tried to look skeptical of the button. "Because I was pretty sure that it was the other lever."

 

She frowned, "What? You don't trust me?"

 

"Of course I trust you." He smiled softly. She closed her eyes, leaning against the console. Apparently the little charade hadn’t been a good choice.  "River?" Now he was sure there was something, but he wasn't sure what. "Something the matter?"

 

She shook her head, "I'm fine."

 

"Have you run low on kisses again?" He said partially to cheer her up, and partially because he thought a kiss might make her feel better.She shook her head again. "Oh, well, uh..." He wasn't quite sure what he should say, so he just pressed the buttons that River had told him too.

 

She opened her eyes, watching him.

 

"I think I remember how to do it now." He said quietly, going about pressing and flipping all the things that needed pressing and flipping. She put a hand on her belly, looking down.

 

He came up to her slowly, and put his hands on her arms. "Please talk to me, love."

 

She leaned her head towards him, seeking a hug, "I missed you." Was all she said again.

 

He was starting to think those three words meant something more. "I'm right here." He held her close. She nodded, leaning against him. He rubbed her back. "I'm not going to leave you."

 

She nodded once more, "I know."

 

He kissed her forehead, and stayed quiet for a few moments. "I love you."

 

"I love you too." She murmured, "So much..."

 

"I know." He whispered, continuing to sooth her her.

 

She sighed, holding onto him tightly, "I don't want to go back to work, I want to stay with you."

 

"Are you going to take the rest of the day off then?"

 

"I can't. I don't have anyone to cover for me and I didn't go in yesterday..." She sighed again, "I have to stay."

 

"Then I'll stay." He said reassuringly. "I'll sneak into the back row and write naughty things of pieces of paper and hand them to you when you pass out work." She just swallowed and nodded, closing her eyes once more. "The day's almost over. We'll be home again soon." He promised.

 

"Okay." She whispered, starting to movie towards the door. He kept her hand in his as he followed her out the door and squeezed it encouragingly.

 

"I'll be here the entire time.” She squeezed his hand lightly, giving him a weak smile as they left the TARDIS. He glanced back at the TARDIS to make sure the cloaking had worked.

 

"Mumma! Is Auntie Clara staying the rest of the day with us?"

 

"Oh....um...I don't know." River looked between Clara and the Doctor, having forgotten that he had brought her with him.

 

"I think that would be fine." The Doctor nodded, catching sight of the many drawings. "You've certainly been busy today. What have you drawn?" The girls showed him  what they had drawn, proud of what they had done.

 

About an hour later, some of River's students started trickling into the classroom. The Doctor had made sure to stay close by River, but it looked like he would have to be blending with the crowed soon.

 

This batch of students was as equally confused as the last. River waited for all of her students to come before explaining the girls, telling them to keep quiet about her situation and then going through her lesson, having Clara pose as her teaching assistant, passing out paper and collecting notes from the Doctor.

 

Clara did her best not to look at the notes, knowing that she probably didn't want to know what was in them. The Doctor made sure to watch for River's reaction to them.

 

She glanced up at him, looking down at one of the notes as the rest of the class read over their freshly passed papers. He grinned childishly at her, ignoring the reading completely. She bit her lip, her neck flushing as she read, eyes darting up to look at him.

 

The students were oblivious and Clara was trying to pretend she didn't see the looks exchanged between the two.

 

River tried to look as pulled together as possible for the rest of her class, sitting with Amelia again when the students tried to teach the girls. The Doctor and Clara couldn't help but try out their teaching skills as well, the Doctor going into Amelia's line and Clara going into Freya's.

 

Once again, Amelia hid against River until it was the Doctor's turn, a big smile growing on her face when she saw him. He put a finger to his lips to show that she shouldn't reveal who he was. She understood, hiding against River again, pretending to be shy, though she couldn't hide the big grin on her face.

 

They had been given an easier subject to teach; the treaty of J'Folio which declared a peace between the Ubecania and the Crespallions. Though the Crespallions were naturally a non-aggressive species (much like the Ood), the Ubecania were not.  Their government ran on serfdom and when their home-world was rendered uninhabitable due to an environmental catastrophe, they took over the Crespallions' world and forced them into slavery.

 

The Doctor chose comparison as his teaching method, comparing the events to things that were familiar to Amelia to help her understand. Amelia still couldn't quite comprehend what he was talking about and quickly began to lose interest when Arthur started moving right next to her head.

 

_Papa!_ Arthur turned about, excited by what he thought was a story being told. Amalia completely abandoned any attention towards her father, pressing her hand to River's belly.

 

River laughed, kissing Amelia's head gently, "Amelia, sweetheart, someone's trying to talk to you."

 

"But my baby brother's moving!" She giggled.

 

"I know, but you have to pay attention when someone is trying to talk to you. You can feel the baby later, he'll still be here." She smiled.

 

"...Fine." She frowned and turned back to listen, but kept one of her hands where it was.

 

"That's a good girl." Amelia tried to at least look like she was paying attention through the rest of the Doctor's little speech. By the end of the speech, even River was a bit confused, giving him a sideways look.

 

He hadn't always been the best a simplifying things, especially into terms an almost-five-year-old could understand. Clara on the other hand seemed to be doing a good job of teaching Freya the material to the point where she was starting to remember a fair amount of information.

 

The rest of the students were admiring Clara's ability to teach, a bit to the Doctor's jealously.

 

"Well, that's all the time we have today." River said after another few minutes, "Don't forget about the paper I assigned." Some of the students groaned and complained about the assignment on their way out.

 

Amelia went back to trying to feel her brother move, but was disappointed as he was no longer kicking.

 

"I'm sure he'll be moving again soon, sweetie, but right now it's time for us to go home so let's pack up your things."

 

Clara went to help the girls and the Doctor slung an arm over his wife's shoulder. "Now that wasn't so bad was it?"

 

"It was torture having you here because all I could do read your dirty notes about my bum and my hips and all the other things you wrote about and look at that smug face." She grabbed hold of his chin, shaking his head playfully, "And the worse part was I couldn't kiss you."

 

"You can kiss me now." He ginned. "You can also squeeze my bum if you like."

 

"I can't." She pouted, "We're on school grounds, remember?"

 

"But no one's looking." He winked. "Or we could just go off of school grounds so you can kiss me all you want."

 

She her smile returned, "Well, since I'd rather not risk my job again, I think I can wait until we're off school grounds."

 

He tapped her nose and pulled her along. "Are you girls ready to go?" They nodded, Clara carrying the bag of entertainment.

 

The girls trotted along behind their parents. "Mumma, can be have candy when we get home?"

 

"You can have candy after dinner, but not before." She answered, wrapping an arm around the Doctor's waist.

 

"But don't we get a prize for helping your students?"

 

"Not before dinner, but after we eat, we can go to your favorite ice cream parlor as a reward, if you'd like." River offered.

 

They beamed excitedly at that. "I wanna bring Jeff!" Amelia said.

 

"Jeff?" River looked confused, "Who's Jeff?"

 

"My Ood stuffie. I want to bring him." She told her.

 

"Oh, well, I suppose it would be alright if you wanted to bring him. Maybe we could go to dinner as well?" River looked up at the Doctor.

 

"I would love that." He pecked her cheek. "There's one walking distance from the house, yeah?"

 

She nodded, "Yes, there is. Clara, would you like to come with us?"

 

"If it's not intruding, I'd love to." She nodded.

 

"Of course it's not intruding." She smiled, heading to the console, bringing them back to the flat.

 

"Thanks a ton." Clara smiled back amiably. "I can help pay if you like."

 

"Oh, no. It's our treat." She took her husband's hand once more, walking with him to the doors.

 

"Do you girls want help finding something nice to wear?" He questioned.

 

River stopped, looking a bit puzzled, "I thought we were going somewhere casual."

 

"That doesn't mean we can't put on something nice." He shrugged. "I, for one, would like to change my shirt."

 

"Oh, I'm too exhausted to get all dressed up, but you all go on. I'll wait for you here." She sat down in the jump seat.

 

He made to go, but then paused and turned back around to her. "Professor, I do recall you promising me a kiss." She smiled weakly, beckoning him over. He sauntered to her and leaned down to press his mouth to hers and kiss her softly.

 

She smiled against his lips, stroking his cheek gently once they pulled away, "Now, go get changed, I'm starving."

 

"As you wish." He trotted off to get dressed, the TARDIS humming jovially. She sat back, smiling as she waited for her family.

 

Clara was the first to arrive back, seeming quite joyful at the outing. "You certainly seem excited." River noticed, smiling at her.

 

"I've just have a good day, is all." She fiddled with a nob on the console. "Plus, a nice dinner is refreshing after all the excitement this morning. Never a dull moment when I'm around you guys."

 

She laughed, "Well I'm glad to hear that."

 

"Hopefully this restaurant _won't_ be full of reverse-cyborgs. I've done a month’s worth of running today already." Clara snickered.

 

"Yes, I don't think I can do much running after teaching all day." River smiled.

 

"Uni students from the future do seem to be more of a handful." Clara observed as the girls came running in, squealing about something.

 

"Excited for dinner, are we?" River smiled, standing up. They both nodded enthusiastically.

 

Amelia held up her Ood which had a little tie around it's neck. "Jeff is excited, too."

 

"Oh, my, even Jeff the Ood is dressed up, I'm starting to think maybe I should have changed."

 

"You already look pretty." Freya insisted.

 

"Thank you, Freya. As soon as Daddy's ready we'll go."

 

"Oh." She said, remembering something. "He said to tell you that he might be a minute 'cause he wanted to get a thingy for you."

 

"Does he want us to go without him?" She frowned slightly.

 

She shook her head. "No, he just wanted to get the surprise thingy for you."

 

"Surprise thingy?" She raised an eyebrow.

 

Freya was about to say something more when the door opened and in came the Doctor, holding something behind his back. "Just a little surprise thingy."

 

"What do you have?" River asked, walking around to try and see what he was holding.

 

He turned in a circle so she wouldn't see before capturing her in an embrace. He presented a few picked flowers to her. "Found a patch in the yard with ammi and phlox."  

 

"Oh, sweetie, these are lovely." She beamed.

 

"It's just about the end of their blooming time, but they'll come back in the spring and we can start a garden." He lit up, almost forgetting that she wouldn't be there in the spring.

 

She smiled, kissing him softly, "I can't wait."

 

Ignoring the noises of disgust from his daughters, he beamed and kissed her back. "Alright gang, off we go."

 

River happily walked along side him, pressing soft kisses to his face as they went. "Amelia may not have liked your lesson, but Arthur certainly did." She murmured as they walked down the street.

 

"He could hear me?" He linked his arm with hers.

 

"Yes, he certainly could."

 

"I would've used the TARDIS to teach her and just bring her to the actual time I was trying to explain." He pointed out.

 

"I'm sure you would have, but most teachers don't have that advantage." She murmured, pressing her lips to his hand.

 

"I have a feeling that we'll be making more trips in the old girl when the kids have a history unit." He glanced back at them. They were giggling and playing some sort of  poking game with each other.

 

She hummed softly, her expression saddening a bit. He squeezed her hand and gave her a consoling smile. "I hope they have fish fingers and custard at the restaurant."

 

Her pace slowed, "You know, I'm feeling awfully tired, maybe I should head back to the house and you can go on ahead with the girls and Clara for dinner."

 

He frowned slightly. "What? Are you sure? I mean, we'll be sitting pretty much the whole time..."

 

She stopped completely now, letting go of his hand and nodded, "I'll be fine, you all go on and enjoy your dinner."

 

"Mummy?" Amelia tugged on her arm. "Why'd you stop?"

 

"Well, I'm going to go back home and have a nap, but you're going to go have a nice dinner with Daddy and Auntie Clara." She smiled weakly.

 

"But why aren't you gonna come?" She pouted.

 

"I'm too tired, sweetie. I'll see you back at the house, okay?" She leaned down to kiss the top of her head.

 

"Would you like us to save you anything to eat?" Clara asked, Freya getting in line for a kiss, too.

 

River leaned down to kiss Freya as well, "No, that's alright. I'll find something at home."

 

"You know where to reach us if you need anything." The Doctor took his turn to kiss his wife. He would have liked to have the outing with her, but he could settle for a cuddle before bed instead, even if he wasn't completely clear on the reason for her change of mind.

 

She nodded, not quite meeting his eyes as she turned and headed back for the flat. He worriedly watched for go for a moment before the girls pulled him forwards, wanting to get their food.

  
Once back at the flat, River went back to their bedroom, laying down beside the cat, eventually falling asleep, eyelashes damp. 


	126. Whisper of the Once Was

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He looked up at her, eyes somewhere far away. There were moments, moment like these, when one could tell that he had lived for a very long time just by looking at his expression; somewhere between very wise and very lonesome. "Nothing's wrong." He lied...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I can't promise an update this weekend. Family obligations and all that, but I'll try. Merry Christmas and enjoy!

**Ch 126**

 

Amelia and Freya skipped ahead of Clara and the Doctor once they were sure he was following. "I can't believe they're going to start school in less than a week." The Doctor tried to make conversation. 

 

"Yeah, but you don't have to worry. I'm sure they'll love it." She grinned. 

 

"They seemed a bit nervous about it... I think River is, too." He stuck his hand in his pocket. 

 

"Everyone gets a bit nervous around the first day, it's fine. As soon as they get through the first day, they'll fall in love with it. They're very smart and love learning so I'm sure they'll love school." 

 

He nodded feeling a bit comforted by this. They arrived at the restaurant and were seated by a waiter. "It's just a big sort of change, you know? A lot of things are changing." 

 

"But they're all good changes, yeah?" Clara smiled, sitting down across from the girls. 

 

He nodded but it wasn't entirely true. The baby, the house, and the girls growing up were all good, but River was changing, too. Each day she seemed more weighed down with the burden of knowing when she was going to die. No one should have to know that, that was part of the reason he never told her what was to happen at the Library. 

 

The girls picked out what they wanted to eat, practically devouring the bread that was placed on the table. "Looks like a certain two where hungry." He smiled distantly at them, mind still on his wife. He wanted to be able to do more for her than to sit and wait and watch. He did try to be there. He kissed her and squeezed her hand when she needed him to, he left her alone when he knew she didn't want him to see her cry. "It's strange how life can turn like a dime." He murmured, mostly directed towards Clara. "One minute everything's fine, then next... it's not." 

 

"What do you mean?" Clara asked, puzzled, "Is there something wrong?" 

 

He looked up at her, eyes somewhere far away. There were moments, moment like these, when one could tell that he had lived for a very long time just by looking at his expression; somewhere between very wise and very lonesome. "Nothing's wrong." He lied and it took a second to realize that he’d not told her yet of River’s condition. 

 

She looked from him to the girls who were completely oblivious, busy coloring with the crayons they had been given, "Oh...Are you sure?" 

 

"I'll..." He looked at this daughters as well. ", tell you another time." He didn't want to say anything in front of the girls, nor without checking with River first. 

 

She nodded and the girls cheering happily as their food arrived. The Doctor quickly started eating, trying to think about something other than death. "What ever happened with you and that P.E. teacher?" 

 

"You mean Danny? He’s a  _ maths  _ teacher." Clara shrugged, "Nothing really, we're still seeing each other." 

 

"Oh, you've got to give me more than that!" He poked her with the back of his fork. "Details, please."

 

"I'm serious, nothing’s really changed since the last time we talked." She shrugged. 

 

"Well, I think he's a keeper. He may be a P.E. teacher, but he's got potential." 

 

She smiled not bothering to correct him again, "You think?" 

 

"Out of all of the other people you could've chosen, yes." He took another mouthful of his dinner. 

 

She laughed, "Alright then, if you say so, Oh Mighty Doctor." 

 

"Oi, I'm considered very mighty on many planets." He said, straightening his bow tie. 

 

She rolled her eyes, "Oh, great, glad to hear that there are whole planets out there dedicated to boosting your ego." She teased. 

 

"My ego is not that big." He shook his head. "Besides, there are planets with  _ your  _ name in history, too. Remember Akhaten?" 

 

She shrugged, "I suppose you're right." 

 

"I'm always right." 

 

"I'm sure in your head you are." She grinned. He glowered playfully at her. 

 

The girls laughed from their side of the table, trying to get Clara’s attention, "Look, we drew a mermaid!" 

 

"Wow! That's fantastic!" Clara smiled, "Once we finish up you can take it back to show your Mum, yeah?" 

 

"Why did she hafta go back?" 

 

"I think she was tired. Teaching all day  _ and  _ making a baby takes a lot of work and energy." 

 

"We should bring her back a cookie because cookies make you less tired!" 

 

"That's a great idea! I'm sure she'd love that." 

 

"Do you want to order it for her?" The Doctor asked. Amelia nodded, knowing exactly what she wanted to get River. 

 

The waiter returned after a while to collect their plates and ask them if they would like to order dessert. The girls ordered their desserts with Amelia adding, "Can I get a sugar cookie with sprinkles for my Mummy?" 

 

The waiter smiled gently. "Yes you may, little miss." 

 

"Thank you." She beamed. 

 

"Mummy might be asleep when we get home." The Doctor told her. 

 

"Can we wake her up?" She asked, hopeful. 

 

"Well..." He gave it some thought.  "Alright. I guess that's okay if you do it nicely." Her smile grew even wider, rushing through her dessert, eager to show her Mummy the cookie she had picked out. 

 

The girls were practically skipping once they left the restaurant. "I'm going to drop Auntie Clara back home while you give Mummy the cookie, alright?" They nodded, running inside when they arrived back at the flat. 

Clara and the Doctor went to the TARDIS, the Doctor not looking quite as chipper as he piloted back to Clara’s house. 

 

“Something wrong?” Clara asked, hand on his shoulder. 

 

“There’s something I need to tell you. It’s about River… and the baby.”

 

-x-

 

The girls  bolted up the stairs of the flat and opened the door to River's room quietly, remembering to wake her gently. 

 

River was fast asleep, with Tiber sleeping on her chest. "Mumma!" Amelia said in the loudest whisper she could manage. She poked her face. "Mummy wake up!" 

 

Tiber growled unhappily at Amelia, swatting at her. "No, bad kitty! I hafta give mummy her cookie!" This was much louder than a whisper. 

 

He hissed this time, the noises waking River, "Amelia? Sweetie, is something wrong?" 

 

The girl thrust the paper bag with the cookie towards her mother determinedly. "Here." 

 

"What's this?" She opened the bag, smiling, "Oh, a cookie. It looks delicious, I'll have to eat it later. Thank you, my love." 

 

"Why don't you wanna eat it now?" 

 

"I'm not very hungry right now, so I want to save it for later when I can really enjoy it." She smiled. 

 

"Oh." She nodded. "Are you going back to bed now?" 

 

"I think so, sweetie, but if you get your pajamas on I'll read you a story and tuck you in." She offered, yawning and looking very sleepy. 

 

"Yay!" They cheered and scurried off to put on their pajamas. River smiled weakly, pulling herself out of bed and heading down the hall. 

 

Tiber mewed in protest, following her into the girls’ room. They had changed already and were picking out a book. River waited patiently for them to finish getting ready, sitting down on the bed and reading from the book they had chosen until they were asleep. 

 

The TARDIS materialized back in the hallway by then, the Doctor strolling out. He peered in the girls' room, smiling as he saw River. She didn't notice him, stroking Amelia's hair as she slept, kissing her head, "I'm so, so sorry, Amelia." 

 

"Sorry for what?" He stepped into the room. 

 

She jumped, startled and quickly wiped at her eyes, "Hmm? Oh, nothing. Sorry I couldn't make it to dinner tonight." 

 

He didn't believe her, thinking that she was apologizing for what the future held, but didn't say anything. "Clara send her thanks for the lovely day she had." She smiled weakly and nodded, standing up and heading back to their room. "How are you feeling?" He asked softly. 

 

"Fine." She nodded, "Still tired." She didn't look at him, walking close to the wall as if needing its support to keep upright. 

 

He made sure to stay at her pace in case she'd want to lean on him. "Did you eat dinner?" 

 

She nodded, "Of course." She had really only had a few bites of toast, which she almost threw up five minutes later, but he didn't have to know that. 

 

He wrapped his around her waist. "I hope the cats did a good job at keeping you company." 

 

"Of course they did, they're very good company. How was your dinner?" She tried to smile at him. 

 

"Lovely. They had crayons for the girls and none of the waiters were robots with detachable faces." He didn’t add in his and Clara’s conversation on the TARDIS. 

 

They made it back to their room and he slowly parted from her to get his own pajamas. "Sounds lovely." She murmured, crawling into bed once again, Tiber hopping up beside her.  

 

"Yes, it is rather nice to not have to run for your life twice in one day." He slipped into bed beside her once he'd changed, situating his arms back around her. He kissed her cheek. 

 

Tiber growled at the Doctor, being very protective of River tonight. She just nodded, shifting in his arms, "I'm sure it is..." 

 

"... You sure you're alright?" 

 

"Yes, positive. I'm just tired." She breathed. 

 

"Ah, well don't let me keep you up." He gave her more of a proper kiss. "Sweet dreams, love.” She hummed weakly, closing her eyes in hopes that she would be able to fall asleep. 

 

As the night crept on, Tiber kept batting at River’s face as well as repeatedly changing his mind about which spot on the bed was the most comfortable. She huffed, eyes snapping open to stare at the ceiling as Tiber tried to curl up on top of her. The cat gave one short blink and two long blinks directed at her then mewed contently. 

 

A similar sound came from down the hall follewed by a watery, "Mumma!" 

 

River mentally groaned, feeling that she wasn't going to be catching up on sleep tonight and wriggled out of bed, moving as quickly as she could down the hall. 

 

Amelia was sitting up in bed and crying, a confused and sleepy Freya looking at her. "Mummy, I think Mia had a bad dream." 

 

"Okay..." She breathed, shuffling over to her daughter's bed and sitting down, wrapping her arms around her, "What's wrong, Amelia? What happened?" 

 

"I'm sorry Mumma, I didn't mean to loose him!" She buried her face against River. "It kept pulling me under. I tried to get him back but it kept pulling me under!" 

 

"Shhh...Shhh..." She whispered, rocking back and forth with her, "It's okay, Amelia. It's okay." 

 

"But you said to watch him and I only looked away for a second, I swear, but I lost him." She wasn't quite out of her dream yet, still thinking it was real. 

 

"Who, sweetie? Who did you lose?" She asked, rubbing her arm, "You didn't lose anyone." 

 

"My baby brother." She sniffed. "I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to! The thing got him and it got me and I didn't mean to!" 

 

"No, no, Amelia. Your baby brother's right here." River took Amelia's hand and put it on her belly, "Nothing got you, it was just a bad dream." 

 

_ Sister sad? Why sad? No sad! _

 

Amelia felt the baby brush against her hand. She looked up at River, "But what about the lady in the water?" 

 

"It wasn't real, sweetie. It was just a dream." She kissed her head. 

 

"I don't like swimming anymore." Amelia breathed shakily. 

 

"You don't have to be afraid of swimming. It was only a nightmare." She assured again.  

 

"But what if she pulls me under? What if the ice cracks?" 

 

"It won't, sweetie." 

 

She hugged her tightly, still sniffling a bit. "I don't want to loose my baby brother again." 

 

"You won't, don't worry. You won't." 

 

"Do you pinky promise?" She held out her pinky. 

 

"Pinky promise." River linked her pinky with Amelia's. 

 

She stayed quiet and felt Arthur shift around until she stopped sniffling. "...I feel better now." 

 

River smiled, "Good, now try and go back to sleep." 

 

"Can I have a hug, too?" Freya asked. 

 

"Of course, my love." She stood up after tucking Amelia in again, hugging Freya. "Now try and get some sleep." They nodded and Arthur kicked. 

 

_ Why was Sister sad?  _

 

_ "Just a bad dream, don't worry. Go back to sleep."  _ She smiled at the girls, walking to the door, "Goodnight, girls." 

 

_ What if  _ I  _ have a bad dream?  _

 

_ "You won't."  _ She murmured, sending pleasant thoughts to the baby to assure him he would be alright. He quieted to a mental hum as he drifted back into sleep. 

 

Relieved that all of her children were finally asleep again, River waddled back to her bedroom, ready to fall into bed. Tiber was still sitting on the bed, staring up at her as she walked in. He meowed at her, disappointed that his warm cushion had moved before sitting on the Doctor's chest and biting his chin. 

 

He sat up with a yelp. "Ow! Tiber, you bad kitty, don't do that!" 

 

"No, biting, Tiber." River scolded, shooing him off the bed. 

 

He scurried into the hall, deciding her was done with their room, at least for a little while. He would be back later. "River? What are you doing up?" The Doctor asked, still rubbing his chin. 

 

"Amelia had a nightmare." She murmured, falling back into bed with a sigh. 

 

"Oh." He settled back by her side. "You should have woken me. I would have gone to deal with it so you wouldn't have to had get out of bed." 

 

"No, I hadn't even falling asleep yet." She murmured, curling up beside him. 

 

"Really? What time is it?" 

 

"I don't know, I haven't bothered to look. I know it's early in the morning though." She closed her eyes, blowing curls away from her nose. 

 

He was a bit concerned that she hadn't slept yet, but decided the thought could wait for morning. "Love you." He murmured. 

  
"I love you too." She whispered, her voice shaking a bit. He was already half asleep, not quite conscious enough to register the quiver. She lay in silence for a bit, the rolled over shoulders shaking as she turned her head and buried her face in her pillow. 


	127. No Room for Boycotts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She nodded, trying to hide how upset and worried she was. "When Arthur's born, do you think I'll be able to hold him?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh gosh, sorry it's late. Holidays make me busy. I hope y'all are having a good one or at least dealing with relatives the best you can. Also, I've watched the x-mass special like, ten times already and I'm still a mess. Enjoy!

**Ch 127**

 

Tiber came back to the room at around five in the morning with Samantha. They curled up with River, not being as picky as before about their spots. River had finally fallen asleep, but her sleep was filled with nightmares, though thankfully only her sleep and not the baby's. She tossed and turned, speaking half words and whimpers. 

 

The Doctor was eventually woken by this, though it took him a moment to realize his surroundings. "River?" River was sweating, her hair sticking to her forehead, chest and neck. She groaned seemingly in pain. "River!" He said louder this time, shaking her shoulder. Her eyes shot open, staring up at him, panting. 

 

He had put together that she must have been having a nightmare. "Look at me, Riv. You were dreaming. I'm here, you're safe." She shook like a leaf, still trying to take in her surroundings. "You're safe. River, look at me." He put a hand on either side of her face. "You're safe now. It's okay, you're safe." He repeated. 

 

She nodded, pulling him closer, shoulders shaking as she cried silently. "Shh... It's okay." He held her tightly. "You're okay now." 

 

She groaned suddenly, pressing her palm to her stomach. "River? River, what's wrong?" 

 

"I-I think it's Braxton Hicks." She groaned, squeezing her eyes shut. 

 

"It's a bit early for Braxton Hicks." His eyebrows knit together with worry. He didn't think they should be that strong either. 

 

"It's stopping, it's stopping." She said quickly, squeezing her eyes shut, "I'm okay." 

 

"I think we should check to make sure." He urged, not quite trusting that this was nothing. 

 

"No! No, please." She looked panicked, "I'm okay, I promise, Arthur and I are okay." 

 

He was taken back by her reaction. "It wouldn't hurt to check..." Was she afraid of a scan? Was she trying to hide something? 

 

"I'm-I'm too tired." She tried to calm herself down. Every time she felt even the slightest twinge, she was terrified to find out what was wrong, afraid that she was going to be finding out that she was living her last hours. 

 

"Too tired? The TARDIS is just down the hall." He rubbed her arm soothingly. "River, if something is wrong, I need to know sooner rather than later so I can try to help you." He said softly. 

 

"Doctor, please." She begged, "I said no." She was shaking again, looking like a frightened deer. 

 

He hesitated and sighed. "...Why?" 

 

"I...I can't. Please..." She looked at him with wide, watery eyes, "I don't want...I don't...I'm not ready to..." She couldn't get the words out, her fears getting the better of her. 

 

It took him a moment to piece together what she was trying to say. "River, today is not the day I'm going to lose you." He cupped her cheek softly. "If these are contractions, than I can stop them. It's too early for our baby to be born now, and I can make sure he stays in there if you just let me help you." 

 

"I'm scared." She confessed, her voice barely over a whisper. 

 

"I know. I know, and that alright to be scared." He kept his tone calm and steady for her. "Now it's time to be brave, too." She nodded, hiding her face in his neck.

 

Arms still around her, he began to ease her off the bed. She kept her arms around him, slowly sliding off the bed with him. He urged her carefully to standing then moved slowly into the hall, not letting go of her. 

 

Once in the med bay, she was very reluctant to get on the cot. He squeezed her hand and encouragingly kissed the side of her face. "It's going to be alright." 

 

She nodded, keeping hold of her hand as she sat down. "Full body scan: River Song." The Doctor ordered the scan, keeping his tone hushed. She tugged him closer to her so he was practically on top of her, holding her breath. 

 

They stayed like that for a very long moment until a nearby scanner beeped and started streaming results. River gripped her husband tighter, not wanting him to go. 

 

He shifted carefully to be able to scroll through the results whilst still have his arm in River's grip. A mixture of relief and concern bloomed on his face. 

 

"What's going on?" She whispered, trying not to forget to breathe. 

 

"Well... they're contractions but also they're not." 

 

"What does that mean?" She frowned, eyebrows raising.

 

"It means, uh," He paused to think of how to word it. "It means that they are contractions in the sense of actual physical contractions of the muscles, but they're not in the sense that they're aren't being caused by your body trying to expel the baby." 

 

"Well, how do we stop them. I can't say they're exactly pleasant." She murmured. 

 

"I wouldn't expect you too, these aren't supposed not hurt." He scratched his chin. "You're having contractions due to  Gastritis from all of your medications which is causing what Timelords used to call CSS." He said a bit quickly, then realized that those medical terms probably weren't the best way to explain. "Basically a combination of your stomach lining being inflamed and CSS is causing you to not eat, and vomit most things you ingest which in turn deprives you and the baby of needed nutrients. Your body has been trying to give as much as it can to Arthur, which explains why you've been so tired, but now there's hardly enough left to support both of you at the same time." He took another breath. "In the simplest of terms, you need to eat or get some nutrients pretty much right now or a number of more problems, possibly more dangerous  problems  will arise, which might just possibly also include going into preterm labour." 

 

She swallowed as she listened to him, worry casting over her features. The scan had finally revealed a lot of the problems she’d been facing for a while.

 

"There are some boosters I can give you now and something to start reducing the inflammation so you can start eating again." He rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb absentmindedly. 

 

She nodded, "Can you give me something to stop the contractions for tonight? I'm too tired for...all of that." She breathed, just wanting to go back to bed. 

 

"I'm afraid all of that is what your need to stop the contractions. It won't take too long..." She sighed, closing her eyes and putting her head in her hands, nodding. 

 

He suppressed a sympathetic sigh and slowly moved to get the medicines. "The CSS medication is in a liquid form and the boosters are pills." 

 

"But you said that I also have to eat." She pointed out. 

 

"You won't be able to keep much down until the anti inflammatory drugs fully kick in and your appetite comes back. That likely won't be until lunch tomorrow at the earliest so nutrients boosters will have to hold you through until then." He mixed a dose of Terbutaline with the liquid medicine. She nodded once again. 

 

Thankfully, it was the weekend so she wouldn't have to go to work the next day. "Here." He handed her the pills and medicine. "Sorry, it won't taste very nice." 

 

She took the pills as instructed, trying to hold them down and not to gag. He sat on the edge of the cot. "That should stop the pain. Tell me if you have any more contractions, alright?" 

 

She grabbed his hand, squeezing his it tightly, "Ghhaa, I'm having one now…!" 

 

"Oh, um, okay. Just squeeze my hand." He knew she didn't need the reminder since his hand was already being crushed. "Breathe." 

 

"I am brea-" Her words turned into a groan, crushing his hand even more if it was at all possible. 

 

He hardly managed not to squeak at the pain in his hand. "It should be over soon." She nodded, pressing her lips together and holding back a groan. 

 

It took a minute for the contraction to subside, her grip weakening as the pain started to go away. His hand was completely numb by that point, but he breathed out a bit of relief. "That was a bit longer than it was supposed to be..." 

 

"Well I'm sorry, but I don't have a lot of control over how long my contractions last." River grumbled, laying down on the cot, obviously still in quite a bit of discomfort. 

 

"Well the Terbutaline should kick in very soon. If not we can try another dose of that." The Doctor managed to wiggle his hand free and shook it out with a wince. "You nearly broke my hand." 

 

"I'm sorry." She murmured, rubbing circles on her side and then clutched the edge of the cot, squeezing her eyes shut. 

 

He finished regaining circulation in his hand before reaching for hers again. "Are you in pain again?"  She nodded, her knuckles white as she clutched the side of the bed. "Right, er... just keep breathing. Try to make a pattern." He wasn't sure how to console her through the pain besides telling her to breathe. 

 

She clutched her stomach, breathing shakily. "Hang in there, Riv. It'll be over in a minute." He tried to sooth, rubbing her shoulder. "How long has it been since the last Terbutaline?" 

 

She shook her head, "I-I don't know." She was sweating, breathing heavily through her nose. 

 

"Well I don't think it's working." At least not as fast as they needed it to. From what he could see, these contractions were quite strong and would be dangerous to River if not stopped soon. He pulled away from her to get more Terbutaline. "Pills or shot?" He asked. if this second round didn't work, they'd have to try something stronger. 

 

"Do the shot, I'll work better." She finally started to relax, her body releasing its tension. 

 

"Alright. Hold your arm out." He instructed, preparing the needle. 

 

"There's a lot of pressure in… in my lower stomach." She breathed, holding her arm out for him. 

 

He swallowed and gave her the medicine. "Pressure against your cervix... pressure like your water might break?" He asked slowly. 

 

"It's not that low yet, but yes." She murmured. 

 

"'Not that low yet' is good. 'Not that low yet' gives me time." He wasn't entirely aware he was speaking allowed. He was caught up a bit in his thoughts, trying to decide if he should give her something to mature Arthur's lungs. "Give that a few minutes to kick in." 

 

She nodded, trying to hide how upset and worried she was. "When Arthur's born, do you think I'll be able to hold him?" 

 

"Provided he comes when he's supposed to, he'll be put right in your arms." He settled back on the edge of the bed, thinking more about the question. River wouldn't have much time. If she could stay conscious through the delivery, she'd likely have minutes at the most left. 

 

"Do you think I'll still be..." She trailed off, unable to finished. 

 

His hand subconsciously reached up to brush a thumb over her cheek. "Yes." He said, though in all honesty he didn't know. "You're the strongest person I know, River. You'll make it through, you'll meet our son." Even if it would only be for a few minutes. 

 

She changed the subject quickly, "We should finish the nursery in the TARDIS tomorrow and the start turning my office in the flat into a nursery.” 

 

He nodded. "I bet the girls would love to help paint." He knew she needed a bit of a distraction. 

 

"I'm sure they wi-" Her words turned into a groan once more, and she clutched on to the side of the bed again. Her contractions had begun to slow, getting further and further apart instead of closer together. 

 

He offered his hand for her to squeeze, not caring so much anymore if she'd break it. She grabbed hold of his hand, trying not to squeeze too hard, not breathing. 

 

"Remember your breathing exercises." He reminded again, hoping he wasn't getting annoying. 

 

"I-I can't remember." She managed to choke out. 

 

"Just, um, do this." He demonstrated by puffing his cheeks out in four sharps exhales then sucked in twice. He looked rather ridiculous.  

 

She managed a small laugh, "You look ridiculous." 

 

"I know." He grinned back. "But just do it. I bet it'll made you feel loads better." She tried to imitate what he had done until the contraction had passed. 

 

He offered a warm expression. "They're getting further apart. That's good. How is the pressure?" 

 

"Lessening." She sighed, "Do you think he's alright?" 

 

"His heart rate might be a bit high, but that can be solved with rest." He kissed her forehead. 

 

She closed her eyes, nodding, "And how are you?" 

 

"Relived that the medicine is working and that you're going to be okay." He said honestly. 

 

She smiled weakly, "I think I've run low on kisses again." 

 

He smiled softly and pressed a kiss to her palm. He then made his way up her arm, peppered her jaw line, and eventually landed on her lips. She laughed, her smiled growing with each kiss, pulling him firmly against her when he finally reached her mouth. He flailed slightly, but quickly melted to her, kissing her passionately. 

 

She looked up at him, smiling widely, "I love you." 

 

"I love you, too." He replied a bit flush. "So, so much." 

 

She beamed, "So, we'll go shopping for baby things tomorrow, yeah?" 

 

"I'm not sure we'll need much. We have my old cot, and the girl's old clothes and toys." Plus they would be getting a lot of things at the shower. 

 

She hummed, "Well, we have nothing planned for tomorrow so we could go through what we have and figure out what we'll need." 

 

"That sounds like a good idea." He stole an extra kiss. "But today, it's bed rest. I want to make sure you have no more contractions and I want to keep you on the Terbutaline for a few more hours." 

 

She nodded, yawning. "I think my contractions have nearly stopped." 

 

"It's been quite a night. Maybe you should try to sleep." He suggested. 

 

"You too." She murmured. 

 

"If you let me squeeze onto that cot with you." He smirked. 

 

"I think I'm too big for us both to fit, but we can try." She smiled, moving over. 

  
He squished in, by default, getting pressed flush against his wife. River leaned back against him, falling asleep after a few minutes. 


	128. Simple Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Amelia, do you want to do the cheese?"   
> She looked up at him, a fist full of mozzarella halfway in her mouth. She nodded, "Mah!" She managed to say through the mouth full of cheese.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was honestly so tempted to call this chapter "Pizza, Pizza, Daddy-O". Any one familiar with that little song? I used to sing it all the time when I was little. Enjoy and comment!

**Ch 128**

 

River slept through the rest of the night and most of the next day, exhausted after being awake for the majority of the night. 

 

The Doctor had exited the bed earlier to entertain and feed the girls when they woke. It was another errand day for him. He made sure the girls were taken care of since he didn't want to wake River, and brought them along when he went to fetch the plant and discuss the baby shower with Vastra. 

 

It was almost dinner and he had set himself to cheeking River's vitals again while the girls played in their room on the TARDIS. She was fast asleep, Tiber curled up with her. He checked all the monitors he'd previously set up and made sure the I.V. giving her fluids wasn't empty. Along with keeping her on the Terbutaline and nutrients boosters all day, he'd made sure to give her the other medicines to clear her Gastritis and CSS. If she were awake, she'd hopefully have her appetite back. He looked at her sleeping form, thinking about how lucky he was to have her be his wife. He sat on the edge of her cot, unable to stop himself from kissing her cheek. 

 

River mumbled something about babies and nuzzled into her pillows. The Doctor wondered if he ought to wake her now so she wouldn't be up in the middle of the night. He decided he should and shook her shoulders lightly. "Riv?" 

 

She yawned, blinking up at him, "Hmmmm? Doctor?" 

 

He smiled widely. "Morning, love. Well, not actually morning... but you get the idea." 

 

"Hello, sweetie." She smiled, still groggy. 

 

"I'm going to start dinner soon. Are you hungry?" 

 

She nodded, her nose crinkling with her smile, "Yes, for once I am." 

 

"Good." He spoke softly. "You slept well I take it?" 

 

She nodded, "I'm sorry I slept all day and left you with the girls." 

 

"It's alright, they weren't too much trouble. Actually, since I told them you're on bed rest all day, they wanted to eat dinner in here with you."

 

"I'd like that." She smiled softly, "Give me your hand." He did so without question. She placed his hand on her belly, "Do you feel him?" 

 

A look of wonder settled on his face. "Yes. He's kicking against my hand." 

 

She beamed, pressing a kiss to his arm, "He's strong, isn't he?" 

 

"Just like his mother." He confirmed. 

 

She continued to smile, "What have you and the girls been doing all day?" 

 

"Well, we played 'castle' after breakfast and made a nice fort. We had a picnic with Aristotle somewhere around 350 BCE; he sends his regards, by the way. Then we went to Vastra and had tea with her after she gave me the plant and she let the girls play with the paints she has." He told her. 

 

"It sounds like you had a lovely day." She whispered, taking hold of his other hand, weaving her fingers with his. 

 

"Yes. Even lovelier now that you're awake." He kissed her nose. 

 

She smiled, "Since I slept the day away, we didn't get to go through the baby things we have and 'take inventory'" 

 

"Tomorrow is a Sunday isn't it? You won't be working, we can go through things then." 

 

"Yes, we could." She murmured, "We're not doing anything tomorrow, yeah?" 

 

"I was considering getting the girls some school supplies." He said. "It's only primary school so I don't think they'll need much." 

 

Her eyes grew wide, "Oh! I completely forgot that the girls are starting school Monday. Oh, we can't do the baby things tomorrow, I want to spend the day with the girls." 

 

"We'll take care of it some time this week then." He squeezed her hand. If he could get her to put it off long enough, then they'd have the baby shower by Friday and wouldn't really need to go shopping. "Don't worry too much about it." 

 

She nodded slowly, "There's so much to be done, and the time to do it is getting shorter and shorter." She sighed, "The nursery is going to be one of the last things I get to do for Arthur." 

 

"If we finish the painting tomorrow and the girls help it'll be two birds with one stone." He pointed out. 

 

She shook her head, "No, I don't want our last day with them to be devoted to doing something for the baby, I want it to be about them." She sighed, "We can do it during the week while they're at school." 

 

He nodded. "It's not exactly our last day with them. It's school; it's only a couple of hours a day on weekdays." He kissed her forehead. "They'll still be right here." 

 

"But that's hours that they won't be with us. I don't think they've ever been away from us that long before." She whispered. 

 

He paused to consider this. There had been longer periods of time that one of them had been away, like when River was on expeditions, but the other parent would always stay with the girls. Even then both of them went off for a date night, the girls had been surrounded by the familiar faces of family friends. "Clara will be there." He said aloud. "They'll be okay." 

 

"But she won't be  _ right  _ there." She mumbled, fiddling with the blankets. 

 

"I suppose not, but they'll have each other. They'll make friends, they'll learn new things, and they'll discover a bit about being independent. Not always a fun thing, I know, but it's an important milestone that we'll be here to support." 

 

"What if the other children are mean to them? What if they bully them and ruin their innocents?" She looked rather distressed at this thought. 

 

He thought about how Kovarian and Missy had probably already done that and how River's own death would defiantly do the same. "There  _ are  _ rules against bullying. The teachers will stop it if they see it. Plus I really don't think that they'll walk in and suddenly every single kid in the class will hate them for no apparent reason. They'll make friends, allies, people who will stick up for them. Even so, they know how to stick up for themselves, don't they?" 

 

"Yes...I suppose so." She breathed, squeezing her eyes shut, "I don't want to leave them." 

 

"I know." He said in agreement. They still had time, but it wasn't enough. It would never be enough. 

 

She swallowed and squeezed her eyes shut, "I'm sorry." 

 

"It's alright, River." He said, though he wasn't sure if she was apologizing for bringing up the subject or that she was going to die. 

 

She shook her head, "It's not." 

 

"...That doesn't mean you need to apologize. It's not your fault." 

 

"It is..." She whispered, "Maybe if I hadn't been so eager to have another baby..." She sighed. 

 

"Going by that logic, it's as much my fault as yours." He sighed. "This shouldn’t have to be blamed on anyone." 

 

She sighed once more and nodded, "Do you need help with dinner?" 

 

He shook his head. "No. I want you to stay in bed." 

 

"I've been in bed all day, sweetie." She protested. 

 

"Well... alright." He nodded. "But really, take it easy." 

 

"Of course I will, but first, I think you're going to need to help me out of bed." She breathed. 

 

"Right, here." He took both of her hands and pulled her up to sitting. 

 

She wriggled off the bed, nearly falling over once she was on her feet. He wrapped his arms tightly around her so she stayed up right. "You alright, there?" 

 

"My legs are just tired." She nodded, straightening up after she regained her balance. 

 

He kept his arm around her waist just in case as they went to the kitchen. "I was thinking of making pizza." 

 

She nodded, waddling slowly down the hall, "I think the girls would like that." 

 

"And you? Would you eat some?" 

 

"Of course, I haven't had anything to eat in a while." 

 

He smiled a bit. "Do you want anything besides cheese?" 

 

"No, I think cheese is good. Well, maybe cheese and pineapple...and olives? And maybe pretzels?" She grinned. 

 

He laughed. "Just a wild guess here that that was the cravings talking." 

 

She giggled, "Yes, it was." 

 

"Well I'm sure we can find those things for you." He took out the things from the fridge and cupboard. 

 

She hummed, pressing a kiss to his cheek, "Such a good husband." 

 

"I do try." He grinned. 

 

"Oh, do you now?" She murmured, moving in to capture his lips with hers.

 

Soon enough, they'd thrown together a dough and were spreading it out on a pan. The girls tiptoed to the kitchen, peering in the door. 

 

River hadn't noticed the girls in the doorway, and she ever so loved distracting her husband while he was trying to do something. The Doctor tried not to flail as his lips were kidnapped by a greedy River, kissing her back and doing his best not to get flour on her. 

 

"Ew, mummy!" 

 

River laughed, pulling away, "Hello girls." She called, dusting flour off of her dress. 

 

"Daddy said you wouldn't be out of bed until tomorrow!" They rushed in to hug her legs. 

 

She knelt down, capturing them in her arms, "Well, I missed you so much that I decided to get up a little earlier."  

 

"Are you making pizza? Can we have extra cheese?" 

 

"Of course we can. Do you want to help make it?" 

 

"Yes!" They cheered. 

 

She laughed, "Alright, we need to get you aprons and stools, and maybe we should get Daddy an apron too, yeah?" 

 

"Oi, I'm going fine without an apron." He protested, though there were strikes of flour down his front. 

 

"You've just started and you've got flour all over your shirt, sweetie." She smiled, giving him a kiss on the cheek again. 

 

"I was putting it on the pan so the dough wouldn't stick." He pouted looking down at his shirt. 

 

She grinned, "Alright, well, we'll get you an apron just in case you change your mind." 

 

He nodded and went to get the toppings. He set the armful of things down on the counter. "Sauce first, yeah?" 

 

The girls nodded, trying to tie their aprons, "Can I do it?" Freya asked.  

 

"Of course you can." He opened the jar for her. "Just spread the whole thing evenly across the dough."

 

She nodded, doing as she was told. "Perfect. Wonderful job." He praised. "Amelia, do you want to do the cheese?" 

 

She looked up at him, a fist full of mozzarella halfway in her mouth. She nodded, "Mah!" She managed to say through the mouth full of cheese.   

 

He laughed. "Put a few layers on if you want it to be extra cheesy." 

 

She dumped the entire bag of cheese on the pizza. 

 

"Remember to try and make it even." He reminded.  She nodded, spreading the cheese around with her hands, making it semi-even. He helped her to make it more leveled. 

 

"Now Mummy's going to put on her toppings. " River spread her toppings over a small corner of the pizza, leaving the rest for her family to enjoy without her crazy cravings. 

 

"Brilliant, then. We'll give it about fifteen minutes in the oven. Girls, stand a bit back while I put the pizza in." They nodded, scurrying behind River. 

 

He opened the already heated oven and placed the pizza inside before setting the timer. "Shall we set the table?" 

 

They nodded, going to help get plates. He got out cups since they didn't need silverware.  River got the napkins, grabbing more than usual since the girls would probably make a mess. 

 

"Mummy, do you hafta go to work on Monday?" Freya asked. 

 

River shook her head, "I'm staying home on Monday so I can take you to school." She smiled softly. 

 

Freya and Amelia exchanged glances at the mention of school, but didn't seem quite as nervous as the last time. "We don't have to go to school on our birthday, do we?"  

 

"Well, I don't know sweetie, you might. But if you do, then we can bring in fairy cakes and everyone will sing to you, it will be loads of fun." She kissed her head. 

 

"But we can still go to the castle after, right? Daddy said he'd bring us to a medieval castle!" 

 

"Of course we can! Maybe, we could do it sooner than your birthday as an early present." She looked up at the Doctor. 

 

"We could do it tomorrow." He agreed. They had been planning to spend the day with the girls anyway. 

 

Both girls' eyes grew wide, "Really? We get to be princesses tomorrow!" 

 

"Yes, but first," He pointed to the oven which counted down the last few seconds of its remaining time before beeping. 

 

"Yay! Pizza!" They scrambled out of their chairs, eager to have a slice of the pizza they helped make. 

 

"Ah, ah, wait you two." He said quickly. "You've got to stand back while I take it out so you don't get burned." 

 

“Oh..." They backed up a big step, standing on tiptoes to try and see. 

 

The smell of melted cheese wafted out of the oven when he opened it and continued to rise from the pizza once he'd set in on the counter. He got out a large knife to cut it with. "Alright. Bring me your plates and I'll give you each a slice to start with." 

 

The girls ran and got their plates, followed by River. He served them each a plain slice and River a slice with the strange toppings. 

 

"Are you going to have a slide of my special pizza?" River asked him, kissing his cheek. 

 

"I think I'll pass on that." He took a plain slice for himself and settled at the table with his family. She pouted, trailing behind him. 

 

Tiber jumped up on the table, wanting to see what the humanoids were doing. Amelia shooed the cat away from her when he sniffed at her pizza. "No, kitty. This is mine." 

 

Tiber meowed, then slunk over to the Doctor, sticking his nose in the water glass beside him. "Hey!" The Doctor protested, but Tiber had already began drinking his water. "Oh, fine. Go on, you have it then." He was at least thankful that the cat hadn't claimed his pizza slice. 

 

He took a bite and immediately winced a bit and flushed. "Ow! It's hot!" He regretted letting Tiber have his water. 

 

River tried not to laugh, passing her water to him, "Here, drink up." He did so thankfully. The girls, learning from their father, blew on their food to cool it down first. 

 

After dinner, River helped the girls get ready for bed, helping them with their bath and reading them a story. 

 

Freya yawned as she crawled into bed and waited for River to tuck her in. "Mummy, can we bring Uncle Jack and Auntie Vastra and Auntie Clara tomorrow?" 

 

"Of course, it'll be a nice party just for you two." River kissed her forehead. 

 

"Will you wear a princess dress, too?" She asked. "Maybe, if I can find one that will fit me." She laughed. 

 

"Mumma TARDIS will make one for you." Freya nuzzled her face into her pillow. 

 

"I'm sure she will. Goodnight my princess." She whispered, giving her hair one last stroke before leaving the room. 

 

Mr Thomas and Tiber started to follow River somewhere along the way to her room, rubbing against her legs and meowing at her. "What do you two want now, hmm?" She murmured, looking down at them. 

 

Tiber took on his recently usual protective manner, while Mr Thomas just seemed to want attention. River rubbed behind Mr Thomas's ears, stroking all the way down to his back. This elicited a loud and content purr from him. Tiber pushed his head against her leg and mewed. 

 

She did the same for Tiber, "You can get more petting time if you come back to bed with me." She breathed, standing up and heading for her room. They trotted along behind her. 

 

The Doctor had just finished changing on to his sleep wear and smiled up at her when she came in. "How are you feeling?" 

 

"I'm alright, how are you feeling?" She asked, sitting down on the bed. 

 

"I'd rather like an ice cube on my tongue, but other than that, brilliant." The cats jumped up and nuzzled to each side of her. 

 

She giggled, "Oh, sweetie, it can't be that bad." 

 

"It is possible that I just like complaining." He teased. 

 

"You? Complain? Oh,  _ never _ , sweetie." She teased back.

 

"You could always just shut me up." 

 

"And how could I do that?" She asked as innocently as she could. 

 

"Does 'Mrs Robinson' not know?" He smirked flirtatiously and sauntered over to her, planting a firm kiss on her lips. 

 

She giggled against his lips, "Oh, now that seems to bring back a bit of my memory." 

 

"Perhaps I can help you bring back the rest." He kissed her again as Mr Thomas meowed in request of more ear rubs. River ignored the cat, kissing him back passionately. He let his hands wander and tangle into her hair as they kissed. 

 

Mr Thomas got more insistent, but River was lost in the kiss now, not even hearing the cat's meow's anymore. 

 

"You know, Mrs Robinson," He said when he paused for breath. He was grinning widely.  "I think you remember  _ exactly  _ how to shut me up." 

 

She laughed, "Mmm, Benjamin, I certainly do." 

 

"Makes me wish I had gotten the M olvutan sooner. I still haven't had the chance to tamper with the chemistry." 

 

Mr Thomas made a loud noise, refusing to be ignored. She pouted, "I guess you'll have to wait a little longer before you can get your hands on me." 

 

He flushed a bit. "Who said I couldn't put my hands on you?" He punctuated this by kissing her again. 

 

"I believe that you said that, sweetie." She breathed, pulling away from him, "We can't do too much of that, or I get to… you know..." 

 

He nodded. "Right. Of course." Mr Thomas meowed again, this time accompanied by Tiber. "But kissing is still fine." 

 

She looked over at the cats, "Oh, what is it?" They pushed their heads against her. 

 

"I think they're saying something about being promised ear rubs." The Doctor murmured. 

 

She sighed, rubbing the cats behind the ears until they seemed satisfied, "Are you happy now?" Both purred satisfactorily. Mr Thomas left and Tiber curled up at the end of the bed. 

 

"I suppose we should be getting some sleep, too." 

 

She hummed absentmindedly. He settled next to her, sitting on the edge of the bed. He gently placed his palm over her middle. "I can feel him moving." 

 

She hummed, "He's always moving around. He doesn't like to let his Mummy rest." 

 

He pressed a kiss to her belly. "Settle down, Arthur." Arthur seemed to do the exact opposite, getting very excited when he heard the Doctor's voice so close. He chuckled. "I see you, lovie, but it's time to rest now." 

 

"He says he doesn't want to rest, he wants to play with you." She whispered. 

 

"Would you like a riddle to solve?" He asked, looking up at River to pass on his answer. 

 

"He doesn't know what that is sweetie, he's only a fetus, remember?" She whispered back to him. 

 

"It's like a puzzle but with words." He explained. "How about a story then, hmm?" 

 

She shook her head, "He doesn't want a story. And could you get him to move down a bit? He's been kicking my ribs for the past twenty minutes."

 

"Of course." He nodded, rubbing his hand in soothing circles. He murmured to River’s belly until Arthur was coaxed down. 

 

Everything went quiet for a moment, "Will you promise me something?" 

 

"...Yes." He nodded. 

 

"Promise me that you won't abandon our children when I go." She breathed. 

 

"Of course I won't. I could never leave them. I promise you, hand on my hearts, I will never abandon our children." 

 

"They're going to be completely dependent on you. I know you're going to be upset, and you're going to be hurting, but they have to come first." 

 

"Yes, I know. They'll always come first." 

 

She nodded, "Okay… I just… needed to make sure." 

 

"Don't worry, love." He brushed his thumb against her cheek. "I'll take care of them. I'll be there." She nodded closing her eyes and sighing. 

 

"Has he stopped kicking your ribs?" He asked, changing the subject. "Not really, but he's calming down." 

 

"Good." He offered a smile. "Lets get to sleep then, yeah? Exciting day tomorrow." 

 

She nodded, "The girls wanted to invite Vastra and Clara...and Jack." 

 

"You gonna be okay with that?" He wondered. 

 

"I suppose I'll have to be." She sighed. 

 

"We can always keep a leash on him and tape his mouth shut." He said, trying to lighten her mood a bit. 

 

She smiled weakly, "I think he'd enjoy that." 

 

His cheeks got a bit pinker. "Well, that shouldn't be surprising, should it. At least it would shut him up for a while." 

 

She hummed, "I'd rather not talk about Jack right now." She shifted beneath the covers, nuzzling into the bed. 

 

He followed her, setting by her side. "Probably best for now."  He nodded. "I was thinking of bringing us to Nottingham tomorrow." 

 

"That sounds like it will be fun." She murmured, yawning and closing her eyes. 

 

He kissed her temple. "Love you." 

 

"I know..." 

 

"Don't ever forget it." He smiled.

 

"I won't." She smiled softly. 

 

"Sweet dreams, love." 

  
"Goodnight." They settled into sleep quickly, the cats purring contently on River's legs. 


	129. The Thief, the TARDIS, His Wife, and Her Child

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> /Bigger mummy. TARDIS mummy. TARDIS mummy shows me what a purple looks like./

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is a spoof on :The Cook, the Thief, his Wife, and her Lover. (Interesting movie, loved the set design and tbh, only watched if for Alex Kingston even though she's minor background)
> 
> Also, sorry, I meant to update yesterday but its the first week back at school so it slipped my mind. Here you are, enjoy!

**Ch 129**

 

In the morning, the girls bounced enthusiastically into their parents' room, hyper and jubilant about the day ahead of them. They squealed and jumped onto the bed, nearly knocking off Mr Thomas in the process. 

 

River yawned, opening her eyes and looking at them, "Good morning, girls" 

 

They beamed at her. "We get to go to the castle today!" 

 

She smiled tiredly, "Yes we do, so we should probably get dressed, hmm?" 

 

"We all hafta dress like royalty. You get to be a queen!" Freya giggled. 

 

River smiled again, "Yes, we do, but we have to make sure we fit the time period, yeah?" 

 

"Yeah! 'Cause queens from different times don't look the same." They nodded excitedly. "What kind of castle are we going to?" 

 

"Well... I don't know, you'll have to ask your father when he gets up." 

 

"Well why isn't he up now?" They looked over at him. He was still slumbering away. 

 

"Because he's very sleepy so we'll wake him after we get dressed." 

 

"But we can't get dressed up until we know when we're going, and if daddy's the only one who knows, than he has to wake up and tell us so we can get dressed!" Amelia reasoned. 

 

"Well, I know the general time period so we'll be able to find the right things." 

 

This seemed to satisfy them. They hopped off the bed and pulled on River’s arm. "Come on, mummy. We want to help you pick out a dress!" 

 

"Alright, but let's find your clothes first." She slowly got out of bed, taking their hands. 

 

"All of our dress up clothes are on Mumma TARDIS. We only have human-y clothes in our dressers." Freya told her. 

 

"I know, we're going to the TARDIS to get them." River lead them to box, bringing them to the wardrobe room, over to the part that had the clothes that would fit them. The TARDIS had made sure to present clothes that one might wear in the early 1100's. 

 

The girls skipped over to the selection, Freya immediately being drawn to an orange velvety dress. "That one is very pretty, Freya." River pulled it off the hanger and held it up to her neck, looking down at it. 

 

"Is there a crown, too?" 

 

"There should be." She searched around the shelf above where the dress had been, "Here you go.” 

 

The girl clapped her hands together in excitement and took it carefully. Amelia was still taking her time in deciding what dress she wanted. 

 

River walked over to help, "What do you think of this blue one?" She asked, pulling out a flowing blue dress with gold detailing. 

 

Her eyes widened, not having spotted that one before. "Whoa..." She stepped towards her mother and the dress, starting to grin. River reached up and got the matching gold tiara with sapphires. 

 

"Thank you, Mumma." She took the dress and crown and scurried off with her sister to go change. 

 

River went to her section of the closet, hoping at least something would fit. The TARDIS did her best to try to give River a wide range of things to choose from, coming up with about forty dresses. 

 

"Hmmmm, what do you think about purple, Arthur?"

 

_ What's a purple?  _ "A color, sweetie, and hopefully one that will make Mummy look pretty." 

 

He kicked in agreement, though he had no way of telling how River would look.  _ Pretty Mummy.  _

 

She laughed softly, "Yes, pretty Mummy." 

 

_ Are there more colors than a purple?  _

 

"Yes, there are. Too many to list." 

 

He communicated something like a pout.  _ Wear  _ all  _ the colors.  _

 

"I cant, love, I don't think there's a dress like that." She laughed 

 

_ Make one?  _

 

"Maybe the TARDIS will make one for me." 

 

_ TARDIS...  _ He repeated the word a few times, then was quiet for a moment.  _  Bigger mummy.  _

 

"Bigger what, sweetie?" 

 

_ Bigger mummy. TARDIS mummy. TARDIS mummy shows me what a purple looks like.  _

 

"Ah, I see. Maybe you can ask her to make me and all color dress too." 

 

There was another quiet moment. The girls could be heard returning from changing. 

 

_ She said it wouldn't be right for the year you're going to.  _

 

River hummed, "She's right." 

 

_ Bigger mummy showed me a green. I like green. Wear a green.  _

 

"Maybe, sweetie, or maybe red." 

 

The girls skipped back into the room, all dressed up and feeling rather fancy. "Mummy look it! We're princesses!" 

 

"Oh, yes you are! You look beautiful!" 

 

Amelia did a little spin to show off her dress. "We still gotta help you pick one." 

 

She nodded, "I was thinking a red dress." 

 

"Did queens wear red dresses when we're going?" She asked. 

 

"Yes, they did. Red was a very regal color then." 

 

"Then wear a red one 'cause you hafta be a queen today." 

 

"Well, which red one do you think is the prettiest?" River asked, pointing them towards the red gowns. 

 

They scanned over the collection, inspecting each one. "The one with the silver thread." 

 

"Alright, I'll put on that one." She took the dress, going to change. Amelia and Freya went to search for a matching headpiece. 

 

River came back to meet the girls, now fully dressed in her queenly attire. They cheered. "Yay! You look like a pretty queen now!" They rushed up to her and handed her the crown. 

 

"Thank you." She laughed, placing the crown on top of her hair, which was now styled in a big pile on top of her head with bits and pieces hanging down. 

 

"We should show daddy!" They insisted. 

 

River nodded, "Yes, I think it's about time to wake him up." She lead them back out of the TARDIS, letting them jump on the bed. 

 

"Mmph..." The Doctor made a groggy noise as he was jumped on and reached instinctively out for his wife. His eyes bolted open when he felt empty space. He sat up quickly, causing the girls to fall over in a heap of laughter. 

 

"Right here, sweetie." River smiled, moving into his line of vision, knowing he'd be worried until he saw her. 

 

He visibly relaxed. "You look stunning." 

 

She grinned, walking over and kissing his forehead, "Good morning to you too." 

 

He wrapped his arms around her and looked up at her. "I'm usually the first one of us awake." 

 

She hummed, "I thought it best to let you sleep in for once while I got up with the girls." 

 

His gaze shifted to his daughters. "My, my. You two look like princesses."

 

"That's because we  _ are  _ princesses, Daddy!" Freya exclaimed. 

 

He nodded. "My apologies, your highness. Has her grace been given the morning feast?" 

 

Both girls shook their heads, "You go get dressed, I'll feed them." River murmured. 

 

"Are you sure?" He asked, pushing the blankets off and swinging his legs off the bed. 

 

"Positive." She nodded, giving him another kiss 

 

"Alright then." He grinned against her lips. "I'll see you four in a moment." 

 

"See you in a moment. Come on girls, let's get breakfast." 

 

They followed her down to the kitchen of the flat. "What did ancient princesses have for breakfast?" 

 

"Hmm, well, probably fruits, maybe some eggs and some meats, depending on what type of animals they had in their kingdom." 

 

"Can we have that?" 

 

River nodded, "Of course. We can have some eggs and sausages with strawberries, sound good?" 

 

They nodded. "That sounds yummy!" She got to work making breakfast for the family, the smell of cooking food filling the flat in no time. 

 

The Doctor came down to breakfast wearing his usual bow tie and tweed jacket. He smiled at the little domestic sight of his wife. He sauntered up to River, wrapping his arms around her. "Need any help, love?" 

 

She glanced back at him, "Hey, that doesn't look very medieval." She teased. 

 

"Well I don't think 'knight in shining armour' would suite me very well. Besides, I've worn this to  _ ancient Rome _ and no one gave it a second thought." He told her with grin. 

 

She pouted, "Oh, but I was looking forward to having matching royal outfits with my husband. Arthur hasn't stopped talking about us wearing matching red colors." 

 

He raised an eyebrow, "Arthur knows what red looks like?"

 

"Yes, he said that the TARDIS showed him. Do you think this dress is too tight?" She asked, "The top feels too tight." 

 

He looked at her chest, trying not to let his eyes linger. "I think it fits you perfectly." 

 

"It feels too tight." She grumbled, hands moving to her stomach, "Then again, nothing really feels comfortable anymore, but it’s itchy too and I’m already too hot." 

 

"You could always change if you wanted to. I'm sure the TARDIS has looser things for you." He suggested. 

 

_ I like the green. Wear a green.  _ Arthur kicked against River's hands. 

 

"I don't want to keep the girls. I can manage for one day, though I envy your normal clothes." 

 

"If it makes a difference," He murmured by her ear so the girls wouldn't hear. 'I think you look very sexy." 

 

She giggled, "I never thought I'd hear that while six months pregnant wearing medieval clothes." 

 

"You could be _ eight _ months pregnant, in a tank top and sweatpants and you'd still be sexy." He chuckled. "But this dress does highlight certain parts of you." 

 

She laughed, pressed her nose to his cheek, "Which parts?" 

 

He flushed slightly. "Like you don't know." 

 

She pouted once more, "Oh, but I like hearing you tell me yourself. Come on, indulge your pregnant wife." 

 

He was somehow much more aware of his children waiting for breakfast behind them than he was a second ago. He dropped his voice even quieter, just in case their little ears were to catch something. "Your breasts, dear. Your dress hugs them in just the right way that makes me want to have my hands all over you you."  

 

She hummed, very pleased with this comment, "Well, maybe, if you're a good boy, I'll let you put your hands all over me later." 

 

"I like the sound of that." He kissed her cheek. 

 

River grinned, "I thought you might." 

 

"Mumma, is breakfast ready yet?" Freya asked a bit impatiently. 

 

"Yes, sweetie, it is." She moved away from the Doctor, getting the plates and serving the girls their breakfasts. 

 

"Have we called our guests to let them know we're picking them up soon?" The Doctor sat down with them. 

 

River shook her head, "I'll go call Vastra and Clara." 

 

"I guess that leaves Jack to me. You should have some breakfast, River." 

 

"Don't worry, I will." She kissed his cheek, then left to go call their friends. 

 

Both jumped at the opportunity to spend a day in an old castle with the Timelord, Vastra making sure it was alright to bring Strax and Jenny along. River said that it would be fine, going back and eating once everyone had agreed to come. 

 

The Doctor cleared the plates once everyone was done eating. "Well, it looks like we're all set to go."  

 

"It's not too late for you to change." River murmured. 

 

"I’d say the same to you, from your earlier comments. Would you like me to?" He asked. 

 

"I would like it if you did, but you don't have to." She whispered. 

 

"I will." He said. "I'll do it while we're picking everyone up." She nodded, leading the girls to the console room, picking up Vastra, Jenny, Strax and Clara. 

 

The many guests had done their best to dress for the occasion, but were a bit off, not having had the TARDIS wardrobe to choose from. The girls were showing off their dresses as the Doctor came from the wardrobe, all dressed up. 

 

"Alright: knight in shining armour. What do you think?" He was wearing an old fashioned red shirt to match River, under chainmail armour that had a belt of gold.

 

River laughed softly, "You look very handsome. All the maidens will be swooning over their king." She praised, walking over and kissing him. 

 

To his own preference, he didn't have any sword or shield to go with his get up. "And some of the gentlemen." He teased. "But there's only room in my hearts for one queen, and that my love, is you." 

 

She smiled, wrapping her arms around him, "Well aren't I a lucky girl." 

 

"Hmm, I could say the same thing about me." He kissed her softly.

 

Amelia tugged at River's dress. "Where's Uncle Jack? We've gotta get him now." 

 

River tensed, "Right...of course, Uncle Jack..." 

 

The girl didn't notice her mother's reaction, but the Doctor did and squeezed River's hand. "I'll do most of the talking." 

 

She bit her lip and nodded, going and sitting on the jump seat, eyes cast slightly down. 

 

The Doctor piloted the TARDIS to Torchwood, a few moments of waiting, then Jack delightedly burst through the doors wearing a rather flamboyant dress. 

 

River refused to look in his direction, sitting back with her arms crossed as the girls ran to him, arms outstretched, "Uncle Jack! Uncle Jack!" 

 

"Heya girls!" He gave them a huge hug. "A little bird told me that your birthday is coming up. It is my sworn duty as an uncle to get you and epic and amazing present." 

 

"What is it?" Freya asked, her eyes growing wide at the sound of an 'epic' and 'amazing' present. 

 

"That depends on what you want." He said cheerfully. "And also what your parents will let me get you." He recalled that River was against him getting them weapons. 

 

"You mean we get to pick?" Amelia asked. 

 

He nodded. "Of course you get to pick! It's  _ your  _ birthday after all." He stood, rustling their hair. 

 

Both girls squealed in excitement, running around the TARDIS, yelling out any object that popped into their mind. 

 

Jack laughed and looked over at River. "I promise not to get them anything dangerous." 

 

She just sucked on her teeth, arms crossed across her chest. He raised an eyebrow at her, not fully aware that she was still cross from their last meeting. "Hey, I'm a man of my word most of the time. If you choose not to believe me than that's your problem." 

 

River stood, "I have to get the rest of our things together." She hissed to the rest of the group, leaving the room quickly. 

 

The adults exchanged glances among each other, none but the Doctor sure of what had turned River’s mood sour. Amelia and Freya were still chattering on about the things they wanted. 

 

The Doctor approached Jack. "I think it would be best if you kept your distance from River while you're here." It wasn't meant to be a threat, more of a warning that River might bite his head off if he got too close. 

 

"Hormones flaring up again?" He asked, eyebrows still raised. 

 

"Well I wouldn't say they're calm at the moment, but she's still angry about the last time you were here... about what you said." He clarified. 

 

"Still?" He frowned, "I thought she would have gotten over that by now." 

 

"It's not really your place to judge how long it takes her to cool down." He muttered. "Look all I'm saying it that she's in a fragile place right now and you being here doesn't help. I need you to promise to keep your distance, alright?" 

 

Jack scoffed, "I can't imagine River Song ever being in a fragile place, but fine, it that's what you want." 

 

"It is." He tried to look as stern as he could. Perhaps fragile wasn't the right word, but there were already a lot of things on her plate without Jack getting involved. 

 

Vastra walked over to the Doctor, putting a hand on his arm, "Would you like me to go check on her?" 

 

He hesitated, then nodded. "Yeah, thanks." He would have gone himself, but he wasn't fully trusting enough to leave Jack alone. 

 

She nodded, leaving the room to go help River. She searched through the halls for a few minutes, hoping the TARDIS wouldn't hide the room her friend was in. 

 

River was in the kitchen, putting things into a bag for the girls, trying to clear her head. Vastra knocked softly on the open doorway to make sure her presence wasn't unwelcome. "River?" 

 

She looked up, doing her best to smile at her, "Hello." 

 

Vastra stepped in, peering at what she was doing. "Would you like any help with that?" 

 

"No, it's fine. I'm almost finished." She sighed.

 

Vastra nodded, considering to go about helping her friend feel better. "We've hardly had a moment to catch up. How are you?" 

 

"I'm fine." She smiled weakly, "Tired, but fine. How are you?" 

 

"I'm well. A tad worried about you." She admitted. 

 

"Why is that?" She frowned slightly, closing the bag. 

 

"Jack seemed to be making you uncomfortable and the Doctor was tell him to keep away from you." She fixed River with a concerned look. 

 

"We had a fight that I'd rather not talk about." She sighed once more, closing her eyes. 

 

"I'm sorry to hear that." Vastra rubbed her shoulder sympathetically. "If there's anything you need, anything at all..." 

 

"I'm fine, thank you." She tried to whispered, though her voice broke. Vastra turned River to face her, searching her face, before wordlessly pulling her into a hug. 

 

"This is the last time I'm going to be with the girls for their birthday." River whispered, silent tears rolling down her cheeks as she hugged her friend back, thankful that she couldn't see her face right now. 

 

Vastra's breath caught at the realization. "...Oh. River, I'm so sorry." She hugged her a bit tighter. "They don't know yet, do they." 

 

River shook her head, "I haven't told them yet, I don't want them to know..." 

 

"I understand. I can't imagine what it must be like." 

 

She swallowed, quickly drying her eyes, "It's fine. I manage." 

 

"You're very strong, River. I do hope you know that." Vastra tried to offer any words of comfort she could. 

 

She nodded slowly, "We should get back. I don't want to keep the girls from their special day." 

 

"I suppose, but it's good to take a moment when you know you need one." 

 

"I wouldn't exactly agree. It's hard to take a moment when one has so few left." She took the bag, heading out of the room. Vastra followed her out as they made their way back to the console room. 

 

River did her best to put on her happy face as they entered the console room, smiling at the girls, "Ready to go?" 

 

"Yes!" The girls bounced around her legs as the other adults nodded. 

 

River smiled, "Can I get kisses first?" 

 

"From us or daddy?" They asked. 

 

"From all three of you." 

 

They smiled and leaned up to kiss her cheeks while the Doctor made his way over to her. River straightened up after getting her kisses from the girls, her facade falling for just a moment as her eyes locked with her husband's.  

 

He moved to kiss her softly, having noticed the change in her expression. Once they had broken apart, she pressed her forehead to his, squeezing her eyes shut, trying to gather her composure. This was going to be a very hard day, she could tell, but she didn't want the girls to suspect that anything was wrong. She wanted it to be perfect for them, a day that they would always be able to look back on and remember with happy memories, their last birthday with their mother. 

 

He squeezed her hands in reassurance and kissed her forehead for good measure. "Let's see ourselves a castle then, shall we?" 

 

The girls cheered and ran towards the door, closely followed by River. They all filed out into what appeared to be the middle of a forest. There was a stream nearby with a log bridge over it. "

  
Friends and family, I welcome you to the Keilder-Pruvok Forest." The Doctor said. 


	130. Castles and Kings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're going to get us all beheaded one day, you do realize that, right?" She crossed her arms, frowning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm dying my hair and the dye is sented???? This is a fist for me. Anyways, enjoy!

**Ch 130**

 

"Let's go see the castle!" Freya grabbed hold of her father’s hand, tugging him towards the bridge. 

 

"Slow down, sweetheart. The Castle is actually east of here. Just follow this stream, it'll lead us right into town." He pointed in the direction of Nottingham. 

 

"Then let's go! I wanna see the castle!" She tugged him in the direction he had pointed, Amelia running alongside her. 

 

The Doctor stumbled a bit behind them to match their pace as they exuberantly made their way to the town, everyone else in tow. "I heard there's going to be an archery contest today." 

 

"What's archery?" Freya asked, looking up at him. 

 

"It's the fancy name for shooting a bow and arrow." He explained. "I heard this place has very skilled bowmen. We can go and watch if you'd like." 

 

The girls nodded, "Will we get to sit in special seats because we're the princesses?" 

 

"Maybe." He said. This was a fairly new town to him, not one of the ones where he was already royalty. "We'll see, but I'm sure we'll get good seats anyways." 

 

She pouted, "But I thought you said we were special princesses today." 

 

"You  _ are _ princesses and very special ones indeed." He scooped her up and spun her around. 

 

"But I want to be a real princess, not a pretend princess." She pouted. 

 

"Anyone would know you're a princess just by looking at you. I bet you a candy bar that your subjects will agree with me." 

 

This seemed to cheer her up, and she nodded, "Okay, deal." She snuggled against him, letting him carry her the rest of the way. 

 

The town was full of people selling and buying and talking and even dancing. There seemed to be some sort of fair going on, which likely the archery contest was part of. People looked at them as they passed, some admiring their rich clothes and others interested in selling baked goods or grilled meats and other such foods. 

 

"Come here, my love. Stay close to Mummy." River whispered, taking hold of Amelia's hand and pulling her close, not entirely trusting the people around them.

 

She looked up at River. "We forgot to give my baby brother a crown." 

 

"Don't worry, I'll share mine." She leaned down and kissed the top of her head. Amelia grinned. 

 

The people around her who stopped to look at them assured her more that she was, in fact, a real princess. "Look, mummy!" She pointed to a vender with fresh bread. "Can we get some?" 

 

"Well, I suppose so." She nodded, leading her over to the vender. 

 

"Hello, lovely maidens from afar." The man greeted them. "You must be from the next kingdom over, for I have never set eyes upon you before." 

 

"Yes, indeed, we are not from this lovely kingdom. Your bread seems to have caught my daughter's eye and we would be so grateful if you would sell us a loaf." 

 

"Very good." He nodded, "The bread will be a silver shilling, if you please." 

 

"We'll take one loaf, you can keep the extra shilling." She smiled, handing him two silver shillings. 

 

"Bancian!" He said. "I am much grateful to you for your kindness." He handed her the bread. "My hopes that you enjoy this fine day." 

 

"And you as well." She smiled, taking the bread and breaking a piece off for Amelia as they walked away. 

 

"Try some, Mummy." Amelia insisted around her mouthful. "It's still warm. We should give some to Daddy and Freya!" 

 

She smiled, breaking off a piece for herself, "Mmm, very good, why don't you go share with them?" River handed her the rest of the loaf. 

 

After making sure her sister and father got their share, she went to give pieces to the other guests they'd brought. 

 

"What do you think?" River asked, coming up beside the Doctor, taking his hand. 

 

"About the bread or the town?" He asked. 

 

"Both." She grinned. 

 

"Well, I think the bread is fairly good considering bakers in this time period. And for the town, I'd say I've chosen a good day to land on. Saturday is always a good day to land on." She nodded and kissed his cheek. He smiled. "I'm glad to see you've cheered up." 

 

"What do you mean?" She asked, though the light seemed to leave her eyes for a moment. 

 

"Back in the console room, I mean. You seemed upset and now you don't." 

 

"Oh..." She breathed, eyes shifting away from him, "Right..."

 

He looked at her. "Everything alright?" He could see her mood shift, thinking that he'd reminded her of something. 

 

"Yeah...fine..." She whispered, her grip on his hand weakening as she walked onwards. He changed the subject and started rambling about ancient festivals as the group made their towards the archery contest. 

 

The arena was set up right next to the castle. "Daddy, look! A princess chair!" Freya cried when she saw the field, running for the fancy chairs she had spotted. 

 

"Freya, wait. I don't think-" She had climbed up into the seat before he could say much more. He glanced around, waiting to see if anyone protested. When no one did, he followed and sat next to her. 

 

"Doctor!" River hissed, "You can't just sit down here." 

 

"Why not? No one is saying we can't. Besides, if someone does, than we'll move. Or I'll talk to them." He assured. 

 

"You're going to get us all beheaded one day, you do realize that, right?" She crossed her arms, frowning. 

 

"Perhaps, but not today." He grinned back at her and patted the seat next to him. She huffed, sitting down beside him. 

 

Amelia climbed up into the same seat as her sister since they were both small enough to fit. The rest of the gang found seats around them as the girls wiggled their legs with impatients. The contest was still setting up. 

 

River shifted uncomfortably in her seat, one hand rubbing her side. THe Doctor glanced at her, "Back massage when we get home then?" She nodded, squeezing her eyes shut as she shifted some more, unable to get comfortable. 

 

"You could come sit in my lap if you want a cushion." He teased. 

 

She shook her head, "That wouldn't be very proper of a queen, now would it." 

 

"Who said we have to be proper?" He chucked. "We'll be out of these chairs as soon as the contest is over, Promise." 

 

She sighed, "That's easy for you to say." 

 

"Yes." He nodded. "I suppose I shouldn't really comment until I've know the discomfort of having to carry another person inside me for eight months straight." 

 

She hummed in agreement, continuing to rub her side, "Maybe I should just stand." 

 

"If it makes you more comfortable." He shrugged. She eased herself up, walking a little ways away from the group, needing to stretch her body. 

 

"Look it's starting!" Clara pointed. No sooner then she opened her mouth did a man looking very much like the king who ruled this town approach them with a frown. 

 

Amelia looked up at the man, hiding against the Doctor's arm. The Doctor stood. "Oh, er, is this your seat? Sorry, we were just, um, browsing. We're... royalty from the next town over." He held up his psychic paper. "Perhaps you didn't get the message that we were coming." 

 

The King didn't look so convinced, "No, I did not. Who gave you permission to sit in these seats, for I certainly did not." 

 

"Bit of a miscommunication there." The Doctor puffed out his chest, trying to act as 'king-like' as he could or at least slightly less like an impostor. "Would you have us sit among commoners? We expected to have seats reserved, and assumed they were for us." 

 

He glared at the Doctor, "I believe it is customarily proper for visiting royalty to introduce themselves to their host king and not just sit where they assume and please." 

  
  


River walked back to over to them, "Is there something the matter?" 

 

The Doctor glanced at River. "Just a tad." He turned back to the King. "Sorry about that, different town different rules. We were looking for you, but we didn't find you so waiting here seemed to be the best option." He gave River a look that said 'play along', before shaking the king's hand. "Pleased to finally meet you. I'm King Smith. It's a rubbish title really. Most of my subjects just call me the Doctor. And this is my wife, River. But of course you should call her your highness or your grace." 

 

"My apologies, sir." River curtsied to the King, shooting her husband an 'I told you so' look, "My husband said that we should have kept looking, but with the baby," She put a hand to her abdomen, "I've been ever so tired. It was at my request that we sat down for a quick rest, I do hope you'll understand." She gave him her most charming smile, batting her eyelashes. 

 

He looked her over from head to toe, somewhat resembling a cat looking over a saucer of milk. "I suppose this matter could be overlooked. Why do you have so many in your court." He asked, glancing over at the others. "Well, one never leaves the castle without protection and someone needs to look after the little ones when the adults go out to play." She purred. 

 

"These children are yours?" He looked at the girls with something close to repulsion. He clearly didn't have much tolerance for kids. "Do make sure your... nursemaids keep them out of trouble." 

 

"Don't worry, you won't even know they're here. Now, if you'd like to sit, I'd be happy to stand seeing as there aren't enough chairs for all of us. This is your kingdom after all, we're simply guests." 

 

"And thus it should be my duty to be a good host. It would be rude of me to deprive a queen her seat, especially if she's with child." He said. The Doctor was starting to feel more protecting of River as the king spoke. 

 

"Oh, how very gracious of you." She smiled, rather enjoying the attention. 

 

"It is my pleasure, lovely queen." He turned to the crowd that had gathered for the contest. A page next to him presented a golden arrow on a pillow. "We are about to discover who in our land is the finest archer. May this man be prized with an arrow of gold. Let the competition begin!" 

 

River sat down, looking over at her husband smugly, proud of herself for getting them on good terms with the King. Seeing the King drool over his wife wasn't how the Doctor wanted to win any sort of affection from the man. Though, as he had no interest in getting beheaded, he held back a remark and sunk lower in his chair. River turned her attention back to the match, ignoring her sulking husband for the time being. 

 

Each competitor fired their first arrow, about half of them hitting close to the center. The girls were quite entranced by the whole ordeal, Clara mentioning how it reminded her of Robin Hood. River smiled, thrilled to see how excited the girls were. 

 

"I bet Mummy can aim better than everyone." Freya pointed out. 

 

"Mumma should be in the contest!" Amelia agreed, to which River laughed. 

 

The Doctor nudged her, trying to ignore the fact that the King was still watching River. "Come on, Riv. The girls have a good point." 

 

"Well, I suppose if nobody else minds that I join, I could give it a shot." She smiled. 

 

The King raised his eyebrow. "A _ woman _ wielding a bow? I've never heard of such a thing, particularly of a queen." 

 

"Well, I'm not your average queen. Would you mind terribly if I took part in your contest?" She turned up the charm again, brushing her hand along his arm. 

 

The man visibly shivered. "...I do suppose..." He hesitated then soon nodded under her touch. "I shall consider it a noble demonstration of your authority." 

 

She smiled, standing up and going to retrieve a bow, hips swaying as she walked across the field. The other archers lowered their bows to stare and curious murmurs arose from the crowd. 

 

The King stood, "Please, if you may, be respectful and do not stop the competition. Our guest has requested to join." River found a bow, lining up to shoot. 

 

Once it was her turn, she fired the arrow right towards the target. Jaws dropped around the crowd when the arrow hit perfectly centered on the bulls-eye mark. The King was baffled but the Doctor was smug, wearing a proud look. 

 

River returned the bow from where she had borrowed it, returning back to the chairs with a smile on her face, "How was that for a woman?" 

 

"A lucky shot." The King mumbled. 

 

"If that's what you think then shall I do it again? Perhaps with my eyes closed this time?" 

 

He couldn't help a snicker. "You might take someone's eye out." 

 

"Or I might prove that I'm a better shot than most of the men here." She turned, retrieving the bow once more and shooting again, closing her eyes this time. 

 

The girls jumped up and cheered for their mum when it split the arrow she had previously shot. Two of the other competitors decided to leave, knowing they had no chance of winning.  

 

"Do you think that was another lucky shot, then?" She asked when she came back to the group. 

 

"I would consider you a man given I was a fool." He said. "But seeing as I am no fool, I am left curious as to how you have come by such skills. Many of my subjects cannot accomplish that with a lifetime of training." 

 

"Where I am from, we have the best archers around. That combined with, shall we say, a natural talent, has gotten me to the level that I'm at today." 

 

"Perhaps our kingdoms should unite once your children are old enough to be married off." 

 

He suggested. "You have children?" 

 

She asked. "A son." He nodded. "He's a pathetic boy, really. He knows nothing of the world, and his tutors can't seem to get him to engage in any kind of athletic training. All he does is read." 

 

"Ah, I see." She murmured, deciding against objecting to his 'pathetic' comment, wanting to stay on his good side, though it didn't look like she'd be straying from there any time soon. "Perhaps you'd care to show us around your lovely castle?" 

 

"Of course, though the contest should conclude first." She hummed, sitting back down, watching the rest of the contest. 

 

When River was claimed to be the winner of the competition, the competitors protested that a woman shouldn't be able to waltz in and steal their golden arrow. 

 

"I don't need a prize, I was simply enjoying myself. Name someone else the winner." 

 

"Very well." He looked among them again. "The man in the green hood, come forwards and claim your prize." 

 

"Having fun?" River asked, walking over to her husband. 

 

"Watching my very sexy wife shoot an arrow perfectly. Oh yes, loads of fun." He smirked. 

 

"Ohh, you think I look sexy?" She purred. "The fairest maiden in all of the land." He teased. 

 

She laughed, "Oh, stop it." 

 

"Make me." He countered flirtatiously. 

 

"Maybe I will." She leaned closer to him, grinning. He closed the distance between them and kissed her sensually. 

 

She kissed him back, about to wrap her arms around her neck when the King cleared his throat, "I believe you requested a tour of my castle?" He took her arm, whisking her away from the Doctor before either could respond. 

  
The Doctor grumbled something about disliking the man before gesturing for his entourage of guests to follow along. 


	131. There’s a Smell in the Air

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You not knowing may have been part of her plan."  
> "Plan to make the day perfect." He spoke aloud. "She thought I would fret too much if she told me." He brushed a curl from her face. "She was right."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Raise your hand if you just need to sleep for like, three years. Yeah, it's that kind of week. Enjoy the chapter.

**Ch 131**

 

The girls skipped along next to River, Amelia wanting to hold her hand. She took Amelia's hand in hers, smiling at the little girl. The King kept River close to him, closer than necessary in an case, eyes not always on her face.  

 

The Doctor was the only one who seemed to notice, or at least be bothered by this. He kept a steady glare at the back of the King's head, wishing that it was his arm around his wife and not some posh king. 

 

"You going to do anything 'bout that?" Clara came up beside him, keeping her voice low so no one else could hear. 

 

"I don't know what will get us kicked out of here or not. I can't exactly storm up and demand he stop looking at her like that without him... I don't know. Doing what ever it is kings do when they get offended. Behead me probably." He told her, remembering River's earlier comment. 

 

"But he thinks you're a king too, yeah? He won't behead another king and if we get kicked out we could always go somewhere else." She shrugged, "You'd rather watch him put him paws all over River?" 

 

"Certainly not." He shook his head. He made his way up to them, but hesitated, not sure how to go about it. Physically pushing the King away would be a bit childish of him, not to mention rude. He decided to poke his head right between them, quite literally. "...Lovely castle you've got." He said. "I do like the stained glass, reminds me of the ones we have at our own castle."

 

The King waved him off, "I can assure you that there is no stain glass like this anywhere around. These were hand made in Italy by some of the greatest artists the country has to offer." He pulled River closer, hand moving to her waist, trying to shut the Doctor out. 

 

The Doctor couldn't believe River was letting this man do this. "Well, if you saw what we had, I think you'd say otherwise. River can tell you." He was on their heels, since the side of River that wasn't occupied by the King was by his daughters. 

 

River was tried to hide how uncomfortable and displeased she was with the whole situation. She was determined to make this day the best it could be for Freya and Amelia, and if that meant she had to let their host do as he pleased, then that would be the price for one last perfect birthday celebration for her girls. "Well, our windows are a bit simpler than these, which are very lovely." She said as steadily as she could, wanting to stay on good terms. 

 

The King grinned like he'd won and the Doctor scowled behind their backs. "Do you have a queen to rule your kingdom with you?" 

 

The King shook his head, "No, it is simply me, the boy, and this castle. No lady of the house as of now." 

 

"That's unfortunate." The Doctor was too cross to feel much sympathy for him. "What kind of queen would you like to have as your wife?" 

 

"I don't believe that is any of your business." He shot the Doctor a glare, "Though I have recently met a fair Lady that has caught my attention." 

 

"Courting was always a bit tricky. Good thing I've found someone who's  _ loyal  _ to me and doesn't mind my rambling." He tried to hint. 

 

River misinterpreted his intention thinking that he was trying to imply that she was being unfaithful in what she was doing. Her eyes dropped to the ground, the false smile fading from her lips faster than her brain could work to remind her to pretend to be happy.   

 

As the Doctor couldn't see her face, he didn't notice. He did however notice that the King showed no intention of backing off. He sighed and tried to be more obvious. "It is however irritating when other people don't know that courting someone else's wife isn't welcome." 

 

River's pace slowed, one had moving to the side of her stomach. Amelia tugged on Rivers arm "Mummy, why are you stopping?" 

 

"I'm just a bit tired, sweetie." She smiled weakly, glancing back at the Doctor, who momentarily forgot his jealousy, concern spreading across his face as he silently asked if that was really the reason she'd slowed down. Her eyes dropped down once more, picking up her pace again. 

 

"River...?" He put his hand on her shoulder, this time noting very clearly her expression. 

 

"I'm fine." She whispered, trying to smile once more. Freya ran ahead of them, spotting a knight’s armour. 

 

As they walked on, the castle grew hotter and stuffier. The sun shone down on them, making the castle a rather uncomfortably sticky place to be. The girls were starting to grow tired and ready for dinner. They voiced their complaints to the adults around them. 

 

River's face was flushed, her long sleeve, tight dress combined with her current condition and the heat of the castle making her more symptomatic than most of the others. "We'll eat soon girls, I promise." She murmured, brushing curls away from her sticky forehead. 

 

"But I want food  _ now! _ " She winded. "It's too hot. An' I'm hungry." 

 

"Alright, alright." She breathed, "Clara, do you have those snacks I gave you earlier?" 

 

“Yeah." Clara nodded and handed over the bag. River pulled out some snacks for the girls, just a few strawberries and blueberries to hold them over until dinner. Both immediately started to eat, getting the fruit juices on their faces. 

 

"Where did you get these? I wasn't aware they were in season." The King commented. 

 

"Let's just say, I'm a very  _ persuasive _ queen. I have fruits shipped to us whether they're in season or not." She smiled. She moved to give Amelia a napkin for her face, though she stumbled, nearly collapsing. 

 

"Whoa, River!" The Doctor jumped forwards to stabilize her. 

 

"Oh, I'm sorry." She breathed, holding tightly onto him, "I'm sorry. It's the heat and this dress..." 

 

"Clara, is there any water in that bag?" He asked. "River, you should sit."

 

"No, no I'm fine." She assured, "We were going to see the horses, we should go. I don't want to hold up the day." 

 

"Everyone can go on ahead. You need to sit." He insisted. 

 

She shook her head, "I've already said, I'm fine." She stood up straight, pushing ahead. 

 

The group pressed on, Amelia and Freya skipping ahead. The Doctor took up the other side of River that was no longer being occupied by the girls. Jack and Clara walked ahead with the girls, running after them to keep up. 

 

River leaned on the Doctor and it wasn’t long before she suddenly stopped walking, opening her mouth to say something before collapsing. "Rivah!" The Doctor panicked, immediately on his knees and cradling her head. 

 

The other's turned at the sound of his shout, rushing back to them. Vastra instructed Jenny and Strax to go keep the girls away and take them and the rest to the stables as planned before they saw something was wrong, knowing that's what River would want. She hurried, kneeling beside the Doctor, touching River's face, "She's overheated, we need to cool her off." 

 

"The wash room has water. So do the kitchens. Shall we take her there?" The King suggested. 

 

Vastra nodded, "Yes, I think that would be best." 

 

"The wash room is closer." He moved to lift River, but the Doctor beat him to it. He scooped his wife up in his arms and held her protectively to his chest.

 

The King glared at him, "You shouldn't hold her head like that. I'm stronger, I should carry her." He looked the Doctor up and down, obviously proud that he was the more muscular man compared to the gangly Doctor. 

 

Timelords were naturally stronger than humans, not to mention that he'd done this plenty of times before. "Trust me, you're really not. Besides, this isn't the time to argue, we need to move. Now." He was more concerned about his wife at this point than some stupid courting war over her. 

 

The King lead them to the wash room, holding the door open for the Doctor only because he was carrying River. He set River down on the cool stone floor as Vastra found a cloth to dip in a water basin and run over her forehead. 

 

"Is there any way to get some of these layers off?" She asked. Though the water helped a little bit, River was still rather flushed. 

 

“Yes..." The Doctor nodded, put was hesitant with the King still in the room. "I think you should leave." He said to him. 

 

"This is my castle, I need to be present in case you need something." He watched River closely, eyeing her. 

 

"Then stand outside the door and we'll call you if we need you, but right now we need to remove some of _my_ _wife's_ clothes. Can't you be decent enough to give her the respect and privacy?" He grew angrier as he spoke, ready to get up and push him out of the room himself. 

 

The King glared at him, obviously used to getting his way and not liking being told what he could and couldn't do. He turned and left the room after another moment of glaring. 

 

The Doctor quickly got to work once he was sure the other man couldn't see. "It's this dress. She was complaining that is was tight this morning." 

 

"She should have changed then." Vastra murmured. 

 

He frowned thinking how all of this could be avoided if she had just taken the five minutes to change. "I asked her if she wanted to, she said she didn't want to hold us up." He shifted so he could tug her dress off and managed to do so with a bit of difficulty. 

 

Vastra sighed, pressing the cloth to River's forehead again, "I believe today has had her very upset." 

 

"Between Jack and a man who doesn't know how to draw the line with vanity and flirting, I wouldn't blame her."  

 

"I think that there were other factors as well." She murmured. 

 

He frowned, unaware of the conversation that she and River had earlier. "...What other factors?" 

 

"It's the last time she's going to be with Amelia and Freya for their birthday. I believe she was feeling a lot of pressure to make the day everything that they wanted, so they would remember it." 

 

He pressed his lips together, saying nothing for a moment. He was going through the whole day, assessing everything River had said that was off. It was making sense now. All of it made sense. He lifted her head softly again and kissed her cheek. "She should have told me." 

 

"You not knowing may have been part of her plan." 

 

"Plan to make the day perfect." He spoke aloud. "She thought I would fret too much if she told me." He brushed a curl from her face. "She was right." 

 

"Shall I leave you two alone for a bit? I can go meet the rest of the group at the stables." 

 

He didn't answer her question. "Will she be alright?" 

 

Vastra nodded, "It was only heat stroke. She fainted so her body could cool itself down. She should be awake in another few minutes." 

 

He nodded, keeping focused on River's face. "Then you can go if you feel like it." 

 

"I think you two need some time alone to talk." She got up, leaving the room. 

 

He waited for her, thinking about what to say. He didn't really want to mention that he knew what she didn't want to tell him. It would probably make her more stressed. He looked around for a towel or something to offer to cover her up. River began to stir after a minute, eyes opening slowly. He couldn't help a smile of relief. "You're awake." 

 

She stared at him for a minute, then squeezed her eyes shut, hitting her head against the floor, obviously upset that something had gone wrong. 

 

"The girls are in the stable." He said quickly. "They didn't see you pass out.” 

 

"But I'm missing it." She whispered, her voice watery, "I'm missing their birthday." 

 

"Well.. if you're feeling better we could join them." He offered her a towel. "But you might want a new dress." 

 

"I don't have a new dress." She sat up, wrapping the towel around her body, then putting her head in her hands. 

 

"Your own dress sort of caused your heat stroke. Here, you need to drink." He offered her some water.

 

She took the glass, taking a long sip, "Well, I don't have another one with me." 

 

He sighed. "I guess the old one would would fine if you keep drinking water." 

 

She looked up at him, his sigh making her feel even more guilty, "I'm sorry." 

 

"Sorry? For what, getting heatstroke? That wasn't your fault, it was this castle's poor ventilation." 

 

"That's not really what I was apologizing for." She murmured, retrieving her dress. 

 

"What were you apologizing for then?" He asked softly. 

 

"I've upset you..." She whispered, squeezing her eyes shut, "I don't have another dress and I should have brought one. I should have changed earlier. This isn't how it was supposed to go." 

  
  


"River, you're blowing this out of proportion." He rubbed her arm. "I'm not upset with you. I'm worried because you passed out. There's a huge difference." 

 

"But I'm ruining the day." She whispered, "I'm making this about me when it should be about the girls." She swallowed, struggling to continue, "It should have been just the four of us. I should have insisted that it be just the four of us so we could focus on each other. It was our last day with them before they go to school, and my last..." She stopped, putting her head in her hands, "It's ruined now. I've ruined it." 

 

"It's not ruined. You're not making this about you. River you've done nothing wrong, you haven't ruined anything." He put his hand on her cheek. "Nothing can be perfect River. Nothing is ever perfect, and you've done a wonderful job so far of making this a great day for the girls." He tried to assure. "We can go out again. The girls' birthday is on Thursday, we can go out as a family for ice cream if you want. Just to four of us, well, four and a half." 

 

"But the girls have school on Thursday." She whispered, looking at him with red eyes. 

 

"Yes, but they'll come home by three. That's plenty of time for ice cream." He offered a smile. 

 

"But we won't have the day." 

 

"Great memories can be small. Do you remember when you broke your knee and we went to our supernova?" She nodded slowly. "That was a lovely night, wasn't it? It was the first time I saw you smile in a long while. The girls were amazed by the stars and for that moment we were all just... peaceful. You know something? We were only out there for an hour." He told her, brushing his thumb over her skin. "Great memories can be small." He repeated. She nodded slowly, leaning forward to press her forehead to his. "Our girls will remember you in light. Big moments and small moments alike, they'll remember it all." He spoke calmly and level. 

 

"I hope so." She whispered. 

 

"I promise you, River, they won't forget." He kissed her softly. "I won't let them." 

 

"But what if you forget." 

 

He looked straight at her. "How could I ever forget you? You're my  _ wife _ . You will always be my wife. You're the mother of my children, you're every good memory this face has ever had. Even if I get married a hundred more times, I'll never forget." 

 

She leaned forward, hugging him tightly. He hugged her back, burying his face in her curls. He didn't want this to be her last time with the girls for their birthday. He didn't want it to be her last anything. She was trying her hardest not to cry, holding back sniffles as her weight fell against him. He held onto her to keep her upright, breathing her in while he still could. 

 

They stayed like that for a while, not speaking, just being in each others arms. She sighed after a few minutes, pulling back away from him. "...Do you want to join the girls now?" He asked quietly. She nodded, staying quiet. "Here." He picked up her previously discarded dress. "Put this back on. We'll make sure to keep you hydrated." 

 

Trying to get her dress back on was a bit of a struggle, proving yet again that the dress had never really fit in the first place. "Do you want help?" He offered. 

 

"Yes, please." She breathed. He helped pull the dress down over her chest. "I can barely breathe." She murmured once the dress was finally back on. 

 

He frowned. "There must be something we can do..." He paused and fished around for his sonic screwdriver. 

 

"Sweetie, what could you possibly be able to do now." 

 

"Well I think..." He found it and pointed it at her. It buzzed and he instantly stopped, hit the bottom a few times a tried again to find the right setting. "I might be able to make the fabric of your clothes more stretchy." 

 

"No, no, no! Stop that! Stop doing that!" She hit the sonic away from his hand, panicking a bit and wrapping her arms around her stomach protectively, "You're scaring the baby, the noise is scaring him." 

 

"Sorry, sorry." He fumbled, nearly dropping the sonic. "I didn't realize." 

 

"It's alright." She turned her thoughts to Arthur, trying to calm him down. "He won't calm down. He won't listen to me. I-I don't know what to do." 

 

"...Let me try." He said, gently placing his hands over her belly. Arthur was kicking roughly, making it obvious that he was panicking even without having to use the mental connection. 

 

"Sh, shh..." He leaned closer so Arthur could hear him. "It's okay, you're okay, Arthur. Nothing's going to hurt you." 

 

Arthur whacked the Doctor right in the hand, causing River to wince, “Keep going." She breathed. 

 

He nodded, rubbing slow circles. "That noise was just one of Daddy's tools. I'm sorry it scared you, but it's alright. You're alright now." 

 

Arthur began to relax, kicks becoming softer, "He wants to know where you've been all day and who the other man is." 

 

"I've been right here, lovie. We're visiting a king and he seems to be very insistent on being close to Mummy." He explained. 

 

"He's asking why he wants to be close to me." River whispered. 

 

"To be honest, I think he's got a huge crush on you." He answered to River, rather than their baby. 

 

River giggled, "You were getting jealous, weren't you" 

 

"Of course I was!" He grinned back at her. "Watching someone drool over your wife is the exact definition of jealously. Ish." 

 

She smiled, "Well Arthur says he likes it better when you're close to me, and I must say, so do I." 

 

"That makes the three of us. That man really can't take a hint." 

 

"I think he's just used to getting what he wants." 

 

"But you're not an object that he can compete for." He pointed out. "You're a  _ person _ and he shouldn't treat you as anything less. And he should respect that you're already in a committed monogamous relationship." 

 

"Well, he doesn't realize that, he's never been taught such concepts. Maybe you should tell him that." 

 

"Even if I get us kicked out?" He knew she wanted this day to go smoothly. 

 

She hesitated, obviously conflicted "I suppose so. He doesn't like the girls, or you. I'm surprise that he had any interest in me at all, seeing as I'm huge." 

 

"How many times am I going to tell you," He chuckled. "You're beautiful the way you are. Glowing in fact." 

 

Her smile widened, "Oh stop it. You have to say that because we're married." 

 

"Perhaps, but that doesn't mean it's not true. Anyone in the kingdom would agree with me." He insisted. "Arthur, do you think your mummy is pretty?"  

 

"Sweetie, he doesn't know what I look like." She giggled, running her hands along her abdomen.

 

"Ah, but you see that's the point. He's never seen you, but he has seen your personality, your emotions, your thoughts... He knows the beauty of your mind which only a few people have had the privilege to knowing." 

 

She fell silent, thinking about what he said, "Yes, I suppose you're right." 

 

"I'm quite lucky to know both." He said. "Are you feeling better?” 

 

She nodded, "Yes a bit, though, I think I could use a few kisses." 

 

He hummed and leaned to her. He placed a kiss on her forehead, cheeks, and nose, before going to her lips and lingering. She hummed against his lips, smiling. After a few more kisses, she finally took his hand, "Shall we?" 

  
"Yes." He nodded and stood, helping her up with him. They headed towards the door. 


	132. This is How We Do it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She smiled, "I'm glad someone cares more for my comfort than winning my attention."
> 
> "A certain King bothering you again, love?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy and comment!

**Ch 132**

  
  


The King was still waiting outside the washroom for them. Upon sight of the couple exiting the washroom, he tried to get close to River again. The Doctor's arm was already around River, conveniently blocking the King from doing the same. River stepped closer to her husband, letting him hold her as tightly as he pleased. 

 

They made their way to the stables, every time the King would try to touch River's arm or put his hand on her shoulder, the Doctor would 'accidentally' pull her away so the King would miss. The man resorted to boasting vainly about himself again, this time going on about a horse race he was part of. 

  
  


"Oh, well you know, my husband is the best horse racer in the country." River smiled, "He's wonderful with the creatures, almost to the point where some would say that he can actually speak their language." She fawned over him, kissing his cheek, watching him adoringly. 

 

The King’s ego was deflating and his envy and anger towards the Doctor growing. The Doctor however felt more confident that he could let the King know where he stood. 

 

The King scoffed. "Sure. We had a girl here who claimed she could talk to the animals. She was drowned for witchcraft." He seemed to think this would impress River. 

 

She moved a bit closer to the Doctor, obviously displeased with this new information, "Well that's terrible." 

 

He shrugged. "It the protocol. She's the sixth one this month." 

 

River glanced worriedly towards the Doctor, wondering what would happen to them if they were caught and found out to be non-human. "The baby's moving quite a bit." She changed the subject, though she was talking to her husband rather than the King.  The Doctor pressed his palm to her belly and smiled when he felt his son. 

 

The King tried to do the same, but the Doctor pushed his hand away. She smiled at the Doctor, putting her hand over his. 

 

"He must sense my presents. I assume it's very exciting for one to be upon such a dashing, powerful ruler such as myself." The King, held his head high, shooting River a wink and a smile. 

 

The Doctor instinctively held her a bit tighter, trying not to remark on how the King was nowhere near as charming as he made himself out to be. "I think he's just excited because he knows we're near his sisters." 

 

"Or because he loves hearing about his Father's accomplishments." River smiled, squeezing his arm lightly. 

 

The King scoffed, "More likely he enjoys hearing about mine which are  _ far _ more interesting. Have I told you of how my chambers have the plushest mattresses in the land." 

 

"I would have to challenge that. Our mattress is as far the most comfortable, our third heir as proof." The Doctor countered. 

 

They arrived at the stables, the girls immediately running up to River. "Mummy!" 

 

"Had I been married to the lovely queen we would have six heirs by now." The King grumbled, still trying to one up the Doctor. The Doctor choose not to comment on what the King said, partly thinking of the children he and River had already lost. 

 

River knelt down, capturing the girls in her arms, "Oh, my princesses! Did you get to see the horses?" 

 

"Yeah!" They told her cheerfully. "The farmer man even let us sit on one! And we got to fed it!" 

 

"Really? It sounds like you had so much fun!" River beamed, kissing Amelia's cheek. 

 

"I want a horsie for my birthday!" She insisted. "We can keep it in the yard and feed it carrots." 

 

"Sweetie, I don't think we can get a horse, but perhaps we could come back and visit the ones you saw today." 

 

"Can I learn how to ride them?" Freya asked. "Of course you can, but maybe not today. We don't have enough time today." 

 

"Are we going home now? Are we going to have a fancy dinner?" 

 

"Well, that's up to you two. Do you want to go home or do you want to stay?" 

 

"I wanna go home. I'm done now." Amelia said and Freya nodded in agreement. 

 

She nodded, "Okay, then let's go home, yeah?" She stood, taking both of their hands. 

 

"You could have dinner with me." The King offered. "I have a wonderful cook." 

 

"No, thank you. I think it would be best if we began our journey home." She smiled, walking over to the Doctor, giving him a kiss on the cheek. 

 

This clearly prodded at the King’s jealousy more. "The least I could do is offer you a carriage escort."

 

River shook her head, "No, that won't be necessary. My husband can escort us back safely. He's so strong, and so handsome. I'd say the handsomest king in the world." She praised, trying to boost up the Doctor's ego. He beamed and the King scowled. 

 

"But your party is so big and the sun is setting. There are dangers that lurk in the night, I must insist." River hesitated, glancing up at the Doctor. 

 

He looked back at her. "Maybe I should go and pick up the TARDIS and bring it here?" He whispered. 

 

She nodded slowly, "I think that would be best. Would you like me to come with you?" 

 

He shook his head slowly. He didn't want to leave her with the King, but didn't exactly trust the King with the girls, knowing that he didn't like children and still worried about what the King had mentioned about the witchcraft. 

 

“Alright, why don't you take Jack and Strax with you instead." She smiled, giving him one last kiss. 

 

He nodded. "Be back soon." 

 

The girls insisted on going back to see the horses one more time, pulling Vastra, Clara, and Jenny back with them. 

 

"Has the Doctor gone to fetch the TARDIS?" Vastra asked. She and River were watching the others interact with the animals. 

 

River nodded, feeling the King's eyes on her back, "He should be back soon, it was a bit of a walk back, but he shouldn't be gone too long." 

 

"I should hope not. You look ready to sit down." She observed. 

 

"I am." She smiled wearily, "Too bad there aren't any seats in the stables." 

 

The King sauntered up to her. "There are chairs in my chambers." 

 

"No, I don't want to trouble you, I can wait until my husband returns." 

 

"Where has he gone, anyways? Abandoning you?" 

 

"He hasn't abandoned me." She laughed, "He's gone to get our carriage." 

 

"It would have been faster to take mine." He grumbled. "Everything's faster with me." 

 

She raised an eyebrow, crossing her arms, "Is it now?" 

 

"Oh yes." He insisted. "Food is cooked faster, my horses are faster, my kingdom is run fast and smooth." 

 

"Is that all that runs faster?" She asked having a feeling that he wasn't just talking about the operation of his kingdom. 

 

"Of course, my lady. Many things." He winked. 

 

"Well, I like to take certain things slow." She murmured, rubbing her back. 

 

"I can do that, too."

 

Vastra put her arm around River. "Come dear, I think your children are asking for you." 

 

"Excuse me." She breathed, turning her back to the man once more, sending Vastra a small, thankful smile. The girls of course weren't actually calling for her, it was just an excuse to rid River of the King. 

 

They strolled back closer to the girls to make themselves appear busy. Clara laughed as the horse sniffed her hair and the girls giggled. "You're doing it wrong, Auntie Clara." 

 

River smiled at girls, leaning against one of the stalls, quite exhausted from walking  around all day. She looked weary and tired, but the King didn't seem to notice, or if he did, didn’t care.

 

Another ten minutes went by before the Doctor returned. He quietly re-entered the stables, going up to his wife. He kissed her cheek and started rubbing her back, having noticed her tiredness.

 

"Oh, thank you sweetie." She murmured, "That feels wonderful."

 

"That's what I'm here for." He hummed, pressing a tender kiss to her shoulder. 

 

She smiled, "I'm glad someone cares more for my comfort than winning my attention."

 

"A certain King bothering you again, love?" 

 

She nodded, "He's very insistent that I visit his chambers."

 

"Now, we can't have that, now can we? I suppose that would be our cue to make an exit." He smiled softly.  

 

She nodded, one arm wrapped around her stomach, obviously comfortable in their current situation, "However, I think, before we leave, I'm going to need a few kisses to give me enough energy to make it to the TARDIS." 

 

He turned her to face him and cupped her face, bringing it close to his. The kiss, though gentle and loving, was also full of passion and desire for her. She smiled weakly, turning her head and nuzzling his hand once they broke apart. 

 

"I'll cook dinner tonight." He offered, knowing she was tired and could probably use a nap before the meal. 

 

She nodded, pressing one more kiss to his cheek, "I need to get off my feet or my ankles my explode." She murmured, taking his hand in hers. 

 

"I believe there's time for a foot rub before I start dinner." He looked over at the others. "Girls! Come over here, it's time to go home."

 

The girls came running over, though they had enjoyed the day, they were getting tired and were ready to go home. "Now, say thank you to the King for letting you in his castle and letting you pet his horses."  _ He  _ certainly wasn't going to thank the man. 

 

The girls thanked the man, who didn't seem very interested in them, "I'd like one last word with the queen, if I may." He firmly wrapped an arm around River's waist, pulling her away, not waiting for an answer. 

 

The Doctor wouldn't give in so easily, immediately following after them. "Whatever you have to say to my wife, I'm sure you can say to me, too."

 

He tried moving further away, "Yes, but I believe I requested to _ only _ speak to the queen." The Doctor looked at River, non-verbally asking if her if she wanted him to get the King away from her. 

 

She hesitated, then shook her head, knowing that she could handle it. He took a step back to show he understood whilst the King pulled River away again and out of earshot. 

 

"Well, what is it that you want with me that so obviously can't be said in front of my husband." She frowned. 

 

"I want you," He replied, straight to the point. "...as my queen."

 

"I'm flattered, but I'm afraid you're too late. I'm married, and if you haven't noticed, very pregnant at that." 

 

"I have midwifes here, the best in the land." He told her. "Leave him. He's a fool. Be with me instead." 

 

"I'm not going to just leave my husband. I love him very dearly." She tried to pull back from him, "I wouldn't dream of leaving him." 

 

He grabbed her wrist. "How can you love a man such as him? He hardly has a muscle on him. He's so childish, it's pure luck your kingdom does not fall under his rule." 

 

She yanked her wrist away from him, "I don't need to explain to you the reasons I love him. He is a strong ruler, as am I and the kingdom has flourished under our us." 

 

He scowled. "Why must women be so ignorant when a clear choice is given to them? You would be much happier with me. You could learn to love me."

 

"I don't believe that's true, I don't see much to love in you. I have two children with my husband, almost three. I love him more than anything on the Earth and I would rather lose my crown than lose him." 

 

"Your beauty is wasted on him!" He snapped. "You'll regret this choice."

 

"I have a feeling that I won't." She turned her back to him, starting back towards the Doctor. The King stormed back inside in a fit of rage.

  
River wrapped her arms around the Doctor, "Come on, let's go." He nodded and they all went quickly back to the TARDIS and left.


	133. Buried There Beside You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "No, sweetie, his last name was Williams. Your great-granddad's name was Brian." She explained. 
> 
> "Grandad had a daddy, too?" Her eyes grew with curiosity that her family could reach so far back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, so I made a piece of fan art for this, but since I'm the writer the piece involves characters and plot that won't be introduced until the I post the squeal to this so I can't post the fan art and link for like a bajillion years because I don't want to spoil anything >/ (Okay, not that many, but won't post it until the story is caught up which will be a while and it's making me grumpy.) Anyways, enjoy.

**Ch 133**

 

The Doctor asked if their guests would like to stay for dinner once he'd parked the TARDIS back in the flat. 

 

They nodded, Jack offering to cook dinner for them. "Thank you, Jack." The Doctor said, thinking that River would appreciate a longer foot rub. 

 

River collapsed on the couch living room couch once back inside, immediately struggling to get her swollen feet up on the foot rest. The Doctor followed and sat on the end of the couch, helping her get her feet in his lap. The girls joined them with a toys to play with as the others went to help in the kitchen. 

 

River smiled, playing with the girls from the couch, the little Time Lord family sharing a picturesque moment. He massaged her feet and ankles gently, Amelia taking the doll she was holding and walking it up River's side to sit on her belly.

 

River laughed tiredly, giving Amelia a kiss on the temple, "Did you have a nice time today?" 

 

The girl nodded. "Can I tell my brother about the horsies?" 

 

"Of course you can, sweetie." She murmured, shifting so that they could talk to the baby. 

 

Freya and Amelia gathered around River. "We had a birthday party today, little brother. We got to go to castle! You can't have a birthday party yet 'cause you haven't been borned yet, but we're gonna throw a party for you when you are." Freya said.

 

"There was a bow and arrow contest and Mummy won. And the Castle was really big and there was warm bread and horsies!" Amelia added.  

 

"Do you remember your brother's name, girls?" River asked, thinking maybe they had forgotten since they usually referred to him as 'the baby' and 'little brother' and not by what they were planning on calling him. 

 

They exchanged looks. "It's... A... um..." They thought. "Anthony!"  

 

She laughed, "No, I'm afraid that's not it. We're going to name him Arthur. Arthur Brian Song, what do you think?" 

 

"It's like King Arthur from the story." Freya grinned, liking to think her brother was a king. 

 

"Is he named after someone?" Amelia asked, knowing that she was named after the fiery-haired lady. 

 

"Yes, he's named after your Grandfather." River nodded, smiling at Freya. 

 

"But didn't Grandad's name start with an R?" She seemed confused. 

 

"Yes, his name was Rory, but his middle name was Arthur." 

 

"Was his last name Brian, then?" She assumed that it was part of Rory's name. 

 

"No, sweetie, his last name was Williams. Your great-granddad's name was Brian." She explained. 

 

"Grandad had a daddy, too?" Her eyes grew with curiosity that her family could reach so far back. 

 

Yes, he did." She smiled, "And you know, Daddy had a Daddy too, and a Mummy." 

 

"Can we meet them through the magic dream candle like we did with your mummy and daddy?" 

 

"Well..." River frowned slightly, looking up at the Doctor. 

 

"No, sweetheart, we can't. They're gone, so we can't." The Doctor told her. He seemed to be okay talking about it. He had a lot of time to accept what had happened to his planet, even if he and Clara had tried to save it. 

 

"Oh..." Amelia looked a bit sad for him, crawling up on the couch and hugging him. He smiled weakly and hugged her back, kissing the top of her head. 

 

"Do you want to tell Arthur about what we did today too?" River asked. 

 

"Yes." He hummed and leaned towards her middle. "We all dressed up to look like royalty and we brought your aunties and uncles along, too. The King there was a nuisance, though." 

 

"What's a nuisance?" Amelia asked. 

 

"Why was he a nuis- a nuisssie-cents?" Freya looked up at him, having trouble with the word.

 

"A nuisance is a person who is annoying and bothers you." He explained. "He kept talking about himself and I found that annoying." He decided to leave out that he was courting his wife. 

 

"Am I a nuissie-cent?" Freya crawled up to cuddle with River on the sofa. 

 

"No, dearie. You're not a bother. You're the complete opposite." 

 

She smiled, happy that she wasn't a bother. Amelia yawned sleepily, "Is it time for bed?" 

 

"Only if you want to go to sleep without dinner." He rubbed her arm.

 

"I'm tired." She whimpered, burying her face against him, holding his shirt tightly. 

 

"How about a nap then, hmm?" There was still time before dinner and a nap might hold her through the meal. 

 

All three girls nodded, Freya already started to drift off in River's arms. 

 

"That was quick." He murmured, smiling at his sleepy wife. He continued to massage her ankles and started to softly hum a lullaby. River smiled back at him, kissing the top of Freya's head. 

 

"What did the King say to you?" He asked, making sure to keep his voice down. 

 

"He wanted me to leave you and come be his queen." She breathed, "I said no, obviously." 

 

He nodded, slightly amused. "I don't think we're going back there anytime soon." 

 

"I think I made him rather angry." She laughed softly, reaching for his hand, bring it to her lips. 

 

He chuckled as well. “Angry because a married woman he knew for less than a day refused to marry him, why am I not surprised." She laughed, Freya snuggling close to her in her sleep."I suppose anyone would be upset if they couldn't marry you. Are an absolutely brilliant woman." He added.

 

"Oh, stop." She smiled, hitting his arm lightly. 

 

"Not a chance." He pressed a kiss to the top of her ankle since leaning over to her lips would probably disturb the girls. She wiggled her toes at him, content to lazy there for the rest of the night. They would have, had the others not called them into the dinning room for dinner fifteen minutes later. 

 

"Freya, sweetie, it's time for dinner." River whispered, rubbing the little girl's shoulders. 

 

She mumbled something along the lines of 'no' then curled further into River. 

 

"Freya, do you want Mumma to bring you to bed?" She murmured, holding the girl close to her. 

 

She opened her eyes slowly, blinking a few times. "... 'M hungry." 

 

"Okay." She murmured, "Let's go eat then, yeah?" 

 

"Do I hafta move?" She yawned. 

 

"I'm afraid you do, but I'll carry you over to the table and you can sit on my lap if you want." She offered. 

 

Freya nodded, still quite sleepy. River got up slowly, carrying the little girl to the table and sitting down with her on her lap. The Doctor followed, doing the same for their other daughter. 

 

Vastra sat on the other side of River, and Clara the other side of the Doctor. "The little ones seem to have used all their energy." Vastra observed. 

 

River smiled and nodded, stroking Freya's hair as she rest her head against her chest, her body positioned so she was facing Vastra and not the table. Amelia was slightly more active than her sister, sitting facing the table and reaching for a roll to put on the plate in front of her. 

 

"What do you want to eat, lovie?" River asked Freya. 

 

She shrugged, turning her head to glance over the assortment of foods. "...bread."

 

"Bread? You need a little more than bread. How about some carrots to go with that." She murmured. 

 

"Okay." She was rather indifferent as long as she got to eat something. 

 

"Could you get her some carrots and bread?" River asked, handing her plate to the Doctor. Between her belly and Freya's body there wasn't much room for her to reach anything beyond her plate. 

 

He nodded, putting the things on the plate before returning it to her. "Alright, Freya, eat up." River murmured, setting the plate in front of her, "Carrots first." 

 

Freya hesitated, wanting the bread more, but took a piece of carrot anyways. 

 

The group ate, talking happily about the day and complementing River and the Doctor on their new home. "I forgot most of you haven't seen our house yet. We can give you a tour after we put the girls to bed." The Doctor offered. They nodded enthusiastically. 

 

By the end of dinner, Freya had only gotten in a few bites of her bread before falling asleep on River. Amelia was starting to fall back asleep, too. The Doctor excused himself and River to put their daughters to bed and started heading upstairs. River had a bit of trouble standing up and trying to get out of her seat. 

 

"Would you like some help?" Vastra offered her assistance. 

 

"Yes, very much so." She murmured. 

 

She scooped Freya out of River's arms and offered a hand up. River got up with Vastra's help, Jack coming over and offering to carry Freya. Vastra hesitated, looking for River's approval. 

 

"I can do it." River moved to take Freya back from her. 

 

“You probably shouldn't be lifting heavy things." Jack pointed out. 

 

"What I should and shouldn't be doing isn't really your concern." She snapped, trying to balance Freya as she walked towards the stairs. 

 

"Sorry." He managed to mutter. 

 

River made it up the stairs with less difficulty than she had had with the chair, bringing Freya to her room. "I want a story." Amelia said, eyes half open as she was tucked in to bed. 

 

"Do you want to tell one tonight?" River asked the Doctor, looking up at him as she tucked the blankets around their sleeping daughter. 

 

He nodded. "What kind of story do you want, lovie?" 

 

"A story about you and Mummy." She yawned. 

 

"There are a lot of those." He thought for a moment. "How about the time we challenged a Sontaran fleet to a chess game. That's a good one." 

 

She shook her head, "No, not that kind of story."  

 

"No? Than what kind?" 

 

"A love story." She blushed, pulling the blankets up to her face, sticking her thumb in her mouth. 

 

"Hmm, how about my first date with Mummy." She nodded, happy with that suggestion.  He started retelling her the memory, glancing at River affectionately. 

 

River smiled, leading him out of the room once the girl was fell asleep. He stole a kiss. "Do you think I should have mentioned that we ran into ourselves?" 

 

“I think it was perfect just the way it was." She murmured, kissing him gently. He wrapped his arms around her, keeping her for a kiss or few extra. She giggled, "We still have guests you know." 

 

"How long do you think we can make them wait?" 

 

"What are you implying, sweetie?" She purred. 

 

"Mind out of the gutter, Professor." His tone was equally flirtatious. "I just want to kiss you longer." 

 

"Did the King get you all riled up, Mr. Song?" She teased, leaning in for another kiss. 

 

"You could say I'm trying to one up him. I bet he didn't do this." He pressed open mouthed kisses to her neck, sucking lightly on her pulse point. 

 

Her knees went weak, nearly giving out beneath her, "No...no he certainly did not." 

 

He had her pinned against the wall by now. "Does that mean I win?" 

 

"Not yet." She teased. 

 

He put on a mock pout before repeating his actions to her neck. This time he let one of his hands roam her side, the other interlocked with hers. 

 

"Are you  _ trying _ to get me as riled up as you." She murmured, eyes darkening. 

 

"It does make for a more interesting cuddle session later." He said amorously. 

 

"But… but we can't do anything." She sobered up, a bit displeased with where this was going, "You want to get me all worked up and then just stop because we can't go any further?" 

 

"Well, when you put it that way... no, I guess not. That does sound rather selfish of me, doesn't it." He pulled away and looked at her. "We'll be able to go further soon. I promise… until then, your lips and neck will be given lots of attention." 

 

Her eyes saddened and she quickly turned away, "Right..." She headed back down the stairs, refusing to look at him again. 

 

He watched her disappear down the stars, frowning since he wasn't quite sure if he'd done something wrong. He knew that it was a sensitive subject for her, maybe he had said something insensitive. Maybe he had caused her to think about her death again, but of course she was always thinking about that. She had said so herself and something along the lines of there being a clock in her head loudly and forever ticking away the seconds she had left to breathe. He thought maybe he should go and apologize to her or maybe give her space and time to distract herself with entertaining their guests? Yes. This sounded like a better option. He stood there for a few moments before going downstairs to help with the tour. 

 

River had already busied herself with entertaining, pouring wine for their friends and bringing them around the lower level of their flat. 

 

"We were planning on this being Arthur's nursery." The Doctor said, once they strolled into the empty office room. "River's idea." Their friends seemed to enjoy their house very much, Clara saying she would bring them over a housewarming gift in the coming week. 

 

After chatting in the living room for a while, it was starting to get late. The Doctor offered everyone a ride home. They nodded, piling into the TARDIS, River staying behind to clean up. 

 

"River, you coming?" Clara asked, pausing in the TARDIS doorway. 

 

She shook her head, "I ought to stay and clean up, but I'll see you at school tomorrow." 

 

"Oh that's right! The girls start tomorrow, don't they. I'm sure you're all excited." She waved. "See you tomorrow, then." 

 

River smiled half-heartedly, "Goodbye, Clara." 

 

"Is River not coming?" The Doctor asked once Clara had shut the door. 

 

She shook her head, bouncing up the stairs to the console, "She said she was going to clean up." 

 

"...Oh." He sighed knowing this was the part where he gave her some space. "Right, off we got then." 

 

The guests departed one by one, Vastra promising to pick up the rest of the things they needed for the baby shower. "I think we should do it this weekend." He informed her as she left. 

 

She nodded, "Is there anyone else you would like me to invite?" 

 

He mentally went over the list of people that were coming. Aside his family, there would be Vastra, Jenny, and Strax, and Clara and Danny if he could make it. "No." He shook his head. River wouldn't want Jack there. 

 

"No… university colleagues? Some of her other friends, perhaps?"  

 

He shrugged. "I'll ask about it. She doesn't talk much about other colleagues." 

 

She nodded, "Alright, well, let me know." 

 

"I will. I'll call." He said. 

 

He made sure to arrive at the house twenty minutes after he left, thinking it was a fair amount of thinking time. River was heading up stairs, going to change when he got home. He went to find her, appearing at the bottom of the stairs, looking up to see her at the top. "River." 

 

She turned, looking back at him. He swallowed. "I'm... I'm sorry for earlier. What I said I mean... I was being insensitive." It was a start. He didn't really know if he should be apologizing or what he should be apologizing for if he should be in the first place. 

 

"It's fine." She sighed, combing her fingers through her hair, "It doesn't matter. You don't have to apologize." 

 

"It  _ does _ matter." He took went up a step, "I said something and it made you upset. Maybe I don't have to apologize, but I want to." He wanted to try and make things better. He wanted to try and rid the sadness from her eyes. 

 

"Doctor, please..." Her eyes shifted, "I don't want to talk about it." 

 

"Ignoring the problem isn't going to make it go away." 

 

"Why can't you just respect my wish to not discuss it?" She snapped. 

 

He shrunk a little, moving back a step. "...Sorry." He murmured. "I will." 

 

She headed to their room, going to change and go to bed. He didn't follow, sitting at the bottom of the stairs. He was tempted to go fiddle with wires, thinking River wouldn't want him in bed next to her right now. 

  
River lay in bed, face buried in her pillow, crying silently until she finally fell asleep. The Doctor finally went to the bedroom nearly an hour later, slipping quietly into bed. He still lay close to her, taking her hand before allowing himself to drift off. 


	134. Star Light, Star Bright

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some of the other parents started to leave, having work and errands to get to. They just stood and watched the door as if it would suddenly be 2:30 and the dismissal bell would ring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First day of school for the little tweedles. You'll find out how that takes a bit of a wrong turn in a chapter or two. Enjoy!

**Ch 134**

 

In the middle of the night River snapped awake screaming and crying, scrambling up right in bed. The Doctor was jolted up by the sudden movement and noise, instantly sitting up any asking what was wrong. 

 

"The baby's dead! The baby's dead!" She sobbed. 

 

"Wha- What!?" He felt a knot of panic in his gut, scanning her over. There wasn't any blood beneath her, and she seemed more scared than in any sort of pain. "River, calm down. You need to calm down." He wrapped his arms around her. 

 

She leaned against his arms, sobbing, "He's dead. He's dead. Our baby..." Arthur wasn't really dead, he was perfectly fine, only sleeping as of the moment, but River's vivid dream, (which was more like a memory) had shaken her to the core. 

 

"River..." The Doctor put his palm over her belly, "He's right here." He was starting to realize it had only been a nightmare. "Look, he's right here." 

 

"He's dead." She repeated, still crying into him, "He's dead… I didn't get to see his eyes. I didn't tell him I loved him." 

 

"No, River that was William. That was William. Arthur's okay. He's okay, you have to calm down now." 

 

"My baby… he's gone, he's gone." She was reduced to a pile of tears.  

 

"Shh, he's here." He rocked her. "He's right here, he's alive." She sniffled, small whimpers escaping her lips as she tried to calm down. "I've got you, love." He continued to murmur comforts to her. 

 

Arthur kicked in his sleep, proving that he was fine. "See?" The Doctor had felt it since his hand was on her stomach. "He's okay." 

 

"He's okay..." She repeated, calming further, "But William’s, not..." 

 

"I know." He rubbed her back. "He's gone, love. He's been gone a while."

 

"I miss him." She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to keep back the tears that tried to escape. 

 

He pressed his lips together, not wanting to think that she would be with him soon. "...It'll be okay. That won't happen again." 

 

"Does Arthur know that I love him?" She asked quietly, her tears having created damp spots on his shirt and her nightgown. 

 

"Yes." He nodded. "We tell him everyday." She nodded slowly, falling silent and closing her eyes. "Shall we tell him again?" He asked. "Do you want to talk to him?" 

 

"He's sleeping, I don't want to wake him." She murmured. 

 

"He can sleep anytime he wants to." He pointed out. 

 

"...Can you tell him?" She asked quietly, looking up at him. 

 

"Of course." He smiled softly and leaned down. "Arthur, this is Daddy." He rubbed small circles on her middle. "Mummy and I just want you to know that we love you to bits and pieces and then some." River smiled weakly and Arthur responded with a few lazy nudges. "There we are, see?" He grinned up at River. "He knows." 

 

She nodded, looking down at him, "Does William know?" 

 

He nodded slowly. "I'm sure he did." They hadn't talked about William for a while, it had always been a touchy subject and probably always would be. 

 

"Is there any way we could tell him too?" 

 

He hesitated, unsure of how to answer. It was unclear to him if River believed in a sort of heaven. Back when Kovarian had stabbed her, she had said she was going to join their son before she passed out. That must have meant that she thought he'd gone somewhere. "Think... that there are strange things that happen in the universe called miracles Maybe if you direct a thought to the place... the place where he might be, that something strange a miraculous will help it get there."  

 

"So… you mean no, then." She whispered, her eyes downcast, not believing what he was saying. 

 

"I mean exactly what I say I mean, which is not no. Just... unlikely. But not impossible." He brushed a thumb along her cheek.

 

"I should have told him..." She closed her eyes, holding his hand to her cheek, "I should have told him that I loved him more. I should have done it before he died." 

 

"We can't change the past, but I'm sure he knew." He said. "Any time you thought about him, any time you talked to him, in all of those little moments you had so much love for him. He knew it was there, even if in the end you couldn't say it a final time."  She sighed, curling up against his body, much calmer than before. "I've got you now." He pressed a kiss to her temple. 

 

Arthur was starting to stir a bit more, moving around and thinking about colors. River fell back to sleep still sniffling. 

 

The Doctor still had his arms around his wife by the morning, most of their limbs tangled together. "Doctor..." River mumbled .It was rather early. He stirred slightly, but didn't wake completely, still snoring. 

 

She let out a small noise of discomfort, sore from way she’d slept, "Doctor..." 

 

He opened his eyes, not entirely knowing she had made the noise. "Hmm?"  

 

"We… we have to wake the girls." She breathed. 

 

"Oh yeah... school." He yawned and sat up, rubbing his eye before looking at her. "You alright?" 

 

She nodded, shifting and trying to get out of bed. "Fine… Big day, that's all." 

 

He nodded. "How about I start breakfast and pack lunches while you wake the girls?" 

 

She shook her head, "No, I want us to wake them up together." 

 

"Alright." He shifted his way out of bed and went to help her up, too. River got up with minimal difficulty thanks to his help, though she needed to lean on him to get down the hall.  He didn't comment on the fact, thinking she was tired from the nightmare that had interrupted her sleep last night. He would suggest she take a nap later. 

 

River sat down on Amelia's bed, rubbing her shoulders, "Amelia, sweetie, it's time to get up." The girl resembled her father while sleeping and had the same reaction as him as well, not waking. She smiled softly, "Mia, baby, you have to get up for school." 

 

The word must have reached her because she suddenly sat bolt up right, eyes wide. "School?!" 

 

"Yes, sweetie." She nodded. 

 

"But that's supposed to be  _ next  _ Monday!" 

 

"No, it was supposed to be today." River frowned slightly, looking at the Doctor for confirmation, thinking perhaps she got the days wrong. He nodded, affirming that it was September 1st. 

 

Amelia clung to her Adipose, "They're gonna be mean." 

 

"No! No, they won't be mean. They're going to be very nice and you're going to make lots of friends." She smiled, kissing her forehead. 

 

"Promise. Pinky promise me!" 

 

"I pinky promise, cross my hearts." She held out her pinky to Amelia. 

 

She linked her little finger with her mum’s. "And you'll be right there after?" 

 

"Of course. And if there's an emergency, a  _ real _ emergency, like you get sick, I can come pick you up early."  

 

"I don't feel sick." She said. "I'm hungry." 

 

"Then how about we get dressed and then have something to eat." She smiled. 

 

"Okay." Amelia hopped out of bed, much more confident. 

 

River helped both the girls get dressed, leading them down stairs to eat breakfast. The Doctor got to work making a quick meal of eggs and toast for everyone while packing lunches for the girls. River went to get the girls' backpacks filled with the typical kindergarten supplies. 

 

"Can we take Mumma TARDIS there?" Freya asked. 

 

"Well, no, not today." River shook her head, "We're going to walk today." 

 

The girls pouted. "Aw, but everyone will think it's really cool and then they'll want to be our friends!" 

 

"Maybe another day." She tried to brush away the subject, getting more and more anxious as they drew closer to leaving.

 

"Will Auntie Clara be there? Will she help us find the places we have to go?" 

 

"Of course! But you'll probably be in the same class room for most of the day." She went to fetch their coats, giving Freya's to the Doctor and kneeling down to help Amelia with her's. 

 

"Will Freya be with me? Will she have the same classroom as me?" She fretted. 

 

"Yes, she will." River smiled weakly, "Ready to go?" 

 

The twins looked at each other. "...I guess so." 

 

"Okay, well, then, let's go." She lead them out the door, triple checking to make sure they had everything.

 

Amelia kept her Adipoise in on hand while taking River's with the other. She wanted to try to be brave, but that didn't really stop her from being nervous. 

 

"It's going to be okay, sweetie." River was trying to be brave as well,  rather upset that the girls were going to be away all day, "You're going to have so much fun." 

 

"But you won't be there. We have to save some fun for when we get home." 

 

"Well, I had so much fun yesterday, I think I'm all funned out, so don't worry about saving any for me." She squeezed her hand. 

 

She nodded. "There's always room for more fun." She reasoned. 

 

"Of course." 

 

After a rather short walk, they arrived at the school where most of the other kids their age were with their parents. Freya shrunk to River's side shyly and Amelia held her toy closer to her. Even River looked up at the Doctor anxiously, not ready to say goodbye to the girls. He offered each a warm smile. 

 

He kissed River's cheek then kneeled to kiss his daughters'. "It's all going to be alright." 

 

"What if they don't want to be friends with us?" Freya asked. 

 

"They will, dearie. But's here's a little secret: a lot of the time, you've got to be the one to say hello first. If you see someone who you want to be your friend, just go up and say, 'Hello, My name is Fraya and I think we should be friends.' As soon as you do that, they'll want to be." He told them. “Everyone is probably just as nervous as you are, even if it doesn’t look like. Taking that little step will bring you a long way.”

 

They nodded, still rather nervous. The bell rang about ten minutes later. The girls were reluctant to let go of their parents, but they did have to say good bye eventually. 

 

"We''ll see you in a few hours." River knelt down, taking a minute to look them over, smiling, "I love you so much, and we'll see you soon. Be good!" 

 

Amelia made sure to kiss her brother before they left. "Bye mummy. Take care of my baby brother." 

 

"Of course, my darling." She smiled, finally letting them go. 

 

The girls waved as they went inside with the group of children who were assigned to the same teacher they were. All the parents were waving, including River and the Doctor as they saw their children off to school for the first time of many. 

 

He took her hand and squeezed it. "They'll be okay. Clara will check up on them when she can and I told her to call at lunch to tell us how they are." River nodded, leaning her head against him, squeezing her eyes shut. 

 

Some of the other parents started to leave, having work and errands to get to. They just stood and watched the door as if it would suddenly be 2:30 and the dismissal bell would ring. 

 

"Did you remember to call the University?" 

 

"Oh! No, I completely forgot." She sighed, "Oh, well, I guess they know I'm not coming in by now." 

 

"Yes, I suppose they do. Why don't we go home? We can work on the nursery today." He suggested. 

 

She smiled weakly, and nodded, "Maybe we should stop at the store. We need some furniture, clothes, toys." She hesitated, "And you're going to need baby formula." 

 

He nodded, trying not to think too hard about that last one. "I think we should just get the paint today. We can get the other stuff later." He wanted to wait for the baby shower to be held. 

 

She nodded slowly, "Okay. Do you know where we can get paint?" 

 

He paused and thought. "I think there's a hardware store a few blocks from here." She nodded, walking beside him down the street. "Do we want it to look like the one on the TARDIS? With the ducks and all?" He asked.

 

She hummed thoughtfully, "I like the ducks, and the green. What do you think? Maybe we could do other animals in this one?" 

 

_ I like the green.  _ Arthur agreed.

 

"Animals? I like that idea. We could have giraffes and cobblemouses and tafelshrews." 

 

"Mumma likes green too, Arthur." River smiled, "I like the giraffe idea, but maybe we should stick with earth animals and not cobblemouses and tafelshrews. How about giraffes and elephants and seals?" 

 

"Alright, the Gallifreyan animals can be saved for story time." They turned the corner and spotted the store. "But we're going to need more than just green for all those animals." 

 

"Or we could just paint them all various shades of green." She giggled. 

 

"We are being accurate to Earth animals aren't we?" He nudged her playfully. "We all know only the Imhotep System had green giraffes." 

 

She smiled, kissing his shoulder, "Yes, my intention was to be accurate. Perhaps we should include a few turtles, then we could get some green animals in." 

 

"Parrots would work, too." He added, trying to think of more green Earth animals. "And lizards." 

 

"And frogs." She murmured, "Or maybe..." Her expression changed, "We could paint the walls plain green, and just have pictures hanging up instead of painting animals." 

 

"Why pictures?" He asked, wondering why she'd changed her mind. 

 

"So he would know who his family is. We could have you and the girls, and Amy and Rory and Vastra and Clara. The walls could be covered with his family, that way he won't… forget anyone." 

 

"Oh, I thought you meant have pictures of animals." He said, liking her idea much better. "I think your idea would be better though. Let’s do both." 

 

She hummed and smiled weakly, glad he’d agreed to it.

 

"Come on then," He grinned back and pulled her inside. "We've got a lot of things to get."

 

"Right, so now we'll need paint and frames." She looked around the store for the paint first. 

 

They found it near the back. "How much do we need?" 

 

River frowned slightly, "Oh, I don't know… Maybe we should go back home and check." 

 

"No, how about we get two and if we need more, we'll come back." 

 

She nodded, "And now we need to get frames, yeah? We'll have to wait for the paint to dry so we can paint the other animals." 

 

He carried the paint cans as they looked for frames. "Are we going to use pictures from your box or should we print some new ones?" 

  
  


"I wanted to use some from my box." She murmured, "But I'll have to see what I have." 

 

He nodded as they came upon the frames. "How fancy should they be?"

 

"Not terribly fancy. I want the focus to be more on the pictures and not the frames." She murmured, looking over the selection. 

 

He picked up a plain thin one made of dark brown wood. "Like this?" 

 

She nodded, "Yes, similar to that." 

 

He piled a bunch more of the same frame into his arms. "We should probably get something to hang them with." 

 

She nodded, "Should we get nails? Or sticky hangers?"  

 

"Sticky hangers." He agreed. "Let’s see if they have some."

 

She followed behind him, stopping and putting a hand to her stomach. The Doctor paused when he realized she had. "You alright there, Riv?" 

 

"I think Arthur's getting a bit impatient." She murmured, closing her eyes for a minute. He shifted the things he was holding to one arm so he could feel his son kick. River winced at the next kick, reaching out to grab onto his arm. 

 

He seemed slightly alarmed. "Are you sure you're alright? Maybe we should head home now." 

 

"I want to go home." She breathed, grip tightening. The kick had been very hard and against her spine, Arthur not ceasing.

 

He nodded quickly. "Give me a moment to pay for theses." They would come back another time for the rest. 

 

She nodded, letting go of him and reaching for a near by shelf, breathing deeply. He rushed to the front to pay for the things as quickly as possible.

 

River slowly tried to make her way towards him, wincing every once in awhile. 

 

"Excuse me, miss. Are you alright?" One of the other shoppers asked.

 

"Oh, yes, I'm fine." She struggled to smile, "Just waiting for my husband." 

 

"And then leaving." The Doctor butted in, urging River towards the exit. She took his hand, squeezing it hard as Arthur’s foot slammed against her inside.


	135. Haunted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "How...how do we fix it." She breathed, clutching her side. “I don’t understand how he could be strong enough to do that.” 
> 
> "He’s not. Your medication has made your ligaments weak enough that he could harm you.” He sighed worriedly. “As for fixing… we push it back into place." He said slowly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel bad for updating late, but on the other hand it was finals week so I have good reason. Also, if anyone's interested in taking a peek at my art final, I posted all my work from the semester on my deviant art here http://hsteinman.deviantart.com/gallery/   
> Anyways, enjoy!

**Ch 135**

 

"Do you think you can make it home?" The Doctor asked. 

 

River nodded, "I think so." He wrapped his free arm around her for good measure. She gasped when he grabbed her waist, pulling away, "No, not there." 

 

"Did I hurt you?" He bit his lip, quickly keeping his arm back to himself. 

 

"It's Arthur...I think he did something to my rib." 

 

He nodded to show his understanding and opted to take her arm instead. "What exactly?" 

 

"I don't know, if I knew, then I'd tell you." She hissed, which resulted in another wince. 

 

"Right, sorry. We'll scan you and see. Where else does it hurt." He assessed, wanting to have some sort of idea of what was going on. 

 

"Mostly just there." She murmured. He nodded again, falling silent as his brain started working through every possibility that could occur. 

 

She groaned, "I need to sit." They were only about half way back to the house. 

 

He quickly scouted out a bench on the sidewalk and lead here there to sit. "Breathe." He reminded.  

 

She shook her head, "It hurts to breathe." 

 

His frown deepened. "Okay, don't do that. Breathe as shallowly as you can." It was about the only time he would tell her to do so. She nodded, breathing as he told her. "Good, you could damage or your lung if you take a breath deeper than that." He told her. 

 

"Oh, wonderful, thanks for letting me know." She growled, glaring at him. 

 

"Well it's better than you finding out by actually doing it." He countered. "We need to get you home as soon as we can." 

 

"And how do you propose we do that?" She winced again. 

 

He thought then remembered something and pulled out his sonic from his pocket. "Summon the TARDIS?" He suggested. 

 

"Whatever you want to do, sweetie." She breathed through clenched teeth. 

 

He looked left, then right to make sure there would be no one to question the blue box before pressing a button to make it materialize in font of them. River was very relieved to see the box appear, ready to be rid of the pain. 

 

"Be very careful standing up. Do it slowly." He instructed. 

 

She growled as she stood, whimpered when she got to her feet. He tried not to act to panicky, but more concern bloomed across his face and every one of her pained noises. "Just hang in there, River. We just have to make it to the med bay." He encouraged, urging her forwards. 

 

Arthur gave a hard kick right to the damaged area and formed a vague thought about ' _ Bigger Mummy being worried. _ ' River cried out at the kick, buckling against the Doctor. "I can't..." 

 

He held her up, mindful not to hold where it had caused her pain the last time. "Help us out Old Girl..." He muttered. The TARDIS obliged and moved the rooms around so the door they need appeared right next to them, "Just a few steps. You can make it a few steps." 

 

She managed to take the needed steps to the door where there was a cot already waiting for her immediately on the other side. "Full torso scan: River Song." The Doctor ordered the test, helping his wife off her feet. 

 

She pulled him to her, pressing her forehead into his shoulder, biting down on her lip. "You'll be alright." He murmured to her. "I'm going to help you, I'm going to stop the pain." She nodded, fists tightly clutching his shirt. 

 

A flat tablet like scanner next to him beeped a result and he picked it up to see. A blue, interactive hologram of River's torso popped up from it. It could be moved to all angles and, zoom in, and  change the layers. He zoomed in to the layer of all her organs, a red patch on her lung and surrounding muscle highlighting the injury. Zooming in again, he looked at just her bones. There, the floating rib on her right side was highlighted in red. 

 

He stared at it a bit, going back and forth between looking at her lung and rib a few times. "It's been displaced." He said finally. "Your rib, I mean. Arthur's kicked it out of place and now the surrounding muscle is highly inflamed. It's rubbing against your lung the wrong way every time you breathe." 

 

"How...how do we fix it." She breathed, clutching her side. “I don’t understand how he could be strong enough to do that.” 

 

"He’s not. Your medication has made your ligaments weak enough that he could harm you.” He sighed worriedly. “As for fixing… we push it back into place." He said slowly. 

 

She groaned, more in annoyance than pain. After a minute she nodded, "Okay...okay..." 

 

He offered her a hand to squeeze. "This is going to hurt. Quite a lot." She pressed her lips together, already squeezing his hand. He paused. "Ready?" 

 

She nodded. 

 

"Alright... One..." He carefully felt for the displaced rib. "Two..." He found it and put his arm at the angle he would need to push at. "Three!" 

 

“Aagh!” She tried to muffle her cry, but to no avail. She clutched onto his hand as tightly as she possibly could, tears springing to her eyes from pain. 

 

He continued to press down on her side until he heard the bone snap back into place. As soon as he did, he yanked his hand away, hating himself for causing River such pain. 

 

She was whimpered against him, her side aching terribly from her ribs being snapped in and out of placed. "It's over now." He kissed her forehead. "It's over, the pain will stop now." At least the sharp stabbing pain. She would be sore for a few days. 

 

River nodded, closing her eyes, "I want to go back to bed." 

 

"Do you want me to carry you?" It was more of an offer. 

 

She shook her head, "Just push the cot back to our room and I'll shift onto the bed." 

 

He nodded, "I should probably move the TARDIS back to the house." He added, realizing that he had left it sitting in the middle of the sidewalk. She lay back on the cot, breathing as deeply as she could without causing herself too much pain. 

 

He pushed the cot into their room and helped her onto the bed before going to the console room to move the TARDIS. He returned with a patch of some sort in his hand. "This might help with the pain." 

 

"Is it safe for the baby?" She asked, still fixing the pillows around her. 

 

He nodded. "Yes. It works by blocking out large pain receptors, not by putting anything in your system. It won't numb you, but it should help." He sat next to her. "Lean forwards." 

 

She hesitated, then leaned forward. He lifted her shirt to expose her skin and gently placed the patch on her back, right where her hurt rib and spine met. 

 

She lay back back down, feeling a bit more relaxed once the patch started working. "Could you get my box? We can pick out the pictures we want to use." 

 

"Sure." He went to her desk and peered through the drawers until he found it, then came back and settled next to her on the bed. She curled up beside him, her head resting on his arm as they opened up the box. He picked one out at random and held it up. 

 

It was from one of Freya and Amelia's bath times, one when they were less than a year old. River smiled weakly, touching the edge of the picture, "Oh, my baby girls..." 

 

"I can't tell who is who in this one." 

 

"That one's Amelia." She whispered, pointing to the one that was looking down at the bath water and not at the camera. 

 

"Which means Freya is the one in the middle of splashing me." He chuckled. 

 

She laughed, "Yes, it looks like it." 

 

"How many frames did we get?" He wondered. 

 

"Eleven I think." She murmured, thumbing through the box once more, "What about this one?" She held up a picture of the Doctor, one girl in each arm, both of them kissing him on the cheek. 

 

"Oh, I like that one. Wasn't that the day we went to the carnival?" He asked. 

 

She nodded, smiling, "I love this one." 

 

"One for the wall then." He set it aside, putting the other photo back. River turned back to the box, flipping through the pictures once more. 

 

The next picture was old, of Amy and Rory, posing for a proper wedding photo. "Oh, Amy looked so beautiful." River whispered. 

 

He hummed in agreement. "You say that like you haven't seen the dress before." 

 

"No, I've seen it, it's just been a while..." 

 

"We're going to talk to them today." He reminded. "So the girls can tell them about the first day of school."  

 

She nodded, "Yes, I remember."  

 

He briefly wondered how Brian was doing. "What do you think. Should we use this one?"  

 

She hummed, "Maybe, let's put it aside for now." 

 

He started to pull out another, but stopped and pushed the picture back down into the box. 

 

"What was that?" She frowned, going in to pull out the picture he had tried to hide. 

 

"Sonogram." He murmured, not bothering to come up with something else. 

 

"Oh..." Was all she said, the picture half exposed from the box now so William's little feet were visible.

 

He stared at the feet, not having the hearts to push the picture down again. He didn't want to forget, he wasn't trying to but but it was still painful, still fresh. River was staring as well, the picture of their lost son filling her head with memories. She wrapped her arms around the Doctor's torso, sighing, "He loved you very much." 

 

"I know." He said quietly. He didn't doubt it like she did. He pulled the sonogram out to look at it completely. She hid her face against his chest when he pulled the picture out, afraid that she would cry if she looked at it. He almost wished he could hide his face, too. He took a shuddering breath and looked over the picture anyways, holding River close. 

 

She held him tighter, a lump forming in her throat. He blinked hard and finally tucked it back away. He couldn't bring himself to believe that there was, but he  _ hoped  _ there was a place, like River believed, that he was. A nice place, somewhere full of love and just that. Somewhere River would enjoy if-... when she went there. 

 

He quickly pulled out a new one of River sitting on her prison cot. He remembered this day, when he bought a camera and surprise tested it on an unexpecting River. 

 

She looked up when she felt him move, looking at the new picture in his hand, "Oh, that one's horrible! You caught me by surprise." 

 

"I think it's adorable." He countered, trying to push away the emotions brought on by seeing William. 

 

"No, I look awful and exhausted in that picture." She grumbled. 

 

"Oh, but I know for a fact you were full of energy." He teased. 

 

"How so?" She raised an eyebrow. 

 

"Do you not remember shagging me for an entire hour shortly after this was taken?" He mimicked her expression. 

 

A small smile crept onto her face, "Well, now it's starting to come back to me..." 

 

He grinned. "Let's see if we can find one of you that you deem suitable for a frame." 

 

She hummed, looking through the pictures, "What's this?" She asked, holding up a picture of her so he could see, eyebrows raised, "I don't remember putting this in here." 

 

He looked curious as well. "I haven't seen it before." 

 

She frowned slightly, looking at the picture. It was one of River sleeping, hair sprawled out around her head, and the sheets pulled up to her chest, bare shoulders leaving the impression that the sheet was all she was wearing. 

 

"But... I didn't take that." The Doctor’s confusion started into worry. 

 

"Stop, this isn't funny." She looked at him, hoping that he was joking. 

 

"I'm not joking River. This is the first time I've seen that photo." He swallowed. 

 

She blinked, staring at the picture, shifting uncomfortably. He instinctively scanned the room. "Does this have a date, any way we can tell when it was taken? Is this on the TARDIS?" 

 

"I don't know...I can't tell. There's no date on it." She whispered. 

 

"When was the last time you went through all your pictures?" He asked, taking the photo. He turned it over in his hands and sniffed it like it might give him more information. 

 

"I don't remember, it's been a while. When we got the TARDIS back from Missy maybe? But I don't know remember if I went through them all or just looked for the important ones..." 

 

"She's a possibility." He told her, but had a feeling the answer wasn't so simple. "She could have done this a while ago and we could just have not known... but why?" 

 

"What if there are pictures of all of us?" She panicked, looking up at him, obviously very uncomfortable and worried. 

 

"Shall we look through?" He suggested, though afraid of what he might find. She dumped the box pictures out, ruffling through them. 

 

There weren't any more, just the one they had found. "Okay, this is..." He wasn't sure if creepy was the right word. ",disturbing." He started to help clean up the pictures and put them back. He'd momentarily forgotten about picking out ones for the nursery. 

 

She stared at the picture which lay beside the box once everything else had been put away, "What should we do about it?" 

 

"I'm not sure." He doubted human police could do much about it. They didn't even know where it came from or when. There weren't any markers to indicate anything really. "The pillows." He murmured. 

 

"What about them?" She asked, not seeing what he was seeing. 

 

"We don't own any pillows like these. Look." He turned and pulled a pillow from behind him. "These don't match. The ones in the house don't match either." 

 

"So, then whose pillows are they?" She frowned. "And where." She hadn't recently slept anywhere but the house or the TARDIS as far as he knew. 

 

"Do you remember going to bed anywhere with pillows like these?" 

 

"They're not the pillows at the prison. I don't think they're Clara's pillows..." She murmured, running through all the places the picture could have been from. "I don't know… I don't remember sleeping anywhere with pillows like those." 

 

"When was the last time you went to sleep without any clothes on?"  

 

"I don't know, it's been months since I would have even thought of doing that… And with the girls around, we don't usually go to sleep without clothes on." 

 

"That helps with the time frame." The gears him his minds shifted around the possibilities. "Are there any days any times that you can't really remember? Like a blank spot in your memory." 

 

"Doctor, I'm pregnant, half of these last six months is a big blank spot." She looked over the picture again, "Do I look pregnant in this picture?" 

 

The picture didn't show her torso, so the easy way of telling wasn't an option. "...I think so." 

 

"Does my face look rounder or fuller than it does...here?" She pulled out another picture, one of her and Amelia on the girls’ second birthday. 

 

He nodded again. "And your breasts are bigger. They do that when you're pregnant." 

 

She swallowed, "Alright. Now, again, do I look younger or older than I do here." She held the two pictures side by side. 

 

"Older." He said. "This was after the girls were born." 

 

She nodded slowly, holding the picture up to her face, "How about now and..." She searched around for a picture from when they were going to have William, holding it up to her face as well when she found one, "this. Does this picture look more like me now or me then, if you can tell at all." 

 

"I can't really tell. You look the same in all three." He took the pictures and held them up for her. "You try." 

 

She looked over the pictures, freezing after a moment of thinking. "This has to be from recently. The last time I was pregnant, the entire time I would have looked like this, I had wounds and bruises on my face from Kovarian, even later on, they faded, but they were there the whole time." She pointed to a few of the cuts on her face that were visible in the older picture, then turned to the one of her sleeping, "This picture, there aren't any cuts. A few faint scars if you look carefully, but nothing as clearly visible as it should be if it wasn't recent..." 

 

"Right so... now we know it was in the last few months." That didn't exactly make him feel any better. "That still keeps Missy in the list of people who might have done this." 

 

"But Missy didn't like me, so why would she have had this picture of me. If she wanted to scare us, she would have done something to the picture. She wouldn't have just left it." She frowned, "Judging by my face size I have to be at  _ least _ three and a half months along." 

 

"That's still a time frame of a few months... Hang on. Look at your earrings." They were small silver studs shaped like sea shells, hardly noticeable since her hair was in the way. "Didn't I get those for you as an anniversary present? That was only a month and a half ago. Do you remember ever going to sleep with them on?"  

 

"I put them on two weeks ago when we went out and I haven't taken them out since then..." She murmured, brushing her hair back to show him the earrings. 

 

"So... some time with in the last two weeks... you were taken and photographed in your sleep without knowing it?" It sounded bizarre, yet that seemed to be exactly what happened. 

 

"Are you sure that you didn't do this?" She looked up at him, rather upset. 

 

"I would have remembered, wouldn't I? Taking a picture of your sleeping wife isn't exactly a forgetful moment, especially if it was so recent." He frowned. "Unless I did and something else made me forget." 

 

She stared at him, her heart starting to pound, "You don't mean..." 

 

"I can't say for sure. It's... a possibility." He didn't want to say for sure it was them. He didn't want to admit that the Silence could be interfering with their lives again. 

 

"What if they did something to Arthur?" She looked terrified, "What if they hurt him and I don't remember? Or the girls? We need to go and get the girls, I want them with us." She was jumping to conclusions. 

 

He put his hands over her arms. "Slow down a moment. Just take a breath and let's think this through." He tried to sound comforting. "We don't know it was them for sure. We don't even know who took the picture yet. We would know by now if Arthur was in trouble, the girls, too. They're all safe right now." He glanced at a clock. "Clara will call us soon and I bet she's going to say that we're worrying for nothing. The girls are okay." 

 

She took a breath, trying to relax, "Alright, but we need to figure out who took this and why." 

 

He nodded. "It's not going to be easy. It would be easier if we knew  _ where _ this as taken." He sighed. "Alright. Who, in the last two weeks, had access to you and motivation to do something to you?" 

 

"I don't know. Nobody has had 'access' to me, but there are a lot of people who don't like me." She murmured. 

 

“That's a start. How many of them do you think had motivation to do.. well, whatever it was they did." 

 

"I don't know...I-I can't think right now." 

 

"Why don't I cook you lunch." He suggested. It was getting around that time anyways. She nodded, starting to get up. "Why don't you rest? I can fix lunch." He said. "I can bring it to you." 

 

"I don't..." She stopped herself, about to say she didn't want to be left alone after finding that picture. 

 

"You don't... what? Want to rest?" He guessed. "Well I can't make you stay in bed, but you should take it slow so you don't aggravate your injury." 

 

"No, that's not what I meant. Just go, I'll still be here when you get back." She said, more as a reassurance to herself. 

 

"Alright. What do you want for lunch?" He asked. 

 

"I'm not very hungry, but if we have fruit, I'll have whatever is in the kitchen." She sighed, rubbing her temples. 

  
"Back in a tic." He left to the TARDIS kitchen.


	136. Child of War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She shook her head once more, "They killed our child." She whispered, "That's not beating them."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, wanted to experiment with something happening to the Doctor instead of River. It shall continue on in the next many chapters but here's the start so let me know what you think of that in the comments. Enjoy!
> 
> P.S. lots of telepathic conversations between River and the baby but I remembered italics this time so I hope it's not too confusing.

**Ch 136**

 

River lay back against the headboard, trying to relax, though she felt extremely uneasy. The whole situation had her on edge. 

 

_ Sorry.  _ After a minute, Arthur thought the word to her. 

 

"Why are you sorry, sweetie?" She murmured, her mind was so focused on the picture, she had already forgotten about her rib. 

 

_ I hurt you. _ He seemed to feel guilty about it.  _ Didn't mean to.  _

 

"Oh, Arthur, it's alright. It was an accident." She whispered, rubbing her abdomen softly, trying to let him know it was okay. 

 

_ But you made the sounds! The hurt sounds.  _ He didn't know the words for them, so he echoed the memory of River crying out in pain. 

 

"But I'm all better now. Don't worry, it's okay." 

 

_ You're not better. You're scared. I know you are. _ He thought it was because of him. 

 

"It's not because of you, it's because of something else. You did nothing wrong, Arthur, just try to be gentler with Mummy from now on, that's all." 

 

_ It's cramped in here. I didn't mean to, just wanted to stretch.  _ He paused.  _ What something else?  _

 

"I know there isn't much room, my love, I'm sorry. Just rest, don't worry about anything else."  

 

He turned slowly so his feet weren't near her ribs and stretched his foot out gently.  _ Daddy?  _

 

"He went to go get Mummy lunch, he'll be right back. Do you want to talk to him?" 

 

_ Want him here.  _ He thought of the Doctor's hand, then River's hand, then the little hands accompanied by the high voices.  _ Sisters?  _

 

"They're at school right now, sweetheart. They won't be home for another few hours." She murmured, tracing small circles around where Arthur was resting. 

 

_ What's school?  _ He wondered. 

 

"It's a place you go to learn new things while you're growing up." She answered, smiling at his fluttering movements. 

 

_ Are there lots of sisters there?  _

 

"Well, not really, sweetie. You only have two sisters, but there will be lots of little girls there, which is what your sisters are right now." 

 

He imagined many little hands and many voices of school children. He thought of his parents' hands again, followed by Vastra's and Clara's. It was sometimes a little game he played with himself: match the hands and voices to each other. He often let River in so she could correct him if he got one wrong. His closer family wasn't a challenge for him, and he easily matched up River and the Doctor's voices to their hands. Vastra's voice came as a muffed Victorian one, and Clara's as a more modern London accent, both followed by the feeling of affection. Next came the three-fingered hand of Strax whom Arthur found to be funny and he hesitated a moment before finding the right voice for the Sontaran. That reminded him of a different, much larger three-fingered hand which matched to an ominous and scratchy voice. He didn't like this one and went right along to different, more cheerful ones. 

 

River let herself see his thoughts, but when she heard the voice that Arthur didn't like, her heart stopped and she nearly screamed. She fell out of bed, scrambling to the door. 

 

_ Mummy! _ He was started by the sudden jolt, kicking out half in surprise and half to steady himself. 

 

She ran to the kitchen, shouting as she passed by the door, "We have to get the girls!" 

 

The Doctor fumbled with the food in his hand, just as startled as Arthur was. He abandoned the plate he had been preparing and followed after her, trying to see what she'd gotten worked up about. "Wh-what? Why?? What happened?" 

 

"Arthur… he was playing that voice game he likes to do and..." She swallowed, fighting back the tears and worry, "He remembered a voice, and he felt a hand. It's..." She shook her head, leaving him to put the pieces together as she ran for the console room, wanting to be with the girls as soon as possible. 

 

He stood there for a moment until it clicked what she was saying. He immediately ran after her and joined her in piloting the TARDIS. No sooner did he pull a lever then the phone rang. 

 

"Clara?!" River grabbed the phone, voice shaking and urgent. 

 

"Er... Yeah." She replied. "I know you're knew at the whole having your kids at school thing, but you sound way too worried." 

 

"Where are they? We need to come get them, now." She paced as the TARDIS flew to the school. 

 

"They're eating lunch with their new friends. School isn't over yet, what's going on?" Her voice gained a worried edge.

 

"We're coming now, get them for us, please." She hung up, ignoring Clara's questions and running through the doors. 

 

The school grounds looked no different from that morning. It was a bit warmer, but that was due to the sun in the clear sky. The Doctor followed her, staying close and alert. River ran into the school, not relaxing until Clara had brought the girls to her, safe and confused. 

 

"You've got to talk to the headmaster if you're taking them out early. She's cross with me for doing this." Clara said. "What's going on? Really, please just tell me." 

 

River was too upset to speak, pulling the girls into her arms and holding them close. "Something's... come up. We could be in danger." The Doctor answered her quietly. 

 

River looked up at Clara, already pulling the girls towards the door, "Can you tell the headmistress we had a family emergency?" 

 

Clara nodded worriedly. Sometimes asking questions was the logical and useful thing to do, but other times, as she'd learned from the Doctor, it was the secrets that kept them safe. "Yes, I'll tell her." 

 

She nodded in thanks, leading the girls back to the TARDIS. 

 

"Mummy, why did we leave so soon? I was starting to like it and Matty was really nice." Freya pouted. 

 

"I'm sorry, sweetheart, but we needed to come get you. Don't worry about why, but we'll talk about your day in a minute, as soon as we get Auntie Vastra and Uncle Jack." River murmured going back to the console, thinking that they would need friend's help. 

 

They seemed to cheer up at getting to see their Auntie and Uncle. "Can I finish my lunch?" 

 

She nodded, "But I want you to eat right here, where I can see you." She glanced up at the Doctor as he piloted to Vastra’s house. 

 

"Are we still gonna get to tell Granddad and Grandmummy about school?" They sat on the console floor and fished the paper bags that contained their lunches out of their backpacks. 

 

"Maybe not today, my loves." She smiled, going to the doors and opening them up to get Vastra. 

 

"Aw! But Mummy, why not?" They complained.

 

Vastra unquestioningly walked in, though was surprised that this wasn't the surprise baby shower. "...Is everything alright?" She asked.

 

River shook her head, sitting down on the jump seat, needing a minute to sit after all the running around. 

 

Vastra went to sit next to her, looking around for a clue to what was going on. "Has something happened?" 

 

The Doctor took care of getting Jack. 

 

River explained to her what happened, keeping her voice low so the girls wouldn't hear. She hadn't realized that she was trembling, her mind continuing to think that this was the start of history repeating itself. She couldn't handle her family being threatened by the Silence again, her life being threatened, or possibly losing another baby.

 

Vastra had her arm around her. "Do you know if they've done anything to you?" 

 

She shook her head, putting her head in her hands, "What if they hurt my baby? What if they did something and I just can't remember?" 

 

"Wouldn't there be evidence? Wouldn't you know now?" She reasoned. 

 

"I don't know." River whispered, "I suppose so, but… I don't want to lose him." She choked. 

 

She pulled her friend into her embrace and hugged her tightly. "I know. None of us want that, but we'll be here this time. We'll do everything we can do to help you." 

 

She nodded, letting out a shuddering sigh. 

 

The Doctor approached her. After informing Jack of the situation, he'd been listening in some on their conversation. "River, would it make you feel better if we scanned you?" 

 

She looked up at him nodded, "I think that would help." She whispered. 

 

"Full body scan: River Song." He said softly, taking her hands and kissing her forehead. She stood up, pressing her forehead to his, trying to relax. 

 

The console scanner beeped a moment later, and Vastra got up to swing it around for their viewing. 

 

He kept hold of one of her hands as the data moved across the screen. He frowned slightly. He reached his free hand up to toggle with the switches before the information froze with a few pieces highlighted. 

 

"What is that?" She whispered, looking up at him, "Why are you frowning?" 

 

"They've scanned you." He said almost automatically. He was too deep in thought to realize his mouth was moving. "They scanned your whole body then went back and scanned your brain." 

 

"What?" She stared at him, horrified. 

 

He didn't repeat himself, hardly aware that she had spoken. "Why would they scan you? Do they want you for something more?" He blinked, seeming to snap back to reality. "That's why they left the picture..." 

 

"Doctor!" She nearly shouted, "What are you talking about?" 

 

The girls snapped their heads up to look at their parents. Jack went to occupy them so they wouldn't listen in on the adult conversation. 

 

"It's a warning, I think. The picture I mean. A scare tactic. They want us to know that they still have power over us, power that we can't stop, and that they intend to use it in some way." 

 

River fell back onto the seat, putting her head in her hands, shaking her head. "No....no,  they're gone." 

 

Vastra and the Doctor sat on either side of her, the former rubbing her back soothingly. "I wish that were true, but it's not. Not anymore. Look at me, River." He tried to lift her chin up. She shook her head, tears forming in her eyes. "We've beat them before." He told her. "We can beat them again, together." 

 

She shook her head once more, "They killed our child." She whispered, "That's not beating them." 

 

"No, but you killed Kovarain and that is. You've over come their training, you defied their orders and changed time. You became braver and stronger than them, and that my love  _ is  _ beating them." He reassured. 

 

"I can't go through this again." She choked, "Not with everything else that's going on." 

 

He nodded slowly, that answering a question in the back of his mind: To run or fight? It was clear to him that River didn't want to fight. "What are we going to do about the school?" 

 

"I don't know. Everything is ruined now." She hid her face in her hands once more, not wanting them to see her cry. He pulled her into his arms and held her. 

 

Jack couldn't stop Freya and Amelia from noticing the their mother was crying. They jumped to their feet and ran over to her. "Mummy what's wrong?" 

 

Vastra stood, starting to usher the girls away, "I think your Mummy needs a bit of space, girls. Everything's alright, let's go play over here." 

 

"But's she's crying!" They protested. "We have to give her hugs and kisses and make her feel better like she does when we cry." 

 

"Your Father is taking care of it. Come now, let's go play with Jack." 

 

They hesitated, but eventually gave in and allowed her to brush them away. 

 

"Why have they been scanning me?" River whispered, "What are they looking for?" 

 

"I don't know yet." He admitted. "They didn't leave anything, no tech, to alterations to you. Just the scan."

 

"What about Arthur? Did they scan him? Maybe we should do an ultrasound, I want to see him." 

 

He nodded, not questioning her instinct. He knew it would make her feel a bit better to see him. He stood and offered a hand. "...How did Arthur know what a Silent's hand was shaped like?"

 

"He felt it." She whispered, "They put their hands on me." She looked at him, beyond scared. 

 

He felt angry that and guilty that they had waltzed in and done such thing. Even if she wasn't hurt, he felt like he should have been able to protect her. "You said he heard the voice, too. What did it say?" 

 

"I don't know." She murmured, "Arthur doesn't always remember exactly what people say, just the general tone and of their voice." 

 

"Can you ask him?" He didn't particularly want to make him relive the memory, but if there was something that could help them, then he needed to know. They started walking to the medbay.

 

"Arthur?" River whispered, "Sweetie, do you remember what the thing with three fingers said?" She filled her mind with warm thoughts, hoping it would ease his fright. 

 

The baby hesitated, thinking of Strax's hand and his voice saying 'offspring' and a disgruntled tone.

 

"No, sweetie, the other one." 

 

He paused before realizing that she meant the scary hand. He started to panic, thinking that it had come back. 

 

She tried to calm him, "It's alright, Arthur. Mumma's right here, nobody's going to hurt you. It's just you me and Daddy right here." She took the Doctor's hand and put it on her belly, hoping it would calm the baby. 

 

He kicked against it to test that it was indeed the shape of his father's hand. He calmed more _. You want to know the scary hand's words… ? Do you not remember?  _

 

"No, sweetie, I don't. Could you tell me?" 

 

He was quiet for a moment as he pulled together the entire memory, but was again hesitant to share it. He didn't like to think about it and he was afraid it might make his mummy scared again. 

 

"Come on, my love, please tell me?" She whispered. 

 

He eventually gave in and somewhat shoved the memory to her so he could get it over with and lock it away again.

 

_ River and the Doctor had told him a story before they went to sleep. Arthur could feel River's mind drift into dreaming. He wanted to do the same and have a dream. Dreams were fun, but Bigger mummy suddenly was yelling. She was far away, but he could feeling her trying to wake River. Mummy stayed asleep and he waited as Bigger mummy's yelling turned into a warning. They weren't alone. He tried to wake Mummy as well, but something was keeping her asleep. He kicked and something pushed back but it wasn't River. It was the scary hand.  _

 

_ He then felt River jolt awake. Her muffled yelp was barely audible, but he felt every part of her mind scream for help. He wanted to help so he kicked at the scary hand.  _

 

_ "Sleep now." He didn't like that voice and neither did River. The mental screams of both his mummy's faded away as River was forced back into sleep, taking him with her.  _

 

Arthur indicated that there had been time passing before resuming. 

 

_ He woke and tried to wake River again with kicking and their mental connection. When River finally woke, she tried to scream again, but something was over her mouth. Confusion mixed with the fear, though is was unclear if those emotions were from him or Mummy. He could hear her thoughts: 'Where am I' and 'What's going on' were most common. ‘Where are the girls? Are they safe? Please let them be safe.’ _

 

_ Soon the scary hand came back and River was mentally screaming again as well as trying to physically do so. 'Get away! Don't touch me! No, no! Stop!'  _

 

_ He could feel her struggle but get nowhere, her hands and feet were bound. River's thoughts were stunned into a silence, but not sleep as she must have seen something. 'Doctor?... No... what have they done to you?' She struggled more. Arthur had never felt her this scared or this helpless.  _

 

_ "Forget!" The scary hand's voice was too close for comfort. He heard a clattering of something dropping and a thud of  _ someone  _ dropping. River's thoughts only repeated: pleas for help, pleas for her Doctor and children, and more fear.  _

 

_ It faded away again and everything was still but the scary hand. He felt a tingle and then the hand feeling around. He thrashed, not liking being poked and hating that this thing could make River so afraid. "The line shall be broken. They shall be erased."  _

 

Arthur became too panicked at this point to finish, withdrawing his mind. 

 

River stood in stunned silence, "They did something to you..." She whispered. 

 

"Me?" The Doctor looked surprise. 

 

They had made it to the medbay, but River had been so wrapped in whatever Arthur was showing her that he didn't bother to pull her out of her trance. "Yes, you." She breathed, "I don't know what, but they did something. And it said, 'The line shall be broken. They shall be erased.' What does that mean?" 

 

"They could mean line of people, like a blood line." He swallowed. 

 

She closed her eyes, having had the same thought, but hoping it wasn't what they meant. "We need to scan you as well." 

 

He nodded and ordered for the scan on himself then took a breath. "Ultrasound next?" 

 

"After we get your results." She whispered. As much as she hated to admit it, she wasn't going to fully entrust her safety and their baby's safety with him until she knew there was nothing wrong with him and that the Doctor was actually the Doctor. 

 

"Right." They waited a moment for the scanner to beep. He took it and went to sit next to her so she could see the results as well. 

 

She tensed when he sat beside her, looking down at the results. Shock eventually spear over his featured. "...Mind control." 

 

She stood, backing a few feet away from him, "What does that mean?" 

 

"When they took you, they must have taken me to and used me... for something. Taking the picture probably." He didn't try to approach her, knowing why she wasn't completely trusting at the moment. 

 

"How do I know you're not lying to me? They did something to you that I could clearly see. I wouldn't have been able to see you taking the picture because I was asleep then." She was panicking, wanting more than anything to be able to just trust him, but she couldn't, she couldn't risk it. It broke her heart that she no longer felt comfortable even standing near the man she loved.

 

"You're right." In all honesty, he wasn't even sure he trusted himself. He had no idea what the Silence might have had him do or if he was still under their control. Hurting River was the last thing he wanted. "Here." He slid the scanner across the floor so she could read the results herself.

 

She read over the results, sinking down on a cot across the room, letting her hair fall into her face so he wouldn't see how upset she was. 

 

He fidgeted a bit awkwardly with his hands. "...Did I miss something?" 

 

"No..." She murmured, "But there isn't much to miss." 

 

He would have offered her a hug or kiss if he didn't know any better. "I suppose you want Vastra doing the ultrasound?" 

 

"That would be appreciated, yes." Her voice broke, and she quickly looked to the floor. 

 

"It's okay, River." He said softly. "I understand. I'll go get her." 

  
Once he was gone, she buried her face in her hands and started crying again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also I /finally/ got my Diary of River Song audio book and I'm over the moon about it!


	137. A Date with Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He sighed through the phone. "He keeps having, I don't know... ‘episodes’. He tried to attack me when I started the tests and only calmed when I got him into restrains but started thrashing again when I mentioned your name. He's in the Weevil cages right now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not the most heartwarming of chapters, but enjoy and comment please!

**Ch 137**

 

Vastra came in soon enough to catch her sniffling. "River...?" River had tried to pull herself together before Vastra arrived, though her eyes were sad and dull. Vastra wasn't sure if there were new reasons behind her tears. "The Doctor told me to do an ultrasound on you... why isn't he?" 

 

River explained to her what happened, struggling to make it through without wavering, "All I want is to be with him right now, but I can't, because I don't know if I can trust him." 

 

"Do you think they still have a hold on him?" She asked, setting up the machine. 

 

"It's possible." She whispered, squeezing her eyes shut, "He should be here." 

 

"We can call him back if it makes  you feel any better." Vastra said, "But hesitation to trust is reason for no trust at all. Lie back." 

 

She hesitated, then lay back, pressing her lips together. 

 

Vastra lifted River’s shirt, put the blue gel on her skin, and started probing around. "I just mean that your instinct is what you should trust right now. It's telling you that there is danger that you need to protect yourself and your child from. Even if it's hard to do so, even if it means that you can't be near your husband." 

 

River’s bottom lip trembled until she bit down on it, looking up at the screen so she could see the baby. She struggled not to cry once more when she felt his sleepy request for the Doctor. 

 

"He looks perfectly fine." She informed her. "I don't think the Silence has done anything." She froze the image and turned to River. "Would you like me to stay?" 

 

"You don't have to." She murmured, sitting up slowly and printing the picture on the screen. "Could you give this to the Doctor for me?" She asked quietly. 

 

Vastra nodded. "You shouldn't be alone right now." Not because of the danger, but because she had a feeling River needed company. 

 

"I'm never really alone anymore." She pointed out, "I have Arthur." 

 

"Alright." She took the picture and headed towards the door. "We're just a room away if you need anything." 

 

River smiled weakly and nodded, "If the Doctor wants to come in..." She stopped, sighing. 

 

"Shall I send for him?" Vastra asked, not sure how she was going to end that sentence. 

 

She nodded, "I want to talk to him."

 

Vastra smiled gently and nodded again before leaving. 

 

Arthur kicked and asked for Daddy again. 

 

"He's coming, sweetie." River whispered. 

 

_ Is the Scary Hand going to come back?  _ He asked, thinking that might be why River was feeling uneasy. 

 

"No, my love. Don't worry, you're safe." She wasn't sure if that was true, but she hoped it was. 

 

A moment later the Doctor entered. He had the sonogram picture tucked neatly into his breast pocket. "Vastra said you wanted to talk to me." He said, making sure to stay on his side of the room lest something were to happen. 

 

She nodded, standing and moving to hug him out of instinct, stopping short when she remembered. "What are we going to do now?" 

 

"Well... we know that you and the kids haven't been touched. I guess we try to look further into what they did to me and see if it's still in effect." He kept his eyes on the floor. "If it is, you need to take the kids and stay as far away as you can until I can fix it."  

 

"I love you." She whispered, unable to really look at him without getting upset. 

 

He forced his gaze from the floor and smiled weakly at her. "I love you, too." He wanted desperately to at least be able to go with in a few feet of her. He didn't trust himself to do so, though.

 

She looked up at him, "Can we just..." She took a step forward, "Can I hug you one last time?" 

 

"Of course." He nodded quickly, though something in her words made him frown. "But it won't be the last time. I'll make sure it's not." 

 

"But what if it is?" Her voice trembled, "What if they still have you and you can't fix it before I have the baby and..." She trailed off, covering her face with her hand. 

 

He didn't stop himself from pulling her to his chest and holding her tightly. She hugged him as tightly as she could, never wanting to let go. He buried his face in her curls. "I promise you, I'm going to do everything I can. Jack agreed to do more testing on me at the hub. You should be with the girls." 

 

She nodded, leaning in to kiss him, "I'll keep them safe, I promise." He nodded, not thinking he had the willpower to pull away just yet. "Keep yourself safe." She murmured, nuzzling his chest. 

 

"You too. Don't forget your medication in the morning." He reminded, more for his own comfort. 

 

"I won't." She smiled weakly, "Arthur will miss you, he's already been asking for you." 

 

He finally, though slowly pulled away from her. He sniffed a bit, not realizing that he was tearing up a little. He kneeled down and pressed a kiss to her middle. "I'm going to miss you, too, sweetheart."  

 

Arthur kicked, wondering what was happening, "We're not going to see Daddy for a little while." River whispered. 

 

He stood, kissing her again, brushing him thumbs across her cheeks. "I'm so sorry." 

 

"It's not your fault." She whispered, a few tears rolling down her cheeks. 

 

He brushed the tears from her skin, relishing how in felt under his fingers. He took in her face as if it was the last time he would see her. "I'm going to be in the hub." 

 

"I'll walk you out." She whispered, taking his hand tightly. 

 

Jack was waiting by the door for him once they got to the console room. The girls were with him, vaguely informed of the situation and looking not at all happy about it.

 

The Doctor had a pit in his stomach. Half was from having to leave his family, but he wasn't sure what the other part of it was. 

 

"If you find nothing wrong I want you to come right back to me and we'll figure things out together." River whispered. 

 

He nodded. "Cross my hearts." 

 

She nodded, reluctantly letting him go and letting the girls say goodbye. They hugged his legs and he kissed the tops of their heads. "I'll see you soon." 

 

"I don't want you to go away." Freya whimpered. 

 

"Don't worry lovie. I'll be back before you can say 'where's daddy gone?'. " He tried to look assuring. "Mummy will take care of you." Amelia was crying as she hugged him, tears wetting his shirt. He crouched down and pulled her into his arms. "Sh, sh, it's okay. It'll be okay." 

 

"Stay here." She cried, wiping her nose on the back of her hand. 

 

"I'm sorry, I can’t. It's not safe if I do." He stood, knowing he would be tempted to stay if he didn't leave now. 

 

"Are you going to come back?" 

 

"Yes, of course I will. I always come back." He drew an X over each of his hearts again. 

 

River came over, gently taking Amelia from his arms. He waved as Jack escorted him out. If things went well, he could be back in his wife's arms by the end of the night, but things hardly went so smooth went in came to them. 

 

River sighed, rocking the crying girl in her arms, looking up at Vastra, "Will you stay with us?" 

 

"For as long as you like." She nodded, crouching down to comfort the other one. Even Arthur was sad, wanting the Doctor and not whatever was squishing him at the moment. 

 

"Why does he have to go?" Amelia cried. "What does he mean we won't be safe?"

 

River kissed the side of her head, "Because there are some people that are trying to hurt us, but we're going to keep you safe. Daddy had to go because he had to do some things to protect us." 

 

"Who!? Who's trying to get us?" She looked up at her, eyes wide. 

 

"Don't worry about it. How about we go watch a movie or have ice cream?" 

 

"But why can't he protect us from here?" She whimpered. 

 

"We're going to go watch a movie!" River declared, ignoring the question and carrying Amelia down the hall. She curled into River's warmth, understanding a bit that she should stop asking, but also being too distraught to talk anymore. 

 

"What movie?" Freya asked. 

 

"Well that depends, what movie do you want to watch?" 

 

"A happy one." She murmured. 

 

"How about we watch  _ The Princess Bride _ , hmm?" She offered, giving Amelia another kiss. 

 

Freya nodded and Amelia was too tired to protest. River brought them to the room where they watched all their movies, getting them both some blankets and water from the fridge in the back of the room. The girls’ stuffies were waiting for them as well. 

 

Eyes red, they curled up among the blankets and held their stuffed animals close. "I promised Matty I'd sit with her at lunch tomorrow." 

 

"Don't worry about that, I'm sure she'll understand that you couldn't come in." River whispered giving Vastra a blanket before getting one of her own, setting up the movie. 

 

"How long until we can go back to school?" 

 

"I don't know, my love. Hopefully not too long. How about you tell me about your day." She stopped what she was doing, thinking maybe it was best if they talked instead of watching the movie. 

 

"We had assigned seats so I did what Daddy said to do to make friends." Freya said. "Matty was at our table and so was Liem." 

 

She smiled, "I'm glad you made some friends." 

 

"We told them about Mr. Thomas and Samantha and Tiber. They like cat's too. They wanted to meet them." This seemed to remind her of something. "I was gonna ask if they could come over this weekend." 

 

"Well, when you go back to school you can invite them over." 

 

Amelia crawled onto River's lap, resting her head against her chest and sucking on her thumb. Freya nodded. "We told them about our little brother. Can I bring him in for show and tell?" 

 

"Well, you can't bring him in just yet." River laughed weakly, "But you can bring in an ultrasound picture if you want." 

 

This satisfied her. "The bad people were going to get us at school, weren't they?" Amelia asked. 

 

"I don't think so, but we took you home just in case." She stroked her hair, feeling Arthur pushing against Amelia's weight. 

 

"Are we going to have to sleep in the TARDIS tonight?" 

 

"Yes, we are, sweetie." She whispered, "And we're going to sleep together." 

 

"I wanna bring my blankie and stuffies." She insisted. "Is Auntie Vastra staying too?"

 

"Yes, she is." River nodded, "How about you try to go to sleep while we watch the movie? You have your stuffies and a blanket. So, let's watch the movie and go to sleep, yeah?" The girls nodded tiredly and Vastra got up to press the play button.

 

About an hour into the movie the girls were fast asleep. By the end of it, the Doctor and Jack had not returned. 

 

"Would you like help getting them to bed?" Vastra offered. 

 

"Of course, but I'm going to go call Jack first and see how things are going if you don't mind." River stood. 

 

Vastra nodded quietly. "I hope he's alright." 

 

"Me too." She whispered, walking out of the room and calling the hub. 

 

The phone rang for a long time before Jack picked it up. He sounded tired. "Hello?" 

 

"Jack, what's going on?" River asked, getting straight to the point. 

 

"They have still have control over his mind that they can activate at any given moment." He replied darkly, trying to be as detailed as he could. 

 

She swallowed, "Is there anything you can do to fix it?" 

 

"I don't know." He sighed through the phone. "He keeps having, I don't know... ‘episodes’. He tried to attack me when I started the tests and only calmed when I got him into restrains but started thrashing again when I mentioned your name. He's in the Weevil cages right now." 

 

She nodded, "Could...umm, could I come in and look at the scans?" 

 

"Yeah, I could use some help with this. I can't really ask the Doctor about it because I wouldn't know if he was lying or not." There was frustration in his tone. "You're the only one as brilliant as he is." 

 

"I'll be right there." She hung up the phone, going to bring the girls into her bedroom and then going to the hub.

 

Jack was waiting in the main part, files of data and research spread out in front of him. He was looking over it as a banging came from down the hall. He remained unfazed. 

 

She walked up beside him, flinching slightly at the sound of the banging, "What do you have so far?" 

 

"Close to nothing." He frowned. "I pulled all of Tosh's old research and some recent medical papers. There's nothing in his head, no  _ physical _ device so they must have found some way to alter his frontal lobe, which so far isn’t anything I can trace." He huffed, feeling like he wasn't getting anywhere. "Do you know any method of mind control they might be using?" She might have a better idea about this than him. 

 

"Well, the most basic thing they could have done was simply told him what to do. When you look at the Silence and they give you a command, it's basically a form of hypnotism and you're forced to obey." She explained, "Have you found out his plan? It may help us figure out if we're dealing with just the Silence, or possibly the Silence and another person, mainly Missy," 

 

"He just gets really violent." The banging came again. "Point in case. I thought you got rid of her." 

 

She frowned, "We did, but she may have come back. Can I speak with him? He's locked up, yes?" 

 

"Yeah. I took his sonic and things away so he can't do anything." He pointed. "Last cell down the hall to your right." 

 

She walked down the hall, turning and coming face to face with the cell. The Doctor was sitting there, resting his head in his hands. He seemed to be in his right mind for the moment. 

 

"I already told you, Jack." He said, not looking up. "I don't need a glass of water or a biscuit or a pillow. I just need you to fix me." 

 

"It's not Jack, it's me." She whispered, stepping closer to the cage, as he seemed alright. 

 

His head shot up and he stared at her. "River!" He stood and pressed his palm to the clear wall separating them. "What are you doing here?" 

 

She pressed her palm opposite his, "I came to help Jack." 

 

"Have you found anything yet?" He looked a tad hopeful. 

 

"No, sweetie, not yet, but we're working on it." She couldn't ask the questions she needed now, she had to do it during his episodes or else it wouldn't be clear if the answers were coming from him or the mind control. 

 

"What about the girls? How are they?" 

 

"Amelia and Freya are fine." She murmured, "don't worry about them." 

 

"They're my daughters, I'm always worried about them. I'me worried about all of you. What if we missed something, River? What if-" His mouth shut on it's own accord and he raised his fist, smashing it against where he hand was on the wall. It's didn't do anything of course, the cell being designed for such attempts of escape. 

 

She jumped. "Doctor?" 

 

He didn't answer, raising his other fist to join in on the banging. He shouted as the slammed his fists again and again, sounding more like an enraged animal. 

 

"What are you trying to do?" She demanded, hoping this would give her some insight as to what was happening to him. 

 

He stilled his hands and cocked his head at her as if examining her for a weak point. He roughly scratched his nails down the wall and bared his teeth. "End. Song." He hissed. 

 

"How?" She asked, watching him with a dead cold look. This man was not her husband, and she was furious with whoever was doing this to him. 

 

"End! Song!" It repeated, only shouting this time. It kicked the wall as hard as it could and there was a snap, but no reaction from the thing. 

 

"What about the girls? Are you going to end them too?" 

 

"Correct. The line must-" He suddenly went completely stiff, harboring a blank look for a moment before falling to his knees, head in his hands. 

 

"Sweetie?" River murmured, expression softening. 

 

He was rocking himself slightly. "Sorry, so sorry, so sorry." He muttered. 

 

She sank to her knees as well, pressing her palm to the glass, "No, no, Doctor, it's not really you. It's alright." 

 

"I would have hurt you if I wasn't in here." He said shakily. "I could have killed you." 

 

"Don't worry, I wouldn't have let you do that." She smiled weakly, "Do you not believe that I could fend you off?" She teased, trying to make him feel better. 

 

He managed a weak smile, grimacing as he finally acknowledged the pain from his sore hands and throbbing foot. 

 

"I'll get Jack to bring you something to help your hands and feet." She murmured, it was getting harder and harder to not cry. 

 

"No." He scrubbed his hand over his face. "I don't need anything." 

 

"Yes, you do. Don't be ridiculous." She sighed. 

 

"Fine." He buckled, finally putting his hand up to hers. 

 

She looked up at him, her heart breaking at the thought of having to leave him. "I'm sorry." She whispered, voice breaking. 

 

"It's alright..." He murmured. He seemed exhausted. "As long as you stay on that side of the wall." 

 

"I should go back to Jack. You should try to get some sleep." 

 

He shook his head. "It takes over if I'm unconscious." 

 

She nodded, heart sinking, "We're going to figure this out, I promise." 

 

"This would be loads easier if you just came in here." He sneered. "It would save us all the trouble." 

 

Her expression changed again, hardening, "So you can kill me? And then what will you do once I'm gone?" 

 

Her question was met by silence and a rather ill-intended smirk. "Wouldn't you love to know." 

 

"Are you going to go find Missy? Go and be with her once you're finished with me? I'm sure she'd love that?" She pressed. 

 

"How delicious jealously looks on you." It said, going around her questions. "Tell me, would it make you mad if I did go to this Missy woman?" 

 

"Oh it would drive me to pieces." She said sarcastically, glowering at him. 

 

"You never accepted my invitation in here. How rude of you." It seemed to enjoy the shameless teasing. 

 

"I've got a few errands to run before I die, thank you very much. But maybe later, I'll check my schedule to see if I'm free." 

 

"Why don't you bring your childr-" He again stiffened before curling in on himself to hide his face. 

  
She sighed, "I'll be back." He remained silent.


	138. Better Off as Lovers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He shook his head. "No. No regulation. But I think you were right before, about them being able to control him without implanting an electrical device I mean." He pointed to a diagram. "They'd only be able to do that if there was an external device somewhere."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should I warn you that there's a cliff hanger? Enjoy and don't forget to comment!

**Ch 138**

 

River walked back to the main room, rubbing her temples and sighing. 

 

"Well?" Jack looked up at her. 

 

She shook her head, "I couldn't get anything out of him, nothing useful at least." 

 

"That's why I'm up here with something a bit more cooperative." He held up the current paper he was reading. "This one is saying that you can hack people's minds though implanting electrodes. Do you think there's a future method that involves no devices?" 

 

"It's possible. I'm not exactly aware of it, but I'm sure there is." She murmured, reading over the paper. She sat down in a chair, closing her eyes for a moment. 

 

"Well that’s a second possibility." He added it to the list he was compiling. "You alright? Do you want a coffee or something?" 

 

She shook her head, "I'm fine, I don't need anything." 

 

"You need sleep." He insisted. "It's getting late." 

 

"I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight." She whispered. 

 

He didn't bother to ask whether it was because she was too worried or because the Doctor wouldn't be by her side. "You're welcome to stay here and help out or just rest on the couch. Tell me if you change your mind about the coffee. I've got tea, too." 

 

She closed her eyes once more, "Thank you, but I should stay with the girls tonight. They're scared and I don't know if Vastra will be able to keep them calm if they wake up in the middle of the night." 

 

He nodded. "My offer stays open." 

 

"I should go back, but I'll come back in the morning." She whispered. 

 

"I'll be here." He sighed then looked up at her. "Hey River?” 

 

She hummed turning back to look at him. 

 

"I'm... sorry." He spoke quietly. 

 

"For what?" 

 

"Everything. About what's happening to you and your family, about what I said about Amelia. I didn't mean that. I was just upset." 

 

"It's fine." She murmured, "I shouldn't have held it against you for so long." 

 

He smiled weakly. "With the Doctor like this and the Silence on your tail, I just wanted you to know that I'm on your side." 

 

She nodded, "Thank you." 

 

"Now, off you go. You've got two little girls who need your comforting, remember?" He gave her a little salute. 

 

"A baby too, don't forget." She sighed, looking rather tired, "I'll see you tomorrow." 

 

"Give them my love will you?" 

 

"Of course." With that she went back to the TARDIS. 

 

Vastra had taken the girls into River’s room and was reading them. They were curled up against her side, refusing to let their eyes droop until their mummy came back. 

 

River came into the room looking as happy as she could manage, "What are you two still doing awake?" 

 

"We had to make sure you came back." Amelia said. 

 

"Of course I came back." She smiled weakly, sitting on the bed beside her. 

 

The girl shifted out of her covers tiredly and made to hug her mum. River hugged her tightly, kissing her head. 

 

"Is daddy coming home yet?" She asked. 

 

"No, sweetie, not just yet. He has to stay with Uncle Jack for a bit." 

 

"You're not gonna have to go away too, are you?" Freya panicked. 

 

"No, my love. I won't." She smiled at her. 

 

"Good." She relaxed and yawned. "Will you sing us a bedtime song?" 

 

She sighed, "Not tonight, sweetie, I'm too tired." Arthur kicked against Amelia. 

 

"Oh." She looked down. "Okay." 

 

"I'm sorry, sweetheart." River whispered, closing her eyes. Amelia hugged her mum tighter, starting to fall asleep in her arms. 

 

She looked at Vastra, looking exhausted. "Alright, little ones. Say goodnight to your mother. It's time to sleep." 

 

Freya leaned over to kiss River and then her belly. "Goodnight, little brother." She whispered. "Goodnight, Mummy." 

 

"Goodnight, sweetie." River whispered back. They gave her one last hug before curling into their blankets. 

 

Vastra helped River stand up. "How is he?" 

 

"They still have control over him." She whispered, "He's been having episodes where he's just a completely different person." 

 

"That's terrible." Vastra sympathetically put a hand on her shoulder. "Are you going to rest?" 

 

She shook her head, "I can't..." She lead them out of the room, not wanting one of them to wake and over hear them. 

 

"Why, may I ask?" 

 

"We haven't really been without each other for six years, excluding the week with Kovarian and my expeditions, but..." She sighed, "I'm too worried about him." 

 

"I understand." She nodded. "But, I would recommend that you try. It isn't healthy for you or your son." 

 

"But what if they come again? What if something happens to the Doctor and I'm not awake?" River looked up at her with teary eyes. 

 

"If you'd like me to watch over him for the night, I'd be more than happy to do that for you." She offered, hoping it would make her feel better. 

 

She shook her head, "No, Jack is doing that." 

 

"Is there anything I can do?" Obviously she couldn't take away River's worry, but she'd willingly do anything to lessen it. 

 

She shook her head, "I don't know..." 

 

"How about I make some tea." 

 

"That would be nice." 

 

Vastra nodded and headed to the kitchen, gesturing for River to follow. She followed behind, glancing back at the girls for a moment. 

 

Samantha padded into their room to sleep and Tiber came from a different room to follow River. She scooped Tiber up, carrying him with her. 

 

Vastra put the kettle on and got out two large mugs for them. "How soon do you think this will be over?" 

 

"I don't know. We have to figure out what's going on first." River sighed. 

 

"But, it is likely the Silence, yes?" She clarified. 

 

"Yes, it's them most likely." 

 

"I am sorry to say that running won't do much good against them." She sat at the table while she waited for the water to boil. "If it comes down to it, you have my sword." 

 

"I don't know what to do..." She whispered. 

 

"This is not something to be solved over night. You need not to worry yourself with how things will go in the grand scheme, for now you should take it one step at a time. Plan and organize... start with taking care of your family." She advised, trying to think of what would be most comforting to hear at the moment. "Let Jack research and see where we are in the morning."  

 

River sighed and nodded, putting her head in her hands. 

 

"One step at a time..." She murmured. 

 

The kettle boiled and Tiber nuzzled against River. Vastra got up and prepared both mugs of tea, bringing them back over and offering one to her friend. 

 

She took it, sitting back in the chair. "Thank you." 

 

"Do you want anything to eat?" 

 

"I'm fine." She murmured, staring at the floor. 

 

"Are you going to help Jack tonight?" She asked. 

 

"No, I have to be here with the girls tonight." 

 

She nodded as Arthur kicked again. River sighed, putting a hand to her belly. 

 

_ Daddy? Want daddy. I want a story.  _

 

"Daddy's not here, my love." River whispered, stroking her side, "I'm sorry." 

 

_ But I want a story! _ The Doctor was generally the one to tell him stories. 

 

She pressed her lips together, muffling her small sob, "Arthur, he's not here to tell you a story right now. He's gone away for a bit.” 

 

_ Than you tell me one. Please? _

 

"Not tonight, Arthur." She stood up, "Excuse me for a moment." 

 

Vastra nodded.  _ But why not? Please? _

 

"Mumma can't think of a story tonight." She left the room, going to stand out in the hall. Tiber followed her out, and Arthur kicked unhappily. 

 

_ You're sad again.  _

 

She sank down to the floor, her head pressed against the wall, "I miss your Father, that's all..." She murmured. 

 

_ Where'd he go?  _ He asked, not really understanding fully the situation. 

 

"He had to go away to keep us safe." She explained, unable to keep the tears from falling now that she was finally alone, or at least where nobody would see. 

 

_ But isn't that a good thing.  _ This confused him.  _ Shouldn't that make you happy? _

 

"It makes me happy that he is protecting us, but I miss him very much." She whispered. 

 

Arthur hesitated before trying to imitate the Doctor's voice in his head, thinking it would make her feel better. 

 

"Arthur, my love, what are you doing?" She managed a small smile. 

 

_ You miss Daddy. Here's Daddy!  _ He thought affectionately, sending her another memory of his voice. River fell silent, closing her eyes and resting her head against the wall, listening to the memories. 

 

The Doctor was telling Arthur to settle down in this.  _ "Your mother is a asleep you don't want to wake her, lovie." His hand was against her belly, rubbing small circles.  _

 

She smiled sadly, tracing her hand in small circles around her abdomen like Arthur remembered the Doctor doing. 

 

_ "I wish you could see her, now. Your Mummy is the most beautiful woman in the universe." Arthur could tell by his tone that he was smiling. "We both love you very much you know." _

 

She began to relax against the wall, the sound of his voice helping her fall asleep. 

 

Arthur continued through the entire  memory. The Doctor told him a fond memory of River, one of the nicer dates where only a few things shot at them rather than an entire army. It wasn't as good as a new story, but it seemed to be making his mummy feel better. 

 

She fell asleep before the memory finished, curled up against the wall. Tiber curled up on her legs since her lap was occupied. 

 

Vastra found River some time later, smiling softly. She managed to lift her and bring her to her own bed. Amelia stirred when River was put in the bed, cuddling close to her mother. Tiber curled up on the bed as well, sleeping beside Freya. Vastra decided to stay and watch over them, settling in a nearby chair. 

 

After a few hours of rest, River woke, getting up to try and work on helping the Doctor. 

 

Jack was still where he was when River last saw him, only there was a large cup of coffee in his hand to help him stay awake. 

 

"How's it going?" River asked, rubbing her back as she walked towards him. 

 

He looked up at her and held up the notebook where his list of ideas was. It had significantly grown, with a few things circled. "Slow, but getting somewhere." 

 

"How has he been?" She asked, glancing towards the hallway. 

 

"Pretty much the same." The banging started again. "There doesn't seem to be any patterns in the episodes. They come at random and each one lasts a different amount of time." 

 

"So it hasn't been regulating?" She asked, hoping for some good news. She glanced down at his notebook, looking over his notes. 

 

He shook his head. "No. No regulation. But I think you were right before, about them being able to control him without implanting an electrical device I mean." He pointed to a diagram. "They'd only be able to do that if there was an external device somewhere." 

 

"So, we have to find the external device and destroy it. That would be our best bet in getting rid of this." 

 

He nodded. "I don't think that's going to be easy. It's likely at some sort of base, probably guarded." He frowned. "I still don't completely know how it works yet." 

 

"We need to find a way to trace them back to the base. If we can find even the smallest particle they left behind, we may be able to find them within the next two days." She looked confident, a bit frantic, and determined. 

 

A grin started to appear on his face. "I'm glad you say so, because I think that part might not be so hard. See, I've been looking at as much research as I could and the Silence are pretty much controlling the electrical impulses in his brain. The thing is, since there's not implanted device, they must have infused something on their own... like artificial brain waves. The scan wouldn't have detected it because if would think they belonged to him. Every time they're activated, he gets controlled." 

 

"Do you think there's a way we can tap into those waves? If we can, maybe we can figure out where they're coming from." 

 

"My thoughts exactly. And if we can identify the solution used, we might even be able to reverse the effect long enough for him to help us out and destroy the base." He stood. 

 

"We have to get access to those waves." She murmured. 

 

"We need to get the Doctor to actually stay still long enough to tie him down." 

 

"I'll go in and blindfold him. He may be triggered if he sees me, so I have to be the one to do it. You can distract him." She breathed. 

 

He hesitated. "...Alright, but if he starts to loose control, you have to run." 

 

She nodded, "I know. If that doesn't work, we can always think of something else." 

 

"Come on." He gestured for her to follow. "Grab a blindfold and maybe something to defend yourself" 

 

She grabbed a blindfold, ignoring the part about a weapon and followed after him. Jack had taken one of the Weevil collars, which was on a long rod, as they went down to where the Doctor was being held. 

 

He quietly signaled for River to stay out of sight. She stayed out of the where the Doctor could see her. She clutched the blindfold tightly in her hand, hoping this would work. 

 

Jack opened the complex code to unlock the door. 

 

The Doctor whipped his head up. "What are you doing?" 

 

Jack held up the collar. "I wanted to try something." 

 

"What, opening my cell and waiting for me to attack you? Please tell me River isn't here. I swear to god, If I end up hurting her..." He sighed, pushing the thought away. 

 

He shook his head quickly, "She's not, she's not. Her and all the little kiddos are back in the TARDIS, probably still asleep." 

 

He walked towards Jack. "So what's your plan then? Why does it involve..." He poked at the collar. "This?" 

 

"Just, stay back, okay?" He spoke, leading him away from the door and towards the far corner of the cell, "I want to do a quick exam." 

 

"You've already poked and prodded this body to your heart's delight." He glared. "There's nothing more you can figure out." 

 

"Just cooperate for me will you? Do you want to see your wife again or not?" 

 

"I only want to see that woman choking under my hands!" He bolted for the open door. Jack swore, running for the door as well.


	139. Corpse Complex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Do you have a time? Coordinates? Anything I could use to get there now?" Her whole face was bright, thinking she may be getting the Doctor back today.
> 
> "A lunar base in the 51st century. Wait- no it's... it's a school. A university." He frowned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm actually pretty proud of this chapter title. Also, I have a snow day so that's why I'm updating so soon. Comment and enjoy!

**Ch 139**

 

The Doctor was out of his cell before Jack could stop him, looking desperately for the curly haired woman. He sneered evilly when he spotted her. 

 

River’s hearts stopped, and she backed up slowly, "Doctor...please..." 

 

"The Doctor is long gone. Oooh, I wonder how much blood is in your body." He launched himself at her, running full speed. 

 

She ran from him as fast as she could, flying down the hall. She mentally begged the TARDIS to get the girls away, and thankfully for once, the old girl listened, disappearing from the main room. 

 

He could hear the dematerializing sound. "No more pretty blue box for me to play with? What a spoil sport you are, darling." His pace never faltered, always seeming to be right behind her. Jack was after the both of them as well. 

 

She her lungs burned as she ran in circles around the hub, not realizing that her pace was slowing, though not by choice, but because her body couldn't handle the strain. Since the thing possessing the Doctor kept up it's speed, it managed to grab River by the shoulder and slam her back first into the ground. 

 

"No!" She cried, back hitting the ground. She tried to scramble up, managing to get to her knees. 

 

He lunged to knock her down again, delivering a hard blow to her shoulder. He raised his hand again to strike, but Jack caught it before it could go down. River scrambled up to her feet, breathing hard. 

 

"You sodding bastard!" The Doctor swore at the man wrestling him into restraints. "You're ruining everything! I ought to have your neck!" 

 

Jack chuckled, "I'm sure you'd love that." He made to tie him down, but a slip of one of the belts and the Doctor was free again. 

 

He didn't instantly go for River. This time he paused to kick Jack as hard as he could, deeming him an obstacle to his mission that must be gotten rid of. Jack's knee gave out and he hit his head against the side table. It was enough to knock him out. 

 

The Doctor turned towards River. "You needn't be so afraid, darling. If you cooperate, this will go by quickly." 

 

"You're not going to touch me." She warned, picking up the nearest object and throwing it at him. 

 

It hit his cheek, leaving a harsh red mark. "Would you really hurt this face?" 

 

"Would you really hurt me? Doctor, I know you're there somewhere and you can't let them take over you. You can't let them hurt our baby again." She shouted, reaching for another object and raising it as a threat. 

 

"You're so naive. He's in here, alright. But far too deep for you to reach with such stupid words. You know something? Keep talking. I find it amusing that your last words will be crying for someone who can't save you." 

 

"Stop it!" She screamed, hurling the object at him, "Shut up!" 

 

"No, but I'll make you do so." He pick pocketed Jack, finding a blade to use. "This ought to speed things up.” 

 

She turned and ran through the hub once more, needing to get away from him with nothing else near her to throw. He chased her again,  jumping at her when he got close. 

 

She managed to just escape his grip, turning and giving him a good swing of her fist. It knocked him squarely in the jaw and he ended up on the floor. She grabbed the knife from his hand and ran a few paces before turning, gripping the knife tightly. 

 

The Doctor groaned, sitting up and  rubbing his jaw. "Ow." 

 

River was shaking as she held the knife out in front of her, ready to defend herself if it still wasn't really him. 

 

"Why... Why am I out of my cell? Somebody tie me up!" 

 

She collapsed onto the floor, shaking and crying into her palms, exhausted in every sense. 

 

"River?" His surroundings suddenly clicked. "Oh god... did I hurt you??" She ignored his questions, continuing to cry quietly into her hands. He would have reached out to her if he didn't think he might lose control again. 

 

Jack started to stir, quickly coming over to properly tie him up. He strapped the Doctor down to an examination table and began doing more scans and tests on his brain. 

 

River remained on the floor for what seemed like hours, staring blankly at the wall. He eventually came over to River, sitting in front of her. "You alright?" 

 

She shook her head slowly, "I can't do this again. I give up, they win. I can't go through this again."  

 

He looked at her in shock. "Give up? You want to sit back and let them kill you all?" 

 

"I'm going to die anyway..." She whispered, "They're going to be chasing my family for the rest of our lives… what's the point in delaying the inevitable?" 

 

"The point? The point is  _ everything!  _ It's not inevitable, and we can stop it. We can do something." He looked at her like she was talking in tongues. "What the hell has gotten into you? Are you actually considering letting your  _ own children  _  be slaughtered by their father? Poor little Amelia and Freya who could live to be thousands of years old." 

 

The tears started to flow once more as she pictured her little girls's faces. She couldn't emotionally stand what was going on: the knowledge of her impending death, being separated from the Doctor, the risk of the Silence coming to harm her family, the memories of losing William that seemed to be repeating now that the Silence were back. 

 

River Song was breaking down, a the pieces were everywhere.  

 

Jack pulled her to him, hugging her tightly to try and give any assurance he could. "Listen, just because things seem hopeless now, doesn't mean they are. There's always hope, for  _ everything,  _ and no matter how small, we've got to hang on to it." 

 

"I can't take it anymore. I can't do it." She cried against his shoulder. 

 

"But you  _ can _ do it, River. You can, I know you can. You've done it so many times before. You're stronger than you think you are, I know you can make it through this." By this point, the TARDIS had started to materialize back in the hub. "You've just got to stop trying to do it alone." 

 

"I want my husband back." She whispered. 

 

"You'll get him back. I promise." He rubbed her back. "We've just got to be patient... If you want to skip ahead in the TARDIS, you could come back when I've got a hit on where the device is." She nodded, starting to collect herself again. "I'd say to come in three days. That should be enough time." He said. 

 

"Thank you." She whispered, hugging him and then heading to the TARDIS, taking a minute to glance in the Doctor's direction. 

 

The Doctor looked back at her, seeming to be in his right mind for the moment. He tried to smile and assure her that things might be alright. 

 

"I'll call you if I need you any earlier." Jack told her. 

 

She nodded, thanking him again and going inside. The ship was quiet save for the hum of the console and the occasional voice from the kitchen. The girls seemed to have woken. 

 

River walked down the hall, wanting to see the girls. She peered into the kitchen, smiling softly. 

 

They were giggling and shushing each other. Vastra wasn't with them, she was still asleep. They must have sneaked into the kitchen. Amelia had gotten milk and bowls while Freya was on a chair, trying to reach the cereal. 

 

River cleared her throat, "What do you two think you're doing?" 

 

Freya instantly jumped down from the chair and scrambled to stand next to her sister. Both of them looked at each other and giggled more. "Um... nothing!"  

 

"Oh, nothing, hmm?" She raised an eyebrow, smiling. "It didn't look like nothing." 

 

"It was just... er- breakfast." Amelia admitted. 

 

"All by yourself? How very grown up." She complimented, walking over to get the cereal down that Freya had been trying to get. 

 

"It's 'cause we saw you make cereal for us so much, we know how to know." Freya said proudly. 

 

"Freya wanted to make eggs, but I don't think we can yet." 

 

River smiled, "Well, I'm very proud of you, but I agree that you may need to wait until you're a bit older until you cook eggs." 

 

"Is Daddy back yet?" Freya asked. 

 

"Not yet, my love, but Uncle Jack is working on bringing him home, don't worry." She murmured. 

 

"It's like if Daddy went on a work trip instead of you." She pointed out, though it had been awhile since River went on an expedition. 

 

"Yes, it's very much like that." She nodded. 

 

"Does that mean we get fun Mummy-Daughter time while he's gone?" She said excitedly, knowing that was what usually happened when one of their parents was away. 

 

"Of course we can have funny Mummy-Daughter time. What would you like to do?" She asked, thinking that skipping ahead three days could wait. River needed a break from what was going on to spend time with the girls, and it would give Jack time to call if something went wrong. 

 

"I want to learn how to shoot a bow and arrow!" Freya insisted. 

 

"I want to go to visit a planet!" Amelia said at the same time. 

 

"My, my, those are certainly exciting things to do. Perhaps we should stay here and do something smaller, Mummy has to be here in case Uncle Jack calls." 

 

Freya frowned. "But can't I still learn how to shoot an arrow on the TARDIS?" 

 

"Well, you can, but I believe that learning to shoot arrows would be an activity best suited for another time." 

 

"Like when Daddy gets back?" 

 

"Yes, perhaps then." She nodded. 

 

This seemed to satisfy her. "Then I want to go to the swimming pool." 

 

Amelia looked uneasy at the mention. River nodded once more, "We could do that." She knelt down, putting her hands on Amelia's arms, "Do you want to go swimming?" 

 

She hesitated and looked down, not exactly wanting to disagree, but not wanting to go in the water either. She shook her head slowly. 

 

"Alright, we don't have to then. Let's think of something else. What would you like to do?" She asked, kissing the top of her head. 

 

"Can we play dress up right now?" Amelia asked. 

 

"Of course we can." She smiled, taking her hand. 

 

Amelia started to feel a bit better knowing she wouldn't have to go in the water. "I wanna play Pirate Queen." 

 

"That would be lovely." River lead both girls from the kitchen to their room, playing Pirate Queen for several hours. 

 

During this time, Vastra joined them, though had left again to make them all lunch. River walked the girls to the kitchen once lunch was ready, then headed for the console room, going to bring the TARDIS a few days forwards to see the Doctor and Jack.  

 

Jack was typing furiously on a computer and the Doctor, from the sound of the banging, was back in his cell. 

 

"Jack? What's going on?" She asked, walking up beside him, "Have you found anything yet?" 

 

"Loads." He turned the computer towards her. "It's coming from the moon, surprisingly. It's from the future though. Some sort of base I think." 

 

"Do you have a time? Coordinates? Anything I could use to get there now?" Her whole face was bright, thinking she may be getting the Doctor back today. 

 

"A lunar base in the 51st century. Wait- no it's... it's a school. A university." He frowned. 

 

"Oh god..." River whispered, suddenly realizing where he was talking about, 'It's Luna… they're in Luna." She flew out of the hub and into the TARDIS, not waiting for anymore information. 

 

"Wait, River!" Jack ran after her, grabbing a hand held scanner and his gun for good measure. The door slammed behind him and she was immediately flying to the University, grabbing her blaster. "River where are you going? Shouldn't we have at least a little piece of a plan first before we go charging in head first?" He tried to slow her down. "We might need more than just the two of us!" 

 

"There isn't anyone else to help us!" She shouted, running for the door, "It's just us and we… we have to go." 

 

"Vastra can help us! Jenny and Strax, too. They'll stand with us, and right now, I really think they should." 

 

She shook her head, "The Doctor needs us. We have to do this  _ now _ , and someone has to watch the girls. Vastra is the only one I trust with that." She whispered, "Jack, please. I need you to have my back." 

 

He sighed and nodded. "Alright, but don't do anything irrational. It's not that I don't trust that you can handle yourself, but you have an immortal man with you for a reason." 

 

She nodded, opening up the doors, her gun at the ready. She had landed them in the Headmaster's office, having a feeling that that was where they would have to be. 

 

The office, surprisingly, was empty of people. "Whose office is this?" Jack asked. 

 

"The Headmaster's office." She murmured, glancing around the room. 

 

He looked at his scanner. "They've been here. Has there been anything suspicious around here?" 

 

She shook her head, "No, none that I can think of." 

 

He picked up a photo on the desk, inspecting it. "So you work here, right? Maybe we should check you classroom." 

 

She nodded, leading him through the building to her lecture hall. The school day seemed to be going on as normal. Students were in their classes, debating or writing notes. There were some in the cafeteria, a very few scattered about the hall who waved at River when they saw her. She waved, concealing her gun as she walked through the school, going as fast as she could. 

 

All heads turned towards her when they walked into her lecture hall. Anita's aunt was subbing for River again and she smiled brightly at her. "I wasn't sure you were coming in today." 

 

Jack checked his scanner again. "It's close." He whispered. 

 

"I had a meeting with the Headmaster and I thought I'd stop by and say hello." She smiled. 

 

"Ah, well perhaps one of you students would like to inform Professor Song on what you've learned today?" Cameron asked the class. 

 

River glanced back at Jack, hoping that he was honing in on the device.  "We should get them out of here. They could all be in danger." He tried to say as discreetly as he could. 

 

One of the students stood, briefly explaining about the history of the Minaria Prime and it's reptilian people. 

 

She nodded, "Ah, yes, very interesting. Well, since you've all been working so hard, you can leave early today." She waved her hands to shoo them out. 

 

Nobody moved, staring at her sideways. "But Professor, the day's not over yet. We still have to go over Prooans' Genocide and start our thesis." 

 

"We can go over all that tomorrow." She insisted, looking at Jack again. 

 

"You wouldn't happen to have any psychic paper on you?" He whispered. 

 

"It something wrong, Professor?" Cameron asked. 

 

River reached into the pocket of her jacket, giving Jack a piece of psychic paper. He took it, immediately stepping in front of her and holding it up. "Alright everyone, health and safety. Someone smelt a gas leak around here so we need you all to evacuate this room while we check it out." 

 

The students panicked at the news of a gas leak, scrambling to get their things together and leave. 

 

"Yeah, out you go. We'll fix it by tomorrow." Jack said, glad he had found a way to get them all to leave quickly. 

 

Cameron worriedly approached them. "Professor, you should leave too. We wouldn't want you at risk."  

 

"I'll be out in a minute, I just have to grab something." She nodded quickly. 

 

Jack closed the door behind her. "Well, that's one part over with. Now look for anything out of place, anything that you know isn't yours." 

 

She looked around the room, trying to figure out what was different, "The projector, it was different the last time I was here." She pointed. 

 

He glanced at her. "That's certainly something." He slowly approached the projector, scanning over it. 

 

She stood beside him, "Is that it? Is that the device?" 

  
"Yes." He nodded. "It is, but there's something else..." He frowned. "Something moving." He turned to face the door, a knock sounding only a second later. 


	140. Don't Let me Sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "B-but Mummy..." Freya's lower lip quivered. "He's like you were. It's the bad sleep like you had."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

**Ch 140**

 

"I'm going to blast it to bits." River whispered, aiming her gun at the projector, finger on the trigger. 

 

"Wait." Jack put a hand on her shoulder. "Don't until we know that doing so won't hurt the Doctor. For all we know it could explode in our faces or make the Doctor brain dead." 

 

The knocking came again. "Professor Song?" It was the Headmaster. 

 

She sighed, knowing he was right. She hid her blaster once more, going to open the door. 

 

The man invited himself in, striding into the room. "Someone told me you had a gas leak? Why wasn't I informed?"

 

Jack quickly went to River's side. "This guy isn't giving off any nice signals, River." 

 

"I just learned about it myself. I was stopping by to pick something up when I was informed that there was a leak." She glanced at Jack. 

 

"I don't smell anything. Who is this man?" He gestured towards Jack. 

 

She shrugged, "I don't know. The inspector I suppose." 

 

"Mr. Harkness." Jack shook his hand, not liking to have to leave out the 'captain'. "False alarm actually, but there appears to be evidence of, well I wouldn't say intruders, but certainly unauthorized personnel." 

 

"”Pleasure to meet you Mr. Harkness." 

 

"We're going to need to talk to your staff about this... starting with you." His expression hardened. 

 

He stiffened slightly, "Alright, well if you'll just step into my office..." 

 

"No, here's fine. We're in a hurry. River, do you have your sonic?" Jack asked. 

 

She nodded, pulling the item out of her pocket and handing it to him. He quickly scanned over the man. "Just as I thought. River, away from him. He's a robot." 

 

"What?" She stared at him, taking several paces backwards. 

 

"He's part of the device. The screwdriver and scanner confirm it." Jack said. 

 

"This is outrageous! What device?" The Headmaster demanded. 

 

"I refuse to let this go on any longer!" River snapped, "How do we get rid of this and destroy the device?!" 

 

"He and the part in the projector are probably connected." He pointed the screwdriver at the headmaster. He froze up, not a single part of him moving anymore. Jack handed the sonic to River. "Open the projector and see what's inside. If you can deactivate it, go for it. If it looks like a bomb, maybe don't touch anything." 

 

She nodded and grabbed a chair to stand on so she could open up the projector, "I think I can deactivate it." She got to work moving and pulling wires, spending about fifteen minutes on the machine until it sparked and seemed to break down. "That might have done it." 

 

Jack in the meanwhile,  had the chest plate of the robot open, wires everywhere. "Be on guard. The Silence might get the signal that it's turned off and come here." 

 

She nodded, blasting the projector with her gun just for good measure then going to help Jack finish up with the robot. It was tedious and tense work, making River evaluate every interaction she’d had with the headmaster in the past. It really just made her want to run from there and never return.

 

When they’d finished, she did exactly that, taking Jack’s hand, running down the hall to the TARDIS, and flying through the doors, eager to see her husband. 

 

"Wait, River. What if they come and attack the school? How many kids are in here?" 

 

She stopped, pausing in the doorway, "I don't know..." She sighed, "Jack I have to go see him." 

 

"Then I'll stay. Someone has to explain why the headmaster's been reduced to bolts and screws." He said, stepping away. 

 

"Are you sure?" She whispered. 

 

"Yeah. I'll be okay." He nodded. "Just come get me tomorrow if I don't find away back myself, okay?" 

 

She nodded, "Thank you so much." 

 

She gave him a kiss on the cheek then ran inside, piloting the TARDIS to the Hub and running back out, "Doctor! Doctor!" There was no answer. No sound out of the ordinary, no other voices or banging. "Doctor?" She called, running to the cells. 

 

The man in question was lying still on the floor, back facing her. River's eyes grew wide and she ran to open the cell, falling to his side and rolling him on his back, shaking him. He was limp in her arms.

 

"Doctor… sweetie, please wake up..." She whispered, her heart pounding. "What did I do? What happened?" There were panicked tears in her eyes, thinking she had done this, "I'm going to fix this. I have to fix this..." She tried to lift him, though she could only manage to lift half of his body. 

 

_ What's wrong with Daddy?  _ Arthur wondered against the weight of the Doctor. 

 

She shook her head as if Arthur could see her, struggling to drag the Doctor to the TARDIS. "I-I don't know." She was shaking, stumbling with the weight of him. 

 

Both fortunately and unfortunately for her, Vastra was in the console room with the girls. She immediately went over to help drag the Doctor in, while the girls stared in a mix of shock and horror. "What happened?" 

 

"Girls, why don't you go to your room and read a story. Daddy's just a bit sleepy, that's all." River spoke as calmly as possible, though it wasn’t convincing. 

 

"B-but Mummy..." Freya's lower lip quivered. "He's like you were. It's the bad sleep like you had." 

 

"No, no, my love. He's alright. He's just been so busy that he needs a bit of a rest. I'll be in to check on you in a few minutes." She assured her, giving her a small smile. 

 

Amelia nodded and pulled her reluctant sister along. Neither believed her, but Amelia knew to listen to River in situations like these. 

 

With Vastra's help, they finally managed to drag the Doctor to the med bay, River immediately getting to work on scans and tests to try and determine what was wrong. 

 

"River, what happened." Vastra asked again. "Why is he like this?" 

 

"I-I don't know." Jack and I found the device that was controlling him and we destroyed it. Jack stayed behind to make sure the Silence wouldn't invade and I went back to the Hub and found him like this in his cell." She murmured as she pulled up the results of the scans. 

 

"Perhaps it's something with his brain then? Nothing else seems to be physically wrong with him." She observed, walking over to River. 

 

"I have his scans here." She pulled up the results, holding her breath. 

 

"Oh dear..." Vastra frowned. The scan on the screen showed the last hour of his brain activity on an accelerated time rate. There was a spike in activity, almost like an overload of information before everything went completely blank, almost dormant. 

 

River stared at the screen for what felt like much longer than it was, willing the results to change, "I don't know how to fix this..." She whispered, "I hardly even know what this means." Which wasn't true, she had a good idea, she just didn't want it to the true. 

 

“He's not quite brain dead... more in a coma. I'm so very sorry, River, but I don't think there is a way to fix this... I don't know of anyway to restart brain activity but let it return on it’s own. I somehow doubt that method will be very reliable now."  

 

"But there has to be a way to fix this." She whispered, "I… What am I going to tell the girls?" 

 

"I'm not sure. River, maybe you're right. Do you have access to an index of medicines, including ones from the future?" She asked. 

 

"Yes, but I've never heard of anything curing a coma." 

 

"Well the databases will likely only have information on other species besides Timelords. Perhaps I can find away to make something fit your biology just like the Doctor did with the plant I gave you." Vastra thought aloud. 

 

"I suppose we could try doing that. But Timelords are a very delicate species. Because they naturally don't get sick often, most medicines aren't compatible with their immune system." River moved from the scanner to the Doctor, stroking his head softly. 

 

"What information do you have on Timelord physiology, then?" She was determined to help both of her friends. 

 

"We don't have much, most material on Timelords has been destroyed. There may be a book or two in the library, I don't really know for sure, I've never needed the books, I've always had the Doctor to tell me what was going on." She whispered, fixing the pillows and blankets around him, wanting him to be as comfortable as possible. 

 

"Maybe we can make new information by scanning you and the children. I know you're not fully Gallifreyan, but you're very close and anything will help." Vastra reasoned. 

 

"Check the books first," She murmured, "I don't want to bring the girls into this if I don't have to." 

 

She nodded, quickly going to the library to fetch the books. River pulled over a chair, sitting by the Doctor's side, not wanting to leave him just yet. 

 

"Jack wouldn't happen to know much more than us, would he?" Vastra asked upon her return. She set the books on the table and quickly opened them. 

 

"I can't imagine so." She murmured absently, taking the Doctor's hand in hers. 

 

Vastra opened her mouth to ask for River's assistance in the research, but decided against it, not wanting to make her leave the Doctor's side. She on the other hand dove right into the research. 

 

Arthur kicked, again asking what was the matter. River sighed, ignoring Arthur's question, "I need to go check on the girls and then I'll come back to help you." She stood, heading for the door. 

 

_ Mummy! What's going on!  _ Arthur refused to be ignored. 

 

She just sent back a loving memory in hopes it would settle him and went to the girls room, standing in the doorway. 

 

They promptly ran to her and attached themselves to her legs. "Mummy!" 

 

"Hello, my loves." She murmured, kneeling down to give them a proper hug. 

 

"Why is Daddy having the bad sleep like you did? Is it spreading?" Freya asked, fearing it might be some kind of illness to catch. 

 

River shook her head, "No, it's not spreading, but while Daddy was protecting us, his mind got very… very worn out. He's going to be asleep for a while, and I don't know when he'll wake up, but I promise he'll be okay." 

 

Amelia put her hand on either side of her head. "My mind isn't going to do that is it? I don't want to sleep!"  

 

"No, no of course not. It'll never do that." River kissed her daughter’s head, "Besides, you're too young and your minds are very strong." She made that bit up to comfort them. 

 

"When your head got sick, you didn't wake up for a really long time..." Amelia remembered. 

 

"Well, Auntie Vastra and I are trying to find a medicine that will help him wake up faster than I did." She assured her, "Do you want to come see him?" 

 

They nodded, taking her hands for comfort. She led them back to the medbay, Tiber following behind them.

 

Vastra didn't look up from her book when they came in. The girls entered and peered over the bed at the Doctor's still form. He looked just like he was sleeping. Any one who didn't know otherwise would probably say he was. It was strange to see him like this. He'd always seemed, to the girls at least, invincible. 

 

Amelia climbed up onto the cot, cuddling against him and kissing his cheek. 

 

"Have you found anything yet?" 

 

"Not much." Vastra shook her head. "Solutions with sulfate and carbonate ions won't have much effect, due to the nature of his respiratory bypass system. I believe hydrocarbon and ammonium based solutions might work better." 

 

River shook her head, "No, ammonium will over work his hearts." 

 

Vastra crossed the compound off her list, noting that she hadn't yet gotten to the chapter about the duo-hearts. "This may take a long while."  

 

River picked up the other book, flipping through it, "Maybe we'll get lucky and it won't." 

 

"If we work together, perhaps." She glanced at the girls who seemed to be curled up and napping at their father's side. 

 

River nodded, falling silent as she worked. They worked on their research for the rest of the day and into the night, River insisting on staying up all night, going through the page after page. 

 

Though Vastra protested to River staying up, but she couldn't stop her. She wrote down all of their findings, any information about the workings of Timelord brains, things that might work and things that wouldn't, and different chemical formulas, though many ended up getting scribbled over. 

 

By four in the morning, Jack came in, having gotten his hands on a vortex manipulator, and started to help out. He also suggested that River should sleep. 

 

"The Doctor wouldn't rest if I was sick so why should I?" River huffed.

 

'"The Doctor has never been heavily pregnant with any of your children." He countered. "Reasons one, two, and three." He said, pointing to each child. 

 

"Well I want him to actually be here and awake when I have this baby, so I'll sleep when he's better." She fought right back. 

 

"River, it's not like you're due tomorrow. Taking care of your needs will definitely help your baby come when it's suppose to and not any time sooner." He said impatiently. "It's not like this is going to take weeks to figure out." 

 

"You don't know that, it could take weeks! There are millions upon millions of medications we have to go through. We may not figure out how to fix him before I'm due. I may have talked to my husband for the last time." Her voice broke and she quickly composed herself one more. 

 

"Well I don't want to see you go without sleep for that long." He put his hand on her arm. "Calm down and take a breath. We'll figure this out, but you won't be of any use to the research if you don't rest at least for a few hours."

 

"But the girls' birthday is in two days." She whispered, "He has to be here for that." 

 

"And you have to not be about to pass out from sleep deprivation. I'm not negotiating with you. Please, just go to bed." Jack crossed his arms. 

 

"No! I refuse!" 

 

"I will tie you down to the bed if I have to." He threatened, though doubted he could carry through on that. "Sleep in here next to the Doctor if you have to, I don't care, but please just sleep!" 

 

"I am not sleeping!" She sat firmly in her seat. 

 

"You acting like a child just further proves that you need to." He rounded the table and gave her arm a good tug. 

 

The tug was unexpected and she stumbled up, nearly toppling over and knocking Jack to the floor, "Jack!" 

 

"Sorry, I didn't realize it was going to be that hard!" He offered his hand to stabilize her. "But that really shouldn't have faxed yoy. You're  _ tired _ ." 

 

"I was perfectly fine before you started knocking me around. I'm old enough to decide when to go to bed, thank you very much." 

 

"Not when you're making the wrong decision." He countered. 

 

"Will you just leave me alone while I try to work!" She snapped, getting more and more annoyed. 

 

"Fine!" He huffed, roughly sitting back in his seat. "But don't blame me when you pass out or something." 

 

"I'm not going to pass out. You think I'm weaker than I am." 

 

He pressed his hand to his forehead. "I don't think you're weak, that's not what I meant." 

 

"Stop arguing with me before you wake the girls." She snapped again, turning her attention back to the book and ignoring that fact that they were both just yelling. 

 

"Whatever." He muttered. He had only been trying to look out for her. The Doctor, had he been awake, probably would have asked her to go to bed as well. Then again, they'd all be sleeping if he was awake. 

  
They continued to work for hours, River refusing to fall asleep and fighting through the night, crossing out medication after medication.


	141. The Doctor’s Doctors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She fixed his hair, then pressed a soft kiss to his lips, "That always seems to work in those silly fairy tales we read to the girls, doesn't it?" She brushed away his fringe again. ... "How silly that a part of me actually hoped that that would work."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll mention that I'm not a doctor or any sort of medical person, so a lot of the medicines and physiology is either inaccurate or fictional/alien things that work only for Timelords. Enjoy!

 

**Ch 141**

 

When the clock on the TARDIS wall stuck eight, Jack finally paused to cook breakfast. "How do you take your tea?" He asked, addressing the table. 

 

"Just a bit of milk." 

 

Vastra answered while River murmured, "Don't want any, thank you." 

 

He kept back his comment, not wanting to argue with her again and left to the kitchen. 

 

The girls started to stir, each quickly looking at their father to see if he'd woken yet and growing disappointed at the answer. 

 

"I promise he'll be awake tomorrow for your birthday, my loves." River lied, smiling weakly. 

 

"Do we still get to go out for ice cream?" Freya asked, recalling that one of her parents had said they would. 

 

"Of course." She whispered, getting up to kiss her head, "How about you go eat breakfast with Uncle Jack." 

 

"He's here?" They cheered up a bit, not having been awake when he came in. 

 

"Yes, he is. He's in the kitchen." She let them go, happy to see them at least a little cheerier, "You should go have breakfast too." She said, turning to Vastra, "I'll be there in a minute." 

 

She looked up. "Are you sure?" 

 

"Of course." River nodded. 

 

Vastra stood, offered River a small smile, and left her alone. Well, almost alone. There was still Tiber, a child in utero, and an unconscious Doctor there with her. 

 

River waited until Vastra left before going to sit beside the Doctor, taking his hand and kissing the back of it. "I'm sorry..." She whispered. "I'm sorry, I can't figure this out. I'm not good at this like you are. We've already gone through so many medications, there isn't much left and I'm afraid that we're going to get to the end and still have nothing." Now that nobody was around, she found herself crying, putting her head down on his chest, "It's the girls last birthday with me tomorrow and you need to be here for that, you need to be awake. It's their last birthday with us as a family." She squeezed her eyes shut, "We were supposed to be safe this time. It was supposed to be different..." 

 

Tiber jumped up and nuzzled against River, somewhat sensing that she was upset. She ignored the cat, not wanting any sort of company at the moment, just wanting the Doctor to wake up. The Doctor didn't of course, though out of pure reflex, his head turned slightly towards her. 

 

She looked up at him, startled by the sudden head turn. Once she realized he wasn't awake, she fixed his hair, then pressed a soft kiss to his lips, "That always seems to work in those silly fairy tales we read to the girls, doesn't it?" She brushed away his fringe again. His hand instinctively tightened around hers, his breathing remaining even and slow. Her eyes fell, "How silly that a part of me actually hoped that that would work." She tried to fight back her tears, trying not to cry again, though it proved to be difficult. 

 

The sound the girl's bubbly laughter came from the kitchen. The TARDIS had make sure the sound would carry down the hall, though it only made River feel worse, reminding her of how disappointed they would be if he wasn't awake for their birthday. 

 

Arthur kicked, wanting to understand why River was upset. River ignored him, putting her head down on the cot, not wanting to talk to anyone at the moment, except the Doctor. 

 

_ Mummy! Tell me!  _ He insisted. 

 

She blocked him out, trying to clear her mind. His protests faded into a tingle in the back of her head. River wanted to curl up on the cot with her husband, but there didn't seem to be enough room. With broken hearts and a stressed mind, she sat for the next hour in silence, holding onto his hand and willing him to wake up. 

 

The girls brought their coloring books and toys in when they returned, Vastra and Jack following behind. Vastra had brought River some of the left over food and a cup of tea, gently offering it to her. 

 

"I'm not hungry, thank you." She declined, starting to get up, "I should get back to work." 

 

"You should eat." Vastra urged, keeping her voice assuring. "Just a few bites?" 

 

River looked up at her for a moment, almost like she was going to say yes, and then turned away, "I can't. I have to work." 

 

"Well I don't see why you can't multitask." Vastra sighed, opting with putting the food on the table in case River were to change her mind. River ignored the comment, burying herself into the research once more. 

 

They day played out almost the same way as yesterday: full of reasearch and more research. Vastra and Jack took shifts of playing with the girls and making food at the appropriate times, one always staying to help River. 

 

Vastra had earlier explained to the girls that all of them were working very hard to find away to make the Doctor wake up soon, so the twins were content staying in the medbay with the adults. They even tried to help with the research at one point, though the medical terms and chemistry went far over their heads. 

 

As the hours ticked on, River seemed to grow more and more frantic, at one point having to leave the room to throw up, physically ill with stress. She was determined to get her husband to wake up by the next morning, but it just seemed to be hopeless. 

 

By the time Vastra went to cook dinner, they hadn't made very much progress. They'd found that atropine would stabilize his hearts against any ammonium given to him and cytoratase dissolved in an unpronounceable acid would act as helper to the Doctor's immune system and increase the rate at which he healed cells. It was essentially like rebuilding a brain network from scratch, one that would correspond and work with the Doctor's own dormant mind. 

 

By this time River was breaking down. She refused to go eat, staying in the med bay alone to work. Her eyes swam with tears as she dug through the medicine cabinets, throwing aside pills and syrups and creams and drops. Many of the bottles shattered or burst open when she threw them, littering the floor with tiny tablets and different colored liquids and glass shards. 

 

Jack had come to ask River to eat with them, narrowly dodging bottle of children's ibuprofen thrown over River's shoulder. "Woah, hey, what are you going?" 

 

"Please, just go eat." She said, her voice trembling as she continued to rifle through the cabinet. 

 

"You haven't eaten all day, I should say the same to you." He went closer to her. "You're not going to find anything in there.”

 

"Shut up! Yes I am!" She shouted, though he was probably right. Tears were falling down her cheeks but she kept her back to him so he wouldn't see. 

 

He was started by her sudden raise of tone, Tiber scampering from the room. He stayed put, straightening his back. "You need a break. You've done all you can for now." 

 

"No! No! I can't! He has to wake up for tomorrow. He has to be awake for their birthday." She was starting to cry harder, doing her best to hide it. 

 

"We both know those chances are low. I'm sorry, River, but it's not going to happen." He was blunt, but tried to say it carefully. 

 

"But we've beaten the impossible before. We can do it this time too, we can. We have to." 

 

"Miracles don't work all the time. Sometimes we're lucky and sometimes we're not." He tugged on her shoulder, trying to get her to face him. 

 

"It has to work this time. None of the other times matter if it doesn't work this time." She whispered, the tug was enough to turn her and she looked up at him. 

 

He put his hands on either side of her. "Listen, we'll get him back, that much I can put my money on, but we can't do it by tomorrow." He sighed. "I know you don't want to eat, but please jut take a break. Go read a book or look through old Timelord artifacts, what ever it is that cools you off, but really, you're going to go mad if you don't do something besides this." 

 

"But it's the last time I'll be with the girls for their birthday." She sat and dropped her head down, looking at her lap as tears rolled down her nose, dripping onto her dress, "It's the last birthday that we'll be together as a family. He has to be awake." 

 

"What about the thing with the medieval town? Doesn't that count?"  

 

She shook her head, "That went horribly. Tomorrow was supposed to be about us spending time as a family, celebrating their birthday. Just the four of us spending the day together. He-" She stopped, unable to keep talking.  

 

"That can be any day. You can make any day as special as you want tomorrow to be." He offered a hug.

 

"But it won't be the same. You don't understand." She pulled away and stood, wrapping her arms around herself. 

 

"...You're right, but it doesn't change the facts." He sighed and turned to leave. She watched him go, returning to what she had been doing before he came in. 

 

Jack told Vastra to keep the girls out of the medbay, not thinking they should see the mess or River in the state she was in. He made a pit stop to the library and returned with a few more books in his arms. 

 

River had moved on to another cabinet when he returned, already halfway through it's contents. 

 

"Hey, stop mucking through that! I told you, you aren't going to find anything." He set the books down with a large thud. 

 

She completely ignored him, going through it for another few minutes before she suddenly felt nauseous. 

 

He glanced up. "Hey, what's wrong now?" She didn't have time to run to the bathroom, turning and violently throwing up into the sink.

 

"Ew... that's nasty." Jack muttered, getting up and getting her water. "Okay, now you really do need to rest." 

 

"I'm fine." She breathed, washing out the sink, "Please, just leave me alone. I'm fine." 

 

"That lie isn't going to get you anywhere. Sit at least." He pleaded. 

 

"Just leave me be, Jack." She pleaded, taking a damp cloth and pressing it to her face for a moment, taking time to clean herself up after the sink was clean. 

 

"I'm trying to help you, you don't have to be so stubborn." He frowned. "The Doctor would have wanted you to take it easy." 

 

"I don't really care about what he would have wanted right now, I just care about waking him up." She breathed, turning back to the cabinet. 

 

"Then by all means, stop rummaging and come help me research." He gestured to the books. 

 

River slowly walked over picking up a book, "We can't use these..." She murmured, "They're human medicine books, they're not going to be compatible with the Doctor's system." 

 

"But they are comparable. Since you're so attached to your hubby waking up by tomorrow, I figured a processes of elimination might help." 

 

"This is just a waste of time, Jack. You're not going to find anything useful in these." She put the book back down, turning to the books they had been going through before dinner. 

 

"It's better than trashing medicine cabinets for something that won't exist until we make it." He countered, going to the old books as well. 

 

Another three hours and River had gotten sick two more times. She finally agreed to sit, sitting beside the Doctor with a book in her lap, holding his hand once again. Jack was doing his best to work fast, knowing River wanted this figured out. 

 

Vastra came in, telling River that the girls wanted her to tuck them in. River stood up, walking to the girls room. 

 

They were curled up in their beds, looking up at her when she walked in. "Are you gonna sing us a bedtime song?” 

 

"Not tonight, girls. I have to get back to Daddy, but I came to say goodnight." She gave each of them a kiss on the forehead, "We're going to have so much fun together tomorrow...all of us." 

 

"Do we get to go back to school yet?" Amelia asked. 

 

"Not yet, sweetie. At least not until Daddy wakes up." River whispered, stroking her hair. 

 

She frowned.  "But... can't we use the TARDIS to go to the days we missed once he does?" 

 

"If that's what you want to do than of course we can." She smiled weakly. 

 

Amelia grinned, settling into her pillow. "I can go back and invite Matty over so that way we can play together tomorrow." 

 

"That sounds like a wonderful idea. Sweet dreams, my darlings. I'll see you in the morning." 

 

"Night-night, Mummy." They said in unison. She turned out the light, walking back to the med bay. 

 

Jack was running down the hall way, nearly trampling her over. "River!" 

 

"Jack? What is it?" She looked alarmed. "Found a thing, reverse engineering, monoamine neurotransmitters, tech the Silence used." He managed, out of breath and pointing back towards the medbay. He grabbed her arm. "Come on!" 

 

"What?!" She ran behind him. 

 

He tried to make fuller sentences as they raced back to the medbay. "I finally was able to isolate what the Silence used to control the Doctor and it turns out they basically did exactly what we're trying to do. They built their own neurotransmitters to hijack the Doctor's. They built their own amino acids and polypeptides and everything! Really, they must have gotten help from someone because this is tech far beyond anything I’ve seen. But the thing is, they had everything all figured out, the were probably planning this for a very long time and that's exactly what their own fall will be because we can reverse engineer what they did." 

 

"How?" She asked, her eyes growing wider and more hopeful as they ran. 

 

"The chemicals they used are still in the Doctor, though they were deactivated when we took out the devices." 

 

Vastra was already in the processes of getting a sample of the compounds when they walked in. "We'll run them it through the scanner and it'll be a fountain of information." He got to work helping Vastra. "Think of it like DNA coding; A whole bunch of little on and off switches. The Silence turned him off and replaced it with, well, everything that wasn't him. That's why they needed the external devices: to maintain the switches in place. But us, all we have to do is switch everything back, but we won't need any devices, because it will be compatible. Goodbye Silence, hello Doctor." 

 

"And...and he'll be okay? Everything will be okay?" She ran to help, hearts beating faster. 

 

"I can't say anything for absolute certainty, but probably." He nodded. "If everything goes right, than he'll wake up fully intact." 

 

"Thank you!" She wrapped her arms around him for a moment, before going to help them in any way needed. 

 

He grinned. "You should thank the Silence for having a fault in their plan. On second thought, you can thank them with a bullet to the head." 

 

She wanted to be at the Doctor's side the instant he woke up, hovering near the bed. 

 

Vastra glanced up her friend. "River, this process, may take a very long while... why don't you rest?" 

 

"No..." She whispered, "I want to stay here. I'll sit, but I want to stay."

 

She nodded and offered a smile. "Do you need anything?" 

 

"No, I'm alright." River smiled weakly, "I'm just happy he'll be awake soon." Soon, as it turned out, was still a many hours away. 

  
Nearly the whole night was spent by Vastra and Jack manipulating, altering, and resetting the chemicals to fit the Doctor's brain again. It wasn't until the early hours of the morning that the pair had triple checked and was sure that their final product would work. 


	142. Piece of Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They turned to look at her. "How'd you get Daddy to wake up?"  
> "Magic." She smiled, going over and kissing their heads, "Happy Birthday, my darlings."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, a pretty fluffy chapter. Also if you didn't notice, there is an actual number instead of a question mark on the chapter count thing. That number is a lie, don't worry. I'll explain that once we get there. Anyways, enjoy!

**Ch 142**

 

River had finally fallen asleep for a few hours while she waited, her head resting on the cot, beside the Doctor. Jack was the one to wake her, knowing she'd kill him if he let her sleep through this. "Hey, wake up." 

 

“Hmm?" She opened her eyes sleepily, looking up at him. "Sorry… I didn't mean to fall asleep." 

 

"No, that part's fine. I figured you'd want to be awake when him indoors wakes up, though." 

 

Her eyes brightened, "Your going to wake him now?" 

 

He held up a syringe full of a liquid with a faint pale blue tint. "Yup." 

 

Her grip tightened on her husband's hand, "Of course I'd want to be awake for that." 

 

"You can even do the honors if you'd like." He offered. 

 

She shook her head, "You've done all the work, you deserve to do it." 

 

"Alright, but remember: there are a hundred billion cells in his brain that this has to affect, so don't panic if it takes a while." He said. "Hold out his arm for me." 

 

She nodded, gently stretching the Doctor’s arm out. 

 

Jack carefully injected him with the medication. "Well, you tell me how that turns out. I'm going to hit the hay." 

 

"Of course." She whispered, eyes fixed on the Doctor. 

 

"Would you like to be alone with him?" Vastra asked, as Jack left. 

 

"If you don't mind, I would appreciate it." River nodded. 

 

"Of course. I'd like to retire myself." She yawned and left to her own bedroom. 

 

River sat quietly, waiting for the Doctor to wake up, gently stroking his cheek and his jaw, pressing soft kisses to the back of his hand. 

 

After what felt like an eternity, his hand twitched. It was same kind of automatic twitch like he'd done earlier, but his time his hand tightened firmly around hers, much of his own decision. 

 

River’s hearts jumped and she squeezed back, "Doctor… sweetie?" 

 

His head turned towards her voice, his eyebrows furrowing slightly. His eyes didn't open yet. "...Nn." 

 

Her face broke out into a smile, "It's alright, take your time." 

 

"Ow." He said, this time clear and unmistakable. 

 

"I'm sorry, am I hurting you." She immediately began to fret. 

 

"Nn...no. My... hea-head hurts." He swallowed, eyes still closed. "Everything hurts." 

 

"Let me get you some painkillers then." She whispered, reluctantly standing. 

 

"Don't want any." His hand tightened around hers. 

 

"Okay." She whispered, sitting back down and taking his hand once more, "Do you need me to dim the lights or anything?" 

 

He shook his head. "Just give me a mo'." 

 

She nodded, "Alright, I'm just so happy you're awake." She murmured, pressing loving kisses to his cheeks. 

 

He finally managed to lift his hand, resting it on the side of her face. "There you are..." He slowly opened his eyes, squinting a bit at the light. "Have I mentioned how much I love your eyes?" 

 

She laughed softly, her eyes a bit watery from happiness and relief, "I believe you have, but I do love hearing it." 

 

"Did you wake me like the do in the fairy tales?" He asked quietly. 

 

She nodded, "Of course, though I had a bit of help." 

 

"That must have been some kiss then. It's a shame I wasn't awake, would you remind a repeat for me?" 

 

She smiled, as she leaned in, "You know what I meant." 

 

He hummed in delight. "Well now I do." 

 

She pulled back suddenly, "Will you excuse me a moment." She breathed as she stood, running for the bathroom. 

 

She was out of his reach before he could protest. "River?" She was throwing up again, her body still trying to regulate itself after her extreme stress. 

 

He grew concerned, trying to sit up. "Riv, are you alright?" 

 

"I'm fine." She called weakly. "Don't get up… I'm fine..." 

 

"What's going on?" He didn't listen, still struggling to get out of bed. 

 

"Nothing, sweetie. Nothing." She called, flushing the contents of the toilet and brushing her teeth. He managed to get his legs over the side of the bed. "Doctor, I said not to get out of bed." She sighed as she came back into the room. "You need to lay down." 

 

"So do you, you look pale." He looked quite concerned. 

 

"I'm fine, just need a bit of sun, that's all." She smiled softly, "Get back into bed." 

 

"I'd like to know what happened while I was out first. What day is it?" He asked. 

 

"It's Thursday." She whispered, "It's the girls' birthday." 

 

"What? Really? How long was I out?" This seemed to alarm him. 

 

"A few days, I don't know. It's all been a blur." She murmured, sitting down in the chair again, looking exhausted. 

 

"I didn't hurt you while I was... did I?" 

 

"No, of course you didn't." She assured, "You barely touched me." 

 

He relaxed slightly. "Will you lie with me?" 

 

She hesitated, then nodded slowly, "Alright." 

 

"I'm sure we still have a few hours to sleep. How have you been holding up." He asked. 

 

"Alright." She murmured, it felt good to finally lay down, "Arthur's missed you very much." 

 

"Has he now?" He cuddled up with her, splaying his hand over her belly. "Hello, lovie. I'm alright now." 

 

Arthur kicked excitedly beneath his hand, making River smile. "I don't think he's stopped moving since you woke." 

 

"Hmm, well maybe he'd like a story?" He directed the question towards his son. 

 

"Are you sure you're up for telling one?" She asked softly. 

 

"I've been asleep for days, I'm sure I can manage a story." He smiled.

 

"Alright..." She whispered, though she looked worried. 

 

He shifted to lean his head down to her stomach. "Now, what kind of story do you want?" 

 

River smiled softly, playing with his hair. "He says he wants one that will make Mummy happy." 

 

"Well then, Professor, what will make you happy?" He asked. 

 

"I think...maybe a kiss would make me happy." She murmured, "And perhaps a story about one of our dates." 

 

He leaned up and pressed his lips softly to hers, smiling against her skin. "Remember the time I took yo u to Laskaris III? I believe it was for your birthday." 

 

She smiled softly, nodding "Of course I remember. It was absolutely lovely." 

 

Arthur kicked in protest when he felt the pressure from the Doctor's head lift.  "Still here, dearie." He assured Arthur, putting his head back down where it was. "I'm not going anywhere." 

 

Arthur kicked happily, then settled. 

 

"Now, where was I? Oh yes,  Laskaris III." He started to retell the date they'd gone on, emphasizing the romantic bits.

 

River's smile grew wider and wider as the story went on, "We haven't been on a date in a while." She whispered once the story was finished. 

 

"Hmm, where would you like to go?" He shifted his gaze up to hers. 

 

She shrugged, "We could go to dinner, maybe take a long walk on a beach somewhere..." 

 

"That sounds wonderful. We should do it this weekend." He suggested. 

 

She nodded, "We also need to go shopping this weekend for things for the baby. I don't want to put it off too long or else he'll come and we'll still have nothing." 

 

"We have a few things. We've got the cot and some of the girl's old toys. That's not nothing." He pointed out. "Though I suppose we do need loads more things." The baby shower was supposed to be tomorrow, so anything they didn’t get then could be bought over the weekend. 

 

"We should go through the old toys. Some of them are a bit dirty." She murmured, adding that to her mental list of things they needed to do. 

 

He nodded. "Not now, though. We should go to sleep for now." 

 

She nodded, closing her eyes, "I could use some sleep..." 

 

"...Did you sleep at all while I was unconscious?" He asked, knowing that if their positions had been switched, he defiantly wouldn't have. She shook her head slowly. He sighed. "Close your eyes, you must exhausted." 

 

"I have to get up in a few hours to make breakfast for the girls." She whispered. 

 

"I can do that. You've got to rest." He insisted. 

 

"But Doctor..." She tried to protest. 

 

He tapped her nose, interrupting. "I'll be up and running with a few hours sleep. It doesn't take long for me to heal and whatever you did gave me a good head start. You're  _ pregnant _ , River. All I ask is that you sleep in a while and regain your strength." 

 

"I want to be up before they are." She whispered, "Can you wake me up before them at least?" 

 

"Sure. I'll let them sleep in, too." He agreed.

 

She nodded, finally closing her eyes to sleep. He shifted so his arms were around her, "I love you." 

 

"I love you too." She whispered sleepily, drifting off. 

 

-x-

 

The Doctor did his best not to wake River when he woke in the morning. He slipped out of bed and stretched to make sure everything worked properly. Kissing River's temple, he made sure all her medications were next to her for when she woke before heading to the kitchen to make large chocolate chip pancakes for everyone. He found himself rather hungry after sleeping for a few days. He cooked for a while, wanting to make sure River got as much sleep as she could before he came in to wake her. 

 

Just before he finished, River wandered into the kitchen, wrapped up in her bathrobe which she had gone to their room to fetch. 

 

He took a moment to notice her. "Oh, River. You're up." 

 

She hummed sleepily, walking over to him and wrapping her arms around him. 

 

He returned the gesture, placing a tender kiss her her cheek. "Sleep well?" 

 

She hummed nuzzling his chest. She was obviously still rather sleepy. 

 

"I'll take that as a yes. Something wake you up?" He wondered. 

 

"Tiber came in and sat down on my belly, which Arthur didn't seem to like." She murmured, leaning against him. 

 

"Those two never seemed to get along, oddly enough." He stood firmly, supporting her. 

 

She hummed, rubbing her side gently where Tiber had scratched her, "The baby's asleep now." 

 

He gently placed his hand over hers. "I wish he'd learn to kick less hard." 

 

"It's alright, I don't mind." She whispered, rolling up her shirt to see if there was a scratch from the cat. 

 

"Dear me." He tutted at the thin red line. "I hope they get along better once he's born." 

 

She hummed in agreement, "I don't want Tiber scratching him and hurting him." 

 

"I don't want him hurting you either." He kneeled and carefully brushed his lips over the abrasion. 

 

River smiled tiredly, "Be careful not to wake him." She murmured. 

 

"I know, love." He pressed three more kisses to her skin before standing. "Now, what do you say we go and wake to two wonderful miracles you brought into the world five years ago today." 

 

She smiled and nodded, fixing her shirt and then talking his hand. He turned off the stove and they made their way towards Freya and Amelia's room where they still slept peacefully. 

 

"You should wake them." She whispered, waiting in the doorway. 

 

He went in and sat on the edge of Amelia's bed. "Happy birthday, sweetheart." 

 

She stirred a bit, not completely walking, "Daddy?" 

 

"Yes,it's me. Open your eyes for me, lovie?" He asked, keeping his voice low. 

 

Her eyes, wide and excited, flew open to look up at him. "You're awake!" 

 

"Of course I'm awake!" He grinned. "I wouldn't ever miss your birthday." 

 

She jumped up, wrapping her arms around him. Freya began to stir as well, just as surprised and happy to see him awake. 

 

He laughed as he was tackled down by the two. "And I missed you, too." 

 

"Be gentle, girls." River called from the doorway. 

 

They turned to look at her. "How'd you get Daddy to wake up?" 

 

"Magic." She smiled, going over and kissing their heads, "Happy Birthday, my darlings." 

 

"Do we get cake for breakfast?" Freya bounced.

 

"I'm afraid not, but Daddy made pancakes for you." 

 

"Do they have chocolate chips in them?" She asked hopefully.

 

"Yes they do!" She beamed. 

 

They both jumped up and raced to the kitchen. 

 

"We should wake Vastra and Jack, too." The Doctor said. 

 

River nodded, then tugged him close to her, pressing a rouge kiss to his lips. He hummed. "I'm guess you missed me too, then?" 

 

"I most certainly did." She murmured, going in for another one. 

 

He brought his hands up to cup her face, melting into the kiss. "Perhaps Vastra and Jack can wait a moment." 

 

She hummed against his lips, kissing him deeply. "I missed this." 

 

"There will definitely be more of this on our date this weekend." He grinned. 

 

"Perhaps the plant will be ready then too?" She murmured, looking up at him teasingly. 

 

"Quite likely." He nodded. "I think so." 

 

She gave him one last kiss, "Well then, I certainly have a lot to look forward to." 

 

"Yes." He thought about the surprise they'd been planning. "You do." 

 

"Alright, lover boy. Let's get back to the girls." She took his hand, pulling him along. He followed willingly, a bit hazed from the snogs. 

 

River helped the girls with their breakfast, which they gobbled up, and then went to get them dressed. Within two hours they were ready to start their family focused day. 

 

They'd decided to let Vastra and Jack have their well earned sleep. "Alright, gang." The Doctor adjusted his bow tie and spun around the console. "Where to?" 

 

"I want to go play with the puppies at the pet store!" Freya decided. 

 

He nodded and began flipping levers. "A whole lot of puppies, coming up!" 

 

The girls ran to the doors once they landed, excited to get to play with the puppies. "No talking to strangers." He reminded before they could bolt out to door. "Try and stay close to your mum." 

 

"We'd better not be leaving here with a dog." River warned her husband as she followed the girls out. 

 

"No, the cats would never get along with it." He agreed. 

 

The girls were arguing over which one they wanted to play with first, trying to decide between two rather large, fluffy puppies. "Those look like  Bernese Mountain dogs." The Doctor pointed out to them, kneeling to sit with them. 

 

"I want to play with that one." Amelia pointed to the one that looked slightly scruffier, but still adorable, perhaps even cuter than it's nearly identical brother. 

 

It perked it's ears up as the Doctor scooped it up and placed it in her lap. It started licking her face happily. She giggled, trying to hug the dog, already declaring, "I wanna keep it forever!" 

 

"We already have three kitties. I don't think they would get along very well." He said carefully. 

 

"But look! He likes me! Pleaseeeeee?" She gave him her best puppy dog eyes, "We could name him Arthur too!" 

 

He laughed. "That's your brother's name, sweetheart. I'm afraid we can't keep the dog or name him that, but you can play with him for as long as you like."  

 

She stopped her pleas to keep the dog for the time being, occupying herself with petting him instead. 

 

"Mummy, does my brother have a birthday?" Freya asked, arms around the other pup who seemed indifferent about the small child. 

 

"Not yet, sweetie." River smiled softly, "He won't have a birthday until he's born." 

 

"Well how long until then?" She asked impatiently. She'd asked many times before, but as the date grew closer the question became more frequent. 

 

"Two more months, sweetie. They'll go by so quickly, he'll be here before you know it." She assured her, trying not to think about the fact that that meant she was going to die in two more months. 

 

"Can we have a cake ready for when he comes out?" 

 

"Well, we can try to, but he won't be able to eat it." She sat beside her daughter. 

 

"Why not?" She looked confused. 

 

"Well, when babies are first born they only drink milk and then as they get older they get to eat more and more different foods." 

 

"Will I have to share my chocolate milk with him?" She didn't like that idea. 

 

"No, you won't my love. He'll have his own milk." She kissed her head. 

 

There was another puppy that was barking and trying to run to Freya, whimpering from in it's cage. Her attention shifted to it before she could remember to ask where his milk would come from. "Mummy, can I play with that one?” 

 

River nodded, helping her return the other dog to it's cage before taking the new puppy out. 

 

This one, though smaller than the last, still tried its best to jump up and tackle Freya. She burst out giggling as it let out excited little yips. River laughed, smiling down as she watched the puppy attack her daughter with kisses. 

 

"It's licking me, it's licking me!" She squealed. 

 

"Yes, my love! I see!" River laughed.  

 

"I want to keep it. Can we keep it?" She pleaded. 

 

River glanced at the Doctor, "No, sweetie, I'm afraid not." River hated saying no to the girls, especially on their 'perfect' birthday. 

 

She protested and this time the Doctor spoke up. "We can't dearie." He told her. "Maybe when you're older." 

 

Freya pouted, "Please, please please? He can be my only present for a million million years." 

 

"I'm afraid not." He chuckled. "Besides, you've got a lot of presents coming for you today." 

 

She pouted, "But I love him, pleaseeeeee?" 

  
"I said no, Freya. But you can play with him for as long as you want to." The girls played with the dogs for another hour and a half before reluctantly deciding it was time to move on. 


	143. It Just Means Time, Little Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Normally a run like this wouldn't have been terribly difficult for her, but being six months pregnant and not having gotten a lot of sleep the night before was acting against her. "I told them to stay close. Why can't they listen?" She hissed as they ran.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part two of the birthday includes ice cream and a butterfly planet. Still very fluffy and I'll admit not my best chapter, but it's updating day so here you go anyways. Enjoy!

**Ch 143**

 

"Do you girls have a special place you want to eat lunch?" The Doctor asked once they'd all filed back into the TARDIS. 

 

“The ice cream parlor!" Amelia said almost immediately. 

 

"Ice cream for lunch? What does Mummy think about that?" He glanced at her. 

 

"Mummy thinks that ice cream for lunch sounds like a perfect idea." River beamed. 

 

"Well I know a brilliant parlor on Pesontecha. Shall we go there?" He asked. River nodded, as did the girls. "Geronimo!" He beamed, set the coordinates. 

 

As they landed, the girls ran to the doors. River grabbed hold of the console, gripping it tightly. He paused, waiting for her. "You alright?" 

 

She nodded quickly, "Go with the girls, I'll be there in a minute." 

 

"...Okay." He nodded, giving her a kiss. She whimpered in pain as he did so. He frowned, pulling away. "River...That's doesn't sound okay..." 

 

"I-I'm alright, just go." She breathed, leaning back against the console. 

 

He stood his ground. "No, are you in pain?" 

 

"Doctor, please..." She looked up at him pleadingly, "Before the girls think there's something wrong." 

 

He hesitated before reluctantly going after his children. "Go to the medbay." 

 

She shook her head, "I'm fine." She tried to insist. 

 

"Go, now." He insisted. "I'll be there as soon as I can." 

 

"No!" She cried, "It's our family day, I'm spending the day with the girls." 

 

"It won't be much of a family day if something happens to you or the baby. I'm asking you to go and make sure." 

 

"We're fine." She huffed and brushed past him, going outside to be with the girls. 

 

Freya and Amelia had found a booth to sit in, a waiter having given them some paper and crayons. They waved. "Over here, Mummy!" 

 

River put on a smile, scooting into the booth to sit with them, "What are you going to get?" They each pointed to a picture of a large and sugary looking ice cream on the colorful children's menu. "Oh my, that certainly looks...exciting." She nodded. 

 

Throughout their ice cream lunch, River felt alright, not in a terrible amount of pain the entire time. The Doctor kept looking concernedly at her, remaining worried and watching her carefully. Towards the end of their lunch, she had to grip the table rather tightly, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment, but other than that she was fine. 

 

The girls skipped back to the TARDIS when the food was paid for, bellies full and minds oblivious to what was going on. "Where would you like to go next, girls?" River asked, following right behind them.

 

Amelia tugged on her arm. "Can we have some down time? I'm tired now." 

 

"Of course, sweetie." She nodded, rather relieved that they would get to rest for a bit. 

 

"I bet Auntie Vastra and Uncle Jack would love to read you some stories." The Doctor said. 

 

River looked up at him, shaking her head, but the girls were already running to find their Aunt and Uncle.

 

"Please, River. Just humor me and let me do a scan." He urged. 

 

"Why are you sending them off to be with Jack and Vastra? This is our family day! It's not supposed to involve them!" She demanded, looking upset. 

 

"The girls consider them as much part of the family as we are. It will only be for as long as it takes to do the scan, then they're all yours." He insisted. Eager to be back with the girls she agreed, though she obviously wasn't happy with him. 

 

He lead her to the medbay, ordering the test. "Where exactly have you been feeling pain?" 

 

"All over." She murmured, "But I'm not feeling any right now." 

 

"How strong is it?" He frowned. "Did you remember your medications when I was unconscious?" 

 

"It's moderately strong, and of course I remembered my medications, I'm not completely helpless when you're not around." She thought about it for a moment, "Jack gave me something to help with the stress. He said it was fine for the baby, but I don't think he's aware of all the medications I'm on." She mentioned, knowing that mixing incompatible medications could be potentially dangerous. 

 

He nodded, acknowledging what she said. "Can you show me what he gave you?" 

 

"I don't know, I don't really remember." She went over to cabinet, looking at it's contents for a minute, "I think it was these." She pulled out a bottle, handing it to him. 

 

He examined the label. "Oh, um, yes. You're right. These aren't compatible with your other medications. It cancels out the effect of a lot of them." 

 

"What?" She looked alarmed, "Is something wrong with Arthur now?" 

 

"No." He shook his head. "These wouldn't really have affected him, but I'd like to get it out of your system as soon as we can." 

 

"How do we do that." She asked, still worried more about the baby than herself. 

 

"I've got something for it." He went back over the the cabinets, rummaging through them for a short while. "Ah, found it." He held out what looked like a transparent patch with flexible thin circuits in it. "Put this on, anywhere is fine." 

 

She took the patch from him, "And this won't hurt Arthur, will it?" 

 

"Nope. Not a bit." He picked up a nearby scanner, pressed an assortment of different things on it, then set it down again. "It will release Omecenti into your blood stream, which might sting a bit. Useless little inventions, they hardly work for anything, but it this case they will. I've programmed them to eliminate what Jack gave you and arrange the elements into what you normally take." 

 

She nodded, pressing the patch to the side of her stomach, "Could we do an ultrasound anyway?" She asked, wanting to see their baby. 

 

"Course." He smiled softly, going to get the equipment. 

 

She got up on the cot, lying down and getting comfortable. He went through the usual actions of setting everything up until Arthur was visible on the screen. 

 

At that moment, the girls came in, tugging Vastra and Jack, who still looked very tired, into the room. Amelia let go, excitement filling her. "Look it! It's my baby brother!" 

 

River looked up, her face brightening tremendously when the girls came it, "Yes it is!" 

 

They clambered up onto the cot with River, Vastra and Jack finding themselves seats. The Doctor pointed to the image, outlining it with his finger. "Here's his head, there are his arms. That's his tummy and those are his legs." 

 

"What's that stuff?" Freya asked, pointing to the gel on River's belly. 

 

"Petroleum jelly. It helps to carry the sonic waves produced by this." He pointed to the probe. "They bounce off of your little brother while he's still inside Mummy and the ultrasound reads it then makes an image." 

 

"Can I try?" She asked, wanting a turn using the probe. 

 

"I don't see why not." He handed it to her. "Make sure not to press too hard and keep it up right." 

 

"What happens if you press too hard?" Amelia asked. The girls were very curious about the machine. 

 

"You could hurt Mummy." He told her. 

 

Freya made sure to be gentle moving the probe around her mother's stomach. "Where did he go?" She asked, not realizing that Arthur wouldn't be visible in every spot. 

 

"He's still there, lovie. You're pointing the probe at a spot he's not in. That looks like his placenta." 

 

She moved the probe again, wanting to see her brother. "Look! He's moving!" She exclaimed once he was visible again. They could see on the ultrasound as well as on River's belly that Arthur was attempting to stretch out his limbs. The lack of space made it a bit difficult for him. 

 

"I wanna feel!" Amelia put her hand where Arthur was moving, getting gel all over her palm and fingers. 

 

Arthur kicked against her and the Doctor laughed. "Sweetheart, you're going to have to wash that off." 

 

"Come feel him!" Amelia giggled, pressing a kiss against River's skin and then wiping the gel off her lips with the back of her hand. 

 

He placed his hands gently next to hers, feeling the cold gel against River's warm skin and his child's movements beneath. He beamed. "Now that is something, isn't it." 

 

River was glowing down at her family, "Are you enjoying yourselves?" 

 

All three nodded. Even Arthur kicked in agreement, glad to be surrounded by what he recognized as his family. River smiled, content to stay like that for the rest of the day. 

 

"Mummy, I want to go to the place where the big butterflies live." Freya said after a little while. 

 

"The big butterflies, hmm? I think we could do that." 

 

"We should get Vastra and Jack home first." The Doctor pointed out. 

 

River hummed and nodded, moving to finally wipe what was left of the gel off her belly. The Doctor brought Amelia to the sink to wash it off her hands and his as well. River helped Freya with the probe once she was finished, helping her put the machine away. 

 

Soon enough they all made their way to the console room. They dropped Jack off first, then Vastra. The girls gave them big hugs before they left. "Next stop, P ameludio." 

 

"We have to be very careful here girls." River warned, "No running away from Mummy and Daddy." 

 

"We know." Freya chirped.

 

"Butterflies aren't dangerous, Mummy. They just tickle." Amelia added, thinking the River was reminding them because she thought there was danger. 

 

"Yes, I know, but it is very very easy to get lost here, so you have to stay close." She put her hand out, wanting at least one of them to hold her hand. 

 

Freya took it, Amelia just nodding to show she understood. River opened the doors for them, leading the girls outside. 

 

She'd been right about it being easy to get lost here. The place was like a tropical jungle with plants everywhere, making it difficult to forge a straight path. The wildlife consisted mostly of the aforementioned butterflies. They were all much bigger and brighter than ones found on Earth. One floated past them, as big as River's head -hair included-, and the girls immediately started pulling River along after it. 

 

"Girls, slow down, we can't lose your father." She warned. 

 

"Right behind you." The Doctor called. "...Ish." He'd fallen a couple meters behind, but River's mass of curls wasn't hard to spot among the foliage. 

 

"Try to keep up, sweetie." She called back to him, "I don't think they'll be slowing down any time soon." 

 

"You know, the farther we go from the TARDIS, the more we'll have to walk when we go back." He jogged a bit to catch up to them. 

 

"Yes, I'm aware." She practically groaned, already feeling her ankles swelling by the minute. 

 

The girls didn't seem to care, determined to catch the up to the butterfly they had spotted. "Think of it as a free ticket to a very long foot rub later." He teased. She hummed, letting the girls pull them along for as long as they liked. 

 

It took the girls nearly a half hour more of running along to get tired. They found a mossy patch of forest floor and flopped down onto it.

 

"Too tired to continue?" River teased. 

 

"I think we lost the butterfly." Freya replied, both of their faces a bit flush. 

 

"I'm sorry, my loves." She sat down beside them, relieved to be off her feet for a minute. 

 

Freya dramatically fell backwards so she was lying down and staring up at the trees, letting out an exaggerated sigh. 

 

"We can go after another." Amelia decided, lying down as well. "Look up, Mummy." 

 

River laughed at her daughter's dramatics, looking up at the sky. The butterflies flew slowly above them in swooping and fluttering motions, flashing their colors and patterns in the humid air. The Doctor finally sat, too, a small breeze starting up. 

 

"It's so pretty." Amelia whispered. 

 

"Shall we take a picture?" The Doctor asked. The girls nodded, still staring at the sky. 

 

He dug around his pocket for the camera, taking a picture of the scene above him. "Gather around Mummy. I want to take a picture of you three." 

 

The girls crawled around River, Amelia cuddling against River's side. 

 

"Everyone say cheese!" He instructed. 

 

"Cheese!" The girls smiled. He snapped the photo then looked at it. "That's what I call a moment to remember." He showed the picture to them.

 

River smiled softly, "That's lovely. I think we need one with you too." She took the camera from him. 

 

He nodded and they switched places. 

 

"Oh, now isn't that adorable." She said after taking the picture. 

 

"I wanna see!" Freya and Amelia jumped up. River bent down to show them the picture. "Can we help you put it in your box?" 

 

"Of course you can." She smiled, "We'll put it in as soon as we get home." 

 

"We don't have to go home now, do we?" Amelia worried. 

 

"Not if you don't want to." She assured her, kissing her forehead. The girl brightened up. 

 

Another butterfly flew past their heads, this one smaller than the last they'd been chasing. "I wanna get it!" She insisted starting to go after it, Freya following. 

 

"Slow down!" River called, trying to follow after them once more. 

 

"But I've got to catch it!" Their voices were much further away than they'd been a moment ago. 

 

"Girls!" River was running now, not wanting to lose them. Their laughter echoed around, making it hard to decipher which direction they were in. She followed the flashes of their bright clothes, struggling to keep up. 

 

The Doctor kept encouraging her forwards as he ran beside her. Normally a run like this wouldn't have been terribly difficult for her, but being six months pregnant and not having gotten a lot of sleep the night before was acting against her. "I told them to stay close. Why can't they listen?" She hissed as they ran. 

 

"Five-year-old minds work in mysterious ways." He commented. 

 

"We're going to lose them." She ran faster. 

 

"We're not going to loose them. We've just to catch up with them." He assured.  

 

The girls stopped suddenly as the butterfly they had been chasing landed on a tree branch above them. The frantic parents nearly ran into them, finally able to catch their breath. 

 

River practically collapsed onto the ground, her lungs burning. 

 

Freya continued to stare up the the butterfly, but Amelia turned her head. "What's wrong, Mummy?" 

 

"Tired..." She breathed. 

 

"Does that mean Daddy has to help us get the butterfly down?" She nodded, still trying to catch her breath. Amelia pointed up to the butterfly expectantly. 

 

The Doctor jumped and shook the branch. It flew off of it, startled, and lowered itself onto Amelia's head. She burst out giggling. Freya stared, wide eyed, stepping forward to catch it. 

 

"Careful, lovie! You'll hurt it if you touch it's wings." He advised. 

 

She tried to get it's legs instead, not wanting to hurt the creature. It crawled onto her hand and the Doctor reached for the camera again. She stared in amazement as it walked along her hand. He snapped a quick picture.

  
"I think we ought to head home now. It's going to be a long walk." He told everyone. The girls didn't protest too much as they were very tired after their adventure of running through the forest with the butterflies. 


	144. A Song for Everyone to Hear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He smiled, too, relieved that for the most part, this day had been exactly what they'd wanted. Just them as a family, no one trying to kill them or break them apart, no one getting hurt, just time together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still awfully fluffy. Comment and enjoy!

**Ch 144**

 

As they walked back to the TARDIS it began to rain heavily, soaking the Time Lord family. They'd been walking for a good half hour at least by that point. Most of the butterflies and other insects that had been flying around had found shelter under leaves and logs. 

 

"I think we've earned a nice warm bubble bath before dinner, yeah?" The Doctor suggested to everyone, brushing his water logged fringe from his eyes. The sound of the raindrops pounding down were almost enough to drown out his voice. 

 

"Maybe we should stop and try to wait until the rain lets up." River suggested, looking at the large leaved plants that would be able to shelter them from the rain until it stopped. 

 

"Are you sure? It could be hours before this lightens up." He glanced back at her. She shrugged, the girls shivering and huddling around River's legs. He gave it a moment of thought before agreeing. "Alright. Let find some shelter." 

 

"I'm cold." Amelia whimpered as they tried to find a place to rest. 

 

"Do you want my jacket?" He offered. It was soaked through, but still warm from his own body heat. 

 

She shook her head, "Can you carry me?" He nodded and scooped her up, holding her close to keep her warm. 

 

Soon he spotted a very large leaf protecting a relatively dry patch of ground. The rain rolled off its hydrophobic surface in thick stream. He pointed it out and headed over to it. Amelia nuzzled against him, closing her eyes as River followed with Freya under the leaf. 

 

They all huddled fairly close together in attempts to better warms themselves. The Doctor wrapped his spare arm around his wife. "I promise we'll all take warm baths when we get home and then you two can open your presents and we can have dinner and cake." 

 

River kissed Freya's head as the girl snuggled against her chest. Had they not been exhausted, the twins wouldn have jumped around at the promise of getting cake. "I want bubbles." Freya said quietly. 

 

"Alright, we can have bubbles, my sweet." River whispered, rubbing her back. She smiled and closed her eyes again. 

 

They listened to the rain for a while, the girls nearly falling asleep to the sound. 

 

"Remember when I said your eyes look like an ocean after a storm?" The Doctor asked softly. She hummed a confirmation, stroking Freya's hair. "I change my mind. I think they look like this." 

 

"This?" She repeated quietly, looking up. 

 

"Like this forest in the rain." He clarified. "Calming but loud, wild and everlasting but tame and soothing, and absolutely teaming with life." 

 

She smiled, "That's quite a description." She murmured, leaning in for a kiss. Their lips met in a soft but passionate kiss over the heads of their napping daughters. 

 

The rain began to let up after an hour minutes, slowing to the point where it was only drizzling. The Doctor gingerly held his hand out from under the protection of the leaf as to test if the rain was playing a trick on him. Determining it wasn't, he stood with Amelia in his arms and offered a hand to River. River took his hand, getting up with a sleeping Freya in her arms. 

 

The rain completely stopped as they continued to walk, some of the butterflies coming out to sun themselves. A bit to the Doctor's surprise, the TARDIS was covered in sunning butterflies when they finally made it back. 

 

"Freya, sweetie, look." River whispered, gently waking her daughter, not wanting her to miss the sight. She fussed a little in complaint from being woken, but immediately cheered up at the sight.  "Look at how beautiful the TARDIS looks." River murmured. 

 

"Take a picture, quick!" 

 

River took out the camera, taking a picture of the door. Freya clapped excitedly, waking her sister. She had a similar reaction to seeing all the butterflies. "Can we hold one?" 

 

"You can try as long as you don't hurt them." 

 

Amelia wiggled out of the Doctor's arms and approached the TARDIS. She carefully urged a close one onto her finger.  A butterfly crawled onto her hand, flapping it's wings gently. "It tickles!" She laughed. “Look, Mummy!" 

 

"I see!" River smiled. 

 

She reached for another one, gleeful when two more made their way onto her arm. After a few minutes, the butterflies began to take off, flying away but not before surrounding them in beautiful waves of colorful wings. "I wanna do this again tomorrow!" The girls grinned. 

 

River laughed, ushering them inside, "Come on, let's go take a bath." 

 

"Lets go in the  _ big _ bath so we can all fit!" Freya insisted. 

 

"I think we can manage that since it's your birthday." She lead them to the bathroom, having them take off their damp clothes. The Doctor started the water, making sure to put in extra bubble bath solution. River made sure that there were warm towels waiting for them, and that the girls toys were in the bath before helping them inside. 

 

They sighed contently as they warmed up and started to splash around a bit.  River smiled, sitting on the edge of the tub, "Let's try not to get the rest of the bathroom too wet, yeah?" 

 

"You have to come in with us!" They insisted. 

 

"Alright, if you insist." She stripped down to her undergarments, glancing at the Doctor. The Doctor was grinning at her. 

 

" _ Both _ of you hafta come in." 

 

"Do you hear that? Both of us have to come in." She purred, leaning in for a kiss. He blushed and began to take his clothes off too, quickly betting into the bath. River got into the bath behind him, after tying up her hair. 

 

"Mummy, what are those lines?" Freya asked, pointing to her stretch marks. 

 

“They're just lines, love. Lots of people get them when parts of their body grow very quickly." She explained. 

 

"Like your tummy 'cause our little brother is growing in there. 

 

She nodded, "Yes, just like that." Freya gathered as many bubbles as she could in her arms and tried to stack them on River's belly. River laughed softly, letting them play for a while.

 

They insisted on trying to wash River's hair, later. "I don't want to get my hair wet, girls, not tonight." She bopped their noses with bubbles. 

 

"Aw, but why?" They complained. 

 

"Because I don't want to today girls." She tried to move away from the topic, "We need to open presents, yeah?" 

 

"Presents!" They were easily distracted. 

 

"Come on, let's go then." She got out of the tub, retrieving a towel and then doing the same for the girls, taking them to get dressed in their pajamas once they were dry. The Doctor went to get the gifts they'd pre-wrapped a while ago. 

 

River was dragged to the room they were doing presents in, now all dressed in pajamas, with her bubbly daughters who were very eager to open their gifts. They gathered in front of the fireplace, the Doctor laying out the armful of presents in front of them. River sat beside the Doctor as the girls attacked their gifts, tearing open the papers. 

 

There were lots of new toys, a mix of stuffed animals and puzzles, along with a bunch of new drawing things like coloring books and markers. The girls were already coloring in their new coloring books as soon as they finished opening everything. Freya had on a hat that she had gotten while Amelia cuddled one of her new stuffed animals.  

 

"Well, do you like your gifts?" The Doctor asked, snuggling up to River. 

 

"Yes!" Both girls replied, nose deep in their coloring. River smiled, pressing a kiss to his temple. 

 

He grinned. "I should start dinner." 

 

"No, stay with me." River pouted, curling around his body. 

 

"Well, alright." He settled. "Do you want that foot rub now?" 

 

"I just want to cuddle up with my husband." She murmured, nuzzling his neck. 

 

"I can get behind that idea." He tightened his arm around her. She smiled, resting her head on his chest and closing her eyes. He smiled, too, relieved that for the most part, this day had been exactly what they'd wanted. Just them as a family, no one trying to kill them or break them apart, no one getting hurt, just  _ time _ together. With the way things were and River's impending death, it was exactly what he valued most.

 

"Love you." She murmured, "Thank you for giving me two beautiful babies." 

 

"Thank you for exactly the same." He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "But they're five years old now, I don't think that qualifies as babies anymore." 

 

"They'll always be my babies, no matter how old they are." She looked at the girls, "Do you remember how tiny they were?" 

 

"Yes, I could fit them both in one arm." He replied, a bit reminiscent. 

 

She ran her hand along her abdomen, "Soon you'll be able to do that with Arthur." 

 

He nodded, doing his best to keep his mind away from the fact that she wouldn't be there. "Less of a hassle than twins." 

 

The thought of not being there to raise their son hit her hard at that moment, and she pressed her lips tightly together, "Yeah… That's good." 

 

He held her close, moving to change the topic. Talking about it for too long would throw both of them from their happy moods. "I've got chocolate cake mix for the girls, but I'm not sure what to cook for dinner yet. 

 

She nodded, closing her eyes once more, "I'm fairly certain their new favorite food is ravioli, we could make that." She suggested. 

 

"In a bit, though." He agreed. "I want to sit here longer." River nodded, pressing a kiss to his chest. 

 

Amelia scooted over to River, walking her stuffed horse up the side of her belly, making sound effects with her mouth. River laughed softly, "Are you enjoying your presents." 

 

"Yeah!" The girl beamed. "I named her Brownie." She announced, cuddling the dark chestnut colored horse.

 

"Oh, she's lovely." River pet the horse's hair. 

 

"I'm going to learn a magic spell to make her bigger so I can ride on her back." Amelia declared. 

 

"Well that certainly sounds exciting." She smiled. Arthur kicked beneath the stuffed animal. 

 

Freya joined them and placed her new hat on top of River's belly. "You two are already such good sisters." River praised. 

 

"It's easy when I get along with Mia." Freya shrugged. "And I'm really, really excited to have a little brother!" 

 

"I'm glad that you're excited, and I'm glad that you're both so gentle." 

 

"Daddy always says to be gentle." Amelia explained. "You said he's really little still, so we hafta be extra careful." 

 

"Yes, that's exactly right." She was surprised that the girls remembered all of this, having thought that they had forgotten. 

 

"He's only this big." She held her arms apart about the length of River's round middle. "That how big Mr Thomas is now, but kitties grow faster than babies." 

 

River nodded, "My goodness, you're so smart." She pressed a kiss to her forehead, "Are you two hungry yet?" They both nodded, Freya more eager for cake than the dinner part. "Alright, come on." She slowly got up, taking their hands and bringing them to the kitchen. 

 

Within the hour they had finished their dinner and were onto cake. It had been baking in the oven while they ate, the smell making the girls even more excited. "Who want to help frost the cake?" The Doctor asked. 

 

"Me! Me!" Both girls shot up. 

 

"Slow down there." He got stools for them so they could reach the counter. 

 

"Can we have green frosting?" Amelia asked. 

 

He nodded and fished out yellow and blue frosting, a bowl, and a whisk. "Here, you have to mix these in the bowl and it will make green." As excited as the girls were, they had had such a busy day that they were getting sleepier and sleepier by the minute, though they perked up a bit once the cake was frosted. 

 

He placed five candles into it, and lit them. "Alright, you two go sit at the table. River, dim the lights please." River got up to dim the lights as the girls scurried to their seats. 

 

He carefully lifted the plate, walking with it to the table and starting to sing happy birthday. River joined in taking pictures of the girls as the cake was placed in front of them.  _ "Happy birthday, dear Amelia and Freeeeyaaaaa. Happy birthday to yooooouuu! _ Now make a wish and blow out your candles." 

 

The girls squeezed their eyes shut, thinking of their wish. Once they were finished, they counted to three, blowing out the candles together. The proud parents clapped and went to turn the lights back on. "Alright, how big do you want your slices?" 

 

"I want a huge one!" Freya smiled. 

 

"Alright..." He nodded. Of course, he didn't make it too big, but larger than a regular slice. "What about my other girls? How big do you want your slices?"

 

"I want mine as big as Freya's." Amelia eyed her sister's piece. 

 

He nodded again, it was their birthday after all. "And you River?" 

 

"Only a little piece for me." She murmured. 

 

"You sure?" He looked up at her.

 

"I've had too many sweets already today." She nodded. 

 

He shrugged and cut her a slice, making his own slice a size somewhere between what River and and what the girls had. They ate and talked, their perfect day coming to a close. Once they finished, the girls colored for a bit longer while their parents cleaned up, and then it was time for bed. 

 

The two birthday girls tried to linger, asking for a long bed time story. River brought them to their beds, then told them about one of her prison escapes, and then about a time she and Jack saved a moon base. They were asleep by the time she was finished, Amelia curled up to Brownie, thumb in her mouth. River smiled, kissing both of their heads, "Goodnight, my loves." She whispered, even though they wouldn't hear her, 

 

"Sweet dreams." The Doctor wrapped his arm around River's waist as they strolled out of the room. 

 

"I've extended the TARDIS shields. She's alert us if anything comes onto our property. " 

 

She nodded, resting her head against his shoulder. "Good, I don't want anything coming in ever again." 

 

"Besides our friends of course. When should the girls go back to school?" He wondered. 

 

"I don't know." She whispered, pinching the bridge of her nose, "I don't want to think about it right now." 

 

"It's alright, you don't have to." He said calmly. "How about that foot rub then, yeah?" 

 

"You don't have to do that." She murmured, heading for their bedroom. 

 

"You've been on your feet all day. I'm happy to." He insisted. 

 

"But you need rest as well." She looked up at him. 

 

"I slept for days. I think I can manage to stay up a bit late to give my wife-- my very wonderful and gorgeous wife--" He added, "a foot massage." 

 

She smiled weakly, "Wonderful and gorgeous?" 

 

"Absolutely so." He confirmed. 

 

She finally agreed, sitting down on the bed. He plopped himself cross-legged on the floor in front of her and gently cupped one of her feet, starting to kneed the swollen muscles. She almost immediately melted, letting out a very satisfied and relaxed moan. He grinned to himself, pressing a delicate kiss to the top of her foot. 

 

"Today was a nice day." She breathed, relaxing by the minute. 

 

He hummed in agreement. "Quite lovely, I'd say." 

 

She yawned, "Tomorrow, maybe we could go through the girls old toys and pick out which ones we can use for Arthur." 

 

He switched to her other foot, remembering that her surprise baby shower was tomorrow. "You're not going to work, are you?" He had missed the whole headmaster-is-a-robot thing. 

 

"No, I'm afraid not. I don't know if I'll ever go back." She murmured. 

 

He frowned and looked up at her. "Did something happen?" 

 

She glanced up at him, taking a breath before explaining the whole story. 

 

He was speechless by the end of it. "I... wow. Is everyone there safe now?" 

 

"I don't know. Jack stayed behind to make sure they would be and he would have told me if there was a major problem." She slowly pulled her feet away from his hands, curling up on the bed. 

 

"Now we have more time together." He pointed out, trying to think of the positives. She hummed softly. 

 

He got into bed with her, cuddling up her her. She turned so she was facing his chest, burying her face against him. "Sweet dreams, love." He murmured, kissing her head. 

  
"Goodnight." She murmured, falling asleep not long after. He continued to think of how tomorrow would be, and how excited River would be by the baby shower. (At least she hoped she'd be.)


	145. Bad Penny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girls ran up, hugging her legs. "Happy baby brother party shower, Mummy!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of dialogue thrown around, sorry if it's hard to follow. Comment and enjoy!

**Ch 145**

 

Anticipation woke the Doctor in the morning, but he made sure to stay in the warm bed, still pressed up to River. River work about two hours after him, "Doctor?" She murmured sleepily. 

 

"I'm here." He replied, keeping his voice low. 

 

"Morning." She murmured, giving him a sloppy, sleepy kiss. 

 

He returned the gesture a bit more neatly than her. "Sleep well?" 

 

She nodded, "Very nice dreams." 

 

"Care to share?" 

 

"They were about us." She breathed, "Us going on dates. They were very nice." 

 

"Well I can make your dreams come true." He smiled and tapped her nose. 

 

"I'm sure you can." She grinned. 

 

"Where did you dream we went?" He trailed his fingers up her arm. 

 

"A beach." She murmured, "We had a nice little picnic on a beach." 

 

"Do you want to go there for our date tomorrow?" He asked. 

 

She nodded, "I would enjoy that." 

 

He hummed in agreement. "I suppose we have to get up soon." 

 

She nodded, putting a hand to her side, "Arthur's very sleepy today." 

 

"I'm sure he'll be excited later." He said, almost letting slip the surprise. 

 

"What do you mean?" She asked, looking up at him. 

 

"Oh, er, nothing. Just that it will... be a nice day is all." 

 

She slowly started out of bed. He followed, stretching out his limbs. "What should we make for breakfast?" 

 

"Let's just have toast and jam." She kissed his cheek, "Simple things." 

 

"Right. Simple." He nodded, starting to worry slightly that she might now enjoy a surprise party later. They went through the morning in ‘simple’ mode, River completely unaware of the rather extravagant baby shower the Doctor and Vastra had planned. 

 

By the time the afternoon rolled around, the Doctor was trying to find an excuse to get the others in the TARDIS. River went to play with the girls for a bit, allowing for their friends to sneak in. They brought armfuls of gifts with them as well as various little food dishes ranging from pastries to hor dourves. 

 

"Alright, keep the light out until I say so.” The Doctor instructed. The guests nodded, staying quiet so River wouldn't hear. 

 

He went to the girls’ room to retrieve River. He coughed a bit nervously in the doorway. "Er...Riv?" 

 

"Hmm?" She looked up at him, a bit confused as to why he looked so nervous. 

 

The girls had run ahead of them so they could hide as well. "I... have something to show you." He rubbed the back of his head. 

 

"What is it?" She was looking a bit worried now, thinking something was wrong. 

 

"Come and see." He did his best to smile widely. She followed him and stepped into the dark room, holding his hand. "Okay, now!" He cued.

 

Clara turned the lights on and everyone jumped from their hiding places. "Surprise!" 

 

Rive jumped, looking stunned. "Oh, my goodness..." 

 

The girls ran up, hugging her legs. "Happy baby brother party shower, Mummy!"

 

"Did you do all this?" River asked, looking up at the Doctor. 

 

"Well, um, yes. Sort of. I mean, they all helped." He gestured to their many guests. "And Amelia and Freya came up with the idea. Do.... do you like it?" 

 

"I love it." She whispered, breaking out into a smile. 

 

"Really?" He let out a breath of relief, smile growing to match hers. 

 

"It's wonderful." River nodded, pulling him down for a kiss. He squeaked and flailed his arms a bit, very aware that they weren't alone in the room. She was beaming, when she pulled back. 

 

He smiled and flushed. "Now you see why I wanted to wait to get more supplies." 

 

"Yes, I certainly can." She looked at the piles and piles of presents. Their friends had outdone themselves, getting them so many things that they probably wouldn't have to go to the store at all. 

 

“Uncle Jack brought cupcakes!" Freya told River ecstatically, pulling her towards the table that all the food had been placed on. 

 

River looked at all the food in amazement, not believing that their friends did all of that for her, "Oh my, they look delicious." 

 

"I'm old enough to have  _ three  _ cupcakes at once now." She declared, reaching for one of the paper plates that has been set out.  

 

"Three?" She raised an eyebrow, "Maybe you should have a sandwich first." 

 

"But then I can have three?" She asked, wanting to ensure that she'd get her cupcakes. 

 

"We'll see, my love." She didn't want Freya to get sick later. Freya got up on a chair so she could reach and helped herself to the assortment of things, putting a few carrots on her plate to make her mum happy. She also tried to sneak a cupcake in. River let her take the cupcake, seeing as she took the carrots, helping Amelia get food as well. 

 

Everyone took their share of food and treats, settling on the seats in the living room, chattering away with each other. River looked quite happy the entire time they ate and talked, her smile never fading. 

 

Amelia tugged of River's dress, chocolate frosting staining the corner of her lips. "I thought you said my baby brother wouldn't get a birthday until he was born." 

 

"Well, sweetheart, he won't. This isn't exactly a birthday party, it's a party to celebrate that he's going to be born soon." 

 

"But there's cake and presents and everyone's here." She glanced around. "So... it's like a warm up birthday party?" 

 

"Yes, like a warm up birthday." River smiled. 

 

"But he can't play with any of his presents yet." The girl pointed out. 

 

"I know, but most of his presents will probably be things like clothes." 

 

"Are you going to open them now?" 

 

"If you'd like me to I can." River nodded. 

 

Amelia jumped up, "It's present time!" She announced to everyone. 

 

River laughed. "Settle down." 

 

Everyone gathered around and sat closer to River. Jack and the Doctor got all the gifts and but them in one large pile. 

 

"But presents are the best part." Amelia countered.  

 

"Would you like to help me?" River asked, sitting next to the Doctor. 

 

"Yes!" Amelia grinned, trying to crawl into her lap, though had trouble since it was mostly occupied by her large middle. 

 

"Which one do you want to do first?" 

 

"This one!" She reached for a box shaped one with shiny silver wrapping. River nodded, helping with the wrapping. 

 

There was a little note with neat handwriting from Clara inside. The box contained a store bought toy, one of the match-the-shape-to-the-right-hole ones. 

 

"Oh, Clara, thank you." River smiled. 

 

Clara grinned back. "My pleasure."

 

"I used to have one of those." Freya pointed out from Clara's lap. 

 

"Yeah, we did but we lost the blocks." Amelia chimed in. 

 

"Oh yeah." Freya giggled, glancing up at her Aunt. "Guess what? Did you know we're gonna call our baby brother Arthur?" 

 

"Really? I didn't know that!" 

 

"I think he's named after, um... I think he's named after my grandad." 

 

River nodded, "Yes, very good." 

 

Freya smiled, proud of herself. "When are we going to get to tell grandad and grandmum about school?" 

 

"Soon, my love." 

 

"But  _ how  _ soon?" She asked, wanting specifics. 

 

"I don't know." She murmured, "how about another gift, yeah?" 

 

Amelia pointed to a softer looking one. "Do that one." 

 

"Alright." She took the present, looking for a card. 

 

The card indicated it was from Ianto. There were about a dozen little baby onesies inside along with a gift card to a nearby coffee shop. "Oh, Ianto, these are adorable. Thank you." River smiled, showing the Doctor the gifts as Amelia tried to put the ribbons in her hair. 

 

They continued on through the mountain of gifts, taking a while to get through them all. They revived more clothes from Vastra and Jenny, as well as a stroller. Clara gave them another toy and lots of practical things like bottles and diapers. Jack gave them a mix of all three including books and a mobile for the crib. 

 

By the end of it all, River had an assortment of bows and ribbons woven into her hair thanks to Amelia. She was sitting with her head against the Doctor's shoulder, glowing with happiness. 

 

"I don't think we're going to need to go shopping at all." He murmured to her. 

 

She smiled, "Mmm, yes. This was lovely." 

 

"Do you think we should get everyone to help pick out the pictures for the nursery?" He asked softly. 

 

"I think that's a wonderful idea." She whispered, kissing his cheek.

 

"I'll go get the box then." The DOctor said. She gave him a soft kiss. "Back in a mo'." He got up. 

 

Freya went and stole his place by River's side. "Hello, my sweet. Are you having fun?" 

 

Freya nodded. "Do all babies get to have baby party showers before they're born?" 

 

River shook her head "Not all babies." 

 

"How come?" She asked. 

 

"Well, I don't know. Lots of different reasons." 

 

"But like what reasons?" She insisted. 

 

"Well, sometimes nobody plans one, or the parents don't need any new toys or clothes for the baby." 

 

"Oh." She nodded as the Doctor returned. 

 

"Looks like my seat's been taken." 

 

River stood up, "Sit here.” 

 

"Mummy!" Freya protested, "I want to sit next to you." 

 

"I'll sit on Daddy's lap." 

 

She giggled. "Do you fit on Daddy's lap?" 

 

"Hmm lets see, shall we?" 

 

It was a tight fit, but the Doctor didn't mind at all, wrapping his arms around her. River smiled softly, "Am I too heavy for you?" 

 

He shifted a bit then settled. "No, just right." 

 

She smiled and pressed a kiss to his hand. Arthur kicked beneath his hands, excited to have the Doctor close. 

 

"Now," He placed the box in her hands and called everyone over. "We want our baby's room to be filled with memories, we'd like you all to help us choose." 

 

River opened the box beginning to pass the pictures around to their friends. They 'ooh'ed and 'ah'ed at the photos, not having known that River had so many. They recognized most of the scenes, partly from being there in person and partly from hearing about it through story. 

 

About halfway through the pictures, River paused, getting to William's last sonogram. The Doctor peered over her shoulder, pressing his lips together. She squeezed her eyes shut, a wave over sadness coming over her. 

 

"We should put that somewhere safe." He finally managed to say. 

 

She swallowed, nodding. Her eyes were watery and she pressed her forehead against his cheek. He slowly took the picture from her hands, tucking it neatly into his pocket for the time being. "It won't happen again, not this time." 

 

"But what if it does? What if something happens?" 

 

"I won't let it. Not on my watch, I  _ promise _ ." He spoke softly. 

 

She nodded, "I want all of us to be okay." 

 

"We will be." He said. A lie of course, both of them knew it. River wouldn't be okay by the end of this, she'd be gone. She tried to turn back to the pictures, not wanting to dwell on the subject any longer. 

 

Vastra held up one of all four of them, dressed up and looking ready to go someplace fancy. "I think this may be quite appropriate for your wall." 

 

River smiled, "Yes, those are very good ones." 

 

Vastra picked up the sadness hiding in her tone. "Everything alright?" 

 

"Yes, I'm fine." She nodded. 

 

"If you say so." She wasn't completely convinced, but knew better than to question further. 

 

"I think Arthur is excited to have you here." She commented. 

 

Vastra smiled. "I'm glad to hear it." 

 

"He can recognize some of your hands and voices now." She told the group. 

 

"Is that like a Timebaby thing, being brilliant at young ages?" Clara asked. 

 

River laughed weakly, "I don't know, is it?" She asked, looking at the Doctor. 

 

He nodded in conformation. "Gallifreyan children do develop their brains much faster than human children. I had a friend who'd published a book on the history of the Kaajeb by the time we entered the Academy." 

 

She smiled, kissing his cheek, "And it doesn't hurt that their father is extremely brilliant as well." 

 

"Same goes for you, love. You're absolutely brilliant, too." He insisted.

 

"How does the kiddo recognize us all, anyways?" Jack asked. 

 

River explained the game that Arthur liked to play to them, telling them how he would match up their voices to their hands. 

 

"It's amazing that he can remember what we say." Jack approached her. "Can I try?" 

 

She nodded, "Yes, go ahead." 

 

He pressed his hand against her bump and Arthur was quick to kick against it. It took a moment, but soon the baby came up with a very american sounding voice saying  _ 'Be nice to your mom, kiddo.'  _

 

River laughed, "Yes, very good Arthur." 

 

"What'd he say?" Jack was curious. 

 

"He said 'Be nice to your mum, kiddo." She repeated.  

 

"I remember telling him that, it was so long ago, though. I didn't think he could actually hear me." He pointed out. 

 

She smiled softly, "He has a very good memory." 

 

"Oh, I want to try, too!" Clara pipped up. 

 

"Alright then." Clara did the same movements as Jack and Arthur repeated his exercise, coming up with Clara's higher and energetic voice:  _ 'I know some tea that will make you feel much better'.  _

 

River repeated what Arthur said, telling him that he was right. 

 

"Did the girls do this before they were born?" Clara wondered. 

 

"Well, no, not really. The circumstances were different, and there wasn't really anyone to do it with. It was just the two of us." 

 

"A shame really." Jack butted in. "I woulda loved to see you two deal with babies for the first time. Now  _ that _ would have been funny." 

 

She hummed, "It certainly was an adventure." 

 

"Wait, wait, what was the Doctor's reaction when you told him. Did he freak out? Did you have to give him the talk?" Jack was clearly having fun imagining his friend flailing around in a panic. 

 

She was quiet for a minute, "He...um..." She couldn't find her words, thinking about the day she had first come to him and told him that she had lost their baby. Those thoughts lead to thoughts of William which of course lead to worries of the present and suddenly she was drowning in the sad memories of the past and the frightening thought of the future. 

 

"We actually had planned to try for kids together." The Doctor answered Jack for her, knowing that River wasn't quite there at the moment. "I was very happy when it worked." 

 

"I'll be back in a moment," River stood quickly, "I'm just going to go to the washroom." Everyone nodded, not giving it a second thought, but the Doctor knew that whatever had come across her mind was having a negative effect on her. 

  
She left without looking back, the girls taking the opportunity to tell everyone about their half day at school. The Doctor slipped off to the kitchen while they chattered, wanting to make sure that River was okay. 


	146. Feels like Yesterday, Stings like Tomorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You make me feel so incredibly guilty for dying." She whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

**Ch 146**

 

River was sitting at the table, her head in her hands, crying silently, thinking she was alone. She shouldn’t have really given Jack much blame, but it was him who got her mind on the miscarriages and William then death in general. Her hormones had quickly grabbed hold by that point.

 

The Doctor was a bit shocked to find her like this. He thought she'd just needed a moment to breathe and collect herself, but clearly she'd had something quite distressful cross her mind. He sat quietly across from her. 

 

She jumped when she heard him, quickly trying to regain her composure and grabbing some napkins to dry her eyes, "I'm sorry..." She whispered, "I'm sorry." 

 

"You don't have to be sorry." He said softly. "It's alright to cry you know." She was still trying to hide her face, not wanting him to see her upset. He took one of her hands away from her face, cupping it in his own. "Tell me what's wrong, love." 

 

"Nothing, I'm okay." She murmured.  

 

"I know you're not. I know you're lying." He sighed. "But if you don't want to talk about it you should just say so." 

 

"Well I didn't ask you to come and follow me in here, did I?" She snapped, "I wanted to be alone for a reason." 

 

He jumped a bit at her sudden rise of tone, drawing his hands away from hers and instinctively shoving them in his pockets. He swallowed and looked down, thumb brushing over the sonogram still there. "I can if you want...“

 

She immediately regretted what she had done, feeling horrible. "I-" She stopped, thinking he wouldn't want to hear her apology, and put her head in her hands, trying not to start crying again. 

 

He didn't want to leave her, he wanted to try and help. He knew he'd worry too much if he didn't, so he sat there without a word, not yet brave enough to make a move. She suddenly felt like a burden, which was exactly what she never wanted to be. She thought that he was just staying because he felt like he had to. "Why are you still here? You can leave. I don't need you to stay." 

 

"I can leave," He echoed, "I but I don't really want to." He admitted. 

 

"I don't want you here because you think you have to be or because you'll feel guilty if you leave. I'd rather be alone." 

 

"I'm here because I like being with you." He didn't want to go without at least knowing what was wrong. He stood and moved away from the table, but instead of leaving, went to the stove and started to make tea.

 

Her eyes fell, thinking he was leaving, but frowning when he didn’t. "I thought you were going back." She whispered. 

 

"Well, you know." He waved his hand in a sort of general gesture as if it were and full and detailed explanation. 

 

"If you're going to leave me the please don't prolong it and just go." 

 

He rolled her words around in his head as he spoke. "I'm not prolonging, I'm making tea. Do you want any?" He asked, though he was indeed procrastinating. She huffed, getting leaving the room herself. She was truly upset now and went to find a place where she would actually be alone. 

 

He sagged his shoulders as she left, looking a bit defeated. He hoped she wasn't mad at him, he'd wanted to get her to talk to him, though sometimes he pushed too hard without knowing it. He sighed, pouring cups of tea for his guests and going back to join them. 

 

The girls were entertaining all of their friends, getting them to play games and watch them re-enact some of their favorite stories. The Doctor tried to smile for them, clapping as they bowed. 

 

River came back about twenty minutes later, her whole demeanor shifted from how happy it had been earlier. She stayed towards the back of the group, not saying much, but trying to look happy for the sake of their friends. 

 

Freya ran up to River and hugged her legs, looking up at her. "I'm going to be an actress when I grow up! I'm good enough to be in a movie." 

 

"I'm sure you are, my love. That sounds very fun." She smiled weakly, though it didn't reach her eyes. 

 

"When do we get to go back to school?" Amelia asked. 

 

"Soon, sweetie. I don't know when exactly." She sat down in one of the chairs. 

 

"On Monday?" She asked hopefully. 

 

"We'll see, Amelia." 

 

Amelia took this to mean probably instead of maybe. "Can I have another cupcake?" 

 

"Go ahead." River murmured, not really listening anymore. 

 

"Yay!" She scurried over to the table and stuffed another cupcake into her mouth. 

 

The group had gone back to looking at River's pictures. River chose to sit a bit outside the group, not too involved with what was going on. 

 

The Doctor went to sit with her, hoping she wouldn't push him away this time. She quite obviously tensed, looking in the opposite direction. "...Are you feeling better?" He asked. 

 

"I'm fine." She mumbled, "Though I don't see how that's relevant to you." 

 

"Well, because I care about you. Why wouldn't how you're feeling matter to me?" He reasoned, sincere. 

 

"Because my feelings won't matter in two months, so why should they matter now?" She whispered, refusing to look at him. 

 

He was taken back. "They  _ will _ matter in two months. They'll matter to me always. Now or the end of time... They'll matter-  _ You  _ matter to me." She shook her head, pressing her lips firmly together. "Nothing's going to change my mind about that." He wondered if she didn't believe him, or maybe just didn't want to. 

 

"Why? That's ridiculous. I'm not going to be here in a few months, I don't know why my opinions will still matter to you. You're going to have to move on and by the looks of what your saying now it doesn't sound like you will be, which you promised me you would." She kept her voice low so no one else would hear. 

 

"I'm not planning on breaking my promise to you, River, but moving on isn't easy and it will take me a long time. I'm certainly not going to move on when you're right here living and breathing next to me. Would you, if it were me?" He didn't want to fight with her, but she had to know how much he valued her, how much he'd  _ always  _ care. 

 

"Well it's not you, is it? It's me! Do you think that this isn't hard for me? You could at least make this a little bit easier by respecting my wishes!" 

 

"I'm trying to, but you can't ask me to do the impossible and stop caring about you!" He countered. 

 

"It's not impossible, believe me, it's not. And if you ever cared about me at all then you would do it!" She shot back. 

 

He was too shocked that she would question if he'd ever cared for her to be confused about the paradox of her request. "Who is this going to help? Because if you think it's going to make what's going to happen in a few months any easier for either of us, than for once you'd be very wrong. Tell me why you'd want me to stop caring." 

 

She got up, pulling him into the hall to continue their escalating fight, not wanting to make a scene in front of their friends. "Why can't you just respect what I want and not question this? All you're doing is making it harder." 

 

"I'm not trying to, it's just that what you want not something I can do." He huffed. "If you want as many guns as money can buy, easy. If you want the universe, you’ll get it on a silver plate. If you want me tell you all my secrets, no problem. If you want me to run to the other side of the universe because you can't stand the sight of me, I'll go! But River I cannot stop loving you if I tried. I cannot stop caring about you because in all the centuries I've been alive I've never loved anyone more than I do you so you're going to have to give me a better reason." He said, slightly harsher than he'd intended. 

 

"I'm not asking you to stop loving me I'm asking you to become less attached! Are you saying that this being what I want and being my  _ dying  _ wish isn't a good enough reason for you? Leaving you and the girls is all that I think about every minute of the day and I can't take it any more. I can't do this! Why can't you just let me have this one thing?" She was shouting and shaking, but luckily the TARDIS had moved the door to the room where everyone was away from them.  

 

He stared at her, thinking back to Darillium, to the Library. He had been sure she was going to die then, and all he wanted for her was peace. He thought to the days of getting to know River, of how hard he tried not to get attached then, all because he knew she would end up dead by his hands. He sighed. All he wanted now was for her to be happy, and if for some reason this was how, than he'd do it. "Fine. Fine!" He said bitterly. He couldn't really detach himself from her, but he could act for her sake. "Tell me how to become less attached to the love of my lives because I don't know how." 

 

She stared at him as well, shocked that he was actually agreeing. She had finally pushed him hard enough to get her way, though it wasn't really what she wanted at all. She was so confused, she was trying to push him away for his sake, though he had said that that wouldn't help. She wanted to spare her family the hurt of her loss, but she couldn't figure out how. Every time she thought she was doing the right thing, she was in fact doing the opposite. They were supposed to be going on a date tomorrow, which she had been looking forward to ever since they started talking about it, though it looked like it wouldn't be happening anymore. She was miserable to be around. 

 

"You make me feel so incredibly guilty for dying." She whispered. 

 

His shoulders fell. "I... I don't mean to. I know it's not your fault." He bit his tongue, unsure of where he stood now, unsure of how his words would affect her. "Tell me how to stop." 

 

She didn't answer him. turning her head away and sliding down the wall to sit on the floor. He stood awkwardly, wondering if she wanted him to leave. He was afraid to ask, not wanting her to say yes. "May I stay?" He asked instead. 

 

"I don't care." She whispered, squeezing her eyes shut. 

 

He quietly sat on the floor, as well. At least she wasn't kicking his out. River didn't speak, refusing to look at him. Arthur kicked, wondering where all of the people had gone, disappointed that they seemed to had disappeared. She ignored him. She wanted her mind to herself at the moment. 

 

They sat there in silence of a long while, neither quite making eye contact with the other. Eventually the Doctor decided to be brave enough to ask, "Do you still want me to become less attached?" 

 

"I don't know." She whispered, "I don't know what I want." 

 

He leaned his head against the wall, listening to the hum of their ship, glad that she hadn't said yes. "Do you still want me?" He didn't man it in a sexual way, just as part of her life. 

 

"Why are you asking such stupid questions? I never said I didn't want you." She murmured. 

 

He closed his mouth again with a small nod, deciding to just take that as a yes. She fell silent as well, angry with herself for being too harsh. There was another bout of silence between them before he spoke. "Do you still want to go on our date tomorrow?" 

 

She let out a small, bitter laugh, "I don't deserve a date with you. Not after this..." 

 

"You deserve plenty of things." He insisted. 

 

"Don't be silly." She murmured. 

 

"I'm being serious." He replied. 

 

"Well then you're delusional." 

 

"River, a fight like this one doesn't make you less worthy of anything." 

 

"I just want everything to be back to the way it was." She whispered. 

 

"Me too." He agreed, daring to scoot closer to her. She refused to cry, though her bottom lip trembled. He reached out for her hand, tenderly brushing his thumb over it. She didn't move, afraid to. 

 

After a moment, he drew his hand to himself. "No then?" 

 

Her face fell when he pulled away, "Hmm?" 

 

"To the date I mean. It's alright if you want to put it off." 

 

"You don't...want to go anymore?" She asked quietly, trying not to look disappointed. 

 

"I didn't say that. I'd like to, I wanted to know if you still do." He offered a small smile. 

 

"I still want to go." She whispered. 

 

"Good." He unconsciously took her hand again. River wanted a bit more than to hold his hand, but she was afraid to ask. Still feeling like she didn't deserve it. 

 

"How long do you think until they come looking for us?" He murmured. 

 

"I don't know." She murmured, not really wanting to go back to the party. 

 

He hummed. "Sorry." 

 

"Why are you apologizing?" She asked. 

 

"Because I didn't mean to get into a fight with you. I just wanted you to know I care." He said. 

 

"It was my fault..." She sighed, "It's always my fault." 

 

"It wasn't your fault. It wasn't any ones fault. It just happened." She closed her eyes, wrapping her arms around her body. "We'll get through it." He wanted to be optimistic for her. 

 

"Do you still love me?" She asked quietly. 

 

"Yes." He said without hesitation. "More than anything." 

 

"More than the girls?" She raised an eyebrow. 

 

"Well, I love the girls in a different way than I love you, but I do suppose you're all tied." He reasoned. 

 

She nodded, "Could we drop everyone home and go to bed?" She was tired now and just wanted to put an end to the day. 

 

He nodded. "Do you want to come say goodbye to them?" 

 

"I suppose I should." She breathed, getting up. 

 

River seemed distant for the rest of the night, not saying much to their friends as they left and not talking very much while she and the Doctor put the girls to bed. 

 

He wanted to cuddle with her by the time they got about to setting in their own bed, but was unsure if she wanted him close. River lay back on the bed with a small sigh, closing her eyes. 

 

"There's a lovely little beach on Ge uzikka. The sand is pure white and the water is very clear." He said in a hushed tone, turning the light out. 

 

"That sounds very nice." She whispered, "Is it ever crowded?" 

 

"No." He shook his head, deciding to take to risk and shift close to her. "It's hidden away so not many people find it." She hummed softly, liking the thought of getting to be alone with him. "Very sunny, we should bring lots of sun cream. And a picnic. What do you think we should have in the picnic?" 

 

"I don't know, what did we used to have in our picnics?" She murmured. 

 

"Fruit. Lots of fruit... and sandwiches." He thought. "Jammie dodgers, cheese, and crackers." He left out wine since he knew neither of them would drink it.  

 

"I want those things then." She whispered, curling up to him. 

 

He smiled, both at the thought of their date tomorrow and the fact that she was by his side. He kissed the top of her head. "I love you." 

 

"I love you too." She breathed, relaxing a bit now. 

 

He wrapped an arm carefully around her. "Sweet dreams, love." 

  
"Sweet dreams." She echoed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I know, I'm sorry it just happened! You can be grumpy at me later or in the comments (hint hint).


	147. City of Gold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He moved to crouch in front of her so they could see eye to eye. "Why has a phone call got you so worried, love?" 
> 
> "Because the way she acted." She squeezed her eyes shut, "The way she looked at me..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, some smut that has a bit less of a wind down than usual. Why am I still giving you smut warnings? Who knows. Comment and enjoy!

**Ch 147**

 

In the morning, the Doctor found that their daughters and two of the three cats had decided that right between the him and River was the best place to sleep. Amelia and Freya were more in a heap, all arms and legs and little curls in a messy bed head. He smiled at his sleeping family. 

 

River was the first to wake of the three, her expression matching his when she saw the girls. He put his fingers to his lip to show that they should remain quiet. He wondered how they all fit on the bed, seeing that Samantha had a leg dangling off it and Tiber had squeezed himself to fit next to River's shoulder. 

 

She nodded, trying not to laugh at the mess of people and animals in their bed. "No Mr Thomas?" He mouthed the words across to River, unsure where their third cat had gotten to.

 

She shrugged, not seeing the cat in the bed, "Too crowded for him?" She mouthed back. He nodded, thinking that was probably it. It was as good a guess as any. 

 

Tiber shifted, practically rolling onto River's face. The movement of the cat, however, caused Freya to stir and soon Amelia. River coughed, getting some of the cat's hair in her mouth. 

 

Tiber purred and Freya opened her eyes. The girl burst out giggling. "Tiber says he loves you." 

 

"Oh, does he really?" River removed the cat from the rest of her face, so he decided to instead settle half on her belly half on her chest. 

 

"Daddy's been teaching me how to speak cat so now I know when he says 'I love you'."

 

Arthur kicked against Tiber who was determined not to move from his spot. "Wow, that's very impressive. Daddy tried teaching me how to speak cat, but I'm rubbish at it." 

 

"You're wonderful at it." The Doctor insisted. 

 

"I wanna know how to talk cat!" Amelia pipped up. 

 

"I'm sure Daddy would be happy to teach you." She smiled, "And I am not and you know it." 

 

"I know that you're absolutely brilliant." 

 

Tiber made a low noise in the back of his that when Arthur kicked against him again. "Settle down boys." River warned. 

 

_ Go away! _ Arthur protested towards the cat. 

 

"Mummy likes having him here." 

 

_ It's making a funny noise. Don't like that noise.  _ The soft vibrations from the purring was reaching through to Arthur. 

 

"Why not? That noise means he's happy." 

 

This seemed to confuse him.  _ Why?  _

 

"Well, I don't really know, sweetie." River murmured, "That's just what kitties do."

 

_ Kitty is taking my space.  _ He complained, deciding that the noise was tolerable. 

 

"But Mummy likes having the kitty on her belly." She tried to reason with him, "You still have lots of space." 

 

He did a bit of a somersault, testing his new space limitations.  _ Okay _ ...  _ But make it leave soon _ . 

 

She laughed weakly, "Yes, I promise he won't be here very long." Tiber purred delightedly when his comfy spot stopped kicking him. Arthur still didn't appreciate the noise, but restrained from kicking at it. 

 

After a while the girls  got up to go have cereal, and River made to follow. Samantha scampered off the bed, but Tiber meowed in protest of River's movements, eventually tumbling off her as she sat up anyways. She paused on the side of the bed, one hand on her stomach, letting out a small groan. 

 

The Doctor snapped his head up towards her. "River?" 

 

"I'm fine." She breathed, "It's fine, Braxton Hicks." 

 

He frowned. "You sure?" 

 

She nodded, "Yes, I'm fine, I promise." 

 

"Alright." He let the matter drop for now. "Let me know if you think they aren't." 

 

"Of course." She stood properly, going to help the girls with their breakfast. Tiber padded after her, and soon the Doctor. 

 

He made sure there was food in the cats' food bowls and told the girls they'd be staying with one of their Aunts or Uncles today. "You can choose who you want to see today." He said. 

 

"Can we see Auntie Vastra?" Amelia asked. Though she would never tell her other Aunts and Uncles, Vastra was her favorite. 

 

"Absolutely. I'll give her a call as soon as you finish your breakfast." He nodded. They nodded, eating quickly, always excited to see their Aunt. 

 

Once everything was in order, the Doctor piloted them to Vastra's house, making sure to land in the warm spring in case anyone got any ideas about going ice skating. 

 

The girls ran out of the TARDIS, giving Vastra big hugs, "We should go play in the park!" 

 

"We shall, little ones." Vastra smiled down at them, then looked up at their parents. She seemed surprised to see them, even though they'd just talk on the phone. 

 

"What is it?" River asked, looking confused. 

 

"Em... nothing you need concern yourselves with." She responded. 

 

"You're worrying me." She murmured, "Obviously something is off." 

 

"Go run along and play, girls. I'll be with you momentarily." Vastra instructed. 

 

The girls ran off to find the other occupants of the house, leaving the three alone. "I do not mean to worry you, River. I become confused when you call me from different points in your time stream." Vastra finally answered, trying not to be too detailed. 

 

"So...you mean..." River stopped. 

 

"Quite." She confirmed. "Which is why I recommend that your questions stay where they can not potentially damage your time streams." 

 

River stared at her for a moment, not saying anything, and then turning and going back in the TARDIS. The Doctor stayed for a moment to talk to Vastra. "We'll be back in the afternoon to pick the girls up." 

 

She nodded, “Have a nice time together." He thanked her for watching the girls, then headed back into the TARDIS after River. 

 

River was waiting for him in the console room, sitting on the pilot's seat. He flipped a lever, sending them into the vortex. "We should get changed." She nodded, not speaking. He leaned against the console, facing her. "Everything alright?" 

 

"Yeah, I'm fine." She breathed, sighing softly. 

 

"Is it what Vastra said about the phone call?" He pushed, having seen her reaction to it. She nodded again. He moved to crouch in front of her so they could see eye to eye. "Why has a phone call got you so worried, love?" 

 

"Because the way she acted." She squeezed her eyes shut, "The way she  _ looked  _ at me..." 

 

He reached for her hands and squeezed them. "It could have been from any point in our time steam." He soothed, trying to keep her spirits up. "There are plenty of reasons she could have had that look." 

 

"But she wouldn't have been so secretive about it." She held his hands tightly. 

 

"Yes she would. When it comes to crossing time lines, it always requires that much secrecy." He reminded. 

 

She sighed, starting to feel a bit better, "I suppose you're right." 

 

He lifted her hand and pressed a kiss to her palm. "'Course I am. Now, would you be terribly cross with me if I wore the swimming trucks with ducks on them?" He said teasingly, also in an attempt to distract her. 

 

"I suppose I could let it slide just this once." She smiled weakly. 

 

"Good." He patted her knee and stood up, offering a hand. "Now, you go get changed, I'll start making the picnic." 

 

"Can I get a kiss first?" She asked softly. 

 

"Absolutely." He leaned down. She smiled, pressing her lips to his. He hummed, the kiss quickly turning much more passionate than a quick peck. Her lips tasting like the fruit she had had that morning. He was flushed by the time they broke off to breathe. "Think that will hold you for now?" 

 

"Maybe." She breathed. 

 

"Maybe?" He repeated. "I can't you with any doubts, now can I?" He leaned down again. 

 

She giggled, "I suppose not." He kissed her just as thoroughly until they were both breathless and a bit red-lipped. 

 

"Maybe we should go on the picnic in a little bit..." 

 

"I'm that irresistible, am I?" He asked smugly. 

 

She smiled, "Yes you most certainly are." 

 

"You are, too. If you were wondering." He added.

 

"I'm glad you think so." She purred. 

 

"I _ know _ so, as an absolute fact." He declared. 

 

She gave him a quick peck, "How about you go to the bathroom and run a bath for us, and then I'll meet you there." 

 

"Sounds like a plan." He nodded and went off find the bathroom with a large tub. 

 

River met him there fifteen minutes later, coming into the room in a black silk robe and her red Louboutins.  

 

"Wow." He took a moment to take in her appearance, grinning. "...I thought you, uh, got rid of the Louboutins." 

 

"I was saving them for you." She murmured, smiling. 

 

He sauntered over to her. "They are greatly appreciated." 

 

"I know how much you like them." She hummed, leaning in for a kiss. He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her close and kissing her with the same passion he had earlier. 

 

She kissed back until she felt a sudden pang in her stomach, pulling away and squeezing her eyes shut for a moment. 

 

He made a noise of confusion. "River?" 

 

She put a hand to her side, shaking her head to signal she was alright. 

 

"What... what's wrong?" His eyebrows knit together. 

 

"Braxton Hicks again, it's alright, it's already passing." She was starting to relax again. 

 

"Are you sure?" 

 

She nodded, "I'm fine. See?" 

 

He looked her over, as if he might find some sort of physical injury on her. He didn't of course, so relaxed as well. "Warm water to relax you?" He gestured towards the tub. 

 

"That sounds nice." She breathed, "Help me take this off?" 

 

"My pleasure." He smiled softly, reaching for the fabric. He exposed one of her shoulders, then the other, pressing kisses to her skin. She shivered as the robe pooled around her heels. "I think the only thing more beautiful than you in a silk robe, is you without one." He said sultrily, letting his eyes roam over her. 

 

She laughed softly, "Enjoying the view?" 

 

"Very much so." He confirmed, eyes full of intent. 

 

She smiled, "I'm going to get in the bath now. You're welcome to join me or just keep watching." 

 

"Actually, I'd like to join you in a minute. I want to go get something." He excused himself. 

 

“Oh..." She frowned slightly, as she got into the bath, "Alright." 

 

He left, but quickly returned a few minutes later. In one hand he held a bowl of cherries, in the other he held something that looked like seaweed. 

 

"What is that?" She asked, raising an eyebrow. 

 

“Cherries." He placed the bowl and seaweed looking thing down on the small glass table beside the tub before undressing himself to join her in the water. 

 

"I know what the cherries are, I was talking about the other thing." 

 

"Oh." He slid into the bath, settling next to her.  "The plant Vastra gave us. I finished working on it. I was planning on surprising you today, actually." 

 

She stared at him, eyes wide, "You mean..." 

 

He nodded, smiling sheepishly. "Surprise." 

 

She broke out into a huge smile, "Doctor, that's wonderful!" 

 

He grinned a bit more confidently. "You know what's even more wonderful? All together it will last four hours, so we can break it into segments of whatever size we want." 

 

She wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tightly, "Thank you so much." 

 

He kissed her cheek. "I did think, with the Louboutins and all, now would be a good time to, maybe, test it out." 

 

She hummed, "I think that's a very good idea.” 

 

"How big a piece?" He asked. 

 

"Enough for a half-hour?" She suggested. 

 

He reached over and tore a piece off the plant about and eighth the size of the whole thing. "It tastes a bit odd, by the way." 

 

"Are you sure this is alright for Arthur?" She asked. 

 

"Of course I'm sure. Why do you think it took me so long to work on it?" 

 

She smiled weakly, "I know, I just had to ask." She put the piece of plant in her mouth. 

 

He nodded in understatement. "I didn't expect you not to." 

 

"How do we know that it's working?" 

 

"Well, um, I believe you should feel a little more relaxed. It kicks in fairly quickly." He said.

 

Another minute and she was curled up against him, completely relaxed as she pressed kisses to his cheeks. 

 

He reached for a cherry, dangling it so it just touched her lips. She took it in her mouth, and then kissed him. He could taste the juice from the cherry in her mouth and hummed, sucking her lower lip into his mouth. She whimpered, moving to straddle his hips, deepening the kiss. 

 

He let his hands roam for what felt like the first time in ages. His hands caressed as much skin as he could, dipping and setting on her hips. 

 

Her hands trailed up to his hair and she rolled her hips against his. 

 

"Someone's impatient." He teased. 

 

"We only have a half hour, and it's been  _ so _ long." She breathed, leaning her head down to suck on the pulse point at the base of his neck. 

 

He let out a soft groan, a bit involuntarily at the sensation. He agreed, reaching his hand down between them to press against her sex. She moaned softly, melting against him. He took it as an indication to go on, so he did, massaging and circling her clit. 

 

He'd missed this more than he'd realized, not only this level of intimacy, but also just being able to make River feel like this. She tried to muffle her moans against his skin by sucking on his clavicle once again. He could feel his own arousal growing as her touched her, spreading her folds and slipping his fingers into her. She moaned, the sound causing his skin to vibrate as her back arched into him. 

 

A sinful grin pulled the corners of his lips upwards. He started to move his hand, slowly moving and expertly curling his fingers. "If-If you keep going like this I w-won't last very long." She murmured, her eyes fluttering closed. 

 

"I know." He whispered close to her ear. He curled his fingers again then pulled them out, moving his hands to focus his attention on her chest. 

 

She whined in protest, trying to roll her hips to him again. He chuckled, deciding he could have a little fun in teasing her. While one of his hands worked her breasts, the other went back down between her legs, but only rubbed her inner thigh, frustratingly close to her center. She moaned, "Doctor....please..." 

 

He continued the tease for another moment, enjoying her little frustrated whimpers before giving in. He shifted to hold her hips and lift her slightly, moving until he was lined up with her entrance. 

 

She pulled his torso closer so their foreheads were touching, kissing him deeply. His arms wrapped around her, enjoying having her close. "I've missed this." She whispered. 

 

"Me, too." He agreed, the months they'd abstained feeling more like years. 

 

"I love you." She murmured as she covered his mouth with hers again. 

 

"I love you, too." The Gallifreyan words were muffled by her mouth. He set a gentle pace inside her, moaning softly. She rolled her hips to meet his, getting a bit frustrated when her belly got in the way. 

 

He found it a bit adorable, communicating that through kisses to her jawline and neck. She whined in protest, understanding what he was trying to say, but not appreciating the obstacle in between them. "It's alright if you want to try a different position." He suggested.

 

"That might help." She murmured.

 

"Here..." He pushed her up and turned her around so now she was more sitting on his lap rather than straddling it. He was able to press himself right up against her back. "Is that better?" 

 

"A bit, but now I can't see you." 

 

He rested his chin on her shoulder. "I'm not sure what I can do about that." 

 

"This wouldn't be an issue if I wasn't the size of a whale." She grumbled. 

 

"You're nowhere near the size of a while." He laughed, allowing his hands to move and rest on her belly. "You're growing a person, River. Even little babies take up space." 

 

"Maybe not a full grown whale, but certainly a baby whale. And I don't appreciate the fact that your last memories of me will be my bloated swollen body." She frowned. 

 

"You're not bloated and swollen, you're round and  _ beautiful.  _ You're carrying and creating life, a life that we made together." He kissed her shoulder. "So no matter how whale-like you think you are, I will always see something amazing  when I look at you." 

 

She smiled softly turned back to her original position. 

 

He looked up at her. “I thought you didn’t like this one.”

 

“I like seeing you, so this one is fine for now. And we have another 3 and a half hours to experiment.” She reminded. 

 

He smiled softly and resumed his movements, arms wrapped around her. She moaned and let her head arched back. 

The Doctor used the remainder of their thirty minutes to try and show her exactly how beautiful he thought she was. She ended up climaxing twice, the Doctor falling over the edge with her on her second wave. 

 

She leaned for forehead against his, panting and smiling, "I think the plant is wearing off." 

 

"What, already?" He frowned, disappointed. 

 

She nodded, grabbing his hand, "And I think I'm having another contraction." 

 

This alarmed him. "You said they were Braxton-Hicks." 

 

"They are, they are Braxton Hicks." She murmured. 

 

"You don't sound very sure of that..." He worried at his bottom lip.

 

"I am sure." She insisted, rubbing a hand along her stomach. 

 

He nodded, "Alright, well, just try it breathe through it then." 

 

"It's passing." She breathed, "Perhaps it's time for our picnic." 

 

He popped another cherry into his mouth and nodded.

 

"I promise we'll  do more of this later." She whispered, giving him a soft peck. He grinned at the promise, finally moving to get up. She stood up and then winced, hands moving to her side. 

 

He glanced at her. "Riv?" He really did want to believe these were only Braxton Hicks, but he couldn't help but worry that they weren't. 

 

"It's alright, I'm fine. Can you grab me a towel?" She asked. 

 

He nodded quickly exiting the tub and grabbing towels for both of them. She took the towel from him, nodding in thanks. 

 

"Alright... um, picnic then, yeah?" 

 

"Right, right, picnic." She breathed, mentally asking Arthur if he was alright. Arthur didn't answer. 

 

"I'll go and the food together." The Doctor said. 

 

"Wait!" She was trying not to panic, asking again.

 

"Hmm?" The Doctor turned around at her tone of panic. She didn't say anything, waiting for Arthur's response. He stepped towards her, concern growing. "What's wrong?"

 

_ Go away... sleeping.  _

 

She sighed in relief, "Nothing, never mind." He frowned, wanting to know what had caused her brief panic. "Arthur wasn't answering me and I thought something was wrong, but he's just sleeping." She explained. 

 

"Oh. Well, yes, warm water does have that soothing effect." He informed her. 

 

She nodded, "Maybe he'll stay asleep for our date." 

 

He shrugged. "Depends how long we're out." 

 

"He's probably exhausted from all of the fun yesterday." She murmured, walking over and pressing soft kisses to his cheeks, still trying to assure him that she and the baby were alright, knowing he was still worried. 

 

He nodded and smiled for her, feeling a bit better. "It was exciting, wasn't it." At least the besides their fight. 

 

"And I don't believe I've thanked you for it yet, so thank you, very much." She smiled. 

 

"I can't take all the credit, but you’re very welcome anyways." He kissed her nose. 

 

She smiled, "Well, then let's go get ready for our picnic, yeah?" 

  
"Yeah." He nodded. She lead him out of the bathroom, off to get changed. 


	148. Before the Plunge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He flushed again, flailing slightly. "River, you've brought me a loincloth." 
> 
> “It's not a loincloth, sweetie, it's a speedo, though if you'd prefer a loincloth, I wouldn't object."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I didn't realize how short this chapter would be. Haven't had one this length in a while. Anyways, the silliness doesn't last long as you'll discover. Enjoy!

**Ch 148**

 

The Doctor decided to get changed with his wife before going to the kitchen to pack up the food they'd agreed on the night prior. She pouted as she followed him into the kitchen to help, "Aww I was hoping that you'd stay naked for our picnic." 

 

“Naked?" He felt his face involuntarily turn red. "No, that's, er... um..." He stuttered. "Not in public." 

 

She wrapped her arms around him from behind, "Why not? You said there wouldn't be anyone around..." 

 

"Yeah... but what if someone walks by or-or.... something." He fumbled with the piece of bread he was holding. 

 

"Would you be willing if it were just your pants?" She asked. 

 

"I'm wearing swim shorts. Isn't that basically the same thing?" He questioned. 

 

"Oh, but those shorts are so big, so much fabric." She teased. 

 

"Only because you've got on so little." He teased right back, though in fact didn't mind at all the amount of skin she had exposed. "I'll make you a deal, I'll still get to wear something, but you get to go pick it out." 

 

She smiled, "Yes, I like that plan." He put his attention back to what he was making, hoping she would pick something at least a little decent. "I'll be right back." She gave him a quick kiss. 

 

He nodded. "Hurry back."

 

She came back ten minutes later, her hands behind her back. He closed the picnic box after putting the last few things inside. "Have you got a surprise for me?"

 

"I have your outfit." She purred, bringing her hands round front. She held out a black and blue speedo for him, grinning. 

 

He flushed again, flailing slightly. "River, you've brought me a loincloth." 

 

“It's not a loincloth, sweetie, it's a speedo, though if you'd prefer a loincloth, I wouldn't object." 

 

This made his blush darker. "N-no. Speedo is better than loincloth." He took the piece of fabric hesitantly. "Do these come in duck patterns?" 

 

"I don't think so." She smiled, "Please, wear it for me? Indulge your pregnant wife." 

 

"Well... a deal is a deal." He started to head to the bathroom to change. 

 

She stepped in his way, "You can change here." 

 

His ears felt hot. "Do you wake up in the morning thinking 'how can I make my husband blush today'?" 

 

She nodded, "Go on then." 

 

He removed the yellow-duck swim trunks he had on. She watched him with dark eyes, biting her lip. He stepped into the speedo, adjusting himself to the tight fit. "Do people really  _ volunteer  _ to wear these?" 

 

"I think you look very, very sexy." She smiled, pulling him in for a kiss. 

 

"That makes one of us." 

 

"I think it's time for our picnic." She went and got the basket. 

 

They paused to get a blanket and a large umbrella to sit under on their way to the console room. River hit his bum as went in. 

 

He was sure that his face was now permanently red. He tried not to spin around the console as he piloted them to the beach, worried the slim swimsuit might slip the wrong way. River smiled as she watched him, quite pleased with herself. The TARDIS landed and he gestured towards the door. "Secret beach of Ge uzikka. I don't think they've actually named it." 

 

"Sounds wonderful." She smiled, leading him out with a sway of her hips. Just as he'd described, the empty beach had white sand clear water. It appeared to sparkle against the bright sun. The beach was small and crescent shaped, acting as part of the shore line to a bay leading out to an ocean. 

 

The Doctor felt a little more confident in his lack of clothing as he didn't see anyone else. He went to lay down the blanket and set up their things. 

 

"It looks lovely." River murmured, helping him set everything up. 

 

"Nothing less for you." He settled himself on the blanket. She sat down beside him, pressing a kiss to his shoulder. "You said you dreamed about us coming to a beach, yeah?" 

 

She nodded, "Yes, I did." 

 

"What else happened?" He wondered, thinking if it was something good he could make it come true. 

 

She shook her head, "I don't really remember." 

 

"Hmm. Perhaps I fed you cherries?" 

 

"No, not that...." She murmured, staring out at the ocean. He followed her gaze, cuddling up to her. "We went in the water, and cuddled on the beach, and talked to Arthur..." She started to list. 

 

"Shall we go for a swim then?" 

 

"Maybe in a minute." She murmured, "I like the cuddling right now." He hummed, wrapping an arm around her. She smiled, pressing her body against him. 

 

He kissed her cheek. "Love you." 

 

"Love you to-ah...." Her words were cut off with a groan, and she pressed a hand to her side. 

 

He quickly placed his hand over hers. "River?" She shook her head, breathing through the pain of the contraction. "I know you said these are Braxton Hicks, but I've seen what those look like on you, and I really don't think that’s what these are." 

 

"No, no, they are." She tried to assure him, "They've been very irregular, and all pregnancies are different..." She breathed, "I'm fine." Arthur kicked beneath their hands. 

 

"How strong are they?" 

 

"Not that bad." She said between deep breaths. 

 

He didn't look convinced. "There's got to be a line to draw. If they get stronger or frequent, than I want to take you to the medbay." 

 

"I'm fine right now." She murmured, "Let's not ruin our date, yeah?" 

 

"Your health trumps our date." He replied. "Just let me know, alright?" 

 

She nodded, "I'm fine. We're fine. I promise." 

 

"Alright." He breathed, making sure not to let it stray to the back of his head again. 

 

She smiled weakly and turned her head to give him a soft kiss, "I love you..." 

 

"I love you, too." He brought his hand up to cup her cheek. She nuzzled his hand, pressing a kiss to his palm. "How did I ever get so lucky?" 

 

She smiled, "I don't know, how did you?"  

 

"Hmm, well a lot of wishing I think." He nodded to himself. "Yes, that must be it." 

 

She giggled, "Perhaps..." 

 

"I've wished on enough shooting stars to last, well, eleven lifetimes. I'm sure one of them must have done the trick." He grinned. 

 

"Oh, stop it.  _ I'm _ the lucky one." 

 

"Are you now?" He chuckled. "Even with a chin like mine?" 

 

"I love your chin. It's a lovely chin and it feels so nice between my..." She started to say, smiling cheekily. 

 

He felt red creeping up his neck. "W-well... I, um... I do try." 

 

"How many times have I made you blush now? I've lost count." She teased. 

 

"Today or since we met?” 

 

She laughed,  "Today, love.”  

 

He smiled back. "Over ten if I had to estimate." She clenched her teeth, squeezing her eyes shut. "Oh no, another one?" 

 

"I don't know why my body is deciding to do this now." She breathed, clenching her fists. 

 

"It's not going to stop by waiting it out... let me help." 

 

"No! No, this is  _ our _ time." She was trying not to get upset, "I'll be fine." 

 

"You said that already, but it's not true. It's getting worse." He stood his ground. 

 

"No it's not! It's fine. This is our time, please..." 

 

"And we can still have this time." He countered. "I want it as much as you do... but I don't want it cut short." She gasped, unable to respond as she felt another wave. "Can you stand?" He asked carefully. 

 

"I'm not getting up." She refused, "We're going to stay here and we're going to have a nice, full day alone." 

 

"I'd love to, but you're going to preterm labour whether you'll admit it or not." Even the TARDIS droned, taking the Doctor's side for once. "Maybe you just don't see that because it's not presenting as it did the other times, but I really don't want to wait for it to get worse just to prove it to you." 

 

"I'm not going into preterm labo-gahh." She moaned.

 

"That's three contractions in the past ten minutes. Call it what you want, but you need to go the the medbay. Now." His tone was gaining a frantic edge. 

 

"Fine..." She whispered, not moving until the pain had stopped. 

 

He helped her stand, murmuring an apology that their date hadn't gone the way she wanted. She refused his help, not talking, or really even looking at him for the rest of the walk to the medbay. 

 

He quietly ordered a scan for her once they got there. "I'm fine." She still tried to insist, not sitting on any of the cots. 

 

He disagreed, though didn't say anything. They waited a few moments for the scanner to show results. He looked over them. "No you're not." 

 

"I feel fine, whatever the scan is saying, it's wrong." 

 

"It's saying that I'm right. You're in labour." He showed her the screen. 

 

"No! No! I'm not, it's wrong! It's just Braxton Hicks! I'm not in labour!" She shouted, pushing the screen away. 

 

He was slightly taken back, not expecting such a reaction from her. It was still early and he could still do something, that is if she let him. "Denying it isn't going to change the truth. It's not wrong, just let me help." 

 

She shook her head, "No. No. No. It's been wrong before, it's wrong again." 

 

He put the scanner down on the counter, approaching her slowly. "The TARDIS would never let that happen again, especially when it means life and death." 

 

She shook her head, backing away from him, "No. I know my body better than some  _ machine _ , I know that this isn't labour." 

 

"You're not  _ listening  _ to your body, River! Just stop and look at the signs because they're all there." 

 

"Shut up!" She shouted, her whole body shaking. 

 

He didn't know why, but he clamped his mouth shut. Reason wasn't working with her, it generally didn’t when she got into these states. Fear seemed to just take over. He would try to be the voice of encouragement, but he wasn't sure they had enough time. 

 

She turned and walked out of the room, going to change, completely in denial. "River... come back." He followed. Force was never going to work, not that he wouldn’t try. 

 

"Go away!" She snapped. 

 

He jumped, quickly composing himself. "Not until you come back to the medbay." 

 

She slammed the bathroom door shut, locking the door, "No!" 

 

He pressed his forehead against the door, frustrated. "Please? River, please come out. I can stop this, I can help you if you'll let me, but if you wait it's going to reach a point where I won't be able to do anything." 

 

"There's nothing to stop, this isn't labour. Now shut up and go away!" She threw something at the door, causing a loud bang. 

 

He instinctively jumped away, wondering how much time he had before things really took a turn for the worse. He didn't want to find out, but knew he'd need more than his world to coax her out. He resolved to go call Vastra, knowing she could help. 


	149. To Footsteps Unowned, I Hear not the Knocking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What are you doing?" She asked.
> 
> "Holding your hand."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm also fairly proud of this chapter title, too. Bit of a rushed pace in this chapter. Time skip next time, but I'll add another reminder. Enjoy!

**Ch 149**

 

Vastra came quickly through the TARDIS doors, following the Doctor to the bathroom where River was still locked away. He'd already explained the situation to her, becoming rather worried about the whole thing. He didn't want to find her bleeding out on the other side of the door. 

 

Vastra knocked softly. River didn't answer. She tried again. "River, it's Vastra." The other side of the door remained silent, River refusing to answer. Vastra and the Doctor exchanged worried looks. "Are you alright? Are you conscious?" 

 

"I'm fine. Go away!" 

 

_!!!  _ Arthur kicked, recognizing his Aunt's voice. River sank to the floor beside the tub, staring at the door.  _ Sad Mummy? Why you aren't happy? _

 

"Quiet, Mummy's trying to sleep." She lied. 

 

_ No, I heard you talking. Not sleeping. _ He countered. 

 

"Well I would be sleeping if everyone would just let me sleep." 

 

_ The room keeps getting smaller. Need more room. _ He said, ignoring her statement. She fell silent, his works making her nervous.  _ Give me more room.  _ He demanded. 

 

"Stop it!" She had resorted to shouting again. Arthur panicked at the loud voice, going silent. 

 

Vastra continued to urge River to unlock the door. "River, you have not much to be a afraid of. We can help you stop this... please talk to me." 

 

"No, you can't help me." She got up, throwing open the door and glaring at the Doctor. "You've set what's going to happen by bringing her here. You know what she said to me this morning, you know what it really meant, and by bringing her here, you've sealed my fate. So now, just leave me be to die the way I want to!" 

 

The Doctor jumped back but Vastra stood sturdy in front of her, placing a hand on her shoulder, "What I said this morning meant nothing more than that." This Vastra had come from babysitting the girls (who Jenny was now watching) and did not know the outcome of what was to happen now. "The Doctor's call just now had reached me before the other, that is all. Nothing is set in stone yet, and I'd prefer if it stayed this way. No one is going to die today. You need to stop pushing us away, River. For the sake of your life and that of your child's, let us help." 

 

"I don't want your help." She stepped back into the bathroom, ready to close the door again, "I don't want anyone's help." 

 

Vastra put her foot in the way of the door, refusing to let River close it. As much as she wanted to give River the space she needed, time was not on their side. She wasn't just about to let her friend die because of stubbornness. "Then by all means, give yourself the medicine you need!" 

 

"I'm not in need of medication, I'm fine!" She insisted. 

 

"You are in  _ labour. _ " She protested. 

 

"No, I'm not!" River hissed. 

 

"Why are you denying the truth? Why are you risking your life?"

 

"I'm not denying the truth, I know what's going on with my own body. You on the other hand," She started going off on the Doctor again, "The fact that you would rather listen to a machine than your own bloody wife! You said the machines would never be wrong the first time, and they were. You said that TARDIS would never let the Silence get in, and they have,  _ multiple _ times!" 

 

Vastra glanced back at him and he stared at the floor, knowing that what she said was true. Had had been wrong before, and at the expense of his family. A pang of guilt swept through him, he swallowed and took another step back. 

 

River was shaking with a mix of misplaced anger and fright, "Don't tell me what I'm feeling." 

 

"I... I'm sorry." He said dejectedly. He had been genuinely scared that this was labour, and now it felt like he'd ruined everything. He turned slowly, retreating down the hall. Vastra stayed, rather confused about the whole situation. 

 

"Go home." River whispered, turning and retreating back into the bathroom, locking the door. 

 

She pressed her hand against the door. "I'd really rather stay." 

 

"I'd really rather you not." 

 

Vastra took her hand away and sighed, her concern lying with both her distraught friends. River didn't seem to want her sympathies at the moment, so she resolved to go find the Doctor. Vastra wondered through the halls, hoping the TARDIS would lead her to where ever the Doctor had gone. 

 

The corridors eventually lead to the Doctor's tinkering room, which he liked to call his office. The fireplace was lit, and he was hunched over a desk, presumably tinkering with something.

 

Vastra knocked softly on the doorframe to alert him of her presents. He jumped, startled, and dropping the mechanism in his hands. "I apologize, I didn't mean to startle you." She walked into the room. 

 

"N-no, no. It's fine." He muttered, a bit hoarser than he'd meant. He picked up the objected again, checking to make sure he hadn't broken it. 

 

"Are you alright?" She asked, looking concerned. He shrugged, not looking at her, and waved his hand in a vague gesture as if it explained the complex of emotions she wanted to know about. "Perhaps I should get back to your daughters." She murmured, not wanting to push him if he didn't want to talk. 

 

"Uh, if you want to stay... that would be fine, too. I mean, I'm sure Jenny's got them." He pointed to the soft chair in front of the fire. 

 

"I don't want to bother you." She shook her head. 

 

"You're not bothering me." He turned to look at her. "Is River alright?" 

 

She shrugged, "I don't know, she sent me away." 

 

"...She does that. I don't think it's anything against you. She's just upset with me." 

 

He told her. "She's not upset with you." She assured, "She's just...upset in general." 

 

"You heard what she said. She  _ is _ angry with me.” He looked down. "But she has every right to be." 

 

"She's not cross with you, I promise. Perhaps you should try speaking with her again." Vastra urged.  

 

"She wants space when she's like this." He looked pitifully at the fidget toy in his hands. "She doesn't want me near her." 

 

"Well, maybe you just need to push a bit harder." She urged. 

 

"River isn't one to respond to force... what if she hates me for it?" He looked up at her. 

 

"She won't, especially if she's really in labour and is just not seeing it." 

 

"You think she's wrong?" He asked, not sure if he should be listening to River or the TARDIS. 

 

"She might be, are you willing to take the chance that she is?" 

 

He shoved the mechanism in his pocket, and stood. Vastra was right, the risk was huge if the TARDIS was right and River was in labour, but if he was wrong again? Well, he was sure River would just hate him for a while. He took a breath, knowing that River's life was worth any risk he could take. He patted Vastra on the shoulder as he left, as a thank you for her advice, and marched back to where River had locked herself up. 

 

River was fighting through her third contraction since Vastra left, leaning heavily against the sink. 

 

He knocked vigorously. "Riv! You've got to come out of there!" She was in too much pain to respond at the moment. "River?" He knocked again, "Can you hear me? Are you okay? Please, I need you to come out now." 

 

"Go away!" She finally managed to choke out. 

 

"No, I'm not leaving you while you could be in danger. I know you don't believe me, I know this must be scary, but if I am right then your really do need to come out of there. Please don't take the risk, I don't want to risk you or our son!" He banged again. 

 

She finally unlocked the door, but didn't open it. He waited a moment to see if she would come out, before entering. She had her back to him, leaning against the sink as another contraction came. 

 

He was grateful that Vastra had been right about a firmer push. "River, please. Come to the medbay. Let me make sure you're okay." He let his voice drop to a calmer one, thinking it might help coax her. 

 

"I'm fine." She tried to insist. 

 

"It really doesn't look that way. It's okay not to be fine. Admitting that won't do any harm." He wondered how much time they had. "But if you're not, you really need to let me help because I won't let you die today." 

 

She looked up at him with wide, terrified eyes. "I don't want our time cut any shorter." 

 

He slowly reached out, putting his hand on her arm. "I can help." 

 

"There's pressure..." She whispered, "A lot of pressure down here." She had her hand on her lower abdomen. 

 

He tried to keep the panic off his face. "Stay here then. Try not to move." He said, fearing that any movement might cause her water to break. 

 

"Where are you going?" She asked, not wanting to be left alone anymore. 

 

"I'm going to bring the medicine in here." He paused glancing back at her. She wanted to ask him to stay, and it probably showed on her face, but she didn't. "I'll be back in two seconds." He assured, then darted to the medbay, which the TARDIS had placed near them. 

 

She was crying silently into her palms when he came back. He quickly put down the I.V bags he'd been holding, placing his arms around her. "You're going to be okay." She held him tightly, shaking in his arms. He reached over for the medication, keeping her close. "Hold out you arm." She held her arm out for him, no longer arguing. He gently set up the I.V. "This will be more draining than terbutaline. Do you want to sit down?" 

 

She nodded, still leaning into him. He led her to a sitting room, being mindful and slow for her. She sat on the sofa, leaning back and closing her eyes. 

 

He held the I.V. up so it would flow properly. "I'm sorry for everything." 

 

"Don't apologize." She whispered. 

 

"But... you were right. What you said before I mean, you were right about that." He said quietly. 

 

"No...I wasn't." She sighed, rubbing her temples. 

 

"You weren't?" 

 

She shook her head. He nodded, though he didn't agree. "...Sorry about our date." 

 

She was about to respond, when her words turned into a loud groan, "I feel like I have to push." She groaned, through her water had not yet broken. 

 

"Definitely don't do that." He said quickly. "Just, uh, breathe and don't push." 

 

She cried out, breathing heavily, "It's getting worse." 

 

"Medbay. Can you walk?" He asked urgently. 

 

She shook her head, "I don't know..." He doubted they had time to figure out. He scooped her up, rushing to the medbay. "I have to push." She repeated as he ran. 

 

"Whatever you do, don't do that." He reminded. He got there quickly, placing her down on the cot and putting the I.V. above her so it continued flowing. 

 

"What are you going to do?" She asked between deep breaths. 

 

"Give you something stronger." He said, determined. "Or possibly make something stronger." 

 

"You'd better hurry up." She breathed, "I don't know how much longer I can do this." 

 

"Just hang in there." He rushed, grabbing medicines off the shelf. Some of them were Terrean and others from parts of the universe only a few people have ever heard of. He measured and mixed as fast as he could until he had a solution of the liquid which he quickly put into a syringe. 

 

"Doctor..." She moaned, clutching onto the sides of the cot. 

 

"Just breathe. This is going to hurt." He lifted her shirt, injecting the contents of the needle right into her side. 

 

She cried out once more, her hand flying out for something else to grab onto. He offered his hand for her to crush. She grabbed his hand, nearly breaking it as soon as it was in her grasp. 

 

"This should kick in  _ very  _ quickly." He tried not to wince. 

 

She nodded, starting to feel the pressure alleviating a few moments later. 

 

He let out a breath of relief. That had been much too close a call and the whole thing left him terrified that he could lose her so soon. "The medication's going to make you weak, you'll probably have to stay in bed a few days." She nodded, looking worn out and upset. He tucked a stray curl behind her ear. "...Why did you hide before?" 

 

"I don't want to talk about it." She murmured, flinching away from his hand slightly. 

 

He drew his hand back to himself, staring down at it. "Oh. Alright... Can I get you anything?" She shook her head. He was starting to get the feeling she wanted him to leave. "Um, is it alright if I stay?" 

 

"Of course." She whispered. He smiled weakly and pulled a chair over so he could sit next to the bed. River didn't say much, staring at her hands in her lap. 

 

Minutes ticked by with just the soft hum of the TARDIS filling the space between them. He watched carefully for any signs that the contractions had started again, glad to not find any. 

 

Arthur shifted around, wondering why it was quiet and why there'd been yelling and no room before. River's silence continued, despite Arthur's questions, though she tried to sooth him by rubbing her hand along her abdomen. 

 

The Doctor glanced up at her, eyes following her hand. "Kicking?" 

 

She nodded,"Quite a bit." 

 

"...May I?" He asked, wanting to feel.

 

She nodded, removing her hand so he could have a turn. He pressed his palm carefully against her bump, smiling as he felt Arthur kick excitedly against it in recognition. She smiled weakly, feeling a bit better. 

 

He lifted his hand away after a moment, moving it to take hers. She looked up at him, confused. He just smiled at her, leaning back in his chair. 

 

"What are you doing?" She asked. 

 

"Holding your hand... I can stop if you want me to." He added. 

 

"No, it's alright, I just thought you wanted to feel Arthur move." She murmured. 

 

"I guess that's why I have two hands." He leaned forwards again, putting his free hand back where Arthur was moving. 

 

"Oh, is that the reason?" She managed a small laugh. 

 

"Our hands do fit quite nicely together. Hardly a coincidence." He laughed as well. 

 

She hummed, "You have such warm hands." 

 

"That's a good thing, right?" He asked a bit self consciously. 

 

"Of course it's a good thing, why wouldn't it be?" 

 

He shrugged. "People have different opinions on things." 

 

"I don't think anyone would deem warm hands as a bad thing." 

 

Arthur kicked particularly hard, wanting the Doctor's attention. "Good." He pressed back, though not very hard. Arthur seemed to think it was a game, kicking harder. "Be gentle, now." The Doctor murmured. "You'll hurt your mummy." 

 

Arthur pretended not to hear, keeping up with his game. "Settle, down." He instructed, rubbing River's belly in a soothing motion. Arthur got the message this time, starting to settle. "There we are." The Doctor praised, continuing the motion of his hand, squeezing River's with his other. 

 

River smiled softly, bringing his hand to her lips to give him a soft kiss. He returned the smile. "Love you." 

  
She nodded softly, "I love you too." 


	150. Dearly Departed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vastra and Jenny had been trying to teach her how to knit a blanket for the baby, but River found the task incredibly boring and frustrating. She didn't have the patience or interest in projects like that, but one of the few things she could do now a days. It was probably the messiest "blankets" ever made with massive holes and crooked sides, proving that River was not a very good knitter knitter either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Relatively important note: There's a bit of a flash forwards here about a month, though that's mentioned in the beginning. 
> 
> I know it's not Wednesday, but I've got half days this weeks so I decided to sneak in an extra update here. Don't worry, you'll still have one tomorrow, too. Enjoy (or suffer, that's okay, too)!

**Ch 150**

 

River reluctantly stayed on bed rest over the next few days, however her health only declined. All the medications she had to take we're starting to take a toll on her well being, especially her immune system, and she was left sick, weak, and frustrated. 

 

The Doctor tried his best to keep her comfortable and distracted, knowing how she hated being immobile. He'd moved her to their own bed from the medbay after the first day, and the second day consisted of all and any board games he and the girls could come up with. 

 

When she got sicker, the days were full of sleeping, warm tea, and hushed conversations. He got their friends to come visit her and wish her well. They helped with the girls a lot, who kept insisting that their mummy get a new card every hour. 

 

Arthur, in contrast to his mother, was growing stronger. Most of the effort River's body put into keeping up any sort of health went straight to him. She seemed to only have enough energy to sustain one person and that was their baby. 

 

But the Doctor tried his best to keep her up, too. He consulted the Sisters of the Infinite Schism about medicines to help, but none seemed to do the right thing. He even tried various herbs mixed into tea which didn't do much, but made her symptoms a bit more bearable as the weeks dragged on. 

 

River was in bed with the lights dimmed low. This day was after one of her worst nights yet, throwing up blood and fighting through one of her highest fevers. Though her fever had gone down a bit now, she was still exhausted from it all. "Doctor?" She breathed.

 

He lay next to her, also rather tired. He'd stayed up with her through the night, as he tried to do most nights, getting her ice packs to cool her down and anything else she needed to be at least a bit less uncomfortable. Though drowsy, he answered immediately, ready to do what she needed. "Yes, love?" 

 

"Can you come closer?" She whispered, wanting him close but too weak to move. Her hands were shaking as she tried to reach for his. Her words were ragged, like she was having trouble breathing.

 

"Of course." He kept his voice low so he wouldn't add to her headache. He carefully shifted close to her, trying not to cause too much movement, and cuddled up against her very warm body. 

 

She nestled her head against his chest, burying her face away from the little light in the room. "Thank you...." She breathed, before falling into a coughing fit. 

 

He wrapped his arms around her, holding her so she wouldn't shake so violently. "I've got you." 

 

She caught her breath after while and finally stopped coughing, "I-I had a dream...we were by the beach... You brought me buckets of flowers everyday..." She whispered, trying to distract him and keep him from worrying. She coughed again, this time finding blood when she pulled back, which she quickly hid. 

 

He smiled softly, not seeing it. "That sounds lovely." Much better than any dreams he'd been having recently. "We can go there when you get better." He said, trying to keep optimistic, though he knew she wouldn’t be getting better. "Would you like that?" 

 

"I would like that very much..." She murmured. "You should take the girls, they've been so good lately, they deserve a fun day at the beach with you." She coughed again, more blood, "They're such good girls..." Her voice was growing fainter as she began to get too tired to put in the effort to speak. 

 

"I can take care of myself for a few hours, or Vastra...." She stopped, exhausted. She coughed, again blood. 

 

This time, he caught sight of it, but did try not to panic immediately. He didn't want to leave her, not when she was so sick, not when any minute her health could plummet. Not that it wasn't already, but a steady slope down was better than a sudden drop. "Are you having trouble breathing?" He put aside her suggestion. 

 

She shook her head, "A bit, but I can manage for now. Save your worry for later." 

 

"If there's something I can help with now, I'd rather not wait until it gets worse." He wasn't going to let her sweep anything under the rug. 

 

"I'm fine, please, I just want you to stay here with me." She whispered, holding his arm tighter. 

 

"I  _ am _ staying. But I can stay and tend to you at the same time." He persisted. 

 

"Doctor, please..." She breathed, "I'm fine, I'll tell you if I need help." 

 

"Alright." He sighed and gave in. "I trust you. I'm sorry for worrying so much. I can't help it." 

 

She nodded, too tired to use words. He wasn't going to ask her to, wanting her to save any strength she might have. He wished he could do more. Their time was already so short and now it seemed to be shrinking even more. His arms instinctively tightened around her, as if the action could somehow change the course they were on. 

 

She let out a small discomforted squeak, the grip to tight for her. 

 

"Sorry." He murmured into her curls and loosened his arms. "Didn't mean to do that." He was a bit surprised, though, that the action had hurt her as normally it wouldn't.  

 

"It's alright..." She breathed, she hadn't yet showed him the bruises that were starting to cover her abdomen. Arthur's kicks were getting too strong for her body, which was growing weaker and weaker, and she was starting to bruise when ever he kicked too hard. 

 

"I'll be careful next time." He felt a bit guilty, not wanting her to feel any worse than she already did. 

 

"It's not your fault. You just touched the..." She stopped, "...sensitive..." She trailed off, not wanting to worry him. 

 

"Sensitive?" He raised an eyebrow. "Your skin shouldn't really be  _ that  _ sensitive. Delicate and easily bruised, yes, but sensitivity doesn't have much to do with anything." She stayed silent, not meeting his gaze. He paused, piecing together. "Did I touch a bruise?" She nodded slowly. "River... why are you bruised there?" He was sure she hadn't done anything to cause it. 

 

"The baby..." She whispered, though she didn't continue. 

 

He took a moment to realize what she meant. "Oh, I..." He wasn't sure what to say. "Do you ask him to stop?" 

 

"It wasn't just once, it's every time he moves." 

 

" _ Every _ time?" This surprised him even more. His hands itched towards the hem of her shirt. "...May I?" She knew she couldn't hide it from him any longer, so she nodded. 

 

He made sure to be as gentle as he could, not wanting to cause her any pain as he exposed her belly. "Oh my..." He was at a loss for words. 

 

She closed her eyes, her face falling. She had been trying to prevent him from worrying just a bit longer, but that plan had obviously just failed. He swallowed, eyes scanning over every black and blue patches on her skin. "Why didn't you tell me?" 

 

"I didn't want to add another thing to your worries..." She whispered. 

 

"Worrying is inevitable. I could have tried to help calm him." He finally took his eyes away. "I can give you something to help... If you want." 

 

"Is it more medication?" She sighed, not wanting another medicine to take every morning. 

 

"Yes." He admitted. 

 

She shook her head, "I don't want it." 

 

"Are you sure?" He didn't want to push her, but he also didn't want her to have to deal with the pain. 

 

She held firmly to her decision, "You and Vastra and I have already talked about this. No more added medications unless they are completely mandatory and vital. This isn't mandatory, I'll live through a few bruises." A few bruises was a bit of an understatement. 

 

"More than a few." He said quietly, but nodded. He had to respect her choice. "Would you be open to tea? Some herbal things could help to at least relax him." 

 

She sighed, obviously unhappy, "No, I don't want to interfere with his growth or development at all. I'll be fine." 

 

He set his jaw. "Alright, alright. Sorry." 

 

"I'm sorry..." She began to pull away from him, feeling as though she had upset him, "I didn't mean..." She trailed off, squeezing her eyes shut, trying to hide her sadness. 

 

"No, it's alright. Really it is. You don't want to be pumped full of drugs, I get that. I really do." He reached for her. "And I understand that you want to put Arthur first." 

 

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry...." She continued to apologize. 

 

"It's nothing you did." He pulled her close again, mindful to avoid bruises. 

 

"This is my fault. I'm sorry I can't get better, I'm sorry this is all happening..." She was struggling to keep her composure. 

 

"It's not, River. It's not. I know you're doing everything you can. It's no one’s fault." Fate was always against them in times like these, but River was not fate nor could control it. 

 

"I think I'm going to be sick." She breathed, trying to get up. He pulled out the emergency bowl kept by the bedside over for her to be sick into. Most of what she threw up was blood, her whole body shaking. 

 

He frowned, holding her hair back and out of the way. "I think your ulcers are getting worse." 

 

She lay back, too exhausted to respond. "Baby..." She said after a bit, "baby's moving." 

 

"Bruising you again?" He clarified. 

 

She nodded. "Do you want me to talk to him? It might... calm him down." It occurred to him that kicks to her stomach could also be a source of internal bleeding. 

 

She nodded again. "Yes, that might help." 

 

He shifted down quickly, remembering not to rest his head on her belly. "Arthur, you've got to stop kicking now." Arthur refused, wanting to move around and play. "Please, lovie. You're hurting your mummy." He urged. 

 

"He's confused, he doesn't understand." River spoke for him as Arthur kicked again in protest. 

 

"Mummy's sick, so when you kick her it hurts her." He tried to explain. 

 

"Mummy's sick?" He was confused.

The Doctor listened to River as she told him what Arthur was thinking. "Er, yes. She is. And that means kicking affects her more than it usually does." 

 

"But Mumma says it never hurts." He looked up at River, head tilted in question. 

 

She looked at him, biting her lip, "I may have told him that once or twice… Feeling him move now is one of the only connections I'm ever going to have with him and I was afraid that if I said it hurt when he moved, that he would stop...." 

 

He nodded empathetically his understanding, turning his attention back to their son. "It does hurt mummy, when you kick very hard, but that doesn't mean you have to stop moving. I'd just like you to be very gentle." 

 

Arthur's movements stopped completely for a few minutes, which immediately worried River. 

 

"Try talking to him, love." He suggested. 

 

"I can't...." She whispered. Lately, the mental connection between her and Arthur had been mostly one way. The concentration that she needed to talk to him through their link required strength that she no longer had. 

 

He looked up at her. "Why... oh." He didn't need her to explain it to him. He thought for a moment. "Arthur, dearie, Mummy's not… she's not mad at you for hurting her." There was still no movement or response from Arthur. 

 

"I was afraid this was going to happen." River put a hand to her forehead, closing her eyes. 

 

"Just hang on a moment." He said, still determined. "Arthur... you're allowed to move. It's not a bad thing to do. The hurting was only an accident. We know you didn't mean to." 

 

"He's worried now." River sighed, brushing her hair away from her face, "He doesn't want to move." 

 

"It will only hurt her if you kick hard. You can still move. ...It would make mummy happy if you moved." 

 

"I should have just let him be, I shouldn't have told you." She whispered, though Arthur did give a small nudge a moment later. 

 

"It's good that you told me, Riv. Not being honest can only get you so far." He gave a small smile at the nudge. "You can talk to mummy, too, to get her attention." 

 

River didn't seem so pleased with what was now happening. "Where are the girls?" She asked softly, changing the subject. 

 

"With Clara." He replied. "They had a sleepover... we dropped them off yesterday, remember?" 

 

She looked confused, "We did? I thought I saw Amelia last night...." 

 

He shook his head. "They left after dinner. Maybe you were dreaming?” 

 

"Maybe..." She murmured, "But I thought… she was telling me about school..." She was obviously confused since she had been extremely ill the night before, which was the reason why the girls went to Clara's in the first place. 

 

"The girls haven't gone back to school since..." He trailed off. "You had a  pretty high fever, that can cause you to see things." 

 

She frowned, trying to figure out what had really happened, "Was Vastra here?" 

 

"She was in the morning, but not after that." 

 

"Is she coming back?" She asked. 

 

"Vastra? Yes, She's supposed to stop by in a few hours." He nodded. 

 

"She's been trying to teach me how to...." She trailed off, looking over at her nightstand, 

 

He was starting to get confused, too. "Teach you how to what?" His eyes followed to where she was looking. 

 

"How to make something for the baby." She finished, "But… it's not here now… perhaps that didn't happen either..." Vastra and Jenny had been trying to teach her how to knit a blanket for the baby, but River found the task incredibly boring and frustrating. She didn't have the patience or interest in projects like that, but one of the few things she could do now a days. It was probably the messiest "blankets" ever made with massive holes and crooked sides, proving that River was not a very good knitter knitter either.    

 

"Do you mean the blanket?" He asked. "That wasn't a dream." He assured. 

 

"But I put it on the nightstand and now it's gone..." 

 

"Vastra has it. She offered to patch up the holes for you and you agreed." He reminded. 

 

"Oh...right...." She whispered, "He can't be warm if there are holes in his blanket." 

 

"I think he'll love his blanket." He said softly. 

 

"I hope so." She murmured, "Do you like it?" 

 

"Yes." He nodded. "I think it's lovely and very sweet." And at this point one of the only activities she was strong enough to do in her rare moments of energy. 

 

"It's not exactly a very River Song like activity, now is it." She breathed, closing her eyes. "And I'm not terribly good at it either." 

 

"That doesn't make it not sweet of you." He pointed out. "And it's not like you have very many choices of River Song-like activities to do."

 

"Where are the girls?" She asked again. This was another problem that had started to occur because of her illness. She tended to forget things very easily and would end up repeating questions or getting very confused. Although she had asked the question no more than ten minutes ago, she couldn't remember doing it. 

 

"At Clara's." He reminded patiently, used the the memory impairment by now. "They slept over there." 

 

"When are they coming home?" 

 

"Whenever we decide to pick them up. Do you want them here?" He asked. 

 

"I want you to take them out today." She whispered, "Vastra will be here to keep me company. You three should go spend the day someplace nice." She opened her eyes to look up at him. 

 

He held his breath for a moment, rather reluctant to leave River's side. "What if something happens while I'm away?" 

 

"What do you think is going to happen?" She asked softly, wrapping her shaking hand around his in comfort. 

 

"You could take a turn for the worse." He shrugged sadly. "I can think of plenty of things that could happen." Which he wisely chose not to voice more of. "I know Vastra is perfectly capable in emergencies, but... I worry." He was always worrying these days. Their time was too short now, too precious to let slip through his fingers. 

 

"What if we went to the flat then." She suggested after a moment of thought, "You could play outside with the girls, and I'll sit and watch with Vastra. That way the girls can have some fun and I'll be right there." She hadn't left the TARDIS, much less their bed, since she had gotten sick. 

 

"We can’t. You're quarantined." He had reminded her several times of this, but she must have forgotten again. "Putting you in the flat would probably make you sicker." This room had gone through a decontamination process so she wouldn’t have to stay in the medbay, but she was fairly stuck other wise. Any people or objects that came in also went through a decontamination before they entered. The Doctor had to every time he went to the kitchen to get tea or toast. 

 

She seemed to deflate at this reminder, the flicker of excitement that had returned to her eyes at the prospect of leaving their bedroom immediately going out. "Right… How silly of me, I forgot." 

 

He sighed sympathetically, another moment of quiet passing by. "...Where do you think I should take the girls?" 

 

"They would like any of the zoos on Earth, or the aquarium somewhere in the Drexalon Galaxy." She was quiet now, holding the blankets a bit tighter. 

 

"That's a good idea." He commented. The air seemed a bit more stale as he watched her slight changes in body language. "I'm sorry." 

 

"Don't apologize, it's not your fault." She sighed, changing the subject, "Can you read to me?" 

 

"Sure." He nodded, carefully un-twining himself from her arms and going to the bookshelf. "Any requests?" 

 

"What ever looks good from the third shelf." The third shelf was where all of her favorite books were kept. He pulled out a battered copy of The Time Traveler's Wife, a common pick for reading aloud or just reading at all. 

 

He settled himself back next to River, doing his best to be mindful. She closed her eyes, ready to listen quietly to the story, though she had read it dozens of times. He read from what he knew was one of her favorite chapters, resting his arm around her. He made his voice soft and as lullaby-esque as he could in hopes she'd take a much needed peaceful nap.  _ “Tonight I feel that my love for you has more density in this world than I do, myself: as though it could linger on after me and surround you, keep you, hold you.”  _

  
She started to fall asleep halfway through the chapter, her breathing still ragged and strained. When he was sure she wouldn't be woken by his movements, he got up again to check her respiratory mo nitors. He ended up deciding a breathing mask would do for now and placed on over her head. She wouldn't want more medication anyways.


	151. Spider’s Web

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She sighed, looking over all the monitors, "Why didn't you call? You know you're supposed to call me or Jack when she gets bad like this."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second update, as promised. So now we see how all this is affecting the girls. Enjoy!

**Ch 151**

 

The TARDIS picked up Vastra, and she immediately headed to River and the Doctor's room, figuring she would find them both there. She tried to be as quiet as possible in case River was sleeping. 

 

The Doctor looked up when he heard the door click, regarding his friend with a nod and a small smile. 

 

"How is she doing today?" She kept her voice low, setting a basket down on an empty chair. 

 

"Not any better." He said tightly, eyes kept on his wife. He informed her of his discoveries in memory, bruising, and the now growing respiratory issues. 

 

She sighed, looking over all the monitors, "Why didn't you call? You know you're supposed to call me or Jack when she gets bad like this." 

 

"Thought I could handle it." He said, though the more truthful reason was his selfishness when it came to River. She didn't seem like she was going to get better and, though he loved his friends and appreciated their help, he wanted to have more time with his wife. "But... help now would be nice." He admitted. 

 

"Well, she seems stable now. There isn't much else I can do, but next time, I want you to call. If she gets any worse you're going to need our help. You can't do this all on your own." 

 

He nodded quickly, hoping next time wasn't right around the corner. "What's in the basket?" 

 

"Jenny made some cookies for your family and I've managed to patch up the blanket River was making." She opened up the basket, pulling out newly patched up blanket, now hole free and even on all the sides. 

 

"Tell Jenny thank you." He took the blanket, folded it, and placed it on the nightstand next to River. "The girls are with Clara right now, but I'm going to pick them up soon. ...River wants me to take them to the aquarium." 

 

"That sounds like a lovely idea. I don't mind staying with her for a bit." She pulled a chair up beside the bed, sitting down. 

 

"That would be lovely." He said appreciatively. "Get me if something happens." He added. 

 

"Of course." She nodded, "When you return, there is something important I think we should discuss." 

 

He wanted to stay at that comment, but left anyways. He took the cookies with him and piloted silently to Clara's house, not wanting the engines to wake River. 

 

Clara was trying her best to entertain the girls, but they didn't seem to be having much fun. They weren't fooled by all the distractions of their Aunts and Uncles, they knew that River was very,  _ very _ sick and they were worried. Amelia was voicing her want for her mummy when the TARDIS appeared silently in the kitchen. The Doctor stepped out, plastering on as much of a smile as he could manage for his daughters. 

 

"Doctor! You're back!" Clara actually look relieved, putting down the various dolls she was holding. 

 

"Where's Mumma?" Freya asked, crawling off a chair and over to her Father. 

 

"Sleeping, lovie." He told her, presenting the cookies. "Auntie Jenny made you both a treat." 

 

"Is Auntie Jenny here?" She asked, taking the cookie from him. 

 

"No." He shook his head. "Auntie Vastra brought them by." 

 

Clara helped the girls gather their things. "Can we see Mummy now?" 

 

"Um, I think it's really best to just let her sleep for now. We're going to go the aquarium and probably after you can see her." She might be awake by then. "How were they?" The question was directed at Clara. 

 

"They were good." She smiled, glancing at the girls, not speaking again until the girls had gone in the TARDIS, "They're really not themselves." No one in their family had really been themselves for a while. 

 

"I know... They've been like that for a little while." He let the plastered smile break off. "But I can't bring myself to tell them what's happening. I don't think they'll really understand." 

 

She nodded, understanding, "If there's anything I can do… Maybe you could try sending them to school again. I know it may not seem like the best time, but it would give them another distraction and it would give them a routine to fall into." 

 

He looked at the floor. He'd been thinking about that for a little while, weighing the pros and cons of it. Clara's points were pros but he and River were still hesitant knowing the Silence were back. He also knew, that since the girl's weren't themselves right now, that school might be more of a challenge. "I'll talk to River about it." 

 

She nodded again, "Well, call me if you need anything."  

 

He remembered what Vastra said about reaching out more and nodded. "I will." 

 

The girls were waiting for him in the console room along with Vastra. The Doctor was still holding the basket of cookies with him when he reentered. He was slightly surprised to see Vastra there, thinking she would have been with River. 

 

"Your daughters tried to sneak into your bedroom and I didn't want them waking up their mother." Vastra explained, eyeing the girls with a rather stern look. 

 

"Oh." He set the basket on a jump seat, crouching in front of the girls. "Is there something you want to say to your aunt?" 

 

Amelia's lip wobbled while Freya crossed her arms stomping her foot, "I want to see Mummy!"

 

"I know, lovies." He sighed. "I know you do. But... she needs to rest to get better." He tried to convince them. River's rest was important, but couldn't cure her. 

 

Silent tears rolled down Amelia's cheeks and she refused to look the Doctor in the eyes. He pulled the girl gently into his arms. "It's going to be okay, sweetheart. I promise we can see her after the aquarium. Would you like that?" 

 

She nodded slightly, still not saying anything. 

 

"Or... we could stay here if you both really want to." He suggested. 

 

"I don't want to go to the aquarium." She whimpered, holding onto him a bit tighter. 

 

"Alright. We can stay. We can play for a little while and let your mum sleep, then we can see her." He wanted to give River at least a few more hours of rest. "Vastra, will you stay with her?" 

 

Vastra nodded, heading back into to be with River. 

 

"Will you teach me how to hold a baby?" Freya asked, "Auntie Clara said there's a special way you have to hold a baby." 

 

"Yes." He nodded. "There is. I can show you with one of your dolls." Freya took his hand, pulling him towards her room to get one of their dolls. 

 

After careful selection, the Doctor was handed the doll that most resembled a baby. He held it in his arms as if it were alive and breathing. "You have to make sure to support all of it at once, especially it's head." 

 

"That's easy." Freya took the baby doll out of his arms a bit roughly, not exactly getting the concept that she had to be very gentle and that a baby would be heavier than her doll. 

 

"You can't hold it that tight." He corrected. "Like when you hold Samantha or Mr. Thomas, you've got to be gentle." 

 

"I am being gentle." She protested as she tried to hold the baby doll like he had. 

 

"Pretend that it's... made of paper. If you hold it tight then it crumples or bends." He tried explaining. She held the doll as gently as she could, looking up at him to see if she was doing it right. He nodded his approval. She'd need a little more practice with the cats before she could hold Arthur, but for now it was fairly well done.

 

Amelia wanted to take a turn as well, taking the doll from Freya. He went through instructing her the same way, though Amelia got the hang of it a bit quicker. 

 

The cats wandered in a bit later and they practiced the same thing with them instead of the doll. By then, the Doctor was just trying to occupy them for the few hours he wanted to let River rest. "Are you girls hungry?" 

 

They both nodded, though they were getting harder and harder to distract, "Can we make Mummy's favorite food and then bring it for her to eat?" 

 

The first thing he thought was that River probably wouldn't be able to keep in down if she ate it. He also thought that he could waste a good hour or so with cooking. "Yes but... She won't be hungry because she, uh, already ate earlier." 

 

"Well maybe she'll be hungry again. I get hungry after my naps." Freya argued. Like Clara had said, the girls hadn't been themselves. Lately, Freya had been less and less cooperative, misbehaving and arguing more with the adults around her. 

 

"Maybe... but probably not." He sighed, scooping her up. He knew she was having trouble, but in depth she was just a scared little girl who wanted her parents. He hadn't been there enough in the past few days, and while River physically couldn't give them the time they needed, he could. Now, he needed to find a balance. "Come on, what shall we make for Mummy?" 

 

"Blueberry pie with chocolate chip ice cream." She whispered, touching his bowtie. 

 

He nodded, watching her little hand. It reminded him terribly of River adjusting his bowtie, realizing she hadn't done the action in a while since she got so sick. "Right then." He adjusted Freya in one arm so he could hold Amelia's hand as they left the room. Freya hugged him around the neck, Amelia following silently. 

 

When they arrived in the kitchen, the phone was ringing. He set Freya down on the counter, lifting Amelia to sit with her sister. "Hang tight a moment, I've got to answer the phone." He said and went over to the said device. He held his breath when picking it up, thinking if someone were phoning the TARDIS than it probably wasn't very good. "...Hello?" 

 

"Hey, Doc..." It was Jack on the other line, "I'm just heading back from Luna with the rest of River's things. I can drop them by later if now isn't a good time." After what happened with the Silence, and then River's illness it had been decided that she wouldn't be returning to teach at Luna. Jack had offered tie up loose ends there, informing the new headmaster and her students of her departure and gathering any belongings she had left in her office. 

 

"Oh." The Doctor let his breath go, relaxing little. "Now is okay, actually." He said. "We're parked in the flat unless you needed a lift." 

 

"Nah, I can get there on my own. I'll be there in a bit." He hung up, leaving the Doctor with the girls again. 

 

The Doctor took the phone away from his ear, looked at it in his hand for a few seconds as if it might ring again, then put in back on the receiver. "Uncle Jack is coming." He told his daughters. 

 

Freya's face clouded over, not realizing that he was coming to drop things off and not babysit. "I don't  _ want  _ Uncle Jack to come." 

 

"Why not?" He tilted his head curiously. "He can help make Mummy the pie." 

 

"I don't  _ want _ his help!" She pushed the nearest thing off the counter to emphasize her point. 

 

"Freya," His tone grew a bit sterner as he picked up the now dented tin box of tea bags. "I know you're upset, but that doesn't make it okay to push things off the counter. You have to use your words." 

 

"I am, but you're not listening!" She pushed the next closest thing, a bag of flour, off the counter. It exploded all over the floor, the white powder covering the bottoms of chairs and his shoes. 

 

He sighed in frustration, knowing he'd have to clean that up. "Stop it, now." He took her little hands in his, partially an act of comfort and partially to restrain her from going for the sugar bowl. "Uncle Jack isn't coming to take you away from me or Mummy. He just wants to share lunch with us." 

 

She struggled to get out of his grip, wanting to push more things over as it made her feel better. "I don't want to! Let me go!" 

 

He did the opposite, pulling her into a restraint sort of embrace. "You have to calm down now, or you won't be allowed to see Mummy. You don't have to talk to Uncle Jack you if you don't want to, but you can't throw a fit like this." 

 

Hearing the threat that she wouldn't be allowed to see River pushed her over the edge and she began to wail as loud as her little body could, "Mumma! I want Mumma! Mumma!" Amelia began to cry silently as well.

 

"Sh... sh," He rocked her. "It's alright, lovie." They had really only been able to be with River twice in the past three days. He was starting to think he ought to just cut the hour short and let them see her. Jack could let himself in. "We can see mummy when you calm down, sh, darling. It's alright." 

 

It took her a bit to calm down, her sobs growing progressively quieter until they had been reduced to sniffles. "There we are." He murmured, stroking her hair. "How about we see Mummy now, yeah? Pie can be later." 

 

Both girls nodded, Freya wiping her nose with the back of her hand. He shifted Freya to one hip so he could carry Amelia as well. 

 

They went to the decontamination room before the bedroom. "Remember to be quiet. Mummy's still very tired." They nodded, cooperating now that they were finally going to get to see River. He set them down on the floor once the door had clicked shut behind them. 

 

The room was still dark and he could see that River was still asleep. He regarded Vastra with a nod and went over to his wife, tapping her shoulder. "Riv?" She stayed sleeping, curls matted to her forehead and neck. He said her name a little louder, shaking her shoulder lightly. 

 

She groaned quietly, "Doctor?" 

 

He smiled softly. "Your daughters need to see you." 

 

Her eyes slowly fluttered open, a weak smile gracing her lips, "My girls..." 

 

He gestured for the two to come over and helped them sit on the bed. "Be very gentle." 

 

"My girls… I missed you." She whispered, reaching out to touch Freya's curls. 

 

The girl instantly clung onto her mother's hand, holding it like a lifeline. "You said you weren't gonna get sick like this again. You promised me." 

 

"I know, my love, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She pulled her closer so she could kiss Freya on the forehead. 

 

She curled up next to River, fighting hard against tears. "You  _ have  _ to get better soon because our baby brother is gonna be here soon and it's really not fun to not have a mummy." 

 

"I know, I'm doing my best." She held the girl as tightly as she could, holding her other arm out for Amelia. 

 

"But you will, right?" Amelia sniffed. "’Cause you can't be like this forever." 

 

She nodded weakly, "I'm doing my very best, Amelia." She whispered. 

 

"Is it gonna make my little brother sick, too?" She eyed River's middle. 

 

"No, he's very strong. Don't worry." She smoothed back Amelia's hair. "How was your sleepover with Auntie Clara?" 

 

"Okay." She said quietly. The girls had been missing River the entire time, so didn't really enjoy it as much as they would have. 

 

"What did you do?" She asked, "I hope you were good."  

 

"We watched a movie." Amelia finally said. "...and made a cake." 

 

"That sounds like fun." She managed to say right before breaking into a fit of coughs. The girls shrunk away, rather scared. The Doctor offered them an assuring look. 

 

It took River a moment to catch her breath after she finally stopped coughing. "I'm sorry girls, I'm alright..." 

 

Neither said anything for a long moment. "...Daddy said you didn't want to have any food." 

 

"I'm afraid he's right. I'm not very hungry." She gave her a soft smile. There was a knock at the door, followed by Jack. He was carrying a box full of River's things. 

 

Freya scooted closer to River, and Amelia seemed indifferent about his presence. "Heya, guys." 

 

River pressed a kiss to the top of Freya's head, "Hello, Jack." Ianto followed behind him carrying another box addressed to 'Professor Song' and a vase of flowers, saying both were from her students.  

 

"They're gonna make me leave you." Freya whimpered, burying her face into River. 

 

"What?" River looked up at the Doctor and Jack, confused. 

 

"They aren't going to take you, sweetheart." The Doctor said. "They only came to say hello." 

 

"You're not going anywhere. You're going to stay right here with me." River murmured, squeezing her as best she could, 'Would you like to help me open this box?" She asked, nodding to the package from her students. 

 

Freya nodded, lower lip wobbling. "It's alright." River murmured, glancing up at the Doctor again. 

 

The Doctor went and took the things from Jack, pointing him and Ianto to one of the seats near Vastra. He deposited the gifts in River's lap. The box was mostly filled with cards from her students, a coloring book for the girls and a blanket for the baby that a few of her students had pitched in to get. 

 

"Why'd you get cards?" Amelia asked, unaware of the situation with the university. 

 

"Well, I'm not going to go back to the University, so my students sent me get well cards and goodbye letters." She explained, shifting in discomfort. 

 

She frowned. "But you’re gonna get better so then you can see them again." 

 

"Well, when I get better I'm going to stay home." She shifted again, wincing. 

 

"Oh." Both girls liked the sound of getting to spend time with River, especially since it was so rare for them now. 

 

"Uh, girls, why don't you go and make the pie we were talking about?" The Doctor said, noticing River's discomfort at something she must have been hiding from the girls. "You can bring your uncles to help and come back when you're done." 

 

"No!" Freya held tighter onto River, not wanting to leave, "I'm staying!" 

 

He swallowed. He really didn't want to pull the girls away from River, so he looked at River with the non verbal question of whether she needed the girls to leave for this. River wasn't looking at him, her eyes closed as she tried to focus on getting air in and out of her lungs, which was obviously getting more and more difficult. He decided the answer was probably yes on the girls leaving, but he would need to be a bit more truthful to them in order for their cooperation. "I've got to do a few tests on your mum, okay? Just a bit of a check up, and I promise you can come right in afterwards." 

 

"You promised that Uncle Jack wasn't going to take me away and now he is! You lied to me!" Freya was getting upset again, starting to throw a temper tantrum. She thrashed her feet around, gripping River's middle tightly. 

 

"Now stop it, Freya. You have to be gentle around mummy." He didn't try to lift her again, thinking it would probably just cause more damage. River winced as Freya continued screaming and kicking, though she did angle her feet away from her mother. Yes, she was definitely her mother's child. 

 

It was Vastra who braved it and pulled Freya off River, holding the girl similarly to how the Doctor had in the kitchen. She began shushing her and trying to calm her, claiming that she'd only have to part with River for a few minutes. Being taken away from River only made her scream louder and thrash more. 

 

River tried to say something, but couldn't manage the words. Amelia was cowering into River's side, lip trembling. 

 

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, but you can't be in here right now, girls." He managed, feeling terrible about it. He wanted nothing more than to just hold them tight and let them be with their mother, but River was the priority now and she needed help. "Please, could you take them into the other room for a few minutes?" 

  
It would probably end up being more than that. Amelia reluctantly let go of her mother, going with Jack as Vastra handed the still screaming Freya off to him.


	152. Wear Me like a Secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She nodded, "Can you help me stand?" 
> 
> "Stand?" He looked surprised, she couldn't even sit up earlier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My friend Sy offered to make some fan art for this. I'm so excited! Enjoy!

**Ch 152**

 

"Sorry." The Doctor said to Vastra once the door was shut behind Jack and Ianto, running a hand through his fringe. "They've not been able to see River very much and they haven't been themselves..." 

 

"Y-you need to be f-firmer with her." River finally managed to say after catching her breath, "You can't let her think it's alright to ac-ct like that." 

 

"I'm trying." He muttered. River was usually bad cop since he was a bit rubbish at it, but River wasn't there to be. He brushed it away for later and went to her side. "You've got to tell me what's wrong, now." 

 

"Well you have to try harder, Doctor." She muttered, "My back hurts and I can't breathe." 

 

"Which part of your back? Can you sit up?" He asked, ignoring her comment. 

 

She shook her head, "Lower back… I can't sit up. You and I need to have a talk about her later." 

 

"Later. Lie on your side." He repeated. "Is it internal or would it hurt if I touched it?" 

 

Vastra helped her onto her side, "Internal." She breathed, the simple task of getting on her side proving exhausting for her. 

 

He felt a pit in his gut. "And your breathing... explain the feeling." He produced a stethoscope from his pocket. 

 

"It feels like.....someone is s-sitting.....on my c-chest." She closed her eyes, holding Vastra's hand for comfort. 

 

"Take four breaths, deep as you can." He instructed, one end of the stethoscope on her back and the other in his ears. 

 

She took four shuddering breaths as she was told, gripping her friends hand. Vastra looked up at him worriedly, smoothing back River's hair. 

 

He glanced at her then quickly looked away, concern blooming like a cherry tree. "Your hearts aren't in sync... one of them is beating too slow." 

 

"Is there anything… anything you can do to fix it?" She whispered, almost afraid to look at him. 

 

"Maybe. We could try a pacer... there's also machines that can act as external hearts and pump blood for you. Those might not be ideal right now, but if one of your hearts stops than we'll need to shock you weather you're awake or not." He was having trouble keeping his voice level. He readjusted the breathing mask over her face, letting his hand linger a moment. "Has Arthur been moving?" 

 

She shook her head, "Not much." 

 

He nodded his understanding. "Is your back pain constant?" She nodded, touching her side lightly. "Alright... pacer first, then we'll see what we can do about that back." He concluded. A pacer wouldn't be as effective as one of the aforementioned machines, but it was the least invasive and thus the most preferable. 

 

"Doctor..." River whispered quietly, holding her hand out for his. He took it without hesitation, eyes shining with worry, but also support for whatever she needed. "I don't want it." She whispered, "Sweetie, I don't want it." 

 

"You don't want the pacer?" His eyebrows knitted together. She nodded, squeezing his hand tightly. "But your hearts..." He said defeated. 

 

"I don't want it." She repeated gently. 

 

"I... I understand that. I just don't understand why." 

 

"Because all it will do is prolong the inevitable." She closed her eyes, slowly turning back onto her back. 

 

"For Arthur." He added just above a whisper. Under any other circumstance, he'd have put River out of her misery (reluctantly) upon her request. But here, he was keeping her alive because it was what their child needed. 

 

She shook her head, "He's alright, and if we have to, we can induce him." Her eyes shone with unshed tears, "Please, Doctor..."  

 

He swallowed and took a long moment before nodding. It was about all he could manage. Arthur was strong and a month and a half early wouldn't be very taxing on his health if he was given something to help mature his lungs. River, though not at peace with the situation, seemed ready to accept death as an alternative to her current state. He took a shuttering breath and leaned down to kiss her for about as long as she could manage before needing to breathe. "Just hang in there... alright?" 

 

She nodded, closing her eyes, "Would you mind… leaving me alone for just a minute?" She asked, her voice shaking. She didn't want him or Vastra to have to see her cry.

 

"Anything you need." He said, though was a bit reluctant. "...Should we bring the girls back in when we come back?" 

 

"If they want to come in." She nodded. He had no doubt they would. He followed Vastra from the room, who led him back to there the girls were. As soon as they were out of the room, and she was finally alone, River sobbed. 

 

The girls were in the library down the hall. Freya's screaming could be heard almost as soon as they left the bedroom. Amelia was sitting quietly with Ianto reading her a story while Jack chased Freya around the Library. She was screaming and making a mess, pushing things over and throwing books on the floor. The girl was running so fast she didn't even realize that the Doctor was there and ran straight into him. 

 

In her moment of confusion, her father scooped her up and held her tight. "Freya, we talked about this. You can't act like this." 

 

"And you promised that I wouldn't have to go with Uncle Jack! You lied!" She squirmed, hitting him with her small hands to try and get away. 

 

He winced, adjusting her so her arms were pinned. "I didn't lie, the situation changed and I had to have a private conversation with your mummy." He remembered what River said about being more stern so he straightened his spine and hardened his expression. "I was going to let you back to see her, but you've been misbehaving so you have to have a time out. Once you can sit for five minutes without a fuss, you can see her." 

 

"No! You can't make me!" She wasn't used to the Doctor being the firm one, so she didn't think he was actually being serious. "I want to see Mumma  _ now _ ! You lied to me! I don't like you anymore!" 

 

"Well that's a pity because I'm still your father either way which means I _ do _ have control over weather you can see your mum." He still held her firm. "Vastra, you can take Amelia to River in a few minutes. I'll join you when Freya's calmed down." 

 

"That's not fair! I want Mumma! Let me go!" She squirmed more now, trying to wriggle out of his arms. 

 

"Not yet. It's not okay to act like this and you certainly can't around mummy when she's sick." He started to walk, going off to find a room where he wouldn't have to chase her around. "I know you're scared and upset that she's so sick, but that still doesn't make it okay to throw a tantrum." 

 

Freya started crying again, "Put me down! Put me down! I want Mummy!" She sobbed, absolutely distraught at this point. 

 

"Hush now. It's going to be alright." He rocked her again, finding a small room with just a few pieces or furniture inside. "If you can sit for five minutes without throwing a fit, then you can see her, but not before." 

 

"I don't want her to die." She cried, "I don't want to not have a Mummy." 

 

He rubbed her arm. "She isn't going anywhere." At least not today she wasn't.

"But she's sick. I don't like it when she's sick." She sniffled, nose dripping and mingling with the tears on her face. 

 

"I know. None of us like it, lovie, but there's not much we can do right now." He sighed. "But we can make her happy by being there. I know she loves to see you, but you can't be having a tantrum around her because that's what doesn't help." 

 

She huffed, crossing her arms, "Can I see her now?" She asked. 

 

"No, you have to sit quietly for five minutes. Do you think you can do that?" He tilted his head. 

 

"No, that's too long." She whimpered, giving him her biggest puppy dog eyes, hoping to sway him. 

 

"Well that's your punishment whether you like it or not. And if you start another fit then your time starts over." He crossed his arms, trying his best to be stubborn. 

 

Tears started rolling down her cheeks again, "That's not fair! You lied! Why don't you get punished?" 

 

"Because I didn't lie, you just misunderstood." He explained patiently. "And you need to learn that the way you’re acting isn't okay." 

 

"You said I didn't have to go with Uncle Jack and then I did! That's a lie!" She argued, "I'm going to see Mummy." She wiggled out of her seat and ran down the hall, back to the bedroom. 

 

Ianto was exiting the room as Freya came running and he caught her, lifting her. "Um... aren't you supposed to be with your dad?" 

 

"No, he let me go." She lied, "I'm allowed to see Mummy now." 

 

"Then shouldn't you go through decontamination first?" He looked at he sideways, before he saw the the Doctor coming down the hall, looking cross and out of breath. 

 

The Timelord gratefully took his daughter back. She tried to wiggle out of their arms while she was being handed off, trying to break free. The Doctor held her fast. "Freya, every time you misbehave like this, I'm going to add a minute to your punishment. You're at six now." 

 

"No! Mummy! Mummy!" Freya screamed, kicking and squirming. Vastra was next out of the room, closing the door tightly before turning on Freya and the Doctor. 

 

He glanced at her, looking exhausted. "You wouldn't happen to have any bad cop tips, would you?" 

 

"Give her to me, you go be with your wife." Her tone conveyed that she was going to make a rather effective ‘bad cop’. 

 

He sighed and nodded, handing the thrashing Freya over. He did feel quite empathetic to the girl, but 'good cop' wasn't going to work with her. He nodded his thanks, then went to decontamination. Vastra carried Freya down the hall and away from the bedroom. Hearing Freya so upset was stressing River, which was exactly what they were all trying to avoid. 

 

River was sitting with Amelia, staring at the door, eyes red rimmed. It was pretty apparent that she had been crying, and that she was still upset, especially after the whole ordeal with Freya. The Doctor let himself into the room, instinctively looking at the monitor before River. She leaned back against the headboard, pinching the bridge of her nose. 

 

"River... everything alright?" He approached the bed. 

 

"I'm fine." She whispered. "You look far from fine." 

 

He took her hand. "...You could hear her, couldn't you." 

 

"We should let her in..." She squeezed his hand tightly, "This is just...cruel." 

 

He scrubbed his free hand over his face. "I know, I feel terrible. But... she has to learn her lesson. Doesn't she?" 

 

She nodded, "Can you help me stand?" 

 

"Stand?" He looked surprised, she couldn't even sit up earlier. 

 

"I want to go see her." She nodded, already trying to get out of bed, though she was nowhere near successful. 

 

"I can bring her in here. You really shouldn't get up." He pressed against her shoulder, wanting her to lie back down. 

 

"I want to get up, Doctor. Help me up." She insisted. 

 

"This is not going to end well for you. I can bring her in here, but you shouldn't. Just lie back." He pleaded. 

 

"It won't end well if you don't help me." She hissed, already out of breath, "I can do it, I have to get up. Please!" She needed Freya to see her out of bed. She understood that the little girl was frightened and hoped that if she saw her outside of the "sick room" it would comfort her just a little bit.  

 

He hesitated for a long moment, but complied and allowed her his hand up. "This is breaching your quarantine." He mumbled, pulling over a wheelchair. 

 

She just rolled her eyes, refusing to sit in the wheelchair, insisting on walking. 

 

"River, you're not strong enough to walk all the way. Just sit, and when we get there you can try standing." He fretted. 

 

"Fine, but I'm not using the wheelchair the whole way there." She grumbled, slowly sitting down and starting to unhook from the various monitors she was attached to. 

 

He sighed, but said nothing further to object. Amelia hopped off the bed, standing next to River so she could hold her hand. She sucked in a sharp breath, pressing a hand to her stomach before relaxing and taking Amelia's hand. The Doctor's grip on the wheelchair tightened nervously before he started pushing her out of the room. 

 

Even the TARDIS was reluctant about River's decision,  making their room reappear a number of times as they walked down the hall. River had to close her eyes as they moved down the hall, her head spinning. 

 

When they finally made it to the room where Freya and Vastra were, she made them stop. "Can you help me stand?" 

 

He nodded, keeping his lips pressed together against a protest. She nearly collapsed once on her feet, her whole body trembling. He pulled her close, holding her firmly for support but trying not to bruise her. "Just hang on to me." He whispered. 

  
She nodded, holding onto him tightly, needing to put the majority of her weight on him in order to stay upright. He adjusted his arm around her waist. "One step at a time." 


	153. The Sort of Man Who’d Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "She's moving quite a bit." She whispered, nudging his hand as an encouragement that he could put more pressure. "I want to name her Terra, after your mother."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, I've had state testing all week and I'm excused! Other than that, shall I point out that there's only ten more chapters until the "end"? How exciting. Enjoy!

**Ch 153**

 

It look a lot of time to get River inside the room. Once Vastra saw them, she immediately stood and went to River's other side to help her, shooting the Doctor a worried glare. He shook his head at her, conveying that it would be useless to try and talk River out of this. 

 

Freya was on her bed, having resorted into a small ball of sobs under her blankets. River mouthed a thanks to the Doctor and Vastra once she was sitting on the bed, then gently pulled back the blanket. Freya instantly tried to yank it back over her, making some sort of noise of displeasure, much too groggy with hers sobs. 

 

"Freya..." River whispered softly, trying once again, "Please stop crying." 

 

She whipped her head up, recognizing River's voice. "M-m-mumMmMma?" The little girl's voice was timid and watery and absolutely distraught. 

 

"Yes, It's okay, sweetheart, I'm here now." She held her arms open, hoping Freya would crawl into them as she was unable to really move herself to hug her. 

 

Freya practically flung herself into her mother's arms in another bout of sniffles and choked sobs. "Th-they were go-gonna t-take you away fr-from meee!!" 

 

"No, nobody was going to t-take you away from me." She murmured, holding her tightly and wincing slightly, though she tried to hide it. 

 

"B-but," She sputtered, trying to take a deep shuddering breath. "I don't w-want you to die!" She wailed, not really paying much attention to what River was saying. She was sure that if the adults around her weren't going to keep River away, her illness would. Permanently. 

 

"Don't worry about that, I'm here now." She soothed, rubbing her back in comforting motions, "But we need to talk about something very important. It makes Mummy very upset to hear that you've been misbehaving. I know that you're worried, but you can't act this way. It's alright to cry and be worried, but it's not alright to not listen to Daddy and Auntie Vastra."

 

"Th-they were going to take you a-a-away." She sniffed. "They were mean." 

 

"I know you think they were being mean, but they were trying to get you to behave. You're going to be a big sister very, very soon, and I need you to show the baby the right way to behave and act like a big girl. Can you do that for me?" She kissed the top of her head. 

 

It took her a few moments to nod. There was something about disappointing River of all people that made her cooperate. "How soon?" She asked quietly, thinking perhaps if her brother was born then River could get better. 

 

"Around a month." She smiled weakly, "But he could come early." 

 

"Isn't that a b-bad thing?" Freya looked worried, knowing that her other brother had been much too early. 

 

"Well, at this point, it wouldn't be terrible. He'd be alright if he came early because he's so strong now, but it would be even better if he came on time." She assured, "Now, I'm going to go back to bed because I need to rest and I'm very tired now. Can you stay with Auntie Vastra while I take a nap? I promise in a few hours we can play together." 

 

"B-but can't I come with you?" She begged. "I promise, Mummy, I promise I won't be loud. I'll just nap with you." She hugged her tighter. "I wanna stay with you." 

 

She glanced up at the Doctor, having been hoping that they would have some time alone together to talk, "I...suppose you could." 

 

"How about a compromise, lovie? You go eat lunch with Auntie Vastra and when you're done you can come nap with Mummy. How does that sound?" The Doctor suggested.

 

She thought about it for a minute, then nodded. "Do you promise I can come after lunch?" 

 

"Yes," He nodded. "Cross my hearts. Just knock first, alright?" He glanced at Vastra, hoping she'd be able to stall them for a long lunch. 

 

Freya wiggled off the bed slowly, followed by River who tried to stand on her own, but immediately had to sit back down, barely even making it to her feet. 

 

The Doctor went to help her again, though tried to be more discreet as the girls were still in the room. Vastra assisted as well. Once they were back in the hall, River got into the wheelchair without complaint, reaching out for the Doctor's hand. He complied and took hers, pushing her back to the room while Vastra went tot the kitchen with the girls. 

 

The TARDIS again put the room close, so the distance back wasn't far. "See, I survived the trip out of our bedroom." River breathed as they wheeled back into their room. 

 

"I'm glad of that." The Doctor said, though his worry wasn't at all dampened. "But you kept wincing." 

 

"It's my bruises, Freya knocked into me, a bit to roughly, that's all." She murmured, her hand lightly resting on her side. 

 

He nodded, helping her carefully back into bed and reattaching all the monitors. "That doesn't cover when you winced on the way there." 

 

She shook her head, "I didn't sit down right, I promise, I'm fine. You need to stop worrying over every movement I make." 

 

"You know me," He murmured, adjusting the blankets around her. "I always worry." 

 

"I know." She whispered, taking his hand in hers, "Come lay with me." He nodded, shifted into the bed by her side. She pushed the blankets a bit, rolling up her shirt so her belly was exposed. "Put your hand here." She murmured, guiding his hand down to rest on her bruised abdomen. 

 

He was a bit hesitant, not wanting to hurt her, still trying to keep his touch feather light. 

 

"She's moving quite a bit." She whispered, nudging his hand as an encouragement that he could put more pressure. "I want to name her Terra, after your mother." 

 

"River..." He breathed. "We're not having a girl."

 

"What do you mean?" She frowned, looking up at him, "We did the ultrasound...it said..." 

 

"We did the ultrasound  _ months  _ ago." He reminded. "And it read that we're having a son. We're calling him Arthur, remember?" 

 

"Really?" Her brow furrowed and she looked very confused, as if the words triggered no memory at all. 

 

"You've forgotten again." He sighed, taking his other hand and holding hers. 

 

"What do you mean I've forgotten again? I'm fairly certain I know what the sex of our child." She was getting a bit upset now, "We're having a girl… we talked about this..." 

 

He debated whether he should just go along with it since arguing was pointless. "Your memory has been slipping lately." He explained. "Erasing, rewriting... so you keep forgetting things." 

 

She shook her head, "No...You're wrong. This isn't funny. I'm not forgetting, I remember it all very clearly." 

 

"I'm not joking. I can get the ultrasound if you'd like." He offered, keeping his tone calm. She nodded slowly, wanting to see the proof. He got up carefully and went to the other side of the room. 

 

He kept an ultrasound there in case, so they wouldn't have to go back to the medbay. Wheeling it over, he went through the routine of setting it all up. She fiddled with the edge of one of the blankets, not wanting to be wrong.

 

After another few moments, an image of Arthur was frozen on the screen. "See? A boy.” 

 

She stared at the screen as if she had never seen the baby before, "Are we having twins?" 

 

"No." He shook his head. "Just Arthur." 

 

"Are you sure?" She took the wand from him, carefully moving it around her abdomen. The screen image changed to various angles of their baby and occasionally just a space filled with amniotic fluid. 

 

"Yes, I'm sure." 

 

She stared at the empty space on the screen for a long time looking lost and disappointed. She slowly handed the wand back to him, her eyes shifting to look at the wall. She didn't say anything anymore. 

 

"River..." He said, putting the ultrasound away. "A son... it's a bad thing." 

 

"Hmm?" She didn't look away from the wall. 

 

He wondered if her memory had reset again. "...What are you thinking about?" 

 

"Are we going to have another baby?" She murmured quietly. 

 

"You mean... after Arthur?" He asked, settling back to sitting on the bed. The mattress dipped slightly under his weight. 

 

"Yes, after Arthur?" She said the name as if she were testing it, as if she had never said it before. 

 

"If you want to." He lied. Even if the minuscule chances of her survival worked in her favor, another baby would certainly kill her. 

 

"If you ever have another baby," Her voice wavered, knowing that he was lying, and remembering why, "Will you name her Terra, for me?" 

 

"Yes of course." He nodded, having already agreed to this a number of times. 

 

"Thank you." She whispered, quickly brushing away the tear that had escaped. She tucked her head against the pillows, reaching out to gently touch his bow tie. He placed his hand over hers, flattening her palm against his chest so she could feel his hearts. Her hand felt a bit colder than usual, but he said nothing to interrupt the moment. 

 

She stared at their hands, swallowing slowly. "It was crooked." She whispered.

 

"I know." He chuckled. "...Freya did the same thing earlier." 

 

"I'm glad someone is taking over my duties." She smiled weakly. 

 

"And a very important one at that." He added. 

 

She nodded, looking back at their hands, "You're so warm." 

 

"I presume that's a good thing?" He asked, not commenting on her calefaction, well, lack of. 

 

"Yes, of course." She whispered, "Especially since I'm so cold.” 

 

He nodded slowly. "Can I listen to your hearts again? I just want to check how you're doing." 

 

River sighed, "I suppose so." She grumbled, obviously not really wanting him to. 

 

Her tone made him hesitate, but only for a moment, before he pulled the stethoscope back out of his pocket and placed it this time on her chest since she's facing him. "Deep breaths now." 

 

She took the deepest breaths she could, not looking at him. He sighed after the fourth breath. She hadn't gotten worse, but she hadn't gotten better either. "Do you want the breathing mask? It'll make things a bit more comfortable." 

 

"No." She seemed to pull into herself, shrinking away from him, "I"m fine. If I wanted it I would ask." 

 

"Alright." He said warmly and softly, not wanting her to retreat. "It's alright." She stayed back, pulling the blankets tighter around her, not saying a word. He looked down for a moment. "Do you want another blanket?" 

 

"I'm fine." She said quickly. "I don't need anything." 

 

"Oh... Okay." He fidgeted with the sheet for a moment, unsure of why she was suddenly acting like this. "I can, um... go. If you want." 

 

"No!" Her eyes shot up to his, "I want you to stay." 

 

He smiled weakly. "Good." 

 

She closed her eyes, sighing and putting her hand on her abdomen. He waited a moment before allowing his hand to follow. "The girls will be here soon." 

 

She nodded slowly, "Will you come closer?" 

 

"Of course." He didn't hesitate, knowing she wouldn't push him away this time. His arm wrapped around her. She curled into him so they were as close as they could get, her belly resting between them. Her hands may have been cold, but her core radiated heat and her forehead and neck were nearly drenched. 

 

"You should sleep." He murmured. 

 

"I slept all morning, I can't sleep any more." She whispered. 

 

He nodded, deciding it was a good opportunity for them to talk. "...What do you think about the girls going back to school?" 

 

"I think that would be good for them." She murmured, "But what about the Silence." 

 

"Well... We took out one of their bases when you took down the headmaster. And I don't think they know about the girls being in school yet. There's also a thing I've been working on, it's kind of like a tracker and it'll alert me if they ever leave the school grounds." 

 

"I did want them back in school before the baby comes… If you could develop the tracker than I'd feel better about them coming back." She nodded.  

 

"Do you want to talk with them about it when they come in?" He asked. 

 

"I suppose so." She whispered, "We also need to finish the nursery." 

 

He nodded. "Clara helped me put all the pictures into frames, but we still need to hang them up." 

 

"She did?" River looked a little upset by this, "Which pictures?" 

 

"The ones we picked for the walls." He told her. "But we only have eleven. We can fit more" He added. 

 

"I know what pictures you meant, I mean which pictures did you pick to go on the walls? Can you show me?" She had gotten sick before they had finished picking out the pictures for the nursery and hadn't realized they were now all picked out. 

  
"Yeah. They're in the other room, I'll go get them." He made to get up. She nodded, staying curled up in the bed. 


	154. Laughing and Crying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vastra poked her head in. "We've finished with lunch, may the girls come in now?" 
> 
> "What girls?" River murmured, looking up at her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from "Epilogue" by the antlers. I feel that song really fits this fic.  
> Also, I fixed the formatting of chapters 1-15 so not only are they in rich text, all the telepathic conversations are italicized. Enjoy!

**Ch 154**

 

It took the Doctor a solid few minutes to get the pictures, but he returned with the large stack of frames in his arms. 

 

River did her best to sit up so he could put the pictures in her lap. He helped by stacking pillows behind her back for support. "Here." He placed the stack gently in her lap. 

 

The first couple were the ones that they had picked out together, nothing new. The last six were all ones that she hadn't helped choose. River bit her lip as she looked at the first of the six. 

 

"We can change the photos if you want. It's not that hard to." He said after a while. 

 

"I thought we were going to do this together." She murmured. “Why did you finish this without me?" She had still only looked at the first picture. 

 

"Because I was still going to get your input. I am getting your input, and if you want to pick different photos, we can do that." 

 

"They're fine." She sighed. 

 

"You didn't look at all of them." He frowned.

 

She huffed, quickly glancing through the pictures, pausing on an old one of her and the Doctor. 

 

"...That one was my idea... If it's okay." It was from their early days, only a few years after they were first married. They were at a ball, one of the Doctor’s attempts at a big romantic gesture that didn't end with them being shot at. They'd gotten someone to take a proper photo of them, arms around each other and looking rather like they'd been married for decades rather than years. 

 

"I love this one." She whispered, touching glass of the frame gently. "Was this your idea too?" She held up the next frame, which held a picture of just her. 

 

He nodded.  

 

He had taken this picture. It was of her leaning on the edge of a railing on a boat. Her hair was blowing out  to the side. "Clara only did the family photos and ones with the girls." 

 

"Maybe we should change this one." She murmured, eyes scanning over the picture. 

 

"Oh, alright." He didn't argue, wanting her to be able have the right to veto any of the pictures. "Why?" He couldn't help his curiosity. 

 

"Because..." It took her a moment to put what she was thinking into words, "If these pictures are one of the only ways Arthur is going to know me by, I don't know if  _ this _ is the one that I want him seeing all the time. It's a lovely picture, but… I don't think this is the best one." 

 

He nodded in understanding. "So... Perhaps a more maternal one?" 

 

She nodded, "Could you get my box."  

 

It was on top of her dresser so he only had to go a few feet before handing it back to her. Her hands were shaking again and her breathing had grown heavier as she opened the box. 

 

She paused to cough for minute, "Do you have one in mind." She murmured, leafing through the photos once she had recovered. 

 

He thought a moment. "There's that one of you and the girls apple picking." 

 

She hummed, "I don't really like that one." She pulled out a picture. 

 

It was a close up of her smiling over the top of a book, looking up at the camera. Her eyes were warm and her face glowing, massive curls framing her face, probably right around the time the girls had been born. "What about this one?" 

 

"Ooh, I like that one." He hummed his approval, instinctively nuzzling close to her. "I forgot we had this one." 

 

"So did I." She murmured, tracing her finger along the edge of the picture. 

 

"Should we use that instead?" 

 

"I like this one better." She nodded, trying to move a bit closer to him. 

 

He reached for the frame with the boat picture and pushed the glass covering off before carefully switching the two images’ place and putting the glass back. "There. How does that look?" 

 

"That's how I want to be remembered." She whispered, not directly answering his question, though her words indicated that she liked it. 

 

"I'll tell him stories of you, too, you know." He put the picture down and set the blue box aside, placing himself again as close to River as he could. "Every night." 

 

She hesitated, taking his hand, "I would like that, but I want you to promise me something." 

 

He squeezed hers lightly. "Yes, of course." 

 

"I want you to promise that you won't paint me in some unattainably perfect light. I want you to tell them about my mistakes too." 

 

He nodded. "Like which ones?" He was fine with her request, but there were some, well, quite a few things that would need to be left out about her past for child appropriate versions of stories. 

 

"I think I'll leave that for you to decide." She murmured, bringing his hand to her lips, "I trust my image in your hands." 

 

"What an honor I have." He smiled, her touch leaving his fingers tingling. She pressed his palm to her cheek, closing her eyes. His thumb stroked the paling skin of her cheek as voices and footsteps started down the hall. "You're warm." 

 

"I have a fever, of course I'm warm." She breathed, opening her eyes again to look up at him. 

 

"I know... I just... your hands are so cold, I forgot about it for a bit." He could hear Vastra moving closer, urging the girls to go to decontamination, followed by their complaints. 

 

"What do you think of the name, Terra Vastra Song." She murmured, not paying much attention to the girls outside. 

 

"Perfect, if we were having a girl." He replied, deciding he'd  try to go along with her memory this time. 

 

"Or we could name her Terra Aurora Song." She smiled softly, happy that he liked her suggestion, "I know you were very fond of the name Aurora." 

 

"Yes." He nodded and grinned. "Very much." 

 

"But what if we have a boy?" She murmured. 

 

"Arthur Brian Song." He repeated the name they already had picked out for their son. 

 

"I like that." She whispered, squeezing his hand gently. 

 

"I thought you might." He squeezed back as there was a knock on the door. 

 

Vastra poked her head in. "We've finished with lunch, may the girls come in now?" 

 

"What girls?" River murmured, looking up at her. She had never forgotten the girls before. 

 

Both Vastra and the Doctor looked alarmed. Before he could stop her, Vastra answered softly, "Your daughters."

 

River laughed weakly before looking completely confused, "Sorry?" 

 

"Your daughters." Vastra repeated, taking a step into the room. 

 

The little five-year-olds wiggled through the space left in the door and excitedly skipped up to the edge of the bed. "Mummy!" 

 

River scrambled up, looking alarmed, "Doctor?" 

 

He wasn't exactly sure what to do, so he got up and scooped both of his daughters into his arms. "Freya, Amelia, I'm so sorry, but your mummy has a fever and I don't want you to catch it. Why don't you go make her some cards with Auntie Vastra, hmm?" 

 

"But you promised." Amelia whimpered. 

 

"I know, my lovie, I know and I'm so sorry." He rocked a little. "You can definitely come give her a kiss goodnight and maybe she'll be better in the morning." 

 

Freya looked like she was about to throw another tantrum, "You lied to me again!" 

 

"Now Freya, I had no way of knowing mummy would have a fever." He tried patiently. He had no idea she'd lose memory of her daughters either. He looked at River, silently asking if she would just give her daughters a hug and he could explain later. 

 

River was staring wide eyed at the three of them, not at all understanding who was in front of her.

 

Vastra came forward, stepping in the way of River's vision, "They should go." She murmured. 

 

"No!" Freya cried. "You said. You  _ promised.  _ Mummy, tell them! Lemme stay!" 

 

"Freya!" Vastra's expression grew dark, "We talked about this. We're leaving, now." Freya started to properly cry, red eyes, runny nose, and all. She sobbed for her mum, but remembering her words, didn't struggle or scream when she was handed over to her aunt and marched out of the room with her sister following behind and clinging to the skirts of Vastra's dress. 

 

The Doctor shut the door behind them with a heavy sigh, turning back to his wife. "Sorry about that. I suppose you have a lot of questions." 

 

River stared at the closed door, still in shock. The color was gone from her face and she looked as though she may cry. 

 

He looked at the floor for a moment and fiddled with his thumbs before sitting back on the edge of the bed and taking her hand. "Would you like me to explain?" 

 

"I don't know..." She whispered, "Am I supposed to know?" 

 

"Well... yes and no. You've been having a lot of trouble with your memory lately." He replied. 

 

She pressed her lips together tightly, burying her head in her hands. Her shoulders started to shake after another moment. He pulled her to his chest, "Oh, River. It's okay, it'll be alright. Your memory usually comes back in a few minutes..." He said, though it wasn't entirely true. But it might reset again, and then she wouldn't be distressed. 

 

"What are their names?" She asked, trying to pull it together. 

 

"Amelia Idris Song and Freya Tabitha Song." He answered, keeping his voice calm and warm. 

 

"How could I forget my _ own _ children?" River shook her head. 

 

"It's not your fault, Riv. I know it's never a choice you'd willingly make." He rubbed her back. 

 

"They were so upset. I made them so upset." 

 

"They've been upset all day, they're just stressed with everything that's happening." He sighed. "They'll calm down, they'll be okay." 

 

"It's my fault though. They're upset because of me." 

 

"No, not because of you. Because you're sick and you don't have any control over that." She closed her eyes, sighing. "...Do you want to see pictures?" He asked carefully. "Maybe it could spark your memory." 

 

She nodded slowly, still not saying much, trying to work the whole thing through her head. He reached for the blue picture box again and started sorting through, placing ones with the twins on her lap. 

 

"When was this?" She asked, picking up the picture to look at it closely. 

 

"About three years ago." He looked it over. It was one of just the girls, who looked about two, playing in the sand on a beach. Amelia had a little plastic shovel and was waving it over her head with a huge smile while Freya was in the process of smashing her fists into the pile of damp sand in front of her. 

 

"I don't remember..." She murmured, looking at the picture as though it was the first time she had seen it. 

 

"Hm, maybe a more recent one." He picked up the one of the little birthday adventure in the jungle and handed it to her. 

 

"This isn't helping." She whispered, handing the picture back to him after looking it over for several minutes. 

 

"Oh." He started to take the pictures back and tuck them carefully away in the box. "Well... I guess you should just rest and wait." 

 

"I'm not tired." She curled up into the blankets. 

 

He doubted that for some reason, but said nothing of it. "May I lie with you, then?" 

 

She nodded, "Can we tell Arthur a story?" 

 

He nodded, glad she was at least remembering their son, though in fairness, it would be difficult to forget why there was a large bump under the sheets. "Do you have one in mind?"

 

"We could make one up." She suggested. 

 

He hummed, liking the idea. "Let's see then. Once upon a time there was a... prince. He was the prince of suns." 

 

"And the prince was very handsome. All the people of his kingdom loved him." She added. 

 

They went on adding to the story for a good long while. They decided the prince's name was Lim angue and that his father sent him on a mission to a far away star to prove himself worthy of being king. It was an hour before they finally ended with his coronation. 

 

"I need to shower." River murmured. 

 

"...Do you need help up?" He asked, trying not to sound terribly over protective. She nodded, her fever having spiked again while they were telling their story. He got up and rounded the bed, helping her sit up first. 

 

She nearly fell over once on her feet, unable to make it five whole steps before getting completely out of breath. 

 

They slowly made their way to the bathroom, the Doctor practically carrying her. "Maybe a bath instead..." 

 

"No, no I don't want a bath." She insisted. He nodded, though didn't really think she'd be able to stand long enough for a shower. 

 

He turned on the water for her. "...Do you want help getting undressed?" 

 

She shook her head, "I think I can manage on my own." She used the counter for support as she slowly began to take off her pajamas. 

 

Steam started to float from the shower as the water heated up. The Doctor stayed, leaning against the wall, not wanting to leave. Once she had finally managed to get her clothes off, the next big task was to actually make it into the shower. "Need help?" He offered again. 

 

"Yes, perhaps a bit." She sighed, a bit frustrated that she couldn't do it on her own. 

 

"Here." He offered his arm to lean on, but didn't do a full body support, thinking it might make her feel more helpless. 

 

She still nearly fell over with his help, growing even more frustrated. He added his other arm, holding both of her forearms. He could see the irritation on her face. "Just take a breath and try again." 

 

This time she actually did fall. Though his arm had helped a bit, her body was too tired from the other failed attempts to keep going. He immediately kneeled beside her, trying to keep his hands from fluttering about in a panic. "Are you okay?" 

 

"I'm fine." She groaned, wrapping one arm around her middle, "Just help me up." He hoisted her up by the underarms and held her close this time. "I just want to wash off." She was beyond frustrated at this point. 

 

He helped her over to the shower. "I know, I'm sorry. Do you want me to stay?" 

 

"I don't care." She whispered, sounding defeated. When she finally made it in, she leaned against the wall, just letting the water pour over her. The TARDIS had added a railing along the wall for her. 

 

"Okay then, I'll just... be in the bedroom. Shout if you need me." 

 

"Yeah, okay." She murmured, her voice thick. A moment later, her whole body was shaking with silent sobs. The Doctor was already in the other room, not catching the tears, but the TARDIS hummed for her in a soothing lull. 

  
River slowly slid down the wall until she was sitting on the floor, silently crying and crying and crying.


	155. One More Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She sat back on the chair, closing her eyes and tracing small circles on her belly, "Do you think I'm giving up." 
> 
> The Doctor sat in front of her, using the wheelchair as an extra chair. "I don't think I've ever seen you fight harder."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So basically a very open hearted conversation between our favorite couple. Enjoy!

 

**Ch 155**

 

Eventually, there was a knock on the bathroom door. "Riv? You've been in there a while... are you alright?" 

 

"Yes, fine." River called, trying to make her voice sound as smooth as possible. 

 

The Doctor was convinced for the time being. "Oh, well if you're done in there, I can come help you out... If you want help, that is." He didn't want to smother her. She didn't answer, burying her head back into her hands. "River, did you hear me?" He said after a moment of just the sound of water. 

 

"Yeah." She called, though her voice wasn't as sturdy this time. 

 

He hesitated, hand on the door knob. "Are you sure you're alright in there?" 

 

"Yeah." She repeated. 

 

He stared at the door for a long moment, unable to ignore his gut feeling. "Can I come in?" 

 

"If you want." She started trying to calm down now, afraid of what he might think if he saw her in her current state. 

 

He slowly opened the door slowly, steam wafting around him. "...Why are you on the floor?" 

 

"I had to sit for a moment." She murmured, trying to pull herself upright again. 

 

He watched her carefully, taking note of the redness around her eyes. "You never answered my question." 

 

"Which one?" She looked up at him. 

 

"I just wanted to know if you were done with your shower." He repeated gently. 

 

"Yeah, I'm finished." She nodded. 

 

"Well I've got a fluffy towel and a nice warm bed for you." He offered a smile and a hand out of the shower. She took his hand, slowly getting out of the tub. He wrapped her up in a towel, making sure to help her stand. 

 

"Thank you." She murmured, leaning against him. 

 

"Come on. Let's get you into bed." 

 

"I don't want to go to bed." She whispered. 

 

"No? Well... what would you like, then?" He questioned, hoping it would involve her sitting. 

 

"I want to go to the nursery." She whispered, "after I get dressed." 

 

He nodded. "...Will you use the wheelchair?" 

 

"I suppose so." 

 

He let out a small breath of relief, helping her back into the room. 

 

It didn't take her too long to get dressed and settled into the wheelchair. The nursery, again to the TARDIS's credit, was very close to the bedroom. 

 

River reached up to grasp her husband’s tightly. He squeezed back, turning on the light. The TARDIS nursery had already been finished, unlike the one in the flat. 

 

"Can you help me into the rocking chair?" River asked softly. He nodded, lifting her the short distance. She sat back on the chair, closing her eyes and tracing small circles on her belly, "Do you think I'm giving up." 

 

The Doctor sat in front of her, using the wheelchair as an extra chair. "I don't think I've ever seen you fight harder." 

 

"But my not letting you put the pacer in, do you think I'm giving up?" She whispered, looking up at him. 

 

"No." He shook his head, eyes honest as he gazed back at her. "You're deciding where to draw the line, a hard decision, but an inevitable one. The two are not related."  

 

She nodded, glad that he understood. "I love you." 

 

He reached for her hand. "I love you, too. More than anything." 

 

She took his hand and weakly tugged him closed, wanting to be in his arms. He closed the distance between them, arms wrapping around her and lips meeting. She melted, using the little strength she had to give the kiss more passion. 

 

He allowed himself to get lost for a moment, focusing on her beneath his fingertips. Her hair was soft and skin warm (though that could have been the fever), and her touch left sparks. She had to pull back after a moment to breathe, her chest heaving. 

 

He pressed his forehead to hers, content to just be there with her for a moment and pretend everything was okay. He weaved his hand into hers, making random patters with his thumb. "How's your memory doing?" 

 

"What do you mean?" She murmured, having already forgotten the earlier events. 

 

"Nothing." He brushed it aside, her confusion answering his question. "How are you feeling?" 

 

"Ill." She whispered, "But I'll manage." 

 

He smiled weakly. "You always were one to tough things out." 

 

She smiled weakly, "Yes, I was..." 

 

"Are." He corrected. 

 

She squeezed his hand. "I am." He squeezed back. 

 

They stayed like that for a while, it could have been minutes or hours. "Why didn't you want to come here?" He asked eventually. 

 

"What do you mean?" She asked, the rocking chair moving gently back and forth. 

 

He shrugged. "I mean what I say I mean. You said you wanted to be in the nursery. Why?" 

 

"I like sitting here, imagining what it would be like to have Arthur here. " She said. 

 

"What are you imagining now?" He asked. 

 

"I'm imagining that he's sleeping in my arms..." 

 

He smiled warmly. "Maybe... you should try projecting the image to him." 

 

"I can't..." She murmured. 

 

"I know, I just thought you should try. You seem a bit better today." 

 

She shook her head, "I can't..." She repeated, "I can hardly feel the link anymore." 

 

“I'm sorry." He murmured sympathetically. 

 

"Do you think it will come back? If I get better?" She asked. 

 

"Yes, perhaps." He doubted that she'd get better, though. "But maybe there's another way." 

 

"Is there?" She looked hopeful, wanting to be able to communicate with their son again. 

 

"Well... It's just a bit of an idea. Your connection with him, I think since it can be weakened, can be strengthened too. We just need to find away, maybe I can help." 

 

"I'd appreciate that." River squeezed his hand tightly, giving him a weak smile. "What do you think, Arthur? Would you like that too?" 

 

Arthur kicked excitedly, eliciting a smile from the Doctor. 

 

River beamed. "Can you imagine him here with us?" 

 

He nodded, delicately placing his hand over her belly. "I want you to keep that image strong in your head. I'm going to interface with you and I want you to keep imagining him in your arms." 

 

She nodded, closing her eyes to help focus herself. 

 

"There we are." He felt his hearts warmed as he saw what River was picturing. "Wonderful. Now... Picture him how he is now, just peacefully inside you." He instructed, searching for the faint but still there link between her and Arthur. 

 

"I don't want to, I like this one." She whispered, opening her eyes,  "I want this one." 

 

"I know you do, but please, just try it." He urged softly.  

 

"No, no I don't want to." She refused, "I want this one. I want this one. I don't want to die, I want to meet our baby." 

 

"River..." He moved his hand up to cup her cheek. "You're not going to die right now. You need to be able to see our son as he is this moment. It's okay to have that dream of holding him, but clinging to it is forcing you away from accepting and connecting to the now." He soothed a spot on her skin with his thumb. "I'm not asking you to think about when he's born, just focus on him." 

 

A few tears rolled down her cheeks and she quickly tried to blink back more. He wiped a few away. "I know it's scary, but I'm here." He took his other hand off her belly and instead went to hold hers. "We're both right here." 

 

She nodded, squeezing his hand tightly, "Okay...." She swallowed, "Alright, I can focus on him now." 

 

"Good." He breathed, finding the spot where the connection was supposed to be. "Keep focusing on him, tell him a story if you need to. You're going to feel me working in this spot. Don't be alarmed, I'm just rebuilding connections, but tell me if you start getting a headache." 

 

She nodded, doing her very best to focus on their son, though she didn't last very long, getting the headache after ten minutes. 

 

Since he was already inside her head, she didn't need to voice the symptom to him. "...We can stop if you need to." 

 

"I think we have to stop." She whispered, "I'm sorry." 

 

"No, it's alright." He withdrew his mind slowly. "You made good progress." 

 

She smiled wearily, "Thank you for doing this." He smiled back. "It's the least I can do. We can continue tomorrow, or later if you think you can handle it." 

 

"We'll see." She pulled him towards her for a kiss. 

 

His arms flailed out in surprise, but only for a moment until he got a hold of himself and leaned into her willingly. 

 

Her smile grew, "I love you." 

 

"I love you, too, River.” He soaked in her smile, it having been so rare the past week. 

 

"You're so handsome, you know." She murmured, touching his cheek. 

 

"Thank you..." He murmured, wondering why the sudden burst of affection. "You're quite beautiful as well." 

 

Her hand slid along his jaw, her eyes trailing along every inch of his face. He did a bit of the opposite, keeping his eyes steadily locked on hers, having already committed every part of her face to memory. 

 

She leaned forward, pressing a kiss to his cheek. He made a delighted hum. "Feeling affectionate today, are we?" 

 

She would have laughed if she had had the strength, instead just giving him a soft smile, "I suppose so." 

 

"Any particular reason?" He wondered. 

 

She shrugged, "Perhaps it's because you've been taking such good care of me. Or maybe because one of us has a birthday coming up..." 

 

He made a concentrated face, trying to remember it it was his or hers, though was no longer quite as warm when he realized it was the latter. 

 

"It's just over two weeks away." She murmured, "You've forgotten, haven't you." 

 

"No- well, maybe... yes." He admitted. "When you get to be as old as I am, it tends to slip your mind." 

 

"Yes, I know." She squeezed his hand. "But this is an important one." 

 

"Why is that?" He let his gaze trail down to their hands. "Are you turning a special number?" 

 

"No..." She trailed off, swallowing, "...It's the last one I’ll have with you." 

 

"Oh." He breathed. The thought hadn't occurred to him. "...Right." 

 

"I'm sorry." She shook her head, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up. Let's talk about something else.”  

 

"It's alright." He murmured, giving her hand a soft tug. He obliged, though, in the change of subject. "Are you hungry?" 

 

"A bit, but I don't think I'll be able to keep anything down." 

 

"Not even a saltine?" He urged. 

 

She shook her head, "No, not now, my love. I'm sorry." 

 

"It's alright." He repeated. "I'm just a bit worried." That was an understatement. 

 

"I know you are." She whispered, "I can try if you really want." 

 

He shook his head. "It won't be worth you throwing up again." 

 

"That will probably end up happened later regardless of whether I eat or not." She pointed out, sweat starting to collect on her brow. 

 

He shrugged. "I'm not going to force you to eat." 

 

"Can we go back to imagining Arthur with us?" She asked. 

 

"Of course." He said warmly. 

 

"What do you picture?" 

 

"Waking up to find you've gone out of the room. When I follow, I find you in the nursery, holding him. I can hear you singing." He elucidated to her. 

 

"What does he look like?" She murmured, picturing the scene in her head. She had her own picture of what Arthur looked like in her head, but she wanted to know what he imagined. 

 

"Amy's nose. His hair is darker than the girls’ were when they were born... a light brown. a few little soft tufts of it. He's wrapped in the blanket you made him. He's got your eyes." 

 

She smiled weakly, "We should bring that blanket in here." 

 

"Do you want me to go get it?" 

 

"Not now." She whispered, "Tell me more about Arthur." 

 

He smiled fondly. "He's as curious as a newborn can be. He sticks everything in reach in his mouth and gets excited at everything." 

 

"Do the girls get along with him? And does he get along with Tiber?" She smiled. There was something about asking him the questions that made his responses seem real. Perhaps it was because for most of their relationship, they hadn't been in sync. For this moment, it felt like he was really giving away spoilers about their future and not just pretending. 

 

"The girls do, they get even more excited to be big sisters than they are now." He decided. He was making it all up, but he liked that it made River smile and was also glad she could remember her daughters existed. "They want to help with every little thing, but decide that changing nappies can be left to you and me. They practice reading by reading him stories before bed." He glanced at the bookshelf in the room. "Tiber stays away from him for a while because he doesn't like the crying, but discovers later that Arthur's crib is a nice place to sleep and Arthur doesn't mind him sleeping with him." 

 

"And what about you? Do you like having a little baby around again?" She asked, her whole face brighter than it had been in weeks. 

 

"Yes, very much. He's a bit of a handful with the girls around, but we manage a good balance. And he likes to play with my bow-tie when I'm holding him." 

 

"I'm sure he does." She sighed. "I love sitting here in the rocking chair, just holding him, my last baby." 

 

The words sounded strange to him. He knew as well as she did that Arthur would be the last child she was to bear, but it still settled oddly sad in him. 

 

"Would we...have had more?" She asked after several moments of silence. 

 

"No." He replied quietly, waiting a few moments before continuing. "You wouldn't be able to go through another pregnancy without running into the same problem we have now. If you were to... make it through, the bleeding would mean you'd need an emergency hysterectomy." 

 

"But I mean, if this wasn't a problem we were facing. If I was...normal, healthy..."

 

"Oh, well, I'm not sure." He shrugged. "We'd decide together, I suppose." She nodded slowly, giving his hand a soft squeeze. He searched her face. "When you were younger, I mean before you started living in the TARDIS, did you want kids?" 

 

"Not particularly. I wouldn't exactly label myself as the nurturing type." 

 

He chuckled. "And look how you've changed." 

 

She hummed, "And what about you?" 

 

"Well, the thought was definitely one I've had, but I used to always turn it down... I was afraid, I think, that with the lifestyle we had and our pasts that we wouldn't be able to make it work. I know what it's like to have the universe against you. It's hard to keep the people you care about safe." He briefly thought of Susan. "But I'm glad we made it work." 

 

"So am I." She nodded, "You've given me the most wonderful gifts in the universe through our children,  _ all _ of our children." She wasn't just thinking about Amelia, Freya and Arthur, but also William. 

 

"So have you." He echoed back, briefly wondering about the miscarriages River had. He wished desperately that he could've at least been there with her. At least he'd been there with William, which he imagined must have been the hardest.  

 

"I know you're going to do a wonderful job of taking care of our baby." She clung to him now, afraid of letting go. Her face had gone pale again and it was obvious that she was feeling sicker than when they had first come into the nursery. 

 

He smiled weakly. "Let's not pass the torch just yet." He reached up to her face. "You're going pale." 

 

"Am I?" She murmured, her hand moving to rest on his. 

 

"Yes. And you're getting clammy. Maybe we should get you back to the room." 

 

She nodded, "I think I'd like to rest now."  

  
He offered his hand to help her back into the wheelchair. She sat without complaint, now tired after sitting and talking for so long.


	156. Something’s Gotta Give

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're tired because you're not getting enough oxygen." He stroked her cheek. "But I know you can do it." She didn't answer, eyes shut. "River?" He tapped her face. "River come on, just open your eyes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I'm really glad you all are sticking through this fic with me even though it's getting very grim. I'm hoping the little surprise at the end will help provide a bit of relief. Enjoy!

**Ch 156**

 

As the Doctor wheeled River back to the room, they could hear the girls running around the halls. They sounded like they were playing a game, tag perhaps. He pushed her around a corner and they were nearly run over by the twins, who lit up at the sight of their mother. 

 

"Hello, my loves." River smiled weakly. It was quite obvious that she was tired and she didn't have the strength to try and hide it. 

 

Freya immediately started climbing up onto the chair. "Daddy said we couldn't see you 'cause you have a fever. Do you still have one?" 

 

"Yes, I'm afraid I do, darling." She murmured, wincing as Freya clambered all over her. 

 

"Can I hug you anyways?  _ Please _ , Mumma?" She begged, Amelia holding onto River's leg. 

 

"Of course, just be gentle." She nodded. 

 

Freya tried her best to maneuver around River's large belly, wrapping her arms around her neck. 

  
  


"Mummy I want a hug, too!" Amelia tugged on River's clothes.

 

"Alright, Amelia. Let me hug Freya first." She held her daughter in her arms for a minute, giving her a kiss on the temple before moving on to Amelia. "Have they been behaving?" She asked Vastra who now stood with them. 

 

The woman nodded. "It took them a little while to calm, but I think they're better now." She looked a little tired, but smiled warmly. “How are you feeling?"

 

River shook her head to signal that she wasn't doing any better, not wanting to actually say the words in front of her daughters, "You should rest, I'm sure the girls have been wearing you out." 

 

"No, I can handle it. You need to try to get better, I can put them to bed." Vastra insisted. 

 

"Are you sure?" She asked, not wanting to deprive her friend of the rest she needed. 

 

"Positive." She nodded. "Would you like the girls to stay with you longer?" 

 

"I would love for them to..." She trailed off, putting a hand to her stomach, "I think I'm going to be sick."  The girls jumped off River, not wanting to be in range of getting sick on them. 

 

The Doctor excused them quickly and whisked River off to a bathroom. They arrived not a moment too soon, River vomiting rather violently into the toilet, her whole body shaking. 

 

The Doctor pulled her hair back and out of the way. "I guess the girls won't be joining us..." A bit of blood trailed down from her mouth and she coughed, nodding weakly. He searched around for a towel, running it under water before returning to her side. He ran the damp cloth over her forehead, then on her chin to wipe away the streak of red. 

 

"Thank you." She murmured, leaning into the coolness of the towel. 

 

He sighed worriedly. "How's your breathing?" 

 

"Worse..." She whispered through deep breaths. 

 

"Let's get you to bed, I'll see what I can do." He urged. He could hear the girl's shuffling their feet curiously outside the door. She nodded, trying to stand, though her knees immediately gave out beneath her. 

 

He swooped in to catch her. "Whoa, there. You need to sit down." He eased her back into the chair. She nodded, holding onto him tightly. "Do you need a moment?" He asked. 

 

"No, no... I'm f-fine." 

 

"You're not in any position to push yourself, River." He advised. 

 

"Sweetie, really, I think I can make it the few feet to door." She murmured, stumbling over to it. The girls reclaimed River's legs once the door was opened. "Vastra, would you mind… taking the girls out for a moment." She murmured before promptly falling unconscious. Obviously she had over-judged her capabilities. 

 

Vastra swept the girls away before they could question what just happened, though they were noticeably concerned about their mum. 

 

The Doctor got River quickly back to bed, assessing how to treat her without being invasive. He ended up putting the mask back over her head and something to help her lungs in one of her fluid IVs. It didn't take her long to way back up, feverish and confused. 

 

"You're in bed, River." The Doctor explained to her once she'd woken up. "Do you remember what happened?" 

 

"Can't breathe..." She whispered. 

 

He frowned, somewhat hovering over her. "I didn't think you wanted to be intubated. There are other medications I can try to help you. Can I try those?" 

 

She nodded, coughing. Her chest heaved as she tried to pull air into her lungs. 

 

"There seems to be a problem with your avioli... losing elasticity and function. And that could help explain for the coughing up blood." He said, injecting various needles into the open line he already had going. 

 

"Can't breathe..." She murmured again. 

 

"Give the medicine a chance to work." He said unconvincingly. She nodded, holding her hand out for his. He took her hand, holding it firmly. "Do you... want to be intubated?" 

 

She shook her head, "Medicine....work....first...." He nodded, sitting down on the bed, and tapping his foot anxiously. "B-baby?" She asked, wanting to make sure Arthur was alright. 

 

"He's okay. He'll stay okay if we can get you breathing normally soon." He assured. 

 

"Most important." She pointed to her belly, then herself, "Second important." 

 

He hesitated, but nodded. "Well if that is the case, that intubation might not be optional for you. He's relying on you for oxygen and those levels will drop soon. If the medicine doesn't work, that will be your only option." 

 

"Okay..." She murmured, "Most important." She pointed to her belly again 

 

"I understand." He stood and began to fish around the machines until he found one with a long tube attached to it. When he switched it on, a white gas was emitted from the mouth piece. "Here." He handed the end of the tube to her. "Breathe this." She took the tube from him, breathing in the gas and coughing slightly. "That's it. Just breathe." He encouraged. "That should help." 

 

"....Sorry..." She said in between breaths 

 

"Whatever for?" He asked, soothing her hair back. 

 

"Being sick." She whispered. 

 

"Not your fault." He replied. "Never your fault." 

 

"...Sleepy...." She murmured. 

 

He frowned, not sure if she was sleepy for the right reasons. "Stay awake, just a little longer." 

 

"Help me..." She squeezed his hand. 

 

"I'm trying." He glanced at her monitors. 

 

She shook her head, "Stay awake, help stay awake." 

 

He nodded, understanding this time. "Alright, just listen to me. Focus on my voice, Riv. Remember... remember what we were talking about. Think about that." 

 

"Arthur?" 

 

"Yes." He continued to stroke her hair. "Arthur." 

 

She nodded slowly, "Our baby." 

 

"I bet you anything Jack will get him a water pistol when he's old enough to hold one." He decided on continuing with the fantasies, hoping it would keep her awake. 

 

She gave him the ghost of a laugh, "Oh dear..." 

 

"He carries the thing around with him everywhere. The girls eventually convince Jack to give them ones, too, and there are water fights at least twice a day." 

 

"No guns..." She whispered, eyes drooping. 

 

"Only one that shoot water. Don't worry, the phase only lasts a few weeks. But after, Arthur loves the swimming pool. The girls like to try to teach him how to float." 

 

"....So tired." She said again, closing her eyes this time. 

 

"No." He urged her, hand on the side of her face. "Stay awake, River." 

 

"I'm trying." She opened her eyes just slightly. 

 

"Keep focus, okay? Try to keep focus." 

 

"I am." She whispered. 

 

He squeezed her hand. "He'll carry that blanket around with him everywhere. He'll never what to put it down." 

 

"He will?" She sounded like she was falling asleep. 

 

"Yes. He even spills milk on it because he refuses to leave it anywhere." He searched over her face. "Open your eyes." 

 

"Don't want to..." She whispered. 

 

"If you go unconscious I'll have to intubate, and I really don't want to do that unless absolutely necessary." He pleaded. "Stay with me." 

 

"I'm trying." She opened her eyes a bit again. 

 

"You're so strong, love." He murmured. 

 

She shook her head, "No...." 

 

"Yes, yes you are." He insisted. 

 

"No...I can't do this." She cried, "I want to sleep." 

 

"Please, River, you have to stay awake. For Arthur, stay awake." 

 

"I'm too tired." 

 

"You're tired because you're not getting enough oxygen." He stroked her cheek. "But I know you can do it." She didn't answer, eyes shut. "River?" He tapped her face. "River come on, just open your eyes." 

 

She opened her eyes, looking up at him. She looked tired and annoyed, not happy about being woken up. "You've just got to keep your eyes open for me." He said apologetically. She looked wearily up at him, not speaking. "Good." He murmured. 

 

They went on like that for a while: The Doctor doing his best to think up stories of Arthur and keep his wife's eyes open. Once her breathing had returned to what was now considered "normal" she looked beyond exhausted. 

 

Vastra knocked and entered, talking to the pair about dinner and offering the bring some in. The Doctor declined the offer. River declined hers as well, wanting to sleep. "May I speak with you in the hall, Doctor?" Vastra asked softly. 

 

He hesitated, then nodded, kissing River's forehead first and following her out. 

 

"I was wondering if you had thought about what is to happen when it comes time to deliver the baby." Vastra asked, "I fear she won't be strong enough to deliver." 

 

"I've had thoughts, none which very good." He scrubbed a hand over his face. "...If, if she can't make it... I'm not sure. Emergency c-section is all that's coming to mind. That's only if she... she dies before he's out." 

 

"Have you considered any ways to help save her life?" 

 

"For the last six months, that's all I think about." He said a bit too harshly and sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Okay. Okay, look. Say that she makes it through... is somehow strong enough to get to the end, hold him even, it will only be moments. She'll still be bleeding and she'll die before any of us can do anything. What I would need, if it were at all possible, is something to buy me time. Time enough to operate and save her." 

 

"You said that there was a chance she would survive, a small chance, but a chance none the less. Are you saying that this statement is false? That no matter what, there is no chance she'll make it through?" 

 

"There's a chance, there's always a chance but it's growing smaller by the bloody hour." He growled, squeezing his eyes shut. "I don't want her to die, Vastra." 

 

"None of us want that." She sighed, "There is a medication I know of that could help. It may prolong her pregnancy and will definitely prolong her labor, but it should give you enough time to operate after she's delivered." 

 

"Wait... what?" His head shot up at her words. "Tell me what it is!" He jumped to his feet.

 

"I cannot be sure that this will work at all. It's called Axtelon and it is extremely difficult to obtain." 

 

"I need better than difficult. River won't last much longer like this. I'm fearful that we'll have to induce soon if this all continues on the path it's going." He looked determined, wanting,  _ needing  _ Vastra to get this medicine before then. "How does it work, as exactly as you can." 

 

"These plants grow along the rifts and cracks of time and need to have been raised under just the right conditions. When it is first administered, the plant will essentially freeze her body, she'll be asleep for a few days. After the chemicals have mixed into her body, they will begin to slow her system down as well as Arthurs. It will affect everything except her speech and her thought process. Her movements will most likely be slightly slower than normal, her breathing will be very slow, she won't be hungry very often as a result of her digestive system processing food slower. Arthur's development will slow significantly, which is why the medication will most likely prolong her pregnancy. The muscles will take longer to contract and detract which means a prolonged labor as well. Her blood circulation will be the slowest function, which means that it will take longer for her to bleed out. That will give you time to save her, not much, but it will give her a better chance, or at least, it will if it works." 

 

He nodded his comprehension. Even if this didn't work, it would buy him more time with River, which at this point was what he valued above many other things. "There's a rift running right through Cardiff. If you get Jack to help you, how long do you think it will take to find this?" 

 

"It shouldn't take more than a few days  _ if _ there is anything growing there." 

 

He frowned, unsure if they had that kind of time. "I can drop you off with Jack, after dinner if you'd like, but I'm going to skip ahead and pick you up as soon as possible for me."

 

She nodded, “We can do that." 

 

"Good." He said appreciatively. "Would you... like to stay for dinner?" 

 

"I suppose someone should feed your children." 

 

"You don't have to do that, Vastra. You've been doing far too much of it lately. I meant an offer to join us for a meal... Which I will be cooking." He clarified. 

 

"I can stay for a bit." She nodded. 

 

"You can go in with River if you want to. She's probably sleeping though, but I imagine it might be a nice break from the girls." He glanced at the bedroom door. "Thank you, by the way. For... everything." 

 

"It's nothing you wouldn't do for me, I'm sure." She smiled softly, turning to go into the bedroom. 

 

He would, at this point, do many thing for his friend. He half wanted to giver her new shiny things and scented chocolates for how generous she'd been to him and River through this whole situation. He figured he'd find a gift for her later, and headed off towards where he assumed the girl's where, mind racing at the thought of the chance Axtelon could give his wife. 

 

Shrieks and giggling could be heard coming from down the hall along with, oddly enough, barking. The girls were running around the console room enjoying their newest surprise from Uncle Jack. 

  
The Doctor frowned and upon actually coming into the console room, was literally run over by a 160 lb mass of white and orange fur. 


	157. Good Ol’ Uncle Jack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Well next time you feel like... taking the courtesy to drop off a dog-a-soarus at our door, ask please."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very interested to see the reactions of this chapter. Enjoy!!

**Ch 157**

 

The thing was slobbering all over his face as the girls laughed. "Where in the name of Rassilon did you girls get a Saint Bernard?!" The Doctor demanded once he could comprehend that it was a dog pinning him down. 

 

"Uncle Jack brought him for us!" Freya exclaimed, looking the happiest she had been since River had gotten sick. 

 

" _ Jack _ . Of course. Who else would it be." He muttered, grumpily managing to push the dog off him and stand. He was about to say that they shouldn't get attached when he saw the beaming looks on their faces. "I... need to talk to Mummy about keeping it. I don't think Tiber will get along very well with it." 

 

"Please, please,  _ please _ don't send him back! Uncle Jack said he hasta live with us or else he will have nowhere else to go!" Freya begged. 

 

"And he'll be the best dog ever! And we promise to take care of him." Amelia chimed in. Even the dog, which was about the size of both girls combined seemed to be begging. 

 

"Well..." His hesitation was obvious, but he didn't terribly mind a dog. "We're going to visit Uncle Jack soon, so I guess.... For now. Yes, it can stay with us." He sighed a little. 

 

The girls shrieked in excitement, the noise soon joined by the dog's barking, "Can we show Mummy?" 

 

"She's sleeping right now, but... as soon as she wakes, yes." He kneeled down, daring to pet the wiggling dog. 

 

"We have to give him a name." Freya wrapped her arms around the dog as it began to lick the Doctor's face. 

 

"I'll leave that up to you two." He said, moving his head in attempt to dodge the tongue. 

 

Freya shrugged, looking at her sister. Amelia gave it a good deal of thought. "Toby?" 

 

Freya smiled, "I like that." 

 

Amelia ran to the other side of the console. "Here Toby!" She called, and the dog came racing towards her. "It worked!" 

 

"He's the smartest dog ever!" Freya giggled. 

 

The Doctor laughed, too. "Alright, girls. Lets make some things clear, alright? Try to keep him away from the cats, no letting him out without a leash, and you can't bring him to school with you." The girls nodded, excited to play with the dog. 

 

"Do we need to get toys for him?" 

 

"Sure, but later." He decided. "Girls, have mummy and I talked to you about going back to school?" 

 

They shook their head, "Are we going to go back now?" 

 

"No, but soon. We're not sure exactly when, but within the month probably." He offered a smile. "Are you excited?" 

 

"Will Mummy be better by then?" Amelia asked, not wanting to spend the day away if River was still sick. 

 

"Perhaps. Auntie Vastra is going to try something new to help her." He assured, though it wasn't at all a guarantee. 

 

She nodded, hugging the dog once more. Toby curled up next to her, tail wapping the floor at regular intervals. 

 

"What do you girls want for dinner?" 

 

"Can we have waffles for dinner?" Freya asked. 

 

"Only if you promise to eat some fruit, too."

 

"Can we have strawberries and bananas? Those are Mummy's favorites." 

 

"Yes. Those sound good." He nodded and he headed over to the kitchen to start cooking. 

 

The girls insisted on bringing Toby with them to the kitchen, feeding him bits of their food while they were eating. 

 

After plates were in the sink, the Doctor made a small plate of fruit. "Do you want to bring this to Auntie Vastra and Mummy?" 

 

They nodded, "Can we show Mummy Toby too?" 

 

"Um... no. I think it's better to just tell her about him. She still needs a clean environment, so no pets." He informed them. 

 

"But Tiber is allowed to see Mummy! I want to  _ show _ her Toby!" Freya protested. 

 

"...Is he trained?" He glanced between her and her canine counterpart. 

 

Freya shrugged before Amelia spoke up, "Uncle Jack said he used to visit hospitals to make people feel better. Maybe he can make Mummy feel better." 

 

"Well... I guess that means he  _ should _ be trained." He went up to the dog. "Sit, Toby." 

 

The dog sat, looking up at the Doctor waiting to be told what to do next. 

 

"Hmm. I suppose that proves you're trained." He said, somewhat glad that the dog wouldn't need to be house trained. "Alright, come on everyone. Let's see if Mummy's awake." 

 

The girls cheered, running down the hall followed by the dog. The Doctor went swiftly after them. "Remember girls, you have to be quiet around Mummy. She's still tired." 

 

"Oh..." They quickly changed their volume, settling down. 

 

"There we are. You two go to decontamination with Toby, I'll see if she’s awake." They nodded, calling the dog into the room with them. 

 

The Doctor entered the bedroom with a soft knock. Vastra and River had been talking quietly, their conversation stopping when he entered the room. Vastra had helped River sit up by propping pillows behind her back. 

 

He placed the plate of fruit down on the side table. "How are you feeling, love?" 

 

"Tired." She murmured, reaching out for his hand, "Where are the girls?"  

 

"In decontamination. They have a bit of, uh, surprise for you. Courtesy of 'Uncle Jack'." He smiled nervously. "Has Vastra talked to you about Axtelon?" 

 

"No?" She raised an eyebrow, looking between Vastra and the Doctor. 

 

He opened his mouth to explain, but heard the girls approaching and closed it again. "Surprise first, Axtelon later." 

 

"Am I going to like this surprise?" She asked, knowing that with Jack, there were some surprises that weren't very pleasing. 

 

"Let's just say to keep an open mind to it." He patted her leg as the girls somewhat burst through the door, Toby trotting behind them. 

 

River stared at the dog, mouth hanging slightly open, "No... Doctor, are you serious? Absolutely not!" 

 

"Now, here me out, Riv. He's very well trained-"

 

"He's gonna be our best friend forever!" Freya insisted. 

 

"We're about to have a baby! We can't have a dog running around slobbering over everything! That was the reason why we got the cats." 

 

"Well, technically the Axtelon will give you more time-"

 

"You wanna take away Toby??" Freya panicked, hugging the dog tightly. Toby just sat with a wagging tail, waiting for permission to meet the new person in the bed. 

 

She bit her lip, not wanting to take away the thing that was making her daughter happy. "Can you take care of two five year olds, a newborn  _ and  _ a dog?" She asked, looking at the Doctor. 

 

"I'm sure I can figure it out. I've got time now. And he really is a well trained dog. Jack said he used to go to hospitals, a service dog." He insisted with a smile. "Freya thinks he can make you feel better." 

 

She sighed, "Alright, alright, fine. Bring him here, let's see." 

 

Amelia pointed to the bed. "Go Toby." The dog moved next to the bed, sitting on the floor by River and looking at her expectantly. She held out her hand to let the dog sniff and then stroked his head. He wagged his tail happily, pushing up against her hand. 

 

"See? Told you he was nice." 

 

"Toby, up!" Freya commanded, jumping onto the bed, wanting the dog to do the same. He followed, being careful when he resettled. 

 

River tensed, her hands moving protectively over her stomach, afraid of what the massive dog might do. 

 

"Make Mumma feel better, Toby." Freya pointed at her mother. Toby leaned his head forwards to sniff her hand again, then licked it softly. 

 

She sucked in a breath, glancing up at the Doctor, obviously nervous to have the dog so close to the unborn baby. Toby could sense it too, putting his head down next to River's hip. 

 

"Mummy, he's gonna stay with us, right? Pretty please?" 

 

"I don't know, sweetheart, we'll see." She hesitantly touched the dog's head again. Toby made a noise of content, some thing like a purr. 

 

"Daddy brought fruit for you." 

 

"Yes, I see, thank you." She smiled weakly. She looked at the dog again, "You're very big." 

 

"He can give me horsie back rides!" Amelia said excitedly. 

 

"Oh, really?" That seemed to make her even more anxious.  

 

"He's cuddly!" Freya added. 

 

"I can see, but I don't want him sleeping in your room, alright?" 

 

"Aw, why not?" She pouted. 

 

"Because I said so." She glanced at the Doctor again. 

 

"It's alright girls." The Doctor piped in. "The TARDIS will make him a nice warm doggy bed." River nodded, starting to feel Arthur move. 

 

_ New thing. Warm thing.  _ Arthur pushed against the side where Toby was lying. The dog lifted his head curiously. 

 

River swallowed, glancing nervously at the dog. "Yes, sweetheart, it's a dog." 

 

_ Big kitty? _ The thought of another animal confused him. 

 

"No, sweetheart, it's… different and much much bigger." 

 

_ Big kitty. _ He insisted. 

 

She glanced at the dog, not exactly knowing how to explain it to the baby. Toby licked River's hand again. 

 

"River, you look a bit... uneasy." The Doctor noted.  She kept her eyes on the dog, opening her mouth to say something. Arthur kicked when he felt the warmth draw closer again, wanting to find out more about the big kitty. 

 

"He's huge." She breathed. 

 

"Toby, come meet my baby brother!" Freya crawled next to River, pointing to her belly. 

River stared at the dog as he drew closer to her body, tensing when he touched her. Toby pushed his nose softly again her midsection, earning kicks back from Arthur. 

 

The Doctor moved to take River’s free hand. "So... he'll take a little bit of getting used to. I say give it a week." 

 

She relaxed a bit after a moment, enjoying the feeling of how excited Arthur was to be exposed to this new thing. "Why did it have to be the biggest dog possible? Why couldn't he have brought something smaller." She sighed. 

 

"We can ask Jack about that when we see him." He chuckled. "I think he was going for behavior rather than appearance. But we can yell at him soon. Vastra, the girls, and I were going to go to Torchwood.  Actually, I should probably talk to you before we go. Girls, go play with Toby. We'll go visit Uncle Jack in a bit." 

 

The girls called for the dog to follow them, leading him out of the room. VAstra went with them. 

 

"So, uh, Vastra was telling me about something called Axtelon." He explained and relayed all the information Vastra had given him earlier. 

 

"I suppose it's worth a try." She murmured after a bit. "Are you sure that Toby is a good idea?" 

 

"Well, he makes the girls very happy." He pointed out. "He gives them a distraction, in a good way. And it will teach them more about responsibility." 

 

She sighed, "I suppose you're right, but I'm worried about the baby. I know that he's gentle and calm, but he's  _ so _ big." 

 

"Think of him as a... protector. I'm sure if you keep an open mind to him, you'll get used to it." He encouraged. 

 

She nodded slowly, squeezing his hand. "The girls have to go to bed soon, and I want the dog to sleep in here tonight so we can keep an eye on him." 

 

"Of course, love. Now why don't you get some rest. I'll be back soon." He kissed her forehead. 

 

"Love you..." She whispered, letting go of his hand. 

 

"I love you, too." He smiled and left quietly, meeting back with the others in the console room. 

 

Amelia and Freya were running around the console room with Toby when he returned, giggling and having the best time. 

 

"You girls are going to wear yourselves out if you keep that up all night." He laughed, tapping some of the controls to send off the TARDIS. 

 

The girls finally settled down when they landed, waiting eagerly by the door. Before they could open the door themselves, Jack came booming in, in all ways living up to his title. "Hey, hey! It's about time you guys came around here. Did you like my present?" 

 

"Yes! Yes! It's the best present ever!" Both girls jumped around his legs, the dog barking in excitement as well. 

 

"River is a bit concerned about his size." The Doctor added. 

 

"She's got nothing to worry about. My little nieces can handle him." Jack grinned, patting them on the head, "And besides, he's harmless." 

 

"Yeah, well, I tried to tell her that, but... you know how she worries. I think she'll come around with time." He shrugged. "Where'd you even have the time to find him?" 

 

"There was a shop closing near the base and they were trying to get rid of all the dogs before they closed. Everyone was going for the puppies but nobody wanted this big guy." 

 

"Ah. Well next time you feel like... taking the courtesy to drop off a dog-a-soarus at our door, ask please."  

 

Jack gave him a salute of acknowledgement, "At least he's trained." 

 

"Yes, I appreciate that. Anyways, Vastra and I have something to talk about with you." He gestured for them to go settle in the Hub. 

 

The group went into the hub, Vastra and Jack settling in some chairs while the girls played with Toby. The Doctor sat with the adults, informing Jack of the Axtelon and that he need him to help Vastra the next few days to find some. Jack agreed to help, discussing possible locations of the plant with the two until Freya and Amelia wandered back over. 

 

The Doctor looked them over. "Where's Toby?" They pointed to the doors of the TARDIS, which were slightly open, enough for the dog to get through. "What do you say we get you two to bed, hmm? Are you tired?" 

 

They nodded. "Can you carry me?" Amelia yawned. 

 

He nodded and scooped her up. "I'll be back in the morning, but I'll skip ahead a few days to pick you up." He said to the two he was leaving behind. "Say goodnight to Jack and Vastra." He murmured to his sleepy daughters. 

 

The girls waved sleepily, Amelia's eyes already half closed. 

 

He chuckled. "Thank you both for what you're doing. It means the universe to me." 

 

"It's nothing." Jack shrugged. 

 

"It's everything." He smiled, then waved and headed in for the night. 

 

Amelia was asleep by the time they got back to their room, Freya would have been too if she hadn't been walking. He got them settled and tucked in. "Would you like a song or a story?" 

 

"A song." Freya whispered. He thought for a moment before starting a soft Gallifreyan lullaby. 

 

Both girls were asleep by the end of the song, curled up warm in their beds and dreaming. He gave them a kiss then left back to his room. 

 

He paused in the hallway and whistled. "Toby? Where've you gotten off to?" There was a bark from the Doctor and River's bedroom. "Oh good. You're already in there." He followed the noise back. 

 

Toby was up on the bed with River when he walked in, his head resting on her stomach as she stroked by his ears, obviously trying to get comfortable with the large animal. 

 

"I see you two have gotten more antiquated." He grinned, moving to settle under the blankets. 

 

"Yes, a bit." She murmured, less tense than she had been when she and the dog had first interacted. 

 

"Well he doesn't have to sleep on the bed if you don't want him to." He reached over and stroked Toby. "What do you think of the name the girls picked out?" 

 

"I think it's a sweet name." She smiled softly, "And I don't want him sleeping on the bed, but he can stay up here for a few more minutes." 

 

"I think he likes you a lot." He nuzzled to her shoulder. "Jack says 'hi' by the way." 

 

"Why do you think that?" She asked, looking back at Toby. 

 

"I don't think he'd sit with you if he didn't." He shrugged. "Call it a gut feeling." 

 

"You seem happier...." She murmured, touching his cheek, "I've missed your happiness." 

 

"And I yours." He repeated her actions. "I'm... more hopeful than I've been in a while." 

 

"I know..." She murmured, "So am I." 

 

"I'm glad. Sorry about the side effects, though." 

 

"I'm use to side effects by now, it doesn't matter." She murmured, scooting closer to him. 

 

"Still." Toby shifted off the bed when River shifted, moving to the corner where a large dog bed had been placed. "The Axtelon could eliminate the need for a lot of the other meds you're on." 

 

"Now we just have to hope that Vastra and Jack will be able to find it." She closed her eyes, breaking into a coughing fit. 

 

He wrapped his arms around her, "I'm going to skip ahead a few days to save us some time." She nodded, curling closer to him until her coughs died down. "Try to get some rest." He pressed a kiss against her curls. She nodded again, closing her eyes. "Love you." He whispered. 

  
"You too." She murmured as she began to drift off. 


	158. There I Saw Her Standing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I want to sit in the nursery." She seemed to stare right through him, obviously confused. 
> 
> "You are in the nursery." He frowned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Toby proves himself as a good dog and the Doctor has a rough day. Enjoy!

**Ch 158**

 

The Doctor awoke long before anyone else. It was, in fact, a few hours before even the girls would awake. He sat up, unsure why exactly he was up. He was excited... or scared. Likely a mixture of the two. He slipped out of the bed and into his clothes, deciding there was no point in waiting to go to Torchwood. He made sure all the TARDIS's movements were silent and even made sure to enter the Hub as quietly as he could. 

 

Outside the TARDIS doors, barking could be heard followed by a woman shushing the source of the noise. It was the middle of the day in the hub, unlike in the TARDIS. 

 

The Doctor frowned, he was sure he'd passed a sleeping Toby on his way out. Could he have gotten out? He approached further into the Hub, catching sight of the woman... with curly hair. No, that couldn't be right. "What are you doing out of bed?" The words slipped out before he could stop them.

 

The woman turned around, looking confused, "Sorry?" In front of him stood a very healthy, and notably not pregnant, River Song.  Despite the confused look, she had a glow about her that had been missing the past few months. 

 

"You're..." He swallowed, mind suddenly entirely overrun with thoughts. "...Supposed to be resting." 

 

She raised an eyebrow, "And why, exactly, am I supposed to be resting? You're supposed to be on a school trip." 

 

"Well… um..." He lost his words, a million questions tumbling through his mind and almost onto his tongue.

 

“Are you alright?" 

 

He took a second to nod, approaching her like she might be a ghost. He reached out to touch her cheek, letting out a breath when his hand didn't go through her. 

 

"Doctor?" She murmured, staring at him, "Wh-" She was cut off by the start of wailing from down the hall. 

 

He bit his tongue to keep from gasping. "That's... Arthur?" He couldn't manage more than a breathy whisper. 

 

"Spoilers." She whispered, a smile breaking out on her face. 

 

"You know when I am then?" His eyes were bright.

 

"Well, I do now." She laughed weakly, "The awe in your voice gave you away. You'd better get used to that sound, sweetie." She smiled, referring to the baby's cries.

 

"It can't be much different from when the girls were born." He let out a chuckle that was surprisingly watery. "It's been so long since we had to do diaries." 

 

"Yes, it has. I guess I'm a bit out of practice." She glanced back towards the baby's cries, "I should probably go attend to the baby." 

 

"And I should probably not see... timelines and all." He didn't really want to let her go. 

 

She could tell he was reluctant to leave, "Keep taking care of me and I'll be just fine. Cuddling and kisses go a long way and all the trouble you may or may not have on Arthur's birthday is  _ so _ worth it."  She leaned in to kiss him, "Let's keep this meeting our little secret, yeah?" 

 

He didn't really answer, crashing his lips against hers with all the emotions he had pouring out. 

 

When they broke apart, she laughed softly, "Take care, my love. I'll see you soon." 

 

"Sooner than you'd think." He didn't realize how wide he was smiling, nor noticed the wetness in his eyes as he finally managed to convince himself to move his feet back to the TARDIS. 

 

She turned and headed down the hallway, her voice echoing back to him, "Alright, alright! Mumma's coming!" 

 

The Doctor got himself back to the control room, immediately sitting down on a jump seat to gather himself. He was far too happy to hide his emotions, so gave himself a long while to calm down enough to present normally before going of to the Torchwood where he was supposed to be.

 

Vastra and Jack were waiting for him when he arrived, looking very tired. It was hard to read their faces, a sort of mix between hope and disappointment.  He straightened his bow tie and went up to them. "Have you... gotten the Axtelon?" 

 

"Well..." Jack glanced nervously at Vastra, "Not exactly." 

 

"A little further explanation would be welcomed." 

 

"We found where the plant is supposed to grow, but it appears that this year's blossom has been… destroyed. The climate won't be right for the plant to grow in this region again until next year." Vastra explained. 

 

"So, just a quick hop forwards in the TARDIS... yeah?" He suggested. 

 

"Well, I wish it were that simple. The problem is that the plant never grows in the exact same location twice. We'll need another few days to find it again." 

 

He sighed, but remind collected. It had to work at some point, he'd just seen living proof. "So then we jump forwards a year, and I let you repeat the last few days?" 

 

"And we all hope that the plant had time to pollinate before it was destroyed." Vastra nodded. 

 

"We'll find it, Vastra." He assured. "We still have time." 

 

She looked surprised by his mood, having expected him to be angry that nothing had come up. "Oh, well...alright. If you say so” 

 

"I can help you this time, if you'd like me to." He offered, determined. 

 

"No, that's alright. You need to stay here and take care of your wife." She shook her head. 

 

He gestured his hand for them to come to the TARDIS. "Let's hope future Jack has booked a vacation." 

 

The group headed back into the TARDIS, "A vacation sounds nice right about now." Jack muttered. 

 

"Sorry, but I really do need your help on this." He patted the man's back. 

 

He nodded, sighing. The Doctor paused with his hand on the controls. "Look guys, I can drop you both home for a while. I know you've both been working very hard to help, and it would really be no problem if you need a break." 

 

"No, just bring us to Torchwood." Jack grumbled. He nodded slowly, flipping the required leavers. 

 

Jack and Vastra departed quietly, not having much to say, or the energy to say it. The Doctor felt guilty about their help, even though it was willingly given. He would bring them tea next time. And perhaps other nice warm foods. 

 

Rolling his shoulders, he went back to his room. Toby met him before he could get very far, barking loudly and circling him before running back to the bedroom. "Hungry, Toby? I'll give you breakfast soon if the girl's aren't up." He murmured, opening the door. 

 

River was on the floor, dripping in sweat and vomit, trembling. Toby barked again, running to River, having been trying to alert the Doctor of what was going on. 

 

"Oh my..." He rushed to his wife's side. "River, what happened?" 

 

"I don't feel well..." She managed to say between deep breaths, "You weren't here… I tried to get up myself..." 

 

"Sorry, I went to see if the Axtelon was ready." He hooked his arms beneath her, lifting her and carrying her to the bathroom. "Let's get you cleaned up." 

 

She groaned when he lifted her, the sound turning into a fit of coughs. He set her down on the cool tiles, grabbing a towel to wipe away what vomit he could. 

 

"I'm going to be sick." She murmured, pushing him away. He urged her to aim towards the toilet. She dry heaved into the loo, having nothing left for her stomach to empty. 

 

He rubbed her back, murmuring soothing nothings to her. Toby whimpered by the door, slowly walking into the room. The Doctor regarded the dog with a nod. "He was trying to tell me about you." 

 

River looked over at Toby, smiling weakly, "Was he now?" 

 

"Did he try to help you?" He asked. 

 

"He tried to help me get off the floor." She held her hand out for the dog. Toby licked her skin. 

 

"A small dog couldn't do that." He pointed out. 

 

"I suppose not." She murmured, scratching Toby behind the ears. The dog sat and made a pleased noise. 

 

"You're awfully pale." River didn't answer him, looking rather dazed and lost. He continued to rub her back. "It'll get better soon, I promise. We'll have the Axtelon by after breakfast." 

 

River's eyes seemed to glass over and she began to sway, though Toby was by her side to steady her. 

 

The Doctor put his arms on her shoulders to help stabilize her. "You alright, Riv?" 

 

"Fine..." She murmured. 

 

"Do you want to change?" He asked, glancing over her vomit caked front. 

 

"Yes." She breathed, sticking to one word responses and sounding very out of it. 

 

"Give me a mo. I'll get you a nightie." He murmured, trying not to let his expression show his worry. 

 

"Alright...." She nodded, Toby whimpering. 

 

He made sure to be quick, grabbing the what whatever was on top in the drawer. Returning, he knelt back beside her. "What's wrong?" 

 

"What do you mean?" She looked at him. 

 

"You seem," He brushed the side of her cheek. "...I don't know how to put it. Off, I guess. Worried about something? The Axtelon?" 

 

"Arthur..." She started to say, and then stopped, her face blank, "I don't remember." 

 

He fought against a slightly frustrated sigh. "Lift your arms up, I'll help you change." 

 

"I can do it." She insisted, managing to remove the soiled shirt herself. He handed her the nightgown. It took her a moment to get it on, looking completely exhausted afterwards. 

 

He rubbed her back. "Are you going to be sick again or can you make it back to bed?" 

 

"I want to go sit in the nursery." She shook her head. 

 

"River..." He said hesitantly. "You look exhausted." 

 

"I have to sit in the nursery." She insisted. 

 

He conceded with a sigh. "Alright. Can you stand?" She shook her head, not having the strength to even try "Come here." He whispered, gathering her up in his arms and carrying her to the wheelchair. She was much lighter than she should have been and kept her eyes closed the entire walk to the room. 

 

Toby trailed close behind. The Doctor lifted her from the wheelchair to the rocking chair. The TARDIS had made sure a rubbish bin was next to the chair incase she were to be sick again.

 

"So much heavy lifting." She murmured, "You're going to have such strong muscles." 

 

"I don't mind. Neither will you probably." He teased. 

 

"Not at all." She managed to smile, "I'd quite enjoy some muscles on those gangly arms." 

 

"My wish is your command." He smiled. She laughed softly and for a moment it was almost as if the old River had returned. He instinctively reached to touch her face. "...Everything is going to be alright, River. You'll see." 

 

Her eyes seem to glaze over then, and her smile slowly began to fade, "Nothing is for certain, Doctor. Especially not that." 

 

"I know." He lied. "But we have more hope than we've had in awhile, and that's got to count for a lot." 

 

"Arthur..." She whispered, "Is Arthur okay?" 

 

“Yes. Have you... Felt something to indicate otherwise?" 

 

"Maybe..." Her eyes had become distant again and Toby barked angrily. 

 

"River, tell me." He insisted. 

 

"I want to sit in the nursery." She seemed to stare right through him, obviously confused. 

 

"You are in the nursery." He frowned. 

 

"Oh...where's my husband?" 

 

Those three words knocked the wind out of him. "I'm..." He swallowed hard. "I'm right here." 

 

"No, I'm sorry. I'm looking for the Doctor." 

 

He set his jaw. "He's... Gone out for a little bit. I believe he said something about getting you flowers." 

 

She smiled widely, "Is he really? That's so sweet." 

 

He couldn't bring himself to smile, an ache settling between his hearts. He imagined this was what River felt like during the Library, utterly alone. "I need to... go and see if he's back. I'm sure he'll be with you soon." 

 

"With my flowers..." She murmured, closing her eyes, "Tell him I miss him, will you?" 

 

"Of course." He couldn't keep his voice from cracking, quickly exiting the room. Toby stayed, sitting loyally next to his owner.  

 

The Doctor fled to the console room, taking shaky breaths. This day, so far, was a roller coaster from the start he hadn’t even had breakfast. 

 

The girls got up about an hour later, bouncing around and wanting to play. "Where's Toby?" Freya asked as she munched on her breakfast, which the Doctor had finally pulled himself together enough to make. 

 

"With mummy." He replied, trying not to think too much of River's latest memory impairment. 

 

"We have to go buy him toys today. And we can take him for his first walk and we can teach him how to play fetch." 

 

"That sounds lovely." He tried to keep his voice from a monotone. "I've got a few things to take care of, but I'll take you later." 

 

The girls nodded, continuing on with their breakfast, still talking about the day ahead. He sent them towards Toby once breakfast was done, with a bowl of dog food provided from the ship. He warned them to be quick and take Toby to play, worried River might not recognize the girls. When they trotted off excitedly, he set coordinates for a few days after he'd dropped his friends off. 

 

River had fallen asleep by the time the girls got to the nursery and the girls were very good about not waking her up, though they had some trouble getting Toby to follow them. The dog was quite reluctant to leave the extremely ill woman completely unattended. They spent a quarter hour trying to get him to leave before concluding that they would just stay in the room with him and their mum and try to keep quiet still. 

 

Toby happily played with them in the nursery, bouncing around and licking their faces, however, whenever the girls voices drew too loud and threatened to wake their mother, he would growl. 

 

By the time lunch grew near, the girls were exchanging looks, neither knowing what they could cook or even if they could do it without accidentally burning or breaking something. 

 

"Where did Daddy go? I thought we were going to go take Toby for a walk." Amelia murmured, walking towards the door and peering into the hall. 

 

"He said he was doing errands." Freya followed, mimicking her sister. "I'm hungry." She commented. 

 

"Me too..." Amelia sighed, "Do you know how to make soup?" 

 

"Umm..." She thought for a moment. "No." 

 

"Well, it's just water, right? And noodles?" The other girl thought, thinking it couldn't be  _ that _ hard. 

 

"But we hafta cook the noodles to make them soft." Freya reminded. 

 

"Oh, yeah...." She frowned, trying to think of another option. 

 

"Well," Freya huffed, really just wanting some food, "let's go to the kitchen and see." 

 

Amelia's eyes grew wide, an idea dawning on her, "I know where the cookies are!" 

 

Freya grinned and clapped. "Cookies for lunch!" 

 

"Come on!" She took her sister’s hand, running to the kitchen. 

 

Much to their disappointment, three familiar faces were already there in the kitchen. There were flowers and tea on the table, and the Doctor in front of the stove. Amelia stopped in her tracks, a slight frown appearing on her face, though she was partly relieved that it looked like some sort of food was being made. 

 

"What's that?" Freya pointed at Jack, who carried a black box with him. 

 

Jack opened his mouth to say something, and then stopped, unsure if he should inform the girls of the contents of the box. 

 

"Medicine for Mummy," The Doctor said for him, thinking it was enough to satisfy the girls. "Would you two like some mac'n'cheese?" 

 

Freya and Amelia both nodded, climbing up into the chairs at the table. "I think Toby's hungry too." 

 

"Will you call him here?" 

 

"He won't leave Mummy." Amelia shook her head. 

 

"Oh." He dished out the food into bowls for everyone. "Well, we can bring him some food in a bit." 

 

The girls nodded, thinking that sounding reasonable. As soon as the food was placed in front of them they dug in. 

 

"Doctor, is everything alright?" Vastra asked quietly, sensing that something was wrong. 

 

He sighed. "It's been... a long day." 

 

"I understand." She murmured, not wanting to push if he didn't want to talk about it any further. 

 

He opened his mouth to say something, then closed it again. He'd promised River not to tell anyone about seeing her in the future, so he kept it another secret close to his chest. It was for now, just a comfort that the way River was now wasn't permanent, but it was still reality.  

 

Toby started howling, the sound echoing through the halls.

 

The Doctor perked his head up at the sound. "Well... that's either a hungry sound or 'River's in trouble' sound." He said allowed, remembering when Toby was getting his attention before. 

 

"What do you mean Mummy's in trouble?" Freya asked, looking alarmed. 

 

"Oh, uh," He had forgot the girls were in the room. "Nothing, dearie. Uncle Jack and I just need to give Mummy her medicine now." He gestured for the other man to follow. 

 

"Doctor, wait!" Vastra stood, "Don't give it to her just yet, I need to talk to you about something first." 

 

He stopped short in the doorway. "Make it fast. Jack go ahead and see if she's alright, but don't give her anything yet." 

 

"In the hallway, please." She pulled him into the hall as Jack went ahead. 

 

"What is this about?" The Doctor asked, a little too impatiently. 

 

"Jack and I did a bit more research on the plant and we learned some new information." She sighed, "Things are going to get much worse before they get better. While her body is adapting to the medication, her system will weaken even more, which means that she's going to get much sicker over the next few days. I don't know how long that stage is going to last. And..." She trailed off, not really knowing how to finish, which wasn't very like Vastra who always knew what to say, "I don't want you to administer the medication without knowing about the risk that she could..." 

 

"I know the risks, Vastra." He knew that the future he saw could disappear in an instant, but he was clinging to it with all that he had. "I also know that yesterday I was sure she wouldn't make it through the week. This is more hope than we've had in  _ months,  _ Vastra. Months of saying good-bye, months of pulling against each other because we thought fate had it in for her and now she could live. She could die, but she could also live. It's hope, tangible hop. Let me be selfish, will you?" 

 

"She could not make it through the  _ night _ if you give her the medication, Doctor. The final choice is up to you, but consider the risks." 

 

"Jack's also got the drug he said Tosh was developing." He pointed out, worriedly. "Will that not help?" 

 

She shook her head, "I don't think so." 

 

He swallowed, knowing he didn't actually have much time to make the decision. He was silent for a long moment. "...Make sure there's an examination table and incubator ready. Just in case." 

 

Vastra swallowed, too, and nodded, "Alright." 

  
He was more than tempted to just tell her what he had seen that morning, but bit his tongue to keep from doing so. "River's a fighter. If anyone can make it through this, it's her." With that, he ran to his wife. 


	159. Rolling the Dice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Out of time? What do you mean out of time?" Jack ran after him. He didn't answer putting River down on the bed and hooking her back up to the monitors. "Doctor, what do you mean?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's not an updating day but I'm bored and procrastinating on homework and also have no life so here. Enjoy.

**Ch 159**

 

"Doctor!" Jack was running back towards him, nearly crashing into him. Both of them regained footing surprisingly fast, the Doctor already pulling Jack down the hall with him. 

 

"What's going on?" 

 

"I can't find her. I can hear the dog barking, but I can't find the room that they're in." 

 

"They should be in the nursery." He ran faster, turning and twisting down the corridors and towards the barking. 

 

No matter how much they ran, the door to the nursery never appeared. Toby's barking always sounded like it was just down the hall, but they never got closer to it. Pushing himself as far and as fast as he could, the Doctor finally paused to breathe, angrily slamming his fist into the wall and yelling at his ship. "What is wrong with you!? We need to get to River!" 

 

The TARDIS groaned in reaction to the hit, but didn't do much else. 

 

"I don't understand." He growled. "If you have something to tell me, just bloody say it! What, you think we're going to hurt her? You don't want us to use the Axtelon, is that it?" There was still no response from the ship. He bit back a yell. "Come on, Jack. We've got to keep moving."

 

"Moving where? We've looked and looked. There has to be something wrong." 

 

"Obviously." He grumbled. "But she has to be somewhere on the ship." Toby's barking was starting to grow more frantic. "Look, Jack, unless you have any other ideas about how to get to my wife or about what the hell is wrong with my ship," he directed that bit towards the air, "then what we are going to do is run until she shows herself. Problem?" 

 

"Alright, if you insist." They ran more, further and faster, sprinting into every dead end the TARDIS could create for them. 

 

Eventually, panting hard, they collapsed into the console room. 

 

"Now what?" Jack panted.

 

"Scan TARDIS: duo-hearted humanoids!" The Doctor wheezed. The TARDIS showed Amelia and Freya first in the kitchen. "Yes, yes, I know where the girls are." He set his jaw. "Show me River. Come on, old girl, show River." 

 

After another moment, the screen displayed the words: Scan Complete  

 

"That's impossible. I don't understand." His frown deepened and he tried not to hit something on the console. "Display all canine life forms!" He demanded. 

 

The TARDIS started up another scan, this time coming up with the result: No canine life forms found.

 

"But we can hear him. We can hear him!" He shouted. "Display flight log, past 12 hours!" He was getting frantic. 

 

The screen searched again, then displaying: Error: Flight Log cleared 30 minutes ago. 

 

"Shit." He muttered. "Jack, she's not on the TARDIS." 

 

"What do you mean she's not on the TARDIS? She has to be on the TARDIS. There's no way she could have gotten off the TARDIS." 

 

"She's not showing up on the scans. Neither is Toby." He huffed. 

 

"Is it possible that they're just being blocked from showing up on the scans?" 

 

"What could possibly do that?" He said a bit too harshly. 

 

"I don't know! I'm just trying to help!" He snapped right back. 

 

The Doctor pinched his nose. "Sorry, I know you are. But we  _ need  _  to find a way to get to her before it's too late." 

 

“And that's why I'm making suggestions!" 

 

"Okay... okay. Let's split up. Do you have more than one dose of Axtelon?" 

 

Jack shook his head, "Vastra and I could barely get enough for one dose." 

 

"Well... I'll take what Tosh was developing, and you take the Axtelon. Try to find the nursery. If what's blocking her from the scan is a person, you should probably shoot them." 

 

He nodded, taking out his gun. 

 

"If you find her, don't hesitate to give her the Axtelon." He instructed. "Now, run." 

 

Jack ran back towards the direction they came and down the hall. The Doctor darted, just as he had before. He knew there was the potential for this chase to last days, but the TARDIS cared for River. She wouldn't let this go on forever. 

 

After searching the entire library, the Doctor tried his mental connection with her, reaching out and searching. Finally, there was a weak response, a faint touch from her. He reached desperately for her, trying to find her location and ask if she needed help. 

 

" _ Help. Hidden. Walls."  _

 

He jumped to his feet. " _ I need you to give me more detail. Try an image?"  _ He urged, though he knew her telepathic capabilities were weak.

 

" _ Break. Walls. M-M..."  _ Her thoughts hesitated, and the connection grew strained and it was clear that she was using all that she had to keep the connection going and respond to him, " _ Breathe. Can't Breathe. M-M-M... _ " There was something that she just couldn't get through to him. 

 

He sprinted out of the library, pausing a few rooms down to press his hand to the wall. " _ Which walls?"  _ He asked, now even sure how he could go about breaking them. 

 

" _ Bedr- _ " The connection cut out before she could finish. He took off again, trying to find her mind as her ran. 

 

For once, the TARDIS actually let him find what he was looking for. The Doctor kicked open the door to the shared bedroom with River, sonic and needle at the ready. The bedroom was empty, nothing looking abnormal or out of place. He immediately started along the wall, circumnavigating the room with his hand flat against the vertical surface. 

 

There was something off about the far wall, strange vibrations coming through it. He didn't hesitate to push aside the nightstand to create space. Not sure how to get through, he raised his foot and kicked the wall as hard as he could. To his delight, his foot didn't break and instead made a hole in the plaster, so he continued his attempt at making it bigger. 

 

Toby's barking had stopped when the connection with River had cut, but as the hole in the wall grew larger, the nursery began to come into view. 

 

He eventually managed to force his way through, getting white dust all over his hair and jacket. The least of his concerns, though. Before he even looked in the room, he called out for his wife. "River!" 

 

There was no response. River was unconscious in the rocking chair, Toby at her feet also seemingly unconscious. 

 

The Doctor cautiously entered, scanning the room with his sonic as he approached River and moved to check if she was alive. Both River and the dog looked fine and left without a scratch, though there was a slip of paper, tucked neatly into River's hand. 

  
  


_ I enjoyed our little game of hide and go seek, didn't you?  _

_ xx _

_ -M _

  
  


His hearts seized in his chest at the possibility of who left the note. Anger suddenly starting to crawl in his skin, he crumpled it up and shoved it in his pocket, deciding it could be investigated later. He pulled his focus to River, tapping her cheeks lightly. "Come on, love. You've got to wake up now." 

 

"Doctor..." She murmured, though her eyes remained closed. 

 

He felt a wave of relief that she was responding at least a little. "I'm here, love. You're safe now. Can you tell me what happened?" 

 

"Doctor...." Her words repeated, "My husband..." 

 

"I'm here. I'm right here." He frowned. 

 

Her face relaxed, and she said nothing more. 

 

"River? River, open your eyes." He said more frantically. Sweat had collected on her brow and dampened her curls, but her eyes remained closed. "Damn it." He muttered, standing and scooping her out of the chair. "Jack!" He called once in the hall. "I found her!" He glanced back at Toby, but decided the dog could wake up on his own. 

 

River's limbs hung limply. Jack came running down the hall, and the girls peered out from the kitchen, though Vastra quickly blocked their view. 

 

"Come on, I think we're out of time." The Doctor pointed with his head to follow and moved quickly back to the bedroom. 

 

“Out of time? What do you mean out of time?" Jack ran after him. He didn't answer putting River down on the bed and hooking her back up to the monitors. "Doctor, what do you mean?" He repeated, helping to get River back on all the machines. 

 

"Look." He said a bit quietly. The heart monitor was showing that one was going into failure and contractions were starting. 

 

"No, we can fix this." Jack shook his head, taking out the needle, "We can help her." 

 

"Do it now." He nodded, clinging to River's hand. 

 

"Are you sure?" He asked, preparing to inject the needle. 

 

"It's our only option." The Doctor looked at him pleadingly. 

 

He nodded, injecting the contents of the needle. The Doctor held his breath, staring intently at the monitors. "Someone was hiding River." 

 

"Hiding her?" Jack frowned. 

 

"Like she was a pawn in a game." He confirmed bitterly. "There's someone I know who likes playing games like that. I thought she was gone." 

 

"And who would that be?" 

 

He handed Jack the note. "...Missy." 

 

"How could Missy have hidden her? How could she have power over the TARDIS like that?" Jack questioned just as River began to stir. 

 

"I don't know." His eyes flickered to River's face, his hearts beating a little faster. "River?" 

 

"Doctor?" 

 

"It's me." He whispered, reaching up to cup her face. "...Do you recognize me?" 

 

"Have you brought my flowers?" She asked. 

 

"Yes, I have." He gave a watery smile. "They're in the kitchen." 

 

"What kind are they?" She smiled softly. 

 

"Your favorite, of course." He brushed the hair out of her face and silently told Jack to go get them. "Listen, River. We gave you the Axtelon and we don't have much time before you go into the coma. I need you to tell me what happened to you." 

 

"What do you mean? What happened?" 

 

"Someone hid you from Jack and I when you needed our help... they left a note with you." He began to explain. 

 

"I don't remember..." She whispered. 

 

"It's alright." He murmured, not wanting her to worry too much. 

 

Jack came back with the flowers, giving them to the Doctor, thinking he would want to give them to River. 

 

"Thanks." The Doctor offered them to River. "Here." 

 

"Thank you." She breathed, trying to take the flowers from him. 

 

He helped her lay her hand over the bouquet. "Everything's going to be alright." 

 

"I trust you." She nodded. 

 

"Do you want to see the girls?" He asked. 

 

"Yes, yes please..." 

 

"Jack, could you...?" He glanced back at him. Jack nodded, leaving to get the girls. The Doctor squeezed River's hand. "I love you, you know that?" 

 

"Of course I know that. I love you too." She whispered.

 

He wanted to tell her of the future he saw. He could feel the words burning on his tongue. I have a good feeling about this. I think, I think it will work." 

 

"I love you too." She repeated, starting to get confused. 

 

He paused, then sighed inaudibly. "Hang in there. The girls will be here soon." 

 

"Which girls?" 

 

He mentally swore. "Your... daughters." 

 

"I don't have daughters..." She murmured, squeezing his hand, "Can you come lay with me?" 

 

"...Sure." He rounded the bed and settled next to her. Part of him almost wanted her to go into her sleep before the girls got there, so he wouldn't have to send them away. 

 

She curled into him, "Have you brought me flowers? Someone told me you went to get flowers." 

 

"They're right in front of you, dear." 

 

"Oh..." She looked down at the flowers, murmuring a thanks. 

 

"You need to sleep." He rubbed her arm. 

 

"I don't want to sleep." She shook her head, "I want to stay awake." 

 

"The medicine will make you sleep anyways. It's best not to fight it." 

 

"No, no I don't want to sleep." She was starting to get upset, now trying to sit up. 

 

He lightly tugged on her shoulder to get her to lie down again. "Alright, fine. Don't sleep, but stay in bed please." 

 

She nodded, laying down once more, "I'm sorry." 

 

"It's alright." He wrapped his arm around her. The medicine would be in full effect soon anyways. 

 

Toby came into the room, looking sluggish, and climbed up onto the bed. The Doctor pat the dog's head appreciatively. "He was trying to help all afternoon." 

 

"Did he save me?" She asked softly. 

 

"No, but he tried his hardest to make sure you were found. He was knocked out with you when I found you." He explained. 

 

"Perhaps you wouldn't have found me if it weren't for him." She murmured. 

 

"That's true. I would have thought you weren't in the TARDIS. He likes you an awful lot." He pointed out. 

 

"I think he's starting to grown on me." 

 

"Good." He kissed the side of her head. "The girls are too attached to let him go." 

 

"My girls?" 

 

"Yes," He nodded with baited breath, hoping beyond anything that she would remember them, at least for a moment. 

 

A weak smile appeared on her face, "My girls… I miss them." 

 

"They're coming." He whispered, able to hear them in the hall. 

 

"I love my girls." Her eyes began to flutter shut and she fought to stay awake 

 

The door opened and Vastra accompanied the twins in, instructing them to keep their voices down. 

 

"My girls." River breathed, holding her arms out for them. "My beautiful girls." 

 

They hurried to the side of the bed, peering up at her. "Auntie Vastra said you'd sleep for a long time." 

 

"I'm trying not to, sweetheart, I'm trying to stay awake. Now, when did you get so big?" 

 

Freya grinned proudly. "I'm a big girl now. I'm  _ five _ ." 

 

"Are you now? That's so old! Last time I checked you were only three!" She seemed to brighten up while talking to the little girl. 

 

Freya climbed up onto the bed, followed by Amelia. They settled, curled in the middle of their parents and Toby. "When will my brother come?" 

 

"I don't know, hopefully soon. Would you like to feel?" She asked, trying to sit up and get more comfortable. 

 

Both of them nodded and reached eager hands towards her. She guided their hands to where Arthur rested. "He's not moving much right now, but I think if you tell him a story he'll move around more."  

 

They wiggled closer, deciding to retell one they'd heard their father tell a number of times before. River looked over at her husband, giving him a tired smile. 

 

_ Sisters!  _ Arthur pushed sleepily against the little hands. 

 

"Yes, Amelia and Freya are both here. And so is Daddy and Toby."  

 

_ Big kitty? _ He didn't yet know the dog's name. 

 

"Yes, sweetheart, that's Toby." She whispered. 

 

_ Where's little kitties? _ He asked. 

 

"I don't know, they're around somewhere. I think they're afraid of the big kitty." 

 

_ No. They have to be friends.  _ He insisted. 

 

"And why is that?" She asked. 

 

_ Kitties are friends.  _ He decided. 

 

"Don't worry my sweet, they'll be friends." She was having a harder time staying awake now, fighting through the drowsiness with all she had. 

 

"Mumma," Amelia tugged on her arm. "You're gonna wake up soon, right?" 

 

"What do you mean, love? I am awake." She gave her a reassuring smile. 

 

"You look really, really sleepy." She pointed out. 

 

"I'm doing my very best to stay awake." She took her hand and squeezed it. 

 

The girl squeezed back. "Toby will give you nice dreams. And we'll draw you stuff." 

 

"Okay, thank you." River was starting to lose the battle. 

 

The girls snuggled close to her, wrapping their arms around her. "We'll come tell our baby brother stories and give you hugs in case you run out." 

 

"I love you two so much." She whispered, "So, so much." 

 

"We love you, too, mummy. A whole lot." Amelia replied. 

 

"This much!" Freya spread her arms out as wide as she could. 

 

"I think...I think I'm going to have to sleep now. I'm sorry." 

 

"Promise to wake up...?" 

 

"Cross my hearts." She nodded, doing the motion. 

 

They relaxed. "We'll miss you." 

 

"I'll be right here." She began to slip into sleep, "I'll always be right here." 

  
The Doctor tightened his grip around her, her family holding her close. After a few minutes, she was completely unconscious, Arthur falling in her wake. 


	160. Something Wicked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "No, please, Madame Vastra, stay. I'd hate to have to kill you and the girls for trying to leave Now, what I'd really like to know is why you're her carrying around." She made a face, pulling on one of River's curls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's only Wednesday and this week has been really shitty. Well, enjoy!

**Ch 160**

 

"How long is Mumma gonna sleep?" Amelia asked, looking up at her aunt. 

 

"I don't know, my dear. We just have to be patient. I promise it won't be too long." Vastra sat down on the side of the bed, adjusting the blankets around her friend. 

 

Amelia sighed and Freya pouted. "She's gonna miss her birthday." 

 

"Maybe she'll be awake by then." Vastra tried to help them stay positive, "Why don't we leave her to rest now."  

 

They hesitated then nodded. "...Okay." She led them out of the room, leaving the Doctor alone with River. 

 

He adjusted so he was holding her hand. He was content to stay there for a while with her, just watching her face, but knew he'd need to speak with Vastra soon. "...I saw you, Riv. This morning, I saw our future." He decided she couldn't hear him and it was safe to speak freely about it. "You looked so happy... healthy." He squeezed her hand. "I don't want that future to go away. You've got to pull through this so we can get there.” He paused.  “I'm sorry it had to happen like this. I'm sorry about everything. You're so, so strong. I know you're going to pull through this." 

 

Toby lept off the bed, running to the hole still in the wall and growling. 

 

The Doctor sat up alarmed, reaching for his screwdriver. "Toby?" He whispered. "What is it?" Toby barked angrily. 

 

"What's wrong poochie? Not happy to see me again? Don't worry, the feelings mutual." A familiar voice came from inside the nursery, speaking to the dog. 

 

The Doctor jumped before he could even think to make the movement. Part of him wanted to just go to the woman and slap her for all she'd done, the other part was already steering him to scoop up his comatose wife and run. He was out the door in seconds, speeding as far from the voice as he could. "Vastra!" 

 

"Doctor?" Vastra stepped out of the girls room, "what on earth..."

 

"We have to run. Now. It's Missy, she's here." He wasted no time with his explanation, determined to keep his family safe this time. 

 

"Run? Where?" She asked, running to get the girls. 

 

"Somewhere safe. Right now, that isn't the TARDIS. Where's Jack?" He asked urgently. 

 

"In the kitchen. But what about about River? She's not stable!" 

 

"Well I'm not leaving her here to find out what Missy might do." He instinctively held his wife closer. "We're still parked at Torchwood. We'll keep her there for now... I need one of you to stay with her." 

 

"And where are you going?" She asked, the girls coming by her side holding their blankies.

 

"The sooner I can get Missy away from here, the better. She's caused me-  _ all  _ of us, enough suffering and right now she's the last thing we need. I'm not letting her near River or my children." He started for the kitchen to round up Jack. 

 

"Oh, now surely that's not true, my dear. You're family adores me, especially those two girls. _ My girls _ ." Missy came strutting down the hall, blocking his path. 

 

He stepped backwards with a gasp of surprise. "My children will have nothing to do with you." He ground out, frown deepening. "Vastra, get them out of here. Protect them." 

 

"No, please, Madame Vastra, stay. I'd hate to have to kill you and the girls for trying to leave Now, what I'd really like to know is why you're her carrying around." She made a face, pulling on one of River's curls. 

 

He glowered, stepping out of her arm's reach. "I'm not going to satisfy that curiosity." 

 

"Well you're no fun. Must I always threaten you to get answers. Really, Doctor, I try to engage in civil conversation, but you just make it so hard." 

 

"I don't want to engage in conversation with you, civil or not. I want you to leave." He demanded. 

 

"I'm not going to leave until you say something nice." She reached into her pocket, pulling out her trusted square device. 

 

Behind her, Jack was silently raising his gun, having previously sneaked into the room. The Doctor looked over Missy's shoulder and gave a small nod. Jack fired, going for the shoulder of the arms holding the device. Unfortunately, Missy noticed and was able to move out of range just in the nick of time. She pointed the device at Jack, not hesitating to press the button. 

 

Jack shouted in agony, his clothes and skin shredding into thin air until there was nothing but scorched ground where he stood. 

 

"Uncle Jack!" The girls cried. 

 

"Who's next?" Missy whirled around, device at the ready. 

 

The girls clung to Vastra and sobbed. "No one else is going to die." The Doctor bit out. In a swift move, he used his leg to swipe her legs out from under her, causing her to fall backwards. "Run!" 

 

Through the commotion, River has stopped breathing regularly, though nobody had seemed to notice. Her lips were slightly blue. 

 

The group darted down the halls, the TARDIS creating a maze behind them. They were led eventually to a room that look quite heavily reinforced. "Everyone in!"  They ran into the room, Missy's thundering footsteps not far behind them. The door disappeared to behind them and the footstep started to sound further away. 

 

The room looked similar to the med bay, though a little more cozy. There were a few cots and cabinets full of medicine, but unlike the medbay, there was a corner with cushions, crayons, and toys. 

 

The Doctor set River on one of the cots, worry blooming on his face. "She's not breathing right." 

 

The girls were crying, wanting Jack back. 

 

Vastra moved to River's side, helping to put an oxygen mask on her, "We should be monitoring Arthur as well." 

 

He turned around seeing that the TARDIS had placed a fetal monitor there for them. He quickly set it up.  "He looks alright for now, but we need to watch him carefully."

 

"Where's Toby?" Freya sobbed, "And the kitties?" 

 

"We need to watch both of them." The Doctor murmured, turning to the girls. "Toby is guarding the kitties." He told them, thinking it would make her feel better. "They're hiding somewhere, but the old girl will keep them safe." 

 

"What about my stuffies? I want my adipose." Amelia whimpered. 

 

He knelt down beside her. "I'm sure it's here somewhere." He glanced around, then turned over one of the cushions. "Here it is." 

 

She hugged the toy tightly, "Can I lay with Mummy?" 

 

"Of course." He lifted her up onto the bed. She cuddled up next to River, holding onto her as well as the adipose. 

 

A door appeared in the corner of the room which lead to a newly constructed, as equally sturdy bathroom, which the three cats slunk out of. Freya perked her head up. "Mr Thomas!" Amelia looked up, smiling when she saw Samantha. 

 

The Doctor lifted the three cats onto the bed. "See? I told you they'd be fine." 

 

"But what about Toby?" Freya asked, walking towards the door to see if he was inside. 

 

“He's a smart dog, he'll know how to keep himself safe." He assured. 

 

"I think it's about time you had a bath." Vastra suggested.

 

Freya frowned. "No, I want to stay with Mummy. I don't want an evil step mummy, I want  _ my  _ mummy." 

 

"There's a bathtub right here, you wouldn't have to go very far. And I'm sure if you ask nicely, your Father won't mind giving you a bath." She urged, "Your Mummy will be right here when you get back." 

 

She crossed her arms. "If I have to take a bath, so does Mia." 

 

"Alright, yes.  Both of you take a bath." 

 

Amelia reluctantly and quietly tucked her Adipose in next to River and slipped off the bed. "Will you give us a bath?" Freya asked, tugging on the Doctor's pant leg. 

 

"Yes." He nodded, ushering them to the bathroom. "Vastra... keep an eye on River please." She nodded and the girls walk to the bathroom. 

 

"Can we have bubbles?" 

 

"Sure." He retrieved the solution and started the water. 

 

The girls took their bath without saying much. He helped them wash and brush their hair, all the while listening out for any sound that might cause need for alarm. 

 

There were warm pajamas waiting for all three of them back in the other room, along with another furry friend resting next to River. "Toby!" Both girls cheered up a bit. The dog acknowledged them with a tired glance, staying protectively on the bed with River.

 

"How are they?" The Doctor asked as the girls changed. 

 

Vastra sighed, "There hasn't been any change yet." 

 

He acknowledged with a nod. At least they weren't getting worse, but the place they were in at the moment wasn't good either. "I need to go find Jack." 

 

"No, Doctor, I think you should stay here, at least until the morning. Your children are frightened and they need at least one of their parents to be present and conscious. Besides, it will take Jack a while to… reconstruct." 

 

"You're right." He said after a moment. Though he had concern for Jack, he knew that the man wasn't at risk. He looked over the girls, who had cuddled up with River again. "...I don't think I'll be able to thank you enough for what you've done for us." 

 

“There will be no thanks necessary. I am simply doing my duty as a friend." She shook her head. 

 

"You and Jack have been working your butts off to help save her and have risked more than necessary to protect us. You'll never hear the end of my thanks." He offered a smile. 

 

"I'm sure that's true." She smiled back. 

 

"Sorry you're stuck here." He murmured. 

 

"It's alright." She murmured, "I'm glad that you're all safe." 

 

"For now." He sighed. "Hopefully we can stay that way." 

 

"You should rest, I suspect you'll need it." She pointed to the pajamas that were laid out for him. 

 

"I won't be able to sleep." He shook his head. 

 

"You should at least try." She insisted. 

 

He hesitated, then gave in after a long moment. "Alright. I'll try." 

 

She nodded, "Good." 

 

He didn't bother with pajamas as he squeezed onto the bed with his slumbering family. He wanted to be ready to run if something were to happen, as something always did. "You rest, too." 

 

She nodded, slipping into another cot. 

 

As the night went, the Doctor didn't get more than a few minutes sleep, much too worried for any sort of relaxation. He watched River's monitors, watched the girls, and listened for footsteps. 

 

Just after the middle of the night, River's health began to dip, Arthur's following shortly after. Her fever skyrocketed and Arthur's heart rates began to slow as his small body tried to adjust to the medication. 

 

The Doctor got to his feet in no time, searching the cabinets for medicine that might help Arthur. He knew that this was a side effect of the Axtelon, but it concerned him no the less. He gave River fluids and laid an ice-water-soaked towel across her forehead in attempt to counter her fever. 

 

Although his heart rates remained slow, Arthur remained stable throughout the rest of the night. River, however, kept getting worse. Her fever slowly climbed higher and higher, despite his attempt to stop it. There wasn't terribly much he could do for her. He stubbornly kept placing and replacing cold towels around her, and tried in vain to find what might be causing her fever. 

 

The cats moved off the bed at a point to avoid the overly warm sleeping spot, but Toby stayed even when the Doctor urged him to move. Even the girls had rolled away in their sleep, subconsciously wanting to get away from the warmth emanating off of River. 

 

Around two in the morning, River's eyes half opened, unfocused and barely awake, "Doctor...so hot..." 

 

"I know, love. I'm working on that." He pushed some of the sweat soaked curls from her forehead. She turned her head against his hand, liking the coolness of it. 

 

Deciding that a more aggressive approach was needed, he started to switch her over to portable monitors. When that was complete, he moved her to the bathroom which had redesigned by the Old Girl for a new purpose: a cooling room. He lay her in the tub, a now shallow metal rectangle in the middle of the room, and set a control panel to filter in and out a constant supply of freezing water. 

 

Toby hopped off the bed and followed, laying down next to the tub. He pat the dog’s head, murmuring a praise for his obedience. 

 

The room itself was all too familiar, though the design was new. The pipes and tubes connected to the walls and vents let out bursts of cold air. It reminded the Doctor painfully of the place he'd put River when William had tried to regenerate inside her. 

 

River didn't like the new room, or the water, but she was too weak to say much. She did her best to keep her breathing steady (though it was a struggle), and rest her head on the side of the tub near the dog. 

 

He sat their with her as the room did its work to lower her core body temperature, though the process was extremely slow. After an hour, he got a blanket and made sure the girls were still sleeping. He watched her through to the morning, finger crossed and hope flickering. 

 

Her temperature began to go down in the early hours of the morning, slowly but surely. She hadn't been able to fall back to sleep and had wanted to hold his hand the entire time, trying to convince him to get some sleep. He only agreed to the first request, alert the whole time. 

 

Soon the people in the other room woke. Amelia wriggled off the bed, coming into the bathroom and laying with Toby. Freya soon followed her sister, neither girl awake enough to truly question or even understand why River was being treated in this strange room. 

 

Vastra was rather cross that the Doctor hadn't woken her when River's fever hand gotten bad. 

 

He apologized. "I didn't think I needed your help... It's under control now." 

 

"Doctor...." River murmured weakly. 

 

He squeezed her hand. "I didn't think she'f wake so soon." 

 

"She may fall back to sleep again." Vastra murmured, touching River's forehead. 

 

He nodded. "It's her immune system." He said quietly.  

 

"Doctor..." River murmured again, "Can you lay with me?" 

 

"You're in water. I can't right now." He replied apologetically.  

 

"Please… I want you with me." She hadn't really understood him, her eyes pleading. 

 

He held her hand tighter. "I'm right here."  

 

"But I want you with me." She pleaded, pulling him towards her. Toby stood, whimpering and pacing around the tub. 

 

"I am." He pulled her upper body into sitting so he could wrap his arms around her. She curled against him, closing her eyes.  

 

"Is Uncle Jack gonna come back?" Freya asked her aunt. 

 

She nodded, "Yes, he will. And the TARDIS will let us know when he does." 

 

"I take it there's no sign of that yet?" The Doctor asked. 

 

"No, not yet." Vastra sighed. 

 

River moaned quietly in his arms, moving closer. He watched his wife for a moment. "It would be easier to treat her if I knew what was going to happen. I need to be more prepared." 

 

"This is exactly why I was hesitant to give her the medication in the first place." Vastra sighed. 

 

"She would have died yesterday. Every breath she takes now is because of you." He said so the girls wouldn't hear. 

  
"But I feel like we're only prolonging her suffering." Vastra shook her head, "Come, girls, let's get you breakfast." They followed her into the main room. 


	161. I Just Want to Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He sat on the edge. "I want to keep you alive." 
> 
> "I am alive." She whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suffer and enjoy!

**Ch 161**

 

The Doctor stroked River's hair.  "Do you... think this will work?" 

 

"I hope so..." She whispered, melting in his arms. 

 

He sighed. "How are you feeling?" 

 

"Better." She gave him the best smile she could manage, "I love you." 

 

"I love you, too." He smiled weakly back. "Do you know what's happening?" 

 

"A little bit." She nodded, lacing her fingers with his, "I had a dream."

 

"What dream?" 

 

"About us, and William." She murmured, nuzzling into his chest. 

 

He tensed, but tried not to show it. "A good dream?" 

 

"Yes, a good dream." She whispered.  

 

"...Do you want to tell me about it?" He asked. 

 

"Only if you want to hear about it." She squeezed his hand. 

 

"I... do." 

 

"He was alright. He was so handsome, he looked just like you. And he was almost a year old." She started to say, and in fact, William would have been one a some months ago. "We got to tell him that we love him, and he loves us." 

 

"That sounds like a lovely dream." 

 

"He looked so much like you." She repeated, holding him tightly. 

 

"Do you think Arthur will, too?" He wasn't sure where the question came from.

 

"I think he will." 

 

He smiled a bit more genuinely. "Just like the girls look so much like you." 

 

She smiled and nodded, "And Arthur is so lucky that his Daddy's so handsome." 

 

"The same goes about his Mum." He added. 

 

"Will you rest in our bed with me?" She asked, wanting to get out of the cold water and into a warm bed. 

 

"You have to stay in the water until your fever is down." He informed her.  

 

"I don't like the water." "Your fever is still too many degrees above the normal. I'm afraid if you leave now it will go back up." He tried to urge. 

 

"I don't want to be in the water anymore." 

 

"Just hang in there in a little longer, love." 

 

"No! I want to get out." She was getting frustrated now, starting to try and lift herself up. 

 

"Okay, okay, just sit for a second." He held her shoulders as the water started to drain.  She stopped squirming, staying still until the water drained. "There we are. See? No more water." He soothed.  

 

"I want to go to bed. I want you to lay with me." She still wasn't satisfied. 

 

He felt her forehead. "You'll burn up if you leave." 

 

"I don't want to be in here anymore." Her tone was growing more and more upset, "I don't care if I get a temperature, I want to get out." 

 

He frowned. "...What if I come in with you?" She hesitated, considering his offer but soon only repeated: "I don't like being in here. I want to get out!" She suddenly jolted, trying to get out of the tub. She was shivering, though she still had a fever. 

 

"Calm down, River." He wrapped his arms around her. "You can get out, but please calm down first." 

 

"No! No! I have to get out." She tried to scramble out of his arms, struggling. 

 

He dodged an arm, scooping her out of the tub and setting her on the floor. She stumbled to her feet, nearly falling over herself and retreating to a corner of the room. 

 

He approached her a bit hesitantly, making sure to sit a few feet away. "River...?" She took deep breaths, trying to calm down. She ignored his call, leaning against the wall. The TARDIS made sure the cold vents were angled towards her. 

 

He sat there and waited, not wanting to come closer until he had a signal that it was okay.  She stayed curled up in the corner until she was completely calm again, staring blankly at the wall. Her body shook with shivers, her brain telling her that she should be cold even though she still had a fever. 

 

"...Do you want a blanket?" He asked after a little while longer. 

 

"Yes, please." She murmured. 

 

He got up and retrieved a blanket from the main room. "Here." 

 

"I want to lay down." She murmured, wrapping herself in the blanket. 

 

"In a bed?" He clarified. 

 

"Yes, of course in a bed." She snapped. 

 

He flinched. "Alright." He spoke quietly. This time when she tried to stand, she couldn't do it on her own. He moved a bit closer. "...Let me help." 

 

She nodded, letting him assist her. She flinched a bit, something off about her. He scooped her up gently, bringing her back to the cot she'd been on before. Her whole body was shaking in his arms, her skin a sickly shade of white. "River... you've got to stay in the cold." He murmured. 

 

“No." She refused, burrowing into the blankets of the cot for warmth. 

 

"Your fever is rising again. Your immune system can't handle this environment." 

 

"I don't care in staying here." 

 

"River..." He urged, the TARDIS already trying to make the room colder. "If your fever keeps climbing, it's going to hurt Arthur." 

 

"He's fine." She shook her head, clutching onto the cot. Toby hopped up beside her, curling up on the bed. 

 

"He won't be in a short while. Please, River." He begged. 

 

"No!" She hid her face in the pillows. 

 

"Just tell me what's wrong." He asked more pressingly. 

 

"I want you to lay down with me." She whispered. 

 

He sat on the edge. "I want to keep you alive." 

 

"I am alive." She whispered. 

 

"And I'm  _ trying _ to keep it that way. But I can't if you don't let me help." 

 

"Why can't you ever respect my wishes!" She looked up at him. 

 

"I... I'm trying to. But It's hard when it risks your and Arthur's heath." 

 

"Well, if you're not going to listen than you can just leave me alone." She was tired of being babied and was beyond frustrated. It wasn't his fault, he was only trying to help her and keep her healthy. It was the whole situation that she was fed up with. 

 

Vastra momentarily left the girls, who were eating on the other side of the room, and put a hand to the Doctor's shoulder. "Lay with me or leave me alone." River whispered. 

 

He hesitantly stepped away, Vastra moving to tend to her friend instead. The Doctor went to sit with the girls as he watched Vastra, trying to think of how to persuade River back into the cold room or at least some way to keep her cool in a way she was more comfortable with. 

 

Vastra decided on trying to let her friend have her way until she fell asleep, and then they would move her to the cold room again. She sat down on the bed, stroking her hair softly. 

 

"I'm sorry." The Doctor said from across the room. 

 

Vastra shushed him, not wanting him to upset River again. He pressed his lips together tightly, hands clenching and unclenching anxiously. After several minutes, Vastra beckoned him over. He made his steps silent as he approached.  

 

"Lay with her until she falls asleep, then we'll move her." She murmured, standing up. 

 

He nodded silently, very carefully getting into the cot. River curled up against him as soon as he was laying down. He smiled faintly at that, glad he hadn't completely got on her bad side. She laced her fingers in with his. He squeezed her hand instinctively. Her skin felt quite hot. 

 

A half hour later she was panting, but finally starting to fall asleep. "I think we can move her now." He whispered after another handful of minutes. 

 

Vastra nodded, "Do you want to carry her?" 

 

"Yes." He replied, scooting off the bed and delicately gathering River into his arm. 

 

She clutched onto his jacket, nearly waking up. Toby hopped off the bed to follow. "Sh... shh." The Doctor soothed his wife. "You're only dreaming, love. Keep sleeping." 

 

"The baby..." She murmured. 

 

"Arthur?" He looked down at her. She nodded and then fell unconsciousness once more. 

 

He lay her down in the other room, where the TARDIS had replaced the tub with a cot, as Vastra worked on getting the monitors up.

 

A moment later River was vomiting.

 

"Vastra! Help me turn her so she doesn't aspirate." He instructed urgently. Vastra jumped into action, turning her on her side. "What's going on?" He muttered more to himself than to Vastra. "Give me her vitals." 

 

"Her temperature is up another two degrees. Her heart rates are slow but stable. Check Arthur's monitors." 

 

He frowned and glanced over, hearts sinking. "He's in distress. River was trying to tell me..." 

 

"What are we going to do? How do we fix it?" Vastra asked, still holding River tightly. 

 

"Uh.." He looked around. "Let’s get her into Trendelenburg." Vastra moved to tilt the cot. "Just hang in there..." He muttered, watching the monitors intently. "Vastra, run to the other room, there's a little device in the cabinet. It looks kind of like a plastic hexagon with the vertices extending outwards. Get it quickly." 

 

Vastra ran to the other room, retrieving the device Once it was in his hands, he exposed the skin of River's midsection and placed the device on her side. The thing attached to her automatically, flashing a red light. "Come on, come on." He muttered, waiting an agonizing few moments before the lights began alternating green and blue. Arthur started to stabilize and he let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. 

 

"Doctor..." River groaned, shifting uncomfortably. 

 

"Oh, thank the stars." His hands cupped her cheeks. "River, can you hear me? Do you know where you are?" 

 

She shook her head, looking dazed. "We had to put you back in the cold room, your fever was putting Arthur at risk. There's something on your side to help him adjust to the medicine, don't try to remove it." 

 

"What cold room? What's happening?" She asked, completely confused. 

 

"Don't panic, we're taking care of you... Vastra and I." He brushed his thumb across her skin. "We're treating you for the side effects of the Axtelon." He explained simply. 

 

"Where are we? I don't understand." 

 

"In the TARDIS. We're in a room in the TARDIS." 

 

"Why aren't we in the medbay." She could tell that there was something different about the rooms. Not realizing what was happening with Missy. 

 

"The medbay is... not available to us at the moment. Don't worry, we have everything here. The old girl is giving us all we need." 

 

He stroked her hair back. She leaned into his hand, "Where are my girls?" 

 

"Just in the other room." He murmured. "But I don't know if you want them to see you like this." They would question everything they saw and there was still vomit staining her top. 

 

"I just wanted to know where they were." She squeezed his hand. 

 

He smiled weakly. "Does anything hurt?" 

 

"My head." She murmured. 

 

"That would probably be because you're in Trendelenburg." He informed her. 

 

"My hips too." 

 

He frowned. "In what way?" 

 

"Sore way." She closed her eyes, sighing. 

 

"That could also be from the position you're in. Don't worry, we're going to keep a close eye on you so nothing goes wrong." He knew perfectly well that if something did happen, he couldn't necessarily correct it, but he wanted to sound comforting.

 

She nodded, looking up at him again, "I don't like this position." 

 

"I'm sorry, but it's to help Arthur while he adjusts to the medicine." She tried not to groan, turning her head so it wouldn't hurt as much. "Do you want a pillow or something?" He offered. 

 

"No, it won't help." She breathed. Her headache only grew worse as the minutes drew on. 

 

"Try to sleep." He murmured. 

 

"I can't...." She growled. She kept turning her head to one side, then the other, trying to avoid the pressing headache. 

 

"Vastra, can you lessen the tilt a little?" She nodded, adjusting it enough so that Arthur would still be alright. "Is that any better?" He asked River. She shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut. He bit his lip, irritated with himself that there wasn't really anything he could do about it. They had to keep her in this position until it was safe for Arthur to come out of it, unless a complication arose. 

 

A few minutes later, River began to cough and instinctively sat up. Blood came out of her mouth when she coughed and her nose began to bleed, or at least was now visible, when she sat up. 

 

Both Vastra and the Doctor's eyes widened with alarm. Vastra moved to straighten the tilt and the Doctor grabbed a basin so the blood wouldn't get everywhere. River continued to cough and sputter, blood running out of her nose in a steady stream. Her nose had probably been bleeding for several minutes now, but nobody had known since she had been tilted. 

 

"Vastra, I need you to get four units of her blood. Should be in the other room." The Doctor ordered urgently.  

 

Vastra ran out of the other room, returning with her blood. With in that short time, the Doctor had results from a body scan and was up looking for more medication. 

 

There was blood all over River by now. Vastra did her best to help the Doctor, not really understanding what he was looking for.

 

None of the vials he grabbed where of Earth origin, in fact, they came from billions of galaxies over. He pointed to a few for Vastra to grab as he started mixing what he had. 

 

"Doctor..." River coughed, trying to focus on him.

 

"Just hang in there, love." He murmured, needing his focus on what he was doing. She was constantly groaning now, pressing her head into the table as hard as she could. "Vastra, I need five empty syringes!" It was impossible to keep the panic out of his tone. 

 

Vastra grabbed the syringes, helping him  them all to move along the process. When all five were full of the strange mix of medicines, which seemed to be glowing, they rushed back to River. "Back of the head, wrist, two in her neck, side of her chest." He instructed. 

 

She nodded, immediately going to do one of the ones in her neck. They split the injections so he did three and she did two. He did the ones in the back of her head, the other neck one, and the side of her chest. 

 

River tried to get off the bed, extremely uncomfortable and rather frightened, though she tried to hide it. "No, you have to stay." They stopped her. 

 

"I need to get up." She protested. 

 

"Not until you give the medicine a chance to work." The Doctor urged. 

 

She shook her head, "No, no I can't wait." 

 

"Why do you need to get up?" Vastra asked, still holding her down. 

 

"The baby...the baby's coming I have to get up." 

 

"What??" They said simultaneously. 

 

"Vastra, check the monitors." The Doctor said, allowing River to sit up, but still holding her hands in her lap. River fought against him, trying to stand. Had she been at her full strength she could have easily escaped, but now, during her illness it was a struggle.

 

"Doctor, I can't fully understand this." Vastra called, having difficulty reading the foreign and complicated monitors. 

 

"Tilt it towards me, let me look." He asked, trying to get River to calm down. River ignored his efforts, still trying to stand as Vastra moved the monitor towards him "She got an altered mental status, but... she not wrong about the contractions." He swallowed. 

 

"Are we going to be able to stop them?" 

 

"I don't know. I'm not sure that we're supposed to." He looked at River. "Have your waters broken?" She shook her head, followed by quiet pained noise, signaling she was having a contraction. "Squeeze my hand." He whispered, offering it to her. She squeezed his hand tightly, her grip growing as the pain grew. He tried not to wince. "How long would it take the Axtelon to go into full effect?" 

 

Vastra shook her head, "Days at the very least." 

 

"Then we've got to try to stop this. At least until then." He wanted River to have the best chance she could. 

 

Vastra was staring wide eyed at River, "I don't know if we'll be able to." 

 

"I made a kit for this." He muttered. There had been so many complications during this pregnancy that the Doctor had just put all the medication that they usually need in this situation into one bag for short notices like this. "Red zipped bag. Will you get it?" 

 

"Doctor," River squeezed his hand again, "I think my water's going to break." 

 

"No, just hang on." He begged, even though River had zero control over it. "Quickly Vastra!" 

 

"I can't find it! It's not here!"

 

River tried to suppress a loud moan, pressure growing more and more intense. 

 

"What do you mean it's not there?! The TARDIS wouldn't hide it from you." He his panic was apparent. 

 

"Doctor, I'm sorry, I can't. I can't wait, I'm sorry." River whispered, her grip tightening. His stomach twisted as he watched her with wide eyes. 

 

Fluid gushed onto the floor, as a look of sheer terror and panic spread across River's face. This was not how things were supposed to go. 

  
Things rushed through the Doctor’s head at a billion miles a minute, and simultaneously he couldn't form a coherent thought about the situation, except for muttering stupidly: "Do we have a plan B?" Of course, there wasn't really more of a plan. What ever was passing for a plan before had just been shredded and thrown out the window. Now they were left with an insane Timelady between them and any help they might find in the rest of the universe to stop the clock. This was it, then. "We're out of time." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... maybe don't hate me yet? Ya'll will get two more updates soon because it's April vacation and I have the time to do so.


	162. Into the Lion’s Den

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "For now isn't good enough." She shook her head, hiding her face further.
> 
> He wrapped his arms around her, rocking slightly. "For now is all we've got."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be updating tomorrow, too, and there will be some important notes in that. Enjoy!

**Ch 162**

 

River stared at her husband in disbelief. She probably couldn't have been any more drained of color. She felt like she was going to pass out, the panic going to her head. It was certain that she was going to die now and all her daft husband could manage to say was 'Do we have a plan B?' 

 

She wasn't ready to die, no where near it. She had thought that she was getting a second chance with Axtelon, and now that was being ripped away from her. These were going to be the last hours she would  _ ever _ have with her family and she wasn't ready for that yet. 

 

Vastra eventually interrupted the pair, clutching the red bag. "I found it..." She looked over them, face falling. "Oh. Oh dear." 

 

River barely even registered that she was there, still staring at the Doctor. He stared back, hand drifting up to her face. "We... we're going to find something." 

 

"What?" She whispered, closing her eyes and steadying her voice, "What are we possibly going to find now?" 

 

"Something. There has to be something. There has to be." He wasn't quite aware that he'd started muttering, feeling the future he'd seen slipping. 

 

River gasped, feeling another contraction. She squeezed her eyes shut, her whole body tensing. 

 

"Breathe." He reminded, letting her squeeze his hand. She drew in a few breaths, squeezing his hand tightly. 

 

"Doctor, how on Earth are we going to do this?" Vastra murmured. 

 

The lights flickered above their heads and there was a crash in the other room, followed by the girls cries of "Uncle Jack! You're back!" 

 

"A little help from my friends." He muttered. "A little luck, a lot of risk. I have an idea, but it's crazy and it's not a solution. It will only buy us time, at least until we can get more help." He watched the doorway. "Why does he always have to make an entrance?" 

 

"What idea?" Vastra and River both asked together. 

 

He paused. "...The room you put William in while we were... making preparations." 

 

"No!" River answered immediately, followed by Vastra.

 

"How are we possibly going to get her there?" 

 

The lights flickered again, and then went out. "Vastra, can you check on the girls?" He asked, not really replying to either of them in the darkness. 

 

"Yes, of course." She murmured, leaving to go see the girls. 

 

He held River's hand tightly. "Why don't you want to use the room?" 

 

"I don't want that. I don't want to go there. It's no use, we're out of time." She let go of his hands, turning away from him.

 

"River..." He reached out blindly. "None of us want this, but... but we can't just give up." 

 

"I'm not giving up! How  _ dare _ you say that I'm giving up!" She shouted, slapping his hand away when she felt it touch her.  

 

"That's not what I meant." He sputtered quickly, wincing. 

 

"Well it sure sounded like it!" She was angry now, angry and terrified. 

 

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Look, I only meant..." He stopped again, trying to collect his words. In this situation, he just wanted to be there with her, and getting pushed away was the exact opposite. "When we found out about what was going to happen, you said that there was nothing we could do. Even though I agreed, that didn't stop me from looking far and wide across the universe for something. Now we're at the end point and we've got nothing more than what we started with, but it shouldn’t stop... it won't stop me from looking." 

 

"Why do you always have to push and push and push me." She shook her head, "I don't want to use the room. We don't even know if it's safe for Arthur! Unlike our last baby, this one is actually alive and I'd like to keep it that way." 

 

"Then suggest something, please." He begged, tone set low. "I want Arthur to be safe, but you're still alive, too, and I'd like to keep it  _ that  _ way." 

 

"It's too late for me." She shook her head, "He's our biggest concern." 

 

He fell silent. Arthur came first, always him first, and it was never something he was going to disagree with. He'd promised, one of his hardly enforced promises to River, but it felt like he had to choose between her and the baby. It was impossible, and at the same time not his choice at all. "It doesn't make sense." 

 

"What, what doesn't make sense?" She frowned. 

 

"I saw you." He whispered. "You were fine. You were fine."

 

"What? What are you talking about?" 

 

"I..." He snapped his mouth shut, realizing what he was saying. "Um... nothing. Spoilers." 

 

"The girls are alright. They're with Jack." Vastra finally came back, bringing a change of clothes for River. 

 

"That doesn't explain the lights." He muttered. "Do you want to see them?" He asked River. 

 

She nodded, taking the clothes to change. She grabbed for something to hold onto when the next contraction hit. Vastra was closer, so offered up her hand. 

 

"There's torches on the counter." The Doctor said. "I'm going to get the girls." 

 

River held onto her friend's hand tightly, breathing through the pain. Vastra murmured comforts and wiped the blood and vomit from River's face. "Have either of you a plan?" 

 

"Not exactly." She shook her head. Now that her husband was gone, she felt more free to show her panic and distraught. 

 

"I know that both of you were very nervous for this day... Do you need anything?"  

 

"No, I'm fine." River did her best to smile at her, though it looked more like a grimace. 

 

"You need to sit down." Vastra urged.  

 

"No, I'm fi-nah!" She was cut off my another contraction. 

 

"Please, River. Sit." Her face was full of concern. River reluctantly eased herself back down on the cot, wincing as she sat. "This labour is going to be very taxing on you." Vastra took her hands. 

 

"Then perhaps it's a good thing that I probably won't make it through all of it." She murmured. 

 

"Don't say that." Vastra said sadly. 

 

She swallowed, "Sorry..." 

 

"It's... alright." She sighed. "I wish Jenny and Strax could be here." 

 

She nodded, "Thank you...for everything." 

 

"I wish I could have done more." All her work felt a bit useless now. 

 

River shook her head, "You did so much, and I don't just mean the last few days, but throughout our whole friendship. I've been so lucky to have had you as a friend." 

 

Vastra squeezed her hand, not ready for a goodbye. 

 

The girls came in with Jack and the Doctor following, completely oblivious. "What's this room suppose to be?" Freya questioned.

 

"It's a room to keep Mummy cool." River answered, beckoning her two daughters over. Seeing them suddenly triggered the overwhelming urge to cry. This would be one of the last times she would ever see her girls. 

 

They ran up to her excitedly. "Daddy said my baby brother's coming!" 

 

She nodded, giving them her best smile, "Yes, he is. I can see you two are very excited." 

 

"We get to be big sisters!" They cheered. 

 

"I'm going to hold him, and tell him bedtime stories, and I'm gonna be the bestest big sister ever!" Amelia insisted. 

 

"Yes, you most certainly will be." She took hold of the girls hands, "Listen to me, no matter what happens, I will always,  _ always  _ love you. You are my sweet, beautiful, intelligent girls, and I don't want you to ever forget that I will always be proud of you as long as you do your best and your intentions are good." 

 

They frowned a bit in confusion. "We already know that, Mummy. And you know that you're the best Mummy ever and we love you lots and lots." 

 

"Thank you, my darlings. I just wanted to make sure you knew." She gave their hands a squeeze. 

 

"Do we hafta leave the room again this time?" 

 

"I'm afraid so, but Uncle Jack will take good care of you, I promise." She gave her a smile, followed by a wince. 

 

"Doesn't it hurt?" Amelia recalled their father trying to explain birth a while ago. 

 

She nodded, biting her tongue to keep from making more noise. 

 

"How do you make it stop?" Freya frowned. 

 

"It just stops on it's own. There's not really a way to spot it until you have the baby." 

 

"Well then try to have him fast and then we can have a birthday party for him  _ and _ you!" 

 

"I'll try my very hardest." She smiled softly. 

 

"Can we stay? Pretty please?" 

 

"Well, swee-agh!" Her words turned into a whine of pain. 

 

The girls drew their hands back in alarm to avoid getting them crushed. 

 

The Doctor moved in towards River, offering his hand instead. River grabbed his hand, squeezing it tightly and trying to breathe through the pain. "Focus on my voice, love." He murmured. She nodded, closing her eyes. 

 

Jack ushered the girls out, whispering that they could come back later. 

 

The Doctor murmured comforts to his wife. She gripped his hand tighter, not loosening until the pain had passed. 

 

"Do... do you think it was a good idea not to tell them?" 

 

"I don't know..." River whispered, burying her head in her hands, "I don't know..." 

 

"They'll be happy for now." He whispered. The girls would be happy until the bubble popped. "Hey, it's alright for now." He tried to urge her head up. 

 

"For now isn't good enough." She shook her head, hiding her face further. 

 

He wrapped his arms around her, rocking slightly. "For now is all we've got."

 

"Doctor," Vastra interrupted, "Do we have a plan?" 

 

"Well... not really." He scrubbed his hand over his face. "We don't have any more Axtelon. If we could find the components that were in it then there is a minuscule chance that we could speed up the process to give River the full effects, but I strongly doubt we have enough time for that." He looked over at Vastra. "The medicine Jack brought, the one Tosh was developing, do you know anything about it?" 

 

"Jack and I looked into it, it won't help very much. And besides, we don't have it. It's somewhere lost in the TARDIS with Missy." 

 

"Of course it is." He frowned. "I was considering the Sisters of the Infinite Schism, but Missy's in the way of that, too." 

 

"We're going to have to start preparing for delivery soon." Though Arthur probably wouldn’t be born for at least a few hours, they needed to be ready. 

 

He nodded. Many of the bigger things were already in the room like an examination table for Arthur, an incubator, and crash cart. "Can you get towels?"

 

Vastra nodded, leaving the room to retrieve towels. 

 

Just about all of the small things were already in the shelves. The Doctor gathered up scissors and clamps and other miscellaneous objects they needed. A second door was formed by the TARDIS on the other side of the room and the Doctor made a strong point of ignoring it. 

 

"Doctor?" River called softly, looking at the door. "What's that?" 

 

"The door?" He set the materials close to the bed. She nodded. "It an operating theater." He said flatly. 

 

She whimpered as a painfully strong contraction hit, something she hadn't exactly been prepared for. 

 

"Breathing exercises, Riv." He reminded, giving her his hand again. 

 

"I know, I know." She squeezed his hand. 

 

Vastra returned. "The girls can hardly sit still." 

 

"I saw some of their toys and books when we came in." 

 

"I'm sure Jack will find them." Vastra set the towels down where the Doctor had put the other things. "...What is that door?" 

 

"It's an operating room." River whispered. 

 

"..Oh. I see." She glanced at the floor. 

 

"Doctor, will you come sit with me?" River asked. He nodded silently, sitting on the edge next to her. "I want you to lay with me." She tugged on his arm. He put his head down next to hers, turning on his side to face her. She curled into his arms, savoring the moment, "I love you." 

 

He swallowed, trying to find his voice. "I love you, too." 

 

"I love your kind hearts, and your old soul, and your beautiful mind." She touched his bow-tie, "I love the way you support the gi-" She had to stop for a moment as a contraction began, taking a deep breath before continuing, despite the pain, "girls imagination and spirit. And I know you're going to continue being an amazing father to our three children." 

 

Vastra left back to the other room, sensing this was a more private moment. 

 

The Doctor watched River for a long moment, cataloging each part of her face. Her words left his hearts fluttering and a tightening in his chest. "My lives have been so much better because of you. I know more about compassion and love, I know more about who I am because of you. You've given me more hope and more joy than I ever thought possible." 

 

"And I hope that you never lose that hope and joy. I'm not leaving you completely." She touched his cheek, "I'm leaving you  Amelia and Freya and Arthur. They'll bring you all the hope and joy that I brought you, and then some." 

 

He placed his hand over hers, fighting back the lump in his throat. "I know." 

 

"I've been thinking, since you asked a few months ago. I want my ceremony in the same place William's was." She murmured. 

 

All he could do was nod. "Do..." He coughed, trying to steady his voice. "...Want anything specific at the ceremony?" 

 

She shook her head, holding him a bit tighter. He wrapped his arms around her, putting pressure on her back. She whimpered, melting in his arms as another contraction came. He held her through the pain. 

 

"You can try walking around, if you're up for it." He whispered. "Switching positions could help with the pain." 

 

"Let's try walking." She whispered. 

 

He slowly got up, rounding to her side to help her up. With their combined efforts, she managed to get up with minimal difficulty. He supported her weight as she adjusted. "Tell me if you want to lie back down, alright?" 

 

She nodded, starting to walk around the room with his help. 


	163. More Than Anything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He choked on a sob, "H-he's got Amy's eyes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy....?

**Ch 163**

 

They paced the room for over an hour. The Doctor held her through pain when it surged up and let her lean on him as he massaged her lower back. She gripped him tightly, knees giving out during a particularly bad contraction. He murmured sweet nothings to her as he made sure she didn't fall. 

 

By that time, Vastra had returned to the room, helping out in any way she could. 

 

River pressed her face into his shoulder, a low moan echoing from her throat. "Perhaps it's time to sit now." He suggested quietly. 

 

"We need to check her dilation." Vastra moved to help her lie down. 

 

"Alright. Here, come hold her hand." He moved to switch places with Vastra. 

 

Vastra moved up to River's side, taking her hand and stroking back her hair. "Lift your knees." The direction was aimed towards River. River lifted her knees so he could examine her properly. 

 

The Doctor spent a silent moment checking her dilatation. "Six and a half." He said, a bit relieved that things weren't progressing fast. River nodded, reaching for his hand again. "Does Jack know anything about Missy's whereabouts?" He asked Vastra, taking his wife's hand.  

 

She nodded, "He ran into her in the hallway before getting in here, though he managed to escape without getting killed this time." 

 

He slumped his shoulders. "So she could be close to us." 

 

Vastra nodded once more, "It's possible." 

 

He sighed, worriedly. "The TARDIS... she'll protect us. She has to." 

 

River whimpered, leaning forward slightly. The Doctor moved closer to her. "I've got you."

 

"Talk to me." She breathed, "Talking helps." 

 

He paused a moment for thought. "I'm going to take him to the zoo when he turns one." 

 

"For his first birthday?" She smiled weakly. 

 

"Yes." He confirmed. "The zoo on Doch’remi where it's just birds and they arrange them by color." 

 

"I love that zoo." She squeezed his hand, "You- you took me there." 

 

"I remember. For our 55th anniversary." He murmured nostalgically. 

 

"Which one of our anniversaries was your favorite?" She asked, squeezing her eyes shut as the pain grew worse. 

 

"I can't pick one, love. Does our wedding day count as one?" He smiled softly. "Here, lie on your side." 

 

Vastra helped her onto her side and River replied, "Well, not really. Which one of our weddings was your favorite?" 

 

"All the ones you were at, of course." He bopped her nose and nodded to Vastra who began to massage River's back. 

 

River moaned, holding the Doctor tighter, "I-I'm not ready to have the baby." 

 

"You have a few more hours, River." He tried to assure, but there really wasn't anything to make it better. 

 

"I don't want to have the baby, not today." She shook her head. 

 

"It's too late." He sat on next to her again, holding her close to him. "I'm so, so sorry." 

 

She buried her face into him, "I don't want to die." 

 

"I don't want you to die, either." He echoed, holding his breath. He  _ needed _ her not to die. She whimpered in pain again, sweat trickling down her back. 

 

He moved away for a moment, wetting a rag with cool water, then returning and running it over her forehead and neck. She leaned into the feeling of the cloth, the cool temperature feeling good against her fevered skin. 

 

"Focus on what's happening now. Focus on breathing. Don't think about what's going to happen, just think about Arthur, alright?" 

 

"You said he was in distress before, is he still in distress?" She asked. 

 

"Not at the moment. I was able to regulate his circulation, that's what the device on your side is for." He explained, fingers ghosting over the side of her face. 

 

"I just want him to be okay." She whispered, turning her head into his hand. 

 

"He will be. I'll make sure of it." There was no way he was going to lose them both. A few tears rolled down her cheek, and she closed her eyes to keep the rest from coming. 

 

He lay down properly next to her again. "Where do you think we should take him when he turns two, huh?" 

 

She shook her head, unable to think of anything to say. 

 

"Somewhere he and the girls can play, maybe. He'll be walking by then." He hoped he was doing an okay job as being her distraction. 

 

She nodded, not saying anything. 

 

"He'll probably tell me where he want's to go." He murmured. He talked on for a while, trying to ramble about anything to take her mind of things. It was mostly about Arthur. He gave her lots of opportunities to add a thought or say something, hoping it might help. 

 

As the time passed, River's labor only grew harder. It was becoming quite obvious that she was struggling. After another dilation check, it was confirmed that she'd be pushing within the hour. 

 

"Perhaps we should bring the girls in." Vastra suggested. It would be their last chance. 

 

River nodded, wanting to see her daughters. Vastra left to get them. "I don't know what I'm going to say to them." River whispered, gripping the Doctor's hand tightly. 

 

"...We could tell them." He suggested, not seeming to be behind the idea. "Or just talk to them." 

 

"I don't want them to know." She whispered. 

 

"Alright. Then we won't tell them yet." He rubbed her arm. She nodded, trying to hold back tears. 

 

He squeezed her hand as the girls ran in, still bubbling with excitement. "Is he here yet?? Is he here yet??" 

 

"Not yet, my sweets. But he'll be here very,  _ very _ soon." She gave them a smile. "What have you been doing?" 

 

"We made cards and we played 'house' with my dolls and we played pretend and we drew lots and lots!" Freya replied, unable to stand still. 

 

"Well that sounds like lots of fun." River smiled, holding her hand. 

 

"Why is it taking so long?" Amelia pushed. 

 

"Well, babies take quite a long time to come. Sometimes they take days." River pulled Amelia close enough so that she could kiss her forehead. 

 

"Aw, but that's so long!" She complained. 

 

"I know, but your baby brother is coming very soon. He'll probably be here in a few hours." 

 

"Remember, he'll still be very little, so you can't play with him like you do with each other, but you'll be able to hold him." The Doctor reminded. 

 

"Like we held the kitties, we know." Freya nodded. Toby trotted into the room, sitting beside River. 

 

"Yes, but Arthur will make me... and Mummy very busy." He added. 

 

"What do you mean?" She asked, tilting her head. 

 

"Babies need a lot of taking care of. They have to be fed, bathed, changed... there's a lot of work to take care of them, so Mummy and I will be extra busy." He explained. "But since you two are big sisters now, you can help if you want." 

 

Both girls nodded, "We can help!" 

 

He smiled softly. "Good. I'll be counting on it. I know you'll be the best big sisters you can be." 

 

"Toby came to see Mummy too. He was playing with us." Amelia pointed to the dog. 

 

"Toby quite likes Mummy." He observed. 

 

"Do you like Toby?" She asked River. 

 

"Yes, I like him very much. I think he's a good dog." She nodded. 

 

"I bet my baby brother with love him, too!" Amelia cheered. 

 

River laughed weakly, "I'm sure he will." 

 

"Can we bring them both to school for show and tell?" Freya asked. 

 

"I don't think so, my love. I don't think your teacher will allow it." She whispered. 

 

"Aw, why not? If we get her permission, can we? Pretty please?" She did puppy dog eyes, joined in by her sister. 

 

"We'll see when he comes." She put the conversation off. 

 

Freya nodded, deeming it a fair compromise. "Can I feel?" 

 

"Of course, my love." She beckoned her over, adjusting her position on the bed so the girl could feel the baby. 

 

She frowned. "Feels different." 

 

"That's how it feels when it's time for the baby to co-augh!" River groaned, having been hiding her pain until this point. 

 

Freya drew her hand away, startled. River's groan continued, pressing her head into the pillows of the bed. The girls retreated to Vastra's legs, holding her skirts. "What's wrong with Mummy?" 

 

"When it's time to have a baby, it can hurt a bit. Don't worry, she'll be fine. The pain just means your brother is coming." She comforted them, though part of that statement was a lie. 

 

"How do we make her feel better?" 

 

"We just have to give her some space, she's okay." Vastra turned to lead the girls out of the room again. Toby stayed there, sitting on the floor and looking up at the pair in the bed.

 

River continued to groan, clutching onto the Doctor. "I'm sorry" 

 

"Don't apologize." He held her. 

 

"I love you." She whimpered, pressing her face into his neck. 

 

He melted to her. "I love you more than I could hold in my hearts." Though the Axtelon wasn't in full effect to save her, it was still enough to make her contractions longer. 

 

Her whimper continued for another few seconds before she was finally about to relax. "...If you look back on it, your time with me I mean, what was your favorite part?" 

 

"I don't know." She shook her head, "There's too many to choose." 

 

"I agree." He murmured, but thought about it. "...When you came home for the Library..." 

 

"Really?" She asked softly, looking up at him. 

 

He met her eyes. "For almost all the time I've known you, I knew you were going there. I knew what was going to happen there, and I knew I couldn't stop it. Every moment, no matter how joyous or how painful, there was a clock ticking away my time with you. I thought I was going to lose you for ever, that night on Darillium... but then you came home." 

 

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She felt horrible that after he was finally relieved, he was just going to lose her all over again. 

 

"Not your fault. It's was never your fault." He said back. 

 

"It is, it is my fault. I'm sorry." 

 

"There's nothing you can do now." He breathed. "Every moment I've had with you since then has been a blessing to me." 

 

She swallowed, closing her eyes to hide her tears. "Spending my life with you has been a blessing.

 

He didn't want to say it was over, or even think it for that matter. "I'm glad you think so." 

 

She groaned again, "It's getting worse." 

 

"Do you need to push?"

 

"Yes." She nodded. 

 

"How badly?" He asked worriedly. 

 

"Badly." She gripped his hand, trying to hide the fright in her eyes. 

 

"Just hang in there a mo'." He tried to look assuring, or at least not like he was going to panic. "Vastra?" He called. 

 

“What is it?" She called back, coming back towards the medbay. 

 

"It might be time to push. I need to check her dilation again." Toby whimpered from the floor, turning in an anxious circle . 

  
  


Vastra's face fell and she quickly hurried into the room, "I can do it, you stay by her side." He nodded in silent appreciation and navigated to sit behind River rather than next to her. 

 

River leaned back against him as Vastra checked her. "I-I-I have to push." 

 

"Not yet, River. Wait a moment." He took her hands. 

 

She shook her head, squeezing his hands, "I can't wait, I can't." 

 

Vastra looked up, "Doctor, I can feel his head." 

 

"I have to push." River stated again, though it was evident by the tenseness of her body that she already had started. 

 

Vastra gave the go ahead when the Doctor couldn't find the voice to. "Bear with the contraction." 

 

"I'm am." She growled through clenched teeth, though the task of pushing was proving to be quite difficult due to her illness.

 

Vastra encouraged her through the bout of pain, keeping an eye on all of the monitors. River could hardly lean forward, her whole body already coated in sweat.

 

"Alright, stop." Vastra held her hand up. Her body went limp compared to the intensity it was just in. She leaned back against the Doctor, still holding his hands tightly. 

 

Vastra patted her knee. "Save your strength for a few minutes." 

 

The Doctor managed one hand to get free to wipe the cloth over her forehead again. "You're doing great." 

 

"I don't know if I'll be able to do this. I don't know if I can finish." She shook her head. 

 

"You can." The Doctor urged. "I know you can. Keep going." 

 

"Will I get to hold him?" She asked quietly. 

 

"I don't know yet." He said honestly. 

 

"That's all I want. All I want is to hold him." She whispered. 

 

He wanted so much more. "Try to stay strong then. Try to keep going." 

 

She nodded, her back arching as the pain started again. "Push!" Both Vastra and the Doctor said together.

 

"Naughh!" She shouted, clenching the Doctor's hands as she struggled to lean forward, using all the strength to push. 

 

He leaned forwards with her, helping to give her leverage. "That's it, you can do it." She nodded, her body trembling from the effort she was putting in. 

 

This went on for hours with minimal progress. River was growing more and more tired and had begun to bleed, slowly for now. 

 

Vastra announced any progress that was made and more than a few concerns about the blood. River would probably be bleeding more heavily if Arthur wasn't in the way. "A few more pushes, the head will be out." 

 

It was only getting harder for River, but she fought on with the hope that she would get to hold her son. She bore down with the next few contractions, crying out and  giving them her very best effort. 

 

"He's almost here." The Doctor murmured, in all ways terrified. 

 

"I know." She nodded, her eyes half close. 

 

"Keep going, River." 

 

"I'm trying." She breathed. 

 

"Stop." Vastra spoke up, tone alarmed. 

 

River immediately stopped, falling back into the Doctor's arms again. "Vastra... what's wrong?" The Doctor held River close. River pressed her forehead to the Doctor's jaw, looking at Vastra for an answer. 

 

"It's the cord." She muttered. 

 

River's hearts stuttered, "What? What do you mean?" She demanded, even though she already knew what her friend was going to say. 

 

"It's around his neck." Vastra looked very focused on what she was doing.

 

"No, no no no. He has to be okay. He's going to be okay, right?" She looked up at her husband, eyes swimming in worry and fear. 

 

"Just give me a moment. Don't push, don't move." Vastra instructed, reaching for the scissors and clamps. All the Doctor could do was squeeze his wife's hands.

 

"Okay." She whispered, squeezing back, her hearts pounding, praying that their child would be alright. 

 

"Don't push, don't push." Vastra kept muttering as she worked on freeing Arthur from the cord.

 

Another long moment dragged out before the clank of the scissors being set down. "Push now, River." Vastra quickly said. "We've got to get him out, now." 

 

River gathered up all the strength she had, pushing with as much force as possible. “Ungh!” She groaned as pain seared through her body. 

 

The baby's shoulders began to surface. "Just a few more, don't stop." 

 

Everyone in the room was tense, not exactly in the way River was forced into, but the anticipation of her death inching closer was deafening. River let out a strangled sob, falling back, "I can't do it anymore. I'm sorry I can't." 

 

"You have to." Vastra urged. "One more." 

 

"I can't do it." She shook her head. 

 

"River, please." The Doctor murmured at the shell of her ear. "Arthur needs you now. You have to do it for him. One more, love, just one more." 

 

She nodded, "Okay, okay." She resumed her pushing, giving it her all. 

 

The Doctor held his breath, the moment playing out in slowed time before Arthur finally was forced from River's body and into Vastra's waiting arms. A very concerning amount of red followed Arthur out, no doubt all of it from River. 

 

There was another tense few seconds of Vastra muttering something, her focus on the baby, until a wail was produced from the little boy as loud as his new lungs could make it. 

 

_ Put me back! Put me back! Put me back! _

 

River let out a sob and a smile spread across her face, "My baby's crying. That's my baby." 

 

Vastra quickly wrapped him in a towel and placed him on River's chest, knowing that with the bleeding not slowing, she had only minutes. "Hello. Hello, my darling. I love you so much." She wrapped her arms around him. 

 

_ Don't like it here. Don't like it! Put me back.  _ He mewled, curling to his mother's warmth. 

 

"It's okay, it's okay. Your Daddy is here too." She whispered, kissing his forehead. 

 

The Doctor had wrapped his arms over River's, not realizing he was crying, too.

 

"Oh, my sweet baby boy. It's so nice to finally meet you." There were tears rolling down her cheeks, she never wanted to leave the little baby in her arms. "I love you so, so much." She looked up at the Doctor, crying quietly, "I'm not ready yet, I'm not ready to go." 

 

He stared at her and held her tightly, clearly having the same thoughts. The monitors showed that her hearts were beginning to slow but maybe if he just held her tighter she'd stay with him longer. He choked on a sob, "H-he's got Amy's eyes." 

 

She held the baby tighter, "I'm sorry. I love you. I'm so, so sorry." 

 

The Doctor slipped out from behind River, moving to sit in front of her and be able to look at her face. Arthur whined, feeling the mental connection dissipating further. 

 

"It's okay, sweetie. Everything will be okay." River whispered to Arthur, nuzzling his head, "You have a wonderful family that will love you so, so much. You won't even remember me, but I want you to know how much I love you." 

 

He whimpered, big brown eyes staring up and her and little new hands that didn't quite know how to control themselves flailing out.  _ Where are you going?? _

 

"Shhh, shhh. It's okay, my love. It's okay." She didn't answer his question, looking up at the Doctor. 

 

He reached out and cupped her face, pulling her forehead against his. "I love you, River. So, so much." 

 

"I love you too." She whispered, fading fast. "More than anything." 

 

He tilted her head up and kissed her hard, holding her head in his hands and the salt of their tears mixing. She gave the kiss the last bit of energy and strength she would ever have, giving the last bit of herself to him. 

 

He could feel her slumping in his arms. "Please, love. Don't leave me. You're not suppose to die here." She didn't respond, her eyes fluttering shut. He wrapped his arms around her, Arthur crying between them. "You’re not suppose to die. I saw you. I saw you. Open your eyes... please, River. I love you. You can’t leave me." He muttered, fighting against sobs and rocking her. 

 

Her body went completely limp, her last breath leaving her lips. He pushed his face into her shoulder, his own shoulders shaking with his crying. His hearts seized as he heard the flat line, Toby barking in distress. 

 

Arthur wailed louder now, his cries filling the room. Vastra moved beside the Doctor, putting a hand on his shoulder, her own tears trickling down her cheeks. He refused to pull away from River's body. She was still warm, but a dozen shades paler than she'd been moments ago.

 

"Doctor, you need to tend to the baby." Vastra pushed softly, "River would have wanted that."

 

He lifted his head enough to look at the other woman, scrubbing his hand over his face in attempt to get a hold of himself, though the action didn't have the desired effect. "I... I'm sorry." He swallowed, ignoring the tears that persisted. "You're right, I just..." He needed a moment with her, but a moment may as well been a millennium. He cleared his throat. "I saw River, Vastra. She wasn't dead. She was fine." He was basically throwing one of his promises out the window, but the River he'd promised not to tell only existed in his memory now. 

 

She just stared at him for a minute, not really knowing what to say. "I… can take the baby and wash him up." She offered quietly, unable to come up with another response. She held out her arms, moving to take him. 

 

He carefully shifted a distraught Arthur to Vastra. The boy cried and squirmed, wanting his mummy back. Vastra murmured comforting words to him, carrying him off to get cleaned. 

 

Toby ran from the room to where the girls were and the Doctor sighed, holding his wife close again. He felt terrible that their other friends hadn't even gotten the chance to say goodbye. It was awfully strange, twisted how the universe toyed with him. The future he saw didn't feel gone like never-was-time often did. He could still see the color in her cheeks and the shine in her eyes. If he pretended, he could convince himself that the body in his arms was only sleeping. She'd been so happy, just for a moment, to hear Arthur cry. He stroked her cheek, willing his fingers to start glowing. Not even a spark emerged, of course. He had none left. 

 

Vastra returned a few minutes later with Arthur all freshened up, but still crying. "Would you like me to take him to see the girls?" She asked softly. 

 

He straightened himself up, face feeling stiff, and sniffled. "No. I ought to be the one to do that. They're about to get some bad news and I think they need to hear that from me." 

 

She nodded, gently moving to pass the baby to the Doctor. He cradled Arthur softly. This was the first opportunity he'd had to really hold his son. "Hush now, Arthur. Sh... It's okay. Papa's here."  

 

Arthur's fussing began to calm, though it didn't stop completely. He made a few whimpers, asking where River was. 

  
"I’m sorry, love. She's gone." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> VERY IMPORTANT PLEASE READ: This is not the last chapter, though the story will now be marked as complete. Because it's so long I've decided to split it into two fics. This is the end of part one and I will post the first chapter of part two immediately after I post this chapter. It will be titled When You Least Expect It and you can find it in my works.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are welcome! I will clear up any confusion.


End file.
